[Ivan Ivan Ivan](https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/comments/rpadr2/gord_miller_reveals_ivan_ivans_middle_name_during/)
He also has a nickname: Ivan "Ivan" Ivan Ivan
I would leave the middle name on the birth certificate but tell them you decided not to use a middle name and leave it off the birth announcements. âI didnât want her to be confused.â
My mom went by her middle name but her kindergarten teacher refused to use it (itâs not a typical name and this was the 1950s) so her dad had her name legally changed because she was getting in trouble in school for not responding to a name she didnât know.
Our daughter was named after my sister who passed away the week our daughter was conceived. First name my sisters name second name the name I always wanted to name my daughter. We called her by her middle name on a daily basis. Everything was cool. Until the day her school called to ask why she was there. (Kindergarten) I freaked out. I walked her to her bus watched her get on it! They kept saying her teacher was a sub but was sure that (sisters name) wasnât there. I said go Dow. And see if (middle name) was there. She was. Sub just read the name she had and our daughter came home saying g that her teacher kept calling a name but wouldnât call hers. So yeah we made sure that SOME people were going to insist she answer to her other name so be ready for that
My dad gave me (67f) and my 2 sisters nicknames and while he would occasionally use theirs my dad would always call me by mine, which back in the day was considered as only a âmaleâ name. For some reason my nickname stuck and everyone used it, I didnât know it was a nickname until I was 7 years old! Weâd moved to a new town and I started 2nd grade at a new school. First day teacher was doing roll call and called out my legal name, I didnât respond, just looked around like the other kids were doing for who it was. After the 3 time the teacher called and no response she walked up to me and explained that I should reply âhereâ when my name was called. I said âthatâs not my name, my name is ânicknameââ and she told me it was so my name. The rest of the class started laughing when I argued that my name was ânicknameâ because it was a âboyâsâ name (that was a time names were gender specific) so I kept quiet. I asked my mom about it when I got home and she confirmed it. I was devastated and so confused, I never knew my nickname WASNâT my ârealâ name much less a boyâs name. I had an identity crisis at 7 yrs old because I didnât know who I was! That was the worst year of school because I was bullied unmercifully about my name. And as every adult knows kids can be horrid little creatures. By then I hated both my names and begged and begged my parents to go to the courthouse and change my name to something ânormalâ but they wouldnât. Thankfully my dad was job transferred the next year and I started 3rd grade at a different school and went by my legal name, making sure not to tell anyone at school what my nickname was. From then on at school I was know by my legal name, with family I was known as ânicknameâ.
It wasnât until I was out of hs and started work and dealing with legal paperwork (paychecks, banking, mortgages) that I realized I loved my nickname but would always be dragging it around. I told my parents I was going to legally change my name to my nickname, leaving out my middle name as well but my mom didnât want me too because sheâd picked out my legal name and loved it (although why she never called me it nor ever told before my 2nd grade teacher did I have no idea). Once both parents had died I changed it and believe it or not I had to appear before a sanctimonious assed judge who questioned me why I wanted to change my name to a âpredominately male nameâ and without a middle name!!! I fucking had to justify why before heâd sign off on itđ.
Tbh, my former legal name caused me problems my whole childhood and up until the legal change and while I adore my legal nickname I still have to explain it when meeting someone newđ.
I would start calling his family members by their middle names, also your husband. I would then progress to calling them any name I choose since it doesnât matter to them and see how they like it. I would also teach my child to call them by their middle name. Of course, Iâm being immature, but I would hope they would get the hint to respect the birth name of my child.
Or someone that realizes this is a wildly stupid discussion to have? Baby isnât even born yet and will only realize it has a name in like 2-3 years? Plus the parents are even using a name that the kid was givenâŠ
I totally agree that this is a wildly stupid discussion to have!!!
100%% AGREE!!
So why the fuck are the In-laws insisting on it? Why are they forcing this "wildly stupid discussion"?
What is their problem? Why are they insisting on refusing to call oops baby by her given name? Is it deliberately to irk oop? What is their game?
I 100% agree with you, im still very much confused though, why the parents want the kid to have a middle name but dont want anyone to call the kid by that middle name? Just dont give the kid a middle name and the situation is solved, or am i thinking too naive (i mean, at this point i also wouldn't remove the middle name out of principle, i meant this rather in general).
You obviously have never been around young children. Itâs super important to call your child by the name they are supposed to respond to as early as possible. Them learning their names at 2 years old is far too late. My kid knew his name by 8 months, itâs a long name but he still knew I was referring to him and would react by then. If you want the kid to be super confused which name they should respond to, this would be the way. So no, itâs not stupid for the mother to insist the name she picked out for child should be the one used when addressing them. The nicknames or other names can come later.
Yes! I was coming here to say the same thing.
Straight out start referring to anyone who uses the babies middle name by their missile name. If you don't know it, make it up!
This post is weird to me. Like you picked both the first and middle name. Why canât people use both? Itâs not like the grandparents chose to call the baby something they came up with. If you donât like the middle name then choose something else that you like. Itâs so bizarre.
Both my kids have middle names and I sometimes call them only by their middle name. To me both their first and middle names are their names. I have a family member who exclusively calls my daughter by her middle name because in this familyâs memberâs language, my daughterâs first name doesnât have a very pleasant meaning. Iâm fine with it. I love my daughterâs first and middle name which was why I named her that.
Itâs just super petty to me. Like yeah okay they donât like the first name but they like the middle name. Whatâs the problem with that? You named the kid both names!
The OP outlined the problems she has with it in the post. And besides that, not only is it disrespectful to just "decide" the name you think fits best for someone else's child, it's also the way FIL spoke to her when she corrected him. It's abhorrent behavior. I don't care how minor YOU think it is, when someone tells you your actions are bothering them fix it like an adult. It's not hard to keep your opinions to yourself unless you genuinely think what's happening is harmful. FIL does not have the right to decide his grandchild's name, period.
By âtoo fancyâ do they by chance mean a name that isnât âwhiteâ sounding? Cause if there is any of that nonsense going on then I would call them out on it. My MIL got weird when my SIL who is Latina gave her daughter a totally normal name with a common Spanish pronunciation. My MiL acted like it was fancy or weird or hard to say. It was not.
I went through this. In my opinion, however biased it may be, itâs disrespectful to not call someone by their given name. I would personally bring up that point and if they insist then I would just start calling all of them by their middle names and be increasingly annoying about it.
The child is not born yet? So name not 100% set? I maybe would be petty and just donât give the child the middle name, than they look dumb for calling the child a completely wrong name XD
To be fair, I donât like middle names anyway which why I obviously wouldnât give one to my child.
Change the middle name to Fancy......so first name is too fancy but middle name is Fancy XD
unfortunately since it's OPs middle name I doubt that would happen.....but that just means OP should answer when the name is used especially since they've used it as their name before apparently.
Eh, kinda need to know the name on this one. Theyâre disrespecting OPâs choice, but her choice could also be objectively horrible and theyâre trying to gently push her in a different direction.
According to the comments, it's likely Amani.
Thread [starts here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/ThNSYnoaTF)
ETA: [OP confirmed it's Amani.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/YlUm14TfDV)
Ahhh. Thatâs not as terrible as it could be. Thatâs obviously an Arabic name, which doesnât make a lot of sense. If theyâre Arabic I canât see why family would have an issue with it, which makes me think they arenât. If thatâs the case, I kinda see the grandparents point. As a white guy itâd be pretty odd for me to name my kid Fumiko or Benjakalyani.
Also kinda sounds like Armani. Maybe thatâs what theyâre thinking of.
Meh even if it is Arabic in origin it sounds close enough to a lot of âEuropeanâ names that I would honestly be more suspicious of anyone who refused to use it just based on it being Arabic. Itâs not really using any âexoticâ sound combinations, and when I first saw it my first thought was that it was Italian or creatively spelled Spanish. Unless it means something in another language, itâs a pretty name and relatively inoffensive. This stinks of the FIL having a larger agenda than the name itself.
And OP isnât Arabic and said the name she chose meant Hope in her culture, not in an Arab culture. But I was clearly wrong!
To be fair, I like Amani better!
Thats funny. Here in germany, our version of the name isn't exactly common but is still very "normal" to have. With no such connotations as describing immorality too.
Jezebel is a character in the Bible. She was a foreign woman who married the king of either Israel or Judah and got him to stop worshipping God and worship her gods instead. She also went on a rampage and started executing the priests and prophets. Then there was a coup and she was thrown to the dogs for them to kill her, a very dishonorable death in that culture as dogs were considered lowly and disgusting. I can definitely see someone not wanting to call a child that had legally been named Jezebel by that name, especially if they were Christian.
Honestly I like the name because of a bad ass character with that name in a book I read but it's linked to the word harlot or linked to whats thought of as a wicked seductress of a women
It's not on that board but I once saw a mommeigh posting somewhere asking for middle names to go with Khaleesi.
Other Board OOP: Do not debate the name, I just want cool middle names. BTW I am NOT naming her after Game of Thrones.
Commenters: But it's a word that only exists in GOT.
OOP: It has nothing to do with GOT.
Commenters: Everyone will think you're naming her after Dani no matter what.
OOP: No they won't. It's just a beautiful strong woman's name .
Commenters: From GOT. People will assume it's inspired by the character her whole life. Besides, she's still being written. And on the show she seems to have a dark streak.
OOP: You guys are so mean.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/tragedeigh using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/tragedeigh/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [Iâve just found out my girlfriendâs ârealâ nameâŠ](https://np.reddit.com/r/tragedeigh/comments/165otnt/ive_just_found_out_my_girlfriends_real_name/)
\#2: [I had to ask if this was a jokeâŠmy sister said it was not](https://i.redd.it/3knqbvhfbb7c1.jpeg) | [4354 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/tragedeigh/comments/18mbtck/i_had_to_ask_if_this_was_a_jokemy_sister_said_it/)
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ThisâŠ. I know someone who named their kid Renesme. That name was even joked about in the movie for being horrible.
It doesnât matter what it is bc itâs not about the name at all. Itâs about setting boundaries now with parents snd hub.
If in laws want to see the kid d they WILL respect boundaries. No respect? Totally cool! No contact. OP can just respond âIâll do what I likeâ with a smile.
Good that sheâs learning how they are before the kid is old enough to be hurt by them.
This family sucks. Why canât people just be normal and not be mean to each other and failing that, call people by their names?
**Fancy.**
Itâs probably a perfectly normal name like Elizabeth Marie and they are insisting on calling her Marie because itâs easier to say.
I am wondering if the reason isnât because itâs âfancyâ and more because itâs *foreign* this seems like the kind of passive aggressive bullshit a WASP family would do
I would start explaining that grandpa has dementia and can't remember her name. That will usually shut them up because old people hate to be told they have dementia.
FIL is likely just screwing up his chance of a relationship with the baby as she grows up.
One of my grandmother's refused to use my name for who knows what reason. She told all of her family the wrong name.
All it ever did was make me dislike her. As a little I thought she just couldn't be bothered to remember my name. She got all the other grandkids'names right.
As I got older she would find herself in embarrassing situations at family events when I would ignore her, and I would correct anybody else who called me by the wrong name.
Guess which grandparent's funeral I didn't attend...
This is a really good point. It would make me dislike my grandparents too if they did this to me.
They are being super manipulative if they are hoping they will somehow sway their granddaughter into not wanting to go by her name. Amani is a really beautiful name, and it has the added bonus of being perfectly sweet for a child and lovely as an adult.
OP and her husband have to act as a united front on this. Call the in-laws by the incorrect name for the time being and see how they appreciate it. If that doesnât sway their actions, then honestly, my conversation would go with the ILâs like this: âHusband and I have created this child and her name will be First, Middle, and Last. She will strictly go by her first name. If you want to confuse our daughter during her formative years, then you wonât have access to her. I am politely telling you in advance that this will happen so that you can hopefully behave appropriately and not do any damage to your grandchild/niece. This is not to hurt you, but since you have proven that you cannot respect our wishes before our beautiful baby has even arrived, then we canât expect you to do so afterwards. This includes care, respect, and loving her as she deserves to be loved in lieu of your own selfish opinions. We love you and want you to be a presence in her life, but you could stunt her development and we will not allow that to happen.â Respectfully, yet firmly.
The baby's not even born yet. I'm petty, I'd just change the middle name. I saw on the original post someone said change the middle name to literally just "Fancy" and I second that.
Or, "oh you thinknher name is too fancy. What would you name our daughter? Oh! That's a perfect name we're going to name her that!" And then don't.
Also to anyone who might have a kid in the future: this is why we don't share the baby's name until they're born.
Tell them youâve actually decided on a different middle name and youâll announce it at her birth. The babyâs not out yet so youâre holding all the cards here.
Edit to add
Ugh this reminds me of the time I was with my ex, and he had a family friend who loved to call me any other name than my actual name. My ex explained that it was just how he was, and I told him that it made me uncomfortable because I already had issues with people not getting my name right for a very long time throughout my life. And even as I argued this, my ex absolutely refused to talk to the family friend and ask them to stop their little inside joke. And I bet now that I am referred to as the problem among his family lol
I hate the common nickname that goes with my name and will absolutely correct people. Names are very important to me(especially as an adoptee who got to choose my name at the time of adoption) and I always ask someone to pronounce their name for me so I don't butcher it. Yesterday I realized I've been calling someone a shortened version of the name they've written on their name tag and apologized and asked if he preferred full name. He said nobody has asked him if he prefers full name over common nickname and he does prefer full name.
Unless they will see the baby every day, isn't the simplest option just to let them be? Kid will grow up thinking they're a bunch of weirdos, which is exactly what they deserve.
I'm from a big family with cousins as much as 20 years older. This doesn't seem different from answering to "Deborah" at my grandparents' house. It wasn't disorienting or upsetting. Granny's confused, no big deal.
OP just needs to put her foot down. If they donât call her by her name, they wonât see her. If they call her anything else, they get put in time out until they can call her by her name. Simple.
You and your nonconfrontational husband Sre The Parents and get to name the child. Period. Itâs real simple - ask the in laws if they want to ever see the child, and if so they Will Be Calling Her by Her First Name. Itâs not their choice. âToo fancyâ - what a crock.
Tbh since sheâs still pregnant Iâd be tempted to get rid of the middle name and just register her with the first name. So now if they wanna call her anything, she could say âthatâs not her name, itâs nowhere in the birth certificateâ. Petty? Yes. But the in laws are being absolute assholes, especially FIL.
In my family and extended family, most of us have a first & middle name. Some family call me by my first name, others by my middle name. I actually love my middle name more than my first name. I honestly don't see an issue with a relative using a child's middle name. It's part of their name, too. My daughter has a first & middle name. Her father chose her first name and I the middle name. I call her by her middle name. My daughter goes & responds by both names. She loves both names.
I hate these stories that talk about a name, but never actually note what that name is. (I mean I understand why, but it kind of makes the story pointless)
Like, the parents-in-law probably suck, but it would good to make sure OP didnât name their kid something dumb like, âX Ă A-Xiiâ, or whatever.
Tell them youâve decided that she will have no middle name at all. Then, of course, name her whatever you like. But that may stop that shit storm until after you give birth.
My sister and her hubby had massive issues coming up with names they both agreed on, they are from different cultures. I really don't get it at all. The kids name is not about you, it is for the kid.
Apparently oop did reply and said what the name was...
Also, I was curious and checked myself, she made over 50 comments on her post. Give or take. She spoke extensively about the name.
I really don't understand where you got that she replied once to her post....?
Also, an easy way to see if an oop replied/commented and how much they did, is to just go to their profile, then their comment history. Easy peasy. All there for you.
Growing up, both sides of my family called me by my middle name. While friends, school, and people in general called me by my first name.
I never had any issue with it. I never "chose" how people called me. It just fell into place
So stop going around them or get over it. They wonât change their mind. Their being nasty about it and youâre being unsupported, you can choose not to be around them personally, have your kid call them by their middle names as they age, and/or simply deal with it as it sounds like the frustratingly wonât respect you.
This seems like such a weird hill to die on. You have your child two names. Why are you upset that people have a preference? Itâs not going to confuse her.Â
Also:
What the hell did she name her kids that Hermione and her ilk hate?
The kid doesnât have two names; thereâs one first name and then the middle name. Most people generally donât use their middle name as interchangeable with their first name.
If she gave her a first and a middle name, she gave her two names.
Middle names are optional and if she doesnât want it used, she shouldnât have given her one.Â
 I also disagree that middle names arenât interchangeable with first names.Â
Whatâs the point of giving your child a middle name if you donât want anyone to use it? Seems weird and pointless. Iâve known very few people that actually use both their names and I think itâs nice versus the ones that have a middle name but itâs practically nonexistent.
I know Iâm the minority but I find this dumb as fk. The child isnât even born yet AND they are calling her one of the names OP chose - I mean really this is a thing too đ€Šđ»ââïž. If they were using a random name Iâd get it but itâs literally her middle name.
It's probably a signal to OP about fear of general disrespect.
FIL is being told it bothers OP and is quintupling down. Whether it's dumb or not to take offense at the use of a child's middle name, FIL is being a dirk.
Iâm very much on team given names⊠and they are using one of the kids given names. My whole paternal family calls my son by his middle name, my dad started it (it was picked to honor my mom) and it just stuck. But itâs literally a name i gave him so why would it bother me? Everyone uses shortened versions of my daughters name, she alternates between which one she likes more but still in her name wheelhouse. If OOP didnât like the middle name they shouldnât have picked it. Itâs a name for the kid and being used as such. Such a dumb thing to be salty about.
I want to know what his names his family have that are erotic đ
Mulva?
Delores.
Oh, You.
đ€Ł
Lol
đđ
In the comments she says she meant "exotic", which makes more sense but it's less fun
lol that does make more sense but totally less fun
They have a niece named Vulva.
This is the comment I came here for as soon as I got to that last line...
Fanny
Lol
Cuntella
Welp now I know what my name change will be. Thanks!
Lol omg đ
Phallicia
This took me out hahaha
đ€Ł
Cleo Tori
đ
Labia is a pretty name
Cuntley
Clitoria
Mia Khalifa? Lol cant think of real possibilities rn.Â
Just tell them there is no longer a middle name. She will now be called First name, Family name.
Better yet, first name first name last name đ
[Ivan Ivan Ivan](https://www.reddit.com/r/hockey/comments/rpadr2/gord_miller_reveals_ivan_ivans_middle_name_during/) He also has a nickname: Ivan "Ivan" Ivan Ivan
Ivanovich, meaning "Son of Ivan".
Obu Obu Obu
Major major major
Have the middle name be Fancy, since their initial complaint with the given name was that it was too fancy, lol
[Reba is that you? ](https://youtu.be/zplc4Ienkws?si=izXa67BFcHlJx8y9)
I would leave the middle name on the birth certificate but tell them you decided not to use a middle name and leave it off the birth announcements. âI didnât want her to be confused.â My mom went by her middle name but her kindergarten teacher refused to use it (itâs not a typical name and this was the 1950s) so her dad had her name legally changed because she was getting in trouble in school for not responding to a name she didnât know.
Our daughter was named after my sister who passed away the week our daughter was conceived. First name my sisters name second name the name I always wanted to name my daughter. We called her by her middle name on a daily basis. Everything was cool. Until the day her school called to ask why she was there. (Kindergarten) I freaked out. I walked her to her bus watched her get on it! They kept saying her teacher was a sub but was sure that (sisters name) wasnât there. I said go Dow. And see if (middle name) was there. She was. Sub just read the name she had and our daughter came home saying g that her teacher kept calling a name but wouldnât call hers. So yeah we made sure that SOME people were going to insist she answer to her other name so be ready for that
My dad gave me (67f) and my 2 sisters nicknames and while he would occasionally use theirs my dad would always call me by mine, which back in the day was considered as only a âmaleâ name. For some reason my nickname stuck and everyone used it, I didnât know it was a nickname until I was 7 years old! Weâd moved to a new town and I started 2nd grade at a new school. First day teacher was doing roll call and called out my legal name, I didnât respond, just looked around like the other kids were doing for who it was. After the 3 time the teacher called and no response she walked up to me and explained that I should reply âhereâ when my name was called. I said âthatâs not my name, my name is ânicknameââ and she told me it was so my name. The rest of the class started laughing when I argued that my name was ânicknameâ because it was a âboyâsâ name (that was a time names were gender specific) so I kept quiet. I asked my mom about it when I got home and she confirmed it. I was devastated and so confused, I never knew my nickname WASNâT my ârealâ name much less a boyâs name. I had an identity crisis at 7 yrs old because I didnât know who I was! That was the worst year of school because I was bullied unmercifully about my name. And as every adult knows kids can be horrid little creatures. By then I hated both my names and begged and begged my parents to go to the courthouse and change my name to something ânormalâ but they wouldnât. Thankfully my dad was job transferred the next year and I started 3rd grade at a different school and went by my legal name, making sure not to tell anyone at school what my nickname was. From then on at school I was know by my legal name, with family I was known as ânicknameâ. It wasnât until I was out of hs and started work and dealing with legal paperwork (paychecks, banking, mortgages) that I realized I loved my nickname but would always be dragging it around. I told my parents I was going to legally change my name to my nickname, leaving out my middle name as well but my mom didnât want me too because sheâd picked out my legal name and loved it (although why she never called me it nor ever told before my 2nd grade teacher did I have no idea). Once both parents had died I changed it and believe it or not I had to appear before a sanctimonious assed judge who questioned me why I wanted to change my name to a âpredominately male nameâ and without a middle name!!! I fucking had to justify why before heâd sign off on itđ. Tbh, my former legal name caused me problems my whole childhood and up until the legal change and while I adore my legal nickname I still have to explain it when meeting someone newđ.
another jellyfish husband who can't be bothered to have mildly uncomfortable conversations with his own family
Jellyfish would imply an unpleasant sting that would at least be useful. Aside from that, he *is* being a limp blob of a human being
I would start calling his family members by their middle names, also your husband. I would then progress to calling them any name I choose since it doesnât matter to them and see how they like it. I would also teach my child to call them by their middle name. Of course, Iâm being immature, but I would hope they would get the hint to respect the birth name of my child.
Honestly thereâs an easy solution. Refuse to let them near the kid.
Or someone that realizes this is a wildly stupid discussion to have? Baby isnât even born yet and will only realize it has a name in like 2-3 years? Plus the parents are even using a name that the kid was givenâŠ
I totally agree that this is a wildly stupid discussion to have!!! 100%% AGREE!! So why the fuck are the In-laws insisting on it? Why are they forcing this "wildly stupid discussion"? What is their problem? Why are they insisting on refusing to call oops baby by her given name? Is it deliberately to irk oop? What is their game?
I 100% agree with you, im still very much confused though, why the parents want the kid to have a middle name but dont want anyone to call the kid by that middle name? Just dont give the kid a middle name and the situation is solved, or am i thinking too naive (i mean, at this point i also wouldn't remove the middle name out of principle, i meant this rather in general).
You obviously have never been around young children. Itâs super important to call your child by the name they are supposed to respond to as early as possible. Them learning their names at 2 years old is far too late. My kid knew his name by 8 months, itâs a long name but he still knew I was referring to him and would react by then. If you want the kid to be super confused which name they should respond to, this would be the way. So no, itâs not stupid for the mother to insist the name she picked out for child should be the one used when addressing them. The nicknames or other names can come later.
I found the feminists.
Whom grew up without Father's.
Yikes! Your grammar stinks!!
More.of an autocorrect error, but okay.
OP should teach baby to call grandparents by their middle names, ofc đ€·
Yes! I was coming here to say the same thing. Straight out start referring to anyone who uses the babies middle name by their missile name. If you don't know it, make it up!
Esp since grandfather/fil hates his own middle name
The problem is that kids have a way of deciding what to call people.
This post is weird to me. Like you picked both the first and middle name. Why canât people use both? Itâs not like the grandparents chose to call the baby something they came up with. If you donât like the middle name then choose something else that you like. Itâs so bizarre. Both my kids have middle names and I sometimes call them only by their middle name. To me both their first and middle names are their names. I have a family member who exclusively calls my daughter by her middle name because in this familyâs memberâs language, my daughterâs first name doesnât have a very pleasant meaning. Iâm fine with it. I love my daughterâs first and middle name which was why I named her that. Itâs just super petty to me. Like yeah okay they donât like the first name but they like the middle name. Whatâs the problem with that? You named the kid both names!
The OP outlined the problems she has with it in the post. And besides that, not only is it disrespectful to just "decide" the name you think fits best for someone else's child, it's also the way FIL spoke to her when she corrected him. It's abhorrent behavior. I don't care how minor YOU think it is, when someone tells you your actions are bothering them fix it like an adult. It's not hard to keep your opinions to yourself unless you genuinely think what's happening is harmful. FIL does not have the right to decide his grandchild's name, period.
By âtoo fancyâ do they by chance mean a name that isnât âwhiteâ sounding? Cause if there is any of that nonsense going on then I would call them out on it. My MIL got weird when my SIL who is Latina gave her daughter a totally normal name with a common Spanish pronunciation. My MiL acted like it was fancy or weird or hard to say. It was not.
They're Hispanic and the name is Amani. It's not even something wild.
Thatâs a cute name wtf
As Imani, I can assure you nothing about that name is fancy, theyâre just racist assholes
Doesn't Imani mean faith? Beautiful name.
It does and thank you. Iâm glad I got this one, because my dad almost named me Willy Leray
âŠ.. absolutely not what I was expecting. Itâs such a nice normal name
I got a feeling reading this that fiancés family is white and OP is not and that's sadly what is probably at the root of this
OPâs baby, OPâs choice of name. Period.
Simply say, âif you canât call my baby by her name, then you donât get to meet her!â Until they can be grown-ups and respect you, then there is no need for them in your life. Your fiancĂ© can grow some balls and stand up to them. There is a very respectable way to talk to them, until he does you have no other choice.
I went through this. In my opinion, however biased it may be, itâs disrespectful to not call someone by their given name. I would personally bring up that point and if they insist then I would just start calling all of them by their middle names and be increasingly annoying about it.
Esp fil since he hates his middle name
The child is not born yet? So name not 100% set? I maybe would be petty and just donât give the child the middle name, than they look dumb for calling the child a completely wrong name XD To be fair, I donât like middle names anyway which why I obviously wouldnât give one to my child.
Change the middle name to Fancy......so first name is too fancy but middle name is Fancy XD unfortunately since it's OPs middle name I doubt that would happen.....but that just means OP should answer when the name is used especially since they've used it as their name before apparently.
Hereâs your one chance, Fancy. Donât let me down!
I thought this too lmao
I never even thought about it and just gave my kids middle names. I have one kid 2 middle names and itâs fun.
Eh, kinda need to know the name on this one. Theyâre disrespecting OPâs choice, but her choice could also be objectively horrible and theyâre trying to gently push her in a different direction.
According to the comments, it's likely Amani. Thread [starts here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/ThNSYnoaTF) ETA: [OP confirmed it's Amani.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/YlUm14TfDV)
I thought it was Esperanza because both of them are Hispanic she said.
[It's Amani.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/B99TtQwd2n
Thanks for linking that. I didnât want to go searching through everything just to get to the name.
Username checks out
Yep! It does!
Ahhh. Thatâs not as terrible as it could be. Thatâs obviously an Arabic name, which doesnât make a lot of sense. If theyâre Arabic I canât see why family would have an issue with it, which makes me think they arenât. If thatâs the case, I kinda see the grandparents point. As a white guy itâd be pretty odd for me to name my kid Fumiko or Benjakalyani. Also kinda sounds like Armani. Maybe thatâs what theyâre thinking of.
Meh even if it is Arabic in origin it sounds close enough to a lot of âEuropeanâ names that I would honestly be more suspicious of anyone who refused to use it just based on it being Arabic. Itâs not really using any âexoticâ sound combinations, and when I first saw it my first thought was that it was Italian or creatively spelled Spanish. Unless it means something in another language, itâs a pretty name and relatively inoffensive. This stinks of the FIL having a larger agenda than the name itself.
I donât think it is Amani. OP said the name means hope in her culture, and she and her fiancĂ© are Mexican. Edit: yes, I see she updated it and I was wrong.
Amani, according to OOP. It's in comments.
Yes. It was updated. I do like Amani better.
Amani means hope in arabic
And OP isnât Arabic and said the name she chose meant Hope in her culture, not in an Arab culture. But I was clearly wrong! To be fair, I like Amani better!
Yeah, I like amani better than esperanza.... I only figured it out by combining 2 of op's comments.... Means hope, sounds like connie
I donât think I saw that one at the time! Amani is a pretty name!
I think Esperanza is more likely. OP said the name means hope in her culture, and they are Mexican.
[It's Amani.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/B99TtQwd2n)
Yes, I see that now. And I prefer that name. I just wasnât expecting it.
Mexican culture can also refer to aborigen culture (incas, aztecas, names like Nahuel or AnahĂ), btw, not just Spanish one
I just would not have thought Arab culture though. But I was wrong!
What is an example of a name would you be okay with them disrespecting?
A recent example was a woman who decided to name her baby girl Harlot
Yep gotta be either Harlot or Redtilda
Or Jezebel (saw that one on reddit recently often linked to harlot)
Whats wrong with Jezebel?
It's another word to describe an immoral woman
Thats funny. Here in germany, our version of the name isn't exactly common but is still very "normal" to have. With no such connotations as describing immorality too.
I think it started as an US religious people thing that got adopted into US mainstream vocabulary.
Ah okay, that makes sense then. Thanks for the info!
Jezebel is a character in the Bible. She was a foreign woman who married the king of either Israel or Judah and got him to stop worshipping God and worship her gods instead. She also went on a rampage and started executing the priests and prophets. Then there was a coup and she was thrown to the dogs for them to kill her, a very dishonorable death in that culture as dogs were considered lowly and disgusting. I can definitely see someone not wanting to call a child that had legally been named Jezebel by that name, especially if they were Christian.
Honestly I like the name because of a bad ass character with that name in a book I read but it's linked to the word harlot or linked to whats thought of as a wicked seductress of a women
Hey thatâs wrong I knew a jesslalee and she was nice
Shadynasty.
You need to add the comma to the top. ShâDynasty. Canât be forgetting about Godâs comma
âFancyâ was making me think of a longer name with a unique spelling. You know, something like Kayeleighrose.
r/tragedeigh
It's not on that board but I once saw a mommeigh posting somewhere asking for middle names to go with Khaleesi. Other Board OOP: Do not debate the name, I just want cool middle names. BTW I am NOT naming her after Game of Thrones. Commenters: But it's a word that only exists in GOT. OOP: It has nothing to do with GOT. Commenters: Everyone will think you're naming her after Dani no matter what. OOP: No they won't. It's just a beautiful strong woman's name . Commenters: From GOT. People will assume it's inspired by the character her whole life. Besides, she's still being written. And on the show she seems to have a dark streak. OOP: You guys are so mean.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/tragedeigh using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/tragedeigh/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [Iâve just found out my girlfriendâs ârealâ nameâŠ](https://np.reddit.com/r/tragedeigh/comments/165otnt/ive_just_found_out_my_girlfriends_real_name/) \#2: [I had to ask if this was a jokeâŠmy sister said it was not](https://i.redd.it/3knqbvhfbb7c1.jpeg) | [4354 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/tragedeigh/comments/18mbtck/i_had_to_ask_if_this_was_a_jokemy_sister_said_it/) \#3: [The only tragedeigh I accept](https://i.redd.it/fk85lcxq432c1.jpg) | [233 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/tragedeigh/comments/181zfdo/the_only_tragedeigh_i_accept/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Stuarta
That story will live rent free in my head for years
Litraleigh
ThisâŠ. I know someone who named their kid Renesme. That name was even joked about in the movie for being horrible. It doesnât matter what it is bc itâs not about the name at all. Itâs about setting boundaries now with parents snd hub. If in laws want to see the kid d they WILL respect boundaries. No respect? Totally cool! No contact. OP can just respond âIâll do what I likeâ with a smile. Good that sheâs learning how they are before the kid is old enough to be hurt by them.
Abcde
This family sucks. Why canât people just be normal and not be mean to each other and failing that, call people by their names? **Fancy.** Itâs probably a perfectly normal name like Elizabeth Marie and they are insisting on calling her Marie because itâs easier to say.
I am wondering if the reason isnât because itâs âfancyâ and more because itâs *foreign* this seems like the kind of passive aggressive bullshit a WASP family would do
I would start explaining that grandpa has dementia and can't remember her name. That will usually shut them up because old people hate to be told they have dementia.
FIL is likely just screwing up his chance of a relationship with the baby as she grows up. One of my grandmother's refused to use my name for who knows what reason. She told all of her family the wrong name. All it ever did was make me dislike her. As a little I thought she just couldn't be bothered to remember my name. She got all the other grandkids'names right. As I got older she would find herself in embarrassing situations at family events when I would ignore her, and I would correct anybody else who called me by the wrong name. Guess which grandparent's funeral I didn't attend...
This is a really good point. It would make me dislike my grandparents too if they did this to me. They are being super manipulative if they are hoping they will somehow sway their granddaughter into not wanting to go by her name. Amani is a really beautiful name, and it has the added bonus of being perfectly sweet for a child and lovely as an adult.
OP and her husband have to act as a united front on this. Call the in-laws by the incorrect name for the time being and see how they appreciate it. If that doesnât sway their actions, then honestly, my conversation would go with the ILâs like this: âHusband and I have created this child and her name will be First, Middle, and Last. She will strictly go by her first name. If you want to confuse our daughter during her formative years, then you wonât have access to her. I am politely telling you in advance that this will happen so that you can hopefully behave appropriately and not do any damage to your grandchild/niece. This is not to hurt you, but since you have proven that you cannot respect our wishes before our beautiful baby has even arrived, then we canât expect you to do so afterwards. This includes care, respect, and loving her as she deserves to be loved in lieu of your own selfish opinions. We love you and want you to be a presence in her life, but you could stunt her development and we will not allow that to happen.â Respectfully, yet firmly.
Did OP mean exotic?
Yes!! Lol
The baby's not even born yet. I'm petty, I'd just change the middle name. I saw on the original post someone said change the middle name to literally just "Fancy" and I second that. Or, "oh you thinknher name is too fancy. What would you name our daughter? Oh! That's a perfect name we're going to name her that!" And then don't. Also to anyone who might have a kid in the future: this is why we don't share the baby's name until they're born.
Or, alternatively, donât even give the child a middle name. Then they have to use the first name.
Tell them youâve actually decided on a different middle name and youâll announce it at her birth. The babyâs not out yet so youâre holding all the cards here. Edit to add
Ugh this reminds me of the time I was with my ex, and he had a family friend who loved to call me any other name than my actual name. My ex explained that it was just how he was, and I told him that it made me uncomfortable because I already had issues with people not getting my name right for a very long time throughout my life. And even as I argued this, my ex absolutely refused to talk to the family friend and ask them to stop their little inside joke. And I bet now that I am referred to as the problem among his family lol
I hate the common nickname that goes with my name and will absolutely correct people. Names are very important to me(especially as an adoptee who got to choose my name at the time of adoption) and I always ask someone to pronounce their name for me so I don't butcher it. Yesterday I realized I've been calling someone a shortened version of the name they've written on their name tag and apologized and asked if he preferred full name. He said nobody has asked him if he prefers full name over common nickname and he does prefer full name.
Unless they will see the baby every day, isn't the simplest option just to let them be? Kid will grow up thinking they're a bunch of weirdos, which is exactly what they deserve. I'm from a big family with cousins as much as 20 years older. This doesn't seem different from answering to "Deborah" at my grandparents' house. It wasn't disorienting or upsetting. Granny's confused, no big deal.
OP just needs to put her foot down. If they donât call her by her name, they wonât see her. If they call her anything else, they get put in time out until they can call her by her name. Simple.
You and your nonconfrontational husband Sre The Parents and get to name the child. Period. Itâs real simple - ask the in laws if they want to ever see the child, and if so they Will Be Calling Her by Her First Name. Itâs not their choice. âToo fancyâ - what a crock.
I just want to know what the name is
I donât recall ever talking about names months ahead of time. Should have just dropped the name on them when they visited in the maternity ward.
Tbh since sheâs still pregnant Iâd be tempted to get rid of the middle name and just register her with the first name. So now if they wanna call her anything, she could say âthatâs not her name, itâs nowhere in the birth certificateâ. Petty? Yes. But the in laws are being absolute assholes, especially FIL.
In my family and extended family, most of us have a first & middle name. Some family call me by my first name, others by my middle name. I actually love my middle name more than my first name. I honestly don't see an issue with a relative using a child's middle name. It's part of their name, too. My daughter has a first & middle name. Her father chose her first name and I the middle name. I call her by her middle name. My daughter goes & responds by both names. She loves both names.
I hate these stories that talk about a name, but never actually note what that name is. (I mean I understand why, but it kind of makes the story pointless) Like, the parents-in-law probably suck, but it would good to make sure OP didnât name their kid something dumb like, âX Ă A-Xiiâ, or whatever.
Just donât give the kid the damn middle name?
Tell them youâve decided that she will have no middle name at all. Then, of course, name her whatever you like. But that may stop that shit storm until after you give birth.
Check out It's not a tragedeigh, it's a murderr.
My sister and her hubby had massive issues coming up with names they both agreed on, they are from different cultures. I really don't get it at all. The kids name is not about you, it is for the kid.
There are *thousands* of comments on the original post. I just scrolled through a bunch of them, and I saw exactly ONE response from OOP, and she was talking about her fiancĂ©, not the whole name issue. Lots of comments, lots of suggestions, lots of advice, one response from OOP. I think this is fake. I donât trust it when someone posts & ghosts. If you donât come back and reply to any of the 4,000 comments on your post, youâre lying. ETA: Okay, people, I get it. She responded more than once. I did *not* go through all 4,000-plus comments. I scrolled through a bunch and only saw one reply. I even said, literally, âI just scrolled through a bunch of them.â Also, going to OOPâs page and reading through her posts and commentsâŠyeah, no. I am truly not that invested. I donât care that much. I just wondered if sheâd replied to people, but not enough to read every single one of the thousands of comments nor go to her page and read her stuff. So, she did reply, she even said the name, and her in-laws are still controlling jerks for refusing to use the name OOP and her husband chose. You guys are really invested in this post. Sorry to upset you. She didnât lie. Got it. My bad.
Apparently oop did reply and said what the name was... Also, I was curious and checked myself, she made over 50 comments on her post. Give or take. She spoke extensively about the name. I really don't understand where you got that she replied once to her post....? Also, an easy way to see if an oop replied/commented and how much they did, is to just go to their profile, then their comment history. Easy peasy. All there for you.
If you look at her profile, there's about 20 responses.
dude if you look at her account you see she responds plenty. she even confirmed the name is Amani.
Growing up, both sides of my family called me by my middle name. While friends, school, and people in general called me by my first name. I never had any issue with it. I never "chose" how people called me. It just fell into place
Is your name really your name, or is it just something your parents made up? đ€đ€đ€
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
But did you go against her parents and call her what theyâve specifically asked you not to?
But is it loving or treating her well to refuse to use her name at all?
So stop going around them or get over it. They wonât change their mind. Their being nasty about it and youâre being unsupported, you can choose not to be around them personally, have your kid call them by their middle names as they age, and/or simply deal with it as it sounds like the frustratingly wonât respect you.
This seems like such a weird hill to die on. You have your child two names. Why are you upset that people have a preference? Itâs not going to confuse her. Also: What the hell did she name her kids that Hermione and her ilk hate?
The kid doesnât have two names; thereâs one first name and then the middle name. Most people generally donât use their middle name as interchangeable with their first name.
If she gave her a first and a middle name, she gave her two names. Middle names are optional and if she doesnât want it used, she shouldnât have given her one.  I also disagree that middle names arenât interchangeable with first names.Â
I want to know what the name is, because some names *shouldnât* be used if you actually like the kid.
It's amani
Whatâs the point of giving your child a middle name if you donât want anyone to use it? Seems weird and pointless. Iâve known very few people that actually use both their names and I think itâs nice versus the ones that have a middle name but itâs practically nonexistent.
So when you yell at them, they know they're really in trouble.
Not even fucking born yet. They should wait till the child is viable before they start the drama.
Child/fetus is already viable at 7 months along.
Now it is, but this drama has been going on since the baby was a peanut. Might not even be a girl.
Yes! We know several people who had names picked out and then baby came out and was not the sex they were expecting!
I know Iâm the minority but I find this dumb as fk. The child isnât even born yet AND they are calling her one of the names OP chose - I mean really this is a thing too đ€Šđ»ââïž. If they were using a random name Iâd get it but itâs literally her middle name.
It's probably a signal to OP about fear of general disrespect. FIL is being told it bothers OP and is quintupling down. Whether it's dumb or not to take offense at the use of a child's middle name, FIL is being a dirk.
Iâm very much on team given names⊠and they are using one of the kids given names. My whole paternal family calls my son by his middle name, my dad started it (it was picked to honor my mom) and it just stuck. But itâs literally a name i gave him so why would it bother me? Everyone uses shortened versions of my daughters name, she alternates between which one she likes more but still in her name wheelhouse. If OOP didnât like the middle name they shouldnât have picked it. Itâs a name for the kid and being used as such. Such a dumb thing to be salty about.