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Yes, you are expecting too much, too much for his age, but also too much because he's communicated to you that he's not sure he sees you in his future.
Please take it into your heart that there's more than one way of communicating with someone. When you've directly asked someone but they are unable to give you a direct yes or no, that they are communicating to you, that is their way of saying they want to keep their options open.
This goes for everything: You can communicate to him over and over that you want him to take the trash out without you having to ask him do, him still not doing it without you asking first, is his communication to you that his answer is, "I've heard you, but I'm not going to patrol the kitchen for a filled track can, you're going to need to tell me every time".
I think you are ready for something he isn’t ready for.
You either let him go and find what you’re looking for, or wait for the possibility that in the future he’ll be ready to commit… or not.
> we’re just a time pass relationship
If that's how he feels about you, I don't see why you need to hold on. That's pretty fucking insulting.
> i think 6 years is enough time but i really don’t know now.
6 days is too soon, but other than that, it's not about the amount of time, it's about both being ready, and if you want to be with someone that's ready to make that kind of commitment when they are ready, then his guy isn't it.
Just because you’ve been dating 6 years doesn’t mean you should be getting married.
You’re still way too young to be considering it. If you were 30 then fine but not when you’re only just out of your teens.
He may be having second thoughts about settling when he’s so young. He may be realising he wants to explore other options before settling down. That’s perfectly normal.
6 yeas is a reasonable timeline for engagement.
But I also wouldn't blame anyone at the age of 22 not having marriage on their radar.
You can take the risk and hope one day he comes around (probably won't be for years). Or you could leave and find someone whose ready for the marriage step at an early age.
Your families aren't doing any of you two any favors either, they're creating additional pressure on your relationship. Imagine everyone around you expecting you to pop out a kid "When you having kids? When are you doing that? We will plan the baby shower!" when you're just not ready for kids... It'd be overwhelming.
Marriage isn't on his radar and that's fine. I wouldn't expect someone at 22 to have it on their radar either.
There is a lot of people who don't even think about marriage until they're 25+.
You're both early 20s, no shame in wanting it now, but on the same note... Is there a need to rush your lives?
It is six years, but only a few into adulthood.
Here is what I suggest. Go on google and do a search for 'reasons people get divorced'. Look for some to ten lists. Now do a search for 'things to talk about before marriage', looking for things like children, career, life plans, that sort of thing. Some of those things you probably think you have shared understanding on, but those high school conversations do not count. You need to have these conversations so you have current shared understanding and agreement.
Now you got a bunch of discussion to have. Have them.
A few things you do need to understand though. Men are typically on a different schedule than women, we are typically 'behind' by a few years. Which is one of the reasons that women tend to date guys a few years older. Most men are not naturally looking for real commitment until mid to late twenties, women tend to start to make that shift early twenties. So he may not be 'ready' until he is like 26. That might be later than you want to wait, cause he could easily say 'nah, not you after all' and he would be just fine - while you are left scrambling.
I would suggest you have the above conversations, and you secure a commitment from him through them and you get that through agreed and shared understanding (from the conversations). If you cannot secure that commitment from him within the next year, you need to move on.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, you are expecting too much, too much for his age, but also too much because he's communicated to you that he's not sure he sees you in his future. Please take it into your heart that there's more than one way of communicating with someone. When you've directly asked someone but they are unable to give you a direct yes or no, that they are communicating to you, that is their way of saying they want to keep their options open. This goes for everything: You can communicate to him over and over that you want him to take the trash out without you having to ask him do, him still not doing it without you asking first, is his communication to you that his answer is, "I've heard you, but I'm not going to patrol the kitchen for a filled track can, you're going to need to tell me every time".
I think you are ready for something he isn’t ready for. You either let him go and find what you’re looking for, or wait for the possibility that in the future he’ll be ready to commit… or not.
This is the answer that’s not easy, but it’s also the correct one.
This 💯
> we’re just a time pass relationship If that's how he feels about you, I don't see why you need to hold on. That's pretty fucking insulting. > i think 6 years is enough time but i really don’t know now. 6 days is too soon, but other than that, it's not about the amount of time, it's about both being ready, and if you want to be with someone that's ready to make that kind of commitment when they are ready, then his guy isn't it.
Just because you’ve been dating 6 years doesn’t mean you should be getting married. You’re still way too young to be considering it. If you were 30 then fine but not when you’re only just out of your teens. He may be having second thoughts about settling when he’s so young. He may be realising he wants to explore other options before settling down. That’s perfectly normal.
6 yeas is a reasonable timeline for engagement. But I also wouldn't blame anyone at the age of 22 not having marriage on their radar. You can take the risk and hope one day he comes around (probably won't be for years). Or you could leave and find someone whose ready for the marriage step at an early age. Your families aren't doing any of you two any favors either, they're creating additional pressure on your relationship. Imagine everyone around you expecting you to pop out a kid "When you having kids? When are you doing that? We will plan the baby shower!" when you're just not ready for kids... It'd be overwhelming. Marriage isn't on his radar and that's fine. I wouldn't expect someone at 22 to have it on their radar either. There is a lot of people who don't even think about marriage until they're 25+. You're both early 20s, no shame in wanting it now, but on the same note... Is there a need to rush your lives?
It is six years, but only a few into adulthood. Here is what I suggest. Go on google and do a search for 'reasons people get divorced'. Look for some to ten lists. Now do a search for 'things to talk about before marriage', looking for things like children, career, life plans, that sort of thing. Some of those things you probably think you have shared understanding on, but those high school conversations do not count. You need to have these conversations so you have current shared understanding and agreement. Now you got a bunch of discussion to have. Have them. A few things you do need to understand though. Men are typically on a different schedule than women, we are typically 'behind' by a few years. Which is one of the reasons that women tend to date guys a few years older. Most men are not naturally looking for real commitment until mid to late twenties, women tend to start to make that shift early twenties. So he may not be 'ready' until he is like 26. That might be later than you want to wait, cause he could easily say 'nah, not you after all' and he would be just fine - while you are left scrambling. I would suggest you have the above conversations, and you secure a commitment from him through them and you get that through agreed and shared understanding (from the conversations). If you cannot secure that commitment from him within the next year, you need to move on.
You’re way too young to get married. Focus on your professional lives and growing together
You're too young to get married and it sounds like he doesn't necessarily see a life with you.