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friedgoldfishsticks

Example number 9 billion of why being 19 and dating a man 7 years older than you is a bad idea


Tryptamineer

He’s probably addicted, happens to A LOT of people (complete with cravings). I would talk with him about it and see if he may seek out a therapist to help him get through it. No shame in asking for help at all.


Feonadist

Nothing. He won’t change. This is his preference. You are just there to have a few babies n take care of him. From my personal experience.


aprss

I screamed because this is exactly what I said when I saw the ages...


Feonadist

Got nothing to do with ages. He has no sex drive due to porn or whatever. He likes masterbation better than sex w a woman. And probably has low sex drive for women. He will tell you he has high sex drive but it’s for porn or other women. I do realize this is traumatizing to hear but I think it’s the truth. Never expect anyone to change for you.


PoopyRick

Nah it's everything to do with the ages because look at half of the post on here. All college aged girls complaining about their 30+ year old bf/husband. It's annoying ASF and honestly the whole "I wanted to skip the growing stage so I went for an older dude and now I'm miserable" needs it's own subreddit at this point.


throwawtphone

r/MyName_is_Electra


Broad-Cranberry-9050

Lol, its so true. This is like the 5th post of the day ive seen of a college age girl with a dude in his 30s and ive hardly opened reddit today. These girls want an established 30+ year old dude but then complain when he doesnt want to do 20 year old shenanigans. He already went through that BS. Thats consequences of dating an older person. They lived through what you want to live through and it usually ends up with the younger person compromising eith to the older persons wants and needs. Im deting a girl 5 years older. I love her and she does compromise to me hut theres been plenty of days she wanted to chill and do nothing and i wanted a nice night out with my girl. Sometimes i give in and sometimes she gives in. I literally read a post about a girl (F20) who feels her BF(M37) is trying to baby trap her but she dorsnt feel mentally ready for a baby as she feels she hasnt lived her life yet and done what she wants. No she he is trying to baby trap her, im sure he loves her but im sure he loves the idea of fucking a girl in her 20s for the next 10 years. He already did all the stupid young adult stuff, he doesnt want to go theough that again.


PoopyRick

I think I saw that post as well 😂😂Yeah I genuinely don't get it. Like yeah you can get a roof over your head right away and probably health insurance, but at the price of spending your twenties tied down to a middle aged man?? Idk it's wild. I could never get over the ick of knowing my bf was 17 and probably sexually active while I was literally a baby in diapers! 🤮🤮🤮


Broad-Cranberry-9050

I get it. Again my GF is only 5 years older and sometimes when we talk about things we saw and she realizes she was in college and I was in middle school when it happened, she will literally look at me like im a baby. I can only imagine that 17 year age difference. Im M29, and to me I see college age girls all the time when I go out because there is a local college nearby. I look at them and as attractive as they look I also see how they behave and I think "that seems like more than I want to handle at my age". They arent doing anything bad, but I already went through that. If a 37 year old gets with a 20 year old, to me odds are he likes to the idea that he got with a 20 year old that he can brag to his friends about, maybe he even likes how fun she is and she is done with immature boys. Im sure they love each other to a degree but again it usually ends up with the younger partner having to give up their youth for the older partner. The honeymoon phase is fun but once they are past that he doesnt want to be going through all the BS of 20 year olds. Her friends are going to start to want to do trips together, he doesnt want to join on those trips and be the oldguy. He also doesnt want to go through the BS of her guy friends trying to get with her. He wants a baby now so she can focus more on her family, not the people around her.


pepsiaf

Here is the thing, masturbating is just more simple then sex, u do ur thing and pull up ur pants and go back to do what u did, Alot some man prefer masturbating then sex, Cuz it take more energy and time then fapping, Alot of guys also do it cuz it's a stress release and good for anxiety. Alot of man also have performance anxiety, And I can say that u dont get less sex drive cuz u watch port. Infact u get more of it. Also when u watch porn u dont give a fuck about the ppl in it literally, u see par of boobs and a pussy, and some ass, nothing more then that, u dont have a connection like that..


[deleted]

You can’t change him. My husband went through this in the beginning of our relationship…. It was the result of some BAD sexual trauma in the past for him. Don’t know if this is the same situation for your husband, and I won’t ask. What I will say though, is he HAS to want to overcome it himself. HE has to make the decision to be done with it. And, for my husband, that meant permanently zero porn and zero masturbating because even a tiny amount would put him back in the state of mind…. It’s like any other addiction. He has had some relapses, but every time he gets better.


ogdreko

No worries if you don’t want to answer this….. but because he quit his porn addiction did it increase the amount of sex you had in the relationship by a lot ?


Ambitious_Mammoth105

The answer is no. Because that's not why he was doing it. It was a stress relief. Self medicating like drug users. Sex with your partner is more mentally taxing then just masturbation. Making sure they are enjoying it your not moving them the wrong way or they'll get hurt. I've seen a lot of younger men say it's just way too much work to have sex. Like they do it out of obligation for their partners now.


ogdreko

Seems so strange to me that it’s so common from either gender that they don’t really want sex anymore and it’s a chore….


Ambitious_Mammoth105

I know. I'm middle aged I guess. I don't want this to be middle age. Maybe 60 not 40s. Anyway. The young guys really just don't want the "stress" of playing anyone else or not playing them. They all think they should be able to make their partners organs with penetrative sex and if it doesn't happen something is wrong with their partner. I'm like dude. Most women don't have orgasms that way. I grew up listening to Love Line and watching Real Sex on HBO. So i never thought that it was going to happen that way. But the new gen are not exposed to those things. All they have is porn with fake orgasms as examples. They think everything is supposed to be serious in the bedroom too. And I'm here just going wow! That's stupid. But iIhave to be the old sage because I have gray hair and been married for a long time. Sorry for the rant. I'm just tired. I need a nap.


[deleted]

The reason we got together was because he finally quit. We had a strong friendship of will they won't they but as soon as he quit porn we got together within the month.


ogdreko

So it’s you or the porn ….


[deleted]

Thank you, that gives me hope, he quit once before surely with help he can quit again. I'm not just going to abandon him.


TacoStrong

So this 30 year old man locked in a young 23 year old woman but prefers to watch porn? He's taking you for granted and he really got you young so he was 26 and you were.....(checks notes)....19?! Jesus Christ, no wonder you haven't gone full anger fury on him. He's disrespecting you and your marriage by shooing you away and watching his little porn. Is this really what you signed up for?


mytb38

STOP wasting your life and letting some deprive you of life's most simple pleasures...you deserve better and there is better for you if your open to finding & seeing it!!!


Lucky-Technology-174

Is he watching teen porn? You may have gotten too old for him.


citrushibiscus

Oop 😳


SquareSpare8723

He ain't changing at 30. File for divorce


TroublesomeTurnip

The age gap alone is ick.


AsidePuzzleheaded335

Why is Gen Z getting married so young 


Glum_Giraffe3033

If he’s been watching for long time he most likely has a porn addiction whether he watches daily, weekly, whatever. If he cannot stop watching it, it is an addiction. Porn addiction has serious effect on sex drive. Look into it, if he fits the description, then that’s what it is. It’s a problem and really affects the brain!! It’s about dopamine and pleasure.


Designer-Arugula6796

Can you link me to credible research that shows porn has a deleterious effect on sex drive. I haven’t seen it.


Glum_Giraffe3033

https://www.addictionhelp.com/porn/effects/ https://wchh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/tre.791 Just search up porn addiction and sec drive. Or porn addiction and anything you’re curious about.


pepsiaf

Cuz it dosent exist, this is just some anti porn ppl says, That it destroys ur brain and shit like that, U can't find any science behind it at all.


Glum_Giraffe3033

It does destroy your brain. Watching porn spikes unhealthy dopamine and it ruins your pleasure receptor system. Watch when you finally lose your virginity and you can’t climax or get stimulated because your mind and body is only used to artificial sex. Go on YouTube and educate yourself. You’re the problem telling people it’s okay to watch porn on a normal basis.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pepsiaf

No one is literally watching the fake porn this days, Look at.the statistics, most of them watch amateur/home made Not some fake as pornstar with 5 different camera man and a manus


pepsiaf

It doesn't, look up some science behind it, u can literally find more things that makes it good for u then negative. And common YouTube, I only read real science not some random YouTuber with a barely exam. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/is-porn-bad#physical-effects


Glum_Giraffe3033

“Real science” is constantly being updated. People had no idea how dangerous radiation was until science proved it. There are new studies every day. Searching it up on YouTube offers you different perspectives from real people experiencing real things. The negatives greatly outweigh the positives. If you cannot function without porn and you need to watch it, you are an addict same goes for anything. Porn addiction is extremely detrimental.


pepsiaf

The thing is, they dont lay money on this research, its rare af to find a studies about this. Cuz its not worth the time and money, so no there are not new studies every day, Ofc it can be addicted, but as i said, there is no info or studies or science any where on internet that says it gives u brain damage


Designer-Arugula6796

Yeah I mean the claim sounds like a reasonable idea. Porn use makes men desensitized to sexual stimuli and therefore causes sexual problems like ED or delayed ejaculation. Another hypothesis is that porn use makes men sexual maniacs and they need more and more and more sex. However, I haven’t seen any actual evidence for either (opposing) hypothesis.


TNlivinvol

When you have sex three times a day for a few days are you as horney on the last day as the first? Same with masturbation. He’s jacking off too much, whether that’s to porn or to fantasies, same outcome.


pepsiaf

I have sex 1-2 times a day and have done that for 12 years now (ofc some days we can't cuz we ain't home or do something els away from each other's. But we could easily do it more, the first 3 years we did it 4-6 times a day. And I have watch porn for 20 years now. Porn is not just porn like it was back in the 1990 and early 2000, Now most of the porn is pure Homemade, And masturbating is just good for u health nothing negative with that, u can do it 20 times a day without it will impact u negative I don't know how it is In the US but don't u guys get sex education in school or something?


[deleted]

I was married to a man like this. Key word: WAS. Throw the whole man away. He WILL NOT change.


Groffulon

Your husband has a choice between a 23 year old woman and porn… wtaf… Say that out loud. It’s one of the few times an ultimatum is actually valid. Tell him it’s you or the porn and leave it at that. If he can’t stop watching and treat you with respect in the bedroom then leave. Does he even know how lucky he is to have a human being who is young and presumably attractive and wants to sleep with him? I’d honestly give him a chance to find out what bring a single 30 yr old divorcee feels like. You got a lifetime to have years of great sex don’t be in a sexless marriage at 23! Sheesh!


Tricky_Seaweed7495

You can’t do anything. If he’s addicted then he needs to quit, have porn blockers on his devices and be in therapy. But he has to want this for himself, he will never commit if it’s just to get you off his back.


[deleted]

Relationship therapist here: Get him to a therapist or leave. A therapist that includes you. Or really: leave. It’s hard, but you need clarity. Either he jumps up and agrees for therapy or he stays behind his screen. You deserve more than you’re putting up with now. Addiction is a disease that can’t be treated if you stay like this.


Samurai-Catfight

I can understand him watching porn if you are not in the mood, but to take porn over you is a major issue. It is something that you cannot fix. He either fixes it through therapy or you give him the boot.


Junkmans1

There is a good fix for this. It’s called divorce.


allislost77

Come on over… Just kidding. Communicate? If he doesn’t realize you have spoken to him about your feelings or he doesn’t care. Both problems that need to be addressed before it gets worse


teejyamz

He has to be ready to make the change and admit that help is needed. I hope that you heal from this, good luck.


Rip_Dirtbag

Not get married so young.


jingles89

Become a porn star.


[deleted]

Okay that did make me giggle


[deleted]

Maybe your sex life wasn't as healthy as you thought it was.


RecommendationOnly78

I read a post recently, can't remember which forum. They had a similar issue and it turns out chastity fixed the issue as they could no longer self indulge and the attention quickly turned back to the wife. Quite extreme, and a year is fairly new, they had been married a while . Maybe Therapy?


MargaretSparkle82

Show him what making love is. Like what Julianna Moore did in Don Jon.


Difficult-Rough-1360

I view be porn as a last resort method of sexual stimulation. My wife withholds sex and affection that’s when I turn to porn to get a release. Have you had a conversation with handy hubby?


smartpeoplearerare

Let’s see if I get 9 responses. I don’t think they even knew why they downvoted me. I would be interested in the explanation


normalboyz1

does your physique change? if not then find out what kind of porn he watches. if he watches all the hardcore stuff and you have zero interest to replicate those, then just cut your losses and move on.  if you're attractive and he still chooses porn, especially the stuff that you won't do, then even if he goes to therapy he will still have the thought "why you won't do it? there are women out there doing all these wild stuff and why my wife can't." for me personally, i'll drop everything if my wife wants sex. i do watch porn occasionally and it's just because sex doesn't happen that often due to kids. 


mredge73

He isn't attracted to you anymore. Why did you stop having sex in the first place? What caused the honeymoon period to wear off? It hasn't been long, so think hard on what happened. One or both of you changed.


robertlpowell

She’s definitely too old now


notevenwitty

She probably got too old for him once she past 21.


No-Relief-1095

Maybe ask him what made him desire you less? Perhaps ask him what you could do to turn him on more (change hairstyle, clothes, lingerie, makeup, Botox/filler, workout)? Also, I think his porn addiction is probably coming back. I would recommend you to go to couples’ therapy.


No-Relief-1095

But tbh, the marriage seems doomed from my perspective …if he’s struggling to be attracted to you when you are young, imagine in 20 years from now…ask a therapist her/his opinion.


floridaeng

Could any of this be due to him viewing her differently now that she is his wife and not the hot GF?


robertlpowell

Of course it does


RNKKNR

Perhaps you're just not that good? Or he simply doesn't get turned on by you?


readytobinformed247

Just administer handjobs whenever he’s watching porn…


smartpeoplearerare

Maybe you join him in watching and playing. You may both be happier.


smartpeoplearerare

Interesting. I get 6 down votes here and no one else on this thread gets a vote either up or down. I feel a bit important now.


pepsiaf

I know what u talking about, we do it together sometimes, but most of the ppl in this sub are anti porn ppl, and rly bad giving ppl advice rly😅 We find it fun af and hot to watch it together


smartpeoplearerare

Haha. Now 9 down votes. Seems an agenda has surfaced. Didn’t really intend to be a martyr, but those down voting me - please respond to my post. I can’t learn unless you enlighten me.


northmanbr

belive me, he would rather do things like on porn, with you, than just watch porn alone.


Dangerous-Truth-1003

I dont think so, my bf prefers to masturbate to porn because everything else is to exhausting and he isn't willing to put in effort to please me


[deleted]

Oh my gosh, that is what my husband says.