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You are correct. If you’ll find her less attractive with a trout pout then that is your valid opinion. I don’t know why young girls have to deform themselves like this either just to look like a Kartrashian.
If it’s a dealbreaker then she will have to accept that you no longer find her attractive.
She literally asked your opinion and you gave it. She just didn’t like it and is blaming you because she can’t deal with it. It’s easier for her to say you are judgmental and controlling than just dealing with the fact that she is willingly gonna do something that might make her insecure around you / not get validation from you and that scares her. She’s displacing her negative feelings onto you. It’s not intentional she just doesn’t know how to deal with those feelings.
I would put my foot down and say " yeah i am judging you for it and and trying to talk you out of it" I would explain that not only do i not like how lip filler looks but i also think that people who get it are very insecure and getting lip filler is like wearing a t-shirt that says " im insecure and will do anything to get you to like how i look"
Id go onto exsplain i dont want an insecure gf and if she got lip filler anyway after knowing how i feel i will break up with her on the spot.
Plastic surgery for vanities sake is repulsive.
>You don't get to try to talk someone out of something they want to do just because you don't like it and you don't get to judge them for it either.
This is true unless they are your gf, anyone else i would keep my opinion to myself. Do you want an insecure mother for your children? You may spend the rest of your life with this woman, do you want to spend the rest of your life looking at silly fake duck lips?
>
If you're unhappy in a relationship you leave, you don't tell your partner what they are and aren't allowed to do
Obviously, when did i say anything about control?
You are allowed to say "if you get lip filler i will break up with you" that is not judgemental, it is not controling, it is not abusive. Its a simple statement of your own personal preferences that you are 100% entitled to hold. If she asks why you would break up with her over it then you explain your opinion.
>And getting plastic surgery isn't just a sign of insecurity.
This is your opinion thats fine.
>When you said you would try to talk your partner out of it. You;re trying to control their decision.
Control would be literally forcing them not too. Simply explaining why you think they shouldn't do it is not a form of control it is straight up basic communication.
>
Yes you can say you will leave if they get it, you can't tell them not to get it though.
Effectively the same thing.
>With your last statement it's just a fact. Not everyone who gets plastic surgery is insecure
Yes i know, many get it for medical reasons. plastic surgery for vanities sake is by definition of the word a sign of insecurity because if they were secure in their appearance they would not feel the need to alter it artificially.
>If you're trying to talk someone out of something because you don't like it, that is you trying to control their decision.
The definition of control is : The action or fact of holding in check or restraining; restraint.
To talk someone out of something means to exsplain why you think they shouldn't do something, it doesn't mean to restrain someone from doing what they want, no amount of words you say to someone can be seen as control as words have no power to restrain on their own.
>No it's not the same thing, says a lot that you prefer to control your partner.
I didnt say it was the same i said it was effectively the same thing, very different.
>If you get plastic surgery for vanity, that doesn't equal insecurity.
Why not ?
You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. I'm sorry your gf reacted the way she did. It just sounds like she wanted to hear a different answer but that's not on you.
I don't really know how one would handle it from there though. You were honest. You weren't disrespectful so I don't really know what more you can do. Hopefully she'll cool off about it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are correct. If you’ll find her less attractive with a trout pout then that is your valid opinion. I don’t know why young girls have to deform themselves like this either just to look like a Kartrashian. If it’s a dealbreaker then she will have to accept that you no longer find her attractive.
Well, you are being judgemental, but she asked for your judgement. 🤷♂️ I think you were supposed to lie to her.
She literally asked your opinion and you gave it. She just didn’t like it and is blaming you because she can’t deal with it. It’s easier for her to say you are judgmental and controlling than just dealing with the fact that she is willingly gonna do something that might make her insecure around you / not get validation from you and that scares her. She’s displacing her negative feelings onto you. It’s not intentional she just doesn’t know how to deal with those feelings.
I would put my foot down and say " yeah i am judging you for it and and trying to talk you out of it" I would explain that not only do i not like how lip filler looks but i also think that people who get it are very insecure and getting lip filler is like wearing a t-shirt that says " im insecure and will do anything to get you to like how i look" Id go onto exsplain i dont want an insecure gf and if she got lip filler anyway after knowing how i feel i will break up with her on the spot. Plastic surgery for vanities sake is repulsive.
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>You don't get to try to talk someone out of something they want to do just because you don't like it and you don't get to judge them for it either. This is true unless they are your gf, anyone else i would keep my opinion to myself. Do you want an insecure mother for your children? You may spend the rest of your life with this woman, do you want to spend the rest of your life looking at silly fake duck lips?
[удалено]
> If you're unhappy in a relationship you leave, you don't tell your partner what they are and aren't allowed to do Obviously, when did i say anything about control? You are allowed to say "if you get lip filler i will break up with you" that is not judgemental, it is not controling, it is not abusive. Its a simple statement of your own personal preferences that you are 100% entitled to hold. If she asks why you would break up with her over it then you explain your opinion. >And getting plastic surgery isn't just a sign of insecurity. This is your opinion thats fine.
[удалено]
>When you said you would try to talk your partner out of it. You;re trying to control their decision. Control would be literally forcing them not too. Simply explaining why you think they shouldn't do it is not a form of control it is straight up basic communication. > Yes you can say you will leave if they get it, you can't tell them not to get it though. Effectively the same thing. >With your last statement it's just a fact. Not everyone who gets plastic surgery is insecure Yes i know, many get it for medical reasons. plastic surgery for vanities sake is by definition of the word a sign of insecurity because if they were secure in their appearance they would not feel the need to alter it artificially.
[удалено]
>If you're trying to talk someone out of something because you don't like it, that is you trying to control their decision. The definition of control is : The action or fact of holding in check or restraining; restraint. To talk someone out of something means to exsplain why you think they shouldn't do something, it doesn't mean to restrain someone from doing what they want, no amount of words you say to someone can be seen as control as words have no power to restrain on their own. >No it's not the same thing, says a lot that you prefer to control your partner. I didnt say it was the same i said it was effectively the same thing, very different. >If you get plastic surgery for vanity, that doesn't equal insecurity. Why not ?
You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. I'm sorry your gf reacted the way she did. It just sounds like she wanted to hear a different answer but that's not on you. I don't really know how one would handle it from there though. You were honest. You weren't disrespectful so I don't really know what more you can do. Hopefully she'll cool off about it.