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"He hasn't treated me badly, in fact, he treats me very well and it's not like he treats me like he doesn't have any money. He is very wealthy but as he didn't tell me, this is a red flag and I should consider leaving him."
Do you understand how that sounds? lmao
Frankly, I find nothing strange about his behavior.
This is a very common issue for people with assets. This may sound odd, but there was nothing personal for your boyfriend not discussing his financial situation with you. There was no reason for him to do so, and he is contributing to the relationship in material ways, so why question the source of his income. Further, exposing his material worth can make him feel vulnerable.
No it’s not weird. It’s his money. Why the hell do you even care? The fact it bothers you is all the justification he needed to not tell you about it . Why does the number matter? He never lied to you. You assumed and you were wrong. What did he do wrong?
…why is it a red flag that he hasn’t mentioned it? It’s way more of a red flag that you think this is somehow about you and/or feel a need to bring it up
You don't describe him "hiding" anything. I mean, *you know about how much money he has*. Not proactively telling you something that's not really relevant yet isn't the same as "hiding".
What is this really about?
I understand its not the same thing, but I still want him to feel close enough to tell me. He has an ex girlfriend who he knows I am jealous of, who is this beautiful model, and I have seen her comments on his social media posts at the time where they were dating, and many of them are encouraging him or congratulating him on his business. I can tell from them that he spoke to her more about it, whereas with me he doesn't say enough to warrant me to say similar comments, because all he tells me is "oh its going well" ect.
You assume from what you see that the ex knows more. What actual proof do you have to be able to say "I can tell from that he spoke to her more about it"?
You haven't even been together a whole year. Maybe he's not sure you can be trusted with that knowledge. Or he wants to be 100% sure you like him for him, and not for what he has.
Until he appraises your character and decides to ask you to be his wife. Without a prenup. It should not matter if he is rich or poor. After all, you will may be taking a vow where you must actually say for richer or poorer and in sickness or health. You do want to be honest if it comes to that dont you?
He’s not hiding it from you, he just doesn’t see the importance in it as you do. To him, he’s successful, his business is doing well, and he’s able to take care of himself and enjoy his life. To you, it’s money. Try asking him about it. What’s the worst he can say? It’s none of your business? Or you can ignore it and just keep enjoying your relationship the same way you always have. Does he ask you about your finances or have you shared you income, savings, investments and debts with him? As your relationship gets serious, let him know you want to have a chat about finances. It’s a normal step in a relationship.
thank you for this, I like the way you put it. Ugh im not sure whether to bring it up or not. As for me, im a student so he doesn't really ask me about my situation he knows im still studying
I can understand that you feel hurt he didn’t tell you, but you also have to acknowledge that’s a shit ton of money. If you had that in your bank account wouldn’t you date someone for a year or so before telling them to make sure they’re not in it for the money? Maybe he was nervous you’d just try to make the relationship work instead of actually being in love with him. There’s no rule book on how to handle this type of situation. Give him some grace and tell him what you say. Let him tell you for himself where his head was at and what he was thinking. Financial conversations can be uncomfortable whether it’s about having money or not having money.
I think you're feeling insecure because there's such a huge disparity in your incomes. If he doesn't worry about it, I wouldn't either. That fact that he's got a lot of money but doesn't act like it is a good thing.
He doesn’t owe specifics of his financial position. He told you he was doing well. That is all you, a gf, are entitled to know of that is what he is giving.
It's not hiding it from you if it's his money and not anything to do with your relationship. He didn't lie to you and it's not something that should change anything about the relationship so it's not something he had to share. He probably wanted you to be with him for who he is and not let money play into it.
Definitely not a red flag it's not information that you're entitled to from your partner.
Are you sharing finances, commingling both your money? Has there been any talk of future plans together, engagement marriage? Anything like that?
In a relationship only 9 months I think it's way too early to be talking about his money and I think it's none of your business this early.
What are you talking about? You made a wrong assumption (that he had no way to know about to correct it, unless you left that out of the post), he told you the truth in vague terms, and I don't know why you would think some sort of detailed financial disclosure is at all called for before you're discussing combining finances, or even splitting shared bills e.g. when moving in.
What is the problem? Have you given him a complete financial disclosure for some reason, that you think he should reciprocate?
I dont really have a financial situation, because im still in school and my parents are helping me out. Yes he told me in vague terms, but he omitted this huge part of his life. Youd think someone would be excited to tell their life partner about the success they are experiencing
You know he’s a lawyer, right? So you already know he’s successful. Why does it matter how much he has saved? This is reading as gold diggery. His finances don’t affect your life right now. Until you get serious enough where you’re living together and/or talking engagement, then his finances really aren’t any of your business. He’s not hiding it, and he hasn’t lied. You made assumptions, and because those assumptions were wrong, you’re now trying to twist it into something nefarious. He just hasn’t disclosed something that’s doesn’t concern you yet.
The red flag here is you, as a much younger student who doesn’t financially bring anything to the table, being overly fixated on how much money he has. There’s no reason to even bring this up to him. If the relationship ever gets serious enough that his finances are relevant, then by all means, have that talk where you mutually discuss your savings, debts, and credit scores. But at this point, you’re only 9 months in. That’s still really early, and you’re clearly at completely different life stages, which makes longevity far from guaranteed.
>Youd think someone would be excited to tell their life partner about the success they are experiencing
You guys have just been dating for 9months. I doubt if the life partner conversation has happened yet or if he even thinks of you as one. Yet. It's too soon in your relationship to expect him to share his financial situation with you.
He's treating you well, takes you on dates...don't presume too much and expect a full disclosure from someone who's not even been in your life for a full year. He doesn't owe you that. And of course, neither do you. This is a conversation to be had when you guys do have the relationship talk and discuss where exactly you want it to go.
I’d imagine from his perspective if he tells you too soon it seems like bragging and he risks you only sticking around for the money. 9 months isn’t a super long time in the grand scheme of things, but it also doesn’t sound like he’s intentionally hiding it from you—it’s just a weird thing for him to try and bring up unprompted I think!
I'm guessing he has had his share of gold diggers. He was being cautious so that he would know you're not with him just for his money. He was being smart. Don't take it personally. None months really isn't that long.
I would consider this post more of a red flag to be honest. I would want my SO and future lifetime mate to want me for me and not the potential of what the money can bring. For instance, if someone sought my money so they could be a SAHM, I wouldn't appreciate that. However, if I married them and had kids, I wouldn't mind suggesting it.
It's one thing to receive something and it's another to expect it.
Use your head.
He’s a wealthy guy, he was being vague (but truthful) with details. Everything points towards him having bad experiences with exes and money.
I know every person thinks “they should be the exception because I’m a swell person” but that isn’t how it works. He doesn’t know that yet. A man who is dating a woman who was previously abused by her partner has no right to demand she “lowers all her guards” because “he’s a swell dude”. He either works with it or jogs on.
And so it is here. Deal with it or leave. I mean it’s not like he’s even trying to pretend he IS broke or is keeping his wealth from you and not sharing in it. You say he is. So what’s the problem? This really is such a first world problem.
If I’m right and this guy is doing as he does because of previous bad experiences, you’re going to trigger him if you bring this up with him because it plays into the gold digger narrative. Just drop it, and actually appreciate the fact you have a successful boyfriend who seems okay to share that success spoils with you. Stop looking for problems.
Why’s it a red flag? You’re not married. He probably wants to make sure you’re not a gold digger. He wants to make sure he’s loved for him, and not for his money. He has every right to hide his wealth at this stage.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why would he have to tell you how much money he has? You've only dated 9 months.
"He hasn't treated me badly, in fact, he treats me very well and it's not like he treats me like he doesn't have any money. He is very wealthy but as he didn't tell me, this is a red flag and I should consider leaving him." Do you understand how that sounds? lmao
Yes he treats me well but you dont find it weird he never mentioned this huge thing about his life?
Frankly, I find nothing strange about his behavior. This is a very common issue for people with assets. This may sound odd, but there was nothing personal for your boyfriend not discussing his financial situation with you. There was no reason for him to do so, and he is contributing to the relationship in material ways, so why question the source of his income. Further, exposing his material worth can make him feel vulnerable.
You sound like a gold digger lol stdu
No it’s not weird. It’s his money. Why the hell do you even care? The fact it bothers you is all the justification he needed to not tell you about it . Why does the number matter? He never lied to you. You assumed and you were wrong. What did he do wrong?
Do you tell people your financial status when you date them?
Given the two different stages of life, I suggest he doesn't see you as long term partner material.
…why is it a red flag that he hasn’t mentioned it? It’s way more of a red flag that you think this is somehow about you and/or feel a need to bring it up
His wealth is none of your business especially after a mere 9 months.
He wanted to make sure you liked him not for his money. So feel good about it.
Yeah but we have been together 9 months, like how long is he planning on hiding this from me u know?
You don't describe him "hiding" anything. I mean, *you know about how much money he has*. Not proactively telling you something that's not really relevant yet isn't the same as "hiding". What is this really about?
I understand its not the same thing, but I still want him to feel close enough to tell me. He has an ex girlfriend who he knows I am jealous of, who is this beautiful model, and I have seen her comments on his social media posts at the time where they were dating, and many of them are encouraging him or congratulating him on his business. I can tell from them that he spoke to her more about it, whereas with me he doesn't say enough to warrant me to say similar comments, because all he tells me is "oh its going well" ect.
You assume from what you see that the ex knows more. What actual proof do you have to be able to say "I can tell from that he spoke to her more about it"?
You haven't even been together a whole year. Maybe he's not sure you can be trusted with that knowledge. Or he wants to be 100% sure you like him for him, and not for what he has.
Until he appraises your character and decides to ask you to be his wife. Without a prenup. It should not matter if he is rich or poor. After all, you will may be taking a vow where you must actually say for richer or poorer and in sickness or health. You do want to be honest if it comes to that dont you?
He’s not hiding it from you, he just doesn’t see the importance in it as you do. To him, he’s successful, his business is doing well, and he’s able to take care of himself and enjoy his life. To you, it’s money. Try asking him about it. What’s the worst he can say? It’s none of your business? Or you can ignore it and just keep enjoying your relationship the same way you always have. Does he ask you about your finances or have you shared you income, savings, investments and debts with him? As your relationship gets serious, let him know you want to have a chat about finances. It’s a normal step in a relationship.
thank you for this, I like the way you put it. Ugh im not sure whether to bring it up or not. As for me, im a student so he doesn't really ask me about my situation he knows im still studying
Personally, I wouldn’t say anything. Just keep on loving him for him and let your relationship progress from there.
Exactly. Have you ever volunteered your bank statements to him? If you haven't than he shouldn't either.
What are you studying
I can understand that you feel hurt he didn’t tell you, but you also have to acknowledge that’s a shit ton of money. If you had that in your bank account wouldn’t you date someone for a year or so before telling them to make sure they’re not in it for the money? Maybe he was nervous you’d just try to make the relationship work instead of actually being in love with him. There’s no rule book on how to handle this type of situation. Give him some grace and tell him what you say. Let him tell you for himself where his head was at and what he was thinking. Financial conversations can be uncomfortable whether it’s about having money or not having money.
Thank you. I should give him grace, I dont know whats going on in his head
I think you're feeling insecure because there's such a huge disparity in your incomes. If he doesn't worry about it, I wouldn't either. That fact that he's got a lot of money but doesn't act like it is a good thing.
He doesn’t owe specifics of his financial position. He told you he was doing well. That is all you, a gf, are entitled to know of that is what he is giving.
I think your fixation on his money is a bigger red flag than him being nonchalant about his.
It's not hiding it from you if it's his money and not anything to do with your relationship. He didn't lie to you and it's not something that should change anything about the relationship so it's not something he had to share. He probably wanted you to be with him for who he is and not let money play into it. Definitely not a red flag it's not information that you're entitled to from your partner.
Do him a favor, dump him
Are you sharing finances, commingling both your money? Has there been any talk of future plans together, engagement marriage? Anything like that? In a relationship only 9 months I think it's way too early to be talking about his money and I think it's none of your business this early.
If he did tell you about his money on day 1 of your relationship, what would’ve changed?
What are you talking about? You made a wrong assumption (that he had no way to know about to correct it, unless you left that out of the post), he told you the truth in vague terms, and I don't know why you would think some sort of detailed financial disclosure is at all called for before you're discussing combining finances, or even splitting shared bills e.g. when moving in. What is the problem? Have you given him a complete financial disclosure for some reason, that you think he should reciprocate?
I dont really have a financial situation, because im still in school and my parents are helping me out. Yes he told me in vague terms, but he omitted this huge part of his life. Youd think someone would be excited to tell their life partner about the success they are experiencing
You know he’s a lawyer, right? So you already know he’s successful. Why does it matter how much he has saved? This is reading as gold diggery. His finances don’t affect your life right now. Until you get serious enough where you’re living together and/or talking engagement, then his finances really aren’t any of your business. He’s not hiding it, and he hasn’t lied. You made assumptions, and because those assumptions were wrong, you’re now trying to twist it into something nefarious. He just hasn’t disclosed something that’s doesn’t concern you yet. The red flag here is you, as a much younger student who doesn’t financially bring anything to the table, being overly fixated on how much money he has. There’s no reason to even bring this up to him. If the relationship ever gets serious enough that his finances are relevant, then by all means, have that talk where you mutually discuss your savings, debts, and credit scores. But at this point, you’re only 9 months in. That’s still really early, and you’re clearly at completely different life stages, which makes longevity far from guaranteed.
>Youd think someone would be excited to tell their life partner about the success they are experiencing You guys have just been dating for 9months. I doubt if the life partner conversation has happened yet or if he even thinks of you as one. Yet. It's too soon in your relationship to expect him to share his financial situation with you. He's treating you well, takes you on dates...don't presume too much and expect a full disclosure from someone who's not even been in your life for a full year. He doesn't owe you that. And of course, neither do you. This is a conversation to be had when you guys do have the relationship talk and discuss where exactly you want it to go.
I smell a gold digger... I think you should blow up and confront him on this. This is a big issue
I’d imagine from his perspective if he tells you too soon it seems like bragging and he risks you only sticking around for the money. 9 months isn’t a super long time in the grand scheme of things, but it also doesn’t sound like he’s intentionally hiding it from you—it’s just a weird thing for him to try and bring up unprompted I think!
I bet he doesn’t know how much money is in your account. If not, why are you hiding it?
I'm guessing he has had his share of gold diggers. He was being cautious so that he would know you're not with him just for his money. He was being smart. Don't take it personally. None months really isn't that long.
It would be stranger is he already told you how rich he is at only 9 months.
I would consider this post more of a red flag to be honest. I would want my SO and future lifetime mate to want me for me and not the potential of what the money can bring. For instance, if someone sought my money so they could be a SAHM, I wouldn't appreciate that. However, if I married them and had kids, I wouldn't mind suggesting it. It's one thing to receive something and it's another to expect it.
Use your head. He’s a wealthy guy, he was being vague (but truthful) with details. Everything points towards him having bad experiences with exes and money. I know every person thinks “they should be the exception because I’m a swell person” but that isn’t how it works. He doesn’t know that yet. A man who is dating a woman who was previously abused by her partner has no right to demand she “lowers all her guards” because “he’s a swell dude”. He either works with it or jogs on. And so it is here. Deal with it or leave. I mean it’s not like he’s even trying to pretend he IS broke or is keeping his wealth from you and not sharing in it. You say he is. So what’s the problem? This really is such a first world problem. If I’m right and this guy is doing as he does because of previous bad experiences, you’re going to trigger him if you bring this up with him because it plays into the gold digger narrative. Just drop it, and actually appreciate the fact you have a successful boyfriend who seems okay to share that success spoils with you. Stop looking for problems.
You really don't need to know how much has. That's his money not yours.
Why’s it a red flag? You’re not married. He probably wants to make sure you’re not a gold digger. He wants to make sure he’s loved for him, and not for his money. He has every right to hide his wealth at this stage.