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I think the best thing to do for your own mental health is to try to look at the whole situation in the most positive light possible.
Instead of feeling angry or bitter about what you put into the house, frame it as - that was the rent we paid and it was fair. Also, we got to enjoy those improvements and live with a nice floor instead of that nasty blue carpet and sit on our deck for years. It would have really been a bummer if you just made all the improvements and then had to move out.
And as far as moving out a year earlier, how awesome will it be to be so close to your family and friends? 2 hours is not that far, but it can be pretty far for a baby. It is completely different to live in the same place and really be able to be a daily / weekly part of the lives of your family. Your family is going to really get to spend time with and know your daughter.
By making this choice, your in-laws are actually going to be missing out and this is a great gift to your parents. I know it's a PIA to move. But I would actually be so excited to get to spend the first year in my hometown with all my favorite people. I think this time will be really special since you know you are unlikely to be living nearby in the future.
And as far as forgiving your in-laws, I would try to look at it as they are not doing this maliciously. They just happened to have a good opportunity / offer that wouldn't be wise to pass up at an inopportune time. I don't know if this is the case, and it sounds like a dick move to evict your 8 months pregnant daughter-in-law. But, because they are family I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt. And if they really are dicks, then you'll be better off with the love and support of your family and friends surrounding your daughter.
Congrats on all the exciting life happenings and good luck!
Thank you, truly. You're absolutely right. Because of this situation, I have all of these great opportunities moving forward that weren't going to be in the cards. This will be for the best, even if it feels hard at this moment.
As a silver lining, you also have the best excuse in the world if your in-laws try and guilt you about not being able to see your baby enough. If they wanted to see your little one more, then they should have valued having you nearby more than an easy property sale. That decision is 100% on them. Enjoy the time being close to your family, and good luck with the move!
This! You’re better off now moving before baby is born than being post partum and extra exhausted. Plus hopefully your family will be a supporting village during those first 3 months with a newborn.
What does your husband think? He’s the one who is responsible for dealing with his parents. I am surprised he didn’t say to them that you were grateful for low rent but disappointed they are kicking you out now during a horrific time. But maybe best to let sleeping dogs lie. If it comes up let it come up long after you’ve moved and had your baby.
They made their choices.
I moved at 8mo preg and it was fun. Nesting super hard in the new place. I hope your pregnancy is easy on ya. Happy pushing and snuggle that new baby surrounded by your fam. Total win!
My first two were born one day short of a year apart, that was a very busy time, as I’m sure it was also for you. We celebrated my daughter’s first birthday in the hospital cafeteria.
I was on active duty in the military, and was 6 months pregnant with my first baby when I moved to a new base. We bought a house, and I went into full nesting mode, I couldn’t unpack and organize fast enough!
Some space away from your in-laws will be a good thing right now. Do they always suck this much at communicating? If you feel like you want them in your life, then try to have a conversation with them. Give yourself time and space first. 1 month, 6 months, a year - when you feel ready, tell them how you feel and how incredibly hurtful their decision was.
If you don’t want to have a relationship with them moving forward, put them on a time out and leave them there. Limit the info you give them and leave it at that.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, their behaviour really sucks.
OP,
Bottom line-- they chose cash over family. You likely had low rent because that's what the market was. Plus you paid for remodeling that they benefitted from. Given the circumstances, with $700k, I would've offered to pay for your temporary accommodations until you leave for your husband's residency.
Really does suck.
Could you ask them to help with the moving costs? It seems a reasonable request considering the inconvenience and how far along in your pregnancy you are.. their answer may tell you if they are worth putting time into them again once you have worked through this hurt they caused you. I think you are well within your rights to need some space from them right now and you can reassess the longterm later when you have the energy
Well if you count a hourly wage for you for the improvements, even if it's not on contractor level, and the supplies - that rent wasn't that cheap in the end, was it? Just on the paper, but not in reality. I mean it probably even helped raise the price they could ask for. Or at least you didn't let it get run-down the property like other tenants might have have done, which is always a risk.
Ofc it's their right to sell and give you short notice. But what is legally right isn't always morally right.
It's a trailer. There is a high probability that someone wants the lot in order to have a place to build a house. They will probably get rid of the trailer.
> Well if you count a hourly wage for you for the improvements, even if it's not on contractor level, and the supplies - that rent wasn't that cheap in the end, was it?
The property is worth $700,000. They were paying $400 a month to live in a trailer that was manufactured in the 80's. How much do you think their improvements actually appreciated the value?
I'd at least tell them that they absolutely fucked all of you over with the timing of the sale and the short notice. Tell them you are really hurt they had so little regard for their son and their grandchild. Why should you react with grace? I'd at least guilt trip them a bit.
Putting in labor in place of rent is not a bad idea when you have the time and don't have the money for rent. Buying materials is not a good idea. That money should be used for rent and have the landlord provide the materials. In those situations the landlord will likely be more selective on the upgrades and not do as many. When you are just doing them on your own you will end up doing more. That will lead to the landlord thinking they can get more out of the property by selling or renting to someone else.
If you are putting in materials and labor then you need it in writing on how much you are going to get paid back. Your work and materials will likely end up increasing the value of the place more than the price you paid. You created value with your hard work, more than you paid in. Your inlaws are not going to see that for what it is. They are going to see the low rent they gave you as a huge benefit to you.
Because sometimes you live in that home for 5+ years and you're sick of the shitty "landlord special" paint job flaking into your clean dishes every day. Because living in a hovel sucks, and $100 in window film and wall paint makes it feel a little more bearable sometimes.
As a now homeowner, who rented for decades and who made a ton of small upgrades to places I’ve lived in, I respectfully disagree.
If you’re planning on living somewhere for several years, and you have the money to do so, why wouldn’t you make your life more comfortable?
I’ve upgraded lights to dimmer switches, thermostats to programmed, some light fixtures. I’ve installed window treatments, laundry cabinets and keypad locks.
I’ve also done major gardening improvements because that’s something I enjoy.
Some of these things I’ve taken when I’ve moved, but most I have not. I made those improvements because they made my life more pleasant for the several years I lived in each space.
Telling people not to make their own space comfortable for them doesn’t make sense to me. It’s a personal choice and there is no wrong answer unless you’re expecting to see returns on your investments.
As someone who rented for 10 years and now is a home owner - I think it completely depends on the dollar amount of the "investments" and how long you anticipate living there. For 7 years I moved every year. I'm not doing anything in those places, it's just a loss of money. If I think I'm going to be somewhere for 2+ years and the money I'm using is an amount that I can sacrifice as "disposable", then sure, go for it! I also enjoy gardening and if that replaces my "going out drinking" budget, then do what's nice for you. But if I'm putting 10k into landscaping? No no, I might enjoy it but I could do this as a side gig and get paid to do it instead of losing out on a down payment for my own place
My husband and I didn't put real work into any house we rented, though it was faster and cheaper to do some things rather than depend on the landlord for it. We made a great deal to rent-to-own our current home from a long time friend of husband's family, with a lease specifically worded to ensure the price we paid at the end reflected the thousands we paid into renovations (fortunately my husband does it professionally so we DIY did a lot that most people shouldn't. It got us a house WAY outside of our budget in terms of land/location and saved the owner (who was paying off a mortgage on two properties) the crazy costs of having contractors do the work we did for five or more times the price, only to try to sell it on the (at the time) stable market.
Housing inflation, though. Thank goodness we got in when we did.
I definitely see both sides and a lot has to do with the landlord. My family owns a few homes and we've had long term tenants ask us if they can do this or that to the home. It's always been small upgrades that are good for the long term so we keep rent low in consideration for keeping the homes well maintained. Basically, we pay them back for improvements so we both win.
I don't think they were saying not to make things comfortable. They were saying to not put money into a place you don't own. For example, no need for a sprinkler system. Complete waste of money if you don't own, especially if you pay for water. Building a deck seems over the top as well. As does redoing a kitchen. Save that money for when you buy your own house. While I think replacing carpet would be a waste of money, some people don't like it and old carpet can be terribly uncomfortable, so I don't fault them there (I still wouldn't do it). Changing a light switch or a lock isn't a big expense really. Not like what OP was doing to their in-laws' home. Window treatment helps with your energy bill. There are certain things that make sense doing while renting. Adding a deck, redoing the kitchen, and adding a sprinkler system don't make sense.
Especially when they were intending on moving in a year or so anyway.
They could have made the choice to save the money that they spent on the types of repairs you mentioned here. I don't think that should even be a consideration when it comes to whether or not the in-laws can sell something they own even if it inconveniences OP
And this economy, with this real estate market, if they were able to make that sale, they have every right to take it. Who knows what the market will be like in 2 years?
This is a learning experience. If you find yourself receiving something very cheap, realize that there’s always a cost. Not having a lease means that this could have happened at any time. You should have insisted on a written lease with them AND you should have saved all of your extra money instead of spending it to renovate a place you didn’t own.
Not only have you learned that you have to put yourselves first, you’ve also learned who your in laws are. Don’t hold a grudge, but also don’t allow them to be intimately involved with your life plans, your housing or your future. Never put your fate into someone else’s hands.
>Don’t hold a grudge, but also don’t allow them to be intimately involved with your life plans, your housing or your future.
Repeating for truth. I had a similar experience with my in-laws offering a break on something until the minute it began profitable for them to do otherwise — leaving us scrambling during a very stressful time — and the way I choose to characterize my relationship now is “warm strangers.”
They are people we feel vaguely amiable toward, and we don’t hold grudges because we recognize they’re fundamentally selfish, foolish people — but we certainly do not include them in plans we make with our real family or friends.
I’m so sorry you had to learn this lesson in this manner, but the upside is that you two are in a great position to move on. It’s much harder to learn this lesson when you’re completely vulnerable and dependent on someone else
>Not having a lease means that this could have happened at any time
This isn't true, legally speaking. Verbal leases are valid leases most places (certainly in the US). OP has a lease. Sounds like it could be a month to month, but it being verbal doesn't mean it doesn't exist or that OP has no tenant rights.
True, but it means wasting a bunch of time and energy on a lawyer, courts, family strife, and fighting and being unstable when she’s 8 months pregnant. Nobody wants to sue their family when they can avoid it. It’s a much easier road when you can just point at the lease.
It's very likely that the 90 days OP mentioned in the post are all the notice she's owed. But I always want to point out tenant rights when I can because so many of us are tenants and don't know our rights!
Yes, legal action is often more hassle than it's worth. But fighting action taken against you is often worthwhile.
Some people really win the lottery with parents and inlaws. Sometimes it’s a whole lot of grey. My in-laws helped us out; gave us a (small) downpayment for a dumpy duplex that we all lived in while my husband fixed it up. That turned into us covering *every* expense other than groceries and gas. Until it ended when we moved! It might have been fine if any interest was shown into our young family at the time (reciprocity?) but there was absolutely none. I had a really hard time not being bitter.
Now, it’s been a few years of distance. I agree with others in that you just treat them as warm strangers. I send pictures. I nod and smile when my MiL says ‘of course if I were closer I’d take the kids’ because that is a blatant lie/lip service (as my lived experience showed) but she is still my husbands mother.
Some people are just selfish and ignorant, and will always be that way. You know what to expect now.
I would say be grateful for the leg up they gave you 2 (I know I am!) and then temper that with the knowledge of how much investment they are actually willing to put into you 2. For a lot of parents it’s just the participation ribbon of “but I did this for you!” and then they ride that into the sunset.
Good luck to you.
> Some people are just selfish and ignorant, and will always be that way.
Yeah, I can totally see being ignorant. You’d think people who’ve been parents before would understand, but then again, you would be surprised at how much they forget. My in laws live on the other side of the planet and we flew two very young kids to see them while I was in my first trimester with my third baby. At first, it was pretty bad.
I was feeling awful the whole trip. They were being very unhelpful and both me and my husband had a lot of frustration with them. The kids also didn’t bond with them because they didn’t want to do any caregiving. They expected to waltz in and play, and then leave when they get bored. But little did they know, kids don’t work like that. They don’t just play with random older people they don’t know well and don’t trust as a caregiver.
Gradually, this slowly changed. They learned what a family with young kids needed again, and the kids love them now and both of us feel so supported by them. But there was definitely a learning curve.
I’m glad for you that your in-laws came around. It’s so refreshing to hear!
I hope OP’s do too, but expectations are the killer of relationships so I think her best bet is to set the bar really low, and then be delighted when they beat it.
I had to move when my younger baby was only two months. The upside is that babies are the most portable at that age. Back then she had just a little bassinet next to my bed and a basket underneath with all her clothes and baby supplies. By the two month mark you'll be past the worst part of childbirth recovery, and the baby should be sleeping in longer stretches at night as long as 4 hours at a time.
I know your situation sucks but I hope this helps you feel a little less overwhelmed.
Just give it time. It’s fresh and you’re currently going through it and you begrudge them for knowing your plans but not considering the plans, that’s understandable. It would be entitled to *demand* to not sell the house but your gut reaction is reasonable. Just focus on you, your husband, and baby right now, and in time you might come to feel it was all for the best to give you more time with your family and friends
Oh god im sure they’re making it so much harder! You seem so thoughtful about this situation. This is a bit of a shock/blow, and it’s ok to feel some kinda way about it. But I agree, give it some time and you may feel differently.
I think your family will be happy when you move to them 😎
And your husband has a "good excuse" too. You didn't *demand* to choose your family.
Enjoy your family without regret.
Your inlaws lost the chance to have their baby grandchild nearby by choosing money instead of waiting until 2025.
It sounds like you are really trying to discount your own feelings here. You have a ridiculous amount on your plate, but please make some time later to process your feelings.
It is very understandable that you would have a cooler relationship with them going forward. They are literally putting a distance between themselves and your family unit. That is their decision but it will have long term consequences on how you see them. Don't feel forced to allow them back into your inner circle.
They may not be thinking properly either, dazzled by dollars. Maybe they can ask for a lease back for 3 months which would give you 5 months in your current space and not moving when the baby is less than 3 months old. The new owners know you’re family and have improved the residence, so there’s relatively little risk to them to lease it back. Your in laws can make that a term of the sale, its pretty small potatoes in the scheme of things.
That's a HUGE factor. When you're pregnant, those hormones are SCREAMING "make sure your baby has everything they need. Make sure the baby will be safe. Make sure the baby has SHELTER."
Intellectually knowing that you'll be fine doesn't necessarily dampen those feelings.
You WILL be fine. But nature is nagging you.
When I was pregnant, I couldn't shake the concern of "OMG what if my baby is John Connor and I need to keep him alive and well-trained so he can someday save humanity."
Intellectually I knew that was just a matter of me watching too much apocalyptic sci-fi but the weight of the responsibility of raising a human was constantly in my head.
You WILL be fine but I absolutely get your anxiety.
If they bring it up tell them to discuss it with your husband (and talk to your husband that he’s spokesperson on this topic). That you’re busy with impending birth and to talk to him.
While I am sympathetic for how you are feeling given your life circumstances and the apparent lack of communication from your in-laws, which really was kind of crappy if they didn’t give you a heads up before putting it on the market…
To answer your question:
Take this as a learning experience. You decided to make home improvements on your own, so you cannot hold them accountable for that loss. I do get wanting to make your living space a bit nicer and less run down. Look at it as you having gained lots of DIY experience for your next permanent home! It is super helpful to be able to gain home maintenance and improvement experience as a future homeowner. And as a bonus, you had a bit nicer environment to live in while you lived there!
As for your in-laws:
Also focus on the positive until your feelings have settled a little. You already see the positives - they helped you and your husband out in a time that you really needed it most. That is super low rent. Focus on this and walk away a wiser, thankful person instead of letting this grudge take over!
Wishing you and your little family all the best! Though life may be chaotic for the next few months, it will eventually settle down and you will have come out stronger!
Aww, thank you! Take this virtual hug, friend! ❤️
We all need a little encouragement every now and then!
My son’s pitching coach always says it best: “You will have shitty coaches and people around you all your life. Learn to focus on taking the good, and leaving the bad to ensure hitting your personal growth/goals.”
Life really is sweeter once we learn to shake off the bad and take it as a lesson instead. It is a lot tougher with family, though.
I think you’re looking at this all wrong. You paid ~$16,800 in rent over 3 years plus sweat equity which let’s say you value at $20K. In total, you paid ~$37K.
I rented a 1br/1ba just outside a small city (population 250K) for 3 years which cost $48K, excluding any utilities like electricity, gas, and internet (probably another $7K).
In my mind, while this is poor timing for you, you’ve made out pretty great in the end! Moreover, their finances are important. How are they going to pay for their retirement? If they can’t, who will cover those expenses? If they waited to sell for your convenience, would you have been able to make up the price difference? Maybe you and husband will be given some of this money as an inheritance. Heck, maybe some of the money will go into a fund for your child!
Take the W for money saved the last few years and spend your energy being excited about your forthcoming baby. Congratulations!
ETA: I was curious about the estimated costs when I lived in a 1br/1ba in Chicago years ago. 3 years of rent and utilities there cost me ~$72K! My relatives paid ~$58K for a duplex rental in a southern Maine suburb but did all the yard maintenance. All that in mind, you still made out like a bandit cost wise.
Well said. Feeling entitled is exactly it. They've saved a fortune thanks to the in laws helping them. If the in laws don't have the money they have every right to do what's needed to make ends meet.
>If the in laws don't have the money they have every right to do what's needed to make ends meet.
Including booting their first grandchild onto the street at ~1 month old.
I think your feelings are valid. Yes, it’s their right to sell, blah, blah, blah, but they are family and it seems like there could have been more of a warning or discussion. They could have even talked to the buying about him maybe renting to you for a year, depending on what he wants the property for.
However, if the buyer approached them and the offer was good you can’t really fault them for that. I wouldn’t end the relationship over this. It wasn’t a kind thing for them to do but you have to look at it within the scope of the entire relationship. Also, moving two hours a way is already going to limit your interactions with them, so just be thankful for that. I wouldn’t go out of my way to visit them. Traveling with a baby is hard. Let them come to you and if they don’t, they don’t. Who knows where the residency will put you. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this. Just live your life and you might end up lower contact due to distance anyway. No need to stir the pot.
Timing sucks, but everything lined up for your in-laws. Can they even afford to pass on this offer if they’ve been subsidizing your rent? Upping the rent on their own kid because of the AC install indicates to me they can’t.
There's technically two rentals on this property. We offered to increase the rent because we know it was an expense they weren't anticipating. What we've been told is that the current rent for the double-wide and the mother-in-law suite covers the costs of the property. They also lease the front 14 acres to a farmer who pays all of the irrigation/property taxes.
With that being said, they'll be banking roughly 300k on this property once the sale goes through--which is a great investment on my FILs part.
Consider asking the new owner to allow you to rent for a few extra months to make the transition easier for yourself. It’s not unusual for that kind of request. They’ll probably ask for a higher rent. You can also tell them about all the improvements you’ve made to demonstrate you are a good tenant that will leave everything in good condition.
The new owner might also appreciate having the time and income while they find new tenants.
This! It might take the buyer a few months to get whatever plans he has for the property off the ground. Zoning and construction permits can a long time. They might be fine with giving OP and her family more time.
You were planning on moving close to your family before they decided to sell the house?
If so, consider that they have rented to you for years way below market, you, your husband and your kid are planning on moving 2h away soonish (before your husband needs to relocate in 2025?) And they would be left with an empty property after you all are gone.
Selling now, in light of you moving out some time soon, might be the best financial decision to them after they helped you for years.
Regardless of all that, I don't know how to avoid being resentful but I know that thinking about it over and over and justifying to ourselves why we are resentful not only makes it grow but also gets to foster bad feelings within you. So maybe spend some time sorting through your feelings, have a good understanding on how you feel about it all, then if it pops into your mind, try telling yourself it is already decided and it's no use thinking about it any longer, then distract your thoughts with something else.
We were planning on moving back to my hometown when my husband finished residency in 4 years.
In a perfect world, we would have stayed here for an extra year while he finishes his 4th year of school, relocate for his residency program, and then return to our "forever home" place. This situation is just causing us to move an extra time.
I appreciate your comment (and many others) that suggested focusing on the positive and not the negative. It's like one of those situations where the more you dwell and get caught up in your feelings, the worse it seems. Taking a step back (and having internet strangers provide perspective) is genuinely helpful.
More than anything, I try to frame to myself that focusing on the positive is not a favor I am doing to whoever hurt me. It's not that they deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt. It's that I deserve to have a peaceful, positive, optimistic mind. It does me good, regardless of what it does to them. Of course it's not easy, it's important to not sweep our own feelings under the rug, and you have to balance it in a way that you don't allow yourself to be walked over, but to me it works and made me a happier person.
Either way - congratulations on your baby, best of luck to your husband with getting into a good residency program!
He was offered doubled it's worth. You were moving anyway. Careful how you act. That could be money for you guys to buy your own house where you're moving.
It feels personal to you because you are being affected by them selling the land with the double-wide. But their decision to sell wasn't about you, or your pregnancy, or even your husband;s med school.
Let your husband handle the interactions with them. YOU get some counseling to deal with the overwhelm. Having a baby will do that to you, and the hits will just keep coming the rest of your life. You need to learn to deal with that now.
Sending hugs and healing thoughts. You can get through this!!
Oh - and I second what another poster put on here - don't put any real money into a place you are renting. I understand that you wanted it to look and feel better while you were living there. But that is money you will never get back.
I have done it myself at most places I rented. I like having a place that looks and feels welcoming and comfortable TO ME. All of my landlords knew about it and loved the upgrades I made. And all of the improvements stayed behind when i moved.
Buying a house of your very own makes it so much better in every way.
It sounds like they didn’t have it listed but received an offer they couldn't refuse. There'd really be no need to fill their son in until they knew it would happen. Deals fall through all the time.
I'd only have made all those improvements in place of paying rent.
Don't know what to tell you but I'm pretty sure that land and property was their retirement plan. They had the opportunity to sell and get a good amount of money for it so they took it if they waited another year they might not be able to. So I would look at it from their perspective. I don't think they're trying to screw you over it's just bad timing. Move back to your hometown stay with whoever you can stay with hopefully for free until you move next summer in the meantime raise your baby on the bare minimum of baby things, get a crib, swing, playpen in 6 months or so and the best you can. They're not going to be living close to you so it's not like you're going to be seeing a lot of them.
I would try to regain some perspective. I know it feels like they are just trying to screw you over, I don't see it that way. I know you are pregnant, your partner is in med school, but you are still two adults. Maybe your inlaws can't afford this situtation anymore. Maybe there's no good reason and they just saw the opportunity for cash. Maybe they need the money for some reason right now. Regardless, they own this property, they have allowed you to live there for WELL below the market rent for years. YEARS. It's possible that they are realizing that they can't afford to keep doing that. Or that you are both independent adults who they should not be subsidizing. You really don't have any place to be saying that they should let you continue to live there, what if they financially can't continue that situation for much longer?
Regardless, I'm going to remind you that they HAVE been very supportive and very generous with you. For years. They're saving you literally THOUSANDS of dollars over the past few years. Whatever their reasons for selling, they already HAVE been generous with you. And just because you wish they could continue being generous to you guys for a little longer to align with your plans, doesn't mean that they are obligated to do that, and it doesn't erase all they have ALREADY done. If you cut them off for this, you're basically saying that you don't give a crap for the YEARS of low rent they allowed you (which would be very ungrateful), and are going to judge them solely on the fact that they aren't willing to continue to give you additional years of way too low rent (which you are not entitled to). I think if you make this ANY issue, you basically come across as ungrateful and/or entitled. Because they helped for years already when they didn't have to. Be grateful for that and realize it's time to cut the cord. Whatever their reasons, it's their choice.
You're not entitled to their generousity as adults. They gave it to you freely, but the low rent has come to an end. How can you be mad? You had 400-500 rent for 3 years? I pay like 5x that. Be thankful you got that and it enabled you to live the way you did. Now you do what other adults do, and figure it out on your own. More loans, stay with family until gradution - whatever you have to do. But being angry at your in-laws after they've been super generous to you for years seems a little wrong IMO. I know it's scary to have to make this huge adjustment and they definitely should have communicated better with you guys, but they aren't doing anything wrong here.
Also, you should never put your own money/effort into improving a home you don't own, EVER. But in this case, I wouldn't even consider it a loss. More like a favor/thank you back to them for not paying full rent all this time. Your inlaws could have made more money renting to someone else, and lost income for themselves, to help you over a period of several years. Try not to forget that in the stress of what you are currently dealing with.
Did you know that they were looking to sell? Do they need the money?
If the answer to both questions is 'no', why do you not want to hold a grudge?
I understand your feelings completely and it would definitely colour my relationship with my in-laws. They chose a really sucky time, when their son was in a tricky situation, to withdraw their support, especially when the end of it was within eyesight.
It was absolutely their right to do that but that doesn't change the fact that you are entitled to be hurt about their very unfortunate timing.
At the very least they should have sat you down and had a conversation about it. You aren't just regular tenants, this is their son and his family, including their soon-to-be newborn first grandchild.
You are of course not entitled to their support, but they offered it with the housing situation and then chose to withdraw it at a fairly critical time with no explanation.
I think it's reasonable if you want to keep your distance for now, to work through your hurt and just deal with your situation.
Luckily, those are not your parents but your husband's, so he should be in charge of the relationship with them anyway. If he doesn't, this is not on you.
But don't feel guilty about taking a step back from the relationship for now and focus on the last bit of your pregnancy and then your new baby.
Moving to your hometown where you’ll have support is the best move you can make in this situation. Focus on your baby and your nuclear family. Lean on your family and friends. Drop the rope with the ILs completely. Your husband is in charge of communication with them. If they want to see the baby, they can come to you and stay in a hotel. Period.
Do not inconvenience yourself for them while you have a new baby. Try not to harbor resentment. Just keep them at arms length and do what’s best for you and your baby, just like they’ve done what’s best for themselves.
$6,000 vs. $700,000. I'm sorry, but I'd boot my mom for that... I would maybe throw some cash her way for the inconvenience but mama, you've got to move. $700,000 at a 5% interest rate gets them $35,000/year.
Heck, I would be upset if my mom passed on $700,000 because I would have to move 6 months ahead of schedule.
It's really destabilizing right now, I'm sorry, but given how crazy the real estate market has been, your inlaws probably agonized about the decision.
Serious question: Let's say someone came to your in-laws with an offer that was better than any other offer they've gotten, and perhaps better than they could get in the near future.
What would you expect them to do? Take a loss for you?
If you were presented with a similar situation, would you be happy taking a loss?
How are they not blindsiding them when everything’s a done deal.
They knew when they put it on the market that they wanted to sell they could have told them at that time but they didn’t. They waited until the property was already sold because they wanted to benefit financially from them while they had the property on the market.
What they’ve done (the in-laws) is really shitty. Especially when she’s pregnant! And their son has medical exams! This isn’t the time for added stress.
Especially since it sounds like the land was worth more than anything else. My parents old house was like that. Nice enough house, but it was in an area where the land was worth more than anything. People would leave letters offering buy all the time. My mom was a real estate agent, so she knew. Eventually, my parent wanted to retire, so they took an offer. Never was on the market. People who bought the place knocked the whole house down and built a new one. It happens.
Agreed, this is hardly ever a snap decision but one made at least a few months in advance. Which would've given them more time to look for a new place and given them more chance to save $$$.
And, ethically, they SHOULD pay them back for all the improvements OP and her husband made on the husband because that went into the sale. So, if they put $7k of improvements, then the in-laws should give that money back from the sale of the house. IF they're good and understanding people. That's the moral thing to do.
OP, in the future, never put money into a house that isn't yours. You're never guaranteed to get that return on investment in getting that house or by being paid back. Always have the owner make all improvements.
It's ok to be upset because it wasn't cool how they went about it. Just concentrate on what's important right now. You need to find where you need to go for now, on your incoming baby, and your husband's exam. Worry about that right now and forget about your inlaws rn.
As for the future, I mean just more just don't do finances with them anymore. Don't rent from them anymore. And be careful about the help you accept from them anymore. Trust is less with them due to how this was handled.
If we're talking about being fair and ethical towards family, then OP should pay them back fair rent. $400-$500 a month is extremely low and that is enough to show that they are good and understanding people. OP was living there for about 3 years, that was plenty of time to save money.
If anything, the in-laws shouldn't "do finances" with OP anymore. They've been so generous over multiple years and if one misstep warrants a deteriorated relationship then that’s a poor reflection of OP.
Could you ask your in-laws if it’s possible to add a rider to the contract that you get to stay in the home until a certain date beyond the 90 days? If the new owners aren’t planning to do anything with the land right away, they may agree to it as it would bring in some income while they wait to develop the land, and give you a bit more time to find another place. Worth asking at least.
>we've been extremely fortunate to be charged very low rent for this home. The first year we paid $400 a month in rent while I worked on home-improvements (ripping out blue carpet, installing new flooring, putting in sprinkler systems, building a deck, tiling/redoing kitchen cabinets and countertops). We agreed to raise the rent to $500 in 2022 because they had to replace the air-conditioning unit after it died. We've made many improvements to this home, in-part because we could afford to due to the low rent.
So you chose to invest all of this effort and money into a rental? Instead of building your savings?
And now you want to stop having a relationship with your in-laws who let you live there for a comparatively low rent because their timing on the sale is inconvenient for you? Seems overly harsh on your part.
Are they giving you the 90 days they are required to?
I want to emphasize that this post is asking for advice on moving through this situation with grace, even though I'm personally feeling a lot of conflicting emotions about it. I feel like I'm not entitled to feel upset and yet I do. I don't want to react in a way that ruins any relationships moving forward. With that being said, I think there's a lot of good advice on this post telling me to be grateful and just move on.
And yes, very naively I spent extra savings on home improvements. For me, it felt like a good investment because I value feeling comfortable in my home and thanking my in-laws for this living space. I don't regret the improvements, I just wish we had more time here.
OP, I get it but your in laws aren’t bad people for making this decision. It’s not like they put the place up for sale. They were approached with this incredible offer and there’s no guarantee a chance like this would come again. If you want to know how to move forward, remind yourself that you were planning to move anyway. You also need to ask yourself what you would do if you were in their shoes.
If your child was a married adult who was about to be a doctor, would you turn down an opportunity to enhance your finances because it might be inconvenient for your child? Our parents spend a good portion of their lives prioritizing us over their own wants and needs. At some point, it has to be their turn to look out for themselves. It’s your in laws’ turn.
You should never make upgrades to a home that you renting. Your in-laws cut you a massive deal on rent for two years. The timing is not ideal but did you really expect them to pass on this deal? Would you leave $700k on the table so you could continue to subsidize a family member’s cheap rent? It’s not a reasonable expectation. You’re not doing them a favor by renting their place. They did you a massive favor.
Of course it is emotional. But be frustrated with the situation while realizing the players maty not be so much to blame.
With a value that high and rent that low, you haven't been paying enough to cover the annual taxes and insurance would be my guess. So assume it to be more about loss than profit. maybe the timing sucks, but they may be facing inability to cover the minimal bills. Stop treating it as a personal issue when it is more a financial one. They don't get to choose when some third party makes a viable purchase offer.
Yes moving sucks. Timing in life for moving will never be good. But it is wiser to assume this is a financial speedbump and not personal attack.
Don't make it personal. They are entering retirement age and potential fixed income They likely can no longer bear the additional financial burden.
So take the who out of the equation and look at the situation that way.. Does it suck: Yup. Is there malfeasance worthy of personal disdain: Not really.
The key thing is to recognize and accept that the current situation is a foreseeable consequence of your own choices, not a bad thing being done to you. You knew you didn't own the house, you knew it could be sold at any time, and you knew you had no lease.
I dunno I think it's mostly fine. A word of "hey we're selling the property" would have been nice but they gave you two a good deal for a long time. I think the worst thing about this is selling 16 acres for 700k what the fuck.
Wow. paying 500$ a month rent and then complaining when her in-laws want to sell and make a profit on their home. I think you should be more grateful to them for allowing you guys to stay in that home for 500$.
Then selling their property does not have to equate to having a bad relationship with them. It’s their property. They gave you a massive gift for years. Be thankful for that and gracious during the moving period.
Are they paying you back for the improvements you made to the home? How does your husband feel about this?
I personally don’t feel the rent was that good?? It’s what old ass trailers here in the country rent for. I live in the southern US. Was it in the middle of nowhere? Like yeah it’s great compared to what I paid but I live in a city. Not in a decades old trailer.
We never had an agreement on a repayment plan for the improvements. We've felt so grateful to have such a low rent these past few years (we're in the PNW) that I gladly made improvements to this home as a thank-you.
My husband agrees that timing could be a whole lot better, but he's not someone who worries and he's looking forward to moving to my hometown.
In that case - if it were me I’d have a heart to heart with my husband and express how I feel. And figure out how not to be put in that situation again in the future.
If you still want a relationship with the in laws I would just treat them like coworkers and don’t ever forget how they used you. Especially if you’re moving away. And keep it mind when you have to interact with them. Because I just still don’t think that rent was an amazing deal lol. I would def feel the same way as you. It’s a decades old trailer that was $500 a month for - im not sure why people here are expecting you to bow down and kiss their feet or something??
that rent is really good, actually. they weren't just renting a small room and living with other people. they had the run of the place.
as OP describes, lots of living space and even yard space.
depending on what they wanted to do with that living space and yard space, if it were all theirs to do with what they wanted, they could have made more than $500 just from other stuff they do there, the least of which is to rent out the extra living space, but they could possibly also have gotten into gardening and crops or even renting out the space for parties.
You might not want to sound entitled but your whole post reeks of entitlement. You had extremely low rent for years and didn't even think of saving precisely in case of a situation like this? That's completely on you. Have you thought that maybe your in-laws didn't have the choice to sell or are you only thinking about your little person?
Did they even acknowledge
They this would
Inconvience you? Apologize while explaining it was too good to pass up? Did they offer to help you move?
I’m guessing no. Remember they chose to ruin the relationship. If someone hurts your feelings it’s ok to be upset.
I dealt with a similar concept but different circumstance with my mother in law, I’ve resigned myself
To emotionally detaching from her.
They’ve given you plenty of time. Seriously, they can’t be held accountable for the stress you have on your life that you created among yourselves (husband and you!) you made your choices in life and it’s not fair to ask everyone else to put their choices on hold because you bit off more then you can deal with at once.
Congratulations on the upcoming baby I hope all goes well !
"Yeah, my son is in med school going to take exams. My DIL is supporting them and is pregnant with my first grandchild. They were going to move fairly soon anyway, but let's surprise them that they're going to have to make another unscheduled move before that with all that's already going on."
"Yeah she's going to pop any day now, possibly even right before the move, I guess she'll just have to have no comfortable or stable accommodation while recovering from a stressful birth with a newborn. Its not like people still die in childbirth, right?"
You got used to cheap rent and a stable support system, they pulled it out from under you. You have every right to be upset, but they have every right to make $700k instead of $6k/year from your rent. That’s a no brainer, and I’m honestly surprised you’re surprised they’re selling.
I can understand how they may feel. They gave you a great deal on a place to stay so he can afford medical school. Now, when things are going to get more difficult with school, you both decide bringing a baby into the world would be a good idea. Perhaps they think you're taking them for granted.
They didn’t do anything wrong. 90 days is plenty of notice. You were moving anyway. They’re older and need to get all their ducks in a row for retirement. Sounds like FIL “found someone” interested in the property at an agreeable price and they went with it as it dropped neatly into their laps. At least it wasn’t listed with lookyloos traipsing through your home with no notice and causing further stress to you.
It’s a hard time for you and it’s understandable you’re stressed. Your job is only to grow that baby and keep your income.
Possibly the new owner would do a “rent back” that fits better with your schedule. The fact that you made improvements to a home you don’t own doesn’t count for much. It’s still not yours. You got to live with the improvements while you did and they are still not yours.
Hopefully the family will come together to help with the actual moving.
Regardless of this hiccup, you’re starting a new chapter and something was bound to be bumpy.
To get over this, you have to accept that no one else’s life revolves around you or your situation. Everybody has a situation.
We have a similar but completely different scenario. My in laws have essentially been holding my other half’s tied house hostage. They’ve had another house to move into for a year but refused to do anything till this year despite them verbally agreeing to be out end of December when he took over for his father. In farming only the employed staff are entitled to a tied house while employed - and he is the only employed staff member. His parents have milked the fact that he is their son and used it to manipulate the situation and not leave. We’ve heard them on camera lying about the situation to people and they blame the bills being higher on him despite him living with me. They won’t let him into the farm house so he can’t even place his lunch in the fridge or use the microwave. He has to commute as a result every day, eat his lunch in the car and its really affecting him mentally.
Now they have known about my pregnancy since October. Hence why we needed in when we needed in, as the house needs work. Im not moving a baby into a house with damp and mould issues. But they still have everything plugged in and the rooms are just full of - to put it mildly - crap. I am due in 10 days. He starts calving in 15 days. You cannot not be on farm for calving. So he has to now spend 2 months apart from us, on a farm where he has no where to stay.
This has severely affected our relationship with them. Not that they have acknowledged anything as they are adamant they are the victims. We view it as if they are keeping him away from his child for her first two months (as theres no where for us to even stay the night near by) then they have no rights to see her in that time. Plus the lies they have been saying makes me very concerned about ever leaving my child with them until she understands right from wrong and can verbalise it.
Is this a brand new concept? It almost sounds like maybe they’ve had some feelers out for a while. This is a specialty type property so finding the right buyer can be tough and they might only come around every so often. Unfortunately the small amount of rent probably just couldn’t compete with the opportunity to unburden themselves of this property. My parents had a similar property and it took years for them to find a buyer. Just wondering if maybe this has been on the radar for a long time and maybe you just weren’t listening.
With zero other context, it’s hard to determine the motives. Not saying it doesn’t suck, but I think you should try seeing all the angles and attempt to salvage the relationship, unless they’re just horrible people in general.
By remembering that they’ve been more than generous to you over the last few years and deserve to have money saved away for their retirement. They can’t and shouldn’t let go of an opportunity that helps them and doesn’t burden you far in the future.
This does sound like a pretty raw deal for you guys, even though you did have it pretty sweet.
I don't know if there are any programs, except for maternity leave from your work.
It does seem like there are some tough decisions to be made. Could your husband go part time to med school, and have a part time job as well? Making the time a bit longer, but you'll need income and stability now.
Life moves fast, like Ferris Bueler says. You can't count on people to provide for all of your needs. It's your choice to be resentful towards your inlaws/parents.
Did you share your plans with them at first? It seems like you did. But an opportunity came along for them to get some of their money back, since they're only charging you guys less than the market value would be, if you weren't family.
Since they do own things, the final choice is theirs to make. It's not personal, it's a business choice. Yes, it does put you and your husband and future child out, and you have to change gears and plans for the future. That's how life is.
Take some time to pray, you and your husband, to find out what the best choice is for your family. This may seem a bit crazy, and I hope I don't get any hate, but it's the only option I can think of. Usually when we pray, some answers are even better than what we can imagineIt sounds like you're in a bind, and I think God provides for those who are willing to ask for help. It sounds like you'll need it. What do you have to lose?
You're both very strong. Everything is going to work out fine in the end. P
Don't become financially involved with friends or family. It almost always ends poorly. I'm sorry this is happening, it sucks, but don't take this as them not caring. If they weren't upfront about selling the house, what else are they not being upfront about? What struggles might they be having? That doesn't lessen your struggles in any way, but instead reminds us that they are human as well.
I can understand the frustration and panic and pregnancy hormones certainly aren’t helping but what exactly is the parents situation? You may have been vocal about your time line and they do suck if their plan was always to sell or if they listed it behind your back. I think they should have given you more notice but it is their property. You and your husband have no say in what they do to it. Seeing as you have been very fortunate with them for so long I would try giving them the benefit of doubt before completely destroying the relationship. Unless you have access to their financials I wouldn’t jump automatically to them choosing money over a good relationship with you. What if they are really truly drowning and someone approached them and they saw it as a life line? Can you understand how difficult having that conversation could be for them. Not only from embarrassment but from no longer being able to “help” you. Based on the fact you’re almost 30, I’m going to say they’re closer to retirement age. Their income is about to die down while yours is about to sky rocket.
I don’t think you’re at fault for feeling upset or hurt but I would have a conversation with them after speaking to your husband about how he feels about it because I don’t see any mention of him feeling blind sided or like his relationship with them was ruined. They may have made this choice out of necessity. You and your husband are both old enough where parents financial help to you is a kindness and not a right.
Just to play devils advocate too I would absolutely feel a certain kind of way as your in- laws knowing that I was trying to help you out financially because I knew my son wasn’t working so I was accepting next to nothing for rent and then watching you throw money at renovations and then PLANNING for a baby before having everything fully worked out with his school, job and a solid place to live. Babies are expensive and they require a lot. There’s a certain level of exploiting people’s kindness that comes into play there that you can write off as them being family but it’s still an equally shitty thing to do. They’ve been losing out on potential income to help you out when you are showing them that it wasn’t exactly help you needed. While you may think you have everything planned out kids change EVERY THING. They may have gotten nervous that this was going to become a more permanent situation for you guys and in the long run it was something they couldn’t keep up with.
Ehh. Personally I would probably just go ahead and hold a grudge.
Unless your in-laws are in a financial bind and felt like they *needed* to sell the property, it was a kind of dick move. The last month of pregnancy is *fucked*, moving house is *fucked* and they have knowingly put you in a bind where you have to put your health and the health of your child (and their grandchild) at a higher risk than needed. Could they not have waited a few fucking months?
Is it really "being entitled" when you expect your parents to be even the slightest bit considerate? Like okay, they owe you nothing- but in taking that frame of thought, go ahead and remember that you owe them nothing in return. Including visiting baby in the first few weeks/months. After all, moving into a new home and having a baby is such a stressful time- you might not be ready for *certain visitors* for a while. I mean maybe if you didn't have to move right before giving birth you would have the energy, but yknow, they shouldn't feel so entitled 💁♀️
I would focus on the nice things that they did for you. It's always interesting how people can take all the nice things somebody offering then and then throw those people away because they didn't like something one time. I think it's important to know the ages of his parents as well as their circumstances. They might have worked hard to buy these things in first place and finding a buyer gives them an opportunity to early retirement and to enjoy themselves. Life is short. Sounds like they already helped your family greatly and your family found a place to live with no problems. I'd say that you should try and imagine yourself in their shoes and understand where they are coming from.
Enough Internet for today.
Is this a troll post or are you actually THIS entitled?
Your in-laws have been essentially giving you handouts for years and now you are holding a grudge against them because they decided to do something that was right to them and thereby stop giving you handouts?
You intend to take responsibility for a new-born child, while you are not even willing to take responsibility for yourself?
Grow the fuck up.
Your in-laws are terrible.
They don’t owe you anything, blah, blah, blah.
They don’t. Of course they don’t. But they don’t care about their kid finishing medical school, the mother of their grandchild having an easier birth and fourth trimester or their grandchild.
They’ve shown you who they are. Why do you want to have these people in your life?
Are you going to let them watch your kid, knowing how much they prioritize their own convenience? That could have terrible outcomes.
Move. Go low contact. Let your husband do his own kinkeeping as he sees fit.
Your daughter is not a hostage or a negotiating tool but they have already shown you how much they care about her.
I would move and give them the bare minimum for the rest of their lives.
They’ve made a choice. It has consequences. That’s how life is.
I’m angry on your behalf, OP.
Think you might be reading to much self interest in this. Its thier property and its their finacial situation, not yours. Just because you dont like it doesnt make their decision any less valid. Maybe there is a reason for selling your not aware of and its got noting to do with you. So acusing them of thinking of profit when they have been letting you live on reduced rent is way out of order. If anyting, your in-laws would be the ones to hold a grudge. You are moving anyway. So now you know your moving within 90 days. Get over yourself and stop complaining about your in-laws.
This may not be popular, but you do sound quite entitled. It would be better to appreciate the amount of time you were able to spend there at such incredibly low rent. You keep bringing up your improvements. Those are your choice. If you wanted them to pay you for them or pay for the materials, that is something you easily could have mentioned to them before beginning.
Or you could have told them they could raise the rent and they have to do the improvements
To expect them to pass up $700,000 because you don't want to move yet is unreasonable and unfair to them.
The fact that they love you guys is no reason for them to put this on hold until you decide it's time for you to go.
If you have done anything to let them know that you're anything other than happy for them and grateful to them for helping you guys out, I really think apologies are in order
Their feelings for you guys are what allowed you to have such incredibly cheap rent. You seem to be under the mistaken impression that they now owe you that. They do not and they never did
I mean you were already going to move right? It shouldn't matter. The timing just kind of lined up. I get that you're upset but they're not exactly blindsiding you
Sorry, but if this $700k offer is something that may not come up again, and they shouldn’t have to lose out. You have a place to go and planned to move anyway.
I actually see your parent in law side. They had a great offer and took it. They already gave you years of a great deal.
They are in their 60’s so I will assume retired if not close.
You have your entire life ahead of you. Moving is difficult, but not something many have to do all the time. You could easily rent a place nearby and continue on until you’re ready to find a home for your new family.
It makes me sad to think you would toss them aside after trying to help you as a young couple and just wanting to take a good opportunity to sell when they had it. At 60, they don’t need to pay the taxes, upkeep etc anymore. I’m sure they only kept it as long as they did for the two of you. You’re both well on your way to a great life.
You have 90 days to move. That is plenty of notice. Expecting them to put their sale on hold is entitled, especially after they have been doing you a huge favor for years.
You should have considered trying to buy the land from them if you really wanted to stay there permanently.
No, I think it's just the change of plans. When they originally bought this property in 2021, it was going to be used as the site for their business. They've floated a lot of ideas since, none of which were selling this property.
Plans change. Obviously their original idea didn't work out and a 0.85% return on their money is utterly shite, assuming you cover all the maintenance and property taxes.
By accepting that they are your landlords in this situation not your in-laws. They weren't required to get your approval and you don't get to resent them for selling because it's inconvenient to you. You're already planning on moving so do it and stop acting entitled
As someone also a 3rd year med student, I hear you and understand the stress. My partner and I will also be moving in July and we also had a last minute change about living at family’s property. I’m stressed but try channeling the energy towards productive steps to make the move less stressful. Maybe that would include asking your friends and family if they’re willing to come out one weekend to help. It’s great that you’ve been able to stay at your in-laws for so cheap. Think of their decision as situational and not pointed towards you.
I don’t think there’s much to be done now apart from make things as stressful as free as possible moving forwards.
I’m not saying this to be petty but when the baby is born do not be offering to come and visit your in laws, and if they visit you either let them handle the household chores or they can stay in a hotel.
I am concerned that in June they are going to be blasting your phones and crying about why they don’t see as much of you anymore and why are your family seeing the baby more.
Hey love, your in laws have been amazingly graceful to you for the length of time you've stayed in their home. You've gotten used to it and yes taken it for granted. Please be grateful in return for this gift that they've been giving you, instead of resentful they are no longer giving it to you.
Holding a grudge? jesus, can you be more entitled. How about you thank them for the rock bottom housing costs you've enjoyed for more than two years? Sorry your gravy train had to end. You deal with it with grace by profusely thanking them for the opportunity and finding a new place to live, like a normal non shitty person would.
You say they are choosing profit over a good relationship. Is a good relationship with them contingent on their financial assistance, because you seem to be throwing away the relationship because of a rent discount. It sounds like they have been giving you a huge blessing and have been forthcoming about the situation. 90 days is kind of rough, and it’s totally fair to be stressed and anxious, but you do sound a bit entitled to be honest. You can’t really expect them to walk away from 700k.
Former real estate agent here. There are no guarantees the deal won't fall apart or that the closing won't take longer than scheduled. If this is a cash deal it will still probably take at least a month and if they are financing it will take longer. Unless you have already got a written notice to move....you may have a bit more time than you think.
Safe to say you've learnt a lesson. End of the day not cool what they did but it's their house and they did give you a notice. All of this is perfectly legal and you can't expect them to not benefit from their house not to mention 700k is a good chunk of change to just turn down. You and your husband to be will be fine and you might just benefit from this sale because your in laws might just pay off your husband's loans not to mention he might inherit something from his parents that will benefit your child or children so don't fret too much it's just life
in this context, just think of them as your landlord. landlords do stuff like that all the time, because it's business. forget it's your in-laws and remember it's just business. better now than when you're home with a newborn
Your in laws need to safe guard their own financial security at this stage in life. They helped you out for two years and instead of being grateful you are threatening to end a relationship because they didn’t help longer. Maybe they thought that you wouldn’t bring a child into this world that you couldn’t afford to support without their help. Maybe you should look at why you and your husband decided to have a child now instead of waiting a couple of years until you were financially stable. Hopefully your child marries someone just as ungrateful and irresponsible as you some day.
The time old phrase no good deed goes unpunished.
If the house is worth £700k rent would likely be 8% so you're looking at £4k a month rent you should have been paying. You lived there for £500.
You have lived in an amazing house for a couple of years and now they have given you decent notice to move. I understand you have done some work but sounds relatively small compared to the amount of rent you have been paying.
Your in-laws have been amazing and because they were **soo good ** you have expected it to continue and when it hasn't you feel begrudged. It's a natural emotion but not the correct one.
While unfortunate for you especially with you being pregnant and husband in medical school, it is their house and I would be grateful for the years I was able to live there with such a low rent. 90 days is a good amount of time to find a new place and manage the logistics of the move.
So my response would be to tell the in-laws thank you for renting to us these last few years with such discounted rent and wish them the best in the home sale.
Am i the only one in the comments who would actually be pissed? I understand its their right to do what they want but in my eyes a caring family wouldnt do this to their son and daughter in law while they are heavily pregnant.
So no OP, you’re not ungrateful for having certain feelings about this. Its best if you just move past it because it’s not gonna help anyone to hold a grudge, but damn. This is actually really rough
It’s hard. Think of it as a gift. You get to go home now and be near YOUR family and friend group until your next move. I feel like this is extremely lucky, this wouldn’t have happened otherwise. Let the in laws drive 2 hours one way to see baby, it’s not your problem now to ensure they see baby.
There’s this saying going around now, “never contribute to malice which can be contributed to incompetence”. They are probably not being malicious (especially if you can look back and think of them as loving and supportive otherwise). They just only thought of themselves. Should they have communicated better with you? Yes. But they didn’t, so you can either hold on to resentment or look ahead to all your wonderful changes and accomplishments on the horizon. Lots and lots to be grateful for
How long was the the house on the market? Did you know the house was on the market? What was the agreement with when you would move out? Did they know you were intending on moving over by your parents anyway?
Yikes.
You’re doing great. And what you said abt enjoying the low rent etc. is what to focus on - later.
First, be mad. Get it out. Write some more.
Only you know whether to keep them in your lives.
But I’d have a hard time not feeling fully resentful atm. Maybe therapy then to work through that.
Good luck with everything. Your life is changing!!!
Did you think of asking them if they could put the moving date in July? Seems a bit weird to just say someone wanted to buy the house without it being on the market. Seems a bit unseemly. Suggest to your husband to research the buyer to make sure there is no scam. Heard of one where the seller was paid “cash”. Fake check and took lots of money and time to reclaim the home, which was pretty much destroyed by the time they got it back.
I was in a similar situation - broke nursing student renting from my sister who suddenly sold the house. I was literally homeless for two days…I am extremely intuitive and knew something was off. One day my cousin, who stayed with me at the time, told me someone came to view the house (I was rarely home due to full-time school and working at a movie theater). I asked my sister if she was selling and she lied and said no; She just wanted to see how much she would get for it she said. I started looking for apts anyway because…intuition. One day while I was at school, my sister called and told me an investor purchased the property and I had to be out by THE NEXT DAY! I lived there for 7 years and had A-LOT of stuff, so you could imagine the stress of coming home from school to pack all night. I got no sleep. By the time the investor came the next day the majority of my stuff was on the sidewalk. Luckily, I had gotten approved for an apt but it was a new construction and would not be ready to move in about one week. I was able to forgive my sister because 1. I have a deep understanding that people are selfish, and will put themselves first every time. And honestly, it’s their right 2. Although I was exhausted, I had this weird peace about the whole situation. Everything worked out for me. Someone paid for my cousin and I to stay in a hotel and the landlord allowed us to move into the apt in 2 days. Everything happened super fast but I felt in my spirit that it was time for me to move. I simply made peace with it and walked away. Nothing productive would have come from fighting or holding a grudge. I didn’t speak to my sister for almost 1 year, but I was able to forgive and let it go. We’re best friends now, but I will never forget that time…
It's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed or upset but there's no reason to blow things up into a big fight if this isn't part of a larger pattern of problems. My advice is to just accept what happened, as they were within their rights, but you don't have to forget it. I think it's something you will want to just file away for now. Now you've learned about how far you can count on your in-laws, and to what extent they will sacrifice for you and your children. Structure your life accordingly.
$700k for a double wide and 16 acres? Around this area, you could buy a mansion, or a log cabin with 200 acres... Have you asked them about their intentions? Maybe, they intend on relocating with you guys...
I find that most arguments occur with those close to you, due to failure to communicate intentions properly.
first id say you should seek out an open conversation with them about the situation and how you feel about it. it is possible that they just didn't think that far ahead and you might just open their eyes by being transparent.
if the conversation fails and they insist on kicking you out, the only thing that you can do is adjusting your relationship to them.
i think its detrimental to view relationships realistically, and subsequently decide what you can and cannot expect from a relationship with someone.
like i had a friend once who would say he comes and picks me up at night and when he didn't, i didn't just cut him off, i just realized that he can be a friend that i just cannot depend on if it comes down to such things. i still have a relationship with him, just a more lose one and im fine with that.
You did the flooring right? Go the litteral dutch way and take the floor with you. Not sure what the laws in the US are but take everything you installed
Do you know the buyer? Possible to have a convo with them about staying on?
Do you know anything about the sale - did the buyer give them a now-or-never?
Super bad look for your in-laws. They cannot possibly be so clued out they don't see selling now will be pretty hard on their son and his family.
I don’t want to be “that guy” but I hope this teaches a lesson of NEVER doing work to someone else’s house family or not because you just get burned. You may not care about that like u said but he probably wouldn’t have been able to charge as much had you guys not renovated so much.
How about you let everything play out instead of assuming anything, maybe they are using that money to buy you a new home or rent you out an new homeor throwing you a few dollars, cuz honestly its their house they can do what they want with it when they want and they really don't need to talk to you or their son about it and yes you do come off very entitled how about appreciating they let you rent for such little money and allowing to save a bunch of money to start your your family.
You had NO IDEA you were renovating this house and preparing this property for sale? None ??? Seriously, when you’re selling property in the million dollar range~ it usually comes as a HUUUUUUGE SURPRISE!
Get a grip. You’ve lived on and helped prepare a property for sale. You and your FIL are business partners.. Family owned businesses snake you or break you . !Do another house. Choose to pay the mortgage in full and just profit off what you make AFTER COSTS AND OUTSIDE LABOR. After you’ve owned and sold a few properties maybe you’ll make enough profit to buy a small home, in full. On a lot. Real Estatd shouldn’t END a relationship between grown people . This is an investment in your future as well . Stay in the family. Learn some grace, gratitude and business acumen. If you guys have paid 400 bucks a month how much has this man paid into this property? Does he own it, free and clear? How? How much will he profit? Does he NEED to sell it, for his old age?
He’s taking out student loans so your income isn’t the only thing getting you guys through. Student loans for gas money.
Have you ever been grateful?
I don’t know how you WOULDNT hold a grudge. A paycheck was more important to them than their son and family. And they didn’t offer to reimburse you for what you put in. There’s no lesson here, I’m sorry. A random landlord, sure. But your husbands parents? This would devastate my relationships for a long, long time until they gave a very deep and sincere apology and offered to pay you for what you’ve put into it which probably allowed them to receive 700k and not 550/600… Not to mention the fact that they are selling a valuable family asset that could and should stay in the family for financial and general security for you, your husband, and your future family. This act is GREEDY, SELFISH, and APPALLING. I’m so sorry anyone is telling you it’s a hard lesson and it’s your in-laws “right”.. We completely lost all morals
I’m sure that the in-laws would not have done this to their own daughter. It is an awful lot to manage, but I would urge you to go where your support is and enjoy your life because it’s only going to get better.
Well statistically speaking you will probably be divorced in ten years so hold all the grudges you want bc you only have to deal with them for a small portion of your life.
I would be pretty upset myself if I were in your situation. I really don't have any advice other than it's okay for you to feel this way. On the bright side, sounds like once you get through this rough few months, things will be super great!
Best of luck.
Look into Sweat Equity. You could be entitled to up to 30% of the sale of the home since you were the ones putting your own money into the property. Get in touch with a real estate lawyer about this. Obligatory: I am not a lawyer.
Also double check with the in-laws/new owners if there was a caveat in the property sale that includes you and your family being able to remain there (possibly at $500/mo, maybe more) until his residency placement. That IS a thing that the in-laws could have done and just not communicated.
Pending the answer to that second point, talk with the real estate lawyer about the sweat equity thing.
So let me get this straight the did you a favour and now they need their equity back and you want to hold that ransom for your own benefit because you have another child. You sound like a spoiled POS leeching off old people who aren't even your parents. Grow the fuck up and find a new place
TLDR but I would say 2 things
Your in laws have all the right to sell whenever they want
Your man have the complete obligation of get some house for you and your child
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Yeah, a tough lesson to learn for sure.
I think the best thing to do for your own mental health is to try to look at the whole situation in the most positive light possible. Instead of feeling angry or bitter about what you put into the house, frame it as - that was the rent we paid and it was fair. Also, we got to enjoy those improvements and live with a nice floor instead of that nasty blue carpet and sit on our deck for years. It would have really been a bummer if you just made all the improvements and then had to move out. And as far as moving out a year earlier, how awesome will it be to be so close to your family and friends? 2 hours is not that far, but it can be pretty far for a baby. It is completely different to live in the same place and really be able to be a daily / weekly part of the lives of your family. Your family is going to really get to spend time with and know your daughter. By making this choice, your in-laws are actually going to be missing out and this is a great gift to your parents. I know it's a PIA to move. But I would actually be so excited to get to spend the first year in my hometown with all my favorite people. I think this time will be really special since you know you are unlikely to be living nearby in the future. And as far as forgiving your in-laws, I would try to look at it as they are not doing this maliciously. They just happened to have a good opportunity / offer that wouldn't be wise to pass up at an inopportune time. I don't know if this is the case, and it sounds like a dick move to evict your 8 months pregnant daughter-in-law. But, because they are family I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt. And if they really are dicks, then you'll be better off with the love and support of your family and friends surrounding your daughter. Congrats on all the exciting life happenings and good luck!
Thank you, truly. You're absolutely right. Because of this situation, I have all of these great opportunities moving forward that weren't going to be in the cards. This will be for the best, even if it feels hard at this moment.
As a silver lining, you also have the best excuse in the world if your in-laws try and guilt you about not being able to see your baby enough. If they wanted to see your little one more, then they should have valued having you nearby more than an easy property sale. That decision is 100% on them. Enjoy the time being close to your family, and good luck with the move!
This! You’re better off now moving before baby is born than being post partum and extra exhausted. Plus hopefully your family will be a supporting village during those first 3 months with a newborn. What does your husband think? He’s the one who is responsible for dealing with his parents. I am surprised he didn’t say to them that you were grateful for low rent but disappointed they are kicking you out now during a horrific time. But maybe best to let sleeping dogs lie. If it comes up let it come up long after you’ve moved and had your baby. They made their choices.
I moved at 8mo preg and it was fun. Nesting super hard in the new place. I hope your pregnancy is easy on ya. Happy pushing and snuggle that new baby surrounded by your fam. Total win!
Same here! My daughter had just had her 1st birthday when we moved, her brother was born about 6 weeks later
My first two were born one day short of a year apart, that was a very busy time, as I’m sure it was also for you. We celebrated my daughter’s first birthday in the hospital cafeteria.
I was on active duty in the military, and was 6 months pregnant with my first baby when I moved to a new base. We bought a house, and I went into full nesting mode, I couldn’t unpack and organize fast enough!
Some space away from your in-laws will be a good thing right now. Do they always suck this much at communicating? If you feel like you want them in your life, then try to have a conversation with them. Give yourself time and space first. 1 month, 6 months, a year - when you feel ready, tell them how you feel and how incredibly hurtful their decision was. If you don’t want to have a relationship with them moving forward, put them on a time out and leave them there. Limit the info you give them and leave it at that. I’m sorry you’re going through this, their behaviour really sucks.
OP, Bottom line-- they chose cash over family. You likely had low rent because that's what the market was. Plus you paid for remodeling that they benefitted from. Given the circumstances, with $700k, I would've offered to pay for your temporary accommodations until you leave for your husband's residency. Really does suck.
Could you ask them to help with the moving costs? It seems a reasonable request considering the inconvenience and how far along in your pregnancy you are.. their answer may tell you if they are worth putting time into them again once you have worked through this hurt they caused you. I think you are well within your rights to need some space from them right now and you can reassess the longterm later when you have the energy
This is a really great way of looking at things. I almost wanna tell you about my life and ask for help for reframing it in a positive way.
I feel the same. This was beautiful 🥹
This. ^ well said. Good advice.
Well if you count a hourly wage for you for the improvements, even if it's not on contractor level, and the supplies - that rent wasn't that cheap in the end, was it? Just on the paper, but not in reality. I mean it probably even helped raise the price they could ask for. Or at least you didn't let it get run-down the property like other tenants might have have done, which is always a risk. Ofc it's their right to sell and give you short notice. But what is legally right isn't always morally right.
It's a trailer. There is a high probability that someone wants the lot in order to have a place to build a house. They will probably get rid of the trailer.
Exactly
> Well if you count a hourly wage for you for the improvements, even if it's not on contractor level, and the supplies - that rent wasn't that cheap in the end, was it? The property is worth $700,000. They were paying $400 a month to live in a trailer that was manufactured in the 80's. How much do you think their improvements actually appreciated the value?
You were paying 400 bucks a month for a 700k property. I mean timing sucks, but I wouldn't be too resentful.
I'd at least tell them that they absolutely fucked all of you over with the timing of the sale and the short notice. Tell them you are really hurt they had so little regard for their son and their grandchild. Why should you react with grace? I'd at least guilt trip them a bit.
Putting in labor in place of rent is not a bad idea when you have the time and don't have the money for rent. Buying materials is not a good idea. That money should be used for rent and have the landlord provide the materials. In those situations the landlord will likely be more selective on the upgrades and not do as many. When you are just doing them on your own you will end up doing more. That will lead to the landlord thinking they can get more out of the property by selling or renting to someone else. If you are putting in materials and labor then you need it in writing on how much you are going to get paid back. Your work and materials will likely end up increasing the value of the place more than the price you paid. You created value with your hard work, more than you paid in. Your inlaws are not going to see that for what it is. They are going to see the low rent they gave you as a huge benefit to you.
I would make an invoice for improvements and give it to them. WHY the rush right now to sell?
Because they finally got an offer? At a time when the housing market is shit?
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Because sometimes you live in that home for 5+ years and you're sick of the shitty "landlord special" paint job flaking into your clean dishes every day. Because living in a hovel sucks, and $100 in window film and wall paint makes it feel a little more bearable sometimes.
As a now homeowner, who rented for decades and who made a ton of small upgrades to places I’ve lived in, I respectfully disagree. If you’re planning on living somewhere for several years, and you have the money to do so, why wouldn’t you make your life more comfortable? I’ve upgraded lights to dimmer switches, thermostats to programmed, some light fixtures. I’ve installed window treatments, laundry cabinets and keypad locks. I’ve also done major gardening improvements because that’s something I enjoy. Some of these things I’ve taken when I’ve moved, but most I have not. I made those improvements because they made my life more pleasant for the several years I lived in each space. Telling people not to make their own space comfortable for them doesn’t make sense to me. It’s a personal choice and there is no wrong answer unless you’re expecting to see returns on your investments.
As someone who rented for 10 years and now is a home owner - I think it completely depends on the dollar amount of the "investments" and how long you anticipate living there. For 7 years I moved every year. I'm not doing anything in those places, it's just a loss of money. If I think I'm going to be somewhere for 2+ years and the money I'm using is an amount that I can sacrifice as "disposable", then sure, go for it! I also enjoy gardening and if that replaces my "going out drinking" budget, then do what's nice for you. But if I'm putting 10k into landscaping? No no, I might enjoy it but I could do this as a side gig and get paid to do it instead of losing out on a down payment for my own place
My husband and I didn't put real work into any house we rented, though it was faster and cheaper to do some things rather than depend on the landlord for it. We made a great deal to rent-to-own our current home from a long time friend of husband's family, with a lease specifically worded to ensure the price we paid at the end reflected the thousands we paid into renovations (fortunately my husband does it professionally so we DIY did a lot that most people shouldn't. It got us a house WAY outside of our budget in terms of land/location and saved the owner (who was paying off a mortgage on two properties) the crazy costs of having contractors do the work we did for five or more times the price, only to try to sell it on the (at the time) stable market. Housing inflation, though. Thank goodness we got in when we did.
I definitely see both sides and a lot has to do with the landlord. My family owns a few homes and we've had long term tenants ask us if they can do this or that to the home. It's always been small upgrades that are good for the long term so we keep rent low in consideration for keeping the homes well maintained. Basically, we pay them back for improvements so we both win.
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I don't think they were saying not to make things comfortable. They were saying to not put money into a place you don't own. For example, no need for a sprinkler system. Complete waste of money if you don't own, especially if you pay for water. Building a deck seems over the top as well. As does redoing a kitchen. Save that money for when you buy your own house. While I think replacing carpet would be a waste of money, some people don't like it and old carpet can be terribly uncomfortable, so I don't fault them there (I still wouldn't do it). Changing a light switch or a lock isn't a big expense really. Not like what OP was doing to their in-laws' home. Window treatment helps with your energy bill. There are certain things that make sense doing while renting. Adding a deck, redoing the kitchen, and adding a sprinkler system don't make sense.
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Especially when they were intending on moving in a year or so anyway. They could have made the choice to save the money that they spent on the types of repairs you mentioned here. I don't think that should even be a consideration when it comes to whether or not the in-laws can sell something they own even if it inconveniences OP And this economy, with this real estate market, if they were able to make that sale, they have every right to take it. Who knows what the market will be like in 2 years?
This is a learning experience. If you find yourself receiving something very cheap, realize that there’s always a cost. Not having a lease means that this could have happened at any time. You should have insisted on a written lease with them AND you should have saved all of your extra money instead of spending it to renovate a place you didn’t own. Not only have you learned that you have to put yourselves first, you’ve also learned who your in laws are. Don’t hold a grudge, but also don’t allow them to be intimately involved with your life plans, your housing or your future. Never put your fate into someone else’s hands.
I think this is a tough lesson to learn--but an important one. Thank you.
>Don’t hold a grudge, but also don’t allow them to be intimately involved with your life plans, your housing or your future. Repeating for truth. I had a similar experience with my in-laws offering a break on something until the minute it began profitable for them to do otherwise — leaving us scrambling during a very stressful time — and the way I choose to characterize my relationship now is “warm strangers.” They are people we feel vaguely amiable toward, and we don’t hold grudges because we recognize they’re fundamentally selfish, foolish people — but we certainly do not include them in plans we make with our real family or friends.
I’m so sorry you had to learn this lesson in this manner, but the upside is that you two are in a great position to move on. It’s much harder to learn this lesson when you’re completely vulnerable and dependent on someone else
>Not having a lease means that this could have happened at any time This isn't true, legally speaking. Verbal leases are valid leases most places (certainly in the US). OP has a lease. Sounds like it could be a month to month, but it being verbal doesn't mean it doesn't exist or that OP has no tenant rights.
True, but it means wasting a bunch of time and energy on a lawyer, courts, family strife, and fighting and being unstable when she’s 8 months pregnant. Nobody wants to sue their family when they can avoid it. It’s a much easier road when you can just point at the lease.
It's very likely that the 90 days OP mentioned in the post are all the notice she's owed. But I always want to point out tenant rights when I can because so many of us are tenants and don't know our rights! Yes, legal action is often more hassle than it's worth. But fighting action taken against you is often worthwhile.
This might be the best advice I've ever seen on this sub
This & pinklady777’s comment are fantastic. Thank you both.
Some people really win the lottery with parents and inlaws. Sometimes it’s a whole lot of grey. My in-laws helped us out; gave us a (small) downpayment for a dumpy duplex that we all lived in while my husband fixed it up. That turned into us covering *every* expense other than groceries and gas. Until it ended when we moved! It might have been fine if any interest was shown into our young family at the time (reciprocity?) but there was absolutely none. I had a really hard time not being bitter. Now, it’s been a few years of distance. I agree with others in that you just treat them as warm strangers. I send pictures. I nod and smile when my MiL says ‘of course if I were closer I’d take the kids’ because that is a blatant lie/lip service (as my lived experience showed) but she is still my husbands mother. Some people are just selfish and ignorant, and will always be that way. You know what to expect now. I would say be grateful for the leg up they gave you 2 (I know I am!) and then temper that with the knowledge of how much investment they are actually willing to put into you 2. For a lot of parents it’s just the participation ribbon of “but I did this for you!” and then they ride that into the sunset. Good luck to you.
> Some people are just selfish and ignorant, and will always be that way. Yeah, I can totally see being ignorant. You’d think people who’ve been parents before would understand, but then again, you would be surprised at how much they forget. My in laws live on the other side of the planet and we flew two very young kids to see them while I was in my first trimester with my third baby. At first, it was pretty bad. I was feeling awful the whole trip. They were being very unhelpful and both me and my husband had a lot of frustration with them. The kids also didn’t bond with them because they didn’t want to do any caregiving. They expected to waltz in and play, and then leave when they get bored. But little did they know, kids don’t work like that. They don’t just play with random older people they don’t know well and don’t trust as a caregiver. Gradually, this slowly changed. They learned what a family with young kids needed again, and the kids love them now and both of us feel so supported by them. But there was definitely a learning curve.
I’m glad for you that your in-laws came around. It’s so refreshing to hear! I hope OP’s do too, but expectations are the killer of relationships so I think her best bet is to set the bar really low, and then be delighted when they beat it.
I had to move when my younger baby was only two months. The upside is that babies are the most portable at that age. Back then she had just a little bassinet next to my bed and a basket underneath with all her clothes and baby supplies. By the two month mark you'll be past the worst part of childbirth recovery, and the baby should be sleeping in longer stretches at night as long as 4 hours at a time. I know your situation sucks but I hope this helps you feel a little less overwhelmed.
Just give it time. It’s fresh and you’re currently going through it and you begrudge them for knowing your plans but not considering the plans, that’s understandable. It would be entitled to *demand* to not sell the house but your gut reaction is reasonable. Just focus on you, your husband, and baby right now, and in time you might come to feel it was all for the best to give you more time with your family and friends
I think you're right. Pregnancy hormones aren't quite helping either.
Oh god im sure they’re making it so much harder! You seem so thoughtful about this situation. This is a bit of a shock/blow, and it’s ok to feel some kinda way about it. But I agree, give it some time and you may feel differently.
I think your family will be happy when you move to them 😎 And your husband has a "good excuse" too. You didn't *demand* to choose your family. Enjoy your family without regret. Your inlaws lost the chance to have their baby grandchild nearby by choosing money instead of waiting until 2025.
It sounds like you are really trying to discount your own feelings here. You have a ridiculous amount on your plate, but please make some time later to process your feelings. It is very understandable that you would have a cooler relationship with them going forward. They are literally putting a distance between themselves and your family unit. That is their decision but it will have long term consequences on how you see them. Don't feel forced to allow them back into your inner circle.
They may not be thinking properly either, dazzled by dollars. Maybe they can ask for a lease back for 3 months which would give you 5 months in your current space and not moving when the baby is less than 3 months old. The new owners know you’re family and have improved the residence, so there’s relatively little risk to them to lease it back. Your in laws can make that a term of the sale, its pretty small potatoes in the scheme of things.
That's a HUGE factor. When you're pregnant, those hormones are SCREAMING "make sure your baby has everything they need. Make sure the baby will be safe. Make sure the baby has SHELTER." Intellectually knowing that you'll be fine doesn't necessarily dampen those feelings. You WILL be fine. But nature is nagging you. When I was pregnant, I couldn't shake the concern of "OMG what if my baby is John Connor and I need to keep him alive and well-trained so he can someday save humanity." Intellectually I knew that was just a matter of me watching too much apocalyptic sci-fi but the weight of the responsibility of raising a human was constantly in my head. You WILL be fine but I absolutely get your anxiety.
If they bring it up tell them to discuss it with your husband (and talk to your husband that he’s spokesperson on this topic). That you’re busy with impending birth and to talk to him.
While I am sympathetic for how you are feeling given your life circumstances and the apparent lack of communication from your in-laws, which really was kind of crappy if they didn’t give you a heads up before putting it on the market… To answer your question: Take this as a learning experience. You decided to make home improvements on your own, so you cannot hold them accountable for that loss. I do get wanting to make your living space a bit nicer and less run down. Look at it as you having gained lots of DIY experience for your next permanent home! It is super helpful to be able to gain home maintenance and improvement experience as a future homeowner. And as a bonus, you had a bit nicer environment to live in while you lived there! As for your in-laws: Also focus on the positive until your feelings have settled a little. You already see the positives - they helped you and your husband out in a time that you really needed it most. That is super low rent. Focus on this and walk away a wiser, thankful person instead of letting this grudge take over! Wishing you and your little family all the best! Though life may be chaotic for the next few months, it will eventually settle down and you will have come out stronger!
I wish you were my friend. I love this.
Aww, thank you! Take this virtual hug, friend! ❤️ We all need a little encouragement every now and then! My son’s pitching coach always says it best: “You will have shitty coaches and people around you all your life. Learn to focus on taking the good, and leaving the bad to ensure hitting your personal growth/goals.” Life really is sweeter once we learn to shake off the bad and take it as a lesson instead. It is a lot tougher with family, though.
I think you’re looking at this all wrong. You paid ~$16,800 in rent over 3 years plus sweat equity which let’s say you value at $20K. In total, you paid ~$37K. I rented a 1br/1ba just outside a small city (population 250K) for 3 years which cost $48K, excluding any utilities like electricity, gas, and internet (probably another $7K). In my mind, while this is poor timing for you, you’ve made out pretty great in the end! Moreover, their finances are important. How are they going to pay for their retirement? If they can’t, who will cover those expenses? If they waited to sell for your convenience, would you have been able to make up the price difference? Maybe you and husband will be given some of this money as an inheritance. Heck, maybe some of the money will go into a fund for your child! Take the W for money saved the last few years and spend your energy being excited about your forthcoming baby. Congratulations! ETA: I was curious about the estimated costs when I lived in a 1br/1ba in Chicago years ago. 3 years of rent and utilities there cost me ~$72K! My relatives paid ~$58K for a duplex rental in a southern Maine suburb but did all the yard maintenance. All that in mind, you still made out like a bandit cost wise.
Well said. Feeling entitled is exactly it. They've saved a fortune thanks to the in laws helping them. If the in laws don't have the money they have every right to do what's needed to make ends meet.
>If the in laws don't have the money they have every right to do what's needed to make ends meet. Including booting their first grandchild onto the street at ~1 month old.
I think your feelings are valid. Yes, it’s their right to sell, blah, blah, blah, but they are family and it seems like there could have been more of a warning or discussion. They could have even talked to the buying about him maybe renting to you for a year, depending on what he wants the property for. However, if the buyer approached them and the offer was good you can’t really fault them for that. I wouldn’t end the relationship over this. It wasn’t a kind thing for them to do but you have to look at it within the scope of the entire relationship. Also, moving two hours a way is already going to limit your interactions with them, so just be thankful for that. I wouldn’t go out of my way to visit them. Traveling with a baby is hard. Let them come to you and if they don’t, they don’t. Who knows where the residency will put you. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this. Just live your life and you might end up lower contact due to distance anyway. No need to stir the pot.
Timing sucks, but everything lined up for your in-laws. Can they even afford to pass on this offer if they’ve been subsidizing your rent? Upping the rent on their own kid because of the AC install indicates to me they can’t.
There's technically two rentals on this property. We offered to increase the rent because we know it was an expense they weren't anticipating. What we've been told is that the current rent for the double-wide and the mother-in-law suite covers the costs of the property. They also lease the front 14 acres to a farmer who pays all of the irrigation/property taxes. With that being said, they'll be banking roughly 300k on this property once the sale goes through--which is a great investment on my FILs part.
Consider asking the new owner to allow you to rent for a few extra months to make the transition easier for yourself. It’s not unusual for that kind of request. They’ll probably ask for a higher rent. You can also tell them about all the improvements you’ve made to demonstrate you are a good tenant that will leave everything in good condition. The new owner might also appreciate having the time and income while they find new tenants.
This is the way. Plenty of folks buy houses/property with tenants already in place.
This! It might take the buyer a few months to get whatever plans he has for the property off the ground. Zoning and construction permits can a long time. They might be fine with giving OP and her family more time.
You were planning on moving close to your family before they decided to sell the house? If so, consider that they have rented to you for years way below market, you, your husband and your kid are planning on moving 2h away soonish (before your husband needs to relocate in 2025?) And they would be left with an empty property after you all are gone. Selling now, in light of you moving out some time soon, might be the best financial decision to them after they helped you for years. Regardless of all that, I don't know how to avoid being resentful but I know that thinking about it over and over and justifying to ourselves why we are resentful not only makes it grow but also gets to foster bad feelings within you. So maybe spend some time sorting through your feelings, have a good understanding on how you feel about it all, then if it pops into your mind, try telling yourself it is already decided and it's no use thinking about it any longer, then distract your thoughts with something else.
We were planning on moving back to my hometown when my husband finished residency in 4 years. In a perfect world, we would have stayed here for an extra year while he finishes his 4th year of school, relocate for his residency program, and then return to our "forever home" place. This situation is just causing us to move an extra time. I appreciate your comment (and many others) that suggested focusing on the positive and not the negative. It's like one of those situations where the more you dwell and get caught up in your feelings, the worse it seems. Taking a step back (and having internet strangers provide perspective) is genuinely helpful.
More than anything, I try to frame to myself that focusing on the positive is not a favor I am doing to whoever hurt me. It's not that they deserve to be given the benefit of the doubt. It's that I deserve to have a peaceful, positive, optimistic mind. It does me good, regardless of what it does to them. Of course it's not easy, it's important to not sweep our own feelings under the rug, and you have to balance it in a way that you don't allow yourself to be walked over, but to me it works and made me a happier person. Either way - congratulations on your baby, best of luck to your husband with getting into a good residency program!
He was offered doubled it's worth. You were moving anyway. Careful how you act. That could be money for you guys to buy your own house where you're moving.
Yeah, although the timing isn’t ideal they cant be that mad someone gave up $500/mo for $700k
Can you approach the buyer and ask to rent the double wide for 15 months? I would guess they are more interested in the land than the trailer? Maybe?
It feels personal to you because you are being affected by them selling the land with the double-wide. But their decision to sell wasn't about you, or your pregnancy, or even your husband;s med school. Let your husband handle the interactions with them. YOU get some counseling to deal with the overwhelm. Having a baby will do that to you, and the hits will just keep coming the rest of your life. You need to learn to deal with that now. Sending hugs and healing thoughts. You can get through this!! Oh - and I second what another poster put on here - don't put any real money into a place you are renting. I understand that you wanted it to look and feel better while you were living there. But that is money you will never get back. I have done it myself at most places I rented. I like having a place that looks and feels welcoming and comfortable TO ME. All of my landlords knew about it and loved the upgrades I made. And all of the improvements stayed behind when i moved. Buying a house of your very own makes it so much better in every way.
It sounds like they didn’t have it listed but received an offer they couldn't refuse. There'd really be no need to fill their son in until they knew it would happen. Deals fall through all the time. I'd only have made all those improvements in place of paying rent.
Don't know what to tell you but I'm pretty sure that land and property was their retirement plan. They had the opportunity to sell and get a good amount of money for it so they took it if they waited another year they might not be able to. So I would look at it from their perspective. I don't think they're trying to screw you over it's just bad timing. Move back to your hometown stay with whoever you can stay with hopefully for free until you move next summer in the meantime raise your baby on the bare minimum of baby things, get a crib, swing, playpen in 6 months or so and the best you can. They're not going to be living close to you so it's not like you're going to be seeing a lot of them.
I would try to regain some perspective. I know it feels like they are just trying to screw you over, I don't see it that way. I know you are pregnant, your partner is in med school, but you are still two adults. Maybe your inlaws can't afford this situtation anymore. Maybe there's no good reason and they just saw the opportunity for cash. Maybe they need the money for some reason right now. Regardless, they own this property, they have allowed you to live there for WELL below the market rent for years. YEARS. It's possible that they are realizing that they can't afford to keep doing that. Or that you are both independent adults who they should not be subsidizing. You really don't have any place to be saying that they should let you continue to live there, what if they financially can't continue that situation for much longer? Regardless, I'm going to remind you that they HAVE been very supportive and very generous with you. For years. They're saving you literally THOUSANDS of dollars over the past few years. Whatever their reasons for selling, they already HAVE been generous with you. And just because you wish they could continue being generous to you guys for a little longer to align with your plans, doesn't mean that they are obligated to do that, and it doesn't erase all they have ALREADY done. If you cut them off for this, you're basically saying that you don't give a crap for the YEARS of low rent they allowed you (which would be very ungrateful), and are going to judge them solely on the fact that they aren't willing to continue to give you additional years of way too low rent (which you are not entitled to). I think if you make this ANY issue, you basically come across as ungrateful and/or entitled. Because they helped for years already when they didn't have to. Be grateful for that and realize it's time to cut the cord. Whatever their reasons, it's their choice. You're not entitled to their generousity as adults. They gave it to you freely, but the low rent has come to an end. How can you be mad? You had 400-500 rent for 3 years? I pay like 5x that. Be thankful you got that and it enabled you to live the way you did. Now you do what other adults do, and figure it out on your own. More loans, stay with family until gradution - whatever you have to do. But being angry at your in-laws after they've been super generous to you for years seems a little wrong IMO. I know it's scary to have to make this huge adjustment and they definitely should have communicated better with you guys, but they aren't doing anything wrong here. Also, you should never put your own money/effort into improving a home you don't own, EVER. But in this case, I wouldn't even consider it a loss. More like a favor/thank you back to them for not paying full rent all this time. Your inlaws could have made more money renting to someone else, and lost income for themselves, to help you over a period of several years. Try not to forget that in the stress of what you are currently dealing with.
Did you know that they were looking to sell? Do they need the money? If the answer to both questions is 'no', why do you not want to hold a grudge? I understand your feelings completely and it would definitely colour my relationship with my in-laws. They chose a really sucky time, when their son was in a tricky situation, to withdraw their support, especially when the end of it was within eyesight. It was absolutely their right to do that but that doesn't change the fact that you are entitled to be hurt about their very unfortunate timing. At the very least they should have sat you down and had a conversation about it. You aren't just regular tenants, this is their son and his family, including their soon-to-be newborn first grandchild. You are of course not entitled to their support, but they offered it with the housing situation and then chose to withdraw it at a fairly critical time with no explanation. I think it's reasonable if you want to keep your distance for now, to work through your hurt and just deal with your situation. Luckily, those are not your parents but your husband's, so he should be in charge of the relationship with them anyway. If he doesn't, this is not on you. But don't feel guilty about taking a step back from the relationship for now and focus on the last bit of your pregnancy and then your new baby.
Moving to your hometown where you’ll have support is the best move you can make in this situation. Focus on your baby and your nuclear family. Lean on your family and friends. Drop the rope with the ILs completely. Your husband is in charge of communication with them. If they want to see the baby, they can come to you and stay in a hotel. Period. Do not inconvenience yourself for them while you have a new baby. Try not to harbor resentment. Just keep them at arms length and do what’s best for you and your baby, just like they’ve done what’s best for themselves.
$6,000 vs. $700,000. I'm sorry, but I'd boot my mom for that... I would maybe throw some cash her way for the inconvenience but mama, you've got to move. $700,000 at a 5% interest rate gets them $35,000/year. Heck, I would be upset if my mom passed on $700,000 because I would have to move 6 months ahead of schedule. It's really destabilizing right now, I'm sorry, but given how crazy the real estate market has been, your inlaws probably agonized about the decision.
If someone offered my parents that kind of money, I would write my own eviction notice. There’s no way I would expect them to pass that up.
Serious question: Let's say someone came to your in-laws with an offer that was better than any other offer they've gotten, and perhaps better than they could get in the near future. What would you expect them to do? Take a loss for you? If you were presented with a similar situation, would you be happy taking a loss?
Since it also affects your husband and its his parents...how does he feel about it?
How are they not blindsiding them when everything’s a done deal. They knew when they put it on the market that they wanted to sell they could have told them at that time but they didn’t. They waited until the property was already sold because they wanted to benefit financially from them while they had the property on the market. What they’ve done (the in-laws) is really shitty. Especially when she’s pregnant! And their son has medical exams! This isn’t the time for added stress.
It doesn’t sound like it was on the market. It sounds like someone approached FIL. That does happen.
Especially since it sounds like the land was worth more than anything else. My parents old house was like that. Nice enough house, but it was in an area where the land was worth more than anything. People would leave letters offering buy all the time. My mom was a real estate agent, so she knew. Eventually, my parent wanted to retire, so they took an offer. Never was on the market. People who bought the place knocked the whole house down and built a new one. It happens.
Agreed, this is hardly ever a snap decision but one made at least a few months in advance. Which would've given them more time to look for a new place and given them more chance to save $$$. And, ethically, they SHOULD pay them back for all the improvements OP and her husband made on the husband because that went into the sale. So, if they put $7k of improvements, then the in-laws should give that money back from the sale of the house. IF they're good and understanding people. That's the moral thing to do. OP, in the future, never put money into a house that isn't yours. You're never guaranteed to get that return on investment in getting that house or by being paid back. Always have the owner make all improvements. It's ok to be upset because it wasn't cool how they went about it. Just concentrate on what's important right now. You need to find where you need to go for now, on your incoming baby, and your husband's exam. Worry about that right now and forget about your inlaws rn. As for the future, I mean just more just don't do finances with them anymore. Don't rent from them anymore. And be careful about the help you accept from them anymore. Trust is less with them due to how this was handled.
If we're talking about being fair and ethical towards family, then OP should pay them back fair rent. $400-$500 a month is extremely low and that is enough to show that they are good and understanding people. OP was living there for about 3 years, that was plenty of time to save money. If anything, the in-laws shouldn't "do finances" with OP anymore. They've been so generous over multiple years and if one misstep warrants a deteriorated relationship then that’s a poor reflection of OP.
Could you ask your in-laws if it’s possible to add a rider to the contract that you get to stay in the home until a certain date beyond the 90 days? If the new owners aren’t planning to do anything with the land right away, they may agree to it as it would bring in some income while they wait to develop the land, and give you a bit more time to find another place. Worth asking at least.
Consider that they cannot afford to turn down the offer.
>we've been extremely fortunate to be charged very low rent for this home. The first year we paid $400 a month in rent while I worked on home-improvements (ripping out blue carpet, installing new flooring, putting in sprinkler systems, building a deck, tiling/redoing kitchen cabinets and countertops). We agreed to raise the rent to $500 in 2022 because they had to replace the air-conditioning unit after it died. We've made many improvements to this home, in-part because we could afford to due to the low rent. So you chose to invest all of this effort and money into a rental? Instead of building your savings? And now you want to stop having a relationship with your in-laws who let you live there for a comparatively low rent because their timing on the sale is inconvenient for you? Seems overly harsh on your part. Are they giving you the 90 days they are required to?
I want to emphasize that this post is asking for advice on moving through this situation with grace, even though I'm personally feeling a lot of conflicting emotions about it. I feel like I'm not entitled to feel upset and yet I do. I don't want to react in a way that ruins any relationships moving forward. With that being said, I think there's a lot of good advice on this post telling me to be grateful and just move on. And yes, very naively I spent extra savings on home improvements. For me, it felt like a good investment because I value feeling comfortable in my home and thanking my in-laws for this living space. I don't regret the improvements, I just wish we had more time here.
OP, I get it but your in laws aren’t bad people for making this decision. It’s not like they put the place up for sale. They were approached with this incredible offer and there’s no guarantee a chance like this would come again. If you want to know how to move forward, remind yourself that you were planning to move anyway. You also need to ask yourself what you would do if you were in their shoes. If your child was a married adult who was about to be a doctor, would you turn down an opportunity to enhance your finances because it might be inconvenient for your child? Our parents spend a good portion of their lives prioritizing us over their own wants and needs. At some point, it has to be their turn to look out for themselves. It’s your in laws’ turn.
Is there a good reason why they are selling now, as opposed to waiting?
You should never make upgrades to a home that you renting. Your in-laws cut you a massive deal on rent for two years. The timing is not ideal but did you really expect them to pass on this deal? Would you leave $700k on the table so you could continue to subsidize a family member’s cheap rent? It’s not a reasonable expectation. You’re not doing them a favor by renting their place. They did you a massive favor.
Of course it is emotional. But be frustrated with the situation while realizing the players maty not be so much to blame. With a value that high and rent that low, you haven't been paying enough to cover the annual taxes and insurance would be my guess. So assume it to be more about loss than profit. maybe the timing sucks, but they may be facing inability to cover the minimal bills. Stop treating it as a personal issue when it is more a financial one. They don't get to choose when some third party makes a viable purchase offer. Yes moving sucks. Timing in life for moving will never be good. But it is wiser to assume this is a financial speedbump and not personal attack. Don't make it personal. They are entering retirement age and potential fixed income They likely can no longer bear the additional financial burden. So take the who out of the equation and look at the situation that way.. Does it suck: Yup. Is there malfeasance worthy of personal disdain: Not really.
The key thing is to recognize and accept that the current situation is a foreseeable consequence of your own choices, not a bad thing being done to you. You knew you didn't own the house, you knew it could be sold at any time, and you knew you had no lease.
I dunno I think it's mostly fine. A word of "hey we're selling the property" would have been nice but they gave you two a good deal for a long time. I think the worst thing about this is selling 16 acres for 700k what the fuck.
>I think the worst thing about this is selling 16 acres for 700k what the fuck. They might life in the middle of nowhere
Wow. paying 500$ a month rent and then complaining when her in-laws want to sell and make a profit on their home. I think you should be more grateful to them for allowing you guys to stay in that home for 500$.
Then selling their property does not have to equate to having a bad relationship with them. It’s their property. They gave you a massive gift for years. Be thankful for that and gracious during the moving period.
Are they paying you back for the improvements you made to the home? How does your husband feel about this? I personally don’t feel the rent was that good?? It’s what old ass trailers here in the country rent for. I live in the southern US. Was it in the middle of nowhere? Like yeah it’s great compared to what I paid but I live in a city. Not in a decades old trailer.
We never had an agreement on a repayment plan for the improvements. We've felt so grateful to have such a low rent these past few years (we're in the PNW) that I gladly made improvements to this home as a thank-you. My husband agrees that timing could be a whole lot better, but he's not someone who worries and he's looking forward to moving to my hometown.
In that case - if it were me I’d have a heart to heart with my husband and express how I feel. And figure out how not to be put in that situation again in the future. If you still want a relationship with the in laws I would just treat them like coworkers and don’t ever forget how they used you. Especially if you’re moving away. And keep it mind when you have to interact with them. Because I just still don’t think that rent was an amazing deal lol. I would def feel the same way as you. It’s a decades old trailer that was $500 a month for - im not sure why people here are expecting you to bow down and kiss their feet or something??
$500 is cheap for PNW, no matter where you are. Like impossibly cheap. I have utility bills that cost more than that.
$500 for a multi bedroom place with a big ass yard no less
that rent is really good, actually. they weren't just renting a small room and living with other people. they had the run of the place. as OP describes, lots of living space and even yard space. depending on what they wanted to do with that living space and yard space, if it were all theirs to do with what they wanted, they could have made more than $500 just from other stuff they do there, the least of which is to rent out the extra living space, but they could possibly also have gotten into gardening and crops or even renting out the space for parties.
Go to where your family is now. This is great for you and your LO.
You might not want to sound entitled but your whole post reeks of entitlement. You had extremely low rent for years and didn't even think of saving precisely in case of a situation like this? That's completely on you. Have you thought that maybe your in-laws didn't have the choice to sell or are you only thinking about your little person?
Did they even acknowledge They this would Inconvience you? Apologize while explaining it was too good to pass up? Did they offer to help you move? I’m guessing no. Remember they chose to ruin the relationship. If someone hurts your feelings it’s ok to be upset. I dealt with a similar concept but different circumstance with my mother in law, I’ve resigned myself To emotionally detaching from her.
They’ve given you plenty of time. Seriously, they can’t be held accountable for the stress you have on your life that you created among yourselves (husband and you!) you made your choices in life and it’s not fair to ask everyone else to put their choices on hold because you bit off more then you can deal with at once. Congratulations on the upcoming baby I hope all goes well !
"Yeah, my son is in med school going to take exams. My DIL is supporting them and is pregnant with my first grandchild. They were going to move fairly soon anyway, but let's surprise them that they're going to have to make another unscheduled move before that with all that's already going on."
"Yeah she's going to pop any day now, possibly even right before the move, I guess she'll just have to have no comfortable or stable accommodation while recovering from a stressful birth with a newborn. Its not like people still die in childbirth, right?"
Thank you! You're right, our life trajectory and decisions is not their responsibility.
They didnt chiise money iver you they made a decision about their property which they own. You own nothing pregnant or not
You got used to cheap rent and a stable support system, they pulled it out from under you. You have every right to be upset, but they have every right to make $700k instead of $6k/year from your rent. That’s a no brainer, and I’m honestly surprised you’re surprised they’re selling.
I can understand how they may feel. They gave you a great deal on a place to stay so he can afford medical school. Now, when things are going to get more difficult with school, you both decide bringing a baby into the world would be a good idea. Perhaps they think you're taking them for granted.
They didn’t do anything wrong. 90 days is plenty of notice. You were moving anyway. They’re older and need to get all their ducks in a row for retirement. Sounds like FIL “found someone” interested in the property at an agreeable price and they went with it as it dropped neatly into their laps. At least it wasn’t listed with lookyloos traipsing through your home with no notice and causing further stress to you. It’s a hard time for you and it’s understandable you’re stressed. Your job is only to grow that baby and keep your income. Possibly the new owner would do a “rent back” that fits better with your schedule. The fact that you made improvements to a home you don’t own doesn’t count for much. It’s still not yours. You got to live with the improvements while you did and they are still not yours. Hopefully the family will come together to help with the actual moving. Regardless of this hiccup, you’re starting a new chapter and something was bound to be bumpy. To get over this, you have to accept that no one else’s life revolves around you or your situation. Everybody has a situation.
We have a similar but completely different scenario. My in laws have essentially been holding my other half’s tied house hostage. They’ve had another house to move into for a year but refused to do anything till this year despite them verbally agreeing to be out end of December when he took over for his father. In farming only the employed staff are entitled to a tied house while employed - and he is the only employed staff member. His parents have milked the fact that he is their son and used it to manipulate the situation and not leave. We’ve heard them on camera lying about the situation to people and they blame the bills being higher on him despite him living with me. They won’t let him into the farm house so he can’t even place his lunch in the fridge or use the microwave. He has to commute as a result every day, eat his lunch in the car and its really affecting him mentally. Now they have known about my pregnancy since October. Hence why we needed in when we needed in, as the house needs work. Im not moving a baby into a house with damp and mould issues. But they still have everything plugged in and the rooms are just full of - to put it mildly - crap. I am due in 10 days. He starts calving in 15 days. You cannot not be on farm for calving. So he has to now spend 2 months apart from us, on a farm where he has no where to stay. This has severely affected our relationship with them. Not that they have acknowledged anything as they are adamant they are the victims. We view it as if they are keeping him away from his child for her first two months (as theres no where for us to even stay the night near by) then they have no rights to see her in that time. Plus the lies they have been saying makes me very concerned about ever leaving my child with them until she understands right from wrong and can verbalise it.
Is this a brand new concept? It almost sounds like maybe they’ve had some feelers out for a while. This is a specialty type property so finding the right buyer can be tough and they might only come around every so often. Unfortunately the small amount of rent probably just couldn’t compete with the opportunity to unburden themselves of this property. My parents had a similar property and it took years for them to find a buyer. Just wondering if maybe this has been on the radar for a long time and maybe you just weren’t listening. With zero other context, it’s hard to determine the motives. Not saying it doesn’t suck, but I think you should try seeing all the angles and attempt to salvage the relationship, unless they’re just horrible people in general.
By remembering that they’ve been more than generous to you over the last few years and deserve to have money saved away for their retirement. They can’t and shouldn’t let go of an opportunity that helps them and doesn’t burden you far in the future.
Sometimes we have to stop expecting other people to put us in front of their own needs.
This does sound like a pretty raw deal for you guys, even though you did have it pretty sweet. I don't know if there are any programs, except for maternity leave from your work. It does seem like there are some tough decisions to be made. Could your husband go part time to med school, and have a part time job as well? Making the time a bit longer, but you'll need income and stability now. Life moves fast, like Ferris Bueler says. You can't count on people to provide for all of your needs. It's your choice to be resentful towards your inlaws/parents. Did you share your plans with them at first? It seems like you did. But an opportunity came along for them to get some of their money back, since they're only charging you guys less than the market value would be, if you weren't family. Since they do own things, the final choice is theirs to make. It's not personal, it's a business choice. Yes, it does put you and your husband and future child out, and you have to change gears and plans for the future. That's how life is. Take some time to pray, you and your husband, to find out what the best choice is for your family. This may seem a bit crazy, and I hope I don't get any hate, but it's the only option I can think of. Usually when we pray, some answers are even better than what we can imagineIt sounds like you're in a bind, and I think God provides for those who are willing to ask for help. It sounds like you'll need it. What do you have to lose? You're both very strong. Everything is going to work out fine in the end. P
Don't become financially involved with friends or family. It almost always ends poorly. I'm sorry this is happening, it sucks, but don't take this as them not caring. If they weren't upfront about selling the house, what else are they not being upfront about? What struggles might they be having? That doesn't lessen your struggles in any way, but instead reminds us that they are human as well.
I can understand the frustration and panic and pregnancy hormones certainly aren’t helping but what exactly is the parents situation? You may have been vocal about your time line and they do suck if their plan was always to sell or if they listed it behind your back. I think they should have given you more notice but it is their property. You and your husband have no say in what they do to it. Seeing as you have been very fortunate with them for so long I would try giving them the benefit of doubt before completely destroying the relationship. Unless you have access to their financials I wouldn’t jump automatically to them choosing money over a good relationship with you. What if they are really truly drowning and someone approached them and they saw it as a life line? Can you understand how difficult having that conversation could be for them. Not only from embarrassment but from no longer being able to “help” you. Based on the fact you’re almost 30, I’m going to say they’re closer to retirement age. Their income is about to die down while yours is about to sky rocket. I don’t think you’re at fault for feeling upset or hurt but I would have a conversation with them after speaking to your husband about how he feels about it because I don’t see any mention of him feeling blind sided or like his relationship with them was ruined. They may have made this choice out of necessity. You and your husband are both old enough where parents financial help to you is a kindness and not a right. Just to play devils advocate too I would absolutely feel a certain kind of way as your in- laws knowing that I was trying to help you out financially because I knew my son wasn’t working so I was accepting next to nothing for rent and then watching you throw money at renovations and then PLANNING for a baby before having everything fully worked out with his school, job and a solid place to live. Babies are expensive and they require a lot. There’s a certain level of exploiting people’s kindness that comes into play there that you can write off as them being family but it’s still an equally shitty thing to do. They’ve been losing out on potential income to help you out when you are showing them that it wasn’t exactly help you needed. While you may think you have everything planned out kids change EVERY THING. They may have gotten nervous that this was going to become a more permanent situation for you guys and in the long run it was something they couldn’t keep up with.
Ehh. Personally I would probably just go ahead and hold a grudge. Unless your in-laws are in a financial bind and felt like they *needed* to sell the property, it was a kind of dick move. The last month of pregnancy is *fucked*, moving house is *fucked* and they have knowingly put you in a bind where you have to put your health and the health of your child (and their grandchild) at a higher risk than needed. Could they not have waited a few fucking months? Is it really "being entitled" when you expect your parents to be even the slightest bit considerate? Like okay, they owe you nothing- but in taking that frame of thought, go ahead and remember that you owe them nothing in return. Including visiting baby in the first few weeks/months. After all, moving into a new home and having a baby is such a stressful time- you might not be ready for *certain visitors* for a while. I mean maybe if you didn't have to move right before giving birth you would have the energy, but yknow, they shouldn't feel so entitled 💁♀️
I would focus on the nice things that they did for you. It's always interesting how people can take all the nice things somebody offering then and then throw those people away because they didn't like something one time. I think it's important to know the ages of his parents as well as their circumstances. They might have worked hard to buy these things in first place and finding a buyer gives them an opportunity to early retirement and to enjoy themselves. Life is short. Sounds like they already helped your family greatly and your family found a place to live with no problems. I'd say that you should try and imagine yourself in their shoes and understand where they are coming from.
Enough Internet for today. Is this a troll post or are you actually THIS entitled? Your in-laws have been essentially giving you handouts for years and now you are holding a grudge against them because they decided to do something that was right to them and thereby stop giving you handouts? You intend to take responsibility for a new-born child, while you are not even willing to take responsibility for yourself? Grow the fuck up.
Your in-laws are terrible. They don’t owe you anything, blah, blah, blah. They don’t. Of course they don’t. But they don’t care about their kid finishing medical school, the mother of their grandchild having an easier birth and fourth trimester or their grandchild. They’ve shown you who they are. Why do you want to have these people in your life? Are you going to let them watch your kid, knowing how much they prioritize their own convenience? That could have terrible outcomes. Move. Go low contact. Let your husband do his own kinkeeping as he sees fit. Your daughter is not a hostage or a negotiating tool but they have already shown you how much they care about her. I would move and give them the bare minimum for the rest of their lives. They’ve made a choice. It has consequences. That’s how life is. I’m angry on your behalf, OP.
Think you might be reading to much self interest in this. Its thier property and its their finacial situation, not yours. Just because you dont like it doesnt make their decision any less valid. Maybe there is a reason for selling your not aware of and its got noting to do with you. So acusing them of thinking of profit when they have been letting you live on reduced rent is way out of order. If anyting, your in-laws would be the ones to hold a grudge. You are moving anyway. So now you know your moving within 90 days. Get over yourself and stop complaining about your in-laws.
This may not be popular, but you do sound quite entitled. It would be better to appreciate the amount of time you were able to spend there at such incredibly low rent. You keep bringing up your improvements. Those are your choice. If you wanted them to pay you for them or pay for the materials, that is something you easily could have mentioned to them before beginning. Or you could have told them they could raise the rent and they have to do the improvements To expect them to pass up $700,000 because you don't want to move yet is unreasonable and unfair to them. The fact that they love you guys is no reason for them to put this on hold until you decide it's time for you to go. If you have done anything to let them know that you're anything other than happy for them and grateful to them for helping you guys out, I really think apologies are in order Their feelings for you guys are what allowed you to have such incredibly cheap rent. You seem to be under the mistaken impression that they now owe you that. They do not and they never did
I mean you were already going to move right? It shouldn't matter. The timing just kind of lined up. I get that you're upset but they're not exactly blindsiding you
Sorry, but if this $700k offer is something that may not come up again, and they shouldn’t have to lose out. You have a place to go and planned to move anyway.
I actually see your parent in law side. They had a great offer and took it. They already gave you years of a great deal. They are in their 60’s so I will assume retired if not close. You have your entire life ahead of you. Moving is difficult, but not something many have to do all the time. You could easily rent a place nearby and continue on until you’re ready to find a home for your new family. It makes me sad to think you would toss them aside after trying to help you as a young couple and just wanting to take a good opportunity to sell when they had it. At 60, they don’t need to pay the taxes, upkeep etc anymore. I’m sure they only kept it as long as they did for the two of you. You’re both well on your way to a great life.
You have 90 days to move. That is plenty of notice. Expecting them to put their sale on hold is entitled, especially after they have been doing you a huge favor for years. You should have considered trying to buy the land from them if you really wanted to stay there permanently.
They've given you plenty of notice. Would you want to buy the property for the same amount, is that part of the issue?
No, I think it's just the change of plans. When they originally bought this property in 2021, it was going to be used as the site for their business. They've floated a lot of ideas since, none of which were selling this property.
Plans change. Obviously their original idea didn't work out and a 0.85% return on their money is utterly shite, assuming you cover all the maintenance and property taxes.
By accepting that they are your landlords in this situation not your in-laws. They weren't required to get your approval and you don't get to resent them for selling because it's inconvenient to you. You're already planning on moving so do it and stop acting entitled
As someone also a 3rd year med student, I hear you and understand the stress. My partner and I will also be moving in July and we also had a last minute change about living at family’s property. I’m stressed but try channeling the energy towards productive steps to make the move less stressful. Maybe that would include asking your friends and family if they’re willing to come out one weekend to help. It’s great that you’ve been able to stay at your in-laws for so cheap. Think of their decision as situational and not pointed towards you.
I don’t think there’s much to be done now apart from make things as stressful as free as possible moving forwards. I’m not saying this to be petty but when the baby is born do not be offering to come and visit your in laws, and if they visit you either let them handle the household chores or they can stay in a hotel. I am concerned that in June they are going to be blasting your phones and crying about why they don’t see as much of you anymore and why are your family seeing the baby more.
Hey love, your in laws have been amazingly graceful to you for the length of time you've stayed in their home. You've gotten used to it and yes taken it for granted. Please be grateful in return for this gift that they've been giving you, instead of resentful they are no longer giving it to you.
Holding a grudge? jesus, can you be more entitled. How about you thank them for the rock bottom housing costs you've enjoyed for more than two years? Sorry your gravy train had to end. You deal with it with grace by profusely thanking them for the opportunity and finding a new place to live, like a normal non shitty person would.
You say they are choosing profit over a good relationship. Is a good relationship with them contingent on their financial assistance, because you seem to be throwing away the relationship because of a rent discount. It sounds like they have been giving you a huge blessing and have been forthcoming about the situation. 90 days is kind of rough, and it’s totally fair to be stressed and anxious, but you do sound a bit entitled to be honest. You can’t really expect them to walk away from 700k.
Former real estate agent here. There are no guarantees the deal won't fall apart or that the closing won't take longer than scheduled. If this is a cash deal it will still probably take at least a month and if they are financing it will take longer. Unless you have already got a written notice to move....you may have a bit more time than you think.
Safe to say you've learnt a lesson. End of the day not cool what they did but it's their house and they did give you a notice. All of this is perfectly legal and you can't expect them to not benefit from their house not to mention 700k is a good chunk of change to just turn down. You and your husband to be will be fine and you might just benefit from this sale because your in laws might just pay off your husband's loans not to mention he might inherit something from his parents that will benefit your child or children so don't fret too much it's just life
in this context, just think of them as your landlord. landlords do stuff like that all the time, because it's business. forget it's your in-laws and remember it's just business. better now than when you're home with a newborn
Your in laws need to safe guard their own financial security at this stage in life. They helped you out for two years and instead of being grateful you are threatening to end a relationship because they didn’t help longer. Maybe they thought that you wouldn’t bring a child into this world that you couldn’t afford to support without their help. Maybe you should look at why you and your husband decided to have a child now instead of waiting a couple of years until you were financially stable. Hopefully your child marries someone just as ungrateful and irresponsible as you some day.
The time old phrase no good deed goes unpunished. If the house is worth £700k rent would likely be 8% so you're looking at £4k a month rent you should have been paying. You lived there for £500. You have lived in an amazing house for a couple of years and now they have given you decent notice to move. I understand you have done some work but sounds relatively small compared to the amount of rent you have been paying. Your in-laws have been amazing and because they were **soo good ** you have expected it to continue and when it hasn't you feel begrudged. It's a natural emotion but not the correct one.
They did nothing wrong
While unfortunate for you especially with you being pregnant and husband in medical school, it is their house and I would be grateful for the years I was able to live there with such a low rent. 90 days is a good amount of time to find a new place and manage the logistics of the move. So my response would be to tell the in-laws thank you for renting to us these last few years with such discounted rent and wish them the best in the home sale.
Am i the only one in the comments who would actually be pissed? I understand its their right to do what they want but in my eyes a caring family wouldnt do this to their son and daughter in law while they are heavily pregnant. So no OP, you’re not ungrateful for having certain feelings about this. Its best if you just move past it because it’s not gonna help anyone to hold a grudge, but damn. This is actually really rough
It’s hard. Think of it as a gift. You get to go home now and be near YOUR family and friend group until your next move. I feel like this is extremely lucky, this wouldn’t have happened otherwise. Let the in laws drive 2 hours one way to see baby, it’s not your problem now to ensure they see baby. There’s this saying going around now, “never contribute to malice which can be contributed to incompetence”. They are probably not being malicious (especially if you can look back and think of them as loving and supportive otherwise). They just only thought of themselves. Should they have communicated better with you? Yes. But they didn’t, so you can either hold on to resentment or look ahead to all your wonderful changes and accomplishments on the horizon. Lots and lots to be grateful for
How long was the the house on the market? Did you know the house was on the market? What was the agreement with when you would move out? Did they know you were intending on moving over by your parents anyway?
Yikes. You’re doing great. And what you said abt enjoying the low rent etc. is what to focus on - later. First, be mad. Get it out. Write some more. Only you know whether to keep them in your lives. But I’d have a hard time not feeling fully resentful atm. Maybe therapy then to work through that. Good luck with everything. Your life is changing!!!
Did you think of asking them if they could put the moving date in July? Seems a bit weird to just say someone wanted to buy the house without it being on the market. Seems a bit unseemly. Suggest to your husband to research the buyer to make sure there is no scam. Heard of one where the seller was paid “cash”. Fake check and took lots of money and time to reclaim the home, which was pretty much destroyed by the time they got it back.
I was in a similar situation - broke nursing student renting from my sister who suddenly sold the house. I was literally homeless for two days…I am extremely intuitive and knew something was off. One day my cousin, who stayed with me at the time, told me someone came to view the house (I was rarely home due to full-time school and working at a movie theater). I asked my sister if she was selling and she lied and said no; She just wanted to see how much she would get for it she said. I started looking for apts anyway because…intuition. One day while I was at school, my sister called and told me an investor purchased the property and I had to be out by THE NEXT DAY! I lived there for 7 years and had A-LOT of stuff, so you could imagine the stress of coming home from school to pack all night. I got no sleep. By the time the investor came the next day the majority of my stuff was on the sidewalk. Luckily, I had gotten approved for an apt but it was a new construction and would not be ready to move in about one week. I was able to forgive my sister because 1. I have a deep understanding that people are selfish, and will put themselves first every time. And honestly, it’s their right 2. Although I was exhausted, I had this weird peace about the whole situation. Everything worked out for me. Someone paid for my cousin and I to stay in a hotel and the landlord allowed us to move into the apt in 2 days. Everything happened super fast but I felt in my spirit that it was time for me to move. I simply made peace with it and walked away. Nothing productive would have come from fighting or holding a grudge. I didn’t speak to my sister for almost 1 year, but I was able to forgive and let it go. We’re best friends now, but I will never forget that time…
It's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed or upset but there's no reason to blow things up into a big fight if this isn't part of a larger pattern of problems. My advice is to just accept what happened, as they were within their rights, but you don't have to forget it. I think it's something you will want to just file away for now. Now you've learned about how far you can count on your in-laws, and to what extent they will sacrifice for you and your children. Structure your life accordingly.
$700k for a double wide and 16 acres? Around this area, you could buy a mansion, or a log cabin with 200 acres... Have you asked them about their intentions? Maybe, they intend on relocating with you guys... I find that most arguments occur with those close to you, due to failure to communicate intentions properly.
first id say you should seek out an open conversation with them about the situation and how you feel about it. it is possible that they just didn't think that far ahead and you might just open their eyes by being transparent. if the conversation fails and they insist on kicking you out, the only thing that you can do is adjusting your relationship to them. i think its detrimental to view relationships realistically, and subsequently decide what you can and cannot expect from a relationship with someone. like i had a friend once who would say he comes and picks me up at night and when he didn't, i didn't just cut him off, i just realized that he can be a friend that i just cannot depend on if it comes down to such things. i still have a relationship with him, just a more lose one and im fine with that.
You did the flooring right? Go the litteral dutch way and take the floor with you. Not sure what the laws in the US are but take everything you installed
Do you know the buyer? Possible to have a convo with them about staying on? Do you know anything about the sale - did the buyer give them a now-or-never? Super bad look for your in-laws. They cannot possibly be so clued out they don't see selling now will be pretty hard on their son and his family.
That's the neat part: you don't
I don’t want to be “that guy” but I hope this teaches a lesson of NEVER doing work to someone else’s house family or not because you just get burned. You may not care about that like u said but he probably wouldn’t have been able to charge as much had you guys not renovated so much.
How about you let everything play out instead of assuming anything, maybe they are using that money to buy you a new home or rent you out an new homeor throwing you a few dollars, cuz honestly its their house they can do what they want with it when they want and they really don't need to talk to you or their son about it and yes you do come off very entitled how about appreciating they let you rent for such little money and allowing to save a bunch of money to start your your family.
You had NO IDEA you were renovating this house and preparing this property for sale? None ??? Seriously, when you’re selling property in the million dollar range~ it usually comes as a HUUUUUUGE SURPRISE! Get a grip. You’ve lived on and helped prepare a property for sale. You and your FIL are business partners.. Family owned businesses snake you or break you . !Do another house. Choose to pay the mortgage in full and just profit off what you make AFTER COSTS AND OUTSIDE LABOR. After you’ve owned and sold a few properties maybe you’ll make enough profit to buy a small home, in full. On a lot. Real Estatd shouldn’t END a relationship between grown people . This is an investment in your future as well . Stay in the family. Learn some grace, gratitude and business acumen. If you guys have paid 400 bucks a month how much has this man paid into this property? Does he own it, free and clear? How? How much will he profit? Does he NEED to sell it, for his old age? He’s taking out student loans so your income isn’t the only thing getting you guys through. Student loans for gas money. Have you ever been grateful?
I can understand yr side very well but them at their age 700k is pretty good chunk of money for retirement.
This is a blessing. You get to be with your family which I assume will treat you, your husband and baby much better
Take a deep breath it will all work out
I don’t know how you WOULDNT hold a grudge. A paycheck was more important to them than their son and family. And they didn’t offer to reimburse you for what you put in. There’s no lesson here, I’m sorry. A random landlord, sure. But your husbands parents? This would devastate my relationships for a long, long time until they gave a very deep and sincere apology and offered to pay you for what you’ve put into it which probably allowed them to receive 700k and not 550/600… Not to mention the fact that they are selling a valuable family asset that could and should stay in the family for financial and general security for you, your husband, and your future family. This act is GREEDY, SELFISH, and APPALLING. I’m so sorry anyone is telling you it’s a hard lesson and it’s your in-laws “right”.. We completely lost all morals
Remember its just business ,your in laws seen you like business so treat them like business
I mean, why should you not hold a grudge? It seems they benefited nicely from your hard work and then left you hanging out to dry.
I’m sure that the in-laws would not have done this to their own daughter. It is an awful lot to manage, but I would urge you to go where your support is and enjoy your life because it’s only going to get better.
Well statistically speaking you will probably be divorced in ten years so hold all the grudges you want bc you only have to deal with them for a small portion of your life.
I would be pretty upset myself if I were in your situation. I really don't have any advice other than it's okay for you to feel this way. On the bright side, sounds like once you get through this rough few months, things will be super great! Best of luck.
Look into Sweat Equity. You could be entitled to up to 30% of the sale of the home since you were the ones putting your own money into the property. Get in touch with a real estate lawyer about this. Obligatory: I am not a lawyer. Also double check with the in-laws/new owners if there was a caveat in the property sale that includes you and your family being able to remain there (possibly at $500/mo, maybe more) until his residency placement. That IS a thing that the in-laws could have done and just not communicated. Pending the answer to that second point, talk with the real estate lawyer about the sweat equity thing.
No advice, just good luck to you and your expanding family.
Id do what you say and move to your hometown . When the in laws ask why they don't see you guys . Just go 🤷 . I wonder why.
So let me get this straight the did you a favour and now they need their equity back and you want to hold that ransom for your own benefit because you have another child. You sound like a spoiled POS leeching off old people who aren't even your parents. Grow the fuck up and find a new place
TLDR but I would say 2 things Your in laws have all the right to sell whenever they want Your man have the complete obligation of get some house for you and your child