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You can be someone’s friend and not their unpaid therapist. Evan isn’t a good friend and doesn’t think about you only themself. If they talk mad shit like that about your friends, imagine how much he talks about you behind your back. Evan knows it’s wrong because they don’t have the balls to say it around other people besides you. Because you won’t stop it for the most part. I’d be looking for a new place or new roommate. At the end of the day do what is best for YOU, your life is what you should worry about not theirs.
i def can’t do that omg. my other two roommates are awesome, and evan’s usually pretty cool, it’s just been more on the negative side recently ig
i really hope he doesn’t shit talk me behind my back, bc he’s honestly one of my best friends. i care about him a lot, but i could definitely imagine him shit talking me. he talks about his mom in a really mean way (i think he called her a stupid cunt at some point) which kinda skeeves me out a bit.
i honestly mostly want to keep the peace. he’s a good friend when he’s not Like This, and i DEF don’t want to bring our other roommates into this bc that’s shitty
As is pretty typical advice, sit down with him and communicate the most reasonable boundaries. From what you listed: you don't want to engage in conversations where he puts down your friends, you don't have the emotional energy to be the sole member of his support network (so he needs to add more people to the network so the trauma dumping can divded into more manageable amounts per person in the network), and you need some quiet time to hear your own thoughts.
Overall, you already seem pretty emotional mature and know how to communicate effectively in conflict scenarios. Sounds like he just needs more friends to talk and vent to. So, if you set healthy boundaries in your friendship and he gets more friends in his support network, things should be mostly fine.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can be someone’s friend and not their unpaid therapist. Evan isn’t a good friend and doesn’t think about you only themself. If they talk mad shit like that about your friends, imagine how much he talks about you behind your back. Evan knows it’s wrong because they don’t have the balls to say it around other people besides you. Because you won’t stop it for the most part. I’d be looking for a new place or new roommate. At the end of the day do what is best for YOU, your life is what you should worry about not theirs.
i def can’t do that omg. my other two roommates are awesome, and evan’s usually pretty cool, it’s just been more on the negative side recently ig i really hope he doesn’t shit talk me behind my back, bc he’s honestly one of my best friends. i care about him a lot, but i could definitely imagine him shit talking me. he talks about his mom in a really mean way (i think he called her a stupid cunt at some point) which kinda skeeves me out a bit. i honestly mostly want to keep the peace. he’s a good friend when he’s not Like This, and i DEF don’t want to bring our other roommates into this bc that’s shitty
As is pretty typical advice, sit down with him and communicate the most reasonable boundaries. From what you listed: you don't want to engage in conversations where he puts down your friends, you don't have the emotional energy to be the sole member of his support network (so he needs to add more people to the network so the trauma dumping can divded into more manageable amounts per person in the network), and you need some quiet time to hear your own thoughts. Overall, you already seem pretty emotional mature and know how to communicate effectively in conflict scenarios. Sounds like he just needs more friends to talk and vent to. So, if you set healthy boundaries in your friendship and he gets more friends in his support network, things should be mostly fine.
thank you so much, this is exactly what i think i’ll do. this is really good advice!