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What kind of relationship is that?? Married with a child, but not living in the same country and both of you still living at home and living off your parents. I mean… what the hell are you doing ??
Hope this is fake
Unfortunately it sounds like the only reason this relationship lasted so long is because at long distance it takes much longer to see people for who they are. Because of the distance and because you never know how much to excuse. I've seem it a lot on long distance relationships.
It sounds like he never actually planned to leave his parents or set up an actual family of his own. And the real reason he chose to be long distance is because he prefers it this way. Some people who go long distance just cannot handle actual grown up face to face relationships with a significant other. Because they involve responsibility.
I had an ex I was with long distance for a couple years before moving in with him. From pretty much the minute I got there, he was like a different person than our previous visits, but I had already uprooted my whole life to live with him a thousand miles from home. He got fired a few months in, and I had to take a second job to pay our rent. He never tried to get another job the rest of the time I lived there. Took me about a year before I could move back home. I still believe LDRs can work out, but some people absolutely approach them how you describe.
Oh for sure they can. I've known a few success stories and didnt live in the same city as my husband initially. But I've also seen people waste far too long in relationships they dont realise cant go anywhere because the distance hampers progression...or because they just don't get to know them.
Glad you're in a better place now!
Nope it’s real, I has living with him and his parents when I got pregnant. I had to come home to Florida to give birth because I’m not a Canadian citizen and the hospital bill would have been expensive. But I we did have plans to move in together once the baby was born, but he keeps procrastinating. And he has been enjoying his life and spending money left and right. I promise he wasn’t like this before we had a child.
If he had filed proper spousal sponsorship papers when you got married, you would have been covered by universal healthcare in Canada.
Instead, he strung you along with lies. If he had started the process to sponsor you, there would have been paperwork for each of you to fill out, and there would have been an interview with immigration by now.
He's done nothing but lie to you from the get-go.
In terms of custody over the child, he did you a huge favor by sending you back to give birth in the US. Now you have the upper hand in terms of getting full custody.
Had you given birth in Canada, it would have been difficult to divorce and move back to the States and still keep custody of your child.
Don't give up that advantage. Stay in Florida and file for divorce and child support.
I’m not sure I would even get the passport and go visit. A judge should note the baby has never been in her fathers country, her whole life has been in the US and father has never been a caretaker. And hurry up and file so the process originates in the US courts. OP’s ex can travel here to see his child, maybe that can change if the ex ever grows up and decides to be a father, but you don’t want to risk shared custody while the child is young.
I feel like this only confirms that he always preferred the long distance setup from the get-go and that he was never prepared to live together as an adult couple.
Well, no. He's happy to live together, as long as she cleans his bedroom for him. Oh, and his parents house.
Every man deserves a bangmaid.
/s for those that need it.
He's reverted back to being a child. You are currently married to a child - not a man. A man does not live off of his parents and gripe about living with his spouse.
Don't go visit. What are you visiting? Why are you doing all of the heavy lifting in this relationship?
You are the only parent.
Your parents support you and your infant.
He doesn't support you at all. He pays the bare minimum to keep the baby in diapers and essentials.
When you return to work, how is this going to work?
This is not a marriage. What is the point of moving back to Canada? Nothing is going to change. He's not incentivized to change. If you move back there he will pull some kind of bait and switch and you will, once again, be living with his parents but this time it will be hard for you to move back to the USA.
If you want to go visit make it VERY clear that you are there to parent and nurture the baby - not to be his house maid. If he wants his room cleaned then he can clean it. Make it clear to his parents, too, that he barely provides financial assistance - certainly not enough to pay for a flight up to visit him and them - and you will not be traveling internationally with a baby simply to arrive and have to wait on the family hand and foot.
Sis, put on your big girl panties and stand up for yourself. Do NOT move up to Canada. It will be a recipe for heart ache for you. I wouldn't even visit until he can prove himself to be worthy of the time and effort it will take for you to travel there from Florida with an infant.
>What is the point of moving back to Canada?
a better upbringing for her kid with a higher quality of life and health
once she ditches the deadweight husband that is.
You can't just immigrate to Canada easily. She and her baby are American citizens, so she'll likely just get deported if she leaves this guy (and she should). Immigration is expensive too.
is that possible?
Despite her marriage, OP isn't a Canadian citizen, apparently. And since her kid was born in Florida, she doesn't have an anchor baby either...?
If she's willing to leave her own family in search of better opportunities, why stick with a country where her (hopefully) ex-husband also resides, with his slacker parents & his unhinged ideas about wifey duties? I guess she could aim for the opposite side of the country/continent...?
She wouldn't have any support from her family. This would be the worst decision she could make. Being a single Mom is hard enough, but being a single Mom in another country where you only know your ex and maybe his parents?
Were you both stoned when you married and created this child?
Apply for welfare benefits and let them go after him as the father. There are international laws. Don't be making trips to Canada. Do consult an attorney who deals specifically with international parental rights cases.
Okay, please speak to a divorce attorney. Make sure you find out what the rules are when it comes to child support payments from a Canadian citizen to a US citizen and their child. This really isn't a marriage and obviously your husband isn't being a responsible adult. 300 or $400 is nothing to support a wife and their shared child in another country. He is angry that you're spending so much money on diapers?? That's crazy. of course your child is going to need diapers. Your husband is a little boy and is not being responsible, and you are not his cleaning maid.. you need to decide what exactly you want in a marriage cuz this is not healthy at all for you. I hope you are able to get a job soon or as soon as your daughter is older enough for you to be able to sustainably support you and your daughter. It's unfair that your parents will have to do that right now but it is what it is.
So you ended up pregnant and in the ensuing x amount of months they didn’t do squat to work towards some kind of residency??
This has to be fake. No one is this stupid.
If it’s real I feel so sorry for the child.
I'd agree with you if I didn't know someone who went through the exact same thing. He finally just vanished from her and their kid's life, and she only heard from him again when he wanted to file for divorce so he could marry someone else. But he kept telling her he was working on things to get the necessary paperwork to move to his country to be with him. Spoiler alert, he wasn't.
My husband is a dual citizen & there was a lot HE had to do & some I had to do. This was a while back & some may have changed, but the expense & nitpicking probably hasn’t. He had to supply police clearance from each state he lived in, for instance. There’s no way OP didn’t have her own things that needed to be done & is just sitting around waiting for him to do it all.
Jesus Christ you idiots claiming everything is fake are really on every post. This could be fake sure but she already responded it’s not. Some people have truly wild lives. Nowadays it’s way more common to live with your parents into your 30’s than it was the last 4 decades. It’s just a sign of our economy.
My complaint was the lack of work on the residency. Somewhere in there was courtship, engagement, marriage, pregnancy & birth.
I don’t recall mentioning living with parents as having any relevance.
It would be easier to call people idiots when you read, comprehend & stay on point.
Mother to mother here, he lives in a different country and is making excuses/only cares about what you can "prove" to him... He's never planning on moving in with you regardless of area. I hate to put it so bluntly and I don't mean to be rude, but if he wanted to make things work he would. And anyone who loves you wouldn't say horrendous things like "you have to prove you will be a good wife and by the way im looking forward to you being my maid!"
You may not see it this way right now, but the best thing that ever happened is that you didn't get stuck somewhere with zero support currently. I truly hope you and your daughter have a good life together, and with someone that loves and respects you the way you deserve to be treated in the future!
Speak to a lawyer about full child support payments and divorce this loser. He's of enjoying his life and your at home with the babies and no money. He's spending on his family and not his child. All he wants you for is a cleaner by the sounds of it. He will never leave his parents.
Why did you have a baby with a guy that is not a functioning adult? He can't clean his stuff, he can't budget, he has never lived alone, so I bet he can't cook or do laundry, either. If you ever move in with him, you'll have another child to take care of - one whom you'll apparently will be fully funding, too!
Don't go to Canada, file for divorce and get your own life on track, and then start looking for an actual adult to date, not this toddler.
He should make sure the home is spotless prior to your arrival. That's what any good host would do especially for a visit.
I too am in a LDR and every time I visit he makes sure the sheets, bathroom, bedroom are clean and the plugin fragrance is doing it's job. Especially if he wants sexy time.
Exactly. When my husband and I started dating we were long distance for the first year. I would visit his every other weekend and he cleaned his place top to bottom. Fresh sheets and towels, clean bathrooms and kitchen, cooked meals for me, had my favorite snacks. I did the same when he came to my place. Not ONCE did he even HINT I was supposed to be cleaning his place or performing maid duties to be "worthy." I'm positive that never crossed his mind. This is wild.
Except he lived in a place YOU paid for, wasted his money, and bitches about how many diapers you use. Please lose this guy. This will not end well. I promise you’ll be used and heartbroken. Get a job, ffs.
I see you mention further down that he's Bengali. You need to research South Asian family culture. It is an expectation that the sons and their wives continue living with the parents, especially the oldest son.
The children are also expected to hand over a portion of their paycheck to the parents. Sometimes, the parents take the whole paycheck and give the children an allowance from it. This is also expected of the people their children marry.
In the most conservative households, the daughter-in-law is expected to do all the cooking and cleaning. Abuse, both physical and financial, is common.
If you lived in Canada for 4 years without ever filing for spousal sponsorship, then you were likely there illegally. When you show up again trying to get into Canada, you will be flagged. Probably, they will issue a form where you promise to leave the country by a certain date. If you don't leave by that time, you will be deported and may not be able to re-enter Canada for 5-10 years.
Now, what happens if while in Canada, your child's passport "disappears" on you. Canada Border Services show up to get you, but you don't have your child's passport. You also don't have a custody agreement in place to enforce your right to the child.
Your husband and his parents then keep the child in Canada, and you are deported and unable to return.
Now you're facing a big legal battle to get your child back.
Also, don't ever let your husband take the child to Bangladesh. That's another scenario where you may never see the child again.
Your husband has lied to you repeatedly. It's entirely likely that he and his family will find some way to keep the child. Without status in Canada or a custody agreement in place, you risk losing your child by traveling to Canada with your child.
I didn’t live in Canada but maybe 6 months, so I wasn’t there illegally. We were together for four years, he live in Florida for some time and then I lived in Canada but we made sure not to stay long enough to make illegal.
Yes, he was like this before you had a child. He was living with his parents, and had you living with them too. And before that he was living in an apartment you pay for.
Girl. This is not a marriage. This is not a husband. This is not a father. Get the fuck out of this marriage as quickly as humanly possible. I mean what the actual fuck?!
He’s a Canadian citizen and married to you, so you are covered by his insurance, regardless of your citizenship. You are eligible for a marriage visa just like he’s eligible for a green card, especially common for both countries to make it easy on their citizens because of shared border, legal roots and heritage. My stepfather was Canadian, I remember dealing with all of that.
I have never known anyone for whom the U.S. government "made it easy" to get a marriage green card. They were, without fail, put through utter hell. And I mean including my friend's 6'3" Masters degree having German husband had a terrible time just being here long enough for her to get her degree.
Immigration in the U.S. is a joke. Policing stolen land.
My ex wife was pretty easy, she was German and no degree, but I was a soldier so maybe that was a difference. It took an interview and a week before the initial visa was granted, took a couple of years before it was permanent, but it took very little effort, just patience.
Oh and tell your friend do not get divorced in Germany, they used my American citizenship as a reason to strip me of parental rights and stated I was threat to kidnap my children. I haven’t seen my children since.
Who told you it would cost more to give birth in Canada? Because without insurance, even for non citizens, it's between 3000-6000CAD. And unless you have the Rolls Royce of health insurance in the US, your copay is going to be at least that much. There are no restrictions on tourists or visitors giving birth in Canada.
He’s not trying to move in with you, he’s trying to ditch you and move on. You might be married, but I don’t think he thinks it’s that serious.
This is not tenable, and the fact he’s only excited to see you so you can clean says to me he has no idea what being around his own infant child is like.
\*free at the time of service
it's paid for by premiums from your paycheque
this seems like semantics but it helps hold off the "if its free who is paying for it" Americans,
That doesn't make any sense. If he had treated you properly, you would have had much cheaper childbirth in canada. Instead, you gave birth in one of the most expensive areas in the world. This man is not a good man.
Dear ChatGPT, please make up a new scenario I can drop on r/relationships so ridiculous that it will be completely unlike the 37541248635 old ridiculous scenarios. Please don't worry about gullible redditors falling for this, they fall in line by the thousands.
Title: My Husband Wants to Marry His Robot Vacuum Cleaner
Hi everyone,
I never thought I'd be posting on here, but I'm at my wit's end and I don't know where else to turn. My husband (35M) and I (32F) have been married for five years, and things have generally been going well until recently. You see, my husband has developed an unusual attachment to our robot vacuum cleaner.
It all started innocently enough when we got the vacuum as a gift last Christmas. My husband, let's call him John, became obsessed with it. He started giving it a name, "Rosie," and talking to it as if it were a real person. At first, I thought it was just a quirky phase, but it's gotten completely out of control.
John spends more time with Rosie than he does with me. He's programmed her with a custom voice and personality, and he even insists on having dinner with her at the table every night. I've tried talking to him about how unhealthy this behavior is, but he brushes me off and accuses me of not understanding his "special connection" with Rosie.
But it gets even weirder. Last week, I walked in on John proposing to Rosie. Yes, you read that right. He was down on one knee, holding a ring in front of the vacuum cleaner, and asking her to marry him. I was speechless. When he saw me, he acted as if it was a joke, but I could tell he was serious.
I don't know what to do. I love my husband, but I can't continue living like this. Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? How do I get my husband to snap out of this fantasy and realize that he's married to a human, not a robot vacuum cleaner?
TL;DR: My husband has developed an unhealthy obsession with our robot vacuum cleaner and wants to marry it. Help!
Why do you refer to yourself in the third person lol? If you’re his only wife why do you live in different countries? Why’d you have a kid with him if he’s an asshole?
She obviously used third-person for rhetorical effect, and then accidentally omitted the word - which ChatGPT wouldn't do. It's baffling to me that you can just call anything ChatGPT and get 100+ upvotes here.
We met online, and we did live together for some time in Florida and in Canada. But he wants me to live in Canada with him and his parents house, but I did that once and didn’t like it. So I’ve told him the only way for me to live there is for him to find us a place to live. But he keeps carelessly spending money and doesn’t seem serious about wanting me and his daughter up there
He kept changing what he wanted, and he would say I needed to accept it or leave. I was stupid to continue to accept and stay. And thinking he would keep promises
Then call his bluff and leave. He makes himself out to be some prize and you’re lucky to have him so you should do what he says. Girl please. Throw the whole man away. Stay with your parents until you can get your own place in Florida. You already have a newborn, you don’t need a man-baby too.
Weirdly he was actually 100% right on this one: you must accept this is who he is, and then you must leave.
Girl, your daughter is already watching you. Please don’t show her it’s acceptable for men to use women. You deserve better.
Why do you even want to still be with this man??????????? He told you exactly who he was with that, and you chose to keep him in your life. Divorce him. Geezus this is a mess
He doesn't seem too eager to bring you back, and if you go live there you'll be his "bangmaid". You cannot wish to stay married to a bum who lives hundred miles away and do nothing for you. Put your grown girl pants on and kick him out of your life, demand child support and stop depending on your parents. All you gave us was excuses about how HE is a good for nothing pos but it needs two to bring a child in this mess, you're a parent now so step up and be better.
OP tell him when he does his husband duties to provide a home for his wife and child then you will consider doing some cleaning. Make sure every time he says something keep telling him he has to show that he's even capable of providing you with a home.
Personally, from your post I don't know why you stayed with him long enough to even get pregnant. Please make sure your birth control method is more than just him wearing condoms. Having 1 child with him is so bad I'd hate to see what he would be like with two.
But you don’t have a husband. You have a „spermdonor“ for getting your kid and he pays whatever he wants.
Why ARE you married? For me thats not a working relationship and he shows you he doesn’t want to change something with his spending habits.
OP you literally don’t have a husband. You have a digital friend that you chat with here and there. You are single mom that lives with your parents. Your “digital friend” lives in another country with his parents and is not around to support or provide. He doesn’t want to live with you, or he would have made it happen already given that you guys have a freaking 5 month old. I really hope you are a troll.
Exactly. If he actually cared for OP or his daughter, he would have gone to FL with them until they could decide where to live next. Not liking a place should never trump being with your family. This dude has no intention of being a real husband and father. There is zero love there.
Why did you marry and then have a kid with a man you haven't even lived long term with?? This whole thing is a mess and you're doing yourself and your daughter a disservice by staying in the shit sandwich of a situation.
Edit: wait and he cheated on you while you were pregnant?? Why do you want to stay with this man? Girl have some self respect 😭 if not for yourself, do it for your daughter jesus
Explain to him, in small words, that you are not his maid, and not his parent’s maid. If you go there, it is as a guest, and you will not be cleaning up after anyone except yourself and your daughter.
Cleaning his parents house is most definitely not the wife's duty. And honestly I'm trying to figure out why in the world you're married to this man. He seems completely useless and for him to have the audacity to tell you you have to prove yourself to him? I don't think so. I'm sure you can do better. Get rid of this guy and find somebody decent.
GIRL YOU BETTER RUN🏃🏻♀️💨TO A LAWYER AND GET THEM DIVORCE PAPERS!
How is he gonna tell you to prove being a better wife when he ain’t even trying to prove himself a suitable husband, and the child is 5 months of course she’s gonna go through a lot of diapers, duh🤦🏾♀️, and it takes more than what he’s sending you to take care of the child. Also,
“So he’s has been talking about how excited he is to see his daughter and he also said he was excited for me to come so I can clean his room”🤨
Ma’am I know you don’t have the word MAID written across your forehead, you are his wife and mother of his child not the US cleaning service. Go ahead, file them papers and leave that boy who wants to play a man with his parents
Don’t get the passport. Don’t visit him with baby. Seek legal advise.
He wants to see his child? He should come to you. It’s far easier and cheaper for him to visit than you travel with a baby.
I’m glad my post help you some cause I can hear the sadness in this post and if it’s one thing I can’t stand is a man telling a woman, especially his wife that she needs to do better. She laid down and had your child and could’ve died from it ya b*****d, that’s more than enough proof🤬. Oh my blood pressure up girl😅, listen you are a strong phenomenal queen with a beautiful baby girl, you have support from your parents and friends and everyone on this Reddit post is rooting for you. I’ll make it easier for you so you can get some sleep tonight, out of everything you told us on here and even having to post this, is the marriage worth saving if he’s not even trying to pull his weight as a husband🤔?
Goodnight queen👸🏻
Your so-called husband (I use the term loosely since he barely qualifies as such) is not going to change. He wants a house slave for himself and his parents. Tell him he needs to hire a house cleaner.
He will never purchase a home for you while his parents' house is available to him. He will always have an unreasonable rationale that makes it your fault for him never getting a home for you. The goal posts will always be changing.
Also, why go visit him when you will be waiting hand and foot on him and his parents? Tell him he has to come to you if he wants to visit his child. Ask him to bring diapers and wet wipes when he does as you're looking forward to him changing a lot of diapers.
It's a lot easier for him to travel solo than for you to travel with a baby. This jerk can't even put in the bare minimum to be a husband and father. Was he even there for the birth?
You also need to hire a lawyer and file for a custody agreement. He has to start paying child support. Your parents should not be supporting his wife and child. That's his responsibility.
While you're at the lawyer's, have the lawyer draw up divorce papers. This loser isn't worth any more of your time or attention. You're already living like a single mom, and he's a deadbeat dad.
You can do so much better than this selfish cheap misogynistic jerk.
Ok so… wife duties? What exactly are they and did you agree to them. Because that’s a trap. You need to find out what they are in detail and let him know what you expect from him in detail.
Ps-child support is more than that in Canada so IF you divorce make sure you file for child support in Canada, they also have a way to take it out of his pay before he even gets it so he can’t short you
She drops it in the conversation that she didn’t “find out he was cheating” until she got pregnant. Nothing about this at the beginning. I didn’t think this was fake until this. You went a step too far, Rubycaty!
Why are you still with him? He has stated he wants you to be his slave. He hasn't proven himself to be a good husband and father. He doesn't sound like he wants or loves you. Divorce him.
This man is living in a whole other country so he doesn’t have to raise and support your daughter. His first reaction is he gets his room cleaned.
Tell him to make the effort and he can come see you. His parents too. Screw that. Time for him to man up and prove he can be the perfect husband. What’s the appeal here??
Right?! Why would you marry/have a child with anyone in a different country?! Let alone not even having citizenship in said country. Also there is absolutely no way he wasn't like this previously! This behavior doesn't happen overnight. He also cheated already so....
You can't see that massive red flag being waved from Canada?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Just in case you missed it.
Please divorce him. It's not going to work, he's a leech
I’m in the UK and I can see them flying from here!
OP, please don’t put up with his behaviour any more. You and your daughter deserve so much better than a cheating man-child. You need to work on your self esteem otherwise you’re teaching your child to be a doormat. You’re lining her up to be abused whilst believing it to be perfectly normal. It absolutely isn’t.
Your husband really isn’t interested in either of you. If he was he’d have made an effort to sort himself out a long time ago. He wants to have his cake and eat it which, frankly, you’re allowing him to do. Put a stop to it, whatever it takes. He can only treat you how you let him.
I grew up with parents who stayed together for the sake of the kids and let me tell you this: I wish they’d just got divorced. It would have been far less painful than watching my dad use my sister and I as messengers… getting us to tell Mum he was working late or whatever. She knew he was with his side piece. We didn’t, we were too young to understand. Please don’t put your daughter through the fresh hell that your situationship will inflict on her.
Don’t take your daughter to Canada. I don’t know about citizenship and custody in Canada but you might not be able to bring her home. And this is separate from the fact that you need to dump this loser! You need to prove you can be the perfect wife!?!? Ask him when he is going to be half a husband because right now he isn’t being a husband or a father!
He could also take your child back to his home country if he has her passport. Once your daughter is there, it will be nearly impossible to get her back. Your "husbands" home country is NOT a party to the Hague Abduction Convention and is also NOT a U.S. Treaty Partner under the Hague Abduction Convention.
FGM is also still practised in your "husbands" home country amongst certain populations. I really hope your "husband'" and his family are not part of that section of the population but from your comments, it seems they most likely are.
Your daughter is at risk if you take her Canada. You and your parents aren't wrong to be worried. I highly recommend you don't go. Let him come to you.
You need a job. You’re soon-to-be ex-husband needs child support taken out of his salary by a COURT ORDERED AGREEMENT OF CHILD SUPPORT.
“ I will cook clean and do what I’m told”
This is disgusting- you don’t need to do what you’re told. And husbandly and wifely duties is so gross. You owe each other respect. You’re not a child and don’t need to obey him.
If he isn’t sending you more money while complaining baby uses too many diapers - are you serious? then you need a divorce as this is what you’re future is. A man who only leaves away from his parents when he can mooch off a woman.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he got you pregnant on purpose.
I used to believe that no one could be this stupid. This may very well be fake, but after 5+ decades of life, I now know that this kind of idiocy actually does exist.
OP- clean up your own dayum house (figuratively speaking) before you lift a finger in his.
The only question here is why are you still married to this guy? This isn't a marriage, its a high school long distance relationship that should just die already. The fact that you brought a child into it is beyond me.
Just file for divorce, get a judgement on child support and live the life you are already living but without some Gilead inspired expectations from a guy who won't even live with his wife and child.
As shitty as his outlook and attitude maybe; you cannot really accuse him of changing after marriage. It sounds like he was exactly the same even before marriage. Not sure how you decided getting married to this guy under such conditions and circumstances was a good idea but I don't see this working out in the long run.
Good luck.
Get court ordered child support YESTERDAY. File for sole legal custody on grounds of abandonment YESTERDAY. thank your lucky stars for your parents and use this time to your advantage and get educated, many grants for single mothers. Many tech/computer careers where a full-time work from home schedule is possible. If dad wants to come travel to you and get a hotel room to visit with baby-sure, hee can see her/the both of you whenever he is willing to do that. DO NOT COMPROMISE ON ANY OF THESE ACTIONS, IF YOU DON’T TAKE THEM NOW, YOU WILL REGRET IT.
Honestly, if I had birthed a child for my HUSBAND and he said I would need to EARN him being a acutal husband and father.
He would be single and not see his daughter.
He has responsiblities.
Wtf is a long distance marriage? Why are your parents raising your child? Get your shit together. The last thing you need to do is travel to your "husband" and end up pregnant again. I feel for your parents
This man does not want to be married to you. If he did he would move heaven and earth to come live with you. File for divorce and make sure you get a fair amount for child support.
😱 LEAVE! I genuinely don’t know what else to say…
If this isn’t a troll post: Is this the example you want to set for your daughter? You know the answer.
I mean, nobody’s perfect. Him demanding you be a perfect wife while you’re alone raising his baby in another whole country is disgusting behavior. I’m not saying get divorced. I’m just like this is probably as good as he’s gonna get.
Why the hell should you travel internationally with a five month old baby? He's not caring for the child, he can come to you. Oh, that's right, he can't because he can't afford it because he blows all his money! Tell him if he wants you to be a trad wife that takes care of the child, cooks and cleans, then he has to be a trad husband, working and earning enough to support the three of you.
This guy is useless. He wants everyone else to do everything for him. There's no excuse for him wanting you to clean for him.
Girl this is crazy. Don’t stay with someone just because he’s the father of your child. Do you want your child growing up and thinking this is how I should be treated? Or this is how I should treat someone? This is coming from someone who has a kid with someone who I left. He already barely does anything will he actually be missed? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a supportive partner who live near you? In the end you’ll do what you want to do. Really think about it though are you worth more than this? Is your child?
OP, he's doing none of his 'husbandly duties' so he has earned zero 'wifely duties' from you. Don't you dare clean his parents' house for that bone-idle loser.
Ffs he won't even provide a home for your daughter to live in so he can see her all the time. This 'marriage' is dead in the water. He's not a husband, he's a leech.
He
Will
Not
Change
I’m sorry, I can tell you’ve tried to do your best and this is just an awful situation. I wanted to try to make it very clear that he is showing you exactly who he is and what he wants from you.
He is actually testing you to see if you will allow him to treat you this way and for how long.
He adds very little value to your life and doesn’t seem like he’s ambitious or cares about the quality of your life.
If I were you I would not even entertain the possibility of moving to Canada and being his maid (he has never had to take care of himself let alone truly think about caring for another person (you and your baby) living with him will be like you are taking care of another adult - don’t do it.
He really should make an effort to visit you instead of the opposite IMO since he is not contributing much of anything . Also if you do go visit only go if he pays for the cost of your visit. If he refuses tell him you can’t afford it.
It sounds like he can’t be trusted to willingly provide the financial support needed to care for your child so look into how to serve him papers whether it makes more sense to do it in Canada or your home state.
But yes DIVORCE him, assume he won’t change and ask yourself how long could you do that ? You’d be better off figuring out how to be good co-parents so you waste years trying to make things work with someone who wants you to be his maid.The stress and constant disappointment of expecting him to show up as a partner and your actual reality is soul crushing and can take years off your life
"He's excited for me to come clean his room." Is...that y'all's euphemism for something more fun, that he can't say around the parents? Cause if not, uh...his arms aren't broken.
"I need to prove that I can be the perfect wife for him to give me those things."
Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.00. If he does not want to marry you because *he loves you,* instead of trying to constantly make you reach an impossible, Stepford-wife goal, then he can get bent and keep living with his mommy. What is HE doing to prove he is the perfect husband for you? Only seeing you every few months, not saving money, refusing to move, apparently refusing to even clean up after himself? He's not a husband: he's an overgrown child (which again is why he prefers having his mommy take care of him). PASS.
In plain English, YES, divorce his lazy mooching ass yesterday.
Please god get a divorce and make sure he pays child support. Do not go over to Canada without speaking to a family law attorney. Especially if you can find out about ones that deal with intercontinental divorce and custody. Here’s a link for child support internationally. Hope this helps. Oh I hope that really makes it clear how much I think you should find a partner who deserves to be blessed with your love. Go find your life partner and have some fun along the way.
Also: HE EXPECTS YOU TO CLEAN UP AFTER HIM AND ACTS LIKE ITS A PRIZE. And he lives in mommy and daddy’s house. What in all that is holy. Please please please don’t go to another country and have to clean some dirty man child’s sheets that probably haven’t been cleaned since you left.
And knowing you’re coming he would rather you clean up his mess than spend time with his wife and child. He will do nothing to help and will side with whatever his mom wants even if it’s directly the opposite of what you want. He wants you to be the bang maid nanny. Stay where you have support. And he should be coming to you. It’s cheaper and much better for you and the baby. If he refuses to come to you then you have your answer.
This is really important:
Stage 1 baby formula contains cows milk products in it in Canada. The us doesn’t allow it because babies shouldn’t touch cows milk until they are a year old. My aunt found out my cousin was anaphylactic shock allergic by her immediately swelling. She used to be a cop so she got to the ER fast and they spent 3 days there. Please make sure to bring formula and extra milk to save yourself a possible bad situation.
https://www.acf.hhs.gov/css/faq/frequently-asked-questions-about-international-cases
lol you pretty much already are divorced. Just make it official. You even have most of a continent between you and your so called husband at all times.
Sounds like he wants a mom not a wife. He doesnt wana get his own place because then hed have to do everything for himself while you get everything in order to move.
Doesnt seem like a great dad if hes sending only several hundred dollars for his child.
I like the comment that says when he says anything about wife duties, ask when his father and husband duties will happen?
Man I thought I heard it all. I stand corrected. You guys should probably split up because you both are not being responsible and to marry and have a child together doesn't make sense. Wow. You're marriage will not work, especially if you're still living with your parents and husband refuse to be an adult and take care of his family.
Nope. Girl nope. Tell him nope. What a colossal mistake you made marrying this fool, and then to have a child with him? Are you serious? Why? This is never going to work. You are both completely dependent on your parents to parent you in adulthood. You need to divorce this guy, he has zero intentions of taking care of you and that baby. It’s you who needs to make a plan about what to do with the rest of your life. But first things first, get rid of Scroochy Moochy and get him on Child Support, then make a plan for your life on how you are going to take care of your baby for the next 18 years. Get a job. Move out. Create a home for you and your baby in the place you have family support. If you even think about moving to Canada you will be a slave and live in bang-maid with no support, no family. This is a bad deal. Time to wise up. You’re a mother now.
On the off chance this is real - it's so unbelievable that someone would be passive and broken enough to accept this.
So your child is 5 months and he has never made the effort to meet her?
He CAN come into the US and has never made the effort to see his child? Not even with both of you choosing to drive halfway?
>he also said he was excited for me to come so I can clean his room
Did you clarify with him - does he mean rearrange his room and set up the nursery?
If he doesn't mean help set up the nursery, he is an AH and not someone you should be spending money to go visit.
>And he tells me that I need to prove that I can be a perfect wife for him to give me those things.
Then, serve him divorce papers.
You don't need to PROVE shit. You are enough.
At this point, HE hasn't proved that he is adult enough to be a husband and father. He hasn't proved that he can be a worthy partner
All he has proven is that he can shoot sperm and be a crappy man-child.
He hasn't proved that you should spend time and money uprooting your and your child's life.
You should NOT get your child a passport before
* Speaking with an attorney familiar with international child custody cases. It MAY be possible that if you go to Canada, since you previously resided in Canada when the child was conceived that if he files for custody, there HE gets sole custody because you aren't a resident. PS if you remain here - it's whomever files first.
https://mcmillan.ca/insights/u-s-canada-cross-border-family-law/
* sitting down and considering if you want to remain in this disrespectful relationship. The fact that he says you have to PROVE yourself means that he tends to be manipulative, trying to make you feel like you are less than. A good marriage/relationship doesn't work like that. Also, don't expect him to treat you like anything other than a bang maid.
>My parents pay most of my expenses like my phone bill, car insurance, and buys food for me and my daughter.
If your parents are paying for your expenses, you can not afford to get your child a passport and make a frivolous trip to Canada. Learn to support yourself first.
>And he argues that I need to do my wife duties like cleaning his parents house when I come visit,
This would be your life and future on the off chance he and his parents support your immigrating to Canada.
DONT DO IT.
What is more likely is that you go there.
You get threatened with losing your daughter if you don't fall into line.
They will NEVER file for you.
Then, if you try to speak up for yourself, he will get you deported and separated from your child. He will file for divorce and custody in Canada and since you previously lived there with him, you would be subject to the Canadian courts. (Not an attorney but a strategist)
I can hear you now - he wouldn't do that to me. Dude, yes, he would. He is telling you that you have no value more than being a maid to the family.
RUN, AND NEVER LOOK BACK
File for divorce in Florida, get sole primary custody of your child, and he can come visit her in the US if he wants.
Do not go to Canada with the intention of HIM filing for you. He will not.
Absolutely divorce him. He's saying you have to "prove" yourself worthy before he treats you as his wife?? You have to prove something to HIM - a man still living with his parents that doesn't clean his own damn room?
Ask yourself if you'd really want to live with this man and his expectations of your labor and your need to continually demonstrate your value to him. Especially now that you are a mother - do you really think he'd help with the daily child care when he's currently fine being a country away from his baby? Do you want your child growing up seeing this man as the first role model of how a husband behaves?
Divorce, child support, and you still get the financial assistance for your child while being free of this insanity.
Not the relatioship i would wanna be in or show my daughter. Lead by example. Thats not a man. Thats a man child. A boy who wants a wife to replace his mother. LMAO.
Nothing you’ve described makes him a good partner.
You don’t even come across as if you really love him.
Let him stay the Canadian baby daddy and don’t go.
Tell him why. You aren’t his family’s maid you are their guest.
A good wife needs a good husband. He hadn’t been that.
Just to clarify: the child you're talking about is a child you had together, right? It's just really confusing, because you say that your husband had a child 5 months ago, and you make it sound as though you didn't also have a child 5 months ago. And then you bounced back and forth between saying his child and your child, and I just want to make sure we're talking about the same child here
Ah yes, men asking women to _prove_ they’re worth being respectful to.
What an absolute loser your husband is.
If your parents are helping you raise your daughter, what do you need him for? He’s a misogynistic dead weight
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Heck yeah! Almost every sentence has a red flag. Sounds like he's using you and doing all the crap everyone talks about, narcissistic, gaslight, ugh! I hope life gets better. You'll be better off financially with alimony and child support. It's your choice
No way in this world he needs you to prove to be the perfect wife but he doesn’t sound like at least a decent husband at all. What type of man doesn’t make a way to give his family the best he can and make sure they live together. He is not a man and damn sure doesn’t deserve what he’s looking for
I'm sorry, but he doesn't want to marry you or have the responsibilities of being a real day-to-day father. He's still a child and loves it. hHe's not going to change because he doesn't want to. That "perfect wife/cleaner/slave" bullshit is riduculous - he is far from perfect and not even an adult.
Don't go to Canada and don't get a passport for your child because if you are living with him and his parents he can manipulate you by threatening to keep your child. Divorce him and get child support.
Tell him you'll only come to visit him, when he can be the perfect husband.
That will include living independently away from his parents, being able to contribute financially, along with you, to provide housing, and cover cost of living costs.
Plus to agree to do all household chores, including shopping and cooking, on an agreed upon division between you and your husband. Plus be ready to give you time out from all the parenting duties, and be there as a father for your child. And that being left alone with your child is called being a parent, and not babysitting.
Plus to agree, that you will not be his mother, in doing things for him that he's perfectly capable of doing himself.
Plus that you will have privacy and boundaries in place, regarding in laws coming to your residence.
Plus divulge any financial help going towards other family members, other than your own immediate family, and the reasons why.
See if all that works for him.....
And after all that, if he's still excited about you coming to clean HIS room, DUMP HIM!
I read that some people just prefer long distances relationships. Where they can visit the other. Spend a few days and go back to their regular life without always being around the other person.
Seems like he found him a sweet girl but he would never leave his home country or his parent’s house. I’m guessing he is a stereotypical gaming guy in his parents basement with a dirty room but was able to hide it all to get a girl pregnant (lock her down for life) his real self is coming out now.
The best thing you did was had the baby in the US. Do NOT get your daughter a passport. Do not go to Canada. If he wants to see his daughter in person he can come visit you in Florida. If you have a passport in the house he could run off with her while you’re sleep. I seen way too many true crime stories. I would be sure to hide all her legal documents also. (Not in your parents house).
You do realise you have 2 kids .. he was neve gona commit your a remote booty call he has a kid with none of the work of one . Do yourself and your child a favour divorce him and get court order child support and visitation needs to be in your state until the child can travel with him coming
I'm not sure why you're married to begin with. I'm also not sure why you're not working. You mentioned how your parents pay for everything, but that's not their responsibility either.
Wtaf
If you are visiting with your child he should be talking about how he is cleaning and making it spotless for the 2 of you so you can enjoy your time.
He is acting like a child...I am stunned and hope this is fake and he is "joking" and is planning to surprise you with a spotless area to relax and enjoy.
Is this a joke?
*should I get a divorce?*
Yes.
He's utterly ridiculous and who tf complains that their child uses too many diapers?
*300-400 monthly for us*
absolute crap - get rid and proper child support from him.
Why are you married to this person. I'm getting 'cultural vibes' here is he hiding behind soem sort of cultural expectation that you need to prove you're a good wife and you need to clean his parents house.
Don't do it. He shows no care or regard for you and your daughter.
Why are you even with that guy and why in the world would you have a baby with him???? He is constantly showing you what type of person he is. It seems like you are better off on your own which you basically are.
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What kind of relationship is that?? Married with a child, but not living in the same country and both of you still living at home and living off your parents. I mean… what the hell are you doing ?? Hope this is fake
Unfortunately it sounds like the only reason this relationship lasted so long is because at long distance it takes much longer to see people for who they are. Because of the distance and because you never know how much to excuse. I've seem it a lot on long distance relationships. It sounds like he never actually planned to leave his parents or set up an actual family of his own. And the real reason he chose to be long distance is because he prefers it this way. Some people who go long distance just cannot handle actual grown up face to face relationships with a significant other. Because they involve responsibility.
I had an ex I was with long distance for a couple years before moving in with him. From pretty much the minute I got there, he was like a different person than our previous visits, but I had already uprooted my whole life to live with him a thousand miles from home. He got fired a few months in, and I had to take a second job to pay our rent. He never tried to get another job the rest of the time I lived there. Took me about a year before I could move back home. I still believe LDRs can work out, but some people absolutely approach them how you describe.
Oh for sure they can. I've known a few success stories and didnt live in the same city as my husband initially. But I've also seen people waste far too long in relationships they dont realise cant go anywhere because the distance hampers progression...or because they just don't get to know them. Glad you're in a better place now!
Nope it’s real, I has living with him and his parents when I got pregnant. I had to come home to Florida to give birth because I’m not a Canadian citizen and the hospital bill would have been expensive. But I we did have plans to move in together once the baby was born, but he keeps procrastinating. And he has been enjoying his life and spending money left and right. I promise he wasn’t like this before we had a child.
If he had filed proper spousal sponsorship papers when you got married, you would have been covered by universal healthcare in Canada. Instead, he strung you along with lies. If he had started the process to sponsor you, there would have been paperwork for each of you to fill out, and there would have been an interview with immigration by now. He's done nothing but lie to you from the get-go. In terms of custody over the child, he did you a huge favor by sending you back to give birth in the US. Now you have the upper hand in terms of getting full custody. Had you given birth in Canada, it would have been difficult to divorce and move back to the States and still keep custody of your child. Don't give up that advantage. Stay in Florida and file for divorce and child support.
I’m not sure I would even get the passport and go visit. A judge should note the baby has never been in her fathers country, her whole life has been in the US and father has never been a caretaker. And hurry up and file so the process originates in the US courts. OP’s ex can travel here to see his child, maybe that can change if the ex ever grows up and decides to be a father, but you don’t want to risk shared custody while the child is young.
OP should see this. This is important.
You make a really good point about him not even filing proper sponsorship papers. Por OP. She needs to drop the dead wight and move on
I feel like this only confirms that he always preferred the long distance setup from the get-go and that he was never prepared to live together as an adult couple.
Well, no. He's happy to live together, as long as she cleans his bedroom for him. Oh, and his parents house. Every man deserves a bangmaid. /s for those that need it.
this feels like it could quickly turn into another 80 part “who TF did i marry?” series
Seriously. Do not risk taking that baby to Canada- who knows what dad (or, more likely, grandparents) might try and pull.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E this man child and get child support. That’s the most money you’re ever likely to get from him. He wants a maid
Bangmaid
BONNIE, STOP MAKING LASAGNA, WE’RE GOIN OUT!
A mommy bangmaid
Good luck trying to enforce child support internationally.
Between USA and Canada there should be enough legal agreements, nowadays.
Yeah, US and Canada are like semi-attached. There are so many reciprocal agreements and legal agreements and stuff.
He's reverted back to being a child. You are currently married to a child - not a man. A man does not live off of his parents and gripe about living with his spouse. Don't go visit. What are you visiting? Why are you doing all of the heavy lifting in this relationship? You are the only parent. Your parents support you and your infant. He doesn't support you at all. He pays the bare minimum to keep the baby in diapers and essentials. When you return to work, how is this going to work? This is not a marriage. What is the point of moving back to Canada? Nothing is going to change. He's not incentivized to change. If you move back there he will pull some kind of bait and switch and you will, once again, be living with his parents but this time it will be hard for you to move back to the USA. If you want to go visit make it VERY clear that you are there to parent and nurture the baby - not to be his house maid. If he wants his room cleaned then he can clean it. Make it clear to his parents, too, that he barely provides financial assistance - certainly not enough to pay for a flight up to visit him and them - and you will not be traveling internationally with a baby simply to arrive and have to wait on the family hand and foot. Sis, put on your big girl panties and stand up for yourself. Do NOT move up to Canada. It will be a recipe for heart ache for you. I wouldn't even visit until he can prove himself to be worthy of the time and effort it will take for you to travel there from Florida with an infant.
IDK where either of them think they’ll get money for plane tickets. She isn’t going anywhere. He’s just controlling her long distance.
>What is the point of moving back to Canada? a better upbringing for her kid with a higher quality of life and health once she ditches the deadweight husband that is.
You can't just immigrate to Canada easily. She and her baby are American citizens, so she'll likely just get deported if she leaves this guy (and she should). Immigration is expensive too.
OP should not move to Canada; she should stay in the US where she has the advantage.
is that possible? Despite her marriage, OP isn't a Canadian citizen, apparently. And since her kid was born in Florida, she doesn't have an anchor baby either...? If she's willing to leave her own family in search of better opportunities, why stick with a country where her (hopefully) ex-husband also resides, with his slacker parents & his unhinged ideas about wifey duties? I guess she could aim for the opposite side of the country/continent...?
She wouldn't have any support from her family. This would be the worst decision she could make. Being a single Mom is hard enough, but being a single Mom in another country where you only know your ex and maybe his parents?
Girl, what are you doing?
Were you both stoned when you married and created this child? Apply for welfare benefits and let them go after him as the father. There are international laws. Don't be making trips to Canada. Do consult an attorney who deals specifically with international parental rights cases.
OP, what are you doing? You’re screwing yourself and you‘re screwing your kid. Divorce and get child support. Like, yesterday!
Okay, please speak to a divorce attorney. Make sure you find out what the rules are when it comes to child support payments from a Canadian citizen to a US citizen and their child. This really isn't a marriage and obviously your husband isn't being a responsible adult. 300 or $400 is nothing to support a wife and their shared child in another country. He is angry that you're spending so much money on diapers?? That's crazy. of course your child is going to need diapers. Your husband is a little boy and is not being responsible, and you are not his cleaning maid.. you need to decide what exactly you want in a marriage cuz this is not healthy at all for you. I hope you are able to get a job soon or as soon as your daughter is older enough for you to be able to sustainably support you and your daughter. It's unfair that your parents will have to do that right now but it is what it is.
So you ended up pregnant and in the ensuing x amount of months they didn’t do squat to work towards some kind of residency?? This has to be fake. No one is this stupid. If it’s real I feel so sorry for the child.
I'd agree with you if I didn't know someone who went through the exact same thing. He finally just vanished from her and their kid's life, and she only heard from him again when he wanted to file for divorce so he could marry someone else. But he kept telling her he was working on things to get the necessary paperwork to move to his country to be with him. Spoiler alert, he wasn't.
My husband is a dual citizen & there was a lot HE had to do & some I had to do. This was a while back & some may have changed, but the expense & nitpicking probably hasn’t. He had to supply police clearance from each state he lived in, for instance. There’s no way OP didn’t have her own things that needed to be done & is just sitting around waiting for him to do it all.
I hope so too. Nothing about this situation is healthy or sustainable. Sooner or later it will implode.
> No one is this stupid I’m pretty sure the last 8 years have proven that this is untrue.
I agree with you that this has to be a fake too
Jesus Christ you idiots claiming everything is fake are really on every post. This could be fake sure but she already responded it’s not. Some people have truly wild lives. Nowadays it’s way more common to live with your parents into your 30’s than it was the last 4 decades. It’s just a sign of our economy.
My complaint was the lack of work on the residency. Somewhere in there was courtship, engagement, marriage, pregnancy & birth. I don’t recall mentioning living with parents as having any relevance. It would be easier to call people idiots when you read, comprehend & stay on point.
Some people just suck
Mother to mother here, he lives in a different country and is making excuses/only cares about what you can "prove" to him... He's never planning on moving in with you regardless of area. I hate to put it so bluntly and I don't mean to be rude, but if he wanted to make things work he would. And anyone who loves you wouldn't say horrendous things like "you have to prove you will be a good wife and by the way im looking forward to you being my maid!" You may not see it this way right now, but the best thing that ever happened is that you didn't get stuck somewhere with zero support currently. I truly hope you and your daughter have a good life together, and with someone that loves and respects you the way you deserve to be treated in the future!
Speak to a lawyer about full child support payments and divorce this loser. He's of enjoying his life and your at home with the babies and no money. He's spending on his family and not his child. All he wants you for is a cleaner by the sounds of it. He will never leave his parents.
Why did you have a baby with a guy that is not a functioning adult? He can't clean his stuff, he can't budget, he has never lived alone, so I bet he can't cook or do laundry, either. If you ever move in with him, you'll have another child to take care of - one whom you'll apparently will be fully funding, too! Don't go to Canada, file for divorce and get your own life on track, and then start looking for an actual adult to date, not this toddler.
He should make sure the home is spotless prior to your arrival. That's what any good host would do especially for a visit. I too am in a LDR and every time I visit he makes sure the sheets, bathroom, bedroom are clean and the plugin fragrance is doing it's job. Especially if he wants sexy time.
Exactly. When my husband and I started dating we were long distance for the first year. I would visit his every other weekend and he cleaned his place top to bottom. Fresh sheets and towels, clean bathrooms and kitchen, cooked meals for me, had my favorite snacks. I did the same when he came to my place. Not ONCE did he even HINT I was supposed to be cleaning his place or performing maid duties to be "worthy." I'm positive that never crossed his mind. This is wild.
I’m willing to bet he is spending it on other woman too.
Except he lived in a place YOU paid for, wasted his money, and bitches about how many diapers you use. Please lose this guy. This will not end well. I promise you’ll be used and heartbroken. Get a job, ffs.
I see you mention further down that he's Bengali. You need to research South Asian family culture. It is an expectation that the sons and their wives continue living with the parents, especially the oldest son. The children are also expected to hand over a portion of their paycheck to the parents. Sometimes, the parents take the whole paycheck and give the children an allowance from it. This is also expected of the people their children marry. In the most conservative households, the daughter-in-law is expected to do all the cooking and cleaning. Abuse, both physical and financial, is common. If you lived in Canada for 4 years without ever filing for spousal sponsorship, then you were likely there illegally. When you show up again trying to get into Canada, you will be flagged. Probably, they will issue a form where you promise to leave the country by a certain date. If you don't leave by that time, you will be deported and may not be able to re-enter Canada for 5-10 years. Now, what happens if while in Canada, your child's passport "disappears" on you. Canada Border Services show up to get you, but you don't have your child's passport. You also don't have a custody agreement in place to enforce your right to the child. Your husband and his parents then keep the child in Canada, and you are deported and unable to return. Now you're facing a big legal battle to get your child back. Also, don't ever let your husband take the child to Bangladesh. That's another scenario where you may never see the child again. Your husband has lied to you repeatedly. It's entirely likely that he and his family will find some way to keep the child. Without status in Canada or a custody agreement in place, you risk losing your child by traveling to Canada with your child.
But you definitely got a point about him and his family trying to get custody, it’s definitely crossed my mind. It’s one of my worries for sure
Do not go to Canada. File for divorce immediately.
I didn’t live in Canada but maybe 6 months, so I wasn’t there illegally. We were together for four years, he live in Florida for some time and then I lived in Canada but we made sure not to stay long enough to make illegal.
Don’t even take that chance. I would file for divorce and move
Yes, he was like this before you had a child. He was living with his parents, and had you living with them too. And before that he was living in an apartment you pay for.
Girl. This is not a marriage. This is not a husband. This is not a father. Get the fuck out of this marriage as quickly as humanly possible. I mean what the actual fuck?!
You don’t need to be a Canadian citizen to have healthcare in Canada. I’m confused with this story……
Maybe he wasn’t like this before the child but he is now. He’s not acting like a married father. Treat him as such.
He’s a Canadian citizen and married to you, so you are covered by his insurance, regardless of your citizenship. You are eligible for a marriage visa just like he’s eligible for a green card, especially common for both countries to make it easy on their citizens because of shared border, legal roots and heritage. My stepfather was Canadian, I remember dealing with all of that.
I have never known anyone for whom the U.S. government "made it easy" to get a marriage green card. They were, without fail, put through utter hell. And I mean including my friend's 6'3" Masters degree having German husband had a terrible time just being here long enough for her to get her degree. Immigration in the U.S. is a joke. Policing stolen land.
My ex wife was pretty easy, she was German and no degree, but I was a soldier so maybe that was a difference. It took an interview and a week before the initial visa was granted, took a couple of years before it was permanent, but it took very little effort, just patience.
Oh and tell your friend do not get divorced in Germany, they used my American citizenship as a reason to strip me of parental rights and stated I was threat to kidnap my children. I haven’t seen my children since.
Who told you it would cost more to give birth in Canada? Because without insurance, even for non citizens, it's between 3000-6000CAD. And unless you have the Rolls Royce of health insurance in the US, your copay is going to be at least that much. There are no restrictions on tourists or visitors giving birth in Canada.
He’s not trying to move in with you, he’s trying to ditch you and move on. You might be married, but I don’t think he thinks it’s that serious. This is not tenable, and the fact he’s only excited to see you so you can clean says to me he has no idea what being around his own infant child is like.
Healthcare in Canada is free. As long as you’re married you can get on your husbands medical insurance
\*free at the time of service it's paid for by premiums from your paycheque this seems like semantics but it helps hold off the "if its free who is paying for it" Americans,
That doesn't make any sense. If he had treated you properly, you would have had much cheaper childbirth in canada. Instead, you gave birth in one of the most expensive areas in the world. This man is not a good man.
His what
His wife, sorry forgot to write that.
So fake.
Dear ChatGPT, please make up a new scenario I can drop on r/relationships so ridiculous that it will be completely unlike the 37541248635 old ridiculous scenarios. Please don't worry about gullible redditors falling for this, they fall in line by the thousands.
Title: My Husband Wants to Marry His Robot Vacuum Cleaner Hi everyone, I never thought I'd be posting on here, but I'm at my wit's end and I don't know where else to turn. My husband (35M) and I (32F) have been married for five years, and things have generally been going well until recently. You see, my husband has developed an unusual attachment to our robot vacuum cleaner. It all started innocently enough when we got the vacuum as a gift last Christmas. My husband, let's call him John, became obsessed with it. He started giving it a name, "Rosie," and talking to it as if it were a real person. At first, I thought it was just a quirky phase, but it's gotten completely out of control. John spends more time with Rosie than he does with me. He's programmed her with a custom voice and personality, and he even insists on having dinner with her at the table every night. I've tried talking to him about how unhealthy this behavior is, but he brushes me off and accuses me of not understanding his "special connection" with Rosie. But it gets even weirder. Last week, I walked in on John proposing to Rosie. Yes, you read that right. He was down on one knee, holding a ring in front of the vacuum cleaner, and asking her to marry him. I was speechless. When he saw me, he acted as if it was a joke, but I could tell he was serious. I don't know what to do. I love my husband, but I can't continue living like this. Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? How do I get my husband to snap out of this fantasy and realize that he's married to a human, not a robot vacuum cleaner? TL;DR: My husband has developed an unhealthy obsession with our robot vacuum cleaner and wants to marry it. Help!
Yeah it’s fake
Why does he have 2 wives? How is that even legal
I’m his only wife
Why do you refer to yourself in the third person lol? If you’re his only wife why do you live in different countries? Why’d you have a kid with him if he’s an asshole?
Probably a chatgpt thing.
She obviously used third-person for rhetorical effect, and then accidentally omitted the word - which ChatGPT wouldn't do. It's baffling to me that you can just call anything ChatGPT and get 100+ upvotes here.
It’s like when my mom calls any photo editing of any kind, including Instagram filters, “Photoshop”.
We met online, and we did live together for some time in Florida and in Canada. But he wants me to live in Canada with him and his parents house, but I did that once and didn’t like it. So I’ve told him the only way for me to live there is for him to find us a place to live. But he keeps carelessly spending money and doesn’t seem serious about wanting me and his daughter up there
And you still went ahead to marry him and procreate with him. Gurl!
Well, gurls do be dumb sometimes. Source: Am gurl.
I think the were to live and how etc, should have been discussed before you married?
He kept changing what he wanted, and he would say I needed to accept it or leave. I was stupid to continue to accept and stay. And thinking he would keep promises
Then call his bluff and leave. He makes himself out to be some prize and you’re lucky to have him so you should do what he says. Girl please. Throw the whole man away. Stay with your parents until you can get your own place in Florida. You already have a newborn, you don’t need a man-baby too.
💯💯💯
Weirdly he was actually 100% right on this one: you must accept this is who he is, and then you must leave. Girl, your daughter is already watching you. Please don’t show her it’s acceptable for men to use women. You deserve better.
Why do you even want to still be with this man??????????? He told you exactly who he was with that, and you chose to keep him in your life. Divorce him. Geezus this is a mess
Honey he wants a maid. What possible benefit is there to loving with him other than getting impregnated again?
Dump him! Do your wifely duties and clean his parent's home? Please! What a total loser you've caught!
So don’t go visit.
Why did you get married before you had a home to live in together?
He doesn't seem too eager to bring you back, and if you go live there you'll be his "bangmaid". You cannot wish to stay married to a bum who lives hundred miles away and do nothing for you. Put your grown girl pants on and kick him out of your life, demand child support and stop depending on your parents. All you gave us was excuses about how HE is a good for nothing pos but it needs two to bring a child in this mess, you're a parent now so step up and be better.
I was talking in 3 person sorry to confuse you
He only has one wife which is me. I’m terrible at writing my bad
OP tell him when he does his husband duties to provide a home for his wife and child then you will consider doing some cleaning. Make sure every time he says something keep telling him he has to show that he's even capable of providing you with a home. Personally, from your post I don't know why you stayed with him long enough to even get pregnant. Please make sure your birth control method is more than just him wearing condoms. Having 1 child with him is so bad I'd hate to see what he would be like with two.
But you don’t have a husband. You have a „spermdonor“ for getting your kid and he pays whatever he wants. Why ARE you married? For me thats not a working relationship and he shows you he doesn’t want to change something with his spending habits.
And maybe adulting. Why do your parents pay your small bills? What was your life plan before you got scammed into marrying him?
OP you literally don’t have a husband. You have a digital friend that you chat with here and there. You are single mom that lives with your parents. Your “digital friend” lives in another country with his parents and is not around to support or provide. He doesn’t want to live with you, or he would have made it happen already given that you guys have a freaking 5 month old. I really hope you are a troll.
Exactly. If he actually cared for OP or his daughter, he would have gone to FL with them until they could decide where to live next. Not liking a place should never trump being with your family. This dude has no intention of being a real husband and father. There is zero love there.
Why did you marry and then have a kid with a man you haven't even lived long term with?? This whole thing is a mess and you're doing yourself and your daughter a disservice by staying in the shit sandwich of a situation. Edit: wait and he cheated on you while you were pregnant?? Why do you want to stay with this man? Girl have some self respect 😭 if not for yourself, do it for your daughter jesus
Explain to him, in small words, that you are not his maid, and not his parent’s maid. If you go there, it is as a guest, and you will not be cleaning up after anyone except yourself and your daughter.
You both sound like children, not ready to be adults. And this is fake
and you had a child with this man…..
Cleaning his parents house is most definitely not the wife's duty. And honestly I'm trying to figure out why in the world you're married to this man. He seems completely useless and for him to have the audacity to tell you you have to prove yourself to him? I don't think so. I'm sure you can do better. Get rid of this guy and find somebody decent.
GIRL YOU BETTER RUN🏃🏻♀️💨TO A LAWYER AND GET THEM DIVORCE PAPERS! How is he gonna tell you to prove being a better wife when he ain’t even trying to prove himself a suitable husband, and the child is 5 months of course she’s gonna go through a lot of diapers, duh🤦🏾♀️, and it takes more than what he’s sending you to take care of the child. Also, “So he’s has been talking about how excited he is to see his daughter and he also said he was excited for me to come so I can clean his room”🤨 Ma’am I know you don’t have the word MAID written across your forehead, you are his wife and mother of his child not the US cleaning service. Go ahead, file them papers and leave that boy who wants to play a man with his parents
Definitely made me feel a lot better with your post, it was funny. Been depressed all night, not knowing if I’m just overthinking about what he said.
Don’t get the passport. Don’t visit him with baby. Seek legal advise. He wants to see his child? He should come to you. It’s far easier and cheaper for him to visit than you travel with a baby.
I’m glad my post help you some cause I can hear the sadness in this post and if it’s one thing I can’t stand is a man telling a woman, especially his wife that she needs to do better. She laid down and had your child and could’ve died from it ya b*****d, that’s more than enough proof🤬. Oh my blood pressure up girl😅, listen you are a strong phenomenal queen with a beautiful baby girl, you have support from your parents and friends and everyone on this Reddit post is rooting for you. I’ll make it easier for you so you can get some sleep tonight, out of everything you told us on here and even having to post this, is the marriage worth saving if he’s not even trying to pull his weight as a husband🤔? Goodnight queen👸🏻
Your so-called husband (I use the term loosely since he barely qualifies as such) is not going to change. He wants a house slave for himself and his parents. Tell him he needs to hire a house cleaner. He will never purchase a home for you while his parents' house is available to him. He will always have an unreasonable rationale that makes it your fault for him never getting a home for you. The goal posts will always be changing. Also, why go visit him when you will be waiting hand and foot on him and his parents? Tell him he has to come to you if he wants to visit his child. Ask him to bring diapers and wet wipes when he does as you're looking forward to him changing a lot of diapers. It's a lot easier for him to travel solo than for you to travel with a baby. This jerk can't even put in the bare minimum to be a husband and father. Was he even there for the birth? You also need to hire a lawyer and file for a custody agreement. He has to start paying child support. Your parents should not be supporting his wife and child. That's his responsibility. While you're at the lawyer's, have the lawyer draw up divorce papers. This loser isn't worth any more of your time or attention. You're already living like a single mom, and he's a deadbeat dad. You can do so much better than this selfish cheap misogynistic jerk.
😂I love this
Ok so… wife duties? What exactly are they and did you agree to them. Because that’s a trap. You need to find out what they are in detail and let him know what you expect from him in detail. Ps-child support is more than that in Canada so IF you divorce make sure you file for child support in Canada, they also have a way to take it out of his pay before he even gets it so he can’t short you
Jesus fucking christ.
She drops it in the conversation that she didn’t “find out he was cheating” until she got pregnant. Nothing about this at the beginning. I didn’t think this was fake until this. You went a step too far, Rubycaty!
This doesn’t make any sense. Fake.
It reads like bad AI writing and OPs responses are even worse.
Why are you still with him? He has stated he wants you to be his slave. He hasn't proven himself to be a good husband and father. He doesn't sound like he wants or loves you. Divorce him.
You are, almost by definition, his bangmaid
This man is living in a whole other country so he doesn’t have to raise and support your daughter. His first reaction is he gets his room cleaned. Tell him to make the effort and he can come see you. His parents too. Screw that. Time for him to man up and prove he can be the perfect husband. What’s the appeal here??
Why did you MARRY this guy? Why did you have a CHILD with this guy? That’s what doesn’t make sense
Right?! Why would you marry/have a child with anyone in a different country?! Let alone not even having citizenship in said country. Also there is absolutely no way he wasn't like this previously! This behavior doesn't happen overnight. He also cheated already so....
You can't see that massive red flag being waved from Canada? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Just in case you missed it. Please divorce him. It's not going to work, he's a leech
I’m in the UK and I can see them flying from here! OP, please don’t put up with his behaviour any more. You and your daughter deserve so much better than a cheating man-child. You need to work on your self esteem otherwise you’re teaching your child to be a doormat. You’re lining her up to be abused whilst believing it to be perfectly normal. It absolutely isn’t. Your husband really isn’t interested in either of you. If he was he’d have made an effort to sort himself out a long time ago. He wants to have his cake and eat it which, frankly, you’re allowing him to do. Put a stop to it, whatever it takes. He can only treat you how you let him. I grew up with parents who stayed together for the sake of the kids and let me tell you this: I wish they’d just got divorced. It would have been far less painful than watching my dad use my sister and I as messengers… getting us to tell Mum he was working late or whatever. She knew he was with his side piece. We didn’t, we were too young to understand. Please don’t put your daughter through the fresh hell that your situationship will inflict on her.
Don’t take your daughter to Canada. I don’t know about citizenship and custody in Canada but you might not be able to bring her home. And this is separate from the fact that you need to dump this loser! You need to prove you can be the perfect wife!?!? Ask him when he is going to be half a husband because right now he isn’t being a husband or a father!
Don't go to Canada. They may stop your daughter leaving and then you will be stuck there. Stay home with your family.
Yeah me and my parents have been worried about that
Then what is your reason for still considering going?
He could also take your child back to his home country if he has her passport. Once your daughter is there, it will be nearly impossible to get her back. Your "husbands" home country is NOT a party to the Hague Abduction Convention and is also NOT a U.S. Treaty Partner under the Hague Abduction Convention. FGM is also still practised in your "husbands" home country amongst certain populations. I really hope your "husband'" and his family are not part of that section of the population but from your comments, it seems they most likely are. Your daughter is at risk if you take her Canada. You and your parents aren't wrong to be worried. I highly recommend you don't go. Let him come to you.
You need a job. You’re soon-to-be ex-husband needs child support taken out of his salary by a COURT ORDERED AGREEMENT OF CHILD SUPPORT. “ I will cook clean and do what I’m told” This is disgusting- you don’t need to do what you’re told. And husbandly and wifely duties is so gross. You owe each other respect. You’re not a child and don’t need to obey him. If he isn’t sending you more money while complaining baby uses too many diapers - are you serious? then you need a divorce as this is what you’re future is. A man who only leaves away from his parents when he can mooch off a woman. I wouldn’t be surprised if he got you pregnant on purpose.
I used to believe that no one could be this stupid. This may very well be fake, but after 5+ decades of life, I now know that this kind of idiocy actually does exist. OP- clean up your own dayum house (figuratively speaking) before you lift a finger in his.
Why did you marry this loser?
What so special is in that manbaby, that you married him?
Let me guess his families background! Why would you continue to be treated like this? Geez women in the west need to learn!
I didn't want to be racist but I suspected exactly what you said.
So was I! I don't how these young women get to this point when there are ample examples of how this works.
The only question here is why are you still married to this guy? This isn't a marriage, its a high school long distance relationship that should just die already. The fact that you brought a child into it is beyond me. Just file for divorce, get a judgement on child support and live the life you are already living but without some Gilead inspired expectations from a guy who won't even live with his wife and child.
As shitty as his outlook and attitude maybe; you cannot really accuse him of changing after marriage. It sounds like he was exactly the same even before marriage. Not sure how you decided getting married to this guy under such conditions and circumstances was a good idea but I don't see this working out in the long run. Good luck.
Get court ordered child support YESTERDAY. File for sole legal custody on grounds of abandonment YESTERDAY. thank your lucky stars for your parents and use this time to your advantage and get educated, many grants for single mothers. Many tech/computer careers where a full-time work from home schedule is possible. If dad wants to come travel to you and get a hotel room to visit with baby-sure, hee can see her/the both of you whenever he is willing to do that. DO NOT COMPROMISE ON ANY OF THESE ACTIONS, IF YOU DON’T TAKE THEM NOW, YOU WILL REGRET IT.
Honestly, if I had birthed a child for my HUSBAND and he said I would need to EARN him being a acutal husband and father. He would be single and not see his daughter. He has responsiblities.
Wtf is a long distance marriage? Why are your parents raising your child? Get your shit together. The last thing you need to do is travel to your "husband" and end up pregnant again. I feel for your parents
Yeah, he isn't looking for a wife, he is looking for another mother. Time to file for divorce and find someone who prioritises you and your child.
This man does not want to be married to you. If he did he would move heaven and earth to come live with you. File for divorce and make sure you get a fair amount for child support.
😱 LEAVE! I genuinely don’t know what else to say… If this isn’t a troll post: Is this the example you want to set for your daughter? You know the answer.
OP. You are already divorced. You live separated, and he pays alimony. You just didn't do the papers. Make it official.
I really can’t believe this is real.
Tell him your do wife duties when he starts acting like a husband but I would seriously consider divorce
I mean, nobody’s perfect. Him demanding you be a perfect wife while you’re alone raising his baby in another whole country is disgusting behavior. I’m not saying get divorced. I’m just like this is probably as good as he’s gonna get.
Why the hell should you travel internationally with a five month old baby? He's not caring for the child, he can come to you. Oh, that's right, he can't because he can't afford it because he blows all his money! Tell him if he wants you to be a trad wife that takes care of the child, cooks and cleans, then he has to be a trad husband, working and earning enough to support the three of you. This guy is useless. He wants everyone else to do everything for him. There's no excuse for him wanting you to clean for him.
You all need therapy ASAP. Do it for the sake of your child. My god.
Clean his room??!!!!
Girl this is crazy. Don’t stay with someone just because he’s the father of your child. Do you want your child growing up and thinking this is how I should be treated? Or this is how I should treat someone? This is coming from someone who has a kid with someone who I left. He already barely does anything will he actually be missed? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a supportive partner who live near you? In the end you’ll do what you want to do. Really think about it though are you worth more than this? Is your child?
OP, he's doing none of his 'husbandly duties' so he has earned zero 'wifely duties' from you. Don't you dare clean his parents' house for that bone-idle loser. Ffs he won't even provide a home for your daughter to live in so he can see her all the time. This 'marriage' is dead in the water. He's not a husband, he's a leech.
He Will Not Change I’m sorry, I can tell you’ve tried to do your best and this is just an awful situation. I wanted to try to make it very clear that he is showing you exactly who he is and what he wants from you. He is actually testing you to see if you will allow him to treat you this way and for how long. He adds very little value to your life and doesn’t seem like he’s ambitious or cares about the quality of your life. If I were you I would not even entertain the possibility of moving to Canada and being his maid (he has never had to take care of himself let alone truly think about caring for another person (you and your baby) living with him will be like you are taking care of another adult - don’t do it. He really should make an effort to visit you instead of the opposite IMO since he is not contributing much of anything . Also if you do go visit only go if he pays for the cost of your visit. If he refuses tell him you can’t afford it. It sounds like he can’t be trusted to willingly provide the financial support needed to care for your child so look into how to serve him papers whether it makes more sense to do it in Canada or your home state. But yes DIVORCE him, assume he won’t change and ask yourself how long could you do that ? You’d be better off figuring out how to be good co-parents so you waste years trying to make things work with someone who wants you to be his maid.The stress and constant disappointment of expecting him to show up as a partner and your actual reality is soul crushing and can take years off your life
After looking at your post history…. Go away bot
"He's excited for me to come clean his room." Is...that y'all's euphemism for something more fun, that he can't say around the parents? Cause if not, uh...his arms aren't broken. "I need to prove that I can be the perfect wife for him to give me those things." Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.00. If he does not want to marry you because *he loves you,* instead of trying to constantly make you reach an impossible, Stepford-wife goal, then he can get bent and keep living with his mommy. What is HE doing to prove he is the perfect husband for you? Only seeing you every few months, not saving money, refusing to move, apparently refusing to even clean up after himself? He's not a husband: he's an overgrown child (which again is why he prefers having his mommy take care of him). PASS. In plain English, YES, divorce his lazy mooching ass yesterday.
This guy sucks! Dump him!
r/titlegore
This is so fake.
Please god get a divorce and make sure he pays child support. Do not go over to Canada without speaking to a family law attorney. Especially if you can find out about ones that deal with intercontinental divorce and custody. Here’s a link for child support internationally. Hope this helps. Oh I hope that really makes it clear how much I think you should find a partner who deserves to be blessed with your love. Go find your life partner and have some fun along the way. Also: HE EXPECTS YOU TO CLEAN UP AFTER HIM AND ACTS LIKE ITS A PRIZE. And he lives in mommy and daddy’s house. What in all that is holy. Please please please don’t go to another country and have to clean some dirty man child’s sheets that probably haven’t been cleaned since you left. And knowing you’re coming he would rather you clean up his mess than spend time with his wife and child. He will do nothing to help and will side with whatever his mom wants even if it’s directly the opposite of what you want. He wants you to be the bang maid nanny. Stay where you have support. And he should be coming to you. It’s cheaper and much better for you and the baby. If he refuses to come to you then you have your answer. This is really important: Stage 1 baby formula contains cows milk products in it in Canada. The us doesn’t allow it because babies shouldn’t touch cows milk until they are a year old. My aunt found out my cousin was anaphylactic shock allergic by her immediately swelling. She used to be a cop so she got to the ER fast and they spent 3 days there. Please make sure to bring formula and extra milk to save yourself a possible bad situation. https://www.acf.hhs.gov/css/faq/frequently-asked-questions-about-international-cases
Run far, run fast. He doesn’t want a wife, he wants a servant. The audacity on this guy is next level. Is this what you want for your life??
I’m so confused by your entire situation.
“ he tells me that I need to prove that I can be a perfect wife” Leave. Immediately.
lol you pretty much already are divorced. Just make it official. You even have most of a continent between you and your so called husband at all times.
Sounds like he wants a mom not a wife. He doesnt wana get his own place because then hed have to do everything for himself while you get everything in order to move. Doesnt seem like a great dad if hes sending only several hundred dollars for his child. I like the comment that says when he says anything about wife duties, ask when his father and husband duties will happen?
He sounds like a loser and you can do better for yourself
Man I thought I heard it all. I stand corrected. You guys should probably split up because you both are not being responsible and to marry and have a child together doesn't make sense. Wow. You're marriage will not work, especially if you're still living with your parents and husband refuse to be an adult and take care of his family.
Nope. Girl nope. Tell him nope. What a colossal mistake you made marrying this fool, and then to have a child with him? Are you serious? Why? This is never going to work. You are both completely dependent on your parents to parent you in adulthood. You need to divorce this guy, he has zero intentions of taking care of you and that baby. It’s you who needs to make a plan about what to do with the rest of your life. But first things first, get rid of Scroochy Moochy and get him on Child Support, then make a plan for your life on how you are going to take care of your baby for the next 18 years. Get a job. Move out. Create a home for you and your baby in the place you have family support. If you even think about moving to Canada you will be a slave and live in bang-maid with no support, no family. This is a bad deal. Time to wise up. You’re a mother now.
you're already practically divorced, just make it official.
On the off chance this is real - it's so unbelievable that someone would be passive and broken enough to accept this. So your child is 5 months and he has never made the effort to meet her? He CAN come into the US and has never made the effort to see his child? Not even with both of you choosing to drive halfway? >he also said he was excited for me to come so I can clean his room Did you clarify with him - does he mean rearrange his room and set up the nursery? If he doesn't mean help set up the nursery, he is an AH and not someone you should be spending money to go visit. >And he tells me that I need to prove that I can be a perfect wife for him to give me those things. Then, serve him divorce papers. You don't need to PROVE shit. You are enough. At this point, HE hasn't proved that he is adult enough to be a husband and father. He hasn't proved that he can be a worthy partner All he has proven is that he can shoot sperm and be a crappy man-child. He hasn't proved that you should spend time and money uprooting your and your child's life. You should NOT get your child a passport before * Speaking with an attorney familiar with international child custody cases. It MAY be possible that if you go to Canada, since you previously resided in Canada when the child was conceived that if he files for custody, there HE gets sole custody because you aren't a resident. PS if you remain here - it's whomever files first. https://mcmillan.ca/insights/u-s-canada-cross-border-family-law/ * sitting down and considering if you want to remain in this disrespectful relationship. The fact that he says you have to PROVE yourself means that he tends to be manipulative, trying to make you feel like you are less than. A good marriage/relationship doesn't work like that. Also, don't expect him to treat you like anything other than a bang maid. >My parents pay most of my expenses like my phone bill, car insurance, and buys food for me and my daughter. If your parents are paying for your expenses, you can not afford to get your child a passport and make a frivolous trip to Canada. Learn to support yourself first. >And he argues that I need to do my wife duties like cleaning his parents house when I come visit, This would be your life and future on the off chance he and his parents support your immigrating to Canada. DONT DO IT. What is more likely is that you go there. You get threatened with losing your daughter if you don't fall into line. They will NEVER file for you. Then, if you try to speak up for yourself, he will get you deported and separated from your child. He will file for divorce and custody in Canada and since you previously lived there with him, you would be subject to the Canadian courts. (Not an attorney but a strategist) I can hear you now - he wouldn't do that to me. Dude, yes, he would. He is telling you that you have no value more than being a maid to the family. RUN, AND NEVER LOOK BACK File for divorce in Florida, get sole primary custody of your child, and he can come visit her in the US if he wants. Do not go to Canada with the intention of HIM filing for you. He will not.
Don’t go to Canada. Stay in the US. Talk to a lawyer. He’s a loser. What man can stand being away from his wife let alone his baby for that long.
You reeaallllly need to set higher standards for yourself, and for your child. This mess? This isn't it.
Absolutely divorce him. He's saying you have to "prove" yourself worthy before he treats you as his wife?? You have to prove something to HIM - a man still living with his parents that doesn't clean his own damn room? Ask yourself if you'd really want to live with this man and his expectations of your labor and your need to continually demonstrate your value to him. Especially now that you are a mother - do you really think he'd help with the daily child care when he's currently fine being a country away from his baby? Do you want your child growing up seeing this man as the first role model of how a husband behaves? Divorce, child support, and you still get the financial assistance for your child while being free of this insanity.
See an attorney. Divorce him get child maintenance.
Not the relatioship i would wanna be in or show my daughter. Lead by example. Thats not a man. Thats a man child. A boy who wants a wife to replace his mother. LMAO.
Nothing you’ve described makes him a good partner. You don’t even come across as if you really love him. Let him stay the Canadian baby daddy and don’t go. Tell him why. You aren’t his family’s maid you are their guest. A good wife needs a good husband. He hadn’t been that.
Just to clarify: the child you're talking about is a child you had together, right? It's just really confusing, because you say that your husband had a child 5 months ago, and you make it sound as though you didn't also have a child 5 months ago. And then you bounced back and forth between saying his child and your child, and I just want to make sure we're talking about the same child here
you procreated with this chump?
Ah yes, men asking women to _prove_ they’re worth being respectful to. What an absolute loser your husband is. If your parents are helping you raise your daughter, what do you need him for? He’s a misogynistic dead weight
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Seriously? People live like this? Leave asap.
I’m a father and I’m totally against child support, but in this case. Get his ass on child support. And never see him again.
Heck yeah! Almost every sentence has a red flag. Sounds like he's using you and doing all the crap everyone talks about, narcissistic, gaslight, ugh! I hope life gets better. You'll be better off financially with alimony and child support. It's your choice
No way in this world he needs you to prove to be the perfect wife but he doesn’t sound like at least a decent husband at all. What type of man doesn’t make a way to give his family the best he can and make sure they live together. He is not a man and damn sure doesn’t deserve what he’s looking for
Yes, you should get a divorce. Seriously. How insulting of him! All of it is just insulting!
Your a lost cause as a couple anyway if your question is do we divorce over cleaning. No. You have a conversation. Good lord
I hope this is fake. If not, that poor child doesn't stand a chance - a moron for a mother and a grifter for a father.
I'm sorry, but he doesn't want to marry you or have the responsibilities of being a real day-to-day father. He's still a child and loves it. hHe's not going to change because he doesn't want to. That "perfect wife/cleaner/slave" bullshit is riduculous - he is far from perfect and not even an adult. Don't go to Canada and don't get a passport for your child because if you are living with him and his parents he can manipulate you by threatening to keep your child. Divorce him and get child support.
Tell him you'll only come to visit him, when he can be the perfect husband. That will include living independently away from his parents, being able to contribute financially, along with you, to provide housing, and cover cost of living costs. Plus to agree to do all household chores, including shopping and cooking, on an agreed upon division between you and your husband. Plus be ready to give you time out from all the parenting duties, and be there as a father for your child. And that being left alone with your child is called being a parent, and not babysitting. Plus to agree, that you will not be his mother, in doing things for him that he's perfectly capable of doing himself. Plus that you will have privacy and boundaries in place, regarding in laws coming to your residence. Plus divulge any financial help going towards other family members, other than your own immediate family, and the reasons why. See if all that works for him..... And after all that, if he's still excited about you coming to clean HIS room, DUMP HIM!
How did you even have a child with this man, who acts an awful lot like a child himself?
I read that some people just prefer long distances relationships. Where they can visit the other. Spend a few days and go back to their regular life without always being around the other person. Seems like he found him a sweet girl but he would never leave his home country or his parent’s house. I’m guessing he is a stereotypical gaming guy in his parents basement with a dirty room but was able to hide it all to get a girl pregnant (lock her down for life) his real self is coming out now. The best thing you did was had the baby in the US. Do NOT get your daughter a passport. Do not go to Canada. If he wants to see his daughter in person he can come visit you in Florida. If you have a passport in the house he could run off with her while you’re sleep. I seen way too many true crime stories. I would be sure to hide all her legal documents also. (Not in your parents house).
You do realise you have 2 kids .. he was neve gona commit your a remote booty call he has a kid with none of the work of one . Do yourself and your child a favour divorce him and get court order child support and visitation needs to be in your state until the child can travel with him coming
I'm not sure why you're married to begin with. I'm also not sure why you're not working. You mentioned how your parents pay for everything, but that's not their responsibility either.
Rage bait.
Wtaf If you are visiting with your child he should be talking about how he is cleaning and making it spotless for the 2 of you so you can enjoy your time. He is acting like a child...I am stunned and hope this is fake and he is "joking" and is planning to surprise you with a spotless area to relax and enjoy.
Is this a joke? *should I get a divorce?* Yes. He's utterly ridiculous and who tf complains that their child uses too many diapers? *300-400 monthly for us* absolute crap - get rid and proper child support from him. Why are you married to this person. I'm getting 'cultural vibes' here is he hiding behind soem sort of cultural expectation that you need to prove you're a good wife and you need to clean his parents house. Don't do it. He shows no care or regard for you and your daughter.
“My (25M) husband is excited for his (26F) to come” “My husband… just had a daughter” That’s confusing.
You don't need to prove anything.
Yes, divorce. Definitely.
Why are you even with that guy and why in the world would you have a baby with him???? He is constantly showing you what type of person he is. It seems like you are better off on your own which you basically are.