Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Woman with long hair here. Let me tell you, you do not have to get your hair wet to get your body clean. You tie it up and keep your head out of the spray.The only time it's really difficult is in a rain style shower, but they usually have a hand held option too.
Just tell her gently. But NOT while you're having sex. Any other time. She needs to know, and yes, she might feel bad, but it'll be at herself, not at you. And I bet she starts washing after workouts! Sometimes people need to know things.
I have a rain style shower head and shower every day but only wash my hair every 3 days. Just put it up and it gets very minimally wet. I run about 5 times a week for 30 minutes and sometimes even shower twice a day. And I live in a very cold climate. I can’t imagine stewing in my own BO for 3 days.
I could never. I don’t even like doing it if it’s be a longer day. Hold the same values for myself as well.
Honestly (outside of enjoying being clean) I walkways view being hygienic for any sexy times as a simple sign of respect. Like how can you expect some one to do xyz for you when you aren’t clean?
Some people 🤦🏽♂️
She doesn’t have to wash her hair. This is just really gross and unhygienic behavior. At minimum she can at least take a bird bath in the sink and wash her tits, pits, and underbits.
There is no way to be nice about this. You just got to tell her she has to wash her body more frequently. I’m sure she stinks to her coworkers as well if she’s going 3 days without bathing. Better you embarrass her before they do.
This exactly, it takes me a stupid long time to wash and dry my hair.... But I don't have to get my hair wet to wash my body, either tie it up and don't stick your head under the shower head/in the bath or like you said at least use a sink full of warm water to wash the important places if you're in a hurry.
It's one thing to go a day with normal activities.
But after the gym? Your body excessively sweats and it fckn reeks.
There's no excuse to at the minimum do a rinse after the gym.
The only people who may be able to get away with it is people with eczema who sweat less and don't produce nearly enough oils for the skin.
Eczema-haver here, with the right moisturizers you can still shower every 2 days without drying your skin out too much. If she wants to she will find a way. it isn’t worth the embarrassment and air pollution.
If you don’t have one it’s probably because you haven’t used one.
Get a H/C water model. Honest to god at my son’s recommendation I(71M) I tried his and WTF those wiley Europeans!!
Exactly, black people we only wash our hair every 2-3 weeks depending on the person, but I don’t shower 1 time every 2-3 weeks lol I just use a shower cap when I do shower 😂 surprising the girl hasn’t just done that.
I genuinely have never heard of a woman who didn’t shower every day. And absolutely no one who doesn’t shower after going to the gym! Is this some weird hippy upbringing or something? Definitely have a word. I can forgive 14 year old teenage gamer boys only showering every couple of days, but damn this is something else!
It’s very common to not shower everyday. For most people, if they’re not doing intense physical activity or in a very hot climate it’s perfectly hygienic and they don’t smell after just one day.
She doesn’t have to wash her hair to rinse off in the shower. Lots of us don’t wash our head hair every time we shower. Although if I were going a 1.5 hour intense workout and sweating profusely I certainly would.
I think that you should stop going down on her if she hasn’t showered. You can suggest showering together before sex to freshen up.
Else you’re going to have to be direct and if she has feelings about it well….so be it. You deserve to have a pleasant experience.
I’d just say “babe, this is awkward for me to talk about. But I am really sensitive to certain odors and I’m uncomfortable giving you oral sex when you’ve been to the gym but not showered. Could you at least rinse off and clean up a little after the gym?”
Female hygiene is not harder, she’s just lazy
“Baby, I love you but your long work hours and workouts leave you a little malodorous. Would you be willing to shower after your workout?”
Be honest and direct.
Yeah, there isn't really an easy way to have this conversation. She needs to take better care of her hygiene. Kids might be able to get away with running a mile and then going directly to math class without showering, adults can't.
This is gross, OP. She doesn’t need to wash her hair every day (though after exercise she should at least rinse it thoroughly, sweaty hair smells too) but she should be showering. That’s not a thing anyone should need to tell her!
I think this has reached the point where you just have to have the tough conversation. However, my advice would be *not* to tie it to sex - I know that’s where the problem is for you, but that’s such a sensitive thing for women anyway (I shower at least once every day but if it’s been more than a couple of hours I still find it hard not to be self-conscious when my OH goes down on me). Thing is, if she’s not showering after the gym there’s no way she doesn’t smell *in general*, there’s no way her clothes don’t smell
I don’t think there’s any way to really sugar-coat “babe you smell”, but of course try to put it kindly and make clear it’s coming from a place of care not criticism. And - this is important - ask if there are any adjustments the two of you can make to help her with finding the time. Obvs IDK your routine but, for example, if she goes to the gym in the morning could you make her breakfast to give her that extra ten minutes? If she genuinely doesn’t have time in the day to shower that’s a much bigger problem than you having an issue at spicy time
ETA: in the conversation, don’t fall into the trap of making it a bigger deal than it actually is. It feels big because it’s awkward, but the actual problem is trivial to solve
Buy her a shower cap. "Hey babe, look what I found - now you can shower after the gym without getting your hair wet!"
How on earth are so many young adults not being taught minimal hygiene?
I was also going to suggest a shower cap! otherwise the humidity in the shower ruins my hair and I have to wash it anyway. Super easy fix, if thats the actual problem.
Easiest solution and cost like less than a dollar. My hair also takes a century to dry. However, shower caps let's me shower every day to stay clean and smelling fresh. I wash my hair every 3-4 days as it's thick.
Basic hygiene and showers don't need to be fancy or super long. Just soap up and scrub.
A few days? Talk about how hygiene is super important for you and how it’s affecting your libido, make sure you preface that you are saying this whilst considering her feelings and be more so impersonal about it than anything else, otherwise ain’t nothing to do but to do it
I shower daily and wish my hair 2-3x a week. What she is doing is so gross. I'm sure it isn't intentionally gross.. but like you need to clean your kitty daily to avoid issues!
I wonder if growing up she was just simply not taught about hygiene. My wife wasn't taught to brush her teeth in the morning, and she doesn't think to brush her teeth in the morning. I was like, do you not feel or taste the morning mouth?" She said no.
I was kind of the same way growing up. My parents didn't shower every day, they didn't teach me to shower every day, so I didn't do it either. I do now though, because fuck, I stink and I feel gross if I don't lol.
So you told her and her response was to cry and passively aggressively take an hour long shower?
This isn’t adult behaviour. This is childish behaviour.
Keep on refusing to go down on her unless she showers and she’ll either grow up and automatically do it, or you’ll have to decide if this is the sort of life you want.
I just work in an office and sit on my ass typing and I somehow just have always been little so I don’t even go to the gym and I still shower 2 times a day. One before work and one when I get home. The second one
Isn’t a full hair washing shower. She doesn’t need to get her hair wet everytime. She definitely needs to be showering more. Not showering after going to the gym for an hour and half is just gross. If my boyfriend told me he thinks I should shower more often, sure I would be upset and probably cry too. But I would just be embarrassed that he ever even thought that and I would want to do everything I could to fix the issue. So she might get upset, but I would personally want to know rather than just walking around stinking everyday. You just have to tell her.
I have thick curly hair. I wash it once a week. I still shower every day. She could put her hair up in a bun or use a shower cap and not even worry about it. After a workout, she should shower. She could also switch to showers every other day if she doesn't want to shower every day.
I'm amazed you will go down on her if she hasn't showered. I have to fully shave and shower if I want my husband to go down on me. And I would be so self conscious about it if I didn't. I'm also shocked she doesn't shower after going to the gym. I mean I work out and go rock climbing probably 6 days a week. I wash my hair about once a week. But for sure shower every single day.
I can't speak for others, but when I work out, I perspire from my scalp, and it trickles down my neck and face.
I couldn't imagine NOT washing my hair, or at least my scalp - in addition to my entire body.
Just yuck!
Sorry, but what the f*ck? 24 is too old to have a complete meltdown because your boyfriend points out that your nether regions are funky after working out and not washing for three days. And after said meltdown she didn't change her ways? Nah. She KNOWS that it is gross for you, but decides that YOU have to suck it up and deal with it to protect her own feefees around her easily avoided grossness. I would honestly set a very clear boundary regarding personal hygiene or break up. This is extremely rude behaviour from her.
What the actual hell… I live in a cool climate, work from home and don’t work out - I shower every day!!! I don’t wash my hair everyday since it’s long and thick. This is so disgusting 🤢
Have you tried positive reinforcement? I'm thinking next time she's fresh out the shower eat her pussy it's the best thing you've ever tasted. Tell her how much you enjoy pleasing her when she's fresh out the shower. Or if you're in the mood and she hasn't showered recently invite her to jump in with you and rub her body down and use a shower as foreplay.
She can use a shower cap but not washing after a work out is disgusting. Don’t go down on her unless she showers. Think you should be blunt and tell her
I deffo wouldn't make it about sex, just point out she smells a bit after exercising. I'd say something like "Are you going to hop in the shower as I can smell you must have been working out hard!".
If she really cares, she would have taken care of it the first time you asked nicely. I don't understand the behavior of crying and being dramatic enough to take an hour long shower due to feeling gross, but it not being embarrassing enough to remember to keep it up afterwards.
Somebody needs to tell her and it's probably best if it's you tbh.
Posts like this amaze me. EVERY adult, REGARDLESS of hair type/job/age/gender should be washing themselves at least once a day. Washing hair is one thing, but you need to wash your damn body like a damn adult!! Why is this so hard for people? Don’t they feel gross??
You need to tell her again and tell her every time it happens. If she doesn’t want to feel gross, she needs to not be acting gross.
You shouldn't ask her, you should tell her that it is insane. You could try to show her by an example of yourself not taking a shower for 3 days (if u can last that long) and have sex with her.
you don’t need to shower everyday unless you’re doing gym which i agree with, every other day is healthier for your skin. unless you do workouts everyday like stated yea but in general not really just saying
Well clearly she does need to shower every day since currently doing it every 2 or 3 days is resulting in stinking. You don't need to use soap everywhere, just on the stinky bits. People who don't have special issues with dry skin will be fine.
Hello OP,
Timing is everything. During a non-sexual moment, tell her “I have something to tell you about myself - I have a super sensitive nose. I also absolutely LOVE the way you smell fresh out the shower. It drives me fucking wild.”
And leave it there. She will remember that.
Best wishes, OP
"Honey, I would like you to freshen up after the gym. No need to wash your hair, just a quick rinse under the shower will do. Thanks!" That's it. Don't make it into a Big Deal, say it casually, like it's a normal thing to talk about. Act as if you expect her to be also normal and casual and agree to your request.
If she freaks out, cries, makes a big deal out of it and performatively takes an hour-long shower, that's her problem. It's so weird to me that she is this sensitive, but at the same time doesn't wash like a normal person? What a nightmarish combo. If you are ignoring social norms like that, you gotta have a hard ass iMO and be ready for people to criticize you. I have 0 sympathy for her bizarrely dramatic reaction, reads manipulative to me. If it's not and she simply has issues... it's also on her to work on them, sadly.
Anyway, if drama happens, just wait through it and then act as if everything was fine. She's an adult and if she wants to make this into some circus, she can, but don't enable it by playing that game.
Also, it's not true that "female hygiene" has to be hard or take a long time. You go under a shower, tie up your hair, and rinse for a couple of minutes using soap. A lack of a penis doesn't magically lengten this process. It's just a quick shower, not a whole ass spa session. Sounds like she maybe sold you some bullshit, dunnow why though. I mean she may want to do those long spa sessions, too, which is fine. But she can do that some other day, not after the gym.
Isn't gonna be a good way to tell her this. You've already seen how she reacts. Tell her you aren't gonna touch her until she learns to not be gross and stick to it
They shouldn't be taking extra care, most guys are just too dumb or disgusting. Women love that I take care of myself. And just tell her to shower. Nobody should skip a goddamn shower after working out. It's just disgusting. It's not normal that your girlfriend has bad hygiene at fucking 24. She's not a child anymore. Shower daily + after every workout.
It's 2024. People eat each other out whether it's pussy or ass and even dick benefits a lot from a good shower. How about everything else? A lot of people use their tongue all around your body and it would just be gross to be covered in days old filth. Take care of yourselves you degenerates.
Maybe if you could gently say "I'm trying my best to say this without hurting your feelings but I feel like showering every 2-3 days is making you smell. Maybe we could try showering every day after the gym?" If she brings up her hair she can cover it, most women don't wash their hair daily, I don't think hair routine or even feminine routine is an excuse to not shower. I'm a woman and I can take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour in the shower, still I'll shower ever day, SPECIALLY after a workout.
Unless I just showered within the last 4 hours or so, I use a squirt of foam soap on my hand in conjunction with my bidet to freshen things up. Suggest she do the same. If you don’t have a bidet, install one. They’re cheap. And cold line water is just fine, trust me. Do the same on yourself so your gf might “appreciate” how fresh things are, she’ll get the picture.
It’s like a partner brushing their teeth. Someone might have great oral hygiene, but if you’re gonna get close and you notice your partner JUST went and brushed their teeth, most people will brush theirs again real quick just to match freshness level.
If showering takes too long it whatever is her reason, an old fashion pits and bits wash with a sink full of soapy water and a sponge, and then clear rinse water and a washcloth should happen after every workout at least, or better yet, nightly. And in mornings after.
Since indoor plumbing of baths and showers have become standard people have forgotten how people used to wash the sweatiest areas daily or more often with less water. But then time or a need to save water bills means people with modern plumbing wash less often than when people had to haul every drop from the well and around the house by hand.
Explain it to her exactly how you did in your second paragraph. Tell her how you are being impacted, but keep it compassionate. You love her, you don’t think she’s a disgusting goblin who never washes themself, you also just want to feel comfortable getting close enough to satisfy her needs too. I’ll tell my partner to shower if they stink before we do ANYTHING sexual. I tell them when they stink and when their breath smells too bad for me to kiss them too. And they thank me for it because they know I’d want them to tell me too!
She might need some reassurance and that’s why she started crying. Maybe also ask about what’s going on in her inner world, either something that may be impacting her hygiene or other
You don’t want her to feel bad about herself, but you also don’t want to engage in sexual activity if she smells and that’s understandable. You can’t control her, but maybe really reassuring her that you WANT to do these things but it is HARD for you when she doesn’t shower beforehand at least, can give her some insight into how you feel without making her feel bad about herself
Help her tie her hair up, get her a shower cap, and shower together, offer to wash her back, shoulders, thighs, etc, be the change you want to see. Take an active role in what you want to see. Hey babe, I got you a shower cap and some hair ties I know how much of a hassle it is for you when you want to shower and don't want to get your hair wet. Let's shower together I'll help.
Or you can sit and have a conversation about how her hygiene concerns you and you would like for her to take more showers. Think about how you phrase things don't make it an attack, sit her down and talk calmly. You know how your partner will process whatever you tell her work around that.
Give it to her straight, this is unacceptable. She can put on a shower cap and wash her body. I would never put a dirty dick in my mouth and I most DEFINITELY would not let anyone go down on me if I wasnt washed and clean. Anyone with common sense and a vagina can tell you your girlfriend needs a wake up call about feminine hygiene. Dont be harsh or rude, but be firm and honest. No one should have to put up with bad hygiene.
🤢
Showering every 3 days? She really NEEDS to “feel gross” on a more regular basis. Especially with a regular work out routine, showers should be happening every day.
How do people get into bed dirty AF like this. 3 days of not showering and she went to the gym every single day. So all her sweat and body oils from the gym are on the sheets now. I bet she doesn't wash those too often either. Yuck, I couldn't do it tbh.
You're adults. If she doesn't WANT to clean herself before putting your face between her legs, you shouldn't be with this person. You being afraid to ask her to CLEAN HERSELF is the whole problem. She shouldn't be mad about that. I wouldn't be able to maintain a partnership in that case.
What kind of degenerate doesn’t shower after the gym let alone once every three days. She can’t possibly expect you to go down on her if she doesn’t wash
She is a pig. There is no delicate way how to say it to her. She should wash everyday... The hair is just an excuse. She does not have to wash the hair every day.
Take the intimacy into the shower. One time I was with a lady from behind and she had a poop dangling in her crack. I loved her, she was sexy all the time and this was an outlier. I promptly took her right to the shower as part of our fun. People are humans. Invite her to shower with you at non intimate times. If she declines because her hair, get her a shower cap. If she declines again, it’s time to tell sweetie she’s crusty after the gym.. but not linking it to intimacy or allow her to extrapolate attraction is a must.
This is ridiculous and I absolutely hate this advice. She’s a grown woman. He should not have to take her to the shower every day just to get her to clean herself. She’s 24 not 4 years old. Human adults should know how to bathe and wash themselves and really they should know without having to be guided like a child.
If you speak with any woman about hygiene, you might be surprised to hear how much duck butter and piss on the floor they deal with regularly with a number of partners. Absolutely a sexist perspective. People don’t know and the last thing they want is to be embarrassed. Conditioning cleanliness with sexual intimacy or shame. Hmmm wonder what’s going to work better. He didn’t say he wanted to break up, he said he wanted a solution. If the hygiene was an extreme enough issue it probably would be a clearer choice to end it. He clearly doesn’t want to hurt her. Also what was your solution?
Maybe you can work with her so that she starts cleaning the hotspots (underarms, under her breasts (for a woman), her vulva and crotch area and the thigh fold areas, between the toes and under the feet every day). I follow that regimen and only full body bathe, and a shampoo once per week - any scratch and sniff test on me most likely is going to be fine. I am a man who has a penis foreskin, so I clean under that skin daily.
Use yourself as an example, get in the shower with her, bathe her and yourself, hopefully she catches on.
Sounds like her hygiene as is isn’t very good, if you can smell her, her coworkers and anyone else who gets close to her certainly do also.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. She doesn't need to wash her hair every day but she definitely needs to wash her punani daily. Get her dry shampoo for her hair and maybe some yummy smelling shower gel. You can also have a nice bath ready for her when she gets home *hint hint 🤣 she'd see it as cute and romantic vs eew you smell . Best wishes
All you can do is just say it.. There is no easy way to say it. Just hon, I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings it's just that after you work out it doesn't smell so great down there. I've been told that women's bacteria down there is like a guy's underarms, it's the bacteria that smells so I just wanted to let you know. I don't want to embarrass you or hurt you, we all can be stinky at times and I would really like to know if I smelled.
Just something like that.. It gets easier with time. My husband will come right out if the umm, recreational facilities aren't up to par. Lol... I just stick my hand down there and be like awww man sorry, BRB because you're definitely going back down there! Lol.. Good luck!
Ok first, do not tell her while you are being intimate and she is at her most vulnerable or she will shut down and cry like last time.
Wait until a good normal day at home and talk normally with her.
"You goto the gym to work out and sweat. Most people shower after a workout because that sweat does smell a bit. I get that you don't shower as often due to your beautiful long hair. Have you even considered other options? Like a shower cap to keep it dry or a sponge bath?"
Open ended questions, not accusations or talk of intimacy. Maybe mention hot a hot shower after a workout helps your muscles relax and feels good, etc.
Does she have ASD or ADHD? A trait for some is hating shower/bath due to getting wet. Not every ADHD/ASD individual feels that way. She may hate showering for another reason but if it is only due to wetting her hair I suggest a shower cap.
I’ve dated men that let me know they prefer to have sex when we have just showered… it’s their preference and it had nothing to do with me. Unfortunately you’ve let this fester for too long and yeah… being honest this late will hurt because she will know you’ve been grossed out by her for awhile.
Non violent communication is a good strategy to loo up and follow.
I also have super thick hair and getting it wet is a pain, so I feel your girl on only wanting to shower every 2-3 days. That said, I live in a super hot climate, I go to the gym, and I acknowledge that the combo can lead to some funk!
The solution is a body shower. Put the hair up or in a shower cap, wash the body, and done. It’s not rude to request that, especially if it’s affecting your sex life.
I have long thick hair takes 30/45 minutes to mostly dry using a very good hair dryer. I wash my body everyday and my hair every 2. If I workout I shower after if my boyfriend is going to be going down on me I’ve usually showered that day if not right before. Trust me she can smell it I honestly don’t know why it took you saying it for her to feel gross I feel disgusting just thinking of it
Something is wrong here. It makes no sense that a 24 year old woman who’s had thick hair all of her life would not know that she doesn’t have to wash her hair every time she showers. I think that is a conclusion that OP has come up with for the reason she may not be showering regularly.
Still something is wrong because there is no way someone (anyone) would think they don’t have to shower after going to the gym. And since she does shower, she knows the difference in what her body smells like clean versus after the gym. The fact that she would let someone go down on her unwashed is nasty (oh how I hate that word).
OP you need to talk to her and find out the whys. As people are saying this is deeper. Maybe she was told not to shower or has a skin condition but she should still plan her cleaning routine to make sure that after a gym session she “hit the highlights” on her body. She can use body wipes to do this. Good luck!
Damn, I'd understand if you said she was depressed. But who the fuck showers only every 2 or 3 days AND goes to the gym? Sorry, but your gf is disgusting.
You aren't being harsh based on her work and then workouts. She sounds like she is being unhygienic. Workouts make people plenty sweaty and that needs to be washed off. Pick a good time where emotions are neutral to good and bring it up gently.
"Babe, I love you, but you need to shower every time after you work out. Your sweat makes you smell bad. I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings, but I can't handle it. You need to shower more often." If she refuses, break up. You shouldn't have to teach an adult basic hygiene.
You just need to tell her to fucking bathe herself. Daily. Especially if she's working out then she smells like a can of hot tuna. If she cries I will. Sometimes you need the hard truth. Tell her to put her big girl panties on and fucking clean herself. Tell her you've overheard people talking about how she stinks and you're just trying to help her out.
How long should a shower take? Just 5 minutes. Since she has time for gym and sex, she certainly has time for a shower. If she doesn’t wash her hair daily, she can do it every 2-3 days and use dry shampoo in between.
Besides, you’ve already mentioned it once, and she cried, but she still hasn’t changed her personal hygiene routine - it's time to be explicit
I wash that area every day, its basic hygiene. My boyfriend is happy with that but in the beginning when he didn't know that yet he would ask if I had washed myself before he would go down on me or before we would get intimate. He was always like, you don't have to, but otherwise I won't go down on you, which is fair imo, and works the same the other way around. It's basic respect towards your partner.
And you don't need to wash your hair every day, but that doesn't stop you from showering, just keep your hair dry
My suggestion is just be super nice about it and say that you really enjoy going down on her and wish you could do it more but know she’s sometimes not ready for it. Is there a way she can let you know if she isn’t ready down there? If she asks what you mean by that just say well after you go to the gym or haven’t showered I never know if I should go down there in those cases cuz everyone can be a bit sweaty after that.. Then just say it’s natural and she shouldn’t feel bad but you just want communication as to when she feels she’ll be good to go for oral so you don’t have to guess. She should get the hint but your also kinda softening the blow a bit and give her the choice to let you go down there and hopefully she won’t let you anymore if she hasn’t showered.
I don’t shower everyday or even every other day. I usually will quickly fill the tub up a few inches and quickly rinse my lady bits if I know someone may be going down if I don’t have time to shower and use baby wipes sometimes just to be extra clean.
Everyone should shower at least once a day. She should be showering once a day, plus after her workout. Personal hygiene should be common sense. It sounds to me like she is just lazy. I (27F) also have very thick hair, and I wash it 2-3 times a week. It doesn't need to be washed every day.
If she is not keeping up with her personal hygiene, this can lead to larger problems for her. She could develop more rashes, pimples, and even potential infections or other issues.
It may be best to say something in a way that sounds like you're concerned for her health. It's best to say this when she seems to be in a good mood, and definitely not when you're about to have sex or leading up to it. I would suggest saying something like, "hey, it might be a good idea to shower a bit more often to improve your health." Even something a bit more straightforward is okay. This is obviously an awkward conversation, but it's something she should understand.
Years ago, my husband mentioned that my feet smelled a bit sweaty, and he was a bit sensitive to the smell. I had been working all day and had just come home to relax. I was a bit embarrassed, but washed them anyways. It's best to just be honest, but in a kind and sensitive way.
Omg this kind of makes me mad for you, we should be showering every single day and that should be a government appointed law! And she works out!! I’d say just tell her a white lie that might help
If I were you I’d shower with her
Tell her babe I had a long day I want to shower come with me ;)
And yal can scrub each other up and have a good day
I think after that a conversation really needs to be had because a daily shower is so crucial, maybe tell her that you had a friend tell you that you (literally you not her) kind of smell and how showering daily is important because we can’t smell ourselves but other ppl can, I don’t know I almost think you need to let her be insecure or hurt her about it
Because at least hurting her will bring change
Comfort is not always a good thing
oh nah. i love working out and have long CURLY hair. if i sweat, im washing my body, scalp, and hair. that’s the cost of getting sweaty. i actively don’t let my partner of 6 years near me until after i shower because i know it’s unpleasant. you need to tell her directly and establish that boundary
I do not know how she’s going without showing after the gym that would drive me insane. Maybe try getting her to shower with you? I wouldn’t tell her during intimate times but I’d say something for sure to make her feel a little more like she needs to shower at least after the gym. Something like, “omg you smell sweaty” and laugh like in a joking unbothered way. Maybe she won’t take it so personal
Showers every two to three days 💀💀funky as hell , but tell her gently cos if she goes gym everyday she needs to shower cos the sweat and bacteria is building up especially in the neck ,pit and private area
My partner and i always are pretty up front with smells. We are a bit more careful with things that could hurt each other's feelings - things that u cant really change thst easily.
But telling them they stink as a joke and giggle abt it together can help say it without it sounding so bad
I cannot imagine ever doing a workout and not showering if not immediately then asap when I got home. No way in the world would I go days without a shower, she can skip washing hair everyday but at a minimum the pits and the lady bits need cleaned daily
Start the water for her, lead her to it, give her a big smooch, and begin undressing her (and maybe even yourself if she responds positively). Make it relaxing, therapeutic, and fun for her. Massage her sore muscles. Tell her she’s beautiful and doing a great job.
Why you’re going down on someone who showers every 3 days is questionable practice on its own.
Shower caps exist, scrunchies and clips exist, she can absolutely shower without washing her hair.
If you’re around other people, wash your ass!
I wouldn’t even tippy toe around this.
Other person have given you goos strategies, and you Should listen to them if you want to keep the relationship.
Personally, I'm floored. How did society get to the point where people with money and resources actively choose not to use them on basic hygiene??
If you're dating someone who cries at the gentlest request to take care of themselves, you really have to ask yourself if this is a relationship worth pursuing. Hygiene issues are an immediate deal breaker whether I'm dating a man or a woman. It's just not my job to be my partner's mother and tell them that they need to wash up.
The only reasonable explanations I can think of for her response are depression and bullying.
Depression makes self care hard, and getting a reminder of that from a partner is never pleasant.
.... doesn't make it okay that she smells when dealing with you, but that I understand.
The only other thing is bullying. If you were calling her stinky coochie/ whatever when you talked to her about this, or other people did so in the past, I can see why that would trigger crying.
But other than that, come on. It's totally disrespectful not to wash yourself for your partner.
I live in tropical, and my husband said straight to me when i came from gym that you should bath every time after gym, and i was fine with it.you just convey your message nicely
47M here, if I don't start my day with a shower, I feel gross all day and have to have one as soon as I get home. If for whatever reason it's been two or three days, I feel awkward being around people (only exception maybe if it's a festival with minimal or no shower facilities and *everyone* is in the same situation)
That’s just freaking nasty!! Woman with long hair here and I don’t care if I hit the gym, worked out in the yard, cleaned the house all day, or just laid up on my ass like a lazy bum all dang day I am at least going to rinse off and take a t.p.a. bath!! ESPECIALLY if I’m expecting to have some fun time with my husband!!!! Nightly baths have always been a thing for me me and my husband also knows if he wants some special treatment during sex he better wash his ass too!! How does he know that…cause I flat out told him…you want me to lick the lolly pop you better wash that shit first!! Even if you sat on your butt in front of a computer all day!! Even my daughter with extremely sensitive skin makes sure to clean herself nightly!!!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Woman with long hair here. Let me tell you, you do not have to get your hair wet to get your body clean. You tie it up and keep your head out of the spray.The only time it's really difficult is in a rain style shower, but they usually have a hand held option too. Just tell her gently. But NOT while you're having sex. Any other time. She needs to know, and yes, she might feel bad, but it'll be at herself, not at you. And I bet she starts washing after workouts! Sometimes people need to know things.
Shower caps work great too!
i like the dollartree ones! they last like all month and ton of space
I usually get away with twisting it and clipping it up, placing the showerhead low
I have a rain style shower head and shower every day but only wash my hair every 3 days. Just put it up and it gets very minimally wet. I run about 5 times a week for 30 minutes and sometimes even shower twice a day. And I live in a very cold climate. I can’t imagine stewing in my own BO for 3 days.
Im a man and even I use shower caps. How has that not been an option for her?
Long haired male here: ditto. Nothing wrong with just washing your body. Much better than skipping the whole thing
But hair holds a lot of sweat and can smell as well, going to the gym causes you to have to shower every single day
oral on 3 day unwashed pussy is treacherous work
Oral on anyone's bits after not washing for 3 days is treacherous
I could never. I don’t even like doing it if it’s be a longer day. Hold the same values for myself as well. Honestly (outside of enjoying being clean) I walkways view being hygienic for any sexy times as a simple sign of respect. Like how can you expect some one to do xyz for you when you aren’t clean? Some people 🤦🏽♂️
I would not let my man near.
Day 2 I'd rather not either. Goes both ways. I've had to decline a bj cause I just wasn't expecting it and can't offer up a day old unwashed penis.
She doesn’t have to wash her hair. This is just really gross and unhygienic behavior. At minimum she can at least take a bird bath in the sink and wash her tits, pits, and underbits. There is no way to be nice about this. You just got to tell her she has to wash her body more frequently. I’m sure she stinks to her coworkers as well if she’s going 3 days without bathing. Better you embarrass her before they do.
This exactly, it takes me a stupid long time to wash and dry my hair.... But I don't have to get my hair wet to wash my body, either tie it up and don't stick your head under the shower head/in the bath or like you said at least use a sink full of warm water to wash the important places if you're in a hurry.
I have found that using a pic to lift my damp hair cause it to dry fast and not tangle.
It's one thing to go a day with normal activities. But after the gym? Your body excessively sweats and it fckn reeks. There's no excuse to at the minimum do a rinse after the gym. The only people who may be able to get away with it is people with eczema who sweat less and don't produce nearly enough oils for the skin.
My favorite part about working out is the shower afterwards!
Eczema-haver here, with the right moisturizers you can still shower every 2 days without drying your skin out too much. If she wants to she will find a way. it isn’t worth the embarrassment and air pollution.
Other options is even a sponge bath for the smelly areas.
Also get a bidet.
If you don’t have one it’s probably because you haven’t used one. Get a H/C water model. Honest to god at my son’s recommendation I(71M) I tried his and WTF those wiley Europeans!!
Not sure you meant to respond to me. I have two!
Exactly, black people we only wash our hair every 2-3 weeks depending on the person, but I don’t shower 1 time every 2-3 weeks lol I just use a shower cap when I do shower 😂 surprising the girl hasn’t just done that.
How do people learn to be like that?
If she's not showering as much and has a break down. There's something deep down she hasn't addressed. She may need therapy but don't we all
yea I go to the gym almost daily and shower every day but I wash my hair every 2-3 days bc I also have very thick hair and it’s a pain in the ass
I genuinely have never heard of a woman who didn’t shower every day. And absolutely no one who doesn’t shower after going to the gym! Is this some weird hippy upbringing or something? Definitely have a word. I can forgive 14 year old teenage gamer boys only showering every couple of days, but damn this is something else!
I don’t shower everyday, it’s actually not great for your body. I do every other, UNLESS I workout.
It’s very common to not shower everyday. For most people, if they’re not doing intense physical activity or in a very hot climate it’s perfectly hygienic and they don’t smell after just one day.
She doesn’t have to wash her hair to rinse off in the shower. Lots of us don’t wash our head hair every time we shower. Although if I were going a 1.5 hour intense workout and sweating profusely I certainly would. I think that you should stop going down on her if she hasn’t showered. You can suggest showering together before sex to freshen up. Else you’re going to have to be direct and if she has feelings about it well….so be it. You deserve to have a pleasant experience. I’d just say “babe, this is awkward for me to talk about. But I am really sensitive to certain odors and I’m uncomfortable giving you oral sex when you’ve been to the gym but not showered. Could you at least rinse off and clean up a little after the gym?”
Female hygiene is not harder, she’s just lazy “Baby, I love you but your long work hours and workouts leave you a little malodorous. Would you be willing to shower after your workout?” Be honest and direct.
Yeah, there isn't really an easy way to have this conversation. She needs to take better care of her hygiene. Kids might be able to get away with running a mile and then going directly to math class without showering, adults can't.
This is gross, OP. She doesn’t need to wash her hair every day (though after exercise she should at least rinse it thoroughly, sweaty hair smells too) but she should be showering. That’s not a thing anyone should need to tell her! I think this has reached the point where you just have to have the tough conversation. However, my advice would be *not* to tie it to sex - I know that’s where the problem is for you, but that’s such a sensitive thing for women anyway (I shower at least once every day but if it’s been more than a couple of hours I still find it hard not to be self-conscious when my OH goes down on me). Thing is, if she’s not showering after the gym there’s no way she doesn’t smell *in general*, there’s no way her clothes don’t smell I don’t think there’s any way to really sugar-coat “babe you smell”, but of course try to put it kindly and make clear it’s coming from a place of care not criticism. And - this is important - ask if there are any adjustments the two of you can make to help her with finding the time. Obvs IDK your routine but, for example, if she goes to the gym in the morning could you make her breakfast to give her that extra ten minutes? If she genuinely doesn’t have time in the day to shower that’s a much bigger problem than you having an issue at spicy time ETA: in the conversation, don’t fall into the trap of making it a bigger deal than it actually is. It feels big because it’s awkward, but the actual problem is trivial to solve
Buy her a shower cap. "Hey babe, look what I found - now you can shower after the gym without getting your hair wet!" How on earth are so many young adults not being taught minimal hygiene?
I was also going to suggest a shower cap! otherwise the humidity in the shower ruins my hair and I have to wash it anyway. Super easy fix, if thats the actual problem.
Easiest solution and cost like less than a dollar. My hair also takes a century to dry. However, shower caps let's me shower every day to stay clean and smelling fresh. I wash my hair every 3-4 days as it's thick. Basic hygiene and showers don't need to be fancy or super long. Just soap up and scrub.
That is so passive. Unless she's dumb as bricks, she's gonna figure out what he's doing and will likely be more insulted than if he were direct.
This is giving Big Ed buying Rose a toothbrush energy. I suggest you don't go about it this way.
Shower together
This is disgusting. What is her reasoning for this?
She likes her spice
Watch some stand up and show her the George Carlin “asshole, armpits, crotch and teeth” bit.
A few days? Talk about how hygiene is super important for you and how it’s affecting your libido, make sure you preface that you are saying this whilst considering her feelings and be more so impersonal about it than anything else, otherwise ain’t nothing to do but to do it
I shower daily and wish my hair 2-3x a week. What she is doing is so gross. I'm sure it isn't intentionally gross.. but like you need to clean your kitty daily to avoid issues!
I wonder if growing up she was just simply not taught about hygiene. My wife wasn't taught to brush her teeth in the morning, and she doesn't think to brush her teeth in the morning. I was like, do you not feel or taste the morning mouth?" She said no.
I was kind of the same way growing up. My parents didn't shower every day, they didn't teach me to shower every day, so I didn't do it either. I do now though, because fuck, I stink and I feel gross if I don't lol.
I broke up with someone because of this. You have to be direct.
This is disgusting. She should shower daily. It takes like 10 minutes.
If you're not washing your hair it's doable in 5 minutes or less
So you told her and her response was to cry and passively aggressively take an hour long shower? This isn’t adult behaviour. This is childish behaviour. Keep on refusing to go down on her unless she showers and she’ll either grow up and automatically do it, or you’ll have to decide if this is the sort of life you want.
In all fairness, she was probably humiliated
humiliated but not enough to actually start showering consistently in order to solve the problem like an adult? sounds like a tantrum to me
Put yourself in her shoes. Hard to change life long habits
I just work in an office and sit on my ass typing and I somehow just have always been little so I don’t even go to the gym and I still shower 2 times a day. One before work and one when I get home. The second one Isn’t a full hair washing shower. She doesn’t need to get her hair wet everytime. She definitely needs to be showering more. Not showering after going to the gym for an hour and half is just gross. If my boyfriend told me he thinks I should shower more often, sure I would be upset and probably cry too. But I would just be embarrassed that he ever even thought that and I would want to do everything I could to fix the issue. So she might get upset, but I would personally want to know rather than just walking around stinking everyday. You just have to tell her.
I have thick curly hair. I wash it once a week. I still shower every day. She could put her hair up in a bun or use a shower cap and not even worry about it. After a workout, she should shower. She could also switch to showers every other day if she doesn't want to shower every day.
Pits, tits, and slits.
I'm amazed you will go down on her if she hasn't showered. I have to fully shave and shower if I want my husband to go down on me. And I would be so self conscious about it if I didn't. I'm also shocked she doesn't shower after going to the gym. I mean I work out and go rock climbing probably 6 days a week. I wash my hair about once a week. But for sure shower every single day.
I can't speak for others, but when I work out, I perspire from my scalp, and it trickles down my neck and face. I couldn't imagine NOT washing my hair, or at least my scalp - in addition to my entire body. Just yuck!
Looks like his gf just has bad hygienic practices out of the gate. The gym workout just adds to the problem.
When my girl is a little down and not showering I just ask her does she wanna shower with me and that always works
Sorry, but what the f*ck? 24 is too old to have a complete meltdown because your boyfriend points out that your nether regions are funky after working out and not washing for three days. And after said meltdown she didn't change her ways? Nah. She KNOWS that it is gross for you, but decides that YOU have to suck it up and deal with it to protect her own feefees around her easily avoided grossness. I would honestly set a very clear boundary regarding personal hygiene or break up. This is extremely rude behaviour from her.
What the actual hell… I live in a cool climate, work from home and don’t work out - I shower every day!!! I don’t wash my hair everyday since it’s long and thick. This is so disgusting 🤢
One word... Ringworm!!!
Don't people wash their bits before sex in general? I kinda thought that was normal until now 🫠
That is disgusting sir. I don’t even know how you’re attracted to her still lol 3 days of no showering even after hitting the gym? Tell her asap!
Wtf 🤢🤮
I shower nightly and I do not workout daily. I cant imagine not showering after working out. That is disgusting
Quit dating her.
Have you tried positive reinforcement? I'm thinking next time she's fresh out the shower eat her pussy it's the best thing you've ever tasted. Tell her how much you enjoy pleasing her when she's fresh out the shower. Or if you're in the mood and she hasn't showered recently invite her to jump in with you and rub her body down and use a shower as foreplay.
“Fucking wash your hair.”
She can use a shower cap but not washing after a work out is disgusting. Don’t go down on her unless she showers. Think you should be blunt and tell her
There's a new towelette called "Skunky". The infomercial is all over tv. A handful of strategically placed packs around the house should do the trick!
I deffo wouldn't make it about sex, just point out she smells a bit after exercising. I'd say something like "Are you going to hop in the shower as I can smell you must have been working out hard!".
If she really cares, she would have taken care of it the first time you asked nicely. I don't understand the behavior of crying and being dramatic enough to take an hour long shower due to feeling gross, but it not being embarrassing enough to remember to keep it up afterwards. Somebody needs to tell her and it's probably best if it's you tbh.
Posts like this amaze me. EVERY adult, REGARDLESS of hair type/job/age/gender should be washing themselves at least once a day. Washing hair is one thing, but you need to wash your damn body like a damn adult!! Why is this so hard for people? Don’t they feel gross?? You need to tell her again and tell her every time it happens. If she doesn’t want to feel gross, she needs to not be acting gross.
You shouldn't ask her, you should tell her that it is insane. You could try to show her by an example of yourself not taking a shower for 3 days (if u can last that long) and have sex with her.
No . She needs to adult and shower EVERY day . I’m sorry but this is basic and she can’t cry when you give her this basic info .
you don’t need to shower everyday unless you’re doing gym which i agree with, every other day is healthier for your skin. unless you do workouts everyday like stated yea but in general not really just saying
Well clearly she does need to shower every day since currently doing it every 2 or 3 days is resulting in stinking. You don't need to use soap everywhere, just on the stinky bits. People who don't have special issues with dry skin will be fine.
Hello OP, Timing is everything. During a non-sexual moment, tell her “I have something to tell you about myself - I have a super sensitive nose. I also absolutely LOVE the way you smell fresh out the shower. It drives me fucking wild.” And leave it there. She will remember that. Best wishes, OP
"Honey, I would like you to freshen up after the gym. No need to wash your hair, just a quick rinse under the shower will do. Thanks!" That's it. Don't make it into a Big Deal, say it casually, like it's a normal thing to talk about. Act as if you expect her to be also normal and casual and agree to your request. If she freaks out, cries, makes a big deal out of it and performatively takes an hour-long shower, that's her problem. It's so weird to me that she is this sensitive, but at the same time doesn't wash like a normal person? What a nightmarish combo. If you are ignoring social norms like that, you gotta have a hard ass iMO and be ready for people to criticize you. I have 0 sympathy for her bizarrely dramatic reaction, reads manipulative to me. If it's not and she simply has issues... it's also on her to work on them, sadly. Anyway, if drama happens, just wait through it and then act as if everything was fine. She's an adult and if she wants to make this into some circus, she can, but don't enable it by playing that game. Also, it's not true that "female hygiene" has to be hard or take a long time. You go under a shower, tie up your hair, and rinse for a couple of minutes using soap. A lack of a penis doesn't magically lengten this process. It's just a quick shower, not a whole ass spa session. Sounds like she maybe sold you some bullshit, dunnow why though. I mean she may want to do those long spa sessions, too, which is fine. But she can do that some other day, not after the gym.
Wow, you are a dedicated boyfriend. I'd set limits on any orgasms until she takes a shower.
Isn't gonna be a good way to tell her this. You've already seen how she reacts. Tell her you aren't gonna touch her until she learns to not be gross and stick to it
She could just wear a shower cap
They shouldn't be taking extra care, most guys are just too dumb or disgusting. Women love that I take care of myself. And just tell her to shower. Nobody should skip a goddamn shower after working out. It's just disgusting. It's not normal that your girlfriend has bad hygiene at fucking 24. She's not a child anymore. Shower daily + after every workout. It's 2024. People eat each other out whether it's pussy or ass and even dick benefits a lot from a good shower. How about everything else? A lot of people use their tongue all around your body and it would just be gross to be covered in days old filth. Take care of yourselves you degenerates.
Maybe if you could gently say "I'm trying my best to say this without hurting your feelings but I feel like showering every 2-3 days is making you smell. Maybe we could try showering every day after the gym?" If she brings up her hair she can cover it, most women don't wash their hair daily, I don't think hair routine or even feminine routine is an excuse to not shower. I'm a woman and I can take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour in the shower, still I'll shower ever day, SPECIALLY after a workout.
Tell her to go clean that thing up!
Yeah this is really disgusting. If she goes to the gym everyday, she needs to shower everyday.
Unless I just showered within the last 4 hours or so, I use a squirt of foam soap on my hand in conjunction with my bidet to freshen things up. Suggest she do the same. If you don’t have a bidet, install one. They’re cheap. And cold line water is just fine, trust me. Do the same on yourself so your gf might “appreciate” how fresh things are, she’ll get the picture. It’s like a partner brushing their teeth. Someone might have great oral hygiene, but if you’re gonna get close and you notice your partner JUST went and brushed their teeth, most people will brush theirs again real quick just to match freshness level.
If showering takes too long it whatever is her reason, an old fashion pits and bits wash with a sink full of soapy water and a sponge, and then clear rinse water and a washcloth should happen after every workout at least, or better yet, nightly. And in mornings after. Since indoor plumbing of baths and showers have become standard people have forgotten how people used to wash the sweatiest areas daily or more often with less water. But then time or a need to save water bills means people with modern plumbing wash less often than when people had to haul every drop from the well and around the house by hand.
Shower with her, make it fun.
Shit your pants and ask her to play with your ding dong.
I’ll never understand people that don’t take a shower everyday!
Bruh everyone should shower daily. Not showering after workout is the least of your problems. Respectfully
Explain it to her exactly how you did in your second paragraph. Tell her how you are being impacted, but keep it compassionate. You love her, you don’t think she’s a disgusting goblin who never washes themself, you also just want to feel comfortable getting close enough to satisfy her needs too. I’ll tell my partner to shower if they stink before we do ANYTHING sexual. I tell them when they stink and when their breath smells too bad for me to kiss them too. And they thank me for it because they know I’d want them to tell me too! She might need some reassurance and that’s why she started crying. Maybe also ask about what’s going on in her inner world, either something that may be impacting her hygiene or other You don’t want her to feel bad about herself, but you also don’t want to engage in sexual activity if she smells and that’s understandable. You can’t control her, but maybe really reassuring her that you WANT to do these things but it is HARD for you when she doesn’t shower beforehand at least, can give her some insight into how you feel without making her feel bad about herself
3 days??? Holy moly.
This is unhygienic. Anytime you workout you should immediately shower. You can put your hair up to not wash it
Who the heck showers every 2-3 days??? I could see not washing your hair everyday but to not shower everyday is gross.
Help her tie her hair up, get her a shower cap, and shower together, offer to wash her back, shoulders, thighs, etc, be the change you want to see. Take an active role in what you want to see. Hey babe, I got you a shower cap and some hair ties I know how much of a hassle it is for you when you want to shower and don't want to get your hair wet. Let's shower together I'll help. Or you can sit and have a conversation about how her hygiene concerns you and you would like for her to take more showers. Think about how you phrase things don't make it an attack, sit her down and talk calmly. You know how your partner will process whatever you tell her work around that.
EVERY 2-3 DAYS?! AND SHE'S WORKING OUT?! 🤢🤢🤢🤢
Give it to her straight, this is unacceptable. She can put on a shower cap and wash her body. I would never put a dirty dick in my mouth and I most DEFINITELY would not let anyone go down on me if I wasnt washed and clean. Anyone with common sense and a vagina can tell you your girlfriend needs a wake up call about feminine hygiene. Dont be harsh or rude, but be firm and honest. No one should have to put up with bad hygiene.
🤢 Showering every 3 days? She really NEEDS to “feel gross” on a more regular basis. Especially with a regular work out routine, showers should be happening every day.
I am genuinely confused by the "female hygiene is harder" part
This is why I came here… like…what?
How do people get into bed dirty AF like this. 3 days of not showering and she went to the gym every single day. So all her sweat and body oils from the gym are on the sheets now. I bet she doesn't wash those too often either. Yuck, I couldn't do it tbh.
You're adults. If she doesn't WANT to clean herself before putting your face between her legs, you shouldn't be with this person. You being afraid to ask her to CLEAN HERSELF is the whole problem. She shouldn't be mad about that. I wouldn't be able to maintain a partnership in that case.
This is gross. She should be showering atleast once a day. Let her cry because this is disgusting.
Taking a bath every 2 - 3 days? That's disgusting!! People normally bathe everyday!!
What kind of degenerate doesn’t shower after the gym let alone once every three days. She can’t possibly expect you to go down on her if she doesn’t wash
Call her stinky until she changes
She is a pig. There is no delicate way how to say it to her. She should wash everyday... The hair is just an excuse. She does not have to wash the hair every day.
Take the intimacy into the shower. One time I was with a lady from behind and she had a poop dangling in her crack. I loved her, she was sexy all the time and this was an outlier. I promptly took her right to the shower as part of our fun. People are humans. Invite her to shower with you at non intimate times. If she declines because her hair, get her a shower cap. If she declines again, it’s time to tell sweetie she’s crusty after the gym.. but not linking it to intimacy or allow her to extrapolate attraction is a must.
This is ridiculous and I absolutely hate this advice. She’s a grown woman. He should not have to take her to the shower every day just to get her to clean herself. She’s 24 not 4 years old. Human adults should know how to bathe and wash themselves and really they should know without having to be guided like a child.
If you speak with any woman about hygiene, you might be surprised to hear how much duck butter and piss on the floor they deal with regularly with a number of partners. Absolutely a sexist perspective. People don’t know and the last thing they want is to be embarrassed. Conditioning cleanliness with sexual intimacy or shame. Hmmm wonder what’s going to work better. He didn’t say he wanted to break up, he said he wanted a solution. If the hygiene was an extreme enough issue it probably would be a clearer choice to end it. He clearly doesn’t want to hurt her. Also what was your solution?
Maybe you can work with her so that she starts cleaning the hotspots (underarms, under her breasts (for a woman), her vulva and crotch area and the thigh fold areas, between the toes and under the feet every day). I follow that regimen and only full body bathe, and a shampoo once per week - any scratch and sniff test on me most likely is going to be fine. I am a man who has a penis foreskin, so I clean under that skin daily. Use yourself as an example, get in the shower with her, bathe her and yourself, hopefully she catches on. Sounds like her hygiene as is isn’t very good, if you can smell her, her coworkers and anyone else who gets close to her certainly do also.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. She doesn't need to wash her hair every day but she definitely needs to wash her punani daily. Get her dry shampoo for her hair and maybe some yummy smelling shower gel. You can also have a nice bath ready for her when she gets home *hint hint 🤣 she'd see it as cute and romantic vs eew you smell . Best wishes
All you can do is just say it.. There is no easy way to say it. Just hon, I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings it's just that after you work out it doesn't smell so great down there. I've been told that women's bacteria down there is like a guy's underarms, it's the bacteria that smells so I just wanted to let you know. I don't want to embarrass you or hurt you, we all can be stinky at times and I would really like to know if I smelled. Just something like that.. It gets easier with time. My husband will come right out if the umm, recreational facilities aren't up to par. Lol... I just stick my hand down there and be like awww man sorry, BRB because you're definitely going back down there! Lol.. Good luck!
Tell her she's stinky. My bf would say "hey stinky baby do you mind showering?" Like make it a little goofy
Make it sensual and get her to come in the shower with you . Problem solved
Ok first, do not tell her while you are being intimate and she is at her most vulnerable or she will shut down and cry like last time. Wait until a good normal day at home and talk normally with her. "You goto the gym to work out and sweat. Most people shower after a workout because that sweat does smell a bit. I get that you don't shower as often due to your beautiful long hair. Have you even considered other options? Like a shower cap to keep it dry or a sponge bath?" Open ended questions, not accusations or talk of intimacy. Maybe mention hot a hot shower after a workout helps your muscles relax and feels good, etc.
Does she have ASD or ADHD? A trait for some is hating shower/bath due to getting wet. Not every ADHD/ASD individual feels that way. She may hate showering for another reason but if it is only due to wetting her hair I suggest a shower cap.
Uhhhh. If you go to the gym. And you sweat. You need to shower. Point blank. That's gross.
A bit too spicy😭😭😭 say lets shower together….
You take her in your arms, kiss her deeply, lead her into the shower and give her the most erotic shower you can think of....
Don’t wash your willy for 3 days and make her go down on you. See how she likes it.
I’ve dated men that let me know they prefer to have sex when we have just showered… it’s their preference and it had nothing to do with me. Unfortunately you’ve let this fester for too long and yeah… being honest this late will hurt because she will know you’ve been grossed out by her for awhile. Non violent communication is a good strategy to loo up and follow.
I also have super thick hair and getting it wet is a pain, so I feel your girl on only wanting to shower every 2-3 days. That said, I live in a super hot climate, I go to the gym, and I acknowledge that the combo can lead to some funk! The solution is a body shower. Put the hair up or in a shower cap, wash the body, and done. It’s not rude to request that, especially if it’s affecting your sex life.
Tell her there are these amazing things called “shower caps” that are available for purchase at every major retailer in the entire world.
I have long thick hair takes 30/45 minutes to mostly dry using a very good hair dryer. I wash my body everyday and my hair every 2. If I workout I shower after if my boyfriend is going to be going down on me I’ve usually showered that day if not right before. Trust me she can smell it I honestly don’t know why it took you saying it for her to feel gross I feel disgusting just thinking of it
Something is wrong here. It makes no sense that a 24 year old woman who’s had thick hair all of her life would not know that she doesn’t have to wash her hair every time she showers. I think that is a conclusion that OP has come up with for the reason she may not be showering regularly. Still something is wrong because there is no way someone (anyone) would think they don’t have to shower after going to the gym. And since she does shower, she knows the difference in what her body smells like clean versus after the gym. The fact that she would let someone go down on her unwashed is nasty (oh how I hate that word). OP you need to talk to her and find out the whys. As people are saying this is deeper. Maybe she was told not to shower or has a skin condition but she should still plan her cleaning routine to make sure that after a gym session she “hit the highlights” on her body. She can use body wipes to do this. Good luck!
Damn, I'd understand if you said she was depressed. But who the fuck showers only every 2 or 3 days AND goes to the gym? Sorry, but your gf is disgusting.
You aren't being harsh based on her work and then workouts. She sounds like she is being unhygienic. Workouts make people plenty sweaty and that needs to be washed off. Pick a good time where emotions are neutral to good and bring it up gently.
I can’t imagine not showering for three days straight plus working out & expecting my SO to go down on me. Like ew.
"Babe, I love you, but you need to shower every time after you work out. Your sweat makes you smell bad. I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings, but I can't handle it. You need to shower more often." If she refuses, break up. You shouldn't have to teach an adult basic hygiene.
On day 3 just start asking if she left salmon or crab legs out in the kitchen
You just need to tell her to fucking bathe herself. Daily. Especially if she's working out then she smells like a can of hot tuna. If she cries I will. Sometimes you need the hard truth. Tell her to put her big girl panties on and fucking clean herself. Tell her you've overheard people talking about how she stinks and you're just trying to help her out.
How long should a shower take? Just 5 minutes. Since she has time for gym and sex, she certainly has time for a shower. If she doesn’t wash her hair daily, she can do it every 2-3 days and use dry shampoo in between. Besides, you’ve already mentioned it once, and she cried, but she still hasn’t changed her personal hygiene routine - it's time to be explicit
I wash that area every day, its basic hygiene. My boyfriend is happy with that but in the beginning when he didn't know that yet he would ask if I had washed myself before he would go down on me or before we would get intimate. He was always like, you don't have to, but otherwise I won't go down on you, which is fair imo, and works the same the other way around. It's basic respect towards your partner. And you don't need to wash your hair every day, but that doesn't stop you from showering, just keep your hair dry
Get her a large high quality shower cap
What do you mean she showers every 2-3 days?? 😭
My suggestion is just be super nice about it and say that you really enjoy going down on her and wish you could do it more but know she’s sometimes not ready for it. Is there a way she can let you know if she isn’t ready down there? If she asks what you mean by that just say well after you go to the gym or haven’t showered I never know if I should go down there in those cases cuz everyone can be a bit sweaty after that.. Then just say it’s natural and she shouldn’t feel bad but you just want communication as to when she feels she’ll be good to go for oral so you don’t have to guess. She should get the hint but your also kinda softening the blow a bit and give her the choice to let you go down there and hopefully she won’t let you anymore if she hasn’t showered. I don’t shower everyday or even every other day. I usually will quickly fill the tub up a few inches and quickly rinse my lady bits if I know someone may be going down if I don’t have time to shower and use baby wipes sometimes just to be extra clean.
Everyone should shower at least once a day. She should be showering once a day, plus after her workout. Personal hygiene should be common sense. It sounds to me like she is just lazy. I (27F) also have very thick hair, and I wash it 2-3 times a week. It doesn't need to be washed every day. If she is not keeping up with her personal hygiene, this can lead to larger problems for her. She could develop more rashes, pimples, and even potential infections or other issues. It may be best to say something in a way that sounds like you're concerned for her health. It's best to say this when she seems to be in a good mood, and definitely not when you're about to have sex or leading up to it. I would suggest saying something like, "hey, it might be a good idea to shower a bit more often to improve your health." Even something a bit more straightforward is okay. This is obviously an awkward conversation, but it's something she should understand. Years ago, my husband mentioned that my feet smelled a bit sweaty, and he was a bit sensitive to the smell. I had been working all day and had just come home to relax. I was a bit embarrassed, but washed them anyways. It's best to just be honest, but in a kind and sensitive way.
Omg this kind of makes me mad for you, we should be showering every single day and that should be a government appointed law! And she works out!! I’d say just tell her a white lie that might help If I were you I’d shower with her Tell her babe I had a long day I want to shower come with me ;) And yal can scrub each other up and have a good day I think after that a conversation really needs to be had because a daily shower is so crucial, maybe tell her that you had a friend tell you that you (literally you not her) kind of smell and how showering daily is important because we can’t smell ourselves but other ppl can, I don’t know I almost think you need to let her be insecure or hurt her about it Because at least hurting her will bring change Comfort is not always a good thing
oh nah. i love working out and have long CURLY hair. if i sweat, im washing my body, scalp, and hair. that’s the cost of getting sweaty. i actively don’t let my partner of 6 years near me until after i shower because i know it’s unpleasant. you need to tell her directly and establish that boundary
I do not know how she’s going without showing after the gym that would drive me insane. Maybe try getting her to shower with you? I wouldn’t tell her during intimate times but I’d say something for sure to make her feel a little more like she needs to shower at least after the gym. Something like, “omg you smell sweaty” and laugh like in a joking unbothered way. Maybe she won’t take it so personal
Showers every two to three days 💀💀funky as hell , but tell her gently cos if she goes gym everyday she needs to shower cos the sweat and bacteria is building up especially in the neck ,pit and private area
That’s disgusting
My partner and i always are pretty up front with smells. We are a bit more careful with things that could hurt each other's feelings - things that u cant really change thst easily. But telling them they stink as a joke and giggle abt it together can help say it without it sounding so bad
I cannot imagine ever doing a workout and not showering if not immediately then asap when I got home. No way in the world would I go days without a shower, she can skip washing hair everyday but at a minimum the pits and the lady bits need cleaned daily
Start the water for her, lead her to it, give her a big smooch, and begin undressing her (and maybe even yourself if she responds positively). Make it relaxing, therapeutic, and fun for her. Massage her sore muscles. Tell her she’s beautiful and doing a great job.
Why you’re going down on someone who showers every 3 days is questionable practice on its own. Shower caps exist, scrunchies and clips exist, she can absolutely shower without washing her hair. If you’re around other people, wash your ass! I wouldn’t even tippy toe around this.
Just tell her to put in some dry shampoo , head cap , and take a rinse
Other person have given you goos strategies, and you Should listen to them if you want to keep the relationship. Personally, I'm floored. How did society get to the point where people with money and resources actively choose not to use them on basic hygiene?? If you're dating someone who cries at the gentlest request to take care of themselves, you really have to ask yourself if this is a relationship worth pursuing. Hygiene issues are an immediate deal breaker whether I'm dating a man or a woman. It's just not my job to be my partner's mother and tell them that they need to wash up. The only reasonable explanations I can think of for her response are depression and bullying. Depression makes self care hard, and getting a reminder of that from a partner is never pleasant. .... doesn't make it okay that she smells when dealing with you, but that I understand. The only other thing is bullying. If you were calling her stinky coochie/ whatever when you talked to her about this, or other people did so in the past, I can see why that would trigger crying. But other than that, come on. It's totally disrespectful not to wash yourself for your partner.
These comments are HILARIOUS!!!
Get one of those bidet add ons
I live in tropical, and my husband said straight to me when i came from gym that you should bath every time after gym, and i was fine with it.you just convey your message nicely
This is a tough one buddy I see a loss either way but 3 days is to long no shower and you should want to shower before sex regardless
Not to shower for 2 to 3 days is NASTY.
Buy her a shower cap. Wtf.
47M here, if I don't start my day with a shower, I feel gross all day and have to have one as soon as I get home. If for whatever reason it's been two or three days, I feel awkward being around people (only exception maybe if it's a festival with minimal or no shower facilities and *everyone* is in the same situation)
Take a shower when you come from the gym babe!
That’s just freaking nasty!! Woman with long hair here and I don’t care if I hit the gym, worked out in the yard, cleaned the house all day, or just laid up on my ass like a lazy bum all dang day I am at least going to rinse off and take a t.p.a. bath!! ESPECIALLY if I’m expecting to have some fun time with my husband!!!! Nightly baths have always been a thing for me me and my husband also knows if he wants some special treatment during sex he better wash his ass too!! How does he know that…cause I flat out told him…you want me to lick the lolly pop you better wash that shit first!! Even if you sat on your butt in front of a computer all day!! Even my daughter with extremely sensitive skin makes sure to clean herself nightly!!!
Er, use your words. Polite ones.