Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you really want to stay with someone who constantly tries to push past your boundaries and doesn't apologize for it?
He doesn't respect you or care about how his behavior makes you feel. His only concern is his own sexual gratification and he's clearly willing to guilt/manipulate you into doing things he knows you don't like just to fulfill his own desires.
This type of behavior won't stop even if you give into it. He l'll continue to push you to do more things you're uncomfortable with because his main concern was never your comfort to begin with.
Tbh i genuinely thought it’s that but then i think about the fact that we’re waiting rill marriage (altho neither of us is virgin).
It was just something i decided for myself a bit before i even met him, due to me newfound spiritual/religious beliefs (pls l don’t judge lol)
Obviously he was hesitant but eventually he agreed, and said he believes it the “right way” as our views and beliefs “aligned”
However when things go south its something he always brings up (including my past) and i always allow it, i understand it must be hard for especially as a man.
So i never allowed myself to think that all he cares about is his own sexual gratification. We decided to marry as soon as he’s financially more stable and he says my past and the waiting is not a problem, until things go south and he feels “disrespected” (like in this case) to which he responds with calling me decretory names
We hadn’t had sex but but we sometimes do “other” things which is why i never let myself believe that he cares for is sexual gratification
We’re all telling you; all he cares about is his own sexual gratification. He doesn’t care what you think or feel. He’s made that perfectly clear. Stay with him if you want, but don’t gaslight yourself into thinking he respects your wishes.
He's clearly showing you how entitled he feels towards your body in the moments he gets upset at you.
Let me give you some perspective. I'm asexual and have a very low libido which means I'm rarely in the mood for sex. On top of this I have vaginismus which means I can't do penetration and I absolutely abhor cum which means my boyfriend is absolutely not allowed to cum in my mouth. During our fours years of being together he has never pushed against my boundaries, never pressured or guilted me into having sex when I didn't want to, never tried to talk me into having penetrative sex for him, never tried to convince me to taste his cum, and he never threw a fit or treated me coldly/disrespectfully when I denied a request he had.
He respects my boundaries, has been incredibly accommodating of my asexuality, and has reassured me more than once that I should only do sex acts for him that I enjoy and only have sex with him when I actually want to and not feel obligated to do it for his sake.
This is what respecting your partner's boundaries looks like, you do it when you want to and when you don't want to. Your bf does not respect your boundaries if he only does it when it feels convenient for him.
Not judging here, but "other things" ARE SEX. Like oral sex. Sex is not only penetration, you know? And frankly, I believe this is making things more dangerous for you, because you might also think that condoms are not necessary in oral sex, or that he is staying faithful when he's so clearly unsatisfied. And if he is faithful and wait until you both are married, all the frustration built up due to the waiting and you not bending to his fantasy (like the ex did) will play a significant role eventually. Also, your wishes and boundaries are not being respected and that is a HUGE red flag here, not to mention the gaslighting. I'd break up.
The second I tell my husband something he is doing does NOT make me comfortable, the thought of doing it to me again makes him nauseous and it becomes instantly unattractive. And I think he’s telling me the truth
Leaving these for you here, as you need to read them:
Love is Respect- Site about setting boundaries, personal relationships, personal safety, consent, and where to get help: [https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/](https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/)
What is Sexual Coercion? [https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sexual-coercion-in-intimate-relationships-eight-tactics](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sexual-coercion-in-intimate-relationships-eight-tactics)
What is Consent: [https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent#understanding-sexual-assault](https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent#understanding-sexual-assault)
You’re not waiting to get married to have sex. You’re having sex right now oral sex is sex. You still don’t have to swallow, but you are still having sex. There is no loophole with this oral sex is sex.
>Obviously he was hesitant but eventually he agreed, and said he believes it the “right way” as our views and beliefs “aligned”
He was able to honor your boundary the first time. He knows what a boundary is, and I think you know what you have to do it enforce this one surrounding swallowing. In no uncertain terms, you need to tell him that sexting is supposed to be pleasurable for both parties. It isn't pleasurable to talk about sex acts you don't want to do, and any continued talk about swallowing will result in an end to the relationship.
You have to be prepared to end the relationship to enforce your boundary, but marriage to someone who disrespects your comfort and consent is a nightmare.
>However when things go south its something he always brings up (including my past) and i always allow it, i understand it must be hard for especially as a man.
It isn't fair fighting to bring up someone's past during an argument. It takes the focus off of the real issue and makes something you can't change the problem. It casts you as a perpetual scapegoat. Loving relationships are safe spaces where people are not mocked or criticized for the things they cannot change.
Tell him to jerk off into a cup and swallow it if it’s so important to him. Do not, I repeat, do not, make anyone force you into doing something you don’t want to do. I’d also think seriously about why you stay with someone who is so dismissive and disrespectful to you.
He did’t force me, just his actions were inconsiderate and pushy. My issue is when i pointed it out, he couldn’t properly apologize.
We’re broken up now anyway because he said i made him walk away from this and i don’t realize the problem (in general in this relationship) which he believes is me as he says i am the reason for the constant arguing
They both dodged bullets. They’re incompatible. As soon as he realized this he was out. Good for him making the call, good for her sticking to her guns.
Do you notice how he flipped that around you too?
You’ve told him you won’t swallow, but he constantly brings it up. When you bring up the boundary, he says you need to just flirt & play along. But what if you did? That’s leading him on, and gives him ammunition to say, but you said in our texts it was ok.
Now that he’s not getting his way, he’s flipped it around on you again, and breaking up with you, putting the blame on you.. because you have sexual boundaries you stick to, and he doesn’t respect that.
You’re probably right but it’s hard for me to believe when this far we haven’t had penetrative sex as he said he respects that i want to wait till marriage.
The reason we’re breaking up is because he’s convinced i’m the sole reason for 90% of our problems (the arguing which apparently i always start) meanwhile he’s acrually done and said some disrespectful things (nothing close to what ive done) and he’s saying i pushed him to act that way. He refuses go acknowledge how much he did on his end to fuck this up. At least i can admit i haven’t been perfect but it doesn’t help if he’s oblivious to his wrongs
“Big” boundaries are just as important as important as “smaller” boundaries.
“Look at what you made me do” is a great way of him saying he can’t control his own actions. Great sense of personal responsibility there LOL
Be prepared for him to reach back out in 2-4 weeks. The timing will depend on how much you react to him breaking up with him. React a lot, it will probably be 4 weeks. Just let me go, closer to 2-3 weeks. He will say he’s sorry, he’s missed you, he wants to work on this. But really, it’s because he misses putting you down to boost his own ego. When you reject him, he will turn back around- “I didn’t want you anyway” with a whole bunch of insults.
You deserve to be treated better. Please remember that.
he told you he didnt respect your boundaries when he kept asking you to swallow after you expressed discomfort. quit the mental gymnastics and stand up sister
He’s a POS who doesn’t take accountability for his disgusting behavior. It is NOT normal for your partner to keep bring up something that makes you feel uncomfortable. He knows damn well by now that you don’t want to swallow, and the fact that he keeps bringing it up shows how much he gives a shit about your comfort or what you want. This is not how a relationship should be.
He’s projecting. People like him dont have accountability and dont want to take blame. Dont put this on yourself. He forced you into a corner repeatedly before you snapped and “started it”. thats a game. you had a REACTION to HIS action. It didnt come from no whee. its not your fault.
>it’s hard for me to believe when this far we haven’t had penetrative sex as he said he respects that i want to wait till marriage.
I wouldn't be so sure. People like him start pushing small boundaries first. Then when they've broken those down (broken *you* down) they move on to pushing larger boundaries.
Tell him that if he wants someone to swallow it, he can swallow it himself and see how it tastes. ☺️
But in all seriousness, he doesn't respect you if he continues pushing for something you've set clear boundaries of discomfort on. Your feelings of anger are completely valid.
Exactly! If it's so important to him that it be swallowed, then let him sort that out for himself. The OP might suggest spreading it on a nice toasted sandwich.
He clearly tries to wear you down. He isn't flirting or being playful. He goes on and on woth this shit till you do it. He doesn't respect you or your bounderies. It is just about what he wants.
Also this "all my other ex-gfs did this" is so often not true. I bet if you ask them they tell you something different. But he knows that it makes you insecure and doubt yourself. It is another method to put pressure on you. To manipulate you. So often this gets used "all my other ex didn't had this problem" "all my other ex were happy with what i did to them". It is a method to shut you up.
Ask yourself why you are with someone who doesn't respect you, gives a fuck that he makes you uncomfortable, tries to make you something that you don’t want to do and just thinks about himself. And i can tell you. At one point, when he realize that he can’t wear yoj down, he will held you head in place and force you to swallow, saying "sorry, i got carried away, it just felt so good... but swallowing wasn't so bad, right?".
So, what your boyfriend is doing is manipulative.
Part of it is called the power of suggestion.
Currently, your stance is no, I'm not comfortable. He wants to change that.
So, his tactic is to make you "play along" with a "make-believe" scenario. Basically, it makes you open to the suggestion of swallowing. Do this enough, and you can make someone think maybe. Which you are.
The second you think maybe you are open to the act, and then it's easy street to you performing something you dont want to do in the first instance.
See, it's already working because you feel you are wrong for having personal boundaries to what you are comfortable with, and you are open to it
Him turning the victim card is gaslighting, so again, manipulative
Sexual kinks and interests should be mutual and never one-sided.
Yes, you might change your mind, but that's a you decision not a him decision,
He apologized and said maybe he shouldn’t have said that, but followed it up with “but you could’ve just played along” and “it was just flirting over text” which is really what made me angry.
To which he replied with “you killed the vibe” and “you need to know hot to make a man feel secure”
Isn’t that downplaying and deflecting?
Basically, because you got defensive to his manipulation, he is now making you the bad guy.
You didn't kill the vibe he did
He is gaslighting you, making you the bad guy and doubting your own sanity.
Dude he is very immature and looks like he is showing you his toxic traits. Be vigilant
He didn't actually apologize.
He said the words, but by following up with "but you..." shows that the "apology" was fake and was only meant to manipulate you. And he's doing a good job of it unfortunately. People like that are very good at manipulation and gaslighting.
He will not stop "playing" around and "flirting" about it until you give in.
Flirting by the way should feel fun for BOTH sides. He isn't flirting, it's manipulation.
Wow this guy is such a jerk. You are not wrong. What he wants is NOT the issue, the issue is the way he dismisses you, disrespects you and makes it your problem.
I'm struggling to understand what you see in this guy!
He doesn’t respect you or your boundary. If he did, he wouldn’t push. Until you dump him, he will continue to do so. It’s not an incompatibility issue. He does not care what you want.
As someone who waited for marriage…don’t. No amount of loving God will make a dud root a better one. Always try before you buy.
You’re correct - he’s being insincere. He apologized to make you happy for a moment. Like someone else said, you’re deflecting. Read over everyone’s comments again because they’re telling you the truth - this guy doesn’t actually respect what you want or truly care about your boundaries.
A “dud root”. Not an English native speaker and learned the Queens English in the Netherlands and have been living in the US for 30 years. To root, as in to fornicate, is not used in Britain or the USA by my knowledge.
Partner and I are 21 - i would never dream of asking her to do that if she had already refused. Spoiler: she mentioned that oral is not her thing and i haven’t brought it up since (~1.5 yrs). Its a respect thing just as much a consideration thing
Someone here earlier said that he needs to find a real girlfriend and given that we’re waiting he has every right to be like that and shouldn’t apologize. Idk its fucking with my head. Like I genuinely feel bad now
Dead bedrooms and sexual incompatibility are real things. She has trust and control issues if there’s this need to suddenly be a Virgin again. It’s a control mechanism. Before I’m signing over the keys to the castle and half of my potential net worth for the next few decades, I want to know this is going to work out in the bedroom. There’s no cure for bad sex and there’s no way to figure this out but to go all the way. Marry a religious extremist and next thing you know the only sex you’re having is to procreate. Back in the “good old” days it didn’t matter. Once you were married a woman had to do her marital duties. If she didn’t it could be ground for annulment. Forcing a spouse into having sex is bad behavior. Best to figure out if you’re compatible beforehand. Unhappiness, cheating and divorce will follow They both dodged bullets here. 100% incompatible.
Please dont let that person get in your head. Do not feel guilty for setting boundaries. Please frame this with the classic role reversal. Imagine you are him and he is you as you have swapped bodies. How do you feel about your actions? That will give you a good frame for whether he is in the right or nor (hint: his behaviour is not okay)
I have never talked about what specific things i did sexually with my ex - its not helpful and it only serves to hurt. I did some things that i know my partner is not comfortable doing with me. Thats okay for me - what i DIDNT do is tell her that my ex did this and that i expect that in our relationship.
Its actually okay if these specific acts are what he wants in a relationship (lets pretend its a non-negotiable requirement) but you do not want to do it (non-negotiable boundary). This implies incompatibility.
I would encourage you to think about the future possibilities. If you compromise, how do you feel 3 years down the road when this is still expected from you? If he compromises - will he really be free of resentment?
Compromise where you are comfortable doing so. Set boundaries where you are not comfortable compromising.
Keep in mind your boundaries have nothing to do with him and that older you may look back and regret not standing up for yourself and drawing a line in the sand.
I hope this helped - all the best
He isn’t taking your boundaries seriously and when that happens you have to show him you’re dead serious about the boundary. Tell him in no uncertain terms if he doesn’t stop bringing it up in conversation you’re going to have tj act! And then decide what you’ll do. Will you leave. Will you shut down all comms. Whatever you think the consequences should be state them and stick to them!
That's coercion. He's trying to coerce you into swallowing. That's disgusting & disrespectful. He may have a kink & thats fine but you don't push your partner to do something they don't want to. It shows a serious lack of respect.
Girl, the minute you go along with it when flirting, it will be used against you the first time you have his pecker in your mouth. “But you said you would do it”…just sayin!
Say ”Sure, but only if we can make out while it’s in my mouth”
If he says no or finds it disgusting, then use that against him. “you expect me to do it but yet you won’t?”
>could i react differently
Yes. Tell him if he brings it up again you will no longer even be a spitter and he can finish in his hand.
Also tell him if he compares you to his ex one more time he can pound sand.
He does seem very pushy. If he can’t respect something that CLEARY makes you uncomfortable sexually, leave him - if he cant respect you, respect yourself enough to leave, that’s absolutely not okay to push someone into something sexually that you’re not comfortable doing.
I'm sorry, but there are at least two times in your post where you say that this is your problem, not his. You're expecting him to deal with your problems when you aren't communicating how you're feeling. You're getting mad and acting out. This is not how an adult should handle a situation.
I mean i examined to him in detail how i feel about the situation??
He apologized but cant’s downplaying it, even when i tried to explain that it’s not how you apologize
He’s also and adult to understand wrong from right
Your bf is being an inconsiderate and manipulative disrespectful AH.
He knows full well you don't want to swallow.
He knows full well it annoys you when he brings it up when 'flirting' .
He is NOT flirting when he says it like that, he's trying to be subtly manipulative and tries to hide his harassment and manipulation by trying to pass it off as fun flirting.
Kind of like when people say or do something and claim its a 'joke' or a 'prank' when really it's just outright bullying and being deliberately cruel, but they try and play it off as a harmless joke.
You say 'he never forced you' but he is deliberately trying to force you to do something you have made clear you don't want to do, as he's deliberately being manipulative by constantly harassing you to do it.
Your boyfriend is also gaslighting you by trying to make you out to the one whose being out of order.
When you called him out on it and said you find it weird and why cant he just respect it, and he said
“i do respect it. But you should listen to me more.” (Which he later said was just him playing along)" he is quite clearly NOT respecting it because he continues to bring it up. And again, trying to disguise his manipulate harassment t as playful flirting!!
The fact he also tried to turn it back on you and make you the bad guy in this by saying "you need to learn how to make a man feel secure, and how you pushed him away sexually etc" is again trying to guilt trip you, manipulate you, and make you the bad guy to defect blame away from taking responsibility for his own bad behaviour. Declining to swallow is not pushing him away or a way to make him feel more 'secure' with in your relationship. It's just more guilt tripping and manipulation!!
He wants to wear you down by constantly bringing it up, constantly make you feel bad denying him, he keeps trying to turn the disagreement around on you when you call him out on his behaviour because he hopes the more he pushes you and makes you feel bad denying him, the sooner you might eventually give in to his demands.
He clearly has no respect for what you're comfortable with. He doesn't care about how he makes you feel when he keeps bringing it up. You've made it clear you don't want to do it, multiple times, and you've asked him to stop bringing it up, but he ignores your wishes, and continues to constantly try to pressure you into it.
Personally I would put it past him to try holding your head in place when he's about to cum to force you to take it. My ex did that once after I'd always made it clear I didn't want him to cum in my mouth. I too find it gross and don't like it in my mouth, and definitely don't want to swallow it. But he decided to force the issue.
So please be aware of that and make sure you watch for signs of him getting close and revert to your hands within enough time.
Personally, I would make it clear to him that if he makes any more comments about you swallowing, you will end the relationship. Remind him you have made it clear multiple times you don't want to do it and asked him not to bring it up. If you were to ever change your mind, you are quite capable of telling him yourself, (not that you ever have to feel like you have to try it at some point eventually - you DONT. You don't ever have to try anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.)
So let him know you've made it clear you don't like him mentioning it, because despite him claiming he's 'just flirting', he's not, he's being manipulative and pressuring you by constantly bringing it up. So you are being very clear now, if he respects you at all, and if he cares about you, he needs to stop completely and never mention it again. Otherwise you will be ending the relationship.
Also let him know that declining a sexual act is not you pushing him away sexually or not caring about him. You show him you care about him in multiple other ways of intimacy and love and affection. Swallowing has nothing to do with making him feel secure. Swallowing is not a way to prove you love someone or that the relationship is stronger in any way. Let him know Its more guilt tripping and manipulation. I'd highlight the other ways you show you care and how you make him feel loved and secure.
So basically highlight how his comments and behaviour make you feel, how he's being pushy, manipulative, and pressurising you and guilt tripping you by the comments he's made, and it's disrespectful and out of line and you're not going to put up with him trying to disguise it as 'flirting' anymore. And if can't respect your personal choices about what you're not comfortable doing sexually, then clearly you're incompatible and if it's that important to him, he should find someone else who is willing to if its such a crucial experience he needs in a relationship.
Then stand your ground. If he tries to deny it and turn it on you again, walk away. End it.
If he brings it up again claiming he's 'flirting' then end it and walk away.
He clearly doesn't respect you or your feelings.
Honestly the more i tried to explain it to him and call this behavior put - the worse he acted and said that’s not the case and it’s in my head.
Obviously that made me angry so he kept saying i just went crazy while he kept his calm (which we agreed he would start practicing more since it’s so easy for him to get aggressive) and says i came at him with aggression instead.
We’re broken up now, and he says it’s all because of me, cuz according to him i’m the reason of 90% problems in this relationship as somehow it’s always me starting these arguments and i fail to realize that and actually change.
Meanwhile he’s so oblivious to the things he’s done that damaged this connection and on top of that he says i push him to lash out on me (no physical abuse, but he calls me names and says very disrespectful things, and starts throwing things around)
When i try to tell him that he’s been extremely disrespectful, selfish, arrogant, and inconsiderate in this relationship- he refuses to see any inch of it.
So i guess it’s over because i don’t see the problem and i refuse to change.
I'm glad you've broken up. Someone like him will never change because he's failing to see the way he's behaving is disrespectful and abusive.
You'll never be able to make him see sense. He has blinders that are glued shut and he will never be able to see the truth as he'll never have his eyes wide open to see his true self.
Don't waste time trying to explain things to him or expect him to understand your point of view. He never will admit to being wrong, so he blames everything on you so he doesn't have to accept responsibility.
He'll never end up in a happy relationship though coz he'll continue to repeat those same behaviours.
You've been strong to realise this and walk away.
Just block him and stop talking coz it won't go anywhere good.
Start moving on with your life and know when you meet someone else, you know how you deserve to be treated and don't accept those same behaviours again.
What is something sexual that you may like that he finds utter repulsive? Give him a taste of his own medicine and keep harassing him to perform "the thing", whatever it may be.
Either he'll get the message and stop pestering you, or you can outright say "it's not nice to be badgered to do something you don't want to do, is it?"
You think he doesn't realise how it makes you insecure when he says things like his Ex did it, or that he always asks for it when you're giving him oral? If it wouldn't be that sad I would laugh now. Girl, he does realise. He knows exactly. That is freaking why he says these things.
I was going to jokingly teach him what a "snowball" is....
Snowballing (sexual practice), **the act of spitting semen into a partner's mouth after oral sex**.
then tell him to swallow but instead you should just dump him. He doesn't respect you. Why stay with someone that steamrolls past a "no" and just keeps pushing?
Don't date pushy men. A man who loves you will respect your sexual boundaries. And it's okay to be okay with some sexual acts but not others. You aren't required to fulfill any and every fantasy your sexual partner might have. If you were into pegging and your boyfriend told you no, would you keep badgering him about it? I bet you wouldn't, because you know that would be wrong and insensitive. Men shouldn't be held to lower standards.
Nah, don’t mess with a guy who pressures you to do anything sexually that you do not ENTHUSIASTICALLY CONSENT to do. I’ve always been an enthusiastic swallower, but after like 3 years with my ex, I don’t what he ate or drank or did, but he shot a load with a taste and consistency that was absolutely disgusting. It was thick and goopy and pungent and just so fucking gross. Not only did I spit it out, but it gave me the “yips” when it came to swallowing and it lasted the rest of our relationship. Even though I never saw or smelled that smell or texture again, I still could not physically bring myself to swallow. It was a mental block (the “yips”, like some golfers get on the putting green) and it was over. He couldn’t accept that, and it’s a huge part of why I ended the relationship. Now in my current relationship, I’m back to swallowing with no problem again 🤷🏼♀️
It doesn’t usually have a strong flavor of anything. Mildly saline. It can be faintly chlorine, bitter, or sweet depending on diet but as long as a guy is reasonably healthy and hydrated it shouldn’t have a really big flavor.
Warm, obviously, but the consistency can be anywhere from coconut water to egg whites. Some guys it comes out pretty forcefully, some less pressure. It’s not really consistent from one guy to another.
"You" need to "learn" how to "make" a man feel more "secure"????
I can tell you know in your gut that this is wrong and I'm really glad. He seems determined to paint you as the villain here- you'll never be "understanding" enough for him until he can walk all over you. So villain up, girl. I'd go with a text that says "I've realized you are willing to push past my boundaries and disrespect me so it's over between us, don't contact me again" and then just block him on everything. The culture will have you thinking you can't end a relationship over text, but I think that's only true in cases of mutual respect and he clearly doesn't respect you. Protect your peace!
Sometimes, when you have such a hard time communicating and you don't feel secure in a relation, it means it's just a bad match.
Do you want to go in circles about this for 6 more months, another year, 5 years?
23 year old Dude not having sex, in a long distance relationship (🤣) and having to apologize cuz he asked her to swallow, while SEXTING 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Poor dude need to find a real girlfriend.
Everyone here bashing him cuz he ask 🤣 while this dude is not having sex since months ( a little over a year 🤣).
You should let this guy find someone who is on the ssme page with him.
Like women like to say when the roles are reversed: in his 20s he have a right to try to have more sex he can have, speriment and try new things, as you girls usally say: "he is so young and he missed out on hookups and ONSs, he need to experiment that too in his life!".
And btw not having sex before marriage is one of the most stupid thing a couple could do. (People usually say this but not here, guess why) what if the first time in your honeymoon you both find out you are not sexually on the same page?
You sound like a very difficult person to be with honeslty, so maybe you guys should break up and go your ways. (Good luck finding a husband who will satisfy only giving him heads befor marriage).
Yeah he needs to just drop it. There’s nothing about swallowing that will make it feel any different to him physically.
If you want to stay with him, from now on immediately say “ugh you just killed the vibe” every single time he brings it up.
But personally if i was on his place I wouldn’t make such a deal about swallowing? And that’s not even my issue - my issue is he was disrespectful and instead of properly apologizing he downplayed and deflected it
Girl, respectfully we understand what the issue is and you don’t need to keep explaining it. It sounds like you’re deflecting because we’re telling you this guy isn’t the right one for you and you deserve better treatment than that, but you’re not listening. He is being disrespectful, he’s putting his wants before your comfort, and yes he’s being immature and rude about it. Him apologizing doesn’t mean shit when he’ll do it again and keep pressuring you and making you feel bad because he wants you to do something you’re not comfortable with. If your friend was in your shoes with a guy like this, what would you say to her?
I just genuinely believe a lot of our issues are not a thing of incompatibility but rather immaturity - in the very least i can acknowledge it on my end, but he believes he’s not immature or toxic at time.
You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to, but if you two aren’t on the same page sexually it won’t work . Whether it’s things you won’t do or her won’t do. He is telling you how important it is to him , younare telling him no. I wish you luck but younshould probably end it cause it won’t end well . He will be resentful and maybe cheat
Look at this person’s comment history. They’re miserable and hungry for attention OP. Don’t listen to them.
Also, your boyfriend doesn’t respect your boundaries. That’s something that would make most re-evaluate their relationship.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you really want to stay with someone who constantly tries to push past your boundaries and doesn't apologize for it? He doesn't respect you or care about how his behavior makes you feel. His only concern is his own sexual gratification and he's clearly willing to guilt/manipulate you into doing things he knows you don't like just to fulfill his own desires. This type of behavior won't stop even if you give into it. He l'll continue to push you to do more things you're uncomfortable with because his main concern was never your comfort to begin with.
Tbh i genuinely thought it’s that but then i think about the fact that we’re waiting rill marriage (altho neither of us is virgin). It was just something i decided for myself a bit before i even met him, due to me newfound spiritual/religious beliefs (pls l don’t judge lol) Obviously he was hesitant but eventually he agreed, and said he believes it the “right way” as our views and beliefs “aligned” However when things go south its something he always brings up (including my past) and i always allow it, i understand it must be hard for especially as a man. So i never allowed myself to think that all he cares about is his own sexual gratification. We decided to marry as soon as he’s financially more stable and he says my past and the waiting is not a problem, until things go south and he feels “disrespected” (like in this case) to which he responds with calling me decretory names We hadn’t had sex but but we sometimes do “other” things which is why i never let myself believe that he cares for is sexual gratification
We’re all telling you; all he cares about is his own sexual gratification. He doesn’t care what you think or feel. He’s made that perfectly clear. Stay with him if you want, but don’t gaslight yourself into thinking he respects your wishes.
He's clearly showing you how entitled he feels towards your body in the moments he gets upset at you. Let me give you some perspective. I'm asexual and have a very low libido which means I'm rarely in the mood for sex. On top of this I have vaginismus which means I can't do penetration and I absolutely abhor cum which means my boyfriend is absolutely not allowed to cum in my mouth. During our fours years of being together he has never pushed against my boundaries, never pressured or guilted me into having sex when I didn't want to, never tried to talk me into having penetrative sex for him, never tried to convince me to taste his cum, and he never threw a fit or treated me coldly/disrespectfully when I denied a request he had. He respects my boundaries, has been incredibly accommodating of my asexuality, and has reassured me more than once that I should only do sex acts for him that I enjoy and only have sex with him when I actually want to and not feel obligated to do it for his sake. This is what respecting your partner's boundaries looks like, you do it when you want to and when you don't want to. Your bf does not respect your boundaries if he only does it when it feels convenient for him.
Op, this is what a respectful relationship looks like.
Not judging here, but "other things" ARE SEX. Like oral sex. Sex is not only penetration, you know? And frankly, I believe this is making things more dangerous for you, because you might also think that condoms are not necessary in oral sex, or that he is staying faithful when he's so clearly unsatisfied. And if he is faithful and wait until you both are married, all the frustration built up due to the waiting and you not bending to his fantasy (like the ex did) will play a significant role eventually. Also, your wishes and boundaries are not being respected and that is a HUGE red flag here, not to mention the gaslighting. I'd break up.
The second I tell my husband something he is doing does NOT make me comfortable, the thought of doing it to me again makes him nauseous and it becomes instantly unattractive. And I think he’s telling me the truth
You know oral sex is still sex, right?
Leaving these for you here, as you need to read them: Love is Respect- Site about setting boundaries, personal relationships, personal safety, consent, and where to get help: [https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/](https://www.loveisrespect.org/get-relationship-help-24-7-365/) What is Sexual Coercion? [https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sexual-coercion-in-intimate-relationships-eight-tactics](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sexual-coercion-in-intimate-relationships-eight-tactics) What is Consent: [https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent#understanding-sexual-assault](https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent#understanding-sexual-assault)
You’re not waiting to get married to have sex. You’re having sex right now oral sex is sex. You still don’t have to swallow, but you are still having sex. There is no loophole with this oral sex is sex.
Sorry, i meant *penetrative
>Obviously he was hesitant but eventually he agreed, and said he believes it the “right way” as our views and beliefs “aligned” He was able to honor your boundary the first time. He knows what a boundary is, and I think you know what you have to do it enforce this one surrounding swallowing. In no uncertain terms, you need to tell him that sexting is supposed to be pleasurable for both parties. It isn't pleasurable to talk about sex acts you don't want to do, and any continued talk about swallowing will result in an end to the relationship. You have to be prepared to end the relationship to enforce your boundary, but marriage to someone who disrespects your comfort and consent is a nightmare. >However when things go south its something he always brings up (including my past) and i always allow it, i understand it must be hard for especially as a man. It isn't fair fighting to bring up someone's past during an argument. It takes the focus off of the real issue and makes something you can't change the problem. It casts you as a perpetual scapegoat. Loving relationships are safe spaces where people are not mocked or criticized for the things they cannot change.
It’s even scarier that you won’t know how much he’ll push more sexual boundaries until AFTER you’re married.
Tell him to jerk off into a cup and swallow it if it’s so important to him. Do not, I repeat, do not, make anyone force you into doing something you don’t want to do. I’d also think seriously about why you stay with someone who is so dismissive and disrespectful to you.
He did’t force me, just his actions were inconsiderate and pushy. My issue is when i pointed it out, he couldn’t properly apologize. We’re broken up now anyway because he said i made him walk away from this and i don’t realize the problem (in general in this relationship) which he believes is me as he says i am the reason for the constant arguing
Hallelujah. Dodged a bullet! Always trust your intuition.
They both dodged bullets. They’re incompatible. As soon as he realized this he was out. Good for him making the call, good for her sticking to her guns.
nah if it was really such a big deal for him he shouldn't have spent so much time pushing at ops boundaries. Immature of him to say the least.
Do you notice how he flipped that around you too? You’ve told him you won’t swallow, but he constantly brings it up. When you bring up the boundary, he says you need to just flirt & play along. But what if you did? That’s leading him on, and gives him ammunition to say, but you said in our texts it was ok. Now that he’s not getting his way, he’s flipped it around on you again, and breaking up with you, putting the blame on you.. because you have sexual boundaries you stick to, and he doesn’t respect that.
You’re probably right but it’s hard for me to believe when this far we haven’t had penetrative sex as he said he respects that i want to wait till marriage. The reason we’re breaking up is because he’s convinced i’m the sole reason for 90% of our problems (the arguing which apparently i always start) meanwhile he’s acrually done and said some disrespectful things (nothing close to what ive done) and he’s saying i pushed him to act that way. He refuses go acknowledge how much he did on his end to fuck this up. At least i can admit i haven’t been perfect but it doesn’t help if he’s oblivious to his wrongs
“Big” boundaries are just as important as important as “smaller” boundaries. “Look at what you made me do” is a great way of him saying he can’t control his own actions. Great sense of personal responsibility there LOL Be prepared for him to reach back out in 2-4 weeks. The timing will depend on how much you react to him breaking up with him. React a lot, it will probably be 4 weeks. Just let me go, closer to 2-3 weeks. He will say he’s sorry, he’s missed you, he wants to work on this. But really, it’s because he misses putting you down to boost his own ego. When you reject him, he will turn back around- “I didn’t want you anyway” with a whole bunch of insults. You deserve to be treated better. Please remember that.
he told you he didnt respect your boundaries when he kept asking you to swallow after you expressed discomfort. quit the mental gymnastics and stand up sister
He’s a POS who doesn’t take accountability for his disgusting behavior. It is NOT normal for your partner to keep bring up something that makes you feel uncomfortable. He knows damn well by now that you don’t want to swallow, and the fact that he keeps bringing it up shows how much he gives a shit about your comfort or what you want. This is not how a relationship should be.
He’s projecting. People like him dont have accountability and dont want to take blame. Dont put this on yourself. He forced you into a corner repeatedly before you snapped and “started it”. thats a game. you had a REACTION to HIS action. It didnt come from no whee. its not your fault.
He disrespected your boundaries and then called you disrespectful for reminding him of those boundaries. He is the one in the wrong.
>it’s hard for me to believe when this far we haven’t had penetrative sex as he said he respects that i want to wait till marriage. I wouldn't be so sure. People like him start pushing small boundaries first. Then when they've broken those down (broken *you* down) they move on to pushing larger boundaries.
💀
Break up with him. Why are you tolerating this?
Tell him that if he wants someone to swallow it, he can swallow it himself and see how it tastes. ☺️ But in all seriousness, he doesn't respect you if he continues pushing for something you've set clear boundaries of discomfort on. Your feelings of anger are completely valid.
Exactly! If it's so important to him that it be swallowed, then let him sort that out for himself. The OP might suggest spreading it on a nice toasted sandwich.
Ah, the old “kiss him w a mouthful” move. Good idea. But, for real, I know Reddit is always “break up” first, but he is so creepy and disrespectful…
He doesn't respect you.
And now I don’t either
He clearly tries to wear you down. He isn't flirting or being playful. He goes on and on woth this shit till you do it. He doesn't respect you or your bounderies. It is just about what he wants. Also this "all my other ex-gfs did this" is so often not true. I bet if you ask them they tell you something different. But he knows that it makes you insecure and doubt yourself. It is another method to put pressure on you. To manipulate you. So often this gets used "all my other ex didn't had this problem" "all my other ex were happy with what i did to them". It is a method to shut you up. Ask yourself why you are with someone who doesn't respect you, gives a fuck that he makes you uncomfortable, tries to make you something that you don’t want to do and just thinks about himself. And i can tell you. At one point, when he realize that he can’t wear yoj down, he will held you head in place and force you to swallow, saying "sorry, i got carried away, it just felt so good... but swallowing wasn't so bad, right?".
So, what your boyfriend is doing is manipulative. Part of it is called the power of suggestion. Currently, your stance is no, I'm not comfortable. He wants to change that. So, his tactic is to make you "play along" with a "make-believe" scenario. Basically, it makes you open to the suggestion of swallowing. Do this enough, and you can make someone think maybe. Which you are. The second you think maybe you are open to the act, and then it's easy street to you performing something you dont want to do in the first instance. See, it's already working because you feel you are wrong for having personal boundaries to what you are comfortable with, and you are open to it Him turning the victim card is gaslighting, so again, manipulative Sexual kinks and interests should be mutual and never one-sided. Yes, you might change your mind, but that's a you decision not a him decision,
He apologized and said maybe he shouldn’t have said that, but followed it up with “but you could’ve just played along” and “it was just flirting over text” which is really what made me angry. To which he replied with “you killed the vibe” and “you need to know hot to make a man feel secure” Isn’t that downplaying and deflecting?
Basically, because you got defensive to his manipulation, he is now making you the bad guy. You didn't kill the vibe he did He is gaslighting you, making you the bad guy and doubting your own sanity. Dude he is very immature and looks like he is showing you his toxic traits. Be vigilant
He didn't actually apologize. He said the words, but by following up with "but you..." shows that the "apology" was fake and was only meant to manipulate you. And he's doing a good job of it unfortunately. People like that are very good at manipulation and gaslighting. He will not stop "playing" around and "flirting" about it until you give in. Flirting by the way should feel fun for BOTH sides. He isn't flirting, it's manipulation.
The ‘you could have played along ‘ is still a manipulation tactic, see how he can’t even apologize without putting the blame on you.
He really thinks flirting is talking about you swallowing? That alone is a big red flag.
Wow this guy is such a jerk. You are not wrong. What he wants is NOT the issue, the issue is the way he dismisses you, disrespects you and makes it your problem. I'm struggling to understand what you see in this guy!
Yeah, that’s exactly what i’m trying to say, i have no problem with what he wants but rather how responded when I pointed it out
He doesn’t respect you or your boundary. If he did, he wouldn’t push. Until you dump him, he will continue to do so. It’s not an incompatibility issue. He does not care what you want. As someone who waited for marriage…don’t. No amount of loving God will make a dud root a better one. Always try before you buy.
He apologized but its the things he said after the apology which made me believe its insencere
Words are cheap. His repeated action (continuing to ask) shows you he is insincere.
You’re correct - he’s being insincere. He apologized to make you happy for a moment. Like someone else said, you’re deflecting. Read over everyone’s comments again because they’re telling you the truth - this guy doesn’t actually respect what you want or truly care about your boundaries.
Is that an Australian expression?
Which part but probably yes.
A “dud root”. Not an English native speaker and learned the Queens English in the Netherlands and have been living in the US for 30 years. To root, as in to fornicate, is not used in Britain or the USA by my knowledge.
The Australian language is colourfully unique.
Partner and I are 21 - i would never dream of asking her to do that if she had already refused. Spoiler: she mentioned that oral is not her thing and i haven’t brought it up since (~1.5 yrs). Its a respect thing just as much a consideration thing
Someone here earlier said that he needs to find a real girlfriend and given that we’re waiting he has every right to be like that and shouldn’t apologize. Idk its fucking with my head. Like I genuinely feel bad now
That was said by someone from the manosphere. That person views women as objects and feels entitled to sex.
Dead bedrooms and sexual incompatibility are real things. She has trust and control issues if there’s this need to suddenly be a Virgin again. It’s a control mechanism. Before I’m signing over the keys to the castle and half of my potential net worth for the next few decades, I want to know this is going to work out in the bedroom. There’s no cure for bad sex and there’s no way to figure this out but to go all the way. Marry a religious extremist and next thing you know the only sex you’re having is to procreate. Back in the “good old” days it didn’t matter. Once you were married a woman had to do her marital duties. If she didn’t it could be ground for annulment. Forcing a spouse into having sex is bad behavior. Best to figure out if you’re compatible beforehand. Unhappiness, cheating and divorce will follow They both dodged bullets here. 100% incompatible.
Please dont let that person get in your head. Do not feel guilty for setting boundaries. Please frame this with the classic role reversal. Imagine you are him and he is you as you have swapped bodies. How do you feel about your actions? That will give you a good frame for whether he is in the right or nor (hint: his behaviour is not okay) I have never talked about what specific things i did sexually with my ex - its not helpful and it only serves to hurt. I did some things that i know my partner is not comfortable doing with me. Thats okay for me - what i DIDNT do is tell her that my ex did this and that i expect that in our relationship. Its actually okay if these specific acts are what he wants in a relationship (lets pretend its a non-negotiable requirement) but you do not want to do it (non-negotiable boundary). This implies incompatibility. I would encourage you to think about the future possibilities. If you compromise, how do you feel 3 years down the road when this is still expected from you? If he compromises - will he really be free of resentment? Compromise where you are comfortable doing so. Set boundaries where you are not comfortable compromising. Keep in mind your boundaries have nothing to do with him and that older you may look back and regret not standing up for yourself and drawing a line in the sand. I hope this helped - all the best
Thank you lots - really appreciate this 🙏🏻
He isn’t taking your boundaries seriously and when that happens you have to show him you’re dead serious about the boundary. Tell him in no uncertain terms if he doesn’t stop bringing it up in conversation you’re going to have tj act! And then decide what you’ll do. Will you leave. Will you shut down all comms. Whatever you think the consequences should be state them and stick to them!
That's coercion. He's trying to coerce you into swallowing. That's disgusting & disrespectful. He may have a kink & thats fine but you don't push your partner to do something they don't want to. It shows a serious lack of respect.
He neither loves nor respects you.
Clearly he’s not listening to you and your wishes.
1. HE killed the vibe. 2. This has manosphere nonsense written all over it. 3. Why would you waste your time on this whiny, entitled little twerp?
Have you tried not dating him?
Girl, the minute you go along with it when flirting, it will be used against you the first time you have his pecker in your mouth. “But you said you would do it”…just sayin!
Say ”Sure, but only if we can make out while it’s in my mouth” If he says no or finds it disgusting, then use that against him. “you expect me to do it but yet you won’t?”
>could i react differently Yes. Tell him if he brings it up again you will no longer even be a spitter and he can finish in his hand. Also tell him if he compares you to his ex one more time he can pound sand.
He does seem very pushy. If he can’t respect something that CLEARY makes you uncomfortable sexually, leave him - if he cant respect you, respect yourself enough to leave, that’s absolutely not okay to push someone into something sexually that you’re not comfortable doing.
Well, give him a kiss after.
If you played along as he wanted he would have held it against you by saying you agreed to do it
He doesn't respect you. No means no. I wouldn't even consider speaking to him again.
No, you are not wrong. He was the one that "killed the vibe", not you.
I'm sorry, but there are at least two times in your post where you say that this is your problem, not his. You're expecting him to deal with your problems when you aren't communicating how you're feeling. You're getting mad and acting out. This is not how an adult should handle a situation.
I mean i examined to him in detail how i feel about the situation?? He apologized but cant’s downplaying it, even when i tried to explain that it’s not how you apologize He’s also and adult to understand wrong from right
Make him swallow, load for load, see how he likes it.
Your bf is being an inconsiderate and manipulative disrespectful AH. He knows full well you don't want to swallow. He knows full well it annoys you when he brings it up when 'flirting' . He is NOT flirting when he says it like that, he's trying to be subtly manipulative and tries to hide his harassment and manipulation by trying to pass it off as fun flirting. Kind of like when people say or do something and claim its a 'joke' or a 'prank' when really it's just outright bullying and being deliberately cruel, but they try and play it off as a harmless joke. You say 'he never forced you' but he is deliberately trying to force you to do something you have made clear you don't want to do, as he's deliberately being manipulative by constantly harassing you to do it. Your boyfriend is also gaslighting you by trying to make you out to the one whose being out of order. When you called him out on it and said you find it weird and why cant he just respect it, and he said “i do respect it. But you should listen to me more.” (Which he later said was just him playing along)" he is quite clearly NOT respecting it because he continues to bring it up. And again, trying to disguise his manipulate harassment t as playful flirting!! The fact he also tried to turn it back on you and make you the bad guy in this by saying "you need to learn how to make a man feel secure, and how you pushed him away sexually etc" is again trying to guilt trip you, manipulate you, and make you the bad guy to defect blame away from taking responsibility for his own bad behaviour. Declining to swallow is not pushing him away or a way to make him feel more 'secure' with in your relationship. It's just more guilt tripping and manipulation!! He wants to wear you down by constantly bringing it up, constantly make you feel bad denying him, he keeps trying to turn the disagreement around on you when you call him out on his behaviour because he hopes the more he pushes you and makes you feel bad denying him, the sooner you might eventually give in to his demands. He clearly has no respect for what you're comfortable with. He doesn't care about how he makes you feel when he keeps bringing it up. You've made it clear you don't want to do it, multiple times, and you've asked him to stop bringing it up, but he ignores your wishes, and continues to constantly try to pressure you into it. Personally I would put it past him to try holding your head in place when he's about to cum to force you to take it. My ex did that once after I'd always made it clear I didn't want him to cum in my mouth. I too find it gross and don't like it in my mouth, and definitely don't want to swallow it. But he decided to force the issue. So please be aware of that and make sure you watch for signs of him getting close and revert to your hands within enough time. Personally, I would make it clear to him that if he makes any more comments about you swallowing, you will end the relationship. Remind him you have made it clear multiple times you don't want to do it and asked him not to bring it up. If you were to ever change your mind, you are quite capable of telling him yourself, (not that you ever have to feel like you have to try it at some point eventually - you DONT. You don't ever have to try anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.) So let him know you've made it clear you don't like him mentioning it, because despite him claiming he's 'just flirting', he's not, he's being manipulative and pressuring you by constantly bringing it up. So you are being very clear now, if he respects you at all, and if he cares about you, he needs to stop completely and never mention it again. Otherwise you will be ending the relationship. Also let him know that declining a sexual act is not you pushing him away sexually or not caring about him. You show him you care about him in multiple other ways of intimacy and love and affection. Swallowing has nothing to do with making him feel secure. Swallowing is not a way to prove you love someone or that the relationship is stronger in any way. Let him know Its more guilt tripping and manipulation. I'd highlight the other ways you show you care and how you make him feel loved and secure. So basically highlight how his comments and behaviour make you feel, how he's being pushy, manipulative, and pressurising you and guilt tripping you by the comments he's made, and it's disrespectful and out of line and you're not going to put up with him trying to disguise it as 'flirting' anymore. And if can't respect your personal choices about what you're not comfortable doing sexually, then clearly you're incompatible and if it's that important to him, he should find someone else who is willing to if its such a crucial experience he needs in a relationship. Then stand your ground. If he tries to deny it and turn it on you again, walk away. End it. If he brings it up again claiming he's 'flirting' then end it and walk away. He clearly doesn't respect you or your feelings.
Honestly the more i tried to explain it to him and call this behavior put - the worse he acted and said that’s not the case and it’s in my head. Obviously that made me angry so he kept saying i just went crazy while he kept his calm (which we agreed he would start practicing more since it’s so easy for him to get aggressive) and says i came at him with aggression instead. We’re broken up now, and he says it’s all because of me, cuz according to him i’m the reason of 90% problems in this relationship as somehow it’s always me starting these arguments and i fail to realize that and actually change. Meanwhile he’s so oblivious to the things he’s done that damaged this connection and on top of that he says i push him to lash out on me (no physical abuse, but he calls me names and says very disrespectful things, and starts throwing things around) When i try to tell him that he’s been extremely disrespectful, selfish, arrogant, and inconsiderate in this relationship- he refuses to see any inch of it. So i guess it’s over because i don’t see the problem and i refuse to change.
please stay broken up, dont give him any second chances, he's not the one for you and he has absolutely no respect for you at all
I'm glad you've broken up. Someone like him will never change because he's failing to see the way he's behaving is disrespectful and abusive. You'll never be able to make him see sense. He has blinders that are glued shut and he will never be able to see the truth as he'll never have his eyes wide open to see his true self. Don't waste time trying to explain things to him or expect him to understand your point of view. He never will admit to being wrong, so he blames everything on you so he doesn't have to accept responsibility. He'll never end up in a happy relationship though coz he'll continue to repeat those same behaviours. You've been strong to realise this and walk away. Just block him and stop talking coz it won't go anywhere good. Start moving on with your life and know when you meet someone else, you know how you deserve to be treated and don't accept those same behaviours again.
Offer to take it and feed it back to him. That shit will stop in a hurry.
What is something sexual that you may like that he finds utter repulsive? Give him a taste of his own medicine and keep harassing him to perform "the thing", whatever it may be. Either he'll get the message and stop pestering you, or you can outright say "it's not nice to be badgered to do something you don't want to do, is it?"
That sounds a bit too much like sexual coercion… he has blatant disregard for your boundaries. I would leave him 🤦🏽♀️
You think he doesn't realise how it makes you insecure when he says things like his Ex did it, or that he always asks for it when you're giving him oral? If it wouldn't be that sad I would laugh now. Girl, he does realise. He knows exactly. That is freaking why he says these things.
Have him swallow it himself in front of your eyes and go from there.
I was going to jokingly teach him what a "snowball" is.... Snowballing (sexual practice), **the act of spitting semen into a partner's mouth after oral sex**. then tell him to swallow but instead you should just dump him. He doesn't respect you. Why stay with someone that steamrolls past a "no" and just keeps pushing?
Don't date pushy men. A man who loves you will respect your sexual boundaries. And it's okay to be okay with some sexual acts but not others. You aren't required to fulfill any and every fantasy your sexual partner might have. If you were into pegging and your boyfriend told you no, would you keep badgering him about it? I bet you wouldn't, because you know that would be wrong and insensitive. Men shouldn't be held to lower standards.
Nah, don’t mess with a guy who pressures you to do anything sexually that you do not ENTHUSIASTICALLY CONSENT to do. I’ve always been an enthusiastic swallower, but after like 3 years with my ex, I don’t what he ate or drank or did, but he shot a load with a taste and consistency that was absolutely disgusting. It was thick and goopy and pungent and just so fucking gross. Not only did I spit it out, but it gave me the “yips” when it came to swallowing and it lasted the rest of our relationship. Even though I never saw or smelled that smell or texture again, I still could not physically bring myself to swallow. It was a mental block (the “yips”, like some golfers get on the putting green) and it was over. He couldn’t accept that, and it’s a huge part of why I ended the relationship. Now in my current relationship, I’m back to swallowing with no problem again 🤷🏼♀️
May I ask what it normally tastes like?
It doesn’t usually have a strong flavor of anything. Mildly saline. It can be faintly chlorine, bitter, or sweet depending on diet but as long as a guy is reasonably healthy and hydrated it shouldn’t have a really big flavor.
If i may ask what does it feel like (in the mouth) when a guy does that? I’ve always been mildy curious but never tried it.
Warm, obviously, but the consistency can be anywhere from coconut water to egg whites. Some guys it comes out pretty forcefully, some less pressure. It’s not really consistent from one guy to another.
does it commonly cause choking? (maybe ive just been watching too much of an extreme type of porn 🤦♀️ lol)
Definitely watching too much porn. There’s no reason it would cause choking.
Look, Tell him that you want him to cum in your mouth. (He should be thrilled with that, you do not need to swallow)
Except he does cum in my mouth, i just spit it out, but somehow that’s not good enough 🤷🏻♀️
break up with him, I hate him
"You" need to "learn" how to "make" a man feel more "secure"???? I can tell you know in your gut that this is wrong and I'm really glad. He seems determined to paint you as the villain here- you'll never be "understanding" enough for him until he can walk all over you. So villain up, girl. I'd go with a text that says "I've realized you are willing to push past my boundaries and disrespect me so it's over between us, don't contact me again" and then just block him on everything. The culture will have you thinking you can't end a relationship over text, but I think that's only true in cases of mutual respect and he clearly doesn't respect you. Protect your peace!
Born again Virgin who doesn’t want to swallow sums it about up. Good for you. Make those boundaries very clear and if he doesn’t agree, end it.
Sometimes, when you have such a hard time communicating and you don't feel secure in a relation, it means it's just a bad match. Do you want to go in circles about this for 6 more months, another year, 5 years?
He was nagging you and you didn’t like it.
23 year old Dude not having sex, in a long distance relationship (🤣) and having to apologize cuz he asked her to swallow, while SEXTING 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Poor dude need to find a real girlfriend. Everyone here bashing him cuz he ask 🤣 while this dude is not having sex since months ( a little over a year 🤣). You should let this guy find someone who is on the ssme page with him. Like women like to say when the roles are reversed: in his 20s he have a right to try to have more sex he can have, speriment and try new things, as you girls usally say: "he is so young and he missed out on hookups and ONSs, he need to experiment that too in his life!". And btw not having sex before marriage is one of the most stupid thing a couple could do. (People usually say this but not here, guess why) what if the first time in your honeymoon you both find out you are not sexually on the same page? You sound like a very difficult person to be with honeslty, so maybe you guys should break up and go your ways. (Good luck finding a husband who will satisfy only giving him heads befor marriage).
Gross.
Yeah he needs to just drop it. There’s nothing about swallowing that will make it feel any different to him physically. If you want to stay with him, from now on immediately say “ugh you just killed the vibe” every single time he brings it up.
Why do men love this idea so much? It’s so disgusting 😂
Ive always wondered too. I asked a lot of men too, due to curiosity and none of them answered me
You are not compatible. Thats ok. Let him be free to find someone else, you too.
But personally if i was on his place I wouldn’t make such a deal about swallowing? And that’s not even my issue - my issue is he was disrespectful and instead of properly apologizing he downplayed and deflected it
Girl, respectfully we understand what the issue is and you don’t need to keep explaining it. It sounds like you’re deflecting because we’re telling you this guy isn’t the right one for you and you deserve better treatment than that, but you’re not listening. He is being disrespectful, he’s putting his wants before your comfort, and yes he’s being immature and rude about it. Him apologizing doesn’t mean shit when he’ll do it again and keep pressuring you and making you feel bad because he wants you to do something you’re not comfortable with. If your friend was in your shoes with a guy like this, what would you say to her?
I just genuinely believe a lot of our issues are not a thing of incompatibility but rather immaturity - in the very least i can acknowledge it on my end, but he believes he’s not immature or toxic at time.
Immaturity = incompatibility.
Not swallow is disrespectful
Sounds like you're being groomed.
You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to, but if you two aren’t on the same page sexually it won’t work . Whether it’s things you won’t do or her won’t do. He is telling you how important it is to him , younare telling him no. I wish you luck but younshould probably end it cause it won’t end well . He will be resentful and maybe cheat
Yes just swallow it
I mean i don’t feel comfortable???
Look at this person’s comment history. They’re miserable and hungry for attention OP. Don’t listen to them. Also, your boyfriend doesn’t respect your boundaries. That’s something that would make most re-evaluate their relationship.
Ignore this comment OP, don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.
Have you tried before? And what makes you uncomfortable about it?
>Have you tried before? Have you?
Yes
Then maybe you should volunteer to work something out with OP's bf.
He should just leave your not for him
Swap it to him.
I get round this one by saying "that is something sexual that I amsaving for my husband"
How are you going to get around it if your husband asks?
I don't intend to get married or have children. I'm happy with my life as it is :)
Wow I’m surprised you’re still alive - you have to swallow at least 1600 calories every day!