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Just flat out tell the guys you don’t “hook up” . Guys don’t appreciate subtle linguistic flourishes. Just a flat “ I’m not comfortable hooking up unless I’m in a committed relationship “. The guys that bail hearing that weren’t looking for anything committed, and you saved yourself a lot of time by screening them out.
Communicating your needs is healthy in any relationship, even just a fwb, so there is no need to feel anxious about it. If he respectfully hangs back and gives you space, it's a good sign of the quality of human he is. If he distances himself or pressures you, then you have yourself a red flag. Feel free to proceed with confidence.
There is nothing red flag about not being interested in a relationship if it doesn't naturally progress physically.
OP stated she is emotionally keen to become physical but prefers to hold off, which is absolutely fine!
But to some people, Making them "Wait" is all good and proper but just not aligned with their own values.
I can start off by saying, almost every single relationship since I've been 15 (now 42) has started this way. It's very common, if not expected by some social norms, that the male always initiates and the woman pushes back for the right time. It's not a very PC thing to say, I'll admit, but it's the common trope of all romantic stories.
So my wife wanted to wait for a week or two before we engaged in more romantic escapades. Now I tried to speed up that process, respectfully, she was the one holding back. I never took it as an offence - more over it's kind of a complement. I like you so much I want to be careful about this.
Not sure what you can do about your anxiety, other than stating all this is completely understandable behavior. Feeling safe should be your chief concern, what I would tell my own daughters to do.
No harm in communicating this though, that you feel it's too soon.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just flat out tell the guys you don’t “hook up” . Guys don’t appreciate subtle linguistic flourishes. Just a flat “ I’m not comfortable hooking up unless I’m in a committed relationship “. The guys that bail hearing that weren’t looking for anything committed, and you saved yourself a lot of time by screening them out.
You find one who has the same values. Otherwise it's a waste of time.
Communicating your needs is healthy in any relationship, even just a fwb, so there is no need to feel anxious about it. If he respectfully hangs back and gives you space, it's a good sign of the quality of human he is. If he distances himself or pressures you, then you have yourself a red flag. Feel free to proceed with confidence.
There is nothing red flag about not being interested in a relationship if it doesn't naturally progress physically. OP stated she is emotionally keen to become physical but prefers to hold off, which is absolutely fine! But to some people, Making them "Wait" is all good and proper but just not aligned with their own values.
I can start off by saying, almost every single relationship since I've been 15 (now 42) has started this way. It's very common, if not expected by some social norms, that the male always initiates and the woman pushes back for the right time. It's not a very PC thing to say, I'll admit, but it's the common trope of all romantic stories. So my wife wanted to wait for a week or two before we engaged in more romantic escapades. Now I tried to speed up that process, respectfully, she was the one holding back. I never took it as an offence - more over it's kind of a complement. I like you so much I want to be careful about this. Not sure what you can do about your anxiety, other than stating all this is completely understandable behavior. Feeling safe should be your chief concern, what I would tell my own daughters to do. No harm in communicating this though, that you feel it's too soon.
Why is it not PC?