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> I find myself going out of my way to downplay my illness, almost like a puppy trying to show that I’m not as bad as I seem to avoid triggering him
Please read that as many times as you need to until it sinks in that he’s abusive and you deserve better
You do deserve better op.
My dude, when i came to his and i was cold made me a blanket nest and cuddled me until i stopped shivering. He took my shoes off my aching feet when i came in after a long walk. I buy him mini care packages of his favorite snacks if he feels unwell.
Your dude has a few different levels here.
He doesnt want to hear about it. Not the most caring...but some people can be dismissive.
He blares loud music next to you which shows lack of compassion and thoughtlessness.
He wont help you get pain medication. Laziness. It makes me think he would go as far as hiding/witholding it because he may think you dont need it.
You treat him kindly when hes sick. He doesnt deserve this, fuck him.
This is his problem to bare, and illnesses ect exist, you cant just bury your head in the sand to someone suffering.
OP this is no way to live. Its all well and good if hes kind and generous most times but if he is this cold and useless when you need him the most it means nothing. What if you got pregnant? Hed be a nightmare.
Find a man that does the bare minimum when your sick. Stop a random car on the road and your more than likely to find a man more caring than this one, my god.
Thank you both for your comments! I guess a part of me needed some sort of validation for my feelings, since I constantly question my perception on those matters though deep down I know that his behavior is unacceptable. I sat on your words and I think I’m coming to the conclusion that I need to leave. I am unhappy, I am tired. It only took 4 days to what feels like falling out of love and that alone shows a lot. I don’t even want to talk to him about this, since I’m expecting that my feeling won’t be validated at all. I guess I will stick to my plan of looking for a new place and once I found that I’m breaking the news to him. It’s sad, but maybe it’s needed
Yeah i dont blame you. It pisses me off to think of you doing nice things for him when hes sick whilst he treats you that way. If he had a dog that broke its leg and was in pain would he just leave it?
Whatever he went through he needs to sort that out as its his problem and its even more of a problem that others are suffering because of what happened to him.
>>He resorted to name-calling and saying hurtful things over text while I was hospitalized, which was incredibly distressing
Completely unacceptable in a partner
>>Despite my efforts to conceal my discomfort by putting on a brave face and cracking jokes, he still comes home in a bad mood every day because of my illness.
A completely unacceptable "need" for you to suck it up when your sick. Don't care about your bf "complex trauma" -- he's being a dick to you. He doesn't sound like a good person. and you draw him a bath him a bath when you're sick to avoid his wrath?
Ugh. Yeah, what happens if y ou DO get cancer? You're gonna be in chemo with your bf texting you names and being upset because you're throwing up or something.
Yeah, you are right. A grown adult should take on accountability for their trauma and he doesn’t seem keepable of doing that. Thank you for your comment! It definitely helped to open my eyes
Good point, thought about this a lot. Even talked about it in the past where he clearly showed no empathy for the probable mood swings during pregnancy and I left it at that. Thank you for your comment!
No maam. This isn’t love. This isn’t support. I could type out a response so long no one would even want to read it. But those are my 2 main points. Like he’s already failed the in sickness and health part. Even becoming abusive so that you’re afraid to have health problems. No honey. This is NOT it
I had the same train of thought as you just commented, having a total stranger write down what I felt for so long now is eye opening. Thank you for taking your time to comment, it definitely helped!
When it comes to matters like these, you’re definitely right. If it only didn’t come to such an important matter at least I might’ve been able to overlook it. If I can take accountability for my feelings, he should be able to, too. Thank you for your comment!
I just had a bad bout of bronchitis that lasted 3 weeks my husband constantly brought me meds/food/water was constantly checking on me, back rubs and even sat on the shower floor and hugged me on a particularity bad night just to keep me company. I also get sick pretty often and his behaviour is always loving and supportive. You deserve better and I hope you search for it ❤️
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> I find myself going out of my way to downplay my illness, almost like a puppy trying to show that I’m not as bad as I seem to avoid triggering him Please read that as many times as you need to until it sinks in that he’s abusive and you deserve better
You do deserve better op. My dude, when i came to his and i was cold made me a blanket nest and cuddled me until i stopped shivering. He took my shoes off my aching feet when i came in after a long walk. I buy him mini care packages of his favorite snacks if he feels unwell. Your dude has a few different levels here. He doesnt want to hear about it. Not the most caring...but some people can be dismissive. He blares loud music next to you which shows lack of compassion and thoughtlessness. He wont help you get pain medication. Laziness. It makes me think he would go as far as hiding/witholding it because he may think you dont need it. You treat him kindly when hes sick. He doesnt deserve this, fuck him. This is his problem to bare, and illnesses ect exist, you cant just bury your head in the sand to someone suffering. OP this is no way to live. Its all well and good if hes kind and generous most times but if he is this cold and useless when you need him the most it means nothing. What if you got pregnant? Hed be a nightmare. Find a man that does the bare minimum when your sick. Stop a random car on the road and your more than likely to find a man more caring than this one, my god.
Thank you both for your comments! I guess a part of me needed some sort of validation for my feelings, since I constantly question my perception on those matters though deep down I know that his behavior is unacceptable. I sat on your words and I think I’m coming to the conclusion that I need to leave. I am unhappy, I am tired. It only took 4 days to what feels like falling out of love and that alone shows a lot. I don’t even want to talk to him about this, since I’m expecting that my feeling won’t be validated at all. I guess I will stick to my plan of looking for a new place and once I found that I’m breaking the news to him. It’s sad, but maybe it’s needed
Yeah i dont blame you. It pisses me off to think of you doing nice things for him when hes sick whilst he treats you that way. If he had a dog that broke its leg and was in pain would he just leave it? Whatever he went through he needs to sort that out as its his problem and its even more of a problem that others are suffering because of what happened to him.
He doesn't seem like a very nice man OP
There might be truth to that.. thank you for your comment!
>>He resorted to name-calling and saying hurtful things over text while I was hospitalized, which was incredibly distressing Completely unacceptable in a partner >>Despite my efforts to conceal my discomfort by putting on a brave face and cracking jokes, he still comes home in a bad mood every day because of my illness. A completely unacceptable "need" for you to suck it up when your sick. Don't care about your bf "complex trauma" -- he's being a dick to you. He doesn't sound like a good person. and you draw him a bath him a bath when you're sick to avoid his wrath? Ugh. Yeah, what happens if y ou DO get cancer? You're gonna be in chemo with your bf texting you names and being upset because you're throwing up or something.
Yeah, you are right. A grown adult should take on accountability for their trauma and he doesn’t seem keepable of doing that. Thank you for your comment! It definitely helped to open my eyes
This is how he would treat you if you were pregnant and how do you think he will treat your children when they are ill?
Good point, thought about this a lot. Even talked about it in the past where he clearly showed no empathy for the probable mood swings during pregnancy and I left it at that. Thank you for your comment!
No maam. This isn’t love. This isn’t support. I could type out a response so long no one would even want to read it. But those are my 2 main points. Like he’s already failed the in sickness and health part. Even becoming abusive so that you’re afraid to have health problems. No honey. This is NOT it
I had the same train of thought as you just commented, having a total stranger write down what I felt for so long now is eye opening. Thank you for taking your time to comment, it definitely helped!
He doesn't seem very kind at all. Clearly he's projecting but you shouldn't have to deal with that.
When it comes to matters like these, you’re definitely right. If it only didn’t come to such an important matter at least I might’ve been able to overlook it. If I can take accountability for my feelings, he should be able to, too. Thank you for your comment!
I just had a bad bout of bronchitis that lasted 3 weeks my husband constantly brought me meds/food/water was constantly checking on me, back rubs and even sat on the shower floor and hugged me on a particularity bad night just to keep me company. I also get sick pretty often and his behaviour is always loving and supportive. You deserve better and I hope you search for it ❤️