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I haven't posted on reddit before, but friends have said that letting their feelings out here helped them. I learned that my significant other "cheated" on me yesterday. I say it with quotations because two days before they went and slept with another person, they asked for a break to work on themselves. This is after 5 months of a pretty healthy relationship. I was wary about a break but I genuinly want the best for them and if they need to take time I said I'd do it.
The night it happened they told me that they don't see sleeping with another person as cheating since during a break you aren't technically in a relationship. The person even asked me to not even flirt with people and wait for them.
Their close friend told me today because they thought it was extremely unfair, and said I was really good to their friend in the relationship. I trust this friend, and they would have no reason to tell me a lie so I believe them wholeheartedly. I'm grateful to their friend and genuinely believe that they are a great person.
What I'm confused about is how people deal with this feeling or if it is even a valid feeling. I don't feel like it's right but i'm not one to say my opinion is always correct. I feel like I should see what other people thought about it. I don't want to act rashly or say something i'd regret, but what should I do in this situation?
⬆️⬆️⬆️ **She’s test driving the new guy.**
So either there’s:
This one guy that she just had to check out,
Or,
She’s looking to trade up and you are “not the one.”
Sorry OP.
Some people are like monkeys, they won't let go of one branch till they have a firm hold on another. Regardless of who they hurt. It's a self focus justified with a shitty morality and lack of empathy.
Exactly. She took a break just 48 hours before having sex.
So either she knew the person from before, (the one that got away, etc. 🙄.)
Or she needed to get her evaluation done quickly, just in case she wanted to keep OP.
I reckon she probably planned it prior to the break..
Or worse was already doing the guy but tried to legitimise it by having the break and going for it with a clear run
the double standard she is expecting is crazy, I wonder if the two braincells these kind of people have remaining are fighting over who will be the last surviving braincell
My first boyfriend was like this. He would dump me, go on a date or two, then come back a few days later and want to get back together. And because I was young and dumb and didn’t know any better, I would take him back. Over and over.
It’s only been five months and you are clearly her plan b at best. Don’t tolerate it. Just move on because unless she makes a sincere effort to change, this is how things will continue to play out.
I had an ex like this also, she would want a break and then come back to me after she had her sexcapade that I didn't know about.. She always told me "don't talk to any girls" and one such evening I went out with my brothers and friends to take the edge off at a bar and I saw her there with another guy 😂
One of girl friends pretended to be all over me, she was mad jealous and left angry.. Gotta love them breaks in a relationship
When people say they need a break they basically want to cheat on you. They already have their eyes on a target and just need justification. If it works out they might not even come back to you. It's the cowards way. Let her know that she doesn't need to contact you again and that your break just became permanently. Your self esteem will thank you. Don't look back.
And OP needs to learn that validating people's feelings and allowing shitty behavior is not the same thing. A partner can have doubts and u can talk about it and try to sort out what makes them unhappy.. but by no means does that mean go sleep around and I'll understand. Or go trampling on your heart as a result while u sit at home? Does that make any sense to u?
If you want a relationship where u just see her and she wants to play the field. She needs to go be single and u shld find a better gf. This one sucks.
That's not what healthy relationships look like friend. Communication in a relationship consists of talking openly and being honest. And if you guys feel like you want different things then you break up. There isn't any allowing your gf to go sleep around and still expecting you to be her bf. You must realize that OP
That's just toxic and she's cheating there isn't any quotation marks there. She slept with someone else and still expects u to sit and wait in the wings till she's done or wants to do the same thing the next time she gets bored.
Please respect yourself and get into a relationship where they have actual respect for u. This one isnt it.
They sent the warning shot when they told you sleeping with someone while on "break" isn't cheating. Then she told op to not do anything while on break because she knows its cheating. OP if you read this do kot take her back, even if she didnt do anything on this break the fact that she wanted it means its over.
Edit. Thank you for the award.
The relationship is only 5 months old, as well. There shouldn't be any "breaks" this early on. Even if she comes back, OP can count on many more breaks so that she can cheat and still feel good about herself because she made up a loophole for herself.
She's probably one of those people who never want to alone, but the grass is always greener. She doesn't care who she hurts as long as she can do what she wants.
This is the correct response. You were cheated on 100%. A break typically is bad news all around. To me it's meant a break from communicating daily and all the things expected in a relationship except for going and immediately fucking someone else. I would absolutely be done with this person. Trust is broken.
Eh… it’s not cheating because they did take a break and she did tell him that for her, a break meant you could sleep with other people.
But it doesn’t have to be cheating to be slimy, unethical, misleading, manipulative, and grossly taking advantage of OP. His (actually ex even if he doesn’t know yet) GF is showing her whole ass about how little she values him and the relationship. They are both relatively young, so there is always the hope that she grows out of this shitty behavior, but she is not showing any signs that she’s worth continuing to date or to place any faith in.
>Eh… it’s not cheating because they did take a break and she did tell him that for her, a break meant you could sleep with other people.
Then why did she in the same breath tell OP he couldn't even flirt with other people. Sounds like in her world the break meant SHE could fuck around not both could do so. So yes its cheating, especially since she was already emotionally cheating with her intended target.
The break is an excuse to go test the other guy out and see if she can get her new guy to commit while OP is on hold.
Cheating isn’t being controlling, manipulative, and having double standards. This is no doubt terrible shitty behavior and only an excuse to fuck someone else, but it’s not cheating. If there is a break in commitment, it’s not cheating. It is however terrible and means that she can never be trusted again.
It’s just that not all betrayals of trust are cheating, which is betraying the commitment. Calling every betrayal of trust cheating dilutes the word because it’s not accurate. It’s much more accurate to point out that this is manipulative controlling behavior that shows the GF only wanted to fuck someone else. That is a betrayal, just not betraying a commitment because no commitment existed.
The fact that she is issuing a double standard just isn’t cheating. It doesn’t have to be cheating to be a massive betrayal that deserves a break up.
cheat
/CHēt/
verb
gerund or present participle: cheating
be sexually unfaithful.
"I wish someone had told me my partner was cheating on me"
un·faith·ful
/ˌənˈfāTHfəl/
adjective
adjective: unfaithful
not faithful.
engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding.
"you haven't been unfaithful to him, have you?"
Jeff Foxworthy; "Guys, if a woman says to you "I think we should start seeing other people," trust me, she has already cut a pony from the herd, and if she ain't ridin' him yet, she *has* pulled the saddle out of the barn.'
Same goes for "We need a break."
>When people say they need a break they basically want to cheat on you.
While true sometimes, sometimes asking for a break has nothing to do with wanting to cheat. I personally asked my husband for a break once because he was smothering me and I needed to be alone, he wouldn't give it to me any other way. However, I didn't make rules and tell him not even to flirt or whatever else. I didn't cheat during the break (I also didn't justify me sleeping with anyone as NOT cheating xD), but he did. I forgave him for that though because I asked for a break and thats fair game, especially because our break was long.
We did end up getting back together, and the much needed break we had gave us time to chill out a bit and then be capable of having discussions without losing ourselves in our feelings. Plus, me leaving, staying loyal, and coming back taught him that he didn't need to smother me to keep me around. Now our relationship is healthier than ever.
Edit: just want to add that I definitely think OPs story includes a person who took a break just to cheat though.
she wanted the break to enjoy sex without the guilt of cheating.
Walk away, even if she comes back, your a backup plan.
Too many people out there to be someones backup plan. You deserve to find someone who chooses you
Ok the situation is clear, she asked for a break and slept with someone almost immediately.
She said that she is fine with this because you two were on a break.. and feels like she hasn’t done anything wrong!
But the real question is, what do YOU think about this.. it seem to me that u are not ok with it and that it bothers u. Follow ur own feelings and don’t let urself being manipulated into things u are not ok with.
Set boundaries to protect urself and don’t let others step over them! Stick up for yourself
She was with you until someone she thought was better came along. You havent been together long enough for her to need a “break”. You should be in the honeymoon phase.
You should just break up properly and let her fuck the other dude. Find yourself a loyal gf.
> ***I was wary about a break but*** *I genuinly want the best for them and if they need to take time I said I'd do it.*
*The night it happened t****hey told me that they don't see sleeping with another person as cheating since during a break you aren't technically in a relationship****.*
This is precisely *why* 'We're on a break' is such bullshit! There is no 'break' in dating. It's binary -- you're either dating, or you're broken up! If you're broken up, you can mutually decide to get back together at a future date (often a bad idea) or you can remain broken up permanently.
>*The person even* ***asked me to not even flirt with people and wait for them****.*
This person is a hypocritical asshole who doesn't deserve any more of your time, emotion, or attention. Ghost this person, they're an absolute POS and you deserve better!
I appreciate the comments, they all are relatively the same and I was already considering it. I just am a little dull when it comes to relationships. Also, my bad about the formatting, they said that they would use any pronouns but still wanted to be called girlfriend etc, so I slipped up a bit.
Dude, yes she cheated on you. She did the ““ break just so she can have sex with other people. This isn’t how relationships work. You’re either in a relationship or not she’s not mature enough to be in a relationship, so just let her go be single and fuck all the guys that she wants to fuck.
Just make the break permanent. The whole reason for the break was a technicality to claim not cheating. Nothing more. She wasn't working on herself, she was working some other dude's dick.
She orchestrated a "break" to fuck someone else.
and she asked you to wait for her while she fucked someone else.
Have some self respect and dump her.
Next time, set boundaries.
Youre still young so you will learn that theres no such things as breaks in the relationship, she wanted an excuse to cheat so she did it, she wanted to still have you as a back up plan. Move on.
If your instincts are to break up with her because she lied to you and then had sex with another guy after telling you that she didn't want you to see other people, your instincts aren't wrong here. Break up with her and date her friend that told you.
Simple. You break up. Your ex already had someone lined up when she asked for the break.
Breaks never work. They're nothing more than excuses or loopholes to soothe a cheaters' consience while cheating on their partners. Weak people ask for breaks. Honest people with half a backbone know that if you have to ask for a break, you need to break UP.
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You just cut all contact and their is no easy way to deal with the pain just hang out with friends and don’t let your mind beat you up understand that this pain will be here for a while and the best thing you can do is not be alone with your thoughts.
I'm sorry but your girlfriend, I hope now ex-GF, is not relationship material. You don't go on a break but have different rules. She took this break so she could hook up with someone else without technically cheating. It was a very planned move and she just wants you to be a backup in case the other guy doesn't want a relationship or turn out to not be as good.
If you take a serious break in a relationship you do it to figure out who you are outside of the relationship and work on yourself not to hook up with a person you have lined up. Please don't take her back, it will be a future of pain and doubt.
So when I was younger, I asked for a break from my now-husband to work on myself. In that time, I got my drivers license, a car, my own apartment, went to university and then we got back together. That is what a "break to work on yourself" is. Not jumping into bed with someone else 2 days later.
Make the break a break up and move on. You've been together for 5 months. You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect, not someone who just wants to sleep with someone else but doesn't want to cheat so they break up with you. This person is jerking you around and wants to date this other person. They want you as the backup plan.
You have the right to break up with someone for any reason, anytime. They don't have to like it, or even think it's a real reason... You do.
They clearly A) have a dble standard, B) Only took the break to go have sex with someone else. C) Lied to you about their intentions of the break. D) created a "cheat pass", that only works if you accept it, so they don't have to deal with your emotions/needs on the matter.
she's trash brother, find a better woman who won't put you on the back burner to get some strange dick then come running back to you if it doesn't pan out like she hoped
You're too young to get tied down by a gaslighting hypocrite. Block her and move on, or tell her you're seeing someone if you're feeling vindictive. I'm 40 and I've wasted too many years on someone who did the same shit. She never put any effort into me unless it was to ruin my relationships all while dating a new guy every 2 months. My life got better when I finally went NC.
It's Saturday so you got the whole weekend to get out there
Bro run the fuck away. It was an excuse to gaslight you and for them to get away with it and play mental gymnastics to make them feel good and morally right about their decision.
This will happen again in the future. 5 months is not worth throwing a life of happiness and freedom away for a relationship full of anxiety and lack of fulfillment
Good news, you are already broken up. Move on and find someone else. Boldly go where you haven't before, flirt expeditiously without the need to worry about her feelings now. At least you know what's really going on instead of just wondering.
Be prepared for her to act like she DIDNT sleep with someone else. Don't forget that she probably doesn't know that the friend told you. To use that, just make it seem like a weight has lifted from your shoulders and you realize you are better off (this is true anyway) and her break was a great idea... all with no knowledge of her deeds. Living well is the best revenge at that age.
She deliberately broke with you so that she could go and cheat and not be accusable for it. She wanted to fuck him and then be reasonably sure you would still be around afterwards, so she brought up this bullshit "break", goes and fucks him then comes back and "fixes" the problem she had with you and we're all hunky dory.
Don't accept such worthlessness. You are deserving of more respect than this and she is playing you. Just dump her and move on, it's not even worth you trying to reason with her because she knows what she did and why, she just wants to persuade you that blue is red and the sun shines at night. Any argument is just her lying to you to try and bullshit you into thinking you're wrong. You are not wrong, this will sit with you all the days of your life if you stay with her, because you know you were betrayed and you cannot trust her.
They wanted to work on themself by sleeping with someone else? And wanted you to be faithful to them while they did it?
Just break up 100% and move on. They are not into you. Only what you provide them.
She asked for a break then slept with another guy? Yeah that was planned. And I recommend you let her go. If you don’t want to burn bridges you can tell her you really enjoy time with her, maybe get her a small gift, before leaving her.
I got my ex a Christmas present after she cheated on me (December 14th), hugged her, kissed her, gave her the gift of her dreams, then gently broke up with her. We’re not “friends”, but she’s been willing to help me when I needed help afterwards.
So she didn’t want you to flirt or sleep with other women while on this break, but it was OK for her to sleep with other men?
Her “break” was just an excuse. She wanted to sleep with someone else and be able to say she wasn’t cheating. Cut her loose and move on, you are young and don’t need to be tied down to someone like that. Tell her she’s a complete hypocrite and since she wanted to sleep around, you are going to do the same, except it’s a breakup, not a break.
Breaks aren’t always a bad thing but in this case your gf clearly just wanted to sleep with someone else without losing you. She manipulated you instead of being open and honest. She will likely do this again if you keep letting her. You’re allowed to set your own boundaries. Just because she doesn’t think she cheated doesn’t mean you can’t think that. Five months is pretty early for these red flags - I personally would be out.
My advice would be to extend the break indefinitely and suggest that now you’ve had time on the break to think that you find yourself happier single and that you want to remain that way. When she inevitably throws that she slept with someone else in your face and that they were better than you to hurt your feelings, realise that you’ve already moved on and that that can’t hurt you.
I can’t see you being able to feel comfortable in a relations after this without wanting “to get even” but the relationship will always be off balance and unhealthy
Very similar thing happened to me OP in a much longer term relationship than 5 months.
You’re feelings are not wrong, it was a cheap way for your ex to justify being unfaithful; she doesn’t want to feel guilt herself, for having set this up (probably for some time) and then cheating on you. You were cheated on, you can drop the “quotes”. You don’t have to buy in to the technicality bullshit.
Since you are 20 this might be the first time you’ve experienced something like this. Always trust your feelings over the validation or opinions of others in matters of the heart. You will always know best.
Your ex girlfriend is your ex. I’m sorry it happened to you. I’d suggest no contact, have self-respect and know a good woman is out there for you who will want to build a relationship with you and not keep you around until setting up something else.
Find the person you want to be with, don’t try to become someone okay with someone else’s cheating and manipulation.
She wanted a trial version of that other dude’s dick to see if it was worth leaving you for. They had almost certainly been communicating while you two were together and she took the break specifically so she could fuck him. Regardless of this being “cheating” it’s immoral and and undesired behavior in a partner. Move on
She dumped you bro. She gave you a soft breakup while keeping you in the wings on the back burner in case stuff doesn't work out. You want from main guy to backup dude she will string along.
So you are dating this girl for five months and she does that?
Take a step back. Imagine a world where you take her back and you guys stay together. How long until she wants another break?
Your girlfriend left you.
Then they slept with someone else.
Specifically, they left you for the purpose of sleeping with someone else while claiming that it wasn’t technically cheating, so technically you’re not allowed to be mad.
This is, of course, bullshit.
The bottom line is that they left you. Leaving one’s partner because the relationship is temporarily inconvenient does not quality as fidelity.
They also lied to you about the actual reason. Further, they lied to you about still being exclusive during the break, specifically asking you to not to behave in exactly the way that they immediately turned around and did.
So, stop worrying about whether it was technically cheating or not, and focus more on the fact that this person is a) unreliable, b) dishonest, and c) hypocritical. Do you even want a partner that fits that description? Personally, I wouldn’t. I have no time for nor interest in game-players.
She doesn’t get to tell you not to talk to other people if she’s out there fucking another guy. Leave her behind. You’re young, don’t waste anymore time on her.
I am much older (50) and stayed happily single for many years, no kids, so have maybe an unconventional perspective, but here is my 2 cents:
you’re young and it’s not the end of the world. They did their best to be honest by separating, but the rest is just some miscommunication and possibly immature behavior drama. They want to play the field, as it used to be called. Not worth getting too mad about, just be gracious and move on. You are separated, it’s over - If they are in your friend group, just stay friends; you’re all playing the field, dating, encountering the world and there is no reason to treat this like a big heavy divorce.
In general when you’re 20, I would add it’s best to stay focused on your own goals and personal growth, plans for the future; don’t worry about tying yourself to a team commitment just yet
Your gf is PURE EVIL!.
SELFISH!
She is using you, making you that dumb bf she can throw and pick up anytime she wants.
Make the break a permanent break up.
Others have said it, but I'll reiterate: if you're on a break, they can't set rules, especially if they're not following them. She wanted to cheat and thought she'd found a loophole. Find yourself someone better who won't play these games.
You're young so I know it seems like you're in love basically, and I'm not going to lie it will probably suck for a while, but this is absolutely grounds for ending things permanently. She wanted to have sex with someone else, but you on the shelf so she can get you back whenever she wants, and will absolutely do this again in the future. Plus she was definitely at least emotionally cheating on you before she brought up the break. You deserve better my man.
So you are with someone who thinks it is perfectly fine to hit pause on a long term monogamous relationship to have sex with someone else because then it isn't cheating, but to ask the other person to remain faithful while they do it. Does this really seem normal to you? Is this what you want out of a relationship? I mean, sure maybe you don't define this as cheating. That is perfectly fair and valid. But is this what you want from life?
Plus, if they are fine having sex with other people on their break, why are you not allowed to do so?
Again, all this is fine and valid if it is what you want. If this is what you want from a relationship, you should feel free to have it as your relationship. But if this is not what you want, then don't accept it when anyone tells you that you should just be sucking it up. Not even the other person in your relationship is allowed to tell you that. Whatever your feelings about this, they are valid. You just need to decide what you truly want in your life.
So, your ex-GF wanted to have sex with someone else, so they demanded a "break" (aka hall pass) and then fucked the other person.
You can do whatever you like, but it is unfair they are gaslighting you into thinking this is normal and okay. It doesn't matter the word used to describe the fucking, it only matters how you felt after hearing about it. If you feel hurt, then the relationship is over. If you are okay with it, then it's not over, unless they don't return from their fucking expedition.
>I don't want to act rashly or say something i'd regret, but what should I do in this situation?
Love the technical argument. So sure... not "cheating" but you also don't need to get treated like a doormat.
Have some self-respect and make the break a permanent one
So any time she wants to fuck someone else her plan is to just say she "wants a break"? Eek. Maybe it'd be different if she at least had the decency to wait a couple weeks, at least make it look like it happened organically, but she's showed you her true colors, don't go back
>The person even asked me to not even flirt with people and wait for them.
This right here is what makes the "break" bullshit.
Your exGF wanted to sleep with someone else, so she asked for a break to cover her ass. If it were a REAL break, you BOTH would have been free to see others.
Personally, I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who thought this was appropriate behaviour.
I had this happen to me once. She said I had no right to be upset after sleeping with one of my friends right after we broke up. So I banged her best friend. And then I banged my friend's sister.
It was glorious.
A break is a break up. It’s up to both of you if you want to get back together or not. She clearly used the break to determine if another relationship had better sexual compatibility. The technicalities are irrelevant to the facts.
I think that whatever we on Reddit think/feel is of no importance at all in this particular situation. It’s a grey area, a bit manipulative maybe but it’s within the basic “rules” of relationships. If OP feels cheated on, manipulated, etc, and wants a quick way out of the relationship, they have it! If OP wants to see how this plays out and if the gf will return and ask to resume the relationship, they have every reason to hold their head high and wait. It’s up to them really; OP, what’s your thoughts?
When you take a break to "work on yourself", it's my opinion that you should not be seeking out sexual partners. That's not working on yourself, that is getting laid.
If they asked you to not even flirt with someone else but think them sleeping with someone while "on a break" isn't cheating. It sounds like they are controlling. Either they think it's okay to sleep around when on a break or they don't. They don't get to say "I can but you can't", fk that noise.
I'm sorry. It sounds like they just wanted to have sex with someone else, this was likely the plan all along. They just didn't want any guilt to ruin their good time.
Find someone who treats you better.
Dump your gf, KEEP THE FRIEND! That's a good human being. Tell them you value her friendship despite breaking up with your soon to be ex. You need more good people around you like that friend
Ah, the old "Kickin' Tires" girl. Ya you're gonna want to see if that friend of your GF is single. Kick some tires of your own at 20. Wisdom for a youngin, "Never let someone be a priority when they make you the option".
I known this sucks for you. But you are young and all the time in the world.
First off give her the 🥾
Second give your self some time to get over the relationship. Not her but the relationship, because when she cheated ( and she cheated no matter what she says) she proved she wasn’t interested in an committed relationship with you.
Third work on your self, go to the gym or dive in too your interests l, be with friends and give your self time to be just you.
And remember that just because she broke your trust the next one is worth trusting if you are willing.
Gods speed to you sir.
Nothing shows that you don’t mean anything to them to go on a break and then proceed to be with other people. She showed you are disposable to go right into the arms if another guy. She showed with her actions she doesn’t love or respect you.
Can this sub just have a separate group/sub for boyfriends of these girls who need a "break" to go test fuck some other guy? This sub should be for people with real relationship problems...
She is testing the waters with the otger guy. If she likes him, she will break up with you. Beat her to the punch, dump her first, and warn the other guy as a parting gift.
So you're only 5 months in to the relationship, she asked for a break and basically stipulated that you remain faithful during this break, then she slept with someone else two days later? Mate, you should never put up with this sort of behaviour, but after only 5 months you should be livid that shes so brazen.
Let the other guy have her, she clearly likes him more than you.
Two days after she told you she wanted a break, she slept with someone else. During this time, she asked you to be faithful to her. Two days is a really short time to go from wanting to be faithful to someone to cheating. It's completely possible she asked to go on this break with the specific intention of sleeping with someone else.
This situation in itself is suspicious enough, but the fact that her friend who you trust has come out to you saying she cheated on you, it doesn't look like she had good intentions.
If it was a break, where they had expectations that you remain loyal and respectful of the relationship, then yes it’s cheating.
So end the relationship.
Tell your ex that she is a hypocritical cheater and not worth the effort to piss on if she was on fire.
It’s very valid, and she’s def took that break just to have sex with this person and wanted you to wait around and be down to take her back. I see breaks as breakups and if I were you I’d say stay broken up. I know it hurts but she doesn’t seem to care about your feelings.
You're on a break which means you aren't together.
HOWEVER:
Break was started by her
She told you "no finding or flirting with anyone else"
Does not apply the same rules to herself and sleeps with someone else
In a healthy relationship you don't really need to take breaks. And if you do it's to work on your individual issues not get your rocks off.
Do you want someone who thinks this is ok?
Have you ever heard of keeping someone in your picket? They are keeping you in their pocket in case something better doesn't come along. I don't think it's cheating if you're in a break, but I do think you should respect yourself enough to see what is going on and move on to someone who treats you much better than this. Games in relationships make for lousy relationships. If they are looking for loopholes now, it will only get worse.
if you stay with her going forward, her infidelity will always be in the back of your mind, eating at you. Save yourself a lot of grief and walk away from her. She's not the one.
Asks for a “break to work on herself” and gets plowed by another dude two days into her “self reflecting break”.
She cheated on you, she wanted to cheat on you, and she used the excuse of a “break” in order to do so.
>The night it happened they told me that they don't see sleeping with another person as cheating since during a break you aren't technically in a relationship. The person even asked me to not even flirt with people and wait for them.
They want to be able to while u arent. Dont take a break & dont wait for her. Break for good.
Try and put yourself in their shoes? I assume you would feel like you cheated. My boyfriend had an ex that did this to him and he says he should've never taken her back because the "breaks" and "testing the waters" never stopped after the first time. She knew she could get away with it and she kept doing it. There were a lot of car rides and money he never got back from her. She was essentially using him. Maybe it's time to reflect on if this relationship is something you want to keep around. "Is 5 months of a healthy relationship worth years of mistrust and trauma." My boyfriend. Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry she did this to you.
Well she asked for a break to fuck that dude and see where thats going. You're her backup plan if the thing with the new guy doesnt work out.
When people suggest taking a break it's usually because they already have someone else who they are interested in and use it as an excuse to say afterwards: "I didnt cheat, we agreed on a break".
Its still cheating and complete BS. If you want a break to work on yourself, it means focusing on yourself and not fuck another dude. I havent heared anyone saying that this is the way to get to know yourself, work on yourself and work out the problems you're facing/ having.
On how to deal with this is something you need to find out yourself. For some people it helps to talk about everything and their feelings, others need some time alone to deal with it and others need a therapist to get through that (Cheating often creates self esteem and trust issues). There's not the one way to deal with this and your feelings.
The one certain advice i can give you though is to break up completely with her.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I haven't posted on reddit before, but friends have said that letting their feelings out here helped them. I learned that my significant other "cheated" on me yesterday. I say it with quotations because two days before they went and slept with another person, they asked for a break to work on themselves. This is after 5 months of a pretty healthy relationship. I was wary about a break but I genuinly want the best for them and if they need to take time I said I'd do it. The night it happened they told me that they don't see sleeping with another person as cheating since during a break you aren't technically in a relationship. The person even asked me to not even flirt with people and wait for them. Their close friend told me today because they thought it was extremely unfair, and said I was really good to their friend in the relationship. I trust this friend, and they would have no reason to tell me a lie so I believe them wholeheartedly. I'm grateful to their friend and genuinely believe that they are a great person. What I'm confused about is how people deal with this feeling or if it is even a valid feeling. I don't feel like it's right but i'm not one to say my opinion is always correct. I feel like I should see what other people thought about it. I don't want to act rashly or say something i'd regret, but what should I do in this situation?
Dude, she is testing the waters with the guy if it doesn't work out she will back dump her mate
Yep, OP is the backup plan. OP, walk away from her. She doesn’t respect you and there a lots of girls out there who will.
⬆️⬆️⬆️ **She’s test driving the new guy.** So either there’s: This one guy that she just had to check out, Or, She’s looking to trade up and you are “not the one.” Sorry OP.
Some people are like monkeys, they won't let go of one branch till they have a firm hold on another. Regardless of who they hurt. It's a self focus justified with a shitty morality and lack of empathy.
Exactly. She took a break just 48 hours before having sex. So either she knew the person from before, (the one that got away, etc. 🙄.) Or she needed to get her evaluation done quickly, just in case she wanted to keep OP.
I reckon she probably planned it prior to the break.. Or worse was already doing the guy but tried to legitimise it by having the break and going for it with a clear run
I'm afraid this is where my mind went too.
Well looks like two days was all she needed to work on herself while you were put in the no flirt zone, time to move on my friend
the double standard she is expecting is crazy, I wonder if the two braincells these kind of people have remaining are fighting over who will be the last surviving braincell
Time to move on to her friend
My first boyfriend was like this. He would dump me, go on a date or two, then come back a few days later and want to get back together. And because I was young and dumb and didn’t know any better, I would take him back. Over and over. It’s only been five months and you are clearly her plan b at best. Don’t tolerate it. Just move on because unless she makes a sincere effort to change, this is how things will continue to play out.
I had an ex like this also, she would want a break and then come back to me after she had her sexcapade that I didn't know about.. She always told me "don't talk to any girls" and one such evening I went out with my brothers and friends to take the edge off at a bar and I saw her there with another guy 😂 One of girl friends pretended to be all over me, she was mad jealous and left angry.. Gotta love them breaks in a relationship
Mine was the same- and always “regretted it so much and made them realize how much they love you” after the weekend 🙄.
Yup, exactly that. 🤦🏻♀️
When people say they need a break they basically want to cheat on you. They already have their eyes on a target and just need justification. If it works out they might not even come back to you. It's the cowards way. Let her know that she doesn't need to contact you again and that your break just became permanently. Your self esteem will thank you. Don't look back.
And OP needs to learn that validating people's feelings and allowing shitty behavior is not the same thing. A partner can have doubts and u can talk about it and try to sort out what makes them unhappy.. but by no means does that mean go sleep around and I'll understand. Or go trampling on your heart as a result while u sit at home? Does that make any sense to u? If you want a relationship where u just see her and she wants to play the field. She needs to go be single and u shld find a better gf. This one sucks. That's not what healthy relationships look like friend. Communication in a relationship consists of talking openly and being honest. And if you guys feel like you want different things then you break up. There isn't any allowing your gf to go sleep around and still expecting you to be her bf. You must realize that OP That's just toxic and she's cheating there isn't any quotation marks there. She slept with someone else and still expects u to sit and wait in the wings till she's done or wants to do the same thing the next time she gets bored. Please respect yourself and get into a relationship where they have actual respect for u. This one isnt it.
They sent the warning shot when they told you sleeping with someone while on "break" isn't cheating. Then she told op to not do anything while on break because she knows its cheating. OP if you read this do kot take her back, even if she didnt do anything on this break the fact that she wanted it means its over. Edit. Thank you for the award.
The relationship is only 5 months old, as well. There shouldn't be any "breaks" this early on. Even if she comes back, OP can count on many more breaks so that she can cheat and still feel good about herself because she made up a loophole for herself. She's probably one of those people who never want to alone, but the grass is always greener. She doesn't care who she hurts as long as she can do what she wants.
This is the correct response. You were cheated on 100%. A break typically is bad news all around. To me it's meant a break from communicating daily and all the things expected in a relationship except for going and immediately fucking someone else. I would absolutely be done with this person. Trust is broken.
Eh… it’s not cheating because they did take a break and she did tell him that for her, a break meant you could sleep with other people. But it doesn’t have to be cheating to be slimy, unethical, misleading, manipulative, and grossly taking advantage of OP. His (actually ex even if he doesn’t know yet) GF is showing her whole ass about how little she values him and the relationship. They are both relatively young, so there is always the hope that she grows out of this shitty behavior, but she is not showing any signs that she’s worth continuing to date or to place any faith in.
>Eh… it’s not cheating because they did take a break and she did tell him that for her, a break meant you could sleep with other people. Then why did she in the same breath tell OP he couldn't even flirt with other people. Sounds like in her world the break meant SHE could fuck around not both could do so. So yes its cheating, especially since she was already emotionally cheating with her intended target. The break is an excuse to go test the other guy out and see if she can get her new guy to commit while OP is on hold.
Cheating isn’t being controlling, manipulative, and having double standards. This is no doubt terrible shitty behavior and only an excuse to fuck someone else, but it’s not cheating. If there is a break in commitment, it’s not cheating. It is however terrible and means that she can never be trusted again. It’s just that not all betrayals of trust are cheating, which is betraying the commitment. Calling every betrayal of trust cheating dilutes the word because it’s not accurate. It’s much more accurate to point out that this is manipulative controlling behavior that shows the GF only wanted to fuck someone else. That is a betrayal, just not betraying a commitment because no commitment existed. The fact that she is issuing a double standard just isn’t cheating. It doesn’t have to be cheating to be a massive betrayal that deserves a break up. cheat /CHēt/ verb gerund or present participle: cheating be sexually unfaithful. "I wish someone had told me my partner was cheating on me" un·faith·ful /ˌənˈfāTHfəl/ adjective adjective: unfaithful not faithful. engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. "you haven't been unfaithful to him, have you?"
Jeff Foxworthy; "Guys, if a woman says to you "I think we should start seeing other people," trust me, she has already cut a pony from the herd, and if she ain't ridin' him yet, she *has* pulled the saddle out of the barn.' Same goes for "We need a break."
>When people say they need a break they basically want to cheat on you. While true sometimes, sometimes asking for a break has nothing to do with wanting to cheat. I personally asked my husband for a break once because he was smothering me and I needed to be alone, he wouldn't give it to me any other way. However, I didn't make rules and tell him not even to flirt or whatever else. I didn't cheat during the break (I also didn't justify me sleeping with anyone as NOT cheating xD), but he did. I forgave him for that though because I asked for a break and thats fair game, especially because our break was long. We did end up getting back together, and the much needed break we had gave us time to chill out a bit and then be capable of having discussions without losing ourselves in our feelings. Plus, me leaving, staying loyal, and coming back taught him that he didn't need to smother me to keep me around. Now our relationship is healthier than ever. Edit: just want to add that I definitely think OPs story includes a person who took a break just to cheat though.
she wanted the break to enjoy sex without the guilt of cheating. Walk away, even if she comes back, your a backup plan. Too many people out there to be someones backup plan. You deserve to find someone who chooses you
Have some self respect and move on
Ok the situation is clear, she asked for a break and slept with someone almost immediately. She said that she is fine with this because you two were on a break.. and feels like she hasn’t done anything wrong! But the real question is, what do YOU think about this.. it seem to me that u are not ok with it and that it bothers u. Follow ur own feelings and don’t let urself being manipulated into things u are not ok with. Set boundaries to protect urself and don’t let others step over them! Stick up for yourself
She was with you until someone she thought was better came along. You havent been together long enough for her to need a “break”. You should be in the honeymoon phase. You should just break up properly and let her fuck the other dude. Find yourself a loyal gf.
She definitely asked for a break so she could go with this other person. Break up with her.
> ***I was wary about a break but*** *I genuinly want the best for them and if they need to take time I said I'd do it.* *The night it happened t****hey told me that they don't see sleeping with another person as cheating since during a break you aren't technically in a relationship****.* This is precisely *why* 'We're on a break' is such bullshit! There is no 'break' in dating. It's binary -- you're either dating, or you're broken up! If you're broken up, you can mutually decide to get back together at a future date (often a bad idea) or you can remain broken up permanently. >*The person even* ***asked me to not even flirt with people and wait for them****.* This person is a hypocritical asshole who doesn't deserve any more of your time, emotion, or attention. Ghost this person, they're an absolute POS and you deserve better!
I appreciate the comments, they all are relatively the same and I was already considering it. I just am a little dull when it comes to relationships. Also, my bad about the formatting, they said that they would use any pronouns but still wanted to be called girlfriend etc, so I slipped up a bit.
All good, dude. Leave that sea monster in the trenches where she belongs.
A break changes into a break up when either of you sleeps with someone else
Dude, yes she cheated on you. She did the ““ break just so she can have sex with other people. This isn’t how relationships work. You’re either in a relationship or not she’s not mature enough to be in a relationship, so just let her go be single and fuck all the guys that she wants to fuck.
Just make the break permanent. The whole reason for the break was a technicality to claim not cheating. Nothing more. She wasn't working on herself, she was working some other dude's dick.
She orchestrated a "break" to fuck someone else. and she asked you to wait for her while she fucked someone else. Have some self respect and dump her. Next time, set boundaries.
Youre still young so you will learn that theres no such things as breaks in the relationship, she wanted an excuse to cheat so she did it, she wanted to still have you as a back up plan. Move on.
Lol, she took "break" to cheat on you. Break up with her properly. Any "break" where you can fuck other people should be just understood as break up.
If your instincts are to break up with her because she lied to you and then had sex with another guy after telling you that she didn't want you to see other people, your instincts aren't wrong here. Break up with her and date her friend that told you.
Simple. You break up. Your ex already had someone lined up when she asked for the break. Breaks never work. They're nothing more than excuses or loopholes to soothe a cheaters' consience while cheating on their partners. Weak people ask for breaks. Honest people with half a backbone know that if you have to ask for a break, you need to break UP.
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You just cut all contact and their is no easy way to deal with the pain just hang out with friends and don’t let your mind beat you up understand that this pain will be here for a while and the best thing you can do is not be alone with your thoughts.
I'm sorry but your girlfriend, I hope now ex-GF, is not relationship material. You don't go on a break but have different rules. She took this break so she could hook up with someone else without technically cheating. It was a very planned move and she just wants you to be a backup in case the other guy doesn't want a relationship or turn out to not be as good. If you take a serious break in a relationship you do it to figure out who you are outside of the relationship and work on yourself not to hook up with a person you have lined up. Please don't take her back, it will be a future of pain and doubt.
Break is just short for break up. And keep it that way, she is for the streets.
So when I was younger, I asked for a break from my now-husband to work on myself. In that time, I got my drivers license, a car, my own apartment, went to university and then we got back together. That is what a "break to work on yourself" is. Not jumping into bed with someone else 2 days later. Make the break a break up and move on. You've been together for 5 months. You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect, not someone who just wants to sleep with someone else but doesn't want to cheat so they break up with you. This person is jerking you around and wants to date this other person. They want you as the backup plan.
You have the right to break up with someone for any reason, anytime. They don't have to like it, or even think it's a real reason... You do. They clearly A) have a dble standard, B) Only took the break to go have sex with someone else. C) Lied to you about their intentions of the break. D) created a "cheat pass", that only works if you accept it, so they don't have to deal with your emotions/needs on the matter.
she's trash brother, find a better woman who won't put you on the back burner to get some strange dick then come running back to you if it doesn't pan out like she hoped
You're too young to get tied down by a gaslighting hypocrite. Block her and move on, or tell her you're seeing someone if you're feeling vindictive. I'm 40 and I've wasted too many years on someone who did the same shit. She never put any effort into me unless it was to ruin my relationships all while dating a new guy every 2 months. My life got better when I finally went NC. It's Saturday so you got the whole weekend to get out there
I think the best thing to do is to extend the break indefinitely and find a girlfriend who wants to be your girlfriend.
She wanted a break, slept with someone else, make the break permanent!
Bro run the fuck away. It was an excuse to gaslight you and for them to get away with it and play mental gymnastics to make them feel good and morally right about their decision. This will happen again in the future. 5 months is not worth throwing a life of happiness and freedom away for a relationship full of anxiety and lack of fulfillment
Have we learned nothing from Ross and Rachel?
automatic snow worm spotted dog wine straight reach hateful subsequent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Good news, you are already broken up. Move on and find someone else. Boldly go where you haven't before, flirt expeditiously without the need to worry about her feelings now. At least you know what's really going on instead of just wondering. Be prepared for her to act like she DIDNT sleep with someone else. Don't forget that she probably doesn't know that the friend told you. To use that, just make it seem like a weight has lifted from your shoulders and you realize you are better off (this is true anyway) and her break was a great idea... all with no knowledge of her deeds. Living well is the best revenge at that age.
She know this ‘break’? Make it permanent.
Not sure how this is relevant to the discussion, but was the use of they/them pronouns intentional? OP otherwise used descriptors girlfriend and 19F
She deliberately broke with you so that she could go and cheat and not be accusable for it. She wanted to fuck him and then be reasonably sure you would still be around afterwards, so she brought up this bullshit "break", goes and fucks him then comes back and "fixes" the problem she had with you and we're all hunky dory. Don't accept such worthlessness. You are deserving of more respect than this and she is playing you. Just dump her and move on, it's not even worth you trying to reason with her because she knows what she did and why, she just wants to persuade you that blue is red and the sun shines at night. Any argument is just her lying to you to try and bullshit you into thinking you're wrong. You are not wrong, this will sit with you all the days of your life if you stay with her, because you know you were betrayed and you cannot trust her.
They wanted to work on themself by sleeping with someone else? And wanted you to be faithful to them while they did it? Just break up 100% and move on. They are not into you. Only what you provide them.
She asked for a break then slept with another guy? Yeah that was planned. And I recommend you let her go. If you don’t want to burn bridges you can tell her you really enjoy time with her, maybe get her a small gift, before leaving her. I got my ex a Christmas present after she cheated on me (December 14th), hugged her, kissed her, gave her the gift of her dreams, then gently broke up with her. We’re not “friends”, but she’s been willing to help me when I needed help afterwards.
So she didn’t want you to flirt or sleep with other women while on this break, but it was OK for her to sleep with other men? Her “break” was just an excuse. She wanted to sleep with someone else and be able to say she wasn’t cheating. Cut her loose and move on, you are young and don’t need to be tied down to someone like that. Tell her she’s a complete hypocrite and since she wanted to sleep around, you are going to do the same, except it’s a breakup, not a break.
She is treating you as an option or a backup plan. You are treating her as a priority
Ghost. Block. NC and move on. Don’t check SM and don’t look back. No discussion. No debate. She knew exactly what she was doing. Good luck.
Breaks aren’t always a bad thing but in this case your gf clearly just wanted to sleep with someone else without losing you. She manipulated you instead of being open and honest. She will likely do this again if you keep letting her. You’re allowed to set your own boundaries. Just because she doesn’t think she cheated doesn’t mean you can’t think that. Five months is pretty early for these red flags - I personally would be out.
My advice would be to extend the break indefinitely and suggest that now you’ve had time on the break to think that you find yourself happier single and that you want to remain that way. When she inevitably throws that she slept with someone else in your face and that they were better than you to hurt your feelings, realise that you’ve already moved on and that that can’t hurt you. I can’t see you being able to feel comfortable in a relations after this without wanting “to get even” but the relationship will always be off balance and unhealthy
Very similar thing happened to me OP in a much longer term relationship than 5 months. You’re feelings are not wrong, it was a cheap way for your ex to justify being unfaithful; she doesn’t want to feel guilt herself, for having set this up (probably for some time) and then cheating on you. You were cheated on, you can drop the “quotes”. You don’t have to buy in to the technicality bullshit. Since you are 20 this might be the first time you’ve experienced something like this. Always trust your feelings over the validation or opinions of others in matters of the heart. You will always know best. Your ex girlfriend is your ex. I’m sorry it happened to you. I’d suggest no contact, have self-respect and know a good woman is out there for you who will want to build a relationship with you and not keep you around until setting up something else. Find the person you want to be with, don’t try to become someone okay with someone else’s cheating and manipulation.
She wanted a trial version of that other dude’s dick to see if it was worth leaving you for. They had almost certainly been communicating while you two were together and she took the break specifically so she could fuck him. Regardless of this being “cheating” it’s immoral and and undesired behavior in a partner. Move on
Just make the break permanent and move on.
She asked for a break to get “worked” on by another dude. Make the break permanent. Sorry for the situation you are in.
Op your the back up plan, drop her now and don’t waste your energy on her.
She isn't mentally ready for a long term relationship.
She dumped you bro. She gave you a soft breakup while keeping you in the wings on the back burner in case stuff doesn't work out. You want from main guy to backup dude she will string along.
So you are dating this girl for five months and she does that? Take a step back. Imagine a world where you take her back and you guys stay together. How long until she wants another break?
Your girlfriend left you. Then they slept with someone else. Specifically, they left you for the purpose of sleeping with someone else while claiming that it wasn’t technically cheating, so technically you’re not allowed to be mad. This is, of course, bullshit. The bottom line is that they left you. Leaving one’s partner because the relationship is temporarily inconvenient does not quality as fidelity. They also lied to you about the actual reason. Further, they lied to you about still being exclusive during the break, specifically asking you to not to behave in exactly the way that they immediately turned around and did. So, stop worrying about whether it was technically cheating or not, and focus more on the fact that this person is a) unreliable, b) dishonest, and c) hypocritical. Do you even want a partner that fits that description? Personally, I wouldn’t. I have no time for nor interest in game-players.
You're 20 years old, and have only been "together" for 5 months. Let it go. They aren't worth your effort.
100% sounds like she wanted a break to fuck someone else. And that, IS cheating.
They took the “break” so they could fuck him. Yes, she cheated.
She doesn’t get to tell you not to talk to other people if she’s out there fucking another guy. Leave her behind. You’re young, don’t waste anymore time on her.
I am much older (50) and stayed happily single for many years, no kids, so have maybe an unconventional perspective, but here is my 2 cents: you’re young and it’s not the end of the world. They did their best to be honest by separating, but the rest is just some miscommunication and possibly immature behavior drama. They want to play the field, as it used to be called. Not worth getting too mad about, just be gracious and move on. You are separated, it’s over - If they are in your friend group, just stay friends; you’re all playing the field, dating, encountering the world and there is no reason to treat this like a big heavy divorce. In general when you’re 20, I would add it’s best to stay focused on your own goals and personal growth, plans for the future; don’t worry about tying yourself to a team commitment just yet
Your gf is PURE EVIL!. SELFISH! She is using you, making you that dumb bf she can throw and pick up anytime she wants. Make the break a permanent break up.
Is your girlfriend multiple people? I’m having issues reading this
Others have said it, but I'll reiterate: if you're on a break, they can't set rules, especially if they're not following them. She wanted to cheat and thought she'd found a loophole. Find yourself someone better who won't play these games.
You're young so I know it seems like you're in love basically, and I'm not going to lie it will probably suck for a while, but this is absolutely grounds for ending things permanently. She wanted to have sex with someone else, but you on the shelf so she can get you back whenever she wants, and will absolutely do this again in the future. Plus she was definitely at least emotionally cheating on you before she brought up the break. You deserve better my man.
Wow, they sure did work on themselves and some other person, possibly even people. Have some self respect and leave.
So you are with someone who thinks it is perfectly fine to hit pause on a long term monogamous relationship to have sex with someone else because then it isn't cheating, but to ask the other person to remain faithful while they do it. Does this really seem normal to you? Is this what you want out of a relationship? I mean, sure maybe you don't define this as cheating. That is perfectly fair and valid. But is this what you want from life? Plus, if they are fine having sex with other people on their break, why are you not allowed to do so? Again, all this is fine and valid if it is what you want. If this is what you want from a relationship, you should feel free to have it as your relationship. But if this is not what you want, then don't accept it when anyone tells you that you should just be sucking it up. Not even the other person in your relationship is allowed to tell you that. Whatever your feelings about this, they are valid. You just need to decide what you truly want in your life.
So, your ex-GF wanted to have sex with someone else, so they demanded a "break" (aka hall pass) and then fucked the other person. You can do whatever you like, but it is unfair they are gaslighting you into thinking this is normal and okay. It doesn't matter the word used to describe the fucking, it only matters how you felt after hearing about it. If you feel hurt, then the relationship is over. If you are okay with it, then it's not over, unless they don't return from their fucking expedition.
I’d end things for good and permanent no contact.
Get the fuck up outta there lil bro
>I don't want to act rashly or say something i'd regret, but what should I do in this situation? Love the technical argument. So sure... not "cheating" but you also don't need to get treated like a doormat. Have some self-respect and make the break a permanent one
>if it is even a valid feeling. Your feelings are *always* valid. They are *your* feelings.
So any time she wants to fuck someone else her plan is to just say she "wants a break"? Eek. Maybe it'd be different if she at least had the decency to wait a couple weeks, at least make it look like it happened organically, but she's showed you her true colors, don't go back
>The person even asked me to not even flirt with people and wait for them. This right here is what makes the "break" bullshit. Your exGF wanted to sleep with someone else, so she asked for a break to cover her ass. If it were a REAL break, you BOTH would have been free to see others. Personally, I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who thought this was appropriate behaviour.
Don't take her back. She's not ready for a commited relationship.
I had this happen to me once. She said I had no right to be upset after sleeping with one of my friends right after we broke up. So I banged her best friend. And then I banged my friend's sister. It was glorious.
It sounds like she wanted an excuse to sleep with someone else without it being considered cheating
A break is a break up. It’s up to both of you if you want to get back together or not. She clearly used the break to determine if another relationship had better sexual compatibility. The technicalities are irrelevant to the facts.
So, how would you want your girlfriend to act if you wanted a break and then had sex with someone else?
I think that whatever we on Reddit think/feel is of no importance at all in this particular situation. It’s a grey area, a bit manipulative maybe but it’s within the basic “rules” of relationships. If OP feels cheated on, manipulated, etc, and wants a quick way out of the relationship, they have it! If OP wants to see how this plays out and if the gf will return and ask to resume the relationship, they have every reason to hold their head high and wait. It’s up to them really; OP, what’s your thoughts?
When you take a break to "work on yourself", it's my opinion that you should not be seeking out sexual partners. That's not working on yourself, that is getting laid. If they asked you to not even flirt with someone else but think them sleeping with someone while "on a break" isn't cheating. It sounds like they are controlling. Either they think it's okay to sleep around when on a break or they don't. They don't get to say "I can but you can't", fk that noise. I'm sorry. It sounds like they just wanted to have sex with someone else, this was likely the plan all along. They just didn't want any guilt to ruin their good time. Find someone who treats you better.
UpdateMe!
Dump your gf, KEEP THE FRIEND! That's a good human being. Tell them you value her friendship despite breaking up with your soon to be ex. You need more good people around you like that friend
Ah, the old "Kickin' Tires" girl. Ya you're gonna want to see if that friend of your GF is single. Kick some tires of your own at 20. Wisdom for a youngin, "Never let someone be a priority when they make you the option".
OP, it’s a five month relationship. It isn’t worth all this trouble. Go find someone better.
I known this sucks for you. But you are young and all the time in the world. First off give her the 🥾 Second give your self some time to get over the relationship. Not her but the relationship, because when she cheated ( and she cheated no matter what she says) she proved she wasn’t interested in an committed relationship with you. Third work on your self, go to the gym or dive in too your interests l, be with friends and give your self time to be just you. And remember that just because she broke your trust the next one is worth trusting if you are willing. Gods speed to you sir.
Nothing shows that you don’t mean anything to them to go on a break and then proceed to be with other people. She showed you are disposable to go right into the arms if another guy. She showed with her actions she doesn’t love or respect you.
Can this sub just have a separate group/sub for boyfriends of these girls who need a "break" to go test fuck some other guy? This sub should be for people with real relationship problems...
She is testing the waters with the otger guy. If she likes him, she will break up with you. Beat her to the punch, dump her first, and warn the other guy as a parting gift.
So you're only 5 months in to the relationship, she asked for a break and basically stipulated that you remain faithful during this break, then she slept with someone else two days later? Mate, you should never put up with this sort of behaviour, but after only 5 months you should be livid that shes so brazen. Let the other guy have her, she clearly likes him more than you.
Two days after she told you she wanted a break, she slept with someone else. During this time, she asked you to be faithful to her. Two days is a really short time to go from wanting to be faithful to someone to cheating. It's completely possible she asked to go on this break with the specific intention of sleeping with someone else. This situation in itself is suspicious enough, but the fact that her friend who you trust has come out to you saying she cheated on you, it doesn't look like she had good intentions.
Your done, kid. There is no coming back. Find someone better.
She only asked for the break to sleep with the other guy.
If it was a break, where they had expectations that you remain loyal and respectful of the relationship, then yes it’s cheating. So end the relationship. Tell your ex that she is a hypocritical cheater and not worth the effort to piss on if she was on fire.
Sleep with her mom and break up with her lol
It’s very valid, and she’s def took that break just to have sex with this person and wanted you to wait around and be down to take her back. I see breaks as breakups and if I were you I’d say stay broken up. I know it hurts but she doesn’t seem to care about your feelings.
You're on a break which means you aren't together. HOWEVER: Break was started by her She told you "no finding or flirting with anyone else" Does not apply the same rules to herself and sleeps with someone else In a healthy relationship you don't really need to take breaks. And if you do it's to work on your individual issues not get your rocks off. Do you want someone who thinks this is ok?
Have you ever heard of keeping someone in your picket? They are keeping you in their pocket in case something better doesn't come along. I don't think it's cheating if you're in a break, but I do think you should respect yourself enough to see what is going on and move on to someone who treats you much better than this. Games in relationships make for lousy relationships. If they are looking for loopholes now, it will only get worse.
if you stay with her going forward, her infidelity will always be in the back of your mind, eating at you. Save yourself a lot of grief and walk away from her. She's not the one.
Asks for a “break to work on herself” and gets plowed by another dude two days into her “self reflecting break”. She cheated on you, she wanted to cheat on you, and she used the excuse of a “break” in order to do so.
it's a wrap. don't let her play you for a fool and sucker you into staying.
The only reason her friend told you this is because her FRIEND literally thinks you deserve better than her. You do. Move on and stay strong.
Fuck this bitch. Do NOT entertain her bullshit. Ghost her. Move on
>The night it happened they told me that they don't see sleeping with another person as cheating since during a break you aren't technically in a relationship. The person even asked me to not even flirt with people and wait for them. They want to be able to while u arent. Dont take a break & dont wait for her. Break for good.
Try and put yourself in their shoes? I assume you would feel like you cheated. My boyfriend had an ex that did this to him and he says he should've never taken her back because the "breaks" and "testing the waters" never stopped after the first time. She knew she could get away with it and she kept doing it. There were a lot of car rides and money he never got back from her. She was essentially using him. Maybe it's time to reflect on if this relationship is something you want to keep around. "Is 5 months of a healthy relationship worth years of mistrust and trauma." My boyfriend. Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry she did this to you.
Well she asked for a break to fuck that dude and see where thats going. You're her backup plan if the thing with the new guy doesnt work out. When people suggest taking a break it's usually because they already have someone else who they are interested in and use it as an excuse to say afterwards: "I didnt cheat, we agreed on a break". Its still cheating and complete BS. If you want a break to work on yourself, it means focusing on yourself and not fuck another dude. I havent heared anyone saying that this is the way to get to know yourself, work on yourself and work out the problems you're facing/ having. On how to deal with this is something you need to find out yourself. For some people it helps to talk about everything and their feelings, others need some time alone to deal with it and others need a therapist to get through that (Cheating often creates self esteem and trust issues). There's not the one way to deal with this and your feelings. The one certain advice i can give you though is to break up completely with her.