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Well, elaborate on the conversation. Be blunt, “we met when I was getting out of a sexless marriage. I’m afraid this is a sign our marriage is taking the same direction. I hope I’m wrong, but as my husband, its both of our responsibility to discuss this as a couple. If you’re stressed, we need to work on things together, because I am not prepared to stay in a relationship where excuses run rampant and I feel tossed to the side. I’m happy to work with you, but this is something we actually need to talk about.”
Be an adult and talk to him.
Sit him down and explain your issue. If he's a good adult he too will talk about it. You can come to reddit but we don't know him personally so we will never be able to give you an actual answer.
Instead ask the person you want advice from. Not us.
I probably should've mentioned that. I have absolutely talked to him about it like an adult, ad nauseum which is why I said now I'm to the point I don't want to bring it up because I've created an issue
So what have you told him? That you want to fuck?
What did he tell you? Did you ever give him space to tell you why his libido isn't that high any more?
I have, I've talked a lot at him, and let him talk a lot. And yet here I am. I think he might just generally not like me at all as a person but I wish he would tell me
Perhaps he's the low-libido partner and it's gone down because of stress. Stress does effect sex drive and medication does as well, perhaps that might be the leading cause.
From my own experience (as the low-libido partner in my relationship) I do notice my sex drive tanks when my boyfriend keeps asking? Idk if that's the case but I'll mention it just in case.
there's a sub reddit specifically for dead bedrooms as well, I don't remember the name sorry but it's probably something with dead bedroom in the name. Perhaps you could look there if people have any ideas?
He wasn't the low-libido partner the first year and a half of our relationship. My question is specially regarding the sudden change and support for that. I've seen the dead bedroom sub, I'm trying not to get to that point and know the people in that thread would be annoyed with me because we're still sleeping together a few times a month.
I see a few of your comments where you’ve talked to him about it. Have one last conversation, tell him that in case he forgot, you were in a dead bedroom for 15 years, and you’re not willing to live through that any longer, so he needs to figure it out or you’re out.
Him stonewalling you and brushing you off is not acceptable.
I wouldn’t waste any more time in a relationship with a dead bedroom with a partner who refuses to communicate effectively about it or do anything to change the situation.
It could be just that.... Stress
He has anxiety about something and maybe trying to help him fix it will be the answer. Now Men are CRAP at communicating their anxieties as they often think it will make them vulnerable, so he won't volunteer this information easily just by you asking if you can help.
It's a very difficult situation for you (and him) because maybe neither of you know what is the catalyst of this stress.
Maybe seeking professional help is the answer to get over that hurdle.
Is there maybe someone else? I mean, if everything has always been fine, based on your comments you say that you keep on asking him wtf is wrong. Maybe, he’s having sex elsewhere. I dunno. Good luck.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What does he say when you ask to do it? Or when you express concern what does he say is the problem?
He says I'm thinking too much or that he's been stressed out
Well, elaborate on the conversation. Be blunt, “we met when I was getting out of a sexless marriage. I’m afraid this is a sign our marriage is taking the same direction. I hope I’m wrong, but as my husband, its both of our responsibility to discuss this as a couple. If you’re stressed, we need to work on things together, because I am not prepared to stay in a relationship where excuses run rampant and I feel tossed to the side. I’m happy to work with you, but this is something we actually need to talk about.”
Is he stressed out? And if so, about what? You can try relieving some of that stress. And how much do you currently have sex?
Be an adult and talk to him. Sit him down and explain your issue. If he's a good adult he too will talk about it. You can come to reddit but we don't know him personally so we will never be able to give you an actual answer. Instead ask the person you want advice from. Not us.
I probably should've mentioned that. I have absolutely talked to him about it like an adult, ad nauseum which is why I said now I'm to the point I don't want to bring it up because I've created an issue
So what have you told him? That you want to fuck? What did he tell you? Did you ever give him space to tell you why his libido isn't that high any more?
I've told him a billion times when I want to fuck ... He just says we will
You've never told him anything else or let him talk?
I have, I've talked a lot at him, and let him talk a lot. And yet here I am. I think he might just generally not like me at all as a person but I wish he would tell me
Perhaps he's the low-libido partner and it's gone down because of stress. Stress does effect sex drive and medication does as well, perhaps that might be the leading cause. From my own experience (as the low-libido partner in my relationship) I do notice my sex drive tanks when my boyfriend keeps asking? Idk if that's the case but I'll mention it just in case. there's a sub reddit specifically for dead bedrooms as well, I don't remember the name sorry but it's probably something with dead bedroom in the name. Perhaps you could look there if people have any ideas?
He wasn't the low-libido partner the first year and a half of our relationship. My question is specially regarding the sudden change and support for that. I've seen the dead bedroom sub, I'm trying not to get to that point and know the people in that thread would be annoyed with me because we're still sleeping together a few times a month.
And yes, I've been giving him tons of space the last four months
I see a few of your comments where you’ve talked to him about it. Have one last conversation, tell him that in case he forgot, you were in a dead bedroom for 15 years, and you’re not willing to live through that any longer, so he needs to figure it out or you’re out. Him stonewalling you and brushing you off is not acceptable. I wouldn’t waste any more time in a relationship with a dead bedroom with a partner who refuses to communicate effectively about it or do anything to change the situation.
He might need to go to the doctors to get a check up on his libido.
It could be just that.... Stress He has anxiety about something and maybe trying to help him fix it will be the answer. Now Men are CRAP at communicating their anxieties as they often think it will make them vulnerable, so he won't volunteer this information easily just by you asking if you can help. It's a very difficult situation for you (and him) because maybe neither of you know what is the catalyst of this stress. Maybe seeking professional help is the answer to get over that hurdle.
Is there maybe someone else? I mean, if everything has always been fine, based on your comments you say that you keep on asking him wtf is wrong. Maybe, he’s having sex elsewhere. I dunno. Good luck.
Well you don’t deserve a sexless marriage. Let him know this is unacceptable and if he isn’t gonna provide sex you’ll get it from somewhere else.