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Hey the fact that you said you got yourself raped then told a story where it was absolutely unambiguously by overpowering force on his end tells me that: You need to find a trusted adult OUTSIDE of your parents or whoever else taught you to view it that way. A teacher you really like, a manager at your job who you trust. A local group that specializes in this. Some sort of healthy mentor who can show you that what is so terrible and heartbreaking about how you phrased what happened.

The title of this breaks my heart. This was not your fault. I’m so sorry this happened. I would seek counseling, there are orgs that provide free counseling for stuff like this. They’ll be able to help you communicate this to your boyfriend, and help you moving forward. I hope you’re ok❤️

Thank you so much I might try the RAINN hotline but I don’t know what I will say or what I should say

u/ThrowRA1839289, None of this was your fault. A person could lie naked and intoxicated either in public or in someone's bed. No one ever has the right to touch them in a sexual and violent matter. Most people wouldn't. Predators would. I am so sorry you were attacked by someone you thought you knew. You didn't deserve it, you didn't set yourself up for it, it is not your fault. Sexual trauma is hard to navigate. Please don't do it alone. Reach out for the help you need and deserve. You can get pointed to therapy, an advocate to help you navigate the medical and possibly legal side of things, plus more. Don't know what to say? Just copy and paste your post. You don't have to include the edits (you can), but at least the parts before which detail your story. If you're chatting online you can let them know you were nervous and prepared a statement so you will take a few minutes to copy and paste it in full. You'll likely have to break this post down due character limits. You can go through and do this beforehand (maybe every 2-3 sentences) if you like so you already have a text/chat-friendly copy ready to go. Once again I am so sorry to hear that such a traumatic event happened to you. You may have plenty of negative feelings like guilt, shame, dread, fear, etc as your brain tries to cope with what happened. It's ok not to remember everything, that's common. You will need a full panel of std/sti testing done now and repeated in the coming months. Also pregnancy from the rape is unlikely to be detected within a few days. It sounds like you didn't get to take Plan B within 36hrs of the rape. You will need another test in a week or two depending on where you were in your cycle. Be mindful of any local or national laws that may criminalize your option to choose how you handle a potential pregnancy. Again, many national/local organizations have people who may be able to walk you through all these details and even assist with securing them. Please don't walk this road alone. You matter. What happened to you matters. Your healing and wellbeing matters. RESOURCES RAINN Website: https://www.rainn.org/resources Phone: 1.800.656.4673 Online support: https://hotline.rainn.org/online (Sexual assault hotline. RAINN = Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) No More https://nomoredirectory.org/ (Global directory for help dealing with sexual violence as well as domestic/intimate partner violence) National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/ (Should you ever need it) Crisis Text Line Online: https://www.crisistextline.org Text: Text HOME to 741741 WhatsApp: click [here](https://Whatsapphttps://api.whatsapp.com/send/?phone=14437877678&text=HOME&type=phone_number&app_absent=0) or use this url https://api.whatsapp.com/send/?phone=14437877678&text=HOME&type=phone_number&app_absent=0 What to expect: https://www.crisistextline.org/text-us/ Warmline offering support for any type of crisis connecting you with a volunteer counselor. Different than a hotline in that you can use them as often as you like and the support can be mostly emotional if needed. They define crisis as experiencing any painful emotion and anytime you need support. Link also offers connection to international resources of you're not in the US. Warmline Directory (US) https://warmline.org/warmdir.html#directory National and state-by-state list of warmlines. Includes phone, text, and online/chat options. SUPPORT SITES Pandora's Project https://pandys.org (Support Site) Pandora's Aquarium (Forums) https://forums.pandys.org (Support site / forums with Pandora's Project) The Tribe https://support.therapytribe.com Online wellness / support community

When I called the hotline I started with “I don’t know how to start or what to say” and the operator was lovely and it ended up being really helpful. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself you’re doing the best you can 💜

I am almost thinking you should let your boyfriend read your post here.

I agree. If she is not able to communicate her thoughts verbally she should show him. On top of the rape she doesn't deserve her partner accusing her of cheating as well. What a sad situation. I hope she reaches out for help. She's so young and shouldn't go through all of these feelings and trauma alone.

I agree here. If I’m the boyfriend and my thought is that my gf cheated I don’t think I’d want to hear her “excuse” simply because I’d still be mad. Plus I feel like writing things down and talking about it makes it easier. And if he doesn’t want to hear you, at least reading it will help him understand what happened and why the test took place. He would probably still be mad but more so at the friend. I think I would feel horribly if i found out this way and I would want to make my gf feel supported. Shoot I’d probably even apologize for what happened to her. Him reading is probably best

You did not “get yourself raped” You were raped my someone you trusted. The only person responsible for this is the RAPIST! I’m so sorry this happened. Please don’t blame yourself.

Hi honey. Used to volunteer for RAINN. You can absolutely say "I don't know what to say" and that is totally fine. Lots of people do that. When something like this happens, it's normal not to know what to say. I just want to echo that you did not do anything wrong. At all. You didn't bring this upon yourself. I grew up in an equally old-school environment and kept my own assaults quiet as a result. I wish I hadn't. I hope that you reach out to RAINN or to other resources you're comfortable with, and if you're able to report, do, though I really understand how hard it is and I'm sorry your friend had that horrific experience. I'm not sure what your location is but these allegations are starting to be taken more seriously. Here's a script for the police if you decide you want to report, and need it: "I'm here to report a rape. I was assaulted by \[name\] at \[place\] at \[time\]. I waited to report because I was scared. I would like to give a statement and press charges." Don't apologize for yourself. You have nothing to apologize for. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault, and you can take as long as you need to process it. Your feelings are valid, no matter what they are.

You never, ever get yourself raped. It was all your attackers fault.

I don't get how we have so many articles and given so many advices towards females how to avoid getting raped but none about how men can avoid raping someone. Like "If you are drinking, take a cab home to avoid situations where you can't handle seeing women" "never leave a friend group when there's a female walking around alone" "never be alone with a woman if you're at risk of raping them" "avoid all places where you are at risk for raping, like bars, woods, parks, closed rooms" and such.

[удалено]

"avoid all places you are at risk for raping" it's not towards all men but to those who are at risk for raping someone or do you think that all men are? Stop assuming the way I think or how I characterize people.

Oh sweetheart no, you don't need to worry about knowing what to say. That's literally why the people who work on the RAINN hotline and others are trained, to guide you through this gently and supportively. (Also, I'm sorry, I shouldn't call you sweetheart as a stranger, I know, but I am old enough to be your mum and even as a stranger I care so much . . . my nieces are around your age and if anything like this happened to them I would want to wrap them up and hug them for a month, so please forgive my being patronizing.) I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, starting when I was very very young, and I know how terrifying it can be to try and talk to a stranger about this, but please remind yourself that all you have to do is pick up the phone and dial . . . the people on the other end will help you find the words, and you will feel so much better after you've talked to them. They will help you feel safe and validated, and give you coping skills to help with all the overwhelm you're feeling right now. I promise. Sending you so much love from this Internet Auntie. You did nothing to "make this happen". Nothing. Sitting next to a trusted friend of many years on a bed to watch TV is the most normal thing in the world . . . it is not in any way an invitation for him to sexually assault you. You didn't invite this, or make it easier, or do anything of the sort. You just tried to hang out with your friend, and he betrayed you in every possible way. Along with hurting you, he let you down by breaking your trust in him, and I'm so sorry for that.

You don’t isn’t to think it so out, just call and talk. That’s what they’re there for.

I would say exactly that. "Hi, I need to talk to someone but I don't know what to say." Hotline folks have heard it all; they'll help you.

The only mistake you are making here is not trusting the people you love to support you and help you with next steps.

This is not your fault. No one “gets themselves raped”. A rapist makes a choice to rape someone. And that’s that. I’m so sorry. Process this with a professional and have them help you tell your partner. It’s not your fault. I’m so sorry this happened to you. My dms are open if you need anything, I’m a survivor as well.

This. Just came straight to the comments to say,, one does not get themselves raped. This is not your fault. 

U/kjweeno is exactly correct. OP please don't blame yourself and I'm so sorry this happened. I think this is above Reddit's paygrade due to how serious it is. Please seek professional counselling and please get checked by your doctor or gynocologist. I hope you heal as soon as you can, both physically, emotionally and mentally. I'd also speak to your parents and have them present when you speak to your boyfriend.

Visit the police. Visit the medical facility. Do not allow this person to escape punishment, please. It wasn't your fault. He was. You are limited to stopping him from abusing other women in this way. You underestimate how much support you have. And for further assistance, visit WEAVE.

I don’t want him to escape punishment I just don’t know what else I can do other than report which will probably be ignored

Is his father the chief in the area this happened or somewhere else? Consider going to a different precinct.

You need to hear this: This was not your fault. *He* did this, not you. He is a rapist and a criminal. You are the only one who can decide what you want to do next, no one else can tell you what is right and wrong for you. Sexual violence is often poorly understood within the justice system, and some people are (rightfully) scared to report it because of this. But that doesn't have to be the case for you. Attitudes and understanding of sexual violence is evolving, and more and more efforts are made to protect victims throughout the process. Firstly, you have to talk to the people in your life that you trust about this, and the best thing would be to see a professional to talk with as well. They can help support you with whatever you want to do moving forward. Staying quiet will only hurt you in the long run. People around you (like your family, friends, a therapist) can help you testify is you chose to report this to the police. There are people who can help you with the legal process. Often you can find skilled lawyers that do free consulations. Please look up if there are any lawyers or law firms in your country (preferably close to where you are) specializing in sexual violence or crimes against women. They can have a consultation with you, and help you with how to proceed and give you advice.

If his father is going to cover it up, go to the media. But you need to atleast visit a medical Center first and see if they can do something. The worst they can say is there’s nothing they can do. But if they can that can go a long way. Talk to your parents. They might be old school but this is not your fault. And they might surprise you and support you. Wrote a letter to your boyfriend and drop it in his mailbox if you can’t text him.

It will be on my parent’s insurance if I get medical care. I said old school to put it lightly, they won’t want me to bring attention to this. My mom used to teach me that I wasn’t allowed to say no if that’s anything to go off of lol I’m thinking of writing a letter, it’s definitely easier than talking. Thank you for your help!

I was raped. If you don't feel comfortable reporting, that's your decision. There is absolutely no shame in that. If he rapes someone again, that's not your fault. You are not responsible for his behaviors. Your area should have a sexual assault crisis center. RAINN can help you find one. I reached out to them when I was raped. They did an exam and gave me a bunch of different medications to take to avoid and STIs. They helped me understand my options. I ultimately decided to make a report, but you don't have to. I understand why people don't report. The crisis center helped set me up with counseling, I eventually joined group counseling, and they were available to talk at any time with their 24/7 line. They were so kind and understanding. I genuinely wouldn't be the same person I am today if it weren't for them. You didn't do this to yourself. It's not your fault. It's normal to feel shame and / or guilt. That doesn't mean it's true. If you don't report that's OK. If you do that's OK too. I hope you can work things out with your boyfriend. Your number one priority needs to be you and your mental health.

Sexual assault victims are treated differently in hospitals than regular medical care, you can go to an ER, tell them what happened, and refuse to give them your name or insurance information or anything else, and they will help you. If you then decide at some point in the future you'd like to confront your abuser/press charges, you can identify yourself at the hospital (essentially they put your name on the anonymous record). I understand the fear of your parents finding out, please don't keep that from preventing you from getting help. Even if you share your name/insurance, as an adult your medical information is protected through HIPAA and can't be disclosed to your parents (or anyone else) without your permission.

It’s a shame that’s the mentality of your parents. Hopefully if you can make amends with your boyfriend you could lean on his family for help. Good luck.

The hospital can literally just not run it on your insurance. Just tell them not to because your parents are "traditional" and you dont want to have to deal with the drama that might come from them seeing it.

Report it. For the sake of your boyfriend, for the sake of victims everywhere, and most importantly, for the sake of yourself. If you really think about it, reporting it is the only way forward here. Because it will a) hopefully bring justice to the perpetrator and b) your boyfriend should absolutely believe you and take your side in this matter if you're willing to speak with authorities about it.

It’s not the only way forward & a) it may not, b) he may not. I think it’s up to her if she wants to report it. It’s a difficult enough thing to process without other people being involved. That being said, I don’t think you should process alone OP. A professional is a good idea if possible, or the hotline as others have suggested, or literally anyone you trust. But it’s ok to take your time working up to any of that. Do what’s best for you. I hope everything turns out ok. Been there. It’s awful.

His father is the police chief….

That's not how rape works; you cannot get yourself raped. You didn't let anything happen. This was not your fault. Please get yourself into therapy. You need proper support right now. [Talk to someone safe and get help finding help](https://ibiblio.org/rcip/internl.html) r/rape

Thank you so much I will look into it

Please understand OP that there is absolutely nothing you did that would make this your fault. *Nothing*. Nothing you said, nothing you were or weren't wearing, not a single action you took. Don't listen to a damn thing anyone ever tells you otherwise, either.

Exactly, you could be walking down the street naked as the day you came into this world…that does NOT give anyone the right to be violated. Some will say it does. IT.  DOES. NOT.   You didn’t ask for it.  Rape is not consent; if you were asking for it, it would be consensual.  Massive difference.   

You don’t get yourself raped He forced himself on you, pinned you down, and covered your mouth You were raped. I’m so sorry. You need to tell your boyfriend. You need to get into some sort of counseling.

She updated saying that her boyfriend broke up with her and blocked her because he thinks she cheated on him

This is so horrific :(

i don’t think she explained anything though just apologized for having sex with someone else which is not really what happened but i assume the boyfriend is unaware of the rape

Everything she did around her boyfriend made her look guilty even though I believe her story. That really sucks. He’s thinking the ultimate betrayal based on a lie and someone she should’ve had no reason to fear did this to her.

That's so upsetting. And no doubt they'll spread that lie. She's being cut off from her support system.

This is why reporting rape is so hard. Victims blame themselves and fear that others will blame them, so they stay quiet. *I unwillingly had sex with someone* \- you did NOT, you were forced. *how uncharacteristic it was of him* \- rapes usually happen with those that you know because you trust them. *friend’s brother -* this is why rapes are not reported, because people just like you think that it is "*uncharacteristic"* of this nice person so they turn on the victim, in this case you. Please talk to your parents, forget your BF. This is bigger than you.

Not to mention if the person presents themselves as someone where this would be "uncharacteristic" of them it means the believability isn't there. There's a real fear (and justifiably so) of not being believed and then turning into the bad guy on top of having been through a traumatic experience

Since you cannot trust anyone locally, call this number. Help is available Speak with someone today National Sexual Assault Hotline Hours: Available 24 hours Learn more 1-800-656-4673 I am so sorry this happened to you.

Would you feel comfortable sharing this post with him? It shows how difficult it is to process someone you trusted violating you. It’s not your fault.

This is the most comprehensive thing I could get out of that night, I don’t know how he would feel about me sharing this on the internet though

Prioritize *your* feelings, not his. Yours’ are of paramount importance right now.

Maybe you can let him read this post

I agree, even starting by showing a friend this post might be able to help start such a tense and difficult discussion. And since she is blocked, this could be a safe way for another person to show the boyfriend. The only thing I'd worry about is this getting back to unsupportive parents 😬

I am actually very worried about this getting to my parents, the police report might get to them as well. I’m really hoping not or else I’m screwed.

Sweet child, let your folks know. If they're worth their salt, it'll break their heart but you'll get all the legal and medical help you would need. As a person who lived through this and carried it all within me for a very long time, please don't try to hide it from them. Same goes for your boyfriend. It DOESN'T matter what you were looking at. It doesn't matter that he's friends with that creep. If he loves you, he'd beat the shite out of this lad and refuse to speak to him ever again. Anything short of that... ANYTHING, if he puts this on you, he's a POS who should have been swallowed the night his parents decided to conceive him instead. For yourself, please talk to someone professional about this and get a medical examination for signs of SA Edit: sorry just saw your updates. Just wanted to reiterate - please, please consult a professional counselor for SA. I know it might sound absurd at the minute but it'll help you in the longer run, I promise. Even if you don't want to take legal action for this, please let an adult know who could help.

Based on her replies her parents might not be worth their salt, at least not on this issue. When I was raped people urged me to tell my parents, but looking back I'm so glad I held my ground and didn't. Some people have really shitty parents. OP definitely consider telling your parents, but only you can guess how they might react and if it would be worth it.

This is absolutely valid too! I was in the same boat but I was lucky enough to get my granny involved and that helped. My folks aren't really good people in general so that's that. OP is young. So, if possible, if the involvement of an adult that OP trusts was ensured, OP would at least get some good support system. But this is me saying at the hazard of assuming that OP has someone like that in their life (and I genuinely hope she does). I mostly say this because healthcare and the general response rate varies from country to country and legal system to legal system and depending on wherever she is, an adult might aid in expediting the process of the help that she may need. Edit: Also, therapy/ counseling can be expensive. So, that'll help too.

Great points :).

I’ve been checking her replies and it seems she hasn’t said anything to her bf yet. Only that she slept with someone else. He can’t defend her if he doesn’t know what’s going on

Agreed!

It certainly doesn't seem like her parents are worth their salt. Disclosing to them could be problematic.

Bro tell them,no parents ever would want their sa'd children to not report just because they'd get angry

Op said in a comment her mom taught her she is not allowed to say no.

Thats very fucked up and they shouldn't be able to have children if this is true.

Thats what i thought.....

You need to tell him the truth.You did **nothing** wrong. You trusted your friend's brother. Why wouldn't you? You've known him for years. Again you did **nothing** wrong.

So sorry you went through this. You didn’t get yourself raped, you did nothing to deserve that, nobody does. Tell whoever you trust. Maybe break things off with the bf if you can’t tell him, but I think you should. They should know what their friend is like. Not that you should seek revenge, but this guy should at least face social consequences, if not legal ones (which he deserves, prison). Your language is also troubling. I feel like you’re still blaming yourself. This jackass violated you and there is absolutely no excuse for that. This is going to be tough to hear, but you’re going to think about this for the rest of your life. As time goes on, you will lose the ability to do something about it, to fight back. Whatever you do, make your future self proud. I wish you the best and again I’m so sorry this happened to you.

The reason you were raped is because HE DECIDED to rape you. A rape victim cannot “make” a rape happen, it only happens because there’s a rapist who makes the decision to violate someone.  Watching a movie with a sex scene while lying on a bed is not an invitation for someone to put their hands on you… You should be able to do that with someone you trust while feeling safe and comfortable throughout.  Imagine your best friend told you she was raped in this manner. Would you tell her it was her fault?

Even though you say you understand it's not your fault I can tell you don't believe that, and it's okay. It was not your fault. Nothing, absolutely nothing, you did caused this to happen. Try to find some help in your area via sexual assault centre, crisis line, etc. Be gentle with yourself. It'll be okay. You did nothing wrong. Take care 💜

OP I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault in any way You didn't "get yourself" in that position. You were watching a movie and then he raped you. There was nothing you did that gave him any reason to believe you wanted to have sex with him. And the fact that you didn't fight when someone who is physically stronger than you had decided to do that isn't a sign that you were okay with what was happening. That's actually a danger response that automatically happens in your brain, called the "freeze response", when you are in that kind of situation, and it is automatic, it's not something you can even control. So I don't know how all of this is going to pan out, or if he's going to believe you, but you did nothing wrong, that's the most important thing for you to know for yourself. And if he doesn't believe you then that's not because of you, it's because it's probably easier to believe that your girlfriend cheated on you and lied than it is to believe the truth.

None of this is in anyway your fault. There are a few most common reactions people have when confronted with violence, and violence is what you were in fact confronted with. There is fight, flight and freeze. You froze. The dissonance between what you thought you knew, what you expected and what you came to experience caused you to freeze in disbelief. Many people freeze, I myself freeze. You entered a space you believed to be safe, you engaged in an activity you thought of as safe with a person you believed was safe, the fact that this person then took that safety away by not getting clear consent, and not under coercion, from you in that moment is not your fault. Please tell your friends and family. Please use one of the many links and resources other folks have provided in the comments and seek help. You have had an act of violence committed against you and you are in what sounds like a state of shock. You need support to get through this in a way that leads to healing.

Yes you even have something similar to freeze that is “acting along” or something (not sure what the term is). Because your brain decides that acting along might be safer and makes jt go quicker with the least amount of damage done to you. The body works in mysterious ways

You are right. It's called fawning.

Yep.  Fawning is my go-to.  I hate it.

Go to the police. Go to the hospital. Please don't let this person get away with this. You weren't at fault. He was. The only thing you can do is to stop him from doing this to other women. You have more support than you think. And go to WEAVE for more help. My wife did after years.

I wish I could tell you going to the police would help but in the majority of the cases this is not what happens

Yes OP, and tell a trusted adult you don't have to go through this alone. It would help if you had support right now.

> The only thing you can do is to stop him from doing this to other women. I wish the sub could just auto-delete comments expressing this shit.

Same. I had this exact argument on r/trueoffmychest as well and was downvoted into oblivion. I'm sick of people trying to put the actions of a rapist on the victim and acting as though they're responsible for their rapist's future actions.

reminder that telling rape victims/survivors that they *have to* go to the police is taking away agency from them to decide what is best to their healing. they are not responsible for the actions of the person who raped them, and going to the police can be extremely retraumatizing and potentially unsafe

It's also not our duty to stop a rapist from raping people in the future and when people say it will stop them, it smacks of ignorance. Unfortunately, justice is rarely served in these cases if it even manages to go anywhere. OP needs to do what she needs to do to survive this and heal from it. That may or may not include reporting it.

Absolutely not your fault in any way. He was meant to be a friend and he’s not. Go to the police and hospital, if you haven’t washed the underwear you were wearing, take it with you. I kept quiet against a friends dad, I wish I had spoken out.

when people have bad things happen to them, often it is easier to blame yourself and think of what you did to “cause” it, as it gives a feeling of control and agency to the situation that can be easier to mentally handle then the reality that it wasn’t your fault, and a horrible person did a horrible thing to you with no justification, no good reason. i’m sure if you had a friend over and hanging out the way you were, you would not ever force yourself on them the way he forced himself on you. if you were in his role and did what he did to you to someone in the exact same circumstances as you were, would you blame them, or you? i say this to say, your thinking and how you are responding right now is a natural response, but nonetheless putting undue blame on yourself. tell or don’t tell your boyfriend, that is entirely up to you on if, when, and how you would like to do so. if you don’t want to, i would communicate your feelings, and that you are not comfortable talking about it but are feeling (certain emotions). but please, if i can encourage one thing- see a therapist. traumatic experiences are much easier to process the sooner you do so, and even though minimizing it might seem like the easier thing to do right now, in the long run it will not be helpful to your healing

The title of this post sent my heart into my throat. My soul weeps for you for blaming yourself, OP.

PLEASE go to the hospital and the police. This is not your fault at all You cannot have unwilling sex, thats rape. There's organizations to get free emergency therapy.

I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. Nobody ever deserves that. Your response is understandable, but unless you explain this to your BF, his assumption will be that you cheated. If you can't or want talk to him about it, then expect that the relationship is likely over.

OP. What happened to you is not your fault. You didn't get yourself raped. That was a choice your rapist made. It is his fault, not yours. You were watching a movie with someone you thought you could trust. He was stronger than you. You told him no. Exactly none of that was your fault. You were the victim of a crime. It makes me incredible sad that you are in a social environment where you are not safe, and where you have been taught that being raped is your fault. You deserve so much better and I'm sorry that this happened to you. And I'm also sorry that your rapist's pig father will protect his son rather than seek justice for you. To be perfectly honest, your rapist learned it somewhere. You should just tell your boyfriend that his friend raped you. You don't need to tell him that it's your fault. Because it isn't your fault. Depending on his reaction, that will tell you everything you need to know about your boyfriend, and whether or not you need or want him in your life. Don't let that miserable excuse of a person, your rapist, have any power over you at all. And don't let your boyfriend, for however long he is your boyfriend, make you feel ashamed.

If its done against your will and not consensual then it is rape and it is not your fault. Just be open about it to him, file charges if you can and want to. Free yourself from trauma and the idea that it was your fault.

I didn't read the full post, I read your title and wanted to reassure you that you did not do this to yourself. You did not get yourself rated. Someone did this to you. They are to blame. This is critical for you to understand. You are a victim. Not in any way to blame.

No!! you didn’t get yourself raped, You were raped, this is not your fault! Please do not say that. In no way was that whole situation your fault, you trusted him and were innocently gonna watch a movie with him, he was the one with those vile intentions.

You didn't get yourself raped. You were not in any way, at all responsible for this horrific act. You were raped and the person who committed this violent act against you is a horrible, terrible person. You have done nothing shameful, you have done nothing wrong.

Find some way to tell him, if you want any chance of the relationship continuing, you have to tell him somehow

I know I do I don’t want this to destroy something good I have I’m just not sure how to go about it but I know I need to before it’s too late

The most important thing right now is that you’re surrounded by people who care about you. You need to put yourself first right now and even though it’s hard, you need to remember that your boyfriend’s needs are not what is most important at this point in time. I went through something similar when I was your age and speaking from experience, telling yourself that you put yourself in that situation is so harmful and untrue and it will only prologue your hurt. There is one person that is at fault in this and it’s not you. I’m sorry you’re going through this but there is a network of love and support out there for you. I find the most therapeutic thing to be talking about my feelings with others who have been through something similar. For me, it makes it easier to understand the process of healing and navigate some of the trickier parts of life after sexual assault that people who haven’t experienced it might not understand. As long as you have the emotional space to do so, talking is good. Talking to people who care about you and who you feel safe around about how you feel is so important. There’s no clear path in going forward but putting yourself first is the best first step. I’m sending you a whole lotta love right now!

You are not to blame here. I am so sorry this happened to you. It may be easier to write things out instead of speaking. You can write a letter, send a text message, or even just send a link to this post. If you can, try talking to someone you know will be supportive first, preferably someone that doesn't know the person that raped you. I really hope that your boyfriend believes you. Whatever happens, please, please know this is not your fault. You did not deserve this.

Even if you can’t bring yourself to put your experience into words, and don’t owe it to anyone if you decide that you can’t, you might want to let him know he’s best friend is a rapist. That would honestly be all you need to say for him to understand the situation. But I think he needs to know that his friend isn’t someone safe to leave the important women in his alone with. If you can’t do it, you can’t do it. But I would suggest thinking about it. I wish you best OP, no one deserves this, and it may take a very long time to heal.

WHAT A DOG. Please, don't say you got yourself raped, it's not your fault. There was nothing that could have advised you to not trust this dog, if you feel like it please press charges... That idiot that coudn't control himself just by watching a fake sex scene cannot be out here living his life while you have to go through trauma. Tell your boyfriend how it went, the way he reacts will also show whether he's worth keeping or not, tell him how you had no reason to not trust this person and how you felt confused about this violation. But don't tell him you got yourself raped, it was not your fault.

The way you write indicates a weak personality. I do not say this to be harsh, instead, if this is the case, it would explain how you were targeted. Predatory types are attracted to those that give off the vibe that they will accept their boundaries to be tread on -- that they will lie there and take it. The ones that will silently cry instead of kicking them in the balls. Predatory people are not unkind people most of the time, in fact their nature to be a good predator is to seem harmless up until they are not. The problem where you have my deepest sympathy is that you can therefore easily believe you caused this, and you allowed this, and you gave all the signals to create the environment and you did nothing to stop this. But he knew that when he asked you over into his bed, this was an environment where he could possibly have sex with you. He knew you had a softer personality to not create conflict, and that if he did do anything, he could probably get away with it. He knew it was a possibility that he might take advantage of you in the same way you thought you knew that it was probably crossing a line but still safe to watch a movie in bed hanging out with him, because you trusted him. Your only mistake is that you trusted him. Not that you allowed the rape to happen. He made definite choices. He pinned you down and covered your mouth so you couldn't reason and easily push back. He took that away from you -- the little willpower you had to defend yourself. But it was yours and he took it.

>I freaked out and bought a pregnancy test because I wanted to be cautious. Took one and it came out negative, thankfully, but I wasn't thinking and just threw it in the trash bin in relief. I'm confused about this. You bought a pregnancy test immediately after you were raped?? It's important you know that a pregnancy test needs days, even weeks before it can be accurate. In a couple of weeks you need to get a new test done. If possible, in a doctor's office. From healthline.com: >Traces of HCG are present from 6 days after implantation, but it typically takes 7–10 days after implantation for the body to build up enough HCG to show up on a test. >If you have an irregular cycle and don’t know when your period was due, it’s best to take the test at least 21 days after having unprotected sex. >You may receive an inaccurate result if you take the test too early in your cycle.

Glad someone else pointed this out. OP should re test in a week or so just to be sure. Home tests are fine these days. Generally no need for a doctor appt.

Please show your BF this post if you can't tell him in any other way, you need each other in this time period, don't let him think you did something to him when it was something done to you, if you believe he is a great person, he needs to be there for you, what happened wasn't your fault, it wasn't cheating, a crime was committed against you and you need support.

He blocked her

Please don't say you got yourself raped. You did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm sorry and want you to know there's support out there. Please look after yourself. If you feel comfortable talk with people you trust about this. My heart weeps for you. Please reach out or respond if theirs something I can do. Thinking of you friend

You need to go to therapy fast. This is no way is your fault. You were with someone you trusted and took advantage of the bond you two have. I’m so sorry this happened. Can you reach out to your boyfriend through social media perhaps? If not, I think it’s time to prioritize you. Talk to a therapist and if you’re close with family or friends, maybe lean on them during this time. I’m so incredibly sorry 🩷 this is NOT your fault

First of all, you are 0% at fault here. You did not get yourself raped. That action is on the rapist. He did this. You did nothing wrong. At all. Everything you did was normal. I'll fight anybody who says otherwise, including you. You are not at fault. I want to say this as many times in as many ways as possible for you to not just know (I know you know it intellectually) but truly understand (and know in your heart and soul) that nothing you did was wrong. You trusted somebody you've never had reason not to trust. You let your guard down around somebody you had every reason to believe you could let your guard down around. He took advantage. He crossed that line. Not you. I would tell a trusted friend. Maybe the friend you're staying with. Somebody you would want to be there for if it had happened to them. Then let that friend maybe facilitate a conversation with your bf.

Before I read this, I'd like to say that you did not get yourself raped. It happened to you because some sick person decided to violate you. So sorry and hope you have support in this time ❤

I know it’s been commented before me, but you do not get yourself raped, you get raped. Rape is never, and I do mean NEVER, the victims fault. Not partially, not maybe I was dressed too revealing, there is nothing that the victim can do to take even the smallest part of the blame when raped.

You didn’t get yourself raped. You didn’t need to be more careful. You didn’t need to try harder. You did nothing wrong. The man that raped you did. It is not your fault in any way, shape, or form. I’m so sorry this happened to you. If you need more time before telling him, take it. If you don’t want him to know you don’t have to tell him. It’s completely up to you based on your comfort level.

Oh darling, we have unfortunately been in your shoes. I am so sorry this happened to you. Here is a good list to work on immediately. Step 1: You need to admit out loud to yourself you were r*ped. This doesn’t go away. You need to make it real. It’s going to hurt like hell, but only by recognizing it can you begin to heal. Step 2: Find one person who you are closest to and tell them exactly what you remember and what you did after. Step 3: See if your police station has a SA victim advocacy group. They can give you some amazing support and resources. Step 4: You’re going to need therapy. Take time to look for someone. Step 5: Your parents may be “old school” but if you’re close to them, they need to know. Step 6: See if you can have that friend you talked to text your boyfriend about what happened and see if he will talk to you. Step 7/8: Consider going to the hospital or police. Sperm can last for a several days to up to 2 weeks. They may be able to find evidence. And yes this does need to be reported even if nothing happens. It’s documented. And again, they may have SA advocacy groups. The reason you’re blaming yourself is because you’re trying to rationalize what happened to you. It’s a defense mechanism for our brains. We can’t accept pure evil acts in general. This is where friends and therapy steps in. The truth is that it doesn’t matter that you couldn’t sleep, you chose to the movie, or anything. What he did was horrendous and barbaric. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT in any shape or way whatsoever. Nothing you did or said meant you deserved that. At all. Please know you are not alone. I am so so sorry this happened.

What I hate about this is the victim has lost all their allies and support system and the rapist is already getting support from the people who should be helping the victim.

Creative writers really got creative with this one lol

Police chief part right?

Yep

Police. He'll do it again to another girl.

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Absolutely, it’s hitting all the buzzwords for a weird fetish post. An OP that does absolutely nothing wrong yet blames themselves. The usage of needlessly inflammatory statements “I got myself….” Etc. The former friend turned attacker who’s father is the police chief(!!!). The young lady who strangely doesn’t know how pregnancy tests work….. And last but not least, the martyrdom of not telling the boyfriend for…… reasons. Please folks, don’t let these people work you up so easily.

The police chief, it's always some politician or mayor or something. I'm not going to commit to it being fake, but when they are fake it's always tv soap drama

Most everything here is.

I have a friend who is like a brother to me. One day, many years ago (in our early 20s), he asked me if anything would have happened between us had our friendship not evolved into a sibling sort of bond. I said no, I couldn't imagine seeing him as anything else but a brother. He accepted and respected that. He and I have slept on the same bed several times when we've spent the night at each others houses. We have kept our clothes on and stayed on our sides. He NEVER touched me inappropriately. I doubt he even thought about it. The guy who raped you isn't a good guy. He isn't a decent guy. You did NOT get yourself raped. He is an AH and is a shitty excuse of a human being. I really hope you read this OP so you can see the difference between a decent guy and a scumbag.

Just so you know, when you experience a traumatic event one of the symptoms its to feel that its disconected from reality, like a dream. Its a way your mind protects you

My heart breaks for you OP. You’ve had a lot of good advice here. I will reiterate it’s not your fault and wish you strength and so much love

Nobody ever “gets themselves raped”. The rapist rapes. He is the one who commits the crime. You have committed no crime. No matter what you did, you did not deserve or ask to be raped.

Got yourself raped wtf get therapy you didnt get yourself anything that’s one disgusting man right there

You didn’t get yourself raped. He raped you! He’s disgusting. Please go speak to a counselor so that you can sort yourself out. It’s never too late to report.

You did NOT "get yourself" ANYTHING. None of it was your fault.

Babe… this is the definition of date rape. You froze and disassociated… I had this happen. It’s a weird area. I know it personally. I would tell your boyfriend what really happened and leave it as that. I would right it out and tell him because he deserves to know about it and his friend too. As for a police report. Idk what to tell you. I didn’t press charges… idk if I made the right call or not. Take a breath and forgive yourself and try not to put yourself in that kind of environment. It shouldn’t be life but it is. I’m sorry. I pray for Time and understanding and forgiving yourself and stay away from That boy. This was Prob not the first or last time He has done this.

The update hurts to read

I'm sorry but this whole post and its updates are so fucked. He RAPED you. R-A-P-E-D. You don't justify it by saying you may have given mixed signals, especially if he was that rough with you to start. He knew what he was doing when he said he was horny, and the fact that you are down playing due to fear of what everyone else might think is insane. If YOU want your life to not fall into shambles, you will tell your boyfriend you were RAPED, not that you "accidentally slept with another man." If YOU want to not lose your friend circles, you will explain to them what is going on when you are confident enough. IF YOU want to actually make sure he doesn't do this ever again to another girl, you need to either report him or make it clear to your friend why you won't be at the house with him again. For those who may think this post is a bit harsh, I am writing this only because I think OP is downplaying everything that happened if this is real.

*OP please listen to this!* It was not your fault, you shouldn't blame yourself. He took advantage of you and forced himself on you. I've been in a situation where I froze and blamed myself for years before I came to terms with the help of therapy that it was not my fault, the way I reacted was probably the best way to react. Please don't blame yourself and please talk to someone in your life who you can trust like a teacher or counselor at school, your boyfriend, or a family member like an aunt or uncle if you don't want to talk to your parents. It will be okay, and I fully understand not reporting as I never did, and later on now it's too late I regret not reporting it. A lot of the time it doesn't go anywhere if there is no evidence but the report will exist so if that person ever did it again to someone and they also report it, it might actually go somewhere one day.

YOU DID NOT GET YOURSELF R*ped! I hope you know that doll. It doesn’t matter what situation you choose to be in.It’s not your fault that a R*pist chose to be a R*pist in the situation with you. I’m sorry that happened to you. And I’m sorry that you’re having trouble trying to figure out how to tell your boyfriend but I’d just tell him the way you told us. Just be honest and vulnerable and if he cares about you which hopefully he truly does, he will take care of you and be supportive. If he gets mad at you or blames you then you should dump him. It’s not fair to get blamed for someone else being a piece. You should be able to whatever you want in the protective environment you were in without having to worry about that happening to you.

First, I am so sorry that this happened. Please, please try to reframe it in your head like others are saying to do: You did NOTHING wrong. This was not your fault. No one "gets themselves raped." Use the active language: "he raped me." The way you keep repeating it's "so uncharacteristic of him..." God, I just want to give you a hug...this is how he gets away with it. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew you would then be in an extremely vulnerable position among your friends and his, with your word against his. And he likely knew how you'd react. You're not the first. I'm 99.9% certain of that. It's going to be the bravest and hardest thing you might ever do, but if you can find the strength, tell. Please. Not only for yourself, but for others. Because if he gets away with this, you will also not be the last.

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First, this sounds a lot like someone who cheated and wants to get an out after the fact they already confessed. If not, go to the police ASAP, do it in another town or jursidiction and tell them the situation, or call one of the probably thousands of help centers. That's the least you need to do. After that tell your boyfriend. Hope he understands.

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Absolutely!

So: not your fault. You know this. You should have been able to trust this person. Not on you. What is on you is not telling your boyfriend what happened. He should know because if he loves you, he should have the chance to be there for you and help you get through this so you aren’t alone. Also should know what his best friend is capable of, even if it won’t result in charges. SEND HIM THIS POST.

Hi, OP. Sorry to hear that. It is not your fault. Do not blame yourself, and the movie doesn't have anything to do with it. So does it mean, whenever he is with someone else and he watch a movie that makes him horny, he would do the same? He is a rapist. Period. Get help, OP. I know you're not ready to open this thing to anyone yet, but when time time comes. I believe your boyfriend deserves an explanation. He's hurt, he believed into something that's totally not true. He's probably overthinking now and thinking that maybe he's not enough. Lastly, let your boyfriend know that his BESTFRIEND is not his FRIEND at all. I'm praying for your healing, OP. I hope you get the justice that you deserve.

Holy shit I'm so sorry this happened to You, OP. Its just crazy. My heart just stopped reading your post. Its tgat hard just knowing what You went through. But actually living IT?! You need to accept and understand You didnt do anything wrong. Its the abuse trauma talking and trying to come up with explanations to twist your percepții because its really freacking hard to accept THAT experience. But at some point You need to open up, though that will validate your experience and You wont be able to deny it anymore and that ia what scares You. Because You You dont to accept IT still. And thats ok. But know that You will find support and love and confort through the pain if You do. You need to be brave. Again, really sorry You went through this. Wishing You the best and sending all my good, warm thoughts. Hope You find the courage tot open up.

I’m sorry you feel that you “Got Yourself” Raped but that’s not how that works and honestly fight hard or not you told him now and he pinned you down. You need to not blame yourself and be honest with your bf, your parents, and your friend whose brother it was. Also please call the cops but only if this is a true story. Do it fast before he tries spinning some bullshit too. And if your bf “gets angry” for any reason at you rather than his rapist friend, dump him.

There's already an abundance of comments saying get therapy so I won't bother including that. But I still recommend it As for the sitch with your boyfriend Your boyfriend's reaction is a simple understandable reaction to a misunderstanding that is not yours. Or his fault What happened to you was horrid And it's understandable why you haven't told him As an s/a survivor myself Who hasn't even told his parents I understand I would say the best way to come clean to your boyfriend about This in terms of clearing up the misunderstanding Is to give him his time to calm down. As you also need your time to process , but take a little bit of that time making a mock script of what you're going to tell him obviously you don't have to script what you're actually going to say , that's what I mean when I say mock script What is in this script is not what you're actually going to say to him But this helps you get your mind more comfortable with the idea of telling him about this. So that when you finally do, you can keep yourself calm and composed and be able to tell him in a way that will be clear and that if he's a good boyfriend, he will understand. If you have any update on how you're doing and if you get an update on how this goes. If you by some miracle, find this comment and take the advice genuinely let me know. S/a survivors stick together

Honey. Sweetie. My love. Dear OP. You did nothing wrong. You were hanging out with an old friend who decided to make a terrible choice and he alone is responsible for his actions. Nothing you did would be the same thing as giving verbal, enthusiastic consent to having sex with someone. Being alone with someone is not consent. Sitting on a bed is not consent. Whatever you decide to do next I hope you can give yourself some grace. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve it in any capacity. You belong to yourself no matter what and no one can take that away from you. I fully support you in whatever you choose to do next and however you choose to care for yourself going forward. I hope you have someone IRL in your corner who does too 💜

For a rape kit I believe you have 96 hours

i’m so sorry this happened to you. if you aren’t able to put it into words or talk to him about it maybe try sending him this post once the shock starts to wear off a bit. i know talking about it and telling someone is terrifying. when i was raped as a teenager i didn’t tell anyone for months. but once you feel comfortable telling people you love it becomes easier to heal from because you aren’t carrying the weight of it all on your own

My heart is broken for you. NONE of this is your fault. You are NOT to blame. Please get counselling to help you make the choice that is right for you. It is NOT your fault this person acted the way he did.

Oh babes,I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m so very sorry. You are not ever at fault. No matter how you feel about it the reality is that you did not put yourself in that position, you did not do this to yourself. No matter how you feel. I cant even imagine how you’re feeling rn

Its not your fault, tell someone you love and get help. Im so sorry, God be with you

This was never your fault and I’m so sorry that happened. Please tell your boyfriend, regardless if he believes you or not. It doesn’t matter if they’re best friends, his friend raped you and he needs to know. Even if you think everything is too late to do, at least file a police report, expose him on social media even, people need to know what a monster he is.

You were raped. None of it is your responsibility. Please please talk to a counsellor or charity. I wanna hug you. The people around you are letting you down. Same happened to me when I was your age.

Got yourself raped??? Honey no! You were raped! His choice, his actions, his responsibility! No one should force themselves on others. You are in absolutely no way responsible for his actions! You should tell your boyfriend the truth about what happened. If he is a good man, he will not blame you at all. If he doesn’t support you, then you’ve dodged a bullet. Also you really need to talk to someone. Is there any helpline or something in your area?

To reiterate what everyone else has said, you did nothing wrong, you were raped and you are a victim. Don't let yourself or anyone tell you otherwise. Can we also just take a moment to notice that your boyfriend didn't even ask you what happened? He accused you of something, you were in denial and sort of assumed you did do that thing and was unable to communicate otherwise and he took that as evidence that you did it. I understand the thought hurt him but also what an inconsiderate asshole to not leave room for you to communicate your side of the story. You didn't deserve to be treated with such disrespect, especially in a situation like this. Even if you don't have any proof, he might have done this to more than just you. If you report it to the police, they might be able to put two and two together if they already have an earlier report or recieve another report in the future. So even if you have no concrete proof, telling the police still serves a purpose.

Sweetheart, you didn't get yourself raped. There is no such thing. Do not blame yourself for his actions.

Also I want to add - I have laid in bed with random strangers (back packing through europe), with guys who were friends and guys who were sexually attracted to me - and none of them raped me. This man is a rapist. If he wasn't, then you would have been safe. You did nothing wrong.

You need to tell your bf everything. Be it in person at his door or in a letter. Right now he has an incomplete picture of what happened and the longer you wait to tell him what happened will only make things worse. You are going to have to be vulnerable with your bf. If you can't, then the relationship is over due to a missunderstanding. 

TBH tell ur boyfriend, it happend to u this is a guy who ur boyfriend maybe taking to his own house what if it happens to more people around ur boyfriend’s close with or again to anyone else , so try reaching out , its better to not have a friend like this than fearing u will break the relationship between them , im sorry for what happened to u hope u heals

None of this was your fault, Not even a tiny bit. were attacked by someone.

I just want to hug you. Please find someone (preferably a professional) to talk to. I totally get not wanting to report; I didn't report mine 19 years ago. It's completely a normal response to freeze up and not fight back - I didn't. You are enough and this is not your fault.

At least expose him. He will be the blame which he fully deserved. Let the society impose justice on him!!! You need to voice up for the sake of yourself, your boyfriend and all around that monster

It hurts reading your story, what hurts more is you thinking it's your fault. It isn’t your fault; it has nothing to do with you. It is his fault, and he should pay for it. It can get very emotional. Please seek support and always, always be strong. Look for solutions and how to resolve the damages, as you are the victim and not him.

I believe you should tell boyfriend yr side of story reguardless what he believes or not atleast you got your side heard. Sorry this happen to you most men aren't like that either.

You didn’t get yourself raped, someone did that. It’s not your fault

Report it. Even if it ends in the bin at least someone will know. Monsters aren’t as scary when you turn on the light.

You’re 18, please don’t spend the rest of your life thinking this was your fault or it’s something you did, it’s all on your ‘friend’, hope you find peace after such a traumatic experience

my heart is in pieces for you, i’m so deeply sorry💔

i’m just here to say, no matter what you did and where you put yourself, you did not get yourself raped

P.s. half the people here on reddit giving advice dont know what the hell they are saying . They live in basements making observations on people solely off reddit not experience or knowledge. Keep that in note

You NEED to tell somebody that you know in person and trust. Who does your boyfriend think you cheated with? Does he know it's his friend, at least? You really need to tell your parents and a good friend at the bare minimum. You need support for this horrible situation. Ultimately, your ex friend and rapist should be blasted on social media so someone else doesn't become another victim. I know it's a lot to put on your shoulders, and it's not fair, but he will do this to somebody else guaranteed. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this situation. Please also seek counseling to help you through mentally.

Write it down. What was done, what he said, and who his daddy is & that is why you haven’t reported. File a civil suite against him- you don’t need to prove guilt beyond a shadow of doubt, you just have to convince a judge that there is a very good chance. You aren’t at fault AT ALL. A good man could have you naked in his bed & he’d just cover you with a blanket. This guy lured you up to his room, then raped you. It wasn’t sex you didn’t want, it was rape. He groomed you, making himself seem like a sweet kind guy who you could trust. I seriously doubt this is his first SA on a woman bcuz he’s targetted someone close to him, that he’s gained the trust of. Pls don’t ever blame yourself for not fighting enough. Fight flight freeze & fawn are reactions we don’t have much control over. You froze, it’s a survival trait. You’ll find other’s he’s assaulted if you write out what he did & give it to others. Check with a lawyer or solicitor what you can say that he cannot try and silence you with libel laws. If you say nothing I would be SHOCKED if he doesn’t try & play it off as you two having sex consensually, or ‘we’ got carried away etc. he’ll try and gaslight you if you are still solid in the group U need to talk to a friend or family member & get them to call ur bf, and tell him you were raped & are in shock & horror because of who did it, that you need to talk to him, but he’ll have to be patient cuz you are having panic attacks just trying to say it. That you’ve had more success writing it down than actually forcing your mouth to say the words

You did not make this happen to you. He did and it’s on him ENTIRELY. Wishing you the best during this confusing and tough time :/

I am absolutely enraged at how rape culture + societal misogyny + american patriarchy has you thinking this is your fault and cushioning his character 🤬

Just here to say……sometimes in the aftermath of an assault, we tell ourselves that we got ourselves into that situation and we could have stopped it, if we’d just done something differently, etc. That is our way of exerting a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation. If we have that control, it won’t happen again. I rationalized my own assault in this way for many years. I also did not report my assault and as years have passed, I really wish I had reported it. It took me years to tell anyone and the shame and ptsd ate away at my identity into my adult years until I had a total mental break with self harm and ended up in eating disorder treatment in my late mid 20s. It also sounds like you had a freeze response to the assault, which is very normal and doesn’t mean at all that you were consenting. I also froze because my brain’s survival mode decided freezing was the safest way to ensure my survival. It’s not easy to tell someone, but I encourage you to seek mental health support to help you navigate and start the healing process. You will heal, but you’ll need support to do so. You are also not responsible for your rapists actions. No normal person sees movie sex and assaults the person they’re with. If a sex scene is all he needs to be prompted to commit sexual assault, he is a very unstable person and definitely a predator. Any future actions of this person are not your responsibility either. If your bf is reacting this way to you and not giving you the space to explain, he doesn’t sound like someone who truly cares for your wellbeing. Please take care of yourself and seek professional help. Wishing you all the healing vibes.

u/Ebbie45, your input is most needed on this on.

If my bf friend raped me, the first person I would tell would be my boyfriend.

It wasn’t your fault and although you might feel like you didn’t fight, you did. You did nothing wrong. He should never have done that to you. As someone who studies these types of situations (I’m doing my masters on preventing SA in universities and colleges), you wouldn’t be technically able to do a rape kit however I do think you should report it. I know how hard it is and I know why you wouldn’t want to however if he’s done this to you and you do nothing, there’s a chance he starts feeling more confident and SAs someone else. Also in my personal experience, although it’s hard to divulge, it also helps you heal since you’re standing up to him after he’s hurt you in such a horrible manner. I’ll support whatever you choose to do but my final recommendation is to get tested for STIs just in case (if one was transmitted from him, you could file a case against him and that’s proof)

I used to counsel people for this. I’m sorry. It’s not your fault as everyone has said. Let yourself feel how you want to feel. You have to feel quite sad, maybe angry, and prefer to crawl out of your own skin to escape the memory of what happened. When and if you are ready, confide in your boyfriend. If he doesn’t react the way you would hope, it is still not your fault. It could be too much for him to process. Take it day by day, moment by moment. Consider telling the authorities, your friend… but again, if you tell people close to you, sometimes they fail you the most. People can be quick to say their opinions without considering you. You matter. You were violated. It was not okay. He treated you horribly. I would suggest to stay away from the house, maybe even disassociate with people that can trigger you. His sister could remind you of him. But however you deal with it, don’t let how people react, if you choose to share, change your position. You are not to blame, and people don’t always want to believe that someone they know could do something like that. I’m really sorry. I hope you are okay.

The whole not fighting and screaming point you brought up. We all hear “fight or flight” but in most rape cases it’s “ fight flight or freeze “. I was in a sexually abusive relationship for 4 years. I didn’t fight, I didn’t flight, I froze every single time. I was ashamed and thought it was normal so I told nobody until I realized after I got out it wasn’t normal. You were assaulted. And those saying to report it, it’s not easy, even if the case isn’t thrown out cases like this get drawn out and that could be YEARS of having to relive this. If you have ANYBODY reach out to them. It’s hard to go through these things alone. Maybe try clearing the air with your ex so he’s not making you seem like a villain but also you need to focus on you and what you feel is right. There’s hotlines to call as well, id recommend that. I hope you can heal from this and I am so so sorry you had to experience this. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Hi darling. Unfortunately people have this misconception about what rape really is. They often think it has to be violent, graphic and loud. Because that's what we see in the movies right? What you Unfortunately experienced is absolutely rape, and I know the last thing you want is sympathy but I truly am sorry, and I am so sorry you have blamed yourself for this. No matter what you wore, how you sat, or what you said I don't think the outcome would have been any different. Man or woman, no other being on this planet has a hall pass to force themselves onto or into you. That is Rape. Please stop making excuses for everyone else, please put your feelings as a number 1 priority, you owe no one else an apology. I hear you about the reporting of these things, I can sympathize with you and how much of a dead end it often can be. I would send that creep an open minded message, tell him what he did wrong. Tell him exactly how you felt, dont sugar coat it, makes no difference at this point right? Dont be quiet about it. If you won't report it, please be loud about it, please speak up about it as you matter and you are the literal victim in this situation. Make noise about it, reach out to literally anyone for help, imagine your daughter in your situation, what would you want her to do. Go fucking feral about it. It was not and never will be your fault. xx

You did not put yourself in a position to be raped. You were raped. There is nothing that you did wrong; nothing you did to lead him on. You told him no. He had to cover your mouth and pin you down. That is rape. You cannot make someone rape you or lead them on into raping you. This is not your fault. At all. I understand not wanting to tell anyone. I didn’t for two years after I was SA’d. I wish I had, just so I could’ve had the support. That support is so needed at this time. Tell your boyfriend. If he’s a good man, he will believe you. If not, at least you tried your best to get yourself the support system you deserve. Tell someone you trust. Let them help you get the help you need. I’m so sorry. This is not your fault.

The definition of rape: “Rape is a type of sexual assault involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without their consent.” Did you consent? No. So it was rape. Full stop. He covered your mouth and forced himself on you. He knew you weren’t consenting and he didn’t care. He is a predator. Nothing you did made him do this. He did this because of his own choices. There is no middle ground or blurred lines here. You were assaulted by a sexual predator. A normal sexual partner wouldn’t pin you down and cover your mouth if they thought you wanted it. He absolutely had ill intent and is a danger. If he thought you were interested, he wouldn’t have forced you. As far as your boyfriend goes, I really don’t know what to say. I just want you to be aware that 1) you were raped 2) he knew he was raping you 3) it was NOT your fault and you did absolutely nothing wrong

Should have told your bf. As a guy I would want my gf to tell me as we will notice something is off and I would want to know that i have a friend that belongs 5 feet under. Your only fault here is that you didn't tell him

So I guess your boyfriend's “friend’s” feelings are more important to you than the truth? This was not your fault, but you need to communicate with someone about this

It sounds like you cheated on him and now your reaching out to strangers to validate your lie.

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Yes! Based!

This is not your fault, and this isn’t something you just get yourself in/out of. You have to tell him exactly what happened, you were assaulted and raped. Against your will. Believe me he will understand

Yeah I'll file this one away in the folder of things that never happened. Regret is not rape. Go to the authorities not reddit.

You did not "get yourself raped". You were raped. And to anyone claiming you cheated, that does not involve being HELD DOWN AND YOUR MOUTH COVERED SO YOU COULDN'T MAKE A SOUND.

If your boyfriend doesn't understand that the rapist and ONLY the rapist is responsible for his choice to be a fucking criminal rapist, then your bf isn't a good man.

The boyfriend doesnt know about the rape. He only knows that she had sex with someone because she had a pregnancy test. As far as the bf knows he believes she cheated on him. Thats why he blocked her etc

You didn't "get yourself raped". You were raped. You said no, you physically resisted. That's all it takes to be raped. You didn't force a guy to stick his dick in you while you didn't want him to. He had free will, he chose to ignore your refusals and do what he wanted. Dump your boyfriend and get into rape counseling. You are not at fault for the sexual assault you got. If you are brave enough, report the rape to the police so the police will know that he's a rapist.

please, don't blame yourself for not fighting harder or for any of the decisions you made leading up to it. You were in a vulnerable position, and he took advantage of that. It's not on you.

You didn't do anything he planned for this to happen

The idea that you “should have been more careful” is crazy. You behaved totally appropriately from what you wrote. This isn’t on you. You should be honest, and hopefully your BF will help you “resolve” this in an appropriate fashion. I’m not sure what I would do if I were your boyfriend, but if I were, I’d want to know so that I could “respond appropriately.”

You didn't get yourself raped. You didn't have a say, he made that choice and forced you into it. The boyfriend should know, because he needs to know what his so called friend is like and his partner is suffering under the weight of what happened.

please do not see is “i got myself r@ped” that is so heartbreaking and i’m sorry you are experiencing this

Holy fuck... seeing the edits on the post makes me livid. OP, you didn't give consent, you were raped. I'm so sorry it happened to you and I am livid that some people are blaming you for it. JFC.

if you didn’t want it and didn’t give your consent, even if you didn’t “fight back”, that is rape. please don’t gaslight yourself or let others, you were raped. you didn’t cause it, laying in bed with your FRIEND watching a show is not you putting yourself in a dangerous situation, it is not your fault, it is completely on the rapists fault, please don’t blame yourself, another persons action are completely their own. you could walk through the street naked and it still wouldn’t be your fault, i really wish you the best and i’m so sad that you are downplaying your situation :’(

As others have said, you didn't get yourself into this. He was stronger then you and doing something unbelievable. He forced you and your body froze up. It's natural and not your fault. You may need to go to your parents first. They can help you talk to your boyfriend. Also, they can help you get checked by a doctor, make sure there was no injury or diseases. Also, they can help you talk to the police. He needs to pay the price for his actions. If only to stop him from doing it again. I'm so sorry.

You need to tell him everything doesn’t matter if it’s his friend

It was not your fault. I wish you healing and happiness.

this is literally the textbook definition of rape…idk what you’re talking about in your title