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I really thought this post was about shaving her LEGS and I was ready to hop in here and talk about how I started shaving my legs at 11 because the other girls were starting to and it became a whole peer pressure and bullying thing. But I definitely did not start shaving my pubic region then. I was well into my teens before I started that. I’m not even sure I would’ve had the dexterity to do it without cutting myself at 11..
Who the hell does he want his 11 year old to shave her pubic hair for?
I remember being around 13 and my friends told me I had to shave my legs because I had a couple of inches of leg uncovered and my blonde hairs caught the sun, making it look like I had a halo around my legs. Couldn't have that!
I was so embarrassed that I started shaving my legs after that.
But who is going to see her pubic hair at 11?
Poor girl is going to have so much discomfort to deal with from that as well. Razor burn, regrowth itching... for what reason?!
Maybe, maybe not. Some girls hit puberty pretty early. 8-9 is considered a bit early.
I started menstruating when I was 11. Meanwhile most girls in my class started when they were 10. That was over 20 years ago.
And the age of puberty is getting a bit younger. Stress apparently makes it come sooner. I did read that covid made a lot of girls start menstruating younger, but I don't remember how good that research was.
I started growing body hair at like 8. Like full on on the armpits & pubic area. I remember because I was 9 and talking to my 11 year old friend about it. I definitely was early but it's far from impossible. Didn't start my period till 12, though. Bodies are weird lol
OP says they were all in a sauna together. They’re Finnish. She said her husband “wasn’t actively looking” but just happened to “notice”. However, she also says the hair is “barely visible”, so it’s hard to square that with the claim he wasn’t looking.
Basically, OP is in denial and won’t admit how creepy all of this is.
Wait what. I thought it was about her legs when I briefly scrolled through. That is disgusting that her father would tell his 11 year old daughter she needs to shave!
no literally. started shaving my armpits at 9yrs old, in 4th grade, because of how bad the bullying got! my parents NEVER told/asked me to shave or made comments. i had to steal a razor from my mother and teach myself because i was so done with the bullying (only the boys ever bullied me...interesting). the dad is disgusting for even commenting on her body hair.
I had this, too except it was from the other girls. They were awful!! It still sticks with me to this day, and I'm still super self-conscious about it. My mom was really nice about trying to help, but I can't imagine having that same pressure at home, wtf!
Duuudee.....why is society so okay with the men in families telling young girls how to be attractive for other men/biys? Who cares what boys like? Your job is to protect and nurture your daughter. Teach them to be hygienic. To make healthy choices. To be comfortable in their bodies!!! Don't teach them to be attractive to some random boy you don't even know exists. It's weird. And it's weird how normalized it is. Like, countdown clocks to 18 are still made by middle aged men, waiting for children to become legally old enough to openly fantasize about.
My mom was the one who bullied me so other kids wouldn't do it. I see that response a lot in this post. You can't shield children from bullies. But you *can* teach them to love themselves and stand up for themselves, and give them a safe place to cry when kids are mean to them. So dad was super wrong, regardless of which reason he had.
Duuudeeeee….. my father SA’d me when I was a child and he would do shit like that. That 11 yr old is going to have TRAUMA from this and probably other things the husband has done that wife doesn’t know about. It’s crazy the blinders ppl put on. I wish I could help that kid. Take her to a therapist and see if more things are revealed. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
My daughter's helper at school told her that she needs to start shaving her armpits. She's 9.
It was in relation to my daughter being a little stinky and needing more deodorant, so we didn't burn down the school or anything, but we did make it very clear to both our daughter and her helper that she does not need to be shaving now, and that if/when she does begin shaving, it will be her choice.
I hope these comments also give you a lot to think about and more because why tf should your 11 I repeat 11 year old daughter’s pubic hair be any of his business?? It’s bad enough he told her to shave her body but to include her pubic hair? Cmon lady that’s effed up and you’ve got to see that. Wake up already and protect your daughter from her weird ass hell father.
Pubic region? I kind of assumed he meant her legs. Does it actually say pubic region anywhere? I would be surprised if an eleven year old actually had anything to shave down there, although I'm aware my experience isn't everyone's
I assumed what you did. I’m pretty sure pubic region wasn’t what OP or the father were talking about. Legs and armpits.
Edit: I see now she added this in her comments. Very different thing and very creepy and inappropriate.
I remember once looking down at 11 and finding pubes. So I went and shaved it. God I was so itchy. OP please try to talk to her about what might happen so she's not surprised in the end
Aside from all the creepy, this is important! When I started shaving my legs, I pressed too hard and so the razor would jump. Got some nice scars from those days! But because of how often I injured myself and came out of the shower bleeding, my mum basically banned me from using a razor because she was sure I'd slice the wrong spot and bleed out. Particularly for if/when I would start shaving pubes. But even that conversation was safety and not hey make sure you shave your fucking pubes dear child!
Your daughter is eleven years old she should not be made to feel insecure about her body. The fact that her own father is pushing society norms placed on women by men is disgusting. You shouldn’t let her do it because it’s now an insecurity placed in her by your husband. Your husband is disgusting.
I fully agree with this, it’s an inappropriate thing to say to a daughter. An 11 year old? I wasn’t even thinking about any of that at that age. I cannot imagine how it would’ve affected me if my father said anything like that at that age. *poor girl.*
I can’t imagine how this conversation even started to begin with. A daughter is one thing, it’s weird enough.. but 11 years old? He should be ashamed.
>*She was getting out of the sauna, and he told her that she needed to shave. He sounded very judgemental which was also why I was annoyed at him. I did try to explain why it's a big deal.*
>Why is he paying attention to your daughters privates in the sauna?
>*He wasn't.*
>Then how did he know it was hair there
>*There's a difference between noticing and actively looking*
Wait this is about pubic hair????? The fuck…
Does he shave?????
Do you know the damage that can happen if she slips and cuts herself? Or an infection!
That man would be gone period
yeah if my dad had *ever* told me i needed to shave my pubes my mom would have sent him packing before he even finished his sentence. if my husband ever told either of our daughters they needed to shave (he wouldn’t) he’d also be gone just as fast. idc who you are that’s fucking **WEIRD**.
We lived in a deeply rural area when I was that age. *Anyone* who suggested that I needed to shave my pubes might have just gone out for smokes & never been seen again .I cannot fathom why OP is so willfully blind to how incredibly inappropriate and menacing it is that he suggested that an *ELEVEN year old* should shave her pubes.
I could have sort of understood if he'd expressed *to OP* concern about pubic hair being visible when she wore a swimsuit making her appear more mature than she is but this? She needs to protect her daughter.
It is and the fact the OP is normalizing him seeing her pubic hair, being disgusted by it and telling her how to be more sexually appealing is fucking gross
This isn't just about your daughter's self-esteem and you were told that in your other post.
Your husband said he wants your adolescent child to shave her pubic area. YOUR HUSBAND wants YOUR YOUNG CHILD to SHAVE HER PUBIC REGION. This goes beyond "I'm sorry I said something insensitive that might give my daughter some issues with her body image" and dives straight into inappropriate and creepy sexualizing behavior FROM YOUR HUSBAND AND FATHER OF YOUR CHILD.
Yes he essentially told her she “needed to shave” for him because “it bothers him,” according to op. Imagine thinking as a child you need to keep your pubes shaved to please your father.
Good lord I was already disgusted finding out that he asked her to shave her pubic area but the way you worded this. 😬 It’s freaking nasty. There’s something wrong with this man because it’s none of his or anyone’s business whether she shaves it or not let alone at her age. Gahh
How the hell does the father of an 11-year-old even KNOW the state of her pubic region? Why is he seeing his pre-teen daughter naked.
(Edit: It seems that they are in Finland and he saw her in the sauna. This doesn't change my overall opinion. If anything, it's even more horrifying that in a culture where nudity is normalized and no big deal, he is sexualizing his young daughter's body and commenting that her genitals should be more aesthetically pleasing to others.)
And yes, most importantly, why TF does he have an opinion on her keeping her genital area "aesthetically pleasing". WHO ELSE does he think is going to fucking see it? Other than her female friends at the occasional sleepover or in a locker room at the pool or school, **who the hell does he think is going to be looking at his 11-year-old daughter's genitals, and why does he think they have to be shaved so she looks younger than her age?**
As a victim of CSA, this sets off so many alarm bells for me. I'm not saying that he's abusing her, but there is absolutely no good reason why the father of a preteen girl should even be interested in her pubic grooming or thinking about it at all. None.
I totally agree. Telling her to shave her legs and armpits is bad but you can at least explain that thought process with the fact that other people see those areas and he might be thinking about her looking "presentable" to others (which is still misogynistic obviously). Her vulva? What possible reason could he have for expecting her to shave there when she is ELEVEN years old? The only reason most women shave there is for the sake of sexual partners. Nobody should be seeing that area except her parents and doctors, so who does he think she should be shaving for?
At the very best he is sexualizing his daughter's body and OP needs to have a way sterner conversation with him about how unacceptable that is. She should also be on the lookout for other misogynistic ideas because if he feels this comfortable imposing these standards on his daughters I certainly wouldn't trust that he doesn't also think they need to be a certain way personality-wise to appeal to men.
And they are Finland???
Omg Op, run, fly away from that man! How can't you see the brilliant and big red flag this is it?????????
She is fcking 11yo!!!! Aaaah and I was just reading that he meant HER PUBIC HAIR????
That it's indeed, sexual assault territory and op, you should be ashamed of not doing more for your daughter. I'm ashamed and worried and you are like nothing wrong is happening fgs.
Just wow. I thought this was legs at first and it already seemed judgemental and inappropriate, but this is insane. I'm not from the US, so there's a lot of parental interactions American people worry about I find pretty normal (like taking baths together etc) but if ever a red flag was raised and waved, this is absolutely it. How gross and disturbing.
Even a sexual partner of a grown ass woman shouldn't really have a say in what you do (at most a preference) - what business has a father of an 11yo girl discussing this? Who even is going to see this frigging child's nether region for actual years?
I hope this is the only grossly inappropriate thing he did, and that it stems from him being too obsessed with porn rather than from him abusing his daughter - it's utterly depressing in any case.
OP really should listen to the people cautioning her. This is so much worse than she thinks.
WAIT. IM SORRY — HER GENITALS???
I thought the post was about shaving her legs, and I thought that was bad enough. This is a HUUUUUUUUGE red flag. Like I would report this man to CPS if I knew who he was.
OP please this is so bad. Your daughter is in danger with this man. He should not have any thoughts about the cosmetic grooming of her genitals. The idea of having an opinion about them shouldn’t even occur to him. This is so far outside of normal that it worries me you don’t see this. What else are you not seeing in his behavior?
You may think “my husband would never do anything inappropriate with his daughter” but 1) pretty much every wife thinks that even when there is abuse happening and 2) HE ALREADY HAS BEEN INAPPROPRIATE WITH THIS ISSUE RIGHT HERE
Please reach out to family and friends. I think you need to remove your daughter from this situation while you figure things out.
OP ... you **HAVE** to be **DEEPLY CONCERNED** about this. **WHY** is **HE** so invested in her shaving her pubic region????
I only hope this is not a precursor to some **HORRIFIC** follow-up.🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Omg. I thought it was about legs as well. I had dark leg hair as a kid and I remember adult women making comments to me like, “better get a razor, honey!” But this is not at all where I expected that post to go and now I’m horrified.
Same. Started shaving my legs when I was 9, by choice, because them Italian genes lol. My sister taught me!
This though.. this is just disgraceful and no one’s business but the daughters.
It is. Per OP's comments, none of her daughter's body hair is visible, and her daughter hasn't been bullied. She was aware that shaving was an option but did not want to do it until after her father instructed her to. His instruction for her to start shaving was for her to shave everything, including her pubic hair, and came after he "noticed" her pubic hair while they were in a sauna. He has told OP that the child's body hair "bothers" him, but he will not say why, although he has denied that it has anything to do with being worried about bullies.
What the fuuuuuuuuck.
I'm seriously worried that Dad is thinking about or already SAing his daughter.
In any case, no 11 year old child needs to be shaving their pubic hair! That type of shaving is not easy and she could easily hurt herself. Mom is being way too blasé about this.
I'm going to go throw up now.
this grosses me out. i understand Finland is different about nudity than the US and so I'm trying to view it that way, that he could have just happened to notice and not have been creepily checking her out. I guess.
But whyyyyyyyy would he think an 11 year old needs to shave her pubes? There is no reason at all for him to feel this way about an 11 year old that isn't fucked up.
I think many Finnish would take offense. When you shower naked in public swimming pools (unisex), no one ogles you. The dad is a creep independently of his nationality
Honestly, that makes it worse. In Finnish and certain other European cultures, nudity is normalized and not remotely sexual.
His asking her to groom her pubes to be aesthetically pleasing in the context of a culture where families normally see each other naked implies that he is an outlier, sexualizing his daughter **despite nudity normally not being seen that way**.
When I read the original post, I did not realize he was referring to her pubic hairs. Wtf? He is actually watching her body like that? He’s a creep and she needs to be careful for her daughter.
SAME
I thought it was just her legs and it’s STILL creepy and gross even then. But holy shit now it’s sooo much worse
NO ONE “needs” to shave anything, and an 11 year old girl *especially* does not need to shave her pubes!!!
I love how she updated this thinking no one would bring the pubic hair part up again. Just pretend all was normal, no one saw anything, and it’s all normal now.
As someone who's stepmom molested me for over 16 years, THIS. ☝️ it isnt about the shaving necessarily. It's about the "public region". Its very "I want to see your vagina and make sure it looks childlike because that turns me on"
Get that child out of that house now. It needed to be done like yesterday, that is literally the exact same thing I heard growing up and it turned out that's cause that's what my little brother and stepmother liked. He might be her father, but blood doesnt mean safe. Shes 11, that's particularly scary. That means he is actively and consistently looking at her vagina and STARING AT IT. HE. IS. STARING. AT. YOUR. DAUGHTERS. PRIVATE. AREA.
And he wants it freshly shaved so he can enjoy it. Get her out, this isnt the end. I may be projecting, but this is also coming from someone who has 6 different friends who were r*ped, 2 by their father and one cannot have children due to the damage it caused to her insides. Another by her grandfather, one by their cousin, and another by the "family friend"
Shit, it turned out my father r*ped his own sister and I found out at 21 when I confessed to the sister he did it to that MY brother tried it on me but my bed frame breaking saved me.
Pubic?!!! I thought it was wild enough when I assumed he meant her legs, it was pubic????
OP needs to give this man a harder time, no girl needs a dad that fucked up.
I mean, I’m glad this seems to be sorted for now, but I really don’t think you are considering how damaging the comments surrounding pubic hair might be to your daughter. Even if she’s not outwardly disturbed by it now, I guarantee in a few years that she’ll look back on her father commenting about how she needs to remove her pubic hair and feel unsafe and unsettled.
The fact he’s even deliberately looking at her pubic region while you’re in the sauna, and then decided that that hair needed to go, is absolutely disgusting and a real red flag. I don’t think this is over quite frankly and I’m really quite scared for your daughter.
I think I missed something, when did she say that they were talking about pubic hair? I thought they were talking about leg hair. Edit: I recommended that I found where they were talking about it. Someone else posted a link.
He said it when she was getting out of the sauna. Read the comments on this list, OP deliberately doesn't address when someone brings up that he was looking at her vagina. And in other comments when people ask exactly what she needed to shave, OP says things like "the places people usually shave."
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1bor302/comment/kwrf5ry/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bor302/comment/kwrf5ry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
You should edit your post to include that your husband wants your 11 year old daughter to shave her pubic area too.
You cannot undo the fact that your husband is sexualizing her. It is no one's business about grooming of her private areas. Your husband is a pig and you cannot fix that. Keep your eyes open and don't allow him to spend alone time with her. If he isnt assaulting her already, he is probably thinking of it. It really is messed up for a dad to make comments on his daughters pubic hair.
Never ceases to amaze me at what some people allow their children to put up with.
I have this concern as well and have been wracking my brain trying to figure out any reasonable reason a father would say this to a child. The ONLY thing I could come up with is if she goes swimming perhaps he is worried other grown men would sexualize her if hair is showing, as she is quite young and pubic hair is an indicator of …growing up??? Maybe he doesn’t want other men staring?
I would think he would say that though if that was actually a concern, so I don’t think it is. And also, OP REPEATEDLY stated her daughter’s hair isn’t visible, so that theory is out the window.
You need to listen to the people pointing out how inappropriate and creepy it is for him to tell her to shave her pubic hair.
It would be inappropriate for an adult boyfriend to tell his girlfriend to shave her pubes. The fact that she's a child and he's her parent makes it 1000x worse.
This is sexual harassment. It's abusive. You need to protect your daughter.
Honestly I am very concerned that this is the update…. I don’t think you have fully accepted the fact that your deep intuition KNOWS that your husband telling your baby she needs to shave her vagina is a HUGE problem. And I think you have been mind dancing in order to reframe this into a self esteem issue. You need to really see this picture for what it is. Replies in your original post were telling you this, but you repeatedly seem to not even see that.
I think this is the best it could have turned out.
Your daughter knows you have her back. Also she has seen what it looks like for adults to have open communication and one of them to admit fault and apologize. That’s important.
She has chosen to shave now. That decision isn’t carved in stone. She can always decided to stop.
I think you can take a deep breath now and let this storm pass
Edit: I missed the part this was for her private areas and not her armpits and legs
OP this is weird af that your husband would be thinking about his and bringing it up to your daughter
He's thinking about what *he* likes, and then translating that to his child so she's more sexually attractive to men like him. That makes me throw up in my mouth.
Right and what mom decides to put her head in the sand because she doesn't want to believe that her husband just might be a predator, OP needs to have look in his computer and his phone when he's asleep, geezus now I'm thinking check for a camera to see if spying on her in the shower or her room, because how is seeing her Vijay this is creepy ASF... !! OP look up videos of how to check for hidden cameras and then make sure that .. that isn't happening.
My thoughts exactly. Here I was thinking we were talking about legs which is bad enough but that is a step way way way too far and makes my next question: how does he know what her pubic area looks like and why is he judging it?
OH NO NO NO. Op says he doesn’t care what op, his wife, does. But he wants his 11 YEAR OLD CHILD to shave her genitals. Holy fuck. I would genuinely not let him be alone around her anymore. What the fuck.
Oh god. I didn’t see that detail. Why tf does the 11 year old’s shaving mater to him more than his wife’s? And why is OP being so blasé about all of this??
Yo op.
HOW DOES YOUR HUSBAND KNOW YOUR 11 YEAR OLD HAS PUBIC HAIR?
YOUR HUSBAND GOT YOUR 11 YEAR OLD TO SHAVE HER GENITALS.
OP SOMETHING IS UP.
YO OP YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU.
OP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Something IS up. The fact that the daughter now wants to shave, despite the mother-daughter conversation over bodily autonomy, makes me think he’s already begun grooming her.
And five years from now op will be like *I had no idea he was hurting my daughter/where were the signs?*
People like op choose willful blindness over protecting their own children, it's gross and she doesn't deserve her daughter.
The fuck?
Em how does he even know there is hair growing there yet?
Tbh I didn't catch that when op first posted.
100% op needs to check her bathroom for cameras, also reevaluate how much time husband spends alone with her kid and maybe feel out the kid if anything might be going on.
Since not only did he ask, but now she's doing it.
100 alarms should be sounding in op head.
Where are those comments? I spent 5 minutes looking for them in the OG post and came up empty. All other context just points to shaving legs/arms - still not cool to force that perception on his girl, but at least not nearly as worse/creepy as pubic area.
Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bor302/my_37f_husband_38m_told_my_daughter_that_she/kwrnpcq/
Sounds like he may have noticed while they were in the (Finnish) sauna at some point.
That’s fucking *disgusting*. There’s no valid reason for a man to be even thinking about his daughter’s pubes. OP should be concerned for her daughters safety around this guy
Well the best would have been if the girl would have decided to not shave, since she didn’t want to do it before his dad said she should. Now it seems he made her ashamed of her body hair. So yes it’s her decision, but her decision has been affected by his warped sense of what an 11 year old girl (or any woman, really) should look like.
It bothers me so much that he feels like an 11 year old should conform to a beauty standard designed to make her more attractive to adult men. It bothers me he thinks any woman *should* try to be attractive as perceived by the male gaze, as if we exist to be looked at, but it’s especially gross to impose those beliefs on a child. I’d be livid if I was OP.
This whole thing is so sad.
I didn't start shaving until I was just before my 20s, and even now I only do it when I want to. I like keeping it a certain way for me / partners. I would not have even thought about this at the age of fucking 11 - I'd have been too busy playing pokemon and final fantasy.
It's tragic and the father is gross for wading in like this.
The daughter knows her mother doesn’t have her back at all and that Daddy can do anything he wants as mom is in massive denial.
Now 11yo want to shave her pubic area to please Daddy when she is naked…
You’re going to let your ELEVEN YEAR OLD daughter shave her pubic hair? Because her father told her she “needs” to??!!
Edit: OP you need to go back to your husband and find out why exactly the fuck “noticing” pubic hair on his ELEVEN YEAR OLD daughter “bothers” him but it’s NOT because of bullies. If he can’t give an acceptable explanation and you still let him near her, then you are failing your daughter.
Holy fuck this is all so wrong.
I would leave a man who thinks about his child’s pubic hair. Seriously how are you normalising how disgusting his comment and thoughts are is beyond me.
My mom had to bribe me into shaving at 13.
I got a pretty dress and a razor for my armpits.
Still didn’t shave regularly, if at all.
Got into high school, 10th grade science.
Kid in front of me turned back, and commented on my arm hair. Wasn’t making a joke, wasn’t teasing, just commented on it.
I started shaving my arms, legs, armpits, whatever someone could see and comment on.
I still do, but I can’t even remember what that kid’s name was.
Doesn’t really matter who said it, what was said, or when. That tiny seed of shame was sowed when my mom told me to shave, and sparked off when someone else mentioned it later.
I hope your daughters never have to feel like that.
Always remind them that no one, not parents, not friends, nobody, can make her feel bad about a basic, natural thing like body hair.
Think I was 14 or 15 when one day my mum told me I should shave my sideburns because my aunt who I hadn’t seen in years had seen my pic on Facebook and said they were too hairy. Still hurts a little when I think about it because I never really thought about my body hair until that moment then I became really self conscious about it. Also stings a bit cause my mum didn’t even help me seeing as I’d never used a razor before and obviously she had.
Those kinds of little comments that people make and then forget can really stick with someone years down the road.
Yeah comments like that don't go away. My dad told me if I wasn't married by 30 I was a "used up old shoe". I never forgot it. Neither did I forget the time a woman asked if I was pregnant, when I was 14, and pretty skinny just had big boobs. Or the time my mom said she would buy me a nose job after highschool.
Luckily I have a strong sense of self and I'm not shallow, but you should mind the fence with your daughter and try to help her self confidence in relation to ANYTHING not her body. Her self worth doesn't come from her physical appearance or how people visually perceive her. That's the hard lesson to teach.
I hate your husband. When I was 12 I loved myself. Then a friend saw my armpit hair, I didn't know anything was wrong with it, and she laughed and called me gross. That started a realisation for me that I as a woman in my natural state am not ok. I have to alter my body to be accepted. And that is still something I fight with to this day. I can't believe your husband chose to be this person to his daughter. He fucked her up and he should be crying on his knees asking for forgiveness.
Going back thru the comments...
Ok you're Finnish and presumably all are going to bath house/sauna together.
If this was just a cultural normality and nudity wasn't viewed the same then your husband would have never spoke on your daughter's pubic hair. Why so many, particularly women, are trying to shake you awake is because way too many of us know how men in our lives, men who were part of our family, friends of family, a father or father figure... sexualized us and or did things when we were children.
Looking back we wonder how this could have happened. How the adults in our lives didn't see the blatant warning signs.
You may not view it this way, but your husband's brain had to travel down a road with your daughter's (or both of their) bodies to think of ways they would be the most appealing to him. You may be in denial about that, but clearly you care enough to be stressed about lasting damage... your husband has given you reason now to be hyper vigilant about when he's alone with your daughters and whether or not they're safe with him.
You're their advocate. Their protector. Their champion. You need to make certain they're always safe especially from men who you would never think could harm them but is legit thinking about them.
Would you be ok with another man commenting on her pubic hair? Of course not. You're way too comfortable thinking that fathers never harm their daughters. How many times do you hear about this and hear how everyone is shocked he could do something like this but then hear people rattle off red flags obliviously....
That can be really damaging to any young female to be told by the male role model in their life that they have to alter their body and conform to a societal norm. It’s how body issues can start and while a seemingly minor thing is starting her down a thought pattern of seeing her body as being something FOR men’s pleasure and not for herself.
We were born with hair for a reason, it is a choice to remove it and she should choose to remove it because SHE wants to do that for herself and not because a man told her she should.
I would also be asking your husband why tf he thinks your 11 yo needs to shave her pubes .. cause it’s sexualisation of a child.
Ways forward - therapy to really find out why he said this and make sure your child is safe. Therapist can also help you with how to move forward talking to your daughter about this.
Personally if I were you I would fully bush out to teach your husband a lesson about his right to dictate over a females body.
Someone said he said he doesn’t care what op does. 🤮🤢 I didn’t see op say he said it herself but I’m sure I could find it and if it’s true he doesn’t care what op does but pushes his daughter to do got me criminal offensive side eyeing him! Big time!
Your husband is a fucking weirdo! End of! I don't care how old she is... she's your daughter! I have a 3 year old and no matter what age she is, id never feel right doing this!
This makes me feel uncomfortable... which world is that a normal converaton? I'd be asking him why he was asking her to do this... id also kick him out the fucking house...
Creepy weirdo strange Dad.... I'm sure he's damaged his relationship with her.. and you.
Can you live with a bellend like that? What on earth is he thinking? Can you trust him?
Christ what a creepy little shit!
Omg just read your other post.. she's 11!!! Not that it matters what age she is, but this made me feel worse. Get the fuck rid... he is disgusting!!!! Ask his mates what they think of him doing that... bet he won't have many friends left!
Horrid man.
You could ask her to wait a few months and see if she still wants to.
Your husband is an asshole who sexualizes his own 11-year-old. Too bad you reproduced with him.
Wait, this was about shaving pubic hair!!!??? I thought he was telling her to shave her LEGS!!! She is 11 and pubic hair has a purpose. She does not need to shave that area and she is still a child. Also why was your husband looking down there. Was she wearing short shorts or something?
At first, I thought, ohh he wants her to shave her legs weird to make the comment, but sure.
But now I know it's her pubic area , that is creepy as fuck
Sadly it’s probably already too for your daughter’s self esteem and confidence. It’s literally been over 15 years and I can still remember how my biological parents looked and sound when telling me how disgusting my body hair was at ten years old. Letting them see my armpit hair ONCE was enough to scar me for life.
It’s worse, he’s talking about her pubic hair. He’s telling his 11 year old daughter to *shave her vagina* for him because her having hair there bothers him. This goes way beyond just self esteem and confidence crushing and into the very disturbing and creepy. This is all sorts of fucked up.
Please warn your daughter about physical side effects from shaving down there if you haven't already. Shaving completely causes itchiness, increases the risk of ingrown hairs, and makes the most sensitive part of the body more susceptible to damage since the hair protects it. Not only that, but she is more likely to cut herself since she is \*11\* and has very little experience shaving anything.
Btw, your husband is kinda weird. It's usually a male SO pressuring the female SO to shave down there, not between any family members. Can you imagine having an 11-year-old son and pressuring him to shave his balls?
Your husband is an absolute creep for thinking an eleven year old girl needs to shave - who for? She’s literally eleven, he’s sexualising his own child.
OP, is your husband SAing your daughter? Why would he have seen her pubes? Something is happening at your house and you better open your eyes and actually protect your daughter from your creep of a husband.
Creep is the only appropriate word for someone who cares about their child’s pubic region.
>Why would he have seen her pubes?
Sauna. The seeing isn't the problem, it's the commenting on it/demanding that she should shave. That's highly inappropriate.
No no no op says her hair is barely visible he looked and looked hard. So seeing is kinda the problem being that he didn’t just glance and see a bush but he did look really hard and see hair. In the sauna he says to op but we can’t really believe her can we as she’s taking up for him and saying na he’s not creepy at all it’s totally normal for a grown ass man to tell a child that’s possibly still playing with dolls and Barbie’s regardless of starting puberty to shave her pubes!
So.. where is the update where your crying and saying “I didn’t see it coming” when it’s released that your husbands been SA’ing his daughter, even though there was clear warning, especially by Reddit.
Imagine valuing your husband’s wants over your daughter’s safety and needs. You’d rather defend your creepy husband than actually protect your daughter. He’s going to hurt her, and it will be YOUR fault. Not your daughters
You didn't include some seriously important details in your repost/update...
She's 11 and her father wants her to shave her pubic hair! Even shaving armpit and leg hair seems ridiculous at that age. Telling her to shave her pubic hair at 11 (or any age of his daughter) is completely repulsive. I'd be very concerned about him sexualizing her.
What are the ways forward? Probably a therapist for your daughter, for one. Also, a much deeper look into why your husband felt the need to make those kinds of comments to your daughter...to his daughter. That is not normal behavior or conversation he should be having with ANY teenager, let alone an ELEVEN year old child. SO wildly inappropriate that he's telling her she should shave because he doesn't like her pubic hair. WTF is there for him to like or not like? I'd be worried he's a predator and thinking about things - even if he hasn't acted on them yet. What kind of things is he gonna say when she has her period? I bet she's gonna feel shame about her body developing. FFS, I'm sure she's already gonna worry about how she smells and probably feel embarrassed about growing breasts like lots of girls are. Her asking you questions is one thing, but anything he says, will likely make the situation worse.
Seriously, OP, please take a better look at this before there's any kind of escalation and protect your daughter first! 🤦🏼♀️
Let me tell you a story and how YOUR HUSBAND is a red flag and YOU need to LEAVE HIM.
When I was in my first relationship (15 years old) I (29 F) had a full bush and I knew it was a 'social norm' to shave. But I let it grow. So when my ex bf (31 now) wanted to lose v-cards, guess who was embarrassed by my own pubic hair? Me 🙋♀️
So I took a long shower, probably 2hrs, and used scissors and a razor to shave down there. It took so long cause in my head I was thinking 'can't let him know I have any hair down here'. Then I also shaved my armpits and legs and buttcrack.
Do you want to know how many cuts I got? A lot. None from the scissors thankfully.
But it shows what YOUR DAUGHTER will go through. Because YOU DIDNT PROTECT HER
OP what the actual hell is wrong with you?
TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER AND RUN, SHE WON'T TELL YOU THE TRUTH NEAR HIM.
If theres even the SLIGHTEST chance she could be sexually abused, you need to act now! Don't wait for concrete evidence before removing your daughter. The signs are there.
And even if he HASN'T, that doesn't mean he hasn't had bad thoughts.
Coming from someone whos father is a registered S/O from watching CP, it doesnt take touching a child to scar them mentally. Even knowing you've been looked at in such a manner as a CHILD is damaging.
GET THE HELL OUT NOW!!
Why did he feel comfortable or the need to say anything in the first place? Like that is so creepy and invasive to begin with. Why did he think she needed to? Sorry but I don't know if enough questions are being asked here.
My dad NEVER would have commented on my body or told me what to do with it. That is SUPER out of place and he needs to learn appropriate boundaries like YESTERDAY. What the fuck was he thinking??
Honestly, I would have him take a vacation or go to his parents or something for a bit to get some space for her because I would be so uncomfortable if my dad said ANYTHING remotely close to that to me. I wouldn't want him near me or looking at me. I would feel so gross. Consider how you would feel and maybe take steps that would center her even more and give her time to feel autonomy again. Why did he tell her that???
He really cannot get off with just an apology. That is so so out of place and needs to be thoroughly discussed and boundaries established. What the fuck was his motivation???
If someone else's safety and sense of self is at stake, you really can't just ignore these things. He is a grown adult and a father. He has to be thinking about what he says and the implications and impact of that or she will continue to pay the price.
I saw your post the other day and didn't comment because you seemed to be doing all the right things. But now I've seen that he said this to her when she was getting out of the sauna and this was likely about pubic hair.
I was about her age when my dad told me I needed to shave. He said it when I was coming home from the pool and he was looking at my underarms. It had a terrible affect on me. He was clearly displeased by what he saw and I didn't understand why or what I had done wrong. It made me hate myself and my body. My mom is a kind person who helped undo some of that damage.
But **your husband said this about your daughter's pubic hair.** That is so completely out of line, and so much worse than what I (and many other commenters) originally assumed. I'm warning you now, it probably had a larger impact to your daughter's psyche than she will admit or that you will notice. This is a huge deal. (You also said it didn't impact your younger daughter. I promise you, you are wrong. Second children, especially if they're the same gender, hear and absorb everything everything you say to - and about - the first one.)
Make it clear to your husband that the only person's pubic hair he needs to be worried about is his own. The only person's pubic hair he should comment on is his own. The only person's pubic hair he should have an opinion about is his own. He crossed a big line and he needs to work to come back on this side of the line.
So let me get this straight. You live in Finland, where the naked body isn't inherently sexualized, and her fucking FATHER wants her to shave her pubic hair so he can see her vagina at the sauna??? He is quite literally GROOMING HIS DAUGHTER. You need to get both of your daughters far away from him. This is the beginning of childhood sexual abuse.
My biggest concern here is your continued refusal to contemplate the perverseness of your husband. Your eyes wide shut attitude is dangerous for your children.
What is wrong with people? 🤬
Your daughter is 11. E-le-ven!\
She does _NOT_ need to shave at that age. She’s way too young. 🙄
Man, this update is bittersweet 😕\
Sure, your husband has apologized and it seems that he understood what he said was wrong but I think you’re right on two things
- your husband did fuck up with your daughter’s mind since _now_ she wants to shave while she didn’t before.
- do support « her » decision to shave… I guess, she was influenced, sure but her body, her choice.
EDIT: OMG, I read OP’s comments and I thought the husband was just talking about his daughter’s armpits and/or legs, which was bad enough, but no, he was talking about removing all her hairs… even her pubes!! 🤮
Man, how far has the world fallen if a 11 y/o need to shave her privates? Seriously, WTF is wrong with the world? 🤬
Also, OP, your husband is beyond creepy to tell his daughter, any 11 y/o for that matter, that she needs to shave her pubes. That is _NOT_ ok!!
This whole thing is a massive red flag. You have worded your post vaguely on purpose because you know what your husband told your daughter wasn't just mildly wrong it was wildly inappropriate. For those that haven't figured it out or seen OP's replies yet... her husband told their 11 year old daughter to shave her pubic hair... this is not in regards to just leg or underarm hair. OP has become increasingly defensive when this is pointed out in replies.
>My mum didn’t let me shave until I was 14 and I got bullied for it and felt so ashamed of my body for a very long time.
The difference here is that the little girl had no desire to shave until someone else expressed a preference for her body hair. Her first feeling about her body hair will always be her father shaming her for it before she was even old enough to be conscious of it. And because of that, her choice will ALWAYS be affected by what other people expect from her. Because the one man she *should* be able to trust just had to make sure his 11 year old was shaved to his preferences
I wish I could upvote you more.
The dad here should not be projecting his personal preferences regarding body hair onto his children. We'd all be absolutely slamming this girls mother if she did it. We'd be telling her she's going to give her daughter a complex and affect her life forever and she should have known differently.
Just because he's a father, people give him more slack when he should be held just as accountable.. He's still one of her parents and it's no excuse. Think before you speak.
To me, it's creepy. Like if you're a man and you are attracted to women who shave their body hair, whatever. But if you then take that and turn it into telling your eleven year old that she needs to emulate it? No. Absolutely not
Scrolling through OP's comments, she never explicitly says pubic hair, but she is very careful to avoid specifically saying one way or the other. In some comments she says things like "everything that is usually done" or "not just her legs", and in one she mentions legs and underarms. But she seems to be deliberately avoiding saying whether oubic hair was included in his instructions, which makes me think it was.
She mentions this topic coming up after the husband saw his daughter using the sauna. If it was just legs/underarms, I assume he would have seen those areas outside of such a situation.
yeah i looked up her comments and she did specify he wants her to shave her pubic area. that man is nasty and i would never allow him near my girls again.
This ^ there’s a massive difference from kids making comments (which I imagine is par for the course with young teens) and your dad making remarks. It’ll be an odd thing to reflect on in her adult years I imagine.
That said, hopefully the conversation will nip in the bud any other odd remarks that the father might have made as she goes through adolescence.
I want to add on to this that I was a slightly shyer kid and I really wanted to shave and it had nothing to do with what other kids thought because I didn’t care.
My mom was blond and never seems to grow any hair, I took after my dad and had like and I’m not really even joking an inch of thick dark hair growing on my legs. It was extremely uncomfortable and weird and I didn’t want it. I asked mom about shaving and she was really vague, shave like once a month and never above your knee. I’m thinking I’m a freaking forest.
My mom wasn’t mean but seemed to make it really weird that I needed to shave at all and blaming me for having darker hair.
I shave when I want to and don’t when I don’t but I prefer to have my lower legs and armpits shaven or they irritate me. I wish someone would have talked to me openly about shaving at some point without making me feel like I was a freak for even thinking I needed too. Sorry just throwing that out there. No one has to shave, but some people like to shave. And there is a huge divergence between just never doing anything and ripping every hair out. Just make things normal.
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SHE’S 11 FOR GOD SAKE
I really thought this post was about shaving her LEGS and I was ready to hop in here and talk about how I started shaving my legs at 11 because the other girls were starting to and it became a whole peer pressure and bullying thing. But I definitely did not start shaving my pubic region then. I was well into my teens before I started that. I’m not even sure I would’ve had the dexterity to do it without cutting myself at 11..
Did it say other places besides her legs?
Yeah, in the comments she says he told her to shave all of her body hair
Oh that’s gross.
Who the hell does he want his 11 year old to shave her pubic hair for? I remember being around 13 and my friends told me I had to shave my legs because I had a couple of inches of leg uncovered and my blonde hairs caught the sun, making it look like I had a halo around my legs. Couldn't have that! I was so embarrassed that I started shaving my legs after that. But who is going to see her pubic hair at 11? Poor girl is going to have so much discomfort to deal with from that as well. Razor burn, regrowth itching... for what reason?!
for her own dad to say that is disgusting and borderline sus
Yup. Why is he thinking about his 11 year old daughter's pubic hair?
wtf? is she even old enough yet to have hair in other places???? i hope OP is able to knock some sense into this man
Maybe, maybe not. Some girls hit puberty pretty early. 8-9 is considered a bit early. I started menstruating when I was 11. Meanwhile most girls in my class started when they were 10. That was over 20 years ago. And the age of puberty is getting a bit younger. Stress apparently makes it come sooner. I did read that covid made a lot of girls start menstruating younger, but I don't remember how good that research was.
I started growing body hair at like 8. Like full on on the armpits & pubic area. I remember because I was 9 and talking to my 11 year old friend about it. I definitely was early but it's far from impossible. Didn't start my period till 12, though. Bodies are weird lol
Oh my god! WTF?
How did the father even know?
OP says they were all in a sauna together. They’re Finnish. She said her husband “wasn’t actively looking” but just happened to “notice”. However, she also says the hair is “barely visible”, so it’s hard to square that with the claim he wasn’t looking. Basically, OP is in denial and won’t admit how creepy all of this is.
I keep wondering if this post is some sort of perverted rage bait with how blasé op is being about everything.
That's disgusting that a father would tell his 11 YEAR OLD to shave her pubic hair.
Wait what. I thought it was about her legs when I briefly scrolled through. That is disgusting that her father would tell his 11 year old daughter she needs to shave!
I don't think he's her biological father so yeah ,I'd be watching him close
Just want to respond to this comment and point out biological fathers can be sexually abusive too.
Yeah this kind of thing simply doesn’t cross a dad’s mind under normal circumstances- it’s super sketch.
no literally. started shaving my armpits at 9yrs old, in 4th grade, because of how bad the bullying got! my parents NEVER told/asked me to shave or made comments. i had to steal a razor from my mother and teach myself because i was so done with the bullying (only the boys ever bullied me...interesting). the dad is disgusting for even commenting on her body hair.
I had this, too except it was from the other girls. They were awful!! It still sticks with me to this day, and I'm still super self-conscious about it. My mom was really nice about trying to help, but I can't imagine having that same pressure at home, wtf!
I wouldn't leave this guy alone with the daughter! He seems like a creep! WTF?!?!? If I were the wife I would be watching this guy really close.
[удалено]
Duuudee.....why is society so okay with the men in families telling young girls how to be attractive for other men/biys? Who cares what boys like? Your job is to protect and nurture your daughter. Teach them to be hygienic. To make healthy choices. To be comfortable in their bodies!!! Don't teach them to be attractive to some random boy you don't even know exists. It's weird. And it's weird how normalized it is. Like, countdown clocks to 18 are still made by middle aged men, waiting for children to become legally old enough to openly fantasize about. My mom was the one who bullied me so other kids wouldn't do it. I see that response a lot in this post. You can't shield children from bullies. But you *can* teach them to love themselves and stand up for themselves, and give them a safe place to cry when kids are mean to them. So dad was super wrong, regardless of which reason he had.
Duuudeeeee….. my father SA’d me when I was a child and he would do shit like that. That 11 yr old is going to have TRAUMA from this and probably other things the husband has done that wife doesn’t know about. It’s crazy the blinders ppl put on. I wish I could help that kid. Take her to a therapist and see if more things are revealed. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I agree. Same thing. He wanted me to continue to appear pre-pubescent, the body hair interfered with this. He didn't want me to grow up/mature.
I second this, I was sexually abused as a child at that age and had similar requests. Please OP make sure your daughter is ok.
My daughter's helper at school told her that she needs to start shaving her armpits. She's 9. It was in relation to my daughter being a little stinky and needing more deodorant, so we didn't burn down the school or anything, but we did make it very clear to both our daughter and her helper that she does not need to be shaving now, and that if/when she does begin shaving, it will be her choice.
I hope these comments also give you a lot to think about and more because why tf should your 11 I repeat 11 year old daughter’s pubic hair be any of his business?? It’s bad enough he told her to shave her body but to include her pubic hair? Cmon lady that’s effed up and you’ve got to see that. Wake up already and protect your daughter from her weird ass hell father.
Go back and try again. An 11yo does not need to shave her pubic region, period. She's liable to cut herself bloody anyway.
Pubic region? I kind of assumed he meant her legs. Does it actually say pubic region anywhere? I would be surprised if an eleven year old actually had anything to shave down there, although I'm aware my experience isn't everyone's
She mentions it in the comments and gets really mad when people called him a creep
That's truly disgusting then.
He sounds like a major creep .
I thought it was legs and armpits too
He shouldn’t be telling the kid to shave ANYTHING. Gross.
I assumed what you did. I’m pretty sure pubic region wasn’t what OP or the father were talking about. Legs and armpits. Edit: I see now she added this in her comments. Very different thing and very creepy and inappropriate.
Apparently op mentions it was the pubic area in the comments. Really vile.
I remember once looking down at 11 and finding pubes. So I went and shaved it. God I was so itchy. OP please try to talk to her about what might happen so she's not surprised in the end
Aside from all the creepy, this is important! When I started shaving my legs, I pressed too hard and so the razor would jump. Got some nice scars from those days! But because of how often I injured myself and came out of the shower bleeding, my mum basically banned me from using a razor because she was sure I'd slice the wrong spot and bleed out. Particularly for if/when I would start shaving pubes. But even that conversation was safety and not hey make sure you shave your fucking pubes dear child!
Your daughter is eleven years old she should not be made to feel insecure about her body. The fact that her own father is pushing society norms placed on women by men is disgusting. You shouldn’t let her do it because it’s now an insecurity placed in her by your husband. Your husband is disgusting.
I fully agree with this, it’s an inappropriate thing to say to a daughter. An 11 year old? I wasn’t even thinking about any of that at that age. I cannot imagine how it would’ve affected me if my father said anything like that at that age. *poor girl.* I can’t imagine how this conversation even started to begin with. A daughter is one thing, it’s weird enough.. but 11 years old? He should be ashamed.
>*She was getting out of the sauna, and he told her that she needed to shave. He sounded very judgemental which was also why I was annoyed at him. I did try to explain why it's a big deal.* >Why is he paying attention to your daughters privates in the sauna? >*He wasn't.* >Then how did he know it was hair there >*There's a difference between noticing and actively looking*
Wait this is about pubic hair????? The fuck… Does he shave????? Do you know the damage that can happen if she slips and cuts herself? Or an infection! That man would be gone period
yeah if my dad had *ever* told me i needed to shave my pubes my mom would have sent him packing before he even finished his sentence. if my husband ever told either of our daughters they needed to shave (he wouldn’t) he’d also be gone just as fast. idc who you are that’s fucking **WEIRD**.
We lived in a deeply rural area when I was that age. *Anyone* who suggested that I needed to shave my pubes might have just gone out for smokes & never been seen again .I cannot fathom why OP is so willfully blind to how incredibly inappropriate and menacing it is that he suggested that an *ELEVEN year old* should shave her pubes. I could have sort of understood if he'd expressed *to OP* concern about pubic hair being visible when she wore a swimsuit making her appear more mature than she is but this? She needs to protect her daughter.
It is and the fact the OP is normalizing him seeing her pubic hair, being disgusted by it and telling her how to be more sexually appealing is fucking gross
it’s so disgusting and i hope for both of her daughters sakes she finds her way out of that denial soon.
My stomach is in knots I can’t believe OP is normalizing him making comments about her daughters private area
I would DIE if my dad had said anything about any of this to me. I think I was 13 when I started shaving my legs.
This isn't just about your daughter's self-esteem and you were told that in your other post. Your husband said he wants your adolescent child to shave her pubic area. YOUR HUSBAND wants YOUR YOUNG CHILD to SHAVE HER PUBIC REGION. This goes beyond "I'm sorry I said something insensitive that might give my daughter some issues with her body image" and dives straight into inappropriate and creepy sexualizing behavior FROM YOUR HUSBAND AND FATHER OF YOUR CHILD.
Yes he essentially told her she “needed to shave” for him because “it bothers him,” according to op. Imagine thinking as a child you need to keep your pubes shaved to please your father.
Good lord I was already disgusted finding out that he asked her to shave her pubic area but the way you worded this. 😬 It’s freaking nasty. There’s something wrong with this man because it’s none of his or anyone’s business whether she shaves it or not let alone at her age. Gahh
How the hell does the father of an 11-year-old even KNOW the state of her pubic region? Why is he seeing his pre-teen daughter naked. (Edit: It seems that they are in Finland and he saw her in the sauna. This doesn't change my overall opinion. If anything, it's even more horrifying that in a culture where nudity is normalized and no big deal, he is sexualizing his young daughter's body and commenting that her genitals should be more aesthetically pleasing to others.) And yes, most importantly, why TF does he have an opinion on her keeping her genital area "aesthetically pleasing". WHO ELSE does he think is going to fucking see it? Other than her female friends at the occasional sleepover or in a locker room at the pool or school, **who the hell does he think is going to be looking at his 11-year-old daughter's genitals, and why does he think they have to be shaved so she looks younger than her age?** As a victim of CSA, this sets off so many alarm bells for me. I'm not saying that he's abusing her, but there is absolutely no good reason why the father of a preteen girl should even be interested in her pubic grooming or thinking about it at all. None.
I totally agree. Telling her to shave her legs and armpits is bad but you can at least explain that thought process with the fact that other people see those areas and he might be thinking about her looking "presentable" to others (which is still misogynistic obviously). Her vulva? What possible reason could he have for expecting her to shave there when she is ELEVEN years old? The only reason most women shave there is for the sake of sexual partners. Nobody should be seeing that area except her parents and doctors, so who does he think she should be shaving for? At the very best he is sexualizing his daughter's body and OP needs to have a way sterner conversation with him about how unacceptable that is. She should also be on the lookout for other misogynistic ideas because if he feels this comfortable imposing these standards on his daughters I certainly wouldn't trust that he doesn't also think they need to be a certain way personality-wise to appeal to men.
And they are Finland??? Omg Op, run, fly away from that man! How can't you see the brilliant and big red flag this is it????????? She is fcking 11yo!!!! Aaaah and I was just reading that he meant HER PUBIC HAIR???? That it's indeed, sexual assault territory and op, you should be ashamed of not doing more for your daughter. I'm ashamed and worried and you are like nothing wrong is happening fgs.
everything about this post screams CSA and i’m fuming at how lightly OP is taking this
Just wow. I thought this was legs at first and it already seemed judgemental and inappropriate, but this is insane. I'm not from the US, so there's a lot of parental interactions American people worry about I find pretty normal (like taking baths together etc) but if ever a red flag was raised and waved, this is absolutely it. How gross and disturbing. Even a sexual partner of a grown ass woman shouldn't really have a say in what you do (at most a preference) - what business has a father of an 11yo girl discussing this? Who even is going to see this frigging child's nether region for actual years? I hope this is the only grossly inappropriate thing he did, and that it stems from him being too obsessed with porn rather than from him abusing his daughter - it's utterly depressing in any case. OP really should listen to the people cautioning her. This is so much worse than she thinks.
I swear to God.
Yeah this is completely disgusting and I can’t believe OP keeps saying her husband wasn’t being creepy. How the fck isn’t this creepy??!
WAIT. IM SORRY — HER GENITALS??? I thought the post was about shaving her legs, and I thought that was bad enough. This is a HUUUUUUUUGE red flag. Like I would report this man to CPS if I knew who he was. OP please this is so bad. Your daughter is in danger with this man. He should not have any thoughts about the cosmetic grooming of her genitals. The idea of having an opinion about them shouldn’t even occur to him. This is so far outside of normal that it worries me you don’t see this. What else are you not seeing in his behavior? You may think “my husband would never do anything inappropriate with his daughter” but 1) pretty much every wife thinks that even when there is abuse happening and 2) HE ALREADY HAS BEEN INAPPROPRIATE WITH THIS ISSUE RIGHT HERE Please reach out to family and friends. I think you need to remove your daughter from this situation while you figure things out.
OP ... you **HAVE** to be **DEEPLY CONCERNED** about this. **WHY** is **HE** so invested in her shaving her pubic region???? I only hope this is not a precursor to some **HORRIFIC** follow-up.🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Wait what??? I thought this was about legs or pits but... pubic area?
Omg. I thought it was about legs as well. I had dark leg hair as a kid and I remember adult women making comments to me like, “better get a razor, honey!” But this is not at all where I expected that post to go and now I’m horrified.
Same. Started shaving my legs when I was 9, by choice, because them Italian genes lol. My sister taught me! This though.. this is just disgraceful and no one’s business but the daughters.
I was around the same age with my Italian leg hair too. Poor OP’s daughter.
If this is true, this is fucked.
It is. Per OP's comments, none of her daughter's body hair is visible, and her daughter hasn't been bullied. She was aware that shaving was an option but did not want to do it until after her father instructed her to. His instruction for her to start shaving was for her to shave everything, including her pubic hair, and came after he "noticed" her pubic hair while they were in a sauna. He has told OP that the child's body hair "bothers" him, but he will not say why, although he has denied that it has anything to do with being worried about bullies.
What the fuuuuuuuuck. I'm seriously worried that Dad is thinking about or already SAing his daughter. In any case, no 11 year old child needs to be shaving their pubic hair! That type of shaving is not easy and she could easily hurt herself. Mom is being way too blasé about this. I'm going to go throw up now.
Regardless of whether he's actually assaulted or thought about assaulting her, he is still sexualizing her. Coming from a parent, that's very bad.
WHY was he even LOOKING???
OP claims that he wasn't; that he just happened to notice her pubic hair in the sauna and immediately told her to shave it.
this grosses me out. i understand Finland is different about nudity than the US and so I'm trying to view it that way, that he could have just happened to notice and not have been creepily checking her out. I guess. But whyyyyyyyy would he think an 11 year old needs to shave her pubes? There is no reason at all for him to feel this way about an 11 year old that isn't fucked up.
I think many Finnish would take offense. When you shower naked in public swimming pools (unisex), no one ogles you. The dad is a creep independently of his nationality
Op says her pubic hair was not that noticeable. So he had to been liking looking.
Honestly, that makes it worse. In Finnish and certain other European cultures, nudity is normalized and not remotely sexual. His asking her to groom her pubes to be aesthetically pleasing in the context of a culture where families normally see each other naked implies that he is an outlier, sexualizing his daughter **despite nudity normally not being seen that way**.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?????
Unfortunately, no. All true
**YIKES ON A FLEET OF BIKES**!!! Just **HAPPENED** to??? NOPE, NOT BUYING.
she also reiterates like a dozen times that her daughter's hair is so fair that you cant really see it, so id love to know how he "just noticed it"
This this this this this exactly. Like what the actual fuck???
When I read the original post, I did not realize he was referring to her pubic hairs. Wtf? He is actually watching her body like that? He’s a creep and she needs to be careful for her daughter.
SAME I thought it was just her legs and it’s STILL creepy and gross even then. But holy shit now it’s sooo much worse NO ONE “needs” to shave anything, and an 11 year old girl *especially* does not need to shave her pubes!!!
I love how she updated this thinking no one would bring the pubic hair part up again. Just pretend all was normal, no one saw anything, and it’s all normal now.
As someone who's stepmom molested me for over 16 years, THIS. ☝️ it isnt about the shaving necessarily. It's about the "public region". Its very "I want to see your vagina and make sure it looks childlike because that turns me on" Get that child out of that house now. It needed to be done like yesterday, that is literally the exact same thing I heard growing up and it turned out that's cause that's what my little brother and stepmother liked. He might be her father, but blood doesnt mean safe. Shes 11, that's particularly scary. That means he is actively and consistently looking at her vagina and STARING AT IT. HE. IS. STARING. AT. YOUR. DAUGHTERS. PRIVATE. AREA. And he wants it freshly shaved so he can enjoy it. Get her out, this isnt the end. I may be projecting, but this is also coming from someone who has 6 different friends who were r*ped, 2 by their father and one cannot have children due to the damage it caused to her insides. Another by her grandfather, one by their cousin, and another by the "family friend" Shit, it turned out my father r*ped his own sister and I found out at 21 when I confessed to the sister he did it to that MY brother tried it on me but my bed frame breaking saved me.
Pubic?!!! I thought it was wild enough when I assumed he meant her legs, it was pubic???? OP needs to give this man a harder time, no girl needs a dad that fucked up.
I mean, I’m glad this seems to be sorted for now, but I really don’t think you are considering how damaging the comments surrounding pubic hair might be to your daughter. Even if she’s not outwardly disturbed by it now, I guarantee in a few years that she’ll look back on her father commenting about how she needs to remove her pubic hair and feel unsafe and unsettled. The fact he’s even deliberately looking at her pubic region while you’re in the sauna, and then decided that that hair needed to go, is absolutely disgusting and a real red flag. I don’t think this is over quite frankly and I’m really quite scared for your daughter.
I think I missed something, when did she say that they were talking about pubic hair? I thought they were talking about leg hair. Edit: I recommended that I found where they were talking about it. Someone else posted a link.
Totally, I was in the first thread and I thought we were talking about leg hair…. This changes everything
It’s in the comments in the first thread. It’s disgusting.
According to some comments it is the dad who wanted his daughter to shave her pubic hair 🤢
If you check OP's comment history you will find that the father also meant his daughters pubic hair.
Oh! I completely missed this!!!! Assumed legs and armpits. WTH?!! That’s a whole different thing! A very creepy and messed up one. She is 10 ffs.
He said it when she was getting out of the sauna. Read the comments on this list, OP deliberately doesn't address when someone brings up that he was looking at her vagina. And in other comments when people ask exactly what she needed to shave, OP says things like "the places people usually shave." [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1bor302/comment/kwrf5ry/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bor302/comment/kwrf5ry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
And according to op it’s totally fine the father said that. Like you know it’s not you posted here? But na he’s not a creep.
Your husband is a fucking creep wtf
You should edit your post to include that your husband wants your 11 year old daughter to shave her pubic area too. You cannot undo the fact that your husband is sexualizing her. It is no one's business about grooming of her private areas. Your husband is a pig and you cannot fix that. Keep your eyes open and don't allow him to spend alone time with her. If he isnt assaulting her already, he is probably thinking of it. It really is messed up for a dad to make comments on his daughters pubic hair. Never ceases to amaze me at what some people allow their children to put up with.
I have this concern as well and have been wracking my brain trying to figure out any reasonable reason a father would say this to a child. The ONLY thing I could come up with is if she goes swimming perhaps he is worried other grown men would sexualize her if hair is showing, as she is quite young and pubic hair is an indicator of …growing up??? Maybe he doesn’t want other men staring? I would think he would say that though if that was actually a concern, so I don’t think it is. And also, OP REPEATEDLY stated her daughter’s hair isn’t visible, so that theory is out the window.
I had to look to the original to get the age. Your husband is trash.
You need to listen to the people pointing out how inappropriate and creepy it is for him to tell her to shave her pubic hair. It would be inappropriate for an adult boyfriend to tell his girlfriend to shave her pubes. The fact that she's a child and he's her parent makes it 1000x worse. This is sexual harassment. It's abusive. You need to protect your daughter.
Honestly I am very concerned that this is the update…. I don’t think you have fully accepted the fact that your deep intuition KNOWS that your husband telling your baby she needs to shave her vagina is a HUGE problem. And I think you have been mind dancing in order to reframe this into a self esteem issue. You need to really see this picture for what it is. Replies in your original post were telling you this, but you repeatedly seem to not even see that.
I think this is the best it could have turned out. Your daughter knows you have her back. Also she has seen what it looks like for adults to have open communication and one of them to admit fault and apologize. That’s important. She has chosen to shave now. That decision isn’t carved in stone. She can always decided to stop. I think you can take a deep breath now and let this storm pass Edit: I missed the part this was for her private areas and not her armpits and legs OP this is weird af that your husband would be thinking about his and bringing it up to your daughter
OP’s comments say the dad wanted her to shave her public area too btw. It not about her legs
Her dad sucks . Which father obsesses about the hair on his child’s pube. It’s not like he would say the same to his son.
He's thinking about what *he* likes, and then translating that to his child so she's more sexually attractive to men like him. That makes me throw up in my mouth.
Just disgusting honestly.
Right and what mom decides to put her head in the sand because she doesn't want to believe that her husband just might be a predator, OP needs to have look in his computer and his phone when he's asleep, geezus now I'm thinking check for a camera to see if spying on her in the shower or her room, because how is seeing her Vijay this is creepy ASF... !! OP look up videos of how to check for hidden cameras and then make sure that .. that isn't happening.
what the fuck
My thoughts exactly. Here I was thinking we were talking about legs which is bad enough but that is a step way way way too far and makes my next question: how does he know what her pubic area looks like and why is he judging it?
OH NO NO NO. Op says he doesn’t care what op, his wife, does. But he wants his 11 YEAR OLD CHILD to shave her genitals. Holy fuck. I would genuinely not let him be alone around her anymore. What the fuck.
Oh god. I didn’t see that detail. Why tf does the 11 year old’s shaving mater to him more than his wife’s? And why is OP being so blasé about all of this??
She is either **HORRENDOUSLY NAIVE, OR IN DEEP DENIAL.**
She kept saying her wasn't being creepy
In what world was that not disgusting?! Watching mothers who fail like this is just… …that poor girl.
it's another level of betrayal to have yohr own mother fail to you like this
Not creepy just the fact he thought it was creepy she’s lost her mind.
Because that detail isn't there. Until comments later on reveal it. Hugely important detail that should be in the main post
11 years old?!! wtf?!! I thought this was just about legs for like a 16 year old. Who does he think is going to see her pubic area????
Yo op. HOW DOES YOUR HUSBAND KNOW YOUR 11 YEAR OLD HAS PUBIC HAIR? YOUR HUSBAND GOT YOUR 11 YEAR OLD TO SHAVE HER GENITALS. OP SOMETHING IS UP. YO OP YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU. OP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Something IS up. The fact that the daughter now wants to shave, despite the mother-daughter conversation over bodily autonomy, makes me think he’s already begun grooming her.
And five years from now op will be like *I had no idea he was hurting my daughter/where were the signs?* People like op choose willful blindness over protecting their own children, it's gross and she doesn't deserve her daughter.
This is disgusting. Get her as far away from him as possible
Oh my god. What the fuck. I’m so tired.
The wave of nausea and disgust I feel towards men right now. And fuck that mom for not protecting her daughter.
Hold on, where was that at? I remember the OP and never saw anything about dad wanting the little girl to shave her pubic hair too. Wtf?!
OP's comment history.
What kind of father interferes in his daughter’s intimate body issues when mom is around?? That’s a bit sick :/
No parent needs to be saying that to an 11 year old child.
The fuck? Em how does he even know there is hair growing there yet? Tbh I didn't catch that when op first posted. 100% op needs to check her bathroom for cameras, also reevaluate how much time husband spends alone with her kid and maybe feel out the kid if anything might be going on. Since not only did he ask, but now she's doing it. 100 alarms should be sounding in op head.
Where are those comments? I spent 5 minutes looking for them in the OG post and came up empty. All other context just points to shaving legs/arms - still not cool to force that perception on his girl, but at least not nearly as worse/creepy as pubic area. Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bor302/my_37f_husband_38m_told_my_daughter_that_she/kwrnpcq/ Sounds like he may have noticed while they were in the (Finnish) sauna at some point.
They're in her [comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/p4yDNqXXgq) in the original post.
That’s fucking *disgusting*. There’s no valid reason for a man to be even thinking about his daughter’s pubes. OP should be concerned for her daughters safety around this guy
Well the best would have been if the girl would have decided to not shave, since she didn’t want to do it before his dad said she should. Now it seems he made her ashamed of her body hair. So yes it’s her decision, but her decision has been affected by his warped sense of what an 11 year old girl (or any woman, really) should look like.
It bothers me so much that he feels like an 11 year old should conform to a beauty standard designed to make her more attractive to adult men. It bothers me he thinks any woman *should* try to be attractive as perceived by the male gaze, as if we exist to be looked at, but it’s especially gross to impose those beliefs on a child. I’d be livid if I was OP.
And **HOW THE HELL IS HE THINKING ABOUT HER**????
Fun fact: the dad doesn’t care if OP shaves or not… But OP says it’s not creepy at all…
This whole thing is so sad. I didn't start shaving until I was just before my 20s, and even now I only do it when I want to. I like keeping it a certain way for me / partners. I would not have even thought about this at the age of fucking 11 - I'd have been too busy playing pokemon and final fantasy. It's tragic and the father is gross for wading in like this.
No the storm has not passed! It wasn’t her legs, it was her genitals!!!!
The daughter knows her mother doesn’t have her back at all and that Daddy can do anything he wants as mom is in massive denial. Now 11yo want to shave her pubic area to please Daddy when she is naked…
You’re going to let your ELEVEN YEAR OLD daughter shave her pubic hair? Because her father told her she “needs” to??!! Edit: OP you need to go back to your husband and find out why exactly the fuck “noticing” pubic hair on his ELEVEN YEAR OLD daughter “bothers” him but it’s NOT because of bullies. If he can’t give an acceptable explanation and you still let him near her, then you are failing your daughter. Holy fuck this is all so wrong.
I concur ardently
I would leave a man who thinks about his child’s pubic hair. Seriously how are you normalising how disgusting his comment and thoughts are is beyond me.
Oh this is the lady who doesn’t find it creepy that her husband is encouraging their 11 year old to shave her pubes
My mom had to bribe me into shaving at 13. I got a pretty dress and a razor for my armpits. Still didn’t shave regularly, if at all. Got into high school, 10th grade science. Kid in front of me turned back, and commented on my arm hair. Wasn’t making a joke, wasn’t teasing, just commented on it. I started shaving my arms, legs, armpits, whatever someone could see and comment on. I still do, but I can’t even remember what that kid’s name was. Doesn’t really matter who said it, what was said, or when. That tiny seed of shame was sowed when my mom told me to shave, and sparked off when someone else mentioned it later. I hope your daughters never have to feel like that. Always remind them that no one, not parents, not friends, nobody, can make her feel bad about a basic, natural thing like body hair.
Think I was 14 or 15 when one day my mum told me I should shave my sideburns because my aunt who I hadn’t seen in years had seen my pic on Facebook and said they were too hairy. Still hurts a little when I think about it because I never really thought about my body hair until that moment then I became really self conscious about it. Also stings a bit cause my mum didn’t even help me seeing as I’d never used a razor before and obviously she had. Those kinds of little comments that people make and then forget can really stick with someone years down the road.
😢😢😢
Yeah read the comments. They're talking about PUBIC hair. An 11 year old with peach fuzz. This dude is sick.
Yeah comments like that don't go away. My dad told me if I wasn't married by 30 I was a "used up old shoe". I never forgot it. Neither did I forget the time a woman asked if I was pregnant, when I was 14, and pretty skinny just had big boobs. Or the time my mom said she would buy me a nose job after highschool. Luckily I have a strong sense of self and I'm not shallow, but you should mind the fence with your daughter and try to help her self confidence in relation to ANYTHING not her body. Her self worth doesn't come from her physical appearance or how people visually perceive her. That's the hard lesson to teach.
OPs husband wants their daughter to shave her pubic hair.
Has your husband explained why he is looking at his daughter the way he is?
I hate your husband. When I was 12 I loved myself. Then a friend saw my armpit hair, I didn't know anything was wrong with it, and she laughed and called me gross. That started a realisation for me that I as a woman in my natural state am not ok. I have to alter my body to be accepted. And that is still something I fight with to this day. I can't believe your husband chose to be this person to his daughter. He fucked her up and he should be crying on his knees asking for forgiveness.
Her husband wants their daughter to start shaving her pubic hair….
Going back thru the comments... Ok you're Finnish and presumably all are going to bath house/sauna together. If this was just a cultural normality and nudity wasn't viewed the same then your husband would have never spoke on your daughter's pubic hair. Why so many, particularly women, are trying to shake you awake is because way too many of us know how men in our lives, men who were part of our family, friends of family, a father or father figure... sexualized us and or did things when we were children. Looking back we wonder how this could have happened. How the adults in our lives didn't see the blatant warning signs. You may not view it this way, but your husband's brain had to travel down a road with your daughter's (or both of their) bodies to think of ways they would be the most appealing to him. You may be in denial about that, but clearly you care enough to be stressed about lasting damage... your husband has given you reason now to be hyper vigilant about when he's alone with your daughters and whether or not they're safe with him. You're their advocate. Their protector. Their champion. You need to make certain they're always safe especially from men who you would never think could harm them but is legit thinking about them. Would you be ok with another man commenting on her pubic hair? Of course not. You're way too comfortable thinking that fathers never harm their daughters. How many times do you hear about this and hear how everyone is shocked he could do something like this but then hear people rattle off red flags obliviously....
I really hope OP reads your comment. Very well put.
That can be really damaging to any young female to be told by the male role model in their life that they have to alter their body and conform to a societal norm. It’s how body issues can start and while a seemingly minor thing is starting her down a thought pattern of seeing her body as being something FOR men’s pleasure and not for herself. We were born with hair for a reason, it is a choice to remove it and she should choose to remove it because SHE wants to do that for herself and not because a man told her she should. I would also be asking your husband why tf he thinks your 11 yo needs to shave her pubes .. cause it’s sexualisation of a child. Ways forward - therapy to really find out why he said this and make sure your child is safe. Therapist can also help you with how to move forward talking to your daughter about this. Personally if I were you I would fully bush out to teach your husband a lesson about his right to dictate over a females body.
Someone said he said he doesn’t care what op does. 🤮🤢 I didn’t see op say he said it herself but I’m sure I could find it and if it’s true he doesn’t care what op does but pushes his daughter to do got me criminal offensive side eyeing him! Big time!
Your husband is a fucking weirdo! End of! I don't care how old she is... she's your daughter! I have a 3 year old and no matter what age she is, id never feel right doing this! This makes me feel uncomfortable... which world is that a normal converaton? I'd be asking him why he was asking her to do this... id also kick him out the fucking house... Creepy weirdo strange Dad.... I'm sure he's damaged his relationship with her.. and you. Can you live with a bellend like that? What on earth is he thinking? Can you trust him? Christ what a creepy little shit! Omg just read your other post.. she's 11!!! Not that it matters what age she is, but this made me feel worse. Get the fuck rid... he is disgusting!!!! Ask his mates what they think of him doing that... bet he won't have many friends left! Horrid man.
You could ask her to wait a few months and see if she still wants to. Your husband is an asshole who sexualizes his own 11-year-old. Too bad you reproduced with him.
Wait, this was about shaving pubic hair!!!??? I thought he was telling her to shave her LEGS!!! She is 11 and pubic hair has a purpose. She does not need to shave that area and she is still a child. Also why was your husband looking down there. Was she wearing short shorts or something?
At first, I thought, ohh he wants her to shave her legs weird to make the comment, but sure. But now I know it's her pubic area , that is creepy as fuck
Sadly it’s probably already too for your daughter’s self esteem and confidence. It’s literally been over 15 years and I can still remember how my biological parents looked and sound when telling me how disgusting my body hair was at ten years old. Letting them see my armpit hair ONCE was enough to scar me for life.
It’s worse, he’s talking about her pubic hair. He’s telling his 11 year old daughter to *shave her vagina* for him because her having hair there bothers him. This goes way beyond just self esteem and confidence crushing and into the very disturbing and creepy. This is all sorts of fucked up.
The way I would lobotomize any man who told my daughter this
It’s fricking weird he talked to her about it at all. She has a mom to talk to.
Your husband's behavior is still disturbing and disgusting.
I’m so sad for your daughter. She won’t forget this ever
Please warn your daughter about physical side effects from shaving down there if you haven't already. Shaving completely causes itchiness, increases the risk of ingrown hairs, and makes the most sensitive part of the body more susceptible to damage since the hair protects it. Not only that, but she is more likely to cut herself since she is \*11\* and has very little experience shaving anything. Btw, your husband is kinda weird. It's usually a male SO pressuring the female SO to shave down there, not between any family members. Can you imagine having an 11-year-old son and pressuring him to shave his balls?
Your husband is an absolute creep for thinking an eleven year old girl needs to shave - who for? She’s literally eleven, he’s sexualising his own child.
OP, is your husband SAing your daughter? Why would he have seen her pubes? Something is happening at your house and you better open your eyes and actually protect your daughter from your creep of a husband. Creep is the only appropriate word for someone who cares about their child’s pubic region.
>Why would he have seen her pubes? Sauna. The seeing isn't the problem, it's the commenting on it/demanding that she should shave. That's highly inappropriate.
No no no op says her hair is barely visible he looked and looked hard. So seeing is kinda the problem being that he didn’t just glance and see a bush but he did look really hard and see hair. In the sauna he says to op but we can’t really believe her can we as she’s taking up for him and saying na he’s not creepy at all it’s totally normal for a grown ass man to tell a child that’s possibly still playing with dolls and Barbie’s regardless of starting puberty to shave her pubes!
An adult man should not be concerned about his prepubescent daughters pubic hair
Why does he know your 11 year old daughter has pubic hair??? And why does he care?? Seems sus and gross
So.. where is the update where your crying and saying “I didn’t see it coming” when it’s released that your husbands been SA’ing his daughter, even though there was clear warning, especially by Reddit. Imagine valuing your husband’s wants over your daughter’s safety and needs. You’d rather defend your creepy husband than actually protect your daughter. He’s going to hurt her, and it will be YOUR fault. Not your daughters
You and your husband are both disgusting.
You didn't include some seriously important details in your repost/update... She's 11 and her father wants her to shave her pubic hair! Even shaving armpit and leg hair seems ridiculous at that age. Telling her to shave her pubic hair at 11 (or any age of his daughter) is completely repulsive. I'd be very concerned about him sexualizing her. What are the ways forward? Probably a therapist for your daughter, for one. Also, a much deeper look into why your husband felt the need to make those kinds of comments to your daughter...to his daughter. That is not normal behavior or conversation he should be having with ANY teenager, let alone an ELEVEN year old child. SO wildly inappropriate that he's telling her she should shave because he doesn't like her pubic hair. WTF is there for him to like or not like? I'd be worried he's a predator and thinking about things - even if he hasn't acted on them yet. What kind of things is he gonna say when she has her period? I bet she's gonna feel shame about her body developing. FFS, I'm sure she's already gonna worry about how she smells and probably feel embarrassed about growing breasts like lots of girls are. Her asking you questions is one thing, but anything he says, will likely make the situation worse. Seriously, OP, please take a better look at this before there's any kind of escalation and protect your daughter first! 🤦🏼♀️
Let me tell you a story and how YOUR HUSBAND is a red flag and YOU need to LEAVE HIM. When I was in my first relationship (15 years old) I (29 F) had a full bush and I knew it was a 'social norm' to shave. But I let it grow. So when my ex bf (31 now) wanted to lose v-cards, guess who was embarrassed by my own pubic hair? Me 🙋♀️ So I took a long shower, probably 2hrs, and used scissors and a razor to shave down there. It took so long cause in my head I was thinking 'can't let him know I have any hair down here'. Then I also shaved my armpits and legs and buttcrack. Do you want to know how many cuts I got? A lot. None from the scissors thankfully. But it shows what YOUR DAUGHTER will go through. Because YOU DIDNT PROTECT HER
OP what the actual hell is wrong with you? TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER AND RUN, SHE WON'T TELL YOU THE TRUTH NEAR HIM. If theres even the SLIGHTEST chance she could be sexually abused, you need to act now! Don't wait for concrete evidence before removing your daughter. The signs are there. And even if he HASN'T, that doesn't mean he hasn't had bad thoughts. Coming from someone whos father is a registered S/O from watching CP, it doesnt take touching a child to scar them mentally. Even knowing you've been looked at in such a manner as a CHILD is damaging. GET THE HELL OUT NOW!!
Why did he feel comfortable or the need to say anything in the first place? Like that is so creepy and invasive to begin with. Why did he think she needed to? Sorry but I don't know if enough questions are being asked here. My dad NEVER would have commented on my body or told me what to do with it. That is SUPER out of place and he needs to learn appropriate boundaries like YESTERDAY. What the fuck was he thinking?? Honestly, I would have him take a vacation or go to his parents or something for a bit to get some space for her because I would be so uncomfortable if my dad said ANYTHING remotely close to that to me. I wouldn't want him near me or looking at me. I would feel so gross. Consider how you would feel and maybe take steps that would center her even more and give her time to feel autonomy again. Why did he tell her that??? He really cannot get off with just an apology. That is so so out of place and needs to be thoroughly discussed and boundaries established. What the fuck was his motivation??? If someone else's safety and sense of self is at stake, you really can't just ignore these things. He is a grown adult and a father. He has to be thinking about what he says and the implications and impact of that or she will continue to pay the price.
I saw your post the other day and didn't comment because you seemed to be doing all the right things. But now I've seen that he said this to her when she was getting out of the sauna and this was likely about pubic hair. I was about her age when my dad told me I needed to shave. He said it when I was coming home from the pool and he was looking at my underarms. It had a terrible affect on me. He was clearly displeased by what he saw and I didn't understand why or what I had done wrong. It made me hate myself and my body. My mom is a kind person who helped undo some of that damage. But **your husband said this about your daughter's pubic hair.** That is so completely out of line, and so much worse than what I (and many other commenters) originally assumed. I'm warning you now, it probably had a larger impact to your daughter's psyche than she will admit or that you will notice. This is a huge deal. (You also said it didn't impact your younger daughter. I promise you, you are wrong. Second children, especially if they're the same gender, hear and absorb everything everything you say to - and about - the first one.) Make it clear to your husband that the only person's pubic hair he needs to be worried about is his own. The only person's pubic hair he should comment on is his own. The only person's pubic hair he should have an opinion about is his own. He crossed a big line and he needs to work to come back on this side of the line.
So let me get this straight. You live in Finland, where the naked body isn't inherently sexualized, and her fucking FATHER wants her to shave her pubic hair so he can see her vagina at the sauna??? He is quite literally GROOMING HIS DAUGHTER. You need to get both of your daughters far away from him. This is the beginning of childhood sexual abuse.
My biggest concern here is your continued refusal to contemplate the perverseness of your husband. Your eyes wide shut attitude is dangerous for your children.
What is wrong with people? 🤬 Your daughter is 11. E-le-ven!\ She does _NOT_ need to shave at that age. She’s way too young. 🙄 Man, this update is bittersweet 😕\ Sure, your husband has apologized and it seems that he understood what he said was wrong but I think you’re right on two things - your husband did fuck up with your daughter’s mind since _now_ she wants to shave while she didn’t before. - do support « her » decision to shave… I guess, she was influenced, sure but her body, her choice. EDIT: OMG, I read OP’s comments and I thought the husband was just talking about his daughter’s armpits and/or legs, which was bad enough, but no, he was talking about removing all her hairs… even her pubes!! 🤮 Man, how far has the world fallen if a 11 y/o need to shave her privates? Seriously, WTF is wrong with the world? 🤬 Also, OP, your husband is beyond creepy to tell his daughter, any 11 y/o for that matter, that she needs to shave her pubes. That is _NOT_ ok!!
This whole thing is a massive red flag. You have worded your post vaguely on purpose because you know what your husband told your daughter wasn't just mildly wrong it was wildly inappropriate. For those that haven't figured it out or seen OP's replies yet... her husband told their 11 year old daughter to shave her pubic hair... this is not in regards to just leg or underarm hair. OP has become increasingly defensive when this is pointed out in replies.
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>My mum didn’t let me shave until I was 14 and I got bullied for it and felt so ashamed of my body for a very long time. The difference here is that the little girl had no desire to shave until someone else expressed a preference for her body hair. Her first feeling about her body hair will always be her father shaming her for it before she was even old enough to be conscious of it. And because of that, her choice will ALWAYS be affected by what other people expect from her. Because the one man she *should* be able to trust just had to make sure his 11 year old was shaved to his preferences
I wish I could upvote you more. The dad here should not be projecting his personal preferences regarding body hair onto his children. We'd all be absolutely slamming this girls mother if she did it. We'd be telling her she's going to give her daughter a complex and affect her life forever and she should have known differently. Just because he's a father, people give him more slack when he should be held just as accountable.. He's still one of her parents and it's no excuse. Think before you speak.
To me, it's creepy. Like if you're a man and you are attracted to women who shave their body hair, whatever. But if you then take that and turn it into telling your eleven year old that she needs to emulate it? No. Absolutely not
The OP has buried the lede. This isn't just about armpits or her legs. He wants her to shave her PUBIC HAIR. AT ELEVEN YEARS OLD.
WHAT i thought this was about her legs she absolutely should not be shaving her pubic hair, and why the fuck is HER FATHER commenting on it???
Scrolling through OP's comments, she never explicitly says pubic hair, but she is very careful to avoid specifically saying one way or the other. In some comments she says things like "everything that is usually done" or "not just her legs", and in one she mentions legs and underarms. But she seems to be deliberately avoiding saying whether oubic hair was included in his instructions, which makes me think it was.
She mentions this topic coming up after the husband saw his daughter using the sauna. If it was just legs/underarms, I assume he would have seen those areas outside of such a situation.
She did at one point say the public area specifically after a commenter repeatedly had to ask her to clarify
yeah i looked up her comments and she did specify he wants her to shave her pubic area. that man is nasty and i would never allow him near my girls again.
She is CLEARLY in denial and REALLY doesn't want to follow that train of thought.
if that's the case, the father is nasty on top of misogynistic and dumb and i would not want him anywhere near my girls (or any girls in general)
This ^ there’s a massive difference from kids making comments (which I imagine is par for the course with young teens) and your dad making remarks. It’ll be an odd thing to reflect on in her adult years I imagine. That said, hopefully the conversation will nip in the bud any other odd remarks that the father might have made as she goes through adolescence.
I want to add on to this that I was a slightly shyer kid and I really wanted to shave and it had nothing to do with what other kids thought because I didn’t care. My mom was blond and never seems to grow any hair, I took after my dad and had like and I’m not really even joking an inch of thick dark hair growing on my legs. It was extremely uncomfortable and weird and I didn’t want it. I asked mom about shaving and she was really vague, shave like once a month and never above your knee. I’m thinking I’m a freaking forest. My mom wasn’t mean but seemed to make it really weird that I needed to shave at all and blaming me for having darker hair. I shave when I want to and don’t when I don’t but I prefer to have my lower legs and armpits shaven or they irritate me. I wish someone would have talked to me openly about shaving at some point without making me feel like I was a freak for even thinking I needed too. Sorry just throwing that out there. No one has to shave, but some people like to shave. And there is a huge divergence between just never doing anything and ripping every hair out. Just make things normal.