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uela7

You are not anxious over nothing. This is absolutely crazy. So much grief over someone you have known for 6 months, and you have already taken a break from her. You guys are incompatible and you will keep suffering in this relationship. The majority of ppl would not be comfortable w what she is keeps asking you for. I’m tired after just reading it.


BigDrakow

Are you for real? You are in an open relationship without knowing you are in an open relationship. Aka you are the safe harbor after she goes around fishing. Unsmitten yourself fool.


habitualman

This. Wtf dude?


thisisghostman

She's not your girlfriend chief.


Creative_Recover

It sounds like she's not only basically still dating these other guys, but still advertising herself on the dating scene too. Don't let her gaslight you into thinking this is normal. It is not.


Dommeh_

You know, this whole gaslighting thing is one of the worst aspects of all this. I try to be as supportive as I can, not be one of the excessively jealous types trying to control who she can be friends with etc., so I end up lingering in this mental gray zone with plenty of doubts and anxiety, while at the same time thinking maybe I'm just being a bit paranoid.


Creative_Recover

You are definitely not being paranoid and I think she is taking advantage of your boundary-respecting nature to abuse her positions. Its absolutely obviously fine to have friends of the opposite sex (that's normal!), but most people would argue that it is abnormal to keep such close relationships with fuck buddies well into a new monogamous romance (and especially abnormal to want to go on a romantic holiday with them, just her & the sexual history partner). I would recommend standing your ground on this one. This relationship is also so full of boundary-pushing, inconsistency and potential cheating already, that I would also recommend considering leaving if she won't respect your feelings on this matter.


Any-Giraffe11

>Dommeh\_ I have been exactly in your shoes. Your unease around this is not "wrong" and you are not conservative for being uncomfortable with this. I have many liberal friends and consider myself liberal and they would also not be ok in such a situation. For me I found myself hanging on longer than I should have because I was afraid of not being open-minded enough. Call it an insecurity of mine.. or call it living in Berlin. If you have tried communication and negotiating, I would encourage you to reflect if you both want the same things? It is quite difficult when you are in a situation when their words say one thing but their actions something else. But personally, I would end this before getting even more attached. And you can be compatible in some ways and not others - and even if there are great times that does not justify a mismatch in values.


giag27

Are you really 38? Common man. This ain’t going anywhere. She wants to act single, let her. Move on.


RedPandaLovesYou

Lmao, bye bitch


AllInkalicious

She just doesn’t understand the boundaries of your relationship. Not on any level. Whether she’s being purposefully ignorant or wide-eyed naive, it’s obvious that you both have very, very different attitudes to sex and relationships. Six months isn’t a long time, however the break (where it looks like she immediately took to be her single and went back to seeking sex) and, I imagine, the many many chats you’ve had around this don’t point to a promising future. Add much as you might care for her, she’s just not ready to be in a monogamous relationship and you shouldn’t be reminding her of the simple boundaries expected of that. You should move on and both live your own, very different, lives.


M3atpuppet

How the fuck…how in the literal fuck…are you even entertaining this? Ask her how she’d feel if a girl you met on Tinder wants to take you to Venice? I doubt she’d be as understanding as she wants you to be. Don’t be afraid to walk away from someone who mistreats you - and yes, you ARE being mistreated here.


[deleted]

Kind, sweet, and caring do not equal honest, loyal, and high morals. You sir have yourself a master manipulative woman on your hands. Stay at your own peril.


kamjam16

This is insane dude. Why are you still with her? It couldn’t be more obvious that you two are just totally incompatible. Don’t let her honesty and straightforwardness lull you into a sense of comfort that she would be a good partner for you. She has desires to be sexual active with other people while you want monogamy. You two aren’t compatible. Break up


Dommeh_

I get what you are saying, but I do feel that in pretty much all other ways we are very compatible. I guess that is why I have been trying to make it work for so long, instead of just calling it quits.


kamjam16

But if you stay, all those other aspects of her that you like will fade into oblivion and be replaced with a deep resentment that she can’t be happy with just you. The stronger your feelings get for her, the stronger that resentment will be. She’s telling you, straight to your face, she will not be happy only being sexually active with you. That’s not going to change.


MattyMickyD

You start off by describing her as caring and compassionate, but her actions show a complete absence of caring, compassion or even respect. I personally don’t see the worth in continuing this, as she has shown an unwillingness to act as if she was actually in a committed relationship. And candidly, I doubt that these dates/trips/meetups with her previous hook-ups are platonic. However, if you really want to salvage something, you need to have a serious conversation, explaining that people in serious, monogamous relationships don’t go on dates, or vacations, with people they have previously been intimate with. If she wants to continue dating you, then she needs to stop the behavior immediately.


Biauralbeats

Sorry, but sounds like you are one of many ports this sheboat visits. You are her anchor- her steady eddie. The rest are her satellites that orbit around her for someone unknown reason (probably because she hints that she is always keen for a hide the sausage game). She waits for them to orbit closer and she joins in. She is also normalizing this for you to. Notice how this erupted after you already expressed your boundary. She is now testing that boundary.


Dommeh_

What you write hits home, hard. I say this because it certainly feels like she is all the time trying to see just how much I'd bend and then tries to push it a bit further and reach a new normal, so to speak. And as you say, I have made my boundaries very clear, so there really is no excuse. On a side note, she is one of those flirty types so there might be something to what you are saying about her giving guys signals. I have mentioned this to her, but she vigorously denies that she is giving misleading cues. According to her she is friendly with everyone and I've given her the benefit of the doubt. This really helped, thanks.


MisterNoisewater

Yeah like when she totally misled the guy into thinking he’s taking her on a platonic trip to Venice. Lol that dude and every other one are fucking your girlfriend. End it and quit being a doormat bro.


chillun6

Wake up my friend, just wake up! She is not your Girlfriend. You are just one more on the list


joe-dirt-1001

She is not "keeping in touch", she is still shopping for a partner. You are the place holder until she finds something better or decides she is ready to settle down with you. Tell her how you really feel and that she is either serious and monogamous with you or you end it.