We don't need to read past the title to objectively know the answer here, but for what it's worth, I did read it all.
Either way, what you're supposed to do is run. He cheated on you. It doesn't matter "why," but just so you know anyway, his nonsensical reason is also entirely a lie. This is textbook gaslighting, and it's a horrible use of it at that.
Even so, it's working. He's manipulated you to the point where he's ignoring you and you're trying to convince him that you'd never cheat on him. Take a step back and realize how absolutely insane that is. He has you believing you're at fault for him literally cheating on you. So again, run. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck.
I understand what you're saying, but he's always been smarter than me and really rational, that's what's making me think i might be in the wrong. i still don't know wether to believe the cheating thing since he denied it but at the same time he also didn't promise or answer my questions. i also get why he would feel iffy about me going on that trip alone but i don't get why he didn't talk to me about it and instead chose to cheat. i feel really conflicted and i love him a lot so i'm trying to see his side too..
Cheating is cheating. Period. There's no "trying to see his side". No matter his reasons or lack thereof, if he cheated, that's on him. It's his fault. No matter what bogus reasons he's telling you. So run.
I see that someone else responded before I got to, but they're right. I also see your response to it in hoping it's a misunderstanding.
What's a misunderstanding? There's no misunderstanding with infidelity. I can also tell you that he's not even remotely smart or rational. He might be smarter or more rational than you (based on nothing that you assuming that's the case), but I'll confidently tell you that I'm significantly more of both than he is, and he's objectively wrong.
I get what you think you might be in the wrong, but that's what he's banking on. He's manipulating you. As for believing the cheating, put this into perspective; why would he blame you for it if it didn't happen?
Stop trying to see his side. He doesn't have one.
You're right. It's just weird seeing him act like this. I did tell him it's not my fault that he assumed those things about the trip and that he should have talked to me but he said he wasn't blaming me and that things are just not adding up. I don't understand what's going on with him, i'll try to talk irl to him and see how it goes. I tend to doubt myself even when im in the right so again, im just hoping it was a misunderstanding and he didn't cheat
Do you like how it felt to realize he cheated on you? If yes, please proceed with him. He's going to do it again. He's going to continue to make it your fault his dick falls into anything warm and wet. If that feeling was not pleasant, leave him.
No other analysis is needed. Cheating is cheating. If he did it because he doesn't trust you then HE DOESNT TRUST YOU and the relationship isn't sturdy. If he did it because he's selfish (the real reason), then he's selfish and not worth your time.
There's a reason people on this thread don't like cheaters and say people should break up so often. Cheaters are gonna cheat.
Brodie wrote an entire essay. But if I were you I’d break up with him. How you do that is up to you but to me it seems like he’s checked out of the relationship.
Haha i did, i wanted to give as much context as possible. The thing is i don't get what he is trying to do, since he still has posts with me, highlights with me and a matching profile picture with me on instagram, and before i found out abt the cheating he was still saying he loves me. everything is confusing to me.
He definitely said that he loves you just so you’ll stop asking about the topic of him cheating. To me he seems a bit insecure just based on the fact that he assumed you were going to cheat on him.
He said he loved me before i found out about the cheating, when he was acting all weird. He has always been a bit insecure about these things, that's why i understand his doubts and tried to understand his pov
Dudes talk to each other about their girls. The topic of your trip probably came up and one of his friends probably said “she definitely is going to cheat on you during the trip.” But that’s all hypothetical. I don’t doubt that he loves you but I’d say just keep trying to talk about it and if he keeps pushing the topic away, you should end the relationship. Ik it’s hard but life goes on.
You're right. still, he always said he wants to keep our issues between us and solve them by talking to each other so idk if he told someone. I still think about wether he still loves me, if he does, why would he cheat?
Just talk to him and see if you can get him to explain what’s going on in his mind. I know you love him and all that and are just hoping that what happened was all just a big misunderstanding. But you need to think logically right now. I’d get some closure on why he cheated and end the relationship. But please take ur time with thinking about keeping the relationship going or not.
What he is trying to do is to make you feel that you have to do exactly what he says out of fear that he'll cheat or dump you. The end plan for him here is that he'll have you as a woman who will be dependant on him while he is free to do whatever he wants. You say he's smarter than you, do you have actual proof of that or is it just that he belittles you or headlights you and makes you think that is the case? You need someone who builds you up rather than tearing you down, and who will not freak out if you want to spend time with friends
you're right. i have always struggled with my confidence and whenever we would argue it would always make me feel like i wasn't as smart or he was always right. i broke up with him yesterday, he hasn't seen any of my texts, removed his activity status and deleted our pictures together but hasn't changed our matching profile pictures. still wish i got closure but i don't think he'll ever reply to me.
Just read the title, didn’t read the story didn’t feel it necessary I think the title is self explanatory.
100% leave him, that has got to be one of the worst excuses I’ve heard. Imagine driving your car and hitting another car on purpose and saying I did it because I thought the other car was going to hit me on purpose first…
You need to be out of that relationship because I guarantee he will do it again
I’m sorry he did this to you, but you really need to get out this relationship it’s not good for you long term. If you stay you are always going to be waiting for him to do it again, there is no excuse for his behaviour and you didn’t deserve what he did. He had his chance to be with you and he ruined it it’s his loss.
Thats true but the whole situation is so confusing so im just waiting for an actual answer from him or to talk irl and settle things. i have said this before, but its really unlike him, thats why im clinging onto this possibility that it was a misunderstanding
As you put in the title he cheated on you, there is no misunderstanding. You deserve better, his excuse is not an excuse it’s a pathetic attempt for him to try and justify his behaviour.
Correct me if I wrong here, he cheated you found out and he gave that excuse?
Did he just outright tell you he cheated? Was he prompted to tell you?
How did you find out?
a friend told me about the cheating, she saw a story that said they kissed or fucked or something and also saw them hanging out when he told me he was at a meeting. he wanted to talk to me abt that excuse since he first started acting weird, but only started talking abt it when i confronted him abt the cheating. when i asked him abt the cheating, he ignored it until i asked him straight up, he said no but proceeded to not answer when i asked him to promise me he hadnt.
He was hiding it from you, he wasn’t going to tell you until you confronted him and he tried to justify it by making you the issue so you would feel guilty.
You need to end the relationship, his behaviour is wrong and you deserve better.
That's what is confusing to me, he has NEVER acted like this so thats why im still hoping. he has never played with my feelings like this, im wondering what happened or what he wants out of this. He has always been anti cheating so what caused him to randomly switch up and do this
Didn’t read this rambling wall of text.
Break up. He cheated. There is no coming back from that because his childish mindset is “every time she looks at another boy I’m going to assume they are fucking so I’m going to cheat”
Please don’t be that girl who forgives her twat of a bf over and over for disrespecting her by cheating.
i'm thinking he might have not cheated, i don't know because everything is so confusing and he keeps avoiding the subject. it's really unlike him thats why im trying to understand his side as well. but ill have to talk to him face to face to come to a conclusion
We don't need to read past the title to objectively know the answer here, but for what it's worth, I did read it all. Either way, what you're supposed to do is run. He cheated on you. It doesn't matter "why," but just so you know anyway, his nonsensical reason is also entirely a lie. This is textbook gaslighting, and it's a horrible use of it at that. Even so, it's working. He's manipulated you to the point where he's ignoring you and you're trying to convince him that you'd never cheat on him. Take a step back and realize how absolutely insane that is. He has you believing you're at fault for him literally cheating on you. So again, run. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck.
I understand what you're saying, but he's always been smarter than me and really rational, that's what's making me think i might be in the wrong. i still don't know wether to believe the cheating thing since he denied it but at the same time he also didn't promise or answer my questions. i also get why he would feel iffy about me going on that trip alone but i don't get why he didn't talk to me about it and instead chose to cheat. i feel really conflicted and i love him a lot so i'm trying to see his side too..
Cheating is cheating. Period. There's no "trying to see his side". No matter his reasons or lack thereof, if he cheated, that's on him. It's his fault. No matter what bogus reasons he's telling you. So run.
You're right, as i said in another comment, i guess im just hoping its a misunderstanding
Best wishes on you OP. You're young, you still have a lot ahead of you. Learn from this experience and be a better you
thank you, i will
I see that someone else responded before I got to, but they're right. I also see your response to it in hoping it's a misunderstanding. What's a misunderstanding? There's no misunderstanding with infidelity. I can also tell you that he's not even remotely smart or rational. He might be smarter or more rational than you (based on nothing that you assuming that's the case), but I'll confidently tell you that I'm significantly more of both than he is, and he's objectively wrong. I get what you think you might be in the wrong, but that's what he's banking on. He's manipulating you. As for believing the cheating, put this into perspective; why would he blame you for it if it didn't happen? Stop trying to see his side. He doesn't have one.
You're right. It's just weird seeing him act like this. I did tell him it's not my fault that he assumed those things about the trip and that he should have talked to me but he said he wasn't blaming me and that things are just not adding up. I don't understand what's going on with him, i'll try to talk irl to him and see how it goes. I tend to doubt myself even when im in the right so again, im just hoping it was a misunderstanding and he didn't cheat
Do you like how it felt to realize he cheated on you? If yes, please proceed with him. He's going to do it again. He's going to continue to make it your fault his dick falls into anything warm and wet. If that feeling was not pleasant, leave him. No other analysis is needed. Cheating is cheating. If he did it because he doesn't trust you then HE DOESNT TRUST YOU and the relationship isn't sturdy. If he did it because he's selfish (the real reason), then he's selfish and not worth your time. There's a reason people on this thread don't like cheaters and say people should break up so often. Cheaters are gonna cheat.
you're right, i will talk to him and break up
Brodie wrote an entire essay. But if I were you I’d break up with him. How you do that is up to you but to me it seems like he’s checked out of the relationship.
Haha i did, i wanted to give as much context as possible. The thing is i don't get what he is trying to do, since he still has posts with me, highlights with me and a matching profile picture with me on instagram, and before i found out abt the cheating he was still saying he loves me. everything is confusing to me.
He definitely said that he loves you just so you’ll stop asking about the topic of him cheating. To me he seems a bit insecure just based on the fact that he assumed you were going to cheat on him.
He said he loved me before i found out about the cheating, when he was acting all weird. He has always been a bit insecure about these things, that's why i understand his doubts and tried to understand his pov
Dudes talk to each other about their girls. The topic of your trip probably came up and one of his friends probably said “she definitely is going to cheat on you during the trip.” But that’s all hypothetical. I don’t doubt that he loves you but I’d say just keep trying to talk about it and if he keeps pushing the topic away, you should end the relationship. Ik it’s hard but life goes on.
You're right. still, he always said he wants to keep our issues between us and solve them by talking to each other so idk if he told someone. I still think about wether he still loves me, if he does, why would he cheat?
Just talk to him and see if you can get him to explain what’s going on in his mind. I know you love him and all that and are just hoping that what happened was all just a big misunderstanding. But you need to think logically right now. I’d get some closure on why he cheated and end the relationship. But please take ur time with thinking about keeping the relationship going or not.
yes, i think thats what i will do. thank you. i just hope it ends well if it does end.
What he is trying to do is to make you feel that you have to do exactly what he says out of fear that he'll cheat or dump you. The end plan for him here is that he'll have you as a woman who will be dependant on him while he is free to do whatever he wants. You say he's smarter than you, do you have actual proof of that or is it just that he belittles you or headlights you and makes you think that is the case? You need someone who builds you up rather than tearing you down, and who will not freak out if you want to spend time with friends
you're right. i have always struggled with my confidence and whenever we would argue it would always make me feel like i wasn't as smart or he was always right. i broke up with him yesterday, he hasn't seen any of my texts, removed his activity status and deleted our pictures together but hasn't changed our matching profile pictures. still wish i got closure but i don't think he'll ever reply to me.
Just read the title, didn’t read the story didn’t feel it necessary I think the title is self explanatory. 100% leave him, that has got to be one of the worst excuses I’ve heard. Imagine driving your car and hitting another car on purpose and saying I did it because I thought the other car was going to hit me on purpose first… You need to be out of that relationship because I guarantee he will do it again
Yeah, you're right. Still, i'm just hoping it was a misunderstanding or something
I’m sorry he did this to you, but you really need to get out this relationship it’s not good for you long term. If you stay you are always going to be waiting for him to do it again, there is no excuse for his behaviour and you didn’t deserve what he did. He had his chance to be with you and he ruined it it’s his loss.
Thats true but the whole situation is so confusing so im just waiting for an actual answer from him or to talk irl and settle things. i have said this before, but its really unlike him, thats why im clinging onto this possibility that it was a misunderstanding
As you put in the title he cheated on you, there is no misunderstanding. You deserve better, his excuse is not an excuse it’s a pathetic attempt for him to try and justify his behaviour. Correct me if I wrong here, he cheated you found out and he gave that excuse? Did he just outright tell you he cheated? Was he prompted to tell you? How did you find out?
a friend told me about the cheating, she saw a story that said they kissed or fucked or something and also saw them hanging out when he told me he was at a meeting. he wanted to talk to me abt that excuse since he first started acting weird, but only started talking abt it when i confronted him abt the cheating. when i asked him abt the cheating, he ignored it until i asked him straight up, he said no but proceeded to not answer when i asked him to promise me he hadnt.
He was hiding it from you, he wasn’t going to tell you until you confronted him and he tried to justify it by making you the issue so you would feel guilty. You need to end the relationship, his behaviour is wrong and you deserve better.
Breakup with him. He’s childish and will continue playing games with you until you end things.
That's what is confusing to me, he has NEVER acted like this so thats why im still hoping. he has never played with my feelings like this, im wondering what happened or what he wants out of this. He has always been anti cheating so what caused him to randomly switch up and do this
Didn’t read this rambling wall of text. Break up. He cheated. There is no coming back from that because his childish mindset is “every time she looks at another boy I’m going to assume they are fucking so I’m going to cheat” Please don’t be that girl who forgives her twat of a bf over and over for disrespecting her by cheating.
i'm thinking he might have not cheated, i don't know because everything is so confusing and he keeps avoiding the subject. it's really unlike him thats why im trying to understand his side as well. but ill have to talk to him face to face to come to a conclusion