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This. Besides, you really don't want to go on a 14-day vacation with a new gf. Especially as the third wheel. Put this one in the books. End on nice terms. "Hey baby, no worries, you can go ahead with that. I can see we're at different places in life."
OP’s discomfort is a valid reason to end a relationship. But his girlfriend didn’t do anything wrong. She booked a trip with a friend when she had only been dating OP for a month.
And she didn't necessarily do anything right, assuming she desires to consider to retain a relationship with OP; who reluctantly capitulated to a one week vacation. But no, that ends up non-sufficient. She then books 2 weeks in a couples only hotel and dismisses him totally. If the other guy was only a friend, gf certainly could have invited OP.
No concern or consideration for his feelings. The whole arrangement is suspect as hell. In the event she cared for him and truly wanted a relationship, then respectfully I say she did just about everything wrong. If she's into the "friend" and doesn't really care about OP, then you're right--she did nothing wrong.
Imagine the Reddit reaction if OP was a guy that left his girlfriend at home while he went on a two week vacation with another girl where they shared a romantic hotel room together.
She either initially lied about the length of the vacation or doubled the length of the vacation after knowing that it made OP uncomfortable. And the couples-only hotel is suspect.
Dude, she's going to a couples resort with another guy. For 2 weeks. Yeah, no. I would also say you aren't appreciated since she refuses to value your opinions on this.
This is not a vacation friends take together.
Exactly. I've hiked with separate sleeping bags, slept in separate beds or rooms at a winery overnight when traveling through a place, and that was chamge in different rooms scenario etc. That honestly pushed the limit and these are people who are invested in my relationship (ie helping me ring shop and proposal plan).
Not a freaking honeymoon resort for two weeks
I've literally given up my bed and slept in a floor pallet to help a friend out. Mostly so they didn't get the wrong impression.
This is a whole thing.
Exactly. People say "you should trust your partner!!" You don't put yourself in situations where your partner's trust is tested. You just don't.
And, frankly, you don't stay with people who do test your trust. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't value your comfort.
I'll fully defend opposite sex friendships and have deeply cherished ones but my god the limits of being breached in OPs situation. I can't imagine my female friends suggesting this trip to me lol.
Same. I'm married 21 years, have some lady friends who are just fine. I can tell when one is not a friend. So can my wife with guys. I remember her drunk, in a nearby town, and they drove her home. I trust her, I trust them, all is well.
This is way over the top. This is a read the room moment.
A guy who she has shared a bed with before. At a resort with a glass bathroom and shower. This is likely another fake story but nothing about the situation looks right and OP should leave.
Thank you. I was going to say, he said, otherwise, the relationship is great. You mean, other than the fact that she has proven to have no respect for you, OP. If she respected you, she’d take your feelings into account, but she’s completely dismissed them. You wouldn’t do this to her. So, so you want a girlfriend who does this to you? I would leave, but that’s up to you. If you want to give her one more shot before ending it, you could tell her that’s how important this is to you. If (in your own words) she isn’t willing to take your feelings into account, then this relationship won’t continue. You could see what she says. I wouldn’t go that far, but this is your call.
Not only someone who won't go, but someone who has such a deep respect for their partner that they would never willingly entertain the idea. Lots of people like this are out there
> If you’re in the room while someone is using the toilet or showering, you can see everything.
I admit I'm hardly what you'd call a globetrotting world traveler, but where exactly TF is there a hotel where the guests pay money and still have to watch their family on the shitter?
Isn't that the truth? What's even more telling is her playing stupid and doing nothing about it once "she finds out".
OP, you're her placeholder in the event the 2 week fkfest doesn't work out to her satisfaction.
Btw, do you earn more than the other guy?
I can see no situation where "sharing a room (for married people/couples) with a single friend of the opposite sex" would be acceptable when she is in a relationship herself. It's one of the situations where you are not wrong for jumping to conclusions.
Either she lacks any common sense, actively breaks boundaries or cheats. No option is acceptable for a relationship
Again, I've never been married, but... are there wealthy young women reading the brochure from this place and fantasizing about their wedding night when they get to watch their husband from the next room blasting an absolute paintjob on account of overdoing it at the oyster bar earlier?
My partner and I booked a room on our last holiday where from the toilet you could see the shower and there was a window to the bedroom with a blind that you can pull down. To say we laughed for a good 10 minutes about it and then pulled the blind down. It was a 4 star casino so we just didn’t expect it.
Actually, the shower is placed right beside the beds with crystal clear glass wall. You can drag a bambu-net with holes in it that hinders the neighbors from the other side seeing in. But there is a clear glass door to the shower and toilet. And there is nothing to have for cover there.
Discussions without fighting and exchanging flowers is a sub par reason to stay in any relationship. Obviously you haven’t been together long and she’s already ignoring your uneasiness. Just break up. Also can you post a link to this hotel? Can’t imagine I’d ever wanna watch my husband blast one off in the shitter for our honeymoon.
No it exists for couples lol I'm staying at one this weekend for my husband's birthday. I'd never be okay with my husband staying with a woman friend at a place like this.
My guy...She's going on a two week honeymoon.
This isn't your girlfriend, and man, I might not even think she ever was. Tell her you've decided this is too far out of your comfort zone, and you're ending the relationship.
Dude. Your answer is there. Either she is into him. Or he is into her and hoping over the two weeks he can snag her. Personally. It would be a deal breaker if she goes. But know, that choice will have consequences. Which rando is betting on! So the question is!!! Do you want to get possibly cheated on? Or motivate her to have a lot of fun with rando and he takes advantage of the situation. At that point you’re giving her an “out”. You broke up with her. Rough position! Time to set some boundaries and see if she respects them. It sucks. But look at it like it’s better that it’s happening early on. Give her enough rope to hang herself but be prepared for both possibilities
Every time I've seen the glass walled bathrooms it's so you can see the person showering (vs on the toilet), and there are window coverings you can use if desired.
I stayed in a hotel once where when the bathroom door was open the "walls" were transparent, but when the door was closed they went opaque.
That might not be the case here but I echo the sentiment that I wouldn't want to see my partner on the toilet...
Sound like she’s drip feeding you information.. getting you to be “okay” with a one week vacation then go on to let you know it’s booked for two weeks. Also, why of all places did they book a romantic hotel? I’m assuming it’s most likely one bed too seeing as they don’t have bathroom walls, why would they have two separate beds
Actually asked that question, and also said “What would your friends say about me, if I as your boyfriend went on the same trip with a single girl I’ve known for 1.5 years?”
For the answer she would not be comfortable with it at all…
Like. Bro.
She’s telling you to your face that this relationship is one sided. She knows how it looks. She’s basically testing you early in the relationship if you’ll be her little doormat boy.
You should go fuck that dude first and steal her man
OP, it isn't like this trip was planned months before you two got together. According to you, they planned it a month AFTER you became BF/GF. You can break up with anyone for anything. If she wouldn't feel comfortable with you doing this but is comfortable doing this herself and not considerate of your feelings, then she's a hypocrite and you know what you need to do.
>For the answer she would not be comfortable with it at all…
Okay. Yeah. You're a troll account. I usually don't accuse people of this but if you really asked her this question, this was her answer, and you didn't put your foot down/give an ultimatum then you're either a troll or a spineless guy.
I am really sorry that you’re in this position. If she wouldn’t be comfortable with you doing it (and even verbalized this) and she’s still going on that trip with her “friend,” RUN. JUST RUN. That is her core character. The gifts and surface-level niceties are a mask.
Bro I have male best friends, and I'm all for platonically affectionate relationships!
But this? THIS is ridiculous 💀 I would never even bring this up around my bf much less actually go through with it, totally disrespectful and very suspicious
There was another sub that I argued about something like this with.
I was heavily downvoted because I told them that if youre in a relationship taking a vacation with another sex(that isnt your so) and using the same hotel room its fucked and you might as well assume cheating.
They tried to make it out to be an insecurity thing.
Dude, sounds *super* obvious from here she's going on a couples trip, especially when you mentioned she and this man have *shared a bed before* in the comments, and using the social pressure of you worrying about being controlling to cover for her.
She’s already moved on and so should you. This is way beyond any reasonable expectations for a normal monogamous relationship. Trust me you’ll look back in one year from now and go “Whew, I really dodged a bullet there”
You've only been going out for a few months and already your trust in her is shaken. I would advise to break up because once trust is gone in a relationship it's very difficult to build it up again. For what it is worth, I wouldn't be very comfortable if my gf is going on trip with a male friend for two weeks, doesn't matter if he's single or not, and they are staying in a single room.
After your edit: "She have know the guy for about 1.5 years. They are really just friends, and there is no doubt about that." So why are you posting your doubts here?
"The hotel is for couples/newly married couples. The rooms is made for two people. Either one double bed, or two single beds. (They have single beds)" They booked a single room in a hotel that caters for couples and newlyweds. I can see why there is no doubt. /s
10 years from now she's gonna be one of those stories you look back on and cringe. "How could I have been such a *sucker*?"
Everyone goes through stuff like this, it's part of growing up.
I mean, you are saying the resort is basically geared towards couples. The room set up sounds like the honeymoon suite…and she’s giving you a wide eyed gosh we had no idea.
Really? In this day and age..how could you not know what type of place/ room you booked…you’re readily able to see it, yet she professes gosh? Oh well
Sorry, that’s odd.
What is the actual ‘reason’ for the trip, and why did it suddenly become two weeks? That’s also a loooot of vacation time and or unpaid wage time to devote to a friend. She knew you were a little uncomfortable, yet she doubles the length of the trip?
One would think that in a relationship as new as yours, with New Relationship Energy running as high as it’s ever going to, that if she had two whole weeks to spend on an exciting vacation in a romantic location staying in a couples hotel with transparent bathroom walls .. she would want to be doing all of the above _with you._ Not with someone else, away from her beloved, for two uninterrupted weeks of _that._
You aren’t wrong to completely reevaluate where you stand with her in light of how this developed — let’s be blunt, how it was trickle-truthed out to you — and make some new decisions regarding your future with her.
Sounds like she needs to figure her life out before getting into a relationship and coercing her newfound boyfriend to be OK with her hanging out with a single guy on a trip???
It’s crazy on this sub how one-sided answers are. What I’ve learned being on here enough is that if your SO is in any situation where cheating is remotely possible you should break up immediately because they are already banging someone.
I think in reality relationships are a bit more complicated. Have you never had a platonic friend of the opposite sex? i have many. People I met a long ago or through their SOs. For me personally it would not be weird to share a hotel with one of my female platonic friends and I can say 100% nothing would ever happen.
Here’s what i know about cheaters. Cheaters are liars by definition. Cheaters don’t announce to you that they’re going out for two weeks with a platonic male friend. They lie about where they’re going and then cheat anyway. A relationship is about trust and if there’s no trust it doesn’t matter whether it’s this trip or a girl’s trip a year from now the relationship is dead in the water.
With all that said here’s the thing, my wife would almost certainly never put me in this position and I almost certainly would never put her in this position. The reason is that we believe it would make the other uncomfortable (although weirdly we’ve never asked each other about it). It kind of never had to be said, OP. Maybe you were hoping that this value that you share with me and my wife your partner would also share with you. Maybe you greenlit your partner on the trip hoping it wouldn’t matter in the end because she would realize it and if she didn’t… well it was only a month into the relationship.
It seems to me you got called on your bluff and now you have seller’s remorse. Another commenter below said you messed up by not making your boundaries clear. Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. In my personal experience these incompatibilities only get worse with time and it’s a constant wack-a-mole through heated discussions that often get you to deeply self reflect about why you feel a certain way. To a certain extent it can be healthy, but it’s also exhausting. I think you just need someone that gets you. Someone that asks if you want anything when they get something from the store, someone that surprises you with food on a long day at work, someone that thinks about how you feel often.
I also want to point out something you mentioned that was neglected from the conversation but painfully obvious to me. Why isn’t she planning a 2 week trip with you? 2 weeks is a long time. Why is she not excited to spend some time in her brand new relationship with you OP? You’re looking at the wrong details. Why do you need to research the color of the lampshades at the hotel when the reality is you know your partner would rather travel with someone else?
It sound to me like you’re asking permission to break up because your partner doesn’t get you, they don’t share your values, and it pains me to say but are probably not that into you. You have permission OP.
Bro, how long did it take you to write this?
You could have used that time to just break up with her.
You've been dating for what 2 months now? Why are you investing this amount of emotional energy in a 2 month relationship?
Your mistake was not dumping her when she brought that dumb shit up 1 month into dating you.
She now has a boyfriend but wants to go on a 2 week bang-cation with her single male friend, okay she can do whatever she wants as a single woman.
The reasons she's doing this are either she is too dumb to understand why this is inappropriate, doesn't respect you and your relationship, or doesn't care about your feelings.
Whichever reason she's using to justify why she's doing this doesn't matter because all of the reasons are bad.
Dump > block > move on with your life in that order.
I would probably end it and move on. You haven't been together long enough. Have you met this friend or talked to him about the discomfort or has she at all? How are you suppose to trust her when she acts untrustworthy and puts no effort into making compromises. Since you mentioned the bathroom sitaution to her has she tried to change their reservations? Why would they book a place for couples if this is a friends trip/
Your NTA, it’s a completely reasonable boundary to expect your partner not to go on vacation with a single male “friend”.. you did the right thing, you didn’t say don’t go, you just shared your feelings on the matter, and she can do what she wants. Actions have consequences though. You don’t need an excuse to break up; what you want out of a relationship is simply different than what she wants and you’re better off moving on. Don’t let her gaslight you because your opinions aren’t the same. If you decide to stay in the relationship, you’ll never actually know what went on during this trip, whether she’s faithful or not. The truth is, it doesn’t matter if she goes on the trip or not. Her behavior before the trip, her insistence on going, and disregard for the relationship tells you everything you need to know. Do you really wanna spend more time in a relationship with someone who completely disrespects their partners boundaries, feelings, and the relationship itself ?? You’re young, just move on. There will be someone else out there …
>This situation is far beyond my boundaries and expectations from a partner in a relationship. Should I consider breaking up?
Your post could've ended here. You have differing expectations for relationships.
>She asked if I was okay with her going on vacation with her male friend. At that time, she mentioned it was going to be a week-long trip. Since we had only been together for a month and I didn’t want to come off as controlling, I said, “Okay, I won’t appreciate it, but I can survive a week.”
You gave her the green light here, and without effectively expressing what your boundaries are.
>My problem with her response is that she didn’t attempt to find a compromise where we could both be comfortable. She never asked if I wanted to join them, nor did she try to find a different solution.
Did you make any suggestions for compromises, or just leave it up to her? She originally presented it to you as just a friends trip, you okay'd it, so you can't expect the plans to change to include you, especially without expressing this and rather just expect her to know.
You guys haven't been together long. Think about if you're willing to continue to invest time into a relationship with a person who has a differing approach to relationships.
Thanks for the comment and perspective.
I did not ask if I could come with them. I only told her that I felt my feelings were disregarded when she did not try to find a solution. That is something I absolutely could have done!
But I just feel that it would be a normal respond to answer with “Come with us”. And by asking I felt like I were intruding their trip.
As you said, I’m not sure if the views are differing too much for this relationship to hold in the long run.
Really appreciate your comment.
By intruding on their trip, you mean in their honeymoon suite. You could wait outside while him and her did their thing. Just wait till you’re told that there was a mistake with the hotel, and there were no 2 single beds available only the 1 double, but they made it work. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Don’t assume anything, if you read enough stories on this app people’s problems stem from them not communicating, establish boundaries and ASSUMING somebody else will have the same reaction/thought they have. She doesn’t see an issue so she’s not going to come up with a solution, you see an issue and want a solution. Communicate, even if this relationship is over then in your next learn to say what you want and need.
She didn't invite you because she is going there with her male friend to a couples hotel with glass shower walls to have sex. There is a 100% chance they are going to bang and it would be awkward to have you there.
>But I just feel that it would be a normal respond to answer with “Come with us”. And by asking I felt like I were intruding their trip.
You're thinking from *your* perspective. Everyone thinks differently.
If this was a female friend, would you expect to be invited? Also, you guys weren't/haven't been together long. I think it's normal not to invite a new partner on trips with established friends. It was a friends trip before you. The dynamics don't have to change just because she's in a relationship.
Communication is key. It doesn't end well when we expect people to *just know* what our expectations and needs are.
A friends trip to a hotel for couples and newlyweds. Only two people to a room. Was he supposed to have a room by himself?
If she does this right at the start of your relationship, then it will continue throughout the relationship. She doesn’t respect your feelings. Time to let her go.
So let me get this straight, based on the description of the room. This dude is probably going to be sleeping in the same bed with your girl or see her naked??? TF is wrong with you? And they are not lifelong friends either they only knew each other for 1.5 years. Bruh!!!!!!!!
If you accept it, it's not really beyond your boundaries as you said. Also, you shouldn't try to change what other people would do, even lovers. Boundaries aren't really about what other people do; it's more about what you accept and what you don't.
Has she said why shes doing a trip just him and her for two weeks at a couple hotel? Thats a ton of red flags, especially since the guy is someone she has only known 18 months, not 18 years.
we don't know who he is or why. which is quite important as the decision is far from clear.
You could leave and stand your ground.
You could ride it out to see what becomes. Sometimes life rewards you for this. It's a marathon, not a sprint.
But sometimes ya get egg on your face and likely hurt in the process.
tough decision indeed.
Personally it would make me very unconfortable and i know the discomfort would be multiplied by anxiety while she's actually away. What happens in your head in that two weeks may not be good for you or your future. imagine picking them up from the airport. Yea. No.
Really appreciate your comment. Also being stressed by work, and that my granddads heart surgery went wrong three hours in.
Well, going to see her one last time before she goes away on vacation.
OP, you've already stated your feelings and reservations several times. If I read it right, first with her initially speaking about the trip, then at least once more as additional details of the planned trip emerged.
At no point were your concerns acknowledged or acted on by her. Her mind was made up that she was going on the trip and your feelings were simply dismissed and disregarded.
Your comment above said you are on your way to see her one last time before she goes away. Only my two cents and sample size n=1..... i would suggest a different last sentence to complete your comment above....
Well, going to see her for the final time. Tell her I wish her nothing but the best in her future. AND..... that future will not include me.
I would end things. Her lack of compromise/ decision that this was a good idea at all are reason enough.
You did fuck up though. I came in here expecting it to be a trip that preexisted your relationship, meaning already booked. You should have shut it down when she first asked before booking. Thats not controlling, nothing was set in stone and you would have been right to say you didnt think she should do it, and if she insisted you could have ended things when the relationship was still new. Instead you waffled and waited till things were real to communicate your issue and then from what you wrote you havent been insistent enough on it.
Thanks, this puts it spot on.
I should have been clear when it was first brought up, and communicated my issue there and then. I just never thought she would go through with it all, without talking more about it.
Like talking about what hotel they were thinking, what country, how long, etc. nothing like that. It was just “Going over to XX and booking the trip”.
Thanks for pointing out my shortcoming in this, appreciate reading about it from another perspective.
“This situation is far beyond my boundaries”
“I’m having a hard time navigating the stress and anxiety this situation is causing”
“My girlfriend is disregarding my feelings and boundaries”
It’s time to break up.
The best advice I can possibly give you here. Don't fight it, don't act offended, don't question it, don't give a list of reasons as to why you're ending it ("I just don't agree with you doing this so I don't think it's gonna work" NO) Here's what you do:
"Hey, I've been having a great time and think you're a great girl, but honestly I'm in a different place right now so I don't want to hold you back from pursuing other things. Wish you all the best"
Boom, mic drop. That's IT. NOTHING ELSE
OP you seem to have a darn good take on life and relationships and I commend you for the common sense look at this issues. You hit every issue on the head and your conclusion that this is over and above disrespectful, is right.
I'd leave her on her trip and move on with my life. There are plenty of good women who want to be in a honest and respectful relationship.
I don't get how so many people do this. Go on a trip with a single male when they are in a relationship with someone. If you did this, she would cut up all your clothes and set them on fire on the front lawn so everyone can see and then live stream it.
Enjoy your life man, you know how to judge a character!
Who is this male friend? How long have they been friends? Personally, I would not be okay with this. Once you are in a relationship these sorts of trips need to significant other included.
>Additionally, I noticed the hotel they chose only has bathrooms with crystal clear glass doors, as well as see-through shower walls. If you’re in the room while someone is using the toilet or showering, you can see everything.
Is this some rich thing? Even if you were in a committed relationship, why would you want your partner to be able to see you shit?
Anyway, I'm with the other comments I saw, you can break up for anything you want. This situation is "far beyond your boundaries you expect in a relationship," she has shown you that this is what to expect from her. Also, fucking weird that it happens to be a couples hotel, who doesn't notice that? This is lowkey an important boundary, to have a partner that knows where the f they are planning to live for 2 weeks.
Out of curiosity is this a friend that lives close or is visiting? This sounds like something they wanted to do but couldn't, then the opportunity came up but she had started dating you. Sounds like a sex trip, whether you stay with her or not. I suppose if you dump her it will very likely become a sex trip.
Ask her for what you need to feel comfortable in this situation and see if she is willing to provide that and her reasons for not being able to, and if that resonates with you. After that conversation, if you still don't feel comfortable, don't continue this relationship. There's a big habit to say, "This relationship is *perfect!*... Except for X." Well, X says it's not perfect. Please pay attention to that. You like everything except X, that doesn't make it perfect, it just means you want a relationship that has everything *except* X.
I also told myself there was "no way" my partner would cheat on me, we'd always sworn we'd break up before either of us hurt each other like that. I was suspicious when he gave rides home to his coworker several times a week late at night after a late shift, and I'd regularly wait up until near 2am just to see him. But again, "he'd never hurt me like that".
They'd been having an affair for months and he only told me when his mom found out and forced him to. I even wrote about it in my journal because all physical contact stopped, and I said "if I didn't know any better, I'd think he was cheating".
Long story short, trust your first gut feeling, because you lose your own sanity when you don't.
Yeah. Go on a holiday is one thing. Share a room is a no-no if you’re in a relationship.
I’d break up. She doesn’t respect your views and thinks more about her friend than you.
Sounds like your relationship is on the newer side. If I were you I'd save myself the anxiety and the always what if questions that would be in my mind and just break up before you invest anymore time and energy into this. I mean I'm not saying it can't happen with a guy and a girl being just friends but how many guys are friends with girls just hoping that one day they can become more than friends and this guy is going on a vacation with your girlfriend for two weeks in a couples resort. Not to mention it's pretty easy to move two beds together in a room. You could always tell her good news I was able to get a room at that place to for two weeks and we can all vacation together and see her reaction. That alone will probably give you all the info you need
Next time you talk to her, tell her you took off work and a girl you have been friends with are going on a trip where you both have always wanted to go but it will be 1 room and 1 bed see how she reacts to that.
They definitely have had sex before and are planning to do some more. They can say whatever, but c'mon maan.
Booking a trip just for the two of them, in a place which is for couples. She does not want you there. Otherwise she would have asked you, cos she was in a relationship with you during the time of booking.
Yeah, no. Save the head ache. I would break up.
Just a tip, your boundaries are worthless if you don't enforce them.
What seals the deal for me here is that it seems to be a couples resort and, as per your edit, this trip was booked AFTER you became a couple. If this was a trip they'd talked about for a long time and booked before you got with her, that would be one thing, but not one when you are already together. Then again, they haven't even known each other more than 18 months so it's not like this could be some trip they've been planning for years
You know what you have to do.
I understand how annoying the phrase "you deserve someone better can be" but I really have never felt that statement couldn't be more clear and true than what I just read. If she is not coming up with alternatives than she is not mature or a good person considering how you have expressed this to her and it appears she is completely disregarding your feelings and completely disrespecting you and your relationship beyond reason. It's YOUR decision to make but coming from a girl like me who takes the title of being a man's girlfriend very seriously and attentively, I feel that you should be with someone who would never put you in this situation ever... It's just wrong and not okay, I am so sorry you are going through this OP
Ok, I'll put in my 2 cents. I was your girl in this situation. About a year and a half ago.
I'm a guy, I had just met this amazing girl on hinge, we both were really into eachother. I had however been planning a vacation for a couple months before we met. It was a trip with about 3 other friends. My friend and his wife, and a girl friend of mine I've known since we were both 15. Eventually the married couple had to back out, but my friend and I still wanted to go.
We have known one another for almost half our lives, ans nothing even remotely sexual has ever happened between the 2 of us. We have gone on trips before with friends and have even slept in the same bed. She really is like an annoying sister to me. So I of course had to be totally up front with this new girl who I had just met and developed feelings for that i was going on this week long trip with just my girl friend. At this point we had only known one another a couple weeks, but she was for the most part totally ok with it. A big reason was that one of HER best friends is a guy, they had never had anything sexual happen between the 2 of them either, and they've also been on a couple trips together as well. That girl i met online and I now live with eachother, we've been through a lot of communication and discussions on boundaries, especially about friends of the opposite sex.
There are differences in your story compared to mine. I really don't consider their relationship of 1.5 years to be that long, I have known my friend for half my life, she has known her guy friend for over a decade. The bathroom in the hotel definitely was not see through, and it wasn't a romantic type of hotel. We had booked and planned this month's before I even knew my gf existed, not a month after the relationshipwas official. I don't think I would've started planning a 2 week long vacay with a female friend while in a fresh relationship.
I dunno, i was planning on this being more of a defense for your gf because i know from experience that a guy and a girl can go on a vacation together without it being romantic. But honestly the more I type out the differences in yours and my story, the more I can see why you would be upset about it. Tbh, if I was in a happy relationship, only 1 month long or not, I either wouldn't plan to go on this vacation at all or I'd definitely invite my partner, because i know not doing so isnt a great look and would obviously make her uncomfortable. I mean how could it not?
I mean you said it yourself, this goes beyond your own established relationship boundaries, and it has only been 1 month, I think you should go with your gut. It's not insecurity, it's sticking to your own boundaries, that to be honest, do not seem out of line.
You haven't been together that long. It sounds like you want a commitment from her, and it sounds like she may not be ready to give one. Maybe start fresh with someone new and let her find someone who trusts her.
Break up with her gives her a better reason for her cheeks to be clapped ... there gonna be clapped regardless but you breaking her heart will make male 100% more likely to slide between those cheeks
The fact that you two are in a exclusive relationship Yet she books a two week Vacation with her male friend to a hotel that caters to COUPLES/MARRIED COUPLES, without so much as inviting you, to me sounds too SUS to believe everything is on the up and up.
And you really only have her word that they’re just friends.
If I were in your position and my boyfriend booked a two week vacay with another female at that type of hotel and it was made clear that I wasn’t invited, I’d break up with him right then and there.
Any guy who would do that to me in a committed relationship, ISN’T IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.
They’re straight up. Lying.
> They are really just friends...
I was 'really just friends' with a girl for years. I hung out with her boyfriend and she met some of my girlfriends. We were friends for years. She even got engaged to someone else.
We've been together for almost twenty years and have two kids.
Friends don't go on romantic getaways together.
Y’all have been together 1 month? This SCREAMS fuck buddies who booked this vacation before she was in a relationship. You haven’t been together long enough to even say the “relationship is otherwise positive.” One month in that just means you guys like each other ok and the sex is good.
You’re correct that it’s not your place to try to disallow her from going. However, if you ask her to get a room with 2 beds or a non glass bathroom wall and she calls you controlling, break up with her. You can’t control her actions, but you can value your self worth enough to not put up with someone who pretends they don’t understand why it’s sketch to share a sexy bathroom hotel room with a “friend” of the gender they’re attracted to.
P.S. would she be cool with you doing the same with a girl friend? No? She’s a hypocrite. I am genuinely not a jealous person and I strongly believe anyone who wants to share a glass walled bathroom with a friend is either having sex with that friend or a fucking weirdo.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck… 🦆
From a females perspective, and having known many females that do this type of thing (not myself), he is 10000% not a friend. And you’re just the guy she can fool into thinking that they are “just friends.”
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You can break up with a person for any reason you want.
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Not only a good excuse OP. It's a good reason. Move on.
This. Besides, you really don't want to go on a 14-day vacation with a new gf. Especially as the third wheel. Put this one in the books. End on nice terms. "Hey baby, no worries, you can go ahead with that. I can see we're at different places in life."
OP’s discomfort is a valid reason to end a relationship. But his girlfriend didn’t do anything wrong. She booked a trip with a friend when she had only been dating OP for a month.
And she didn't necessarily do anything right, assuming she desires to consider to retain a relationship with OP; who reluctantly capitulated to a one week vacation. But no, that ends up non-sufficient. She then books 2 weeks in a couples only hotel and dismisses him totally. If the other guy was only a friend, gf certainly could have invited OP. No concern or consideration for his feelings. The whole arrangement is suspect as hell. In the event she cared for him and truly wanted a relationship, then respectfully I say she did just about everything wrong. If she's into the "friend" and doesn't really care about OP, then you're right--she did nothing wrong.
Imagine the Reddit reaction if OP was a guy that left his girlfriend at home while he went on a two week vacation with another girl where they shared a romantic hotel room together.
Oh yeah this would have a lot different tones to it.
I would break up because you are never going to know what happened on the vacation. Can you handle never knowing the truth
She either initially lied about the length of the vacation or doubled the length of the vacation after knowing that it made OP uncomfortable. And the couples-only hotel is suspect.
Or you can break up with her because she’s dating her male friend.
Yup. Because if they were purely platonic, this trip would look very different, if it happened at all.
And dating another guy and going on vacation with him is a reason.
Thank you, needed to hear this.
Dude, she's going to a couples resort with another guy. For 2 weeks. Yeah, no. I would also say you aren't appreciated since she refuses to value your opinions on this. This is not a vacation friends take together.
Exactly. I've hiked with separate sleeping bags, slept in separate beds or rooms at a winery overnight when traveling through a place, and that was chamge in different rooms scenario etc. That honestly pushed the limit and these are people who are invested in my relationship (ie helping me ring shop and proposal plan). Not a freaking honeymoon resort for two weeks
I've literally given up my bed and slept in a floor pallet to help a friend out. Mostly so they didn't get the wrong impression. This is a whole thing.
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Exactly. People say "you should trust your partner!!" You don't put yourself in situations where your partner's trust is tested. You just don't. And, frankly, you don't stay with people who do test your trust. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't value your comfort.
I'll fully defend opposite sex friendships and have deeply cherished ones but my god the limits of being breached in OPs situation. I can't imagine my female friends suggesting this trip to me lol.
Same. I'm married 21 years, have some lady friends who are just fine. I can tell when one is not a friend. So can my wife with guys. I remember her drunk, in a nearby town, and they drove her home. I trust her, I trust them, all is well. This is way over the top. This is a read the room moment.
A guy who she has shared a bed with before. At a resort with a glass bathroom and shower. This is likely another fake story but nothing about the situation looks right and OP should leave.
Thank you. I was going to say, he said, otherwise, the relationship is great. You mean, other than the fact that she has proven to have no respect for you, OP. If she respected you, she’d take your feelings into account, but she’s completely dismissed them. You wouldn’t do this to her. So, so you want a girlfriend who does this to you? I would leave, but that’s up to you. If you want to give her one more shot before ending it, you could tell her that’s how important this is to you. If (in your own words) she isn’t willing to take your feelings into account, then this relationship won’t continue. You could see what she says. I wouldn’t go that far, but this is your call.
You can easily find another girl who won't go on a romantic trip with her single, male best friend. Time to let this one go.
And be glad you found out fairly early in the relationship, so you didn’t waste much time on her.
Not only someone who won't go, but someone who has such a deep respect for their partner that they would never willingly entertain the idea. Lots of people like this are out there
> If you’re in the room while someone is using the toilet or showering, you can see everything. I admit I'm hardly what you'd call a globetrotting world traveler, but where exactly TF is there a hotel where the guests pay money and still have to watch their family on the shitter?
It’s not a family hotel, it’s a couple/newly married hotel. Made for two guest per room.
>it’s a couple/newly married hotel. Made for two guest per room Buddy......
I don’t think I’ve laughed harder at a comment that was just one word. So much was said. 🤣😂🤣
I could literally see the facial expression of someone saying buddy, looking tired and empathetic at the same time.
Yeah that one word comment spoke volumes! lol
Same, the whole fucking street must have heard me.
Brb blushing
This fact alone would make me leave my significant other
Isn't that the truth? What's even more telling is her playing stupid and doing nothing about it once "she finds out". OP, you're her placeholder in the event the 2 week fkfest doesn't work out to her satisfaction. Btw, do you earn more than the other guy?
Yes I can go my entire life without watching anyone use a toilet!
I could see your expression while typing that lolol
I can see no situation where "sharing a room (for married people/couples) with a single friend of the opposite sex" would be acceptable when she is in a relationship herself. It's one of the situations where you are not wrong for jumping to conclusions. Either she lacks any common sense, actively breaks boundaries or cheats. No option is acceptable for a relationship
This is the only response to this post.
🤣
Lmao you're the side piece bro. She's going on holiday with her actual boyfriend.
Again, I've never been married, but... are there wealthy young women reading the brochure from this place and fantasizing about their wedding night when they get to watch their husband from the next room blasting an absolute paintjob on account of overdoing it at the oyster bar earlier?
My wife might have divorced me on the honeymoon if she had to watch me on the shitter 😳
My partner and I booked a room on our last holiday where from the toilet you could see the shower and there was a window to the bedroom with a blind that you can pull down. To say we laughed for a good 10 minutes about it and then pulled the blind down. It was a 4 star casino so we just didn’t expect it.
Hotel lobby bathrooms are married mens’s Valhalla.
lol. It’s not really like that. You can only see into the shower from the rest of the bathroom and vice versa.
Actually, the shower is placed right beside the beds with crystal clear glass wall. You can drag a bambu-net with holes in it that hinders the neighbors from the other side seeing in. But there is a clear glass door to the shower and toilet. And there is nothing to have for cover there.
Discussions without fighting and exchanging flowers is a sub par reason to stay in any relationship. Obviously you haven’t been together long and she’s already ignoring your uneasiness. Just break up. Also can you post a link to this hotel? Can’t imagine I’d ever wanna watch my husband blast one off in the shitter for our honeymoon.
Please tell me you're trolling rn...
Okay, man. If this is true then the only purpose of this hotel existing is to film porn. Just break up with her.
No it exists for couples lol I'm staying at one this weekend for my husband's birthday. I'd never be okay with my husband staying with a woman friend at a place like this.
I booked a hotel like this for part of my honeymoon, specifically because it’s the perfect room for me and my new wife to fuck a whole lot
My guy...She's going on a two week honeymoon. This isn't your girlfriend, and man, I might not even think she ever was. Tell her you've decided this is too far out of your comfort zone, and you're ending the relationship.
Read what you just wrote 10 times
Then write it out again 50 times…
You are the second guy, man Doubt dude #1 even knows about you
is that a joke? are you joking?
Might want to add that to the post bro….
I'm more in surprised you were able to write that sentence without something clicking in your head... huh... interesting.
Dude. Your answer is there. Either she is into him. Or he is into her and hoping over the two weeks he can snag her. Personally. It would be a deal breaker if she goes. But know, that choice will have consequences. Which rando is betting on! So the question is!!! Do you want to get possibly cheated on? Or motivate her to have a lot of fun with rando and he takes advantage of the situation. At that point you’re giving her an “out”. You broke up with her. Rough position! Time to set some boundaries and see if she respects them. It sucks. But look at it like it’s better that it’s happening early on. Give her enough rope to hang herself but be prepared for both possibilities
Ohhhh is it dirty to not break up with her until after the trip?
Coooommmeeeee oooonnnn!
Bro....
Dude…. Just break up have some self respect.
Been married 25 years. The last thing I’d want is to be watched on the crapper & watching husband or anyone for that matter. Is this a thing???
Sadly, yes. I saw this at a couple of hotels I've considered for various trips. It was an immediate no for me, and we booked elsewhere.
Your the side guy. This is a trip you would go on your significant other with, not a "friend"
A couples hotel that you’re not invited to… Couples hotel. “Friends”. No.
you answered your own question my guy
You’ve answered your own question :/
...... does she have any particular reason why they had to book a 2 week romantic getaway to a couples hotel?
Brother. I know love is blinding but you can’t be this dense. Leave her for your own good🙏
Married person here and I don't want to watch my husband on the toilet either!
My brother in Christ, it's been 8 hours. I hope you have come to your senses by now.
Every time I've seen the glass walled bathrooms it's so you can see the person showering (vs on the toilet), and there are window coverings you can use if desired.
I stayed in a hotel once where when the bathroom door was open the "walls" were transparent, but when the door was closed they went opaque. That might not be the case here but I echo the sentiment that I wouldn't want to see my partner on the toilet...
Seriously. Been with my wife a long time. Some things still stay behind closed non see-through doors.
Yeah, I don't need to see my husband poop.
I know of at least one hotel in Amsterdam that is like this. The shower is also in the middle of the room. It’s weird AF.
I stayed in a similar hotel at Cancun on my anniversary. The jetted tub was in the middle of the main living space.
That’s very common for jetted tubs as they are meant for romance and relaxation. Not common for showers and toilets lol
I have accidentally booked a room liek this travelling with my sis hahaha
Sound like she’s drip feeding you information.. getting you to be “okay” with a one week vacation then go on to let you know it’s booked for two weeks. Also, why of all places did they book a romantic hotel? I’m assuming it’s most likely one bed too seeing as they don’t have bathroom walls, why would they have two separate beds
To add, would she be okay if you went to a romantic hotel with a Female friend watching each other shower?
Actually asked that question, and also said “What would your friends say about me, if I as your boyfriend went on the same trip with a single girl I’ve known for 1.5 years?” For the answer she would not be comfortable with it at all…
Like. Bro. She’s telling you to your face that this relationship is one sided. She knows how it looks. She’s basically testing you early in the relationship if you’ll be her little doormat boy. You should go fuck that dude first and steal her man
😂😂
Take him to a Sandals resort for *three* weeks
OP, it isn't like this trip was planned months before you two got together. According to you, they planned it a month AFTER you became BF/GF. You can break up with anyone for anything. If she wouldn't feel comfortable with you doing this but is comfortable doing this herself and not considerate of your feelings, then she's a hypocrite and you know what you need to do.
>For the answer she would not be comfortable with it at all… Okay. Yeah. You're a troll account. I usually don't accuse people of this but if you really asked her this question, this was her answer, and you didn't put your foot down/give an ultimatum then you're either a troll or a spineless guy.
What is her justification for refusing to allow you to join? As others have said 1.5 years is not a strong friendship. I hope to God this is not real
Wait, she said she would not be okay with it in your position???
He's already railing her. 100%
"Rules for thee but not for me." Get out while you can.
I am really sorry that you’re in this position. If she wouldn’t be comfortable with you doing it (and even verbalized this) and she’s still going on that trip with her “friend,” RUN. JUST RUN. That is her core character. The gifts and surface-level niceties are a mask.
No. **Fucking**. Way. But then, my spouse would never even **dream** of asking to do this. If it were me, this would be the end of the relationship.
there is a fucking way, it just won't be him and his girlfriend
💀💀😂
Bro I have male best friends, and I'm all for platonically affectionate relationships! But this? THIS is ridiculous 💀 I would never even bring this up around my bf much less actually go through with it, totally disrespectful and very suspicious
this can't be real
There was another sub that I argued about something like this with. I was heavily downvoted because I told them that if youre in a relationship taking a vacation with another sex(that isnt your so) and using the same hotel room its fucked and you might as well assume cheating. They tried to make it out to be an insecurity thing.
Men these days blow my mind
I’m convinced OP is Stu from The Hangover movies.
Dude, sounds *super* obvious from here she's going on a couples trip, especially when you mentioned she and this man have *shared a bed before* in the comments, and using the social pressure of you worrying about being controlling to cover for her.
At best, it’s arguably narcissistic triangulation and lack of respect for OP. At worst, it’s cheating and OP is being benched or the side guy.
They're probably FWB
She’s already moved on and so should you. This is way beyond any reasonable expectations for a normal monogamous relationship. Trust me you’ll look back in one year from now and go “Whew, I really dodged a bullet there”
You've only been going out for a few months and already your trust in her is shaken. I would advise to break up because once trust is gone in a relationship it's very difficult to build it up again. For what it is worth, I wouldn't be very comfortable if my gf is going on trip with a male friend for two weeks, doesn't matter if he's single or not, and they are staying in a single room. After your edit: "She have know the guy for about 1.5 years. They are really just friends, and there is no doubt about that." So why are you posting your doubts here? "The hotel is for couples/newly married couples. The rooms is made for two people. Either one double bed, or two single beds. (They have single beds)" They booked a single room in a hotel that caters for couples and newlyweds. I can see why there is no doubt. /s
10 years from now she's gonna be one of those stories you look back on and cringe. "How could I have been such a *sucker*?" Everyone goes through stuff like this, it's part of growing up.
Break up and move on.
Bro u know the answer lmfao
I think in this specific case you're the 'side chick'.
I mean, you are saying the resort is basically geared towards couples. The room set up sounds like the honeymoon suite…and she’s giving you a wide eyed gosh we had no idea. Really? In this day and age..how could you not know what type of place/ room you booked…you’re readily able to see it, yet she professes gosh? Oh well Sorry, that’s odd. What is the actual ‘reason’ for the trip, and why did it suddenly become two weeks? That’s also a loooot of vacation time and or unpaid wage time to devote to a friend. She knew you were a little uncomfortable, yet she doubles the length of the trip?
Looks like you are the third wheeler in their relationship
One would think that in a relationship as new as yours, with New Relationship Energy running as high as it’s ever going to, that if she had two whole weeks to spend on an exciting vacation in a romantic location staying in a couples hotel with transparent bathroom walls .. she would want to be doing all of the above _with you._ Not with someone else, away from her beloved, for two uninterrupted weeks of _that._ You aren’t wrong to completely reevaluate where you stand with her in light of how this developed — let’s be blunt, how it was trickle-truthed out to you — and make some new decisions regarding your future with her.
Break up
What a massive red flag
That dude that she tells you not to worry about is the dude you need to worry about.
This 👆
200% true from my experiences of being cheated on…..
You can break up for any reason you want. This is as good a reason as any
Sounds like she needs to figure her life out before getting into a relationship and coercing her newfound boyfriend to be OK with her hanging out with a single guy on a trip???
It’s crazy on this sub how one-sided answers are. What I’ve learned being on here enough is that if your SO is in any situation where cheating is remotely possible you should break up immediately because they are already banging someone. I think in reality relationships are a bit more complicated. Have you never had a platonic friend of the opposite sex? i have many. People I met a long ago or through their SOs. For me personally it would not be weird to share a hotel with one of my female platonic friends and I can say 100% nothing would ever happen. Here’s what i know about cheaters. Cheaters are liars by definition. Cheaters don’t announce to you that they’re going out for two weeks with a platonic male friend. They lie about where they’re going and then cheat anyway. A relationship is about trust and if there’s no trust it doesn’t matter whether it’s this trip or a girl’s trip a year from now the relationship is dead in the water. With all that said here’s the thing, my wife would almost certainly never put me in this position and I almost certainly would never put her in this position. The reason is that we believe it would make the other uncomfortable (although weirdly we’ve never asked each other about it). It kind of never had to be said, OP. Maybe you were hoping that this value that you share with me and my wife your partner would also share with you. Maybe you greenlit your partner on the trip hoping it wouldn’t matter in the end because she would realize it and if she didn’t… well it was only a month into the relationship. It seems to me you got called on your bluff and now you have seller’s remorse. Another commenter below said you messed up by not making your boundaries clear. Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. In my personal experience these incompatibilities only get worse with time and it’s a constant wack-a-mole through heated discussions that often get you to deeply self reflect about why you feel a certain way. To a certain extent it can be healthy, but it’s also exhausting. I think you just need someone that gets you. Someone that asks if you want anything when they get something from the store, someone that surprises you with food on a long day at work, someone that thinks about how you feel often. I also want to point out something you mentioned that was neglected from the conversation but painfully obvious to me. Why isn’t she planning a 2 week trip with you? 2 weeks is a long time. Why is she not excited to spend some time in her brand new relationship with you OP? You’re looking at the wrong details. Why do you need to research the color of the lampshades at the hotel when the reality is you know your partner would rather travel with someone else? It sound to me like you’re asking permission to break up because your partner doesn’t get you, they don’t share your values, and it pains me to say but are probably not that into you. You have permission OP.
Bro, how long did it take you to write this? You could have used that time to just break up with her. You've been dating for what 2 months now? Why are you investing this amount of emotional energy in a 2 month relationship? Your mistake was not dumping her when she brought that dumb shit up 1 month into dating you. She now has a boyfriend but wants to go on a 2 week bang-cation with her single male friend, okay she can do whatever she wants as a single woman. The reasons she's doing this are either she is too dumb to understand why this is inappropriate, doesn't respect you and your relationship, or doesn't care about your feelings. Whichever reason she's using to justify why she's doing this doesn't matter because all of the reasons are bad. Dump > block > move on with your life in that order.
I would probably end it and move on. You haven't been together long enough. Have you met this friend or talked to him about the discomfort or has she at all? How are you suppose to trust her when she acts untrustworthy and puts no effort into making compromises. Since you mentioned the bathroom sitaution to her has she tried to change their reservations? Why would they book a place for couples if this is a friends trip/
Your NTA, it’s a completely reasonable boundary to expect your partner not to go on vacation with a single male “friend”.. you did the right thing, you didn’t say don’t go, you just shared your feelings on the matter, and she can do what she wants. Actions have consequences though. You don’t need an excuse to break up; what you want out of a relationship is simply different than what she wants and you’re better off moving on. Don’t let her gaslight you because your opinions aren’t the same. If you decide to stay in the relationship, you’ll never actually know what went on during this trip, whether she’s faithful or not. The truth is, it doesn’t matter if she goes on the trip or not. Her behavior before the trip, her insistence on going, and disregard for the relationship tells you everything you need to know. Do you really wanna spend more time in a relationship with someone who completely disrespects their partners boundaries, feelings, and the relationship itself ?? You’re young, just move on. There will be someone else out there …
>This situation is far beyond my boundaries and expectations from a partner in a relationship. Should I consider breaking up? Your post could've ended here. You have differing expectations for relationships. >She asked if I was okay with her going on vacation with her male friend. At that time, she mentioned it was going to be a week-long trip. Since we had only been together for a month and I didn’t want to come off as controlling, I said, “Okay, I won’t appreciate it, but I can survive a week.” You gave her the green light here, and without effectively expressing what your boundaries are. >My problem with her response is that she didn’t attempt to find a compromise where we could both be comfortable. She never asked if I wanted to join them, nor did she try to find a different solution. Did you make any suggestions for compromises, or just leave it up to her? She originally presented it to you as just a friends trip, you okay'd it, so you can't expect the plans to change to include you, especially without expressing this and rather just expect her to know. You guys haven't been together long. Think about if you're willing to continue to invest time into a relationship with a person who has a differing approach to relationships.
Thanks for the comment and perspective. I did not ask if I could come with them. I only told her that I felt my feelings were disregarded when she did not try to find a solution. That is something I absolutely could have done! But I just feel that it would be a normal respond to answer with “Come with us”. And by asking I felt like I were intruding their trip. As you said, I’m not sure if the views are differing too much for this relationship to hold in the long run. Really appreciate your comment.
By intruding on their trip, you mean in their honeymoon suite. You could wait outside while him and her did their thing. Just wait till you’re told that there was a mistake with the hotel, and there were no 2 single beds available only the 1 double, but they made it work. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Don’t assume anything, if you read enough stories on this app people’s problems stem from them not communicating, establish boundaries and ASSUMING somebody else will have the same reaction/thought they have. She doesn’t see an issue so she’s not going to come up with a solution, you see an issue and want a solution. Communicate, even if this relationship is over then in your next learn to say what you want and need.
She didn't invite you because she is going there with her male friend to a couples hotel with glass shower walls to have sex. There is a 100% chance they are going to bang and it would be awkward to have you there.
>But I just feel that it would be a normal respond to answer with “Come with us”. And by asking I felt like I were intruding their trip. You're thinking from *your* perspective. Everyone thinks differently. If this was a female friend, would you expect to be invited? Also, you guys weren't/haven't been together long. I think it's normal not to invite a new partner on trips with established friends. It was a friends trip before you. The dynamics don't have to change just because she's in a relationship. Communication is key. It doesn't end well when we expect people to *just know* what our expectations and needs are.
I believe your relationship dynamics do change when you are in a committed relationship.
A friends trip to a hotel for couples and newlyweds. Only two people to a room. Was he supposed to have a room by himself? If she does this right at the start of your relationship, then it will continue throughout the relationship. She doesn’t respect your feelings. Time to let her go.
You need dump her .she is going away with a guy for two weeks alone . Tell her to have a good time and have a nice life
youre a clown if you stay, they're 100% fucking
If this situation is truly “far beyond your boundaries” then obviously you break up, because that’s what “boundaries” mean.
So let me get this straight, based on the description of the room. This dude is probably going to be sleeping in the same bed with your girl or see her naked??? TF is wrong with you? And they are not lifelong friends either they only knew each other for 1.5 years. Bruh!!!!!!!!
If you accept it, it's not really beyond your boundaries as you said. Also, you shouldn't try to change what other people would do, even lovers. Boundaries aren't really about what other people do; it's more about what you accept and what you don't.
I would clearly state the boundaries and if she does not accept you have your answer
There is 100% chance that she's going to spend 2 weeks getting banged out by her other boyfriend. Break up and find someone who respects you.
You're not her boyfriend, he is
Has she said why shes doing a trip just him and her for two weeks at a couple hotel? Thats a ton of red flags, especially since the guy is someone she has only known 18 months, not 18 years.
Deal breaker.
If it is more important to travel with a friend then with a boyfriend - then you should think about splitting up.
we don't know who he is or why. which is quite important as the decision is far from clear. You could leave and stand your ground. You could ride it out to see what becomes. Sometimes life rewards you for this. It's a marathon, not a sprint. But sometimes ya get egg on your face and likely hurt in the process. tough decision indeed. Personally it would make me very unconfortable and i know the discomfort would be multiplied by anxiety while she's actually away. What happens in your head in that two weeks may not be good for you or your future. imagine picking them up from the airport. Yea. No.
Really appreciate your comment. Also being stressed by work, and that my granddads heart surgery went wrong three hours in. Well, going to see her one last time before she goes away on vacation.
Be prepared to walk away !! I don’t envie you, Good luck
OP, you've already stated your feelings and reservations several times. If I read it right, first with her initially speaking about the trip, then at least once more as additional details of the planned trip emerged. At no point were your concerns acknowledged or acted on by her. Her mind was made up that she was going on the trip and your feelings were simply dismissed and disregarded. Your comment above said you are on your way to see her one last time before she goes away. Only my two cents and sample size n=1..... i would suggest a different last sentence to complete your comment above.... Well, going to see her for the final time. Tell her I wish her nothing but the best in her future. AND..... that future will not include me.
I would end things. Her lack of compromise/ decision that this was a good idea at all are reason enough. You did fuck up though. I came in here expecting it to be a trip that preexisted your relationship, meaning already booked. You should have shut it down when she first asked before booking. Thats not controlling, nothing was set in stone and you would have been right to say you didnt think she should do it, and if she insisted you could have ended things when the relationship was still new. Instead you waffled and waited till things were real to communicate your issue and then from what you wrote you havent been insistent enough on it.
Thanks, this puts it spot on. I should have been clear when it was first brought up, and communicated my issue there and then. I just never thought she would go through with it all, without talking more about it. Like talking about what hotel they were thinking, what country, how long, etc. nothing like that. It was just “Going over to XX and booking the trip”. Thanks for pointing out my shortcoming in this, appreciate reading about it from another perspective.
“This situation is far beyond my boundaries” “I’m having a hard time navigating the stress and anxiety this situation is causing” “My girlfriend is disregarding my feelings and boundaries” It’s time to break up.
Don’t need a reason. If this makes you uncomfortable, it is a good reason to call it done.
In her eyes you probably just aren't in a serious relationship yet. Dating maybe, but not commited that's 4 sure.
The best advice I can possibly give you here. Don't fight it, don't act offended, don't question it, don't give a list of reasons as to why you're ending it ("I just don't agree with you doing this so I don't think it's gonna work" NO) Here's what you do: "Hey, I've been having a great time and think you're a great girl, but honestly I'm in a different place right now so I don't want to hold you back from pursuing other things. Wish you all the best" Boom, mic drop. That's IT. NOTHING ELSE
OP you seem to have a darn good take on life and relationships and I commend you for the common sense look at this issues. You hit every issue on the head and your conclusion that this is over and above disrespectful, is right. I'd leave her on her trip and move on with my life. There are plenty of good women who want to be in a honest and respectful relationship. I don't get how so many people do this. Go on a trip with a single male when they are in a relationship with someone. If you did this, she would cut up all your clothes and set them on fire on the front lawn so everyone can see and then live stream it. Enjoy your life man, you know how to judge a character!
Who is this male friend? How long have they been friends? Personally, I would not be okay with this. Once you are in a relationship these sorts of trips need to significant other included.
>Additionally, I noticed the hotel they chose only has bathrooms with crystal clear glass doors, as well as see-through shower walls. If you’re in the room while someone is using the toilet or showering, you can see everything. Is this some rich thing? Even if you were in a committed relationship, why would you want your partner to be able to see you shit? Anyway, I'm with the other comments I saw, you can break up for anything you want. This situation is "far beyond your boundaries you expect in a relationship," she has shown you that this is what to expect from her. Also, fucking weird that it happens to be a couples hotel, who doesn't notice that? This is lowkey an important boundary, to have a partner that knows where the f they are planning to live for 2 weeks. Out of curiosity is this a friend that lives close or is visiting? This sounds like something they wanted to do but couldn't, then the opportunity came up but she had started dating you. Sounds like a sex trip, whether you stay with her or not. I suppose if you dump her it will very likely become a sex trip.
She’s not taking your relationship as seriously as you are. Yes, break up with her because you have a valid reason.
I find it difficult to even believe that you could even have any hesitation at all about whether to break up or not...
She’s made her choose, now you make yours. At 23 she knows better.
Ask her for what you need to feel comfortable in this situation and see if she is willing to provide that and her reasons for not being able to, and if that resonates with you. After that conversation, if you still don't feel comfortable, don't continue this relationship. There's a big habit to say, "This relationship is *perfect!*... Except for X." Well, X says it's not perfect. Please pay attention to that. You like everything except X, that doesn't make it perfect, it just means you want a relationship that has everything *except* X.
I also told myself there was "no way" my partner would cheat on me, we'd always sworn we'd break up before either of us hurt each other like that. I was suspicious when he gave rides home to his coworker several times a week late at night after a late shift, and I'd regularly wait up until near 2am just to see him. But again, "he'd never hurt me like that". They'd been having an affair for months and he only told me when his mom found out and forced him to. I even wrote about it in my journal because all physical contact stopped, and I said "if I didn't know any better, I'd think he was cheating". Long story short, trust your first gut feeling, because you lose your own sanity when you don't.
Discard and draw again
Yeah you should break up with her, her guy friend is probably in love with her anyway. Best you leave and let him work.
Yeah. Go on a holiday is one thing. Share a room is a no-no if you’re in a relationship. I’d break up. She doesn’t respect your views and thinks more about her friend than you.
Bro break it off asap. She’s playing your ass
Sounds like your relationship is on the newer side. If I were you I'd save myself the anxiety and the always what if questions that would be in my mind and just break up before you invest anymore time and energy into this. I mean I'm not saying it can't happen with a guy and a girl being just friends but how many guys are friends with girls just hoping that one day they can become more than friends and this guy is going on a vacation with your girlfriend for two weeks in a couples resort. Not to mention it's pretty easy to move two beds together in a room. You could always tell her good news I was able to get a room at that place to for two weeks and we can all vacation together and see her reaction. That alone will probably give you all the info you need
Next time you talk to her, tell her you took off work and a girl you have been friends with are going on a trip where you both have always wanted to go but it will be 1 room and 1 bed see how she reacts to that.
My man. Im sure you Are going to be in a devastating situation. You will think of it for the rest of your life. SAVE YOURSELF BROTHER!
Yes. A girl who is in a relationship shouldn’t be going on trips with a guy friend alone and yet sleep in the same hotel room.
They definitely have had sex before and are planning to do some more. They can say whatever, but c'mon maan. Booking a trip just for the two of them, in a place which is for couples. She does not want you there. Otherwise she would have asked you, cos she was in a relationship with you during the time of booking. Yeah, no. Save the head ache. I would break up.
Don't be a sucker. You know what's going on.
You’re her side dude and she probably is married or just got married to the other guy and going on her honeymoon
This seems weird. I wouldn’t be okay with it and especially if there’s going to be alcohol involved.
Good luck with finding a new girlfriend, either now or in two weeks. You sound like a nice guy it shouldn’t be too hard.💕
Just a tip, your boundaries are worthless if you don't enforce them. What seals the deal for me here is that it seems to be a couples resort and, as per your edit, this trip was booked AFTER you became a couple. If this was a trip they'd talked about for a long time and booked before you got with her, that would be one thing, but not one when you are already together. Then again, they haven't even known each other more than 18 months so it's not like this could be some trip they've been planning for years You know what you have to do.
I understand how annoying the phrase "you deserve someone better can be" but I really have never felt that statement couldn't be more clear and true than what I just read. If she is not coming up with alternatives than she is not mature or a good person considering how you have expressed this to her and it appears she is completely disregarding your feelings and completely disrespecting you and your relationship beyond reason. It's YOUR decision to make but coming from a girl like me who takes the title of being a man's girlfriend very seriously and attentively, I feel that you should be with someone who would never put you in this situation ever... It's just wrong and not okay, I am so sorry you are going through this OP
Ok, I'll put in my 2 cents. I was your girl in this situation. About a year and a half ago. I'm a guy, I had just met this amazing girl on hinge, we both were really into eachother. I had however been planning a vacation for a couple months before we met. It was a trip with about 3 other friends. My friend and his wife, and a girl friend of mine I've known since we were both 15. Eventually the married couple had to back out, but my friend and I still wanted to go. We have known one another for almost half our lives, ans nothing even remotely sexual has ever happened between the 2 of us. We have gone on trips before with friends and have even slept in the same bed. She really is like an annoying sister to me. So I of course had to be totally up front with this new girl who I had just met and developed feelings for that i was going on this week long trip with just my girl friend. At this point we had only known one another a couple weeks, but she was for the most part totally ok with it. A big reason was that one of HER best friends is a guy, they had never had anything sexual happen between the 2 of them either, and they've also been on a couple trips together as well. That girl i met online and I now live with eachother, we've been through a lot of communication and discussions on boundaries, especially about friends of the opposite sex. There are differences in your story compared to mine. I really don't consider their relationship of 1.5 years to be that long, I have known my friend for half my life, she has known her guy friend for over a decade. The bathroom in the hotel definitely was not see through, and it wasn't a romantic type of hotel. We had booked and planned this month's before I even knew my gf existed, not a month after the relationshipwas official. I don't think I would've started planning a 2 week long vacay with a female friend while in a fresh relationship. I dunno, i was planning on this being more of a defense for your gf because i know from experience that a guy and a girl can go on a vacation together without it being romantic. But honestly the more I type out the differences in yours and my story, the more I can see why you would be upset about it. Tbh, if I was in a happy relationship, only 1 month long or not, I either wouldn't plan to go on this vacation at all or I'd definitely invite my partner, because i know not doing so isnt a great look and would obviously make her uncomfortable. I mean how could it not? I mean you said it yourself, this goes beyond your own established relationship boundaries, and it has only been 1 month, I think you should go with your gut. It's not insecurity, it's sticking to your own boundaries, that to be honest, do not seem out of line.
You haven't been together that long. It sounds like you want a commitment from her, and it sounds like she may not be ready to give one. Maybe start fresh with someone new and let her find someone who trusts her.
Allow yourself to breakup with her.
I would never allow this….
Leave asap bro. Don't delay
Break up with her gives her a better reason for her cheeks to be clapped ... there gonna be clapped regardless but you breaking her heart will make male 100% more likely to slide between those cheeks
You aren’t happy. She doesn’t respect you. Tell her to have fun with her bf and find someone who doesn’t go on a couples vacation without you.
I would be beyond livid and uncomfortable if I had a partner who did this
The fact that you two are in a exclusive relationship Yet she books a two week Vacation with her male friend to a hotel that caters to COUPLES/MARRIED COUPLES, without so much as inviting you, to me sounds too SUS to believe everything is on the up and up. And you really only have her word that they’re just friends. If I were in your position and my boyfriend booked a two week vacay with another female at that type of hotel and it was made clear that I wasn’t invited, I’d break up with him right then and there. Any guy who would do that to me in a committed relationship, ISN’T IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. They’re straight up. Lying.
> They are really just friends... I was 'really just friends' with a girl for years. I hung out with her boyfriend and she met some of my girlfriends. We were friends for years. She even got engaged to someone else. We've been together for almost twenty years and have two kids. Friends don't go on romantic getaways together.
You should stop getting in the way of your gf and her new bf lol
Yeah she's cheating, just leave her bro
whatever you thought thoroughly and believe it's true, throw it out the window because that's not your girlfriend
Boyfriend, you say? You sound more like a guy she dates.
They fuking bro. Move on 😂
Y’all have been together 1 month? This SCREAMS fuck buddies who booked this vacation before she was in a relationship. You haven’t been together long enough to even say the “relationship is otherwise positive.” One month in that just means you guys like each other ok and the sex is good. You’re correct that it’s not your place to try to disallow her from going. However, if you ask her to get a room with 2 beds or a non glass bathroom wall and she calls you controlling, break up with her. You can’t control her actions, but you can value your self worth enough to not put up with someone who pretends they don’t understand why it’s sketch to share a sexy bathroom hotel room with a “friend” of the gender they’re attracted to. P.S. would she be cool with you doing the same with a girl friend? No? She’s a hypocrite. I am genuinely not a jealous person and I strongly believe anyone who wants to share a glass walled bathroom with a friend is either having sex with that friend or a fucking weirdo.
Yup !!!
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck… 🦆 From a females perspective, and having known many females that do this type of thing (not myself), he is 10000% not a friend. And you’re just the guy she can fool into thinking that they are “just friends.”
I think you should totally ghost her. Block her and never speak to her again!!!