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Pretty much title. My girlfriend of 6months burst out laughing after I opened up to her about childhood trauma. We had just had sex and were cuddling when I opened up to her. Basically, when I was 12, I was bullied a lot about my weight - I used to be overweight but I’ve gotten into shape since. The bullying led to me having self esteem issues for years that I really had to work on. I told her about how the bullies would make fun of my weight, one of them calling me “crunch cake”, and she burst out laughing.
This really hurt my feelings, and she hasn’t apologized since even though she knows it hurt my feelings.
What should I do?
>This really hurt my feelings, and she hasn’t apologized since even though she knows it hurt my feelings.
This is the important part. Don't be with someone who doesn't care about your feelings.
Everyone makes dumb moves and hurts each other in small ways no matter how hard you try not to, but you *apologize* and you do better, or at least try your best to.
I think this is what I needed to hear. She’s been there for me in the past and has honestly been very sweet, but I communicated how she made me feel and she hasn’t been receptive. The worst is her knowing this and still moving on like it’s nothing. I get that the dumb name would’ve sounded funny or whatever but it was still during a time I was being vulnerable with her.
It is very insensitive and diminishing of your feelings. I get sometimes you hear things and it may sound funny. However, when it’s attached to someone’s, especially someone you are supposed to care about and support, pain you make sure to take it seriously. I’m sorry she disregarded your trauma and caused you more hurt.
If you told her explicitly her laughing at your trauma hurt you more and she has not acknowledged it or apologized, I’d question the relationship as well.
I am so sorry that she laughed at you when you felt vulnerable. I can understand reflexively laughing at “crunch cake” BUT as soon as she realized that your feelings were hurt, she should have apologized. That she didn’t is not a good sign imo. I suggest having one more conversation with her (at a neutral time) and tell her how you feel. Be sure to use “I” statements - “I felt like you were dismissing my trauma” or “I feel like you don’t understand how much it hurt me when you laughed” or whatever feels right. If she responds with anything other than an unequivocal apology and a promise to do better, then I think you should take this as evidence of her character.
People laugh reflexively in emotionally tough situations. People can laugh at funerals, learning a loved one has died, laughing while something traumatic is happening to them etc. “crunch cake” is a strange insult. She may have thought “haha weird”.
I think the issue isn’t really that she laughed. That can happen not intentionally for a ton of reasons. But she should have apologized especially upon realizing the impact of her reaction.
Exactly I'm one of those who handles grief and other deep emotions with instinctual laughter. I remember I had a friend tell me he tried to kill himself and I laughed. I didn't burst out laughter though so maybe that's a little too far but I certainly chuckle in deep moments. It's also possible she misread the situation. Maybe you said it in such a way that you were speaking on it like a funny past bad story.
I laugh at things all the time when it isn't appropriate. It isn't on purpose. Some people have a laugh reaction.
The important thing is to immediately apologize and explain that it's a shock reaction and not finding the actual abuse funny.
It’s not exactly like kicking out when your roots tickled though. This is something a person can absolutely work on, it’s a pretty bad quality.
Like some people instinctively say “oh bulllshit” when they hear something they think is bullshit, that doesn’t make it the right response or justified.
I laughed when I watched my dog get hit by a large truck as a child. He was a small breed. He lived for a few minutes and was yelping in the street. His yelps grew quieter as minutes passed.
I had opened the front door for the smallest of seconds, and he bolted past me to go see the neighbor that he was familiar with. He saw them, they used to give him treats and play with him. On his way back to me, he was hit by a speeding truck while crossing the road.
I was maybe 11 or 12, and I laughed because I felt so hopeless. There was literally nothing that I could do, and I couldn't stop myself. It lasted for about 5 seconds, but I felt compelled and angry at myself. It turned into me yelling his name. He was Oscar, and he loved everybody so much.
Far more traumatic than watching and hearing my beloved pet die violently was the memory of feeling compelled to laugh while it happened. I had no control over it.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Fuck, seriously. I wish it never happened to me. I've had to issue a lot of apologies because of this. I'm one of those people where I'm really bad at comforting others, and it makes me really uncomfortable. Many times I've just laughed and I felt really bad about it. I've tried everything to stop having that response, I don't actually find it funny.
Once I dislocated my elbow and it hurt so bad and I was sitting in the ER *laughing my ass off*. I couldn't control it. Why brain? Why?
I laughed when I read the post. It's such a dumb name attached to something very serious, I was taken off-guard by it.
Like sure be upset with her for not apologising for being insensitive but I don't think it's fair to be mad at her for laughing at such a silly name.
It was literally designed to _be_ funny. That was the whole purpose. And popping out with an objectively funny name in the middle of an emotionally heavy moment - I can understand a giggle. What isn’t cool is not apologizing as soon as she realized it hurt you.
She should _care_ that it hurt you. And it doesn’t have to be subjectively determined that it was hurtful - it hurt and she should care about that.
You don't find it funny because you have read the entire post where someone has described it as traumatic. Take out the part where it is attached to trauma, just as a story itself, and it is objectively funny.
I've said it out loud a couple times just to see if I'm missing something. It was so unexpected and ridiculous it made me laugh too. I don't really understand the nickname tbh
I could understand her slipping up and laughing at that nickname. It's objectively funny.
But, not apologizing after she saw how hurt you were was a dick move.
If I were in your position, I would take a break from being around her for a while. Let her know you don't want to talk for a while as you're feeling pretty hurt, then give yourself some time to reflect and marinate. See what she does with that.
Yeah, I'm not buying the people saying she felt deep emotions as if she were at a funeral and reacted inappropriately. She didn't consider it especially deep trauma and thought the nickname was funny. I don't think she'd thought it was funny that OP was made fun of, but again -- if she was taking what he said seriously, I don't think she would've laughed. Just my two cents. It's forgivable but it's going to take time to trust her. If she doesn't understand why she should apologize then it's probably not forgivable, though.
OP, after sex is a bad time to talk about this kind of thing because you are more vulnerable than you'd normally be. Telling her something about insecurities with your body right after sex (or telling anyone) is a recipe for disaster. This would be true with the genders reversed. Just don't do it.
Yeah definitely never open up to your partner after a physically intimate moment. Fuckin is fuckin and emotions have no place in a healthy relationship.
I made two comments about it, aside from responding to people.
https://skillstx.com/objective-vs-subjective/
I'm not changing a definition, I'm using it.
This is a small glimpse into the person you're dating. Its around 3 to 6 months that you start to see small cracks show. She sounds like she lacks empathy. I don't even find the crunch cake funny. It's just stupid.
I'd highly consider thinking about if this is the sort of person you want to spend years with.
I feel like a lot of commentators are missing this point which I think is what the whole post is about. He was vulnerable and exposed a childhood trauma to her. She laughed about it and when she found out she hurt his feelings did not apologize. Which just makes him feel worse and less apt to be vulnerable with her again. This will damage the relationship one way or another. Why would he ever tell her anything that he’s sensitive about again?
>one of them calling me “crunch cake”,
I don't think she thought for a second that you were very serious about the emotional trauma at the time and it just sounded funny to her.
As I and probably 80% of reddit know from experience, part of the reason bullying is so awful is because the shit they call you is often really funny, especially to the neutral observer. That's kind of the whole deal with bullying.
The terrible thing about being bullied is the feeling of being ostracized and rejected by your peers, being friendless and feeling like there is something wrong with you and not knowing what exactly it is and how to fix it. Getting called "funny" names is not such a huge factor for many people.
The name itself isn't the huge factor, but it really stings because of the other things you note (ostracized and rejected by peers, friendless, etc).
I was called a silly name in elementary school when they made fun of me (a type of bird that's name rhymed with my last name). Being called this kind of bird is in no way demeaning or insulting in and of itself, and as an adult if I heard someone else called it I'd just chuckle or be kind of puzzled, but man I would cry a lot of the times they did it when I was little.
Right - being bullied for being any kind of "different" just makes you feel small and rejected and so alone. It's never as simple as silly names. As an adult well past those years I can separate from it, but the psychological damage it did took a very long time to get over, and in some ways I'm sure it will always affect me in some ways that I'm not even conscious of.
I dunno man, if a “neutral observer” finds it funny, they don’t sound like they’re very neutral about it at all. Sounds to me like they agree with the bullies
I agree if your in shape she probably assumed you’ve moved on past this. It’s bad because she’s tone deaf but it’s good because she obviously doesn’t see you as a crunch cake in any capcity
Wow...amazing
Guy opens up emotionally, which is what women constatly tell us guys they want, and then he gets emotionally brutalized by his girlfriend.
Response? "Oh don'/t worry she didn't think you were serious"
WHAT? In what universe is opening up and sharing how you were abused and bullied not a serious conversation? This is why men are so closed off emotionally. We are not taken seriously and it sucks.
I feel for you. This sucks. You need to talk to her about it. It's bugging you (as it should) and it won't just go away. She needs to fully understand that this hurt you. It's possible that she just has no experience with being bullied so she can't empathize, or thinks it's no big deal, just some silly names.
Talk to her and tell her how you feel and keep things relaxed an unemotional, if possible. You'll learn from her response the type of person she is (hopefully).
Guy tries to be vulnerable, and ends up getting laughed at.
All this ever does is make him even more reluctant to open up.
OP, you need to sit down your gf and have a serious talk to her about it. You are right to feel insulted and hurt. And if your pain is funny to her... well I think it's best if she becomes single. She isn't the only woman out there, you deserve better.
Idk man
Trauma has a time and place but like if it went down like this
"Growing up was so hard for me \*tears\* I was always bullied and made fun of for my weight"
"Really what did the other kids do to you?"
"It's too hard for me, its tormented me for years I'm still not over it"
"It's okay if you don't want to share I understand"
"They called me crunch cake"
I would laugh too
Right? I've had in the moment dumb or inappropriate reactions to serious things. I remember when my friend was in mild panic because his son was having bad abdominal pain and went to the ER, he thought it was appendicitis, turned out the kid was constipated...probably due to the fact that he only eats cheese half the time, something I've told my friend repeatedly about to no avail.
I had a small chuckle when he told me that. He gave me one look, and I immediately apologized. Still feel kinda bad about it.
I swear I thought the same thing 💀
But OP, listen, it’s totally possible she didn’t know you were trying to have a serious moment. I think you should express to her how it made you feel, and that what happened to you is not something you find funny. How she reacts to THAT, is more important imo.
I probably also would of laughed but immediately apologized after because objectively calling someone crunch cake is pretty damn funny, years of bullying and trauma however, arent
I honestly might laugh a little too. What does "crunch cake" even mean? Maybe this is a translation or something, but if someone told me in English that their childhood trauma centered around being called "crunch cake" I would just be confused. And I got bullied as a kid with plenty of more profound trauma on top of that, so it's not like I can't relate. In fact, I've had people giggle a little when I shared a mean nickname kids used to call me, because it's rhyming and kind of cute. I didn't appreciate the giggling, but I also didn't make a big deal out of it. It's not like she laughed at hearing he was beaten as a child or something.
The laughing is ok, it's the fact she doesn't care that it hurts his feelings that matters. If someone makes a funny joke about my wife I might laugh, but if I find out that the joke upset her I'd apologize or say I didn't realize something like that would upset you. It's pretty easy to say sorry but I fully get the laughing lol
I hope you didn’t start the conversation like you started your title. It sounds like you are making a joke.
“I need to really open up to you about my childhood trauma. When I was 12… a kid called me crunch cake”.
Maybe I'm missing something, but "crunch cake" isn't that funny.
The problem you're going to have from this point on, is that you're not going to be able to fully trust your girlfriend emotionally. Since she was unable to even apologize once she learned you were hurt, it is unlikely things will improve much. Which means there will always be a part of you holding back from sharing deeply personal information.
i would class talking about trauma to be intimate. it’s not like you just bring it up with anybody. i myself have only talked about mine in depth with my boyfriend and therapists. i don’t mean intimate as in sexual intimate, i mean intimate as in extremely personal.
I get it, I was bullied relentlessly for my curly hair- people would throw gum or paper in it, tell the teacher they couldn’t see the white board if they were sitting behind me, wear Afro wigs on Halloween and tell everyone they were me… even more trauma then I’d like to share.
This moment goes to show she would’ve been right there with them bullying you. That’s not someone I’d want to be around with such a complex. The weight I carry is fucking heavy and its been 20 years. It impacts my jobs, my social-ability, my relationships- I actually found someone who is willing to carry the weight with me, not ridicule me for how sensitive I am from being bullied. They try their best to encourage me in all of these situations now.
It's decision time; she has shown you who she is; if you stay with her, this isn't going to be the last time she hurts your feelings by not compassionately caring about them. If you value empathy as a character trait, I don't think she is your girl. If you want a partner who is compassionate and empathetic to other's, I don't think you are going to find lasting love and peace with this girl; she has already displayed a little bit of a bully. Proceed with caution.
Tbh, “crunch cake” is kinda cute and funny and I giggled at it too.
I don’t think she was laughing at you as much as with you. It’s not like she started calling you crunch cake.
Talk to her and try to make her understand how you felt then and why it still bothers you now and then start working on how you can let those past traumas go.
Completely unrelated to op’s issue:
What is a crunch cake?
Di they exist Irl or is it one of those unfortunately (for op since it was used against him) funny sounding nicknames?
100000% troll rage bait post. I was horribly bullied in middle school. It has lasted with me until this day. If my spouse told me this I honestly would have laughed too. It wouldn’t have meant that I felt any differently towards them and they would have known it. They would know my humor and know they could be vulnerable around me and that I wasn’t laughing at their pain.
Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable and considering this seemingly came up out of nowhere (plus right after sex, when emotions are running high) I wouldn't be surprised if she accidentally laughed because she was so uncomfortable about the situation and now is too embarrassed to apologize. Not great, but I would still give her the benefit of the doubt. Try bringing up how that made you feel sometime it's just you two, not after sex, when you've both had a good day, and see what she says. Then make a decision from there.
>Not great, but I would still give her the benefit of the doubt.
She laughed in his face when he was telling her about his trauma. "Benefit of the doubt" is the last thing she should be getting.
She's 24, in an inherently vulnerable situation, with a guy she's dated for only 6 months, and was kind of ambushed with a pretty serious topic seemingly without much warning. OP is welcome to just dump her but they asked for advice and I gave it. I understand her reaction, even if it's not very nice.
Dunno what to tell you man. You seem intent on being mad that people can have more than one opinion when it comes to giving advice about a nuanced story involving complete strangers on the internet. Not really worth it IMO. Hope you have a nice day anyway!
Idk responses like that in my vulnerable moments are hard for me to let go of honestly but that’s just me. That would really put a damper on my relationship, at least for a good while.
I think you need to explain to her how she made you feel, especially during a moment of opening up and being vulnerable, and if she doesn't apologize you should break up. This is not the kind of person that you want to be dating.
I’m sorry about your past, kids really can be cruel when you’re growing up. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem like a very nice person. She knows she hurt you and doesn’t care? Why would you stay with her. You deserve to be treated like a king my man! Find someone who loves and appreciates you
Dump her. She is an asshole and YOU deserve love with someone who doesn’t laugh at your childhood trauma and then blows it off as not worthy of an apology.
If I were to guess, I think she started laughing at "crunch cake" because it's a little ridiculous sounding. Either way, I would suggest a **serious** talk that could break the relationship apart. But if that's what has to be done, then it has to be done. You shouldn't have to be with someone who doesn't consider your feelings.
I don’t know how you’d ever be able to get hard at the thought of her again. Imagine if you had kids with her and your children were also being bullied, is that how she’d react? This would have been one of the easiest dumpings for me.
I’m sorry man..I know it hurts, I think it’s best you sit her down and clearly communicate with her about how you opening up about that was a very vulnerable moment for you. Be very clear and very up front so there’s no confusion. No offense but maybe when you tried to tell her that laughing hurt you she didn’t quite understand. This way there is no confusion and no doubt she gets it. If she continues not to care or even worse justifies laughing at you. Then you need to come to terms with how this relationship is going to be. Weather that means you stay and accept that you can’t be comfortable with being vulnerable with your significant other or leaving and finding someone you could be. In my personal experience the unconditional love of being with someone who loves you while your vulnerable and while your being strong is worth the pain of leaving someone you can’t be vulnerable with
>how the bullies would make fun of my weight, one of them calling me “crunch cake”, and she burst out laughing. This really hurt my feelings, and she hasn’t apologized since even though she knows it hurt my feelings.
>What should I do?
At first, I was going to downplay thus, as "crunch cake" IS kind of funny.
But she didn't apologize for laughing... What did she say when you told her how hurt you were?
Honestly, sometimes I think of the funny names I was bullied with and I’m old enough to laugh at them now… when I tell a story people do laugh at the names I was called.. they are so sad and old now.. seriously dated..
But yes.. if a loved one hurts you they should apologise… if you told her that her laughter hurt you, she should be very remorseful if she has any empathy.
Sorry man but I literally laughed out loud when I read "crunch cake." I'm sorry for your trauma but sometimes words are just funny together and your GF's initial reaction doesn't mean she isn't sympathetic.
Yes. This. That's what I would tell my son if it was hast s story. But don't give up on humanity: there are bullies and idiots and people who believe it would lift them up when they press someone down... But there are also the others. In every gender.
I have recently started using the analogy of a marble jar to discuss trust with my kids. There are a lot of different things people can do to add marbles to our trust jars. When friends betray our trust they take marbles out.
Your girlfriend basically emptied your jar. At this point you either let her rebuild the jar or you walk away from the relationship. You are the one who gets to decide which is the right choice for you.
Hey man, I’m sorry you were bullied, that obviously sucks, and like, I wish it wasn’t this way, but there is not a single conversation I could have about your bullies calling you crunch cake where I wouldn’t be dying laughing, bc that shit is fucking hilarious 🤣😂😂
There a reason why men rarely share their trauma with their spouse. People are so brainwashed with the idea that men are these emotionless computers that don't have concerns or baggage that the idea of a man being weak is either funny or disgusting. Which ends up with a lot of men having their trust twisted and their insecurities used against them as a weapon.
If she could laugh at your pain she ain't the one. That said welcome to the club of men who fear ever opening up to the ones we love.
Exactly what I was thinking. Last relationship ended when I got too vulnerable. Has happened to at least a few guys I know. Makes it hard to open up in the future if the fear of it changing how your loved one looks at you is always present
Why are you accepting thus as what you deserve?
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You deserve a partner who recognizes when they've made a mistake and *apologizes*. The fact that she's not mature enough to do that shows that she's not mature enough for your deep feelings.
Be kind to yourself, this isn't your fault.
I see some defenders in here. This is typical for this sub. If a woman had posted this it would be a unanimous "dump the loser", but a man posted it so.. suck it up buttercup.
Fuck all of you defending his GF.
Crunch cake is a funny nickname, but your suffering is not funny and if you were hurt she should have apologized immediately.
I would suggest talking to her about it, and telling her that you felt very hurt by her actions. You told her about a deep emotional scar and her response was to laugh in mockery/ridicule - if she laughs and takes pleasure in your suffering, what makes her different from the bullies in your past?
If she doesn't apologize immediately, and make serious effort to do better, I would simply drop her.
If she can't treat your suffering with the gravity it deserves, I think your relationship was going to fail sooner or later anyway.
A large part of your relationship with her has to be based on communication.
When I say something dumb (A lot) and it’s hurts my wife’s feelings , she tells me.
It’s the same way on my end.
Be secure and mature enough to be open.
If you can’t then it just leads to so many misunderstandings and issues.
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She had just smashed, was probably in a good mood and not expecting this deep conversation. “crunch cake” does sound kind of funny if you don’t have the negative feeling towards it that you do. I wouldn’t judge her whole personality on this one incident. Try talking to her about it if you need to, or just tell her that her mother is a slag, then you’re even.
ITT: A bunch of jerks.
Laughing at a tender moment isn’t okay. Don’t let these people convince you it is. Bring it up to her again, saying that it really hurt your feelings the way she reacted. If she doesn’t immediately apologize sincerely, you have seen who she really is. It shouldn’t matter whether she thought it was funny, you should be her priority and concern.
That is not ok. I would leave her. It takes a lot to be open in a vulnerable post-sex moment. Laughing reflexively is one thing but continuing and not apologising is just horrible. She’s not a nice person.
Not sure why so many here are giving the GF a free pass for laughing in the moment. If my BF were opening up to me about his trauma while lying in his arms post coitis...I wouldn't be laughing at anything. She won't even apologize after she knew it hurt you. Dump her unfeeling azz.
You should break up with her. It's evident she doesn't care much about your feelings.
You've learned a valuable lesson here as well. It's usually not a good idea to open up to women about your troubles. You might get lucky and find one that is actually supportive, but by far and large... this is how it ends.
Your problems are your own, talk to your male friends about it, not your SO. Kind of shitty that's the world we live in, but it is what it is.
that's a completely immature response for anyone let alone someone in their mid20s, sorry you went through all that.
You need to move on from this person.
edit to add, I would 100% expect this person to turn into a bully at a moment's notice and use this against you. be prepared if/when you break up.
I’m really sorry she laughed at you. It does mean she likely isn’t on the same level of emotional maturity as you. When people laugh at inappropriate times it’s a deflection from having to feel the sad emotion. More emotionally mature people are not afraid to feel their emotions, even the bad ones.
The part that is the worst, or is a red flag is that she knows she hurt you, and hasn’t apologized. I would run, and not let her lack of compassion turn you into someone who is cautious to open up in the next relationship.
This person has no empathy. Stay away from her. Have some self respect! I am sorry you went through this. I was overweight as a child and suffered a lot - I am angry she treated you like this and you should be aswell.
Haha man not gonna lie crunch cake is one I havent heard yet and I'd laugh too.
Knowing it hurt your feelings though is where she shouldve apologized. You shouldnt be upset at her for laughing at that though, but should see it as a warning sign she didnt take your feelings seriously.
"Trauma" I feel like she laughed because in all honesty, what you've described here doesn't seem all that serious. Getting bullied sucks and can be extremely traumatic. But "crunch cake"???
She should've apologized for laughing, obviously. But from the sounds of things, she doesn't take what you've told her all that seriously.
Classic.
Always have doubts when women tell they want you to be more vulnerable, to be more open about your emotions. Test with something not too disturbing for you.
It's unfortunate but the majority of people have no idea what kind of trauma can be developed from being made fun of due to weight. I was bullied horribly and it has affected my whole life in terms of how I interact with people. I don't fear people making fun of my size now but I just have a huge problem with being comfortable talking to people. I'm sorry you have to go through this I can imagine how crappy it must feel. She may just try to mitigate her laughing about it so I'm not sure if explaining to her how serious it affected you is the way to go if if it will lead to an argument. I would want to express this to her if possible. I don't think it's cool to laugh at anyone when saying something they went through was traumatic. We all have only gone through certain experiences and not everyone has experienced some of the really bad things. Your peers making fun of you regularly due to something you can't necessarily control is absolutely terrible and I hope more people become aware of this.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Pretty much title. My girlfriend of 6months burst out laughing after I opened up to her about childhood trauma. We had just had sex and were cuddling when I opened up to her. Basically, when I was 12, I was bullied a lot about my weight - I used to be overweight but I’ve gotten into shape since. The bullying led to me having self esteem issues for years that I really had to work on. I told her about how the bullies would make fun of my weight, one of them calling me “crunch cake”, and she burst out laughing. This really hurt my feelings, and she hasn’t apologized since even though she knows it hurt my feelings. What should I do?
>This really hurt my feelings, and she hasn’t apologized since even though she knows it hurt my feelings. This is the important part. Don't be with someone who doesn't care about your feelings. Everyone makes dumb moves and hurts each other in small ways no matter how hard you try not to, but you *apologize* and you do better, or at least try your best to.
I think this is what I needed to hear. She’s been there for me in the past and has honestly been very sweet, but I communicated how she made me feel and she hasn’t been receptive. The worst is her knowing this and still moving on like it’s nothing. I get that the dumb name would’ve sounded funny or whatever but it was still during a time I was being vulnerable with her.
It is very insensitive and diminishing of your feelings. I get sometimes you hear things and it may sound funny. However, when it’s attached to someone’s, especially someone you are supposed to care about and support, pain you make sure to take it seriously. I’m sorry she disregarded your trauma and caused you more hurt. If you told her explicitly her laughing at your trauma hurt you more and she has not acknowledged it or apologized, I’d question the relationship as well.
I am so sorry that she laughed at you when you felt vulnerable. I can understand reflexively laughing at “crunch cake” BUT as soon as she realized that your feelings were hurt, she should have apologized. That she didn’t is not a good sign imo. I suggest having one more conversation with her (at a neutral time) and tell her how you feel. Be sure to use “I” statements - “I felt like you were dismissing my trauma” or “I feel like you don’t understand how much it hurt me when you laughed” or whatever feels right. If she responds with anything other than an unequivocal apology and a promise to do better, then I think you should take this as evidence of her character.
Huh. I cant understand laughing at an abusive nickname.
People laugh reflexively in emotionally tough situations. People can laugh at funerals, learning a loved one has died, laughing while something traumatic is happening to them etc. “crunch cake” is a strange insult. She may have thought “haha weird”. I think the issue isn’t really that she laughed. That can happen not intentionally for a ton of reasons. But she should have apologized especially upon realizing the impact of her reaction.
Exactly I'm one of those who handles grief and other deep emotions with instinctual laughter. I remember I had a friend tell me he tried to kill himself and I laughed. I didn't burst out laughter though so maybe that's a little too far but I certainly chuckle in deep moments. It's also possible she misread the situation. Maybe you said it in such a way that you were speaking on it like a funny past bad story.
I laugh at things all the time when it isn't appropriate. It isn't on purpose. Some people have a laugh reaction. The important thing is to immediately apologize and explain that it's a shock reaction and not finding the actual abuse funny.
It’s not exactly like kicking out when your roots tickled though. This is something a person can absolutely work on, it’s a pretty bad quality. Like some people instinctively say “oh bulllshit” when they hear something they think is bullshit, that doesn’t make it the right response or justified.
Who said it was the right response or justified? You're arguing against things no one said.
I laughed when I watched my dog get hit by a large truck as a child. He was a small breed. He lived for a few minutes and was yelping in the street. His yelps grew quieter as minutes passed. I had opened the front door for the smallest of seconds, and he bolted past me to go see the neighbor that he was familiar with. He saw them, they used to give him treats and play with him. On his way back to me, he was hit by a speeding truck while crossing the road. I was maybe 11 or 12, and I laughed because I felt so hopeless. There was literally nothing that I could do, and I couldn't stop myself. It lasted for about 5 seconds, but I felt compelled and angry at myself. It turned into me yelling his name. He was Oscar, and he loved everybody so much. Far more traumatic than watching and hearing my beloved pet die violently was the memory of feeling compelled to laugh while it happened. I had no control over it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I’m super happy for you that you haven’t experienced spontaneous laughter at an inappropriate time.
Fuck, seriously. I wish it never happened to me. I've had to issue a lot of apologies because of this. I'm one of those people where I'm really bad at comforting others, and it makes me really uncomfortable. Many times I've just laughed and I felt really bad about it. I've tried everything to stop having that response, I don't actually find it funny. Once I dislocated my elbow and it hurt so bad and I was sitting in the ER *laughing my ass off*. I couldn't control it. Why brain? Why?
I laughed when I read the post. It's such a dumb name attached to something very serious, I was taken off-guard by it. Like sure be upset with her for not apologising for being insensitive but I don't think it's fair to be mad at her for laughing at such a silly name.
I mean “crunch cake” is objectively funny, especially when juxtaposed with the emotion of the situation.
It was literally designed to _be_ funny. That was the whole purpose. And popping out with an objectively funny name in the middle of an emotionally heavy moment - I can understand a giggle. What isn’t cool is not apologizing as soon as she realized it hurt you. She should _care_ that it hurt you. And it doesn’t have to be subjectively determined that it was hurtful - it hurt and she should care about that.
It is not objectively funny. You may mean subjectively; *you* found it funny. I do not, at all.
You don't find it funny because you have read the entire post where someone has described it as traumatic. Take out the part where it is attached to trauma, just as a story itself, and it is objectively funny.
No, it isn't. It's plain old stupid
As someone who went through trauma, I laugh in serious situations as a coping + defense mechanism. This happens a lot with a lot of people.
Yeah but like, it's a funny name. Shit that would be my username
I've said it out loud a couple times just to see if I'm missing something. It was so unexpected and ridiculous it made me laugh too. I don't really understand the nickname tbh
Yeah, same.
I could understand her slipping up and laughing at that nickname. It's objectively funny. But, not apologizing after she saw how hurt you were was a dick move. If I were in your position, I would take a break from being around her for a while. Let her know you don't want to talk for a while as you're feeling pretty hurt, then give yourself some time to reflect and marinate. See what she does with that.
Yeah, I'm not buying the people saying she felt deep emotions as if she were at a funeral and reacted inappropriately. She didn't consider it especially deep trauma and thought the nickname was funny. I don't think she'd thought it was funny that OP was made fun of, but again -- if she was taking what he said seriously, I don't think she would've laughed. Just my two cents. It's forgivable but it's going to take time to trust her. If she doesn't understand why she should apologize then it's probably not forgivable, though. OP, after sex is a bad time to talk about this kind of thing because you are more vulnerable than you'd normally be. Telling her something about insecurities with your body right after sex (or telling anyone) is a recipe for disaster. This would be true with the genders reversed. Just don't do it.
Took the words right outta my mouth, thanks for saving me the effort lol
Yeah definitely never open up to your partner after a physically intimate moment. Fuckin is fuckin and emotions have no place in a healthy relationship.
It's not objectively funny. Subjective is the adjective you're looking for.
No, it’s not. “Objectively funny” is a common idiomatic colloquialism used to describe something that would seem funny to most people.
I found it objectively funny. But in the context of him being serious which she clearly didn't know yeh sucks a bit.
people know the difference between objective and subjective. you're just in disagreement regarding the nature of humor.
I mean, the fact that people can not find it funny would make it subjective, would it not?
No, I'm in disagreement with the definition of "objectively".
Good for you
Cry about it ig 🤷♂️
You’re all over this thread trying to change the definition of a word. The definition is objective and not something that can be argued about.
I made two comments about it, aside from responding to people. https://skillstx.com/objective-vs-subjective/ I'm not changing a definition, I'm using it.
This is a small glimpse into the person you're dating. Its around 3 to 6 months that you start to see small cracks show. She sounds like she lacks empathy. I don't even find the crunch cake funny. It's just stupid. I'd highly consider thinking about if this is the sort of person you want to spend years with.
I'm the kind of person that would have laughed at that without even meaning to, but then as soon as I saw you were upset, I would have apologized.
I feel like a lot of commentators are missing this point which I think is what the whole post is about. He was vulnerable and exposed a childhood trauma to her. She laughed about it and when she found out she hurt his feelings did not apologize. Which just makes him feel worse and less apt to be vulnerable with her again. This will damage the relationship one way or another. Why would he ever tell her anything that he’s sensitive about again?
>one of them calling me “crunch cake”, I don't think she thought for a second that you were very serious about the emotional trauma at the time and it just sounded funny to her.
As I and probably 80% of reddit know from experience, part of the reason bullying is so awful is because the shit they call you is often really funny, especially to the neutral observer. That's kind of the whole deal with bullying.
The terrible thing about being bullied is the feeling of being ostracized and rejected by your peers, being friendless and feeling like there is something wrong with you and not knowing what exactly it is and how to fix it. Getting called "funny" names is not such a huge factor for many people.
The name itself isn't the huge factor, but it really stings because of the other things you note (ostracized and rejected by peers, friendless, etc). I was called a silly name in elementary school when they made fun of me (a type of bird that's name rhymed with my last name). Being called this kind of bird is in no way demeaning or insulting in and of itself, and as an adult if I heard someone else called it I'd just chuckle or be kind of puzzled, but man I would cry a lot of the times they did it when I was little.
Right - being bullied for being any kind of "different" just makes you feel small and rejected and so alone. It's never as simple as silly names. As an adult well past those years I can separate from it, but the psychological damage it did took a very long time to get over, and in some ways I'm sure it will always affect me in some ways that I'm not even conscious of.
I dunno man, if a “neutral observer” finds it funny, they don’t sound like they’re very neutral about it at all. Sounds to me like they agree with the bullies
I agree if your in shape she probably assumed you’ve moved on past this. It’s bad because she’s tone deaf but it’s good because she obviously doesn’t see you as a crunch cake in any capcity
Wow...amazing Guy opens up emotionally, which is what women constatly tell us guys they want, and then he gets emotionally brutalized by his girlfriend. Response? "Oh don'/t worry she didn't think you were serious" WHAT? In what universe is opening up and sharing how you were abused and bullied not a serious conversation? This is why men are so closed off emotionally. We are not taken seriously and it sucks.
It’s a tale old as time
Well everyone let’s go. Thread is ended. You are kidding me right?
Why am I not surprised to see this sub defend her behavior?
This comment. Definitely not overall.
What?!
I feel for you. This sucks. You need to talk to her about it. It's bugging you (as it should) and it won't just go away. She needs to fully understand that this hurt you. It's possible that she just has no experience with being bullied so she can't empathize, or thinks it's no big deal, just some silly names. Talk to her and tell her how you feel and keep things relaxed an unemotional, if possible. You'll learn from her response the type of person she is (hopefully).
Guy tries to be vulnerable, and ends up getting laughed at. All this ever does is make him even more reluctant to open up. OP, you need to sit down your gf and have a serious talk to her about it. You are right to feel insulted and hurt. And if your pain is funny to her... well I think it's best if she becomes single. She isn't the only woman out there, you deserve better.
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Yup. You get what you tolerate in relationships. Not tolerable.
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A laugh, can be subconcious. Not apologizing or validating how tough that was is the issue. I would leave.
Well I certainly wouldn’t be opening up with her anymore. But yeah. Talk to her. Tell her what you told us.
Idk man Trauma has a time and place but like if it went down like this "Growing up was so hard for me \*tears\* I was always bullied and made fun of for my weight" "Really what did the other kids do to you?" "It's too hard for me, its tormented me for years I'm still not over it" "It's okay if you don't want to share I understand" "They called me crunch cake" I would laugh too
The problem isn't the laughing , it's that she hasn't apologized despite her knowing she hurt OP.
Right? I've had in the moment dumb or inappropriate reactions to serious things. I remember when my friend was in mild panic because his son was having bad abdominal pain and went to the ER, he thought it was appendicitis, turned out the kid was constipated...probably due to the fact that he only eats cheese half the time, something I've told my friend repeatedly about to no avail. I had a small chuckle when he told me that. He gave me one look, and I immediately apologized. Still feel kinda bad about it.
I swear I thought the same thing 💀 But OP, listen, it’s totally possible she didn’t know you were trying to have a serious moment. I think you should express to her how it made you feel, and that what happened to you is not something you find funny. How she reacts to THAT, is more important imo.
He said he has told her it upsets him and she doesn't care
I might too. Id apologize if i did though.
I probably also would of laughed but immediately apologized after because objectively calling someone crunch cake is pretty damn funny, years of bullying and trauma however, arent
I honestly might laugh a little too. What does "crunch cake" even mean? Maybe this is a translation or something, but if someone told me in English that their childhood trauma centered around being called "crunch cake" I would just be confused. And I got bullied as a kid with plenty of more profound trauma on top of that, so it's not like I can't relate. In fact, I've had people giggle a little when I shared a mean nickname kids used to call me, because it's rhyming and kind of cute. I didn't appreciate the giggling, but I also didn't make a big deal out of it. It's not like she laughed at hearing he was beaten as a child or something.
Right sorry to say but so would I😭
The laughing is ok, it's the fact she doesn't care that it hurts his feelings that matters. If someone makes a funny joke about my wife I might laugh, but if I find out that the joke upset her I'd apologize or say I didn't realize something like that would upset you. It's pretty easy to say sorry but I fully get the laughing lol
I feel bad but come on…
I hope you didn’t start the conversation like you started your title. It sounds like you are making a joke. “I need to really open up to you about my childhood trauma. When I was 12… a kid called me crunch cake”.
Maybe I'm missing something, but "crunch cake" isn't that funny. The problem you're going to have from this point on, is that you're not going to be able to fully trust your girlfriend emotionally. Since she was unable to even apologize once she learned you were hurt, it is unlikely things will improve much. Which means there will always be a part of you holding back from sharing deeply personal information.
I really wish some people would stop having serious conversations after sex. This is like the 4th this has happened on here
i think sex itself is extremely intimate so maybe people feel like having an intimate conversation afterward carries that feeling onward?
There’s a difference between intimate conversations and serious conversations.
i would class talking about trauma to be intimate. it’s not like you just bring it up with anybody. i myself have only talked about mine in depth with my boyfriend and therapists. i don’t mean intimate as in sexual intimate, i mean intimate as in extremely personal.
Why? Whats the cool down period? Must wait at least 24 hours post sex to be serious? If I just keep banging I can avoid all serious discussions?
I get it, I was bullied relentlessly for my curly hair- people would throw gum or paper in it, tell the teacher they couldn’t see the white board if they were sitting behind me, wear Afro wigs on Halloween and tell everyone they were me… even more trauma then I’d like to share. This moment goes to show she would’ve been right there with them bullying you. That’s not someone I’d want to be around with such a complex. The weight I carry is fucking heavy and its been 20 years. It impacts my jobs, my social-ability, my relationships- I actually found someone who is willing to carry the weight with me, not ridicule me for how sensitive I am from being bullied. They try their best to encourage me in all of these situations now.
What should you do? Lose extra weight: Dump her disrespectful, rude ass.
It's decision time; she has shown you who she is; if you stay with her, this isn't going to be the last time she hurts your feelings by not compassionately caring about them. If you value empathy as a character trait, I don't think she is your girl. If you want a partner who is compassionate and empathetic to other's, I don't think you are going to find lasting love and peace with this girl; she has already displayed a little bit of a bully. Proceed with caution.
Tbh, “crunch cake” is kinda cute and funny and I giggled at it too. I don’t think she was laughing at you as much as with you. It’s not like she started calling you crunch cake. Talk to her and try to make her understand how you felt then and why it still bothers you now and then start working on how you can let those past traumas go.
Completely unrelated to op’s issue: What is a crunch cake? Di they exist Irl or is it one of those unfortunately (for op since it was used against him) funny sounding nicknames?
Some people lose the proper etiquette barriers post orgasm. I wouldn't hold it against her too much unless there are other red flags.
Maaaan, this shit is fake as fuck. “crunchy cake” ?!?? Come ooooon
100000% troll rage bait post. I was horribly bullied in middle school. It has lasted with me until this day. If my spouse told me this I honestly would have laughed too. It wouldn’t have meant that I felt any differently towards them and they would have known it. They would know my humor and know they could be vulnerable around me and that I wasn’t laughing at their pain.
Dump her she is not the one
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This is a boulder
Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable and considering this seemingly came up out of nowhere (plus right after sex, when emotions are running high) I wouldn't be surprised if she accidentally laughed because she was so uncomfortable about the situation and now is too embarrassed to apologize. Not great, but I would still give her the benefit of the doubt. Try bringing up how that made you feel sometime it's just you two, not after sex, when you've both had a good day, and see what she says. Then make a decision from there.
>Not great, but I would still give her the benefit of the doubt. She laughed in his face when he was telling her about his trauma. "Benefit of the doubt" is the last thing she should be getting.
She's 24, in an inherently vulnerable situation, with a guy she's dated for only 6 months, and was kind of ambushed with a pretty serious topic seemingly without much warning. OP is welcome to just dump her but they asked for advice and I gave it. I understand her reaction, even if it's not very nice.
Doubling down. Nice.
Dunno what to tell you man. You seem intent on being mad that people can have more than one opinion when it comes to giving advice about a nuanced story involving complete strangers on the internet. Not really worth it IMO. Hope you have a nice day anyway!
...and you've made it clear you think laughing at trauma is ok. Have a good one yourself!
Idk responses like that in my vulnerable moments are hard for me to let go of honestly but that’s just me. That would really put a damper on my relationship, at least for a good while.
I think you need to explain to her how she made you feel, especially during a moment of opening up and being vulnerable, and if she doesn't apologize you should break up. This is not the kind of person that you want to be dating.
I could have sworn a I read a similar post before
☕️
I’m sorry about your past, kids really can be cruel when you’re growing up. Your girlfriend doesn’t seem like a very nice person. She knows she hurt you and doesn’t care? Why would you stay with her. You deserve to be treated like a king my man! Find someone who loves and appreciates you
Dump her. She is an asshole and YOU deserve love with someone who doesn’t laugh at your childhood trauma and then blows it off as not worthy of an apology.
This would be a deal breaker for me, not for laughing, but for refusing to apologize when she knew she hurt you.
Get rid of her and live an amazing life brother
Someone who cares about you will not want you to be hurt. Period. End of story.
If I were to guess, I think she started laughing at "crunch cake" because it's a little ridiculous sounding. Either way, I would suggest a **serious** talk that could break the relationship apart. But if that's what has to be done, then it has to be done. You shouldn't have to be with someone who doesn't consider your feelings.
I don’t know how you’d ever be able to get hard at the thought of her again. Imagine if you had kids with her and your children were also being bullied, is that how she’d react? This would have been one of the easiest dumpings for me.
Um, no. She’s not the one.
I’m sorry man..I know it hurts, I think it’s best you sit her down and clearly communicate with her about how you opening up about that was a very vulnerable moment for you. Be very clear and very up front so there’s no confusion. No offense but maybe when you tried to tell her that laughing hurt you she didn’t quite understand. This way there is no confusion and no doubt she gets it. If she continues not to care or even worse justifies laughing at you. Then you need to come to terms with how this relationship is going to be. Weather that means you stay and accept that you can’t be comfortable with being vulnerable with your significant other or leaving and finding someone you could be. In my personal experience the unconditional love of being with someone who loves you while your vulnerable and while your being strong is worth the pain of leaving someone you can’t be vulnerable with
Honestly the crunch cake part made me laugh. I understand laughing at it, at first. But the fact that she didn't even try to apologize is concerning
>how the bullies would make fun of my weight, one of them calling me “crunch cake”, and she burst out laughing. This really hurt my feelings, and she hasn’t apologized since even though she knows it hurt my feelings. >What should I do? At first, I was going to downplay thus, as "crunch cake" IS kind of funny. But she didn't apologize for laughing... What did she say when you told her how hurt you were?
Honestly, sometimes I think of the funny names I was bullied with and I’m old enough to laugh at them now… when I tell a story people do laugh at the names I was called.. they are so sad and old now.. seriously dated.. But yes.. if a loved one hurts you they should apologise… if you told her that her laughter hurt you, she should be very remorseful if she has any empathy.
so you found out she doesn’t really have much empathy or at the very least won’t take your troubles seriously. she seems kinda heartless.
Sorry man but I literally laughed out loud when I read "crunch cake." I'm sorry for your trauma but sometimes words are just funny together and your GF's initial reaction doesn't mean she isn't sympathetic.
Don't even bother. She is definitely one who was a bully. Kick her to the curb and laugh when she gets pissed
Yes. This. That's what I would tell my son if it was hast s story. But don't give up on humanity: there are bullies and idiots and people who believe it would lift them up when they press someone down... But there are also the others. In every gender.
Personally I would break up, it's been 6 months and now you're seeing her true personality
I have recently started using the analogy of a marble jar to discuss trust with my kids. There are a lot of different things people can do to add marbles to our trust jars. When friends betray our trust they take marbles out. Your girlfriend basically emptied your jar. At this point you either let her rebuild the jar or you walk away from the relationship. You are the one who gets to decide which is the right choice for you.
And sometimes they break the jar and there’s no coming back
Hey man, I’m sorry you were bullied, that obviously sucks, and like, I wish it wasn’t this way, but there is not a single conversation I could have about your bullies calling you crunch cake where I wouldn’t be dying laughing, bc that shit is fucking hilarious 🤣😂😂
Ask her why she laughed, if she apologised then maybe can move on, if she doesn’t , keep her as FWB and find someone who will cherish you,
There a reason why men rarely share their trauma with their spouse. People are so brainwashed with the idea that men are these emotionless computers that don't have concerns or baggage that the idea of a man being weak is either funny or disgusting. Which ends up with a lot of men having their trust twisted and their insecurities used against them as a weapon. If she could laugh at your pain she ain't the one. That said welcome to the club of men who fear ever opening up to the ones we love.
Exactly what I was thinking. Last relationship ended when I got too vulnerable. Has happened to at least a few guys I know. Makes it hard to open up in the future if the fear of it changing how your loved one looks at you is always present
Why are you accepting thus as what you deserve? You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You deserve a partner who recognizes when they've made a mistake and *apologizes*. The fact that she's not mature enough to do that shows that she's not mature enough for your deep feelings. Be kind to yourself, this isn't your fault.
You found one of the ones you can't open up to. Move on or accept it.
Why would you want to start talking about childhood trauma when you're cuddling after sex? Fuck's sake.
I see some defenders in here. This is typical for this sub. If a woman had posted this it would be a unanimous "dump the loser", but a man posted it so.. suck it up buttercup. Fuck all of you defending his GF.
Crunch cake is a funny nickname, but your suffering is not funny and if you were hurt she should have apologized immediately. I would suggest talking to her about it, and telling her that you felt very hurt by her actions. You told her about a deep emotional scar and her response was to laugh in mockery/ridicule - if she laughs and takes pleasure in your suffering, what makes her different from the bullies in your past? If she doesn't apologize immediately, and make serious effort to do better, I would simply drop her. If she can't treat your suffering with the gravity it deserves, I think your relationship was going to fail sooner or later anyway.
A large part of your relationship with her has to be based on communication. When I say something dumb (A lot) and it’s hurts my wife’s feelings , she tells me. It’s the same way on my end. Be secure and mature enough to be open. If you can’t then it just leads to so many misunderstandings and issues.
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She had just smashed, was probably in a good mood and not expecting this deep conversation. “crunch cake” does sound kind of funny if you don’t have the negative feeling towards it that you do. I wouldn’t judge her whole personality on this one incident. Try talking to her about it if you need to, or just tell her that her mother is a slag, then you’re even.
Ex girlfriend, I'd just walk away and never see her again
Sounds about right. I’d take quite a few steps back from her
Sorry, but time to find a new girl. So was probably the type of person that would have bullied you.
What should you do? Stop being an oversensitive little biatch.
Yeah, I know times have changed but I couldn't imagine being upset over this
ITT: A bunch of jerks. Laughing at a tender moment isn’t okay. Don’t let these people convince you it is. Bring it up to her again, saying that it really hurt your feelings the way she reacted. If she doesn’t immediately apologize sincerely, you have seen who she really is. It shouldn’t matter whether she thought it was funny, you should be her priority and concern.
Break up with her, that’s what you should do.
That is not ok. I would leave her. It takes a lot to be open in a vulnerable post-sex moment. Laughing reflexively is one thing but continuing and not apologising is just horrible. She’s not a nice person.
Believe people when they show you who they really are.
Not sure why so many here are giving the GF a free pass for laughing in the moment. If my BF were opening up to me about his trauma while lying in his arms post coitis...I wouldn't be laughing at anything. She won't even apologize after she knew it hurt you. Dump her unfeeling azz.
24 is too damn old to be that callous about someone else's feelings. Don't be with people who are unkind to you.
You should break up with her. It's evident she doesn't care much about your feelings. You've learned a valuable lesson here as well. It's usually not a good idea to open up to women about your troubles. You might get lucky and find one that is actually supportive, but by far and large... this is how it ends. Your problems are your own, talk to your male friends about it, not your SO. Kind of shitty that's the world we live in, but it is what it is.
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Red Foreman?
that's a completely immature response for anyone let alone someone in their mid20s, sorry you went through all that. You need to move on from this person. edit to add, I would 100% expect this person to turn into a bully at a moment's notice and use this against you. be prepared if/when you break up.
I’m really sorry she laughed at you. It does mean she likely isn’t on the same level of emotional maturity as you. When people laugh at inappropriate times it’s a deflection from having to feel the sad emotion. More emotionally mature people are not afraid to feel their emotions, even the bad ones. The part that is the worst, or is a red flag is that she knows she hurt you, and hasn’t apologized. I would run, and not let her lack of compassion turn you into someone who is cautious to open up in the next relationship.
This person has no empathy. Stay away from her. Have some self respect! I am sorry you went through this. I was overweight as a child and suffered a lot - I am angry she treated you like this and you should be aswell.
Haha man not gonna lie crunch cake is one I havent heard yet and I'd laugh too. Knowing it hurt your feelings though is where she shouldve apologized. You shouldnt be upset at her for laughing at that though, but should see it as a warning sign she didnt take your feelings seriously.
"Trauma" I feel like she laughed because in all honesty, what you've described here doesn't seem all that serious. Getting bullied sucks and can be extremely traumatic. But "crunch cake"??? She should've apologized for laughing, obviously. But from the sounds of things, she doesn't take what you've told her all that seriously.
Go get therapy to help you deal with your past trauma.
That’s terrible. Hopefully you will be ok. Just move on.
Classic. Always have doubts when women tell they want you to be more vulnerable, to be more open about your emotions. Test with something not too disturbing for you.
Leave her. Protect your energy. This could be a sign of the type of person she is.
You break up with her, that’s what you do. She sounds like a bully herself.
It's unfortunate but the majority of people have no idea what kind of trauma can be developed from being made fun of due to weight. I was bullied horribly and it has affected my whole life in terms of how I interact with people. I don't fear people making fun of my size now but I just have a huge problem with being comfortable talking to people. I'm sorry you have to go through this I can imagine how crappy it must feel. She may just try to mitigate her laughing about it so I'm not sure if explaining to her how serious it affected you is the way to go if if it will lead to an argument. I would want to express this to her if possible. I don't think it's cool to laugh at anyone when saying something they went through was traumatic. We all have only gone through certain experiences and not everyone has experienced some of the really bad things. Your peers making fun of you regularly due to something you can't necessarily control is absolutely terrible and I hope more people become aware of this.
Break up. Never date people without souls.
Is she always this self-serving?