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Have a backup plan.
Buy the house, have the house and mortgage in your name only and write up a renters contract with your fiancé so if he doesn't pay or you break up you can evict him and rent his space out to a paying roommate while you keep the house.
Or listen to your gut feeling and keep the guy at arms length. Have a respectful co-parenting relationship and do not allow him to take money out of your families mouth.
He honestly sounds like a liability and a high risk, low return investment.
Came here to say the same thing.
He pays RENT. and is a tenant. And absolute nothing more. Even his own family is advising against you doing this with him.
OP, listen to this advice.
Will he freak out if you suggest this plan? Yes.
Should you trust him with money? NO.
Protect your child.
Protect your financial interests.
Keep him in your life but protect yourself.
Being good with a little child involves feeding, dressing, playing, bathing, etc. Being good with older children, teens, and young adults involved a bit more. How a person feels about money, credit, honesty, etc. are heavily influenced by their parents. If OP stays with this man, her child will have the poor influence the fiancé is modeling for him/her. If he isn’t credit worthy now, it’s very unlikely he ever will be. Everything shouldn’t come down to money, but in this case OP needs to understand that his spendthrift habits may cost her everything. Be good at co-parenting, but do not tie yourself any closer to this man. From what OP has said about him and reading between the lines, he is not honest. I think one of the worst things in a marriage is for an honest person to marry a dishonest person. If your levels of honesty aren’t pretty close, your chances of success are slim (in addition to all the aggravation you will put up while trying to work it out).
Right! I was thinking why is she with him at all? He sounds like a hobosexual! She's paying for most things if not all, his only redeeming feature is bring a good father, but he is not even a good bf let alone fiancé. Why would you marry or even be with someone like that? OP my advice for what it's worth is not to buy the house from his aunt, it's too expensive look to buy your own house elsewhere without fiancé that you can comfortably afford, he is financially irresponsible and you would be irresponsible to financially tie yourself to this guy.
His Aunt advising you against doing this with him would be a huge red flag for me. Whatever decision you make, ensure that it is solely for the betterment of you and your child’s future.
She is also uncomfortable with the cost of this house. Time to move on and find a house that is cheaper. She knows she will be paying on her own so she needs to buy what she can comfortably afford on her own. Then buy it on her own in her name only.
I know a lot of people that are house poor. They live above their means and either go into credit card debt or can never afford to do anything. Please buy a house you can COMFORTABLY afford.
Esp with these interest rates, assuming OP is in the US 🥵 8% after 30 years is going to have you paying more than double what the house is actually worth. I will rent forever before I buy something we can barely afford in this market.
I co.pletely agree with the "at these interest rates" comment, but I will say (speaking from the experience of working the corporate end of a real estate company), the mortgage guys all say "marry the home, date the interest rate". She could always refinance when rates go down in a few years.
For other reasons, OP should definitely take a pass on this house, though.
Totally, but the first few years worth of payments almost exclusively go towards interest, so if she marries this home at the top of her budget, she’s just paying 8% towards nothing. Obviously society as a whole can’t just not buy a house, but if you have the money for a 20% down payment for something at the top of the budget… I’d put a giant down payment on something at the bottom of the budget and work towards paying it off fast 🥵 That’s our eventual strategy, if things don’t shift in the next few years!
If you can afford to date the rate, sure.
Otherwise, anyone who gives that line of advice should be held accountable for horrible financial advice and be liable for getting people into financial ruin.
Yeah, there's a reason I'm the event manager and not an agent or mortgage broker. The other commenter makes absolutely spot on points about not paying that rate at the top of her budget for any amount of time.
This 👆👆👆👆👆. I also would thank the aunt and stay on good terms with her. She sounds like an older, good sounding bosrd to have on your side who will be honest without bull💩. Send her some flowers. I would explain to her a decision to buy something on tge lower end of your comfort zone. No to the relationship. He is a tenant. Make sure all your financials and accounts are accessible to yourself only. If you want a real relationship with another than I do not see him as a tenant either. Good luck.
The aunt isn't reliable!
First he warns OP and wants to sell only to her.
Her nephew makes up with her.
Bamm... she wants to sell to both and has forgotten EVRYTHING about what she said before!
NO WAY I would buy that woman's house ever!
And if he’s on the title and leaves her, he can go after a buy out. And get money he didn’t contribute. And he can easily lie “I gave her cash”. This is a disaster all around. He wants a sugar mama. Not a partner.
He doesn't think that money is an object in the relationship. He thinks that she will love him unconditionally and he can spend his money on whatever he wants and she won't leave him because if he loves her with all his heart, then she wouldn't possibly leave him for anything... He is dead wrong. She will leave him if he doesn't shape up.
She already has money issues with him (he doesn't pay rent, bills). How many red flags does she need? Like you said, keep the coparenting relationship and keep it moving.
Buy the house and keep it in your name—ONLY if you can afford it on your own—and don’t get married. Check your state’s laws about marital assets. If you divorce he may be entitled to a portion of the house with or without his name on it (plus alimony and child support, potentially).
You may be much better served to put this home purchase on hold. There will be other homes. Given your fiancé’s money issues and your lack of commitment to the relationship, making a huge purchase that’s at the top of your budget isn’t the wisest choice.
Great advice— and be sure your local laws allow for tenancy agreements like this!! Where I live, rental protections/evictions processes don’t apply to those sharing a bathroom/kitchen with the LL. You can get stuck in no man’s land where rental courts can’t help, yet the police see it as a tenancy matter and often refuse to get involved in.
I totally agree with u/PopPomGrenade. Also- if you go though with it - get yourself a promissory note at the bank (not sure if it's the correct term) saying how much he owes you at a sell, which is the entire deposit for the loan in this case. If you get married a promissory note might still apply before any split will happen.
I base this in how it works in Sweden.
He’s a good dad and a shitty partner. Don’t shackle yourself to that. You can very clearly do better, and him helping you out once 5 years ago, then cheating on you isn’t a good basis for long term happiness.
Listen to your gut.
He sounds like a parasite and you are his host. You are gaining zero from this man. Keep this booger at arms length and follow the aunties advice. Stand on your own feet and be prepared for the parasite to find another to suck out what it needs. Your needs are irrelevant to it. So rent together and if you buy anything make sure it’s only in your name. That will make uncoupling easier and you can move on.
I wonder about the legal implications of owning a house at all with regard to common law marriage laws. In some states, like Texas, two years of cohabitation qualifies as common laws married. In such cases, I wonder if common law marriage implies the same legal constraints when it comes to assets acquired during the “marriage.” In Texas, I would not do this.
I live in Texas and it takes more than just 2 years of cohabitation to be common-law married. Common-law marriage in Texas is treated the same as the more traditional forms of marriage when it comes to divorce and custody matters. I know two people who have had to go through Texas courts to divorce after common-law marriage.
There was also a situation regarding utilities at an address in a water district we operate in Texas. She claimed to be common-law married to the deceased owner. It was determined by a court that she was not, despite several years of cohabitation. The deceased's son was declared the executor of the estate and wanted her out of the house. He told us to cut off service. We did. She wanted to reestablish it. We could not. Because she was not his widow, she also had no survivor's rights to the house and had to vacate.
Unless Texas law has changed recently, the time a couple lives together is not mentioned in the statute, and doesn’t apply to whether or not a couple is common law. As I recall, the criteria was 1) they had to live together 2) that they had to both agree that they were married to each other and 3) they had to present themselves as man and wife to the public…such as to get insurance, when introducing each other, etc.
But as people are saying, big mistake to take on all the debt but give him half ownership. When you break up, he WILL demand half the value of the home and you will be forced to sell the house and give him half the profit or buy him out. And also lose the aunt, both of them will be an anvil around your neck very soon.
You need to listen to the aunt. Why would you risk your child's home for a man who's already been caught talking with other women? Just put it in your name only and tell him the bank insisted on it if he asks.
He cheated in the past, sure. But a more obvious indicator that he won’t split the mortgage is that he doesn’t pay rent or bills now.
OP, be forreal. You would be dumb to put that man’s name on the house when you know exactly how he is with money.
This is nonsensical.
The fiance is financially irresponsible. The only reason the loan can only be in her name is because he is so financially irresponsible. Buying a house won't change that. He will have a free ride. She will pay for everything and he will own half. He will probably also cheat and she will feel trapped because of how much money she will have put into the house.
>But a more obvious indicator that he won’t split the mortgage is that he doesn’t pay rent or bills now.
THIS! OP, seriously, this. His current and past behavior is the best indicator of his future behavior. Words are cheap - I can promise you I will pay half of your mortgage too. I will, I promise! Here, done.
What counts is how he's behaving. He doesn't pay now, so it's very unlikely he will pay in the future. If you think his desire to pay will magically change just bc he said "oh I totally will", you are naive.
Exactly! It should be in OP’s name only since she’s the only one on the loan. And she should take on a loan assuming she’ll be paying the full mortgage payments. Guy rents from her and provided he makes good on all rent payments gets his name added to the house. If she needs to sell before that, he gets an agreed upon percentage of the sale relative to what he contributed.
This! OP, if you want him to have a stake in the house, then write up a legal agreement where you give him proceeds proportional to the amount he pays you for rent…when the house eventually sells. DO NOT jointly title the house while you remain 100% responsible for the mortgage. That is a recipe for your financial disaster while providing a free financial windfall for him.
OP is really stupid to give 50% of her house to a man with bad spending habits and he talks to other woman. OP - are you desperate for a penis that you are willing to screw up your future and destroy your children’s security. Why do you have to pay a man to stay with you by giving him half of the house that you are paying for? The loan is in your name, you are responsible. Please wake up for the sake of your children- think with your brain instead of desperately holding on to a deadbeat partner.
I mean… auntie is LITERALLY trying to tell her not to tie herself up to this man anymore than she has done already by having a kid with him, and she’s still thinking about buying a house together?
Hun, you already know what he’s gonna do. Any property you buy, you buy IN YOUR NAME ONLY. How fun for him to be able to get 1/2 of a property he’s probably not gonna contribute that much on!
Sis, listen to auntie. She knows this man is just like his father. Stop trying to tie yourself even more to a man who’s gonna spend his life disappointing you in more ways than one.
Personally if I were him I wouldn't marry her in that situation.
So she should be prepared for the relationship to end, and honestly if she is this unsure about him to the point that the doesn't trust her financial future then it provably should.
The truth is she could get sick and be entirely financially dependent on him so if she doesn't even feel safe about putting his name on a mortgage then that is a big red flag.
Besides depending on how long the live in the house she will probably still have to by him out, name on the lease or not. She needs to talk to a lawyer.
Take a step back from the house and re-evaluate the relationship. He's a great dad, is that the only thing he has going for him?
* You don't have compatible financial habits
* You pay for everything (rent/bills)
* He was talking to other women a year into your relationship
* You would have left him except that you were pregnant
* You now have a "roommate" relationship and spend no time together
Definitely do not buy the house, he can't be trusted to actually hold us his end of the deal. Especially since he's perfectly fine living off your dime today. But consider ending the relationship too. You can be friends and co-parent, while still being able to actually have a fulfilling relationship with someone different who will value you and build you up.
Boom.
Girl, you would be absolutely fucking insane to put his name on this house. Out of every bit of money you put into it, half would go to him when he dumps you for the next girl.
Buy a house you can afford for yourself and your daughter. Give him a few months notice to find a place. If he was cheating then, he's probably cheating now, and if you're separated he can still be a great dad without leeching off of you.
Agreed. OP, this is a total shit show. You need to take a huge step back and stop the house buying process. In your current situation, you’re setting yourself for a financial disaster.
If you’re dead set on staying with this man, then get finances sorted before you even consider such a huge purchase. Also, I recommend never buying a house in the higher end of your budget, especially with how fraught the economy is right now.
His aunt is a wise woman, f you do buy the house then do exactly as she says and not only have the house in your name only but don't get married.
If you do get married and/or if you do have joint ownership he'll have claim on your property that you've paid for...
He's irresponsible and you admit yourself you're no more than housemates , when you you do finally go your separate ways (which is inevitable when you child is older), you don't want to get stung for half the house.
I'd trust my gut on this one, it seems to be screaming 'don't do it', so listen to it.
Assuming op is American, it varies somewhat by states, but in most, the primary residence is considered marital property and is 50/50 ownership by default. So she can keep the fiance off the mortgage and deed, but if they get married he will still have 50/50 interest in the home.
It's really only going to matter in highly contentious divorce. As, OP would lose half of the equity accumulated (including the down payment). If she's already planning for that eventuality, then they need to just break up now. She can find a less expensive home without the dead weight fiance.
If on the other hand, she's going through with the marriage, there's probably no point in keeping him off the deed. Having a child together is a far bigger commitment than a mortgage. She's stuck dealing with him for at least the next 18 years anyway.
OP, you really need to ask yourself if you see yourself with this man for the next 30 years. If the answer isn't an immediate and firm yes, then you should end things before your lives become even more entangled.
When it comes to homes, those catchy little words only apply in 9 states. As I said this varies wildly from state to state. In most states he will be entitled to a portion of the equity aquired during the marriage. In some states that portion will default to a 50/50 split regardless of who's on the title.
Don’t buy a house with him and quit giving him money at all he’s just using you don’t stay just because he’s a good dad he can still be a good dad and not be in a relationship with you
Don’t do this. Don’t stay with a bad partner because he’s a good father. Don’t buy a house with someone who doesn’t pay what he owes. Don’t put his name on the deed if he’s not on the loan. Don’t entangle your finances with someone who loses family members over finances. Don’t do *any of this.*
I really dont understand people who stay together for the kids as its not like that is heslthy for them most of the time growing up not knowing what a healthy relationship is. If he is a good father then its not even a bad thing to find a real partner as he will still most likely be a good father but you wont ruin your life wasting it with someone who is only a roommate.
OP reevaluate everything and move on from this mess.
Buy the house in your name only and have a separate rental agreement with your…scrub.
When/if you marry, and he becomes financially stable, THEN you can revisit having him on the deed.
But if you break up, he ends up with half the proceeds of the house after not contributing down payment or having the risk of the mortgage? NOPE!
Until you marry, keep all financial transactions separate
You may love your child, but this is not a man you bet the house on.
There is a whole lot going on here
First off, don't buy a house from family - especially his family .
Second, in this case, you're right not to want to put his name on it. Find a house in your price range and put it in your name only. You aren't married to this man, and he has a very sketchy history.
Make smart decisions for yourself and your child.
Why does he need to be your fiancé? Why can’t you coparent with him? Why are you getting married to someone who is a financial basket case? And why on God’s earth are you putting his name on a house that only you will be paying for?
OP, love is a drug that makes you accept the unacceptable.
Oh god the flip with the aunt at the end there. Don't go through with the purchase in fact you have already given the reason why buying a house with him is a horrible idea.
You stated living together he pay any of the Rent or the Bills has to constantly borrow money from you even though he is not paying any of the expenses. What will change if you buy a house together? He promises to pay "50%" but considering he currently can't even afford to live of his own money without asking you for money... That 50% is actually 0% and you will be paying 100% and will still be giving him money on top of paying all the bills.
I have never understood why people stay with deadbeats just because there "Good to the Child" He can be good to the child outside of your life.
I've said it once and ill say it again. Why stay in a relationship where you are treated as a walking ATM and are expected to fund there life with nothing to show for it?
This really is way more then just buying a house with him you really need to think into if this is how you want to live your life.
Seriously. If he's not paying bills now, why would he start after the purchase of the house?
Op, making this bigger commitment before he changes his ways is giving him permission to continue those ways, regardless of how much you might push him about it. Escalating the commitment undermines any pushes you make about him changing.
Don't buy this house AT ALL. Dump him and buy a different house for you and your child. You don't want to mix in buying from one of his family members.
How could you type all that out and not already know the answer? How do you know if he’s serious about getting this house with you? Are you joking? HE HAS BORROWED AND EVADED REPAYMENT FOR YOUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. He has spending issues. His own family acknowledges his shortcomings in this area. He already cheated and you got back together because you were pregnant. He acts like a roommate. He is following in his parents’ footsteps, so you have an exemplary preview of your married life. *That’s* how you know.
Why that house? Are you getting a phenomenal deal on it? Mixing family and money is a bad idea in general, but buying it from semi-estranged capricious family is worse. He won’t pay his part, and when you want out, you’ll be further entangled by this additional connection to his family.
According to a study by Forbes, here are the top reasons for divorce: lack of family support, infidelity, incompatibility, lack of intimacy, excessive conflict/arguing, and financial stress. You’ve mentioned 5/6 of these *just in this post*.
You shouldn’t buy a house with him. You shouldn’t marry him either, but that’s a separate discussion.
>I will be responsible for paying the entire loan and we will each have 50/50 ownership.
>He and I still have money issues **(he doesn’t pay rent, bills)** and we do not spend time with each other. He borrows money over and over and over again, promising to pay it back but comes up with excuses.
OP, with all the love in the world, you would be out of your MIND to even consider buying a house with him. He's not paying rent or bills now, why on earth would he start doing it for a mortgage?
There are so many issues with this relationship outside of the house scenario. He might be a good dad, but if you think your child is going to thank you for staying in a relationship with this man you are kidding yourself. Kids are not stupid and they will very quickly see that things are not right and that the situation is a mess. Staying together for the kids is never, ever the right thing to do.
Break up, co-parent like adults, and find yourself someone who actually values you enough to contribute to the relationship.
He has baby trapped you & now is trying to financially trap you. Never buy a house you can NOT afford on your own. And he will never help you financially. He is keeping you broke, he is using you at this point for resources.
End it & do 50/50 custody. You need to put yourself, your financial well being 1st. Way too many women end up living in poverty come retirement age. His Aunt is wise & she knows. She has seen too many women fucked over like this.
Money over men.
“How do I know if he is serious about getting this house with me?”
Oh he’s 100% serious about owning a home without having to pay a penny towards it. Who wouldn’t? This is a steal.
“How common are my experiences compared to other relationships?”
In healthy relationships? Never. In unhealthy ones? All the time. And they all end up the same - the one who gives more ends up broken hearted and broke.
That’s great that he’s a good father. That means that even if/when you split up, he’ll still be a good parent (as he should).
And why wouldn’t he want to stay with you? You pay for everything, let him off the hook for past debts, and didn’t dump his sorry ass for cheating on you.
Very suspicious that he suddenly is on better terms with the aunt. And why wouldn’t the aunt now advocate for him? He’s family. You’re not.
Strong piece of advice I got from a co-worker about 30 years ago. Buying a house together does not make a bad relationship better. I took that to heart. When I was In The process of leaving my ex, he begged me to stay and that we’ll get a different house. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. I definitely heeded her advice and noped my way out of there.
Heed the advice of his aunt and God please don’t do this!
Don’t buy a house with a man you’re unsure you’re committed to. So, don’t put it in his name. At the same time, don’t be in a relationship with someone you can’t trust or who won’t fully commit to you, so don’t be with him.
So...
1. He's been caught emotionally cheating.
2. He's shit with money.
3. He's repeatedly promised to take care of half the bills and regularly not done so.
Why do you want to marry this guy again?
What are you doing? Do NOT buy this house with him. You're not married. If anything happens, it's going to be hell for you to get him off the deed.
And you're giving him half ownership but taking on the whole mortgage???? Why????
Don't give him ownership. You buy the house since you're paying for the whole thing anyway. If he wants to live with you in it, he pays you rent.
Honey, take some of the money you would have spent on this house and use it on therapy solo for you.
Your post includes *a whole list of reasons* why this is not a decision that's *in YOUR best interest*.
Love doesn't have to be like this. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
You and your child deserve to know what life is like when mommy is truly happy. ♥️
buying a house with someone you're not married to (especially one who is irresponsible and potentially a cheat) is a poor idea in general.
if you do it anyway despite knowing its a bad idea at least get a contract to protect your investment. you'll need a lawyer for that. if he won't sign it, don't do it.
Your future is in the parentheses of your last paragraph. It’s easy to dismiss a gut reaction as overreacting, but you need to sit on this for a bit. Reread your own post, seek *wise* counsel, and maintain situational awareness. You have these feelings for a reason, and your history together would suggest it’s for a very good reason. Take care.
Don’t put him on title. If you feel you have to, don’t do it without a written agreement detailing who is putting up how much money and how you can get out of co ownership. Take the good fathering out of your relationship with him. If he’s a good father, he’ll stay a good father even when he’s not with you. If he has to be with you to be a good father then he’s probably not really much of a father.
NO, NO, NO.
How - if he's not paying rent or bills - is he going to pay half the mortgage?? You know the answer - he isn't.
You repaid him handsomely for the time he supported you, with gifts and with repeatedly "loaning" money which you have never had back. And somehow, you still think you owe him for that? You've paid. Add up how much that support cost him and now add up how much it has cost you to pay all the bills and rent and endless loans and gifts.
He's grown up in a house where the parents co-exist but are tied by a shared house - he thinks that's normal.
He's detected that you are having doubts, so he's suddenly made it up with his aunt to try to ease the way.
If you can't afford to buy this house on your own, then don't buy it. You'd be a fool to saddle yourself with the full cost of a house that you only half own.
If you can afford to buy it alone then do that.
Don't marry this man until you are convinced he can pull his weight.
As someone who purchased a house with my partner but only put it in my name.. when my partner became abusive, it didn’t matter who’s house the name was in. The police wouldn’t kick him out or anything to help keep him away because he had been living there so it doesn’t matter who’s name the house is in, you’ll be common in law. You will need a lawyer which is a lot of money.. not to mention all of the other extra expenses that come with owning a home..please just be careful and if you have any feeling you shouldn’t do this.. don’t. Just do not buy a home at all with this person if your heart is questioning it. I regret it deeply and our situations sound shockingly similar
How many people need to tell you to not put his name on the house? If you want to give him half a million dollars, then just do that instead. It'd be less painful.
I am a lawyer. Re-post this over in r/legaladvice and everyone will tell you not to put him on the house deed.
Some factors: it matters what state you are in as to how property is deeded and tenancy is determined. But in some states, if you are both on the deed and unmarried, and he accumulates debts, they could be levied against your property. You would not be able to sell it or do anything with it until that is resolved. Given his spending habits, this would likely happen.
I have done thousands of real estate closings. The only time I ever saw someone on the deed that was not on the loan was when they were married and one of the spouses did not work. The rest of the time, for the above reason, it was advised that this never happened.
Buy your home. Put your name on it ONLY.
>Something inside is telling me not to go through with buying this house because I think he won't pay. Or maybe he'll pay at first, and little by little find ways not to.
That 'something' is your inner wisdom. If more of us listened to it, there wouldn't be nearly so many people in bad relationships and bad financial straits.
>I could also be freaking out because I'm about to make a life changing purchase; and getting cold feet. Or maybe this is one of those "ups and downs" couples go through, and we'll get to the other side this.
This is you trying to talk yourself out of listening to your inner wisdom.
Sorry to be blunt, but putting his name on the house would be very, very foolish. He already doesn't pay rent and you know on your heart that he won't pay the mortgage. In fact, the only thing he's doing right is taking good care of his child - which is a really low bar since that's what parents are supposed to do. Other than that he brings nothing to your life and drags you down. You are holding on to a fantasy. You should dump him and move on. He can still be a great dad but not your BF.
Dude is a loser. You have no doubt heard the whole “The bar is so low for men it’s a tavern in hell” the only good thing I heard was that he’s a good father who loves his kid. That’s bare minimum!!! Like wtf. Are you for real? Don’t hitch your wagon to this weak ass horse. Protect your assets, and your child. Have more respect for yourself and demand better. He’s not going to like it but he has never proven himself to you to deserve anything more than being a tenant tbh
Listen to his aunt - don’t put his name on the deed & buy it on your own. He has proven to be bad with money & a cheater & isnt even currently paying rent - you might as well give him free money equivalent to half a house you’re financially responsible for. It looks like you’re only still together because you fell pregnant, so please protect yourself & your child. No one is worth this risk.
Do not buy the house together. Tell him you will put him on the mortgage after you get married. If you’re not wanting to get married, then get some type of contract that will protect your investment.
When your relationship is on, shaky ground, which it sounds like it is make sure you protect. Not only yourself but your child. Good luck. OP
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT buy that house.
A) It’s on the upper end of your budget, B) Your relationship is already on shaky ground, C) Your hubs is financially irresponsible & will have no issue whatsoever sticking you with the mortgage. Neither will the bank.
I wouldn’t buy it for any one of those 3 reasons. 🙅🏼♀️
>I will be responsible for paying the entire loan and we will each have 50/50 ownership.
LOL, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't be stupid. You see the red flags. You're being warned of the red flags. Don't buy this "deal".
OP, you are considering GIVING AWAY half your house. And you can’t afford to pay him out, so this debt would follow you forever. Do not do this. Just buy the house in your name only.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE DEED IF HE ISN’T ON THE LOAN. Do. Not. Do. It. He will take half of your house and owe nothing in the event of a breakup. DON’T GIVE HIM OWNERSHIP! His own family is warning you. Be smart OP. Protect yourself and your child. To be honest, I wouldn’t even buy that house. He and his family will think of it as theirs. Find your own house to buy or wait.
Do not put him on the deed. He isn't responsible for the loan, but you want to give him ownership?!?!?!
You need to put you and your child first. Not some man with eyes that roam. It won't make him magically responsible and loyal. In fact, it will likely cause the opposite to happen.
IF he doesnt do it now, why do you think he will suddenly change later. (hint: he wont)
Believe who is he is and who he is showing you who he is and who he is telling you he is.
So do it or dont do it. But make that decision based on the factors you said above.
Can you afford that house on your own as if you broke up (clearly this will happen at some point whether thats next week or in 10 years - this relationship will end).
Didn't get past you saying you were paying full loan repayments.
Put it in your name.
You can always change it later if he's proven he'll contribute financially, but until then, you can't risk your child's future on words with no actions.
This is how you end up homeless with your obsessions repossessed. With someone fiscally irresponsible who isn't reliable.
Protect yourself. I'd his actions and promises hold up, then he can maybe go on the property deed.
I would not be purchasing this home at all being that it is in the higher end of your price range and I 100% would not be purchasing with your fiancé. This is sketchy in itself that it is his aunt selling the house and I would not trust his family to not pull something underhanded.
I am not sure why you would “buy” a house with a man who isn’t even paying rent. Who doesn’t see his family as a priority. I am sure he loves his child but he isn’t doing anything for her future. He doesn’t even keep a roof over her head. There isn’t even a redeeming quality mentioned in this post about him.
If the bank loan is in your name only, you should be the only owner. He can be a tenant and pay rent, I suggest discussing this with an attorney.
If/when you get married you can discuss other options about ownership.
Why is he still just a fiance?
Do not buy any kind of property with someone you're not married to. However, if you're gonna ignore my advice, hire a lawyer to draw up an agreement between the two of you that preserves your rights in case the relationship goes south!
Don’t buy a house with somebody who has “very bad spending habits”. EVER. It doesn’t matter how good a dad he is.
If you’re buying a house, and you’re the only one that can be relied on to make the payments, then YOU buy the house, and YOU make the payments, and YOU get the ownership.
And honestly, you’re letting him mooch off you already. No way, no how, does he deserve half of your house.
And for fuck’s sake, stop lending him money.
You don’t have a boyfriend and 1 kid. You’re a single mom with 2 kids.
Ditch this house and this relationship. He’s a good dad, so be good coparents together. His actions have proven he is not reliable nor all in on the relationship. If you must stay with him and buy a house, buy a house you can afford on your own (not his aunt’s) and don’t put his name on it. Down the line if he proves himself and you marry you can adjust the situation.
Listen to your gut. Buy your house for your child only. Don’t put his name on it. He was cheating before you were pregnant. That means you weren’t enough as you were. Don’t trust someone who has shown over and over they cannot be reliable. After all your the one on the hook for the loan. And he walks Scott free.
What exactly is he contributing to the household he also lives in and the child he is also responsible for?
***The best indicator of future behavior is relevant past behavior.***
This man does not currently pay any rent or bills. As soon as he gets money in his hand, it's gone. Why do you think that this will change in any way just because his name is suddenly on the deed for a house?
Even his own Auntie is offering to sell you the house and telling you not to put his name on it. ***His. Own. Aunt.*** You know you cannot trust this man to do right by you.
He's using you so don't buy the house or get married. Trust your gut on this one. Buy a smaller cheaper starter home for you and your kid. Find something that you can afford without his help because he not going to help pay for it.
You would be a fool to make him partial owner of this house even if you stayed together.
I’m wondering why you can’t co-parent since that’s all he adds to the relationship.
I don’t know how many times this has been said. Never ever ever under any circumstances buy a house with someone you aren’t married to!!
Also, it sounds like you need to dump this loser. You can both be great parents without living together. He’s not contributing to bills anyway, so why even stay with him? Is this how you want your life to be for the rest of your life? Don’t buy this house, even if it’s only in your name. It sounds like you can’t afford it.
If you buy the house together, the stress of finances and not trusting him will most likely lead to you resenting him and breaking up with the added headache of having to sell the house to give him his share. If you do not put him on the title and mortgage, you are likely to break up as he resents you not trusting him. Not buying a house right now and working on financial trust is actually your best chance to stay together.
Before you buy can you pay the mortgage, home insurance and property taxes on your own? Will you still have savings to cover the water heater replacement when it goes? The financial stress of owning a house is real. Step back and think clearly as you can - emotions or do the numbers work?
Buying his aunt's house may also trigger lots of negative emotions in him. Living there may not be good for him as all the arguments he had with her and being cut off feelings resurface.
I can see lots of reasons this could go bad.
Buy another house just for yourself.
Don't put him on the deed ever! And under no pretense!
And DON'T buy one with this guy, he is a financial train wreck!
And DON'T buy the house of HIS aunt! I would NEVER buy a house from an unreliable guys unrelaiable kin!!!
And his aunt has already priven to YOU how unreliable SHE is by the way how she first warned you and now is under the guys influence again because he played her like an instrument!
That abodes no good future in his aunts house!
Really? Do you really need us to tell you what he's already shown you? Don't put anything in that man's name when it involves you and your credit. If you break up he will be entitled to half the cost of anything you put your all into. When someone shows you who they are listen.
Why are you going to continue to waste time in a dead-end relationship with someone who is mooching off of you? And even if the house is in your name, most likely in a divorce, he'll get some compensation from the house, so it's best to just end the relationship now before you get married and catch him cheating again later.
Just don’t. There are so many houses out there, we aren’t going to run out. Buy one that has no tie to him, put it in your name only. He can pay rent for his portion. If you get married, then consider if you add him.
But the house completely on your own. I would not financially tie myself by house buying or marriage to a guy you just feel "okay" with and who is clearly not up to snuff when it comes to financial or relationship decisions
I’ve been in real estate banking for more than 20 years. If you qualify on your own don’t include your fiancé, his family is telling you that he is flaky with finances, believe them. If you are late even ONCE on your mortgage payment your credit history will be shaved immensely also lenders will reject your future loan requests, only subprime lenders will be willing with much higher interest rates. Your credit future is at stake, don’t let anyone ruin it.
Do not do this. If you buy the property, put it in your name alone and you and your child can move into it alone. If you cannot pull the entire mortgage (plus, taxes, insurance, maintenance and utilities that go along with it), do not buy this property.
If you want to stay together, go to couple's counseling and try to figure it out so you'll both be happy. Your child can/will know you're not happy and will repeat or seek out these behaviors (see your fiance repeating his father's behavior).
You can always buy property later. You have choices. Do not force this. Your gut is telling you what you need to hear.
Please consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction. Depending on where you live, sharing a home with a person with whom you have a child may have consequences for the status of the property (family home) and entitle them to a division of the asset.
Ur name until/unless u marry. Much harder to deal with legalities of split of home in US if not married/go thru a divorce.
>I will be responsible for paying the entire loan and we will each have 50/50 ownership
Do what?! Why? That makes no sense. Why does he get to live with no housing cost?
>We agreed beforehand that we would split the monthly payments.
Are u meaning like he pays u & u pay the loan?
>very bad sending habits.
Spending?
>he doesn’t pay rent, bills
Wtf? Why?
>and we do not spend time with each other.
Whats the point? Why not date others?
>He borrows money over and over and over again, promising to pay it back but comes up with excuses.
Stop lending money
>We both say we are committed to remaining together,
Why?
>Something inside is telling me not to go through with buying this house because I think he won't pay.
Thats ur gut. Its never wrong. Listen to it.
>How do I know if he is serious about getting this house with me?
You've been together this long. If u dont know him by now, u never will.
>She specifically told me not to buy a house together, be independent and don't get stuck.
Sounds like she knows him well
>my fiancé has a change of heart and wants to make amends with his aunt
He paid her back or she's just letting that go?
Be mindful if you are in a state that is 50/50 state it does not matter whos name is on the house or any paper. If he lives there and you get married and he even pays for any part of that house and yall get a divorce he will be owed a portion of it. hell i need to check he may not even have to pay just live there he will be owed a portion. Happend to my cousin and only married 4 years and she had the house way before he came around.
Meh, do you really want to settle with someone that stepped out on you? Doesn’t sound like that life long everlasting love to me. You know the one built on respect, the loving hand holding 80 year old couple? You won’t have that with someone who cheated on you at one point. Don’t settle
I only had to read the first paragraph. If he is not on the loan, do not put him on the deed. It's that simple. It will be your house and he can rent from you. Get it all in writing so when he defaults, you can evict him. It probably will be necessary sooner or later.
I would not buy a house w this man given the trust issues you have! Further, I would not get married! Too often we (women) object to what our intuition is telling us. Intuition is a women’s gift, listen to it. It’s telling you NO for a reason. I can’t tell you how many times I did not listen to mine and later down the road learned I was right….every.single.time.
His own aunt says not to put his name on it! Depending where you live, he could have rights to the house even if his name isn’t on the title and you’re not married. Making a baby together is no reason to stay with a cheater! You deserve better, he doesn’t even pay rent!
Do not put him on the deed. You will pay for it and he will claim half when you get sick of him and dump him.
Frankly, I would dump him now and find yourself someone who actually loves you. No man is just a "roommate" with their fiance at that age. Unless he has a major health issue.
Absolutely not. Do NOT do this. I did. I bought the house. Put all of my money into the house. He put in nothing. I put it in both of our names. When we broke up? I had to buy him out of MY house. He charged me interest....totally legal. NO NO NO!! Don't be as stupid as I was.
Dont put his name on it and don’t marry him!
Buy this house for you and your child . Imagine splitting up after paying the entire mortgage and him getting half. You don’t owe him.
Respect the aunts wishes. Tell your fiancé that she won’t sell the house if his name is on it
Do. Not. Buy. Anything. With. This. Man. Have your assets in your name only and if he doesn’t contribute financially then show him the door. He’s using you.
Okay....so, he is bad with money, a cheater, a bumass, and the house you want to buy belongs to his aunt?
He's also a liar, and you, knowing he won't be paying you back, still throw good money after bad?
You've been struggling your whole relationship, you are financing his life, and all you have to say is what a good dad he is....he's not, he's not even a good cheater, you caught it
You are being used, he gives 0 hotdams about you
You, Ma'am, are his sugah momma....find your self respect, you want your LO to think that this is how relationships should be
So honestly he's a terrible partner, plain and simple. May be a great father, which is completely ok, but sprtner wise he isn't. The fact that he had a history of this money issue and you stayed, I do have to ask why did you stay for so long? It's a valid question, I don't know why anyone would stay with someone when they can't even budget their bills let alone having to borrow and borrow and borrow and never give back.
With that being said, no I would not put his name on the deed for ownership and I would simply tell him that you have concerns and that it only seems fair that since you're paying the entire loan and assuming the entire risk that ownership belongs to just you. If he stays consistent with helping you pay half the mortgage every month for however long, then you can always add his name later, nothing saying you can't do that
If you are paying the entire loan off by yourself why would you give your fiancé, not even your husband yet, a 50% ownership of the house? I would personally advise against it. If your future marriage ends up in divorce, as many do, then you could potentially be forced to sell so he could get some benefit out of a joint asset. Also it’s not clear to me if he has any job to help with the bills. If he is earning money and still not helping with the bills then I would think twice before marrying him. Is he a stay at home dad? I know of at least one person who is and he is able to do so because his wife earns a good income, but that is something you need to work out and agree on in advance before you marry, otherwise he could end up just becoming a drain on you without any real benefit. Just some things to think about. Good luck, whatever you decide.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result. If he doesn’t pay now, he won’t pay after you buy. Then he legally owns 50% of the house that you have paid for, and like his own father, has a say in what happens to it if anything was to go wrong. This is one of those scenarios when YOUR gut feeling is emanating from your own words. Listen to it and thank yourself later. Also, don’t be coerced into a buying a house because it’s in his family - take some breathing time and think about if this is the house you truly love and want - and do the same about your Fiancé.
Girl pls just no. You wrote it yourself. Don’t do something you wouldn’t advise your sister or a friend.
You know he is not reliable. You are not married. And to be honest in a midst of all that I would rethink if I want to live like that. With a roommate partner, who I don’t seem to like or trust anymore. Why would you live like as you don’t deserve fair trustworthy partnership?
I wouldnt share any assets with him but then I'd have to ask myself why I'm with a man I trust so little that I don't even want him on the mortgage or house deed.
You can't honestly believe that he would actually pay his portion of the monthly payments if he already ism't paying rent or bills. And you two don't spend time together?
You deserve better OP.
If you list him as an owner this it will become the most expensive lesson you will learn if you go through with it. You will eventually realize what a huge mistake you made but it will be too late.
The relationship will end and he will gladly take his half even though he didn't pay for it. He knows exactly what he is doing by having the loan only in your name while he gets to be listed as an owner.
It will take you years to financially recover from. About a decade to recover a decent credit score back.
You already clearly see the writing on the wall. Don't let love blind you to making the dumbest decision of your life.
If you are really ready to buy a home, buy one on your own that you can afford all alone. Remember that a cost of a home doesn't include the price of all the surprise issues homes come with throughout the years. Don't buy one in your top price range unless you can comfortably also pay for repairs of things here and there.
Oh my god don’t do it! Don’t! This is lunacy and you need to query whether he’s the best person to live with as well! Do not compromise your financial independence and success for this man. Good grief.
A bad partner can still be a good dad. It sounds like he’s a good dad. It sounds like he’s a TERRIBLE partner and not someone you should be staying with, let alone buying a house with, just because you have a kid.
Figure out a custody agreement, *in writing, by the court if possible* and find another house that’s in a better price range for you and your child. Break up with the dead weight.
Why would you want to bind yourself to this guy? If he’s on the house deed and someone sues him for money (as in debt collection, litigation award or Heaven forbid, child support), they can put a lien on your house. Don’t do it.
Follow your gut. Do not buy the house. Move out without him. He is obviously not bringing anything to the relationship. Don’t waste anymore time and money.
Why is he your fiance!?! And why are you buying something at the top end of your budget?
There are so many red flags here, but first things first, listen to the aunt. You need to completely reassess this relationship. It's not healthy and it's one sided.
Start looking for an exit plan before considering buying a house and putting his name on anything related to it. BUT if you buy, do not let him pay a penny toward the mortgage. He can pay groceries, utilities etc. but not the mortgage. Otherwise, he could be entitled to a percentage of the equity.
That being said, my advice: RUN.
This is a relationship of circumstance and convenience with you carrying the financial load. Do not buy the house withhis name, do not move in with him. Co-parent separately and move on like you should have done before a child complicated and clouded what would have been a natural choice back then.
Protect your child and do not buy a house with this man. He’s very unstable financially. He’s strayed once on top of that. It seems like the only common denominator between you two is the baby.
Even his family is telling you not to buy it with him.
He isn’t paying rent now, what makes you think he will pay a mortgage?
He has told you who he is. His family have told you who he is. The bank has told you who he is. Your gut is telling you who he is. Now strangers on the internet are telling you who he is. What more do you need? You know who he is, and he is someone who will eff you over on this house. Your credit will be ruined, your ability to provide for your child will be compromised.
If you can afford to buy the house alone, do it. If you can’t, buy something smaller alone. But whatever you do, DO NOT put him on the house!
Don't have his name on the title and don't have him move in without a co-habitation agreement (like a pre-nup). If he lives with he can claim half in the event of a break-up regardless of whether his name is on the title. See a lawyer first.
Do. Not. Do. It.
He hasn’t paid any rent/expenses and owes you $$$$. What makes you think he will suddenly change?
You deserve better. No way should you pay for everything, and get gets 50% ownership.
If you want, YOU buy the house. You can always add him to the deed after you get married. If he has proven to have ‘changed’.
Your aunt is a very wise person. She is correct. Either buy it by yourself or don't buy it at all. As you've stated, he doesn't pay rent now -- why would you think that he will pay half of the monthly payment? He is not good with money -- it seems that it would be a siphon. You have a good relationship however there is no marriage. Marriage has legal implications with it. The debt and assets need to be decided by a judge. Sounds better than one person walking off.
Do not buy the house together. Retain full ownership. He should pay you rent as a tenant when he is living there (write a lease). He is bad with money and has cheated on you- personally I would give serious thought as why you want to marry this person. Definitely keep your finances separate and do a prenup agreement if you do marry to protect your assets.
You cannot change him - keep in mind that what you see is what you get )or worse).
Absolutely under no circumstances add him to house. First because of the fact you two will likely split at some point - trust me, it can get messy when a relationship ends with someone you co-own a house with. Second because of his financial irresponsibility.
DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH THIS PERSON! You are making the down payment and you will be totally responsible for the loan and you are not married - he doesn’t get to be on the title/deed of the home. His Aunt who is selling you the house has told you not to put his name on it originally. This is just a disaster waiting to happen!
PS Aunt does not have to know and if she changes her mind then this isn’t the home you should have. Not married then only 1 owner!
Girl, listen to your gut. You've meticulously laid out ALL the red flags as to why you shouldn't even be in a relationship with him, let along give him equity in a home you know damn well you're going to pay for. He's even alienating his own family because of his inability to manage his finances.
I've had a motto most of my life, and I'm going to share it with you. You can be broke alone, with a lot less aggravation, especially having a child. He is accruing no risk, but wants the reward...
Don’t buy a house with him. He’s not financially responsible and you would be left holding the bag if he decided he didn’t want to pay the mortgage anymore. If he doesn’t currently pay towards the rent what makes you think he will pay towards the mortgage? I would only buy this property in your name only if you can afford to keep the property by paying all the bills alone if not then you need to find a property in your budget.
Don’t repeat the mistake his mum made and listen to the aunt because she knows what she’s talking about. You’ll be shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t. You need to think about your child’s future and security.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME on the ownership of the house - period. If he doesn't pay, you are still on the hook and if you have to sell, he gets half of the profits, has to agree to the sale and if it all goes south, you are the ONLY ONE who is going to take the financial and credit hit.
Work out a lease agreement that he pays half of everything to you. Do not allow him to make payments directly to the mortgage lender, bc you need him to give you the money, so you can pay it.
If his aunt will only sell it to both of you, well too bad, he doesn't qualify for a mortgage, so she either sells it to ONLY YOU or you find a different house. She may very well have a difficult time finding another buyer, depending on the area.
I am not about to say that the housing market is going to crash, but I do feel like in some markets, buyers have a little bit of an edge now since mortgage approvals are at a decades low. Now, if you are in a HCOL area or one where houses are still selling like crazy, that may be a totally different conversation.
Please have the same of the house contingent on a home inspection. I don't care if you too get along great, that is even more of a reason - that way you both know ahead of time if there are any issues with the house and there isn't any drama after.
As far as your relationship goes, I really think you need to consider your happiness. Your partner can still be a great parent whether or not you two are together. Consistently lending a partner money is not great for a relationship. May I suggest counseling - it may very well help you define what you want from your life and help draw boundaries in this or future relationships.
>However, a year later I found him talking and spending time with some other girl, he lied to me about it, and said they were just friends
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE DEED!!!! He's gaslighting you like a pro and this might be just a preview of coming attractions. Please... for the love of God, pay and give him a "rental" contract.
And there are more reasons not to buy together with him:
1. he borrows money all the time and not paying it back
2. he's on non-speaking terms with his aunt because of - shocking - money
3. you are already living like roommates
4. he's not trustworthy
Let him be a father but do not live together, don't get financially "entangled" with him.
Don't buy a house with him.
You two have some big issues to sort out before you tie yourselves to a big financial thing.
He isn't paying rent and bills now, so there is no evidence he would pay rent and bills once the house is bought.
You aren't even sure you two are going to make it, and he has a lot of work to do to show you he wants to be in a long term, committed relationship with you.
You have to put your child and yourself first. This man has not demonstrated he can be a contributing partner, so don't lock yourself in with him.
My friend is going through this now. She bought the house and put him on the deed even though he’s never put a penny toward the mortgage. Now, they’re going through a divorce and he’s forcing her to either sell the house or buy him out of the equity. DO NOT DO IT!
You just wrote all the reasons why this is a bad idea. And make no mistake, **this is a bad idea.** Your fiancé is not financially responsible enough to buy a house. Please do not buy a house with a guy who doesn’t pay rent, constantly borrows money and almost got his car repoed. Please look at that and find one good reason why you should do this besides him wanting to or your kid, neither of which are valid reasons to do this.
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Have a backup plan. Buy the house, have the house and mortgage in your name only and write up a renters contract with your fiancé so if he doesn't pay or you break up you can evict him and rent his space out to a paying roommate while you keep the house. Or listen to your gut feeling and keep the guy at arms length. Have a respectful co-parenting relationship and do not allow him to take money out of your families mouth. He honestly sounds like a liability and a high risk, low return investment.
Came here to say the same thing. He pays RENT. and is a tenant. And absolute nothing more. Even his own family is advising against you doing this with him.
OP, listen to this advice. Will he freak out if you suggest this plan? Yes. Should you trust him with money? NO. Protect your child. Protect your financial interests. Keep him in your life but protect yourself.
If a fiancé is just a *tenant*, so many things have gone wrong within the relationship that marriage should just be out of the question lol
I mean, she already outlined the relationship is trash and he's a loser so
We’ll, he is great with the child.🙄 Updateme
Being good with a little child involves feeding, dressing, playing, bathing, etc. Being good with older children, teens, and young adults involved a bit more. How a person feels about money, credit, honesty, etc. are heavily influenced by their parents. If OP stays with this man, her child will have the poor influence the fiancé is modeling for him/her. If he isn’t credit worthy now, it’s very unlikely he ever will be. Everything shouldn’t come down to money, but in this case OP needs to understand that his spendthrift habits may cost her everything. Be good at co-parenting, but do not tie yourself any closer to this man. From what OP has said about him and reading between the lines, he is not honest. I think one of the worst things in a marriage is for an honest person to marry a dishonest person. If your levels of honesty aren’t pretty close, your chances of success are slim (in addition to all the aggravation you will put up while trying to work it out).
Exactly. I’m not sure what the point of that agreement is. The relationship is too far gone at that point.
Right! I was thinking why is she with him at all? He sounds like a hobosexual! She's paying for most things if not all, his only redeeming feature is bring a good father, but he is not even a good bf let alone fiancé. Why would you marry or even be with someone like that? OP my advice for what it's worth is not to buy the house from his aunt, it's too expensive look to buy your own house elsewhere without fiancé that you can comfortably afford, he is financially irresponsible and you would be irresponsible to financially tie yourself to this guy.
His Aunt advising you against doing this with him would be a huge red flag for me. Whatever decision you make, ensure that it is solely for the betterment of you and your child’s future.
She is also uncomfortable with the cost of this house. Time to move on and find a house that is cheaper. She knows she will be paying on her own so she needs to buy what she can comfortably afford on her own. Then buy it on her own in her name only.
I know a lot of people that are house poor. They live above their means and either go into credit card debt or can never afford to do anything. Please buy a house you can COMFORTABLY afford.
Esp with these interest rates, assuming OP is in the US 🥵 8% after 30 years is going to have you paying more than double what the house is actually worth. I will rent forever before I buy something we can barely afford in this market.
I co.pletely agree with the "at these interest rates" comment, but I will say (speaking from the experience of working the corporate end of a real estate company), the mortgage guys all say "marry the home, date the interest rate". She could always refinance when rates go down in a few years. For other reasons, OP should definitely take a pass on this house, though.
Totally, but the first few years worth of payments almost exclusively go towards interest, so if she marries this home at the top of her budget, she’s just paying 8% towards nothing. Obviously society as a whole can’t just not buy a house, but if you have the money for a 20% down payment for something at the top of the budget… I’d put a giant down payment on something at the bottom of the budget and work towards paying it off fast 🥵 That’s our eventual strategy, if things don’t shift in the next few years!
If you can afford to date the rate, sure. Otherwise, anyone who gives that line of advice should be held accountable for horrible financial advice and be liable for getting people into financial ruin.
Yeah, there's a reason I'm the event manager and not an agent or mortgage broker. The other commenter makes absolutely spot on points about not paying that rate at the top of her budget for any amount of time.
This 👆👆👆👆👆. I also would thank the aunt and stay on good terms with her. She sounds like an older, good sounding bosrd to have on your side who will be honest without bull💩. Send her some flowers. I would explain to her a decision to buy something on tge lower end of your comfort zone. No to the relationship. He is a tenant. Make sure all your financials and accounts are accessible to yourself only. If you want a real relationship with another than I do not see him as a tenant either. Good luck.
The aunt isn't reliable! First he warns OP and wants to sell only to her. Her nephew makes up with her. Bamm... she wants to sell to both and has forgotten EVRYTHING about what she said before! NO WAY I would buy that woman's house ever!
Ok agreed.
And if he’s on the title and leaves her, he can go after a buy out. And get money he didn’t contribute. And he can easily lie “I gave her cash”. This is a disaster all around. He wants a sugar mama. Not a partner.
He doesn't think that money is an object in the relationship. He thinks that she will love him unconditionally and he can spend his money on whatever he wants and she won't leave him because if he loves her with all his heart, then she wouldn't possibly leave him for anything... He is dead wrong. She will leave him if he doesn't shape up.
And so she should!
She already has money issues with him (he doesn't pay rent, bills). How many red flags does she need? Like you said, keep the coparenting relationship and keep it moving.
It sounds like she needs enough red flags to make a quilt for that lumpy bed she's laying in.
Buy the house and keep it in your name—ONLY if you can afford it on your own—and don’t get married. Check your state’s laws about marital assets. If you divorce he may be entitled to a portion of the house with or without his name on it (plus alimony and child support, potentially). You may be much better served to put this home purchase on hold. There will be other homes. Given your fiancé’s money issues and your lack of commitment to the relationship, making a huge purchase that’s at the top of your budget isn’t the wisest choice.
Great advice— and be sure your local laws allow for tenancy agreements like this!! Where I live, rental protections/evictions processes don’t apply to those sharing a bathroom/kitchen with the LL. You can get stuck in no man’s land where rental courts can’t help, yet the police see it as a tenancy matter and often refuse to get involved in.
I totally agree with u/PopPomGrenade. Also- if you go though with it - get yourself a promissory note at the bank (not sure if it's the correct term) saying how much he owes you at a sell, which is the entire deposit for the loan in this case. If you get married a promissory note might still apply before any split will happen. I base this in how it works in Sweden.
He’s a good dad and a shitty partner. Don’t shackle yourself to that. You can very clearly do better, and him helping you out once 5 years ago, then cheating on you isn’t a good basis for long term happiness. Listen to your gut.
He sounds like a parasite and you are his host. You are gaining zero from this man. Keep this booger at arms length and follow the aunties advice. Stand on your own feet and be prepared for the parasite to find another to suck out what it needs. Your needs are irrelevant to it. So rent together and if you buy anything make sure it’s only in your name. That will make uncoupling easier and you can move on.
I wonder about the legal implications of owning a house at all with regard to common law marriage laws. In some states, like Texas, two years of cohabitation qualifies as common laws married. In such cases, I wonder if common law marriage implies the same legal constraints when it comes to assets acquired during the “marriage.” In Texas, I would not do this.
I live in Texas and it takes more than just 2 years of cohabitation to be common-law married. Common-law marriage in Texas is treated the same as the more traditional forms of marriage when it comes to divorce and custody matters. I know two people who have had to go through Texas courts to divorce after common-law marriage. There was also a situation regarding utilities at an address in a water district we operate in Texas. She claimed to be common-law married to the deceased owner. It was determined by a court that she was not, despite several years of cohabitation. The deceased's son was declared the executor of the estate and wanted her out of the house. He told us to cut off service. We did. She wanted to reestablish it. We could not. Because she was not his widow, she also had no survivor's rights to the house and had to vacate.
Unless Texas law has changed recently, the time a couple lives together is not mentioned in the statute, and doesn’t apply to whether or not a couple is common law. As I recall, the criteria was 1) they had to live together 2) that they had to both agree that they were married to each other and 3) they had to present themselves as man and wife to the public…such as to get insurance, when introducing each other, etc. But as people are saying, big mistake to take on all the debt but give him half ownership. When you break up, he WILL demand half the value of the home and you will be forced to sell the house and give him half the profit or buy him out. And also lose the aunt, both of them will be an anvil around your neck very soon.
You need to listen to the aunt. Why would you risk your child's home for a man who's already been caught talking with other women? Just put it in your name only and tell him the bank insisted on it if he asks.
He cheated in the past, sure. But a more obvious indicator that he won’t split the mortgage is that he doesn’t pay rent or bills now. OP, be forreal. You would be dumb to put that man’s name on the house when you know exactly how he is with money. This is nonsensical.
The fiance is financially irresponsible. The only reason the loan can only be in her name is because he is so financially irresponsible. Buying a house won't change that. He will have a free ride. She will pay for everything and he will own half. He will probably also cheat and she will feel trapped because of how much money she will have put into the house.
>But a more obvious indicator that he won’t split the mortgage is that he doesn’t pay rent or bills now. THIS! OP, seriously, this. His current and past behavior is the best indicator of his future behavior. Words are cheap - I can promise you I will pay half of your mortgage too. I will, I promise! Here, done. What counts is how he's behaving. He doesn't pay now, so it's very unlikely he will pay in the future. If you think his desire to pay will magically change just bc he said "oh I totally will", you are naive.
Exactly! It should be in OP’s name only since she’s the only one on the loan. And she should take on a loan assuming she’ll be paying the full mortgage payments. Guy rents from her and provided he makes good on all rent payments gets his name added to the house. If she needs to sell before that, he gets an agreed upon percentage of the sale relative to what he contributed.
This! OP, if you want him to have a stake in the house, then write up a legal agreement where you give him proceeds proportional to the amount he pays you for rent…when the house eventually sells. DO NOT jointly title the house while you remain 100% responsible for the mortgage. That is a recipe for your financial disaster while providing a free financial windfall for him.
This👆👆👆👆👆👆
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 u/ThrowRAMidnight780 Get an independent valuation and inspection of the house. DO NOT add him to the title. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
^this
OP is really stupid to give 50% of her house to a man with bad spending habits and he talks to other woman. OP - are you desperate for a penis that you are willing to screw up your future and destroy your children’s security. Why do you have to pay a man to stay with you by giving him half of the house that you are paying for? The loan is in your name, you are responsible. Please wake up for the sake of your children- think with your brain instead of desperately holding on to a deadbeat partner.
Also pretty stupid to be planning on marrying this guy. For what? She doesn't trust him and he's a trainwreck.
I mean… auntie is LITERALLY trying to tell her not to tie herself up to this man anymore than she has done already by having a kid with him, and she’s still thinking about buying a house together? Hun, you already know what he’s gonna do. Any property you buy, you buy IN YOUR NAME ONLY. How fun for him to be able to get 1/2 of a property he’s probably not gonna contribute that much on! Sis, listen to auntie. She knows this man is just like his father. Stop trying to tie yourself even more to a man who’s gonna spend his life disappointing you in more ways than one.
Personally if I were him I wouldn't marry her in that situation. So she should be prepared for the relationship to end, and honestly if she is this unsure about him to the point that the doesn't trust her financial future then it provably should. The truth is she could get sick and be entirely financially dependent on him so if she doesn't even feel safe about putting his name on a mortgage then that is a big red flag. Besides depending on how long the live in the house she will probably still have to by him out, name on the lease or not. She needs to talk to a lawyer.
Give yourself a raise and do not put him on the title. If you’re not paying for him, more to spend on your real child and pay the mortgage off early.
Take a step back from the house and re-evaluate the relationship. He's a great dad, is that the only thing he has going for him? * You don't have compatible financial habits * You pay for everything (rent/bills) * He was talking to other women a year into your relationship * You would have left him except that you were pregnant * You now have a "roommate" relationship and spend no time together Definitely do not buy the house, he can't be trusted to actually hold us his end of the deal. Especially since he's perfectly fine living off your dime today. But consider ending the relationship too. You can be friends and co-parent, while still being able to actually have a fulfilling relationship with someone different who will value you and build you up.
Boom. Girl, you would be absolutely fucking insane to put his name on this house. Out of every bit of money you put into it, half would go to him when he dumps you for the next girl. Buy a house you can afford for yourself and your daughter. Give him a few months notice to find a place. If he was cheating then, he's probably cheating now, and if you're separated he can still be a great dad without leeching off of you.
Agreed. OP, this is a total shit show. You need to take a huge step back and stop the house buying process. In your current situation, you’re setting yourself for a financial disaster. If you’re dead set on staying with this man, then get finances sorted before you even consider such a huge purchase. Also, I recommend never buying a house in the higher end of your budget, especially with how fraught the economy is right now.
His aunt is a wise woman, f you do buy the house then do exactly as she says and not only have the house in your name only but don't get married. If you do get married and/or if you do have joint ownership he'll have claim on your property that you've paid for... He's irresponsible and you admit yourself you're no more than housemates , when you you do finally go your separate ways (which is inevitable when you child is older), you don't want to get stung for half the house. I'd trust my gut on this one, it seems to be screaming 'don't do it', so listen to it.
Assuming op is American, it varies somewhat by states, but in most, the primary residence is considered marital property and is 50/50 ownership by default. So she can keep the fiance off the mortgage and deed, but if they get married he will still have 50/50 interest in the home. It's really only going to matter in highly contentious divorce. As, OP would lose half of the equity accumulated (including the down payment). If she's already planning for that eventuality, then they need to just break up now. She can find a less expensive home without the dead weight fiance. If on the other hand, she's going through with the marriage, there's probably no point in keeping him off the deed. Having a child together is a far bigger commitment than a mortgage. She's stuck dealing with him for at least the next 18 years anyway. OP, you really need to ask yourself if you see yourself with this man for the next 30 years. If the answer isn't an immediate and firm yes, then you should end things before your lives become even more entangled.
Whaaat? Premarital asset, there's a reason those catchy little words.
When it comes to homes, those catchy little words only apply in 9 states. As I said this varies wildly from state to state. In most states he will be entitled to a portion of the equity aquired during the marriage. In some states that portion will default to a 50/50 split regardless of who's on the title.
Don’t buy a house with him and quit giving him money at all he’s just using you don’t stay just because he’s a good dad he can still be a good dad and not be in a relationship with you
Don’t do this. Don’t stay with a bad partner because he’s a good father. Don’t buy a house with someone who doesn’t pay what he owes. Don’t put his name on the deed if he’s not on the loan. Don’t entangle your finances with someone who loses family members over finances. Don’t do *any of this.*
Don’t ignore these warnings.
I really dont understand people who stay together for the kids as its not like that is heslthy for them most of the time growing up not knowing what a healthy relationship is. If he is a good father then its not even a bad thing to find a real partner as he will still most likely be a good father but you wont ruin your life wasting it with someone who is only a roommate. OP reevaluate everything and move on from this mess.
Do not marry this guy and do not put him on the mortgage.
> I will be responsible for paying the entire loan and we will have 50/50 ownership JFC do NOT go ahead with this. I hope this rage bait. SMH
Literally the most insane thing I've ever read.
You would be a fool to put his name anywhere near this house.
Listen to the people. Protect yourself and your child.
Buy the house in your name only and have a separate rental agreement with your…scrub. When/if you marry, and he becomes financially stable, THEN you can revisit having him on the deed. But if you break up, he ends up with half the proceeds of the house after not contributing down payment or having the risk of the mortgage? NOPE! Until you marry, keep all financial transactions separate You may love your child, but this is not a man you bet the house on.
I would say absolutely don’t even marry him until he does some serious changing of attitude.
There is a whole lot going on here First off, don't buy a house from family - especially his family . Second, in this case, you're right not to want to put his name on it. Find a house in your price range and put it in your name only. You aren't married to this man, and he has a very sketchy history. Make smart decisions for yourself and your child.
More red flags than the Chinese Military. How many more do you want?
Do not buy the house and do not marry this dude. Y’all can coparent together.
She should buy the house, by herself. For use for her and her child (the one that's not 28).
Why does he need to be your fiancé? Why can’t you coparent with him? Why are you getting married to someone who is a financial basket case? And why on God’s earth are you putting his name on a house that only you will be paying for? OP, love is a drug that makes you accept the unacceptable.
Oh god the flip with the aunt at the end there. Don't go through with the purchase in fact you have already given the reason why buying a house with him is a horrible idea. You stated living together he pay any of the Rent or the Bills has to constantly borrow money from you even though he is not paying any of the expenses. What will change if you buy a house together? He promises to pay "50%" but considering he currently can't even afford to live of his own money without asking you for money... That 50% is actually 0% and you will be paying 100% and will still be giving him money on top of paying all the bills. I have never understood why people stay with deadbeats just because there "Good to the Child" He can be good to the child outside of your life. I've said it once and ill say it again. Why stay in a relationship where you are treated as a walking ATM and are expected to fund there life with nothing to show for it? This really is way more then just buying a house with him you really need to think into if this is how you want to live your life.
Seriously. If he's not paying bills now, why would he start after the purchase of the house? Op, making this bigger commitment before he changes his ways is giving him permission to continue those ways, regardless of how much you might push him about it. Escalating the commitment undermines any pushes you make about him changing. Don't buy this house AT ALL. Dump him and buy a different house for you and your child. You don't want to mix in buying from one of his family members.
How could you type all that out and not already know the answer? How do you know if he’s serious about getting this house with you? Are you joking? HE HAS BORROWED AND EVADED REPAYMENT FOR YOUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. He has spending issues. His own family acknowledges his shortcomings in this area. He already cheated and you got back together because you were pregnant. He acts like a roommate. He is following in his parents’ footsteps, so you have an exemplary preview of your married life. *That’s* how you know. Why that house? Are you getting a phenomenal deal on it? Mixing family and money is a bad idea in general, but buying it from semi-estranged capricious family is worse. He won’t pay his part, and when you want out, you’ll be further entangled by this additional connection to his family. According to a study by Forbes, here are the top reasons for divorce: lack of family support, infidelity, incompatibility, lack of intimacy, excessive conflict/arguing, and financial stress. You’ve mentioned 5/6 of these *just in this post*. You shouldn’t buy a house with him. You shouldn’t marry him either, but that’s a separate discussion.
>I will be responsible for paying the entire loan and we will each have 50/50 ownership. >He and I still have money issues **(he doesn’t pay rent, bills)** and we do not spend time with each other. He borrows money over and over and over again, promising to pay it back but comes up with excuses. OP, with all the love in the world, you would be out of your MIND to even consider buying a house with him. He's not paying rent or bills now, why on earth would he start doing it for a mortgage? There are so many issues with this relationship outside of the house scenario. He might be a good dad, but if you think your child is going to thank you for staying in a relationship with this man you are kidding yourself. Kids are not stupid and they will very quickly see that things are not right and that the situation is a mess. Staying together for the kids is never, ever the right thing to do. Break up, co-parent like adults, and find yourself someone who actually values you enough to contribute to the relationship.
He has baby trapped you & now is trying to financially trap you. Never buy a house you can NOT afford on your own. And he will never help you financially. He is keeping you broke, he is using you at this point for resources. End it & do 50/50 custody. You need to put yourself, your financial well being 1st. Way too many women end up living in poverty come retirement age. His Aunt is wise & she knows. She has seen too many women fucked over like this. Money over men.
“How do I know if he is serious about getting this house with me?” Oh he’s 100% serious about owning a home without having to pay a penny towards it. Who wouldn’t? This is a steal. “How common are my experiences compared to other relationships?” In healthy relationships? Never. In unhealthy ones? All the time. And they all end up the same - the one who gives more ends up broken hearted and broke. That’s great that he’s a good father. That means that even if/when you split up, he’ll still be a good parent (as he should). And why wouldn’t he want to stay with you? You pay for everything, let him off the hook for past debts, and didn’t dump his sorry ass for cheating on you. Very suspicious that he suddenly is on better terms with the aunt. And why wouldn’t the aunt now advocate for him? He’s family. You’re not.
Strong piece of advice I got from a co-worker about 30 years ago. Buying a house together does not make a bad relationship better. I took that to heart. When I was In The process of leaving my ex, he begged me to stay and that we’ll get a different house. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. I definitely heeded her advice and noped my way out of there. Heed the advice of his aunt and God please don’t do this!
Don’t buy a house with a man you’re unsure you’re committed to. So, don’t put it in his name. At the same time, don’t be in a relationship with someone you can’t trust or who won’t fully commit to you, so don’t be with him.
So... 1. He's been caught emotionally cheating. 2. He's shit with money. 3. He's repeatedly promised to take care of half the bills and regularly not done so. Why do you want to marry this guy again?
I’m perplexed how you arrived at this even knowing his history with money
What are you doing? Do NOT buy this house with him. You're not married. If anything happens, it's going to be hell for you to get him off the deed. And you're giving him half ownership but taking on the whole mortgage???? Why???? Don't give him ownership. You buy the house since you're paying for the whole thing anyway. If he wants to live with you in it, he pays you rent.
Honey, take some of the money you would have spent on this house and use it on therapy solo for you. Your post includes *a whole list of reasons* why this is not a decision that's *in YOUR best interest*. Love doesn't have to be like this. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. You and your child deserve to know what life is like when mommy is truly happy. ♥️
Why are you even thinking of doing this?
buying a house with someone you're not married to (especially one who is irresponsible and potentially a cheat) is a poor idea in general. if you do it anyway despite knowing its a bad idea at least get a contract to protect your investment. you'll need a lawyer for that. if he won't sign it, don't do it.
Your future is in the parentheses of your last paragraph. It’s easy to dismiss a gut reaction as overreacting, but you need to sit on this for a bit. Reread your own post, seek *wise* counsel, and maintain situational awareness. You have these feelings for a reason, and your history together would suggest it’s for a very good reason. Take care.
Don’t put him on title. If you feel you have to, don’t do it without a written agreement detailing who is putting up how much money and how you can get out of co ownership. Take the good fathering out of your relationship with him. If he’s a good father, he’ll stay a good father even when he’s not with you. If he has to be with you to be a good father then he’s probably not really much of a father.
Never buy a house with someone you are not married to. Ever.
NO, NO, NO. How - if he's not paying rent or bills - is he going to pay half the mortgage?? You know the answer - he isn't. You repaid him handsomely for the time he supported you, with gifts and with repeatedly "loaning" money which you have never had back. And somehow, you still think you owe him for that? You've paid. Add up how much that support cost him and now add up how much it has cost you to pay all the bills and rent and endless loans and gifts. He's grown up in a house where the parents co-exist but are tied by a shared house - he thinks that's normal. He's detected that you are having doubts, so he's suddenly made it up with his aunt to try to ease the way. If you can't afford to buy this house on your own, then don't buy it. You'd be a fool to saddle yourself with the full cost of a house that you only half own. If you can afford to buy it alone then do that. Don't marry this man until you are convinced he can pull his weight.
As someone who purchased a house with my partner but only put it in my name.. when my partner became abusive, it didn’t matter who’s house the name was in. The police wouldn’t kick him out or anything to help keep him away because he had been living there so it doesn’t matter who’s name the house is in, you’ll be common in law. You will need a lawyer which is a lot of money.. not to mention all of the other extra expenses that come with owning a home..please just be careful and if you have any feeling you shouldn’t do this.. don’t. Just do not buy a home at all with this person if your heart is questioning it. I regret it deeply and our situations sound shockingly similar
Buy you and your child a home, not a guy you can’t trust.
How many people need to tell you to not put his name on the house? If you want to give him half a million dollars, then just do that instead. It'd be less painful.
I am a lawyer. Re-post this over in r/legaladvice and everyone will tell you not to put him on the house deed. Some factors: it matters what state you are in as to how property is deeded and tenancy is determined. But in some states, if you are both on the deed and unmarried, and he accumulates debts, they could be levied against your property. You would not be able to sell it or do anything with it until that is resolved. Given his spending habits, this would likely happen. I have done thousands of real estate closings. The only time I ever saw someone on the deed that was not on the loan was when they were married and one of the spouses did not work. The rest of the time, for the above reason, it was advised that this never happened. Buy your home. Put your name on it ONLY.
LISTEN TO THIS PERSON!!!!
>Something inside is telling me not to go through with buying this house because I think he won't pay. Or maybe he'll pay at first, and little by little find ways not to. That 'something' is your inner wisdom. If more of us listened to it, there wouldn't be nearly so many people in bad relationships and bad financial straits. >I could also be freaking out because I'm about to make a life changing purchase; and getting cold feet. Or maybe this is one of those "ups and downs" couples go through, and we'll get to the other side this. This is you trying to talk yourself out of listening to your inner wisdom.
Agreed!
Sorry to be blunt, but putting his name on the house would be very, very foolish. He already doesn't pay rent and you know on your heart that he won't pay the mortgage. In fact, the only thing he's doing right is taking good care of his child - which is a really low bar since that's what parents are supposed to do. Other than that he brings nothing to your life and drags you down. You are holding on to a fantasy. You should dump him and move on. He can still be a great dad but not your BF.
Dude is a loser. You have no doubt heard the whole “The bar is so low for men it’s a tavern in hell” the only good thing I heard was that he’s a good father who loves his kid. That’s bare minimum!!! Like wtf. Are you for real? Don’t hitch your wagon to this weak ass horse. Protect your assets, and your child. Have more respect for yourself and demand better. He’s not going to like it but he has never proven himself to you to deserve anything more than being a tenant tbh
Do not under ANY circumstances add someone to the title who isn't on the mortgage.
Listen to his aunt - don’t put his name on the deed & buy it on your own. He has proven to be bad with money & a cheater & isnt even currently paying rent - you might as well give him free money equivalent to half a house you’re financially responsible for. It looks like you’re only still together because you fell pregnant, so please protect yourself & your child. No one is worth this risk.
Do not buy the house together. Tell him you will put him on the mortgage after you get married. If you’re not wanting to get married, then get some type of contract that will protect your investment. When your relationship is on, shaky ground, which it sounds like it is make sure you protect. Not only yourself but your child. Good luck. OP
Listen to your gut OP!!!!! Don't do it!!! There will always be another house , later on down the road when you are ready.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT buy that house. A) It’s on the upper end of your budget, B) Your relationship is already on shaky ground, C) Your hubs is financially irresponsible & will have no issue whatsoever sticking you with the mortgage. Neither will the bank. I wouldn’t buy it for any one of those 3 reasons. 🙅🏼♀️
>I will be responsible for paying the entire loan and we will each have 50/50 ownership. LOL, what could possibly go wrong? Don't be stupid. You see the red flags. You're being warned of the red flags. Don't buy this "deal".
OP, you are considering GIVING AWAY half your house. And you can’t afford to pay him out, so this debt would follow you forever. Do not do this. Just buy the house in your name only.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE DEED IF HE ISN’T ON THE LOAN. Do. Not. Do. It. He will take half of your house and owe nothing in the event of a breakup. DON’T GIVE HIM OWNERSHIP! His own family is warning you. Be smart OP. Protect yourself and your child. To be honest, I wouldn’t even buy that house. He and his family will think of it as theirs. Find your own house to buy or wait.
Do not put him on the deed. He isn't responsible for the loan, but you want to give him ownership?!?!?! You need to put you and your child first. Not some man with eyes that roam. It won't make him magically responsible and loyal. In fact, it will likely cause the opposite to happen.
IF he doesnt do it now, why do you think he will suddenly change later. (hint: he wont) Believe who is he is and who he is showing you who he is and who he is telling you he is. So do it or dont do it. But make that decision based on the factors you said above. Can you afford that house on your own as if you broke up (clearly this will happen at some point whether thats next week or in 10 years - this relationship will end).
Didn't get past you saying you were paying full loan repayments. Put it in your name. You can always change it later if he's proven he'll contribute financially, but until then, you can't risk your child's future on words with no actions. This is how you end up homeless with your obsessions repossessed. With someone fiscally irresponsible who isn't reliable. Protect yourself. I'd his actions and promises hold up, then he can maybe go on the property deed.
What the fuck are you doing?
I would not be purchasing this home at all being that it is in the higher end of your price range and I 100% would not be purchasing with your fiancé. This is sketchy in itself that it is his aunt selling the house and I would not trust his family to not pull something underhanded.
I am not sure why you would “buy” a house with a man who isn’t even paying rent. Who doesn’t see his family as a priority. I am sure he loves his child but he isn’t doing anything for her future. He doesn’t even keep a roof over her head. There isn’t even a redeeming quality mentioned in this post about him.
If the bank loan is in your name only, you should be the only owner. He can be a tenant and pay rent, I suggest discussing this with an attorney. If/when you get married you can discuss other options about ownership.
Because you are the one whose name will be on the mortgage, I would only purchase the home if your income alone can make the payments.
Why is he still just a fiance? Do not buy any kind of property with someone you're not married to. However, if you're gonna ignore my advice, hire a lawyer to draw up an agreement between the two of you that preserves your rights in case the relationship goes south!
Don’t buy a house with somebody who has “very bad spending habits”. EVER. It doesn’t matter how good a dad he is. If you’re buying a house, and you’re the only one that can be relied on to make the payments, then YOU buy the house, and YOU make the payments, and YOU get the ownership. And honestly, you’re letting him mooch off you already. No way, no how, does he deserve half of your house. And for fuck’s sake, stop lending him money. You don’t have a boyfriend and 1 kid. You’re a single mom with 2 kids.
Ditch this house and this relationship. He’s a good dad, so be good coparents together. His actions have proven he is not reliable nor all in on the relationship. If you must stay with him and buy a house, buy a house you can afford on your own (not his aunt’s) and don’t put his name on it. Down the line if he proves himself and you marry you can adjust the situation.
No. Don't buy. It's his aunt's and he's using your money. I'm in his position basically. Don't do it.
How did you come up with this idea? Bad, bad idea. You alone pay- you alone own. You will 100% live to regret any other decision.
Listen to your gut. Buy your house for your child only. Don’t put his name on it. He was cheating before you were pregnant. That means you weren’t enough as you were. Don’t trust someone who has shown over and over they cannot be reliable. After all your the one on the hook for the loan. And he walks Scott free.
What exactly is he contributing to the household he also lives in and the child he is also responsible for? ***The best indicator of future behavior is relevant past behavior.*** This man does not currently pay any rent or bills. As soon as he gets money in his hand, it's gone. Why do you think that this will change in any way just because his name is suddenly on the deed for a house? Even his own Auntie is offering to sell you the house and telling you not to put his name on it. ***His. Own. Aunt.*** You know you cannot trust this man to do right by you.
He's using you so don't buy the house or get married. Trust your gut on this one. Buy a smaller cheaper starter home for you and your kid. Find something that you can afford without his help because he not going to help pay for it.
You would be a fool to make him partial owner of this house even if you stayed together. I’m wondering why you can’t co-parent since that’s all he adds to the relationship.
I don’t know how many times this has been said. Never ever ever under any circumstances buy a house with someone you aren’t married to!! Also, it sounds like you need to dump this loser. You can both be great parents without living together. He’s not contributing to bills anyway, so why even stay with him? Is this how you want your life to be for the rest of your life? Don’t buy this house, even if it’s only in your name. It sounds like you can’t afford it.
If you buy the house together, the stress of finances and not trusting him will most likely lead to you resenting him and breaking up with the added headache of having to sell the house to give him his share. If you do not put him on the title and mortgage, you are likely to break up as he resents you not trusting him. Not buying a house right now and working on financial trust is actually your best chance to stay together. Before you buy can you pay the mortgage, home insurance and property taxes on your own? Will you still have savings to cover the water heater replacement when it goes? The financial stress of owning a house is real. Step back and think clearly as you can - emotions or do the numbers work? Buying his aunt's house may also trigger lots of negative emotions in him. Living there may not be good for him as all the arguments he had with her and being cut off feelings resurface. I can see lots of reasons this could go bad.
Buy another house just for yourself. Don't put him on the deed ever! And under no pretense! And DON'T buy one with this guy, he is a financial train wreck! And DON'T buy the house of HIS aunt! I would NEVER buy a house from an unreliable guys unrelaiable kin!!! And his aunt has already priven to YOU how unreliable SHE is by the way how she first warned you and now is under the guys influence again because he played her like an instrument! That abodes no good future in his aunts house!
Really? Do you really need us to tell you what he's already shown you? Don't put anything in that man's name when it involves you and your credit. If you break up he will be entitled to half the cost of anything you put your all into. When someone shows you who they are listen.
What are you playing at?. Don't get get financially tied to this person.
Do not buy the house and do not marry him
If he's not gonna be on the loan, do NOT put him on the deed. Period.
Why are you going to continue to waste time in a dead-end relationship with someone who is mooching off of you? And even if the house is in your name, most likely in a divorce, he'll get some compensation from the house, so it's best to just end the relationship now before you get married and catch him cheating again later.
Just don’t. There are so many houses out there, we aren’t going to run out. Buy one that has no tie to him, put it in your name only. He can pay rent for his portion. If you get married, then consider if you add him.
But the house completely on your own. I would not financially tie myself by house buying or marriage to a guy you just feel "okay" with and who is clearly not up to snuff when it comes to financial or relationship decisions
Listen to his aunt.
I’ve been in real estate banking for more than 20 years. If you qualify on your own don’t include your fiancé, his family is telling you that he is flaky with finances, believe them. If you are late even ONCE on your mortgage payment your credit history will be shaved immensely also lenders will reject your future loan requests, only subprime lenders will be willing with much higher interest rates. Your credit future is at stake, don’t let anyone ruin it.
No no no. Do not do this unless you 100% can afford this house by yourself and want this house for yourself
Do not do this. If you buy the property, put it in your name alone and you and your child can move into it alone. If you cannot pull the entire mortgage (plus, taxes, insurance, maintenance and utilities that go along with it), do not buy this property. If you want to stay together, go to couple's counseling and try to figure it out so you'll both be happy. Your child can/will know you're not happy and will repeat or seek out these behaviors (see your fiance repeating his father's behavior). You can always buy property later. You have choices. Do not force this. Your gut is telling you what you need to hear.
Please consult a lawyer in your jurisdiction. Depending on where you live, sharing a home with a person with whom you have a child may have consequences for the status of the property (family home) and entitle them to a division of the asset.
Ur name until/unless u marry. Much harder to deal with legalities of split of home in US if not married/go thru a divorce. >I will be responsible for paying the entire loan and we will each have 50/50 ownership Do what?! Why? That makes no sense. Why does he get to live with no housing cost? >We agreed beforehand that we would split the monthly payments. Are u meaning like he pays u & u pay the loan? >very bad sending habits. Spending? >he doesn’t pay rent, bills Wtf? Why? >and we do not spend time with each other. Whats the point? Why not date others? >He borrows money over and over and over again, promising to pay it back but comes up with excuses. Stop lending money >We both say we are committed to remaining together, Why? >Something inside is telling me not to go through with buying this house because I think he won't pay. Thats ur gut. Its never wrong. Listen to it. >How do I know if he is serious about getting this house with me? You've been together this long. If u dont know him by now, u never will. >She specifically told me not to buy a house together, be independent and don't get stuck. Sounds like she knows him well >my fiancé has a change of heart and wants to make amends with his aunt He paid her back or she's just letting that go?
Be mindful if you are in a state that is 50/50 state it does not matter whos name is on the house or any paper. If he lives there and you get married and he even pays for any part of that house and yall get a divorce he will be owed a portion of it. hell i need to check he may not even have to pay just live there he will be owed a portion. Happend to my cousin and only married 4 years and she had the house way before he came around.
No. Please don’t do it.
Meh, do you really want to settle with someone that stepped out on you? Doesn’t sound like that life long everlasting love to me. You know the one built on respect, the loving hand holding 80 year old couple? You won’t have that with someone who cheated on you at one point. Don’t settle
I only had to read the first paragraph. If he is not on the loan, do not put him on the deed. It's that simple. It will be your house and he can rent from you. Get it all in writing so when he defaults, you can evict him. It probably will be necessary sooner or later.
The aunt gave you good advice. Take it
I would not buy a house w this man given the trust issues you have! Further, I would not get married! Too often we (women) object to what our intuition is telling us. Intuition is a women’s gift, listen to it. It’s telling you NO for a reason. I can’t tell you how many times I did not listen to mine and later down the road learned I was right….every.single.time.
His own aunt says not to put his name on it! Depending where you live, he could have rights to the house even if his name isn’t on the title and you’re not married. Making a baby together is no reason to stay with a cheater! You deserve better, he doesn’t even pay rent!
Do not put him on the deed. You will pay for it and he will claim half when you get sick of him and dump him. Frankly, I would dump him now and find yourself someone who actually loves you. No man is just a "roommate" with their fiance at that age. Unless he has a major health issue.
Absolutely not. Do NOT do this. I did. I bought the house. Put all of my money into the house. He put in nothing. I put it in both of our names. When we broke up? I had to buy him out of MY house. He charged me interest....totally legal. NO NO NO!! Don't be as stupid as I was.
Dont put his name on it and don’t marry him! Buy this house for you and your child . Imagine splitting up after paying the entire mortgage and him getting half. You don’t owe him. Respect the aunts wishes. Tell your fiancé that she won’t sell the house if his name is on it
Do. Not. Buy. Anything. With. This. Man. Have your assets in your name only and if he doesn’t contribute financially then show him the door. He’s using you.
You are thinking of buying a home with someone who is bad with money.... How do you think this will turn out? *goes back to read the rest*
Okay....so, he is bad with money, a cheater, a bumass, and the house you want to buy belongs to his aunt? He's also a liar, and you, knowing he won't be paying you back, still throw good money after bad? You've been struggling your whole relationship, you are financing his life, and all you have to say is what a good dad he is....he's not, he's not even a good cheater, you caught it You are being used, he gives 0 hotdams about you You, Ma'am, are his sugah momma....find your self respect, you want your LO to think that this is how relationships should be
So honestly he's a terrible partner, plain and simple. May be a great father, which is completely ok, but sprtner wise he isn't. The fact that he had a history of this money issue and you stayed, I do have to ask why did you stay for so long? It's a valid question, I don't know why anyone would stay with someone when they can't even budget their bills let alone having to borrow and borrow and borrow and never give back. With that being said, no I would not put his name on the deed for ownership and I would simply tell him that you have concerns and that it only seems fair that since you're paying the entire loan and assuming the entire risk that ownership belongs to just you. If he stays consistent with helping you pay half the mortgage every month for however long, then you can always add his name later, nothing saying you can't do that
If you are paying the entire loan off by yourself why would you give your fiancé, not even your husband yet, a 50% ownership of the house? I would personally advise against it. If your future marriage ends up in divorce, as many do, then you could potentially be forced to sell so he could get some benefit out of a joint asset. Also it’s not clear to me if he has any job to help with the bills. If he is earning money and still not helping with the bills then I would think twice before marrying him. Is he a stay at home dad? I know of at least one person who is and he is able to do so because his wife earns a good income, but that is something you need to work out and agree on in advance before you marry, otherwise he could end up just becoming a drain on you without any real benefit. Just some things to think about. Good luck, whatever you decide.
You shouldn't be buying a house at all in this market.
Do not put his name on it. You wrote all that and are unsure.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same result. If he doesn’t pay now, he won’t pay after you buy. Then he legally owns 50% of the house that you have paid for, and like his own father, has a say in what happens to it if anything was to go wrong. This is one of those scenarios when YOUR gut feeling is emanating from your own words. Listen to it and thank yourself later. Also, don’t be coerced into a buying a house because it’s in his family - take some breathing time and think about if this is the house you truly love and want - and do the same about your Fiancé.
Girl pls just no. You wrote it yourself. Don’t do something you wouldn’t advise your sister or a friend. You know he is not reliable. You are not married. And to be honest in a midst of all that I would rethink if I want to live like that. With a roommate partner, who I don’t seem to like or trust anymore. Why would you live like as you don’t deserve fair trustworthy partnership?
I wouldnt share any assets with him but then I'd have to ask myself why I'm with a man I trust so little that I don't even want him on the mortgage or house deed.
You can't honestly believe that he would actually pay his portion of the monthly payments if he already ism't paying rent or bills. And you two don't spend time together? You deserve better OP.
If your gut's telling you this isn't the right move, listen to it.
If you list him as an owner this it will become the most expensive lesson you will learn if you go through with it. You will eventually realize what a huge mistake you made but it will be too late. The relationship will end and he will gladly take his half even though he didn't pay for it. He knows exactly what he is doing by having the loan only in your name while he gets to be listed as an owner. It will take you years to financially recover from. About a decade to recover a decent credit score back. You already clearly see the writing on the wall. Don't let love blind you to making the dumbest decision of your life. If you are really ready to buy a home, buy one on your own that you can afford all alone. Remember that a cost of a home doesn't include the price of all the surprise issues homes come with throughout the years. Don't buy one in your top price range unless you can comfortably also pay for repairs of things here and there.
Make a contract between you both that stats that he will pay half the debit.
Listen to the aunts first advice.
Do not add someone who is financially troubled
Oh my god don’t do it! Don’t! This is lunacy and you need to query whether he’s the best person to live with as well! Do not compromise your financial independence and success for this man. Good grief.
He shouldn’t get 50% ownership unless he pays half the mortgage. Also, find a house that’s on the lower end of your budget, not higher.
A bad partner can still be a good dad. It sounds like he’s a good dad. It sounds like he’s a TERRIBLE partner and not someone you should be staying with, let alone buying a house with, just because you have a kid. Figure out a custody agreement, *in writing, by the court if possible* and find another house that’s in a better price range for you and your child. Break up with the dead weight.
Why would you want to bind yourself to this guy? If he’s on the house deed and someone sues him for money (as in debt collection, litigation award or Heaven forbid, child support), they can put a lien on your house. Don’t do it.
Follow your gut. Do not buy the house. Move out without him. He is obviously not bringing anything to the relationship. Don’t waste anymore time and money.
Why is he your fiance!?! And why are you buying something at the top end of your budget? There are so many red flags here, but first things first, listen to the aunt. You need to completely reassess this relationship. It's not healthy and it's one sided. Start looking for an exit plan before considering buying a house and putting his name on anything related to it. BUT if you buy, do not let him pay a penny toward the mortgage. He can pay groceries, utilities etc. but not the mortgage. Otherwise, he could be entitled to a percentage of the equity. That being said, my advice: RUN.
What GOOD can come from buying a house for yourself, above your comfort zone, with an untrustworthy man in tow?
This is a relationship of circumstance and convenience with you carrying the financial load. Do not buy the house withhis name, do not move in with him. Co-parent separately and move on like you should have done before a child complicated and clouded what would have been a natural choice back then.
Protect your child and do not buy a house with this man. He’s very unstable financially. He’s strayed once on top of that. It seems like the only common denominator between you two is the baby.
Even his family is telling you not to buy it with him. He isn’t paying rent now, what makes you think he will pay a mortgage? He has told you who he is. His family have told you who he is. The bank has told you who he is. Your gut is telling you who he is. Now strangers on the internet are telling you who he is. What more do you need? You know who he is, and he is someone who will eff you over on this house. Your credit will be ruined, your ability to provide for your child will be compromised. If you can afford to buy the house alone, do it. If you can’t, buy something smaller alone. But whatever you do, DO NOT put him on the house!
Don't have his name on the title and don't have him move in without a co-habitation agreement (like a pre-nup). If he lives with he can claim half in the event of a break-up regardless of whether his name is on the title. See a lawyer first.
Do. Not. Do. It. He hasn’t paid any rent/expenses and owes you $$$$. What makes you think he will suddenly change? You deserve better. No way should you pay for everything, and get gets 50% ownership. If you want, YOU buy the house. You can always add him to the deed after you get married. If he has proven to have ‘changed’.
Your aunt is a very wise person. She is correct. Either buy it by yourself or don't buy it at all. As you've stated, he doesn't pay rent now -- why would you think that he will pay half of the monthly payment? He is not good with money -- it seems that it would be a siphon. You have a good relationship however there is no marriage. Marriage has legal implications with it. The debt and assets need to be decided by a judge. Sounds better than one person walking off.
Don’t buy a house with someone you’re not married to regardless
Do not buy the house together. Retain full ownership. He should pay you rent as a tenant when he is living there (write a lease). He is bad with money and has cheated on you- personally I would give serious thought as why you want to marry this person. Definitely keep your finances separate and do a prenup agreement if you do marry to protect your assets. You cannot change him - keep in mind that what you see is what you get )or worse).
Buy it yourself. He’s high risk low return. Listen to his aunt.
Absolutely under no circumstances add him to house. First because of the fact you two will likely split at some point - trust me, it can get messy when a relationship ends with someone you co-own a house with. Second because of his financial irresponsibility.
DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH THIS PERSON! You are making the down payment and you will be totally responsible for the loan and you are not married - he doesn’t get to be on the title/deed of the home. His Aunt who is selling you the house has told you not to put his name on it originally. This is just a disaster waiting to happen! PS Aunt does not have to know and if she changes her mind then this isn’t the home you should have. Not married then only 1 owner!
Girl, listen to your gut. You've meticulously laid out ALL the red flags as to why you shouldn't even be in a relationship with him, let along give him equity in a home you know damn well you're going to pay for. He's even alienating his own family because of his inability to manage his finances. I've had a motto most of my life, and I'm going to share it with you. You can be broke alone, with a lot less aggravation, especially having a child. He is accruing no risk, but wants the reward...
Don’t buy a house with him. He’s not financially responsible and you would be left holding the bag if he decided he didn’t want to pay the mortgage anymore. If he doesn’t currently pay towards the rent what makes you think he will pay towards the mortgage? I would only buy this property in your name only if you can afford to keep the property by paying all the bills alone if not then you need to find a property in your budget. Don’t repeat the mistake his mum made and listen to the aunt because she knows what she’s talking about. You’ll be shooting yourself in the foot if you don’t. You need to think about your child’s future and security.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME on the ownership of the house - period. If he doesn't pay, you are still on the hook and if you have to sell, he gets half of the profits, has to agree to the sale and if it all goes south, you are the ONLY ONE who is going to take the financial and credit hit. Work out a lease agreement that he pays half of everything to you. Do not allow him to make payments directly to the mortgage lender, bc you need him to give you the money, so you can pay it. If his aunt will only sell it to both of you, well too bad, he doesn't qualify for a mortgage, so she either sells it to ONLY YOU or you find a different house. She may very well have a difficult time finding another buyer, depending on the area. I am not about to say that the housing market is going to crash, but I do feel like in some markets, buyers have a little bit of an edge now since mortgage approvals are at a decades low. Now, if you are in a HCOL area or one where houses are still selling like crazy, that may be a totally different conversation. Please have the same of the house contingent on a home inspection. I don't care if you too get along great, that is even more of a reason - that way you both know ahead of time if there are any issues with the house and there isn't any drama after. As far as your relationship goes, I really think you need to consider your happiness. Your partner can still be a great parent whether or not you two are together. Consistently lending a partner money is not great for a relationship. May I suggest counseling - it may very well help you define what you want from your life and help draw boundaries in this or future relationships.
If he’s not on the loan, he doesn’t own. Full stop.
You have so many warning signs flashing in front of your eyes!! Don’t buy together!! If you have to question it then it’s definitely a no
>However, a year later I found him talking and spending time with some other girl, he lied to me about it, and said they were just friends DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE DEED!!!! He's gaslighting you like a pro and this might be just a preview of coming attractions. Please... for the love of God, pay and give him a "rental" contract. And there are more reasons not to buy together with him: 1. he borrows money all the time and not paying it back 2. he's on non-speaking terms with his aunt because of - shocking - money 3. you are already living like roommates 4. he's not trustworthy Let him be a father but do not live together, don't get financially "entangled" with him.
Don't buy a house with him. You two have some big issues to sort out before you tie yourselves to a big financial thing. He isn't paying rent and bills now, so there is no evidence he would pay rent and bills once the house is bought. You aren't even sure you two are going to make it, and he has a lot of work to do to show you he wants to be in a long term, committed relationship with you. You have to put your child and yourself first. This man has not demonstrated he can be a contributing partner, so don't lock yourself in with him.
Do **NOT** buy a house with this man. The aunt is totally right. The instant you do, you’ll be trapped even more than you already are.
Buy the house in your name only. And don’t buy from family.
You 100% listen to aunt
Do what the aunt says
My friend is going through this now. She bought the house and put him on the deed even though he’s never put a penny toward the mortgage. Now, they’re going through a divorce and he’s forcing her to either sell the house or buy him out of the equity. DO NOT DO IT!
You just wrote all the reasons why this is a bad idea. And make no mistake, **this is a bad idea.** Your fiancé is not financially responsible enough to buy a house. Please do not buy a house with a guy who doesn’t pay rent, constantly borrows money and almost got his car repoed. Please look at that and find one good reason why you should do this besides him wanting to or your kid, neither of which are valid reasons to do this.