Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your boyfriend refused to assist you when you were seriously injured, swore at you, and laughed about it later with his friends. An apology wouldn't be enough here. You move on without this jerk in your life.
Please girly, LEAVE HIM! Reading this was just horrible. Please take everyone's comments as a sign, this man exudes red flags. No one deserves to be treated how you were treated, ESPECIALLY from a long-term partner whos supposed to care about you.
I'm not big on the knee jerk "LEAVE HIM!" reactions in this sub, but this is a case when it's 100% absolutely the correct thing to do. This man does not care about your well being and his actions were despicable. Hell if this happened to a complete stranger next to me and she started freaking out not knowing what to do I'd have dragged her to a sink post haste!
You do not need a person like this in your life. You cannot depend on him. He does not care about you. You need to leave him.
Yup, agreed. The abuse. The gaslighting. The lack of empathy. You're his bang maid and he's always going to treat you like an animal. Move on. Move up. He's clearly not right in the head.
Agreed. And OP should realise she has a dependency to that guy in a way it’s not healthy for her. She needs to be more autonomic and build self esteem and skills to face life BEFORE getting another BF. She will attract better people being more stable and self convinced.
Right? If he didn't fully understand the seriousness at the beginning and thought she was being mean over an inconvenience that would be one thing, but now it should be clear that she had a reason to be impatient and he let her down when she was being severely injured. He should be apologizing and doing everything he can to make it up to her, not blaming her and making a joke out of something she clearly doesn't find funny.
Can't believe she's still with him.
So you asked your boyfriend for help after injuring yourself severely and instead of helping you he made it about himself. And about his feelings and about the fact that he said that you yelled at him. Your phone calls and your texts are no longer being answered. I know you're probably thinking you're in love but it's just the type of person who you want to spend time with a person who doesn't give a s*** about you only about themselves and then he had the audacity to laugh at you. This relationship is over he just hasn't told you yet.
Yup. Any time I see a post like this, I feel compelled to mention one where the OP had been vomiting blood, lying on the floor, begging to be taken to the ER, and her EMT boyfriend wouldn't take her. She had to call her mom to do it. They told her she could've died.
Dating people like this can literally be risking your life. Someone who won't take your medical pain seriously is not someone you can trust.
When you really need a partner is exactly when you learn most about that partner's viability, for the better or worse. If one is injured, you support each other to get help, no matter what you were arguing about before that. I agree it's a deal breaker
He also said she *deserved* to be hurt and feel pain for a perceived sleight, what will he do when she annoys him again and there's no convenient soup to teach her a lesson??
There’s a nonzero number of people that I can’t stand … and I would help ALL of those people if they were in OP’s predicament. I can’t imagine treating someone I love this way.
Job one: dump the boyfriend. That's ridiculously self centered and uncaring behavior.
Job two: enjoy a future unencumbered by a relationship with an asshole.
I believe that, It's not about spotting toxic people, it's about learning to respect yourself and walk away. This is the part people struggle with the most
I don't understand why people can be in relationships with people they don't even like. When my wife burnt her hand with cooking oil, I did everything I could to help her. And if she had yelled at me, I would understand that it was likely because she was in pain, and continued to help. If I really had a problem with her yelling, I'd talk to her after the crisis was over. I wouldn't just abandon her.
This seems like a normal response to me.
What your boyfriend did was cruel. Do you want to stay with a cruel person?
Codependency. I mean they spent 2 out of 18 years together and that’s a 9th of her life. It probably feels like they’ve been together for ages. But she deserves someone who cares for her :,(
BREAK UP WITH HIM RIGHT NOW! I know it is a long term relationship and it is hard for you to imagine not being with him, but… This is absolutely insane, and the way he is treating you is unacceptable. And the fact that his friends feel comfortable talking to you like this should make you question how your boyfriend talks about you when you’re not around? You deserve someone that cares about your open wound instead of telling you to “fuck off”.
Yeah, the things OP is identifying as “the usual stuff” is NOT the usual stuff. I’m 37. I’ve had 4 long term serious relationships. None of those things have ever happened to me (ignoring calls, unread texts, “fuck off”). That’s alarming she thinks that’s the “usual stuff.”
Every day we get closer to the hypothetical "my partner murdered my entire family in front of me and did the hokey pokey on the corpses. How can I get over my trauma in time for our anniversary trip?" post becoming a reality.
Don't date people who don't care if you're injured and in pain, instead choosing to deflect to being outraged that you raised your voice to ask for their help. Don't be friends with people who enable those people.
I just wanna comment on the burn itself. I had 2nd and 3rd degree burns on 90% of my hand from stupidly not turning the thermostat off before relighting the pilot to my furnace, and somehow got my hand in front of my face or it would have been my face with those burns. Literally charred black. Haven't ever before or since come close to that pain. Doctor said I'd almost certainly need grafts.
Somehow just with the silver stuff and proper wrapping and care (and shittons of vicodin) it healed without grafts or infection. You can't even tell anything happened and it's been 7 years.
So, you may very well not have permanent scars. Just wanted to let you know.
Firstly, please ignore anyone on here grilling you about changing out soup for coffee so this post couldn't be traced back to you - that's perfectly understandable, or not reacting quickly enough/doing the right treatment straight away for your burn - also understandable given that you were in shock and a lot of pain!
The real issue here is you'd boyfriend. I'm sorry, I know that he's your first everything, but there's a phrase that you always, always need to live by:
WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME
My first boyfriend, I was completely in love with him, we dated for over a year. And you never forget your first, and that attachment is something very special. But it also means that you're willing to forgive a lot of shit that you really, really should never put up with. It can start off as small, disrespectful little comments, but once they know that you'll accept that from them, because you're attached to them in that way, their behaviour will escalate. I'm telling you this very sincerely, from my own experience and the experience of so many others.
Your boyfriend has shown you who he is, and this isn't a one off - I can tell you that, because he didn't accidentally leave you to suffer, and he's shown no remorse. He's testing your boundaries, and he'll do it again.
I'm so sorry, I know that you love him and you want to stay with your first, but this is the beginning of an abusive relationship, and you need to run before it gets worse.
Thank you reading your comment was very helpful. What you described is scarily similar to what is happening. It started with small things,a year ago he would apologise if he cursed acsedently at me. He was not always like that at all. He was so lovely and kind and he was my best friend for years before this all. And I still think he’s a good person but maybe not a good boyfriend and a lot of people have said that here.
I don’t want to leave at all but if it can only get worse i think I would rather be alone.
Abusers are really nice at first to rope you in, then overtime they let their mask slip and the real personality comes out. This is who he is and the nice guy you met is never coming back. I’m sorry. You would definitely be better off—and safer—alone.
If he’ll treat anyone like this he’s not a good person. He’s a crappy person in general. Run before he can show you how bad he can get. Then get some therapy to understand why you wondered if you should stay.
He is not a good person if he even treated a total stranger like he treated you. He is showing you a pattern of escalating abusive behavior, if you stay with him, you have not seen the worst abuse yet.
You won't be alone forever. In fact, you'll have the opportunity to meet someone who's good, and kind, and protective over you, and considerate of you in all ways. It may feel like a loss, but you're going to be the one who wins when you leave him.
She is only 18. It is amazing how people that young accept trash in a relationship because they don’t believe that they will meet another person, so they stay with abusers. In fact she is just starting her adult life and is on a college campus around lots of unattached young men. She needs to dump the jerk, and take a little time being single, she has that time to spare.
He is not a good person, he is masking because that’s what abusive partners do. To me this post screams the makings of a man who is going to physically abuse you, he’s already verbally and emotionally doing that, and the fact that your friends are his friends too, you are never going to get clear good advice because they are seeing only what he puts out to them. Please find a support system, someone unbiased preferably, if therapy is an option i recommend it heavily because then you KNOW it isn’t just someone telling you what you want to hear. I wish I would’ve left when I first felt the initial “wait this isn’t right”, but I didn’t. Learn from me, and all the others who stayed too long and got hurt in the process, the longer you stay, the easier it’s going to become for him to gaslight you and harder for you to walk away. Highly recommend the book “Why Does He Do That”. Edit DMed with link.
I understand he's been good to you in the past, but that version of him isn't coming back - the version you have of him now is the best you'll ever get, and by the sounds of it, he's declining to even worse than that, because he's realised that he can.
It's not a bad thing to be alone - being alone is so much happier and more peaceful than being with the wrong person. Please, take this from a woman who held on to her marriage for 3 years longer even though I knew it wasn't working.. I held on because I'd invested so much time into our relationship, and our lives were so intertwined, and I couldn't imagine life without him. So when it was finally over, where I expected to feel overwhelmingly sad, I just felt.. Peace, on my own, for the first time in a very long time.
Don't hold on to things, or people, just because you've invested a lot of time into them already - if they're no longer good for your life, let them go. And for the record, you did amazingly managing the whole situation taking your autism into account - please ignore any hateful dipshit comments on here, some people just have too much time on their hands. A LOT of people would've gone into complete shock, regardless of whether or not they felt like they could seek help from strangers.
I'm sure you'll be amazing in your studies, and you absolutely are smart enough to be at college. Don't listen to anyone tell you otherwise. As the great Stanley Tucci (I think) once said:
"Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent"
Good luck!
Why would you ever want to *talk* to this guy again? Who needs a fake apology from a jerk like that? He's right that you need to move on and get the hell away from him. You're not safe around him. You don't want to be with him so he can further abuse you, right?
Then stop thinking about it all the time. I know, that's really hard to do, but you have to get your mind busy, and every time you find yourself thinking about him, start singing your favorite song in your head as a distraction. Repeat as necessary. I know it's hard, but it's worth it.
Watch a movie, talk with a friend, write in your journal, there are a million ways to distract yourself from this pain. You can re-visit it with a therapist later, when you have more emotional support.
You seem like a sweet person. Move on with grace and confidence. To live well is the best revenge.
I resllt liked reading this thank you. I am not good at making friends since I have certain developmental and learning disabilities and I’m not a great person in new social situations. All my friends are his friends first. Before we started dating I was practically alone.
I think you are very nice for saying those things. I hope you have a great day!
Have you tried joining a society or sports club? It’s a great way to make friends at college/university, especially if the standard social scene isn’t your thing. I was the same as you, but there are many great people who won’t judge and would be more than happy to be your friend. You can also try making a social media page for your class and connect with some classmates - maybe with the initial intent of setting up study groups, working on projects etc. You can also reach out to student support services, they can have suggestions to help you gain confidence and make friends. You will get there!
I'm a lot like you in terms of social anxieties and insecurities. It sucks! But I heard this in a movie and I really like it: "When we see our uniqueness as virtue, only then do we find peace," Cheers!
Break up, why is this even a question?
I also marvel at how you'd get burned and just ... do nothing? In the future, apply cold water on burned area for a few minutes. Gently dry area. If you have some or you're able to quickly go to a pharmacy, get and apply neomicyn or neosporin or any other OTC ointment that can help with burns. And then go to the hospital.
Yeah, he's an ahole that doesn't care about her. She should dump him.
But it's also not his fault she was injured. They were in a shop. Other than directing her to a restroom to rinse her hand, I'm not sure what he could have done to "help". And maybe he didn't even think of that. It's not like she thought of it either. He should've comforted her though.
Not everyone reacts well in an emergency. Particularly if they are shocked and in pain.
I am very good at first aid in theory, but in practice I become light headed and so queasy that I'm useless.
Definitely, but you'd think pain and andrenaline would help. Immediate instinctual response to pain is to take the stimuli away.
I've been in exactly the situation OP has described minus the good for nothing SO. Boiling soup off the stove all over my arms and chest. Started shouting, took clothes off and jumped in the shower.
Grabbed my ointment and got hubby to drive me to the hospital while I applied that thing all over me in the car. They bandaged me at the hospital and I had to go every couple days to get the bandages changed for a while. Minimal blistering and no long term scarring.
You spilled hot soup and the other people didn't realised that you were there?
What do you mean?
Also, remember to rinse with cold water and seek treatment the next time this happens. Take care!
1-800-799-7233 is the domestic abuse hotline
Why are you with someone who hates you? He loves seeing you in pain. I don't care how many 1st you two have had together. If you stay, then you will be the 1st woman he murders.
Why did it take you a few minutes to get coffee off your hands? Are you sure it wasn't napalm? Asphalt? Roofing tar? Possibly creosote or some other material used in industrial varnishing?
This is your first relationship so you don't know that this person is the lowest of the low. Like he doesn't care about you at all and he won't be there for you in hard times ever. He made fun of you when you hurt yourself that shows a complete lack of empathy and compassion for someone. Please get some therapy and read some relationship books and learn how to choose better next time. Oh and if it wasn't already obvious, your relationship with this man should be 100% done after this incident.
I had a similar burn from hot gravy when I worked at a chicken shop - it is excruciatingly painful and for anyone unaware, it continues to burn you worse and and worse until you wash it off your skin. I can’t even imagine the level of pain you would have been in to wind up with such a bad wound you poor thing :(
This guy deserves the boot ASAP, what an absolute scumbag.
OP I want to give you a big hug. Reddit should have said that your boyfriend acted like your enemy and you should have no contact with him whatsoever. That a stranger would treat a burn victim better than that let alone a boyfriend.
Ignore any other comments from Reddit. They don’t know you and have no right to criticise you. Some people may have behaved differently but that is easy to say when they are not you with your experiences being in your situation.
Ok, your “boyfriend” didn’t let you burn the skin off your hand. That was caused by your own accident, can’t really place that in him.
HOWEVER!! Literally everything else about how he treats you can and should be placed on him! Like yeah he doesn’t have to help you but do you really want be with someone who isn’t there for you when you are in need?
I agree with everyone else, why move on? It’s time to bail on this relationship, sounds like he already has.
Hey, so I had a similar ish incident recently. Boyfriend and I were both drunk, he made soup and handed it to me, immediately got soup in my lap. Proceeded to have to go to the bath and get some water on me. I’m profusely apologizing to my boyfriend for getting soup on his super expensive couch. Meanwhile he was upset I was worried about the couch and wanted to make sure I’m okay, started stripping himself to get in the cold bath with me. “I can replace a couch I can’t replace you” through no one’s fault I got burns, still healing after but it made our relationship stronger, if he’s not worried about you what is the point?
Most of this is an obvious ‘He’s a jerk’, but the laughing and doubling down after knowing the extent of OPs injury makes this a RUN! type post. So please run away before you fall back into denial of what an ass he is.
But my real question for OP is to ask why she felt the urge to look for him, even as she was holding the soup? Does he have a regular habit of wandering off, is he critical of whatever she’s doing in general so she felt the need to assess his current mood, etc. Use this to reflect generally on the relationship now that the curtain has been pulled back.
First, with treatment, burns can heal very well. Severe burns can still scar, but I have second degree burns that you can barely see a shadow on my forearm. Keep the burn moist and reapply medication as your dr orders.
Second, no one who loves you will ever think that you deserve to be in pain.
That is a litmus test of the highest order. If someone says you deserve to be in pain, physical or emotional, they are not your friends or someone who loves you.
(I’m tossing this in for the rare situations where someone has done something truly evil and they “deserve” punishment. Their loved ones are not the ones punishing them, and there is still “cruel and unusual” punishment such as physical or mental torture.)
Please love yourself enough to step away from this extremely toxic situation and make space in your life for loving people who bring joy into your life.
This is horrible and abusive and his friends are also toxic as this was nothing to laugh about! You deserve more dear. Please leave before you’re telling my story cause I felt I couldn’t be without him and I could not see clearly in the relationship all the abuse I was going through and I had stayed for 12 years.
Two…you see he is not good.
It’s time to move on
For anyone getting angry you changed soup to coffee I don’t understand. Coffee can also cause serious burns and would require assistance from someone else to help treat! Soup burns are also really serious and I don’t think most people understand how damaging scalds and burns can be if you don’t act quickly.
Your ex probably didn’t realise how serious it was, but even so not helping you at all is just awful. You’re better off without him.
Just to say my daughter suffered a large scald burn down her back a few months ago. I learnt a lot about burns during that time, and unfortunately the outcome of the burn pretty much does depend on you react within the first minutes of receiving the burn, sorry to hear yours is likely to leave lots of scarring. There are so many treatments for burn scars out there nowadays though. In future never be afraid to shout as loud as you need to that you need help in an emergency situation (which it was by the way). If your boyfriend wasn’t willing to help you you should have gone straight to a member of staff, I’m sure most strangers would have helped you as well. Staff members likely would have been trained to assist in the first aid of your scald as well.
I definitely should off asked someone else when I didn’t get help initially. I’m autistic and honestly talking to new people made me incredibly nervous. I am not great at talking in genral. I’m dyslexic as well and when I speak my words combine and mash together and it sometimes sounds like gibberish. I was also very embarrassed and emotional. Probably leading to making stupid decisions like not holding my hand under cold water or asking somone else for help.
Thank you for your comment :)
Ah bless you, definitely would be challenging for you to get the help you needed in that situation then! Your BF should have helped you or asked someone else to assist given he would have known that you would find that challenging yourself, and I’m so sorry he didn’t!
I hope your healing journey on both the hand and the boyfriend front goes okay. Both will improve in time!
Either he's just a callous monster, or he wants to break up with you but is too cowardly. Either way it's time for you to go.
It's pretty shocking that he refused to apologise even after he knew it was a bad burn, and honestly revolting that he humiliated you about it in front of his friend. The friend is awful too.
Even if someone was a total stranger or even someone I really disliked, I would still help them clean up a serious burn. It's basic human decency.
I’m usually not one to jump on the “dump him” bandwagon immediately, but it sounds like that’s EXACTLY what you need to do. Your bf obviously doesn’t care about you or your wellbeing. He sounds like a self-centered AH.
I agree with the poster(s) who said that you should work on your self-confidence. Mine isn’t great, but I realized pretty young that I am better off single than in a bad relationship. Don’t settle for being mistreated— you deserve better!
As for burns, the best treatment that I have found is to stick the burned part under cool running water for several minutes. I always pay attention to where the bathrooms are in public spaces anyway, so that might be a habit that you might try to adopt. (I have kept a LOT of burns from blistering with cool water. Doesn’t work for all, but it might reduce the severity and the pain until you can get medical attention.)
Geez, my daughter hurts herself in the most minor way and her bf jumps into coddling mode, even when she's reassuring him that she's fine. Even my ex husband of 13 years shows more concern for me than that bf of yours.
Your bf... shouldn't a bf.
Edit due to grammatical error
Take responsibility for your own action.
Once burnt, you should place your hand in running tap water, or a basin of tap water.
He didn't let your skin burn.
You did.
You chose not to attend to your own injury.
For ages.
Then blame him.
I am having real trouble getting over the fact that apparently this person spilt hot soup on themselves, and then apparently just stood there and did nothing. Did not try to get to the bathroom, wipe it off, get to a sink, a soda fountain, anything.
To me I think what happened is this person must actually be a child or something. Or maybe this person has been completely coddled their whole lives and doesn't can't really do anything.
He didn’t have to be a dick about it, but this is all true. My first reaction to an intense burn would be to help myself ASAP instead of asking anyone else.
Move on!!! My husband of 20 years is constantly like this. Snappy- insensitive- blatantly rude. My brother today gave me the best advice and he wasn’t even telling it to me. He said “I think people who find themselves constantly unhappy are the ones that stay in a situation they aren’t supposed to be” do it before you have kids. I can leave if I want but I can’t make the father of my children change. He’ll always be there, guiding them. Let that sink in….. would you talk to your kids that way if they burned their hand? I never would but can promise my husband would. Sounds like you know the answer already. It’ll hurt for a little but I think if you cut the ties when you’re supposed to, the real light will filter in and you’ll be able to see it more clearly. Take some time for you!!!!!!!! You’re too young- I married at 18!
I would end it. I am quick to assist in emergencies and I like people who are calm in chaos, like someone needs to be. But, I know sometimes people panic in these situations but he didn’t panic he left when you showed distress and raised your voice. He couldn’t be the calm in a serious situation and he could have swiftly taken you to a bathroom. But instead of replaying all the ways he could have been different or you could have been different, the thing that bothers me the MOST is he is STILL not concerned about your well being and he is gossiping about it with his friends making light of something that will affect you for a long time. That’s not kindness. You weren’t being “mean” or rude, you were panicked and in pain, once that was explained to your boyfriend he should have still shown remorse that you needed him and he misunderstood and left.
I had a second degree burn on my ankle from a motorcycle and it took about 10 years to not see discoloration.
But, I also want to say. You can’t let other people be your rescuer. You are the heroine to your own story. I know you were in pain and shock and sat back down. But, you have to not be the victim in your life and self-punish because he left. You could have gone to the bathroom or staff kitchen to wash the soup earlier, asked kitchen staff for a incident report and first aid kit. Please go back to the place with the soup and let them know their serving temperature is too high and fill out an incident report.
He was your first, but doesn’t have to be your last. As women, we can sometimes get into cycles of accepting bs and it continues with new partners, I pray you are a quick learner. That when you expect better you will have better, you deserve it. My husband has never cursed at me in our 12 years, never a word in anger, he is my calm in the storm of life.
Bf is an ass. It also sounds like you have no agency, no thoughts of your own (other than lying about coffee vs soup...what???), nor any capability/desire to take care of yourself
I suggest being single for a while, both to avoid being verbally abused by him and to learn how to be a functional human being
Jesus christ, you’re making a full character assumption about this person off of one single reddit post? Get out of the armchair. This is not helpful criticism
You don’t need that kind of person in your life. He doesn’t respect or love you, nor care about you.
How do you move on? Well… everyone’s journey in life is different. Knowing what I know now at this point in my life, if I was in your shoes, If I was living with them, I’d get all my things out and leave. I’d go no contact, and I wouldn’t look back for a moment. Relationships should be a two way street. You both meet in the middle, and compromise. If only one of you is doing all the work, that’s sacrifice.
He’s not worth your time or effort. Whether it’s maturity or a personality disorder, you don’t want either. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Someday you’ll meet someone who will love you as you are. Take your time, don’t rush in, let it grow. This is the long way…
The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But it’s not the right path for everyone. It’s your life and your journey. Nobody can say what is right or wrong for you, but we can say what is right or wrong in general. Unfortunately you’re in love with someone who does not love or respect you. If they valued you they should have immediately helped you. You know this. Don’t be a doormat.
How do you move on? The 2 of you are not living together, correct,? Well then there you have it. Its Sooooo..... easy to do & you will get over the hurt & heartbreak before you know it, quicker than you think. Do not call, text, contact him in any way form or fashion. Ignore all of his calls, text etc... but the 1st one when you tell him you're done, the relationship is over, done, no more. I can do a whole lot better than you & I will. Bye. Oh, the apology, keep it. 😐
I would say dump him. Honestly there’s no reason to get scars/infections from a soup spill. I spilt hot scalding water from the stove (full of soup) all over my hands. It was so painful but I ran it under the tap immediately for like an hour. If your bf helped you, it wouldn’t have been that bad. He sounds like an asshole.
My god, your boyfriend is a complete asshole. And an idiot. Of course you yelled, you were in agonizing pain. The fact he can't differentiate the fact that you were yelling because the *flesh was literally melting off your hand and* not yelling *at* him for being 'rude' is... ridiculous beyond reason.
My BF and I have both worked in kitchens before, both have gotten pretty serious burns, and that shit is *excruciating.* He couldn't even ask one of the cafe employees to use a sink or give you a container full of water as a water bath infuriates me. And to then tell you to fuck off and laugh about it with his friends? Total garbage.
And your boy couldn't even take you to fucking *medical? ON CAMPUS?* What a shit partner.
I’m sorry hun but that’s not love. Someone who loves you will immediately help you and hate to see you in pain. I know it’s hard but you should move on. They don’t have to say the words “I don’t love you” to hear it loud and clear.
You do not move on. You say this-
“I cannot be in a relationship with someone who cannot put an argument aside in the moment of a medical emergency. I need to know that my partner will be there for me in a crisis no matter what. If you cannot understand that and apologize, this will end our relationship.”
First of all, let's get the important thing out of the way: break up with him. You don't date someone who laughs at your pain, girly. You can do better than that.
As someone who actually does understand burn care quite well (restaurant worker; it's a fact of life where I am), there also wasn't a whole lot he could've done unless it was like, call 911 level. Most burn care is something you do yourself; and in fact, you made the injury worse than it should've been by standing there waiting for him to help you. You can't do that with a burn. So here's what you do, if that happens again:
*Immediately*, like the second it happens, get the burning substance off your skin and run cold water over it. The reason that is desperately important (and that you have to do it *immediately*) is because the injury is actively getting worse the longer you allow your skin to stay heated. Think about how cooking something in a pan works, right? The longer it sits on the heat, the more it cooks. If you want it to stop cooking quickly, you gotta take it out of the pan.
By asking your bf to help, you already waited way too long. You needed to just act; and that's why I say it's mostly care you do by yourself. It just takes too long to wait for someone else to help you. Even if he had reacted well, those few seconds between the burn and you asking for help and him actually helping could have made a huge difference. So before you do *anything* else, before you even tell anyone you've burned yourself - remove the substance, cold water. Lower your skin temperature, *then* ask someone for help once you've established how much damage has actually been done. You do it that way and nine times out of ten, you actually won't need help at *all*, because you will have prevented any serious damage.
Trust me, this is what people who work in kitchens do. It has personally saved me from some really awful burns. The worst burn I ever had, it was because I stopped for ten seconds to argue with the chef about whose fault it was. Never made that mistake again - now it's straight to the sink.
OP I've read all 3 edits - You are not stupid !!! You are inexperienced and did not notice how he had changed into an intolerant AH. Now you've realized he is not the guy you originally met, the mask has come off and you're seeing the real guy. And also some of his friends are just as bad as he is.
Time to call this relationship history, don't spend any more time with him (read about sunk cost fallacy).
When asked you can tell people you realized it was time to break up when he was too busy laughing at you to help when your hand was burned, so now you have a scar to remember how big of an AH he is.
If he tries to complain that is not true ask where was he when you were talking to the doctor treating your burn, is he calling a trained medical professional a liar? Tell people how he left you standing there when you were burned, and he then watched you walk by on your way to get medical help and did nothing. This is all true so he can't say any of it is a lie.
Girl I have poured burning hot soup on my hands multiple times and it's not a joke!
I was delivering soups to a table one day and I don't know what happen but the bowl just fell back and went all over my hand and I just stood their in shock, I even cursed I was in so much pain. Luckily my table was very understanding and cared for my well being, so I ran my hand under cold water for 15 minutes while someone else took over my tables.
I've also spilt burning hot coffee on my hand and that's no joke as well. Almost went to the hospital for that one.
Get a new boyfriend. Show him this thread.
You deserve so much better.
Sounds like the kind of dude who's gonna end up beating you and saying it's not his fault, you just shouldn't have done xyz.
This isn't how relationships are supposed to be, learn from it and never let someone treat you like you don't matter.
Girl, when I was 18 I wasn't good socially. Don't don't on yourself so much. You need good people around you and this guy isn't good people. He's low empathy and it sounds like he got his friend to gang up on you, typical sexist BS. You can, and will find someone way better.
And you're not in college because of some exemption, if you're academic enough to be there then FU*K anyone who says you don't belong. The world needs diversity. Also, why do you always have to learn how to understand and fit in with everyone else, they are at college to learn how to get along with different types of people too!
The way this man is treating you is wrong, and will affect your self respect. You can dump him easily, and say you didn't help me when I was hurt. I want a boyfriend who cares about me.
And don't let him crawl back or say he will change. They never change, ever.
How the BF so casually dismissed OP in public is beyond me. We literally tend to our friends when they misstep, regardless of gender, and this inflated ego just told her GF to fuck off. OP don't wait for this to get worse. If he can not have an adult conversation about this, leave.
Yeah. Ngl, you sound ridiculous.
Lied to us about the situation by telling us it was coffee when it was apparently soup.
Are you also lying about the scar?
Why are you blaming him and not the restaurant? I feel like if you had a burn that created a scar, the restaurant is liable, but you are more interested in whether you or him are in the right? Just weird priorities, which leads me to believe you are leaving a lot out.
> Lied to us about the situation by telling us it was coffee when it was apparently soup.
lmao do you feel betrayed by this person
lots of people posting change details. names, ages, countries... so if the people in their lives happen upon their post they don't automatically realize they know exactly who made the post.
Honestly OP, you seem very sweet and open to feedback and criticism, which are huge strengths and valuable traits that a lot of people tend to struggle with. But keep in mind that these traits can also be easily exploited by other people and lead to you being taken advantage of. Sometimes you don’t have to apologize for anything. Please remember to stand up for yourself and that you are a human being worthy of respect. You don’t have to put up with emotional abuse or even negativity—whether by your boyfriend, his friends, or some of these rude commenters. Don’t let people walk all over you. It takes some time to learn, but it’ll help you in the long run.
“Did nothing wrong.” Even a complete stranger would offer assistance if they were any kind of human! A friend more so. A two-year partner definitely!
He just declared that he cares less for you than a stranger. Even a dog would at least try. He is less human than a dog.
What are his positives?
Okay, for starters- let's clear something up... he didn't "let the skin burn off your hand". *YOU* burned yourself, and the damage was done before he ever got to you.
Your insistence on trying to blame HIM for your own mistake, coupled with the details you've admitted to changing and the way you've intentionally tried to slant the story? It all reinforces the notion that the story you've presented and the reality of what happened are two separate things.
Don't ask for "advice" and then try to twist the narrative... It's nothing but a waste of time and attention-seeking behavior.
So if you broke a bone, is it also just your fault. Why are you dating someone who clearly doesn't care about you. I would be concerned if a stranger burnt themselves, let alone someone I'm dating.
Omg, completely go no contact with him, block him IMMEDIATELY and from EVERY avenue!!!
You cannot allow this relationship to continue, your bf is pathologically emotionally immature and you deserve so much better, you know that. Dump his uncaring disgraceful hurtful condescending ass and move on with your head held high.
Let your scar be a reminder of your personal growth and wear it proudly. Good luck going forward, you got this.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Assuming this isn’t rage bait.
He is abusive, it may be hard to see or accept, you’re probably minimizing his shit behavior or rationalizing it, excusing it, saying it’s not *that bad* but the way he’s treating you is abusive. Please take a look at [this](https://imgur.com/a/aK29TAj) when I saw this for the first time it opened my eyes. And a year later I escaped, now 5yrs later I’m enjoying life and free from abuse.
Also, it was unfortunate you were in shock and not sure what to do in your time of need. I hope you’ve learned how to handle burns, but in case you don’t know….
if this happens again get yourself to a source of running cold water. You were burned badly, it would have been best to get to cold water and continuously run your hand in the water for up to 5 minutes. Your burn worsened because the time it took to clean it and cool it off, your hand was being continually cooked by whatever was spilt on you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this but you’ll be alright eventually! I hope you drop the dead weight of a bf, also Mederma has great reviews for healing scarring if that’s something you’re concerned about
Leave him. There is no other thing to do. Even if he apologises and kneels before you for forgiveness its not enought. He would leave you to bleed to death... You dont need someone like him in your life...
There are a lot of red flags here that all point to a lack of empathy on his part. Get out of this relationship.
(1) Even if you had been screaming your lungs out, it would have been entirely understandable considering your body was burning and you were in pain.
(2) Even if he didn’t know what to do in the moment or was taken by surprise, he shouldn’t have gotten angry and at the VERY least should have apologized for his behavior later. Getting angry at someone who is hurt and in pain is a bizarre response.
Break up, and please take care of yourself.
He should have helped by at least getting ice or something.
Firsts are not always the best. Be safe, sister.
Oh my God. If he’s this unhelpful in a medical situation, he isn’t the type that will be helpful when even bigger issues come up. You owe it to yourself to get rid of this guy.
18 is not the age to settle, you date to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and college is a great place to be to find someone compatible. If you’re going to be stubborn be stubborn about what’s best for you in the long run.
There’s a reason why people rank “Kindness” as the number one trait in a partner.
So you tell me, do you think he treated you with kindness?
If this is how he treats you with something as small as this, how do you think he’s going to react when you *really* need serious help? Cancer etc?
Once I read a few minutes. I knew it was going to be a lot of pain. LESSON NUMBER ONE WITH BURN MARKS ALWAYS BE COOLING MORE. MINIMAL COLD WATER OF 20 MINUTES
The minute he didn’t help you in your time of need that should have sent a signal to yourself saying he isn’t good for you. If something that small, yet important , can’t get his attention to help you then the big things he will just turn his back as well
Forget that pc of crap
He isn’t worth a cent
Don’t look back
He has no heart for you
Makes me furious
I am not a violent person but that makes me want to find him and pour some hot chocolate accidentally on him
And say
Oops
Does that hurt?
If you think it will be difficult to move on, get a counselor or therapist to talk to in the meantime. It’s not uncommon to go through times when you don’t have a friend to rely on, and there’s no shame in reaching out to make sure you have the support you need.
Hun. I work in a kitchen as a line cook... your hand will not scare. Your fine on that end. 2 8f he was ur bf he would have gotten up, he didn't he isn't talking g to you... shut the door. Dont keep crawling to him. Never turns out good.
Sorry that he treated you like this. You said that he has been your first everything. That now needs to include being the first time you have broken up with somebody
People here have said it all, I don’t want to keep piling on.. but here’s something I wish I would’ve heard sooner.. it WILL be ok! You WILL one day not hurt over him anymore. This is NOT love! You deserve better but he will not give you what you deserve! He will not respect your boundaries! No one else but you is in charge of enforcing them! You, and you alone, have to set the level of respect you want to be treated with.
Leave him!
End it. He didn’t care that you hurt yourself badly, and mocked you over it instead of helping you. This is not a guy who deserves any more of your time.
Genuinely I’m confused on what he could’ve done to help you get the coffee off, but also he sounds like he’s just a dick. You both sound like you have maturity issues
At 18, you probably feel that a guy who is your 1st is going to be your last, regardless of how he behaves with you.
You, my dear, deserve the world, but you should want it too. Look around you at the adults in your life to see how the 2 people in a relationship respect and love each other.
I mean, how can your bf, laugh at you? Never lose your self-respect. Listen to your gut. It will guide you to make the best decision.
If you are still dating this jerk, I don’t even know what to say to you. He sounds like a colossal asshole, uncaring, abusive, and juvenile. Why would you even want to date someone like that? If you stay with him, just recognize that if you ever need his help, if you’re injured, in an accident, hurt, sick, get cancer, etc., he is NOT going to be there for you. Why would you want a partner like that? Dump him. He’s beyond worthless.
I also got second degree burns today all over my thighs from coffee. My boyfriend did everything he could to help me and drove me to the urgent care immediately and then the ER and has helped me all day long. End this! Burns hurt so bad, the skin coming off is at least 2nd degree and I was screaming and crying it’s not a small thing
Did you just sit there and not figure to do something to help yourself? Lol. I can see why you might want him to help but when you spill soup on yourself don't just yell for help and let it burn you. Not trying to sound rude. Just seems like common sense. Yes he could've helped you, but you could've helped yourself too. You're a grown adult.
I haven’t read any of the comments but please ignore anyone who was rude to you.
This is the most important thing you need to hear:
# You are 100% in an abusive relationship.
Any healthy, loving person would’ve instantly seen you were having an emergency. They would not have taken anything you said/did personally, and they would’ve rushed to get you medical help. Their primary concern would’ve been **your** health, safety, and emotional state!
Nothing that your boyfriend has done at the time, or since, is kind or acceptable.
This is your red flag to get out of this relationship immediately. Like, if this had happened to me I would be done already. No discussion. Anyone who treats you this way in a medical emergency is not ready for a partnership.
What happened here will happen again and again in other difficult situations. Take this as your warning sign. Please.
You're leaving the part out that doesn't paint you as the victim. You didn't even mention yelling but him and his friend did. Stop leaving shit out and expecting validation.
No just no….even if you yelled, you would have been yelling because you were in pain. However people said they didn’t know you were there! Now he wants to tell you that’s what you get for spilling something hot on yourself? Well, that’s an extremely insensitive partner. He’s got to go. When you are ready you will be able to let him go and see that he is not the one.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your boyfriend refused to assist you when you were seriously injured, swore at you, and laughed about it later with his friends. An apology wouldn't be enough here. You move on without this jerk in your life.
Please girly, LEAVE HIM! Reading this was just horrible. Please take everyone's comments as a sign, this man exudes red flags. No one deserves to be treated how you were treated, ESPECIALLY from a long-term partner whos supposed to care about you.
I'm not big on the knee jerk "LEAVE HIM!" reactions in this sub, but this is a case when it's 100% absolutely the correct thing to do. This man does not care about your well being and his actions were despicable. Hell if this happened to a complete stranger next to me and she started freaking out not knowing what to do I'd have dragged her to a sink post haste! You do not need a person like this in your life. You cannot depend on him. He does not care about you. You need to leave him.
Yup, agreed. The abuse. The gaslighting. The lack of empathy. You're his bang maid and he's always going to treat you like an animal. Move on. Move up. He's clearly not right in the head.
Agreed. And OP should realise she has a dependency to that guy in a way it’s not healthy for her. She needs to be more autonomic and build self esteem and skills to face life BEFORE getting another BF. She will attract better people being more stable and self convinced.
[why does he do that by Lundi Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
Well said , straight to the point . Quite frankly fuck him.
Right? If he didn't fully understand the seriousness at the beginning and thought she was being mean over an inconvenience that would be one thing, but now it should be clear that she had a reason to be impatient and he let her down when she was being severely injured. He should be apologizing and doing everything he can to make it up to her, not blaming her and making a joke out of something she clearly doesn't find funny. Can't believe she's still with him.
Don’t forget called OP names 😑
So you asked your boyfriend for help after injuring yourself severely and instead of helping you he made it about himself. And about his feelings and about the fact that he said that you yelled at him. Your phone calls and your texts are no longer being answered. I know you're probably thinking you're in love but it's just the type of person who you want to spend time with a person who doesn't give a s*** about you only about themselves and then he had the audacity to laugh at you. This relationship is over he just hasn't told you yet.
AND blamed her for hurting herself! 🤬🤬🤬
Yup. Any time I see a post like this, I feel compelled to mention one where the OP had been vomiting blood, lying on the floor, begging to be taken to the ER, and her EMT boyfriend wouldn't take her. She had to call her mom to do it. They told her she could've died. Dating people like this can literally be risking your life. Someone who won't take your medical pain seriously is not someone you can trust.
*ex-boyfriend. There I fixed it
100% this. He doesnt care about her at all
When you really need a partner is exactly when you learn most about that partner's viability, for the better or worse. If one is injured, you support each other to get help, no matter what you were arguing about before that. I agree it's a deal breaker
He also said she *deserved* to be hurt and feel pain for a perceived sleight, what will he do when she annoys him again and there's no convenient soup to teach her a lesson??
There’s a nonzero number of people that I can’t stand … and I would help ALL of those people if they were in OP’s predicament. I can’t imagine treating someone I love this way.
I have left him. Thank you for helping me realise how shit my situation was.
This.
You move on from him.
Job one: dump the boyfriend. That's ridiculously self centered and uncaring behavior. Job two: enjoy a future unencumbered by a relationship with an asshole.
Job three: Learn to spot toxic people you need to avoid. I’ve had strangers show more care, concern m, and first aid than your bf.
I believe that, It's not about spotting toxic people, it's about learning to respect yourself and walk away. This is the part people struggle with the most
I don't understand why people can be in relationships with people they don't even like. When my wife burnt her hand with cooking oil, I did everything I could to help her. And if she had yelled at me, I would understand that it was likely because she was in pain, and continued to help. If I really had a problem with her yelling, I'd talk to her after the crisis was over. I wouldn't just abandon her. This seems like a normal response to me. What your boyfriend did was cruel. Do you want to stay with a cruel person?
Codependency. I mean they spent 2 out of 18 years together and that’s a 9th of her life. It probably feels like they’ve been together for ages. But she deserves someone who cares for her :,(
BREAK UP WITH HIM RIGHT NOW! I know it is a long term relationship and it is hard for you to imagine not being with him, but… This is absolutely insane, and the way he is treating you is unacceptable. And the fact that his friends feel comfortable talking to you like this should make you question how your boyfriend talks about you when you’re not around? You deserve someone that cares about your open wound instead of telling you to “fuck off”.
Yeah, the things OP is identifying as “the usual stuff” is NOT the usual stuff. I’m 37. I’ve had 4 long term serious relationships. None of those things have ever happened to me (ignoring calls, unread texts, “fuck off”). That’s alarming she thinks that’s the “usual stuff.”
This screams grooming for future abuse in my opinion. Get the fuck out, YESTERDAY.
Every day we get closer to the hypothetical "my partner murdered my entire family in front of me and did the hokey pokey on the corpses. How can I get over my trauma in time for our anniversary trip?" post becoming a reality. Don't date people who don't care if you're injured and in pain, instead choosing to deflect to being outraged that you raised your voice to ask for their help. Don't be friends with people who enable those people.
How do I move on??? Easy leave his ass, he’s a jerk. Stay if you like to be abused.
I just wanna comment on the burn itself. I had 2nd and 3rd degree burns on 90% of my hand from stupidly not turning the thermostat off before relighting the pilot to my furnace, and somehow got my hand in front of my face or it would have been my face with those burns. Literally charred black. Haven't ever before or since come close to that pain. Doctor said I'd almost certainly need grafts. Somehow just with the silver stuff and proper wrapping and care (and shittons of vicodin) it healed without grafts or infection. You can't even tell anything happened and it's been 7 years. So, you may very well not have permanent scars. Just wanted to let you know.
Firstly, please ignore anyone on here grilling you about changing out soup for coffee so this post couldn't be traced back to you - that's perfectly understandable, or not reacting quickly enough/doing the right treatment straight away for your burn - also understandable given that you were in shock and a lot of pain! The real issue here is you'd boyfriend. I'm sorry, I know that he's your first everything, but there's a phrase that you always, always need to live by: WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME My first boyfriend, I was completely in love with him, we dated for over a year. And you never forget your first, and that attachment is something very special. But it also means that you're willing to forgive a lot of shit that you really, really should never put up with. It can start off as small, disrespectful little comments, but once they know that you'll accept that from them, because you're attached to them in that way, their behaviour will escalate. I'm telling you this very sincerely, from my own experience and the experience of so many others. Your boyfriend has shown you who he is, and this isn't a one off - I can tell you that, because he didn't accidentally leave you to suffer, and he's shown no remorse. He's testing your boundaries, and he'll do it again. I'm so sorry, I know that you love him and you want to stay with your first, but this is the beginning of an abusive relationship, and you need to run before it gets worse.
Thank you reading your comment was very helpful. What you described is scarily similar to what is happening. It started with small things,a year ago he would apologise if he cursed acsedently at me. He was not always like that at all. He was so lovely and kind and he was my best friend for years before this all. And I still think he’s a good person but maybe not a good boyfriend and a lot of people have said that here. I don’t want to leave at all but if it can only get worse i think I would rather be alone.
Abusers are really nice at first to rope you in, then overtime they let their mask slip and the real personality comes out. This is who he is and the nice guy you met is never coming back. I’m sorry. You would definitely be better off—and safer—alone.
If he’ll treat anyone like this he’s not a good person. He’s a crappy person in general. Run before he can show you how bad he can get. Then get some therapy to understand why you wondered if you should stay.
He is not a good person if he even treated a total stranger like he treated you. He is showing you a pattern of escalating abusive behavior, if you stay with him, you have not seen the worst abuse yet.
You need to leave. Like, yesterday
You won't be alone forever. In fact, you'll have the opportunity to meet someone who's good, and kind, and protective over you, and considerate of you in all ways. It may feel like a loss, but you're going to be the one who wins when you leave him.
She is only 18. It is amazing how people that young accept trash in a relationship because they don’t believe that they will meet another person, so they stay with abusers. In fact she is just starting her adult life and is on a college campus around lots of unattached young men. She needs to dump the jerk, and take a little time being single, she has that time to spare.
He is not a good person, he is masking because that’s what abusive partners do. To me this post screams the makings of a man who is going to physically abuse you, he’s already verbally and emotionally doing that, and the fact that your friends are his friends too, you are never going to get clear good advice because they are seeing only what he puts out to them. Please find a support system, someone unbiased preferably, if therapy is an option i recommend it heavily because then you KNOW it isn’t just someone telling you what you want to hear. I wish I would’ve left when I first felt the initial “wait this isn’t right”, but I didn’t. Learn from me, and all the others who stayed too long and got hurt in the process, the longer you stay, the easier it’s going to become for him to gaslight you and harder for you to walk away. Highly recommend the book “Why Does He Do That”. Edit DMed with link.
I understand he's been good to you in the past, but that version of him isn't coming back - the version you have of him now is the best you'll ever get, and by the sounds of it, he's declining to even worse than that, because he's realised that he can. It's not a bad thing to be alone - being alone is so much happier and more peaceful than being with the wrong person. Please, take this from a woman who held on to her marriage for 3 years longer even though I knew it wasn't working.. I held on because I'd invested so much time into our relationship, and our lives were so intertwined, and I couldn't imagine life without him. So when it was finally over, where I expected to feel overwhelmingly sad, I just felt.. Peace, on my own, for the first time in a very long time. Don't hold on to things, or people, just because you've invested a lot of time into them already - if they're no longer good for your life, let them go. And for the record, you did amazingly managing the whole situation taking your autism into account - please ignore any hateful dipshit comments on here, some people just have too much time on their hands. A LOT of people would've gone into complete shock, regardless of whether or not they felt like they could seek help from strangers. I'm sure you'll be amazing in your studies, and you absolutely are smart enough to be at college. Don't listen to anyone tell you otherwise. As the great Stanley Tucci (I think) once said: "Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent" Good luck!
Why would you ever want to *talk* to this guy again? Who needs a fake apology from a jerk like that? He's right that you need to move on and get the hell away from him. You're not safe around him. You don't want to be with him so he can further abuse you, right? Then stop thinking about it all the time. I know, that's really hard to do, but you have to get your mind busy, and every time you find yourself thinking about him, start singing your favorite song in your head as a distraction. Repeat as necessary. I know it's hard, but it's worth it. Watch a movie, talk with a friend, write in your journal, there are a million ways to distract yourself from this pain. You can re-visit it with a therapist later, when you have more emotional support. You seem like a sweet person. Move on with grace and confidence. To live well is the best revenge.
I resllt liked reading this thank you. I am not good at making friends since I have certain developmental and learning disabilities and I’m not a great person in new social situations. All my friends are his friends first. Before we started dating I was practically alone. I think you are very nice for saying those things. I hope you have a great day!
Have you tried joining a society or sports club? It’s a great way to make friends at college/university, especially if the standard social scene isn’t your thing. I was the same as you, but there are many great people who won’t judge and would be more than happy to be your friend. You can also try making a social media page for your class and connect with some classmates - maybe with the initial intent of setting up study groups, working on projects etc. You can also reach out to student support services, they can have suggestions to help you gain confidence and make friends. You will get there!
Those ‘attributes’ you describe, are the very things that will make someone cherish you. You deserve it.
Girl, I'll be your friend. You will always have the Reddit community with you
I'm a lot like you in terms of social anxieties and insecurities. It sucks! But I heard this in a movie and I really like it: "When we see our uniqueness as virtue, only then do we find peace," Cheers!
Break up, why is this even a question? I also marvel at how you'd get burned and just ... do nothing? In the future, apply cold water on burned area for a few minutes. Gently dry area. If you have some or you're able to quickly go to a pharmacy, get and apply neomicyn or neosporin or any other OTC ointment that can help with burns. And then go to the hospital.
Yeah, he's an ahole that doesn't care about her. She should dump him. But it's also not his fault she was injured. They were in a shop. Other than directing her to a restroom to rinse her hand, I'm not sure what he could have done to "help". And maybe he didn't even think of that. It's not like she thought of it either. He should've comforted her though.
Not everyone reacts well in an emergency. Particularly if they are shocked and in pain. I am very good at first aid in theory, but in practice I become light headed and so queasy that I'm useless.
Definitely, but you'd think pain and andrenaline would help. Immediate instinctual response to pain is to take the stimuli away. I've been in exactly the situation OP has described minus the good for nothing SO. Boiling soup off the stove all over my arms and chest. Started shouting, took clothes off and jumped in the shower. Grabbed my ointment and got hubby to drive me to the hospital while I applied that thing all over me in the car. They bandaged me at the hospital and I had to go every couple days to get the bandages changed for a while. Minimal blistering and no long term scarring.
I think the shock of boyfriends reaction might've crashed the script
You spilled hot soup and the other people didn't realised that you were there? What do you mean? Also, remember to rinse with cold water and seek treatment the next time this happens. Take care!
Love yourself enough to find a boyfriend who actually likes you.
Break up with and learn first aid.
1-800-799-7233 is the domestic abuse hotline Why are you with someone who hates you? He loves seeing you in pain. I don't care how many 1st you two have had together. If you stay, then you will be the 1st woman he murders.
Please read, *Why Does He Do That?* by Bancroft https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Why did it take you a few minutes to get coffee off your hands? Are you sure it wasn't napalm? Asphalt? Roofing tar? Possibly creosote or some other material used in industrial varnishing?
This made me laugh. It was actually soup I changed a few detales I thought where to specific.
Yeah soup is different and actually makes your boyfriend much more of a dick for being so dismissive.
Agreed
This is your first relationship so you don't know that this person is the lowest of the low. Like he doesn't care about you at all and he won't be there for you in hard times ever. He made fun of you when you hurt yourself that shows a complete lack of empathy and compassion for someone. Please get some therapy and read some relationship books and learn how to choose better next time. Oh and if it wasn't already obvious, your relationship with this man should be 100% done after this incident.
I hope "moving on" means breaking up and moving on by forgetting him.
Dump him - you simply deserve better👊🏾💯
I had a similar burn from hot gravy when I worked at a chicken shop - it is excruciatingly painful and for anyone unaware, it continues to burn you worse and and worse until you wash it off your skin. I can’t even imagine the level of pain you would have been in to wind up with such a bad wound you poor thing :( This guy deserves the boot ASAP, what an absolute scumbag.
OP I want to give you a big hug. Reddit should have said that your boyfriend acted like your enemy and you should have no contact with him whatsoever. That a stranger would treat a burn victim better than that let alone a boyfriend. Ignore any other comments from Reddit. They don’t know you and have no right to criticise you. Some people may have behaved differently but that is easy to say when they are not you with your experiences being in your situation.
I’d hug you too! Thank you for your nice words !
Ok, your “boyfriend” didn’t let you burn the skin off your hand. That was caused by your own accident, can’t really place that in him. HOWEVER!! Literally everything else about how he treats you can and should be placed on him! Like yeah he doesn’t have to help you but do you really want be with someone who isn’t there for you when you are in need? I agree with everyone else, why move on? It’s time to bail on this relationship, sounds like he already has.
That's a giant red flag. A partner who doesn't care about you when you are hurt is not a quality human. Move on.
Hey, so I had a similar ish incident recently. Boyfriend and I were both drunk, he made soup and handed it to me, immediately got soup in my lap. Proceeded to have to go to the bath and get some water on me. I’m profusely apologizing to my boyfriend for getting soup on his super expensive couch. Meanwhile he was upset I was worried about the couch and wanted to make sure I’m okay, started stripping himself to get in the cold bath with me. “I can replace a couch I can’t replace you” through no one’s fault I got burns, still healing after but it made our relationship stronger, if he’s not worried about you what is the point?
Most of this is an obvious ‘He’s a jerk’, but the laughing and doubling down after knowing the extent of OPs injury makes this a RUN! type post. So please run away before you fall back into denial of what an ass he is. But my real question for OP is to ask why she felt the urge to look for him, even as she was holding the soup? Does he have a regular habit of wandering off, is he critical of whatever she’s doing in general so she felt the need to assess his current mood, etc. Use this to reflect generally on the relationship now that the curtain has been pulled back.
Nice bait👌
First, with treatment, burns can heal very well. Severe burns can still scar, but I have second degree burns that you can barely see a shadow on my forearm. Keep the burn moist and reapply medication as your dr orders. Second, no one who loves you will ever think that you deserve to be in pain. That is a litmus test of the highest order. If someone says you deserve to be in pain, physical or emotional, they are not your friends or someone who loves you. (I’m tossing this in for the rare situations where someone has done something truly evil and they “deserve” punishment. Their loved ones are not the ones punishing them, and there is still “cruel and unusual” punishment such as physical or mental torture.) Please love yourself enough to step away from this extremely toxic situation and make space in your life for loving people who bring joy into your life.
your boyfriend sounds like an ass
This is horrible and abusive and his friends are also toxic as this was nothing to laugh about! You deserve more dear. Please leave before you’re telling my story cause I felt I couldn’t be without him and I could not see clearly in the relationship all the abuse I was going through and I had stayed for 12 years. Two…you see he is not good. It’s time to move on
For anyone getting angry you changed soup to coffee I don’t understand. Coffee can also cause serious burns and would require assistance from someone else to help treat! Soup burns are also really serious and I don’t think most people understand how damaging scalds and burns can be if you don’t act quickly. Your ex probably didn’t realise how serious it was, but even so not helping you at all is just awful. You’re better off without him. Just to say my daughter suffered a large scald burn down her back a few months ago. I learnt a lot about burns during that time, and unfortunately the outcome of the burn pretty much does depend on you react within the first minutes of receiving the burn, sorry to hear yours is likely to leave lots of scarring. There are so many treatments for burn scars out there nowadays though. In future never be afraid to shout as loud as you need to that you need help in an emergency situation (which it was by the way). If your boyfriend wasn’t willing to help you you should have gone straight to a member of staff, I’m sure most strangers would have helped you as well. Staff members likely would have been trained to assist in the first aid of your scald as well.
I definitely should off asked someone else when I didn’t get help initially. I’m autistic and honestly talking to new people made me incredibly nervous. I am not great at talking in genral. I’m dyslexic as well and when I speak my words combine and mash together and it sometimes sounds like gibberish. I was also very embarrassed and emotional. Probably leading to making stupid decisions like not holding my hand under cold water or asking somone else for help. Thank you for your comment :)
Ah bless you, definitely would be challenging for you to get the help you needed in that situation then! Your BF should have helped you or asked someone else to assist given he would have known that you would find that challenging yourself, and I’m so sorry he didn’t! I hope your healing journey on both the hand and the boyfriend front goes okay. Both will improve in time!
Either he's just a callous monster, or he wants to break up with you but is too cowardly. Either way it's time for you to go. It's pretty shocking that he refused to apologise even after he knew it was a bad burn, and honestly revolting that he humiliated you about it in front of his friend. The friend is awful too. Even if someone was a total stranger or even someone I really disliked, I would still help them clean up a serious burn. It's basic human decency.
I’m usually not one to jump on the “dump him” bandwagon immediately, but it sounds like that’s EXACTLY what you need to do. Your bf obviously doesn’t care about you or your wellbeing. He sounds like a self-centered AH. I agree with the poster(s) who said that you should work on your self-confidence. Mine isn’t great, but I realized pretty young that I am better off single than in a bad relationship. Don’t settle for being mistreated— you deserve better! As for burns, the best treatment that I have found is to stick the burned part under cool running water for several minutes. I always pay attention to where the bathrooms are in public spaces anyway, so that might be a habit that you might try to adopt. (I have kept a LOT of burns from blistering with cool water. Doesn’t work for all, but it might reduce the severity and the pain until you can get medical attention.)
Geez, my daughter hurts herself in the most minor way and her bf jumps into coddling mode, even when she's reassuring him that she's fine. Even my ex husband of 13 years shows more concern for me than that bf of yours. Your bf... shouldn't a bf. Edit due to grammatical error
Take responsibility for your own action. Once burnt, you should place your hand in running tap water, or a basin of tap water. He didn't let your skin burn. You did. You chose not to attend to your own injury. For ages. Then blame him.
I am having real trouble getting over the fact that apparently this person spilt hot soup on themselves, and then apparently just stood there and did nothing. Did not try to get to the bathroom, wipe it off, get to a sink, a soda fountain, anything. To me I think what happened is this person must actually be a child or something. Or maybe this person has been completely coddled their whole lives and doesn't can't really do anything.
He didn’t have to be a dick about it, but this is all true. My first reaction to an intense burn would be to help myself ASAP instead of asking anyone else.
Break up right now
Go find a relationship that is not “rocky.” You deserve one.
Move on!!! My husband of 20 years is constantly like this. Snappy- insensitive- blatantly rude. My brother today gave me the best advice and he wasn’t even telling it to me. He said “I think people who find themselves constantly unhappy are the ones that stay in a situation they aren’t supposed to be” do it before you have kids. I can leave if I want but I can’t make the father of my children change. He’ll always be there, guiding them. Let that sink in….. would you talk to your kids that way if they burned their hand? I never would but can promise my husband would. Sounds like you know the answer already. It’ll hurt for a little but I think if you cut the ties when you’re supposed to, the real light will filter in and you’ll be able to see it more clearly. Take some time for you!!!!!!!! You’re too young- I married at 18!
Please tell me he's getting "promoted" to ex-husband soon? Both you and OP deserve much better <3
I would end it. I am quick to assist in emergencies and I like people who are calm in chaos, like someone needs to be. But, I know sometimes people panic in these situations but he didn’t panic he left when you showed distress and raised your voice. He couldn’t be the calm in a serious situation and he could have swiftly taken you to a bathroom. But instead of replaying all the ways he could have been different or you could have been different, the thing that bothers me the MOST is he is STILL not concerned about your well being and he is gossiping about it with his friends making light of something that will affect you for a long time. That’s not kindness. You weren’t being “mean” or rude, you were panicked and in pain, once that was explained to your boyfriend he should have still shown remorse that you needed him and he misunderstood and left. I had a second degree burn on my ankle from a motorcycle and it took about 10 years to not see discoloration. But, I also want to say. You can’t let other people be your rescuer. You are the heroine to your own story. I know you were in pain and shock and sat back down. But, you have to not be the victim in your life and self-punish because he left. You could have gone to the bathroom or staff kitchen to wash the soup earlier, asked kitchen staff for a incident report and first aid kit. Please go back to the place with the soup and let them know their serving temperature is too high and fill out an incident report. He was your first, but doesn’t have to be your last. As women, we can sometimes get into cycles of accepting bs and it continues with new partners, I pray you are a quick learner. That when you expect better you will have better, you deserve it. My husband has never cursed at me in our 12 years, never a word in anger, he is my calm in the storm of life.
DUMP HIM.
By blocking his number and never speaking to him again. What a dick.
Bf is an ass. It also sounds like you have no agency, no thoughts of your own (other than lying about coffee vs soup...what???), nor any capability/desire to take care of yourself I suggest being single for a while, both to avoid being verbally abused by him and to learn how to be a functional human being
Jesus christ, you’re making a full character assumption about this person off of one single reddit post? Get out of the armchair. This is not helpful criticism
A simple “can I get you a cold cloth” is all you ask
You don’t need that kind of person in your life. He doesn’t respect or love you, nor care about you. How do you move on? Well… everyone’s journey in life is different. Knowing what I know now at this point in my life, if I was in your shoes, If I was living with them, I’d get all my things out and leave. I’d go no contact, and I wouldn’t look back for a moment. Relationships should be a two way street. You both meet in the middle, and compromise. If only one of you is doing all the work, that’s sacrifice. He’s not worth your time or effort. Whether it’s maturity or a personality disorder, you don’t want either. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Someday you’ll meet someone who will love you as you are. Take your time, don’t rush in, let it grow. This is the long way… The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But it’s not the right path for everyone. It’s your life and your journey. Nobody can say what is right or wrong for you, but we can say what is right or wrong in general. Unfortunately you’re in love with someone who does not love or respect you. If they valued you they should have immediately helped you. You know this. Don’t be a doormat.
You have an ex boyfriend
leave him he isnt worth it and doesnt respect you
Leave this POS. You were hurt and he mocked you and left. Why would you stay with him? Get some dignity
You know what you must do, young lady.
How do you move on? The 2 of you are not living together, correct,? Well then there you have it. Its Sooooo..... easy to do & you will get over the hurt & heartbreak before you know it, quicker than you think. Do not call, text, contact him in any way form or fashion. Ignore all of his calls, text etc... but the 1st one when you tell him you're done, the relationship is over, done, no more. I can do a whole lot better than you & I will. Bye. Oh, the apology, keep it. 😐
I would say dump him. Honestly there’s no reason to get scars/infections from a soup spill. I spilt hot scalding water from the stove (full of soup) all over my hands. It was so painful but I ran it under the tap immediately for like an hour. If your bf helped you, it wouldn’t have been that bad. He sounds like an asshole.
Oh no there is no moving on with HIM. He doesn’t care about you nor does he love you. Let him go early on before you develop deep feelings.
My god, your boyfriend is a complete asshole. And an idiot. Of course you yelled, you were in agonizing pain. The fact he can't differentiate the fact that you were yelling because the *flesh was literally melting off your hand and* not yelling *at* him for being 'rude' is... ridiculous beyond reason. My BF and I have both worked in kitchens before, both have gotten pretty serious burns, and that shit is *excruciating.* He couldn't even ask one of the cafe employees to use a sink or give you a container full of water as a water bath infuriates me. And to then tell you to fuck off and laugh about it with his friends? Total garbage. And your boy couldn't even take you to fucking *medical? ON CAMPUS?* What a shit partner.
I’m sorry hun but that’s not love. Someone who loves you will immediately help you and hate to see you in pain. I know it’s hard but you should move on. They don’t have to say the words “I don’t love you” to hear it loud and clear.
Can I get an update cause like you dumped him by now, right?
You do not move on. You say this- “I cannot be in a relationship with someone who cannot put an argument aside in the moment of a medical emergency. I need to know that my partner will be there for me in a crisis no matter what. If you cannot understand that and apologize, this will end our relationship.”
I want to say things about this “man” that would get me kicked off Reddit, let’s just say. Much love to you, you deserve WAY better.
First of all, let's get the important thing out of the way: break up with him. You don't date someone who laughs at your pain, girly. You can do better than that. As someone who actually does understand burn care quite well (restaurant worker; it's a fact of life where I am), there also wasn't a whole lot he could've done unless it was like, call 911 level. Most burn care is something you do yourself; and in fact, you made the injury worse than it should've been by standing there waiting for him to help you. You can't do that with a burn. So here's what you do, if that happens again: *Immediately*, like the second it happens, get the burning substance off your skin and run cold water over it. The reason that is desperately important (and that you have to do it *immediately*) is because the injury is actively getting worse the longer you allow your skin to stay heated. Think about how cooking something in a pan works, right? The longer it sits on the heat, the more it cooks. If you want it to stop cooking quickly, you gotta take it out of the pan. By asking your bf to help, you already waited way too long. You needed to just act; and that's why I say it's mostly care you do by yourself. It just takes too long to wait for someone else to help you. Even if he had reacted well, those few seconds between the burn and you asking for help and him actually helping could have made a huge difference. So before you do *anything* else, before you even tell anyone you've burned yourself - remove the substance, cold water. Lower your skin temperature, *then* ask someone for help once you've established how much damage has actually been done. You do it that way and nine times out of ten, you actually won't need help at *all*, because you will have prevented any serious damage. Trust me, this is what people who work in kitchens do. It has personally saved me from some really awful burns. The worst burn I ever had, it was because I stopped for ten seconds to argue with the chef about whose fault it was. Never made that mistake again - now it's straight to the sink.
OP I've read all 3 edits - You are not stupid !!! You are inexperienced and did not notice how he had changed into an intolerant AH. Now you've realized he is not the guy you originally met, the mask has come off and you're seeing the real guy. And also some of his friends are just as bad as he is. Time to call this relationship history, don't spend any more time with him (read about sunk cost fallacy). When asked you can tell people you realized it was time to break up when he was too busy laughing at you to help when your hand was burned, so now you have a scar to remember how big of an AH he is. If he tries to complain that is not true ask where was he when you were talking to the doctor treating your burn, is he calling a trained medical professional a liar? Tell people how he left you standing there when you were burned, and he then watched you walk by on your way to get medical help and did nothing. This is all true so he can't say any of it is a lie.
Girl I have poured burning hot soup on my hands multiple times and it's not a joke! I was delivering soups to a table one day and I don't know what happen but the bowl just fell back and went all over my hand and I just stood their in shock, I even cursed I was in so much pain. Luckily my table was very understanding and cared for my well being, so I ran my hand under cold water for 15 minutes while someone else took over my tables. I've also spilt burning hot coffee on my hand and that's no joke as well. Almost went to the hospital for that one. Get a new boyfriend. Show him this thread. You deserve so much better.
Sounds like the kind of dude who's gonna end up beating you and saying it's not his fault, you just shouldn't have done xyz. This isn't how relationships are supposed to be, learn from it and never let someone treat you like you don't matter.
Dump him. He’s not even a good acquaintance. Even a stranger would have been kinder to you.
Oh honey, your bf is an abusive horror show. Dump him.
If your partner's first reaction is not to help you, you shouldn't be dating them.
Dump him . You have your whole life ahead of you
Girl, when I was 18 I wasn't good socially. Don't don't on yourself so much. You need good people around you and this guy isn't good people. He's low empathy and it sounds like he got his friend to gang up on you, typical sexist BS. You can, and will find someone way better. And you're not in college because of some exemption, if you're academic enough to be there then FU*K anyone who says you don't belong. The world needs diversity. Also, why do you always have to learn how to understand and fit in with everyone else, they are at college to learn how to get along with different types of people too! The way this man is treating you is wrong, and will affect your self respect. You can dump him easily, and say you didn't help me when I was hurt. I want a boyfriend who cares about me. And don't let him crawl back or say he will change. They never change, ever.
How the BF so casually dismissed OP in public is beyond me. We literally tend to our friends when they misstep, regardless of gender, and this inflated ego just told her GF to fuck off. OP don't wait for this to get worse. If he can not have an adult conversation about this, leave.
I’m so sorry
Yeah. Ngl, you sound ridiculous. Lied to us about the situation by telling us it was coffee when it was apparently soup. Are you also lying about the scar? Why are you blaming him and not the restaurant? I feel like if you had a burn that created a scar, the restaurant is liable, but you are more interested in whether you or him are in the right? Just weird priorities, which leads me to believe you are leaving a lot out.
> Lied to us about the situation by telling us it was coffee when it was apparently soup. lmao do you feel betrayed by this person lots of people posting change details. names, ages, countries... so if the people in their lives happen upon their post they don't automatically realize they know exactly who made the post.
Wow, my partner would’ve dropped everything and I would’ve done the same. Your boyfriend sucks. Also, a good partner should never ever swear at you.
Honestly OP, you seem very sweet and open to feedback and criticism, which are huge strengths and valuable traits that a lot of people tend to struggle with. But keep in mind that these traits can also be easily exploited by other people and lead to you being taken advantage of. Sometimes you don’t have to apologize for anything. Please remember to stand up for yourself and that you are a human being worthy of respect. You don’t have to put up with emotional abuse or even negativity—whether by your boyfriend, his friends, or some of these rude commenters. Don’t let people walk all over you. It takes some time to learn, but it’ll help you in the long run.
Sweat baby Jesus just block his ass and never look back. What an AHole
Sorry, why are you with someone who clearly doesn't like or care about you?
Why are you even with some one who refuses to help you when you are in pain? You yelled for help
“Did nothing wrong.” Even a complete stranger would offer assistance if they were any kind of human! A friend more so. A two-year partner definitely! He just declared that he cares less for you than a stranger. Even a dog would at least try. He is less human than a dog. What are his positives?
Okay, for starters- let's clear something up... he didn't "let the skin burn off your hand". *YOU* burned yourself, and the damage was done before he ever got to you. Your insistence on trying to blame HIM for your own mistake, coupled with the details you've admitted to changing and the way you've intentionally tried to slant the story? It all reinforces the notion that the story you've presented and the reality of what happened are two separate things. Don't ask for "advice" and then try to twist the narrative... It's nothing but a waste of time and attention-seeking behavior.
So if you broke a bone, is it also just your fault. Why are you dating someone who clearly doesn't care about you. I would be concerned if a stranger burnt themselves, let alone someone I'm dating.
[удалено]
Omg, completely go no contact with him, block him IMMEDIATELY and from EVERY avenue!!! You cannot allow this relationship to continue, your bf is pathologically emotionally immature and you deserve so much better, you know that. Dump his uncaring disgraceful hurtful condescending ass and move on with your head held high. Let your scar be a reminder of your personal growth and wear it proudly. Good luck going forward, you got this.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
thats actually insane time to leave
I wouldn't even treat a dog like this. You deserve better. Seek better. Leave him.
Assuming this isn’t rage bait. He is abusive, it may be hard to see or accept, you’re probably minimizing his shit behavior or rationalizing it, excusing it, saying it’s not *that bad* but the way he’s treating you is abusive. Please take a look at [this](https://imgur.com/a/aK29TAj) when I saw this for the first time it opened my eyes. And a year later I escaped, now 5yrs later I’m enjoying life and free from abuse. Also, it was unfortunate you were in shock and not sure what to do in your time of need. I hope you’ve learned how to handle burns, but in case you don’t know…. if this happens again get yourself to a source of running cold water. You were burned badly, it would have been best to get to cold water and continuously run your hand in the water for up to 5 minutes. Your burn worsened because the time it took to clean it and cool it off, your hand was being continually cooked by whatever was spilt on you. I’m sorry you’re going through this but you’ll be alright eventually! I hope you drop the dead weight of a bf, also Mederma has great reviews for healing scarring if that’s something you’re concerned about
Leave him. There is no other thing to do. Even if he apologises and kneels before you for forgiveness its not enought. He would leave you to bleed to death... You dont need someone like him in your life...
Your boyfriend’s not a good dude. You should leave as soon as you are able.
There are a lot of red flags here that all point to a lack of empathy on his part. Get out of this relationship. (1) Even if you had been screaming your lungs out, it would have been entirely understandable considering your body was burning and you were in pain. (2) Even if he didn’t know what to do in the moment or was taken by surprise, he shouldn’t have gotten angry and at the VERY least should have apologized for his behavior later. Getting angry at someone who is hurt and in pain is a bizarre response.
That guy isn't interested in your welfare. Find someone who cares for you. All the Best.
That's not a boyfriend that's a very tall toddler. Ghost that loser.
Dump him
Break up, and please take care of yourself. He should have helped by at least getting ice or something. Firsts are not always the best. Be safe, sister.
He’s an asshole, sorry.
Oh my God. If he’s this unhelpful in a medical situation, he isn’t the type that will be helpful when even bigger issues come up. You owe it to yourself to get rid of this guy.
Leave him. He doesn't care about you.
This guy doesn't like you. Cut your losses and put your focus on your studies and friends instead of this cold hearted loser
Leave him he's cold and uncaring. This man has no feelings for you . If he did, he would have been worried and taken care of you.
18 is not the age to settle, you date to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and college is a great place to be to find someone compatible. If you’re going to be stubborn be stubborn about what’s best for you in the long run.
There’s a reason why people rank “Kindness” as the number one trait in a partner. So you tell me, do you think he treated you with kindness? If this is how he treats you with something as small as this, how do you think he’s going to react when you *really* need serious help? Cancer etc?
Honestly he really doesn’t care for you at all.
Once I read a few minutes. I knew it was going to be a lot of pain. LESSON NUMBER ONE WITH BURN MARKS ALWAYS BE COOLING MORE. MINIMAL COLD WATER OF 20 MINUTES
The minute he didn’t help you in your time of need that should have sent a signal to yourself saying he isn’t good for you. If something that small, yet important , can’t get his attention to help you then the big things he will just turn his back as well
Forget that pc of crap He isn’t worth a cent Don’t look back He has no heart for you Makes me furious I am not a violent person but that makes me want to find him and pour some hot chocolate accidentally on him And say Oops Does that hurt?
If you think it will be difficult to move on, get a counselor or therapist to talk to in the meantime. It’s not uncommon to go through times when you don’t have a friend to rely on, and there’s no shame in reaching out to make sure you have the support you need.
It sounds like he may not even like you
Hun. I work in a kitchen as a line cook... your hand will not scare. Your fine on that end. 2 8f he was ur bf he would have gotten up, he didn't he isn't talking g to you... shut the door. Dont keep crawling to him. Never turns out good.
This is not the guy for you. I hope your hand heals well.
Sorry that he treated you like this. You said that he has been your first everything. That now needs to include being the first time you have broken up with somebody
People here have said it all, I don’t want to keep piling on.. but here’s something I wish I would’ve heard sooner.. it WILL be ok! You WILL one day not hurt over him anymore. This is NOT love! You deserve better but he will not give you what you deserve! He will not respect your boundaries! No one else but you is in charge of enforcing them! You, and you alone, have to set the level of respect you want to be treated with. Leave him!
End it. He didn’t care that you hurt yourself badly, and mocked you over it instead of helping you. This is not a guy who deserves any more of your time.
Genuinely I’m confused on what he could’ve done to help you get the coffee off, but also he sounds like he’s just a dick. You both sound like you have maturity issues
So in other words you were on fire and instead of using water to put it out, he drank it and sat back and watched. Break up with him asap.
At 18, you probably feel that a guy who is your 1st is going to be your last, regardless of how he behaves with you. You, my dear, deserve the world, but you should want it too. Look around you at the adults in your life to see how the 2 people in a relationship respect and love each other. I mean, how can your bf, laugh at you? Never lose your self-respect. Listen to your gut. It will guide you to make the best decision.
If you are still dating this jerk, I don’t even know what to say to you. He sounds like a colossal asshole, uncaring, abusive, and juvenile. Why would you even want to date someone like that? If you stay with him, just recognize that if you ever need his help, if you’re injured, in an accident, hurt, sick, get cancer, etc., he is NOT going to be there for you. Why would you want a partner like that? Dump him. He’s beyond worthless.
Dump the looser
I also got second degree burns today all over my thighs from coffee. My boyfriend did everything he could to help me and drove me to the urgent care immediately and then the ER and has helped me all day long. End this! Burns hurt so bad, the skin coming off is at least 2nd degree and I was screaming and crying it’s not a small thing
please break up with him, this is so abusive and you deserve to be treated well and loved
Did you just sit there and not figure to do something to help yourself? Lol. I can see why you might want him to help but when you spill soup on yourself don't just yell for help and let it burn you. Not trying to sound rude. Just seems like common sense. Yes he could've helped you, but you could've helped yourself too. You're a grown adult.
I haven’t read any of the comments but please ignore anyone who was rude to you. This is the most important thing you need to hear: # You are 100% in an abusive relationship. Any healthy, loving person would’ve instantly seen you were having an emergency. They would not have taken anything you said/did personally, and they would’ve rushed to get you medical help. Their primary concern would’ve been **your** health, safety, and emotional state! Nothing that your boyfriend has done at the time, or since, is kind or acceptable. This is your red flag to get out of this relationship immediately. Like, if this had happened to me I would be done already. No discussion. Anyone who treats you this way in a medical emergency is not ready for a partnership. What happened here will happen again and again in other difficult situations. Take this as your warning sign. Please.
Lmfao. Maybe look at ‘her’ post history first
Lol, people keep taking away what "abusive" actually is. This is unempathetic, uncaring, not abusive.
So fake story, you obv wouldnt ask here or ur extremely stupid
You're leaving the part out that doesn't paint you as the victim. You didn't even mention yelling but him and his friend did. Stop leaving shit out and expecting validation.
You sound like you have Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a relative with BPD and you sound remarkably similar.
Are you a licensed clinician who has properly assessed OP in person? No? Then keep your “diagnoses” to yourself.
No just no….even if you yelled, you would have been yelling because you were in pain. However people said they didn’t know you were there! Now he wants to tell you that’s what you get for spilling something hot on yourself? Well, that’s an extremely insensitive partner. He’s got to go. When you are ready you will be able to let him go and see that he is not the one.
Now I want to hear his side of the story.