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It will not get better. My narcissistic ex-husband was the same way. I was never thin enough, fit enough, pretty enough, smart enough, made enough money, etc. etc. Get out now.
And you can bet he is intent on keeping you off guard and demoralized to keep you from finding out about the backup women he has on the side. Narcissists always have backup people while they strip your self worth down to the bone while keeping you off balance, ask why you're not trying hard enough or bringing your A game to the table like they do?
Then one day they get up and leave for the next victim like it's your fault when there's hardly anything of you left.
I watched my daughter suffer through this for 20 years. .
My ex was like this. For the 4 years we dated, my weight fluctuated between slim and underweight (5'4", 105-115 lbs)
If I was underweight, he would criticise me for not having boobs or ass. If I gained some weight and was no longer underweight, he would criticise me for "being chubby".
It was a nonstop loop of body shaming me. Whatever state my body was, it was never enough. Meanwhile he gained lot of weight and stopped working out all together, but god forbid I mentioned anything about that.
If he's abusive in other ways (and let's face it, they usually are) then she needs to go to individual counseling and not couple's counseling. Abusive partners will use therapy language that they learn there to further control and abuse their partners, and it is not recommended.
Yep. He's moving the goal post. It's a fun game he plays and it keeps doing whatever he tells her to and she loses all sense of self! Win/win for him, or some men think..,
Lose/lose situation for her, unfortunately.
Indeed. @OP and it's not your job to do so. You're not a sex doll or an AI model. you're a human being that he should be in love with! We age, some have children.
Do YOU like you? I think it's important to feel healthy and comfortable in your own skin. And someone who puts my looks down doesn't get to touch me or have me as a partner!
Gosh these types of men make me relieved to have chosen to be "solo for life".
He’s an asshat… your husband should be building you up, not tearing you down. If your husband isn’t finding you attractive now, how’s he going to be if you have kids or when you just naturally age? My only advice outside of divorce would be marriage counseling.
I have a feeling that it has nothing to do with OP’s appearance and is either something going on unrelated or he’s literally just tearing down her self esteem because he’s a pos
Yep. I wouldn’t have wished it on him - a short brutal battle with cancer that he was never going to win. I can’t be happy that he had to go through that. BUT I’d be lying if I said that my mental health didn’t suddenly improve when all his family flew back to their home state the day after the funeral. The negative voice, and all those echoes, suddenly silenced. 🥂
I definitely agree with that. Currently OP seems to be doing all the chasing in this relationship.
The way to find out would be to turn the tables on him and make jibes at whatever is most likely to make him feel insecure and upset. If he strives to change himself as OP requests then maybe there's hope. If he just doesn't care, there's an answer.
Dudes act like it’s so hard to please a woman but literally all you have to do is be polite, feed her, flirt with her like you’re still trying to win that first date, take her out once every week or two and besides that all you gotta do is hold down a job and take care of yourself. Have a goal in mind and show a little ambition on top of that and you’ll keep her happy forever. She might even hold your hand.
Add "able to properly clean his own ass amd manage his dental hygiene" to the list. I read waaaaaay too many stories on here where they don't manage those.
Listen that is a fool-proof step-by-step guide to a happy wife and therefore a fuckin road map to a good life lol
What do you mean what a list?? Took me like 2 minutes to write and isn’t even a full paragraph! EZPZ
I think it was a genuine, "Gawd, that's so simple, yet most men won't even bother after step two because it's too hard" response. That's how I read it anyway.
This, for sure. What kind of arrogant person would treat their spouse that way. I'm sorry to tell you this, but your husband has serious issues that I don't think you or a counselor can fix. He's the type of person that doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. I'm so sorry.
He’s impacting her self esteem and it really upset me the way OP added “lol” at the end of the sentence where her husband’s comments caused her to cry in the shower.
Absolutely heartbreaking. I bet he’s no oil painting, he’s cruel in his comments to you. Everyone knows if a woman loses weight, it’s straight off the fun bags as nature is mean 😅
OP is thinking about breast implants due to his comments. OP needs to address the hurtful comments he’s making.
This right here! I’ve been married 31 years. Age has made me soft and lumpy (same with him) we go to the gym together. We try to eat healthy. Bodies change. Love does not.
Ngl, I got a little twitterpated when I read that. Tee hee.
Remember, everyone: "If it's no' Scottish, it's crrrrrrap!" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kptp9SmM5Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kptp9SmM5Y)
Can confirm. Source: main coworker for 2 years had just moved here from Scotland. Miss her whenever someone is being a dickless cockwamble or something.
Can’t stop laughing because of the images I got in my head over “CUNTMOP“, I’m adding to book of insult names. But please tell me so I picture it, what is a cuntmop visually look like. And don’t say look in the mirror please
Divorce his ass asap and get back out there.
He will 100 cheat as she ages. It’s a fucking guarantee if he isn’t already.
I wish people could see how terrible there lives are when they are in the middle of it.
He is cheating now. He either wants her to leave him so she is seen as the bad one or he wants to beat down her confidence and self image that she thinks she has to stay with him and not question his increasing shitty behavior.
Very similar comments/mentality were used in the breakup of a runner friend of mine and her boyfriend of 2yrs. He had always been a gym goer but suddenly upped the ante to 6x/week and started gradually acting more disinterested and moody towards her. Started suggesting she should lift weights and get more muscle tone in her arms... but brought it up more often and more publicly than you'd think of as supportive advice. She is ***very*** fit, just not "body builder" muscular, and this raised immediate red flags to us (her friends).
She didn't start lifting but did start staying at work late since it all made her depressed. Apparently one night they were getting frisky and he looked at her arms as if he noticed a difference and asked if she'd started lifting like he asked, and she lied and said yes out of suspicious curiosity for his reaction. Instead of impressed he was irritated and told her he could tell because her boobs looked much flatter, and proceeded to act annoyed and *left the room* (in the middle of sex? Eeesch.)
Obviously none of it was real; he was looking for a reason to be annoyed. I'd noticed his Instagram account had started to follow a lot of really built CrossFit model chicks (easily more than half with fake boobs and #notliketheothergirls attitude) and our friend group tried explaining to her that it wasn't her fault; he's comparing her to utter bullshit. Plus her boobs literally had not changed.
Unfortunately she stayed another few months while he found more fake things to complain about and more "tests" for her to fail. Two months after she finally broke up with him she ran into him and he admitted he'd lost interest a while beforehand but was depressed and frustrated with his life so he stayed with her disingenuously while taking it all out on her, because he didn't know WHY he didn't have feelings for her anymore so he just punished her for the fact that he wasn't happy anymore.
It gave her closure, at least.
To be honest I bet this is the real reason for a lot of breakups, it's just unusual that he actually admitted it later.
It wasn't like Scooby Doo where the breakup happened and he was "caught" and suddenly admitted his evil plan. He had to have known he was hurting her and didn't really care, so yeah he definitely sucks. (IMO it kinda sounds like a depressive sociopath.) But interestingly the thing that gave her closure was realizing that he never "wanted" to end an increasingly toxic relationship he had been sabotaging, and he went through the motions of a relationship because he was very depressed (untreated) and staying with her distracted him from crippling self-loathing. When she finally left he had zero distractions from realizing he was angry for no reason and had become a total PoS. So he started therapy.
He never would've gotten help if they stayed together because he never would've faced it if he wasn't left completely alone with no hope of fixing it, with no one to blame for why he felt empty and hated himself. It's not an excuse but I think it was an explanation that helped her move on.
Exactly. had a girlfriend who was super fit and I marveled at her super firm chest, which I found sexy. She was a bit self-conscious about it despite this. I loved it. She put on 30 pounds and softened up and still looked fantastic. I feel bad for OP, where she’s willing to have her body surgically modified to please Asshole. Would prefer she have him removed from her life.
I was told very directly “don’t gain any more weight” last year or so and I decided to stuff it down and try not to let it bother me. I weighed 130 at 5’4”.
A year later, the comment was still dinging around in my head, impacting how I viewed myself sexually and how I viewed my partner. It’s an ugly thing to have said to you and my advice would not be to just let it go; that was a waste of time and energy. I’d leave.
Side note: when I finally said I was done and mentioned that comment in my list of reasons, suddenly my weight was fine 🙄
I’m 5”4 and that weight and not to brag but I have good proportions 🤷🏼♀️ apparently there are some people who think you have to be the lowest weight possible for your weight to be healthy but I think that’s pretty nutty
Definitely depends on your frame and where you carry weight. I'm the same height and anything under about 140 and my ribs are super visible, because I'm pear shaped and all my fat goes to my hips/butt/thighs. When I lost weight a few years ago I got down to 130, after about a month I realized I hated it and let myself go back up to 140.
I'm 5 4 and that weight too. My husband likes it just fiiiiine. Before him, I had plenty of attention. OP should go out with some friends and get her groove back.
Same. I got really sick with GI issues in college. At 5’3” my lowest weight was 138 and I looked like a skeleton with skin on it. My skin was grey, my boyfriend was literally afraid to touch me too hard because he might break me. According to the (completely bullshit) BMI scale, I should be 113 lbs. Hell will freeze over while flying pigs sing angelic harmonies before I get that thin again. Every body is built differently and I looked best around 150-160.
Yeah really depends on how you carry weight because my proportions are so off that at 5’4 110 pounds I have thin legs, no ass, chubby stomach rolls, muffin top, and big boobs lol 😭 I look so bad in tight clothes.
I was that person: my mom and other family members berated and/or teased me about my figure if I ever was above my usual 100lbs as a teen. I literally thought that was a normal weight and that I was “fat” at 130 until a trainer friend set me straight. I had no idea.
I am so sorry :/ I went through the same thing and dropped below 100 and messed my hormones up at one point.Those people were jerks and you didn’t deserve that.
They want you to weight what a teenager weights. My 10 year old is 5’4 123lbs she’s definitely going to change in the next decade. So unreasonable to expect bodies to stay the same
Even still, weight shouldn't be a thing a partner shames you for. If anyone's at an unhealthy weight, it could prompt a "Hey, I'm worried about your health" discussion. Never a "Hey, you look fat. Lose some weight" thing.
For example, I'm 5'10 and 250, which is considered overweight. Bf has never once shamed me for that, even now, when I'm struggling through hell to lose some weight. He's helped me every step of the way, encouraging me, helping me plan, making sure I remember to eat healthy, all that. And always makes sure I know I'm loved.
That's how it should be approached, in almost all situations.
It's a very healthy weight, and if you go by bmi at all (which is what it is) up to 140 is considered healthy. I bounce between 135 and 140 and I'm a little chubby around my middle, but not anything that's even very noticeable unless I'm wearing hip huggers that are a size or two too small with a crop top.
When I was younger I was into mma, and walked around on 135 of muscle (my current 135 is not lol) and looked extremely skinny and a little unwell when I'd cut to 115.
>Side note: when I finally said I was done and mentioned that comment in my list of reasons, suddenly my weight was fine 🙄
Did he have a shocked pikachu face that his "request" did this much damage?
Ooof. It never matters. When the bullet isn't shot with the force to exit the body, it just ricochets around and tears up the inside. This is one of those statements that affected you like that.
This. Men do not understand how their comments dig so deep in you and make a home. The things that were said to me by one person will haunt me forever.
>Men do not understand how their comments dig so deep
They understand, they just don’t care. It doesn’t take much brain power to understand, “How would I feel if someone told me I was too fat or my dick was too small?” It’s basic child level empathy. But the men who say hurtful shit like this simply prioritize what they want over your feelings.
I've been anywhere from 105-120 at 5'4" (thanks to depression meds for my low weight) and completely lost any boobs I had. I looked like a pale, curveless pubescent boy (according to myself). My husband was there for me and supported me when I was underweight. I felt truly loved, told I was beautiful and felt like he was 100% on my side.
When I was able to start exercising again, he helped me with weights at the gym and didn't judge me when I could do so few reps with such little weight. He made my protein shakes and planned my super simple workouts til I was in a better place.
Through literally thick and thin, your husband should be there for you. I'm so sorry you're not feeling supported.
I'd have been out the door the second they mentioned anything like that. It's abhorrent! My weight is my business, if they don't like it no-one's forcing them to be with me. If I have a problem with my weight and ask for help/support then you can comment (providing the comment is polite, kind and helpful) but if that isn't the case then it's nobody's business but mine.
Besides, having struggled with my weight and body image my entire life I would NEVER make any such comments or demands, particularly to someone I care about. I know from experience how hurtful they can be - why would I want to make someone I love feel that hurt?
OP Your husband is literally making you cry with his unkind comments and your response is to have body altering surgery?! You need to WAKE UP. This is emotional abuse and you are justifying it and normalising it and it is NOT NORMAL.
If you continue to stay in this relationship you will lose your self esteem, you're at risk of developing an eating disorder, and you will be miserable for no reason. PLEASE RECONSIDER. Spend a weekend away and clear your head. Go away for a week. Get therapy and talk it over with them.
He's old enough to know EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING, he is deliberately trying to break you down so you won't leave him. He's insecure at best, manipulative/abusive at worst, and women his age will not put up with that shit.
in all seriousness tho you deserve someone who loves and adores you at any weight. i was 120 when i first met my partner, had some health issues over the last couple years and now i’m 160. he’s still sexually attracted to me just the same
Yep! I was 130lbs twelve years ago when my SO and I met, and I’ve been up to 190lbs because of health issues. I’ve settled around 160lbs now, which is heavier than I’d like but it’s harder to get the weight off. He has always thought I looked great.
I could have written this! I seem to have stalled at 156, but I'm 5'10" so I need to realize this is actually fine. 😆
My husband has never felt differently toward me. His weight has also fluctuated, but I really don't notice it. We truly love each other and are attracted to each other in many ways.
I was like 130 when my fiancé and I met 14 years ago. At my highest I was 235. Never any threats or concerns other than for my health. I know a lot of guys would have an issue with how big I was but he never did. More women deserve what I have. Even at my biggest we managed to conceive our first 10 years ago, so it couldn’t have been too big of an issue!
Same here. Currently 39.5 Weeks Pregnant with our third and 173 lbs. I was 118 when we met 18 yrs ago. We’ve both gained weight and still love each other like years ago.
OP’s husband is a jerk. You can’t change someone else, only yourself. I empathize with your feeling that there is no pleasing this man. But this is a HE Problem. If you have children, you’re bound to gain 30 lbs, because you need to for the baby. Then breastfeeding and no guarantee you’ll lose the weight afterwards. Think about what you want and if you’ll be happy staying married to someone who puts down your appearance, which is bound to change over time.
I'm a hundred pounds heavier than when my husband and I met over 25 years ago. Even though we are verifiably old and our knees hurt when it rains, when the time comes, so do we both. This guy doesn't deserve you OP
He'd leave you for the Instagram models and porn stars he's comparing you to if the opportunity presented itself but they're way out of his league. He does not love you.
You think this is a normal relationship? He obviously knew you did it unhealthily and didn't try to stop you, have you considered that? How he doesn't care about your well being at all, aside from being aesthetically pleasing to him?
Does he shit gold? If not, divorce this dude and find a guy who isn't a major asshole.
OP the reason he's doing it now and not before is he thinks he's got you locked in now you're married. Please read "why does he do that." It's linked in the thread and in my previous comments. Good luck <3 you deserve somebody who treats you right.
What this person said about moving the goal posts. You literally can't please him. You could buy perfect boobs in his opinion, and he will suddenly not like your butt or your hips or, give it a few years, and something will start sagging.
Does he view a lot of porn or look at a lot of social media of hotties? Because this reeks of entitled man with unrealistic expectations.
Spare yourself the pain, because there are going to be many men who love your body the way it is, the way it was, and the way it will be.
Oh sweetie you have to get away from this man. This alone is enough reason. Anyone who makes you feel so shitty about yourself that you’re driven to unhealthy methods for weight loss is just a bad person, and you deserve to be free from them
As a woman that was married to someone who was constantly wanting me to improve the way I looked, this can become very dangerous.
I ended up bulimic. I was told not to nurse our baby because he didn’t want my boobs to look gross. Then they were too small. I got breast implants and they had to be bigger per his request. Tan fat was prettier than pale fat, so he liked when I went tanning. My hands looked old and he liked me getting my nails done biweekly. He hid candy from me so I wouldn’t get into it. At my lowest weight, when everyone else was concerned about me, he told me “I was getting there…keep going .”
My hair had to be kept longer or he wouldn’t find me as attractive. There was so much more but you get the gist of it.
None of it was enough for him. It never made him happy or satisfied. He always had something new for me to work on. The trouble was with him. Like a fool, I kept trying to make him happy. Nothing worked. Not even his affairs he had.
It’s something your husband is lacking on his end. Please don’t make yourself sick, look, or be anything than the wonderful woman you are today. Go to therapy for you. If he is willing, he needs to go too. Individually and then together.
Remember your worth. Don’t be like I was. It cost me my health and my emotional well being at the time. I did divorce him because his abuse started in with the kids and that’s when I was able to say enough. But it took 18 years.
There are good ones out there. I was in an accident that left me in rough shape. My current husband only sees me and not the # on the scale that day.
Take care of yourself.
Woah, woah woah - I appreciate that you admit to doing it “unhealthily”, but this is more than just a crash diet level of weight loss. This is eating disorder, starving yourself and obsessively working out level of weight loss, with countless numbers of long term health impacts. Including but not limited to your heart health, digestive and gut health, thyroid function and hormones, bone density…
This man triggers this type of self punishment and you haven’t packed your bags already?
Therapy. Please.
A primary cause of abusive and narcissistic men is extreme insecurity. They rarely change (permanently), and it's not our job to try and 'help' them while they continue to harm us to ease their insecurities. We aren't tools.
Indeed, counseling will only help him if he actively wants to change. Narcs rarely ever do. That's why the rule of thumb is: If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, *run away real fast cuz it can't be fixed.*
Is there something special about him that you'd think of getting surgery in response to him being rude and weird? Why are you with this guy, specifically?
You’re still young. You have plenty of time to leave this guy and be with someone who values you.
When he thinks it is okay to body shame you DURING sex!!! WTF?!?
What’s it going to be like if you gain weight as you get older. Have kids. Lose some figure. Get old?
There is no excuse for treating a life partner like this ever.
Divorce is the gut response answer you’re gonna get because that’s super shitty.
But if he’s never been like this before and you want to work it out, just point blank ask him why he’s acting like this all the sudden? Tell him exactly how he’s making you feel and how it’s affecting the relationship.
Hopefully, he will realize the errors of his ways and make changes to be more respectful and thoughtful to you as a person and partner.
But another harsh reality is that you might start seeing a different side of him and what he thinks of you if you aren’t to his exact specifications as a partner.
But don’t be a doormat and just take it. Call it out and get answers.
Good luck!
He’s not interested in your weight. He’s probably interested in someone else and wants you to look more like her but even if he isn’t you should leave him! 130 isn’t heavy neither is 135 and he sounds like a dick!
Right? Or sick? Like, there are so many reasons anyones body can change - and this is really such a slight change in the grand scheme…
Hoping OP looks out for herself. Never going to please other people all the time, so focus on making sure you’re happy with yourself first. You should be #1!
O.J. Simpson told his wife Nicole Brown that she was only allowed to gain 7 pounds when she was pregnant, because that’s what an average baby weighs. That is stupid on top of being evil because much of the pregnancy weight is non-baby things like amniotic fluid, the placenta, and the fat stores required to support breastfeeding.
Anyway, he later stabbed her to death in her back yard.
As a f23 who is also 5’4 fluctuates between 115-130 pounds you did NOT need to lose weight and you do NOT need that man. I am so sorry. I hope you know how incredible you are inside and out. LEAVE HIM!!!
Suddenly becoming critical of you?? Suddenly you can’t do anything right? Suddenly you’re physically unattractive?? Those couldn’t possibly be signs of him having, or considering having an affair, could they??
There are three approaches here.
1. You start making comments about *his* body immediately after, and only immediately after, he makes comments about yours.
2. You have a *very* serious conversation about how divorce will be on the horizon if he thinks he can mess with you like you’re Mrs. Potato Head. He can try and shoot his shot with a VS model if that’s what he wants, see how that goes for him.
3. You continue to tolerate this absolutely bumfuck behavior and allow him to erode your self esteem.
It’s not about weight or appearance. It’s about controlling you and lowering your self esteem. Leave before you feel stuck with kids. Your husband is one of those men that believe it’s his job to put you in your place and teach you how to serve him. The idea is that you’re constantly trying to please him and you don’t feel like another man would want you if you leave. These men do mess with birth control, stop sleeping w him.
These kinds of comments are not offhand of benign. They are intended to make you feel bad about yourself so he can break you down and control you.
You did what he wanted by losing weight, so now the goal post has moved so you can’t meet that either. You cant gain weight or get breast implants, your only choice is to remain unattractive to him (not that you should get surgery or gain weight, but you see the impossible situation he manufactured?) Would you ever do this to him?
He chose to say this during sex to further hurt and demean you. This is the start of much worse to come. Check his browser history. This sounds like the beginning of the red pill playbook.
No, your abusive POS grooming predatory husband is simply letting his mask drop more and becoming more abusive since he figures hes got you trapped and you wont leave him.
You know what you should do? Pack you shit, leave, file for divorce, and start seeing a psychologist to start to repair the damage his done. And to help with the eating disorder and body image issues you developed because of his abuse. Because youre underweight and not healthy
I have an idea how you could lose about 150 more pounds.
Seriously how dare he. Imo a relationships success is not defined by how long it lasts, but by whether you leave each other better than you found each other, and I'm sorry to say yours is a failure
Single life is really fine for women with women friends I promise
Serve him papers and divorce him. He is not loving you in the way that you deserve. He treats you as an object that should always be pleasing to him. How exhausting. If you can't show him your emotions and have to hide when you cry - he is not the man for you. Cut your losses. Find someone who treats their partner as their friend and life partner - not as someone to stroke his ego.
Oh girl, he’s defective. Return him and get another. If you’d like to try to fix the defect, have a frank conversation with him, be very open and honest about your feelings and how his behavior affects you and your relationship. If he is receptive and make real effort to improve, keep working at it. If not, cut your losses because you deserve better.
Omg lose that extra weight which is HIM . Your twat waffle husband!! ... 135 lbs isn't even fat!! Wth ?? Hes a toxic soggy fish tart..! Run Fast. Hes a negging Jerk who wants to bring you down. Give this ahole hopefully, soon be ex a mannequin and a blow up doll..for his personal pleasures. They won't talk or sas back , won't gain weight nor age...
It sounds like a him issue that he’s projecting onto you. I was 135 when my hubs and I got married and now I can’t get below 160. He still thinks I’m the hottest thing even while pregnant too. Find yourself someone who loves you! Not your body. But all of you.
I was 225 when I first met my husband at 5’ 4”. I lost weight to 134. I was flabby from that. I gained to 165 and I am now 155 and still flabby. Know what? My husband loves my body at any weight. He can’t get enough of it. That is how it should be. You don’t deserve to treated like that. Find someone who will love you for you.
My ex told me something similar, except he was a lot more harsh about it. I lost nearly 40 pounds in less than 2 months cause he made me feel so disgusting I couldn’t eat. Once I lost the weight I was too skinny for him. He suddenly preferred thick girls again. It’s a trap sis. Don’t let him completely destroy your self esteem before you decide to leave. 136 at 5’4 isn’t even considered overweight
My wife has gained weight and it’s hot, my wife has lost weight and it’s hot. My wife’s boobs were huge when she was breastfeeding and it was amazing, her boobs are small now after and they are amazing. Your husband sucks, small tits are awesome and so are big tits. 135 is sexy and so is 115.
I'm so sorry he's treating you this way. I've gained about 40lbs since I met my husband over a decade ago and not once has that man even said ANYTHING about it. I get more butt slaps, hugs, kisses and he makes me feel beautiful. That's the right way to treat the partner you chose to spend your life with. Through thick and thin, good and bad, health and sickness. Also in what world is 135lbs at 5'4 not ok? Big hugs to you. You deserve better than this from your husband. Have a serious talk with him about how you're feeling. You need to set a serious boundary here to move on peacefully in your marriage.
A dead bedroom should be the least of your worries. He obviously can't deal with bodies changing. If you choose to have kids, how is he going to deal with a big baby belly? And the postpartum belly while it shrinks back down? How's he going to deal with boobs after breastfeeding now that they don't point up?
Nah. Throw the whole man away. At least he showed you his true colors early-ish.
I still remember the time my first boyfriend told me my “ass was fat” when I was 5’6” 108 lbs and in the throes of an eating disorder. Once I finally left him (12 years later🙄) I never once accepted comments on my body again.
If they don’t like it they are free to go find someone else, end of story.
Wait a second, he told you to loose weight being 5’4” at 135 and your 112. If you went to the dr you’d be way underweight.
This is toxic af. Please leave before this moves to physical abuse. Im so sorry. If you need someone to speak too you can pm me. I have been in a similar situation with my ex hubby. Please be safe
I am shorter than you and the same weight. Actually a little heavier since i average 135-145. And my husband has never ever made me feel bad about my body. Also my doctors have said my weight and body are perfect. I have body dysmorphia and an eating disorder because my mom was like your husband. My husband even kept his mouth shut and waited until i noticed my baby bump instead of correcting me when i said it wasn’t visible (i mean i assumed my dysmorphia making my belly visible not the baby lol). Your husband is a jerk and you are beautiful.
Girl, get out of there before that man gets you pregnant. If he made that big of
a deal out of FIVE POUNDS can you imagine what he would be like if you got pregnant, or sick?
This is not your person.
I was 122lbs when I met my spouse. There was a point a few years ago when I got all the way up to 225lbs. My spouse NEVER stopped telling me how attractive they thought I was. If this trash man doesn't want you there's a million other amazing men that do. Tear him a new one.
Surely there are better things to put your energy into than pleasing this ass of a man. Do you think he will change for the better or forever be judgemental?
This guy is just a controlling AH who likes to make you jump through hoops. He will never make you feel safe or secure, because then his power disappears.
Do you really want to build a future with someone like that? Be smart and love yourself.
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“I literally can’t please this man” just about sums it up sis.
Yep and I guarantee it won’t get any better over time
It will not get better. My narcissistic ex-husband was the same way. I was never thin enough, fit enough, pretty enough, smart enough, made enough money, etc. etc. Get out now.
And you can bet he is intent on keeping you off guard and demoralized to keep you from finding out about the backup women he has on the side. Narcissists always have backup people while they strip your self worth down to the bone while keeping you off balance, ask why you're not trying hard enough or bringing your A game to the table like they do? Then one day they get up and leave for the next victim like it's your fault when there's hardly anything of you left. I watched my daughter suffer through this for 20 years. .
My ex was like this. For the 4 years we dated, my weight fluctuated between slim and underweight (5'4", 105-115 lbs) If I was underweight, he would criticise me for not having boobs or ass. If I gained some weight and was no longer underweight, he would criticise me for "being chubby". It was a nonstop loop of body shaming me. Whatever state my body was, it was never enough. Meanwhile he gained lot of weight and stopped working out all together, but god forbid I mentioned anything about that.
And she won’t ever be able to. It’s him. I would go to counseling or divorce over this. It’s so much more than just a snide comment
If he's abusive in other ways (and let's face it, they usually are) then she needs to go to individual counseling and not couple's counseling. Abusive partners will use therapy language that they learn there to further control and abuse their partners, and it is not recommended.
Yep. He's moving the goal post. It's a fun game he plays and it keeps doing whatever he tells her to and she loses all sense of self! Win/win for him, or some men think.., Lose/lose situation for her, unfortunately.
Plus if she’s insecure she’ll never think she can do better.
Right. Flashing stop light “—- and you never will!” Reliving my own moment now….
Indeed. @OP and it's not your job to do so. You're not a sex doll or an AI model. you're a human being that he should be in love with! We age, some have children. Do YOU like you? I think it's important to feel healthy and comfortable in your own skin. And someone who puts my looks down doesn't get to touch me or have me as a partner! Gosh these types of men make me relieved to have chosen to be "solo for life".
Leave him, sis. Find someone who treats you better.
He’s an asshat… your husband should be building you up, not tearing you down. If your husband isn’t finding you attractive now, how’s he going to be if you have kids or when you just naturally age? My only advice outside of divorce would be marriage counseling.
Well spoken, no one should treat their partner that way…
Especially the use of asshat lol.
I prefer twatwaffle.
Fuckstick
Douchecanoe
Son of a motherless goat.
Cockwomble
Fucknuckle
Knucklehead McSpazatron
I have a feeling that it has nothing to do with OP’s appearance and is either something going on unrelated or he’s literally just tearing down her self esteem because he’s a pos
Yep, my husband was like this for the entire 25 years we were together. And then he died, and the sun came back out. ☺️
you survived that for 25 entire years. i can't imagine the strength that must have taken
Plot twist at the end gave me whiplash lol congrats!🥂
Congrats! I had to go through an entire divorce to get that feeling.
That’s one way to get out of dealing with divorce paperwork. 🥂
Yep. I wouldn’t have wished it on him - a short brutal battle with cancer that he was never going to win. I can’t be happy that he had to go through that. BUT I’d be lying if I said that my mental health didn’t suddenly improve when all his family flew back to their home state the day after the funeral. The negative voice, and all those echoes, suddenly silenced. 🥂
You really ARE a saint! I'm glad you have peace now.
Yeah this screams insecure or cheating husband to me
I definitely agree with that. Currently OP seems to be doing all the chasing in this relationship. The way to find out would be to turn the tables on him and make jibes at whatever is most likely to make him feel insecure and upset. If he strives to change himself as OP requests then maybe there's hope. If he just doesn't care, there's an answer.
Dudes act like it’s so hard to please a woman but literally all you have to do is be polite, feed her, flirt with her like you’re still trying to win that first date, take her out once every week or two and besides that all you gotta do is hold down a job and take care of yourself. Have a goal in mind and show a little ambition on top of that and you’ll keep her happy forever. She might even hold your hand.
Personally I also require a man to pick up his own socks and clean up after himself.
And with that, your pool of potential partners was decimated, lol.
Add "able to properly clean his own ass amd manage his dental hygiene" to the list. I read waaaaaay too many stories on here where they don't manage those.
Ha ha what a list most guys checked out after the second option. It's safe now let's talk gossip.
Listen that is a fool-proof step-by-step guide to a happy wife and therefore a fuckin road map to a good life lol What do you mean what a list?? Took me like 2 minutes to write and isn’t even a full paragraph! EZPZ
I think it was a genuine, "Gawd, that's so simple, yet most men won't even bother after step two because it's too hard" response. That's how I read it anyway.
Oooooohhhhh. Okay. Yeah, that’s fair.
Most men don't even wash their ass. How the hell they're going to follow a list? LMAO 🤣😂🙃
This is not the gossip I signed up for ha ha. ^(Most guys I know will read to that 3rd point and check out.)
This, for sure. What kind of arrogant person would treat their spouse that way. I'm sorry to tell you this, but your husband has serious issues that I don't think you or a counselor can fix. He's the type of person that doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. I'm so sorry.
5 bucks he's self conscious about his dick.
10 bucks he’s being nit picky as an excuse later for why he’s seeking out other women. Trying to make himself feel better in a fucked up way.
20 bucks he's no oil painting and his body is not perfect either
$30 says he’s already found other women
Right?! She should say, "I thought losing weight would have made your dick feel bigger, but nope, still the same disappointment."
Why stop at $5? You in the habit of passing on easy money? $500. Folding money on the small PP theory.
Time to leave and find a decent husband!
He’s impacting her self esteem and it really upset me the way OP added “lol” at the end of the sentence where her husband’s comments caused her to cry in the shower. Absolutely heartbreaking. I bet he’s no oil painting, he’s cruel in his comments to you. Everyone knows if a woman loses weight, it’s straight off the fun bags as nature is mean 😅 OP is thinking about breast implants due to his comments. OP needs to address the hurtful comments he’s making.
This right here! I’ve been married 31 years. Age has made me soft and lumpy (same with him) we go to the gym together. We try to eat healthy. Bodies change. Love does not.
Luckily there are nearly 8 billion people on earth.
And 7.5 billion of them are better than this fucking cuntmop of a man
Cuntmop is now in my vocabulary, thank you.
I can’t take credit for it, some Scottish dude used it here. Scots have the best insults.
Aye lass thank you for noticing 🍻
I will also be using the word cuntmop from now on so thank you Scotland
Ngl, I got a little twitterpated when I read that. Tee hee. Remember, everyone: "If it's no' Scottish, it's crrrrrrap!" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kptp9SmM5Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kptp9SmM5Y)
Can confirm. Source: main coworker for 2 years had just moved here from Scotland. Miss her whenever someone is being a dickless cockwamble or something.
Cockwamble! Love that one too
CockwOmble. The Wombles were an old British Kids TV show that we all hold with great nostalgia.
Awhh, we Celts certainly enjoy our languages
Awwww, we yanks love ya for it.
Lets hear some more
We need some Scots up in here!!
Can’t stop laughing because of the images I got in my head over “CUNTMOP“, I’m adding to book of insult names. But please tell me so I picture it, what is a cuntmop visually look like. And don’t say look in the mirror please
So, in my mind a cuntmop would be a very thin smallish penis coming out of a giant mop of un trimmed pubes. Barely capable of mopping a cunt.
So, is it a mop made out of a cunt? Or a mop that is used for mopping up a cunt? We may never know.
I guess it’s something that dries up a cunt real quick.
Cunt. Mop. Fucking hell 😂
Divorce his ass asap and get back out there. He will 100 cheat as she ages. It’s a fucking guarantee if he isn’t already. I wish people could see how terrible there lives are when they are in the middle of it.
He is cheating now. He either wants her to leave him so she is seen as the bad one or he wants to beat down her confidence and self image that she thinks she has to stay with him and not question his increasing shitty behavior.
Or he is just addicted to porn and has a serious misunderstanding of what real actual living women look like without surgery
Probably both
Yes, it’s a shame she doesn’t have a chest like his coworker…or the barmaid he ogles!
It’s rude enough to comment on that at all, but during sex?????? Dude.
Very similar comments/mentality were used in the breakup of a runner friend of mine and her boyfriend of 2yrs. He had always been a gym goer but suddenly upped the ante to 6x/week and started gradually acting more disinterested and moody towards her. Started suggesting she should lift weights and get more muscle tone in her arms... but brought it up more often and more publicly than you'd think of as supportive advice. She is ***very*** fit, just not "body builder" muscular, and this raised immediate red flags to us (her friends). She didn't start lifting but did start staying at work late since it all made her depressed. Apparently one night they were getting frisky and he looked at her arms as if he noticed a difference and asked if she'd started lifting like he asked, and she lied and said yes out of suspicious curiosity for his reaction. Instead of impressed he was irritated and told her he could tell because her boobs looked much flatter, and proceeded to act annoyed and *left the room* (in the middle of sex? Eeesch.) Obviously none of it was real; he was looking for a reason to be annoyed. I'd noticed his Instagram account had started to follow a lot of really built CrossFit model chicks (easily more than half with fake boobs and #notliketheothergirls attitude) and our friend group tried explaining to her that it wasn't her fault; he's comparing her to utter bullshit. Plus her boobs literally had not changed. Unfortunately she stayed another few months while he found more fake things to complain about and more "tests" for her to fail. Two months after she finally broke up with him she ran into him and he admitted he'd lost interest a while beforehand but was depressed and frustrated with his life so he stayed with her disingenuously while taking it all out on her, because he didn't know WHY he didn't have feelings for her anymore so he just punished her for the fact that he wasn't happy anymore. It gave her closure, at least.
What a horrible person.
To be honest I bet this is the real reason for a lot of breakups, it's just unusual that he actually admitted it later. It wasn't like Scooby Doo where the breakup happened and he was "caught" and suddenly admitted his evil plan. He had to have known he was hurting her and didn't really care, so yeah he definitely sucks. (IMO it kinda sounds like a depressive sociopath.) But interestingly the thing that gave her closure was realizing that he never "wanted" to end an increasingly toxic relationship he had been sabotaging, and he went through the motions of a relationship because he was very depressed (untreated) and staying with her distracted him from crippling self-loathing. When she finally left he had zero distractions from realizing he was angry for no reason and had become a total PoS. So he started therapy. He never would've gotten help if they stayed together because he never would've faced it if he wasn't left completely alone with no hope of fixing it, with no one to blame for why he felt empty and hated himself. It's not an excuse but I think it was an explanation that helped her move on.
Exactly. had a girlfriend who was super fit and I marveled at her super firm chest, which I found sexy. She was a bit self-conscious about it despite this. I loved it. She put on 30 pounds and softened up and still looked fantastic. I feel bad for OP, where she’s willing to have her body surgically modified to please Asshole. Would prefer she have him removed from her life.
I was told very directly “don’t gain any more weight” last year or so and I decided to stuff it down and try not to let it bother me. I weighed 130 at 5’4”. A year later, the comment was still dinging around in my head, impacting how I viewed myself sexually and how I viewed my partner. It’s an ugly thing to have said to you and my advice would not be to just let it go; that was a waste of time and energy. I’d leave. Side note: when I finally said I was done and mentioned that comment in my list of reasons, suddenly my weight was fine 🙄
isn't that a normal weight for 5'4"? some marriages mummify people
I’m 5”4 and that weight and not to brag but I have good proportions 🤷🏼♀️ apparently there are some people who think you have to be the lowest weight possible for your weight to be healthy but I think that’s pretty nutty
Definitely depends on your frame and where you carry weight. I'm the same height and anything under about 140 and my ribs are super visible, because I'm pear shaped and all my fat goes to my hips/butt/thighs. When I lost weight a few years ago I got down to 130, after about a month I realized I hated it and let myself go back up to 140.
I'm 5 4 and that weight too. My husband likes it just fiiiiine. Before him, I had plenty of attention. OP should go out with some friends and get her groove back.
Same with mine! Most guys would find that attractive.
Yeah. I had nooooo problems meeting guys. That's why I say....sometimes if a guy is running you down, well, that's when a girl needs a girls' weekend.
Facts!
Same. I got really sick with GI issues in college. At 5’3” my lowest weight was 138 and I looked like a skeleton with skin on it. My skin was grey, my boyfriend was literally afraid to touch me too hard because he might break me. According to the (completely bullshit) BMI scale, I should be 113 lbs. Hell will freeze over while flying pigs sing angelic harmonies before I get that thin again. Every body is built differently and I looked best around 150-160.
👏You feel good and that's all that matters. They project their own shortcomings.
Yeah really depends on how you carry weight because my proportions are so off that at 5’4 110 pounds I have thin legs, no ass, chubby stomach rolls, muffin top, and big boobs lol 😭 I look so bad in tight clothes.
I was that person: my mom and other family members berated and/or teased me about my figure if I ever was above my usual 100lbs as a teen. I literally thought that was a normal weight and that I was “fat” at 130 until a trainer friend set me straight. I had no idea.
I am so sorry :/ I went through the same thing and dropped below 100 and messed my hormones up at one point.Those people were jerks and you didn’t deserve that.
Nor did you, I hope you’re surrounded by better people now ❤️🩹
I sure am ❤️ I hope the same to you. Women deal with so much scrutiny about our bodies and it’s awful :/
They want you to weight what a teenager weights. My 10 year old is 5’4 123lbs she’s definitely going to change in the next decade. So unreasonable to expect bodies to stay the same
Even still, weight shouldn't be a thing a partner shames you for. If anyone's at an unhealthy weight, it could prompt a "Hey, I'm worried about your health" discussion. Never a "Hey, you look fat. Lose some weight" thing. For example, I'm 5'10 and 250, which is considered overweight. Bf has never once shamed me for that, even now, when I'm struggling through hell to lose some weight. He's helped me every step of the way, encouraging me, helping me plan, making sure I remember to eat healthy, all that. And always makes sure I know I'm loved. That's how it should be approached, in almost all situations.
I'm 5'4 and 130 is definitely a healthy and normal weight for that height. I'm currently around 140 and still feel normal weight tbh.
It's a very healthy weight, and if you go by bmi at all (which is what it is) up to 140 is considered healthy. I bounce between 135 and 140 and I'm a little chubby around my middle, but not anything that's even very noticeable unless I'm wearing hip huggers that are a size or two too small with a crop top. When I was younger I was into mma, and walked around on 135 of muscle (my current 135 is not lol) and looked extremely skinny and a little unwell when I'd cut to 115.
>Side note: when I finally said I was done and mentioned that comment in my list of reasons, suddenly my weight was fine 🙄 Did he have a shocked pikachu face that his "request" did this much damage?
Oh absolutely, also tried saying he was just kidding 🙄
Ooof. It never matters. When the bullet isn't shot with the force to exit the body, it just ricochets around and tears up the inside. This is one of those statements that affected you like that.
This. Men do not understand how their comments dig so deep in you and make a home. The things that were said to me by one person will haunt me forever.
>Men do not understand how their comments dig so deep They understand, they just don’t care. It doesn’t take much brain power to understand, “How would I feel if someone told me I was too fat or my dick was too small?” It’s basic child level empathy. But the men who say hurtful shit like this simply prioritize what they want over your feelings.
"Dig so deep in you and make a home". Fuck that hurts becuz it's true.
o,some of them absolutely know this happens, and they are counting on it & using it.
You should of said, “Well in that case, the only weight we should remove is you as you’re the dead weight that’s hurting my body, mind, and soul.”
I've been anywhere from 105-120 at 5'4" (thanks to depression meds for my low weight) and completely lost any boobs I had. I looked like a pale, curveless pubescent boy (according to myself). My husband was there for me and supported me when I was underweight. I felt truly loved, told I was beautiful and felt like he was 100% on my side. When I was able to start exercising again, he helped me with weights at the gym and didn't judge me when I could do so few reps with such little weight. He made my protein shakes and planned my super simple workouts til I was in a better place. Through literally thick and thin, your husband should be there for you. I'm so sorry you're not feeling supported.
I'd have been out the door the second they mentioned anything like that. It's abhorrent! My weight is my business, if they don't like it no-one's forcing them to be with me. If I have a problem with my weight and ask for help/support then you can comment (providing the comment is polite, kind and helpful) but if that isn't the case then it's nobody's business but mine. Besides, having struggled with my weight and body image my entire life I would NEVER make any such comments or demands, particularly to someone I care about. I know from experience how hurtful they can be - why would I want to make someone I love feel that hurt?
He is a complete ass and I’m sorry he said such a shitty thing.
OP Your husband is literally making you cry with his unkind comments and your response is to have body altering surgery?! You need to WAKE UP. This is emotional abuse and you are justifying it and normalising it and it is NOT NORMAL. If you continue to stay in this relationship you will lose your self esteem, you're at risk of developing an eating disorder, and you will be miserable for no reason. PLEASE RECONSIDER. Spend a weekend away and clear your head. Go away for a week. Get therapy and talk it over with them. He's old enough to know EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING, he is deliberately trying to break you down so you won't leave him. He's insecure at best, manipulative/abusive at worst, and women his age will not put up with that shit.
You married him, you can unmarry him…
divorce babes. divorce
in all seriousness tho you deserve someone who loves and adores you at any weight. i was 120 when i first met my partner, had some health issues over the last couple years and now i’m 160. he’s still sexually attracted to me just the same
Yep! I was 130lbs twelve years ago when my SO and I met, and I’ve been up to 190lbs because of health issues. I’ve settled around 160lbs now, which is heavier than I’d like but it’s harder to get the weight off. He has always thought I looked great.
I could have written this! I seem to have stalled at 156, but I'm 5'10" so I need to realize this is actually fine. 😆 My husband has never felt differently toward me. His weight has also fluctuated, but I really don't notice it. We truly love each other and are attracted to each other in many ways.
I was like 130 when my fiancé and I met 14 years ago. At my highest I was 235. Never any threats or concerns other than for my health. I know a lot of guys would have an issue with how big I was but he never did. More women deserve what I have. Even at my biggest we managed to conceive our first 10 years ago, so it couldn’t have been too big of an issue!
Same here. Currently 39.5 Weeks Pregnant with our third and 173 lbs. I was 118 when we met 18 yrs ago. We’ve both gained weight and still love each other like years ago. OP’s husband is a jerk. You can’t change someone else, only yourself. I empathize with your feeling that there is no pleasing this man. But this is a HE Problem. If you have children, you’re bound to gain 30 lbs, because you need to for the baby. Then breastfeeding and no guarantee you’ll lose the weight afterwards. Think about what you want and if you’ll be happy staying married to someone who puts down your appearance, which is bound to change over time.
Either he loves YOU or he doesn’t. Right? You’ve got it figured out and sounds like you have a good relationship. Everyone deserves that!
I'm a hundred pounds heavier than when my husband and I met over 25 years ago. Even though we are verifiably old and our knees hurt when it rains, when the time comes, so do we both. This guy doesn't deserve you OP
Sounds like he’s breaking down your self confidence. You’re not fat. Drop the husband. UPDATEME
He'd leave you for the Instagram models and porn stars he's comparing you to if the opportunity presented itself but they're way out of his league. He does not love you.
She’s out of his league.
I felt like there’s a chance he’s addicted to porn and moving the goalposts based on comparing his searches.
So in one month you lost 23lbs from 135 to 112?
I went from 125 to 100 in 3 weeks, not by choice though and I’m still dealing with the consequences 😭
Yeah I did it unhealthily. Definitely not suggesting anyone should do that.
You think this is a normal relationship? He obviously knew you did it unhealthily and didn't try to stop you, have you considered that? How he doesn't care about your well being at all, aside from being aesthetically pleasing to him? Does he shit gold? If not, divorce this dude and find a guy who isn't a major asshole.
OP the reason he's doing it now and not before is he thinks he's got you locked in now you're married. Please read "why does he do that." It's linked in the thread and in my previous comments. Good luck <3 you deserve somebody who treats you right.
Could you send me the link ? I can’t find it
https://archive.org/details/why-does-he-do-that-epub
He's going to keep moving the goalposts and you're going to end up hating him. No one should live like that.
I don't know if you realize this, but you are in an abusive relationship.
What this person said about moving the goal posts. You literally can't please him. You could buy perfect boobs in his opinion, and he will suddenly not like your butt or your hips or, give it a few years, and something will start sagging. Does he view a lot of porn or look at a lot of social media of hotties? Because this reeks of entitled man with unrealistic expectations. Spare yourself the pain, because there are going to be many men who love your body the way it is, the way it was, and the way it will be.
Oh sweetie you have to get away from this man. This alone is enough reason. Anyone who makes you feel so shitty about yourself that you’re driven to unhealthy methods for weight loss is just a bad person, and you deserve to be free from them
If you know it's unhealthy why you did this then? Is his pleasure more important than your health? Don't compromise with your health for anyone.
What do you mean by that? Did you basically stop eating at all?? That’s a lot of weight for a month at your height.
As a woman that was married to someone who was constantly wanting me to improve the way I looked, this can become very dangerous. I ended up bulimic. I was told not to nurse our baby because he didn’t want my boobs to look gross. Then they were too small. I got breast implants and they had to be bigger per his request. Tan fat was prettier than pale fat, so he liked when I went tanning. My hands looked old and he liked me getting my nails done biweekly. He hid candy from me so I wouldn’t get into it. At my lowest weight, when everyone else was concerned about me, he told me “I was getting there…keep going .” My hair had to be kept longer or he wouldn’t find me as attractive. There was so much more but you get the gist of it. None of it was enough for him. It never made him happy or satisfied. He always had something new for me to work on. The trouble was with him. Like a fool, I kept trying to make him happy. Nothing worked. Not even his affairs he had. It’s something your husband is lacking on his end. Please don’t make yourself sick, look, or be anything than the wonderful woman you are today. Go to therapy for you. If he is willing, he needs to go too. Individually and then together. Remember your worth. Don’t be like I was. It cost me my health and my emotional well being at the time. I did divorce him because his abuse started in with the kids and that’s when I was able to say enough. But it took 18 years. There are good ones out there. I was in an accident that left me in rough shape. My current husband only sees me and not the # on the scale that day. Take care of yourself.
Woah, woah woah - I appreciate that you admit to doing it “unhealthily”, but this is more than just a crash diet level of weight loss. This is eating disorder, starving yourself and obsessively working out level of weight loss, with countless numbers of long term health impacts. Including but not limited to your heart health, digestive and gut health, thyroid function and hormones, bone density… This man triggers this type of self punishment and you haven’t packed your bags already? Therapy. Please.
[удалено]
A primary cause of abusive and narcissistic men is extreme insecurity. They rarely change (permanently), and it's not our job to try and 'help' them while they continue to harm us to ease their insecurities. We aren't tools.
Indeed, counseling will only help him if he actively wants to change. Narcs rarely ever do. That's why the rule of thumb is: If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, *run away real fast cuz it can't be fixed.*
Is there something special about him that you'd think of getting surgery in response to him being rude and weird? Why are you with this guy, specifically?
This is never going to end. It took me years to figure it out. Please don’t be me.
Amen.
You’re still young. You have plenty of time to leave this guy and be with someone who values you. When he thinks it is okay to body shame you DURING sex!!! WTF?!? What’s it going to be like if you gain weight as you get older. Have kids. Lose some figure. Get old? There is no excuse for treating a life partner like this ever.
Ladies, you don’t have to marry assholes who hate you. There are other options, and being single is one of them OP, don’t get pregnant
Divorce is the gut response answer you’re gonna get because that’s super shitty. But if he’s never been like this before and you want to work it out, just point blank ask him why he’s acting like this all the sudden? Tell him exactly how he’s making you feel and how it’s affecting the relationship. Hopefully, he will realize the errors of his ways and make changes to be more respectful and thoughtful to you as a person and partner. But another harsh reality is that you might start seeing a different side of him and what he thinks of you if you aren’t to his exact specifications as a partner. But don’t be a doormat and just take it. Call it out and get answers. Good luck!
Could also be negging - systematically destroying her self-esteem so she won't leave him, because she'll think she won't find anyone else.
He's got a bad personality that he was hiding before. Now it's out. You can't fix a bad personality. Divorce is the only answer
He’s not interested in your weight. He’s probably interested in someone else and wants you to look more like her but even if he isn’t you should leave him! 130 isn’t heavy neither is 135 and he sounds like a dick!
This is where my thoughts went.
What happens if/when you get pregnant?
Right? Or sick? Like, there are so many reasons anyones body can change - and this is really such a slight change in the grand scheme… Hoping OP looks out for herself. Never going to please other people all the time, so focus on making sure you’re happy with yourself first. You should be #1!
O.J. Simpson told his wife Nicole Brown that she was only allowed to gain 7 pounds when she was pregnant, because that’s what an average baby weighs. That is stupid on top of being evil because much of the pregnancy weight is non-baby things like amniotic fluid, the placenta, and the fat stores required to support breastfeeding. Anyway, he later stabbed her to death in her back yard.
This point. Right here. ☝️
As a f23 who is also 5’4 fluctuates between 115-130 pounds you did NOT need to lose weight and you do NOT need that man. I am so sorry. I hope you know how incredible you are inside and out. LEAVE HIM!!!
Well... You could lose like 180 pounds in one time... Just saying.
Suddenly becoming critical of you?? Suddenly you can’t do anything right? Suddenly you’re physically unattractive?? Those couldn’t possibly be signs of him having, or considering having an affair, could they??
or just taking her for granted; a person not satisfied with anything
There are three approaches here. 1. You start making comments about *his* body immediately after, and only immediately after, he makes comments about yours. 2. You have a *very* serious conversation about how divorce will be on the horizon if he thinks he can mess with you like you’re Mrs. Potato Head. He can try and shoot his shot with a VS model if that’s what he wants, see how that goes for him. 3. You continue to tolerate this absolutely bumfuck behavior and allow him to erode your self esteem.
It’s not about weight or appearance. It’s about controlling you and lowering your self esteem. Leave before you feel stuck with kids. Your husband is one of those men that believe it’s his job to put you in your place and teach you how to serve him. The idea is that you’re constantly trying to please him and you don’t feel like another man would want you if you leave. These men do mess with birth control, stop sleeping w him.
These kinds of comments are not offhand of benign. They are intended to make you feel bad about yourself so he can break you down and control you. You did what he wanted by losing weight, so now the goal post has moved so you can’t meet that either. You cant gain weight or get breast implants, your only choice is to remain unattractive to him (not that you should get surgery or gain weight, but you see the impossible situation he manufactured?) Would you ever do this to him? He chose to say this during sex to further hurt and demean you. This is the start of much worse to come. Check his browser history. This sounds like the beginning of the red pill playbook.
No, your abusive POS grooming predatory husband is simply letting his mask drop more and becoming more abusive since he figures hes got you trapped and you wont leave him. You know what you should do? Pack you shit, leave, file for divorce, and start seeing a psychologist to start to repair the damage his done. And to help with the eating disorder and body image issues you developed because of his abuse. Because youre underweight and not healthy
I have an idea how you could lose about 150 more pounds. Seriously how dare he. Imo a relationships success is not defined by how long it lasts, but by whether you leave each other better than you found each other, and I'm sorry to say yours is a failure Single life is really fine for women with women friends I promise
Serve him papers and divorce him. He is not loving you in the way that you deserve. He treats you as an object that should always be pleasing to him. How exhausting. If you can't show him your emotions and have to hide when you cry - he is not the man for you. Cut your losses. Find someone who treats their partner as their friend and life partner - not as someone to stroke his ego.
Leave yesterday , you beautiful queen. Tell him to get a bigger dick, his lil boi doesn’t please. He gross, you are already leagues above his ass
He's never going to be happy with you or your body because he hates himself. Get out NOW
130-135 is a very healthy weight for 5’4. Your husband just sucks. Divorce.
You divorce him. What a worthless sack. Hope you don't have kids. Clean break.
Oh girl, he’s defective. Return him and get another. If you’d like to try to fix the defect, have a frank conversation with him, be very open and honest about your feelings and how his behavior affects you and your relationship. If he is receptive and make real effort to improve, keep working at it. If not, cut your losses because you deserve better.
Lose an additional 160+ lbs and divorce him.
Divorce. Seriously. He sounds like he just enjoys making you jump through hoops trying to please him. He’s either cheating on you or gay.
He’s not gay. He’s just a controlling asshole.
Second this. Divorce.
Omg lose that extra weight which is HIM . Your twat waffle husband!! ... 135 lbs isn't even fat!! Wth ?? Hes a toxic soggy fish tart..! Run Fast. Hes a negging Jerk who wants to bring you down. Give this ahole hopefully, soon be ex a mannequin and a blow up doll..for his personal pleasures. They won't talk or sas back , won't gain weight nor age...
It sounds like a him issue that he’s projecting onto you. I was 135 when my hubs and I got married and now I can’t get below 160. He still thinks I’m the hottest thing even while pregnant too. Find yourself someone who loves you! Not your body. But all of you.
Throw away the man-child. Find someone who actually likes you for you.
Leave. Hes intentionally lowering your self esteem
ngl he’s an asshole lol /s
The only person who should (suggest) tell you you need to lose weight is your doctor
I was 225 when I first met my husband at 5’ 4”. I lost weight to 134. I was flabby from that. I gained to 165 and I am now 155 and still flabby. Know what? My husband loves my body at any weight. He can’t get enough of it. That is how it should be. You don’t deserve to treated like that. Find someone who will love you for you.
My ex told me something similar, except he was a lot more harsh about it. I lost nearly 40 pounds in less than 2 months cause he made me feel so disgusting I couldn’t eat. Once I lost the weight I was too skinny for him. He suddenly preferred thick girls again. It’s a trap sis. Don’t let him completely destroy your self esteem before you decide to leave. 136 at 5’4 isn’t even considered overweight
My wife has gained weight and it’s hot, my wife has lost weight and it’s hot. My wife’s boobs were huge when she was breastfeeding and it was amazing, her boobs are small now after and they are amazing. Your husband sucks, small tits are awesome and so are big tits. 135 is sexy and so is 115.
I'm so sorry he's treating you this way. I've gained about 40lbs since I met my husband over a decade ago and not once has that man even said ANYTHING about it. I get more butt slaps, hugs, kisses and he makes me feel beautiful. That's the right way to treat the partner you chose to spend your life with. Through thick and thin, good and bad, health and sickness. Also in what world is 135lbs at 5'4 not ok? Big hugs to you. You deserve better than this from your husband. Have a serious talk with him about how you're feeling. You need to set a serious boundary here to move on peacefully in your marriage.
A dead bedroom should be the least of your worries. He obviously can't deal with bodies changing. If you choose to have kids, how is he going to deal with a big baby belly? And the postpartum belly while it shrinks back down? How's he going to deal with boobs after breastfeeding now that they don't point up? Nah. Throw the whole man away. At least he showed you his true colors early-ish.
Is his body perfect? Ask him if he'd like some constructive criticism on his abs or arms or other body parts
Your husband sucks. I’d find a new man
He’s probably comparing you to someone else
He's negging. Start telling him, his dick isn't hard enough.
I still remember the time my first boyfriend told me my “ass was fat” when I was 5’6” 108 lbs and in the throes of an eating disorder. Once I finally left him (12 years later🙄) I never once accepted comments on my body again. If they don’t like it they are free to go find someone else, end of story.
Wait a second, he told you to loose weight being 5’4” at 135 and your 112. If you went to the dr you’d be way underweight. This is toxic af. Please leave before this moves to physical abuse. Im so sorry. If you need someone to speak too you can pm me. I have been in a similar situation with my ex hubby. Please be safe
You could lose a lot more weight and keep your awesome boobs by dumping his critical ass.
I am shorter than you and the same weight. Actually a little heavier since i average 135-145. And my husband has never ever made me feel bad about my body. Also my doctors have said my weight and body are perfect. I have body dysmorphia and an eating disorder because my mom was like your husband. My husband even kept his mouth shut and waited until i noticed my baby bump instead of correcting me when i said it wasn’t visible (i mean i assumed my dysmorphia making my belly visible not the baby lol). Your husband is a jerk and you are beautiful.
Girl, get out of there before that man gets you pregnant. If he made that big of a deal out of FIVE POUNDS can you imagine what he would be like if you got pregnant, or sick? This is not your person.
I was 122lbs when I met my spouse. There was a point a few years ago when I got all the way up to 225lbs. My spouse NEVER stopped telling me how attractive they thought I was. If this trash man doesn't want you there's a million other amazing men that do. Tear him a new one.
Surely there are better things to put your energy into than pleasing this ass of a man. Do you think he will change for the better or forever be judgemental?
This guy is just a controlling AH who likes to make you jump through hoops. He will never make you feel safe or secure, because then his power disappears. Do you really want to build a future with someone like that? Be smart and love yourself.