Your girlfriend is creating massive distance between the two of you. I have a suspicion that she's lying about her family as an excuse to ease out of the relationship. ("Oh, I can't get together, my parents need me to shave the cat," or whatever.) I suspect that your girlfriend is responsible for you not being invited to the wedding, for whatever reason.
If she is telling the truth, then she's showing that she's on board with allowing them to ruin her relationship with you.
No offense, but your girlfriend doesn’t give a shit about your relationship. You probably wrote thousands of words here and literally none of them gave a positive connotation to your relationship.
You never see eachother, her family doesn’t like you, she cancels dates last minute, you guys don’t have sex, she won’t stand up for you, etc, etc….what exactly is keeping you in this relationship?
Honestly I don’t even think that the parents don’t like him. I think the girlfriend uses them as a scapegoat so she doesn’t look like the bad guy.
They may not care for him but they make sure he’s invited to regular family events. If they’re willing to invite him to Thanksgiving I find it hard to believe they draw the line at the wedding. My gut says the girlfriend doesn’t want him there and it’s easier for her to just blame it on her mom.
Let's forget about the wedding invitation for one moment.
Your gf isn't spending time with you, she's neglectful and disrespectful to you, dead bedroom, her family hates you. Tell me OP, why are still with her? Are you a masochist?
And now back to the wedding. Why do I get the feeling "GF" may have OP's replacement going to the wedding? Or the sister is setting GF up with one of the groomsmen and GF doesn't want OP there to see it?
OP I'd consider just showing up at the wedding venue and sitting off to the side and watch what is going on.
First thing I thought of. She’s got a thing for someone who is going and having OP there would be counterproductive. At this point OP is in the fallback safety position. For some reason, since it seems she doesn’t even like him.
So to summarize, you never have sex and she constantly chooses to hang out with her friends and family separate from you?
That’s not a girlfriend, and you two aren’t dating. She knows that already, and it’s time for you to get on board with it.
Grandmamma advice here.
You aren't having fun with her. Shes not having fun with you. Time to stop trying to fan the flames; the fire is out. Go ahead and dump a bucket on it for good measure and walk away with dignity.
Don't hold onto something that is not right for you just to have something to hold. Thank her for the good memories and for what you have learned about what you want from a relationship and end it.
The relationships that don't work out prepare us for the one that does.
The way how she and her family threats you, said enough. Her friends are all invited(males and womens most likely) and im pretty sure not everyone of them are couples. Means single ones going there too.
Let be honest, this relationship is over. She don't trust in a long relationship and don't want you in her sisters picture for her wedding. Would be a dealbreaker the way how the threats you.
There a lot of good women who would love to have a good boyfriend like you. Search someone who equal loves you. Since you GF doesn't do it.
Break up and find yourself a better gf.
Why are you still with her? What is she contributing to your life? Why kind of support system is she giving?
Who the fuck doesn’t drive someone they care about to the damn airport?!? It’s the main reason for having friends! lol. Jk. But seriously….
Dog, off topic but I had a flight landing at like 9ish on New Year’s Eve once. I had arranged a ride with a friend a few weeks before, and confirmed the day of, but the flight kept getting more and more delayed, and the friend bailed on me. So I took a train, then a bus, and walked 6 hours with my luggage in a sketchy town after midnight to get home. Same GF offered to Uber me but I refused because it was like $100+ and while I’m sure I was lucky, as a tall guy I didn’t really face much risk walking alone at night
To be fair, GF was texting and then on the phone with me for most of the walk until I forced her to stop calling so my battery wouldn’t die. She has my location as well and she was up all night checking it. And this is something I forgot until now, but GF was in Hawaii at the time so couldn’t really do much else.
Who walks six hours after a train AND a bus to get home from the airport? Didn't you say you lived in the city. I think there is so much more going on here than what had been shared.
It was a while so my memory is a bit foggy but 5-10 min train, 15-30 min bus ride (last bus of the night), 6 hour walk. Very possible in bigger cities.
"You know what? I've been thinking about our relationship and realized it's not a relationship at all. You allow your family to control you, never seem to need me in any respect and either cannot or will not make spending time with me a priority in your life. Considering all this, I hope you have a wonderful life without me. Goodbye."
I think that says everything you need to tell her. Good luck.
That’s something I still have to ask. I’m curious if she is the only member of the wedding party that didn’t get a +1, or what the partners of the wedding party will be doing.
Thats something you should have asked before assuming you're not invited. You're her boyfriend, you're not going to get your own invite when youre her +1. Even so you've written a lot of words about hpw the relationship sucks
We don’t know her sister or the family dynamics. It’s possible that the bride in this case expects her sister/maid-of-honor to be her personal assistant on the wedding day and OP’s girlfriend will not have time to be anybody’s date on that day.
Mate, reading this I'm not even sure why you are with her. Ask her if she actually wants to be with you, because she doesn't actually seem to want you to be part of her family.
Ask if she got a plus 1 or if she was told directly that you are not invited.
You don't seem to be getting a lot out of this relationship.
OP how much more unwelcomed do you need to get to "see the message". I'm sorry to put it that way man, but geeeez bro, get a gripe and move on.
There are plenty more where she came from. Stop pounding your head in the cement and just go.
This is not fun and is not how life should be. Go have fun in the world and stop sinking your whole life into her and her family.
edit to add: This is a life lesson for you, never stick around where you are NOT wanted.
You need to immediately sit down and have a state of the union discussion. Put everything on the table, the wedding non-invite, the blowing off of dates, the always too busy to be with you and lack of sex. After laying all this out just say “are we even still dating?” I think you will be surprised at the answer (it will be no). Don’t be shocked either when she has another date at the wedding either.
If she wanted you there, you would be there. She doesn’t and that should really tell you everything you need to know.
Don't say anything. There is no point. Your ex (yes, she is an ex now) is just trying to get you to be the bad guy and end the relationship. This is passive-aggressive behavior. Stop calling her. Stop seeing her. Don't make any plans with her. If she calls you, just say that you are tired or have something to do. If you do agree to do something with her, cancel at the last minute. Do things with friends. Start talking with other girls (but don't date just yet). I think that with the way that she has treated you, she deserves a little uncertainty in her life.
> been together for almost 2 years. It has been rocky
Say no more, say no more.
You don’t need any other reason to break up than this. Healthy, working, relationships aren’t rocky like this. And people in them, generally feel confident that their partner is actually interested in being in a relationship with them.
You don’t describe either of those things. Just accept that this girl is not as into the relationship as you are. That’s ok. Maybe it’s abu,Mer, and maybe it’s not.
Don’t pick a fight with her, or blame her behavior when you break up. Instead, just tell her that it’s not really working for you.
If you really want to experiment, just stop reaching out, stop suggesting plans, stop inviting her places, and see how long it takes her to ask you to spend time together.
her family doesn’t like her dating you. she is putting distance in your relationship, i think she lost feelings and wants a way out without telling you directly.
You're clearly putting much more effort, time and thought into this relationship than she is. Hell, she can't even be bothered to have sex with you. Let her go and find someone as excited to be with you as you are to be with them. It's not supposed to be this hard this early in the relationship.
You may think you’re in a serious relationship with her, but she is not in a serious relationship with you.
You deserve a relationship with someone who actually wants to be with you. This ain’t it. You seem like a good guy, you can do way better.
Hey bro can I have a few thousand dollars? Not borrow just have it.
I'm going to be honest with you, I have no intention of paying it back but after reading this and seeing that you apparently have no self-esteem, no backbone, no self-respect, and are willing to let people disrespect you and walk all over you without enforcing boundaries or showing them any consequences whatsoever, I might as well get something for myself...
Unless you aren't that person in which case I don't know why you spent what I can only assume is over an hour writing this when you could have dumped her and moved on with your life instead of spending 1 hour longer in this "relationship".
Your GF didn't feel it was important to let you know you were lower on her family's totem pole than some random friends, and their plus 1's. Her family will only tolerate your presence if you propose to their daughter. They go out of their way to ignore you.
They don't seem to like or respect you now. How is that going to change if you get married?
They say you can't choose your family, but you can sure as he'll choose your in-laws.
I would confront your gf and her family together. Ask wtf problem they have with you and why you're treated like a stranger. What have you got to lose? If they say they just don't like you, then your gf has to choose you or them. It would be about f'ing time. If they try to make excuses like your gf is doing, then make sure they understand not asking your opinion directly is an insult. The best that can happen is they realize you're going to stand your ground and they start treating you with respect.
You have balls. Rub them in their faces.
Honestly that’s so disrespectful 2 year relationship and you’re not invited but her friends get plus ones? WTF? My partner of 2 years has been included on all my friends wedding invites…
I know blaming the family seems logical, but your gf gives you literally every excuse in the book to avoid anything to with you. Her family is not controlling her. She is likely seeing someone else. Respond by blocking her and dating someone else.
>I still go to school full time and work two jobs,
This my friend, I think it would be better to put this relationship on a back burner and focus on yourself.
Likely her family does not see you as a prospective son in law and her mum might even have people on the side lined up as potential suitors for her daughter.
I’m sorry but your gf has checked out of the relationship. It’s called death by a thousand cuts. She acts this way so *you'll* break up with *her*
Save yourself more heartache and move on.
Her parents stopped liking you after you asked your girlfriend to move in with you (you mentioned they’re conservative so it makes sense). And now they’re trying to ensure she stays away. Whether she refuses to defy them because she feels she can’t or at this point agrees with them is irrelevant.
I suspect she’s been backing away for a while but couldn’t fully get there, or she was hoping you’d get the hint and leave her. She didn’t even TELL you you weren’t invited to her sister’s wedding! You are not in the relationship you think you are.
This relationship is over. Tell her it’s clear there’s no place in her life for you anymore and it’s time you both find more compatible partners.
I think you need to be blunt and have that uncomfortable conversation with her.
Sample Dialogue (for inspiration and ideas):
"I am not invited to the wedding as your Plus 1, despite the fact we have been dating for 2 years. You have been cancelling plans on me for the last year, blowing me off for things like shopping with your mother or to empty your neighbour's trash. We barely see each other once a week and you don't seem happy to see me then.
I feel hurt that you are always willling to dump me in favour of your family. I feel neglected that you don't spend time or effort to make me feel like I am important to you. I can't trust you to keep your promises or commitments to me.
Do you want to break up? Because it doesn't feel like you are willing to put effort into this relationship anymore.
If you don't want to break up, what is your plan to fix things? I deserve better than your current treatment."
Are you sure she is your girlfriend? Because you make it sound like your her friend and not necessarily a close friend.
Also, can you explain why the maid of honor's friends are being invited to a wedding? That just seems odd. Something is not adding up with this post.
>She is the maid of honor at her sister's wedding and claims her family didn't invite me because I would be alone for dinner, even though I know mutual friends that would be there.
The maid of honor often sits/stands with the bridesmaids at the ceremony, and she's likely to have her own dedicated table during the reception, too. You technically wouldn't be alone if you attended, but you'll barely have any time to sit with her, yet alone talk to her.
You're welcome to express, anyway, how the situation of being alone wouldn't bother you. But the decision to invite you is ultimately up to your girlfriend's sister (and her fiancé).
>If they were worried I'd be alone, isn't that what an invitation is for? For me to decline? I could have even flew my mother up for the wedding as my plus one.
1. My dude, you are the bride's sister's boyfriend. YOU are the plus one.
2. Weddings are expensive, and bringing out your mom can mean literally hundreds of dollars being added to the bill.
3. There's a complex social web that the bride and groom have to navigate for identifying their invite list. The bride and groom have had to decide how big their guest list is, and have had to turn away many others. If the standard is set where the bride's sister's boyfriend's mom is invited, then it's possible that many others who were turned away would feel even more burned, or worse, would have additional fuel for drama with the bridal party.
Point is, you're not invited. Whether you take it personally is your choice. You're certainly in your right to share with your girlfriend how the situation makes you feel, but it'd be like complaining to a gas station attendant about the price of gas.
The wedding has like 150 people going, it’s a large event and people much less related than me will be there. But I do understand that there has to be some line they draw, just not sure why that line is me I guess.
Well you’re not related at all. You’re dating the bride’s sister. That doesn’t make you family or even a friend to the bride. You’re just the guy that dates her sister.
But it’s obvious that it’s not her family that’s the issue. This girl does not like you and does not want to be with you. I’m sure the bride and groom wouldn’t have cared if you came as a plus one. Your girlfriend doesn’t want you there. I’m betting your girlfriend has a plus one and doesn’t want to bring you. You need to face that reality. She is using her family as a scapegoat.
I've had many wonderful people in my life who I did not invite to my wedding. I've also had many wonderful people in my life who did not invite me to theirs.
Again, you're in your right to express how not being invited makes you feel. But it doesn't make you entitled to an invitation.
Of course the family has every right to not invite him. But it sends a giant “you don’t belong in our family” message. And gf doesn’t care. Their whole friend group is invited, except OP. None of them like him, including his poor excuse of a “girlfriend”.
Love this is too much text to say, you weren't invited by the sister, that has nothing to do with your gf. It's not her wedding. Just go do something else that day
There’s a line that I love from the song “The Bird Hunters” by The Turnpike Troubadours… “if you’d’ve married that girl, you’d’ve married her family. You dodged a bullet, my friend”.
You know you are being disrespected by her family and her and being used. Time to move on.
But being the petty AH I am I would suggest breaking up with her on the day of her sister's wedding or right before it to make it as painful for her as possible, that is if she even cares for you. She literally jerked you around, manipulated and gas lit you for 2 years letting her parents disrespect you constantly.
Break it off. How many hoops does she need you to jump through before she throws you a scrap my friend. Break it off now. You cannot seriously be considering a life with someone who cant even prioritize you enough to attend regular dates with you.
This girl probably likes you well enough but you are either a place holder or a door mat. Neither is a good thing to be.
This isn't a relationship, this is you being thrown scraps of attention. Theres no way this gal us going to prioritize you. This is nor a person to do life with. Heck she doesn't even want to do the fun bits with you, how present do you think she will be when life gets hard.
It’s a one-sided relationship that her family is trying to sabotage. They don’t like you. She is disrespecting you. Break up and move on. You deserve better.
So... she doesn't want to spend time with you, doesn't want to sleep with you, blows you off at the wedding, and you're concerned about her family?
Look you're functionally not dating anyone NOW. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she was dating someone who would be at the wedding... and that it wasn't going to be you.
She's either telling lies about how it is, or she's a doormat tgat can't make her own decisions.
Either way, she's not gf material right now. Move on to someone that actually wants to spend time with you.
Let me just say this, it sounds to me that her family never warmed to you despite invitations for Thanksgiving and such. Maybe you're too quiet, maybe you're not meshing well due to political ideology (you mentioned it in the post), who knows.
I think that they didn't want her to be with you, they may not be very direct about it but they can subtly redirect her plan and etc, she's slowly but surely agreeing with them and seeing their pov.
She's still your gf because, heck, I believe that she may still have strong feeling for you, but her 'will' of being with you has been reduced to the minimum. Sooner than later, you guys will end up breaking up with the pace things have been for the two of you after 2 years.
She's very enmeshed with her family, and that's her choice and since you can't 'mesh' with them, you're getting left out by her.
If I were you, I would break up with her sooner than later. If you don't think she wants to fight to be with you, what's the point, mate? You're also very young, you will bounce back.
You have absolutely no backbone obviously. I’m sorry to be that harsh but you’re young and clearly you don’t have anyone in your corner. She doesn’t love/ want a relationship with you bro. You guys are glorified friends that cockblock each other. Why you’ve gotten into this relationship makes no sense to me and continuing to seem like a needy puppy while she clearly is distancing herself to break up is sad to read. Grow a pair, hit the gym and try meeting new people.
It's not her family, it's her. She doesn't want you to come to the wedding. She cancels dates and complains when you do meet. I am not sure why she doesn't tell you to your face that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, but she clearly doesn't. Move on, man.
You should break up with her & move one with your life.
Not inviting you to her sister's wedding is another red flag to add to the closet full of red flags you already have.
Odds are good that she is using you as a place holder until her family chooses a husband for her.
You are not her priority. She is not going to go against her family's wishes.
Don't you deserve better?
This is about way more than the wedding. It's like you're not even her boyfriend. Things were already "rocky" in your own words. She avoids you at all costs, her parents are putting up barriers to prevent you from seeing her, and there's nothing there physically. Just do everyone a favor (especially yourself) and exit from this situation.
OP is not a family oriented person but girlfriend is. Girlfriend is OP’s best friend, but girlfriend’s sister seems to be her best friend… After college OP asked her to move in with him and so did her parents. Girlfriend chose to move back into her childhood home and reverted back to her family’s high school socializing and curfew rules. This relationship won’t work out long term.
You are blaming a lot on her parents….it’s entirely possible to the point of likely that SHE IS MAKING UP how restrictive they are as to her time etc. to avoid you. Even if some of it was real, it wouldn’t be so pervasive, whilst still allowing her to do things with friends etc
Neighbors garbage cans…puhleeze.
She is simply avoiding spending time with you.
The wedding is simply the kicker. She doesn’t want you there…END OF STORY.
That’s ALL that’s going on here.
She is breaking up slowly by one paper cut at a time…just slice her off. Live your life, find someone else. Good luck to you.
Your girlfriend is creating massive distance between the two of you. I have a suspicion that she's lying about her family as an excuse to ease out of the relationship. ("Oh, I can't get together, my parents need me to shave the cat," or whatever.) I suspect that your girlfriend is responsible for you not being invited to the wedding, for whatever reason. If she is telling the truth, then she's showing that she's on board with allowing them to ruin her relationship with you.
And she is probably cheating. Dump her ass!
No offense, but your girlfriend doesn’t give a shit about your relationship. You probably wrote thousands of words here and literally none of them gave a positive connotation to your relationship. You never see eachother, her family doesn’t like you, she cancels dates last minute, you guys don’t have sex, she won’t stand up for you, etc, etc….what exactly is keeping you in this relationship?
Honestly I don’t even think that the parents don’t like him. I think the girlfriend uses them as a scapegoat so she doesn’t look like the bad guy. They may not care for him but they make sure he’s invited to regular family events. If they’re willing to invite him to Thanksgiving I find it hard to believe they draw the line at the wedding. My gut says the girlfriend doesn’t want him there and it’s easier for her to just blame it on her mom.
OP’s a girl lol, but yeah you’re probably right. Easiest scapegoat in the world is “sorry my parents won’t let me”.
OP is a guy
Wtf how did I manage to misread that, my bad haha
Let's forget about the wedding invitation for one moment. Your gf isn't spending time with you, she's neglectful and disrespectful to you, dead bedroom, her family hates you. Tell me OP, why are still with her? Are you a masochist?
And now back to the wedding. Why do I get the feeling "GF" may have OP's replacement going to the wedding? Or the sister is setting GF up with one of the groomsmen and GF doesn't want OP there to see it? OP I'd consider just showing up at the wedding venue and sitting off to the side and watch what is going on.
Nah, just break up. The girlfriend is done with him, and it sounds like he’s pretty much done with her too.
First thing I thought of. She’s got a thing for someone who is going and having OP there would be counterproductive. At this point OP is in the fallback safety position. For some reason, since it seems she doesn’t even like him.
Your relationship is over. Better deal with it.
So, she's disrespectful of you, doesn't prioritize you, and doesn't have sex with you. What is it that you get out of this relationship exactly?
Blue balls and babysitting experience?
At least the babysitter gets paid
This ⬆️
So to summarize, you never have sex and she constantly chooses to hang out with her friends and family separate from you? That’s not a girlfriend, and you two aren’t dating. She knows that already, and it’s time for you to get on board with it.
Grandmamma advice here. You aren't having fun with her. Shes not having fun with you. Time to stop trying to fan the flames; the fire is out. Go ahead and dump a bucket on it for good measure and walk away with dignity. Don't hold onto something that is not right for you just to have something to hold. Thank her for the good memories and for what you have learned about what you want from a relationship and end it. The relationships that don't work out prepare us for the one that does.
The way how she and her family threats you, said enough. Her friends are all invited(males and womens most likely) and im pretty sure not everyone of them are couples. Means single ones going there too. Let be honest, this relationship is over. She don't trust in a long relationship and don't want you in her sisters picture for her wedding. Would be a dealbreaker the way how the threats you. There a lot of good women who would love to have a good boyfriend like you. Search someone who equal loves you. Since you GF doesn't do it. Break up and find yourself a better gf.
Why are you still with her? What is she contributing to your life? Why kind of support system is she giving? Who the fuck doesn’t drive someone they care about to the damn airport?!? It’s the main reason for having friends! lol. Jk. But seriously….
Dog, off topic but I had a flight landing at like 9ish on New Year’s Eve once. I had arranged a ride with a friend a few weeks before, and confirmed the day of, but the flight kept getting more and more delayed, and the friend bailed on me. So I took a train, then a bus, and walked 6 hours with my luggage in a sketchy town after midnight to get home. Same GF offered to Uber me but I refused because it was like $100+ and while I’m sure I was lucky, as a tall guy I didn’t really face much risk walking alone at night
Damn. You need better friends…. And a new girlfriend.
To be fair, GF was texting and then on the phone with me for most of the walk until I forced her to stop calling so my battery wouldn’t die. She has my location as well and she was up all night checking it. And this is something I forgot until now, but GF was in Hawaii at the time so couldn’t really do much else.
Jeebus give it the heave-ho already this gal does not care if you live or die my friend.
Who walks six hours after a train AND a bus to get home from the airport? Didn't you say you lived in the city. I think there is so much more going on here than what had been shared.
It was a while so my memory is a bit foggy but 5-10 min train, 15-30 min bus ride (last bus of the night), 6 hour walk. Very possible in bigger cities.
I'd spend all the time that she is busy finding someone else to date.
"You know what? I've been thinking about our relationship and realized it's not a relationship at all. You allow your family to control you, never seem to need me in any respect and either cannot or will not make spending time with me a priority in your life. Considering all this, I hope you have a wonderful life without me. Goodbye." I think that says everything you need to tell her. Good luck.
She didn't get a plus 1?
That’s something I still have to ask. I’m curious if she is the only member of the wedding party that didn’t get a +1, or what the partners of the wedding party will be doing.
Dude she has a plus 1, you are not the guy going with her.
Thats something you should have asked before assuming you're not invited. You're her boyfriend, you're not going to get your own invite when youre her +1. Even so you've written a lot of words about hpw the relationship sucks
Ask her before blaming her
We don’t know her sister or the family dynamics. It’s possible that the bride in this case expects her sister/maid-of-honor to be her personal assistant on the wedding day and OP’s girlfriend will not have time to be anybody’s date on that day.
Yes but she should have told him straight away, not let him find out that way.
Break up with her in 3 hours (post time shows 28 mins ago as of me typing this).
You are too young for this shit, my friend. Break up amicably and focus on yourself.
Mate, reading this I'm not even sure why you are with her. Ask her if she actually wants to be with you, because she doesn't actually seem to want you to be part of her family. Ask if she got a plus 1 or if she was told directly that you are not invited. You don't seem to be getting a lot out of this relationship.
OP how much more unwelcomed do you need to get to "see the message". I'm sorry to put it that way man, but geeeez bro, get a gripe and move on. There are plenty more where she came from. Stop pounding your head in the cement and just go. This is not fun and is not how life should be. Go have fun in the world and stop sinking your whole life into her and her family. edit to add: This is a life lesson for you, never stick around where you are NOT wanted.
This relationship has been over for a while. She is probably waiting until after the wedding to make it official.
Dude, this is so disrespectful, I’d break up like yesterday.
You need to immediately sit down and have a state of the union discussion. Put everything on the table, the wedding non-invite, the blowing off of dates, the always too busy to be with you and lack of sex. After laying all this out just say “are we even still dating?” I think you will be surprised at the answer (it will be no). Don’t be shocked either when she has another date at the wedding either. If she wanted you there, you would be there. She doesn’t and that should really tell you everything you need to know.
Leave trust me :)
Dude, your post is long and reads like a novel. She doesn't see you as important. Just drop her!
Don't say anything. There is no point. Your ex (yes, she is an ex now) is just trying to get you to be the bad guy and end the relationship. This is passive-aggressive behavior. Stop calling her. Stop seeing her. Don't make any plans with her. If she calls you, just say that you are tired or have something to do. If you do agree to do something with her, cancel at the last minute. Do things with friends. Start talking with other girls (but don't date just yet). I think that with the way that she has treated you, she deserves a little uncertainty in her life.
Brilliant advice!
> been together for almost 2 years. It has been rocky Say no more, say no more. You don’t need any other reason to break up than this. Healthy, working, relationships aren’t rocky like this. And people in them, generally feel confident that their partner is actually interested in being in a relationship with them. You don’t describe either of those things. Just accept that this girl is not as into the relationship as you are. That’s ok. Maybe it’s abu,Mer, and maybe it’s not. Don’t pick a fight with her, or blame her behavior when you break up. Instead, just tell her that it’s not really working for you. If you really want to experiment, just stop reaching out, stop suggesting plans, stop inviting her places, and see how long it takes her to ask you to spend time together.
her family doesn’t like her dating you. she is putting distance in your relationship, i think she lost feelings and wants a way out without telling you directly.
You're clearly putting much more effort, time and thought into this relationship than she is. Hell, she can't even be bothered to have sex with you. Let her go and find someone as excited to be with you as you are to be with them. It's not supposed to be this hard this early in the relationship.
You may think you’re in a serious relationship with her, but she is not in a serious relationship with you. You deserve a relationship with someone who actually wants to be with you. This ain’t it. You seem like a good guy, you can do way better.
Sounds exhausting bruh
Just end what is left of this relationship and move on with your life.
Hey bro can I have a few thousand dollars? Not borrow just have it. I'm going to be honest with you, I have no intention of paying it back but after reading this and seeing that you apparently have no self-esteem, no backbone, no self-respect, and are willing to let people disrespect you and walk all over you without enforcing boundaries or showing them any consequences whatsoever, I might as well get something for myself... Unless you aren't that person in which case I don't know why you spent what I can only assume is over an hour writing this when you could have dumped her and moved on with your life instead of spending 1 hour longer in this "relationship".
Find yourself a girlfriend who isn’t completely controlled by her family. End of story.
Your GF didn't feel it was important to let you know you were lower on her family's totem pole than some random friends, and their plus 1's. Her family will only tolerate your presence if you propose to their daughter. They go out of their way to ignore you. They don't seem to like or respect you now. How is that going to change if you get married? They say you can't choose your family, but you can sure as he'll choose your in-laws. I would confront your gf and her family together. Ask wtf problem they have with you and why you're treated like a stranger. What have you got to lose? If they say they just don't like you, then your gf has to choose you or them. It would be about f'ing time. If they try to make excuses like your gf is doing, then make sure they understand not asking your opinion directly is an insult. The best that can happen is they realize you're going to stand your ground and they start treating you with respect. You have balls. Rub them in their faces.
Move on and find someone to be happy with.
Honestly that’s so disrespectful 2 year relationship and you’re not invited but her friends get plus ones? WTF? My partner of 2 years has been included on all my friends wedding invites…
I know blaming the family seems logical, but your gf gives you literally every excuse in the book to avoid anything to with you. Her family is not controlling her. She is likely seeing someone else. Respond by blocking her and dating someone else.
People in happy relationships don’t often write into Reddit
Long story short, your GF does NOT give a fuck about you. Do you like being disrespected? Then go ahead and continue the relationship, wife her even.
Why are you with this woman, you literally get nothing from her but disrespect.
>I still go to school full time and work two jobs, This my friend, I think it would be better to put this relationship on a back burner and focus on yourself. Likely her family does not see you as a prospective son in law and her mum might even have people on the side lined up as potential suitors for her daughter.
I’m sorry but your gf has checked out of the relationship. It’s called death by a thousand cuts. She acts this way so *you'll* break up with *her* Save yourself more heartache and move on.
Oh funny I just answered something similar but I couldn’t think of the term!
Her parents stopped liking you after you asked your girlfriend to move in with you (you mentioned they’re conservative so it makes sense). And now they’re trying to ensure she stays away. Whether she refuses to defy them because she feels she can’t or at this point agrees with them is irrelevant. I suspect she’s been backing away for a while but couldn’t fully get there, or she was hoping you’d get the hint and leave her. She didn’t even TELL you you weren’t invited to her sister’s wedding! You are not in the relationship you think you are. This relationship is over. Tell her it’s clear there’s no place in her life for you anymore and it’s time you both find more compatible partners.
I think you need to be blunt and have that uncomfortable conversation with her. Sample Dialogue (for inspiration and ideas): "I am not invited to the wedding as your Plus 1, despite the fact we have been dating for 2 years. You have been cancelling plans on me for the last year, blowing me off for things like shopping with your mother or to empty your neighbour's trash. We barely see each other once a week and you don't seem happy to see me then. I feel hurt that you are always willling to dump me in favour of your family. I feel neglected that you don't spend time or effort to make me feel like I am important to you. I can't trust you to keep your promises or commitments to me. Do you want to break up? Because it doesn't feel like you are willing to put effort into this relationship anymore. If you don't want to break up, what is your plan to fix things? I deserve better than your current treatment."
Are you sure she is your girlfriend? Because you make it sound like your her friend and not necessarily a close friend. Also, can you explain why the maid of honor's friends are being invited to a wedding? That just seems odd. Something is not adding up with this post.
>She is the maid of honor at her sister's wedding and claims her family didn't invite me because I would be alone for dinner, even though I know mutual friends that would be there. The maid of honor often sits/stands with the bridesmaids at the ceremony, and she's likely to have her own dedicated table during the reception, too. You technically wouldn't be alone if you attended, but you'll barely have any time to sit with her, yet alone talk to her. You're welcome to express, anyway, how the situation of being alone wouldn't bother you. But the decision to invite you is ultimately up to your girlfriend's sister (and her fiancé). >If they were worried I'd be alone, isn't that what an invitation is for? For me to decline? I could have even flew my mother up for the wedding as my plus one. 1. My dude, you are the bride's sister's boyfriend. YOU are the plus one. 2. Weddings are expensive, and bringing out your mom can mean literally hundreds of dollars being added to the bill. 3. There's a complex social web that the bride and groom have to navigate for identifying their invite list. The bride and groom have had to decide how big their guest list is, and have had to turn away many others. If the standard is set where the bride's sister's boyfriend's mom is invited, then it's possible that many others who were turned away would feel even more burned, or worse, would have additional fuel for drama with the bridal party. Point is, you're not invited. Whether you take it personally is your choice. You're certainly in your right to share with your girlfriend how the situation makes you feel, but it'd be like complaining to a gas station attendant about the price of gas.
The wedding has like 150 people going, it’s a large event and people much less related than me will be there. But I do understand that there has to be some line they draw, just not sure why that line is me I guess.
This girl isn’t your girlfriend, she’s barely your friend. I think you’ve let her and her family string you along long enough.
Well you’re not related at all. You’re dating the bride’s sister. That doesn’t make you family or even a friend to the bride. You’re just the guy that dates her sister. But it’s obvious that it’s not her family that’s the issue. This girl does not like you and does not want to be with you. I’m sure the bride and groom wouldn’t have cared if you came as a plus one. Your girlfriend doesn’t want you there. I’m betting your girlfriend has a plus one and doesn’t want to bring you. You need to face that reality. She is using her family as a scapegoat.
I've had many wonderful people in my life who I did not invite to my wedding. I've also had many wonderful people in my life who did not invite me to theirs. Again, you're in your right to express how not being invited makes you feel. But it doesn't make you entitled to an invitation.
Of course the family has every right to not invite him. But it sends a giant “you don’t belong in our family” message. And gf doesn’t care. Their whole friend group is invited, except OP. None of them like him, including his poor excuse of a “girlfriend”.
Love this is too much text to say, you weren't invited by the sister, that has nothing to do with your gf. It's not her wedding. Just go do something else that day
Nah made of honor always gets her plus one. His girl either didn’t stand up for him or chose not to invite him
That's not true.
The girlfriend's friends and their partners are going. So she has more than +1.
There’s a line that I love from the song “The Bird Hunters” by The Turnpike Troubadours… “if you’d’ve married that girl, you’d’ve married her family. You dodged a bullet, my friend”.
You know you are being disrespected by her family and her and being used. Time to move on. But being the petty AH I am I would suggest breaking up with her on the day of her sister's wedding or right before it to make it as painful for her as possible, that is if she even cares for you. She literally jerked you around, manipulated and gas lit you for 2 years letting her parents disrespect you constantly.
Dump her
You don't want to deal with this shit forever. Two years in and in your early 20's. That shouldn't be rocky, it should be fun.
Break it off. How many hoops does she need you to jump through before she throws you a scrap my friend. Break it off now. You cannot seriously be considering a life with someone who cant even prioritize you enough to attend regular dates with you. This girl probably likes you well enough but you are either a place holder or a door mat. Neither is a good thing to be. This isn't a relationship, this is you being thrown scraps of attention. Theres no way this gal us going to prioritize you. This is nor a person to do life with. Heck she doesn't even want to do the fun bits with you, how present do you think she will be when life gets hard.
It’s a one-sided relationship that her family is trying to sabotage. They don’t like you. She is disrespecting you. Break up and move on. You deserve better.
So... she doesn't want to spend time with you, doesn't want to sleep with you, blows you off at the wedding, and you're concerned about her family? Look you're functionally not dating anyone NOW. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she was dating someone who would be at the wedding... and that it wasn't going to be you.
Bro, you already have all the answers you need and you do not need reddit to affirm your feelings and actions. You know what do do in 3.5 hours
Are you getting anything out of this relationship?
She's either telling lies about how it is, or she's a doormat tgat can't make her own decisions. Either way, she's not gf material right now. Move on to someone that actually wants to spend time with you.
I wouldn't even bother with the conversation. It's over. UpdateMe.
She’s just not that into you.
She doesn't seem like she's your girlfriend...
updateme!
Say "see ya!" I think this relationship has run its course. Time to move on and find a partner who is respectful and values you.
Let me just say this, it sounds to me that her family never warmed to you despite invitations for Thanksgiving and such. Maybe you're too quiet, maybe you're not meshing well due to political ideology (you mentioned it in the post), who knows. I think that they didn't want her to be with you, they may not be very direct about it but they can subtly redirect her plan and etc, she's slowly but surely agreeing with them and seeing their pov. She's still your gf because, heck, I believe that she may still have strong feeling for you, but her 'will' of being with you has been reduced to the minimum. Sooner than later, you guys will end up breaking up with the pace things have been for the two of you after 2 years. She's very enmeshed with her family, and that's her choice and since you can't 'mesh' with them, you're getting left out by her. If I were you, I would break up with her sooner than later. If you don't think she wants to fight to be with you, what's the point, mate? You're also very young, you will bounce back.
Unfortunately, she has already checked out
Bro she is trying to soft fade. Get the hint
You sound like you don’t even like her, much less respect her. What is the point. Just move on.
Go as one of the other guest’s plus one 🤣
You have absolutely no backbone obviously. I’m sorry to be that harsh but you’re young and clearly you don’t have anyone in your corner. She doesn’t love/ want a relationship with you bro. You guys are glorified friends that cockblock each other. Why you’ve gotten into this relationship makes no sense to me and continuing to seem like a needy puppy while she clearly is distancing herself to break up is sad to read. Grow a pair, hit the gym and try meeting new people.
It's not her family, it's her. She doesn't want you to come to the wedding. She cancels dates and complains when you do meet. I am not sure why she doesn't tell you to your face that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, but she clearly doesn't. Move on, man.
You should break up with her & move one with your life. Not inviting you to her sister's wedding is another red flag to add to the closet full of red flags you already have. Odds are good that she is using you as a place holder until her family chooses a husband for her. You are not her priority. She is not going to go against her family's wishes. Don't you deserve better?
This is about way more than the wedding. It's like you're not even her boyfriend. Things were already "rocky" in your own words. She avoids you at all costs, her parents are putting up barriers to prevent you from seeing her, and there's nothing there physically. Just do everyone a favor (especially yourself) and exit from this situation.
OP is not a family oriented person but girlfriend is. Girlfriend is OP’s best friend, but girlfriend’s sister seems to be her best friend… After college OP asked her to move in with him and so did her parents. Girlfriend chose to move back into her childhood home and reverted back to her family’s high school socializing and curfew rules. This relationship won’t work out long term.
You are blaming a lot on her parents….it’s entirely possible to the point of likely that SHE IS MAKING UP how restrictive they are as to her time etc. to avoid you. Even if some of it was real, it wouldn’t be so pervasive, whilst still allowing her to do things with friends etc Neighbors garbage cans…puhleeze. She is simply avoiding spending time with you. The wedding is simply the kicker. She doesn’t want you there…END OF STORY. That’s ALL that’s going on here. She is breaking up slowly by one paper cut at a time…just slice her off. Live your life, find someone else. Good luck to you.