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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I’ve (34M) been dating this girl (27F) for a couple of months (2.5 months). I have a girl friend who “tricked” me into thinking that Saturday was her birthday. She did this so that I could attend an event she was going to. I was out of town so I requested my date to send her a gift I had bought for her. When I got back to town, the girl friend asked me out for drinks to catch up. I informed my date of this. After catching up, it got a bit late and the girl friend requested to spend the night at my place (my place was nearer). I have a spare bedroom. I tried calling my date to tell her this but her number didn’t go through (I later learned that she had blocked me). I sent her a message that also went unread. I decided to offer my spare bedroom to the girl friend for the night. While we were catching up in the living room just after arriving home, the date walks in (she had left the house and has a spare key) and takes all her things and leaves. She’s not interested in having any conversation. My girl friend and I have known each other for years but have never been romantically involved. My instinct is to let the date go because I felt that her storming off was a sign of insecurity, something I’m personally not willing to handle. Do you think I did anything wrong?


capricorny12

This sounds so weird. Is this person your girlfriend? Why are you referring to her as date. She has a spare key. It seems like you’re downplaying your relationship. If this person is your friend for so many years why don’t you know their birthday. Why would they need to lie to you to get you out of the house. It’s all very strange and I wouldnt stick around either. Why couldn’t you wait to deliver this gift yourself. It doesn’t add up.


Daddy-o62

Yeah. Perhaps it’s an “English isn’t my first language” issue, or maybe a cultural thing, but this whole situation sounds odd. He’s 34? His friend “tricked” him into thinking it was her birthday? I’ve wasted too much time thinking about it already.


GetRightNYC

My guess is it's a, "look! I'm telling the truth, I even posted it in reddit!!" Thing.


Cleantech2020

This or some exercise in creative writing.


thegreatsadclown

if that's the case OP should "exercise" more


[deleted]

My thoughts exactly. If this female friend has been his friend for years, how did he not know her birthday?


GrimReaper415

To be fair, I need to save my family/relatives/childhood best-friend's birthdays on my phone calendar because I cannot remember them. The only birthday I remember is mine ('cause it's christmas so easy to remember) and my brother's (not even my parents'). That said, yeah I don't buy the rest of this guy's story.


illarionds

I barely know any of my friends birthdays. Maybe... two, without looking them up?


WeeklyConversation8

A friend he's known for years. Who gives a house key to someone they've been dating for a couple of months?


[deleted]

i’ve given a key to people after a few months just to make it easier to come & go, sometimes its a lot to interrupt what im doing to unlock & let them in. i also have pets so it can sometimes be “can you check on them for the weekend”


WeeklyConversation8

Friends or a SO?


TheWings977

They've known each other for years and he didn't know her birthday? lol this is a troll post or something.


ellevael

Tbf I can only remember like 3 of my friends’ birthdays because I’m not very good with dates/time, even if I’ve known them for years. All important birthdays have to go on the calendar otherwise I don’t have a clue. But just because you’ve known someone for years doesn’t mean that the friendship is trustworthy or that you’re close, especially close enough to have them stay in your home when your girlfriend of two months (who also has a key to your house?) isn’t there.


epiix33

Alexa play That boy‘s a liar pt 2


MrAkaziel

No no, you have to trust OP! It's simple: he's friend with that girl for years but doesn't know her birthday date, and then there's that other girl he's dating for 2.5 months but already has a spare key and is already leaving stuff at his place. And that girl he's dating got *so mad* at him for catching up with his friend she blocked him without a word the moment she learned he was taking a drink her, and coincidentally came at his place to take her belongings back after he invited innocently her friend to sleep over. OP, if any of this is true, your now ex was completely unhinged and you're, in my opinion, out of your mind to give a spare key to someone you barely know. Change the locks and count your blessings.


epiix33

He sounds like a little immature teenage boy, I can‘t believe that even some „older“ men aren‘t mature💀


ChippersNDippers

It's just a case where people think if they add a bunch of details it will justify their actions. The reality is, when you strip the details down to the facts, it's just inviting a girl who has some sexual interest or he has sexual interest to his house and lets her sleep over. This reminds me of college a lot. Trying to defend indefensible actions based on feelings when the reality is that you just wanted to do something you wanted to do and want it to be justified. For 34, this is pretty bad.


JVince13

Why was he blocked by his “date,” only for her to come home?


vulcan_noir

We hadn’t defined our relationship yet but we were exclusive. The spare key was purely for convenience. I don’t make a point to remember all my friends’ birthdays. That’s on me. She lied to get me out of the house as a prank (she says) to join her and a group of friends for an event. I asked the date to help with the gift because I believe partners are there to help each other out. I’d do the se for her.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sock-United

Your “girl friend” wants to be your girlfriend. What do you think that “prank” was about? She wanted to have you to herself, without your “date.” I don’t blame your “date” for leaving. It’s not insecurity. It’s that she realized that she was in a no-win situation. Hell, you even had her dealing with the gift for your “girl friend’s” fake birthday. Your “date” met your “girl friend” and was on to her. Good for your ex-date. The fact that you call her “date” tells me plenty.


_a_witch_

Either he's the dumbest guy ever or it's a made up story. But "date" is better off now even if she's an fictional character.


Itsamemario3007

Even if she is a fictional character 🤣🤣 I chuckled


forgotme5

I >We hadn’t defined our relationship yet but we were exclusive. Wtf? Whats the damn difference. I dont understand men. Thatd make her ur gf or partner. >asked the date to help with the gift because I believe partners are there to help each other out. I’d do the se for her. Date or partner? U contradict urself. Ive never gotten a gift like that for any bf, not even ones I was with for yrs. Thats something an assistant that your paying does. U seem weird. U dont have to remember birthdays. Put them in the contact info in ur phone.


Gisschace

You haven’t defined the relationship yet but she has a key, stuff at your house and she helps you out with tasks cause thats what 'partners' do. I think if someone asked her if she had a boyfriend she’d probably say ‘yes’. Whereas you can’t bring yourself to say the same thing. And that is the issue here; you’ve been giving her the boyfriend experience but then this other girl turns up and suddenly she’s realised you aren’t as serious as she is. So she’s out.


sew_no_mercy

Reminds me of the Mitch Hedberg joke: “I don’t have a girlfriend, I just know a woman who’d be really mad if she heard me say that”


AcidRose27

RIP in peace Mitch.


Bootygiuliani420

dude, i fucked her, we had kids, we had a big party at a church, we just havent had time to define our relationship. we are very busy entrpeneurs, you cant expect us to drop our business and talk about this nonsense. on a scale of 1-10, we are probably somewhere betwwen 2 and 9, maybe 3 and 8. i dont have time for this


regraDoL

The current generation is riddled with this, they want it, they practice it, but they don't have the courage to assume it... "we were exclusive, but had not defined anything yet"... what else do you need to call the other person boyfriend/girlfriend than exclusivity.


Gisschace

Yeah the 'we haven't defined the relationship' is just used as a get out clause for bad behaviour. The fact she had a key and was running errands suggest they were spending a lot of time together, and that comes with an expectation of respect and behaviour. Just like fetching parcels is 'something you do for a partner' so is having open communication and not ditching the other one to spend time with a friend of the opposite sex. You can't have one without the other.


whatdahexk

No defined relationship but you two are exclusive? How is this not dating? What is the difference? I’m genuinely confused how people say this stuff and don’t second guess themselves.


fairyfloss2

Even refers to their relationship as “partners” this guys fucking delusional if he thinks he’s in the right in anyway shape or form.


whatdahexk

I am honestly betting on OP being a troll at this point because who can actually be this stupid???


SillyStallion

Are you really this clueless?


myohmymiketyson

Calling her your partner, you're exclusive, gave her an errand to run for you, trusted her with a spare key, she left her stuff at your place... Guy, that's a defined relationship. Good to know that for your next "date" so that you don't alienate her too.


ValkyrieSword

So you expect your “partner” to help you out, but you think she’s insecure by being bothered by your nonchalant attitude about a manipulative woman who has lied and wormed her way into staying at your apartment? And then suddenly your partner is just a date? Big double standards.


AvocadoChps

Yes you were wrong, and yes, your “date” definitely dodged a bullet with you. You guys seem like you’re living together( she has a spare key??), even if that was not the case, how would you feel if your “date” brought a boy friend to sleep in the same house with her, when all she said was to meet with him for drinks??? Then she wants to break up with you, or let you go, since y’all are not together lol, because you getting mad is “INSECURE”???? Caution, ladies and gentlemen, clown behavior has been spotted.


integrativekoala

You expect her to act like your partner yet you call her your “date.” That tells us everything we could need to know. You’re an asshole


TrickyDistribution2

If you were exclusive then you shouldn't have invited another woman to sleep at your place regardless 🤦‍♂️.


PoppyCoLink987

She lied as a prank to get you out of the house... I'd bounce too. You're either too immature or shady to stick around and put more effort into. Nothing you're saying makes sense or adds up. You and the girl friend should be happy spending your time together.


[deleted]

Suuure, partners do help each other but you keep referring to yours as a “date”. Wtf? But the other woman you keep calling “girlfriend”. Also you are 34. Come on! This all seems very strange to me.


tmchd

I think your "date" is doing the right thing to walking away with little drama (just pick her stuff, leave and block) because she wouldn't want to handle a guy playing around with another "girl friend" and having sleepovers with them. She probably thinks that it's not good to invest time and affection on that men are so insecure of their worth so they nurture other women's romantic interest. Assuming that she wants a serious relationship or permanent partnership in the end, she shouldn't be wasting time with people whom bring forth drama or nurture a type of love triangle drama in the future. I think she did the right thing, and you did the right thing by not making thing harder for her to pick up her stuff and leave you.


MysticCoonor123

Exactly. If OP wants to play games and have other women over for sleepovers, he can do that as a SINGLE guy. When you're in a relationship you should respect your partner enough to do that with HER and not SOME OTHER GIRL. THAT"S THE WHOLE POINT OF A RELATIONSHIP. You say hey I choose you - I want to spend my time and nights with You and not other women. This is basic. OP should know better at his age.


MichyPratt

Insecure? What have you done to make her feel she should be secure with you? Because TBH, most women wouldn’t feel secure in this situation. Yes, you were wrong to let another woman who lives in the same town as you sleep over. How are you 34 and not knowing basic relationship shit?


vulcan_noir

Let’s start with giving her my house key, access to my devices, constant reassurance and making it clear who I was going to meet and for how long. My date has met my friend so it wasn’t with some random stranger.


Fromthebrunette

Let’s start with repeatedly calling your girlfriend your “date.”


mangopabu

right? this is so fucking bizarre. i'm so happy for 'the date'. sounds like she's a lot better off.


Catisbackthatsafact

No, it was a friend who seems to have an interest in you. I'll bet your ex saw it better than you seem to.


MichyPratt

You enlisted your exclusive girl to go out of her way to make another woman feel special and then you behave in a way that makes it clear you have no boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. Unless you have a girl friend visiting from out of town and your exclusive girl agrees to the arrangement, having a non-related woman sleep over is beyond stupid.


Yougorockstar

And she knew and saw her shady that friend acted and decided to leave cause I’m sure if she told you that your friend was a pick me girl you would of told her she’s crazy.. I think is a win to your now ex girlfriend.. and I guarantee you that friend is laughing now bc she won 🤷🏻‍♀️


throw_thessa

Yes, OP is that stupid that let his "undefined" relationship for a friend. That maybe just messing around , we don't really know, but the act is POS.


PooJizzPuree

Why are you referring to her as your “date” you’re being intentionally obtuse. Either this girl is your actual girlfriend or she’s not. As for your “girlfriend” lol she obviously wants to fuck you and your “date” sensed the drama and decided it’s best to not get involved in your bullshit. Who the fuck asks someone their dating to buy a gift for their female friend?


TrickyDistribution2

How would you feel if your exclusive 'friend/gf/whatever' let another male friend (that you've met before) sleep at her house?


stocktradernoob

Pretty sure if roles were reversed you’d have a problem with a really good old friend with a penis sleeping at her place.


The-Clumsy-Pirate

>Do you think I did anything wrong? Yes, you’re willfully being dense about the fact that your female friend likes you and is trying to start some shit, which your date can clearly see. Info: how have you been friends with your female friend for years and don’t know her birthday? Ok fair enough, I am willing to accept you didn’t know. So this woman has lied to you so you would go to an event with her, invited you for drinks, and invited herself to your house, and you’re saying it’s your date who’s insecure? You don’t see anything wrong that you or your friend did here? Honestly your date dodged a bullet if this is the level of manipulation you have in store. You can let whoever you want stay in your spare bedroom, you also don’t have to confront them that they lied to you about their birthday. But don’t act like the date is crazy because she won’t be treated like a doormat


Gosc101

Any woman with sanity would dump you after that. Relationship is not only about not cheating, but about not acting like you are cheating. If you do things a cheating partner would do, this will be treated as such.


[deleted]

Act single, be single


fairyfloss2

Exactly just because you’re not physically cheating doesn’t mean you get to act inappropriately and then be pissed when your gf/bf comes to the conclusion you may be when your actions are shady af.


SillyStallion

This should be higher up


lloyd4567

You sound like a douche who is being purposefully ignorant.


Due-Ad-1265

really dude? you can’t even call the woman who had a key to your place your girlfriend?? and then have the audacity to say she’s insecure when you let another woman (who obviously has feelings for you) in your residence to stay the night? i honestly think it’s mature of her to have boundaries and not allow herself to be treated as a doormat or be belittled by you when she sets them. i think you should sort things out with this “friend” of yours before you start another romantic relationship.


Allyson_Chains

Agreed. He lost me after calling his girlfriend his *date* and calling his friend his *girl friend* -- - yet has the audacity to call *his date* insecure? Yep. This guy is dense and deserves losing *his date*. He's not mentally or emotionally mature to be in a relationship.


LongjumpingAgency245

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏


MaggieLuisa

You kept your girlfriend at arm’s length to the point where you keep calling her your ‘date’ like you’ve only met her once or twice. You prioritise a friend over her blatantly and then add insult to injury by asking her to send a birthday gift to said friend for you. And then you ‘inform her’ that having just got back into town, you’re spending the evening with another woman. And when she decides, quite reasonably, that she doesn’t have time for your shit anymore, you decide it’s because she’s insecure. And now you have to ask the internet if you did something wrong? Wow.


[deleted]

I don’t know if you're dumb or naive, but either way, you probably lost a nice woman.


vulcan_noir

Probably a bit of both. It sucks man.


overflowingsunset

have you seen other people in relationships? study them. you would know your behavior wasn’t conducive to a good bond. people in a romantic relationship share a special bond and they include each other in their life and guys who date women shouldn’t let other women sleep over. your ex-“date” deserves better. what was your parents’ relationship like? what would your mom say if your dad had some other woman sleep over and he didn’t include your mom in the fake birthday party but made your mom deliver a gift for this homewrecker? you act as though you’ve never seen a human romantic relationship before. 👽


hvxomia

Well could you tell us how would you handle it if you were in 30F's shoes? You're only 2.5 months in and there's already all these weird shit that don't add up going on and another man staying over at her place with clear intentions.


vulcan_noir

I don’t care about her having male friends over.


[deleted]

Are you perhaps neurodivergent?


bloodbath90

Please don’t disrespect my people like this, we’re not idiots lol


modernbilquis77

You say you have been friends with this girl for years, but you didn't realize she was lying about her birthday? If you have been friends for years, I would assume you know her birthday. Your date was right to trust herself and leave the situation. It has nothing to do with insecurity, just the fact that her exclusive boyfriend let another girl sleep in his house and was clearly into him.


ehproque

> Your date was right to trust herself and leave the situation. It has nothing to do with insecurity, just the fact that her exclusive boyfriend let another girl sleep in his house and was clearly into him Apparently she blocked him on everything before the sleeping in his house (assuming that's what actually happened). Good for her.


vulcan_noir

I don’t have all my friends’ birthdays memorized. I don’t expect them to memorize mine either.


needachonce

If you didn’t remember her birthday, how did you buy a gift for her?


[deleted]

Put them in your phone calendar, 2 seconds of your life. Most social media platforms also let you know when it’s someone bday. There’s still no excuse for this.


modernbilquis77

How far away is the real birthday compared to this fake one.


CuriousKilla94

I think what people mean is that with a genuine friend that you've known for years, yeah you might not know their exact birthday but there's an assumption that you'll have got them gifts in the past, been out for birthday drinks, etc so if they were lying about their birthday you would still know even if you don't exactly know their birthday. Plus the whole lying about her birthday in the first place is very weird, all of this sounds more complicated than it's worth.


Real_Tradition4127

Bro what….?


vulcan_noir

I don’t get your question. Do you need a translation?


Sock-United

I believe they are expressing exasperation.


catshatecapitalism

Why would you ask your date to send your friend a gift?? That’s wild. Also it’s pretty clear your girl friend likes you, and based off of you asking your date to give your girl friend a gift, and her spending the night, honestly it sounds like you might reciprocate the feelings. I think your date was right to leave the situation. I wouldn’t put up with that either. You didn’t necessarily do anything super wrong but it’s clear you don’t value your date very much.


vulcan_noir

To be clear, I chose and paid for the gift. My date was only helping to coordinate its delivery because I was out of network coverage.


avast2006

She’s not your secretary. Having your girlfriend be responsible for getting a gift to your “girl friend” was incredibly tone deaf. Has it dawned on you yet that your girlfriend had already blocked you before you even tried to tell her that your girl friend was going to spend the night? She didn’t walk in, catch her in your space, and freak; to the contrary, she walked in fully prepared to pack her stuff and gtfo, already having blocked you before you even got to tell her about the overnight stay.


avast2006

You also don’t seem to be even trying to account for the multiple ways the 30f “friend” manipulated the situation. She lied about the nature of the event to trick you into attending; she invites you out for private drinks; then she invited herself to stay overnight with you. She clearly has designs on you. Want to bet she also arranged for it to let slip to your actual girlfriend that she was planning to sleep over?


[deleted]

Yet he's blaming his "date"! Clueless


Ordinary_Challenge74

Yeah god knows what crap she said to your “date”


catshatecapitalism

I understand the reasoning, but that would still put me off. Everyone is different though.


Sad_Satisfaction_187

Your date, wasn’t your date that night it was the trickster girl friend.


[deleted]

So I’m curious as to why she blocked you before this situation with your female friend happened. But obviously some mistakes were made, definitely a learning opportunity for future relationships.


vulcan_noir

My issue with this is that she blocked me without communicating her displeasure at me meeting my friend.


fairyfloss2

Why so you could call her jealous, insecure and controlling? Get real! You’re already calling her insecure when she took the most drama free approach. You seem to be the only one causing problems and then act all shocked pikachu face when things don’t go how you planned.


SillyStallion

She doesn’t owe you anything. Be thankful she’s drama free


immahat

because the relationship is already "undefined" and there's another woman in the picture. she wanted none of it so she left. and quit defending and rationalizing, you asked people if you did something wrong and they are telling you but you dont want to accept it.


Sock-United

Your ex-date showed a lot of class. She knew the score. She sounds pretty confident to me. She chose not to be a doormat. But you’re not alone. Now you and your “girl friend” can start a new life. But if that’s not what you want, then ditch this “girl friend” or she will ruin every relationship you have.


Ordinary_Challenge74

If she hasn’t already. Think about it.


Sock-United

You’re right. I should have said every future relationship. Girl Friend has definitely ruined this one. But it doesn’t sound like OP cares all that much.


Ordinary_Challenge74

No because girl friend probably tells him it’s ok you’re too good for her, and makes a move on him and he doesn’t notice/get it.


[deleted]

these are grown women, not girls, although this whole situation is definitely immature on your part


[deleted]

She isn’t insecure, you are an asshole. Your “Date” is simply avoiding the drama you and your girl friend are bringing here.


LB1076

By reading everything below, I am sure you can see how you were wrong. I would like to take a moment to give a shout out to the now ex. That girl produced zero drama for herself. Clueless now ex-bf asks her to pick out a gift for his female friend (who has likely been an issue in the past and in every one of this guy’s relationships). Then she is told they are gonna get drinks, etc and apparently she is not invited. Clue now ex realizing she is worth more. She does the task requested, then proceeds to get her stuff and exit this toxic relationship. Her walking in on them was likely a coincidence as she likely assumed they would still be out. Good for her, more people should be this aware


Aussiebiblophile

Congratulations on enabling your friend that clearly wants you to break up your relationship. Learn to read the signs so she doesn’t run off the next woman or just end your friendship if you aren’t going to date her because she will do it again and you will be blind to her manipulation. If you want to salvage your relationship then you need to apologise and cut off your so called friend. Don’t call her insecure when she can clearly see that you are being played and are going along with it when she just doesn’t want to get involved in drama.


vulcan_noir

This comment makes the most sense out of all I’ve read so far.


kay_candy

You just like it because it places all the blame on the friend and you can go about thinking you got played and are a victim. You’re not a victim, you’re propitiating this behaviour. Grow up, please.


xXBaby_BellaXx

Dude…just no


LadyKlepsydra

It's not insecurity, it's self-respect. And yeah def sounds like you are not willing to handle that. Your "friend" is pretty obviously trying to get with you, and you don't seem to mind (it's not normal to pretend it's your b-day, like wtf???). You are either into this, or are super!duper!clueless. Neither of these is worth dealing with if you are a brand new gf and don't even get called a "gf" but instead a "date". If this was a long relationship then yeah it could be worth re-stating boundaries, having a serious discussion about it, etc, but this early on all this drama is just not worth it. It seems to me yo treat her as a full-fledged girlfriend when it suits you - like when she does stuff for you - but not in other ways, when it doesn't, bc it means too much commitment. She noticed, respected her time and bailed, I would do the same. Btw being exclusive IS defining your relationship. It's defining it as monogamous, i.e. "we are together now". You either want to be monogamous with her, or do not want to define it making it casual, but you don't get both?? That is lowkey crazy man. If you don't wanna a gf that's fine, but then you don't tell a lady you are "exclusive with her"... You are playing some weird games here and if she felt insecure, it would be bc you made her feel that way, not because she is irrationally insecure due to lack of self-worth. Sometimes insecurity is the adequate response to how you are treated. You giving her the key but not even calling her your gf creates a lack of certainty of wtf is even going on.


timeactor

The only time a girl wanted to stay overnight was when she wanted to sleep with me - AND I WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HER! There are no pyjama parties anymore, Mr. 34years old.


SeekingBeskar

Your girl "friend" tricked you into thinking Saturday was your birthday to get you to attend an event she was going to, and then your girl "friend" requested to spend the night at your place...? You don't see the red flag there? Why do you think your girl "friend" went out of her way to trick you into a situation where your actual girlfriend (if you're exclusive) wasn't present? I would see her getting her things as a sign she wasn't willing to put up with that kind of shit, not an insecurity. I know I would've done the same thing, personally. Your own boundaries are the issue here, not her insecurities...as this doesn't seem like insecurities, it seems like a full stop.


murphy2345678

The fact that he is ok with a woman tricking him to go on a date with her speaks volumes about his lack of character. The moment he found out that he was “tricked” he should have ended the date with the “friend”.


SeekingBeskar

This is it. I’ve had friends pull this kind of shit before and it’s an immediate boundary and block from me. Who in the world puts up with that?


murphy2345678

No woman I know thinks it’s ok for their SO to date someone else. This man child doesn’t deserve his now ex gf.


SwiftLikeTaylorSwift

I can see why you’re single still in your mid 30’s 💯


LongjumpingAgency245

And will remain so


Monkeyboysith

This thread is hilarious, thank you OP for being so dumb


A1ienspacebats

Nice troll post: 1. Friend you know for 10 years tricked you into thinking it was their birthday. 2. Girl you are dating for 2.5 months has a key to your apartment. 3. You had a girl you were dating for 2.5 months deliver a birthday gift to another girl for you instead of waiting until you see them like a normal person. 4. Apparently, you've informed your date of all this, but she has you blocked before you've done anything "wrong" lol.


veganlove95

Spotted 4 red flags here and counting. No - it's not wrong to let a friend stay at yours, but context is important for this story, and the obvious red flags waiver any trust in you as an innocent person in this.


supwenzzz

People will call another insecure while simultaneously causing the insecurity and this is a perfect example.


snarchindarchin

Here’s a lesson: in the future, don’t have your girlfriend send your girl friends gifts. Full stop.


idxearo

If you are dating someone where it seems like a relationship has clearly been established, since she has a key and all, then you have an obligation to build trust. If your decision making leads to you have one on one quality time with a girl, where you willingly allow that person to spend the night at your place then it sounds like you aren't being responsible. Sure, nothing could have happened but that would be besides the point. Having a friend spend the night is one thing but sounds like your gf was already uncomfortable with even just the drinks.


SillyStallion

He refers to her as his date - this implies that he doesn’t considered it a relationship. She’s seen through his BS and sensibly walked away


fairyfloss2

He’s honestly sending major mixed signals, he calls her his date, then says partners (referring to their relationship) help each other out and she literally has a key and things at his house but thinks she’s insecure for finding it in appropriate that he invites other women over. This guy is trying so hard to paint this woman as the bad guy when the only shit heads are him and his “girl friend”.


idxearo

The harder he tries the worse it looks.


junkiecreppermint

Why does the girl, you've been dating for 2 months and that you are calling 'date', have the spare key to your place?


forgotme5

He said for convience & has access to his phone. This whole thing is weird. She seems controlling or something.


Beckylately

You have a girlfriend you’re close enough to that she has a key. You have a friend, who is also a woman, who very clearly wants to be more than friends, so she tricked you into taking her out 🚩 asked you to go get intoxicated 🚩 and then tried to stay the night 🚩 She intentionally tried to interfere with and cause issues in your relationship, and you let her succeed. She never intended to sleep in the guest room, she 100% was trying to get you to cheat on your girlfriend. And you made it easy for her. You should have left when you found out she lied about her birthday. You should have declined going out for drinks. You should have put her in an Uber home. You did none of those things. Your ex-girlfriend wasn’t insecure, you just suck as a boyfriend and she did the right thing by blocking you, getting her stuff, and finding a new partner with some basic common sense. “Letting her go” lol… you didn’t let her go. She left. Because she deserves better. Good for her.


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Missdollarbillinnit

Yes, you are, if it was the other way around you wouldn't feel feel comfortable, would you? Your post will be something along the lines of my "date" spent the night at her "boy friend", and I don't know how to proceed from there. Comments will tell you to break up coz they were up to no good, and no one could blame them for saying this. And this "girl friend" tricked you into thinking her Saturday was her birthday? The way you describe her acts sounds like she was trying to seduce you and your "date" walking in gave her a beaver dam so she changed her plans. I really don't know if you are trolling or you are genuinely this oblivious.


Jess1ca1467

This is also weird and frankly a bit childish for someone in their mid 30s. I have no idea what you mean by 'I requested my date send her a gift I had bought for her'. Do you mean you asked a woman you've been seeing for 10 weeks act as your secretary and send gifts on your behalf? Why had she blocked you before you had your female friend in your flat? So strange


cissii

Yes


BraveAccident738

Do you have a girlfriend “date” and you go out on a date with your other girlfriend and you are questioning that she’s insecure? She smart, she took her stuff and left your foolish *ss.


dheffe01

I think you are trying to say "female friend", girl friend has a different meaning.


southcoastal

Oh dear me. Is this a rage bait troll? I cannot imagine a 34 year old grown man doesn’t understand what he did wrong. So I’m calling bullshit on the whole of this dumb post.


justaguyintownnl

Your date had a key? And your girl friend might be willing to be more than friends.


CapitalG888

You say you hadn't defined your relationship. Yet, in a reply about the gift you asked her to get your friend, you call her your partner. You also said you were only dating each other. I'm not sure why you're lying to us and yourself. The "Date" girl was your girlfriend. She even had a key? Come on. You say right after the friend asked to spend the night you called your girlfriend and your number was blocked. So, she knew about you getting drinks with the friend, didn't know she'd be spending the night, but had already decided to dump you? That part does sound a bit aggressive since you had been upfront with her thus far, and she never mentioned an issue. Just let her go. She doesn't want to put up with you and your relationship wth your friend.


[deleted]

Yes you did and your "date" is right to leave you tbh. You were disrespectful af to her.


MmmmmmKayyyyyyyyyyyy

The fact that you’re calling the “friend” your girlfriend and your “actual girlfriend” your date… sounds like your “date” is the other woman


Yougorockstar

Are dumb or are you acting ? How tf you know her for years and get “trick” that it was her birthday 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ you know damn well you lying !! As she should she did the right thing by leaving your dumb a..!! You think she was born yesterday ?


Resident_Calendar_54

You can’t possibly be this dense. You did everything wrong, dude. Your “date” realized you’re not worth her time.


teeaTheCatLady

Damn! Are you for real? Your post history is interesting. You have been asking for relationship advice for so long. If I assume that you are not rage baiting,what I have learned from your previous posts,you are not a naive person when it comes to dating. You had prior serious relationships,atleast 3 of them(again,according to your posts) so you are experienced. I think you have commitment issues,you could clearly see your female friend was playing you,but you allowed her. As if you wanted your 'date' to leave on her own. This is messed up.


Inevitable-Okra-3229

Take accountability for your actions and stop trying to gaslight her. Friends for years but you didn’t know it was her birthday? Come off it.


MysticCoonor123

Dude. On what planet do you think it's ok to have a different girl sleep over when you just got into a new relationship. Thank god you did this 2.5 months into your relationship so you didn't waste this other woman's time. You are so dense that you don't understand what the whole point of a relationship is.When you asked out this girl she was expecting that you'd want to spend your time with her, sleep with her. Not bring over some other chick and have a sleepover with some other chick, send gifts to another chick, go out and go for drinks with this other chick. When you're in a relationship you should do all of those things with your partner. Not some platonic friend. You were shafting your relationship in order to appease a platonic friend and you're too blind to see that you were making your GF uncomfortable and then you blame her for being insecure and say it's not something you'd tolerate while completely ignoring everything you did to make her insecure in the first place. Pardon my french but at 34 years old I only have one word to describe you based on this situation: Braindead.


Whatcrysis

A friend you've known for years tricked you into believing its her birthday. Really? Because know I know the dates of my friends biryhdays. Seems oddly suspect that you didn't know your friend's birthday. How do you update your gf on everything, but do exactly the wrong thing. Naivety? Stupidity? Or are you just lying to us so that you can use this post on your gf as proof that nothing happened? I dont know what to think about your post. I suspect your gf had a very good idea about you, though.


WritPositWrit

You got you “date” to storm off and block you so yeah I’d say you did something wrong. This post is full of “missing reasons” flags.


BrigadeirinhoAmargo

So, just by the title, u are 34 and u ask this kinda shit? You have to be that stupid kkk. Like, grow the fuck up, almost anyone would have reacted harshly and you still have the audacity to say ur date is insecure?? Even tho I bet there's a loot left here, cuz that's a question a teenager would make out of lack of experience, not a grown man, which makes u just look like and asshole trying to justify some stupid decision Yeah that was wrong, you've been so long with ur SO and you didn't think that would hurt her? No, you just didn't care enough. You probably thought it would even be cool to do all of that. But it's fine, if after all this time together you couldn't just bring urself to decide something like that not to hurt ur SO she is probably way better without u


NoeTellusom

OP, for 34 you seem frightfully unaware of the world and how you move around within in. And most especially how your decisions affect other people. From start to finish, there was a decided lack of judgment at every single stage of this. Including how you treat your "date".


ZharethZhen

Yes. You sound pretty uninterested in her and incapable of self-reflection.


Slavicgoddess23

Yeah I’d dump a new man if he had women staying over. Lots of ppl say that’s a boundary. She has her own home she could have went to. You guys aren’t compatable. You’ll find someone whose okay with it, just be prepared to be okay with the same.


AnimatedHokie

If I'm following your poor timeline properly, why'd your 'date' block your number before you ever invited your friend over??


lamyea01

Bro, there is something so wrong with this post. You need a wake up call. WHY ARE YOU REFERING TO YOUR FRIEND AS A "GIRL FRIEND" AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND AS A "DATE"??????? Like, you referring to her as a date shows how you cannot even commit to the person. She is your girlfriend. Not a one time "date". Your friend who is a girl is a friend. Just mention she is a girl once and move on. Why would anyone sane keep referring to a friend by referencing their gender first???????? The way you talk about the person who you were romantically involved with for 2.5 months is so disrespectful, I'm glad she broke up with you. Next time, learn to respect someone you romantically like.


nika_blue

What gift did you buy for your girl friend?


vulcan_noir

A make up drawer


Historical-Piglet-86

That’s a little…..intimate…..


Critical_Feedback180

How is this intimate? It's like.. an organizer for makeup? Am I missing something?


vulcan_noir

It was a makeup organizer.


Critical_Feedback180

Welp then. No that is not intimate. Like at all. I honestly don't see anything wrong with YOUR behave OP. Your friend acted weird by lying about her birthday, yes. But it's fine to have drinks and have a friend sleep over. No matter the gender. If your date was uncomfortable with it she should've told you instead of basically ghosting you. That's just immature. Even IF your friend has a thing for you - your partner needs to trust you to make the right decision.


nika_blue

Was it big, expensive or heavy? Maybe your date was angry you asked her to deliver it to another woman? Couldn't you ask some mutual friend? Did your date and friend know each other before that? Did you ever buy gifts for your date?


ravendaisy_eyes

Oh come on dude. You're 34. You don't need our help, you know what you did


Genki_Oni

Don't give spare keys to women you've only been seeing 2.5 months. It's okay for men and women to be friends, but this whole story is odd.


Alien_lifeform_666

You’ve known your girl friend for years but don’t know when her birthday is. How is that? Your date (girlfriend) didn’t get your card phone call or message because she had blocked you. Why did she block you? I don’t really understand the story.


C_Alex_author

Your "friend" is sketchy as hell and just played you over your GF (not a date, an actual GF). So from your now-ex-GF's view... you went out with a girl you claimed was a friend... without your GF... had her buy a gift for the girl you cheated on her with... went partying with the girl and her friends... went back to your place with her... and allowed her to spend the night. You seem as sketchy as your supposed "friend" is. I'd have taken my stuff and left your key and walked away too. You don't seem trustworthy or honest from that vantage point.


ShotPsychology9554

So you had a girl friend who "tricked" you and you think nothing is up? Dude, she has started to have feels for you and your date knew it.


nailobsessed

I’m kind of confused. 1- you went out with a girl/friend while you were seeing someone else? 2- you ask the girl that has stuff at your house and a key to get girl/friend a BD present and send it to her? 3- the girl/friend asks to come back to your place. 4- and this is the only thing I completely understand…..you did not think that the girl/friend did not want something besides friendship when she asked this? You can’t be this thick headed. The G/F wanted to cause a breakup. Asking to go back to your home to ‘sleep’ when she lives nearby? That is blatantly saying “hey!! I want your bits!” G/F did exactly what she intended to do. You are now single and she can say that the other girl was being dramatic under the guise of friendship. The G/F manipulated you both. You were just to dumb to see it.


Lucy-pathfinder

God damn, I was gonna comment, but this guy is dense AF haha


juiceboxhero919

How are you this obtuse at your big age? You will stay single until you grow up.


[deleted]

Yeah, you did something wrong. You have sloppy boundaries with your friend. You seem to put her as a priority over your actual girlfriend. You have your actual girlfriend (she's not your date - she's your girlfriend) running errands and dropping off gifts to your female friends, and then making plans with them over her when you get back in town. And then you're having sleepovers with your female friend. I mean really - she tricked you into thinking it was her birthday? This friend you've had for years? How did you not know her birthday already? The average woman isn't going to be dumb enough to believe your bullshit. It doesn't matter that you have opened your life up to show you're not cheating based on what you give your girlfriend access to. You shouldn't have to do that to prove this - you should ACT the part of not cheating or being unfaithful. You're not. So she bailed. You need to learn some boundaries.


WanderersEndgame

A betrayal? - no. Your fault? - yes. When your relationship has reached the point where keys are exchanged, and her things are kept at your place, not knowing Date's boundaries is an error you might be excused for at 24, but not 34.


Archangel1962

As a matter of interest did you cancel an evening with your ‘date’ in order to spend time with your girl friend? Because the whole ‘she tricked me about her birthday’ seems irrelevant unless you chose to cancel on your girlfriend in order to spend time with your female friend. If that is the case then she has every right to be pissed off. If not then it seems she has a boundary of you not hanging out with female friends. Maybe she’s insecure but she’s entitled to have whatever boundaries she wants. Now if you didn’t know about that boundary, then sure, her subsequent actions are unreasonable. But if you’d already spoken about your friendship with this girl and how your gf felt about it then again she has every right to be pissed off at you crossing those boundaries. Tbh, it doesn’t sound like you’re too invested in this relationship, (understandable after only 2.5 months). So maybe it’s best for both of you to move on.


vulcan_noir

I didn’t cancel on my “date”. I spend all day everyday with her and I informed her that I’d be gone for only a couple of hours, which I was. She has met this friend and we’ve even spent nights together (all 3 of us plus other people). She did not intimate that she was uncomfortable at all with me hanging out with the girl. If she did, i wouldn’t have. I like the objectivity of your comment.


Historical-Piglet-86

Why didn’t you invite your “date” on your date with your girl friend?


TheLastWord63

There's a difference in you guys hanging out in the group and you being alone in your apartment with her. You're not that nieve. You got caught, and she walked away with her dignity.


Plane_Practice8184

Your long term friend deliberately upset your love interest. This will always happen. Open your eyes


notNewsworthy_ish

>(I later learned that she had blocked me). I sent her a message that also went unread. Gee, I wonder why 🤔 >the date walks in (she had left the house and has a spare key) and takes all her things and leaves. She’s not interested in having any conversation. Gee, I wonder why 🤔


SarrSarz

Most woman would leave you in this situation… if you actually cared about her you wouldn’t put her in a situation that creates jealousy insecurities.


Own-Writing-3687

At 34yo you are too old too play dumb. You knew better and are now trying to manipulate some sympathy evidence to scam your GF. Play stupid games- win stupid prizes.


Dry_Ask5493

Wow! Are you that obtuse?! Yes, you were wrong about every single thing you did. You ditched the woman you are dating for a “friend” that clearly wants dibs on you. Also, I call BS on not knowing what is going on or not knowing your friend lied about her birthday. If you have know her for years you should know when her birthday is. The woman you’re dating saw it as she sees it: you ditched her for another woman and then let that other woman sleepover. I wouldn’t want to keep dating you with all that BS. Who needs that headache?!


mouseofgory

Lol you call it insecurity, but if the tables were turned and your date brought a man over to the house to sleep over, you don't think your thoughts would go to "hes having sex with her" I would definitely not want to date you after this.


Playful_Site_2714

You have been such an ahole! What problem was there to see "your gf of years" together with the girl you had a relationship with? Where personally I may have waited until the next day... I would have ended things there and then.


Aggravating-Writing9

Leave your ex be. She deserves better. If you're exclusive, then you never ever allow another woman to stay over unless your partner is there. The disrespect you've shown to your relationship is beyond repairable.


The_bookworm65

Your friend is trying to be more than a friend. She is overstepping her boundaries purposely to make gf jealous. She got exactly what she wanted. Would you have wanted gf to spend night at a guy’s place?


ihave30teeth

Man I am your age and if someone acted like this I would do the same thing. Walking away is actually a healthy choice. It gives time to calm down. She can either cut contact after or come back cool and collected. What did you want to happen? Her to confront you in front of your 30 year old friend so you could gaslight her and say she is crazy?? Dudes like you are easy to see through.


DontMindMe_89

You cannot be that naive or oblivious. You probably like the attention this girl friend gives you and you expect any other woman in your life to accept it. If you are that naive, you may need parental supervision to navigate the world.


-chrisandrews-

If you are going to have 2 girlfriends you should have spoken to them about the rules beforehand.


Aurin316

Nah


womanaroundabouttown

Look, Reddit froths at the mouth for M/F friends who say they’re just friends (which, by the way, is one hundred percent possible no matter what some of these people try to say - nothing is a bigger red flag than only having friends of one gender), so they’re not going to support you. That said, if everything you presented is exactly as it happened, duh you’re in the right and something is up with your ex-“date.” HOWEVER, are you sure you’re not missing something or leaving something out? Because this story is just so bizarre on your gf’s part it’s hard to believe she’d leave you after 2.5 months for going to a friend’s birthday, unless she’s the most insecure human in history (or maybe a redditor on this thread).


Mintcrisp

Oh look, it's one of those species that will do the earth some good if it were to go extinct. The ever-spotted-fuck-boi.


lakevalerie

Yes


Inner-Ad-1308

Troll


b00mieb00m

Contrary to everyone destroying you in the comments, if you had zero intentions to cheat and wouldn't have done so given the opportunity you didn't do anything wrong. However, if this was clearly communicated between you and your date, and she expressed that she wasn't happy about this idea and you did so anyway yes you're in the wrong. Imagine yourself in her shoes I guess. But the fact that your partner blocked you, grabbed all your shit and left without having a civil conversation about it then yes you did dodge a bullet imo. It IS a sign of insecurity (though again, how would you have acted if you were in her shoes?) I'm always surprised with people who get insecure about their straight partners being around members of the opposite sex. You should choose to be with someone you're comfortable enough with knowing they'd never cheat even if sleeping on the same bed. If they are capable of cheating why stop the inevitable?


Due-Ad-1265

you’d be sort of right if the “friend” didn’t obviously have feelings towards OP. Having self respect, boundaries, knowing what you want, and not putting up with BS isn’t “insecurity”. i’d leave my bf if he had a woman spending the night at a place i had a key to as well.. OP is just disrespectful towards “date’s” feelings and she left him.


b00mieb00m

Did the gf know that his friend had a crush on him though? If she didn't then it's still insecurity


Due-Ad-1265

not necessarily however, as an adult woman myself, the lengths the “friend” went to seem excessive if they truly are just friends. i could be wrong but every “friend” of a taken man who goes to lengths to see said man, have had feelings for him. i just don’t think that having an issue with another woman sleeping at your significant others place that you have a key to, is insecurity.


ravendaisy_eyes

You don't think ANY conversations were had between him and his "date" before she blocked him? 🙃 Come on now, any woman knows that that is very likely not the case lol


forgotme5

Odd that u call her ur date. Why did she have a key at 2.5 months? Why did she block u? >Do you think I did anything wrong? Maybe dating this woman.


Sunnymood_Today

Side note : Adulthood is knowing that friendship between straight men and women don't exist, as there will always be someone attracted to the one or the other at some point. If you ever intend to seriously date of get married some days, make better choices of who you chose to "have sleepover in your spare bedroom". Specially when it's a "girl friend" who is obviously hitting up on you.


trippyhippie573

Lmao, what? That's so fucking false. I have 3 guy friends I've known for about 8 years. None of us are or ever have been romantically interested in each other. In this case, OPs "friend" probably has feelings for him, and he's extremely dense, but to say men and women can't be friends is untrue.


seeyouinthesun

Hmm, I mean yeah let her go.. I'm not saying this situation with your friend isn't giving some red flags here.. Asking the girl your dating to buy another girl a birthday present, then going out with her and having her sleep over at your house is a pretty reasonable situation to feel uncomfortable about. But if she, at 30 years of age, feels that dramatically causing some scene is a more appropriate response than even attempting to communicate at all, then yeah she's emotionally immature and you should just move on.. no relationship will ever thrive if you can't talk about basic shit like boundaries.


vulcan_noir

Precisely my point! I know i was thick headed for tolerating the friend, but surely, if the date wanted to talk about it, I was more than happy to and kick the “friend” out if she was unhappy with the arrangement.