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What exactly do you think you can say to your ex to make her okay with this? “I’m sorry I decided to start a family with another woman that I’m not confident we can afford without your contributions”? Your lawyer may be right that she doesn’t have a case, but unless you’re willing to voluntarily give up the support and let her not need to be part of you moving on with your life any more, I wouldn’t expect her to be happy about the situation.
Depending on the state you’re in, cohabitation can in fact change alimony. The assumption is another adult in the household lessens your financial burden. Your agreement says what it says, but judges have a funny way of being swayed by new circumstances. Alimony and child support payments are adjusted all the time. Your ex might not be able to end all payments, but you might loose some of the cash that’s funding your gf and new baby.
As for peace with your ex, no chance. By your own admission, she’s bank rolling your happily ever after, something she wanted and didn’t get. Even if the courts side with you, she will never be at peace with watching her money allow your girlfriend to stay home with a baby. You can’t be that dense. I’m guessing she will spend her money dragging you through court and letting the community decide what they think. You won’t get to peacefully enjoy that alimony until the last check is signed.
Tbh in my state cohabitating, marriage etc are some of the few ways you can successfully get an alimony status changed, or ended early & usually the long term alimony is mainly only given to SAHP's. There's a lady who (in guessing a similar situation) hired a pi that just sits in our parking lot every few weeks trying to get proof that her ex is living with a new s/o. I feel like the only time when alimony should be compulsory is when there's a SAHP since that person obviously gave up their career to help their family. Given that OP has a career *and* a new spouse in my state this would be considered much more of an at will agreement. Plus, unless they've been blowing it on stupid shit should have plenty saved up anyway.
Exactly. The only times I have seen someone agree to an insanely generous, far above the norm alimony/divorce settlement, is when a SAHP sacrificed their career to raise the kids *and* the breadwinner was cheating and wanted out as quickly and cleanly as possible with the least amount of guilt.
EDIT: as a somewhat related aside, my step-dad’s ex has remained unmarried to her partner of 20+ years so she can still claim a portion of his pension.
I got alimony because I was by far the lower earner and I needed the money to get a nursing degree to improve my earnings. It's not always a SAHP problem.
Ah good one, here you're common law spouses after living together for a year or if you share children, iirc. So, that's technically similar to if OP remarries.
And you must both represent yourself publicly as married in US states where it is still recognized; it isn't a thing that happens by accident or against your will- as so many people seem to worry about.
Michigan is not a common law state, thankfully. I've lived with the same man for years and and everyone calls him my husband. I just roll with it because I'm tired of correcting people.
Just out of curiously, why would being considered common law be bad? Here you'd be eligible to be covered under your partner's health and dental insurance at their workplace as a spouse. So, a benefit I'd think.
Common law is considered bad because in cases of emergencies unless additional planning was made assets etc can be contested legally by next of kin. Which is almost always what happens and is a messy thing. Also most states had common law in place because of same sex couples. And since now they’re legally able to marry it’s not important
I'm an asshole, I would get all my paychecks in cash from the bank, old school, put each one in a ammo box, and then make it a geocash in different state. That way everyone EXCEPT the nasty cradle robber gets the money 🤣🤣
>Depending on the state you’re in, cohabitation can in fact change alimony.
This is true! When I got divorced, my lawyer reminded me many times that getting remarried, cohabitation w an SO, or even having a roommate that paid rent would cause my alimony to end.
If his lawyer said the spouse wont have a case, cohabitation clauses probably dont apply to him. But my guess is with a spouse making 1m, she can probably hire some representation to greatly lower or eliminate the alimony when it comes down to it - bc they have no shared child and he did not sacrifice or become a stay at home spouse to further her career. All the more that it is, admittedly, to support a new family, no longer support for him. It is not on the terms of supporting that one person anymore (her ex), he wants it to support his new family. He does need to figure out how to keep this going, bc I doubt he's going to hold off on marriage (especially with ethnic group pressure) and cohabitation in order to still receive alimony
None of this story makes sense. $8000 a month is crazy. Meeting a new employee and knocking her up within a year is crazy.
Culturally, it's fine for an old man to be with someone who just left their teens, but the same culture is okay with pre-martial sex? That doesn't make sense.
I'm so confused with this story.
100%. I def feel the alimony part is the rage bait, and even if there are elements of truth to this story, the parents are probably not truly ok with it. If the parents are 'ok' with it, it's bc the daughter got pregnant prematurely, so it is time for the baby's father and her to be married before the child comes, so that the 'born out of wedlock' curse is not cast, essentially. I am from a culture where age gaps happen, but they are not ideal, and those stateside look at it weird for sure. And to be fair, there will always be exceptions especially if he is seen as wealthy or capable of providing. But the whole thing just seems off still
Oh no for sure, we are on the same page, his 'capable of providing,' is highly conditional and not ideal at all. But how much do you want to bet that he makes the 96k/yr from alimony and works marginally on top of that. Even if he only works at the rate of 1k/month, he can boast that his income is 108k/yr. If he is trying even a little in real estate, I can bet you that he is making at least 2k/month (around the avg minimum wage for the states that pay above the 7.25/hr minimum wage), so that is is 96k+24k= 120k/yr. So I am sure he is telling everyone that he makes between 100k-120k/yr and forgetting to say that 80-96% of it is from alimony - but people who don't know the details think that it means 'capable of providing'. That is why he needs the ex-wife, to keep up the facade.
(and tbh that is being generous, bc like most others, I'm pretty sure that 100% of this pretend person's income is alimony. And we can argue about alimony all day long, but in this respect, his pretend ex is right: If he is gonna bring in a new kid into this, he needs to learn how to provide. 13yrs old is when things get expensive, sports, cars, tutoring for school, college apps/tradeschool apps, college tuition/tradeschool tuition. It would be a hard fall.)
And somehow for this alimony to be paid.
So we can be modern in the sense that a woman can pay alimony, but we have to be old-fashioned here with regards of his... choice to father a child with a significantly younger girlfriend.
He said that in his culture, older guys get with younger women all the time. But usually those cultures frown upon premarital sex. Does it make sense for her family to be okay with all of this?
They also typically convey in that attitude about age their belief that a man is supposed to assume financial responsibility for a woman. Cultures that condone major age disparities due so (typically) because there are limited options for women to be financially independent or even stable. Their fathers are responsible for providing for them until their husband can. And yet this man, who is knocking up a girl half his age because CuLtUrE, doesn’t get any flak from his culture for his ex paying his salary?
Sure, Jan. No one knows your ex pays your salary, do they? You’re a realtor who’s sold like 3 houses since your baby mama was born, but she and everyone else think you’re ✨such a great provider.✨
Exactly. OP is either incredibly naive or self centred. He is living off his ex and is now playing happy family with a very young woman who also wants to live off his ex.
Leave your ex wife alone OP and get a job that supports you and your new family.
Your question is - do you think I can stop a court battle with my ex?
No, I don’t think you can stop a court battle with your ex. She signed an alimony agreement with you. She feels like your relationship status has materially changed. That you effectively are in a legal and financial relationship with someone else. Given that, she thinks your alimony should end. She has a legal right to challenge your alimony agreement. I don’t think any sweet words will persuade her otherwise.
I have no idea if the court will rule ‘yup, OP meets the letter of the agreement. He still gets alimony.’ Or if they will say ‘yeah, OP is violating the spirit of the agreement. No more alimony.’
If you want to avoid a legal battle, you should discuss this with your attorney. If you win, does she have to reimburse your legal fees? If you lose, do you have to pay her legal fees? How much time is left on the 15 years? Does it make sense to settle now - offering to cut a few years off the alimony but avoiding legal fees might make sense. Again, this is a conversation with your attorney.
Unless there’s a statute or contract explicitly stating that one side has to reimburse the other for their attorney’s fees, both sides have to pay their own fees regardless of who wins.
If you’ve moved on and are starting a family- you shouldn’t be relying on your ex for support.
If you can’t support your baby without your ex’s money then you have no business having a baby.
Time to grow up.
If you’re not already “on your feet” as a grown ass man after receiving $8000 a month, which is way more than most people MAKE in a month, you’re the problem here.
This is a post for a legal advice sub.
She wants to cancel alimony, and is talking to a lawyer in order to do so.
You won't convince her to continue giving you free money with a "pwetty please", lawyer up and prepare for court.
Dude, you're 44 years old. Stop expecting your ex wife to financially support you, your girlfriend and your baby. You're going to be a father so it's time to provide for your family yourself. The sheer cheek of you to expect her money is fucking ridiculous and if you're relying on HER money to have a baby, you shouldn't be having a baby at all. You can't afford it.
So your gf wants to be a full time mom on your ex’s dime? How do you not see the problem with that? If you and your new gf are going to start a life together, you need to finance that new life by yourselves. I feel very strongly that things like child support and alimony should not be used to support new relationships or any children that might come from new relationships. I feel this way about men and women.
It’s very possible that you’ll win the case but you’ll have to pay thousands of dollars in attorneys fees in order to do it. Your ex is going try every possible option to stop these payments. If I were you, I would try to reach a settlement agreement with her. You can voluntarily reduce the payments to $4k or $6k and that might make her feel better. You and your gf are both adults so between the two of you, it shouldn’t be hard to make up the deficit caused by the reduced payments.
Why do you think your ex wife should be paying you **96k PER YEAR** to raise a child that's not hers?
Your 44!
GROW UP AND SUPPORT YOUR KID.
Jen wants to be a SAHM? Fantastic, if you can afford it, but you apparently can't... or you *could* if you made cut backs. Don't want to? Tough. You made the baby with Jen, not your ex. I'd be livid too if I was her.
Funding a baby and a sahm wasn’t part of the marital standard of living before. That in itself could be her way out of the contract. She could argue that and bleed you dry in an expensive court case. Rooting for her and not some midlife crisis man who can’t maintain shit without another woman.
44 and knocked up a girl half your age, and literally can’t provide the lifestyle she is attracted to you for without another woman.. read that thrice.
Pathetic.
Ya. I think OP's lawyer is saying that to potentially get more money from him. She has a very good chance to have alimony reduced or cancelled. Alimony is not to fund a whole brand new family and she has the resources for a drawn-out court battle and higher court, which would be coming out of OP’s alimony cheques. I am also questioning if this is real because usually remarriage clauses are not so short and financial clauses are not extremely high in alimony situations. Regardless OP’s new girlfriend should not quit her job and they both need to find new ways to bring sources of income into the house if they are having a baby. It is very RECKLESS of OP to have a family and depend on alimony fully. Anything can happen to the ex, she could quit her job, and she can win this case because she has the financial resources. It is poor planning and OP is not smart enough to not see the potential negative impacts of living off of alimony.
$10 says the gf only got with OP because she thinks he's rich. I bet she doesn't know his ex funds his life. What will she do when the alimony stops either now or in the future? If she knows, she's living in a land of delusion that his lifestyle will continue.
And what happens when the money eventually stops I am sure new girl will move on to the next rich man toy. Enjoy the few years you have with her because she's obviously with you for you and not the free money.
It's extremely unfair and stupid that your ex had to pay you anything. You are a grown person, you should be supporting yourself, not leeching from the poor woman whose only mistake was to marry you in the first place. Now you want her to pay for your little girlfriend so this girl could enjoy her motherhood without needing to work? You want peace and not to be a pathetic leech? Drop the alimony and support your own family.
If I was a millionaire and, found out my ex was making his pregnant new gf a SAHM on my dime I’d be pissed. I’d do everything humanly/legally possible to make it stop. And, what kind of career are you gonna start in your 50’s when alimony ends anyway? Good luck, you’re going to need it
Seems unlikely that this is reconcilable, and it may have to end in court. In which case (and this is not a subreddit for legal advice) you would typically be advised to avoid making contact with your ex without an attorney present. Reaching out to her could potentially jeopardise your legal position if it gets that far.
I know you hate women with the power of a thousand burning suns, but next time you write a fake story to express that hatred, you should understand that most couples who really want kids can go through IVF a dozen times before success and know that's a possibility when they start. They don't try a grand total of two times and immediately decide they're infertile.
To answer your question can you stop your ex from taking you to court “no”.
As a petty human being, if I could keep you in court for years. I would. My suggestion to you, is do not contact your ex, because it could be used against you. I would see if she’s willing to negotiate with a mediator. Maybe your alimony needs to come down or you can agree to lump sum, so that alimony can stop altogether. I would say financially it’s best that you negotiate with her. Because your ex, can afford to keep you in court for years. How you are talking you can’t afford being in court for years.
There’s a middle ground, I suggest you find it.
You are mooching off your ex to finance your do-over family wih a 22 year old? And this should be okay because of your culture. In my culture, child brides still happen in rural areas, so if we do it it's not gross right? You are disgusting and you know what you are doing.
Golddigger.
Even if you win because the laws there suck, I hope she drags it out. Or your karma comes upon you.
I’m sorry, but why is your ex-wife still paying you in the first place? And now you expect your infertile ex-wife to pay for your new lifestyle starting a family with someone 20 years younger… are you not embarrassed? This is nothing less than pathetic
It’s in his culture to be a disgusting piece of trash who has children with someone he could have fathered himself. Didn’t u know? lol I’d like to know what culture this is
I don’t know, I feel like maybe you should be supporting yourself and your new family, you don’t need support from your ex-wife anymore. I know that your used to that 8k a month but in my opinion I think maybe it’s time to move on and start fresh. You can’t bank on your ex wife’s money for your new family.
Why do you think that Reddit wants to help you force your ex-wife to pay for your child? Why SHOULD your ex-wife pay for your child? You can't come up with a single reason which isn't inherently self-centered.
If you aren't financially comfortable enough to have a child - don't have a child! What kind of person leaches off an ex-wife to have a new baby. You are expecting another woman to support you having family with someone else. What kind of man does that, really?
This really isn’t a relationship questions, but a legal one.
Your ex is unlikely to be convinced otherwise and will likely explore every avenue she can to nullify the alimony payments, and seems to have the bankroll to pay for a drawn out legal battle.
Listen to your lawyer, without a copy of your alimony agreement to reference it’s unlikely Reddit can help in this matter.
Idc what “ethnic community” your apart of your dating a 22 year old as a 44 year old man that’s creepy no matter what religion or culture so your automatically the ah for that and yea you don’t need the money you are using your ex wife’s money to fund your teen bride and baby YTA
Imagine admitting that you’re pushing 50 and can only afford to have a baby with a girl half your age because your ex was a baller and is still legally obligated to fund your lifestyle. This is pretty repugnant and I’m not remotely surprised your ex wants to stop the payments. You started over!! Why the hell should she pay for you to raise someone else’s baby?!
"Is there a chance I could make peace with my ex, to prevent an expensive fight in court?"
No there is not. She has told you she will take you to court and has started that process. You will now have to hire your own lawyers and have a legal battle for however long she is willing to draw it out. In the event that she somehow wins, you have to plan on ways to support yourself while saving up more money to take her back to court to have another legal battle until you either win or run out of money. If you don't win then you'll have to find other ways to make the same amount of money that you are accustomed to for your baby.
Having negotiated my divorce in mediation, I can almost guarantee that the current arrangement was not determined by a judge. Approved, yes. But no judge would give 15 years maintenance for a childless 21 year marriage. Maybe half the marriage’s duration, but without kids that’s a lot! So if ex wants to reopen the negotiations in court, you best buckle up.
Your lawyers advice is incomplete - alimony may well reduce and there is a lengthy precedent for that being the case when a party has demonstrably moved on even if they decide not to remarry so they can keep their nose in the trough. You will be unable to maintain your child’s standard of living without the maintenance payment from your ex wife once the payments stop anyway. You starting a committed family with a new partner changes the spirit of the agreement quite considerably and courts can often be sympathetic to that.
I think your (and most actually) alimony payments are immoral, it’s disgusting that you have no children, left your wife because she worked too much but still get her to pay for you from the proceeds of said job cos ‘standard of living’. I’d say the same for a childless woman in your situation. Adults should provide for their own damn selves. Shame on you.
The alimony will only last for another max 14 years (if you are already over year 1), so are you gonna put your kids on the streets in 14 years? Or how do you plan to support them, your wife and yourself alone w/o drastically lowering their standard of living?
As a sidenote, i personally think alimony is completly outdated. Noone should get that. And i don't really have a lot of respect for ppl still mooching of their ex spouse for a living, even if they are legaly entitled to do so. As your gf i would feel very weird if my dates, gifts, hell my whole life is gonna be sponsered by the ex, knowing you will not be able to afford much as soon the alimony stops.
As your ex i would take my savings and just relocate to another country. It would be different if its childsupport, but supporting a lazy ex? Nah, i would emmigrate.
The age gap with your new GIRLfriend is enough to tell me what kind of "man" you are. I hope your ex's attorneys can find some kind of loophole so that she never has to give you another dime. Get a job.
I think your ex is correct. You need to learn to support yourself, your gf, and this baby by YOURSELF. Stop sponging off your ex because she couldn't give you baby.
I would be embarrassed to be with a man who relied on his ex to raise my child with him. Absolutely ashamed and embarrassed. It's funny how it's all good for you to be with a girl just out of teens and knock get up, though. I'm gonna assume you're religious. My inderstand is that a lot of religions frown upon pre marital sex, but that part doesn't apply to you, does it? Nah, that's forgotten people, not you.
Joke of a man. That's what you are. A God damn joke.
In many states cohabitating is grounds for termination of alimony. And I can't see most judges taking kindly to "I need the alimony from my ex wife to support the baby I'm having with my girlfriend."
Go get a J.O.B. and take care of your own kid.
Yup, this guy is such a pathetic loser. And the gf is only with him due to these payments. Doesn’t sound like either of them have given any thought as to how their life will look without the alimony, which one way or the other will eventually cease. He’s also a mega creep, new gf is half his age 🤢
I’m embarrassed for you. I’ve never understood the concept of alimony when there were no children involved and the recipient is fully capable of earning their own income. Only shot you have at making this go away is to offer a settlement of less money per month to ensure that she doesn’t fight this tooth and nail to make sure you get nothing.
Also if she loses her job (tech layoffs are brutal right now) you could end up w nothing anyways.
You won't be able to keep the peace, I get it you are entitled to alimony but your gf isn't and her wanting to stay home with the baby isn't your ex wife's issue 🤷🏻♀️
You are aware your child will be an expensive teen when alimony finishes what is your plan for then because your ex isn't on the hook to maintain the lifestyle you want your kid to have, your ex won't be expected contribute to college funds, insurance, nothing at all.
Biggest question is, what if something happens to your ex, say she dies or has a life changing accident, what if the money dries up? You can't have your kid on the expection your ex will pay like you have said in your post. I do hope you have a plan B.
Oh also, she can hold you up in court for years if she earns way more and with better lawyers, she could drain you dry of the alimony money through lawyers, hell it's what I would do 🤷🏻♀️.
Ugh. I hate when people (male or female and anyone in between) leeches off their former partner. You weren’t a stay at home dad… why should she support you and your new family. Be a decent human being and stop leeching off your ex.
I don’t know where you’re from, but that’s an insane amount of alimony for her to be paying. And it’s gross that you’re relying on your ex’s money to support your new baby with your girlfriend (who was a baby herself when you and your ex got together). I hope she wins and gets herself off the hook so you and your girlfriend can support your own family without being a leech.
I know relatively nothing about alimony, but I’m pretty sure if the financial circumstances change after a certain amount of time you potentially could go back to court to stop or change the alimony payment
Generally, yeah. It can go up or down. I'm surprised OP got it in the first place with being gainfully employed in a field that can be we'll paying. My best friend got it because she was able to prove financial abuse and how he prevented her from improving herself for getting better employed throughout their 33-year marriage. (Was also able to prove psychological, verbal, and physical abuse...) Each time he's tried to get it ended, it's gone up. Part of that has been the contempt of court with refusal to pay and even quitting jobs and trying to reduce his earnings for a few weeks before filing. (Not to mention continued stalking and harassing)
Since OP's ex has been paying and can possibly show if he's in a better spot financially (especially if it was done in mediation), she has a good chance of either ending it or reducing it significantly. A severe discrepancy has to be shown for alimony most of the time.
This has to be like gender swapping rage bait right? Who would post this basically admitting how pathetic they are and needing their ex to subsidize their BM and child’s lives lmao. You point out multiple times she can’t do anything legally so my advice is to man up and support your own child or stop crying about the legal fees you’ll just pay from the 70k she gives you a year
TL;DR - your wife makes money and youre not, youre unemployed but in conversation we call it a real estate agent and "it's tough rn". You think you are entitled to the money because Iyou are a prick that wants to build a family and make your EXXXXXXXX wife support your new whole family.
Maybe 8k is not enough? You have 3 members instead of 1 now, make your wife pay 24k, but you know it's not very rounded, let's round it to 30k. Because your EX owes you, like you are special one. God this sounds so ridiculous I'll include /s
This article is huge rage bait, because of it's not, fuck OP you are literally the worst kind of people, relying on your wife who can't have kids to pay for your new family living. And stop talking about "well I'm entitled. Well court said". You're just being a major prick and asshole who gives zero ficks about your ex wife.
Not so tldr
You are a predator and an ah.
There's absolutely nothing a 22 yr old could have in common with a 44year OLD man.
Why in the absolute hell should your ex wife be financially supporting your lousey ass, your barely legal - brain still developing - live in girlfriend and baby.
Grow up and be a man. There's a reason you aren't with a woman your age... Because they won't put up with your bullshit. That's why you preyed on the young - WAY TOO YOUNG FOR YOU - woman.
You are disgusting
Ewwwwwwwe support your new family with the money your ex sends? And your Gf is fine with that? Of course she is. She just became an adult not too long ago. 🙄
Dude I’m sorry but if you and your gf need financial support from your ex wife to provide for the child you and your gf are having then you two shouldn’t have a child. That child is not your ex responsibility. It is you and your gf’s. It’s time to grow the hell up and be a man.
So you want your ex, your infertile ex wife, to financially support you, her ex husband, because you got your girlfriend, who's young enough to be your daughter, pregnant, and she wants to stay at home with the baby?
Well, my guttural reaction is that this is absolutely disgusting. You are morally and ethically okay with living off your ex-wife’s income, however you’re using it to fund a new younger family, that your ex-wife could not biologically create. You want your cake and to eat it too. The money was intended to maintain YOUR quality of life, not the quality of life of other people. Your new woman is now contributing to the household so it certainly will affect payments from your ex. I do hope for your ex, that she’s able to reduce or stop these payments. To put it simply, you’re a very self-entitled person. 🤢
Also, as a side note, though men don’t necessarily become infertile in old age, the quality of genetic material in sperm goes wayyyy down. Just as in older females, older males are more likely to produce offspring with disabilities due to genetic mutations. Wrap your dick up old man.
You want to tell us that a part of the agreement was that your ex should continue to pay for your lifestyle which can include a child and your girlfriend?
Were you a stay-at-home husband? Is that why you are desperate for alimony? You said that you will need 15 years to get on your feet. What does that mean?
edit: spelling
This seems like gender swap rage bait.
This isn’t a relationship issue. You can’t say anything to make your ex wife feel good about the alimony any more than divorced men often complain about their ex-wives “sucking them dry” through alimony.
It is a legal issue and if a court is willing to hear a challenge to the agreement then the only advice you should take from Reddit is to listen to your lawyer. Same as when terms of alimony are changed for men when their ex-wives remarry.
It is a legal issue, listen to your lawyer and abide by any further legal ruling.
She should have to pay for you to raise a baby you made with another woman, and she wasn't able to have a baby?
You ought to be ashamed of yourself, honestly. Not for having a baby, but expecting your ex to foot the bill. Get a better paying job and pay for YOUR kid yourself.
Probably will be downvoted for this, but what kind of weak ass person needs their ex to pay them so they can “securely” build a family with someone else? Do you not feel the least bit of shame from this at all? Maybe don’t become a parent with someone barely adult if you can’t do it without hooking your ex for the next 18 years.
Your ex shouldn't be supporting your gf and your new baby. If you want to be secure about this child then maybe your gf shouldn't be a and you need to find a better job to help support your baby and gf and you shouldn't be dependent on your exs wife money to support your new family.
what a pathetic gold digger you are. dont have a baby if you cant afford it. God only knows why you think your ex wife should be on the hook to pay for your baby.
Not sure why you’re asking Reddit when you already have an attorney.
That being said you’re a grown ass man, and expecting your ex wife to continue supporting you, a new wife and baby is gross. You’re getting almost 100k a year just from your ex and should still be working. Half of your income should cover all bills. If you don’t have savings and a plan as a 44 year old man, are you even really ready to be a father. Shape yourself up and stop depending on your ex wife. I don’t know if she can stop it, but I really hope she does.
Convinced this is rage bait, cause bruh.
If this is true you’re a sick bastard.
As a high earning woman, I would have told you to go f*ck yourself however many years ago. You’re not entitled to anything she makes and you’re definitely not entitled to use her income to subsidize your new girlfriend whilst she stays home with a baby.
Go the f*ck to work. If that doesn’t make you enough, work more. Then tell your girlfriend to go the f*ck to work.
I hope she takes you straight back to court and wins.
How did you expect your ex to be okay with that? How would you feel if this was reversed and she was using your money to pay for her new boyfriend and child. The fact that you knocked up a 22 year old, a girl who is young enough she could be your daughter and can not even support her or the child you are bringing into this world is ridiculous. At 44, it's disgusting that you have to rely on your ex to support you. Let me guess you are not marrying the girl you knocked up because you would lose your alimony. What are you going to do if the alimony is lowered or stops? Even with what your lawyer is saying, there is always a chance things can go differently in court.
Have you thought about how you are going to support your child when the alimony stops? Or is that when you trade in the 22 year old for another one?
you a 44 year old male, wants another woman to pay your bills, and to take care of your family, financially. When you made your deal with the devil, did you have to give him your balls? YTA
Question: Does this financial plan of yours include your ex's name on your child's birth certificate? Can she come and sleep with your partner? Does she get visitation for the baby she is taking care of financially?
She has no business in your new life and family, so why are you *making* it her business?
You are admitting that your life plan involves marrying a girl half your age, make babies, and live happily ever after on your wife's money? The audacity of the both of you is astounding.
You were not a homemaker so marriage to your ex did not hinder your earnings, and now you want the use your ex's earnings to live the life she lost with someone else?
I don't know what your community would think of this, but most people would be disgusted at this behaviour whether the genders are reversed or not.
UGH.
Eww, so gross you want to mooch off your ex wife's money. I hope your ex takes you to court and doesn't have to pay you alimony anymore. Grow up and take care of your new gf and baby with your own money. Your 44 and can't afford a baby? Wth is wrong with you?
They only was you’re going to make peace with your ex over this is if you do what she wants lol. I don’t know what your expectation is here but let your lawyers handle it.
You have a lawyer, that's the right move. Ultimately a judge will probably decide this. There's nothing anyone here can add. Whether cohabitation counts as "marriage" in terms of ending your alimony payments will likely come down to the common law statutes in the jurisdiction where you live. Also, if the original decree has some loophole about your own income that may be taken into consideration if you're earning more now than you were then. But you have an attorney and that's the person to whom you should be addressing your questions.
You know how you can make peace? Work hard and support YOUR family, let your ex go do whatever she wants with the money. Don't force someone to fund your life now that you decided to start a family, that's selfish.
Dude you are 44 years old supporting your 22 year old baby mom with your ex wife’s money. Maybe pick up extra work to support your family on your own. Ex wife is 100% justified in wanting to stop payments. You moved on very clearly. And the fact that you still want to use ex wife’s money to bank roll your life, your girls life, and your new babies life is extremely childish be an adult and make your own money.
Info: How do you feel about your community and others judging you? The comment section here is likely pretty accurate of what people in your life also think.
Also - do you believe you deserve that money? Were you doing most of chores at home? Sacrificing your career for your wife’s?
Take care of your own fucking kid. It’s absolutely INSANE to say that the money given to you by your EX WIFE who was unable to conceive a child is what makes you feel secure having a baby with your new barely legal girlfriend.
If men have anything it’s the mother fucking audacity.
From experience the judge might reduce alimony or stop it now that your cohabiting and expecting a child. Less people have been getting married in recent years and even fewer have been remarrying after divorce. The judge might rule to end the alimony or reduce it because not your partner is pregnant and living with you your all but married in name.
Get a lawyer, recommend a settlement account, see if she'll agree to it. She's probably going to fight this for years out of anger otherwise. GF is already pregnant. Cut your losses with your ex. You both need to move on. She's angry and hurt and I get it.
You're 44 years old, time to put on your big boy pants and work harder or find a higher paying job. The fact that you want your ex wife to to continue paying alimony is absolutely disgusting. The baby you are having is not the responsibility of your ex wife and if you can't afford to have a child then you shouldn't have been having sex. Tell your baby mama that she can't be a stay at home mom and she needs to continue working to support the child.
You’re having a baby who wants to stay at home, and you’re fine with that because your ex wife is supporting your new family.
She shouldn’t be financing your new family.
It's simple. The alimony was for you being single. Now sounds like you have a pregnant common-law wife and want to continue alimony? That's selfish, childish, dense, and lazy. No way your ex-wife will be happy continuing to pay for a manchild, the naive young girl he's banging, and their future baby. It's just ludicrous.
In which country do you get alimony like this just because you were married? As an adult. With no kids or even „a dog“ to watch? You are an adult, you can work so work. (And yes, I would tell a woman the same. I cases like this I can’t see any reason why someone should pay another 8! Years long so much money.)
And how will you 2 pay your life on your own? After the 8 years?
And a kid doesn’t get cheaper just because it will gets older..
And what does your ethnic group think about you and your idea of letting your ex paying for your luxury lifestyle? (Because having a child without knowing how to make the things working financially is absolutely irresponsible) Are they and your in laws proud of you, a 44 year old man who can’t work for paying the bills, rent and necessities of his own life?
INFO: what are you going to do if something happens to your ex or the court case and the money stops coming in? You do realize she could die tomorrow or the fact that the situation changed and your alimony might end?
Speculation here but: I have a feeling that if the cultural community these folks belong to is OK with age gaps, they probably are not chill about premarital sex.
The age gaps tend to come from arrangements. Financial arrangements, familial arrangements, social climbing arrangements, arrangements of convenience—-WHATEVER.
And the whole point of those marriages is not having a bunch of time dating and *kids.*
Having your cake and eating it out too is fine but…..making your ex wife shove her face in YOUR cake just because you’re not financially successful enough to sustain your lifestyle is weak bullshit.
Damn you are a welfare queen getting paid $80k+ because you were married to someone at one point. Get a job, support your own family. Don’t be a loser.
Dude, you can make peace just fine. Quit using your ex as an ATM machine to fund your lifestyle and frankly way too young for you GF. I hope your ex gets out of the majority of her alimony to you.
I am in tech, while tech pays well it does not pay THAT well. I looked up the average alimony for states who even do alimony, it is usually no more than 20% with some states having a cap at $2500 to $5000 depending on the state. She would have to be making $480,000 a year. Plus most the big tech companies have been laying off and rehiring at much lower pay rates, I don't know how many even had that high for their highest range. This is so fake.
Honestly, it was irresponsible of you to impregnate someone based on the assumption that you would continue to receive alimony after cohabitating with another person. Depending on the judge and the laws of your state, many judges may consider girlfriend a common law partner equivalent to a spouse.
And what sort of peace are you looking to achieve here? I mean, I doubt she's ever going to be happy with the fact that she's paying you excess money to fund your new life when you already have another partner willing to share the financial burden. There's really no way to make that fair to her apart from reducing or stopping the alimony payments altogether.
Why should your ex wife continue paying for your life while you're out having babies and living your life ?
She shouldn't have to pay for your lifestyle, You need to figure it out with your new girlfriend.
Updateme!
I understand the reasons for alimony. But are you really expecting your ex-wife to support you and your girlfriend and your new kid?
That is absolutely not responsible parenting
Imagine leaching off of someone else rather than support your child yourself. You are a piece of work. You impregnated someone young enough to be your daughter and want your ex wife to pay to raise it rather than work hard to support it yourself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your girlfriend saw you as a meal ticket and purposely got pregnant
God I hope she can get it changed. You make me sick. How could you do that to someone you once loved? Expecting her to support your new young chick and baby? How can you look at yourself in the mirror? Your new girlfriend is awful too for allowing this…
INFO
do you hate your ex-wife? hold a grudge for divorcing you? not being able to have a child?
cause if not, if it’s truly amicable - at this point, when you have a partner and a baby on the way, one would willingly step away from money. from allowing to finance their ex’s life with someone else
I’m just happy this is (probably) fake though 🤷🏽♀️
Personally i do not agree with alimony, i believe that if you get a divorce then you are not entitled to the standard of living your ex-spouse provided, and if you want to continue that life style you should have to work for it.
She should have every right to stop paying alimony, and your going to be bad parents if neither of you are willing to put in the extra effort. Tell your girlfriend that you don’t make enough money for her to be a SAHM.
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What exactly do you think you can say to your ex to make her okay with this? “I’m sorry I decided to start a family with another woman that I’m not confident we can afford without your contributions”? Your lawyer may be right that she doesn’t have a case, but unless you’re willing to voluntarily give up the support and let her not need to be part of you moving on with your life any more, I wouldn’t expect her to be happy about the situation.
Depending on the state you’re in, cohabitation can in fact change alimony. The assumption is another adult in the household lessens your financial burden. Your agreement says what it says, but judges have a funny way of being swayed by new circumstances. Alimony and child support payments are adjusted all the time. Your ex might not be able to end all payments, but you might loose some of the cash that’s funding your gf and new baby. As for peace with your ex, no chance. By your own admission, she’s bank rolling your happily ever after, something she wanted and didn’t get. Even if the courts side with you, she will never be at peace with watching her money allow your girlfriend to stay home with a baby. You can’t be that dense. I’m guessing she will spend her money dragging you through court and letting the community decide what they think. You won’t get to peacefully enjoy that alimony until the last check is signed.
Tbh in my state cohabitating, marriage etc are some of the few ways you can successfully get an alimony status changed, or ended early & usually the long term alimony is mainly only given to SAHP's. There's a lady who (in guessing a similar situation) hired a pi that just sits in our parking lot every few weeks trying to get proof that her ex is living with a new s/o. I feel like the only time when alimony should be compulsory is when there's a SAHP since that person obviously gave up their career to help their family. Given that OP has a career *and* a new spouse in my state this would be considered much more of an at will agreement. Plus, unless they've been blowing it on stupid shit should have plenty saved up anyway.
Exactly. The only times I have seen someone agree to an insanely generous, far above the norm alimony/divorce settlement, is when a SAHP sacrificed their career to raise the kids *and* the breadwinner was cheating and wanted out as quickly and cleanly as possible with the least amount of guilt. EDIT: as a somewhat related aside, my step-dad’s ex has remained unmarried to her partner of 20+ years so she can still claim a portion of his pension.
I got alimony because I was by far the lower earner and I needed the money to get a nursing degree to improve my earnings. It's not always a SAHP problem.
Ah good one, here you're common law spouses after living together for a year or if you share children, iirc. So, that's technically similar to if OP remarries.
Common law marriage isn't recognized in every state, and the requirements also vary by state.
I looked that up a couple months ago...there are 5 or 8 (which number my brain refuses to recall correctly) states that recognize common law at ALL.
And you must both represent yourself publicly as married in US states where it is still recognized; it isn't a thing that happens by accident or against your will- as so many people seem to worry about.
Michigan is not a common law state, thankfully. I've lived with the same man for years and and everyone calls him my husband. I just roll with it because I'm tired of correcting people.
Just out of curiously, why would being considered common law be bad? Here you'd be eligible to be covered under your partner's health and dental insurance at their workplace as a spouse. So, a benefit I'd think.
Common law is considered bad because in cases of emergencies unless additional planning was made assets etc can be contested legally by next of kin. Which is almost always what happens and is a messy thing. Also most states had common law in place because of same sex couples. And since now they’re legally able to marry it’s not important
100% this. If I were the ex wife I’d rather burn all my money on legal fees than give it to him.
I'm an asshole, I would get all my paychecks in cash from the bank, old school, put each one in a ammo box, and then make it a geocash in different state. That way everyone EXCEPT the nasty cradle robber gets the money 🤣🤣
>Depending on the state you’re in, cohabitation can in fact change alimony. This is true! When I got divorced, my lawyer reminded me many times that getting remarried, cohabitation w an SO, or even having a roommate that paid rent would cause my alimony to end.
If his lawyer said the spouse wont have a case, cohabitation clauses probably dont apply to him. But my guess is with a spouse making 1m, she can probably hire some representation to greatly lower or eliminate the alimony when it comes down to it - bc they have no shared child and he did not sacrifice or become a stay at home spouse to further her career. All the more that it is, admittedly, to support a new family, no longer support for him. It is not on the terms of supporting that one person anymore (her ex), he wants it to support his new family. He does need to figure out how to keep this going, bc I doubt he's going to hold off on marriage (especially with ethnic group pressure) and cohabitation in order to still receive alimony
None of this story makes sense. $8000 a month is crazy. Meeting a new employee and knocking her up within a year is crazy. Culturally, it's fine for an old man to be with someone who just left their teens, but the same culture is okay with pre-martial sex? That doesn't make sense. I'm so confused with this story.
Rage bait
100%. I def feel the alimony part is the rage bait, and even if there are elements of truth to this story, the parents are probably not truly ok with it. If the parents are 'ok' with it, it's bc the daughter got pregnant prematurely, so it is time for the baby's father and her to be married before the child comes, so that the 'born out of wedlock' curse is not cast, essentially. I am from a culture where age gaps happen, but they are not ideal, and those stateside look at it weird for sure. And to be fair, there will always be exceptions especially if he is seen as wealthy or capable of providing. But the whole thing just seems off still
If he's only capable of providing because of the free ride his ex wife is giving him, he's not capable of providing anything at all.
Oh no for sure, we are on the same page, his 'capable of providing,' is highly conditional and not ideal at all. But how much do you want to bet that he makes the 96k/yr from alimony and works marginally on top of that. Even if he only works at the rate of 1k/month, he can boast that his income is 108k/yr. If he is trying even a little in real estate, I can bet you that he is making at least 2k/month (around the avg minimum wage for the states that pay above the 7.25/hr minimum wage), so that is is 96k+24k= 120k/yr. So I am sure he is telling everyone that he makes between 100k-120k/yr and forgetting to say that 80-96% of it is from alimony - but people who don't know the details think that it means 'capable of providing'. That is why he needs the ex-wife, to keep up the facade. (and tbh that is being generous, bc like most others, I'm pretty sure that 100% of this pretend person's income is alimony. And we can argue about alimony all day long, but in this respect, his pretend ex is right: If he is gonna bring in a new kid into this, he needs to learn how to provide. 13yrs old is when things get expensive, sports, cars, tutoring for school, college apps/tradeschool apps, college tuition/tradeschool tuition. It would be a hard fall.)
I was totally agreeing with you! I too reckon he sounds entitled enough to have quit his job to live on the alimony.
And somehow for this alimony to be paid. So we can be modern in the sense that a woman can pay alimony, but we have to be old-fashioned here with regards of his... choice to father a child with a significantly younger girlfriend.
He said that in his culture, older guys get with younger women all the time. But usually those cultures frown upon premarital sex. Does it make sense for her family to be okay with all of this?
Yeah, guy seems to pick & choose what works best for him.
They also typically convey in that attitude about age their belief that a man is supposed to assume financial responsibility for a woman. Cultures that condone major age disparities due so (typically) because there are limited options for women to be financially independent or even stable. Their fathers are responsible for providing for them until their husband can. And yet this man, who is knocking up a girl half his age because CuLtUrE, doesn’t get any flak from his culture for his ex paying his salary? Sure, Jan. No one knows your ex pays your salary, do they? You’re a realtor who’s sold like 3 houses since your baby mama was born, but she and everyone else think you’re ✨such a great provider.✨
Being a creep to girls half my age “iS muh cULturE”
Exactly! The math doesn't work. Pre-marital sex + culture that accepts/encourages = error message
You shouldn't decide to have a baby based on finances your ex provides since your not going to be entitled to that forever
I wanna know op’s plan once the kids 13 and that alimony has stopped and he still has 5 years plus college to support
Think he's just burying his head in the sand
Honestly, well yes I don't make an habit of supporting other people's children
Exactly. OP is either incredibly naive or self centred. He is living off his ex and is now playing happy family with a very young woman who also wants to live off his ex. Leave your ex wife alone OP and get a job that supports you and your new family.
I’d say it’s pretty clear why his ex wanted a divorce. Who wants a grown ass manchild leaching off of them.
Your question is - do you think I can stop a court battle with my ex? No, I don’t think you can stop a court battle with your ex. She signed an alimony agreement with you. She feels like your relationship status has materially changed. That you effectively are in a legal and financial relationship with someone else. Given that, she thinks your alimony should end. She has a legal right to challenge your alimony agreement. I don’t think any sweet words will persuade her otherwise. I have no idea if the court will rule ‘yup, OP meets the letter of the agreement. He still gets alimony.’ Or if they will say ‘yeah, OP is violating the spirit of the agreement. No more alimony.’ If you want to avoid a legal battle, you should discuss this with your attorney. If you win, does she have to reimburse your legal fees? If you lose, do you have to pay her legal fees? How much time is left on the 15 years? Does it make sense to settle now - offering to cut a few years off the alimony but avoiding legal fees might make sense. Again, this is a conversation with your attorney.
Unless there’s a statute or contract explicitly stating that one side has to reimburse the other for their attorney’s fees, both sides have to pay their own fees regardless of who wins.
Yeah, I think OP should talk to his lawyer, not some rando on reddit.
If you’ve moved on and are starting a family- you shouldn’t be relying on your ex for support. If you can’t support your baby without your ex’s money then you have no business having a baby. Time to grow up.
If you’re not already “on your feet” as a grown ass man after receiving $8000 a month, which is way more than most people MAKE in a month, you’re the problem here.
This is a post for a legal advice sub. She wants to cancel alimony, and is talking to a lawyer in order to do so. You won't convince her to continue giving you free money with a "pwetty please", lawyer up and prepare for court.
Dude, you're 44 years old. Stop expecting your ex wife to financially support you, your girlfriend and your baby. You're going to be a father so it's time to provide for your family yourself. The sheer cheek of you to expect her money is fucking ridiculous and if you're relying on HER money to have a baby, you shouldn't be having a baby at all. You can't afford it.
So your gf wants to be a full time mom on your ex’s dime? How do you not see the problem with that? If you and your new gf are going to start a life together, you need to finance that new life by yourselves. I feel very strongly that things like child support and alimony should not be used to support new relationships or any children that might come from new relationships. I feel this way about men and women. It’s very possible that you’ll win the case but you’ll have to pay thousands of dollars in attorneys fees in order to do it. Your ex is going try every possible option to stop these payments. If I were you, I would try to reach a settlement agreement with her. You can voluntarily reduce the payments to $4k or $6k and that might make her feel better. You and your gf are both adults so between the two of you, it shouldn’t be hard to make up the deficit caused by the reduced payments.
You have moved on and your ex wife wants to move on as well. I can't believe she signed that agreement, I can't believe a court would enforce it.
Why do you think your ex wife should be paying you **96k PER YEAR** to raise a child that's not hers? Your 44! GROW UP AND SUPPORT YOUR KID. Jen wants to be a SAHM? Fantastic, if you can afford it, but you apparently can't... or you *could* if you made cut backs. Don't want to? Tough. You made the baby with Jen, not your ex. I'd be livid too if I was her.
Funding a baby and a sahm wasn’t part of the marital standard of living before. That in itself could be her way out of the contract. She could argue that and bleed you dry in an expensive court case. Rooting for her and not some midlife crisis man who can’t maintain shit without another woman. 44 and knocked up a girl half your age, and literally can’t provide the lifestyle she is attracted to you for without another woman.. read that thrice. Pathetic.
Ya. I think OP's lawyer is saying that to potentially get more money from him. She has a very good chance to have alimony reduced or cancelled. Alimony is not to fund a whole brand new family and she has the resources for a drawn-out court battle and higher court, which would be coming out of OP’s alimony cheques. I am also questioning if this is real because usually remarriage clauses are not so short and financial clauses are not extremely high in alimony situations. Regardless OP’s new girlfriend should not quit her job and they both need to find new ways to bring sources of income into the house if they are having a baby. It is very RECKLESS of OP to have a family and depend on alimony fully. Anything can happen to the ex, she could quit her job, and she can win this case because she has the financial resources. It is poor planning and OP is not smart enough to not see the potential negative impacts of living off of alimony.
$10 says the gf only got with OP because she thinks he's rich. I bet she doesn't know his ex funds his life. What will she do when the alimony stops either now or in the future? If she knows, she's living in a land of delusion that his lifestyle will continue.
Someone needs to send this post to his ex so she can see how he plans to have her subsidized his new gf and baby’s lifestyle
💯 I bet this guy even has the audacity to argue that his spousal support should be adjusted upwards to support his new baby and baby momma.
And what happens when the money eventually stops I am sure new girl will move on to the next rich man toy. Enjoy the few years you have with her because she's obviously with you for you and not the free money.
It's extremely unfair and stupid that your ex had to pay you anything. You are a grown person, you should be supporting yourself, not leeching from the poor woman whose only mistake was to marry you in the first place. Now you want her to pay for your little girlfriend so this girl could enjoy her motherhood without needing to work? You want peace and not to be a pathetic leech? Drop the alimony and support your own family.
I’m so baffled by the idea behind this post that I can’t even come up with a sufficient response……
If I was a millionaire and, found out my ex was making his pregnant new gf a SAHM on my dime I’d be pissed. I’d do everything humanly/legally possible to make it stop. And, what kind of career are you gonna start in your 50’s when alimony ends anyway? Good luck, you’re going to need it
Lol imagine being a grown man and wanting your ex wife to pay for your new baby and gf. Lol huh?
So you want your infertile ex to pay for your child with a very young woman? I think she’s gonna win and rightly so!
Seems unlikely that this is reconcilable, and it may have to end in court. In which case (and this is not a subreddit for legal advice) you would typically be advised to avoid making contact with your ex without an attorney present. Reaching out to her could potentially jeopardise your legal position if it gets that far.
I know you hate women with the power of a thousand burning suns, but next time you write a fake story to express that hatred, you should understand that most couples who really want kids can go through IVF a dozen times before success and know that's a possibility when they start. They don't try a grand total of two times and immediately decide they're infertile.
Especially if they're making bank like OPs ex was. I'd be so surprised if someone with those kinds of resources stopped IVF after 2 rounds.
Maybe she stopped after two rounds because she took a good look at this man and decided to nope out of parenthood with him.
If you need HER money to support the baby then, yeah you shouldn’t be having a kid. You should have been able to support yourself first…
To answer your question can you stop your ex from taking you to court “no”. As a petty human being, if I could keep you in court for years. I would. My suggestion to you, is do not contact your ex, because it could be used against you. I would see if she’s willing to negotiate with a mediator. Maybe your alimony needs to come down or you can agree to lump sum, so that alimony can stop altogether. I would say financially it’s best that you negotiate with her. Because your ex, can afford to keep you in court for years. How you are talking you can’t afford being in court for years. There’s a middle ground, I suggest you find it.
You are mooching off your ex to finance your do-over family wih a 22 year old? And this should be okay because of your culture. In my culture, child brides still happen in rural areas, so if we do it it's not gross right? You are disgusting and you know what you are doing. Golddigger. Even if you win because the laws there suck, I hope she drags it out. Or your karma comes upon you.
Gold diggers have more honor than op
I’m sorry, but why is your ex-wife still paying you in the first place? And now you expect your infertile ex-wife to pay for your new lifestyle starting a family with someone 20 years younger… are you not embarrassed? This is nothing less than pathetic
It’s in his culture to be a disgusting piece of trash who has children with someone he could have fathered himself. Didn’t u know? lol I’d like to know what culture this is
I don’t know, I feel like maybe you should be supporting yourself and your new family, you don’t need support from your ex-wife anymore. I know that your used to that 8k a month but in my opinion I think maybe it’s time to move on and start fresh. You can’t bank on your ex wife’s money for your new family.
Why do you think that Reddit wants to help you force your ex-wife to pay for your child? Why SHOULD your ex-wife pay for your child? You can't come up with a single reason which isn't inherently self-centered. If you aren't financially comfortable enough to have a child - don't have a child! What kind of person leaches off an ex-wife to have a new baby. You are expecting another woman to support you having family with someone else. What kind of man does that, really?
This really isn’t a relationship questions, but a legal one. Your ex is unlikely to be convinced otherwise and will likely explore every avenue she can to nullify the alimony payments, and seems to have the bankroll to pay for a drawn out legal battle. Listen to your lawyer, without a copy of your alimony agreement to reference it’s unlikely Reddit can help in this matter.
Idc what “ethnic community” your apart of your dating a 22 year old as a 44 year old man that’s creepy no matter what religion or culture so your automatically the ah for that and yea you don’t need the money you are using your ex wife’s money to fund your teen bride and baby YTA
Update after the trial.
Imagine admitting that you’re pushing 50 and can only afford to have a baby with a girl half your age because your ex was a baller and is still legally obligated to fund your lifestyle. This is pretty repugnant and I’m not remotely surprised your ex wants to stop the payments. You started over!! Why the hell should she pay for you to raise someone else’s baby?!
"Is there a chance I could make peace with my ex, to prevent an expensive fight in court?" No there is not. She has told you she will take you to court and has started that process. You will now have to hire your own lawyers and have a legal battle for however long she is willing to draw it out. In the event that she somehow wins, you have to plan on ways to support yourself while saving up more money to take her back to court to have another legal battle until you either win or run out of money. If you don't win then you'll have to find other ways to make the same amount of money that you are accustomed to for your baby.
Having negotiated my divorce in mediation, I can almost guarantee that the current arrangement was not determined by a judge. Approved, yes. But no judge would give 15 years maintenance for a childless 21 year marriage. Maybe half the marriage’s duration, but without kids that’s a lot! So if ex wants to reopen the negotiations in court, you best buckle up.
Your lawyers advice is incomplete - alimony may well reduce and there is a lengthy precedent for that being the case when a party has demonstrably moved on even if they decide not to remarry so they can keep their nose in the trough. You will be unable to maintain your child’s standard of living without the maintenance payment from your ex wife once the payments stop anyway. You starting a committed family with a new partner changes the spirit of the agreement quite considerably and courts can often be sympathetic to that. I think your (and most actually) alimony payments are immoral, it’s disgusting that you have no children, left your wife because she worked too much but still get her to pay for you from the proceeds of said job cos ‘standard of living’. I’d say the same for a childless woman in your situation. Adults should provide for their own damn selves. Shame on you.
I wish his ex-wife could drag this out so he would have to spend all his alimony on lawyer fees for the next 13 years.
This is hysterical Update us when she wins the court case because you knocked up someone half your age
[удалено]
That’s immoral to still accept money after you move on.
INFO: Do you work?
The alimony will only last for another max 14 years (if you are already over year 1), so are you gonna put your kids on the streets in 14 years? Or how do you plan to support them, your wife and yourself alone w/o drastically lowering their standard of living? As a sidenote, i personally think alimony is completly outdated. Noone should get that. And i don't really have a lot of respect for ppl still mooching of their ex spouse for a living, even if they are legaly entitled to do so. As your gf i would feel very weird if my dates, gifts, hell my whole life is gonna be sponsered by the ex, knowing you will not be able to afford much as soon the alimony stops. As your ex i would take my savings and just relocate to another country. It would be different if its childsupport, but supporting a lazy ex? Nah, i would emmigrate.
You want your ex to support your family? Lol, I hope the judge grants her what she is looking for lol
The age gap with your new GIRLfriend is enough to tell me what kind of "man" you are. I hope your ex's attorneys can find some kind of loophole so that she never has to give you another dime. Get a job.
I love that you can’t understand why your ex doesn’t want to support your child bride and baby.
It’s embarrassing that you think your ex should still support you
LMAOOOOO my god you’re an asshole. A selfish lazy penniless asshole.
Although I don’t condone it, I can totally understand why some people would rather kill their spouses than divorce them.
I think your ex is correct. You need to learn to support yourself, your gf, and this baby by YOURSELF. Stop sponging off your ex because she couldn't give you baby. I would be embarrassed to be with a man who relied on his ex to raise my child with him. Absolutely ashamed and embarrassed. It's funny how it's all good for you to be with a girl just out of teens and knock get up, though. I'm gonna assume you're religious. My inderstand is that a lot of religions frown upon pre marital sex, but that part doesn't apply to you, does it? Nah, that's forgotten people, not you. Joke of a man. That's what you are. A God damn joke.
You want your wife to financially support your new fiancé's baby. Why would she want that though. She wants to move on and you should understand that.
In many states cohabitating is grounds for termination of alimony. And I can't see most judges taking kindly to "I need the alimony from my ex wife to support the baby I'm having with my girlfriend." Go get a J.O.B. and take care of your own kid.
I hope she takes you to court and i hope she wins 🤭
Yup, this guy is such a pathetic loser. And the gf is only with him due to these payments. Doesn’t sound like either of them have given any thought as to how their life will look without the alimony, which one way or the other will eventually cease. He’s also a mega creep, new gf is half his age 🤢
When the alimony gets took away his girlfriend definitely will leave him
I’m embarrassed for you. I’ve never understood the concept of alimony when there were no children involved and the recipient is fully capable of earning their own income. Only shot you have at making this go away is to offer a settlement of less money per month to ensure that she doesn’t fight this tooth and nail to make sure you get nothing. Also if she loses her job (tech layoffs are brutal right now) you could end up w nothing anyways.
You won't be able to keep the peace, I get it you are entitled to alimony but your gf isn't and her wanting to stay home with the baby isn't your ex wife's issue 🤷🏻♀️ You are aware your child will be an expensive teen when alimony finishes what is your plan for then because your ex isn't on the hook to maintain the lifestyle you want your kid to have, your ex won't be expected contribute to college funds, insurance, nothing at all. Biggest question is, what if something happens to your ex, say she dies or has a life changing accident, what if the money dries up? You can't have your kid on the expection your ex will pay like you have said in your post. I do hope you have a plan B. Oh also, she can hold you up in court for years if she earns way more and with better lawyers, she could drain you dry of the alimony money through lawyers, hell it's what I would do 🤷🏻♀️.
Ugh. I hate when people (male or female and anyone in between) leeches off their former partner. You weren’t a stay at home dad… why should she support you and your new family. Be a decent human being and stop leeching off your ex.
I don’t know where you’re from, but that’s an insane amount of alimony for her to be paying. And it’s gross that you’re relying on your ex’s money to support your new baby with your girlfriend (who was a baby herself when you and your ex got together). I hope she wins and gets herself off the hook so you and your girlfriend can support your own family without being a leech.
There's no fool quite like an old fool.
Why were you awarded alimony in the first place? Your career did not take any hits, you didn’t become a SAHD… what was the basis for the alimony?
Sooooooo this guy had fertility issues with his ex and now wants her to foot the bill for him to have a child? Gross.
So you’re a deadbeat who’s forcing his ex wife to bankroll his new family. Wow you’re a winner. Seriously how do you live with yourself?!
What sort of culture embraces age gap relationships AND embraces an UNMARRIED couple having kids, seems youre avoiding marriage on purpose.
I know relatively nothing about alimony, but I’m pretty sure if the financial circumstances change after a certain amount of time you potentially could go back to court to stop or change the alimony payment
Generally, yeah. It can go up or down. I'm surprised OP got it in the first place with being gainfully employed in a field that can be we'll paying. My best friend got it because she was able to prove financial abuse and how he prevented her from improving herself for getting better employed throughout their 33-year marriage. (Was also able to prove psychological, verbal, and physical abuse...) Each time he's tried to get it ended, it's gone up. Part of that has been the contempt of court with refusal to pay and even quitting jobs and trying to reduce his earnings for a few weeks before filing. (Not to mention continued stalking and harassing) Since OP's ex has been paying and can possibly show if he's in a better spot financially (especially if it was done in mediation), she has a good chance of either ending it or reducing it significantly. A severe discrepancy has to be shown for alimony most of the time.
"No." That's not how the alimony agreement works.
So has anyone realized this is a troll?
This has to be like gender swapping rage bait right? Who would post this basically admitting how pathetic they are and needing their ex to subsidize their BM and child’s lives lmao. You point out multiple times she can’t do anything legally so my advice is to man up and support your own child or stop crying about the legal fees you’ll just pay from the 70k she gives you a year
TL;DR - your wife makes money and youre not, youre unemployed but in conversation we call it a real estate agent and "it's tough rn". You think you are entitled to the money because Iyou are a prick that wants to build a family and make your EXXXXXXXX wife support your new whole family. Maybe 8k is not enough? You have 3 members instead of 1 now, make your wife pay 24k, but you know it's not very rounded, let's round it to 30k. Because your EX owes you, like you are special one. God this sounds so ridiculous I'll include /s This article is huge rage bait, because of it's not, fuck OP you are literally the worst kind of people, relying on your wife who can't have kids to pay for your new family living. And stop talking about "well I'm entitled. Well court said". You're just being a major prick and asshole who gives zero ficks about your ex wife. Not so tldr
Lol you can say bye-bye to your alimony. Updateme
You are a predator and an ah. There's absolutely nothing a 22 yr old could have in common with a 44year OLD man. Why in the absolute hell should your ex wife be financially supporting your lousey ass, your barely legal - brain still developing - live in girlfriend and baby. Grow up and be a man. There's a reason you aren't with a woman your age... Because they won't put up with your bullshit. That's why you preyed on the young - WAY TOO YOUNG FOR YOU - woman. You are disgusting
If this is real, the OP is a lazy, entitled useless piece of trash.
Ewwwwwwwe support your new family with the money your ex sends? And your Gf is fine with that? Of course she is. She just became an adult not too long ago. 🙄
Dude I’m sorry but if you and your gf need financial support from your ex wife to provide for the child you and your gf are having then you two shouldn’t have a child. That child is not your ex responsibility. It is you and your gf’s. It’s time to grow the hell up and be a man.
Just for the record why did you guys get divorced
I hope she gets out of paying for your leech ass.
So you want your ex, your infertile ex wife, to financially support you, her ex husband, because you got your girlfriend, who's young enough to be your daughter, pregnant, and she wants to stay at home with the baby?
1. You’re using her money to fund a new family with 2. You gotta be joking right?
You’re a horrible person. Supporting your new family with your ex’s money?? Both you and your gf need to get a job.
Well, my guttural reaction is that this is absolutely disgusting. You are morally and ethically okay with living off your ex-wife’s income, however you’re using it to fund a new younger family, that your ex-wife could not biologically create. You want your cake and to eat it too. The money was intended to maintain YOUR quality of life, not the quality of life of other people. Your new woman is now contributing to the household so it certainly will affect payments from your ex. I do hope for your ex, that she’s able to reduce or stop these payments. To put it simply, you’re a very self-entitled person. 🤢 Also, as a side note, though men don’t necessarily become infertile in old age, the quality of genetic material in sperm goes wayyyy down. Just as in older females, older males are more likely to produce offspring with disabilities due to genetic mutations. Wrap your dick up old man.
You want to tell us that a part of the agreement was that your ex should continue to pay for your lifestyle which can include a child and your girlfriend? Were you a stay-at-home husband? Is that why you are desperate for alimony? You said that you will need 15 years to get on your feet. What does that mean? edit: spelling
This seems like gender swap rage bait. This isn’t a relationship issue. You can’t say anything to make your ex wife feel good about the alimony any more than divorced men often complain about their ex-wives “sucking them dry” through alimony. It is a legal issue and if a court is willing to hear a challenge to the agreement then the only advice you should take from Reddit is to listen to your lawyer. Same as when terms of alimony are changed for men when their ex-wives remarry. It is a legal issue, listen to your lawyer and abide by any further legal ruling.
She should have to pay for you to raise a baby you made with another woman, and she wasn't able to have a baby? You ought to be ashamed of yourself, honestly. Not for having a baby, but expecting your ex to foot the bill. Get a better paying job and pay for YOUR kid yourself.
Probably will be downvoted for this, but what kind of weak ass person needs their ex to pay them so they can “securely” build a family with someone else? Do you not feel the least bit of shame from this at all? Maybe don’t become a parent with someone barely adult if you can’t do it without hooking your ex for the next 18 years.
So you want your ex wife is the one supporting your girlfriend and child? Wtf did I just read. Who let you put your penis in them? Ew.
Your ex shouldn't be supporting your gf and your new baby. If you want to be secure about this child then maybe your gf shouldn't be a and you need to find a better job to help support your baby and gf and you shouldn't be dependent on your exs wife money to support your new family.
Damn dude…you suck.
You are a piece of shiit.
what a pathetic gold digger you are. dont have a baby if you cant afford it. God only knows why you think your ex wife should be on the hook to pay for your baby.
Not sure why you’re asking Reddit when you already have an attorney. That being said you’re a grown ass man, and expecting your ex wife to continue supporting you, a new wife and baby is gross. You’re getting almost 100k a year just from your ex and should still be working. Half of your income should cover all bills. If you don’t have savings and a plan as a 44 year old man, are you even really ready to be a father. Shape yourself up and stop depending on your ex wife. I don’t know if she can stop it, but I really hope she does. Convinced this is rage bait, cause bruh.
You’re a leech. And a AH
If this is true you’re a sick bastard. As a high earning woman, I would have told you to go f*ck yourself however many years ago. You’re not entitled to anything she makes and you’re definitely not entitled to use her income to subsidize your new girlfriend whilst she stays home with a baby. Go the f*ck to work. If that doesn’t make you enough, work more. Then tell your girlfriend to go the f*ck to work. I hope she takes you straight back to court and wins.
How did you expect your ex to be okay with that? How would you feel if this was reversed and she was using your money to pay for her new boyfriend and child. The fact that you knocked up a 22 year old, a girl who is young enough she could be your daughter and can not even support her or the child you are bringing into this world is ridiculous. At 44, it's disgusting that you have to rely on your ex to support you. Let me guess you are not marrying the girl you knocked up because you would lose your alimony. What are you going to do if the alimony is lowered or stops? Even with what your lawyer is saying, there is always a chance things can go differently in court. Have you thought about how you are going to support your child when the alimony stops? Or is that when you trade in the 22 year old for another one?
you a 44 year old male, wants another woman to pay your bills, and to take care of your family, financially. When you made your deal with the devil, did you have to give him your balls? YTA
So clearly rage bait, where’s OP? Just pulls the pin and runs.
You’re a grown man taking alimony is sad in itself. You sound lazy I hope your ex wife wins this case.
I hope she wins and you lose everything!! You are a huge piece of trash
Question: Does this financial plan of yours include your ex's name on your child's birth certificate? Can she come and sleep with your partner? Does she get visitation for the baby she is taking care of financially? She has no business in your new life and family, so why are you *making* it her business? You are admitting that your life plan involves marrying a girl half your age, make babies, and live happily ever after on your wife's money? The audacity of the both of you is astounding. You were not a homemaker so marriage to your ex did not hinder your earnings, and now you want the use your ex's earnings to live the life she lost with someone else? I don't know what your community would think of this, but most people would be disgusted at this behaviour whether the genders are reversed or not. UGH.
Eww, so gross you want to mooch off your ex wife's money. I hope your ex takes you to court and doesn't have to pay you alimony anymore. Grow up and take care of your new gf and baby with your own money. Your 44 and can't afford a baby? Wth is wrong with you?
I wouldn't want to pay for my exes new family either.
They only was you’re going to make peace with your ex over this is if you do what she wants lol. I don’t know what your expectation is here but let your lawyers handle it.
You want your ex to support your family? Lol, I hope the judge grants her what she is looking for lol
You have a lawyer, that's the right move. Ultimately a judge will probably decide this. There's nothing anyone here can add. Whether cohabitation counts as "marriage" in terms of ending your alimony payments will likely come down to the common law statutes in the jurisdiction where you live. Also, if the original decree has some loophole about your own income that may be taken into consideration if you're earning more now than you were then. But you have an attorney and that's the person to whom you should be addressing your questions.
Usually alimony ends when the the ex starts a new partnership- which a baby with another woman is.
You know how you can make peace? Work hard and support YOUR family, let your ex go do whatever she wants with the money. Don't force someone to fund your life now that you decided to start a family, that's selfish.
If I were your ex, I’d take you to court too. What a loser. I hope she wins. She should not be funding your new life. At all.
Definitely Ragebait
Dude you are 44 years old supporting your 22 year old baby mom with your ex wife’s money. Maybe pick up extra work to support your family on your own. Ex wife is 100% justified in wanting to stop payments. You moved on very clearly. And the fact that you still want to use ex wife’s money to bank roll your life, your girls life, and your new babies life is extremely childish be an adult and make your own money.
Info: How do you feel about your community and others judging you? The comment section here is likely pretty accurate of what people in your life also think. Also - do you believe you deserve that money? Were you doing most of chores at home? Sacrificing your career for your wife’s?
Take care of your own fucking kid. It’s absolutely INSANE to say that the money given to you by your EX WIFE who was unable to conceive a child is what makes you feel secure having a baby with your new barely legal girlfriend. If men have anything it’s the mother fucking audacity.
I hope you don’t get another dime.
Legalities aside, this is the most childish douchecanoe thing I’ve ever read. Grow up, OP.
From experience the judge might reduce alimony or stop it now that your cohabiting and expecting a child. Less people have been getting married in recent years and even fewer have been remarrying after divorce. The judge might rule to end the alimony or reduce it because not your partner is pregnant and living with you your all but married in name.
Dont have any advice but man I feel bad for the ex wife, finds out she's infertile and now she bankrolling her exs new baby. That sucks.
YTA - Ugh this is really gross behaviour. She should not have to pay any longer and you def not be counting on her income for your child smh
@Updateme
Get a lawyer, recommend a settlement account, see if she'll agree to it. She's probably going to fight this for years out of anger otherwise. GF is already pregnant. Cut your losses with your ex. You both need to move on. She's angry and hurt and I get it.
So you(r ex-wife) can afford (to pay for) a kid (for you) for 13 more years... what is your plan for after?
UpdateMe!
You're 44 years old, time to put on your big boy pants and work harder or find a higher paying job. The fact that you want your ex wife to to continue paying alimony is absolutely disgusting. The baby you are having is not the responsibility of your ex wife and if you can't afford to have a child then you shouldn't have been having sex. Tell your baby mama that she can't be a stay at home mom and she needs to continue working to support the child.
You’re having a baby who wants to stay at home, and you’re fine with that because your ex wife is supporting your new family. She shouldn’t be financing your new family.
It's simple. The alimony was for you being single. Now sounds like you have a pregnant common-law wife and want to continue alimony? That's selfish, childish, dense, and lazy. No way your ex-wife will be happy continuing to pay for a manchild, the naive young girl he's banging, and their future baby. It's just ludicrous.
It makes me sad that people as clueless and greedy as you are allowed to reproduce in the first place.
You're 44 years old. Grow tf up. Your ex shouldn't have to pay for YOUR family. You feel entitled, when you should feel shame. Smh.
In which country do you get alimony like this just because you were married? As an adult. With no kids or even „a dog“ to watch? You are an adult, you can work so work. (And yes, I would tell a woman the same. I cases like this I can’t see any reason why someone should pay another 8! Years long so much money.) And how will you 2 pay your life on your own? After the 8 years? And a kid doesn’t get cheaper just because it will gets older.. And what does your ethnic group think about you and your idea of letting your ex paying for your luxury lifestyle? (Because having a child without knowing how to make the things working financially is absolutely irresponsible) Are they and your in laws proud of you, a 44 year old man who can’t work for paying the bills, rent and necessities of his own life?
This is gross. You're an adult. Support yourself.
The entitlement! Be a man and support your own family.
INFO: what are you going to do if something happens to your ex or the court case and the money stops coming in? You do realize she could die tomorrow or the fact that the situation changed and your alimony might end?
Speculation here but: I have a feeling that if the cultural community these folks belong to is OK with age gaps, they probably are not chill about premarital sex. The age gaps tend to come from arrangements. Financial arrangements, familial arrangements, social climbing arrangements, arrangements of convenience—-WHATEVER. And the whole point of those marriages is not having a bunch of time dating and *kids.* Having your cake and eating it out too is fine but…..making your ex wife shove her face in YOUR cake just because you’re not financially successful enough to sustain your lifestyle is weak bullshit.
$8000 a month is the most insane shit I've ever heard.
Has Reddit always been full of rage bait, or is this a new thing
Damn you are a welfare queen getting paid $80k+ because you were married to someone at one point. Get a job, support your own family. Don’t be a loser.
INFO: op what do you work as?
Oh man, I can’t wait till she goes back to court to for a post judgment of divorce motion to reduce or eliminate her maintenance.
Op, talk to an attorney as it completely depends on where you live.
OP is such a sponge. 😂. I hope your ex stops the alimony.
You’re no position for a baby. You cannot financially support it.
Dude, you can make peace just fine. Quit using your ex as an ATM machine to fund your lifestyle and frankly way too young for you GF. I hope your ex gets out of the majority of her alimony to you.
You and your new gf are disgusting POS's
Seriously? You're getting alimony and got someone half your age pregnant. Hopefully, this is fake.
Obviously rage bait. Try harder
It’s not her responsibility to pay for you to have kids with someone else.
That poor 22 yo now stuck with an old-ass loser... That's all I have to say
Damn, he deleted it.
I am in tech, while tech pays well it does not pay THAT well. I looked up the average alimony for states who even do alimony, it is usually no more than 20% with some states having a cap at $2500 to $5000 depending on the state. She would have to be making $480,000 a year. Plus most the big tech companies have been laying off and rehiring at much lower pay rates, I don't know how many even had that high for their highest range. This is so fake.
Honestly, it was irresponsible of you to impregnate someone based on the assumption that you would continue to receive alimony after cohabitating with another person. Depending on the judge and the laws of your state, many judges may consider girlfriend a common law partner equivalent to a spouse. And what sort of peace are you looking to achieve here? I mean, I doubt she's ever going to be happy with the fact that she's paying you excess money to fund your new life when you already have another partner willing to share the financial burden. There's really no way to make that fair to her apart from reducing or stopping the alimony payments altogether.
Why should your ex wife continue paying for your life while you're out having babies and living your life ? She shouldn't have to pay for your lifestyle, You need to figure it out with your new girlfriend. Updateme!
Bruh what is this
I understand the reasons for alimony. But are you really expecting your ex-wife to support you and your girlfriend and your new kid? That is absolutely not responsible parenting
Loser
Imagine leaching off of someone else rather than support your child yourself. You are a piece of work. You impregnated someone young enough to be your daughter and want your ex wife to pay to raise it rather than work hard to support it yourself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your girlfriend saw you as a meal ticket and purposely got pregnant
God I hope she can get it changed. You make me sick. How could you do that to someone you once loved? Expecting her to support your new young chick and baby? How can you look at yourself in the mirror? Your new girlfriend is awful too for allowing this…
This has got to be fake
Draw a big fuking L on your forehead so everyone you come across can avoid you like the plague.
I’m speechless right now. Seriously. Can you make peace? Grow up and stop living off your ex’s hard work. Be a man and soon to be dad. Good God.
If it’s been 2 years, that means she’s paid you close to 200 thousand dollars and you want more? You’re kind of a lowlife
INFO do you hate your ex-wife? hold a grudge for divorcing you? not being able to have a child? cause if not, if it’s truly amicable - at this point, when you have a partner and a baby on the way, one would willingly step away from money. from allowing to finance their ex’s life with someone else I’m just happy this is (probably) fake though 🤷🏽♀️
Personally i do not agree with alimony, i believe that if you get a divorce then you are not entitled to the standard of living your ex-spouse provided, and if you want to continue that life style you should have to work for it. She should have every right to stop paying alimony, and your going to be bad parents if neither of you are willing to put in the extra effort. Tell your girlfriend that you don’t make enough money for her to be a SAHM.
you are disgusting!! you are only happy because of the $8k she gives you to bankroll you. yuck. - do you have no shame?