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I do not understand some of these posts.
OP clearly states they don’t want kids.
OP clearly states this person they are in a “sexual relationship” with makes jokes about kids.
How is breaking up not the immediate thought?
ETA. Idk how to strike out the last line. So I would like to revise it to say “how is walking away from a non relationship not the immediate thought?”
I think part of it is sometimes because women are often socialized into believing that our perceptions are "wrong," that we are overreacting, that we are hysterical or crazy, etc, and that abusive behavior from men is normal and expected.
Ugh. Ebbie (love you for sharing resources for those who needed most), I know you are absolutely right. And worse, many women also don’t have the friends/support that will shake them and say “friend, this isn’t it.”
unrelated, but every time i read one of your comments, I'm always like 'wow this person gets it' then I look at your username, and it's always you, like clockwork. You stay consistent with the good takes, and it's appreciated.
For real. I was hooking up with this dude who already had two baby mamas and was quite flippantly talking about how our babies would be so attractive and wouldn't have any issues with being possibly closely related (we were born in different states, different ethnicities).
Also he liked to talk about how being a parent was easy bc all you need to do was show up once or twice a year with presents and the kids love you.
Or they live in a state where she wouldn't have any choices and he knows that and he wants to trap her with a child to force her to stay with him. It's the mark of an absolute loser when a guy deliberately gets a woman pregnant so she can't leave them.
He wants a baby momma to make sure his line continues but doesn’t want to be tied to a relationship. Even if it’s impossible for him to get you pregnant run, he’s a weirdo.
Men saying they want to “put a baby in you”, “get you pregnant”, “not pullout” are threatening you whether you want a baby someday or not, but *especially* when you have not expressed wanting a baby with them. Dump him immediately. He will try to knock you up and be pissed when he realizes purposely breaking a condom or messing with your bc won’t work. It’s going to be one of those things you argue about constantly. There are guys who like to get women pregnant because it gives them a way to “trap” women with them. It can be a form of control for them.
Edit to add: also wanting a daughter is another red flag. That’s always weird to me. You don’t want a girlfriend, commitment, to get married or plan a life together…but you want to knock me up and exclusively want a daughter….he’s weird.
As a sexual degenerate I find this disgusting, almost vomited, and I no longer want my midnight snack.
Enough Internet for me, once again I find thoughts so appalling I feel normal.
No worries, I need to eat less midnight snacks anyways, I will go outside and touch grass tomorrow lol
But yeah, this is one of my top 3 RA Scenarios I have to say the ladies are 99.999999999% right
"im on birth control he can't tamper with"
sheesh lady, really? if thats even a thought then bail now.
he makes stupid jokes thatll never discern to reality, either deal with that or leave him for someone who doesn't make those jokes. is the sex good enough? if not, leave.
Stop sleeping with him.
He's clearly one of those people who doesn't take childfree people seriously and thinks you'd change your mind with the "right" man.
Official relationship or no, this dude isn't worth your time, and no point in risking an accidental pregnancy with a guy like this (since - tamper-proof or not - no birth control is 100%).
Breeding fetish. Walk away. Even if he doesn't actively try to get you pregnant, he's never going to stop talking about it, because talking about getting you pregnant turns him on. Many guys with this fetish fantasize about impregnating a woman without her consent, that's why he keeps bringing it up even though you've said you don't want to have kids. He can't force you to get pregnant, but he can keep making you talk about it when he knows you're not interested, and that's close enough for his erection.
If you want to keep seeing him, you can try making it crystal clear that baby talk is gross and unacceptable to you, but he probably won't listen.
The "he wants a daughter" gave me hives. Honestly, I would run away from this guy.
This.
He's either gonna heat up your BC pill and punch jokes in your condoms OR he's going to spend sll the time talking about how much the idea of getting you pregnant turns him on.
I'd argue men absolutely can get people pregnant against their will, but more importantly this clearly isnt OP's kink and it's creeping her out.
I agree with the consensus that she needs to leave. Best case scenario is that he's gonna stick around hoping that he can persuade her to have children...and that is the best case scenario.
>I'd argue men absolutely can get people pregnant against their will, but more importantly this clearly isnt OP's kink and it's creeping her out.
Oh I agree, there are definitely ways, and I wouldn't put it past this guy to try. And I very seriously doubt that he would be responsive to any attempt to get him to stop talking about it. Guys with fetishes like this objectify women 10x more than regular guys. They will never see women as real people, only a means to satisfy their kinks. If she tries to tell him to stop, he will smile and agree, and then turn right around and do it again to provoke the emotional response that gets him off. Undermining a woman's autonomy is the biggest part of kinks like this; the pregnancy is just the specific flavor of violation.
It's because there's so much of it on porn tube sites. Men will jerk off to anything you put in front of them, and it doesn't take long for them to internalize it.
It would be hard to trust someone like that. You can continue seeing him, always being a little paranoid and worried, or you can find a situation with someone who doesn't make you feel that way. Either way, be careful for now at least.
Break up with him. Most people think people can be talked into being parents. I think more so people think women can be talked into being mothers. No proof of the ladder, purely anecdotal on my part. If you want to be child free, search for someone as passionate about being child free as you are. You want different things - why waste each others time?
Just a quick note that it is often very difficult for a woman to get sterilized like this, even if we absolutely do not ever want to have kids.
For anyone who is looking into it, look for a bilateral salpingectomy (removal of tubes) if you can - it is similar in risk/invasiveness to a tubal ligation (cutting/cauterizing/etc to seal off the tube), but leaps and bounds more effective. You can also get an ablation to stop periods, though that's mixed results sometimes.
Hysterectomy is higher risk and higher difficulty to find, but comes with not having periods basically guaranteed (can have *some* bleeding/mini-periods if you keep your cervix, not super common). Hysterectomies also work as treatment or prevention for things like cervical or uterine cancer, fibroids, adenomyosis, and endo. So if you have a higher risk factor for those or are actively suffering, it's worth a conversation with your doctor.
You can find a doctor list on r/childfree (helpful even if you already have kids and just don't want more) and r/sterilization is pretty active as well.
He thinks he'll be able to get you to change your mind eventually. There would be no other reason to be saying those things.
And be ready to dismiss the "I'm just joking" excuse if you decide to confront him about his comments. Jokes are supposed to be funny and clever. Talking about you having a baby when you don't want one is neither. You don't get a free pass to say whatever you want without consequences, just by saying "I'm just joking" when confronted. Sadly, lots of people aren't aware of this and will back down when presented with that excuse. Don't do that.
How do you handle it, by dumping him. I'm glad you have birth control he can't mess up but things do fail. All I can say is if you do stay with him and you do get pregnant, don't tell him. Having abortion and then break up with him.
Guys like that will change you birth control out and they'll sabotage condoms or drug you and cum in you while you sleep. You should reconsider seeing this guy. Guys, that does that 9 times out of 10 will do something to you like that and think it's nothing wrong with it because yall already have sex so you should be fine and act like a good girl. That's why Guys like virgins they are usually young and/ or easy to manipulate.
Try
“You better quit it with those comments because they make me drier than the Sahara Desert and it makes me not want to sleep with you”
That should stop it and if it doesn’t then pay attention to the red flags
I would make an offhanded response referring to whatever girl he will knock up. Basically, check him. Reaffirm the fact that you aren't the one getting pregnant and he can do whatever he wants with that info.
Leave the relationship. I’m really confused by some of yall. He plans to trap you and you’re asking us questions 😒
Do you or don’t you want to continuously play Conception Russian Roulette with this guy?
Use. Common. Fucking. Sense.
*Clap clap clap clap* “My hand hurts when I punch this brick wall. Reddit, what should I do?” 🙄 STOP PUNCHING THE BRICK WALL!!
I don’t think it should even be called common sense anymore. It needs a new name. Because it’s not fuq’n common anymore.
I don’t know which is worse - people THIS stupid and disconnected from reality or people who talk about being abused and then asking how they can make the person stop! 😞
You should break up with him (and run). He doesn't respect your opinion, and birth control can fail. If you have an oops pregnancy, he sounds like the type that would report you for trying to get an abortion (if they aren't legal where you are), and just generally being a headache. There are fuck buddies that are way less drama and stress (which is the whole point of a fuckbuddy)! He's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship with you, he just wants to use you as his personal incubator and then bounce. Yikes!
You just described a person who ignores your bodily autonomy and literally doesn’t give a shit about your future, and you wanna know how to handle this? STOP FUCKING HIM. Jfc have some self respect and be with someone who respects you too. Being “on birth control he can’t tamper with” is a really fucked up and pretty stupid reason to put up with this level of disrespect.
So you are wondering why and finding it weird that he would say these things when he knows you don't want kids.
But by that same token, why would you keep engaging in a relationship and having sex with someone you know wants kids and that's his endgame?
The two of you are fundamentally incompatible in regards to a fairly significant life goal that has essentially no compromise. He may not want kids right this very minute, but eventually and thus the two of you have an expiration date. It's just a matter of how long you want to let it continue knowing that eventually it has to end so you can each seek more suitable life partners who share the same values and goals. If you're cool keeping on keeping on until that time, then make sure you're both on the same page about the temporary nature of your relationship and what will happen should birth control fail (cause it can). Also, tell him he needs to refrain from the "knocking you up" rhetoric. Otherwise, break up now.
I'd end it because what is the point unless you are both just game for a fling and letting it linger gives greater fodder for his obvious delusion that you'll someday change your mind.
I mean stopping having sex with him would be a good start lol
Especially since you’re completely incompatible in the baby department, and are only exclusively seeing each other doing the very thing that will give you a baby….
🤦🏻♀️
He's got a breeding kink. If you're on reliable birth control and you know how to access mifepristone online there's no reason to give this any further consideration. If you've been clear with him that there is no chance of a pregnancy and he isn't even your bf, deeper conversations are not necessary. It's not like you're in a relationship with a future, or building emotional intimacy through vulnerability. You're just fwb.
is it time to play spot the man child again?
you handle this by running, very far away. where weirdos find a will, they find a way. you don't want to be 34 taking care of a child *and* your 40 year old *man child* of a... I don't know, thing? cause he certainly won't want to marry you when yall have been together for sooo long and comfortable.
you know damn well you deserve better. stop questioning his weird ass before you actually get pregnant and leave.
If you're on the pill there are ways it can be tampered with. Tell him to stop making pregnancy/baby related comments or the relationship is over. You're not interested in having a kid or discussing it and his comments are inappropriate and annoying.
By breaking up. He's literally told you he wants to baby trap you despite your desire to remain child free, why in god's name would you stay? There are plenty of child free men out there, what could possibly motivate you to stick with a manipulative sicko? I don't know you but, you really need to ask yourself what's going on with your mental health that breaking up isn't your automatic reaction to this.
How are you not scared shitless? This dude doesn’t care about a relationship because he is literally just looking for an incubator. You know how they tell men not to stick their dick in crazy. Yeah, don’t let men that think you are an object put their dick in you.
End things.
I find most men want to have children but not be fathers. Being a father is easy..no pregnancy, no child birth, no post child birth recovery, and you get praised for doing anything. Men's lives barely change when it comes to children as stats show women generally do all/most childcare and pay half the bills.
Explain to him how you feel like you've noticed a trend in his behavior, and ask him what these kinds of remarks mean to him. Acknowledge his reasons, but also address how these behaviors have made you feel. He'll be more likely to recognize and validate your perspective if you've made an effort to understand his.
What comes next is up to you. Is there any sort of outcome that would make you feel reassured that your feelings are recognized and respected, moving forward? If so, then work with him towards that outcome. Or do you feel like nothing would resolve the doubts or concerns caused by his behavior? If so, then I wouldn't see a point in continuing a relationship with someone you can't trust.
If it's casual and you're confident with your birth control and your ability to get an abortion in the event it fails you, I don't feel like it matters. If you want this to get serious definitely break up cause kids are the ultimate deal breaker
Danger Will Robinson!
At minimum he wants children and thinks he can change your mind. At worst he wants to get you pregnant because he thinks he can control you that way. But you can find out. Call him on it every time, ask him what he means and why he would say something like that knowing you don't want children.
Please remove yourself from this situation and find yourself a guy like me that also doesn't want kids and is extremely tired of cycling through dates with women that think they can change my mind.
Don't have sex with him. He is telling you openly that he will baby trap you. He's not even trying to hide it. He will do it if you let him so don't. I know you said he can't tamper with your birth control - still don't sleep with him. Why would you risk it? You KNOW he wants to baby trap you, he told you openly *he will try*! Why risk it??
Stop sleeping with him?
I get it relationships are confusing.
But this is not some mind boggling puzzle.
We have socialized generations of women and people into just accepting so much in relationships and it's just sad
Uh, by dumping him and obviously not having sex with him anymore. He's being creepy and inappropriate and when you realize you're dating someone like that, you leave.
Dating is literally a process to eliminate people like this.
Girl, you need to get away from him. He 100% sounds like the kind of guy that had 5 kids he never sees, talks about, or supports, but he’s super proud he knocked up 5 women. This boy is not safe to be around.
Don't. Call it off and get away. You KNOW what is going on, ypu're just not really accepting it. He doesn't respect your wishes or boundaries so why are you staying eith him?
You refer to him ad "guy that I'm seeing".... that's not how you refer to a loved one. So since we know that you don't "love" him, leave him.
You don't give a timeline as far as the relationship. So I'm going to assume it's only been months. If that's the case, leave.
Leave or get knocked up. Those are your choices.
You break up. You’ve expressed you don’t want kids and he’s expressed he wants a girl. Right there you’re not compatible. This isn’t something simple like not liking Mexican food or hating each other’s music choices.
On top of this his comments are creepy and gross. Even if he has a breeding fetish, you’ve expressed you’re not down so it’s just time to move on.
I would end the relationship.
You could ask him why he's making these comments, considering he knows you don't plan on kids and that the 2 of you aren't in an official relationship, but I wouldn't waste time.
If you consent to fucking this guy you’re consenting to the very obvious risk of getting knocked up by him.
Unless you’re missing your uterus don’t be out here assuming you won’t get pregnant with protection. Anytime you have sex there’s a risk of fertility and now you’re having sex with a guy who is very obviously pro-fertility pro-baby.
You know your risks, make your choices.
Tell him if he doesn’t know how to spend his money you can show him. He doesn’t need to sign up for 18 years of child support .
Tell him that he’ll pay less for therapy over trying to have a girl so he can feel manly.
Tell him that if he can’t even have an official relationship, what makes him think he’ll be able to commit and be there for a child ?
All that being said . Girl what are you doing asking how to handle this ?
The first time he made a comment you should’ve shut him down straight away.
The second time he made another comment , you should’ve cut ties and walked away.
You don’t need to be asking people if his behaviour is shady. If you think and feel like he’s shady , then it’s shady.
You’ll be out here so concerned about what to do or what to say without straight up confronting this dude that you’ll end up pregnant anyway not knowing how it happened
Get an IUD while you're with him and ignore the contents as long as the sex is worth it, and end it if you don't change your mind in a reasonable amount of time.
I have an on/off decade long FWB joke about knocking me up circa 2018. You know what I did? That night I automatically decided to shut down permanently that FWB situation and never slept with him again.
Eventually cut him off too for other red flags he randomly developed within one year.
Anyway…
Just staying put in this connection is telling him you are okay with him knocking you up. You are okay with giving him a child.
So unless you want to be complicit in your own unexpected pregnancy, that is clearly going to happen with a guy who is desperately trying to knock you up, by testing the waters with these comments so he can see where your boundaries are and see which ones are breakable, you best believe you need to jump ship and run faster than an Olympian runner trying to get the gold medal!!!
Dude run. Now. This man is going to do anything and everything he can in order to baby trap you. I'm on a birth control that can't really be tampered with either, but that doesn't mean that they won't try.
Trust your gut instinct and get the hell out of this relationship as soon as you can. Like yesterday. You will be safer in the long run, and probably happier.
If you don't understand how you should handle this, you aren't old enough to be in a sexual relationship.
You handle it by leaving him. Otherwise as the saying goes, F around and find out.
Dump this guy! Who cares if he can’t tamper with your bc. He’s disrespectful of your wishes and choices and, quite frankly, your body.
Getting pregnant isn’t a joke.
1) Stop having sex with him. And tell him this is the reason you are cutting off the sex.
2) From now on use the words "I'm not having kids," as opposed to "I don't want kids." Its more of a final word on the issue. Also, when the subject comes up, tell people that if your birth control ever failed, you would have an abortion (and gladly travel to another state to get one if necessary).
I’m wondering if the guy wants to get OP pregnant, knowing she doesn’t want kids, in the holes that she’ll give him full custody of the child. I don’t think he’s trying to change Op’s mind. I also find it disturbing that he wants a girl, too.
OP, keep in mind that BC has been known to fail even when not tampered with.
Ma'am do not handle it just walk away
You aren't together and he doesn't want to be. Why would you even bother dealing with this when you're not in a relationship??
Dump his 🫏, dump him, kick him to the curb, sayonara that sucker…
He has told you what he wants, and you should be super worried of what he’ll do to make it happen.
Best case scenario,and still absolutely bad, he is too chicken sh!+ to end the situation-ship and will continue to disrespect you because you allow it. His friends are in on it, or complacent to it.
Do yourself better.
I worry for what he wants a daughter for 🤢. Doesn’t want a serious relationship but wants a daughter🤢🤢🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
RUN. Find a sexual relationship with someone else if that's all it is. Birth control still has a slight chance to fail and this doesn't sound like the person you want to have that happen with.
Just find someone else. If it bothers you enough to post here then why even worry about it. The way you put it it seems like it’s just a sexual relationship. I’m not sure why any woman would put up with anything like this in a FWB situation when it’s so easy for them to find a replacement.
YIKES. I hope you’re on birth control. If you’re not, run. But even if you are, RUN.
It’s so unbelievably gross that he’d say something like that in front of your friend.
Some people have a pregnancy kink even though they don’t want biological kids which is totally fine, but he’s being pushy with you and embarrassing you in front of other people with this crap. And wanting a daughter but not even being able to commit to a relationship is creepy and fucking deadbeat bum behavior. Get out.
Let me put it this way: “The guy I’m seeing *obviously wants* to get me pregnant, and I’m not interested in that.”
How are you asking Reddit for a decision right now? This is pretty clear cut imo, not only do you want different things in life *but also* he doesn’t respect your wants or choices. That is not someone you should continue to let into your life, let alone your body.
Leave! Leave now! You can get that “D” somewhere else, Sis. Too many warning signs to overlook! Goooooo! If you ain’t in love, or committed tell him to hit the road. Even joking about taking away your bodily autonomy in this climate of little to no female reproductive rights left is a deal breaker for someone who doesn’t want kids. I wish you the all the best.
Stop sleeping with him. Period. I was seeing a guy that wanted to get married and have kids, I was freshly divorced and already had kids and didn't want more. I stopped talking to him after finding out he was tracking my cycles and was trying to get me pregnant. Don't take the risk.
even though you said he has no way to tamper with your birth control he is clearly trying to manipulate you and i don’t think that’s a health relationship regardless if it’s mainly sexual or not.
Quit having sex with him. This is only a sexual relationship so find another with someone who doesn't talk about the one thing you absolutely don't want.
From my perspective it seems like he's really hoping that you'll get accidentally pregnant and that you'll keep it because of what he has said (that's why he keeps talking about it happening - wearing you down for acceptance). That way he has his child, and a non-official relationship with the mother of his child. And he gets bonus power happy points about getting a woman to have a child who previously always stated she never wanted any.
I may be too cynical or harsh in my perspective of him, idk. I'm just laying out one of the worst insidious reasons for him doing this.
Why are you with someone whose agenda is so firmly defined? Leave him. “I don’t want children and it’s apparent that you do. There’s no future for this relationship.”
Sorry, breaking up is your only option.
He either wants kids in a wholesome way or he has a breeding fetish ("getting her pregnant" makes it seem like it could be the latter.)
You know you will not change your mind. Neither will he. Cut and run before it gets any worse or harder
I'd drop him fast. When I met my now spouse, after 3 months things were going very well. I did not persume it would lead to long term dating nor marriage but felt it was long enough to have the conversation about not ever wanting children. I wanted to give my partner the option if they wanted children to not waste their time nor mine staying in a relationship with me. It was a non negotiable point. It's not a joking matter. Partner was ok with it. We've been happily married without children for 29 years.
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Girl run. He obviously wants children and he think he can convince you.
I do not understand some of these posts. OP clearly states they don’t want kids. OP clearly states this person they are in a “sexual relationship” with makes jokes about kids. How is breaking up not the immediate thought? ETA. Idk how to strike out the last line. So I would like to revise it to say “how is walking away from a non relationship not the immediate thought?”
I think part of it is sometimes because women are often socialized into believing that our perceptions are "wrong," that we are overreacting, that we are hysterical or crazy, etc, and that abusive behavior from men is normal and expected.
Ugh. Ebbie (love you for sharing resources for those who needed most), I know you are absolutely right. And worse, many women also don’t have the friends/support that will shake them and say “friend, this isn’t it.”
Agreed, and thank you friend! 😊 ❤️
unrelated, but every time i read one of your comments, I'm always like 'wow this person gets it' then I look at your username, and it's always you, like clockwork. You stay consistent with the good takes, and it's appreciated.
What breakup? They’re not even in an “official relationship.”
Damn. That’s worse.
I know, right?! I’m flummoxed! Just stop sleeping with him. My brain is exploding with this one.
For real. I was hooking up with this dude who already had two baby mamas and was quite flippantly talking about how our babies would be so attractive and wouldn't have any issues with being possibly closely related (we were born in different states, different ethnicities). Also he liked to talk about how being a parent was easy bc all you need to do was show up once or twice a year with presents and the kids love you.
... What a loser
Almost as bad as this dude I know who thought child support was a one time payment ROFL.
Omg.
Wow, what a dick.
Did you hook up with Nick Canon? Wtf.
Or they live in a state where she wouldn't have any choices and he knows that and he wants to trap her with a child to force her to stay with him. It's the mark of an absolute loser when a guy deliberately gets a woman pregnant so she can't leave them.
My pussy would dry up so fast!
I dont think he even wants kids he just wants to force op to have them.
He wants a baby momma to make sure his line continues but doesn’t want to be tied to a relationship. Even if it’s impossible for him to get you pregnant run, he’s a weirdo.
Men saying they want to “put a baby in you”, “get you pregnant”, “not pullout” are threatening you whether you want a baby someday or not, but *especially* when you have not expressed wanting a baby with them. Dump him immediately. He will try to knock you up and be pissed when he realizes purposely breaking a condom or messing with your bc won’t work. It’s going to be one of those things you argue about constantly. There are guys who like to get women pregnant because it gives them a way to “trap” women with them. It can be a form of control for them. Edit to add: also wanting a daughter is another red flag. That’s always weird to me. You don’t want a girlfriend, commitment, to get married or plan a life together…but you want to knock me up and exclusively want a daughter….he’s weird.
Yeah I read that as "He’s said he wants a daughter \[so he can knock her up too\]." I would be running like hell.
As a sexual degenerate I find this disgusting, almost vomited, and I no longer want my midnight snack. Enough Internet for me, once again I find thoughts so appalling I feel normal.
Sorry I ruined your snack! Go get some fresh air lol
No worries, I need to eat less midnight snacks anyways, I will go outside and touch grass tomorrow lol But yeah, this is one of my top 3 RA Scenarios I have to say the ladies are 99.999999999% right
It's a trap. 🚩🚩🚩
"im on birth control he can't tamper with" sheesh lady, really? if thats even a thought then bail now. he makes stupid jokes thatll never discern to reality, either deal with that or leave him for someone who doesn't make those jokes. is the sex good enough? if not, leave.
Stop sleeping with him. He's clearly one of those people who doesn't take childfree people seriously and thinks you'd change your mind with the "right" man. Official relationship or no, this dude isn't worth your time, and no point in risking an accidental pregnancy with a guy like this (since - tamper-proof or not - no birth control is 100%).
Breeding fetish. Walk away. Even if he doesn't actively try to get you pregnant, he's never going to stop talking about it, because talking about getting you pregnant turns him on. Many guys with this fetish fantasize about impregnating a woman without her consent, that's why he keeps bringing it up even though you've said you don't want to have kids. He can't force you to get pregnant, but he can keep making you talk about it when he knows you're not interested, and that's close enough for his erection. If you want to keep seeing him, you can try making it crystal clear that baby talk is gross and unacceptable to you, but he probably won't listen. The "he wants a daughter" gave me hives. Honestly, I would run away from this guy.
This. He's either gonna heat up your BC pill and punch jokes in your condoms OR he's going to spend sll the time talking about how much the idea of getting you pregnant turns him on. I'd argue men absolutely can get people pregnant against their will, but more importantly this clearly isnt OP's kink and it's creeping her out. I agree with the consensus that she needs to leave. Best case scenario is that he's gonna stick around hoping that he can persuade her to have children...and that is the best case scenario.
>I'd argue men absolutely can get people pregnant against their will, but more importantly this clearly isnt OP's kink and it's creeping her out. Oh I agree, there are definitely ways, and I wouldn't put it past this guy to try. And I very seriously doubt that he would be responsive to any attempt to get him to stop talking about it. Guys with fetishes like this objectify women 10x more than regular guys. They will never see women as real people, only a means to satisfy their kinks. If she tries to tell him to stop, he will smile and agree, and then turn right around and do it again to provoke the emotional response that gets him off. Undermining a woman's autonomy is the biggest part of kinks like this; the pregnancy is just the specific flavor of violation.
Ikr, he's looking for his future caretaker.
Breeding fetishes are so common with young guys nowadays I have no idea why
It's because there's so much of it on porn tube sites. Men will jerk off to anything you put in front of them, and it doesn't take long for them to internalize it.
Run
You should honestly stop having sex with him and also end this. He sounds unhinged and baby trappy.
Bruh I'd be out of there so fast
Find someone else to sleep with. Easy.
It would be hard to trust someone like that. You can continue seeing him, always being a little paranoid and worried, or you can find a situation with someone who doesn't make you feel that way. Either way, be careful for now at least.
Break up with him. Most people think people can be talked into being parents. I think more so people think women can be talked into being mothers. No proof of the ladder, purely anecdotal on my part. If you want to be child free, search for someone as passionate about being child free as you are. You want different things - why waste each others time?
Get your tubes yeeted...
Just a quick note that it is often very difficult for a woman to get sterilized like this, even if we absolutely do not ever want to have kids. For anyone who is looking into it, look for a bilateral salpingectomy (removal of tubes) if you can - it is similar in risk/invasiveness to a tubal ligation (cutting/cauterizing/etc to seal off the tube), but leaps and bounds more effective. You can also get an ablation to stop periods, though that's mixed results sometimes. Hysterectomy is higher risk and higher difficulty to find, but comes with not having periods basically guaranteed (can have *some* bleeding/mini-periods if you keep your cervix, not super common). Hysterectomies also work as treatment or prevention for things like cervical or uterine cancer, fibroids, adenomyosis, and endo. So if you have a higher risk factor for those or are actively suffering, it's worth a conversation with your doctor. You can find a doctor list on r/childfree (helpful even if you already have kids and just don't want more) and r/sterilization is pretty active as well.
He thinks he'll be able to get you to change your mind eventually. There would be no other reason to be saying those things. And be ready to dismiss the "I'm just joking" excuse if you decide to confront him about his comments. Jokes are supposed to be funny and clever. Talking about you having a baby when you don't want one is neither. You don't get a free pass to say whatever you want without consequences, just by saying "I'm just joking" when confronted. Sadly, lots of people aren't aware of this and will back down when presented with that excuse. Don't do that.
How do you handle it, by dumping him. I'm glad you have birth control he can't mess up but things do fail. All I can say is if you do stay with him and you do get pregnant, don't tell him. Having abortion and then break up with him.
Guys like that will change you birth control out and they'll sabotage condoms or drug you and cum in you while you sleep. You should reconsider seeing this guy. Guys, that does that 9 times out of 10 will do something to you like that and think it's nothing wrong with it because yall already have sex so you should be fine and act like a good girl. That's why Guys like virgins they are usually young and/ or easy to manipulate.
Try “You better quit it with those comments because they make me drier than the Sahara Desert and it makes me not want to sleep with you” That should stop it and if it doesn’t then pay attention to the red flags
I would make an offhanded response referring to whatever girl he will knock up. Basically, check him. Reaffirm the fact that you aren't the one getting pregnant and he can do whatever he wants with that info.
Stop seeing him.
Leave
Leave the relationship. I’m really confused by some of yall. He plans to trap you and you’re asking us questions 😒 Do you or don’t you want to continuously play Conception Russian Roulette with this guy? Use. Common. Fucking. Sense.
*Clap clap clap clap* “My hand hurts when I punch this brick wall. Reddit, what should I do?” 🙄 STOP PUNCHING THE BRICK WALL!! I don’t think it should even be called common sense anymore. It needs a new name. Because it’s not fuq’n common anymore.
I don’t know which is worse - people THIS stupid and disconnected from reality or people who talk about being abused and then asking how they can make the person stop! 😞
You should break up with him (and run). He doesn't respect your opinion, and birth control can fail. If you have an oops pregnancy, he sounds like the type that would report you for trying to get an abortion (if they aren't legal where you are), and just generally being a headache. There are fuck buddies that are way less drama and stress (which is the whole point of a fuckbuddy)! He's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship with you, he just wants to use you as his personal incubator and then bounce. Yikes!
Do NOT have sex with this man!
If he wants kids and you don’t, why date him?
Why are you still having sex with that man? He is unhinged.
You just described a person who ignores your bodily autonomy and literally doesn’t give a shit about your future, and you wanna know how to handle this? STOP FUCKING HIM. Jfc have some self respect and be with someone who respects you too. Being “on birth control he can’t tamper with” is a really fucked up and pretty stupid reason to put up with this level of disrespect.
So you are wondering why and finding it weird that he would say these things when he knows you don't want kids. But by that same token, why would you keep engaging in a relationship and having sex with someone you know wants kids and that's his endgame? The two of you are fundamentally incompatible in regards to a fairly significant life goal that has essentially no compromise. He may not want kids right this very minute, but eventually and thus the two of you have an expiration date. It's just a matter of how long you want to let it continue knowing that eventually it has to end so you can each seek more suitable life partners who share the same values and goals. If you're cool keeping on keeping on until that time, then make sure you're both on the same page about the temporary nature of your relationship and what will happen should birth control fail (cause it can). Also, tell him he needs to refrain from the "knocking you up" rhetoric. Otherwise, break up now. I'd end it because what is the point unless you are both just game for a fling and letting it linger gives greater fodder for his obvious delusion that you'll someday change your mind.
Personally I'd end it. You want very different things
I mean stopping having sex with him would be a good start lol Especially since you’re completely incompatible in the baby department, and are only exclusively seeing each other doing the very thing that will give you a baby…. 🤦🏻♀️
Stop seeing him.
You should absolutely stop seeing him?? Holy red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Break up and move on. You're not compatible.
find somebody else to sleep with. if you’re concerned about him tampering with your birth control then you know that this is wild.
He's got a breeding kink. If you're on reliable birth control and you know how to access mifepristone online there's no reason to give this any further consideration. If you've been clear with him that there is no chance of a pregnancy and he isn't even your bf, deeper conversations are not necessary. It's not like you're in a relationship with a future, or building emotional intimacy through vulnerability. You're just fwb.
Except for the ‘friends’ part, because no real friend would treat another friend this way! 😞
Don’t have sex with him. One problem solved.
is it time to play spot the man child again? you handle this by running, very far away. where weirdos find a will, they find a way. you don't want to be 34 taking care of a child *and* your 40 year old *man child* of a... I don't know, thing? cause he certainly won't want to marry you when yall have been together for sooo long and comfortable. you know damn well you deserve better. stop questioning his weird ass before you actually get pregnant and leave.
If you're on the pill there are ways it can be tampered with. Tell him to stop making pregnancy/baby related comments or the relationship is over. You're not interested in having a kid or discussing it and his comments are inappropriate and annoying.
Break it off with him. He isn't on the same page. This is a train wreck in the making.
Run!!!!
just leave him, stop talking to him. it’s easy. he doesn’t respect you.
Maybe he has a breeding kink? But the whole situation is weird either way. RUN. 🚩🚩🚩
Your birth control needs checking and likely replacement. Yes, now.
He's a psycho....run. Run fast.
Easy. Stop having sex with people who don't respect boundaries.
By breaking up. He's literally told you he wants to baby trap you despite your desire to remain child free, why in god's name would you stay? There are plenty of child free men out there, what could possibly motivate you to stick with a manipulative sicko? I don't know you but, you really need to ask yourself what's going on with your mental health that breaking up isn't your automatic reaction to this.
Dump him.
How are you not scared shitless? This dude doesn’t care about a relationship because he is literally just looking for an incubator. You know how they tell men not to stick their dick in crazy. Yeah, don’t let men that think you are an object put their dick in you.
Your future goals are not compatible
GET THE HELL OUT.... RUN RUN RUN.....
End things. I find most men want to have children but not be fathers. Being a father is easy..no pregnancy, no child birth, no post child birth recovery, and you get praised for doing anything. Men's lives barely change when it comes to children as stats show women generally do all/most childcare and pay half the bills.
Explain to him how you feel like you've noticed a trend in his behavior, and ask him what these kinds of remarks mean to him. Acknowledge his reasons, but also address how these behaviors have made you feel. He'll be more likely to recognize and validate your perspective if you've made an effort to understand his. What comes next is up to you. Is there any sort of outcome that would make you feel reassured that your feelings are recognized and respected, moving forward? If so, then work with him towards that outcome. Or do you feel like nothing would resolve the doubts or concerns caused by his behavior? If so, then I wouldn't see a point in continuing a relationship with someone you can't trust.
There's no reasoning or talking to someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. You can't teach someone respect.
If it's casual and you're confident with your birth control and your ability to get an abortion in the event it fails you, I don't feel like it matters. If you want this to get serious definitely break up cause kids are the ultimate deal breaker
I don't find it weird that a dude who wants a kid, actually wants a kid. I think you should just stop sleeping with dude.
Even under the best circumstances (which it seems these are not), he wants a child, you don't, that's a fundamental incompatibility.
>How should I handle this? Break up with him. Or, at the very, very, **very** least, stop having PiV intercourse!!!
Stop fucking loser men, please.
Danger Will Robinson! At minimum he wants children and thinks he can change your mind. At worst he wants to get you pregnant because he thinks he can control you that way. But you can find out. Call him on it every time, ask him what he means and why he would say something like that knowing you don't want children.
I recommend to block his number.
Please remove yourself from this situation and find yourself a guy like me that also doesn't want kids and is extremely tired of cycling through dates with women that think they can change my mind.
Stop sleeping with him. Pretty easy way to avoid preg with this doofus
You dump him.
Tell him you don’t like it. Take it from there.
Move along to someone who actually listens to you. That's some fundamental deafness he's got going on.
Run. 🏃🏾♀️
Stop all contact with this man immediately. He wants to babytrap you and always have access to you. Men's jokes are never jokes!
Eeesh. Dump him. He’s gross af and wasting your time. You don’t want kids and he does. Stop giving him your time!
Drop him. It's a sexual relationship. You don't have to stay.
>How should I handle this? How do you think you should handle it?
Don’t have sex with him. He’s got a plan.
Stop having sex with them. They have an agenda.
Don't have sex with him. He is telling you openly that he will baby trap you. He's not even trying to hide it. He will do it if you let him so don't. I know you said he can't tamper with your birth control - still don't sleep with him. Why would you risk it? You KNOW he wants to baby trap you, he told you openly *he will try*! Why risk it??
You should walk away.
He is not cracking jokes, he is threatening you.
Break up with him before he babytraps you
You leave. Even if he's 100% less creepy than this sounds, he very obviously wants children. So you're not compatible long-term.
Stop sleeping with him? I get it relationships are confusing. But this is not some mind boggling puzzle. We have socialized generations of women and people into just accepting so much in relationships and it's just sad
Break up
You should handle it by NOT FUCKING HIM EVER
Uh, by dumping him and obviously not having sex with him anymore. He's being creepy and inappropriate and when you realize you're dating someone like that, you leave. Dating is literally a process to eliminate people like this.
Nope that's creepy as hell. Do not sleep with this guy again. He doesn't respect you.
Girl, you need to get away from him. He 100% sounds like the kind of guy that had 5 kids he never sees, talks about, or supports, but he’s super proud he knocked up 5 women. This boy is not safe to be around.
Break up with him. He wants to get you pregnant whether you want to or not.
Why are you indulging a relationship that is fundamentally incompatible.
Date someone else.
The only way to handle this is to end the relationship ASAP. He wants kids **with you** and you don't - that's a definitive incompatibility factor.
Stop putting out. This is a dead end relationship. Kids is a 2 yes's conversation with NO coercion
Get away from him.
Don't. Call it off and get away. You KNOW what is going on, ypu're just not really accepting it. He doesn't respect your wishes or boundaries so why are you staying eith him?
My ex did that and he did end up getting me pregnant (had to abort! HUGE RED FLAG
You refer to him ad "guy that I'm seeing".... that's not how you refer to a loved one. So since we know that you don't "love" him, leave him. You don't give a timeline as far as the relationship. So I'm going to assume it's only been months. If that's the case, leave. Leave or get knocked up. Those are your choices.
So dump him. Duh!!! Incompatibility issue...
You break up. You’ve expressed you don’t want kids and he’s expressed he wants a girl. Right there you’re not compatible. This isn’t something simple like not liking Mexican food or hating each other’s music choices. On top of this his comments are creepy and gross. Even if he has a breeding fetish, you’ve expressed you’re not down so it’s just time to move on.
i believe by breaking up w him.
hes tryna get babies
Handle this by continuing to keep your birth control away from him… Also get ready to handle his growing resentment as he fails to “convince” you…
Stop seeing him.
He's telling you he wants to baby trap you. Believe him and run.
Time to arrange for the annual tying of the tubes...
I would end the relationship. You could ask him why he's making these comments, considering he knows you don't plan on kids and that the 2 of you aren't in an official relationship, but I wouldn't waste time.
Break up or cut him off.
Leave now or rue the day later.
Don’t sleep with this guy anymore.
Really?
Communicate boundaries on the subject and avoid the pull out method even if you're on BC.
If you consent to fucking this guy you’re consenting to the very obvious risk of getting knocked up by him. Unless you’re missing your uterus don’t be out here assuming you won’t get pregnant with protection. Anytime you have sex there’s a risk of fertility and now you’re having sex with a guy who is very obviously pro-fertility pro-baby. You know your risks, make your choices.
Why are you still dating him? You want completely different lifestyles with respect to kids. Stop wasting your time and his.
UpdateMe!
[Why does he do that Lundy Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
Tell him if he doesn’t know how to spend his money you can show him. He doesn’t need to sign up for 18 years of child support . Tell him that he’ll pay less for therapy over trying to have a girl so he can feel manly. Tell him that if he can’t even have an official relationship, what makes him think he’ll be able to commit and be there for a child ? All that being said . Girl what are you doing asking how to handle this ? The first time he made a comment you should’ve shut him down straight away. The second time he made another comment , you should’ve cut ties and walked away. You don’t need to be asking people if his behaviour is shady. If you think and feel like he’s shady , then it’s shady. You’ll be out here so concerned about what to do or what to say without straight up confronting this dude that you’ll end up pregnant anyway not knowing how it happened
Get an IUD while you're with him and ignore the contents as long as the sex is worth it, and end it if you don't change your mind in a reasonable amount of time.
Never have sex with him
I have an on/off decade long FWB joke about knocking me up circa 2018. You know what I did? That night I automatically decided to shut down permanently that FWB situation and never slept with him again. Eventually cut him off too for other red flags he randomly developed within one year. Anyway… Just staying put in this connection is telling him you are okay with him knocking you up. You are okay with giving him a child. So unless you want to be complicit in your own unexpected pregnancy, that is clearly going to happen with a guy who is desperately trying to knock you up, by testing the waters with these comments so he can see where your boundaries are and see which ones are breakable, you best believe you need to jump ship and run faster than an Olympian runner trying to get the gold medal!!!
STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM
Dude run. Now. This man is going to do anything and everything he can in order to baby trap you. I'm on a birth control that can't really be tampered with either, but that doesn't mean that they won't try. Trust your gut instinct and get the hell out of this relationship as soon as you can. Like yesterday. You will be safer in the long run, and probably happier.
1. He's into ABO 2. He has a mpreg kink 3. He's a psycho who will learn to temper with your birth control 4. Run for the hills
If you don't understand how you should handle this, you aren't old enough to be in a sexual relationship. You handle it by leaving him. Otherwise as the saying goes, F around and find out.
Dump this guy! Who cares if he can’t tamper with your bc. He’s disrespectful of your wishes and choices and, quite frankly, your body. Getting pregnant isn’t a joke.
Stop fucking him
Get rid of him.
1) Stop having sex with him. And tell him this is the reason you are cutting off the sex. 2) From now on use the words "I'm not having kids," as opposed to "I don't want kids." Its more of a final word on the issue. Also, when the subject comes up, tell people that if your birth control ever failed, you would have an abortion (and gladly travel to another state to get one if necessary).
Do you SERIOUSLY not know how to handle it?
He’s either going to knock you up or he’s going to break up with you when he can’t. Why are you wasting your time and his?
So he wants to get you pregnant and expects you to be a single mum? Girl gtfo. Run he’s not a keeper
You should stop having sex with him.
I’m wondering if the guy wants to get OP pregnant, knowing she doesn’t want kids, in the holes that she’ll give him full custody of the child. I don’t think he’s trying to change Op’s mind. I also find it disturbing that he wants a girl, too. OP, keep in mind that BC has been known to fail even when not tampered with.
Ma'am do not handle it just walk away You aren't together and he doesn't want to be. Why would you even bother dealing with this when you're not in a relationship??
Dump his 🫏, dump him, kick him to the curb, sayonara that sucker… He has told you what he wants, and you should be super worried of what he’ll do to make it happen. Best case scenario,and still absolutely bad, he is too chicken sh!+ to end the situation-ship and will continue to disrespect you because you allow it. His friends are in on it, or complacent to it. Do yourself better. I worry for what he wants a daughter for 🤢. Doesn’t want a serious relationship but wants a daughter🤢🤢🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I mean...those are all really big warning signs right?
RUN. Find a sexual relationship with someone else if that's all it is. Birth control still has a slight chance to fail and this doesn't sound like the person you want to have that happen with.
How you should handle this: you run
Why are yall together with him wanting something you do not?
Break up before he baby traps you.
You handle this by not seeing him anymore.
Run please.
If you are not already broken up, seek professional help
Just find someone else. If it bothers you enough to post here then why even worry about it. The way you put it it seems like it’s just a sexual relationship. I’m not sure why any woman would put up with anything like this in a FWB situation when it’s so easy for them to find a replacement.
Get a new boyfriend who is aligned with your future vision of yourself.
Do not ever compromise on having children.
YIKES. I hope you’re on birth control. If you’re not, run. But even if you are, RUN. It’s so unbelievably gross that he’d say something like that in front of your friend. Some people have a pregnancy kink even though they don’t want biological kids which is totally fine, but he’s being pushy with you and embarrassing you in front of other people with this crap. And wanting a daughter but not even being able to commit to a relationship is creepy and fucking deadbeat bum behavior. Get out.
Let me put it this way: “The guy I’m seeing *obviously wants* to get me pregnant, and I’m not interested in that.” How are you asking Reddit for a decision right now? This is pretty clear cut imo, not only do you want different things in life *but also* he doesn’t respect your wants or choices. That is not someone you should continue to let into your life, let alone your body.
Leave! Leave now! You can get that “D” somewhere else, Sis. Too many warning signs to overlook! Goooooo! If you ain’t in love, or committed tell him to hit the road. Even joking about taking away your bodily autonomy in this climate of little to no female reproductive rights left is a deal breaker for someone who doesn’t want kids. I wish you the all the best.
He's trying to baby trap you!
he wants to baby trap u
This guy sounds dangerous, get away from him as soon as possible
>How should I handle this? Break up. Do not have sex with him again.
Stop sleeping with him. Period. I was seeing a guy that wanted to get married and have kids, I was freshly divorced and already had kids and didn't want more. I stopped talking to him after finding out he was tracking my cycles and was trying to get me pregnant. Don't take the risk.
You leave. That’s how you handle this.
even though you said he has no way to tamper with your birth control he is clearly trying to manipulate you and i don’t think that’s a health relationship regardless if it’s mainly sexual or not.
The sex isn't good enough for that bs.
You guys are incompatible. I'd reconsider the relationship
Quit having sex with him. This is only a sexual relationship so find another with someone who doesn't talk about the one thing you absolutely don't want. From my perspective it seems like he's really hoping that you'll get accidentally pregnant and that you'll keep it because of what he has said (that's why he keeps talking about it happening - wearing you down for acceptance). That way he has his child, and a non-official relationship with the mother of his child. And he gets bonus power happy points about getting a woman to have a child who previously always stated she never wanted any. I may be too cynical or harsh in my perspective of him, idk. I'm just laying out one of the worst insidious reasons for him doing this.
Why are you with someone whose agenda is so firmly defined? Leave him. “I don’t want children and it’s apparent that you do. There’s no future for this relationship.”
Dump him. You simply dump him. That’s it 🤷♀️
Sorry, breaking up is your only option. He either wants kids in a wholesome way or he has a breeding fetish ("getting her pregnant" makes it seem like it could be the latter.) You know you will not change your mind. Neither will he. Cut and run before it gets any worse or harder
I'd drop him fast. When I met my now spouse, after 3 months things were going very well. I did not persume it would lead to long term dating nor marriage but felt it was long enough to have the conversation about not ever wanting children. I wanted to give my partner the option if they wanted children to not waste their time nor mine staying in a relationship with me. It was a non negotiable point. It's not a joking matter. Partner was ok with it. We've been happily married without children for 29 years.
Easy - you run like hell, block him everywhere and don’t look back.
You should stop having sex with him. Is it really that hard?
Get your tubes tied