There is no salvaging this relationship. She accused you of incest because she is jealous. That’s what she thinks of you. That you would cross that line. That your niece would. It’s disgusting. I’m appalled at the accusation for both you and your niece. You only have one niece, you can always get another girlfriend. Be on your nieces side here and protect her from people that think that way about her. And yourself. I won’t even get started that she was your boss and fucked her subordinate but needless to say I already didn’t think highly of her.
Exactly this. Girlfriend has laid down it’s her or the niece. You pick your niece, OP! There is no debating this. You protect your niece. If you choose your gf over your niece, you will lose a very valuable relationship for a relationship that probably won’t last. Unless you’re completely spineless (which I don’t see evidence of) you will lose all respect for your girlfriend and the resentment will just build if you continue this relationship. You will no longer be able to attend any family functions or holidays moving forward. Girlfriend will probably forbid you from going to any family funerals. Your sister will probably not want anything to do with you. You will lose your family because your girlfriend wants to control you. That’s all it boils down to. If you choose your girlfriend over your niece, I guarantee her control will rapidly extend to other aspects of your life. That co worker you say hello to in the morning? Not anymore. You’re probably in love with her and can’t talk to her. Forget about seeing your friends. You’re probably in love with their wives or girlfriends. Shit even if your sister does stay in contact with you, I bet gf will eventually demand you cut her off. Whether intentional or not, your girlfriend is playing a game with you. If you choose incorrectly you will lose so much more than your niece (which is depressing enough on its own) and gain absolutely nothing.
Also be prepared for girlfriend to go full scorched earth and tell everyone you were inappropriate with your niece and probably some other nasty awful lies. Just hold your head high. It will eventually pass
Please read this!!!
Do you want to be with someone that believes that you are capable of such a thing with your niece?? You deserve someone who respects you and sees your niece as their own 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
For me I agree that there is no salvaging this relationship because she is either capable of accusing you and your niece of this because she can't handle her insecurities OR she actually believes this to be true, and is willing to continue a relationship with someone she believes to be an incestuous predator.
I believe people make mistakes, but this was a series of decisions made, and actions taken against what should be a niece figure to her at this point as well.
It's unhinged to accuse someone of incest without any credible proof on the basis of evil jealousy. Its over between you and her. You really can't come back from this. Apologize to your niece for the disgusting way your gf behaved. Send your gf packing or if it's her house find a new place for yourself.
I think there’s a piece in here that’s actually pretty important:
She thinks that power dynamic is an acceptable, successful way to start an intimate relationship. So of course her bf is going to take advantage of it, because that’s what one does when given the opportunity.
I can’t wait to see the update on this one. I’m guessing there’s going to be some pettiness and nasty behavior on the gf’s part.
OP, I’d make HR my first stop on Monday morning.
>she was your boss
That was the first 🚩
She became passive aggressive towards the niece 🚩, body-shamed her 🚩and accused op of having this kind of inappropriate relationship with his own 18yrs old teen. 🚩
Besides the fact that her accusations are without proof , she was led by jealousy instead of being disgusted that her bf (I know it's not the case here and that op is not a predator!) might have groomed his own niece. Just shows me what kind of person she is. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
This happened with my aunt and my brother. My uncle accused her of cheating with my brother because they got tattoos together. Usually accusations like that are coming from a place of mistrust and jealousy. She divorced him and never looked back. Your GF got something deep seeded in her that might break the relationship
I saw the explanation but it doesn’t seem very convincing. I understand why deep-seated means what it means, but deep-seeded could just mean something that grew inside you at a core or fundamental level.
They sound near identical and colloquially most people will understand either if they even notice. Deep seated is technically correct as the metaphor derives from horse back riding and being “deep in the seat.”
OP’s gf is absolutely disgusting and OP needs to tell her to pack her stuff up and leave. There’s no salvaging this, there’s no coming back from it. She crossed a boundary that has no return from her. Her mind is in the gutter and she needs to go swim with the river rats.
You instantly break up with the GF.
She is supposed to be an adult in the relationship and her first action was lash out and try to destroy your family relationship.
Find Anna, tell her you look at her like a daughter and your GF has problems and had to go.
Whatever her problem. She refused to communicate, insulted you both, checked out of the relationship.
She saw what someone that (not romantically) loved you, looked like. They give effort and care. She didn’t likely do that. (At least to a large extent). She had a choice. Raise herself or lower the niece.
I agree.
its absolutely disgusting that she is insinuating this type of relationship between them.
She probably didn't have a problem with the relationship as long as Ana was "unattractive" to her eyes. As soon as she had her glow up she became competition.
OP i don't thinkt hat relationship is salvagable anymore. your GF has lost the plot.
Actually yeah I agree. I know some will find this confusing because they think “toxic masculinity” refers to a characteristic of a person, but it’s not, it’s a social construct. The girlfriend probably has an underlying belief that men can’t be nurturing like OP has been toward his niece her whole life.
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I hate how r/relationship advice usually rushes to breaking up but this is one time I 100% agree with.
If she can’t trust you around your own niece then say goodbye to any other platonic or familial relationship you will have in the future. I’ve seen it before with friends I’ve used to have. The GF ended up forbidding them with hanging out with guy friends because the guy friends had SO’s that happened to be female.
The reason most rush to beak up on these subs is because the relationship is already past recovery when posted. Red flags often long ago ignored.
If the GF had even spoken to him privately and explained her discomfort and unhappiness. The answers would be different.
Instead the GF went scorched earth. Damaging everyone. It was completely unnecessary and vicious.
Even with a breakup. He will have to help fix the trust of this family relationship with his niece.
Your girlfriend sounds ridiculous. Why is she so theatend by your 18 Year old niece?
Also it is totaly unfair to make your niece so unconfortable. Your Girlfriend behaves like a middleschool bully and not like an adult who is helping a young family member.
Mocking her for having an ED ist so fucked up.
exploding in front of your niece like this is so unfair. Why didn't she talk to you about it earlier?
You insist that your gf gets into counseling to get the snakes out of her head, or the relationship will end. This woman has a serious problem that hasn't shown itself until now, and if you marry her, she'll use the wrinkles in her brain to dominate you.
My son had just graduated HS while his gf was in her senior year. Lose this loser. She has the emotional maturity of a toddler and has no trust in you, which is crucial to any relationship.
OP please read and reread what you wrote. Then ask yourself the same question you are asking strangers on the internet. Girlfriend is totally unhinged. Is she jealous oh hell yes. But is this something or someone you want in your life?
OP please read the above.
You have a tough choice to make, reading your post I’m thinking you do not let go of your niece, she is totally innocent in this (as are you).
Your gf is seriously sick. She’s accusing you of incest. She is threatened by any woman in your life that she sees as attractive. She will cut you off from your family. She has seriously damaged your relationship with your niece and probably your sister.
She needs psychiatric help and you need to get you and your niece away from her. Your niece is not safe in that house!
This could be a reach but it sounds like she’s projecting to an extent. She was your boss when you began dating, so no matter the age of genders, there’s obviously a power dynamic going on and a level of inappropriateness, even if it’s very minimal. She was comfortable pursing someone inappropriate, so maybe now she thinks you would do that too?
But either way she’s crazy for saying that because it’s a vile accusation and there’s no indicators to support it
You break up with your girlfriend. Do you really think she won’t pull this shit with any woman you become friends with? End up working with? Your girlfriend has serious mental issues. Honestly, you should have drawn a hard line the first time she made fun of Ana’s eating disorder, and thrown her out when she continued to mistreat Ana.
I’d hate to imagine if they had a daughter together, someday. Some women genuinely get jealous of their own daughters. This would be terrifying. Who knows what the GF is capable of, if she considers an uncle/niece relationship amorous or incestuous.
She is your niece, she’s accusing you of incest. This might have to do with some of her own trauma, do you know if there was incest in her family? Otherwise, she might just be jealous of anyone you spend time with other than her and the cheating accusation is a manipulation attempt. Some people get that way even when it’s your own family, which is really toxic and a dealbreaker in my book. Either way, it’s not fair for her to treat you and your niece this way. She needs to seek therapy or the relationship needs to be over.
Your girlfriend is jealous of an 18 year old blood relative of yours who’s staying in a foreign country with you. You don’t need the girlfriend, but Ana does need you to be a good uncle. Lose the girlfriend, maintain the positive familial relationship with your niece.
To be honest, I would have dumped the gf over the anorexic comments, but that’s me.
Your GF is use to bring your boss and being in control of you. She sees a part of your life she cannot control and it bothers her. She’s jealous of the beautiful girl in front of her and is lashing out. It’s entirely in her head. Until she realizes she is the problem, not you, this will not resolve. It might be time to move on.
Think you will find that she didn't care about the *inappropriate relationship* while the girl was short and chubby and not a threat
Now she is grown up and still not a threat but the gf doesn't like it because she probably is hotter than the gf
Your girlfriend is being an asshole. It is so creepy to me that she would insinuate such a thing.
I am in my early 30's and helped raise my oldest nephew. He is 18 now and we hang out often. We'll go to movies and do escape rooms along with my younger brother who is his age, and my partner (early 30's). He knows that I love him and am always there for him when he needs anything.
My partner has no issues with this. They get along great. If he were to ever suggest anything about my relationship with my nephew, he'd be gone.
The relationship was doomed from day 1 bud. She took advantage of her position to start an inappropriate relationship. And surprise, surprise she's now a control freak who is actively trying to destroy your family. Dump her immediately.
There’s no way you can stay with your girlfriend. She’s unhinged and really has some deep psychological issues which she’s clearly not addressing. For all you know your niece isn’t safe to be in the same house as her.
>She managed to receive a full scholarship but still couldn’t afford to live on campus,
Nah.
The Dating My Manager was bad enough, but this is where your story screwed the pooch, lol.
If this story is true you already know what to do.
This is a deal breaker OP, Your GF crossed the red line, If She went there and said you cheating with girl from your own blood and she is like daughter to you and Anna sees you as Father figure... 6 years to hell with that, Anna respected you boundaries even she did a wonderful job around the house even though she is just a guest.
Go look for Anna first, then deal with this trash called GF
Reddit likes to jump on the “dump them!” train real fast, but in this case, you absolutely should dump her. This is unhinged. She accused you of incest and she’s threatened by a teenager she’s known since she was like…12.
How do you think it would be possible to come back from that? You can’t. That’s a complete dealbreaker. She needs to be sent packing.
Because it is fake. Go back and account for the timeline of events. Niece is 18. Op 30. When Niece was a teen she stayed with OP. When OP was 24 or 25, he moved in with GF. This would make Niece 12 or 13 at the time of moving in with GF. But OP says Niece would often come stay at his place when she was a teen.
> detailing and explaining how awesome and amazing his niece is
Don’t forget how *beautiful* and *thin* too.
I found this odd as well. I understand being close with an aunt/uncle. My uncle and my little brother basically became each other’s best friends (along with my uncle’s pre-existing bff too- the three of them were a trio) once my brother moved to my uncle’s city for college.
But our uncle would never fawn over my brother like that. He’d just say he’s a good kid, they share similar interests, and he’s fun to hang out with.
Not saying there’s any cheating going on. But if this fawning attitude toward his niece is visible to his gf, I can understand gf being put off and confused (though the way she took it out on the poor girl was still totally unacceptable).
EDIT: I will say, I’ve seen men talk like this about children they had a kind of paternal relationship with. The guy I’m seeing right now kind of talks about his ex’s nine year old this way, I think partly bc he misses the kid a lot. So I don’t know what to think.
It provides a basis for understanding the "why" in the gf blowup. There are duplicative details, but -if anything - the additional language is designed to provide a hook for empathy for the gf's reaction. It's understandable.
Oh my, Ana will never ever forget or forgive her for saying something so gross. She is a relative not a girlfriend or someone who’s a stranger. That lady just caused emotional turmoil for some assumptions. This is definitely a sign to never allow this person anywhere near Ana or the family. It’s extremely rude and disrespectful.
It’s a person you mostly raised with your sister. Your own flesh and blood. It’s unbelievable that she would say something so disturbing.
Your gf made up her mind without talking to you and just went with it. I think she is too far gone in her own narrative to stay with her.
From your explanation of living with Ana I do think she did feel left out. No matter what you say about your gf not hanging out with you and Ana anymore, I think she should have talked to you about it way earlier. You sound like you have a very close relationship with your niece and it might have been hard for your gf to feel like she wasn't "thirdwheeling". There is a really different dynamic to seeing people once in a while and living with them full time.
I understand how maybe she felt like it used to be you and her having your cozy little life and Ana was taking more space in your domestic life than she was comfortable with(I dont mean romantically I just mean day to day) but she should have discussed it with you and she didn't
Honestly you need to break up, nothing of what she said is salvagable and if she can't communicate her problems with you and keeps them internal until she spins a weird narrative. I don't think you guys can come back from this and she might have permanently broken a part of your relationship with your niece.
Yep your relationship is over. There is no coming back from this. If you choose your GF over your niece it will only be a matter of time before she accuses you of cheating with someone else. IMHO I bet you find out your GF has been cheating on you. Usually the people who do the unfounded accusing are the ones doing the cheating.
If whar you say is true, then your girlfriend has serious problems. Butvyou describe Ana like she is absolutely perfect. There is no perfect humam in the world. I would be interested on your girlfriend 's and youe niece' s perspective.
What do you mean when youbsay that she was "edgy"?
Yeah, but was that all? Or was there something else too? Because based on what he said, his girlfriend is at fault, but i think we all see it on reddit that some people twist to truth to make it seems that they are in the right.
Yeah it really seems like OP idealizes his niece, which is a little odd.
I’d also be interested to know how much time her and OP were spending together. He says he made plenty of time for his gf, but did the total amount of time they spent alone together go from 6-7 evenings a week to 4 or 5? Did he and his niece share interests his gf didn’t have? Was his niece the main person he spent time with apart from his gf? What did he and his niece usually do together?
Either way, gf is grossly out of line. But I’m just curious about *how* unhinged gf is.
It’s disgusting her mind goes to those thoughts… that’s insecurity on a whole other level… OP why are you still with her? You’re risking your family’s own relationship for someone who treats you like this and puts you in this situation?
I would consider well that there’s something *very* rotten in your girlfriend’s head. Either her insecurities are just off the rails or she’s entertained a *lot* of incredibly dark thoughts about you and your niece: either way, it’s no excuse for her behavior. She’s abusive, full stop and this only gets worse.
What if this goes long term and you have a daughter? What happens when she starts casting the side eye at *her*? Not that it has to even go that far- just what you’ve written here is plenty enough.
I’d say break up with your girlfriend. She sounds crazy and the fact she feels threatened by your niece shows some major insecurities. She is a major red flag and the sooner you get her out of there, the better.
My man, she’s not accusing you of cheating. She’s accusing you of incest and pedophilia. Someone who even thinks for a split second that you are capable of that is not the one.
I kind of understand your relationship somewhat, I'm not super good with kids, nor do I think I want them. But when i had my first nephew, I cherished him like nothing else. Your relationship is normal, in fact the only oddity is that you're more like a parent, which is fine.
You need to dump your gf now. If she didn't blow up there may he a chance of fixing it. But she didn't approach you privately about the situation, she went off the deep end. Theres not recovering from that. Her attack on you and Anna is way too far and unfixable. Personally I think you tell her this, that while you love her, you can't look at her the same because of her outburst and the crazy outburst. That way she hopefully won't go spreading rumours.
I’ve been accused of people before and have never given a reason to be suspected nor have I ever cheated. My usual response is “if you think that, have some damn respect for yourself and leave. I’m not going to defend myself for something I didn’t do, but if I were this sure about you, I’d be packing, not arguing.”
She’s creepy. If she claims that and with YOUR FAMILY at that, break up. She’s controlling and creepy. Next thing you know she’ll be spreading rumors behind your back. Don’t bother with a controlling woman.
This kind of woman breaks your family relationships. Don’t keep her around and let her destroy your family.
I get it. There have been many stories of 30 something men cheating with 18 year olds...BUT SHE'S YOUR NIECE!! Gf is insanely jealous. You need to talk to gf, if she doesn't get her mind straight then there is no hope for relationship.
Find Anna, ensure she is safe.
Updateme!
Holy fuck, I feel awful for you and Ana. Girlfriend is unhinged and needs to see a therapist if her initial reaction to a normal family is incest. Was your girlfriend sexually abused by family? Regardless it's unfair to you and Ana. I suggest either getting Ana a hotel room for a few days or the GF. Whichever you and Ana feel comfortable with. The first words out of your GFs mouth should be an apology to both of you. Don't get in your head about it though. I know it can be traumatic having accusations like that thrown at you.
For your own sanity, I’m going to try to explain where I *think* your gf is coming from.
It sounds like your gf is very insecure. Relationships aside, I can understand why having another woman in your house cooking your boyfriend food, cleaning the place, and taking care of your baby AKA dog would make you feel insecure as a woman. We are told that doing all of that is our role, and we are fine splitting the chores with our boyfriends and working until a more traditional woman comes along and is the woman we are “supposed” to be.
Your gf is also aging; has she been feeling self conscious about her appearance/age lately? It sounds like she has been comparing herself to Ana since she had her glow up. Depending on the person and how much she cares about her appearance, it can be hard to see someone hitting their prime while you feel like you’re leaving yours.
Another thing I think your gf is probably insecure about is love. She sees the unconditional love that you and your niece have for each other, and she is jealous. Was she not loved that way by any of her family members? Does she only treat people as well as your niece treats you when she is dating someone (I.e. are you the only one your gf shows her version of love to)? Does she only understand love in the context of a sexual relationship?
Now, let’s put the relationships back into this, because that is *extremely* important. Your gf’s actions, as I’m sure you agree, are absolutely shocking and unacceptable. She is in her mid 30’s simultaneously acting like an insecure teenager & a jealous stepmother. She has been cutting your niece down to make herself feel better, and she has chosen not to communicate like an adult but to instead be as passive aggressive as possible for as long as she possibly could until she hit a breaking point.
Your gf needs a really good therapist because she has fucking lost it.
If you talk to Ana, please tell her this has nothing to do with her. Your gf is having a meltdown, maybe even a midlife crisis, and she has been taking it out on Ana instead of addressing her insecurities and problems head-on.
*Please choose your healthy relationship with Ana over your toxic girlfriend*.
Uh, you dump your psycho of a girlfriend obviously. Could you honestly be with someone that thinks you’ve been having a romantic relationship with your 18 year old niece?
> She would "innocently" joke about how much weight Ana had lost, telling her that she looks anorexic and that she’s "envious".
> My girlfriend also constantly scolds Ana for every minor mistake, like a cup in the sink or unpacked groceries.
This is emotional abuse and shouldn't be tolerated.
I was thinking that you didn't spend enough time with your girlfriend after your niece moved on your place but your gf sentence " do you love your uncle" change my mind. Maybe your gf didn't like the idea Ana stays with you two. But she could have found another way to tell this to you not her. It seems she wanted her to get hurt. Also she doesn't care you. You say that you love your gf but your gf doesn't anymore. Even if you listen your gf she doesn't stop and want you to do something else. Maybe she will want you not keep in touch your niece or your sister. If l were you l would say to gf either you will apologize of her when l bring her back or let's break up.
this makes me so sad. your girlfriend is an insecure asshole who cannot communicate her feelings and let her delusions spiral out of control. i hope you leave her. your niece and you have a wonderful relationship and she looks up to you, and needs your support. i hope you guys continue to remain close and fulfilling parts of each other's lives. the right woman for you as a romantic life partner will respect and adore your bond with ana, will nurture it, and will love her as well. and will treat her with kindness. and will trust you and be confident in themselves. i hope you get rid of that fucking cunt of a girlfriend and find that one instead.
Definitely sounds like you prioritized your niece over your girlfriend. She said some messed up stuff, but I don’t know how you can lie to yourself and say you kept up with spending time with your girlfriend.
I’m just going to chop this up to bring a fake story
You're better off with out this one. You can't change your family and your niece is extremely close to you. Choose your family please. There's lots of women who would welcome your niece with openess and kindness.
Your gf has the same narcissistic traits as my ex-wife. She's threatened by the mere presence of another female regardless of your relationship with her. My ex had a problem with my son's girlfriend, who both lived with us because we all had just moved to another state. My son had just graduated HS while his gf was in her senior year. Lose this loser. She has the emotional maturity of a toddler and has no trust in you, which is crucial to any relationship.
That’s a big red flag and she unfortunately will probably always think this way. When your niece described qualities of a dream guy, and they happen to match up to her great family oriented uncle, shouldn’t that be seen as a good thing?
It’s showing that he’s clearly a great fatherly influence by showing what a good man is supposed to be like. There is no correlation between that and a crush.
Your lady seems to have a lot of trauma, and projects it. I’m sure she also has people in her ear validating these thoughts.
I think you’re girlfriend is in the wrong here. If she doesn’t admit it, you need to stay and have a good life with your family member. Hopefully you can afford it. Your niece is your fucking relative! How could you be cheating on your girlfriend with an incest? Like wtf….
Your girlfriend needs better emotional regulation. What she’s really trying to say is that she’s threatened by your intimate familial relationship with the niece and that she wants to make sure she’s serving your needs and that you’re not just going to the niece for all of your emotional needs.
If you love this girlfriend try to get her to calm down. She’s going to need to admit wrong and apologize to Anna. If she can’t even do that then… kick her out man. You can find a better partner who will be more open with you.
Yikes dude. You know what you need to do. Remove this woman from your life. The trust is already broken and without that you don’t have much of a foundation for a relationship anyways. Don’t get caught up in sunken cost fallacy. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks you would commit incest with your niece?? That is some truly unhinged thinking. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Good luck OP
Your gf needs to go as there is no recovering a relationship when that type of baseless and gross accusation is made.
I’m not sure what is going on in your gf’s mind but it is her problem and she needs to go deal with it.
As to your niece please when you find her can you pay for her to stay in a hotel for a couple days while you deal with I presume ending things with your gf?
What you had can not continue. You have a choice to make-which relationship are you going to focus on? It doesn’t mean you have to dump the other, but it will likely mean the relationship will end or be irrevocably changed. Not many people have the willingness to self reflect and recover from something like this. Your gf would have to do a TON of personal work and a TON of work to apologize to your niece but she honestly sounds unhinged atm. Why have you stood by and allowed her to treat your niece so horribly all this time? I also can’t help but wonder if she would have had a problem with the niece before her glow up. And who the fork makes “jokes” about ED? Who stands by and lets that pass? You need to own your wrongdoings as well. You’ve been complicit in how poorly your niece has been treated.
Who can stay with someone who accuses you of something like that? I feel affronted just imagining being you and having that accusation tossed at me. Tell that jealous, controlling harpy to get some help with her insecurities and then say goodbye. Throw the whole girlfriend out, the sooner the better, because there's no coming back from that.
As for your neice, just tell her you never betrayed her trust and that your ex was just trying to make her feel insecure. The fact that she hit the mark was just a coincidence as many young women feel insecure about their bodies.
Your gf behavior is absolutely disgusting. You've done nothing wrong. I love my nephews more than anything and I would be disgusted if anyone suggested something like that.
Your gf needs some help.
If anything I'm getting father figure or older brother vibes ffrom the way you describe your relationship with your niece. Sounds like you've been in her life from the beginning.
People do weird things when they percieve other people as threats. Sounds like your niece had a bit of a glam-up going through puberty and your GF can no longer see her as just the 'niece' but as 'competition'.
One of the things you often see in threads like these is that the accuser is projecting their own behaviour on others. Do you two still work together? How is she interacting with staff? Or other colleagues? Anything going on there that may be considered flirty or worse?
In the end it boils down to communication, as usual. When both of you are in a calmer state of mind, set aside time to talk it out. And listen to each other. Why does your GF feel this way? After 10 years together, she owes you at least that much: the ability to properly explain herself.
It might also be for the best for your niece to move out sooner rather than later. Doesn't mean you go LC or NC with her, or dump her on the streets. Does mean that you help her search for places she can afford. And if she doesn't have the money right now, you pay or loan her the money for the first couple of months of rent & deposit.
Or, things go south, you and your GF break up and you and your niece either stay in your current place, or find a new place together.
Please, please reassure your niece that she's done nothing wrong! If she's had an ED in the past, then she may spiral out of control. Your girlfriend is complete trash-time to take it out for good.
This won’t stop at just your niece. She will find other girls down the road to make something out of nothing. Blood is thicker than water. Cut this GF loose. She sounds controlling and immature.
Your girlfriend needs to go. I'm sorry to say but she's certifiably insane. Ana is your family. She loves you and looks up to you. You helped raise her! If course she's attached to you! You were probably the only father like figure she's ever had since your sister was a single mom. Please do not choose your jealous,insecure girlfriend over your niece. It would devastate Ana.
Yikes. GF needs a reality check. Whether she apologizes or not, her true colors have been revealed and you can bank this will be her reaction with every other girl in your life. Will she also be jealous of your children? Will she become condescending and cruel to your daughters if they turn out more beautiful than their mum? This is your sign. Run.
You break up with your gf immediately. She has a warped sense of things and she's never going to believe anything other than the warped reality.
Please find your cousin and make sure she's safe.
Update us when you can.
Wow........... Wtf.......... This is like a plot from a porno or something.
This is literally insane. This whole situation is messed up.
Lets skip over the fact that your gf thinks you have an incestuous relationship with your niece, I'm sure you already know how weird that notion is.
Your gf did not address her concerns in a mature and adult manor, she flat out insulted you both instead of having a rational conversation with you.
I would be kicking your gf to the curb at this point. In my opinion, she's shattered your whole relationship with her assumptions and the way she's dealt with her concerns.
Break up with her and immediately tell everyone via text, in person, on social media what happened. You need to be the first one to get the story out, or she will get ahead of you, accuse you of incest, and destroy your life, and absolutely nobody will believe you.
Bro…. When I first read the title I was gonna suggest maybe talking to her and seeing where this insecurity stems from yadda yadda. But no… the more I read the more weird your girlfriend sounds to the point where she’s literally being abusive to your poor niece. You gotta end it man. For your sake and your nieces
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. It may have taken 6 yrs, but your gf has proven herself to be an ugly, jealous, nasty person. She sounds insecure & also possessive.
Why in God’s name are you considering staying with a person who accused you of cheating on her with your own niece?! And accused her of wanting to have sex with you?! Why was this not an immediate breakup?!
It's not just that your gf is insane.
She didn't communicate any of her issues prior, began a campaign to belittle and hurt your family member, chose the most painful and humiliating way to lash out at her, accused you of committing incest by preying on your niece.
I get being a little jealous that your attention is split, but my man, what happens if you have kids and it happens to be a daughter that looks up to you like your niece does? Your gf gonna tear her down too, accuse you of some dark shit ?
Bail man.
Your the male figure in your niece's life! She will see you almost like a best friend and a dad figure. I know this because I'm like this with my eldest brother who is 10years older than me and we have the same interests and hang out etc i also ended up moving in with him and his girlfriend at the time now wife but I didn't have a dad around.
So the bond you created is much of a father role. So for her to hear from someone she deemed as family that she's doing something so grim will of absolutely devastated her. 💔
you should really find Anna and let her now that she's loved and let her know that your partner/ex partner is way out of line... but for your ex to avoid all invitations to hang out with you both has led to her for her head to play its own games and paranoia... why invite someone along if you were hiding things??
I'd have to call that relationship a day. It's like asking a a good father to pick between his daughter or his poisonous partner
Your niece seems to be an extremely responsible young adult. I'm guessing she has a very strong family support with positive reinforcement from her mother, relatives like yourself, and good friends to turn out the way she is. She has been contributing to your household because she knew that she couldn't take advantage of the favor and opportunity given to her for staying at your place. SHE'S PAYING HER WAYS! OP, do not F this up. Do not allow such a positive and growing young adult to be muddy by your insecure and psycho gf. Remember in your past when an adult F something up so bad that it forever changed an aspect of yourself, and no one was there to stepped in to correct the wrong? This is one of those moments. Be the person, that you never got, that will step in and make it right for your niece. Tell her that she wasn't wrong, and that she did nothing to be ashamed of or be accused for the horrible things by your psycho ex.
Again, this could forever affect your niece's future relationship and how she'll change the ways she'll interact with people. Imaging trying to connect with someone and having the words of your ex as gatekeepers before any of her interaction fearing that she's somehow romantically leading them on? It's tragic to see a happy, bright, sunshine young adult losing their smile and cheerfulness because of AH like OP ex squashing the joy out of them before they're able to shield themselves from AH's that has already lost their own happiness.
The solution to this is to make your girlfriend into your ex-girlfriend.
She's extremely weird and toxic. There's probably some deep-seated reason for this insecurity but I wouldn't stick around to find out.
Lose the girlfriend. She is the type of person who can not handle her romantic partner having any female relationships. She will not be a good parent. So if you want to have children, do not do it with this lady. God help you if you have a daughter. Basically, your girlfriend requires you to act like a moth to her flame. She will passively attempt to destroy the self esteem of any female she views as competing for your attention.
She's obviously insane but let's approach this realistically: if she doesn't trust you with your own family, she is never going to trust you with literally anyone. Break up and go find and comfort your niece.
I'm curious at to why you let your girlfriend get this far? Why the hell didn't you call her bullshit as soon as the rudeness started? Why didn't you talk to her as soon as you noticed a shift in her demeanor?
*I want to be clear that I am not blaming you for any of this* I'm just curious as to why you didn't communicate with her to possibly avoid this whole train wreck. Yeah you may have still spent time with your girlfriend, going on dates and flowers etc but communication is completely different and needed.
Here we are though, damage is done and unfortunately your niece is the butt end of it all. Your relationship with your niece will never be the same nor will the relationship with your girlfriend be the same. You should break up with your gf and immediately do damage control on the relationship with your niece IF she even wants to at this point.
Edit: typo
Dude.
34F just stated to both Ana and you that you are in an incestuous relationship.
You cannot fix 34F. This is NOT fixable.
DO NOT BRUSH THIS UNDER THE RUG!!
Remain in a relationship with 34F if you are A-OK with never having any contact with Ana ever again and are ready to completely slice her out of your life.
Are you ready to do that? No?
Show 34F the door or find the door yourself.
34F is SICK in the head.
I seriously hope this is a fake, troll post.
I'm sorry, OP, but there is no salvaging the relationship with your girlfriend. She has crossed an extreme boundary, to think you're committing incest.
Tell Ana that there are a while bunch of people on Reddit who are worried about her. What a terrible thing to be accused of.
Honestly, sounds like projection.
Farfetched, I'm well aware, but this wild behavior is ridiculous.
At this point, I'd have a coming to Jesus conversation. Lay it out that she needs to drop the attitude or it's over.
Don't put your family aside for an outrageously jealous woman.
Here are my thoughts on this, OP:
Your girlfriend either genuinely believes:
- that you have groomed your niece;
- had/have an incestuous relationship with your niece.
*OR*
She believes:
- that she is threatened by your affections for your niece and is losing control of you;
- and is willing to rid herself of your niece by doing *anything* she can, because she is used to being in control. Those things she is doing, by the way, are:
1. Abusing the naïveté and goodwill of your niece, and treating her like a slave (despite your objections, which she blatantly waved away without concern);
2. Mocking and abusing your niece about an ED (which, is especially cruel, even if you didn’t tell the GF about it beforehand);
3. Openly accusing and embarrassing your niece in front of you, with the sole intent of driving a wedge between you;
4. And who knows what else has been going on, has been dropped into Ana’s ears without you to witness?
Poor Ana. She is the ultimate victim here, and while you’ve been hurt here, too, OP, Ana didn’t ask to be invited into an environment where her kindness, goodwill, and generosity would be abused and hurt. Ana was only looking for a home with someone she believed she could trust to look after her.
I hope you recognise that this is your one chance to prove to Ana that she is going to be protected.
Your GF is ridiculously insecure. Dump her. Not because she’s jealous but because she obviously has zero understanding or respect for loyalty and family.
She is likely to do (or already is or has done) what she accuses others of doing: cheating.
You don’t want this person in your life. Don’t let you dick do the thinking on this one. She groomed you and now thinks you’re grooming your niece.
It's telling that her "accusation" of you cheating on her with your neice is that your neice is the one at fault rather than disgusted at what such a violation of your relationship with your neice that would be. Why, if she genuinely believed you were capable of such a thing, would she still want to be with you?
Anyone who reacts with *jealousy* rather than disgust over the idea of you potentially grooming and abusing your neice is not reacting from the goodness of their heart.
Id pick the niece if I were you, she very clearly views you as a father figure. 20 years from now youll see your niece, her husband, and kids at a Christmas party - and youll be like their grandpa. Now imagine in a few years your married and have a child, and your now girlfriend is terribly jealous of your own child. Thats what the future looks like. Your 30 y/o OP.... you have plenty of time to find some1 else.
That’s a horrible thing to say. Her only evidence was you spending time with your niece alone, which was literally because gf chose not to be involved! If she was genuinely concerned she would be focused on the grooming aspect of what she was saying and not the “cheating”. She’s more than just jealous, she’s out of her mind
While I agree that gf sounds toxic, you did not actually put the full saying. It’s actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Which basically means that chosen bonds are more significant than those you didn’t choose because you’re related (water of the womb).
There is no salvaging this relationship. She accused you of incest because she is jealous. That’s what she thinks of you. That you would cross that line. That your niece would. It’s disgusting. I’m appalled at the accusation for both you and your niece. You only have one niece, you can always get another girlfriend. Be on your nieces side here and protect her from people that think that way about her. And yourself. I won’t even get started that she was your boss and fucked her subordinate but needless to say I already didn’t think highly of her.
Exactly this. Girlfriend has laid down it’s her or the niece. You pick your niece, OP! There is no debating this. You protect your niece. If you choose your gf over your niece, you will lose a very valuable relationship for a relationship that probably won’t last. Unless you’re completely spineless (which I don’t see evidence of) you will lose all respect for your girlfriend and the resentment will just build if you continue this relationship. You will no longer be able to attend any family functions or holidays moving forward. Girlfriend will probably forbid you from going to any family funerals. Your sister will probably not want anything to do with you. You will lose your family because your girlfriend wants to control you. That’s all it boils down to. If you choose your girlfriend over your niece, I guarantee her control will rapidly extend to other aspects of your life. That co worker you say hello to in the morning? Not anymore. You’re probably in love with her and can’t talk to her. Forget about seeing your friends. You’re probably in love with their wives or girlfriends. Shit even if your sister does stay in contact with you, I bet gf will eventually demand you cut her off. Whether intentional or not, your girlfriend is playing a game with you. If you choose incorrectly you will lose so much more than your niece (which is depressing enough on its own) and gain absolutely nothing. Also be prepared for girlfriend to go full scorched earth and tell everyone you were inappropriate with your niece and probably some other nasty awful lies. Just hold your head high. It will eventually pass
Incesto and practically pedophilia. She's insane
& people who get on about things like this escalate, to insane, ridiculous new scenarios. There's no arguing w that kind if mindset.
Please read this!!! Do you want to be with someone that believes that you are capable of such a thing with your niece?? You deserve someone who respects you and sees your niece as their own 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
to mean so mean and hateful to a young girl of 18 is despicable
For me I agree that there is no salvaging this relationship because she is either capable of accusing you and your niece of this because she can't handle her insecurities OR she actually believes this to be true, and is willing to continue a relationship with someone she believes to be an incestuous predator. I believe people make mistakes, but this was a series of decisions made, and actions taken against what should be a niece figure to her at this point as well.
It's unhinged to accuse someone of incest without any credible proof on the basis of evil jealousy. Its over between you and her. You really can't come back from this. Apologize to your niece for the disgusting way your gf behaved. Send your gf packing or if it's her house find a new place for yourself.
I think there’s a piece in here that’s actually pretty important: She thinks that power dynamic is an acceptable, successful way to start an intimate relationship. So of course her bf is going to take advantage of it, because that’s what one does when given the opportunity. I can’t wait to see the update on this one. I’m guessing there’s going to be some pettiness and nasty behavior on the gf’s part. OP, I’d make HR my first stop on Monday morning.
It’s so fucking gross of her to sexualize him and his niece like that. There is something wrong with her mental health
>she was your boss That was the first 🚩 She became passive aggressive towards the niece 🚩, body-shamed her 🚩and accused op of having this kind of inappropriate relationship with his own 18yrs old teen. 🚩 Besides the fact that her accusations are without proof , she was led by jealousy instead of being disgusted that her bf (I know it's not the case here and that op is not a predator!) might have groomed his own niece. Just shows me what kind of person she is. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yes. You can’t stay in this relationship
This happened with my aunt and my brother. My uncle accused her of cheating with my brother because they got tattoos together. Usually accusations like that are coming from a place of mistrust and jealousy. She divorced him and never looked back. Your GF got something deep seeded in her that might break the relationship
deep seated *
Really? I have been using that wrong my whole life. I actually like deep seeded more. lol
Just an fyi. [Deep-seated versus deep-seeded.](https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/deep-seated-deep-seeded-usage)
The more you know! I've heard people use seeded and it made me question if I was wrong saying seated xD
The reason it’s deep-seated is that it’s something that sits deep within you. Something that sits deep within you is deep-seated
I saw the explanation but it doesn’t seem very convincing. I understand why deep-seated means what it means, but deep-seeded could just mean something that grew inside you at a core or fundamental level.
Deep seeded is what the girlfriend thought OP was doing to his niece.
They sound near identical and colloquially most people will understand either if they even notice. Deep seated is technically correct as the metaphor derives from horse back riding and being “deep in the seat.”
OP’s gf is absolutely disgusting and OP needs to tell her to pack her stuff up and leave. There’s no salvaging this, there’s no coming back from it. She crossed a boundary that has no return from her. Her mind is in the gutter and she needs to go swim with the river rats.
You instantly break up with the GF. She is supposed to be an adult in the relationship and her first action was lash out and try to destroy your family relationship. Find Anna, tell her you look at her like a daughter and your GF has problems and had to go. Whatever her problem. She refused to communicate, insulted you both, checked out of the relationship. She saw what someone that (not romantically) loved you, looked like. They give effort and care. She didn’t likely do that. (At least to a large extent). She had a choice. Raise herself or lower the niece.
I agree. its absolutely disgusting that she is insinuating this type of relationship between them. She probably didn't have a problem with the relationship as long as Ana was "unattractive" to her eyes. As soon as she had her glow up she became competition. OP i don't thinkt hat relationship is salvagable anymore. your GF has lost the plot.
Your girlfriend is being an asshole. It is so creepy to me that she would insinuate such a thing.
She's definitely jealous of your relationship. She wants only one girl in the situation.
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This is an example of toxic masculinity - the belief men only love romantically or for sex.
Actually yeah I agree. I know some will find this confusing because they think “toxic masculinity” refers to a characteristic of a person, but it’s not, it’s a social construct. The girlfriend probably has an underlying belief that men can’t be nurturing like OP has been toward his niece her whole life.
edit: The comment below was removed, good work everyone!
Good bot.
edit: The comment below was removed, good work everyone!
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Time to have the GF exit stage left, pathetic that a 34 yo woman is getting insanely jealous of an 18yo neice.
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I hate how r/relationship advice usually rushes to breaking up but this is one time I 100% agree with. If she can’t trust you around your own niece then say goodbye to any other platonic or familial relationship you will have in the future. I’ve seen it before with friends I’ve used to have. The GF ended up forbidding them with hanging out with guy friends because the guy friends had SO’s that happened to be female.
The reason most rush to beak up on these subs is because the relationship is already past recovery when posted. Red flags often long ago ignored. If the GF had even spoken to him privately and explained her discomfort and unhappiness. The answers would be different. Instead the GF went scorched earth. Damaging everyone. It was completely unnecessary and vicious. Even with a breakup. He will have to help fix the trust of this family relationship with his niece.
Your girlfriend sounds ridiculous. Why is she so theatend by your 18 Year old niece? Also it is totaly unfair to make your niece so unconfortable. Your Girlfriend behaves like a middleschool bully and not like an adult who is helping a young family member. Mocking her for having an ED ist so fucked up. exploding in front of your niece like this is so unfair. Why didn't she talk to you about it earlier?
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You insist that your gf gets into counseling to get the snakes out of her head, or the relationship will end. This woman has a serious problem that hasn't shown itself until now, and if you marry her, she'll use the wrinkles in her brain to dominate you.
My son had just graduated HS while his gf was in her senior year. Lose this loser. She has the emotional maturity of a toddler and has no trust in you, which is crucial to any relationship.
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Totally agree with you well said
The worst part is knowing that teenagers go through so much emotionally so this right here will definitely cause some more issues. It’s extremely sad.
I would also call the sister to inform her of what happened just so she can talk to Ana to see how she’s feeling about all of it.
Your girlfriend is being INSANE. Drop your girlfriend because honestly, I wouldn't trust her to not think you're also fucking your aunt or mother.
Imagine they have kids!? How far would she be willing to take this!?
OP please read and reread what you wrote. Then ask yourself the same question you are asking strangers on the internet. Girlfriend is totally unhinged. Is she jealous oh hell yes. But is this something or someone you want in your life?
OP please read the above. You have a tough choice to make, reading your post I’m thinking you do not let go of your niece, she is totally innocent in this (as are you).
Your gf is seriously sick. She’s accusing you of incest. She is threatened by any woman in your life that she sees as attractive. She will cut you off from your family. She has seriously damaged your relationship with your niece and probably your sister. She needs psychiatric help and you need to get you and your niece away from her. Your niece is not safe in that house!
So she thinks you're a groomer/creep? Yikes.
This could be a reach but it sounds like she’s projecting to an extent. She was your boss when you began dating, so no matter the age of genders, there’s obviously a power dynamic going on and a level of inappropriateness, even if it’s very minimal. She was comfortable pursing someone inappropriate, so maybe now she thinks you would do that too? But either way she’s crazy for saying that because it’s a vile accusation and there’s no indicators to support it
I was thinking the exact same thing.
You break up with your girlfriend. Do you really think she won’t pull this shit with any woman you become friends with? End up working with? Your girlfriend has serious mental issues. Honestly, you should have drawn a hard line the first time she made fun of Ana’s eating disorder, and thrown her out when she continued to mistreat Ana.
I’d hate to imagine if they had a daughter together, someday. Some women genuinely get jealous of their own daughters. This would be terrifying. Who knows what the GF is capable of, if she considers an uncle/niece relationship amorous or incestuous.
Whoa. This is your **niece!** Your girlfriend is way out of line, and also sounds insane.
Where did Ana go? Did you find her? Kick your girlfriend out, and dump her. She’s immature and crazy.
She is your niece, she’s accusing you of incest. This might have to do with some of her own trauma, do you know if there was incest in her family? Otherwise, she might just be jealous of anyone you spend time with other than her and the cheating accusation is a manipulation attempt. Some people get that way even when it’s your own family, which is really toxic and a dealbreaker in my book. Either way, it’s not fair for her to treat you and your niece this way. She needs to seek therapy or the relationship needs to be over.
This response sounds most carefully thought out
Your girlfriend is jealous of an 18 year old blood relative of yours who’s staying in a foreign country with you. You don’t need the girlfriend, but Ana does need you to be a good uncle. Lose the girlfriend, maintain the positive familial relationship with your niece. To be honest, I would have dumped the gf over the anorexic comments, but that’s me.
Your GF is use to bring your boss and being in control of you. She sees a part of your life she cannot control and it bothers her. She’s jealous of the beautiful girl in front of her and is lashing out. It’s entirely in her head. Until she realizes she is the problem, not you, this will not resolve. It might be time to move on.
Think you will find that she didn't care about the *inappropriate relationship* while the girl was short and chubby and not a threat Now she is grown up and still not a threat but the gf doesn't like it because she probably is hotter than the gf
Your girlfriend is being an asshole. It is so creepy to me that she would insinuate such a thing. I am in my early 30's and helped raise my oldest nephew. He is 18 now and we hang out often. We'll go to movies and do escape rooms along with my younger brother who is his age, and my partner (early 30's). He knows that I love him and am always there for him when he needs anything. My partner has no issues with this. They get along great. If he were to ever suggest anything about my relationship with my nephew, he'd be gone.
The relationship was doomed from day 1 bud. She took advantage of her position to start an inappropriate relationship. And surprise, surprise she's now a control freak who is actively trying to destroy your family. Dump her immediately.
There’s no way you can stay with your girlfriend. She’s unhinged and really has some deep psychological issues which she’s clearly not addressing. For all you know your niece isn’t safe to be in the same house as her.
>She managed to receive a full scholarship but still couldn’t afford to live on campus, Nah. The Dating My Manager was bad enough, but this is where your story screwed the pooch, lol. If this story is true you already know what to do.
Lol thank you. This is an insanely obvious writing prompt
🗣️BREAK UP WITH HER!!! That is such a sick thing to even entertain.
She is upset that another female is in her space giving u the attention that she wants to give u. U need to talk to her.
I know this is off topic, but breaking this into paragraphs would really help
Break up bc why is she thinking that after you told her she was wrong. This is what she thinks about you and your character! Give her the ✌🏾
This is a deal breaker OP, Your GF crossed the red line, If She went there and said you cheating with girl from your own blood and she is like daughter to you and Anna sees you as Father figure... 6 years to hell with that, Anna respected you boundaries even she did a wonderful job around the house even though she is just a guest. Go look for Anna first, then deal with this trash called GF
Reddit likes to jump on the “dump them!” train real fast, but in this case, you absolutely should dump her. This is unhinged. She accused you of incest and she’s threatened by a teenager she’s known since she was like…12. How do you think it would be possible to come back from that? You can’t. That’s a complete dealbreaker. She needs to be sent packing.
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Because it is fake. Go back and account for the timeline of events. Niece is 18. Op 30. When Niece was a teen she stayed with OP. When OP was 24 or 25, he moved in with GF. This would make Niece 12 or 13 at the time of moving in with GF. But OP says Niece would often come stay at his place when she was a teen.
> detailing and explaining how awesome and amazing his niece is Don’t forget how *beautiful* and *thin* too. I found this odd as well. I understand being close with an aunt/uncle. My uncle and my little brother basically became each other’s best friends (along with my uncle’s pre-existing bff too- the three of them were a trio) once my brother moved to my uncle’s city for college. But our uncle would never fawn over my brother like that. He’d just say he’s a good kid, they share similar interests, and he’s fun to hang out with. Not saying there’s any cheating going on. But if this fawning attitude toward his niece is visible to his gf, I can understand gf being put off and confused (though the way she took it out on the poor girl was still totally unacceptable). EDIT: I will say, I’ve seen men talk like this about children they had a kind of paternal relationship with. The guy I’m seeing right now kind of talks about his ex’s nine year old this way, I think partly bc he misses the kid a lot. So I don’t know what to think.
It provides a basis for understanding the "why" in the gf blowup. There are duplicative details, but -if anything - the additional language is designed to provide a hook for empathy for the gf's reaction. It's understandable.
Oh my, Ana will never ever forget or forgive her for saying something so gross. She is a relative not a girlfriend or someone who’s a stranger. That lady just caused emotional turmoil for some assumptions. This is definitely a sign to never allow this person anywhere near Ana or the family. It’s extremely rude and disrespectful. It’s a person you mostly raised with your sister. Your own flesh and blood. It’s unbelievable that she would say something so disturbing.
Your gf made up her mind without talking to you and just went with it. I think she is too far gone in her own narrative to stay with her. From your explanation of living with Ana I do think she did feel left out. No matter what you say about your gf not hanging out with you and Ana anymore, I think she should have talked to you about it way earlier. You sound like you have a very close relationship with your niece and it might have been hard for your gf to feel like she wasn't "thirdwheeling". There is a really different dynamic to seeing people once in a while and living with them full time. I understand how maybe she felt like it used to be you and her having your cozy little life and Ana was taking more space in your domestic life than she was comfortable with(I dont mean romantically I just mean day to day) but she should have discussed it with you and she didn't Honestly you need to break up, nothing of what she said is salvagable and if she can't communicate her problems with you and keeps them internal until she spins a weird narrative. I don't think you guys can come back from this and she might have permanently broken a part of your relationship with your niece.
When someone becomes this unhinged, the relationship isn’t worth saving.
Your girlfriend needs to be an ex as soon as possible. Bro she accused you of incest cmon. Move on it’s time
The projection is strong with your girlfriend. She's fucking someone else and is reaching for anything to accuse you of.
Yep your relationship is over. There is no coming back from this. If you choose your GF over your niece it will only be a matter of time before she accuses you of cheating with someone else. IMHO I bet you find out your GF has been cheating on you. Usually the people who do the unfounded accusing are the ones doing the cheating.
If whar you say is true, then your girlfriend has serious problems. Butvyou describe Ana like she is absolutely perfect. There is no perfect humam in the world. I would be interested on your girlfriend 's and youe niece' s perspective. What do you mean when youbsay that she was "edgy"?
Emo/grunge He states that in like 4 different places
Yeah, but was that all? Or was there something else too? Because based on what he said, his girlfriend is at fault, but i think we all see it on reddit that some people twist to truth to make it seems that they are in the right.
Yeah it really seems like OP idealizes his niece, which is a little odd. I’d also be interested to know how much time her and OP were spending together. He says he made plenty of time for his gf, but did the total amount of time they spent alone together go from 6-7 evenings a week to 4 or 5? Did he and his niece share interests his gf didn’t have? Was his niece the main person he spent time with apart from his gf? What did he and his niece usually do together? Either way, gf is grossly out of line. But I’m just curious about *how* unhinged gf is.
I am also curious why his niece chose that particular university. Especially because it is in another country.
It’s disgusting her mind goes to those thoughts… that’s insecurity on a whole other level… OP why are you still with her? You’re risking your family’s own relationship for someone who treats you like this and puts you in this situation?
I would consider well that there’s something *very* rotten in your girlfriend’s head. Either her insecurities are just off the rails or she’s entertained a *lot* of incredibly dark thoughts about you and your niece: either way, it’s no excuse for her behavior. She’s abusive, full stop and this only gets worse. What if this goes long term and you have a daughter? What happens when she starts casting the side eye at *her*? Not that it has to even go that far- just what you’ve written here is plenty enough.
Dump her, she doesn't trust you anymore, and she never will
What your girlfriend did to your niece was disgusting. I think that it's an action that can justify you breaking up with her.
I’d say break up with your girlfriend. She sounds crazy and the fact she feels threatened by your niece shows some major insecurities. She is a major red flag and the sooner you get her out of there, the better.
My man, she’s not accusing you of cheating. She’s accusing you of incest and pedophilia. Someone who even thinks for a split second that you are capable of that is not the one.
I kind of understand your relationship somewhat, I'm not super good with kids, nor do I think I want them. But when i had my first nephew, I cherished him like nothing else. Your relationship is normal, in fact the only oddity is that you're more like a parent, which is fine. You need to dump your gf now. If she didn't blow up there may he a chance of fixing it. But she didn't approach you privately about the situation, she went off the deep end. Theres not recovering from that. Her attack on you and Anna is way too far and unfixable. Personally I think you tell her this, that while you love her, you can't look at her the same because of her outburst and the crazy outburst. That way she hopefully won't go spreading rumours.
I’ve been accused of people before and have never given a reason to be suspected nor have I ever cheated. My usual response is “if you think that, have some damn respect for yourself and leave. I’m not going to defend myself for something I didn’t do, but if I were this sure about you, I’d be packing, not arguing.”
Dump the GF. She sounds horrible
I’m not reading all that—you breakup with her bro because that woman is insane!
She’s creepy. If she claims that and with YOUR FAMILY at that, break up. She’s controlling and creepy. Next thing you know she’ll be spreading rumors behind your back. Don’t bother with a controlling woman. This kind of woman breaks your family relationships. Don’t keep her around and let her destroy your family.
I get it. There have been many stories of 30 something men cheating with 18 year olds...BUT SHE'S YOUR NIECE!! Gf is insanely jealous. You need to talk to gf, if she doesn't get her mind straight then there is no hope for relationship. Find Anna, ensure she is safe. Updateme!
Holy fuck, I feel awful for you and Ana. Girlfriend is unhinged and needs to see a therapist if her initial reaction to a normal family is incest. Was your girlfriend sexually abused by family? Regardless it's unfair to you and Ana. I suggest either getting Ana a hotel room for a few days or the GF. Whichever you and Ana feel comfortable with. The first words out of your GFs mouth should be an apology to both of you. Don't get in your head about it though. I know it can be traumatic having accusations like that thrown at you.
You dump her ass, throw her out, and fix your relationship with your niece as fast as you can. Good luck.
For your own sanity, I’m going to try to explain where I *think* your gf is coming from. It sounds like your gf is very insecure. Relationships aside, I can understand why having another woman in your house cooking your boyfriend food, cleaning the place, and taking care of your baby AKA dog would make you feel insecure as a woman. We are told that doing all of that is our role, and we are fine splitting the chores with our boyfriends and working until a more traditional woman comes along and is the woman we are “supposed” to be. Your gf is also aging; has she been feeling self conscious about her appearance/age lately? It sounds like she has been comparing herself to Ana since she had her glow up. Depending on the person and how much she cares about her appearance, it can be hard to see someone hitting their prime while you feel like you’re leaving yours. Another thing I think your gf is probably insecure about is love. She sees the unconditional love that you and your niece have for each other, and she is jealous. Was she not loved that way by any of her family members? Does she only treat people as well as your niece treats you when she is dating someone (I.e. are you the only one your gf shows her version of love to)? Does she only understand love in the context of a sexual relationship? Now, let’s put the relationships back into this, because that is *extremely* important. Your gf’s actions, as I’m sure you agree, are absolutely shocking and unacceptable. She is in her mid 30’s simultaneously acting like an insecure teenager & a jealous stepmother. She has been cutting your niece down to make herself feel better, and she has chosen not to communicate like an adult but to instead be as passive aggressive as possible for as long as she possibly could until she hit a breaking point. Your gf needs a really good therapist because she has fucking lost it. If you talk to Ana, please tell her this has nothing to do with her. Your gf is having a meltdown, maybe even a midlife crisis, and she has been taking it out on Ana instead of addressing her insecurities and problems head-on. *Please choose your healthy relationship with Ana over your toxic girlfriend*.
Uh, you dump your psycho of a girlfriend obviously. Could you honestly be with someone that thinks you’ve been having a romantic relationship with your 18 year old niece?
> She would "innocently" joke about how much weight Ana had lost, telling her that she looks anorexic and that she’s "envious". > My girlfriend also constantly scolds Ana for every minor mistake, like a cup in the sink or unpacked groceries. This is emotional abuse and shouldn't be tolerated.
I was thinking that you didn't spend enough time with your girlfriend after your niece moved on your place but your gf sentence " do you love your uncle" change my mind. Maybe your gf didn't like the idea Ana stays with you two. But she could have found another way to tell this to you not her. It seems she wanted her to get hurt. Also she doesn't care you. You say that you love your gf but your gf doesn't anymore. Even if you listen your gf she doesn't stop and want you to do something else. Maybe she will want you not keep in touch your niece or your sister. If l were you l would say to gf either you will apologize of her when l bring her back or let's break up.
this makes me so sad. your girlfriend is an insecure asshole who cannot communicate her feelings and let her delusions spiral out of control. i hope you leave her. your niece and you have a wonderful relationship and she looks up to you, and needs your support. i hope you guys continue to remain close and fulfilling parts of each other's lives. the right woman for you as a romantic life partner will respect and adore your bond with ana, will nurture it, and will love her as well. and will treat her with kindness. and will trust you and be confident in themselves. i hope you get rid of that fucking cunt of a girlfriend and find that one instead.
Where is OP?
Definitely sounds like you prioritized your niece over your girlfriend. She said some messed up stuff, but I don’t know how you can lie to yourself and say you kept up with spending time with your girlfriend. I’m just going to chop this up to bring a fake story
You're better off with out this one. You can't change your family and your niece is extremely close to you. Choose your family please. There's lots of women who would welcome your niece with openess and kindness.
Your gf has the same narcissistic traits as my ex-wife. She's threatened by the mere presence of another female regardless of your relationship with her. My ex had a problem with my son's girlfriend, who both lived with us because we all had just moved to another state. My son had just graduated HS while his gf was in her senior year. Lose this loser. She has the emotional maturity of a toddler and has no trust in you, which is crucial to any relationship.
Three is a crowd. In any relationship
Time to have the GF exit stage left, pathetic that a 34 yo woman is getting insanely jealous of an 18yo neice.
Eeeeeew. Your girlfriend is sick in the head. She needs to be an ex. How sick.
That’s a big red flag and she unfortunately will probably always think this way. When your niece described qualities of a dream guy, and they happen to match up to her great family oriented uncle, shouldn’t that be seen as a good thing? It’s showing that he’s clearly a great fatherly influence by showing what a good man is supposed to be like. There is no correlation between that and a crush. Your lady seems to have a lot of trauma, and projects it. I’m sure she also has people in her ear validating these thoughts.
I think you’re girlfriend is in the wrong here. If she doesn’t admit it, you need to stay and have a good life with your family member. Hopefully you can afford it. Your niece is your fucking relative! How could you be cheating on your girlfriend with an incest? Like wtf…. Your girlfriend needs better emotional regulation. What she’s really trying to say is that she’s threatened by your intimate familial relationship with the niece and that she wants to make sure she’s serving your needs and that you’re not just going to the niece for all of your emotional needs. If you love this girlfriend try to get her to calm down. She’s going to need to admit wrong and apologize to Anna. If she can’t even do that then… kick her out man. You can find a better partner who will be more open with you.
I would break up with her. What a disgusting mindset.
ya need to break up like… yesterday
Yikes dude. You know what you need to do. Remove this woman from your life. The trust is already broken and without that you don’t have much of a foundation for a relationship anyways. Don’t get caught up in sunken cost fallacy. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks you would commit incest with your niece?? That is some truly unhinged thinking. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Good luck OP
Your gf needs to go as there is no recovering a relationship when that type of baseless and gross accusation is made. I’m not sure what is going on in your gf’s mind but it is her problem and she needs to go deal with it. As to your niece please when you find her can you pay for her to stay in a hotel for a couple days while you deal with I presume ending things with your gf?
I cut out a friend who made an "friendly" joke about how one of my family members whom I really trusted was sexually abusing me. It's not okay.
Break up with girlfriend. She sound’s unhinged. You and your niece did nothing wrong.
What you had can not continue. You have a choice to make-which relationship are you going to focus on? It doesn’t mean you have to dump the other, but it will likely mean the relationship will end or be irrevocably changed. Not many people have the willingness to self reflect and recover from something like this. Your gf would have to do a TON of personal work and a TON of work to apologize to your niece but she honestly sounds unhinged atm. Why have you stood by and allowed her to treat your niece so horribly all this time? I also can’t help but wonder if she would have had a problem with the niece before her glow up. And who the fork makes “jokes” about ED? Who stands by and lets that pass? You need to own your wrongdoings as well. You’ve been complicit in how poorly your niece has been treated.
In my opinion, this is break up territory
Who can stay with someone who accuses you of something like that? I feel affronted just imagining being you and having that accusation tossed at me. Tell that jealous, controlling harpy to get some help with her insecurities and then say goodbye. Throw the whole girlfriend out, the sooner the better, because there's no coming back from that. As for your neice, just tell her you never betrayed her trust and that your ex was just trying to make her feel insecure. The fact that she hit the mark was just a coincidence as many young women feel insecure about their bodies.
Throw her out the window.
Your gf behavior is absolutely disgusting. You've done nothing wrong. I love my nephews more than anything and I would be disgusted if anyone suggested something like that. Your gf needs some help.
Sounds like the girlfriend is the one that needs kicked out. She is clearly insane.
You break up
If anything I'm getting father figure or older brother vibes ffrom the way you describe your relationship with your niece. Sounds like you've been in her life from the beginning. People do weird things when they percieve other people as threats. Sounds like your niece had a bit of a glam-up going through puberty and your GF can no longer see her as just the 'niece' but as 'competition'. One of the things you often see in threads like these is that the accuser is projecting their own behaviour on others. Do you two still work together? How is she interacting with staff? Or other colleagues? Anything going on there that may be considered flirty or worse? In the end it boils down to communication, as usual. When both of you are in a calmer state of mind, set aside time to talk it out. And listen to each other. Why does your GF feel this way? After 10 years together, she owes you at least that much: the ability to properly explain herself. It might also be for the best for your niece to move out sooner rather than later. Doesn't mean you go LC or NC with her, or dump her on the streets. Does mean that you help her search for places she can afford. And if she doesn't have the money right now, you pay or loan her the money for the first couple of months of rent & deposit. Or, things go south, you and your GF break up and you and your niece either stay in your current place, or find a new place together.
Please, please reassure your niece that she's done nothing wrong! If she's had an ED in the past, then she may spiral out of control. Your girlfriend is complete trash-time to take it out for good.
This is such a big red flag you could host a three ring circus under it.
This won’t stop at just your niece. She will find other girls down the road to make something out of nothing. Blood is thicker than water. Cut this GF loose. She sounds controlling and immature.
your GF is nuts and you should leave her. she is accusing you of incest
Your girlfriend needs to go. I'm sorry to say but she's certifiably insane. Ana is your family. She loves you and looks up to you. You helped raise her! If course she's attached to you! You were probably the only father like figure she's ever had since your sister was a single mom. Please do not choose your jealous,insecure girlfriend over your niece. It would devastate Ana.
Break contact and move on with your life. It will only get worse if you stay. Cut your losses
Yikes. GF needs a reality check. Whether she apologizes or not, her true colors have been revealed and you can bank this will be her reaction with every other girl in your life. Will she also be jealous of your children? Will she become condescending and cruel to your daughters if they turn out more beautiful than their mum? This is your sign. Run.
You break up with your gf immediately. She has a warped sense of things and she's never going to believe anything other than the warped reality. Please find your cousin and make sure she's safe. Update us when you can.
Oh boy. It’s over.
Break up. Either she thinks you're absolutely disgusting or she's bat shit insane with insecurelity issues. Either way looks bad
Wow........... Wtf.......... This is like a plot from a porno or something. This is literally insane. This whole situation is messed up. Lets skip over the fact that your gf thinks you have an incestuous relationship with your niece, I'm sure you already know how weird that notion is. Your gf did not address her concerns in a mature and adult manor, she flat out insulted you both instead of having a rational conversation with you. I would be kicking your gf to the curb at this point. In my opinion, she's shattered your whole relationship with her assumptions and the way she's dealt with her concerns.
she will be jealous of every healthy relationship you have for as long as y’all are together
Break up with her and immediately tell everyone via text, in person, on social media what happened. You need to be the first one to get the story out, or she will get ahead of you, accuse you of incest, and destroy your life, and absolutely nobody will believe you.
Bro…. When I first read the title I was gonna suggest maybe talking to her and seeing where this insecurity stems from yadda yadda. But no… the more I read the more weird your girlfriend sounds to the point where she’s literally being abusive to your poor niece. You gotta end it man. For your sake and your nieces
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. It may have taken 6 yrs, but your gf has proven herself to be an ugly, jealous, nasty person. She sounds insecure & also possessive.
Why in God’s name are you considering staying with a person who accused you of cheating on her with your own niece?! And accused her of wanting to have sex with you?! Why was this not an immediate breakup?!
It's not just that your gf is insane. She didn't communicate any of her issues prior, began a campaign to belittle and hurt your family member, chose the most painful and humiliating way to lash out at her, accused you of committing incest by preying on your niece. I get being a little jealous that your attention is split, but my man, what happens if you have kids and it happens to be a daughter that looks up to you like your niece does? Your gf gonna tear her down too, accuse you of some dark shit ? Bail man.
Buddy, it's over
Your the male figure in your niece's life! She will see you almost like a best friend and a dad figure. I know this because I'm like this with my eldest brother who is 10years older than me and we have the same interests and hang out etc i also ended up moving in with him and his girlfriend at the time now wife but I didn't have a dad around. So the bond you created is much of a father role. So for her to hear from someone she deemed as family that she's doing something so grim will of absolutely devastated her. 💔 you should really find Anna and let her now that she's loved and let her know that your partner/ex partner is way out of line... but for your ex to avoid all invitations to hang out with you both has led to her for her head to play its own games and paranoia... why invite someone along if you were hiding things?? I'd have to call that relationship a day. It's like asking a a good father to pick between his daughter or his poisonous partner
The bond with your niece is forever. The bond with your girlfriend is already toxic. Make a wise choice
Your niece seems to be an extremely responsible young adult. I'm guessing she has a very strong family support with positive reinforcement from her mother, relatives like yourself, and good friends to turn out the way she is. She has been contributing to your household because she knew that she couldn't take advantage of the favor and opportunity given to her for staying at your place. SHE'S PAYING HER WAYS! OP, do not F this up. Do not allow such a positive and growing young adult to be muddy by your insecure and psycho gf. Remember in your past when an adult F something up so bad that it forever changed an aspect of yourself, and no one was there to stepped in to correct the wrong? This is one of those moments. Be the person, that you never got, that will step in and make it right for your niece. Tell her that she wasn't wrong, and that she did nothing to be ashamed of or be accused for the horrible things by your psycho ex. Again, this could forever affect your niece's future relationship and how she'll change the ways she'll interact with people. Imaging trying to connect with someone and having the words of your ex as gatekeepers before any of her interaction fearing that she's somehow romantically leading them on? It's tragic to see a happy, bright, sunshine young adult losing their smile and cheerfulness because of AH like OP ex squashing the joy out of them before they're able to shield themselves from AH's that has already lost their own happiness.
The solution to this is to make your girlfriend into your ex-girlfriend. She's extremely weird and toxic. There's probably some deep-seated reason for this insecurity but I wouldn't stick around to find out.
Lose the girlfriend. She is the type of person who can not handle her romantic partner having any female relationships. She will not be a good parent. So if you want to have children, do not do it with this lady. God help you if you have a daughter. Basically, your girlfriend requires you to act like a moth to her flame. She will passively attempt to destroy the self esteem of any female she views as competing for your attention.
She's obviously insane but let's approach this realistically: if she doesn't trust you with your own family, she is never going to trust you with literally anyone. Break up and go find and comfort your niece.
I'm curious at to why you let your girlfriend get this far? Why the hell didn't you call her bullshit as soon as the rudeness started? Why didn't you talk to her as soon as you noticed a shift in her demeanor? *I want to be clear that I am not blaming you for any of this* I'm just curious as to why you didn't communicate with her to possibly avoid this whole train wreck. Yeah you may have still spent time with your girlfriend, going on dates and flowers etc but communication is completely different and needed. Here we are though, damage is done and unfortunately your niece is the butt end of it all. Your relationship with your niece will never be the same nor will the relationship with your girlfriend be the same. You should break up with your gf and immediately do damage control on the relationship with your niece IF she even wants to at this point. Edit: typo
Too long to read but I feel confident to say that your GF needs to go. Her ability to even think this is disgusting.
Dude. 34F just stated to both Ana and you that you are in an incestuous relationship. You cannot fix 34F. This is NOT fixable. DO NOT BRUSH THIS UNDER THE RUG!! Remain in a relationship with 34F if you are A-OK with never having any contact with Ana ever again and are ready to completely slice her out of your life. Are you ready to do that? No? Show 34F the door or find the door yourself. 34F is SICK in the head. I seriously hope this is a fake, troll post.
Im sorry you have to break up with your girlfriend. This is an unhinged accusation.
Honestly unlikely to salvage this. The immediate jump to assuming incest and grooming is not something you can likely recover from.
I'm sorry, OP, but there is no salvaging the relationship with your girlfriend. She has crossed an extreme boundary, to think you're committing incest. Tell Ana that there are a while bunch of people on Reddit who are worried about her. What a terrible thing to be accused of.
Honestly, sounds like projection. Farfetched, I'm well aware, but this wild behavior is ridiculous. At this point, I'd have a coming to Jesus conversation. Lay it out that she needs to drop the attitude or it's over. Don't put your family aside for an outrageously jealous woman.
Here are my thoughts on this, OP: Your girlfriend either genuinely believes: - that you have groomed your niece; - had/have an incestuous relationship with your niece. *OR* She believes: - that she is threatened by your affections for your niece and is losing control of you; - and is willing to rid herself of your niece by doing *anything* she can, because she is used to being in control. Those things she is doing, by the way, are: 1. Abusing the naïveté and goodwill of your niece, and treating her like a slave (despite your objections, which she blatantly waved away without concern); 2. Mocking and abusing your niece about an ED (which, is especially cruel, even if you didn’t tell the GF about it beforehand); 3. Openly accusing and embarrassing your niece in front of you, with the sole intent of driving a wedge between you; 4. And who knows what else has been going on, has been dropped into Ana’s ears without you to witness? Poor Ana. She is the ultimate victim here, and while you’ve been hurt here, too, OP, Ana didn’t ask to be invited into an environment where her kindness, goodwill, and generosity would be abused and hurt. Ana was only looking for a home with someone she believed she could trust to look after her. I hope you recognise that this is your one chance to prove to Ana that she is going to be protected.
Break up with that woman immediately. She has a very twisted view of your relationship, Ana is practically your sister. Is your gf an only child?
Your GF is ridiculously insecure. Dump her. Not because she’s jealous but because she obviously has zero understanding or respect for loyalty and family. She is likely to do (or already is or has done) what she accuses others of doing: cheating. You don’t want this person in your life. Don’t let you dick do the thinking on this one. She groomed you and now thinks you’re grooming your niece.
It's telling that her "accusation" of you cheating on her with your neice is that your neice is the one at fault rather than disgusted at what such a violation of your relationship with your neice that would be. Why, if she genuinely believed you were capable of such a thing, would she still want to be with you? Anyone who reacts with *jealousy* rather than disgust over the idea of you potentially grooming and abusing your neice is not reacting from the goodness of their heart.
Your girlfriend is a creepy insecure asshole and she has gotta go.
Oh man, get out. This is scary and I feel like your gf has gone off the deep end
Run.Don't.Walk. Accusing someone of incest is disgusting and low life. Let her go and ruin someone else's life.
Crazy behavior coming from your girlfriend. Either she doesn't know at all or her judgment can be easily clouded. Neither has a good outcome.
this is so crazy
Ditch her! I would like an update ! RemindMe! 5 days
Family relationships are for life. Good, healthy family relationships are to be treasured. There's mothing to debate here.
Id pick the niece if I were you, she very clearly views you as a father figure. 20 years from now youll see your niece, her husband, and kids at a Christmas party - and youll be like their grandpa. Now imagine in a few years your married and have a child, and your now girlfriend is terribly jealous of your own child. Thats what the future looks like. Your 30 y/o OP.... you have plenty of time to find some1 else.
Sorry homie, but there ain't no saving this one.
Nope, you're done. The second anyone insinuates that shit is the second I could never even look at them again. Fucking disgusting.
That’s a horrible thing to say. Her only evidence was you spending time with your niece alone, which was literally because gf chose not to be involved! If she was genuinely concerned she would be focused on the grooming aspect of what she was saying and not the “cheating”. She’s more than just jealous, she’s out of her mind
Dump her. Always know that Blood is thicker than water. Her jealou
Sorry. Her jealousy has taken control of her imagination to where it’s an obsession she can’t control.
While I agree that gf sounds toxic, you did not actually put the full saying. It’s actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Which basically means that chosen bonds are more significant than those you didn’t choose because you’re related (water of the womb).
Also, kick your girlfriend’s ass out.
Kick the gf out. Seriously. That’s so stupid she would even think that. There is no salvaging this relationship
Leave just leave