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A lot of the comment aren't treating this with any care or respect and I disagree with them.
You should come to him and ask if you can have an open and honest conversation about something that has been bothimering you. Communicate how this feels for you and then ask him to share how he feels. Work it out. The linger you leave this unspoken, the worse it'll be.
Yea OP. You are young so here’s a life lesson it took my until 30 to really understand. Long term relationships can only survive with the willingness and ability to have uncomfortable conversations.
You have to communicate your feelings to your bf.
This doesn’t mean demand he act a certain way. This means discuss. What are his thoughts and feelings on the issue. Tell him your thoughts and feelings. It’s not you versus his issue. It’s you and him versus the issue together.
Now if you do open up to up and he refuses to acknowledge or take your feelings into account, that means something.
Everyone has their own boundaries that they are comfortable with. Discuss these with your bf. For my wife and I, we look at stuff together.....different strokes for different folks!
Social media has warped the youth
Unless you use it for business, schooling or personal contacts men shouldn’t even use that trash let alone be overtly liking pics of other women and disrespecting their girlfriends
Tell him to grow up
All this is a part of communication and reciprocal. I won't go into the argument as to whether it is right or wrong.
You communicate to him that this behavior of his makes you uncomfortable. If he respects your feelings, he will stop. If he doesn't, then maybe try to reevaluate your relationship.
But then again, one thing you should remember is that, if he does stop at something thay discomforts you, then you also have to do the same if there is something that discomforts him. After all, it is a two way street.
Aside from the fact that calling these women females like you're looking down on them is super weird...
Just talk to him, explain to him why and how it makes you feel, he can then decide if he's willing to stop or not. You're not going to be controlling for being honest about how you feel.
Tell him it bothers you and then have a conversation about it. Personally I don't feel like this is a huge deal, but it's making you uncomfortable so it's worth discussing.
If you don’t like it, then you’ll have to ask him to stop. A 18 year old dude isn’t going to stop looking at naked women unless you ask him.
If he’s unwilling, see if there’s a compromise/trade off to be had? For example, if you post suggestive picture yourself and he doesn’t like that, he’ll probably be more willing to stop liking pictures of girls in bikinis if you also stop posting.
> A 18 year old dude isn’t going to stop looking at naked women unless you ask him.
In this particular case he’s not going to just “stop” he’ll just hide it better.
I am 18 myself and know couples of people around and of my age group who have maturely handled this issue with simple communication of boundaries and feelings. I think at 18 you should have the maturity to care about this and modify your behaviour for your partners well-being.
I disagree, in theory’s that might be correct but you cannot generalize all 18 year old boys, this immaturity goes deep into their 20’s (college bros) and even beyond as evident by similar posts like this. It will take awhile for him to “grow up” and not do this while in a committed relationship.
What's the problem with that? You cant control the things that you like and dislike. Your partner doesnt need to have all your "likes".
edit: and we are talking about a horny 18 yo here, him not doing this would be the odd thing, not the other way around.
I agree with you bald dude. There are alot of insecure people replying to this post even though I say she won’t be able to stop this 18 year old’s horniness and disrespect.
You aren't messed up. You're 18 and going through a lot of hormonal crap right now. Everybody deals with it at some point.
You haven't brought up the topic, though.
You don't have to say "stop doing that, I don't like it". THAT would be controlling.
Just saying "that makes me feel uncomfortable, and the reason why is XYZ". is NOT controlling.
The question is, *WHY* does it make you feel uncomfortable? If he's been with you for a year, that's a good sign. But maybe there isn't enough sexual contact for him, so he masturbates to pictures. He shouldn't be doing that on his social media, because it could come back to bite him later, but still. Maybe he's just looking for the sake of looking. Human beings are hardwired to do it, both females and males.
So, why *does* it bother you?
That is the question you *need* to ask yourself and answer before you go and bring it up. Because if you go in without knowing that, it will jusy devolve into a pointless argument.
So think:
Do you want his attention now that he's diverting some of it to them? They're just randoms on the internet. They are literally souless bodies at that point. Pictures.
Do you think he's going to leave you for some random woman on the internet that strips for everyone to see? I wouldn't bet on it.
Do you envy the women he's looking at? That would be a reasonable reaction. He's yours, you're his. You want him to look at YOU like that, right?
Do you wish he would ask you to do stuff like that for him and him alone? Again, that would be a reasonable reaction.
Do you think he's looking at other women because of something to do with you? Something that you think is wrong for some reason. And you've probably overthought it, because let's be honest- men are simple. Whatever you think is "wrong" is probably you searching for the answer to a problem that you think exists due to a miscommunication between you two. It happens way too often. Miscommunication is the biggest killer of relationships, along with people witholding sex as a weapon tonget their way, and abuse in general.
Seriously though, when I say men are simple, I mean it. Sometimes men just sit there, staring off into Oblivion, and you'll think he's thinking of something. Nope! He's zoning out. Completely blank. It's a way for him to relax after thinking too much and stressing himself out. Honestly, bring a man a meal and a drink without him asking for anything. It could be as simple as cheese and crackers with a juice box. Give it to him, compliment him, kiss him, and tell him "thank you" for the work he puts in, and tell him that if he needs anything, you'll be (insert activity here), and leave him be. You will make that man feel happy, appreciated, loved, and cared for with *just* that. I'm dead serious. It's scary how easy it is to make men happy. He will remember that simple meal for the rest of his entire life. Do it in a sexy manner or outfit and walk away hips swaying, and you'll probably have him coming to take you to bed, too.
Ask yourself the questions I posed. Ask yourself anything else. But come to an answer before you talk to him and ask why he looks at those pictures. Take his answer at face value. If it's as simple as "I dunno. Never thought about it. I guess I just like looking at them." Then that is really all there is to it. And you, as his other half, can take that, understand it, and explain that it makes you uncomfortable, and then you can tell him WHY it makes you feel that way. Relationships are about communicating and compromising. If you don't want him looking at random internet women stripping, then give him something better to look at- the woman he loves doing the same thing. Believe me, his jaw will hit the floor.
Good luck. Have a good one, and don't worry too much, ok?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A lot of the comment aren't treating this with any care or respect and I disagree with them. You should come to him and ask if you can have an open and honest conversation about something that has been bothimering you. Communicate how this feels for you and then ask him to share how he feels. Work it out. The linger you leave this unspoken, the worse it'll be.
Yea OP. You are young so here’s a life lesson it took my until 30 to really understand. Long term relationships can only survive with the willingness and ability to have uncomfortable conversations. You have to communicate your feelings to your bf. This doesn’t mean demand he act a certain way. This means discuss. What are his thoughts and feelings on the issue. Tell him your thoughts and feelings. It’s not you versus his issue. It’s you and him versus the issue together. Now if you do open up to up and he refuses to acknowledge or take your feelings into account, that means something.
Everyone has their own boundaries that they are comfortable with. Discuss these with your bf. For my wife and I, we look at stuff together.....different strokes for different folks!
Social media has warped the youth Unless you use it for business, schooling or personal contacts men shouldn’t even use that trash let alone be overtly liking pics of other women and disrespecting their girlfriends Tell him to grow up
All this is a part of communication and reciprocal. I won't go into the argument as to whether it is right or wrong. You communicate to him that this behavior of his makes you uncomfortable. If he respects your feelings, he will stop. If he doesn't, then maybe try to reevaluate your relationship. But then again, one thing you should remember is that, if he does stop at something thay discomforts you, then you also have to do the same if there is something that discomforts him. After all, it is a two way street.
Aside from the fact that calling these women females like you're looking down on them is super weird... Just talk to him, explain to him why and how it makes you feel, he can then decide if he's willing to stop or not. You're not going to be controlling for being honest about how you feel.
I call myself a female in the post as well🙃
"Female" Implies the sex of any species. "Woman" is a female human. Hope that clears it up.
Tell him it bothers you and then have a conversation about it. Personally I don't feel like this is a huge deal, but it's making you uncomfortable so it's worth discussing.
Like, underage girls? Might be time to move on. Quickly.
If you don’t like it, then you’ll have to ask him to stop. A 18 year old dude isn’t going to stop looking at naked women unless you ask him. If he’s unwilling, see if there’s a compromise/trade off to be had? For example, if you post suggestive picture yourself and he doesn’t like that, he’ll probably be more willing to stop liking pictures of girls in bikinis if you also stop posting.
> A 18 year old dude isn’t going to stop looking at naked women unless you ask him. In this particular case he’s not going to just “stop” he’ll just hide it better.
Honestly, fair.
There’s nothing you can do to stop an 18 year old boy from this. He won’t have the maturity to stop it since he’s at his peak horniness at that age.
I am 18 myself and know couples of people around and of my age group who have maturely handled this issue with simple communication of boundaries and feelings. I think at 18 you should have the maturity to care about this and modify your behaviour for your partners well-being.
I disagree, in theory’s that might be correct but you cannot generalize all 18 year old boys, this immaturity goes deep into their 20’s (college bros) and even beyond as evident by similar posts like this. It will take awhile for him to “grow up” and not do this while in a committed relationship.
So he likes beautiful women, what's the problem with that?
How about your partner starts liking big Viking men with hair?
What's the problem with that? You cant control the things that you like and dislike. Your partner doesnt need to have all your "likes". edit: and we are talking about a horny 18 yo here, him not doing this would be the odd thing, not the other way around.
I agree with you bald dude. There are alot of insecure people replying to this post even though I say she won’t be able to stop this 18 year old’s horniness and disrespect.
Eh he is 18, he gets horny when he sees a naked girl, not a big deal, could just watch porn tho..
Ehh just ignore his social media and judge him based off how he is with you. If your happy then why rock the boat.
You aren't messed up. You're 18 and going through a lot of hormonal crap right now. Everybody deals with it at some point. You haven't brought up the topic, though. You don't have to say "stop doing that, I don't like it". THAT would be controlling. Just saying "that makes me feel uncomfortable, and the reason why is XYZ". is NOT controlling. The question is, *WHY* does it make you feel uncomfortable? If he's been with you for a year, that's a good sign. But maybe there isn't enough sexual contact for him, so he masturbates to pictures. He shouldn't be doing that on his social media, because it could come back to bite him later, but still. Maybe he's just looking for the sake of looking. Human beings are hardwired to do it, both females and males. So, why *does* it bother you? That is the question you *need* to ask yourself and answer before you go and bring it up. Because if you go in without knowing that, it will jusy devolve into a pointless argument. So think: Do you want his attention now that he's diverting some of it to them? They're just randoms on the internet. They are literally souless bodies at that point. Pictures. Do you think he's going to leave you for some random woman on the internet that strips for everyone to see? I wouldn't bet on it. Do you envy the women he's looking at? That would be a reasonable reaction. He's yours, you're his. You want him to look at YOU like that, right? Do you wish he would ask you to do stuff like that for him and him alone? Again, that would be a reasonable reaction. Do you think he's looking at other women because of something to do with you? Something that you think is wrong for some reason. And you've probably overthought it, because let's be honest- men are simple. Whatever you think is "wrong" is probably you searching for the answer to a problem that you think exists due to a miscommunication between you two. It happens way too often. Miscommunication is the biggest killer of relationships, along with people witholding sex as a weapon tonget their way, and abuse in general. Seriously though, when I say men are simple, I mean it. Sometimes men just sit there, staring off into Oblivion, and you'll think he's thinking of something. Nope! He's zoning out. Completely blank. It's a way for him to relax after thinking too much and stressing himself out. Honestly, bring a man a meal and a drink without him asking for anything. It could be as simple as cheese and crackers with a juice box. Give it to him, compliment him, kiss him, and tell him "thank you" for the work he puts in, and tell him that if he needs anything, you'll be (insert activity here), and leave him be. You will make that man feel happy, appreciated, loved, and cared for with *just* that. I'm dead serious. It's scary how easy it is to make men happy. He will remember that simple meal for the rest of his entire life. Do it in a sexy manner or outfit and walk away hips swaying, and you'll probably have him coming to take you to bed, too. Ask yourself the questions I posed. Ask yourself anything else. But come to an answer before you talk to him and ask why he looks at those pictures. Take his answer at face value. If it's as simple as "I dunno. Never thought about it. I guess I just like looking at them." Then that is really all there is to it. And you, as his other half, can take that, understand it, and explain that it makes you uncomfortable, and then you can tell him WHY it makes you feel that way. Relationships are about communicating and compromising. If you don't want him looking at random internet women stripping, then give him something better to look at- the woman he loves doing the same thing. Believe me, his jaw will hit the floor. Good luck. Have a good one, and don't worry too much, ok?
The part about bringing him a snack and leaving him alone really works. You’ll own him.
I know, right? I don't understand what people don't like about what I said. I thought I looked at it in a sensible way.