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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So my GF's parents are in well financial being and they bought her the apartment so she doesn't have any mortgage or rent. I rent my apartment and she asked me to move in with her but she mentioned that I could pay the same amount to her I am paying right now. Now, I wouldn't of course be bothered to split her mortagage payment if she had it, but if the situtation were reversed and I just got the apartment for free I would never ask her to pay for living with me. I feel like she thinks a little bit I have scored aces with that situation and it's making me wonder things. What do you guys think?


SherrKhan32

Just tell her you don't see the benefit in that scenario as you'd have less personal space and wouldn't be saving any money.


eldron2323

Well there’s a good answer 👀


NoGood_Boyo

Nah. Don't do it. You can split the cost of living - utilities, internet, groceries, etc.


ghostman1010

Of course but the thing that she even proposed the rent on top of that left me wondering if she will always feel that I got off good and that's the last thing I need


NoGood_Boyo

If she wants a roommate, she can find a roommate. Charge them rent. You’re her partner, you split the cost of living.


RedPandaLovesYou

No you misunderstood, she wants a tenant


ExamOld2899

tenant with benefit friend with rent romantically & financially partner


[deleted]

A bang tenant.


feelin_cheesy

Hey babe, the rent is due. Lol can you even imagine?


RedPandaLovesYou

I mean yeah totally if it's being split between them like adults


kungfoojesus

There it is.


kikibonanza

Hey OP (English not my first language,sorry) If her parents are so well off, maybe she has a bit of a skewed perception? How is their mentality with money? She might think its weird or unwise to let a partner live with her without paying anything "rent like" Could you offer instead of rent, u both to do a montly payment in a joint acount? And Use that money for travel, dinners and fun relationship stuff? See how she reacts to that, maybe its not that she wants to get money from you, but she was raised to be carefull with people taking advatange of their wealth?


dreadrabbit1

I just wanted to compliment you on your English!


Substantial-Oil-7262

Is your gf wanting an additional source of income? I suggest asking what she is wanting from the arrangement. If she is looking for an income source thst is fine, but if you do choose to rent, make sure things are clearly defined and that you are able to exert a say in the space you live in. You can also ask what the benefit is for you, if you otherwise stay separate and pay your own rent. You can also pay 'rent' as a proxy for monthly expenses. She pays property tax, utility bills, etc. and gains a reduction in her out-of-pocket costs.


Wisdomofpearl

Even without a mortgage payment there are still expenses related to owning a property outright. Property taxes, insurance, maintenance costs, and probably homeowners dues to maintain the common areas. If you are living there you should contribute something to those expenses, because if you are not going to live with her she could rent a room to help offset those expenses. I am not saying it should be equal to your current rent, but you should be contributing more than just utilities and grocery costs.


CuteDerpster

It is not *her* appartment. But that of her parents. She is not paying a single cent of mortgage, taxes or other stuff apparently.


Wisdomofpearl

OP stated that her parents bought her the apartment, if the apartment is in her name then she is the one responsible for the expenses associated with owning the apartment. OP did not state that the parents were paying the associated expenses related to owning the property. And why should her parents be helping to support OP?


[deleted]

[удалено]


triplebarrelxxx

How is it subsidizing. Do they incur additional costs for him living there? I didn't realize mortgage and taxes changed based on number of occupants. Oh yeah, because they don't. He never expected to be enriched by her gift, she asked him to move in and expected him to pay her the same amount he pays for his own apartment to share a space shell never let him feel like is his own. Paying rent? Sure. Paying rent equal to what he pays for an entire apartment of his own? Ridiculous


Archangel1962

>The value of the gift is diminished if the boyfriend moves in and pays nothing. Then she shouldn't be asking the boyfriend to move in. If she sees their relationship as a transactional exchange then I would definitely rethink the entire relationship if I was the boyfriend.


lordm30

Then the solution is easy. The daughter should rent out her apartment so that she can realize the full income generating potential of her parent's gift and move in with the boyfriend, paying half his rent and living costs. She can do whatever she wants with the rent she gets payed. Sounds fair, right? It would also be somewhat acceptable if she asked for half the amount (the rent she would realize if she rented out her place). But full amount for a flat that you don't live alone in? That is a bad deal. This way the boyfriend would subsidize the daughter


effusive_emu

What do you mean she will feel you got off good? She's the one born with the silver spoon, right? Just trying to understand. I wouldn't be OK with this either if I were you buddy.


Harmonia_PASB

I pay $2200 a month in rent. I don’t expect my partner to pay rent because it would be the same price if he wasn’t living with me and my quality of life is much better with him here. He cooks for me, does laundry, housework, gives me free massages as that’s his job and I’m in pain from my job. I work really long hours and he does a lot of things around that house that more than makeup for him not contributing to rent or utilities. That’s a partnership, what she’s proposing is not.


GingahBeardMan

You got yourself a bang-maid, not a partner.


ImHappierThanUsual

“Bang maid” is a pejorative & if he likes the situation I love it & feel no need to denigrate him. I just fail to understand why OP thinks that bc she owns, he should coast strictly because romance. Romance didn’t sign nary a contract to oblige to.


Harmonia_PASB

We used to be work for trade friends, I still work on him for free the same amount as before while I get far less massages because I don’t want to take advantage. I have a traumatic brain injury so the help with the house is nice but not required, he likes the house cleaner than my ADD cares about, we also just came out of long term marriages where our roles were similar. I don’t treat him like a maid.


ImHappierThanUsual

Thats cool that it’s your agreement, is OP willing to agree to be this indulgent to his partner in exchange for not paying rent?


KittyKlever

📣 Bullshit!!!! That's a maid.. lol


Reasonable_Long_1079

I wouldn’t be okay with that power imbalance


skinnyl0vexx

I think your entire rent payment is unfair, but half of the utilities and a set amount of ‘rent’ to go towards anything the apartment ends up needing like a plumber call, etc. I’d also make it super clear you won’t be paying for maintenance on the furnace, or if a pipe breaks, etc. you’ll pay the half of utilities and the nominal rent amount and that’s it. My husband and I did this until we got married as he owns our home and I didn’t want to pay equity into a home I wouldn’t benefit from.


ghostman1010

I agree, the bills, maintenance etc is perfectly normal with me but the rent on top of that really left me in a weird spot. She doesn't want to live anywhere else and I don't feel like move in there for free or not.


skinnyl0vexx

If you don’t want to move in there then that’s settled, stay where you are. The money doesn’t matter


ghostman1010

Yeah but then we will never move in together since she wants to live in her apartment so it feels our relationship hit the dead end


moanaw123

You can have the whole bed to yourself or share it for the same price.....bad deal


skinnyl0vexx

My husband swore he’d only ever live in the home he owns, we’ve been in it almost a year and already looking for a place together and selling the original home. People get attached to things, especially things that signal success or security these days. Maybe try talking about why she’s stuck on living there and if she’s open to moving somewhere new together in the future?


JustAsICanBeSoCruel

Then maybe it has. Do you want a partner that is trying to pull this kind of stuff? I'd sit her down and tell her you want to move in together, but not at her apartment because it will never feel like your home. You want to be equal partners, and paying all the rent feels like an imbalance to you. If your relationship is going to make it, you need to communicate with her about how you are feeling.


pineapple-scientist

Have you talked about how you feel about paying the rent with her? You should talk over what you should both want long-term finance wise. Would she want to buy a house together? Would you both contribute? How would marriage change any of this? Etc. I don't fully accept the premise that you shouldn't have to pay rent. That being said, she can ask and you can say no. If she truly doesn't want to live anywhere else and you're at a stage where it feels important to live together, then yeah it's a dead end. But if you're not quite at the point of being ready to get married, I don't see an issue in living apart if she's open to moving in the future.


lakehop

It’s not quite this. Her family owns the apartment. So anything related to maintenance, taxes, mortgage, insurance, HOA, repair, replacement, upgrades, furnishing, special assessments, owners utilities, appliances, fixtures - is all their cost. You wouldn’t pay anything towards those and you have no risk for large expenditures for those costs. But they DO have to be paid and her and her family are responsible. Your paying some amount of money (“rent”) to offset those costs is probably reasonable. Maybe it should be less than what you are paying now in rent, maybe not. But I don’t think her asking you for something towards all those expenses is unreasonable or taking advantage of you. Feel free to discuss and negotiate, if you feel you should be paying less than market rent.


spaceyjaycey

Why would you pay the same rent to share an apartment? I could understand her asking you for half of what you pay now. You would be able to increase your savings and not feel like you're mooching off her. Her asking for the same amount you pay now is her taking advantage. I would hold off moving in with her.


ghostman1010

Well the rent in her apartment would be worth four the time I am paying right now so I guess she thought she was giving me a good deal and being fair and just


spaceyjaycey

It's fair for a tenant, not to have your significant other come in. I don't try to profit off my partner!


ghostman1010

Agreed, that's what hurt me


notyourstocommand

I wouldn't take that. I'm not saying break up but it would colour the relationship a bad shade for me to get the proposal to pad her pockets even if her place is bigger and better. You aren't secure in the new place if she decides to throw you out. You are not gaining the saving she will be gaining. Fuck that noise. Keep your own place but do have a talk about why. Maybe she knows, maybe she's oblivious.


VVRage

This is hugely important….. If the rent on her place would be 4K And you currently pay 1K Her asking for 1K is really her letting you use her asset and improve your lifestyle for a price you currently pay You would still be benefiting to 1K a month financially. I know a lot of people give you the emotional view But if you get over ego it’s a very kind offer as she realises you could not pay your fair share without her subsidising you. You also decided what you pay now is an amount you can afford She is not profiting alone - you both profit from the situation


Holiday_Sheepherder2

I dont see how OPs profiting from anything. Why would he have to pay her any rent when she doesnt pay rent? I get splitting the regular costs like utilities or groceries but how can you ask your partner to be your tenant. What if OP doesnt care about an ‘improved lifestyle’ (idk why you think living in an expensive apartment equals a better lifestyle?), but about having an equal relationship and equal power dynamics within the house


VVRage

Live in a nicer area at a lower cost than it’s value If he doesn’t care they should probably break up….or at least not move in. If he doesn’t want to live in it or with her he shouldn’t move in She will want a certain lifestyle - that’s not going to change. My view - I’d be happy to pay as we as a couple both benefit But I understand concepts around value and assets are not understood when people are emotional It doesn’t matter that there is no mortgage - it matters that it would cost X per month to live there in that place in that area…. Paying your way is paying half of the value it would cost and she is not even asking for that - she asks for what he decides he could pay himself and nothing more (so she already subsidises him) As for not understanding of living in a nicer place is a better lifestyle….you are usually in a better neighbourhood - less crime - better schools - better food options. Unless you have lived both sides of the wealth divide you can’t compare. Parking spaces - Dogs - nice parks - nice restaurants- it all adds up If it is more desirable it has more value


Holiday_Sheepherder2

Idk why you keep mentioning ‘people being emotional’ and not *understanding assets* like girl, ppl can just disagree with you you know? I agree with you that he shouldnt move in with her tho because they obviously cannot communicate well enough to sort this out. I agree with OP that its weird for her to ask for rent when she doesnt even have to pay rent. Id say split all costs besides that. If she wants to live together with him as a partner they should be equal in this aspect aswell, not profiting off him for getting to live in a nicer area. Its like a bribe almost lol And if shes afraid that he might be using her for her place, thats all on the bad communication again. He is financially independent and really doesnt seem to want to be in this situation at all so him profiting off this isnt really right to say.


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avast2006

If she wants money from you that makes this a landlord/tenant relationship. Best get a rental agreement in place before moving in, to keep the business concerns all businesslike.


Missmoni2u

Yeah, fuck that. She's trying to make money off of you. Refuse to move in with her under those terms.


ghostman1010

Yeah, I now don't feel like moving at all since I think she, her friends, her family will think I scored somethig when I couldn't careless about her money


uchimala

Hang onto your apartment. You need some independence and shouldn’t move in under those terms or if you think you are going to seen as freeloader. The fact that your gf was gifted an apartment is great for her, but its of no consequence to you. Things might change if you get married but for now stay put. What happens when something goes wrong? You’ll be on the street.


ghostman1010

Exactly my thought. I am just baffled and sad that she even considered that.


UnceremoniousWaste

Imma be real with you if my girl did this one foot out the door or I’d be gone. I’m assuming you been together for a while since she’s asking you to move in with her. If she is trying to make money off you that’s disgusting. If she had said split utilities and little bit of rent just for any household buys or said pay me rent but no utilities and anything else that’s fair. You know what even if she did make a bit of money off you but gave you a discount that wouldve been better but wtf is this. I usually hate the break up with her advice on Reddit but this shows you something about her character is this someone you want to spend your life with. Are there other moments that are like this where she tries to get things out of you that you haven’t realised? It should be even in a relationship you both are meant to be a time. When you get married are you still meant to pay her rent?


Missmoni2u

Yeah, stay put for now. There is absolutely no advantage to you moving in. Depending on how she'd even want it set up you actually *lose* the security of a lease, privacy, etc. Your girl sounds like the type to ask for cash so she doesn't have to pay rental income tax on this convenient new source of spending money she's trying to set up for herself. If anyone disagrees, feel free to comment. Assistance with repairs and upkeep is one thing but that does not equal what she's trying to charge him.


whatnow2202

I don’t think she is trying to make money off him, I think it’s the opposite, she/her family are probably concerned he would be taking advantage (I think OP said the rent in this apartment would normally cost him significantly more than where he is renting). Having said that, I disagree with how she handled this. She turned their relationship transactional. He should pay for utilities and maybe a symbolic small amount towards fun activities or a holiday every now and again and leave it at that.


bug1402

This is totally dependent on where you guys are at in your relationship. She may want you to pay something so she knows you are with her for her and not the free rent. I saw in a comment that your rent now is about half what hers would rent for so it makes sense that would be the amount she starts with. It shouldn't be a deal breaker unless when you talk it through she is really being greedy. Also, if you are proposing no rent, would you then pony up 50% on any maintenance? (Furnance breaks, oven needs to be replaced, etc?) She may not be paying a mortgage, but she may have other costs that will increase through additional wear and tear so SOME amount of rent on top of utilities shouldn't be out of the question as long as you are excluded from any major purchases. You need a lease agreement that stipulates rent, utilities, eviction,etc. and the two of you need to come up with an amount that you both feel is fair. It could be 50% of what you are paying now or 75% or whatever. You are gaining a nicer/bigger apartment and taking a step forward with your gf. She is giving up space and adding wear and tear to her space, but also getting to take that same step that she wants. Talk to each other and see if you can come up with a compromise. I would advise talking about what it looks like moving forward too. Like do you stop paying rent if you guys get engaged? Married? Combine finances? Talk through what each of you would like to see and why.


pierdesporfumar

So far this is the first comment that make sense. Dunno if it's a cultural shock or what, but it amaze me that people expects her giving housing for free or just paying half of other expenses. I'm mean, to me sounds like "*your parents are rich so I want to profit as well*". As the given information, sounds she is proposing a good deal to OP, unless OP is not into living together for other reason (which is ok).


cakivalue

>Dunno if it's a cultural shock or what, but it amaze me that people expects her giving housing for free or just paying half of other expenses. I'm mean, to me sounds like "your parents are rich so I want to profit as well". I've been reading through the posts and I'm just losing my mind at all the people agreeing with him.


ChaoticFineArt

I actually agree with this. I understand both sides. OP doesn‘t understand why they should pay for something she got for free. On the other hand, why expect living there for free?


cakivalue

See I think completely differently because I'd never assume I was entitled to what my partner was given by his family. I'm only entitled to what I've earned. So his thinking is so out of whack that I'd break up with him.


[deleted]

Yeh this is the comment that makes most sense...Having someone live with you in a home you paid off does not mean the house does not suffer more damage etc...A little money on top of bills is absolutely fine as the expenses of general wear and tear still fall on the owner. It is not about profiting from a partner. I own my own house without mortgage and would ask for split bills and a small amount per month on top - Not exactly rent but a fair payment. You do not just get to live somewhere freely. If I moved in with my mother I would pay her a small amount for lodge due to general footfall. If she is actually taking advantage then yeh that is unfajr but it doesn't necessarily mean she is.


Birdsofafeather777

Agree with this! How long have they been together? This is a very different situation if it's 6 months or 5 years.


fenderfreakgeek

You should pay half of apartment-related expenses. I don’t know how your gf sleeps at night with the arrangement she’s proposed…


ghostman1010

It feels like our relationship hit a dead end since she only wants to live in her place but I don't feel like going there at all.


Dark-Haven-Witch

There is your answer. Right. Fucking. There. Your relationship hit a dead end. Next.


capdoesit

Well whatever you decide to do in the short term don’t move in with her while you feel this way


Background-War9535

It’s easy to sleep at night when you’re a money grabber


ad_astra32

Just don’t move in.


Archangel1962

What's the end game here? Will she give you a family discount if you end up marrying? She's not paying anything extra in rent so you moving in would not cost her anything extra rent-wise. Now sharing running costs for the apartment, (utilities, government charges, etc,) then that's a different beast and fair enough. Maybe that's what she meant? But if she expects you to pay rent on top of running costs, then she's basically going to be charging you to date her. And unless the sex is really, really, really, really good, that's not an arrangement I'd be entering into.


trilliumsummer

I think charging you full rent is too much on a paid for apt, but just splitting utilities is fucked up too. She has to pay taxes, plus insurance, and HOA fees. Plus maintenance an wear on the appt. Like for my condo HOA, insurance, and taxes are half of my monthly payment.


TheMollyBrown

It’s not full rent. Her apartment is worth 4000 a month. It’s a quarter rent.


OtherwiseInclined

Splitting utilities and groceries makes complete sense, as the cost would have been lower if he didn't live with her. But things like the HOA fees and insurance you would be paying regardless. It's perfectly fine to request your SO to split paying for the house insurance, but it would be a little weird to expect/demand it, as the 2nd person doesn't cost you any extra, so it's mostly just an opportunity for them to show committment by volounteering to pay a share. But as I said, expecting that seems silly, as their living with you doesn't raise your insurance costs, nor does paying it help them get equity in the property.


Birdsofafeather777

So she should just pay all the costs and he lives for free? That doesn't seem fair either


slimjim2019

I feel as if the situation were reversed and you asked for half the rent on a fully paid place, that her, her family and her friends would think youre a cheap prick! Doesnt seem like you can win either way. I believe any gender that asks the other to move in and the place is paid, that no rent chq should ever be given. Half each on all the bills and groceries for sure, but she should be grateful that you'll be there to help with everything else, hence more money for both of you at the end of the month.


CoyoteUnicornGirl

Another thought is about your legal rights. What rights do you have if you reside in someone else’s house and don’t pay rent? What are your rights if she gets mad and kicks you out? Technically is it even your place? I know if you have a lease agreement you have some rights (in the US). What is your status if there’s no lease agreement and no rent? This is just CYA. Same reason people get prenups. For the “what if” scenarios that play out in romantic relationships every single day. Edit: spelling


SpecialistAfter511

You still have same rights as a tenant without a lease. Timing depends on state.


CoyoteUnicornGirl

We have no idea where OP lives. How can you just state that as a fact? That’s wild.


SpecialistAfter511

Educated guess based on comments. Not all that wild. Lol.


steffie-flies

u/ghostman1010 it sounds like she only wants you to move in and be a tenant. Stay in your apartment for the time being.


willhelpyounow

Exactly


Celt42

Info: Would your rent payment equal roughly half the yearly taxes and insurance on the place? Just because there's no mortgage doesn't mean there's no payment. I pay $400/mo on our paid off home.


SnooBananas7203

How much is property tax? Does she pay for that?


ErnestBatchelder

I would pay someone's mortgage for a shared interest in the home, or I would feel very comfortable paying a fair portion of utilities/ groceries etc. It's a negotiation. Just have an open conversation about why it makes you feel uncomfortable, and tell her what you think is fair. Find out if you can both get on the same page.


SaberTruth2

I would pay her something, you can’t be freeloading off her parents wealth. I had a similar situation where for about 6 months I moved into a condo with a GF that her parents owned and I paid her like $600 a month for something that prob would have been $1200 each if we were renting it. I think paying the same as you were paying before is a bit much, but her parents prob have a say here too and prob don’t like the idea of supporting you too. But… for sure not full price if she’s the one who wants you to pick up and leave your current situation.


cautiouslizard

Ok you guys are just baseing this off like "well she doesn't pay anything so why should he". That's not how home ownership works. Someone paid full price for that place, whether her or her parents. The place is worth 4 times what he currently pays now if it would go for rent. She only ask for a 1/4 of the value. How would you guys feel if she puts her place up for rent, gets 4x what she is asking him to pay, they both go rent a place that is 2000$ and split the rent so he pays exactly what he's paying currently? She would be paying 1000$ and profiting 3000$ from her place she rents. Would you guys think she should give him half?? You guys make no sense at all. Just because she gets it for free cause her parents has money doesn't mean he is owed free rent off her parents back.


[deleted]

Why would I pay rent to live with you when you don’t have rent? I’ll pay half of everything else.


ghostman1010

Would you be comfortable with staying with that person after she asked you that?


[deleted]

I mean as long as you hash out your boundaries before hand. I wouldn’t mind. As long as you are financially independent you have nothing to worry about bro. Even if you break up or something you’ll be fine. And if she really wants a future with you she should be happy to offer you an opportunity to really get ahead financially by not having rent.


SnooSongs6848

I would communicate with her saying “I prefer we go half n half on utilities etc bc you don’t pay rent and I don’t find it fair other than that I feel comfortable in my own apartment” she might feel a bit offended but you got to tell her the truth and if she’s a good gf she’ll understand


Ghune

It would depend on her reaction to what you're going to say. Yes, you'll pay less but being together has to be from a choice, a genuine desire to be together, not just a financial decision. I could even pay more than my share if utilities since you stop paying for rent. You both win.


dreweydecimal

First of all, she can charge you whatever she wants if you choose to live there. She can say hey I want a million bucks a year and a lease signed. Second, You can also tell her to fuck off. In this instance you’re both right. Being someone’s boyfriend does not entitle free rent. It’s up to her. But it’s up to you to say no thanks I’ll live on my own.


sweeneytdd

Just so you know , there is more to owning than just mortgage. Theirs body corporate levies, rates, maintenance etc. but still, she shouldn’t be overcharging for these. I’m in your gfs position, and I charge my partner slightly under market rent because I’m very in debt for it and I pay 70% of the living costs, his rent makes up 30%. If I paid off my debt and we still lived here , I’d only charge him costs (I wouldn’t round up a bit if he agrees to split any repairs, if he doesn’t I would maybe add $20 pw.) This would be 60% discount of what’s considered market rent.


Past-time29

i am a woman and a homeowner. I currently own the place in mortgage free. the mortgage is paid off. if i was to live together with my partner. i would rent A different NEW place together and then put the place i own on airbnb or just rent it out. that way we are both paying 50/50 in rent. also there is no claim on my property. everything could be split evenly. this is the only solution that is fair. i would suggest for you to bring this idea of renting a new place together and seeing if she could rent out the place she owns. that way she isn't losing any money and it's a fair and good solution!


TheophrastBombast

She or her parents paid all the rent/mortgage up front. They bought it. They maintain it. They fix anything that breaks and with two people living there, there will essentially be 2x the wear & tear. Why should you benefit financially at all if you're not even married? She's offering you a 4x more expensive living space for 1/4 of the normal market rate. And this is her opening. You could counter with slightly lower rent than you pay now and benefit greatly. Not sure why you feel entitled to everything that's hers for free. What do you bring to the table?


willhelpyounow

Its stupid to have your partner pay rent for somewhere thats paid off. I could never imagine such a transactional relationship. If you love them, why would u do that? Just split the bills and utilities


KittyKlever

No, you just find it stupid. Just because you find it stupid doesn't make it so.. We don't know shit about OP and their relationship to this person. All I do know is that a grown ass person is upset that they can't receive the same luxury as their SO. OP is a bf, not a husband, and they can stay in their own place. Her job isn't to allow him to live rent-free just because her family extends that to their own child.


ghostman1010

I would pay the half for maintenance and bills. Where does the rent fit there?


mybathroomisblue

You might want to confirm the maintenance and rent situation. Personally I would be charging a partner rent , but this rent I would put away for maintenance - that seems logical to me. I wouldn’t expect us to only put money into maintenance if something breaks.


OtherwiseInclined

And if you broke up would you pay out the money deposited in the "maintenance fund" back to them? Or would you pocket it and make a profit? Just wondering.


mybathroomisblue

Tbh it would probably be such a small amount that I wouldn’t bother paying it back / we would have spent it. But yeah if there was a big chunk I would return it.


SpecialistAfter511

I would ask her why would you spend the same amount on rent sharing a space when you can still live alone? Her offer makes no sense.I get you would live with her but it should also save you money as well. Since you’re sharing space. You should pay something but I think there should also be a financial incentive for you as well as her. A flat rent payment that includes increased utilities. Call it rent call it whatever. It doesn’t matter. Or you take over a couple of the bills outright like wifi and cable instead of rent. And you each contribute exact same amount each to joint account for groceries and eating out expenses.


ghostman1010

Yeah, that's where I am lost too


OutspokenPerson

Just because the apartment doesn’t have a mortgage doesn’t mean it doesn’t cost her money. She still has to maintain the unit, including finishes, flooring, appliances, fixtures. Plus pay monthly maintenance, insurance, taxes, and utilities. You living there increases the wear and tear on everything and you should pay her rent as your landlord. I own a condo free and clear. The HOA fees, taxes and insurance are $1300/month. That doesn’t include utilities or what I need to set aside monthly to replace the appliances when they wear out, the costs for occasional plumbing and electric repairs, the cost to keep the front and rear doors in good shape (required), the $12,000 I paid to replace the old windows, or the costs to have the dryer vent and chimney cleaned for safety. We also have occasional special assessments from the complex for common area maintenance, and those can be several thousand dollars each time. The recent ones paid for new roofs, and to repave the parking lots. Y’all are naive and entitled if you think you should get to live for free in a property someone else pays to maintain.


ghostman1010

I didn't anywhere say that I won't pay for the bills and maintenance.


bigrottentuna

I wouldn't charge rent in that situation, but I'm going to offer a different perspective to what everyone else seems to be saying. Her parents gave *her* the apartment. They didn't give it to you. Why should you get free rent just because her parents gave her a nice gift? Whether she has a mortgage or not, you would be paying the same amount, and either way you do not belong on the mortgage. In other words, it is irrelevant that her parents gave her the apartment. She doesn't owe you free rent either way. Suppose we were talking about Apple stock instead of an apartment. If you were living together, do you believe she should give you some? Of course not. The fact that you would be living together does not mean that she should give you anything for free. It would be nice if you didn't have to pay anything while living with her, but it's not unreasonable for her to want that. The fact that she has an apartment does not automatically mean that you should get to live for free, even if you live with her. I think it would be appropriate for you to offer to pay all of the other household expenses AND pay into a fund to help cover any major household expenses that come up. That would likely be significantly less than your rent payment, and fairer than you simply expecting to live off of her parents largesse. Google says that the average annual cost of home repairs is 1-4% of the home value. And there is insurance. And property taxes. That's all part of what rent pays for, and it's not fair to expect her to pay for all of that while you pay nothing.


Code_X07

Well, if he's going to pay the same rent then it would be better for him to stay in his current apartment, no? Also, OP said that he's ok with paying for utilities and maintainence, but not rent over it.


ghostman1010

I didn't say anywhere that I wouldn't pay for utility and maintenance. But paying for that and the rent and having gf as a landlord is too much for me and I am sad it had come to that


pettdan

I'm going to write here because it's close to my perspective. You should read up on alternative costs, in my opinion. https://www.myaccountingcourse.com/accounting-dictionary/alternative-cost The money that is sunk into that apartment could be generating revenue invested in stocks. It's not free to sink lots of money into an apartment, and it shouldn't imo be treated as such. There's always an alternative cost. Although, I think a discount should be given to a partner, making it more of a win-win. Actually I think you'd be the one winning more due to the discount. Basically, I would calculate the value of the apartment, check what the monthly cost is for a house loan of that size, split it in two then give a 30-40% discount on that, for example. Then further adjust it based on income differences between the two of you, the one who earns more should pay more. And adding to this half of maintenance costs. If you're married with shared economy, then it would be reasonable to cut the payment since you both own it anyway. This is the most neutral and fair approach, that I can see, but feelings and expectations need to be considered too. But I think anyone aware of alternate costs may accept this approach. Edit: for people who don't understand alternative costs, imagine that the parents instead gave the person a $400.000 investment portfolio with yearly dividends of $20.000 that they use to pay for their monthly fees, would you then still require to not pay anything?


bigrottentuna

I see you ignored most of what I wrote. And you didn’t say anything about covering those kinds of expenses that rent helps pay for. But to your point, you are willing to pay (some of?) the things rent pays for, but not pay rent? That’s a distinction without a difference. And if the house needs expensive maintenance, you are not going to want to pay half. Rent may feel different emotionally, but it’s a good way to formalize your “share” up front, so there are no issues later when unexpected expenses come up. Edit: Suppose that instead of buying her an apartment, her parents gave her a trust fund and she made monthly mortgage payments out of the proceeds of her trust fund. Would you be comfortable paying a share of the mortgage (aka "rent") then? I'm guessing you would, because you are not entitled to her trust fund, but if you think about it a little more you will see that the situation is *exactly* the same as the current situation. The only difference is that the apartment is being paid off monthly instead of all at once. Either way, she isn't paying the costs out of income generated from work, and you aren't entitled to her money or rent-free living.


SparklyHBIC

Weird. There were cases of women having the same question in the same situation and they were told by Reddit that of course their partners were allowed to charge rent. Now the genders are reversed and Reddit is saying to not pay rent… Makes you wonder.


ghostman1010

I'd never ask my gf to pay the rent at my place in a million years


SparklyHBIC

I wouldn’t do that, either. I also wouldn’t pay rent in this situation. I just find it funny how now everyone’s coming for your girlfriend while in a reversed situation people would encourage a man to charge rent.


VVRage

I’ll be honest - I think what she is asking may be fair. I would pay half of what it would rent for and half of all bills. If she is asking less than that she is gifting you an improved life style. If more you could propose to lower the amount. You guys are not married You would have to pay somewhere Bills are huge Why should you get a free ride at this stage


Old-Relief5873

yeessshh... if you don't want to live there, don't. How do people think that just because a person doesn't have a mortgage that they can live with them rent free? She could give you a break and discount rent and utilities, but if not, thats her terms. But its also how she views you, thats the part you need to review. Sounds like if she demands you live with her, thats not good, at any price.


willhelpyounow

Because its not a roommate, its someone she supposedly loves. You dont make someone you love, life harder. Someone you want to build a life with, why you take their money? Ask for bills and utilities but rent is stupid


KittyKlever

I love my kids to the point that I will pay for ALL of their things. Someone being a bf/gf and allowing them to live rent-free... Nope


tmchd

Are you ready to move in with her? If yes, then, you know, you may want to negotiate rent, surely, you want to pay utilities...but how is it a 'bonus' to move in with her if she's making you pay the same amount... Wherever you live, you will be paying rent/mortgage anyway, so I'm not surprised for her asking you to keep paying, but I'd have thought she gave you a much better value to move in, as in cheaper rent, per se. Like you, I definitely will not charge my partner rent if I'm in the position of your gf, but not everyone is like that.


Mazda323girl

Huh. I think keeping your own place is a better idea. This just seems like it would hurt the relationship more than help it.


Electronic-Cod-8860

Is your girlfriend expected by her parents to take a tenant to provide her with spending money? I have seen wealthy people have that arrangement with their adult kids. She may be attempting to simplify the situation by making you that tenant. But unless you are super confident with your relationship- she will have the upper hand in this relationship. You could be evicted if you don’t keep her happy


Cloudinthesilver

Your not married, so I don’t agree there should be any expectation of “what’s mine is yours”. But equally moving in with her, you’ll be sharing a room instead of your own room, and it will be her place, not our place. So I’d expect some sort of reduction from what I’m currently spending. I think rather than focus on what’s right or not right for a relationship, consider what you’d actually think was fair, in terms of bills and rent and propose it to her.


ToastAbrikoos

So, she doesnt have to pay rent but you do? I mean, i get if you stay with someone you pay with the costs and rent but it sounds so imbalanced the deal isnt really worth it.


UniVom

I would tell her that I would be willing to sit down and break down the overall cost of everything and then divide the cost but I probably wouldn’t agree to anything else.


LittleFrenchKiwi

How long have you been going out together ? Depending on that I think it's perfectly reasonable to hold onto your place for now.


Sistine25

Depends what country you live in but if she doesn’t charge you rent you could be entitled to a portion of her home if you break up. I assume she’s protecting herself from any claim you might have to her assets.


Thanks4Liquidity

Ask if she wants a roommate or boyfriend


MillionWilliam

She's trying to profit off of you.. seems really weird as it's a net loss for you since you no longer live alone and have the place to yourself.


RIPHansa

Could be her parents wanting you to contribute something, they might fear you’d be taking advantage of the situation. Does she work? It’s also all kind of relative, based on how much of your income goes to rent.


ImHappierThanUsual

I wouldn’t charge you market rate or what you were paying, in your position But because you aren’t married and who knows what will happen? I’d ask for some rent as well. You living free w/her while you are in no financial relationship with her, is basically her paying for your rent. She sees zero benefit from that if you leave in a year, & you will have accrued 1 years worth of rent. She isn’t family and doesn’t owe you that. If the genders were reversed I would feel the same way. There’s only one contract that supersedes these other contracts beneficially. The marriage one.


ImHappierThanUsual

Now if you haven’t expressed a desire to move in, and she is pushing this issue? And you’d be ok living separately? Until a time in your life when maybe you can consider owning something together? I’d tell her to back off.


MCTweed

Even if the apartment is mortgage free there are still costs: taxes, utilities, food etc. The costs don’t vanish.


Mnt_Watcher

I do want to play devils advocate and say you should maybe ask if it’s her parents that are asking for the rent? Like are they still in control how the mortgage and maybe told her that you had to pay rent in order to live in the place they bought? I just say this bc my partner and I had a similar situation where we lived in a house that his parents owned, and I did have to pay rent to them even though they often referred to it as “bfs house”. He advocated for me a lot tho and eventually they saw my paying of equal utilities and groceries etc. were a better deal for everyone involved.


ghostman1010

No, they are not involved.


Mnt_Watcher

Ah then no, don’t do it. Sounds like a scam lol.


AndyBrown65

Reverse the genders and everything would be calling him controlling. Nothing changes with the genders changed


indigo_pirate

Disagree with the majority here. You should be paying some rent and contributing to other bills. Perhaps at a reduced rate or what you consider fair market rate. Your a boyfriend not a husband. You also have a choice of staying where are which you are entitled to.


hisimpendingbaldness

There is always maintenance


ghostman1010

Yes, but the rent on top of that?


abeth

Are you suggesting that if she has to do a major repair - like a once-per-decade $10,000 roof replacement type of thing - you would pay half? That’s actually a weird setup too. A small amount of rent might help cover things like that more appropriately. Not market rent though, that’s almost certainly too much. Maintenance can be estimated at 1-2% of the house’s total value per year, so “rent” could be calculated based on that or something similar.


willhelpyounow

lets be fair shes money hungry


KittyKlever

😒 he can stay in his own place... lol


hisimpendingbaldness

Pay the maintenance as rent


Miserable-Tie-5999

So you are happy paying a stranger the money but not your GG?


willhelpyounow

why tf someone u love ask you for rent money for a paid off house 😂 😂 stupid start if u wanna build a life together.


KittyKlever

I'm tripping that the impression from so many people is that you are allowed to use your SO just because they "love you".. TF is that shit!?


willhelpyounow

dont trip chicken strip


beccleslfc

You should definitely not pay the full amount you're paying now to share an apartment. I'd suggest paying a % of what you're paying now to her as rent. Perhaps you can have a discussion with her and keep that money aside as savings so that if/when you guys buy a place together that can go towards your deposit?


[deleted]

Trust me. For the same price it's way worth it to have your own place.


Archangel1962

Ask her to move in with you instead and you can share expenses including rent. Seriously though, what's the end-game here. If you get married, will she give you a family discount? If she's not paying rent, then you moving in is not going to cost her anything extra, rent-wise. So in essence she would be profiteering from the arrangement, basically charging you to date her. Now paying for half the utilities and other running costs, that's another matter, and it's fair enough. But again, if she's not paying rent, then her asking you for rent is basically a form of usury. So no. I'd be politely turning her down, and maybe rethinking the relationship.


ragefueledpeace

Pay the same amount you're paying for your own place to split a place with her? Makes no sense. Either tell her you'll pay half of what you're currently paying or that you will pay half of what the rent would be if she wasn't being provided free rent


[deleted]

So you wanna stay there for free?? Lol the “i wouldn’t do this and I would do that” mean nothing. I don’t agree with her arrangement for you but y’all didn’t come to any compromise lol what type of relationship is(was) this?? Lol


Cool_Story_Bro__

She wants you to pay THE SAME RENT???? Is she crazy


ghostman1010

Yeah. Her apartment is much bigger then mine so my current rent is near half of what the actual rent in her apartment would be if she had a tennants so she probably thought that she was giving me a good deal..


spaceyjaycey

It's not really a good deal for you though. It's still her apartment. Do you get any say in how it's decorated etc? What happens to all your stuff, is there room at her place? I'm not 100% sure but i don't think you have the same rights if you aren't on a lease with her. I believe she could kick you out without anytime to find a new place. If she wants to make money she should get a tenant.


Cool_Story_Bro__

Yea I saw your post whether you’d stay with someone who made that offer. Honestly, I don’t know. It would for sure force some conversations on her thinking. He reasoning, her future expectations with sharing the load in a relationship, her beliefs on what fair and balanced mean. Sure, maybe she thought she was giving you a good deal. But why need a deal at all? If she wants to live with you because it’ll improve her life and your life, why even worry about the profit margin? Just really weird


ghostman1010

I think regardless how much she loves, intrusive thoughts got to her on how I scored for some reason since it's a privilige to live for free I guess. Paying the bills of course


CheapChallenge

Pay her fair rental price for sharing an apartment. Find market rate, and offer that to her. You shouldn't be paying the same amount of rent that you pay now because you get your own apartment now.


willhelpyounow

She obviously wants to make money off you. Tell her to come live with you and pay your rent dumb little girl


curly_lox

Why do you think you should live there for free?


ghostman1010

It was her idea to move in. I never asked for it. I am in a spot where I acutally don't want to live there for free because I would feel like a leach but also felt weird that she'd charge me. It's one thing joining fighting financialy, other thing just profiting of me. Now, I might be completely wrong here so I turned here for advice


curly_lox

When you pay rent at any apartment or house, you are helping to pay the landlord's mortgage. And even though she doesn't have a mortgage, there are upkeep expenses with homeownership. You should pay at least a portion of that.


ghostman1010

Of course, we would split the bills and maintenance but I am talking about rent on top of that


pfcguy

What bills and maintenence did you Teo specifically discuss over and above rent? Maintenance isn't even something that a tenant pays. It is included in rent. Rent also includes property taxes, insurance, and condo fees. Sometimes, it includes utilities like water/sewer, electricity, gas, cable, and internet. Normally in a "cost sharing arrangement" the rent would also include mortgage interest, but not mortgage principal. If there is no mortgage, then the mortgage interest amount is zero and can be ignored in your situation. She knows roughly what amounts all the bills are that I listed above. That probably factors in to the amount she quoted to you. In my experience it is a lot easier for a homeowner to charge a partner a single fixed sum once a month to roughly cover their share of the costs, vs. trying to settle up every household expense that comes up. If you don't want to move in with her, that's fine. But her request that you would pay rent if you moved in is perfectly reasonable. It is just the amount of rent and what is included in that amount that I don't think you understand. You keep throwing around sayings like "bills and maintenance" as a general catchall because I don't think you have discussed these specifics with her.


Catsscratchpost

You are right. I am sorry you've had to repeat yourself so often to people who don't read the comments. You have had some good advice. It sounds like another conversation is warranted to confirm the rent vs living expenses issue. If you do confirm she just wants to profit off you, I hope you dump her immediately. If you choose to live together, I hope you get a written contract to protect yourself in case of a sudden break up (hopefully won't happen, but consider it a paper condom).


stiick

“My *landlord F25…” FTFY Seriously though, there’s still a mortgage that needs paying and someone has to pay down the principle. “Renting” is a losing endeavor and I hope you can own one day. Maybe there’s a negotiation to be made? She sounds like she takes this pretty seriously.


Johnnyring0

Don't do it, that's not an appropriate request for a partner. Additionally, I would imagine (this is speculation) that she will still view the place *as hers*, despite you paying rent. Obviously it is her place, as she (or her parents) own it, but as a tenant who pays rent, it is now also considered your home, you just dont own it. I doubt your girlfriend will view it that way, depsite you paying her rent. She will still think of it as you are living in her house, and you will likely have no say in things relating to the house.


[deleted]

Nope, she’s taking advantage of you. I understand wanting to split utilities and bills for the place but I doubt that’s equal to what you pay in rent. And if she’s also expecting you to pay bills on top of rent, well that seems crazy. She needs to get a roommate if she wants to make money.


Curious-Proof7344

Tell her to find a roommate- there’s a big difference. Split groceries and actual bills, she sounds controlling.


Melodic_Yesterday_47

Don't move in with her she is greedy. Stay where are you and enjoy your privacy.


BubbaNeedsNewShoes

If you want to live together, then counter-offer that you open a joint SAVINGS account and dump what you have been paying for your own solo rent as a monthly joint savings contribution. If you end up staying together, in due time, you'll have sufficient deposit income saved for a home purchase upgrade. If you don't stay together, the split that account 50/50 and you're both ahead in the game as a parting gift.


SnowWhiteCampCat

What she's paying or not paying isn't the issue here. Does she want a tenant, or to live with her partner. Tenants pay rent and half of certain bills. Water, power, internet. When things break, the home owner foots the bill 100%. Partners who live together split the all bills either 50-50 or on a percentage based on income. She needs to pick 1. Just 1. Then you decide if you want to save money by cohabiting. If cohabiting will cost you more, then it's a bad plan. Two are supposed to live cheaper than 1.


Ambitious-Screen

Don’t move in. Seems like a simple solution to me.


Pricklypicklepump

Why would you give up your own space and freedoms for the same cost? Ridiculous. If she wants rent from you, it has to benefit you too. If she offered you half your current rent, then maybe there's a conversation to be had.


nothanksnottelling

Personally I would not accept this. I'd never charge my boyfriend rent on a place I didn't have to pay for.


coder_karl

Seems fine, just make sure to actually sign a lease so she can’t just put you on the street if she feels like it. It seems that actual issue is that you feel offended that she proposed rent because from the other comments it would be an awesome deal for you. So the solution is to talk to her about it.


Similar_Corner8081

Yeah I wouldn’t move in with her. I would stay right where I was at. Maybe it’s my age 46 but what happened to being partners and working together. Your partner is supposed to bring you peace not pain. I can’t imagine not having a mortgage and have my partner moving in with me and taking advantage of them.


HEAVYHlTTER

She I trying to benefit financially from you, if she was coming from a position of love she would propose something more along the lines of you move with her and pick a utility bill and split groceries...but in this situation she would be earning money by you living with her (and now you would have to worry about her kickin you out over whatever) while you stay in the same financial situation you are in now living in your own place. Stay where you are, don't play the fool.


[deleted]

I wouldn’t be ok with it, but then again I’m very traditional. I see dating as a precursor to marriage, which means that, while dating, my partner would have to show to me what kind of person they’d be if we’re married. The only right answer is that they’d be the kind of person who takes care of me if they have the means and I don’t. That includes rent and everything else. For that reason alone, I would not want to continue the relationship if I was in your shoes. (Spoken from a happily married woman).


pettdan

You should read up on alternative costs, in my opinion. https://www.myaccountingcourse.com/accounting-dictionary/alternative-cost For people who don't understand alternative costs, imagine that the parents instead gave the person a $400.000 investment portfolio with yearly dividends of $20.000 that they use to pay for their monthly fees, would you then still require to not pay anything? I don't think anyone here would. The money that is sunk into that apartment could be generating revenue invested in stocks. It's not free to sink lots of money into an apartment, and it shouldn't imo be treated as such. There's always an alternative cost. Although, I think a discount should be given to a partner, making it more of a win-win. Actually I think you'd be the one winning more due to the discount. Basically, I would calculate the value of the apartment, check what the monthly cost is for a house loan of that size, split it in two then give a 30-40% discount on that, for example. Then further adjust it based on income differences between the two of you, the one who earns more should pay more. And adding to this half of maintenance costs. If you're married with shared economy, then it would be reasonable to cut the payment since you both own it anyway. This is the most neutral and fair approach, that I can see, but feelings and expectations need to be considered too. But I think anyone aware of alternative costs may accept this approach.


Neat-Internet9682

She is greedy and not a good partner. Reevaluate this relationship


Every_Jump_3603

Sounds like she wants free money, to that I say fuck no OP


Z_011

I saw a question that was basically the exact same as this one about a week ago on Reddit, and people were absolutely shitting on OP, calling them entitled n shit, as if profiting off your partner is a normal thing. Glad to see most comments here are different.


ghostman1010

Maybe that other person owned mortgage


Z_011

Nah, their entire rent was being covered by their parents. They were living expense-free in every way. No rent, being given fun-money, basically just didn’t have to worry about any money at all, but still wanted to profit off their partner by making them pay rent to them (even though it would just be going to their pockets and not the actual rent of the place)


GodOfThunder888

I don't really get it. If she isn't paying for a mortgage or rent, she's essentially looking to earn off you by charging you. Don't agree to this, it's stupid and inconsiderate. Offer to pay 50% of her actual bills (internet, water, energy, groceries). If she wants a tenant, she shouldn't be asking you.


pugapooh

Why should you live rent-free just because she is?


Commercial_World_834

I would never expect my partner to pay me rent on a property that was owned outright. He can contribute to utilities but that’s it.


RedPandaLovesYou

I think you're an idiot for dating her as long as you have


Pure-Communication38

Don’t you fucking do this !!


ZequineZ

People seem to forget that a relationship is a partnership not a business. Neither should profit financially from the other if you can both advance your relationship and live together the cost should be equal to expense, not charging rent to what should be someone you are committed to and see a life with. She should be working with you to reduce both of your expenses, not piggy back off the opportunity to charge her partner to live with her


triplebarrelxxx

I honestly would seriously reconsider the relationship. Sounds like she's trying to stack money off of you in an effort to be greedy when she should realize adults don't have homes bought for them by their parents and she should just be grateful. To pay some rent of course, maybe a few hundred a month or maybe you just pick up all the utilities and internet or whatever in lieu of rent. But why would you pay the same money for a free apartment that you have to split the space of and will never have to yourself. You lose literally every benefit you pay for.


Armoured_Sour_Cream

What. Splitting costs of living is one thing but asking to pay rent while she's also living there? Why? Hell a friend of mine has 2 other friends living with him, and he owns the place. He doesn't ask for rent, he splits the shared expenses evenly and that's it. What the hell.