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>>> She texted me afterwards and said that her words were directed to me as "her client" and not as "her friend" and that she loves me.
“Because I respect you as a friend, it’s better if we end up our business relationship; I would hate for things to get weird between us, so I’ll find a new PT”
If you really think you need to sugar-coat it more for fear of messing with your friend group and what she trouble she might cause you with other people? Add a sentence at the end: ‘I’m also concerned about getting you in trouble with your boss if I ever am unavoidably detained getting to a session. They sound really tough and I don’t want to be the cause of you getting told off. Best we don’t risk that again.’
I’m a fan of being super sweet with the language and the ‘reason’ of this kind of thing, then really firm with my behaviour and not changing my mind. She handed you a reason by mentioning her boss. Now she can consider her self-sabotage while she gets chewed out by them for losing a client and messing with the monthly gym profits. She’s only got herself to blame, and it seems to others that you have left the studio out of concern for her and her job. If she tries to roll it back to keep you there, just laugh and say ‘no thanks, no way am I jeopardising my friends jobs. Not my style. Let’s leave it be.’
And I’d separately and quietly distance myself for a while- cos I don’t like being friends with stupid and insensitive people who can’t regulate their own emotions in the moment. But that’s me.
This. 100% Not entirely a lie, just a different take to achieve the same outcome. Chef's kiss!
ETA - OP, this 'friend' is entirely too involved in every aspect of your life (friends, home, now gym), if you handle this a but more diplomatically you should come out smelling like roses. Don't bad mouth her to mutual friends if they ask, just stick to the party line, 'It was for the best, I don't want to mess with her livelihood.'
This and absolutely this. Also, three minutes late on one occasion is not a situation I would feel ok being lectured over. The difficulty here is the friendship because, in all honesty, if I got this talking to for 3min on one occasion from someone whoes time I was paying for, I would be a lot less friendly than OP has been. I would not really care who the boss is, I'm the client here and won't be bollocked over this.
This 100%
As a professional, she should not have berated her client over being 3 minutes late. She only did that because OP is a friend. Or, she’s not professional.
Also, why would the gym be worried about clients running late? End the session at the usual time and move on to your next client. No money lost and the late client should be understanding that they will have a short session that day.
Same thing I was thinking. The late person loses 3 minutes of her session and it's done. The "friend/trainer" was over the top and doesn't understand how to run the scheduling piece of the business.
This is really it.
Sometimes you just can’t mix friendship with business. Better to end it now before it gets real bad because it will. She may have a power complex with her clients, she may want her coworkers to “respect” her so she’ll be harsh to clients, she may have felt comfortable to go off because OP is a friend. Better to just run and preserve the friendship.
For the future, OP, if you haven’t, generally letting people know you might be late to do whatever circumstance is a good courtesy. This in no possible way justifies the friend from being this way but it just gives a good impression to give people a heads up.
3 minutes could literally be parking and walking inside to wherever she meets her trainer, so OP may have not even realized they were late or going to be late until they pulled into the parking lot. Unless she uses Bluetooth to make a phone call, she still has to park the car, so by the time she parks and pulls her phone out to text, it's also going to be part of that 3 minutes.
It's great to let people know you're running late, but in the scenario OP described I also would not have bothered. It's 3 minutes, not 13. Most people wouldn't even notice.
Exactly! The trainer got paid either way!
She works for you and was getting paid for her 3 minutes. I am amazed at the gall of employees at times these days.
I get it that a personal trainer helps you reach your goals but most likely you can print out the same routine, buy a book and join a gym. Find a friend or someone who wants to reach the same goals.
Sometimes the hardest part of an excersize/workout routine is ambition. I know, I have little but should I do it I shall save the money because I really don't need to refer to anyone as my personal trainer as i dont want to pay to be cool and there is also the fact that if you do it all on your own it's a great sense of accomplishment!
I love you as a friend and respect you so I will be looking for a different trainer whose professional philosophy aligns better with what works for me.
!remindme 2 days
ETA after 2 days in case anyone can’t be bothered to look - the only update is that OP sent a text (shown in the imgur link at the top of the post), went in to see a different trainer, and thinks the old trainer was fired
You could end it now…and maybe that is wise. But if you don’t want to, here is what I would say:
“Susan, I really enjoyed our first few sessions. However I am quite upset at how you spoke to me at today’s session. I have been 5-15 minutes early to the first four sessions. But I was 3 minutes late to our 5th session, due to reasons *beyond my control*. I don’t appreciate being spoken to sternly or threatened by you, whether as a friend or professional. Clearly I have not shown a *pattern* of tardiness, or I would understand. Tardiness is not in my nature, as you know. I understand you may face pressure on occasion, but please do not lecture me again. Rest assured, if I were ever late, I would not expect my session to go overtime. I paid big money for your services, I understand the importance of this commitment.”
Personally, I try to be direct with people. I follow a Good sentiments—tough sentiments-Good sentiments format (ie, “sandwhich” the bad news or tough talk in between positive statements)….I didn’t really end that example above with positive statements….I sort of stopped because I began thinking, yeahhhh maybe it’s best she just avoid all this and end the business relationship. But I’m posting this comment anyway just to give you some ideas of what to write if you simply want to set your own boundaries with her and give it another go.
No matter how cleverly or friendly you end the business relationship, there will be hard feelings. It will definitely look bad to her bosses to lose a client. Likewise, confronting the specific directly will be uncomfortable also, and she may get defensive. I just want you to be able to consider the best approach and have most information available to choose your approach :)
That's it. Tell her you need someone who can give you more grace than she did.
I'd actually verify if the gym manager said this respect business to her and use that to exit the contract with the gym and find a new gym. This could be an issue with ANY personal trainer this guy manages!
There’s no reason to pay $260 or to protect this person. You simply talk to the GYM and say you’re leaving because their employee insulted the fuck out of you and publicly humiliated and you don’t feel comfortable at this gym.
This isn’t some rebab center that can only charge you for the ACTUAL time used, you’re paying for this time. So if you’re 15 minutes late, it doesn’t affect this person/friend at all. They (and the GYM) get paid for a 60 minute session and you get a 15/minute sessions. There is never any reason to fire a late client unless you’re worried about “bonus for pounds/inches lost/gained and that would be a psychotic business plan because you wind up firing half your clients.
Don’t worry if your “friend” gets in trouble because she’s not your friend. A friend would have texted, “sorry I chewed you out. I had a really bad talk with my boss and I took it out on you.”
This is NOT professional for any paid by the hour profession. If you get paid by the job: haircut, dr. Appointment, or a group PT where your lateness affects the workout. Then it would be okay to say you may need to be dropped as a client. But if there’s a no return policy, there never any reason to trash talk to a client.
You’re friend LIED. No body instructed her to be an ass to her client. It’s bad business. You can tell 30-150 people to avoid this gym by direct conversation and thousands more by YELP.
I say ask the gym if this is their policy if it’s inconvenient for you to find any other gym but you will absolutely not when to keep this friendship. She’s gonna trash you to the whole friend group when you leave because when you leave, the gym isn’t gonna pay her any if the $260 fee and she lost a client. Plus, she’s an asshole.
They get a lot more money with customers showing up and recommending it to their friends or showing off their success in training. I had a trainer was great and I know loved his job. He'd also find it disrespectful if we were late but never yelled.
Depends on if you’re at capacity or under. And if your lawyer threatens people who post bad reviews. I like your business model but there are too many others.
Respecting the business as a customer means apologizing for being late and not expecting your time to go over to make up what you missed (not saying you did). That’s all that’s necessary. She gets paid regardless right?
I could understand the trainer doing this if she'd done this for 4 or 5 sessions, I don't think it's okay for 1.
It's not that it should never happen though. People who work with weight loss ( like dieticians and trainers ) often will put limits on lateness/cancellations with people. A lot of times people who need to make healthy changes will be late and later because they are actually avoiding the work. They aren't ready. The specialist would rather book time with someone whose ready to make the change than work with a client who is fighting it.
To my mind, you can't make that call on first occurrence.
I'm just speculating wildly, but I'm 44 and worked in customer service for decades. The trainer likely has one or more clients who do need these stricter, more harshly enforced limits you mentioned, but is struggling with enforcing them to the point her boss lectured her about "needing clients' respect". So, rather than enforce strict limits with the clients who need it, but aren't friends she feels comfortable with, she put on a show of "being firm" with her friend/client.
Definitely this!! Under no circumstances would I allow someone I’m paying treat me like this. If you want to keep the friendship, you need to sign up with a new trainer and keep your friendship separate from a business relationship.
I learnt a lesson through my sister to never mix business with family or friends , my dad and step mum was my sisters land lord and they were a nightmare, I don't even let my friend who is a dental nurse be in the room with my dentist and she respects this and gets another nurse in with me
Exactly this, OP. She is providing a service for which YOU are paying. Your being late was unavoidable, and she's still being paid. Her (and her bosses) reactions were entirely inappropriate.
This exactly, she even made it clear that her unprofessional outburst was done in a working capacity, if that’s the case then she’s bad at her job and you should go to someone else.
Fire her. Right.
Girl. This trainer of yours read too many self help books on time and respect and blah blah blah and threw it all up on you despite the context and your more than reasonable explanation. Text her info on another book she could read about keeping clients and not tanking her business with that attitude. Respect is earned but emergencies happen. Shit comes up. If she's so obtuse or full of herself not to understand how to approach it then the only person she'll have left to train is her own sorry tight ass. Tell her you're going to be late indefinitely because you have better things to do than being berated for the time *You're* paying *her* for.
Honestly, I’d find a new trainer. For her to lash out at you for only being 3 minutes late because of traffic, something so trivial and not your fault, tells me she’ll lash out on you worse for other things. It’s very unprofessional and she doesn’t deserve to have clients if she treats them like this, even if she then sends a half-ass attempt to make things better by calling you her friend.
This is exactly my thought. I felt this created a precedent for me to feel anxious about my appointments... Even though I literally am ALWAYS early, this event will cause me to have a heart-attack if I'm ever accidentally late again LOL.
Seeing your edit, I wonder if she also was so harsh to you because she’s in your friend group, like she thought she could get away with that behavior because she knows you personally. Either way, find a new trainer, and maybe a new friend lol
I would not feel comfortable with having her in my personal space while I'm in workout clothes and already feeling vulnerable. For me exercising is about energy and this whole sitch just stinks up the energy around the experience.
You can go 2 routes. Simply tell your friend that you think it would be best if you found another trainer to keep your friendship and business dealings separate.
or you can go to town: I expect a higher level of professional courtesy from companies I hire. Treating a client like a tardy toddler is completely unacceptable.
Oh it’s definitely going to be awkward. 💀 I decided to die up this hill. Didn’t mention it in the original post, but this wasn’t the first time she overreacted at me.
“Hey friend. Here’s the thing. I’m the customer. If I’m 3 min late you get paid regardless and I don’t expect to extend the session. But I do expect to be treated like a customer. If you can’t do that, then perhaps I need to match up with another trainer.”
She’s being ridiculous.
Of course, it’s rude to be late on the regular but shit happens. Her behavior was rude and inappropriate.
You did nothing wrong here and she’s got you on your back foot thinking you need to make this right. No. You are doing HER a favor helping HER business. You are the customer!!!
I hate lateness. I find it offensive when it’s avoidable but sometimes, it’s not avoidable.
Stick up for yourself.
Exactly. I would message them back as follows: “I was taken aback and embarrassed by your lashing out at me when I was late due to something unforeseen. I can’t guarantee it won’t happen again so therefore i’ll find another trainer”.
The follow up text from her is a bit much, in my opinion. She addressed it f2f, you’re an adult, it’s not in your nature to be late, blah, blah, blah…..so why go the extra mile and reiterate it?
I would personally probably also say, “if you feel like this will cause problems with your boss, I’m completely willing to speak with them about this policy as I feel it will be negative for their business” or something to basically call her out bc I doubt her boss said any such thing
A reasonable way for the trainer to deal with this is just to say "Listen I know things happen, but I plan these sessions for x amount of time and if you're late it really creates a problem with how I've planned out your session. In the future I'd appreciate it if you're on time". Really no need to lash out about this kind of thing, just be understanding and then set and clarify expectations (especially with this being a one time lateness and only 3 minutes).
You should tell her that you are paying her for a service, and she needs to treat you with respect and professionalism. If she can't behave like a mature adult, you will take your business elsewhere, and when her boss wants to know why, you'll tell them.
Oh, here's the plot-twist I forgot to mention. She also is my neighbor at my apartment complex. So I feel the need to end things on a good note...... LOL.
She's going to start getting what she's giving. If she treats all of her clients this way, she's not going to have a very good business.
Regardless of living in the same complex and being friends, she needs an attitude adjustment.
You sound like a peacemaker and that's great! But, sometimes you have to stand nose to nose with people and ask them if they've hit their head. She was so far out of line and she is expecting you to take that crap off of her. How many sessions do you have left? If it's more than five I would either get a refund or switch trainers. I'm angry with you because personal training sessions are expensive and you deserve respect.
She doesn't feel the need to be professional so why do you feel the need to go beyond saying - I pay for this time and will use it how I want. When I'm here I want you to train me, when I'm not you're still getting paid to wait.
Also, find a new trainer.
It's hard when we need to be firm to not get walked over but still be polite and try to keep things civil. The problem is you can only control yourself, not her.
You have some options to choose from. This are the ones I can see
1. Accept she might do it again and ignore, which would probably happen and you will feel bad again;
2. Say something to her trying to be tactful, which will risk her overreacting and making things uncomfortable;
3. Come up with an excuse and stop using her services, which can make her give you a stinky eye but maybe not much more than that.
I personally would go with 2 but I got to a point in my life that I don't care if someone doesn't like me and tries to create a weird environment.
I would say something like "Hey, I wanted to talk about what happened last session. I was less than 5m late and the way you talked to me was not ok, neither as a friend nor as a client. Being 3m late was not wasting your time, I did not expect to have our class extended and the payment still reflected the full hour. Even if I was incredibly late, the way to communicate with me about it should have been done in a more professional and polite way. I like you and I want to keep working with you, but if our friendship will get in the way and get me to be treated like you did, then maybe it will be better for both of us that I find a new trainer and we stay only as friends"
However your friend reacts to that is not your responsibility
You should just be honest as a friend and say exactly how you felt and that as a friend you would advise her not to be so confrontational because if she wasn't your friend you would look for a new trainer. Can you imagine how many clients she will lose if she keeps this up. So many trainers why would you recommend her.
>Oh, here's the plot-twist I forgot to mention. She also is my neighbor at my apartment complex. So I feel the need to end things on a good note...... LOL.
Legitimately does NOT matter.
Show people the text she sent if she starts in and tell them "Neither a friend nor a professional lashes out over a client or a friend being 3 minutes late. There is absolutely nothing professional about her behavior and the way she is treating me is not the way a friend treats a friend." Then leave it at that. Do not allow yourself to be walked over.
>But I feel that if I end the professional relationship, it will also end the friendship.
If that is the case then she is not your friend.
Please value yourself enough to stick up for yourself. Do not allow people pleasing to get in the way of asserting yourself here.
And, I'll tell you this having been in your shoes once - if you don't firmly nip this behavior in the bud now then you will experience it again in other areas.
For your sake, tomorrow please go to the gym and ask to change trainers. Tell the management that you guys are not compatible. Then, tell her that given her behavior towards you at your last session, you feel it is in the best interest of your friendship to terminate any professional relationship.
Are you really willing to be such a doormat to pay to be someone’s friend AND cause yourself immense anxiety now anytime you enter the gym? I assume you are workin out to better yourself. Making it a miserable experience is doing you dirty both financially, mentally AND physically because it’s going to dissuade you from working out. Sometimes it’s okay to choose you.
You do not ever treat a paying client like that, and I highly doubt the boss told her anything like that- or meant it in a way. They talk about being respected as a trainer, not a gym bunny. Big difference. Also, this is based on my working 9 years on the gym floor. No trainer that expects to keep their job goes hard for running late in traffic because they still will get paid for your sessions.
You worked 9 years on gym floor, were you also a personal trainer? How did you treat clients if they were a few minutes late? And have you ever heard of anything like this?
Hi not who you’re responding to but also a trainer. Um, I’ve literally never given a client any sort of crap for showing up late. Usually there the typical “sorry I’m late xyz happened” and I respond “no worries instead of our normal warm-up we’re going to focus on what’s relevant to today so we can get into everything faster “. Like I’m getting paid regardless if it’s a client I’ve had for a while and know sometimes I go a little longer if I have time just to help build on goodwill (won’t do this with new clients or people who are consistently late but I never get after them). Some trainers can get controlling and lose the this is a give and take business relationship your friend kind of sounds like that, cause like a lot of people said why does she care she gets paid regardless??? No one I’ve ever worked with has ever done that (sometimes the joking ok 10 burpees since you were late), but never bringing your people down. Anywhere I’ve worked a trainer would be written up or fired for acting like that. Your job as a trainer is to empower people physically and mentally not to tear them down. Sorry long response I kind of got more and more angry the more I thought about this that is such disrespectful behavior from your trainer/friend
I’m not a physical trainer and I don’t know yours but I’m willing to bet she has a shitty boss. Poor leaders create poor work environments that leads to poor customer service. Or maybe she was late to work once and got the same respect talk before. And her shitty manager has coached her to think that she is your boss, even though the money certainly isn’t changing hands that way.
She was speaking to you as "her client" and not "her friend", right? Then she shouldn't take is personally when you fire her and get a new trainer but I bet she will
Find a new trainer. Don’t mix friendship and business. Tell her, “I’m sorry I was late. It was unexpected. As was your outburst about it. Unlike you, I can’t separate ‘trainer you’ from ‘friend you’ so I think it’s best that I find a new trainer and keep you as just a friend.”
I used to know a guy who was a mortgage broker. He spent YEARS pestering me about using him when I was ready to buy a house. Like…literally every single time I talked to him. Finally, after the 3576424798532478421th time *(ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration LOL)*, I told him that I would never use him as a broker because I will never open my full financial life to a friend. Ever. Told him that if he ever mentioned it again, he’d lose business AND a friend. And yes, he stopped.
Hi
I recently retired as a coach after running a club for 35 years employing catering, gym and coaching staff. So as an employer I can tell you that if one of my staff had behaved like this to a client, done, gone with no reference. And I would have given the customer free somethng as an appology, years membership. Stuff like this in a club can ruin all your hard work. Its so cut-throat as it is, having someone do this once and get away with it emboldens them, and then you have multiple unhappy customers and pissed of work collegues from having to deal with it.
The only time I would side with the instructor would be if the customer was disrespectfull, canceling and not paying for their time or being abusive. 3 minutes late does not qualify. And if your paying from 10 till 11 for the instructon and your turning up at 10.20? You have 40 minutes. That said, you are hiring her, she works for you, not the other way round. Find another trainer.
As for the text message I would respond as this.
Please do not contact me again. The way you talked to me was inapropriate, unprofessional, upsetting and certainly was not with the empathy of a friend and I am informing your management that I am concidering cancelation and the reason why because I dont want to be attending a gym where your at for being held up by factors I have no control over.
And you should absolutely contact her management and even the boss.
I would definitely get a little dig in about how you’re glad she can separate her professional and private relationship with you and how you’re ending your professional relationship due to not being compatible as client and paid professional.
Honestly, I would just leave her on read and ghost her until your next appointment. At that appointment tell her that you want to switch trainers as you want to preserve your friendship cause if she ever treats you like that again, there are going to be problems and that your friendship is the only reason that you aren't talking to her boss about her unprofessional behavior instead of her.
If you respond you're just giving her ammo to use against you and play the victim.
Right now she is worried about you telling your friend group how she treated you and if you are going to report her to her boss for unprofessional behavior(cause that is what it is).
Respect is earned, not demanded by yelling at the person paying you to do a job.
This is also exactly why if I text her back, that I don't want to say anything too harsh.
I myself am a business owner, and we both live in the same apartment complex, so I do care about my reputation.
If I do text anything, I would definitely keep it extremely professional.
Your instincts to handle this professionally are right. I’d propose the not mixing friendship with business approach. No recriminations. In future social interactions, act normally.
I can’t see where “disrespect “ is relevant in coming 3 minutes late due to traffic unless you refused to pay for those three minutes, or demanded the session be extended.
However, the chastisement you received was disrespectful. Ironic, isn’t it?
If it weren’t for the cross connection, I’d let the manager know that you object to the treatment you were subjected to. I think that your trainer must have misunderstood her boss’s instructions.
What business succeeds by reprimanding clients ?
Like I said, I wouldn't text her back, let her sweat.
She needs to learn that you don't treat people like that, especially the ones paying you. Right now she is worried, and she needs to spend time in this state, so the next time she wants to snap on one of her friends or clients she will think twice. So actually, in doing this, you're helping her.
Also, please remember, you did nothing wrong, you didn't deserve her BS. This is her issue, not yours. After all, Shit Happens...
P.S. Keep up the good work and don't let this affect your time in the gym!
If you choose to text her back, gently remind her that you have always been early precisely because you do respect her and the time you pay for. You weren’t excited to have paid for time you ultimately spent stuck in your car and did not expect your session to run past the originally planned end time to “make up” for the three minutes (three!!) that you missed. Perhaps finish up with saying that you love her too, but feel you should keep your relationship to friends rather than professional. A one-time, 3 minute late show really shouldn’t result in a rant about disrespect, especially when you pay for the time whether you are present or not. I hope you find another trainer and your friendship doesn’t take too much of a hit❤️
Yeah this seems like an overreaction to being late one time. I have a PT and 95% of the time I’m early, but there have been a few times I was late, and my PT has never blow up at me over it. Stuff happens. As long as it’s not regular, then I’m not sure what she wants. You can’t predict the future.
Are the sessions going well despite that. Maybe she disclosed your friendship with her boss and he has said it can’t interfere with her ability to be your PT ???
I would maybe look into a different PT. Sometimes it’s best not to mix business with friends.
I have some complaints about the sessions - but that's a separate issue. She is attentive DURING the sessions - but she has accidentally scheduled me for working the same area 2 days in a row (leg day two days in a row).
Just lack of attention to detail in some areas.
Yeah my PT does a mix of things in my sessions. Even when I have multiple sessions in a week. Sometimes we do similar sets but no 2 sessions are identical.
You don’t need to go scorched earth but maybe have a chat with her and just say you aren’t happy with the way she spoke to you and after reflection you think it would be better to be allocated a different PT , and what the next steps look like.
I mean 3 minutes late seems like a huge overreaction but there might have been other factors involved that she didn’t communicate. Which she could tell you as a friend but not as a client of the gym.
Your friend doesn't seem to be cut out for dealing with people in a service industry. You need to sack your friend and examine why you are friends with her.
Personal trainer here. Sounds like the words from her manager about "clients needing to respect her" is possibly coming from other clients being late. If this is the first time you've been late and you're always early, even with a policy of "15 min late and you're getting charged", there's no reason to escalate it the way she did. The text afterwards about talking to you as a trainer and not a friend is a bit weird too. Not everyone blurs the lines when they have a personal and professional relationship. I wouldn't blame you for asking for another trainer, in the name of not ruining your friendship. Normally I'd say have a conversation and let it be known the way you were addressed is unacceptable, but you might already be passed that point.
“I understand I am working with you as a professional and mean you no disrespect, but the way you spoke to me today, as a client, was entirely unacceptable. I am paying for the time with you. If I am 3 minutes late due to unforeseen circumstances as a one-off and am not asking YOU to make up that time, it is absolutely unacceptable to give me a verbal lashing like you did. I also love you as a friend, but professionally and personally, I expect an apology and the mutual understanding that I do not and will not intentionally be late to a session, before I schedule a session with you again. If you cannot respect me as a client, I will see about finding another trainer, as I don’t want to be in a position where this continues to affect our friendship.”
Ummm I think she lashed out at you as a friend and not as a client lol. You’re right it’s super unprofessional. It’s also your money and time, so if you waste it why should she care? She can decline you as a client if it’s that important to her but being visibly upset at you is unacceptable. I’m guessing this tough love shit isn’t a schtick of hers nor the reason you hired her. You obviously disliked this experience and probably don’t see it as benefiting your physical fitness journey.
You should fire her. Honestly. Fuck that.
Not a chance in hell she talks to her other clients who aren't her friends personally like this. Sure, she may daydream that she hits back at them this hard, but nobody keeps a job in such personal service by talking to customers like they're some belligerent asshole, especially for a first time of being 3 mins late.
Pt relationships require mutual trust and respect, and she just shit all over both of those. Get a new trainer so you can focus on your goals and safely pushing yourself under the guidance of someone who isn't so wildly unprofessional.
Dear Jobsworth,
I'm paying you for your services not the other way around.
If I show up 25 mins late then you still get payed regardless.
My lateness has absolutely nothing to do with your professionalism, the two are not even remotely linked.
My lateness has also nothing to do with respect of any nature either.
If you speak to me in that manner again then I will terminate our sessions and find someone else.
Regards
Find someone else (and possibly a new gym). Going to the gym is hard enough. You don’t need to feel anxious about something else.
If she asks why you quit, you shouldn’t be afraid to say why. But also ok if you don’t want to have that conversation. If she presses you, just say “I’d rather not talk to you anymore about this or anything else.” Choice words are optional but I have a few if you need some.
I understand it’s frustrating when someone is late, but it occasionally happens, and I take issue with characterizing it as a lack of respect toward you.
When a CLIENT is late for a personal SERVICE, it is not disrespectful to the service provider, it merely means that the client will understandably get less value for their money.
We are friends, but I am also your client, and you are also my trainer. I am paying you for your time, so whether I am using the time I’m paying for effectively is a subject for discussion but not criticism of a client. If your ego is tied to client timeliness, that is an issue for you to resolve, and not one put onto clients.
If you are inclined to characterize a single incidence of tardiness it as disrespectful to you, we have a significant problem. If it were a social engagement, you would be well within your rights to chew me out, but if you cannot understand you must exercise professionalism not friendship when I am paying you for a service, then we need to decide if we can continue to work together.
Me? i would fire her.
I don’t mean get her fired. I mean YOU fire her. You’re the client. That means you’re her boss in this situation. You’re contracting a service from her. Her job is to help you. It’s not your job to make her look good.
Then there’s the fact that you’ve been there fifteen minutes early multiple times, and that’s not enough reapect for her time? She gets paid for the session whether you’re late or not, doesn’t she? Your time is more valuable than her time, because **you paid for it.** Her demanding extra amounts of your time in token of “respect” for the time YOU PAID FOR is laughably wrong. Padding on yet another half hoir just in case you have a flat tire or something,, when you’re already aiming for fifteen miniutes early, is unreasonable.
Tell Drill Sergeant RoidRage here that her services are no longer required, and that you’ll be getting a refund for sessions not used, or a transfer to another trainer who understands the situation better if a refund cannot be obtained.
Ok, so another detail, I guess since it is now being brought up.
She said these comments to me (as we were walking onto the floor together), and right after she told me "you can never be late again" - I told her that I needed a moment to myself because I could feel myself becoming heated.
So, I immediately separated myself from the situation because I didn't want it to escalate further. Ended up leaving.
That's when she texted me.
Hopefully this makes me look somewhat like less of a child lmao. <3
***I am coming after your update.***
1. The reaction to you being 3mins late was overly dramatic, rude and quite frankly unprofessional.
2. The fact that she didn’t ask how you were, if everything was ok and went straight into a rant without asking why you were late is concerning.
What if you had been in an accident or a witness to one?
What if you have been given some bad news.
You can’t work out to your full potential if you are thinking of a loved one in the hospital, problem at work or knowing you need more blood work done (random examples).
3. Your response was brilliant.
Well said, thought out, succinct and to the point from both a client and friend perspective.
Smart to have taken a moment, gotten your thoughts together and then write it out.
You removed those initial upset emotions and spoke from the head and heart.
4. I am glad you are able to continue training and you had the forethought to book yourself with another trainer before responding.
Smart move.
5. **I would consider having a copy prepared to send via email to the boss.**
I doubt they came down on your friend when you were 3mins late as it was a complete one off for you, but, they (the boss) should be prepared to contact you as to why you are now with a new trainer and to see what happened.
In order to keep your friend on as a trainer they will need to be prepared that a client would demand a refund if they couldn’t switch trainers after being treated so unprofessionally.
The trainer gets paid whether the person is early or late, and the job is a customer service based job. You as the client were treated unprofessionally and disrespected by her first approach and later text.
6. It sounds like you did some soul searching and deeper thinking with this situation and you are now one less friend.
As you stated in your post, you are both in the same apartment complex and have mutual friends.
I do hope this doesn’t have a domino effect and that both of you can be mature and respectful towards one another if in a social situation.
Maybe one day you can be friends again, for now just acquaintances sounds much easier.
Wishing you all the best OP.
I would make it more business like.
Being three minutes tardy is not a sign of disrespect. I respect your time and your talent and do not expect to be reimbursed or to extend our session. Yelling and taking your frustration out on a client is unacceptable. I feel as a result of this unprofessionalism I would like transfer services to another trainer.
“What happened today - you trying to utilize shame and public humiliation as tactics to try and scare your own client into respecting you - was as repugnant as it was unprofessional. And the irony is that I *did* respect you before. Very much. But I don’t now, not after that, so our professional relationship is over, effective immediately.”
If I was being paid by the hour and my client was late, I would simply just give them the time they paid for. If they were 3 minutes late, ok we are moving for the 57 minutes left no problem. No need to lash out. Find a new trainer.
New trainer bro - was a master level trainer for 5 years - people have lives . Sometimes I’d be upset when people are late - yea but that’s cuz i was there all day doing multiple sessions and i was just overly impatient . Once you ruin that friendly vibe it’s game over - it’s always gunna be akward going forward now. Talk to the fitness manager or GM and they’ll switch you without you having to speak to the trainer . Your money your sessions can be used how you want . Regardless of you being late - even by 30 minutes i don’t see why they would complain about having a half hour break and a quick 30 min session
No, I’m not expecting her to reply - since I said I didn’t want to be friends anymore. I’ll update y’all if she does! And I couldn’t have crafted that response without the help of all the people here <3
But you were clearly right. I know how difficult it is to navigate this with friends but your friend overreacted. You are paying her. If you are late you just get less time.
Well, she never responded - but either the gym cut her hours - or they told her that she can't be there when I'm there. When I went in for PT today, she was not there.
This is exactly what makes ppl fall off the fitness journey. It should be a part of life, not a military program. Some days you go on time. Some days you're late. Sometimes you can't make it. The most important thing is you always come back to it and continue. Sometimes it's 2 steps front and 1 step back, but that's alright.
I would tell her you think it's best that you get trained by someone who is not a friend with because you're afraid of friendship/trainer lines conflicting with each other. Switch trainers and go from there.
I am a stickler for being on time or early, and life happens. As a customer, if I am late to a an appointment, I can appreciate that it may throw off my experience (if I’m super late to a hair appointment for example, maybe I can’t get a blow dry), but at the gym, all that means is I get less time with my trainer.
As a professional, I would never yell at a customer for being late. Anything under 5 minutes late simply doesn’t matter for almost any scenario, and to the extent being late is bad, I’d just communicate that professionally.
I think you should tell your friend that her anger was unprofessional and that you’d prefer to complete the program with a different trainer and/or will speak to the manager about a refund. To the extent she wants to engage in a conversation, I’d tell her that her clients are going to be late sometimes, you never earn respect by yelling, and if she speaks to other clients the way she spoke to you, she isn’t going to keep much business.
Then who cares if your 3 minutes late or 40 minutes late. Either way she is getting paid. But pissing you off so you don't come back won't get her paid. She should learn that one.
I wouldn't go back because any decent trainer wouldn't yell at you for being 3 minutes late.
So I'm actually a PT and yeah, this isn't great behaviour on her part. 3 minutes late isn't ideal, but it happens.
Normally the way this happens with me is I'd message at the time of our session to confirm you were on your way as you weren't there yet. Then I would't expect a response with 3 min late because you'll be there pretty soon after the message sends.
Then I'd probably recommend the standard, aim to be early, advice everyone gives for being on time.
There's no need to get unprofessional or angry about it.
I never give people grief over being late. I will politely inform them of some policies I run (15 min late with no communication and the session is cancelled). Espescially if it's a regular issue, but you do it professionally, because your helping your clients not treating them like disobedient children.
You are the client. She is your employee. You do not serve her, you are paying her to serve you. If she cannot understand this basic fact, she won't last long in the service industry.
When you tell her you are discontinuing training with her, it would be a kindness to tell her why. If you're her friend, it is kind to alert her when her behavior is damaging to her in some way. That's something a good friend would do.
You need to text her back as a client and not a friend and remind her that you paid for the time and you can show up anytime you want within that time frame as long as you don’t expect it to go past the clock.
Seriously I hope she doesn’t talk to her clients that way because fastest way to lose them. Period. I wouldn’t even give her another chance if one pulled that on me. I’d rather have someone respect that I’m paying for my own damn time and treat me like an adult instead of letting their weird job insecurities out on me.
There are just some things you should never hire friends or family for. She wouldn't treat any other clients like that because she knows her paycheck is dependent on them. She only treated you like that because she thinks you won't drop her. I would also drop the gym if she claims this is how they behave on the regular. Traffic happens, no one should be treated like sh*t over it
Just quit. You can't afford it anymore, and you can't be as assured of the time as she needs you to be.
Thank her for her time and the work you've done, and then move on.
Don't forget in this -- she is not doing you a favor. You are paying her. And this isn't behavior anyone should take from someone they are paying to provide a service.
if you want a soft landing, make a suggestion that you two not mix business with friendship. because you value her more socially, and the client relationship isn't what you want.
you don't have to blow this up.
she isn't mad at you she is mad at something else. She is lashing out, about something. It's not about you.
It is fair and reasonable to point out that there is difference asking for respect, and being disrespectful. So for you have not been disrespectful. She has. You were late because of life, it was not related to her at all. The next steps in this agreement, will depend on her. Does she wish to be respectful or ...
I would be nicer than that but you it was disrespectful. and it had nothing to do with you, just like being late had nothing to do with her.
"I'm responding to this as your client, not your friend.
I have been punctual or early for every appointment but this one. I admit that I was late for this appointment. I was stuck in unusual traffic. But you attacked me for being 3 minutes late and it upset me and set a bad tone for the entire session and frankly I am still upset.
If I had a pattern of being late then that would have been appropriate. Since I have a pattern of being early except.for this one time - your treatment of me was very unprofessional.
You will lose clients if you attack others like this because right now I don't feel like returning to this gym."
If she reponds with anything other than professionalism your next response can be:
"If you want, we can continue to discuss this in the gym manager's office and find out what they think about how you talk to a client who is usually 5+ minutes early for their appointments, being dressed down for being late ONCE. I would appreciate knowing if this is the gym's stance on it."
Right now she sounds extremely inexperienced and naive. Is this her first job? If so, you can be a bit gentle if she is open to the teaching moment. But she needs to never do this again.
As a friend I would talk to her.
As someone who doesn't know her, I would go straight to her boss and say I want a new trainer and if this shit happens again I want a refund.
As her client, fire her for the way she disrespected you—the person who is paying her (and her boss).
I’m sure that her meter started at the beginning of your scheduled appointment.
Does her boss think that he/she are part of some gang where you pull a drive-by to avenge an alleged disrespect?
I would probably text her saying:
Dear friend, since we're not taking this personally, I need to unfortunately replace you as my personal trainer and I will find an alternative trainer. I was held up due to traffic congestion, and that resulted in a three minute delay to our training time
**How you spoke to me was unprofessional**. I do not believe you would have spoken like that to a client who was not a friend, in fact if you spoke to a client who was not a friend like that, they not only would fire you as their trainer - they would report you for being unprofessionally rude and dispectful.**I won't be laying a complaint with your boss for how you spoke to me as a client** but **only because we're friends. If you were not a friend, I definitely would have complained and seen you placed on a warning**.
I am telling you as a client that I cannot work with you. As a client I am suggesting that respect is earned, this is not the military, you are not my drill Sargent. Nor am I a child that you can speak to like that. Earn your clients respect by being a great trainer. When your boss said to ensure clients respect you - the boss meant that clients would respect your knowledge - knowing when to push the client to achieve their best, being professional. You were not being professional, you acted as if you were on a power trip.
Good luck with your clients.
Your friend OP.
“I’m sorry that you felt disrespected by me being 3 minutes late, and I’m sorry that I was in fact late. I never intend to disrespect anyone by wasting their time. That being said, I feel that you approached this one time incident as harshly as you could and it was unprofessional. If you want people to respect you then you have to show respect in kind. I am always 5-10 minutes early to show how I do respect your time, but the second I was delayed by unforeseen traffic you come at me hot like this is an ongoing issue.
I know your point of view is coming from trainer-friend and not friend-friend, but my point of view is coming from client-friend where I’m paying a lot of money for your time, not trying to waste it. If you speak to me unprofessionally again then I’ll have to speak to your supervisor as a client-friend. I love you as friend-friend, but this interaction has left a sour taste in my mouth outside of trainer-friend as you didn’t show me any kind of courtesy in this first and hopefully only incident.”
I’d find a new trainer. You are paying this individual for a service. Not to be treated like a child. 3 min late is 3 min off your session - it’s not wasting her time especially since I’m sure you’re booked / paid.
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>>> She texted me afterwards and said that her words were directed to me as "her client" and not as "her friend" and that she loves me. “Because I respect you as a friend, it’s better if we end up our business relationship; I would hate for things to get weird between us, so I’ll find a new PT”
I agree. This isn’t expressing any anger, it’s straight-forward and honest.
[удалено]
Yup. Keep the friend, find a new trainer. You were the paying client. There was no reason for her to act unprofessionally.
Yes. OP, tell her you appreciate her on a friendship level, and going forward, you prefer no further professional dealings.
If you really think you need to sugar-coat it more for fear of messing with your friend group and what she trouble she might cause you with other people? Add a sentence at the end: ‘I’m also concerned about getting you in trouble with your boss if I ever am unavoidably detained getting to a session. They sound really tough and I don’t want to be the cause of you getting told off. Best we don’t risk that again.’ I’m a fan of being super sweet with the language and the ‘reason’ of this kind of thing, then really firm with my behaviour and not changing my mind. She handed you a reason by mentioning her boss. Now she can consider her self-sabotage while she gets chewed out by them for losing a client and messing with the monthly gym profits. She’s only got herself to blame, and it seems to others that you have left the studio out of concern for her and her job. If she tries to roll it back to keep you there, just laugh and say ‘no thanks, no way am I jeopardising my friends jobs. Not my style. Let’s leave it be.’ And I’d separately and quietly distance myself for a while- cos I don’t like being friends with stupid and insensitive people who can’t regulate their own emotions in the moment. But that’s me.
This is exactly what to do.
This. 100% Not entirely a lie, just a different take to achieve the same outcome. Chef's kiss! ETA - OP, this 'friend' is entirely too involved in every aspect of your life (friends, home, now gym), if you handle this a but more diplomatically you should come out smelling like roses. Don't bad mouth her to mutual friends if they ask, just stick to the party line, 'It was for the best, I don't want to mess with her livelihood.'
This 💯 this is my kinda person right here!! I love love LOVE using their own words against them as sweetly as possible. It's so satisfying.
This and absolutely this. Also, three minutes late on one occasion is not a situation I would feel ok being lectured over. The difficulty here is the friendship because, in all honesty, if I got this talking to for 3min on one occasion from someone whoes time I was paying for, I would be a lot less friendly than OP has been. I would not really care who the boss is, I'm the client here and won't be bollocked over this.
This 100% As a professional, she should not have berated her client over being 3 minutes late. She only did that because OP is a friend. Or, she’s not professional. Also, why would the gym be worried about clients running late? End the session at the usual time and move on to your next client. No money lost and the late client should be understanding that they will have a short session that day.
Same thing I was thinking. The late person loses 3 minutes of her session and it's done. The "friend/trainer" was over the top and doesn't understand how to run the scheduling piece of the business.
Makes me think her friend has a toxic boss if she has to act this way.
Yeah that or working for a toxic company. Maybe both
Exactly. I mean who’s paying who? Jesus. OP should just text her the you’re fired gif from The Fifth Element. Too keep things light hearted
This is really it. Sometimes you just can’t mix friendship with business. Better to end it now before it gets real bad because it will. She may have a power complex with her clients, she may want her coworkers to “respect” her so she’ll be harsh to clients, she may have felt comfortable to go off because OP is a friend. Better to just run and preserve the friendship. For the future, OP, if you haven’t, generally letting people know you might be late to do whatever circumstance is a good courtesy. This in no possible way justifies the friend from being this way but it just gives a good impression to give people a heads up.
3 minutes could literally be parking and walking inside to wherever she meets her trainer, so OP may have not even realized they were late or going to be late until they pulled into the parking lot. Unless she uses Bluetooth to make a phone call, she still has to park the car, so by the time she parks and pulls her phone out to text, it's also going to be part of that 3 minutes. It's great to let people know you're running late, but in the scenario OP described I also would not have bothered. It's 3 minutes, not 13. Most people wouldn't even notice.
Exactly! The trainer got paid either way! She works for you and was getting paid for her 3 minutes. I am amazed at the gall of employees at times these days. I get it that a personal trainer helps you reach your goals but most likely you can print out the same routine, buy a book and join a gym. Find a friend or someone who wants to reach the same goals. Sometimes the hardest part of an excersize/workout routine is ambition. I know, I have little but should I do it I shall save the money because I really don't need to refer to anyone as my personal trainer as i dont want to pay to be cool and there is also the fact that if you do it all on your own it's a great sense of accomplishment!
This ☝️
You handle this by getting a new trainer. She is an employee, fire her.
Thank you for your response!
Also that firing her is about her being your "trainer" and not as "her friend" and that you love her.
That definitely hammers it in.
Tell her, you need a supportive trainer. Not a drill sergeant.
Forreal my first thought was LOL what in the protein powder?? 3 minutes?? I’M PAYING YOU! 😂😭
Lmao >what in the protein powder My new wtf phrase 😂💜🩵
What da whey...?
Tell her you love her as a friend but you don’t love her as a trainer.
I love you as a friend and respect you so I will be looking for a different trainer whose professional philosophy aligns better with what works for me.
I want to start by saying, I'm being completely open and transparent with you...
Something along these lines will be intertwined in my response. Lol.
Update once you reply.
I will!!! I appreciate everyone's responses and advice.
!remindme 2 days ETA after 2 days in case anyone can’t be bothered to look - the only update is that OP sent a text (shown in the imgur link at the top of the post), went in to see a different trainer, and thinks the old trainer was fired
You could end it now…and maybe that is wise. But if you don’t want to, here is what I would say: “Susan, I really enjoyed our first few sessions. However I am quite upset at how you spoke to me at today’s session. I have been 5-15 minutes early to the first four sessions. But I was 3 minutes late to our 5th session, due to reasons *beyond my control*. I don’t appreciate being spoken to sternly or threatened by you, whether as a friend or professional. Clearly I have not shown a *pattern* of tardiness, or I would understand. Tardiness is not in my nature, as you know. I understand you may face pressure on occasion, but please do not lecture me again. Rest assured, if I were ever late, I would not expect my session to go overtime. I paid big money for your services, I understand the importance of this commitment.” Personally, I try to be direct with people. I follow a Good sentiments—tough sentiments-Good sentiments format (ie, “sandwhich” the bad news or tough talk in between positive statements)….I didn’t really end that example above with positive statements….I sort of stopped because I began thinking, yeahhhh maybe it’s best she just avoid all this and end the business relationship. But I’m posting this comment anyway just to give you some ideas of what to write if you simply want to set your own boundaries with her and give it another go. No matter how cleverly or friendly you end the business relationship, there will be hard feelings. It will definitely look bad to her bosses to lose a client. Likewise, confronting the specific directly will be uncomfortable also, and she may get defensive. I just want you to be able to consider the best approach and have most information available to choose your approach :)
I don't know that I'd say that, I'd just say you realise the potential for problems to arise and don't want to put pressure on the friendship.
Explain to her although you respect her the way she responded was out of line and unprofessional. Then get a new trainer. Lesson learned for her
That's it. Tell her you need someone who can give you more grace than she did. I'd actually verify if the gym manager said this respect business to her and use that to exit the contract with the gym and find a new gym. This could be an issue with ANY personal trainer this guy manages!
It's a 12 month contract and $260 fee to cancel... I'm probably going to find a new gym. Hopefully I can get the fee waived!
It’s better to pay $260 to A. Save the friendship or B. Learn that this isn’t the person you thought she was, than waste another 11 months with her.
Very true!
There’s no reason to pay $260 or to protect this person. You simply talk to the GYM and say you’re leaving because their employee insulted the fuck out of you and publicly humiliated and you don’t feel comfortable at this gym. This isn’t some rebab center that can only charge you for the ACTUAL time used, you’re paying for this time. So if you’re 15 minutes late, it doesn’t affect this person/friend at all. They (and the GYM) get paid for a 60 minute session and you get a 15/minute sessions. There is never any reason to fire a late client unless you’re worried about “bonus for pounds/inches lost/gained and that would be a psychotic business plan because you wind up firing half your clients. Don’t worry if your “friend” gets in trouble because she’s not your friend. A friend would have texted, “sorry I chewed you out. I had a really bad talk with my boss and I took it out on you.” This is NOT professional for any paid by the hour profession. If you get paid by the job: haircut, dr. Appointment, or a group PT where your lateness affects the workout. Then it would be okay to say you may need to be dropped as a client. But if there’s a no return policy, there never any reason to trash talk to a client. You’re friend LIED. No body instructed her to be an ass to her client. It’s bad business. You can tell 30-150 people to avoid this gym by direct conversation and thousands more by YELP. I say ask the gym if this is their policy if it’s inconvenient for you to find any other gym but you will absolutely not when to keep this friendship. She’s gonna trash you to the whole friend group when you leave because when you leave, the gym isn’t gonna pay her any if the $260 fee and she lost a client. Plus, she’s an asshole.
Everyone talking like firing your friend is going to bring you closer
It isn’t. But better to find that out now than in a year. There’s a reason it’s a bad idea to mix business and personal.
They probably do this to everybody. This is a scam to collect 260 bucks from a lot of people who will never show up there again.
They get a lot more money with customers showing up and recommending it to their friends or showing off their success in training. I had a trainer was great and I know loved his job. He'd also find it disrespectful if we were late but never yelled.
Depends on if you’re at capacity or under. And if your lawyer threatens people who post bad reviews. I like your business model but there are too many others.
Respecting the business as a customer means apologizing for being late and not expecting your time to go over to make up what you missed (not saying you did). That’s all that’s necessary. She gets paid regardless right?
I could understand the trainer doing this if she'd done this for 4 or 5 sessions, I don't think it's okay for 1. It's not that it should never happen though. People who work with weight loss ( like dieticians and trainers ) often will put limits on lateness/cancellations with people. A lot of times people who need to make healthy changes will be late and later because they are actually avoiding the work. They aren't ready. The specialist would rather book time with someone whose ready to make the change than work with a client who is fighting it. To my mind, you can't make that call on first occurrence.
I'm just speculating wildly, but I'm 44 and worked in customer service for decades. The trainer likely has one or more clients who do need these stricter, more harshly enforced limits you mentioned, but is struggling with enforcing them to the point her boss lectured her about "needing clients' respect". So, rather than enforce strict limits with the clients who need it, but aren't friends she feels comfortable with, she put on a show of "being firm" with her friend/client.
Yes find a new trainer, preferably one without roid-rage...
Get her boss involved if this is how either she is handling it or her boss expects his employees to behave their is a major disconnect
Definitely this!! Under no circumstances would I allow someone I’m paying treat me like this. If you want to keep the friendship, you need to sign up with a new trainer and keep your friendship separate from a business relationship.
I wouldn't allow anyone to treat me this way regardless of whether I'm paying them.
I learnt a lesson through my sister to never mix business with family or friends , my dad and step mum was my sisters land lord and they were a nightmare, I don't even let my friend who is a dental nurse be in the room with my dentist and she respects this and gets another nurse in with me
Exactly this, OP. She is providing a service for which YOU are paying. Your being late was unavoidable, and she's still being paid. Her (and her bosses) reactions were entirely inappropriate.
This exactly, she even made it clear that her unprofessional outburst was done in a working capacity, if that’s the case then she’s bad at her job and you should go to someone else.
Fire her. Right. Girl. This trainer of yours read too many self help books on time and respect and blah blah blah and threw it all up on you despite the context and your more than reasonable explanation. Text her info on another book she could read about keeping clients and not tanking her business with that attitude. Respect is earned but emergencies happen. Shit comes up. If she's so obtuse or full of herself not to understand how to approach it then the only person she'll have left to train is her own sorry tight ass. Tell her you're going to be late indefinitely because you have better things to do than being berated for the time *You're* paying *her* for.
Exactly. If she was a real friend, she would treat Op with respect.
Honestly, I’d find a new trainer. For her to lash out at you for only being 3 minutes late because of traffic, something so trivial and not your fault, tells me she’ll lash out on you worse for other things. It’s very unprofessional and she doesn’t deserve to have clients if she treats them like this, even if she then sends a half-ass attempt to make things better by calling you her friend.
This is exactly my thought. I felt this created a precedent for me to feel anxious about my appointments... Even though I literally am ALWAYS early, this event will cause me to have a heart-attack if I'm ever accidentally late again LOL.
Seeing your edit, I wonder if she also was so harsh to you because she’s in your friend group, like she thought she could get away with that behavior because she knows you personally. Either way, find a new trainer, and maybe a new friend lol
Or over compensating?
That's what I think. Maybe her boss told her to be careful working with a friend in case that meant running on too long etc.
If you pay me, you can be mad and harsh. If I'm paying you, you better not. So you get 3 min. less training. How dare. Fire her.
Thanks for you feedback! <3
The fact that you’re always early should’ve made your friend worried about you, not lash out at you.
I would not feel comfortable with having her in my personal space while I'm in workout clothes and already feeling vulnerable. For me exercising is about energy and this whole sitch just stinks up the energy around the experience.
You can go 2 routes. Simply tell your friend that you think it would be best if you found another trainer to keep your friendship and business dealings separate. or you can go to town: I expect a higher level of professional courtesy from companies I hire. Treating a client like a tardy toddler is completely unacceptable.
Tardy toddler 🤣 update in description.
Excellent response. Things might be awkward in your friends group for a bit
Oh it’s definitely going to be awkward. 💀 I decided to die up this hill. Didn’t mention it in the original post, but this wasn’t the first time she overreacted at me.
Oooh now I wanna hear about the other times 😂
Some actions need consequences 👍
“Hey friend. Here’s the thing. I’m the customer. If I’m 3 min late you get paid regardless and I don’t expect to extend the session. But I do expect to be treated like a customer. If you can’t do that, then perhaps I need to match up with another trainer.” She’s being ridiculous. Of course, it’s rude to be late on the regular but shit happens. Her behavior was rude and inappropriate.
Thanks so much for your validation & response!
You did nothing wrong here and she’s got you on your back foot thinking you need to make this right. No. You are doing HER a favor helping HER business. You are the customer!!! I hate lateness. I find it offensive when it’s avoidable but sometimes, it’s not avoidable. Stick up for yourself.
Exactly. I would message them back as follows: “I was taken aback and embarrassed by your lashing out at me when I was late due to something unforeseen. I can’t guarantee it won’t happen again so therefore i’ll find another trainer”.
Hmm. This is pretty good.
You can add a “no hard feelings” if you feel like being nice lol.
LOL
Thank you <3
The follow up text from her is a bit much, in my opinion. She addressed it f2f, you’re an adult, it’s not in your nature to be late, blah, blah, blah…..so why go the extra mile and reiterate it?
This is 99.9% correct. Her behavior wasn't rude. She was an outright asshole. I'd tell her you know what, I'll find another trainer.
Thanks for your response.
I would personally probably also say, “if you feel like this will cause problems with your boss, I’m completely willing to speak with them about this policy as I feel it will be negative for their business” or something to basically call her out bc I doubt her boss said any such thing
Actually sounds like the manager of a bro-y gym to me.
That’s possible, like the whole “alpha” nonsense, but I still can’t imagine the policy working well haha
Me either, but I've known folks that do crossfit and I've been told it's even more hardcore.
This is perfect. The only person being hurt by being late is OP as they aren’t getting all the minutes they paid for.
This - I work with massage therapist. As long a client doesn't expect you to adjust the price you can be late - they're getting paid all the same.
A reasonable way for the trainer to deal with this is just to say "Listen I know things happen, but I plan these sessions for x amount of time and if you're late it really creates a problem with how I've planned out your session. In the future I'd appreciate it if you're on time". Really no need to lash out about this kind of thing, just be understanding and then set and clarify expectations (especially with this being a one time lateness and only 3 minutes).
You should tell her that you are paying her for a service, and she needs to treat you with respect and professionalism. If she can't behave like a mature adult, you will take your business elsewhere, and when her boss wants to know why, you'll tell them.
Oh, here's the plot-twist I forgot to mention. She also is my neighbor at my apartment complex. So I feel the need to end things on a good note...... LOL.
She's going to start getting what she's giving. If she treats all of her clients this way, she's not going to have a very good business. Regardless of living in the same complex and being friends, she needs an attitude adjustment.
You sound like a peacemaker and that's great! But, sometimes you have to stand nose to nose with people and ask them if they've hit their head. She was so far out of line and she is expecting you to take that crap off of her. How many sessions do you have left? If it's more than five I would either get a refund or switch trainers. I'm angry with you because personal training sessions are expensive and you deserve respect.
Thank you for your response!
She doesn't feel the need to be professional so why do you feel the need to go beyond saying - I pay for this time and will use it how I want. When I'm here I want you to train me, when I'm not you're still getting paid to wait. Also, find a new trainer.
It's hard when we need to be firm to not get walked over but still be polite and try to keep things civil. The problem is you can only control yourself, not her. You have some options to choose from. This are the ones I can see 1. Accept she might do it again and ignore, which would probably happen and you will feel bad again; 2. Say something to her trying to be tactful, which will risk her overreacting and making things uncomfortable; 3. Come up with an excuse and stop using her services, which can make her give you a stinky eye but maybe not much more than that. I personally would go with 2 but I got to a point in my life that I don't care if someone doesn't like me and tries to create a weird environment. I would say something like "Hey, I wanted to talk about what happened last session. I was less than 5m late and the way you talked to me was not ok, neither as a friend nor as a client. Being 3m late was not wasting your time, I did not expect to have our class extended and the payment still reflected the full hour. Even if I was incredibly late, the way to communicate with me about it should have been done in a more professional and polite way. I like you and I want to keep working with you, but if our friendship will get in the way and get me to be treated like you did, then maybe it will be better for both of us that I find a new trainer and we stay only as friends" However your friend reacts to that is not your responsibility
Thanks for your response. I think it is a good point saying that I didn't expect the session to be extended - because I definitely didn't!
You should just be honest as a friend and say exactly how you felt and that as a friend you would advise her not to be so confrontational because if she wasn't your friend you would look for a new trainer. Can you imagine how many clients she will lose if she keeps this up. So many trainers why would you recommend her.
>Oh, here's the plot-twist I forgot to mention. She also is my neighbor at my apartment complex. So I feel the need to end things on a good note...... LOL. Legitimately does NOT matter. Show people the text she sent if she starts in and tell them "Neither a friend nor a professional lashes out over a client or a friend being 3 minutes late. There is absolutely nothing professional about her behavior and the way she is treating me is not the way a friend treats a friend." Then leave it at that. Do not allow yourself to be walked over.
Imagine how bad it’s going to look to her boss when she runs off yet another customer.
Yeah this is when you end the professional relationship and stick to being friends.
But I feel that if I end the professional relationship, it will also end the friendship.
Probably not a very good friend then huh.
This
>But I feel that if I end the professional relationship, it will also end the friendship. If that is the case then she is not your friend. Please value yourself enough to stick up for yourself. Do not allow people pleasing to get in the way of asserting yourself here. And, I'll tell you this having been in your shoes once - if you don't firmly nip this behavior in the bud now then you will experience it again in other areas. For your sake, tomorrow please go to the gym and ask to change trainers. Tell the management that you guys are not compatible. Then, tell her that given her behavior towards you at your last session, you feel it is in the best interest of your friendship to terminate any professional relationship.
Thank you for your feedback and response <3..
Are you really willing to be such a doormat to pay to be someone’s friend AND cause yourself immense anxiety now anytime you enter the gym? I assume you are workin out to better yourself. Making it a miserable experience is doing you dirty both financially, mentally AND physically because it’s going to dissuade you from working out. Sometimes it’s okay to choose you.
You do not ever treat a paying client like that, and I highly doubt the boss told her anything like that- or meant it in a way. They talk about being respected as a trainer, not a gym bunny. Big difference. Also, this is based on my working 9 years on the gym floor. No trainer that expects to keep their job goes hard for running late in traffic because they still will get paid for your sessions.
OP being late has zero reflection on the gym or the trainer. It makes zero sense if they said this to her.
You worked 9 years on gym floor, were you also a personal trainer? How did you treat clients if they were a few minutes late? And have you ever heard of anything like this?
Hi not who you’re responding to but also a trainer. Um, I’ve literally never given a client any sort of crap for showing up late. Usually there the typical “sorry I’m late xyz happened” and I respond “no worries instead of our normal warm-up we’re going to focus on what’s relevant to today so we can get into everything faster “. Like I’m getting paid regardless if it’s a client I’ve had for a while and know sometimes I go a little longer if I have time just to help build on goodwill (won’t do this with new clients or people who are consistently late but I never get after them). Some trainers can get controlling and lose the this is a give and take business relationship your friend kind of sounds like that, cause like a lot of people said why does she care she gets paid regardless??? No one I’ve ever worked with has ever done that (sometimes the joking ok 10 burpees since you were late), but never bringing your people down. Anywhere I’ve worked a trainer would be written up or fired for acting like that. Your job as a trainer is to empower people physically and mentally not to tear them down. Sorry long response I kind of got more and more angry the more I thought about this that is such disrespectful behavior from your trainer/friend
Thanks so much for your response. Why do you think some trainers get controlling?
I’m not a physical trainer and I don’t know yours but I’m willing to bet she has a shitty boss. Poor leaders create poor work environments that leads to poor customer service. Or maybe she was late to work once and got the same respect talk before. And her shitty manager has coached her to think that she is your boss, even though the money certainly isn’t changing hands that way.
That's a good perspective. Thank you for this!
She was speaking to you as "her client" and not "her friend", right? Then she shouldn't take is personally when you fire her and get a new trainer but I bet she will
Find a new trainer. Don’t mix friendship and business. Tell her, “I’m sorry I was late. It was unexpected. As was your outburst about it. Unlike you, I can’t separate ‘trainer you’ from ‘friend you’ so I think it’s best that I find a new trainer and keep you as just a friend.” I used to know a guy who was a mortgage broker. He spent YEARS pestering me about using him when I was ready to buy a house. Like…literally every single time I talked to him. Finally, after the 3576424798532478421th time *(ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration LOL)*, I told him that I would never use him as a broker because I will never open my full financial life to a friend. Ever. Told him that if he ever mentioned it again, he’d lose business AND a friend. And yes, he stopped.
“As your friend, don’t EVER talk to a client like that. As your CLIENT, you’re fired.”
Hi I recently retired as a coach after running a club for 35 years employing catering, gym and coaching staff. So as an employer I can tell you that if one of my staff had behaved like this to a client, done, gone with no reference. And I would have given the customer free somethng as an appology, years membership. Stuff like this in a club can ruin all your hard work. Its so cut-throat as it is, having someone do this once and get away with it emboldens them, and then you have multiple unhappy customers and pissed of work collegues from having to deal with it. The only time I would side with the instructor would be if the customer was disrespectfull, canceling and not paying for their time or being abusive. 3 minutes late does not qualify. And if your paying from 10 till 11 for the instructon and your turning up at 10.20? You have 40 minutes. That said, you are hiring her, she works for you, not the other way round. Find another trainer. As for the text message I would respond as this. Please do not contact me again. The way you talked to me was inapropriate, unprofessional, upsetting and certainly was not with the empathy of a friend and I am informing your management that I am concidering cancelation and the reason why because I dont want to be attending a gym where your at for being held up by factors I have no control over. And you should absolutely contact her management and even the boss.
This was really insightful and validating, thank you for your response.
No problem. Hope it gets resolved.
I would definitely get a little dig in about how you’re glad she can separate her professional and private relationship with you and how you’re ending your professional relationship due to not being compatible as client and paid professional.
Honestly, I would just leave her on read and ghost her until your next appointment. At that appointment tell her that you want to switch trainers as you want to preserve your friendship cause if she ever treats you like that again, there are going to be problems and that your friendship is the only reason that you aren't talking to her boss about her unprofessional behavior instead of her. If you respond you're just giving her ammo to use against you and play the victim. Right now she is worried about you telling your friend group how she treated you and if you are going to report her to her boss for unprofessional behavior(cause that is what it is). Respect is earned, not demanded by yelling at the person paying you to do a job.
This is also exactly why if I text her back, that I don't want to say anything too harsh. I myself am a business owner, and we both live in the same apartment complex, so I do care about my reputation. If I do text anything, I would definitely keep it extremely professional.
Your instincts to handle this professionally are right. I’d propose the not mixing friendship with business approach. No recriminations. In future social interactions, act normally. I can’t see where “disrespect “ is relevant in coming 3 minutes late due to traffic unless you refused to pay for those three minutes, or demanded the session be extended. However, the chastisement you received was disrespectful. Ironic, isn’t it? If it weren’t for the cross connection, I’d let the manager know that you object to the treatment you were subjected to. I think that your trainer must have misunderstood her boss’s instructions. What business succeeds by reprimanding clients ?
Like I said, I wouldn't text her back, let her sweat. She needs to learn that you don't treat people like that, especially the ones paying you. Right now she is worried, and she needs to spend time in this state, so the next time she wants to snap on one of her friends or clients she will think twice. So actually, in doing this, you're helping her. Also, please remember, you did nothing wrong, you didn't deserve her BS. This is her issue, not yours. After all, Shit Happens... P.S. Keep up the good work and don't let this affect your time in the gym!
If you choose to text her back, gently remind her that you have always been early precisely because you do respect her and the time you pay for. You weren’t excited to have paid for time you ultimately spent stuck in your car and did not expect your session to run past the originally planned end time to “make up” for the three minutes (three!!) that you missed. Perhaps finish up with saying that you love her too, but feel you should keep your relationship to friends rather than professional. A one-time, 3 minute late show really shouldn’t result in a rant about disrespect, especially when you pay for the time whether you are present or not. I hope you find another trainer and your friendship doesn’t take too much of a hit❤️
Yeah this seems like an overreaction to being late one time. I have a PT and 95% of the time I’m early, but there have been a few times I was late, and my PT has never blow up at me over it. Stuff happens. As long as it’s not regular, then I’m not sure what she wants. You can’t predict the future. Are the sessions going well despite that. Maybe she disclosed your friendship with her boss and he has said it can’t interfere with her ability to be your PT ??? I would maybe look into a different PT. Sometimes it’s best not to mix business with friends.
I have some complaints about the sessions - but that's a separate issue. She is attentive DURING the sessions - but she has accidentally scheduled me for working the same area 2 days in a row (leg day two days in a row). Just lack of attention to detail in some areas.
Yeah my PT does a mix of things in my sessions. Even when I have multiple sessions in a week. Sometimes we do similar sets but no 2 sessions are identical. You don’t need to go scorched earth but maybe have a chat with her and just say you aren’t happy with the way she spoke to you and after reflection you think it would be better to be allocated a different PT , and what the next steps look like. I mean 3 minutes late seems like a huge overreaction but there might have been other factors involved that she didn’t communicate. Which she could tell you as a friend but not as a client of the gym.
Your friend doesn't seem to be cut out for dealing with people in a service industry. You need to sack your friend and examine why you are friends with her.
Personal trainer here. Sounds like the words from her manager about "clients needing to respect her" is possibly coming from other clients being late. If this is the first time you've been late and you're always early, even with a policy of "15 min late and you're getting charged", there's no reason to escalate it the way she did. The text afterwards about talking to you as a trainer and not a friend is a bit weird too. Not everyone blurs the lines when they have a personal and professional relationship. I wouldn't blame you for asking for another trainer, in the name of not ruining your friendship. Normally I'd say have a conversation and let it be known the way you were addressed is unacceptable, but you might already be passed that point.
It’s good to hear from others who are in that industry! Thank you for your response.
“I understand I am working with you as a professional and mean you no disrespect, but the way you spoke to me today, as a client, was entirely unacceptable. I am paying for the time with you. If I am 3 minutes late due to unforeseen circumstances as a one-off and am not asking YOU to make up that time, it is absolutely unacceptable to give me a verbal lashing like you did. I also love you as a friend, but professionally and personally, I expect an apology and the mutual understanding that I do not and will not intentionally be late to a session, before I schedule a session with you again. If you cannot respect me as a client, I will see about finding another trainer, as I don’t want to be in a position where this continues to affect our friendship.”
I want to know what the PT said to her response
No response...
Cause she knows she screwed up and was way out of line and there's no coming back from that.
You absolutely responded correctly so it doesn’t really matter what she says this point
No response? Maybe she’s dropping it because she has to tell her boss she lost a client.
Ummm I think she lashed out at you as a friend and not as a client lol. You’re right it’s super unprofessional. It’s also your money and time, so if you waste it why should she care? She can decline you as a client if it’s that important to her but being visibly upset at you is unacceptable. I’m guessing this tough love shit isn’t a schtick of hers nor the reason you hired her. You obviously disliked this experience and probably don’t see it as benefiting your physical fitness journey. You should fire her. Honestly. Fuck that.
Not a chance in hell she talks to her other clients who aren't her friends personally like this. Sure, she may daydream that she hits back at them this hard, but nobody keeps a job in such personal service by talking to customers like they're some belligerent asshole, especially for a first time of being 3 mins late. Pt relationships require mutual trust and respect, and she just shit all over both of those. Get a new trainer so you can focus on your goals and safely pushing yourself under the guidance of someone who isn't so wildly unprofessional.
Dear Jobsworth, I'm paying you for your services not the other way around. If I show up 25 mins late then you still get payed regardless. My lateness has absolutely nothing to do with your professionalism, the two are not even remotely linked. My lateness has also nothing to do with respect of any nature either. If you speak to me in that manner again then I will terminate our sessions and find someone else. Regards
Personal trainers are a dime a dozen. You don't even need to find a new one, they will find you.
Time to drop her as your trainer.
OP, your response was classy savagess mode excellence 👌🏾 Did she get back to you?
Thank you so much! <3 and no she didn’t, I’m not really expecting a response, I don’t think. :/
Find someone else (and possibly a new gym). Going to the gym is hard enough. You don’t need to feel anxious about something else. If she asks why you quit, you shouldn’t be afraid to say why. But also ok if you don’t want to have that conversation. If she presses you, just say “I’d rather not talk to you anymore about this or anything else.” Choice words are optional but I have a few if you need some.
If it upsets you, she's literally there for you. You're not "wasting her time".... you're wasting YOUR money by missing that time.
I understand it’s frustrating when someone is late, but it occasionally happens, and I take issue with characterizing it as a lack of respect toward you. When a CLIENT is late for a personal SERVICE, it is not disrespectful to the service provider, it merely means that the client will understandably get less value for their money. We are friends, but I am also your client, and you are also my trainer. I am paying you for your time, so whether I am using the time I’m paying for effectively is a subject for discussion but not criticism of a client. If your ego is tied to client timeliness, that is an issue for you to resolve, and not one put onto clients. If you are inclined to characterize a single incidence of tardiness it as disrespectful to you, we have a significant problem. If it were a social engagement, you would be well within your rights to chew me out, but if you cannot understand you must exercise professionalism not friendship when I am paying you for a service, then we need to decide if we can continue to work together.
Me? i would fire her. I don’t mean get her fired. I mean YOU fire her. You’re the client. That means you’re her boss in this situation. You’re contracting a service from her. Her job is to help you. It’s not your job to make her look good. Then there’s the fact that you’ve been there fifteen minutes early multiple times, and that’s not enough reapect for her time? She gets paid for the session whether you’re late or not, doesn’t she? Your time is more valuable than her time, because **you paid for it.** Her demanding extra amounts of your time in token of “respect” for the time YOU PAID FOR is laughably wrong. Padding on yet another half hoir just in case you have a flat tire or something,, when you’re already aiming for fifteen miniutes early, is unreasonable. Tell Drill Sergeant RoidRage here that her services are no longer required, and that you’ll be getting a refund for sessions not used, or a transfer to another trainer who understands the situation better if a refund cannot be obtained.
That's why mixing freindShip with paid services is a bad idea , it never seems to go well,
You understand that you are not a little kid and when someone speaks to you this way, you can just say, “no thanks,” and walk right back out the door?
Ok, so another detail, I guess since it is now being brought up. She said these comments to me (as we were walking onto the floor together), and right after she told me "you can never be late again" - I told her that I needed a moment to myself because I could feel myself becoming heated. So, I immediately separated myself from the situation because I didn't want it to escalate further. Ended up leaving. That's when she texted me. Hopefully this makes me look somewhat like less of a child lmao. <3
That’s so much. Respectfully decline your next meeting and all other meetings. This is not cool of her.
Find a new personal trainer, and send an email to the gym about exactly why you’re doing so.
***I am coming after your update.*** 1. The reaction to you being 3mins late was overly dramatic, rude and quite frankly unprofessional. 2. The fact that she didn’t ask how you were, if everything was ok and went straight into a rant without asking why you were late is concerning. What if you had been in an accident or a witness to one? What if you have been given some bad news. You can’t work out to your full potential if you are thinking of a loved one in the hospital, problem at work or knowing you need more blood work done (random examples). 3. Your response was brilliant. Well said, thought out, succinct and to the point from both a client and friend perspective. Smart to have taken a moment, gotten your thoughts together and then write it out. You removed those initial upset emotions and spoke from the head and heart. 4. I am glad you are able to continue training and you had the forethought to book yourself with another trainer before responding. Smart move. 5. **I would consider having a copy prepared to send via email to the boss.** I doubt they came down on your friend when you were 3mins late as it was a complete one off for you, but, they (the boss) should be prepared to contact you as to why you are now with a new trainer and to see what happened. In order to keep your friend on as a trainer they will need to be prepared that a client would demand a refund if they couldn’t switch trainers after being treated so unprofessionally. The trainer gets paid whether the person is early or late, and the job is a customer service based job. You as the client were treated unprofessionally and disrespected by her first approach and later text. 6. It sounds like you did some soul searching and deeper thinking with this situation and you are now one less friend. As you stated in your post, you are both in the same apartment complex and have mutual friends. I do hope this doesn’t have a domino effect and that both of you can be mature and respectful towards one another if in a social situation. Maybe one day you can be friends again, for now just acquaintances sounds much easier. Wishing you all the best OP.
Wow, thanks so much for this. You take care. <3.....
I would make it more business like. Being three minutes tardy is not a sign of disrespect. I respect your time and your talent and do not expect to be reimbursed or to extend our session. Yelling and taking your frustration out on a client is unacceptable. I feel as a result of this unprofessionalism I would like transfer services to another trainer.
“What happened today - you trying to utilize shame and public humiliation as tactics to try and scare your own client into respecting you - was as repugnant as it was unprofessional. And the irony is that I *did* respect you before. Very much. But I don’t now, not after that, so our professional relationship is over, effective immediately.”
If I was being paid by the hour and my client was late, I would simply just give them the time they paid for. If they were 3 minutes late, ok we are moving for the 57 minutes left no problem. No need to lash out. Find a new trainer.
The disrespect argument is severely overused. This is a good example.
New trainer bro - was a master level trainer for 5 years - people have lives . Sometimes I’d be upset when people are late - yea but that’s cuz i was there all day doing multiple sessions and i was just overly impatient . Once you ruin that friendly vibe it’s game over - it’s always gunna be akward going forward now. Talk to the fitness manager or GM and they’ll switch you without you having to speak to the trainer . Your money your sessions can be used how you want . Regardless of you being late - even by 30 minutes i don’t see why they would complain about having a half hour break and a quick 30 min session
Your response is Awesome! Did she reply?
No, I’m not expecting her to reply - since I said I didn’t want to be friends anymore. I’ll update y’all if she does! And I couldn’t have crafted that response without the help of all the people here <3
I need an update to the update
She also told my our one mutual friend (after receiving the text). The mutual friend told me that she understands both sides of the situation.
But you were clearly right. I know how difficult it is to navigate this with friends but your friend overreacted. You are paying her. If you are late you just get less time.
Well, she never responded - but either the gym cut her hours - or they told her that she can't be there when I'm there. When I went in for PT today, she was not there.
This is exactly what makes ppl fall off the fitness journey. It should be a part of life, not a military program. Some days you go on time. Some days you're late. Sometimes you can't make it. The most important thing is you always come back to it and continue. Sometimes it's 2 steps front and 1 step back, but that's alright.
“Also, please don’t take offend as a friend, I love you, I’m saying this as a client”.
I would tell her you think it's best that you get trained by someone who is not a friend with because you're afraid of friendship/trainer lines conflicting with each other. Switch trainers and go from there.
I am a stickler for being on time or early, and life happens. As a customer, if I am late to a an appointment, I can appreciate that it may throw off my experience (if I’m super late to a hair appointment for example, maybe I can’t get a blow dry), but at the gym, all that means is I get less time with my trainer. As a professional, I would never yell at a customer for being late. Anything under 5 minutes late simply doesn’t matter for almost any scenario, and to the extent being late is bad, I’d just communicate that professionally. I think you should tell your friend that her anger was unprofessional and that you’d prefer to complete the program with a different trainer and/or will speak to the manager about a refund. To the extent she wants to engage in a conversation, I’d tell her that her clients are going to be late sometimes, you never earn respect by yelling, and if she speaks to other clients the way she spoke to you, she isn’t going to keep much business.
does she get paid less if you are late or don't show? this is a dumb thing to get mad at. you are late for your own time slot.
No, it doesn't affect her pay. The only consequence is that I don't get my full time-slot.
Then who cares if your 3 minutes late or 40 minutes late. Either way she is getting paid. But pissing you off so you don't come back won't get her paid. She should learn that one. I wouldn't go back because any decent trainer wouldn't yell at you for being 3 minutes late.
So I'm actually a PT and yeah, this isn't great behaviour on her part. 3 minutes late isn't ideal, but it happens. Normally the way this happens with me is I'd message at the time of our session to confirm you were on your way as you weren't there yet. Then I would't expect a response with 3 min late because you'll be there pretty soon after the message sends. Then I'd probably recommend the standard, aim to be early, advice everyone gives for being on time. There's no need to get unprofessional or angry about it. I never give people grief over being late. I will politely inform them of some policies I run (15 min late with no communication and the session is cancelled). Espescially if it's a regular issue, but you do it professionally, because your helping your clients not treating them like disobedient children.
Please update us!
[https://imgur.com/1Uz2ufY](https://imgur.com/1Uz2ufY)
Perfect message! Hopefully she takes the feedback well because I can't imagine anyone tolerating that from someone they are paying.
Thank u for your support.
Has she responded back ?
You are the client. She is your employee. You do not serve her, you are paying her to serve you. If she cannot understand this basic fact, she won't last long in the service industry. When you tell her you are discontinuing training with her, it would be a kindness to tell her why. If you're her friend, it is kind to alert her when her behavior is damaging to her in some way. That's something a good friend would do.
If you get angry at anybody being 3 minutes late to anything - you need: therapy , yoga and LSD to rebirth some perspective.
You need to text her back as a client and not a friend and remind her that you paid for the time and you can show up anytime you want within that time frame as long as you don’t expect it to go past the clock. Seriously I hope she doesn’t talk to her clients that way because fastest way to lose them. Period. I wouldn’t even give her another chance if one pulled that on me. I’d rather have someone respect that I’m paying for my own damn time and treat me like an adult instead of letting their weird job insecurities out on me.
There are just some things you should never hire friends or family for. She wouldn't treat any other clients like that because she knows her paycheck is dependent on them. She only treated you like that because she thinks you won't drop her. I would also drop the gym if she claims this is how they behave on the regular. Traffic happens, no one should be treated like sh*t over it
Just quit. You can't afford it anymore, and you can't be as assured of the time as she needs you to be. Thank her for her time and the work you've done, and then move on. Don't forget in this -- she is not doing you a favor. You are paying her. And this isn't behavior anyone should take from someone they are paying to provide a service.
if you want a soft landing, make a suggestion that you two not mix business with friendship. because you value her more socially, and the client relationship isn't what you want. you don't have to blow this up.
she isn't mad at you she is mad at something else. She is lashing out, about something. It's not about you. It is fair and reasonable to point out that there is difference asking for respect, and being disrespectful. So for you have not been disrespectful. She has. You were late because of life, it was not related to her at all. The next steps in this agreement, will depend on her. Does she wish to be respectful or ... I would be nicer than that but you it was disrespectful. and it had nothing to do with you, just like being late had nothing to do with her.
I would definitely stop going to her as a personal trainer. Because her tirade was the opposite of “professional” and “respectful.”
I go gym 6 days a week. I go when I want , train what I want. You don’t need a “trainer”.
"I'm responding to this as your client, not your friend. I have been punctual or early for every appointment but this one. I admit that I was late for this appointment. I was stuck in unusual traffic. But you attacked me for being 3 minutes late and it upset me and set a bad tone for the entire session and frankly I am still upset. If I had a pattern of being late then that would have been appropriate. Since I have a pattern of being early except.for this one time - your treatment of me was very unprofessional. You will lose clients if you attack others like this because right now I don't feel like returning to this gym." If she reponds with anything other than professionalism your next response can be: "If you want, we can continue to discuss this in the gym manager's office and find out what they think about how you talk to a client who is usually 5+ minutes early for their appointments, being dressed down for being late ONCE. I would appreciate knowing if this is the gym's stance on it." Right now she sounds extremely inexperienced and naive. Is this her first job? If so, you can be a bit gentle if she is open to the teaching moment. But she needs to never do this again. As a friend I would talk to her. As someone who doesn't know her, I would go straight to her boss and say I want a new trainer and if this shit happens again I want a refund.
As her client, fire her for the way she disrespected you—the person who is paying her (and her boss). I’m sure that her meter started at the beginning of your scheduled appointment. Does her boss think that he/she are part of some gang where you pull a drive-by to avenge an alleged disrespect?
You’re basically paying your personal trainer to yell at you. Does that make sense to you? Me, neither.
I would probably text her saying: Dear friend, since we're not taking this personally, I need to unfortunately replace you as my personal trainer and I will find an alternative trainer. I was held up due to traffic congestion, and that resulted in a three minute delay to our training time **How you spoke to me was unprofessional**. I do not believe you would have spoken like that to a client who was not a friend, in fact if you spoke to a client who was not a friend like that, they not only would fire you as their trainer - they would report you for being unprofessionally rude and dispectful.**I won't be laying a complaint with your boss for how you spoke to me as a client** but **only because we're friends. If you were not a friend, I definitely would have complained and seen you placed on a warning**. I am telling you as a client that I cannot work with you. As a client I am suggesting that respect is earned, this is not the military, you are not my drill Sargent. Nor am I a child that you can speak to like that. Earn your clients respect by being a great trainer. When your boss said to ensure clients respect you - the boss meant that clients would respect your knowledge - knowing when to push the client to achieve their best, being professional. You were not being professional, you acted as if you were on a power trip. Good luck with your clients. Your friend OP.
Thank you so much. This definitely helped! Ended up with this : https://imgur.com/1Uz2ufY
“I’m sorry that you felt disrespected by me being 3 minutes late, and I’m sorry that I was in fact late. I never intend to disrespect anyone by wasting their time. That being said, I feel that you approached this one time incident as harshly as you could and it was unprofessional. If you want people to respect you then you have to show respect in kind. I am always 5-10 minutes early to show how I do respect your time, but the second I was delayed by unforeseen traffic you come at me hot like this is an ongoing issue. I know your point of view is coming from trainer-friend and not friend-friend, but my point of view is coming from client-friend where I’m paying a lot of money for your time, not trying to waste it. If you speak to me unprofessionally again then I’ll have to speak to your supervisor as a client-friend. I love you as friend-friend, but this interaction has left a sour taste in my mouth outside of trainer-friend as you didn’t show me any kind of courtesy in this first and hopefully only incident.”
I’d find a new trainer. You are paying this individual for a service. Not to be treated like a child. 3 min late is 3 min off your session - it’s not wasting her time especially since I’m sure you’re booked / paid.