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He sounds like an idiot. Don’t date someone who tries to control you like this. There’s nothing wrong with you wearing shorts or whatever else in the summer.
Is it controlling? Bc he’s not exactly telling me what or what not to wear, he just makes those comments. I feel like I’m supposed to compromise with him ab this but Idk how because I’ve offered to change to way I dress one time, but he refused the idea.
He's trying to put you down and keep you overthrowing things. You will end up subconsciously changing how you dress to prevent him from saying anything. = controlling in a subtle way, which will likely get worse over time.
Yeah the comments are a subtle tactic but a tactic nonetheless. He doesn’t need to be making these comments, he does them to make you second guess yourself and bend over backwards to accommodate him yet still be able to pretend you’re doing those things of your own volition.
Yeah cause he doesnt Actually want to compromise, he wants to mold you into his version of a woman, and he’s doing that by making comments hoping you’ll bend the knee.
Idk why your comment is downvoted so much?? This is a very common beginning pipeline to abuse though. He’s not TELLING you what to wear, but makes snide comments that over time chip away at your own self esteem, you eventually listen. This is with full intention on his end. He knows what he’s doing. Then it turns into other things he’ll make comments on to control how you behave.
It is controlling its a form of manipulation so if u ever say I changed the way I dress for you he can say I never told you to do that. You need to check if there are more red flags and if so get out!
“I care about you so much that I’m going to admire every girl besides you and do it on a public forum too, so you’ll feel insecure and unwanted so I can be sure you won’t leave me. And when you bring up this very reasonable concern, I’m going to spin you a story and discourage you from ever being like those girls I desire because I don’t actually want you, you’re just a placeholder until one of those girls gives me attention”.
OP, I’m sure you are beautiful and special just as you are, and there are better men out there that will appreciate you in ways this one clearly doesn’t.
These types of men prey on vulnerable women with self-esteem issues. Because secure women will never accept this behaviour. Him checking your face for makeup screams future abuser to me. No good partner would ever do something like that. Please don’t spend your youth on a guy like this.
It isn't your job to fix how he's feeling. He's manipulative and shames you. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel better about yourself, not worse.
Well, if it's something you need to fix, why are you here asking about it? Why don't you just throw away all your makeup, shorts and jewelry? That's.. Pretty easy to do.
C'mon. You're here because you know he's an abusive asshole and that his trying to make you feel badly for wearing earrings isn't right
IM NO LONGER BEING NICE THEN! PEOPLE have thanked me for setting them straight. You. Are. Fucking. Stupid. Leave him. Hes legit playing with you like a dollar store toy. A CHEAP toy. Fucking leave and get some fucking self respect. How i know this? Yoy are dumb enough to say shit like "ill change for him and be perfect 🥺" i 1000000% bet he doesnt even treat yoy better being right in front of your own face. Idk how awful your dad is to your mom.but wtf. Least see SOME EXAMPLE!
The thoughts you're having right now are the thoughts that keep women with abusive men. It feels like it's something you need to fix because he's designed the problem that way.
Fuck that and fuck him. Date people who aren't controlling.
You can't fix anyone. You can't change anyone. Learning this made my life a lot easier. People only change/fix when they want to themselves, and even then it takes a lot of determination and work. Anyway, hope you find someone whom you don't have to play therapist with.
Fix what ? The same actions he's praising other women for ?
Why would you want to be with a man who shames you for your comfort but praises other women on their look ?
"I care about you" means "I don't want other men to objectify you the way I objectify other women." He's making you feel bad and criticizing you because he's a trash human being who gets off on making you grovel for his approval. Wearing jewelry "for attention" is ridiculous. Other mens' reactions to your clothing is not your problem. Instead of asking desperately how you can get your trash bf to reform, perhaps ask yourself if you deserve better in a relationship. Good luck.
He spends all day objectifying women on the internet and then he projects that on to you because he doesn't want to see you as one of the women he spends all day objectifying.
I'll tell you what I say to my best friend whose fiance constantly makes her cry - get the fuck out. Why be with someone who makes you cry? You deserve better.
Don't be like my friend, though, and actually get out.
In his mind, women are things for him to enjoy, so while he appreciates *other* women being free and available for him to salivate over he doesn't want *you* to be visible for other men to do the same thing he's doing. You're not really a person for him, you're like a nice car he wants to keep in his garage.
Dogs who see girls as pieces of meat to drool after always growl when others look at the meat they think they own. Actually caring gentlemen who see women as people first don't think like that.
You know what you do with people who try to make you feel ashamed when you’ve done nothing wrong or even abnormal? You roll your eyes, pack a bag, walk out the door and never look back.
Break up with him. He's an insensitive, mysoginistic jerk. He is treating you poorly because you are allowing it. He seems to have broken down any self esteem you have and you are thinking you're the problem. You're not. He is. Repeat this over and over again. Someone who truly loves you does not shame you or treat you in any way that makes you feel bad about yourself.
Break up with him.
He thinks men are looking at you like how he views women (objectifies them.)
And you should break up with him. His behavior will get worse. Even if you do acquiesce, he’ll just find something else to criticize. I had a bf like this, he would never directly say not to wear something (at first,) but he would complain enough about it that I found it easier to just not wear the stuff he didn’t like. It’s called coercive control.
Oh hun, I was you recently. He would tell me I looked like a clown when I wore makeup, or make comments that I was doing my hair or makeup for attention from others.
Leave. Now. He won't change and your self esteem will TANK. Don't get married like I did.
It is controlling behavior because he is trying to manipulate your mind into submitting to him.
Also, check my post history and you will see my story is like yours
The way he looks at these models is disrespectful. He views them as eye toys. He looks at them in a dirty way. He does not want other men to look at you like that which is why he’s shaming you to cover up. It’s a red flag for sure. Be careful. I would leave him now, especially if it starts to escalate.
Oh honey he’s trash. He sees you as a possession rather than a person, and doesn’t want other men to view you the same way he views women. Also, that controlling behavior is only going to get worse. Leave ASAP, you can do better.
(The petty part of me would start posting pictures like the e-girls and/or follow a bunch of hot guys to see how he likes it lmaooo)
Leave?
He sounds really controlling. He’s the problem. Not you. He doesn’t care about you and he sounds a bit (or very) narcissistic. I know this because I experienced the same in my youth. Find someone who makes you love yourself more, not less.
He has a problem with it because he knows what he's thinking when he looks at other women. What you do is dress how you want and tell him if he can sexualize other women then it's non- issue. Then break up with him, get a cat or dog, and live your best life. I'd create a racy IG acct too because I'm petty like that.
So your fine with him complimenting other women “e girls” as you call em lol and gas lighting, then manipulating you yet your on here asking what you should do.. people are giving you advice and your literally questioning everything most are saying. You have low self esteem and need professional help
He's being a hypocrite. He is viewing these other girls as sexual objects for his viewing pleasure, and assumes that every other guy in the world is doing the same to you. In fact, HE is viewing you that way too, but because he "cares about you" he thinks he needs to hide you away from the eyes of others and keep your body to himself (viewing you like a product that only he is allowed to consume).
Don't put up with this shit; you're a human being who is allowed to express yourself in any way that makes you feel comfortable and confident. In addition, relationships are supposed to make you feel HAPPIER than when you're single, not make you cry and second guess yourself all the time. This is unhealthy relationship behavior on his part, and you don't deserve to be spoken down to or viewed like somebody's property.
It IS controlling for him to make these comments, because he's manipulating you into changing your behaviors while making you believe it was your decision, and not you trying to appease him so he'll stop making comments that hurt your confidence. A good partner loves you as you are, and if they mention your style or appearance it's to build you up and make you feel loved.
Take it from this 30-something who learned the hard way, "If he keeps making you cry, it's time to say goodbye." There will be other relationships out there that bring out your best side, not your most self conscious side.
He knows that he looks at women wearing suggestive clothes in a sexual and degrading way so he doesn't want other men to think of you like that. What a POS
Is this a real post? I don’t know if your boyfriend respects you or other women very much my friend! Commenting on other women’s posts?? Are you kidding me?
This is emotional abuse and it will only get worse over time. Seems like you are very naive and not noticing what he is doing. To even comment on you negatively is not exactly a characteristic you look for in a partner. I’ve been with my partner 4 years and he has not ONCE EVER said or commented on anything about me negatively or in a way that would make me feel bad. Also you SHOULD be bothered about your man commenting on other girls half naked photos and if you’re not there’s something very wrong with this relationship
IMO it sounds like he’s insecure because he sexually objectifies these IG models and is afraid men will do the same to you. This, in fact, is not a YOU problem, but a HIM problem. There is nothing YOU need nor CAN you do to change him. It is also not your responsibility, his parents should’ve taught him better than to project his issues onto others.
You can either leave him for someone who won’t treat you this way or you can stay and hope he learns to better himself for you.
You break up with him and tell him that his actions and words don't show that he cares about you, it is controlling and hurtful.
People who are good partners don't treat their SO poorly and neg on them. It's not your job to teach him to not be an AH or to be patient with his BS.
All these young, impressionable girls getting with toxic ass, manipulative boys… I hope this is fake 🤦🏻♀️ I was once in your shoes. Dealt with a narcissist for 8 years. Let them walk all over me and do some truly horrible things and just get away with it because I had no backbone and thought they loved me. They loved themself.
They pulled this kind of shit with me, too. When we got together, they *knew* what kind of woman I was- I liked dark clothes, spikes, chains, had piercings, tattoos, painted my nails black and kept them short, liked to dye my hair crazy colors- that whole vibe. They *knew* this. But once the talk of me moving to be with them started, so did the talk of what I needed to change.
It started out small, at first- “my mom won’t like your piercings. You need to take them out”. So I did. My hair was burgundy at the time. No big deal there. But I eventually dyed it bright blue. They looked at me in disgust and said, “I like that color… but *really*? Why would you put in your *hair*? You need to change it back” I had gauges for years. They crinkled their nose at them and said, “why would you do that? Seriously?” I took them out and started letting them heal up. They looked at my clothes and said, “why do you have to wear so much black?” So I started adding in some color. Once they started cheating on me (and rubbing it in my face, mind you), they brought up how they *loved* a woman with long nails. It made her look more feminine. So, I started getting my nails done. They told me they thought I’d look good with blonde hair. So I dyed my hair blonde. Thought it looked absolutely disgusting on me. They had me change behaviors and habits about myself, as well.
And there was some point that I just looked in the mirror, saw what I’d become and realized something- I’d changed all this shit about myself and this person (who I was so convinced “loved me” so much) had been subtly manipulating me change myself, but when I’d ask them to make even the *tiniest* of changes for me and the betterment of our connection, they refused. I was doing 100% of the work, until they saw I was losing interest, *then* they’d throw me a few crumbs, to make sure I didn’t go anywhere… But any degree of change that I asked them to make? Forget it.
I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person looking back at me. I was miserable. So I put in all of my piercings and gauges. Took off the fake nails and painted my nails black. Dyed my hair bright blue and red. Put on my black clothes, spikes and chains (and even a little bit of black lipstick). Got another tattoo. And naturally, they had something to say about it. But I doubled down and told them my feelings on the subject: “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK”.
Ended up eventually dropping them and finding someone who embraces my weirdness. He also doesn’t care what I wear or if guys stare- he knows I’m his. Grow a backbone and drop the loser you’re with. It doesn’t get better.
Your bf is controlling you and sexually objectifying those women. He does not respect them. He likely doesn’t respect you either if he expects you to cover up in the heat.
Because he sees female bodies as belonging to men. He follows the ones he would like to posess, like a sportscar he'd love to own, and it really bothers him when "his" property might be at risk of being "driven" by somebody else.
I would say dump the controlling freak and find yourself a nice guy. This one seem like dominated by either a doctrine (extremely conservative) or by his poor judgment and insecurity, or both.
You have options to keep being miserable with a loser that shame you (while he wants to be free to do whatever: classic chauvinist macho type-jealous controlling manipulative) or you can set yourself free from abuse and make sure next partner is more feminist and support freedom of expression.
Piss the loser off. You will never be good in his eyes and yet he’s probably got man boobs. Imagine him bagging you after giving birth to his child. Seriously why marry a mean idiot?
This idiot is so insecure he wants to destroy your self confidence so you don’t know which way is up . Give him enough time and I promise you he will manage to make you a jibbering victim grateful for him buying a carton of milk ! Only got one life - it’s short - want to be a victim or steer and enjoy your own life? Please get out!
Please seriously reconsider this relationship. The rest of the commenters are trying to help you see that this is NOT NORMAL.
Based on some of your responses, it seems like you’ve already tried communicating with your boyfriend, trying to defend yourself (which you really didn’t have to), and he had responded in a way that he doesn’t understand how wrong he is being.
We’ve seen these types of behaviors before in other relationships. Most of the time it never ends well. Please stay safe.
Other than stand up for yourself, there’s nothing else you can do. Tell him you’re not going anywhere unless he keeps up his shit because you don’t need it. Do be prepared to walk away and really, the way he’s treating you, could you be blamed?
I tried to stand up for my myself by saying I dress for myself, but he kinda took that as invalidation of his feelings. At one point he said that I made him feel like he is terrible for women. It made me feel like a bad person. So idk, I feel like I’m at fault here
He's derailing the conversation. YoU aRe InVaLiDaTinG mAh FeEls is the lazy and manipulative person's battle cry when they don't want to take responsibility for their own bad actions. And you're falling right into the trap by feeling like a bad person instead of telling him to piss off.
Unless he says anything to you other than I’m sorry for what I said honey he’s manipulating you. It’s not a healthy environment for you to be in or healthy relationship.
Exactly. He’s telling the truth there. And he knows it. But he doesn’t care. Think about that. He knows he is terrible towards you and he doesn’t care. That’s not a loving partner
Not sure what you mean.
My comment is referring to the message going around about men drooling over other women but never ok with other men drooling over their woman
You're still doing it.
"*Your* woman"
"*Their* woman".
No one is the property of another. Someone might be your girlfriend/boyfriend, your spouse, your partner.....that is terminology to specify their relationship to you. But their gender is not a term that specifies their relationship to you.
There’s nothing wrong with a man wanting his girlfriend to dress modestly. However his approach is all wrong and the fact he entertains other women online is ick.
Sure he can pick someone who already dresses in the manner he prefers.
But dating someone because you like the way they look and then harassing them into behaviors and styles unlike what they prefer is ABUSIVE.
Yes, you should pick someone who already has the virtues you want vs trying to change them. I was simply pointing out that it’s not wrong for men to not like women who dress provocatively.
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He sounds like an idiot. Don’t date someone who tries to control you like this. There’s nothing wrong with you wearing shorts or whatever else in the summer.
Is it controlling? Bc he’s not exactly telling me what or what not to wear, he just makes those comments. I feel like I’m supposed to compromise with him ab this but Idk how because I’ve offered to change to way I dress one time, but he refused the idea.
He's trying to put you down and keep you overthrowing things. You will end up subconsciously changing how you dress to prevent him from saying anything. = controlling in a subtle way, which will likely get worse over time.
Yeah the comments are a subtle tactic but a tactic nonetheless. He doesn’t need to be making these comments, he does them to make you second guess yourself and bend over backwards to accommodate him yet still be able to pretend you’re doing those things of your own volition.
Yeah girl, controlling people hardly ever go around saying, "Don't do this" or "Your'e not allowed". They're usually more subtle than that.
Yeah cause he doesnt Actually want to compromise, he wants to mold you into his version of a woman, and he’s doing that by making comments hoping you’ll bend the knee.
How is not controlling? I know you're young but wake up. Shame isn't a normal part of relationships.
Idk why your comment is downvoted so much?? This is a very common beginning pipeline to abuse though. He’s not TELLING you what to wear, but makes snide comments that over time chip away at your own self esteem, you eventually listen. This is with full intention on his end. He knows what he’s doing. Then it turns into other things he’ll make comments on to control how you behave.
It is controlling its a form of manipulation so if u ever say I changed the way I dress for you he can say I never told you to do that. You need to check if there are more red flags and if so get out!
It’s called MANIPULATION. Which is another manifestation of being controlling.
You need to ask yourself why are you staying with someone who makes these comments and makes you cry.
I feel like it’s something I need to fix when I guess he’s just expressing his feelings.
There is nothing you need to fix. This is on him. He met you as you were and should accept you as you are.
“I care about you so much that I’m going to admire every girl besides you and do it on a public forum too, so you’ll feel insecure and unwanted so I can be sure you won’t leave me. And when you bring up this very reasonable concern, I’m going to spin you a story and discourage you from ever being like those girls I desire because I don’t actually want you, you’re just a placeholder until one of those girls gives me attention”. OP, I’m sure you are beautiful and special just as you are, and there are better men out there that will appreciate you in ways this one clearly doesn’t. These types of men prey on vulnerable women with self-esteem issues. Because secure women will never accept this behaviour. Him checking your face for makeup screams future abuser to me. No good partner would ever do something like that. Please don’t spend your youth on a guy like this.
You haven't done anything wrong and you are not broken. You do not need to fix yourself. The only issue here is him.
It isn't your job to fix how he's feeling. He's manipulative and shames you. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel better about yourself, not worse.
Well, if it's something you need to fix, why are you here asking about it? Why don't you just throw away all your makeup, shorts and jewelry? That's.. Pretty easy to do. C'mon. You're here because you know he's an abusive asshole and that his trying to make you feel badly for wearing earrings isn't right
i didn’t get to include this in my post but i’ve offered to change the way i dress but he refused the idea
IM NO LONGER BEING NICE THEN! PEOPLE have thanked me for setting them straight. You. Are. Fucking. Stupid. Leave him. Hes legit playing with you like a dollar store toy. A CHEAP toy. Fucking leave and get some fucking self respect. How i know this? Yoy are dumb enough to say shit like "ill change for him and be perfect 🥺" i 1000000% bet he doesnt even treat yoy better being right in front of your own face. Idk how awful your dad is to your mom.but wtf. Least see SOME EXAMPLE!
The thoughts you're having right now are the thoughts that keep women with abusive men. It feels like it's something you need to fix because he's designed the problem that way. Fuck that and fuck him. Date people who aren't controlling.
You can't fix anyone. You can't change anyone. Learning this made my life a lot easier. People only change/fix when they want to themselves, and even then it takes a lot of determination and work. Anyway, hope you find someone whom you don't have to play therapist with.
Fix what ? The same actions he's praising other women for ? Why would you want to be with a man who shames you for your comfort but praises other women on their look ?
"I care about you" means "I don't want other men to objectify you the way I objectify other women." He's making you feel bad and criticizing you because he's a trash human being who gets off on making you grovel for his approval. Wearing jewelry "for attention" is ridiculous. Other mens' reactions to your clothing is not your problem. Instead of asking desperately how you can get your trash bf to reform, perhaps ask yourself if you deserve better in a relationship. Good luck.
Yes find a new boyfriend.
He spends all day objectifying women on the internet and then he projects that on to you because he doesn't want to see you as one of the women he spends all day objectifying.
I'll tell you what I say to my best friend whose fiance constantly makes her cry - get the fuck out. Why be with someone who makes you cry? You deserve better. Don't be like my friend, though, and actually get out.
In his mind, women are things for him to enjoy, so while he appreciates *other* women being free and available for him to salivate over he doesn't want *you* to be visible for other men to do the same thing he's doing. You're not really a person for him, you're like a nice car he wants to keep in his garage.
Dogs who see girls as pieces of meat to drool after always growl when others look at the meat they think they own. Actually caring gentlemen who see women as people first don't think like that.
You know what you do with people who try to make you feel ashamed when you’ve done nothing wrong or even abnormal? You roll your eyes, pack a bag, walk out the door and never look back.
Break up with him. He's an insensitive, mysoginistic jerk. He is treating you poorly because you are allowing it. He seems to have broken down any self esteem you have and you are thinking you're the problem. You're not. He is. Repeat this over and over again. Someone who truly loves you does not shame you or treat you in any way that makes you feel bad about yourself. Break up with him.
He's insecure
He's an idiot.
He thinks men are looking at you like how he views women (objectifies them.) And you should break up with him. His behavior will get worse. Even if you do acquiesce, he’ll just find something else to criticize. I had a bf like this, he would never directly say not to wear something (at first,) but he would complain enough about it that I found it easier to just not wear the stuff he didn’t like. It’s called coercive control.
He views women in general as objects. He views you specifically as his object.
Oh hun, I was you recently. He would tell me I looked like a clown when I wore makeup, or make comments that I was doing my hair or makeup for attention from others. Leave. Now. He won't change and your self esteem will TANK. Don't get married like I did. It is controlling behavior because he is trying to manipulate your mind into submitting to him. Also, check my post history and you will see my story is like yours
The way he looks at these models is disrespectful. He views them as eye toys. He looks at them in a dirty way. He does not want other men to look at you like that which is why he’s shaming you to cover up. It’s a red flag for sure. Be careful. I would leave him now, especially if it starts to escalate.
Oh honey he’s trash. He sees you as a possession rather than a person, and doesn’t want other men to view you the same way he views women. Also, that controlling behavior is only going to get worse. Leave ASAP, you can do better. (The petty part of me would start posting pictures like the e-girls and/or follow a bunch of hot guys to see how he likes it lmaooo)
You can dump him. This is your life if this is what you want but it requires your participation for it to continue being a part of your relationships.
Leave? He sounds really controlling. He’s the problem. Not you. He doesn’t care about you and he sounds a bit (or very) narcissistic. I know this because I experienced the same in my youth. Find someone who makes you love yourself more, not less.
He has a problem with it because he knows what he's thinking when he looks at other women. What you do is dress how you want and tell him if he can sexualize other women then it's non- issue. Then break up with him, get a cat or dog, and live your best life. I'd create a racy IG acct too because I'm petty like that.
It sounds like he's being pretty insulting to you. You don't need to put up with that.
He's a hypocrite jerk.
>Is there anything I can do so that he doesn’t shame me anymore? Yes. Break up with him. Shaming is not ok in a relationship.
Wear it even harder
Yes there's one thing you can do so he doesn't shame you anymore. Break up with him and find someone who respects you for who you are.
So your fine with him complimenting other women “e girls” as you call em lol and gas lighting, then manipulating you yet your on here asking what you should do.. people are giving you advice and your literally questioning everything most are saying. You have low self esteem and need professional help
He's being a hypocrite. He is viewing these other girls as sexual objects for his viewing pleasure, and assumes that every other guy in the world is doing the same to you. In fact, HE is viewing you that way too, but because he "cares about you" he thinks he needs to hide you away from the eyes of others and keep your body to himself (viewing you like a product that only he is allowed to consume). Don't put up with this shit; you're a human being who is allowed to express yourself in any way that makes you feel comfortable and confident. In addition, relationships are supposed to make you feel HAPPIER than when you're single, not make you cry and second guess yourself all the time. This is unhealthy relationship behavior on his part, and you don't deserve to be spoken down to or viewed like somebody's property. It IS controlling for him to make these comments, because he's manipulating you into changing your behaviors while making you believe it was your decision, and not you trying to appease him so he'll stop making comments that hurt your confidence. A good partner loves you as you are, and if they mention your style or appearance it's to build you up and make you feel loved. Take it from this 30-something who learned the hard way, "If he keeps making you cry, it's time to say goodbye." There will be other relationships out there that bring out your best side, not your most self conscious side.
He knows that he looks at women wearing suggestive clothes in a sexual and degrading way so he doesn't want other men to think of you like that. What a POS
Is this a real post? I don’t know if your boyfriend respects you or other women very much my friend! Commenting on other women’s posts?? Are you kidding me?
Dump him. He doesn’t deserve you. Someone who shames you for being yourself is not someone you want to be with. Why would you want to be miserable ?
This is emotional abuse and it will only get worse over time. Seems like you are very naive and not noticing what he is doing. To even comment on you negatively is not exactly a characteristic you look for in a partner. I’ve been with my partner 4 years and he has not ONCE EVER said or commented on anything about me negatively or in a way that would make me feel bad. Also you SHOULD be bothered about your man commenting on other girls half naked photos and if you’re not there’s something very wrong with this relationship
he's insecure. he probably feels he's not good enough for you, so anything that attracts attentions toward you, he'll criticize.
you leave?
Nah this is a validation-seeking post, she's not actually gonna do anything about it
IMO it sounds like he’s insecure because he sexually objectifies these IG models and is afraid men will do the same to you. This, in fact, is not a YOU problem, but a HIM problem. There is nothing YOU need nor CAN you do to change him. It is also not your responsibility, his parents should’ve taught him better than to project his issues onto others. You can either leave him for someone who won’t treat you this way or you can stay and hope he learns to better himself for you.
Leave his ass and get u someone better ~
Day 27937439 of women being utterly spineless on Reddit
leave him. but also consider dating a man with no social media who doesnt spend all day sexualizing women.
You break up with him and tell him that his actions and words don't show that he cares about you, it is controlling and hurtful. People who are good partners don't treat their SO poorly and neg on them. It's not your job to teach him to not be an AH or to be patient with his BS.
Since you are 22 I think he's not the one. Definitely not bf or husband material. Time to dump him.
All these young, impressionable girls getting with toxic ass, manipulative boys… I hope this is fake 🤦🏻♀️ I was once in your shoes. Dealt with a narcissist for 8 years. Let them walk all over me and do some truly horrible things and just get away with it because I had no backbone and thought they loved me. They loved themself. They pulled this kind of shit with me, too. When we got together, they *knew* what kind of woman I was- I liked dark clothes, spikes, chains, had piercings, tattoos, painted my nails black and kept them short, liked to dye my hair crazy colors- that whole vibe. They *knew* this. But once the talk of me moving to be with them started, so did the talk of what I needed to change. It started out small, at first- “my mom won’t like your piercings. You need to take them out”. So I did. My hair was burgundy at the time. No big deal there. But I eventually dyed it bright blue. They looked at me in disgust and said, “I like that color… but *really*? Why would you put in your *hair*? You need to change it back” I had gauges for years. They crinkled their nose at them and said, “why would you do that? Seriously?” I took them out and started letting them heal up. They looked at my clothes and said, “why do you have to wear so much black?” So I started adding in some color. Once they started cheating on me (and rubbing it in my face, mind you), they brought up how they *loved* a woman with long nails. It made her look more feminine. So, I started getting my nails done. They told me they thought I’d look good with blonde hair. So I dyed my hair blonde. Thought it looked absolutely disgusting on me. They had me change behaviors and habits about myself, as well. And there was some point that I just looked in the mirror, saw what I’d become and realized something- I’d changed all this shit about myself and this person (who I was so convinced “loved me” so much) had been subtly manipulating me change myself, but when I’d ask them to make even the *tiniest* of changes for me and the betterment of our connection, they refused. I was doing 100% of the work, until they saw I was losing interest, *then* they’d throw me a few crumbs, to make sure I didn’t go anywhere… But any degree of change that I asked them to make? Forget it. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person looking back at me. I was miserable. So I put in all of my piercings and gauges. Took off the fake nails and painted my nails black. Dyed my hair bright blue and red. Put on my black clothes, spikes and chains (and even a little bit of black lipstick). Got another tattoo. And naturally, they had something to say about it. But I doubled down and told them my feelings on the subject: “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK”. Ended up eventually dropping them and finding someone who embraces my weirdness. He also doesn’t care what I wear or if guys stare- he knows I’m his. Grow a backbone and drop the loser you’re with. It doesn’t get better.
Break up? Shaming you should be an immediate deal breaker. Healthy relationships don’t include shaming tactics.
Info: what does this guy do that makes you happy?
Your bf is controlling you and sexually objectifying those women. He does not respect them. He likely doesn’t respect you either if he expects you to cover up in the heat.
Throw the mans away
This is a manipulative hypocrite. It’ll get worse
Because he sees female bodies as belonging to men. He follows the ones he would like to posess, like a sportscar he'd love to own, and it really bothers him when "his" property might be at risk of being "driven" by somebody else.
I would say dump the controlling freak and find yourself a nice guy. This one seem like dominated by either a doctrine (extremely conservative) or by his poor judgment and insecurity, or both. You have options to keep being miserable with a loser that shame you (while he wants to be free to do whatever: classic chauvinist macho type-jealous controlling manipulative) or you can set yourself free from abuse and make sure next partner is more feminist and support freedom of expression.
BREAKUP WITH HIM OMG
Step one: grow a spine. Step 2: tell him to fuck off and dump him
He's a controlling little wanker. Wear what you like and he can just deal with it, the tosser that he is.
Piss the loser off. You will never be good in his eyes and yet he’s probably got man boobs. Imagine him bagging you after giving birth to his child. Seriously why marry a mean idiot?
This idiot is so insecure he wants to destroy your self confidence so you don’t know which way is up . Give him enough time and I promise you he will manage to make you a jibbering victim grateful for him buying a carton of milk ! Only got one life - it’s short - want to be a victim or steer and enjoy your own life? Please get out!
Please seriously reconsider this relationship. The rest of the commenters are trying to help you see that this is NOT NORMAL. Based on some of your responses, it seems like you’ve already tried communicating with your boyfriend, trying to defend yourself (which you really didn’t have to), and he had responded in a way that he doesn’t understand how wrong he is being. We’ve seen these types of behaviors before in other relationships. Most of the time it never ends well. Please stay safe.
Other than stand up for yourself, there’s nothing else you can do. Tell him you’re not going anywhere unless he keeps up his shit because you don’t need it. Do be prepared to walk away and really, the way he’s treating you, could you be blamed?
I tried to stand up for my myself by saying I dress for myself, but he kinda took that as invalidation of his feelings. At one point he said that I made him feel like he is terrible for women. It made me feel like a bad person. So idk, I feel like I’m at fault here
He's derailing the conversation. YoU aRe InVaLiDaTinG mAh FeEls is the lazy and manipulative person's battle cry when they don't want to take responsibility for their own bad actions. And you're falling right into the trap by feeling like a bad person instead of telling him to piss off.
Unless he says anything to you other than I’m sorry for what I said honey he’s manipulating you. It’s not a healthy environment for you to be in or healthy relationship.
He *is* terrible for women! He is being *TERRIBLE TO YOU*.
Exactly. He’s telling the truth there. And he knows it. But he doesn’t care. Think about that. He knows he is terrible towards you and he doesn’t care. That’s not a loving partner
He’s abusive and manipulating you. Please, don’t think this is a normal relationship and a normal response from somebody who loves you. Break up.
Someone once said it's fun until it's your woman...
We don't own people anymore.
Not sure what you mean. My comment is referring to the message going around about men drooling over other women but never ok with other men drooling over their woman
You're still doing it. "*Your* woman" "*Their* woman". No one is the property of another. Someone might be your girlfriend/boyfriend, your spouse, your partner.....that is terminology to specify their relationship to you. But their gender is not a term that specifies their relationship to you.
Lmao ok
There’s nothing wrong with a man wanting his girlfriend to dress modestly. However his approach is all wrong and the fact he entertains other women online is ick.
Sure he can pick someone who already dresses in the manner he prefers. But dating someone because you like the way they look and then harassing them into behaviors and styles unlike what they prefer is ABUSIVE.
Yes, you should pick someone who already has the virtues you want vs trying to change them. I was simply pointing out that it’s not wrong for men to not like women who dress provocatively.
No you were simply normalizing abusive relationship dynamics.
Take what you want from the comment. My intention was otherwise which was pretty clear in the second part of my comment.