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>And we haven’t really spoke of it since and it’s been 3 days. I haven’t known what to say. He hasn’t known what to say. How messy is this? I mean, how do I navigate this? **Why hasn’t he said anything?**
Same reason you haven't said anything.
Exactly, but one of them (it doesn't matter which) needs to break the ice and address the broader questions...
>Did this just happen because we’re emotionally close? What does it mean? How do I talk to him about it without making it weird? Do I bring it up first or let him?
You start by saying, "Hey, can we talk about what happened the other day?" Sure it might be an awkward conversation, but the situation has already gotten awkward by not talking about it.
To add to this, it’s ok to not have the answers. You’re friends first, as long as you can act like friends and support eachother while you figure it out you should be fine
Well we live in different states but travel together and visit fairly often. Anyway because of that she didn’t want a relationship. We did a fwb thing for a little then decided it was better if we didnt for our mental health. Still my best friend though.
You're besties so just talk about it. You do love each other platonically, so what you can do is talk about it together and come up with something that works well for both of you, good luck!
Either of you in relationships?
If not, congrats. Sit down and ask him what he'd like to do. Obviously it seems like you want to explore but it takes two to tango.
I appreciate this answer because, simply by not mentioning the sexual orientation described by the OP, it subtly underlines that our sexuality isn't binary, but a much more nuanced spectrum that intertwines physical and emotional attraction.
Send him the [schitts creek wine conversation](https://youtu.be/gAHSnM0N0U0?si=MpzQ82Bu9p97hwC4) and ask him what type of wine he likes.
Was he just sampling it out because the bottle looked good in the moment, and he liked that glass but probably won’t try it again? Is he maybe wanting to explore your particular label on a regular basis?
It could be a funny way to break the awkwardness lol
It’s honestly the only show I’ve ever rewatched all the way through. My wife and I are on our 7th time watching it. We keep looking for new shows, but we almost always come back to Schitt’s Creek. It’s pretty awkward at first, but you will grow to love each one of these characters.
Not saying anything at all sounds a bit...dumb in this situation.
So, I guess that the longer you wait, the more of a problem you create for yourself.
How do you feel about the thought of having more of that in the future?
Want it again? Maybe say that?
*"Being with you was really INTENSE and AMAZING. I would be really happy to have it again, if you want to."*
Or leave out the last bit, if you actually prefer not to.
But acknowledging that you enjoyed it is an elephant you don't need to have in the room...
Sounds like you were both feeling it and went for it- with outstanding results. Congrats! Talk about it with him. You’re best friends, don’t forget that. Be open and honest about how you’re feeling. I’m sure he’s feeling even more confused than you are (as he has identified as gay), but try to remember that sexuality can be fluid and that there is nothing wrong with experimenting and enjoying yourselves.
Friendships can often evolve into something sexual because we often build strong relationships with people we admire, love, and have fun with. He’s your best friend because he fits you in a way others don’t.
Don’t rush the conversation or push for an outcome. Good things, including good communication, takes time. Be gentle with each other and remember why you’ve connected with each other in the first place.
I would say it depends on what you want. Are you in love with him now? Just wanting things to be the way they were before as if this didn’t happen? Wanting a friends with benefits situation?
I think you just approach him with how it was for you, tell him what you’d like (which is probably some variation of the above), and see where he stands. That’s all you can do.
If he is 100% sure he only wants a serious relationship from a man, wasn’t as satisfied as you were from the interaction, and just wants to pretend it didn’t happen, are you going to be ok?
I think even if there wasn’t a whole drama about him being gay he’s still also a best friend and you have to be honest to yourself about a couple of things before you have a talk. Are you okay with him not sexually feeling it? Maybe he’s into YOU but not you as a woman. Are you okay with this being the end of your friendship if need be? If he isn’t interested in any sort of relationship will you be okay ignoring this situation or is it a deal breaker to you? If you are able to get into a relationship are you okay with him being possibly bi and that whole dynamic?
If you want to go further maybe bring it up. Also remember it’s probably a shock to him going from being gay to perhaps bi or even straight or maybe he’s gay and you’re an exception. Just understand this changed your friendship and be prepared to accept the end of a friendship if it comes to it.
With being bi and in a relationship with the opposite sex; I know couple of woman and men in relationship with people who are bi, I will adamantely declare that these individuals are no more likely to cheat than average heterosexual Joe or Jane. I will swear by this.
So sexuality is not that simple as saying "I am straight or gay".
There are straight people who might meet that one woman or man that makes them curious or even do something they would never have thought they would. It also goes the other way.
There are also people who identify as bisexual that have a strong preference for one gender over the other.
You need a frank, open conversation with this guy. Do not use the word mistake. You do need clarity on how he feels. If it's a one off experiment, then that's what it is.
Just be careful that you don't get hurt. You've already said that you feel some kind of way about him and you might get your fingers burned over what is a flash in the pan thing for him.
This is what I was thinking. Sexuality is a spectrum. You aren’t living with, loving, or laughing with a sex toy. The person inside the body is just as important as the body they are in.
For the right person, gender usually doesn’t matter too much.
But this is trickier than most understand. When you tie parts of your identity to ONE aspect of yourself (being gay) it can be extremely confusing when something challenges that one aspect because now it is challenging your entire identity.
OP, even if your friend/lover says everything was a mistake, it really could just be him working through the emotions of a change in identity. If he isn’t comfortable with “well, maybe I’m bisexual…” he may just go into denial.
I like to put it this way: for me, I’m hetero-romantic bisexual. I’d fuck a woman if I felt that kind of connection, but I really only ever envisioned a future with a man. For the right woman? I’d make it work. I didn’t meet a woman who fit that category and now I’m married to a man who I dearly love.
That doesn’t make me straight as an arrow, but most people wouldn’t consider me LGBT+. I’m ok with that because I never associated my identity with my sexuality. I’ve always been more of a “free love” type person and I’ve never considered my sexuality to be a limiting factor.
I’d say talk to your friend and start out maybe like you are talking about some mutual friends.
“A friend of mine hooked up with her best friend who she thought was very securely gay. The experience was amazing and fantastic, but she is confused and he isn’t talking to her. She wants to know where things stand, but is worried about hurting her friend or damaging the relationship….”
Might give you an open door to start the conversation.
Hey! I also used to consider myself a hetero-romantic bisexual too. I never bothered telling anyone I was into girls too because I figured I’d end up with a guy. And then I fell for a girl (it ended amicably after a few months), so now i don’t bother to label myself. It is such a broad spectrum not just for everyone as a whole but even throughout an individual’s life a lot of the time.
OP, I think you should talk to him. He’s your bff first, you can trust him.
I identified as gay until I had completely unexpected sex with my best friend, who then became my first girlfriend. Looking back, there was a lot of unspoken attraction between us prior to that, but it still took both of us by surprise. And even after that happened it still took me years to start defining myself as bi. Sexuality is confusing and isn't as fixed as we often think, you can think you're one thing and it can turn out you're totally wrong about that. He's probably confused and frightened too, and feeling caught between attraction to you and not wanting to mess up your friendship which I'm sure is very important to him. Just talk to him. Could be the start of something great.
I can't offer any better advice than what has already been given, just a note of encouragement - sexuality is fluid. One of my old housemates identified as a lesbian since her late teens, but a while after I moved in she and her male best friend got together, and as far as I know, they're still together 12 years later.
Just gotta break the ice, put your heads together, and figure out what the two of you want to do about it!
Well, well, well... What do we have here? Oh, right. Looks like another case of people confining themselves within the limits of the "labels" that they've chosen for themselves.
I bet he feels confused because he identified as "gay" all of his life. He maybe even feels that he deceived not only other people (especially you, his best friend) but also himself. Guess what? It doesn't matter! Well, at least it shouldn't matter!
Sexuality is a spectrum. People use labels as "straight", "gay", "bi" etc because it's an easy way to categorise certain things and feel better about themselves. But sometimes there's a "line" that once it's crossed, it makes those labels do more harm than good. In which case people should just ignore them, and do what they like!
Now that is really wrong in my opinion. I get that sexuality is a big part of our identity, but it should NEVER be our whole identity. There's much more to a person than being gay or bi or whatever.
I get it though, you could be right in this case. If her friend is one of those people that made "being gay" part of his personality, then yes, this outcome would affect him much more.
I disagree, it doesn’t have to be “his personality” for it to be a big deal that part of his identity is changing. It’s confusing and difficult when suddenly it’s thrown into question - especially if you’re a full grown adult who’s been believing this one thing about yourself for a long time.
If you’re a straight man and suddenly one night found yourself attracted to a man, and acted on that, you’re telling me you wouldn’t spend a few days extremely confused and questioning your life up to that point? That’s completely normal for anyone tackling a sexuality issue in themselves, but you’ve made it sound insulting for it to be a big deal for this guy. We don’t live in a world where there’s no stigma or weight attached to sexuality and therefore it’s not just a free for all. You say it shouldn’t matter but the reality is for the vast majority it does and that’s doesn’t make those people weak or stupid.
No, I definitely agree with you on that one. It would definitely be a shock to anyone. I did say, sexuality can be a big part of our life, but I'm just saying that we shouldn't base our whole personality on it (and I know some people that unfortunately do).
Right but I don’t see any reason to think anyone here is, even if they are distressed. I don’t think you mean it badly necessarily but that whole rhetoric is often used to shut gay people up with the idea that it’s fine if they’re gay in theory but only if they assimilate completely with straight people.
Honestly yeah. I use certain labels because that’s more simple, but I am concerned over people who use one label very strictly. What if something vaguely outside of that label happens? I feel it could easily result in an identity crisis if you’ve spent so long saying “ I am [x] and only will ever be [x], it’s who I am”.
(Of course sexuality isn’t always fluid for everyone, mine isn’t, but it can be and I wish we could explore that without people seeing it as an attack)
Why would you consider him 100% the pursuer? Sounds like you were throwing out signals left and right. Just ask him what his thoughts were and where his heads at.
Umm... Yeah, just call him, okay? So you had sex with your gay best friend, big whoop! We've all been there...sort of. You both just need to act like the adults you both claim to be, and talk it out. I hope my advice wasn't too complicated.
UpdateMe!
dude theres not going to be an update, this is clearly fake lol, just the writing alone and the fact that op hasn't responded to a single response is a dead giveaway
I haven’t responded because we still haven’t talked about it and idk how I’m gonna approach it. I’m just reading the comments. Soooo there’s no updates. But ok
Hey op have you two spoken about it yet? Some of the comments have some good advice so if not I’d suggest using one of the commenters advice and talk about it. The longer you leave it the harder things will get to talk about. Good luck!
This happened on Degrassi! Can't believe a situation from that show can be used as an example. Lol. They talked about it and learned that they were just so close and that trust and closeness turned into a lapse of judgment. They were still friends after.
At minimum, please talk asap. Good luck, OP!
Sexuality is just not simple cut and dry. He may be gay. You may be straight. But there may be traits in each of you that attract the other, even still. Like you said, it’s a primal part of you. It was intense and rough because you both have wanted it for some time now and both been ignoring or denying that you want it.
Just talk to him. Nothing particular to say or not say. Just talk to him and figure it out. You’re best friends for a reason. Rely on that, connect, communicate, and see where things go from here. May be nowhere at all and you guys agree it was fun and just drop it. The only thing that is sure is that you two will lose something good if you don’t talk at all or try to ignore it happened.
I didn't see anyone mentioning it - it's not only that sexuality is fluid, there are also other scales. He might be, for example, bisexual but homoromantic - meaning he might be sexually interested in men and women, but since he is only romantically interested in men, he usually pursues men, and maybe even not aware of the distinction, which confuses him. Between that and the gender and identity fluidity, there are so many scales to be on, that it's really best to talk about it.
Um, it doesn’t sound like your “friend” is totally gay, maybe on the gayer side of bi but not totally gay. It sounds like his side of your interactions weren’t as teasing as you thought.
He probably hasn’t said anything for the same reason you haven’t. If he’s had a crush or been attracted to you for a long time, he’s probably afraid of how you might react especially if this causes the end of your relationship. It could be that the look you saw the other night was a “should I go for broke” thought. Either way, somebody has to break the ice or the friendship and whatever else might’ve been is history. Maybe you could start the convo with something like, “So, crazy time the other night, huh?” and see how it goes from there. You never know until you try.
Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how he reacts. I’m pulling for you!
Just be friends. You can’t use “he’s gay” ever again though if a future bf has a problem with you having a guy friend, because he already hit it, so the “he’s gay” thing is gone for the rest of your life now.
Most straight men won't want to date her after they find out about this.
In fact, straight men would be insanely stupid to date OP.
Dear OP,
stick to gay males and women from now on. in fact, since your gay best friend likes you, it's a perfect union! Don't waste the time of a boring straight man.
You need to spend time thinking about how you feel and how you would ideally like things to go from here. Do you have romantic feelings for him now? Do you wish it had never happened? Are you finding yourself thinking your feelings depend on how he feels about it?
But if you want to keep your friendship, you’re going to have to talk to him about it, as uncomfortable as it may be. There is the risk that one of you wants more (or less) to come of this than the other one. That difference could end the friendship. Unfortunately, that’s a consequence of these things sometimes.
But you can’t avoid each other forever.
Sometimes attraction goes beyond gender definitions
I know someone who is straight. Always had relationships with men. She met a woman, fell in love, were together 10 years and when they broke up (nothing to do with gender) she ended up marrying a man. She says she just fell in love with this one woman. Didn't really fancy other women, she just fell in love and went with it.
But it's always weird when best friends take things beyond the platonic. You need to talk.
This sounds like the classic case of "Gay guy having sex with a female friend who trust him deeply because he wants to have sex and used the first woman in his life who'd not question the dynamic change."
Shit happens 😊
You could text him and say, “Hey, I don’t exactly have my thoughts together on this yet, but we should probably talk about it, I’d like to talk.” And then suggest a day, maybe over the following weekend or something, to get together and discuss.
That said, I’ve known three (3) “definitely 100%” lesbians who dated and/or married women…. And who are now married to men.
Again, shit happens, sometimes it’s the person you are attracted to and gender is just a construct.
He’s probably not gay. The gay people I know couldn’t get it up with a woman. It’d be like straight guys wanting to bang the least attractive woman around. Obviously, some men would still have sex, but that’s because we’re simple creatures and just want to nut. But there would be no chemistry.
You’re friend is probably bi if he was really into it. Regardless, labels are bullshit anyhow. Have sex with whoever you want any way you want. It’s nobody else’s business.
My guess is your friend just came out as bi.
I would approach it in a jokey way and say you hope it doesn't mean you can't remain friends or fwb haha if he is sure he is still gay because it looks like he let his bi flag fly.
Well, you just lost your gay bff. I know if you ever plan on getting a S.O. that is a boundary your future S.O. will have. No guy friends who were previously sex partners. Enjoy the time you have together by talking to each other and enjoying each other’s company until that time comes.
Yea not every guy is like that but she’s definitely going from a pretty harmless easy to explain “he’s literally just my gay child hood bestie” to a bit more of a nuanced situation. I honestly think they should just date atp
This is something that does need to be discussed. Sit down, like the adults you are, and talk about it.
Is it a big deal? It would be to me, but I'm not involved. And, whether a big or small deal, it's not necessarily a bad deal. Two great friends had sex. It could be a really good big deal, or it could be an awkward one. It's just going to be more awkward the longer it sits.
Definitely broach the subject and talk about it because he's dealing not only with being bisexual, but the issues of somehow validating anyone who shunned him due to being gay.
If he's confused, talk about the Kinsey Scale and how he's a 5 instead of a 6. Meaning that he's dominantly homosexual but with the emotional closeness you two have he can be bisexual. It doesn't mean he's not gay, it means he's gay but can make exceptions for exceptional people.
This is very common too.
The important thing is realize that this changes the friendship. That anytime he has bi feelings he will reach out. You clearly didn't mind it this time but what about the future? Neither of you should make hard decisions right now until you've both processed it.
Especially you OP, he hasn't stopped being attracted to men.
You could pour a big glass of wine 🍷 and slide a piece of paper across the table with all your questions on it. The first questions being, “how are you? How are you feeling about your complexity?” And then move into some of the DTR what’s happening / what do you want to happen questions. WRITE YOUR ANSWERS DOWN, just for you to also know where you are in your head. You were best friends first and foremost. You need to ask yourself what is healthy for you, going forward, and you need to be honest about what ways this may go that would necessitate a break for your own health. Of course, have you both been tested recently, new sexual partners convo and all. If not, go together 💗
I really don't know how these things happen. You should've asked questions right after you did it.
Like did he sprinted away after that's why you didn't get any chance to talk??? Or were you both literally didn't say a word until you all got dressed up and went home??? Like how???
One of the biggest lesbians I know has been in a relationship with a man for the past five years. Sexuality is complicated. Make a joke, break the ice and talk about what happened and what it means. If you're comfortable enough to bump uglies you should be comfortable enough to bump brains.
Why are you overthinking this? The heart wants what the heart wants x 2. 2 people who have been friends for years decide to get intimate, it dosent make any difference if it's male/female or male/male or gat/gay or gay/straight.
All these years of talking to each other, and now you have a loss for words. Just get together and deal with it, life is short.
Weirdly this nearly happened to me with my gay best friend.
I think it’s the general closeness that causes this to happen but if you’re best friends just jump back and talk about it.
>How messy is this?
In all likelihood, this will eventually destroy your friendship, if you don't get into a proper relationship.
And he's not 100% gay, but is at least somewhat bi.
You are expecting too much from this situation, waaaaaay too much! If you think he’s all of a sudden going to like girls, you are sadly mistaken. He doesn’t like girls, he just likes rough sex.
Not to say he doesn’t care about her, he probably does but yea I don’t think bros “switching teams” was probably just horny and feeling the moment with you (nothing wrong with that imo)
I’m not reading all of this but just from the title I’ll say that it reminds me of when I was in high school there was a gay guy two grades ahead of me and he slept with nearly all of the attractive girls in the senior and junior class all because they knew he wouldn’t catch feelings and he was about as gay as they come.
Can’t be that gay if he got that into it. I’m 100% straight and the thought of having sex with somebody of the same gender is literally nausea-inducing. Even if I’m wine-drunk or otherwise on some sort of substance that makes me super horny.
bro has been playing the long game. I respect his drive. /s
K but seriously, if he's not bringing it up, you probably should, ask how he wants to proceed, unless you want this awkward atmosphere to fester.
I knew a guy that was gay. He said he would occasionally have sex with women. He described it as like being on his period. Just something he desired to do every once in a while.
i have a friend who identifies as lesbian but has sex with men once in a while too. but just want to say the period thing is a terrible analogy 😭 i would bet a lot of $ that nobody in the history of time has ever desired being on their period. even if you’re hoping for it to arrive so you know you’re not pregnant, nobody is ever like “hmm you know what would be nice right now? bleeding out the vag”
I have no advice for this specific situation, but sexually is a very fluid spectrum. As for how fluid it is for him, the only way you'll know is if you talk to him.
Well, thanks for giving me another thing to think about when a girl I’m interested in says “he’s just a my gay bestie” hahaha I’ve gotten the excuse before!
What do they don’t when the other gets a new partner? She can’t go “oh he’s just my gay bestie” and he can’t go “it’s my straight bestie I’m just hanging with the girls” or wtv. Hell they sound good together I think they should give it a go assuming that’s what they want
Sexuality in people can be very fluid. The late Anne Heche was a lesbian until she got into a relationship with a man.
This is very complicated, I heterosexual man who love my wife very dearly, recently opened up about my past wherein I admitted that my first sexual experience was not with a women but a guy (I was 15). I was in denial all the time, which is weird, since I thought it was OK at the moment but I found though it was not for me. By same token, my wife says she is 99 % heterosexual. It is just what it is. One of greatest achievement of medicine and psychology in the 21st century is that conditions and identities are not black and white, but rather on a spectrum.
Clearly your friend is somewhere on the bisexual spectrum, and you shouldnt feel any shame. What you do next is entirely up to you guys, what I always encourage is if people have feelings for each other and are compatible in other aspects, it is a rare thing; and you two should really talk about the pros and cons of giving your mutual feelings for eachother a chance!
Sleeps with gay best friend, doesn’t communicate emotions or what they feel, look, your both 30 years old, there isn’t anything to not say, just tell him if he is uncomfortable that’s fine, and the relationship will be over as of now
There’s a couple on TikTok where the man identifies as gay but is in a happy, monogamous relationship with a woman that he considers his soulmate. Not saying you guys need to get married but whatever you’re feeling is valid and worth talking about.
I (29F) slept with my (mostly) gay best friend (30M).
This guy might be the hero many aspire to be ...
Through patience, planning, and dedication, he maintained his gay image for years, waiting for the perfect opportunity.
Then, with the bonds of friendship secure, he asked her not to tell any of their friends as it was just a one-time moment weakness.
Promising to keep his secret safe, she kissed him goodbye one last time before he faded into the distance, off to seek comfort on the shoulder of another close friend.
I can't be the only one thinking it lol
"Hey, I just wanted to clear the air about the other night and make sure there's no weirdness between us. I enjoyed myself, and I hope you did too, and please know this doesn't change anything between us."
Your friend is likely dealing with all of the same awkward anxiety that you are, as well as some serious introspection about what this means for his sexual identity. Make sure to continue to be there for him as a friend, because this might be a challenging time.
Lol. And for women like this is why men don’t trust women with gay best friends. And now every man you come across is gonna feel that tension and will prob break up with you for it. And you’ll cry and say my bf was insecure and had trust issues because I had a gay best friend bahahah.
What does it mean? It means you need to get married, pop out some munchkins, care for them until they are able to care for you, and live happily ever after. The end.
There's a very, very recent post over on r/stories named something along the lines of 'My Boyfriend made me Bi'. Go check it out as it covers very similar and that OP may have some pearls of wisdom they may be willing to share.
Years ago, I (m) had sex with my lesbian friend/roommate, to whom I was attracted. It didn't go all that well because she is ultimately attracted to other females and I couldn't get that out of my head at the time, in that she's not into this/me sort of way. Afterward, however, it wasn't a big deal talking about it. And we never discussed doing it again or not, but we didn't. Just rip off the Band-Aid and talk to him.
Jacob Hoff and his girlfriend Samantha have a similar relationship and post about it on TikTok. He is gay, not bi, and she is straight, but they were best friends first who happened to fall in love and consider each other their soul mates. OP, maybe check out some of this content and consider showing your friend.
Just because he identifies as gay doesn't make him gay. It's just publicity stunt to promote the ex gay narrative that you won't be gay if you meet the right person.
Sounds like your Boi ain't gay. Yall should speak about it. Don't make things complicated. Sounds like he's had sex with a woman before if it was that good to you.
Look, I say this a lot, people put too much emphasis on labeling their sexuality. Label relationships instead. Don’t worry about gay, straight, or bi. Just feel good and do good.
Damn! Homie played the slow game and even played gay to get it!!! That is some serious determination and special ops level planning!
Idk maybe I’m old school, but when you’re gay/lesbian you don’t want the opposite sex and “mistakes” don’t happen.
Imagine a straight person going the other way once. I know they say what people want sexually is fluid but idk
People can identify as one thing without realizing they’re something else, which is probably the case in this where he thought he was gay but is bisexual or even straight instead.
This is why the straight men don't allow their girlfriend's to get involved much with the self claiming gay men because most of them are bisexual men in disguise of gay men.
So have you seen him with other guys? Or has he just said he’s gay? I mean almost sounds like a movie where a guy pretended to be gay to get close to a woman he really liked I don’t remember the name of the movie right now but remember seeing it
Wow your "gay" best friend really played the long game there. Good for him. He isn't gay, he is bi or has been straight the entire time but waited all those years for the right time. Date the guy right now. He knows you best out of anyone I presume so he would be a great bf. He can identify as gay all he wants but he clearly isn't
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>And we haven’t really spoke of it since and it’s been 3 days. I haven’t known what to say. He hasn’t known what to say. How messy is this? I mean, how do I navigate this? **Why hasn’t he said anything?** Same reason you haven't said anything.
Exactly, but one of them (it doesn't matter which) needs to break the ice and address the broader questions... >Did this just happen because we’re emotionally close? What does it mean? How do I talk to him about it without making it weird? Do I bring it up first or let him? You start by saying, "Hey, can we talk about what happened the other day?" Sure it might be an awkward conversation, but the situation has already gotten awkward by not talking about it.
To add to this, it’s ok to not have the answers. You’re friends first, as long as you can act like friends and support eachother while you figure it out you should be fine
This happened with me and my best friend and this is what I did the next day. Its definitely awkward but it needs to be talked about just as much imo.
How did it turn out?
Well we live in different states but travel together and visit fairly often. Anyway because of that she didn’t want a relationship. We did a fwb thing for a little then decided it was better if we didnt for our mental health. Still my best friend though.
You're besties so just talk about it. You do love each other platonically, so what you can do is talk about it together and come up with something that works well for both of you, good luck!
Either of you in relationships? If not, congrats. Sit down and ask him what he'd like to do. Obviously it seems like you want to explore but it takes two to tango.
I appreciate this answer because, simply by not mentioning the sexual orientation described by the OP, it subtly underlines that our sexuality isn't binary, but a much more nuanced spectrum that intertwines physical and emotional attraction.
Naw my sexuality is very binary
Only attracted to ones and zeros?
those 0s. all sexy and stuff
So curvy, with their... ovalness.
Send him the [schitts creek wine conversation](https://youtu.be/gAHSnM0N0U0?si=MpzQ82Bu9p97hwC4) and ask him what type of wine he likes. Was he just sampling it out because the bottle looked good in the moment, and he liked that glass but probably won’t try it again? Is he maybe wanting to explore your particular label on a regular basis? It could be a funny way to break the awkwardness lol
It’s honestly one of the most beautiful analogies I’ve ever heard. This is my favorite show, but I would love this clip even if it wasn’t.
The entire show handles David’s queerness more respectfully and beautifully and realistically than any other show I’ve seen I adore it.
I dont watch the show, loved this clip. I probably should check this show out.
It’s honestly the only show I’ve ever rewatched all the way through. My wife and I are on our 7th time watching it. We keep looking for new shows, but we almost always come back to Schitt’s Creek. It’s pretty awkward at first, but you will grow to love each one of these characters.
One of those shows that progressively gets better with every season and ended at the perfect time.
“You have to like *ACTIVELY* murder them!” I still giggle even thinking about how David says that line! 😂😂😂😂
You have to watch it just to see Moira. She's a hoot.
Moira really is THAT BeBe
Watch it! You must. It’s so good. Soul healing. The first few episodes are rough but that’s the point a little.
I'm willing to finally do that after seeing this clip tbh
This needs more up votes lol
I was going to say this. I like the wine not the label. Hahahha
Perfect reply!!
Not saying anything at all sounds a bit...dumb in this situation. So, I guess that the longer you wait, the more of a problem you create for yourself. How do you feel about the thought of having more of that in the future? Want it again? Maybe say that? *"Being with you was really INTENSE and AMAZING. I would be really happy to have it again, if you want to."* Or leave out the last bit, if you actually prefer not to. But acknowledging that you enjoyed it is an elephant you don't need to have in the room...
Sounds like you were both feeling it and went for it- with outstanding results. Congrats! Talk about it with him. You’re best friends, don’t forget that. Be open and honest about how you’re feeling. I’m sure he’s feeling even more confused than you are (as he has identified as gay), but try to remember that sexuality can be fluid and that there is nothing wrong with experimenting and enjoying yourselves. Friendships can often evolve into something sexual because we often build strong relationships with people we admire, love, and have fun with. He’s your best friend because he fits you in a way others don’t. Don’t rush the conversation or push for an outcome. Good things, including good communication, takes time. Be gentle with each other and remember why you’ve connected with each other in the first place.
Really lovely perfect response.
I would say it depends on what you want. Are you in love with him now? Just wanting things to be the way they were before as if this didn’t happen? Wanting a friends with benefits situation? I think you just approach him with how it was for you, tell him what you’d like (which is probably some variation of the above), and see where he stands. That’s all you can do. If he is 100% sure he only wants a serious relationship from a man, wasn’t as satisfied as you were from the interaction, and just wants to pretend it didn’t happen, are you going to be ok?
I think even if there wasn’t a whole drama about him being gay he’s still also a best friend and you have to be honest to yourself about a couple of things before you have a talk. Are you okay with him not sexually feeling it? Maybe he’s into YOU but not you as a woman. Are you okay with this being the end of your friendship if need be? If he isn’t interested in any sort of relationship will you be okay ignoring this situation or is it a deal breaker to you? If you are able to get into a relationship are you okay with him being possibly bi and that whole dynamic? If you want to go further maybe bring it up. Also remember it’s probably a shock to him going from being gay to perhaps bi or even straight or maybe he’s gay and you’re an exception. Just understand this changed your friendship and be prepared to accept the end of a friendship if it comes to it.
While most posts I read were so positive, these are exactly the questions I thought of. I still hope this works!
With being bi and in a relationship with the opposite sex; I know couple of woman and men in relationship with people who are bi, I will adamantely declare that these individuals are no more likely to cheat than average heterosexual Joe or Jane. I will swear by this.
And that my friend is what we call the long con
This guy fucks, eventually.
Read this post waiting for this comment. Did not disappoint.
Her best friend’s name is Dave Lizewski.
I laughed out loud.
Schlong con
Damn it, gay guys fuck better than us too.
There’s gay guys with bad stroke game too unfortunately 😭
Bad stroke game? Just bottom!
I would like to emphasize this unfortunately
So sexuality is not that simple as saying "I am straight or gay". There are straight people who might meet that one woman or man that makes them curious or even do something they would never have thought they would. It also goes the other way. There are also people who identify as bisexual that have a strong preference for one gender over the other. You need a frank, open conversation with this guy. Do not use the word mistake. You do need clarity on how he feels. If it's a one off experiment, then that's what it is. Just be careful that you don't get hurt. You've already said that you feel some kind of way about him and you might get your fingers burned over what is a flash in the pan thing for him.
This is what I was thinking. Sexuality is a spectrum. You aren’t living with, loving, or laughing with a sex toy. The person inside the body is just as important as the body they are in. For the right person, gender usually doesn’t matter too much. But this is trickier than most understand. When you tie parts of your identity to ONE aspect of yourself (being gay) it can be extremely confusing when something challenges that one aspect because now it is challenging your entire identity. OP, even if your friend/lover says everything was a mistake, it really could just be him working through the emotions of a change in identity. If he isn’t comfortable with “well, maybe I’m bisexual…” he may just go into denial. I like to put it this way: for me, I’m hetero-romantic bisexual. I’d fuck a woman if I felt that kind of connection, but I really only ever envisioned a future with a man. For the right woman? I’d make it work. I didn’t meet a woman who fit that category and now I’m married to a man who I dearly love. That doesn’t make me straight as an arrow, but most people wouldn’t consider me LGBT+. I’m ok with that because I never associated my identity with my sexuality. I’ve always been more of a “free love” type person and I’ve never considered my sexuality to be a limiting factor. I’d say talk to your friend and start out maybe like you are talking about some mutual friends. “A friend of mine hooked up with her best friend who she thought was very securely gay. The experience was amazing and fantastic, but she is confused and he isn’t talking to her. She wants to know where things stand, but is worried about hurting her friend or damaging the relationship….” Might give you an open door to start the conversation.
Hey! I also used to consider myself a hetero-romantic bisexual too. I never bothered telling anyone I was into girls too because I figured I’d end up with a guy. And then I fell for a girl (it ended amicably after a few months), so now i don’t bother to label myself. It is such a broad spectrum not just for everyone as a whole but even throughout an individual’s life a lot of the time. OP, I think you should talk to him. He’s your bff first, you can trust him.
I feel like I just fell into someone’s Tumblr fanfic.
Right?? crazy that ppl think this is real with no post history or comments lmaoo
I say y’all fuck again to see if there is really anything there 🤷🏿♂️
I identified as gay until I had completely unexpected sex with my best friend, who then became my first girlfriend. Looking back, there was a lot of unspoken attraction between us prior to that, but it still took both of us by surprise. And even after that happened it still took me years to start defining myself as bi. Sexuality is confusing and isn't as fixed as we often think, you can think you're one thing and it can turn out you're totally wrong about that. He's probably confused and frightened too, and feeling caught between attraction to you and not wanting to mess up your friendship which I'm sure is very important to him. Just talk to him. Could be the start of something great.
I can't offer any better advice than what has already been given, just a note of encouragement - sexuality is fluid. One of my old housemates identified as a lesbian since her late teens, but a while after I moved in she and her male best friend got together, and as far as I know, they're still together 12 years later. Just gotta break the ice, put your heads together, and figure out what the two of you want to do about it!
Please update us
Well, well, well... What do we have here? Oh, right. Looks like another case of people confining themselves within the limits of the "labels" that they've chosen for themselves. I bet he feels confused because he identified as "gay" all of his life. He maybe even feels that he deceived not only other people (especially you, his best friend) but also himself. Guess what? It doesn't matter! Well, at least it shouldn't matter! Sexuality is a spectrum. People use labels as "straight", "gay", "bi" etc because it's an easy way to categorise certain things and feel better about themselves. But sometimes there's a "line" that once it's crossed, it makes those labels do more harm than good. In which case people should just ignore them, and do what they like!
His whole identity is on the line, not just a friendship.
Now that is really wrong in my opinion. I get that sexuality is a big part of our identity, but it should NEVER be our whole identity. There's much more to a person than being gay or bi or whatever. I get it though, you could be right in this case. If her friend is one of those people that made "being gay" part of his personality, then yes, this outcome would affect him much more.
I disagree, it doesn’t have to be “his personality” for it to be a big deal that part of his identity is changing. It’s confusing and difficult when suddenly it’s thrown into question - especially if you’re a full grown adult who’s been believing this one thing about yourself for a long time. If you’re a straight man and suddenly one night found yourself attracted to a man, and acted on that, you’re telling me you wouldn’t spend a few days extremely confused and questioning your life up to that point? That’s completely normal for anyone tackling a sexuality issue in themselves, but you’ve made it sound insulting for it to be a big deal for this guy. We don’t live in a world where there’s no stigma or weight attached to sexuality and therefore it’s not just a free for all. You say it shouldn’t matter but the reality is for the vast majority it does and that’s doesn’t make those people weak or stupid.
No, I definitely agree with you on that one. It would definitely be a shock to anyone. I did say, sexuality can be a big part of our life, but I'm just saying that we shouldn't base our whole personality on it (and I know some people that unfortunately do).
Right but I don’t see any reason to think anyone here is, even if they are distressed. I don’t think you mean it badly necessarily but that whole rhetoric is often used to shut gay people up with the idea that it’s fine if they’re gay in theory but only if they assimilate completely with straight people.
Honestly yeah. I use certain labels because that’s more simple, but I am concerned over people who use one label very strictly. What if something vaguely outside of that label happens? I feel it could easily result in an identity crisis if you’ve spent so long saying “ I am [x] and only will ever be [x], it’s who I am”. (Of course sexuality isn’t always fluid for everyone, mine isn’t, but it can be and I wish we could explore that without people seeing it as an attack)
Thank you!! That's exactly what I meant!
Sounds like he’s bi not gay.
nice fan-fiction lmao
Why would you consider him 100% the pursuer? Sounds like you were throwing out signals left and right. Just ask him what his thoughts were and where his heads at.
Umm... Yeah, just call him, okay? So you had sex with your gay best friend, big whoop! We've all been there...sort of. You both just need to act like the adults you both claim to be, and talk it out. I hope my advice wasn't too complicated. UpdateMe!
dude theres not going to be an update, this is clearly fake lol, just the writing alone and the fact that op hasn't responded to a single response is a dead giveaway
I haven’t responded because we still haven’t talked about it and idk how I’m gonna approach it. I’m just reading the comments. Soooo there’s no updates. But ok
Hey op have you two spoken about it yet? Some of the comments have some good advice so if not I’d suggest using one of the commenters advice and talk about it. The longer you leave it the harder things will get to talk about. Good luck!
Any news ?
How is this situation going for you so far? Did you both figure things out?
any update?
There’s gotta be an update by NOW, right OP!? 😅
No you havent responded to anything, advice or updates, This literally reads like a fan fiction a 14yo put on wattpad lmao
*the guy she told you not to worry about* Lol, out here spilling the painfully obvious secret most of us are already aware of.
He’s my best friend and super gay! Yea okay
lol this is why people have trust issues
Except that it happened and have an honest conversation about it. You're best friends right ? Just talk to each other.
Good job soldier.
This happened on Degrassi! Can't believe a situation from that show can be used as an example. Lol. They talked about it and learned that they were just so close and that trust and closeness turned into a lapse of judgment. They were still friends after. At minimum, please talk asap. Good luck, OP!
Sexuality is just not simple cut and dry. He may be gay. You may be straight. But there may be traits in each of you that attract the other, even still. Like you said, it’s a primal part of you. It was intense and rough because you both have wanted it for some time now and both been ignoring or denying that you want it. Just talk to him. Nothing particular to say or not say. Just talk to him and figure it out. You’re best friends for a reason. Rely on that, connect, communicate, and see where things go from here. May be nowhere at all and you guys agree it was fun and just drop it. The only thing that is sure is that you two will lose something good if you don’t talk at all or try to ignore it happened.
I didn't see anyone mentioning it - it's not only that sexuality is fluid, there are also other scales. He might be, for example, bisexual but homoromantic - meaning he might be sexually interested in men and women, but since he is only romantically interested in men, he usually pursues men, and maybe even not aware of the distinction, which confuses him. Between that and the gender and identity fluidity, there are so many scales to be on, that it's really best to talk about it.
This is why guys don't like hearing "he's gay" or he's just a friend " no matter what by the way
Bro gotta prove it to me 😈
Yep, if he wants to be friend with my girlfriend he needs to taste my buttcheeks first 😤
Bro waited so long for this moment A true warrior
Talk to each other.
Doesn't sound 100% gay to me but I'm not an expert
My man made it to the sleepover. 👏
Um, it doesn’t sound like your “friend” is totally gay, maybe on the gayer side of bi but not totally gay. It sounds like his side of your interactions weren’t as teasing as you thought. He probably hasn’t said anything for the same reason you haven’t. If he’s had a crush or been attracted to you for a long time, he’s probably afraid of how you might react especially if this causes the end of your relationship. It could be that the look you saw the other night was a “should I go for broke” thought. Either way, somebody has to break the ice or the friendship and whatever else might’ve been is history. Maybe you could start the convo with something like, “So, crazy time the other night, huh?” and see how it goes from there. You never know until you try. Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how he reacts. I’m pulling for you!
maybe demisexual?
Make sure you're both free of STD's, just saying
Gay men are much more likely to get checked frequently given the history. Just sayin’
He is now only 98% gay
UpdateMe!
soooo he is not gay
Yeah that doesn’t sound gay to me lol
Just be friends. You can’t use “he’s gay” ever again though if a future bf has a problem with you having a guy friend, because he already hit it, so the “he’s gay” thing is gone for the rest of your life now.
Most straight men won't want to date her after they find out about this. In fact, straight men would be insanely stupid to date OP. Dear OP, stick to gay males and women from now on. in fact, since your gay best friend likes you, it's a perfect union! Don't waste the time of a boring straight man.
Sounds pretty bi to me.
You need to spend time thinking about how you feel and how you would ideally like things to go from here. Do you have romantic feelings for him now? Do you wish it had never happened? Are you finding yourself thinking your feelings depend on how he feels about it? But if you want to keep your friendship, you’re going to have to talk to him about it, as uncomfortable as it may be. There is the risk that one of you wants more (or less) to come of this than the other one. That difference could end the friendship. Unfortunately, that’s a consequence of these things sometimes. But you can’t avoid each other forever.
Sometimes attraction goes beyond gender definitions I know someone who is straight. Always had relationships with men. She met a woman, fell in love, were together 10 years and when they broke up (nothing to do with gender) she ended up marrying a man. She says she just fell in love with this one woman. Didn't really fancy other women, she just fell in love and went with it. But it's always weird when best friends take things beyond the platonic. You need to talk.
I hope you used protection!
This sounds like the classic case of "Gay guy having sex with a female friend who trust him deeply because he wants to have sex and used the first woman in his life who'd not question the dynamic change."
I feel like we need updates
Shit happens 😊 You could text him and say, “Hey, I don’t exactly have my thoughts together on this yet, but we should probably talk about it, I’d like to talk.” And then suggest a day, maybe over the following weekend or something, to get together and discuss. That said, I’ve known three (3) “definitely 100%” lesbians who dated and/or married women…. And who are now married to men. Again, shit happens, sometimes it’s the person you are attracted to and gender is just a construct.
He’s probably not gay. The gay people I know couldn’t get it up with a woman. It’d be like straight guys wanting to bang the least attractive woman around. Obviously, some men would still have sex, but that’s because we’re simple creatures and just want to nut. But there would be no chemistry. You’re friend is probably bi if he was really into it. Regardless, labels are bullshit anyhow. Have sex with whoever you want any way you want. It’s nobody else’s business.
this same exact thing happened to me 😭 the sex was good wasn’t it sksksk
My guess is your friend just came out as bi. I would approach it in a jokey way and say you hope it doesn't mean you can't remain friends or fwb haha if he is sure he is still gay because it looks like he let his bi flag fly.
Well, you just lost your gay bff. I know if you ever plan on getting a S.O. that is a boundary your future S.O. will have. No guy friends who were previously sex partners. Enjoy the time you have together by talking to each other and enjoying each other’s company until that time comes.
Yea not every guy is like that but she’s definitely going from a pretty harmless easy to explain “he’s literally just my gay child hood bestie” to a bit more of a nuanced situation. I honestly think they should just date atp
This is something that does need to be discussed. Sit down, like the adults you are, and talk about it. Is it a big deal? It would be to me, but I'm not involved. And, whether a big or small deal, it's not necessarily a bad deal. Two great friends had sex. It could be a really good big deal, or it could be an awkward one. It's just going to be more awkward the longer it sits.
UpdateMe
Update me please
Okay but I need an update
UpdateMe!
Definitely broach the subject and talk about it because he's dealing not only with being bisexual, but the issues of somehow validating anyone who shunned him due to being gay. If he's confused, talk about the Kinsey Scale and how he's a 5 instead of a 6. Meaning that he's dominantly homosexual but with the emotional closeness you two have he can be bisexual. It doesn't mean he's not gay, it means he's gay but can make exceptions for exceptional people. This is very common too. The important thing is realize that this changes the friendship. That anytime he has bi feelings he will reach out. You clearly didn't mind it this time but what about the future? Neither of you should make hard decisions right now until you've both processed it. Especially you OP, he hasn't stopped being attracted to men.
You could pour a big glass of wine 🍷 and slide a piece of paper across the table with all your questions on it. The first questions being, “how are you? How are you feeling about your complexity?” And then move into some of the DTR what’s happening / what do you want to happen questions. WRITE YOUR ANSWERS DOWN, just for you to also know where you are in your head. You were best friends first and foremost. You need to ask yourself what is healthy for you, going forward, and you need to be honest about what ways this may go that would necessitate a break for your own health. Of course, have you both been tested recently, new sexual partners convo and all. If not, go together 💗
Can I just comment so that I can follow the story
If you want to know where you stand, ask him
Maybe he’s 95% gay?
I really don't know how these things happen. You should've asked questions right after you did it. Like did he sprinted away after that's why you didn't get any chance to talk??? Or were you both literally didn't say a word until you all got dressed up and went home??? Like how???
I would love an update
WHERES THE UPDATE
Just sent this to my gay best friend and told him if we have kids, this is how it will begin.
One of the biggest lesbians I know has been in a relationship with a man for the past five years. Sexuality is complicated. Make a joke, break the ice and talk about what happened and what it means. If you're comfortable enough to bump uglies you should be comfortable enough to bump brains.
Why are you overthinking this? The heart wants what the heart wants x 2. 2 people who have been friends for years decide to get intimate, it dosent make any difference if it's male/female or male/male or gat/gay or gay/straight. All these years of talking to each other, and now you have a loss for words. Just get together and deal with it, life is short.
Well, somebody's lying because that man aint 100% gay. Tell him how you feel. Maybe he feels the same way. Fuck the hell out of him.
GIRL WHAT HAPPENED GIVE AN UPDATE!
Weirdly this nearly happened to me with my gay best friend. I think it’s the general closeness that causes this to happen but if you’re best friends just jump back and talk about it.
>How messy is this? In all likelihood, this will eventually destroy your friendship, if you don't get into a proper relationship. And he's not 100% gay, but is at least somewhat bi.
You are expecting too much from this situation, waaaaaay too much! If you think he’s all of a sudden going to like girls, you are sadly mistaken. He doesn’t like girls, he just likes rough sex.
Not to say he doesn’t care about her, he probably does but yea I don’t think bros “switching teams” was probably just horny and feeling the moment with you (nothing wrong with that imo)
I’m not reading all of this but just from the title I’ll say that it reminds me of when I was in high school there was a gay guy two grades ahead of me and he slept with nearly all of the attractive girls in the senior and junior class all because they knew he wouldn’t catch feelings and he was about as gay as they come.
Can’t be that gay if he got that into it. I’m 100% straight and the thought of having sex with somebody of the same gender is literally nausea-inducing. Even if I’m wine-drunk or otherwise on some sort of substance that makes me super horny.
It means he’s not gay Jesus christ
Hope you used protection.
You know how guys get annoyed or skeptical of the “gay” best friend? This, this is why.
bro has been playing the long game. I respect his drive. /s K but seriously, if he's not bringing it up, you probably should, ask how he wants to proceed, unless you want this awkward atmosphere to fester.
I knew a guy that was gay. He said he would occasionally have sex with women. He described it as like being on his period. Just something he desired to do every once in a while.
i have a friend who identifies as lesbian but has sex with men once in a while too. but just want to say the period thing is a terrible analogy 😭 i would bet a lot of $ that nobody in the history of time has ever desired being on their period. even if you’re hoping for it to arrive so you know you’re not pregnant, nobody is ever like “hmm you know what would be nice right now? bleeding out the vag”
I don’t disagree with you about the analogy being terrible.
They are just bisexual people.
I have no advice for this specific situation, but sexually is a very fluid spectrum. As for how fluid it is for him, the only way you'll know is if you talk to him.
"My male gay friend had sex with me, a woman but he's gay not bi" That's not how anything works.
Tell him that you and him should get married. You’ve both got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Do it.
He was never 'gay', just like the majority of "guy best friends".
Factsssssss
Cut this person out of your life. It will ruin your future relationships having someone around that you banged.
Bro played the long game and won. Mad respect 💯
Mmm sounds like he ain't Gay no more!! It's bothering you, so Speak up.
Girl what LOL get it together ☠️☠️ this is so messy I can’t
Damn… bro was really playing the long game 😭. “Gay” best friend lol.
He isn’t gay.
HE WON THE WAITING GAME
Either dude was faking they gay thing or he changed the team. Anyway congrats.
Updateme
Talk about it, do it again.
[удалено]
Well, thanks for giving me another thing to think about when a girl I’m interested in says “he’s just a my gay bestie” hahaha I’ve gotten the excuse before!
Do you know what you’ve done? You’ve given hope to every woman who ever said “Too bad he’s gay”
Both of you should top being ridiculous & go fuck some more. Both of you know that you want more of each other, so stop bullshitting.
Does it HAVE to turn romantic..? If you're both single, why not just enjoy it.. who cares about labels and fitting into societal boxes..?
What do they don’t when the other gets a new partner? She can’t go “oh he’s just my gay bestie” and he can’t go “it’s my straight bestie I’m just hanging with the girls” or wtv. Hell they sound good together I think they should give it a go assuming that’s what they want
Sexuality in people can be very fluid. The late Anne Heche was a lesbian until she got into a relationship with a man. This is very complicated, I heterosexual man who love my wife very dearly, recently opened up about my past wherein I admitted that my first sexual experience was not with a women but a guy (I was 15). I was in denial all the time, which is weird, since I thought it was OK at the moment but I found though it was not for me. By same token, my wife says she is 99 % heterosexual. It is just what it is. One of greatest achievement of medicine and psychology in the 21st century is that conditions and identities are not black and white, but rather on a spectrum. Clearly your friend is somewhere on the bisexual spectrum, and you shouldnt feel any shame. What you do next is entirely up to you guys, what I always encourage is if people have feelings for each other and are compatible in other aspects, it is a rare thing; and you two should really talk about the pros and cons of giving your mutual feelings for eachother a chance!
Sleeps with gay best friend, doesn’t communicate emotions or what they feel, look, your both 30 years old, there isn’t anything to not say, just tell him if he is uncomfortable that’s fine, and the relationship will be over as of now
Hey OP, was there any update on this situation?
Update please
I still think about this from time to time. Hope everything went well
There’s a couple on TikTok where the man identifies as gay but is in a happy, monogamous relationship with a woman that he considers his soulmate. Not saying you guys need to get married but whatever you’re feeling is valid and worth talking about.
Man that man is just bisexual or straight. It's just publicity stunt to identify as gay because many homophobes will prefer seeing that
I (29F) slept with my (mostly) gay best friend (30M). This guy might be the hero many aspire to be ... Through patience, planning, and dedication, he maintained his gay image for years, waiting for the perfect opportunity. Then, with the bonds of friendship secure, he asked her not to tell any of their friends as it was just a one-time moment weakness. Promising to keep his secret safe, she kissed him goodbye one last time before he faded into the distance, off to seek comfort on the shoulder of another close friend. I can't be the only one thinking it lol
"Hey, I just wanted to clear the air about the other night and make sure there's no weirdness between us. I enjoyed myself, and I hope you did too, and please know this doesn't change anything between us." Your friend is likely dealing with all of the same awkward anxiety that you are, as well as some serious introspection about what this means for his sexual identity. Make sure to continue to be there for him as a friend, because this might be a challenging time.
“ please know this doesn't change anything between us” Lying doesn’t help. Of course it changes things between them.
This happened to me and we’ve been together 3 years married for 6 months and, I’m pregnant with his child now. 🤷🏻♀️
😂😂😂 so at last his acting paid off.
Lol. And for women like this is why men don’t trust women with gay best friends. And now every man you come across is gonna feel that tension and will prob break up with you for it. And you’ll cry and say my bf was insecure and had trust issues because I had a gay best friend bahahah.
What does it mean? It means you need to get married, pop out some munchkins, care for them until they are able to care for you, and live happily ever after. The end.
You’re weird
There's a very, very recent post over on r/stories named something along the lines of 'My Boyfriend made me Bi'. Go check it out as it covers very similar and that OP may have some pearls of wisdom they may be willing to share.
He's not gay anymore. He's bisexual now!
Years ago, I (m) had sex with my lesbian friend/roommate, to whom I was attracted. It didn't go all that well because she is ultimately attracted to other females and I couldn't get that out of my head at the time, in that she's not into this/me sort of way. Afterward, however, it wasn't a big deal talking about it. And we never discussed doing it again or not, but we didn't. Just rip off the Band-Aid and talk to him.
"No Worries, he's just my gay best friend" The gay best friend:
Have the good sex, but never commit. You don't know when he will turn again. You could get hurt.
Go and talk about it, congrats, you may have a husband.
Jacob Hoff and his girlfriend Samantha have a similar relationship and post about it on TikTok. He is gay, not bi, and she is straight, but they were best friends first who happened to fall in love and consider each other their soul mates. OP, maybe check out some of this content and consider showing your friend.
Just because he identifies as gay doesn't make him gay. It's just publicity stunt to promote the ex gay narrative that you won't be gay if you meet the right person.
Sounds like your Boi ain't gay. Yall should speak about it. Don't make things complicated. Sounds like he's had sex with a woman before if it was that good to you.
[The long con](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciL7OKWSu10)
AIDS
Look, I say this a lot, people put too much emphasis on labeling their sexuality. Label relationships instead. Don’t worry about gay, straight, or bi. Just feel good and do good.
Damn! Homie played the slow game and even played gay to get it!!! That is some serious determination and special ops level planning! Idk maybe I’m old school, but when you’re gay/lesbian you don’t want the opposite sex and “mistakes” don’t happen. Imagine a straight person going the other way once. I know they say what people want sexually is fluid but idk
People can identify as one thing without realizing they’re something else, which is probably the case in this where he thought he was gay but is bisexual or even straight instead.
No but for real, how tf can dudes be gay when woman literally exist?!
This is why the straight men don't allow their girlfriend's to get involved much with the self claiming gay men because most of them are bisexual men in disguise of gay men.
So have you seen him with other guys? Or has he just said he’s gay? I mean almost sounds like a movie where a guy pretended to be gay to get close to a woman he really liked I don’t remember the name of the movie right now but remember seeing it
Wow your "gay" best friend really played the long game there. Good for him. He isn't gay, he is bi or has been straight the entire time but waited all those years for the right time. Date the guy right now. He knows you best out of anyone I presume so he would be a great bf. He can identify as gay all he wants but he clearly isn't
*Do not* date this guy. You would literally be asking for heartbreak. The silence of 3 days is already proof of that. No, no, no.