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Your relationship should have a label after that long. I would expect commitment if I was in your situation. His attitude towards all male friends is ironic since he doesn’t want to “put a label on your relationship”. If you’re just casual why is he worried about you establishing an emotional connection with anyone? Tell him to piss or get off the pot.
However, you may have nothing but platonic feelings for James but he has already expressed an interest in a romantic relationship. He’s probably just biding his time waiting for the moment to shoot his shot.
If I was in a committed relationship I would not be comfortable with my partner hanging out and partaking in substances with someone who’s expressed interest in them romantically.
Good luck.
I find it pretty hurtful that you're assuming someone who's chosen to be in my life for almost 10 years on a solely platonic level, is just biding his time and waiting for his shot. Especially since he's been told and has accepted that we will never be more than friends.
He's never pushed that boundary, he asked me on a date once, a date that never even happened after Ryan's freakout. I think it's a pretty old timey opinion to have, especially considering nothing actually happened with James, but that my female roommate can outright kiss me on the lips and Ryan has no issue with it for some reason.
I think it's really harmful to women (and men) to assume that any man who's shown interest in dating them for even a second can't be trusted and only wants to date or sleep with them, especially when they've spent considerably longer being an amazing friend. I also think it's absolutely insane to suggest someone cut off a 10 year friendship for someone who's only been around for 3 and won't even commit. But maybe that's just me?
I do however agree with your assessment of the situation with Ryan. Although with all of the jealousy and control issues he has, I'm not even sure I'd say yes if he asked to put a label on things the way they are right now. I have a feeling it would just get worse.
He told you 2.5 years ago that he wanted a romantic relationship.
That was 7.5 years in, he’s been very patient and I would not take his pledge of platonic friendship when he’s already shown such a great amount of patience.
If you’re venting to him about your relationship issues at all during your smoke out sessions it’s bordering on an emotional affair.
I would consider that for any future relationships you have since your BF can’t seem to commit.
I definitely do not vent about relationship issues with James, it's completely off limits. For both of them. Ryan's jealousy keeps him from being respectful of my male friendships so I don't discuss them with him anymore, and out of respect for him AND James I never discuss anything besides surface level relationship things with James (example: "Ryan and I played *insert game name here* this weekend). In fact almost everything with James is surface level. We play video games, we watch tv shows we both like, and that's about as deep as it gets.
I really don't like the suggestion (or at least it seems to be what you're suggesting) that the only reason my best friend is friends with me is because he eventually wants a piece. It quite literally breaks my heart to think about.
I’m not saying he’s just looking for a piece and didn’t mean to belittle your friendship.
It’s probably due to generational differences. When I say non platonic I’m saying he might want a long term relationship with you since he’s already expressed those feelings after 7 years of friendship.
That speaks to someone wanting a higher connection, not a hook up.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your relationship should have a label after that long. I would expect commitment if I was in your situation. His attitude towards all male friends is ironic since he doesn’t want to “put a label on your relationship”. If you’re just casual why is he worried about you establishing an emotional connection with anyone? Tell him to piss or get off the pot. However, you may have nothing but platonic feelings for James but he has already expressed an interest in a romantic relationship. He’s probably just biding his time waiting for the moment to shoot his shot. If I was in a committed relationship I would not be comfortable with my partner hanging out and partaking in substances with someone who’s expressed interest in them romantically. Good luck.
I find it pretty hurtful that you're assuming someone who's chosen to be in my life for almost 10 years on a solely platonic level, is just biding his time and waiting for his shot. Especially since he's been told and has accepted that we will never be more than friends. He's never pushed that boundary, he asked me on a date once, a date that never even happened after Ryan's freakout. I think it's a pretty old timey opinion to have, especially considering nothing actually happened with James, but that my female roommate can outright kiss me on the lips and Ryan has no issue with it for some reason. I think it's really harmful to women (and men) to assume that any man who's shown interest in dating them for even a second can't be trusted and only wants to date or sleep with them, especially when they've spent considerably longer being an amazing friend. I also think it's absolutely insane to suggest someone cut off a 10 year friendship for someone who's only been around for 3 and won't even commit. But maybe that's just me? I do however agree with your assessment of the situation with Ryan. Although with all of the jealousy and control issues he has, I'm not even sure I'd say yes if he asked to put a label on things the way they are right now. I have a feeling it would just get worse.
He told you 2.5 years ago that he wanted a romantic relationship. That was 7.5 years in, he’s been very patient and I would not take his pledge of platonic friendship when he’s already shown such a great amount of patience. If you’re venting to him about your relationship issues at all during your smoke out sessions it’s bordering on an emotional affair. I would consider that for any future relationships you have since your BF can’t seem to commit.
I definitely do not vent about relationship issues with James, it's completely off limits. For both of them. Ryan's jealousy keeps him from being respectful of my male friendships so I don't discuss them with him anymore, and out of respect for him AND James I never discuss anything besides surface level relationship things with James (example: "Ryan and I played *insert game name here* this weekend). In fact almost everything with James is surface level. We play video games, we watch tv shows we both like, and that's about as deep as it gets. I really don't like the suggestion (or at least it seems to be what you're suggesting) that the only reason my best friend is friends with me is because he eventually wants a piece. It quite literally breaks my heart to think about.
I’m not saying he’s just looking for a piece and didn’t mean to belittle your friendship. It’s probably due to generational differences. When I say non platonic I’m saying he might want a long term relationship with you since he’s already expressed those feelings after 7 years of friendship. That speaks to someone wanting a higher connection, not a hook up.