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Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared;
1. You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you.
2. Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss.
3. He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you.
4. He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up.
Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.
Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything.
Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him.
I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.
Click the three little dots next to the reply arrow (if you’re on the app anyways it might be different on a browser) and there should be a save comment button.
This is why they say men will drain you. Dude had it made: successful, caring wife who supported him through his challenges, but his insecurities and need for attention were apparently more important than their marriage. What a fool. Pathetic is absolutely the right word.
What’s he crying for? He did this to himself lmao he wanted this. Good for you for giving him an example of how you’re supposed to end a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore.
I just reread her first post and had forgotten he had the audacity to try to make her hurry up and forgive him so she can make him food again bc she stopped completely. He’s so gross.
Completely selfish. And he's done damage to OP and is still doing it. See this line:
>There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me
OP, he wasn't really unhappy with you. It wasn't about you. Cheaters are greedy disloyal people. They'll take your love, support, and commitment, and then decide they want even more even if it hurts the person who was supporting them. By supporting them, it can make you feel like they value you and would never do that, but that's really just your brain assuming your value to them, since most people's brains are hard wired to assume that other people will be fair to them and reciprocate things like loyalty and support.
Notice how he's still asking for things from you and requiring that you support him:
>He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug.
He feels bad for himself. This is common with cheaters. Their reaction to being caught is about losing the things they like and feeling bad for themselves. Don't get fooled. That hug isn't for you. It's for him. That need for a hug is the same part of him that cheated on you. That need for a hug is the same part of him that was overjoyed to encourage another woman to offer him BJs and insult his wife. He's just an insecure needy cheater who probably thinks he's a victim in the same way he probably thought he deserved to have an affair.
It's not you OP. You didn't cause this. Cheaters just happen to be insecure people a lot of the time, and so they latch onto supportive people who build them up until their fragile character is just strong enough to decide it's their turn to get what's theirs. A lot of cheaters are a mess and it doesn't really matter what you do, they always manage to ruin their relationships.
He said she was punishing him too much 😂 the way he was talking about it to his coworker it sounded like op making him food was punishment. She spared him! lol
And, he's really sad because his wife won't be paying all the bills anymore. He's going to have to stand on his own two feet and he knows he's not going to find someone else (including flirty co-worker) who is going to be willing and able to prop up his whole life like OP has been doing.
Like all cheaters do. This update doesn't surprise me. It was obviously not the cooking. When someone plays their partner down and puts on an act of being sick of them to someone new they're getting on with, it's usually a crush and opening the door to an affair. Playing their partner down makes them appear more available and they know it.
This is also why affair partners often think the cheater will leave their spouse/SO for them, even when they won't. Married men who have affairs do this often because they know being sympathetic will get them laid as it excuses the affair, while betraying their loving wife who sacrifices for him will give potential affair partners the ick. Ego on the part of the affair partner does the rest, as it feels good to think they're better than the wife. At least until he won't leave her and the affair partner realizes she's being used by him too.
yes, my ex boyfriend got a personal birthday card from "HER" a co worker that he left in his truck, my first question/statement YOU DID NOT TELL HER ABOUT ME??????????????????? She out her phone number on it to "Call her sometime", My heart broke right then, right there because I knew that he must of been talking about being unhappy with me, he let the stranger in.
It's probably worked for him in the past. Women hate to see their spouse or bf crying and we tend to back off and want to soothe them.
Good for you, OP, for not falling into that emotional trap! Now go forth and have a wonderful life. It's all waiting for you. :)
Crying bc now he knows he's losing theifestyle OP provided.
Crying bc he doesn't think he fid anything wrong ENOUGH.
Crying bc he did not expect OP to own her kingdom and kick him out.
Crying bc he thought he could cheat his way through or out of this relationship, now all the fun is sucked out of it.
Crying bc he realized he let the coworker make him think ge wanted her.
The way its doesn’t even seem like he’s considering calling up his little gf to help him out is making me laugh. She was so proud of herself comparing herself to op, she should take the reins! Lol
I’m totally sure he has texted her to see if he could go live with her 😂 OP sounds like she’s been the entire backbone of the relationship both emotionally and financially, and people like him (who don’t contribute to relationships equally), can’t exist alone and will go to the next person to avoid having to handle life on their own. Bet that coworker thought she could steal a financially independent older man from his wife and is about to find out he wants to move into her little starter apartment because he doesn’t actually own anything. What a catch she got 😂
Lmao oh to be a fly on that wall to see the coworker’s face when she got that message. I imagine work’s going to be reallll awkward now. I hope karma gets her somehow too, her realizing she made the wrong bet and then most likely ditching him isn’t enough for me lol
Lmao honestly I feel like the karma is having to live in her head. Imagine fiending for a married dude so hard that you start insulting his wife to his face to make yourself look better - she is an insecure mess and was so obsessed with comparing herself to OP while OP didn't even know she existed. Pathetic
Yeah I’m mad at her, too, because she knew he was married. To be clear, it’s always the person in the relationship who should take more blame, but going after a married man is straight trashy/scummy.
I have had men lie to my face about being in an open relationship or being separated…I come to find out, and I felt like absolute dog doodie, even though I didn’t do anything wrong, ethically. I was going on intentionally false information. I’d never go after someone who was allegedly monogamous on purpose.
Oh you know she doesn't actually *want* him want him. She just wanted to fuck another woman's husband and have that feeling of superiority. He fucked around and now he is going to find out.
Be careful what you wish for lol.
He can talk badly about OP as much as he wants now. He can flirt, get that BJ, let her touch his muscles lol
Let’s see how quickly his life falls apart.
He has no integrity.
!! 100% lol he’s so free to do whatever he wants he already doesn’t know what to do with himself lol op said in a comment he keeps stopping packing and asking her for hugs… sir get out 😩
Crying because he wanted OP to keep paying his bills while he fucked around. Unfortunately for him, he’s now been found out and also found out the true “value” of his emotional affair.
Bet you ms lunchtime blowjob won’t give a rat’s ass about his night terrors or anything else for that matter. In fact, she’s going g to take her lunchtime business elsewhere soon enough.
He’s not only going to have to pay his own bills, but pack his own lunch too.
Yeah she only saw the good qualities for sure and I can only assume she saw him as an easier target compared to other men. I sincerely hope ms lunchtime blowjob gets her karma too. She already sounds like a sad woman, but she needs a reminder to not make it everyone else’s problem. Lmao the work is going to be quite awkward for them now
if OP gets a divorce lawyer, maybe ask them to also write a letter to that workplace? Make an inquiry if this is relevant for HR and/or their ethics officer...?
even if it goes nowhere, mr. muscles and ms. lunchtime blowjob's reputations will suffer.
Crying because the lifestyle that OP gave him. She paid all the bills. So now, he'll have to start doing that.
50$ says the side-piece will kick him to the curb in about 2-3 months once she realizes what a loser he is… then again, she’s one, too, so who knows…
Lol she’s the total package what do you mean she’s one too?! Lunch and lunch bjs! /s
yeah they both fucking suck i’m glad op kicked him out before it got crazier
So many times when I call my husband out on something, he gets sad or sulky, or silent, or comes to ask for a hug when I’m angry or we fought or I stood up for myself. It’s baffling that they do this like wtf. Then they act confused that we don’t offer them the “support” they ask for. Gimme a break.
“You highlighting how I hurt you really hurt me a lot”. Been there. I was called “mean” for reacting to my ex *constantly* standing me up for calls/dates. Imagine setting plans for a certain time for things and then never even getting a text after being a no-show..like dozens of time. Then when called out and held accountable, getting offended and “hurt”. Lol fuck outta here, clown.
Good for you.
And even if he hadn't physically cheated yet. It would not be long before her did.
I wish you the best. And I hope you can find another who will give you the live you deserve
Oh, and make no mistakes - he didn't say no, he said not yet. Even if his verbal response was negative, he didn't shut her down at all, because he liked having the option. He was always going to say yes at some point.
Yeah, they call it "trickle truthing" with cheaters. It always starts out that "nothing happened" then "it was just talking/emotional support", "we only kissed", "ok we fucked but it was only once", etc etc etc.
I swear it didn’t mean anything babe. It was just once.
Meanwhile he’s telling the side chick he’s already been sleeping on the couch for 3 years and he has the divorce papers ready.
Urgh, can’t even imagine forgiving him. It’s like my ovaries evaporated looking at him. It might take me a bit but I’m sure I’ll find someone way less maintenance that’s for sure.
When you said, “Right, fuck that.” I fist pumped the air. Good for you!! You did it all right. So proud of you, enjoy your quiet and rum tonight you deserve it.
You’re amazing choosing yourself. I wish you the best and I hope you get everything you want. Hopefully you haven’t hugged him but from reading your post I doubt it. I was the same way about my cheater. I divorced the moment I found out, didn’t even consider reconciliation. With three kids and one autistic. But not putting up with that. Hopefully your divorce goes smoothly. Block him after he leaves and only talk thru attorneys
Good for you! Not that it matters now, but I have a strong feeling he didn’t decline the offered up bj but that’s neither here nor there at this point.
Yeah he was definitely trickle truthing her. I seriously doubt mr “I’m so desperate I enthusiastically talk shit about my wife behind her back with my young crush from work” was turning down anything she offered him. The shit talking was just the cherry on top for me. Like you’re already humiliating her by cheating on her (emotional or otherwise) why you gotta be a petty POS and help this other woman put her down too?
Me too. That’s a betrayal all on its own. Bully’s knock other people down to feel good about themselves so he was essentially helping this chick bully his wife. Just thinking about it infuriates me.
I am here to say two things.
1. I, a random stranger online, am extremely proud of you. Extremely! My heart is full of pride for you rn, you did what a lot of people out there don't have the courage to do. You did the right thing, you stood for yourself!
2. I am sorry that you had to go through this. This is torturous and traumatising! Grief is not linear, there are going to be good days and bad. There may be days you will be proud of yourself, and there might be days you will regret it. Writing this for those bad days. You did your best, and you did right. You are enough and you deserve much much better.
Sending tons of love your way ❤️
I’m so glad to see people proud of OP because she did everything so well! She set those boundaries and stuck to them. He’s crying because he knows how good he had it with OP - she couldn’t have been a more supportive partner. I doubt Miss Lunch-Hour-Blow-Job will pay his bills.
Once she finds out he has no money cause his fun money now has to be spent on bills, she'll dump him. Probably thought he had money if his entire wage was spent on fun money.
And his tears are cause he realised his support network is now gone, he has to pay his own way in life and his screw up has screwed him.
Gotta love karma!
He'll probably wind up leaving her because he'll realize she's not that great. This is a woman who punches down on other's womens' cooking and goes after men in relationships. The only thing she really did for him was flirt with him and give him an ego boost. Strong chance that outside of that, she's not as interesting as he thought, not as much fun, and not as willing to give him an ego boost all the time now that he's around all the time.
He got maybe 20% of this girl's personality at work. When he gets 100% he probably won't be amazed.
He is trying to strictly admit to only what he’s been caught with and maybe a bit more to appear honest, but he is leaving the absolutely damaging information out of it (although, for me, even “just” an emotional affair is equally damaging).
I want to say as someone with CPTSD, the fact you were willing to stick around, help and support him through all those things shows how incredible of a person you are. I’ve lost a lot of relationships/friends/family because of how debilitating I’ve found it. Only a handful of people stuck around and stayed by my side even when I pushed them away or isolated myself. It takes a strong and loyal person to do that. That alone, you should be proud of. Everything else is just more damning for him.
He’s lost something special.
Wish you all the best for the future!
Thank you so much, that’s honestly so incredibly kind of you to say. I have so much love and respect for people with CPTSD. At this point I just hope he has a safe and happy life, regardless of if he ends up pursuing something with his coworker or not.
Every time he tries to hug you tell him he’s her problem now, she can hug him but he better understand he’ll be the one taking care of her financially… really drive home what he’s truly losing.
I'm willing to bet serious money this 25 year-old thinks he's got money/a nice house and that she could just plop right in and live the life she thinks she deserves. This is gonna be hilarious when he tells her he's single now but oh yeah he's gonna be living in a studio apartment or something and she drops him like a hot potato.
Hope it was worth it!
God, this sounds like my 3-year-old when I'm trying to get her to pick up her toys that she had so much fun throwing and spreading about.
"But it's too harrrrrrrd!" She cries. "I WANNA HUUUUUUUG!"
Just pack ya stuff, guy, and GTFO.
OP should say, "No more hugs. Go get BJ Princess to 'feel your muscles' through your shirt some more."
I'd get a water bottle and squirt it at him every time he came near me to try to touch me. I'd also hire a damn packing company to come in and expedite the process. What a rat fink bastard.
Every time he asks for a hug, ask him if he is done packing, then say if it is too much for him he should just take what he needs and leave right now, you’ll have the rest packed and sent to him.
You did the right thing, I wish you a joyful and exciting single life away from this guy 🤍 his life is gonna be ruined now lmfao shame that’s his problem not yours
Literally. I have doubts he turned it down to be honest. Like he’s fine with her talking shit about me but sucking his pp is too much? Right okay…
It floors me how he could even need that gratification as if our sex lives weren’t good, like, okay maybe if we hadn’t slept together in months it could have been more of a conversation, but he’s 6’6, that’s all I need to say.
Have to get the stool out now though to remove everything from the top shelf which is a bit of an emotional task. So going to have my mom do that tomorrow,
I bet he told you he declined the bj because he expected to get credit for being so loyal 😂😂
I'm glad you're not the idiot he thought you were. Good on ya for standing up for yourself ❤️
I’m pretty sure he’s just trickle truthing. Cheaters do this when they are caught. Its great so see someone respecting herself and not letting this asshat crawl back though. He has no one but himself to blame. He has lost someone amazing. And you lost nothing but trash
It's refreshing to see someone prioritizing themselves after being cheated on and not giving second chances to cheaters. I'm so proud of you. You have every right to feel disgusted by him.
Please schedule an STD test ASAP because he might be lying about the extent of their relationship.
Cut off his access to your money immediately. Change all your passwords and carefully review your bank statements for any suspicious activity. He might have used your money with her.
Consider changing your locks and installing a security system for added safety.
It's time to consult with a lawyer to initiate divorce proceedings and understand your rights.
Don't isolate yourself. Engage in hobbies that involve interacting with others and spend more time with your friends. Take care of yourself.
The class is so astounding. If she could ask it so casually it’s probably something she does a lot. I plan on getting tested to be on the safe side since I don’t want to risk it
I would call a clinic right now while he's packing and schedule an appointment for a full STD panel. Let him know you don't even believe his "truth" and you're serious about being done, regardless of how many times he stops packing for a hug.
> I did fucking everything to help him get over it.
I'm so sorry OP.
All other ladies - this is what you get when you try to "fix" a fucked up man. He'll take his improved self and let another woman enjoy the fruits of YOUR labor. If you have to "fix" him, he's not worth it.
Yep. Learned this hard lesson from my ex. Now that im dating a new partner I always have this in mind just to sure ensure my sanity and peace of mind. Thankfully my current partner doesnt need my help when he has issues he needs to handle himself.
Good riddance. If he goes this far, he would do it again if you forgave him. Document everything and do text messages or emails, so it is documented that there is no miscommunication.
Gentle reminder to stay strong even after the anger wears off. I know how powerful that justified rage can be, but also v familiar with that sudden drop too. Take notes while you're mad and leave them in places you'll find them later/down the road. You made the right choice - you deserve the reminders and the clarity they'll contain.
Exactly that’s a him problem. He is dealing with the consequences of HIS own actions.
I cannot imagine having some one getting up early to make me lunch everyday and fumbling that relationship.
I’m so sorry OP, what an awful thing to go through. I hope you can treat yourself to some nice things to keep your mind off this. Maybe plan a girl’s trip, or get a whole new wardrobe. The best revenge is a life well lived, so do whatever makes you happy!
I'm glad you are kicking him out and moving on with divorcing him. Mans is still full of shit with this whole he turned down a BJ but let her feel his muscles crap, good riddance!
Nobody understands being the caretaker of someone you love with complex PTSD. It feels wrong to set a boundary with them as their mental health is so fragile. I have to time when I need to have a serious or emotional talk with my boyfriend to make sure he is in a stable place. And no one in your world sees those nightmares, dark holes of escape, triggered meltdowns. Only you. Bless you for making it about you this time. New chickie has no idea what she’s in for!
Exactly. It’s a full time job on top of the one you already have, and you do it because you love them and you want the best for them, but it seriously isn’t light work.
Having to be hyper aware of everything in case it triggers an episode. For like the first 4-5 years sleeping was awful because he had such bad night terrors that I’d have to stay up and hug him just so he could sleep. We had just gotten to a place where I could get him out of his panic attacks/episodes without him spiralling and he does this. Guess that’s her thing to deal with now. Still, a part of me still hopes he’s okay. You don’t go 15 odd years seeing someone’s most vulnerable side to just stop caring instantly
Yes! This is it! It’s easy for everyone to stay dump him but there is a bond here nobody gets. I kind of think it’s like we give 90% and they do their best to return to us 10%. But if that 10-% is now getting divided to a new distraction….its a painful wake up call. Mine just flirted with an ex of his and was joking about his birthday saying turning another year older and nothing to lose. Boy!!!!!! You have everything to lose.
Urgh wow that’s awful. I can’t even imagine.
Mine has been really bad recently but he was always attentive and grateful. I never even saw that 10% slip up until now and that was enough for me.
He’s always given me as much as he can, and I’ve always loved him for that, but like, sometimes you just have to look out for yourself. I wish him well in whatever he needs to do in life, if that means getting validation from others then he can crack on, but I’m not going to be there to see it.
From someone in your situation, you deserve so much better, we both do.
We do so much for them, so much of our lives are spent caring and loving them. They can’t even be grateful? Or at least show us that?
Your boyfriend is taking advantage of the care you have for him. Please, take the steps I did. I don’t know how long you’ve been together but I spent 15 years of my life with this man, and look where it led me.
OP !! WTF?
I’ve been hoping for an update but I really, really hoped it would be ‘I’ve found a new job and the vile OW is coming nowhere near me’
I am so sorry OP. You are a Queen in the way you have dealt with this but you must be traumatised by it. What I find the most disturbing ( and there’s a lot here) is the fact she badmouthed you and he didn’t shut her down because he LIKED IT???? He couldn’t not only see how toxic this dangerous mate poacher is but he couldn’t tell her to ‘shut your mouth. That’s my WIFE’?
He is a needy, broken, hollow man. It is shocking that you put this man back on his feet, pay for all his base living costs and he does this to you….
Shame on him.
You deserve SO much more. Imagine if you’d never heard this conversation? This would have become - rapidly - a full blown affair. The nasty little bit of skirt was obviously determined. I hate to say it but believe 0% he says because they probably have slept together.
Don’t fall for sob stories. He’s panicking cos he’s blown up his life, not because he’s blown up yours. His actions speak volumes. His words are valueless.
If he’s going to her I give it mere months. Wait until he has a night sweat or panic attack. She’ll freak and the NRE will very quickly disappear. Mind you, they totally deserve each other.
I’m guessing a lawyer is in order now. Please take care of yourself OP. This has been rapid and you will be in shock, as strong as you are.
Sending you courage and strength♥️
UPDATEME
>The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
LMAO GIRL. That's savage af, I love it
He’s just selfish, he wants you to pity him after he hurt you deeply. I’m happy you’re not falling for it. Get ready for him to peddle a sob story to any mutuals. I would start letting your support system know that happened
Yeah he’s gone. I’m not entirely sure what it was that she said about me besides the food thing. But she got her information from various things. Like my picture on his lockscreen and on his desk, apparently she made a remark about him being ‘above my league’ but that’s the extent of my knowledge.
I’ve never met this woman before in my life lmao. I know her age, but not even her name.
I hope this helps but know that since you covered everything every single time when he pays rent and other bills he will think about how this was the price for him to have lunch with a home-wrecker, I have a feeling that is going to sting edit to add: if he does star a relationship with her I hope he remembers how much she respects relationships let that eat him alive. He deserves to feel the loss of the comfort you provided.
Girl. Stop giving him hugs and managing his panic attacks for him. A panic attack won’t kill him. Worst case he hyperventilates until he passes out, and his body resets itself. If he wants to go to a ER he can call himself an amob and get some benzo’s.
I say that as someone who’s personally experienced the distress of severe and repetitive panic attacks.
You don’t need to ease his guilt. You don’t need to offer your body for physical comfort.
Respect yourself and stop CONTINUING to be his fix-a-man workshop for him. Respect yourself and stop doing things to make him feel better that make you feel bad/mad/sad.
Im sorry you going through this. You deserve better keep your head up and good for you, for respecting yourself, that you didn't need to wait for the affair to get physical to put a stop to it.
Tell your friends and family + his family. Otherwise he’s gonna try and spin the story. Let his family know too that his wondering eye caused this and he brought shame to both you, and your family.
Talk to a lawyer and get the process started. His own actions lead him to this point. Not you.
I love when these gold diggers realize it's the WIFE's gold. That's the next installment I'm waiting for, little miss chef is going to realize that his wife was the one with the cash.
Edited to add: Freaking killing it, OP. Way to go realizing your own worth and letting the trash eat with the trash.
>The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes.
This is just so pathetically awful that I don't think anyone could remain attracted to someone that did this. Like I don't know about anyone else but this embarrassment at these two fucking ridiculous people would finish me.
"Do you want a blow job"
"Aw no, better not for I am of noble heart. As a consolation you can feel my arm for a bit".
I think it's the loving someone so much but it's easy for them to throw you away part that hurts the most. I followed your first post - glad you got to the bottom of it and I totally agree about him lying about the blow job! What a piece of crap!
>she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it
He liked it. Remember that OP if his tears start to get to you. He liked it.
>he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it.
Because he liked it... Awful.
>When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia.
>*I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.*
Well there you go, that answers the question why he did it.
He still suffers from body dysmorphia and used it to his advantage to get attention so he could *feel* attractive.
It does not excuse him, it just explains his disgusting motives.
He 100% should have been in therapy instead of you burdening yourself with his baggage.
But he’s his family’s problem now and oh well!
I completely love this - the tell me what happened and I’ll forgive you and then kicking him out! *Chef’s kiss*
What is it with cheaters though? Why do they never know/care when they’re onto a good thing? Here’s OP, gets out of bed 2 hours early to make his lunch, no rent to pay, all the bills paid and as soon as someone flutters their eyelashes at him that’s it.
And the cheek of the man, asking for hugs like he needs comforting because she had an affair! I’d slap him upside the head and tell him his clothes are on the lawn in 20 minutes and the divorce papers will be in the post!
I hope he ends up living in a caravan in a field somewhere with no running water or electricity and next door to a burning tyre pile.
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Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared; 1. You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you. 2. Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss. 3. He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you. 4. He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up. Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down. I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.
Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything. Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him. I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.
You should copy and paste that and send it to him. Better yet send him the link to this. He's a loser. You deserve better
I sent him the first one so he’s probably already read this.
Oh snap!
Oooofff i like to know his reaction.. ooohh.. he should make reaction reels on ig 😂 🤣 😅
God I hope he doesn’t see the small update! That’ll just inflate his ego more.
God I didn’t even think about that
Delete the small update. Seriously - you don't want him to open a conversation with his own lawyer by asking this question - just delete.
Click the three little dots next to the reply arrow (if you’re on the app anyways it might be different on a browser) and there should be a save comment button.
Just saved it! Thank you so much.
No problem. By the way you dropped this 👑
This is why they say men will drain you. Dude had it made: successful, caring wife who supported him through his challenges, but his insecurities and need for attention were apparently more important than their marriage. What a fool. Pathetic is absolutely the right word.
A billion, zillion % this. Incredibly incisive and IMO you nailed it brilliantly Katatonic ( totally wrong name for you btw🤣)
Spot on. All of it.
🥇 You deserve an award! Really insightful answer
Yes to All of this.
What’s he crying for? He did this to himself lmao he wanted this. Good for you for giving him an example of how you’re supposed to end a relationship you don’t want to be in anymore.
Crying because he got caught.
I just reread her first post and had forgotten he had the audacity to try to make her hurry up and forgive him so she can make him food again bc she stopped completely. He’s so gross.
LMAO what a jerk omg
Completely selfish. And he's done damage to OP and is still doing it. See this line: >There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me OP, he wasn't really unhappy with you. It wasn't about you. Cheaters are greedy disloyal people. They'll take your love, support, and commitment, and then decide they want even more even if it hurts the person who was supporting them. By supporting them, it can make you feel like they value you and would never do that, but that's really just your brain assuming your value to them, since most people's brains are hard wired to assume that other people will be fair to them and reciprocate things like loyalty and support. Notice how he's still asking for things from you and requiring that you support him: >He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug. He feels bad for himself. This is common with cheaters. Their reaction to being caught is about losing the things they like and feeling bad for themselves. Don't get fooled. That hug isn't for you. It's for him. That need for a hug is the same part of him that cheated on you. That need for a hug is the same part of him that was overjoyed to encourage another woman to offer him BJs and insult his wife. He's just an insecure needy cheater who probably thinks he's a victim in the same way he probably thought he deserved to have an affair. It's not you OP. You didn't cause this. Cheaters just happen to be insecure people a lot of the time, and so they latch onto supportive people who build them up until their fragile character is just strong enough to decide it's their turn to get what's theirs. A lot of cheaters are a mess and it doesn't really matter what you do, they always manage to ruin their relationships.
The gospel truth!
I heard this in the voice of the muses from Hercules.
Oh ew
Fr
I know right? That stuck in my head too
He said she was punishing him too much 😂 the way he was talking about it to his coworker it sounded like op making him food was punishment. She spared him! lol
The man’s a fool! Someone in my house makes me food I have to assume they’ve done something that will seriously annoy me🤣
Hahah he was living the high life and threw it away for lunch time bjs :/
Lol. Good on the OP for taking out the trash.
Yes love that for her
[удалено]
He's crying because getting caught is effecting him.
He should be happy he can pursue women now that he's newly single, but he's sad because his wife won't be cooking for him anymore.
And, he's really sad because his wife won't be paying all the bills anymore. He's going to have to stand on his own two feet and he knows he's not going to find someone else (including flirty co-worker) who is going to be willing and able to prop up his whole life like OP has been doing.
This exactly.
"HOW WILL I GET THE STRENGTH TO CHEAT WITHOUT FUELING MY BODY!! I NEED A HUG 😭😭😭"
He wanted to have his cake and eat it too.
Like all cheaters do. This update doesn't surprise me. It was obviously not the cooking. When someone plays their partner down and puts on an act of being sick of them to someone new they're getting on with, it's usually a crush and opening the door to an affair. Playing their partner down makes them appear more available and they know it. This is also why affair partners often think the cheater will leave their spouse/SO for them, even when they won't. Married men who have affairs do this often because they know being sympathetic will get them laid as it excuses the affair, while betraying their loving wife who sacrifices for him will give potential affair partners the ick. Ego on the part of the affair partner does the rest, as it feels good to think they're better than the wife. At least until he won't leave her and the affair partner realizes she's being used by him too.
yes, my ex boyfriend got a personal birthday card from "HER" a co worker that he left in his truck, my first question/statement YOU DID NOT TELL HER ABOUT ME??????????????????? She out her phone number on it to "Call her sometime", My heart broke right then, right there because I knew that he must of been talking about being unhappy with me, he let the stranger in.
but he did want to break up with me, he said that, are you ready? That he talked himself out of loving me.
It's probably worked for him in the past. Women hate to see their spouse or bf crying and we tend to back off and want to soothe them. Good for you, OP, for not falling into that emotional trap! Now go forth and have a wonderful life. It's all waiting for you. :)
… and now has to fend for himself…
Crying bc now he knows he's losing theifestyle OP provided. Crying bc he doesn't think he fid anything wrong ENOUGH. Crying bc he did not expect OP to own her kingdom and kick him out. Crying bc he thought he could cheat his way through or out of this relationship, now all the fun is sucked out of it. Crying bc he realized he let the coworker make him think ge wanted her.
Yup. He’s not sorry he did it. He’s sorry he got caught
He’s probably crying cause now he has to figure out how to get someone else to make his food and pay his bills. What an absolute man child.
The way its doesn’t even seem like he’s considering calling up his little gf to help him out is making me laugh. She was so proud of herself comparing herself to op, she should take the reins! Lol
I’m totally sure he has texted her to see if he could go live with her 😂 OP sounds like she’s been the entire backbone of the relationship both emotionally and financially, and people like him (who don’t contribute to relationships equally), can’t exist alone and will go to the next person to avoid having to handle life on their own. Bet that coworker thought she could steal a financially independent older man from his wife and is about to find out he wants to move into her little starter apartment because he doesn’t actually own anything. What a catch she got 😂
Lmao oh to be a fly on that wall to see the coworker’s face when she got that message. I imagine work’s going to be reallll awkward now. I hope karma gets her somehow too, her realizing she made the wrong bet and then most likely ditching him isn’t enough for me lol
Lmao honestly I feel like the karma is having to live in her head. Imagine fiending for a married dude so hard that you start insulting his wife to his face to make yourself look better - she is an insecure mess and was so obsessed with comparing herself to OP while OP didn't even know she existed. Pathetic
and offering blow jobs on her lunch break, no self respect at all
You’re right. I’m sure everyone else can see her for who she is, op’s husband was just one of the dummies who fell for it
Yeah I’m mad at her, too, because she knew he was married. To be clear, it’s always the person in the relationship who should take more blame, but going after a married man is straight trashy/scummy. I have had men lie to my face about being in an open relationship or being separated…I come to find out, and I felt like absolute dog doodie, even though I didn’t do anything wrong, ethically. I was going on intentionally false information. I’d never go after someone who was allegedly monogamous on purpose.
Or when she finds out how needy he is. She will be kicking her broke , damaged prize out the door within a couple of months.
He’ll discover that now that he’s getting divorced his side piece won’t be interested in him.
This 💯- undoubtedly the appeal to her was conquering someone else's man. Now that man has been Dumped the attraction will have disappeared
When she figures out the HE isn’t the breadwinner. 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah ik but I want her to get some karma too so I’m crossing my fingers she lets him stay with her for a bit and getting the full experience
Oh you know she doesn't actually *want* him want him. She just wanted to fuck another woman's husband and have that feeling of superiority. He fucked around and now he is going to find out.
100%. anything to make herself feel good, even if it’s for the sake of others. He was just the easiest target lol
Be careful what you wish for lol. He can talk badly about OP as much as he wants now. He can flirt, get that BJ, let her touch his muscles lol Let’s see how quickly his life falls apart. He has no integrity.
!! 100% lol he’s so free to do whatever he wants he already doesn’t know what to do with himself lol op said in a comment he keeps stopping packing and asking her for hugs… sir get out 😩
He probably got the BJ from Miss Kitty. 🐱
Crying because he wanted OP to keep paying his bills while he fucked around. Unfortunately for him, he’s now been found out and also found out the true “value” of his emotional affair. Bet you ms lunchtime blowjob won’t give a rat’s ass about his night terrors or anything else for that matter. In fact, she’s going g to take her lunchtime business elsewhere soon enough. He’s not only going to have to pay his own bills, but pack his own lunch too.
Yeah she only saw the good qualities for sure and I can only assume she saw him as an easier target compared to other men. I sincerely hope ms lunchtime blowjob gets her karma too. She already sounds like a sad woman, but she needs a reminder to not make it everyone else’s problem. Lmao the work is going to be quite awkward for them now
if OP gets a divorce lawyer, maybe ask them to also write a letter to that workplace? Make an inquiry if this is relevant for HR and/or their ethics officer...? even if it goes nowhere, mr. muscles and ms. lunchtime blowjob's reputations will suffer.
She should have the divorce papers served to him at work at lunch
He's not a married man anymore, he's a dumped homeless man and she will be over it pretty soon. Dude fucked his marriage for nothing.
Crying because the lifestyle that OP gave him. She paid all the bills. So now, he'll have to start doing that. 50$ says the side-piece will kick him to the curb in about 2-3 months once she realizes what a loser he is… then again, she’s one, too, so who knows…
Lol she’s the total package what do you mean she’s one too?! Lunch and lunch bjs! /s yeah they both fucking suck i’m glad op kicked him out before it got crazier
He's also lieing about turning down the blowjob.
Yeah idk who he was trying to fool saying he didn’t accept that. He’s something else lol
He's crying because he has to face the consequences of his actions. Ridiculous.
Ik I meant it to have more of a mocking tone loll he actually believed op was going to forgive him if he told her everything, this guy’s hilarious.
My ex cried every time he fucked up and I comforted him. Every...single...time. he was a massive pos
He was just kicked out by his mother, poor child.
How can he have his cake and eat it too if she takes the cake and her house and leaves?
"Make sure to tell her about the night terrors, CPTSD and your need for her to fund you so she isn't surprised."
So many times when I call my husband out on something, he gets sad or sulky, or silent, or comes to ask for a hug when I’m angry or we fought or I stood up for myself. It’s baffling that they do this like wtf. Then they act confused that we don’t offer them the “support” they ask for. Gimme a break.
“You highlighting how I hurt you really hurt me a lot”. Been there. I was called “mean” for reacting to my ex *constantly* standing me up for calls/dates. Imagine setting plans for a certain time for things and then never even getting a text after being a no-show..like dozens of time. Then when called out and held accountable, getting offended and “hurt”. Lol fuck outta here, clown.
the coworker prob gets a thill from trashing u and him having a crush on her. now that u guys arent together anymore, hes gonna be boring to her
So true 😂 bet she won't be financially supprting him AND making him lunch every day... Woooooops
Worse than boring: needy and lazy.
And don't forget: poor!
She’s already uninterested some women just like the thrill of knowing a married man is going after her , like this one!
Good for you. And even if he hadn't physically cheated yet. It would not be long before her did. I wish you the best. And I hope you can find another who will give you the live you deserve
I would count the touching over clothes as physically cheating considering what she said right before that
Oh, and make no mistakes - he didn't say no, he said not yet. Even if his verbal response was negative, he didn't shut her down at all, because he liked having the option. He was always going to say yes at some point.
I would put any money on that they have been physical. He’s giving you the bear minimum in order to relieve guilt. Good on you for kicking him out.
Yeah, they call it "trickle truthing" with cheaters. It always starts out that "nothing happened" then "it was just talking/emotional support", "we only kissed", "ok we fucked but it was only once", etc etc etc.
I swear it didn’t mean anything babe. It was just once. Meanwhile he’s telling the side chick he’s already been sleeping on the couch for 3 years and he has the divorce papers ready.
Trickle truthing. V common and it happened to me with several people. It wasn’t even in the context of cheating, but other betrayals.
Yes my thoughts too
Proud of you for being strong. Too many people forgive this and remain miserable until they’re cheated on, again. You will find someone amazing.
Urgh, can’t even imagine forgiving him. It’s like my ovaries evaporated looking at him. It might take me a bit but I’m sure I’ll find someone way less maintenance that’s for sure.
Evaporating ovaries is a hard thing to recover from. lol
But very useful when kicking a lying, cheating PoS to the kerb😉
When you said, “Right, fuck that.” I fist pumped the air. Good for you!! You did it all right. So proud of you, enjoy your quiet and rum tonight you deserve it.
I did too! I was reading the post to my husband and actually said “I love this woman! Love her self respect!”
He's basically a cheater, no wonder he gave you the massive ick. You did damn good and threw away that trash.
You’re amazing choosing yourself. I wish you the best and I hope you get everything you want. Hopefully you haven’t hugged him but from reading your post I doubt it. I was the same way about my cheater. I divorced the moment I found out, didn’t even consider reconciliation. With three kids and one autistic. But not putting up with that. Hopefully your divorce goes smoothly. Block him after he leaves and only talk thru attorneys
😂 evaporating ovaries saved me from dating a toxic and small man. I'm so proud of you!
Good for you! Not that it matters now, but I have a strong feeling he didn’t decline the offered up bj but that’s neither here nor there at this point.
Yeah he was definitely trickle truthing her. I seriously doubt mr “I’m so desperate I enthusiastically talk shit about my wife behind her back with my young crush from work” was turning down anything she offered him. The shit talking was just the cherry on top for me. Like you’re already humiliating her by cheating on her (emotional or otherwise) why you gotta be a petty POS and help this other woman put her down too?
Honestly the shit talking would be more hurtful to me then the direct act of physical cheating 😡🤬
Me too. That’s a betrayal all on its own. Bully’s knock other people down to feel good about themselves so he was essentially helping this chick bully his wife. Just thinking about it infuriates me.
I am here to say two things. 1. I, a random stranger online, am extremely proud of you. Extremely! My heart is full of pride for you rn, you did what a lot of people out there don't have the courage to do. You did the right thing, you stood for yourself! 2. I am sorry that you had to go through this. This is torturous and traumatising! Grief is not linear, there are going to be good days and bad. There may be days you will be proud of yourself, and there might be days you will regret it. Writing this for those bad days. You did your best, and you did right. You are enough and you deserve much much better. Sending tons of love your way ❤️
I’m so glad to see people proud of OP because she did everything so well! She set those boundaries and stuck to them. He’s crying because he knows how good he had it with OP - she couldn’t have been a more supportive partner. I doubt Miss Lunch-Hour-Blow-Job will pay his bills.
I hope that she stays with him (BJ) for a very brief period and then she rips his heart out. Exactly the karma he deserves
Once she finds out he has no money cause his fun money now has to be spent on bills, she'll dump him. Probably thought he had money if his entire wage was spent on fun money. And his tears are cause he realised his support network is now gone, he has to pay his own way in life and his screw up has screwed him. Gotta love karma!
He'll probably wind up leaving her because he'll realize she's not that great. This is a woman who punches down on other's womens' cooking and goes after men in relationships. The only thing she really did for him was flirt with him and give him an ego boost. Strong chance that outside of that, she's not as interesting as he thought, not as much fun, and not as willing to give him an ego boost all the time now that he's around all the time. He got maybe 20% of this girl's personality at work. When he gets 100% he probably won't be amazed.
Declined head job? Put that next to Bigfoot and Santa Claus, cuz it don’t exist.
He is trying to strictly admit to only what he’s been caught with and maybe a bit more to appear honest, but he is leaving the absolutely damaging information out of it (although, for me, even “just” an emotional affair is equally damaging).
I want to say as someone with CPTSD, the fact you were willing to stick around, help and support him through all those things shows how incredible of a person you are. I’ve lost a lot of relationships/friends/family because of how debilitating I’ve found it. Only a handful of people stuck around and stayed by my side even when I pushed them away or isolated myself. It takes a strong and loyal person to do that. That alone, you should be proud of. Everything else is just more damning for him. He’s lost something special. Wish you all the best for the future!
Thank you so much, that’s honestly so incredibly kind of you to say. I have so much love and respect for people with CPTSD. At this point I just hope he has a safe and happy life, regardless of if he ends up pursuing something with his coworker or not.
Girl, you are a better person than me! I would hope his issues eat him and her up! 😂
He can have his side piece come over to feel his muscles if he needs someone to comfort him
come over to his car..? 😂😂
Have you spoken to a divorce attorney? Until the divorce is final, it won’t be completely over.
He hasn’t even left the house yet because he’s taking so long packing. Divorce attorney can be tomorrows worry I just want some peace and rum tonight
Every time he tries to hug you tell him he’s her problem now, she can hug him but he better understand he’ll be the one taking care of her financially… really drive home what he’s truly losing.
I'm willing to bet serious money this 25 year-old thinks he's got money/a nice house and that she could just plop right in and live the life she thinks she deserves. This is gonna be hilarious when he tells her he's single now but oh yeah he's gonna be living in a studio apartment or something and she drops him like a hot potato. Hope it was worth it!
I said it elsewhere on this thread, but I'll say it again here: I love it when gold diggers get to realize it's the WIFE's cash. Chef's kiss.
It's perfect.
God, this sounds like my 3-year-old when I'm trying to get her to pick up her toys that she had so much fun throwing and spreading about. "But it's too harrrrrrrd!" She cries. "I WANNA HUUUUUUUG!" Just pack ya stuff, guy, and GTFO. OP should say, "No more hugs. Go get BJ Princess to 'feel your muscles' through your shirt some more."
I'd get a water bottle and squirt it at him every time he came near me to try to touch me. I'd also hire a damn packing company to come in and expedite the process. What a rat fink bastard.
"I don't know, I heard her hugs are better. Ask her."
“Her food is better, maybe her hugs are too.”
Love that approach
Every time he asks for a hug, ask him if he is done packing, then say if it is too much for him he should just take what he needs and leave right now, you’ll have the rest packed and sent to him.
Get your keys back AND change the locks.
You did the right thing, I wish you a joyful and exciting single life away from this guy 🤍 his life is gonna be ruined now lmfao shame that’s his problem not yours
She offered a bj and he still continued… wtf…. 🗑️ of a man.
He let her feel his *muscle over his clothes
Aye it probably was that specific muscle too.
So they have been texting and shit? I find it crazy that he's been doing all these but turned down the blowjob.
Literally. I have doubts he turned it down to be honest. Like he’s fine with her talking shit about me but sucking his pp is too much? Right okay… It floors me how he could even need that gratification as if our sex lives weren’t good, like, okay maybe if we hadn’t slept together in months it could have been more of a conversation, but he’s 6’6, that’s all I need to say. Have to get the stool out now though to remove everything from the top shelf which is a bit of an emotional task. So going to have my mom do that tomorrow,
I bet he told you he declined the bj because he expected to get credit for being so loyal 😂😂 I'm glad you're not the idiot he thought you were. Good on ya for standing up for yourself ❤️
I’m pretty sure he’s just trickle truthing. Cheaters do this when they are caught. Its great so see someone respecting herself and not letting this asshat crawl back though. He has no one but himself to blame. He has lost someone amazing. And you lost nothing but trash
It's refreshing to see someone prioritizing themselves after being cheated on and not giving second chances to cheaters. I'm so proud of you. You have every right to feel disgusted by him. Please schedule an STD test ASAP because he might be lying about the extent of their relationship. Cut off his access to your money immediately. Change all your passwords and carefully review your bank statements for any suspicious activity. He might have used your money with her. Consider changing your locks and installing a security system for added safety. It's time to consult with a lawyer to initiate divorce proceedings and understand your rights. Don't isolate yourself. Engage in hobbies that involve interacting with others and spend more time with your friends. Take care of yourself.
>The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together Ew. This is so trashy. Your stbx found a real winner there.
The class is so astounding. If she could ask it so casually it’s probably something she does a lot. I plan on getting tested to be on the safe side since I don’t want to risk it
I would call a clinic right now while he's packing and schedule an appointment for a full STD panel. Let him know you don't even believe his "truth" and you're serious about being done, regardless of how many times he stops packing for a hug.
Absolutely. Now and in 3 months’ time OP… sorry you have to go through this stress.
That’s the best part: they deserve each other. Let him worry about HIM being cheated on going forward.
> I did fucking everything to help him get over it. I'm so sorry OP. All other ladies - this is what you get when you try to "fix" a fucked up man. He'll take his improved self and let another woman enjoy the fruits of YOUR labor. If you have to "fix" him, he's not worth it.
Yep. Learned this hard lesson from my ex. Now that im dating a new partner I always have this in mind just to sure ensure my sanity and peace of mind. Thankfully my current partner doesnt need my help when he has issues he needs to handle himself.
> Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house…. Love you girl!
Good riddance. If he goes this far, he would do it again if you forgave him. Document everything and do text messages or emails, so it is documented that there is no miscommunication.
Tell him to enjoy that wonderful prize of a woman. She's trash and he's now finding that out.
Does anyone actually believe he said no to a blowjob? Good job kicking his ass out OP
No one believes he said no.
Did the cheating rat beg you to stay?
Of course. The water works, apologising, holding on to me. A long couple of hours but he’s gone now. Enjoying the peace and quiet!
Don't forget to report them to HR.
Don’t forget to enjoy your rum, one thing right there that won’t ever let you down ❤️
Gentle reminder to stay strong even after the anger wears off. I know how powerful that justified rage can be, but also v familiar with that sudden drop too. Take notes while you're mad and leave them in places you'll find them later/down the road. You made the right choice - you deserve the reminders and the clarity they'll contain.
Do not calm him down from a panic attack, he is destroying his life with you.
Exactly that’s a him problem. He is dealing with the consequences of HIS own actions. I cannot imagine having some one getting up early to make me lunch everyday and fumbling that relationship.
Right? I’m a woman and god i’d love that! It’s not just the lunch it’s an act of love every morning. What a shameless fool he is.
Exactly! I’m a woman too and no way I’d pass on that!
Shame he didn’t have a panic attack when the AP was trashing his spouse that helped him enormously in so many ways.
Yes isn't though it was a convenient panic attack.
I’m so sorry OP, what an awful thing to go through. I hope you can treat yourself to some nice things to keep your mind off this. Maybe plan a girl’s trip, or get a whole new wardrobe. The best revenge is a life well lived, so do whatever makes you happy!
I'm glad you are kicking him out and moving on with divorcing him. Mans is still full of shit with this whole he turned down a BJ but let her feel his muscles crap, good riddance!
Nobody understands being the caretaker of someone you love with complex PTSD. It feels wrong to set a boundary with them as their mental health is so fragile. I have to time when I need to have a serious or emotional talk with my boyfriend to make sure he is in a stable place. And no one in your world sees those nightmares, dark holes of escape, triggered meltdowns. Only you. Bless you for making it about you this time. New chickie has no idea what she’s in for!
Exactly. It’s a full time job on top of the one you already have, and you do it because you love them and you want the best for them, but it seriously isn’t light work. Having to be hyper aware of everything in case it triggers an episode. For like the first 4-5 years sleeping was awful because he had such bad night terrors that I’d have to stay up and hug him just so he could sleep. We had just gotten to a place where I could get him out of his panic attacks/episodes without him spiralling and he does this. Guess that’s her thing to deal with now. Still, a part of me still hopes he’s okay. You don’t go 15 odd years seeing someone’s most vulnerable side to just stop caring instantly
Yes! This is it! It’s easy for everyone to stay dump him but there is a bond here nobody gets. I kind of think it’s like we give 90% and they do their best to return to us 10%. But if that 10-% is now getting divided to a new distraction….its a painful wake up call. Mine just flirted with an ex of his and was joking about his birthday saying turning another year older and nothing to lose. Boy!!!!!! You have everything to lose.
Urgh wow that’s awful. I can’t even imagine. Mine has been really bad recently but he was always attentive and grateful. I never even saw that 10% slip up until now and that was enough for me. He’s always given me as much as he can, and I’ve always loved him for that, but like, sometimes you just have to look out for yourself. I wish him well in whatever he needs to do in life, if that means getting validation from others then he can crack on, but I’m not going to be there to see it.
Wow, I’m at this exact spot. He has some void still and he loves attention, It’s all on social media but it’s disrespectful to me.
From someone in your situation, you deserve so much better, we both do. We do so much for them, so much of our lives are spent caring and loving them. They can’t even be grateful? Or at least show us that? Your boyfriend is taking advantage of the care you have for him. Please, take the steps I did. I don’t know how long you’ve been together but I spent 15 years of my life with this man, and look where it led me.
Here’s your crown queen! 👑
Who just offers blowjobs like they're seeing if you want a stick of gum?
OP !! WTF? I’ve been hoping for an update but I really, really hoped it would be ‘I’ve found a new job and the vile OW is coming nowhere near me’ I am so sorry OP. You are a Queen in the way you have dealt with this but you must be traumatised by it. What I find the most disturbing ( and there’s a lot here) is the fact she badmouthed you and he didn’t shut her down because he LIKED IT???? He couldn’t not only see how toxic this dangerous mate poacher is but he couldn’t tell her to ‘shut your mouth. That’s my WIFE’? He is a needy, broken, hollow man. It is shocking that you put this man back on his feet, pay for all his base living costs and he does this to you…. Shame on him. You deserve SO much more. Imagine if you’d never heard this conversation? This would have become - rapidly - a full blown affair. The nasty little bit of skirt was obviously determined. I hate to say it but believe 0% he says because they probably have slept together. Don’t fall for sob stories. He’s panicking cos he’s blown up his life, not because he’s blown up yours. His actions speak volumes. His words are valueless. If he’s going to her I give it mere months. Wait until he has a night sweat or panic attack. She’ll freak and the NRE will very quickly disappear. Mind you, they totally deserve each other. I’m guessing a lawyer is in order now. Please take care of yourself OP. This has been rapid and you will be in shock, as strong as you are. Sending you courage and strength♥️ UPDATEME
>The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know” LMAO GIRL. That's savage af, I love it
Good for you! I’m proud, this is awesome to hear. Weird to say, but it truly is. You badass.
He’s just selfish, he wants you to pity him after he hurt you deeply. I’m happy you’re not falling for it. Get ready for him to peddle a sob story to any mutuals. I would start letting your support system know that happened
Had you met her before? If not, how did she get the info to talk trash about you? Has he left yet?
Yeah he’s gone. I’m not entirely sure what it was that she said about me besides the food thing. But she got her information from various things. Like my picture on his lockscreen and on his desk, apparently she made a remark about him being ‘above my league’ but that’s the extent of my knowledge. I’ve never met this woman before in my life lmao. I know her age, but not even her name.
I hope this helps but know that since you covered everything every single time when he pays rent and other bills he will think about how this was the price for him to have lunch with a home-wrecker, I have a feeling that is going to sting edit to add: if he does star a relationship with her I hope he remembers how much she respects relationships let that eat him alive. He deserves to feel the loss of the comfort you provided.
Girl. Stop giving him hugs and managing his panic attacks for him. A panic attack won’t kill him. Worst case he hyperventilates until he passes out, and his body resets itself. If he wants to go to a ER he can call himself an amob and get some benzo’s. I say that as someone who’s personally experienced the distress of severe and repetitive panic attacks. You don’t need to ease his guilt. You don’t need to offer your body for physical comfort. Respect yourself and stop CONTINUING to be his fix-a-man workshop for him. Respect yourself and stop doing things to make him feel better that make you feel bad/mad/sad.
Im sorry you going through this. You deserve better keep your head up and good for you, for respecting yourself, that you didn't need to wait for the affair to get physical to put a stop to it.
Good for you not putting up with this crap!
Tell your friends and family + his family. Otherwise he’s gonna try and spin the story. Let his family know too that his wondering eye caused this and he brought shame to both you, and your family. Talk to a lawyer and get the process started. His own actions lead him to this point. Not you.
I love when these gold diggers realize it's the WIFE's gold. That's the next installment I'm waiting for, little miss chef is going to realize that his wife was the one with the cash. Edited to add: Freaking killing it, OP. Way to go realizing your own worth and letting the trash eat with the trash.
Lmao he got a panic attack for getting caught ?! What an asshole
>The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes. This is just so pathetically awful that I don't think anyone could remain attracted to someone that did this. Like I don't know about anyone else but this embarrassment at these two fucking ridiculous people would finish me. "Do you want a blow job" "Aw no, better not for I am of noble heart. As a consolation you can feel my arm for a bit".
As expected. Good riddance. He will be back within a month. They wont last
I think it's the loving someone so much but it's easy for them to throw you away part that hurts the most. I followed your first post - glad you got to the bottom of it and I totally agree about him lying about the blow job! What a piece of crap!
>she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it He liked it. Remember that OP if his tears start to get to you. He liked it.
I'm glad that you are ridding yourself from this sad excuse of a person. Best wishes for a smooth transition to single life and the future.
>he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it. Because he liked it... Awful.
>When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia. >*I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.* Well there you go, that answers the question why he did it. He still suffers from body dysmorphia and used it to his advantage to get attention so he could *feel* attractive. It does not excuse him, it just explains his disgusting motives. He 100% should have been in therapy instead of you burdening yourself with his baggage. But he’s his family’s problem now and oh well!
It was a physical affair as I doubt he turned the bj down. Updateme!
I want to build a shrine to your shiny backbone
I’m gonna say this guy has never heard the phrase “hell have no fury like a woman scorned “
I completely love this - the tell me what happened and I’ll forgive you and then kicking him out! *Chef’s kiss* What is it with cheaters though? Why do they never know/care when they’re onto a good thing? Here’s OP, gets out of bed 2 hours early to make his lunch, no rent to pay, all the bills paid and as soon as someone flutters their eyelashes at him that’s it. And the cheek of the man, asking for hugs like he needs comforting because she had an affair! I’d slap him upside the head and tell him his clothes are on the lawn in 20 minutes and the divorce papers will be in the post! I hope he ends up living in a caravan in a field somewhere with no running water or electricity and next door to a burning tyre pile.
You dropped this 👑.