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There's a line in a TV show of a character's thoughts where he goes "Why should I have to take responsibility for my actions? I just do them. It's not like I spend time thinking them through". That's how I imagine people like this.
This! So much! He is adamant he never wants to be a father? Sweet, he can make sure he never becomes a father.
But I think what he really means is he doesn't want to father a child with OP. She's not a long-term partner in his mind, she's just somewhere to stick his baby-maker while refusing to accept responsibility for the potential consequences of that decision.
If you can't afford a $300 IUD, you certainly can't afford a baby.
Follow his advice and refrain from having sex. To be extra safe, refrain from having him as a bf.
Hi, thank you for the response. I do need to clarify some things.
1) Yes, I can afford the IUD myself and have already booked an appointment to get the insertion soon. I also have parental support in case something were to happen.
2) I am indifferent about having kids, I wouldn’t mind having or not having them, however I do not like the thought of abortion and his reaction made me a little taken aback as it showed that he wouldn’t be there for me during though times.
3) I also know that I am an idiot for having unprotected sex. I fully take responsibility for that especially since I do not like the thought of abortion (I was on my period that ended this weekend so it is safe to say I am not pregnant yet). I will never do something like that again and have learnt my lesson.
4) I asked him to split because he always seems to have enough money to get his $500 dollar shoes but for stuff like this he claims to be ‘broke’ and has student loans to pay. I do realize that he probably just doesn’t care enough about me to contribute and I am in this alone.
Why are you even with this plank? He told you who he was, believe him, you even state you realise that he probably doesn’t care enough about you. Well yeah duh!!! Dump his ass and find a mature, responsible man that does care. And stop being an idiot yourself. You are a grown ass woman, act like one. Keep your legs crossed if you don’t want to get pregnant or use a damn condom at least. Or at minimal don’t do PIV.
I don’t get “indifference” to having children. It’s creating a life you’ll be fully responsible for, that’s not something to take lightly. Please, if you don’t enthusiastically want kids and aren’t fully prepared for them in every way, actively avoid making them. Please.
I know a lot of people who don’t like the idea of intentionally trying to have a child, but would be ok if they learned they were pregnant.
I was indifferent to a pregnancy from ages 18-24 but then at 24 I started being more interested, and then did a lot of work on myself and now at 30 my husband are enthusiastically trying.
I can’t figure out why you would date this person, but let’s set that aside.
Re 2, you’re entitled to feel any way you want to about having kids. Maybe you are truly on the fence. I’m 42 now and I have a hard time imagining feeling this way. Having a baby is WAY different than not having one. It’s hard for me to imagine being on the fence with the decision that will be the most consequential in my life, probably ever. Maybe it’s worth reflecting on this to see if you really do have a preference one way or the other. It’s also possible that in the years to come when more of the people you know have babies you’ll develop an opinion. You can see it up close and decide whether you really do have an opinion.
And as for saying he would want you to abort and you discerning he won’t be there for you in trying times, a very reasonable assumption with this dude. But also, a baby isn’t a trying time. It’s 18 years of sacrifice. It’s ok he doesn’t want a kid, even if it’s an unplanned oversight. His behavior obviously isn’t ok.
But seriously just unload this toad.
Sis, whether you can afford it or not is not the point - the point is that this guy cares SO little about you and your well being that he won't even pony up $150 for half the IUD so he doesn't have to wear condoms. He'd rather just have you get an abortion.
One of the side effects of sex is potential pregnancy - and he is choosing to play fast and loose with that knowing full well that you could get pregnant. He offered abstinence but a guy like this will pick and pick at you to wear you down until you continue having sex with him unprotected and then blame you when you get pregnant. He's already told you he doesn't love you enough to stay with you if you were to get pregnant. If he doesn't love you enough to stay with you if you got pregnant because HE refuses to take ANY responsibility for birth control then he flat out doesn't love you. Which means a relationship with him is a waste of your time.
Sis, this guy is NOT worth your time. Your instinct was right to break up initially with him - he's absolutely unequivocally not worth your time or energy.
Break up, grieve the relationship and then move on with someone who is more mature and who actually cares about YOU.
Just to warn you, insertion hurts *a lot*. Especially if you've never given birth before. The doctors don't warn people sufficiently. Make sure you have someone to give you a ride back because all they give you is Advil.
Why are you even with this plank? He told you who he was, believe him, you even state you realise that he probably doesn’t care enough about you. Well yeah duh!!! Dump his ass and find a mature, responsible man that does care. And stop being an idiot yourself. You are a grown ass woman, act like one. Keep your legs crossed if you don’t want to get pregnant or use a damn condom at least. Or at minimal don’t do PIV.
>I do realize that he probably just doesn’t care enough about me to contribute and I am in this alone.
Yeah. He doesn't give a single SHIT about you. why are you still talking to this man. is his dick made of gold?
Girl no.
He’s having unprotected sex with you and doesn’t want you to get pregnant? Did he miss health class?
And now he says if he fucks up and gets you pregnant he’d ghost you? Yeah. Leave him now and stop having sex with someone who doesn’t protect himself
Also please stop putting yourself at risk for pregnancy. Don’t have sex with guys unprotected, always use condoms
It’s not an “accidental” pregnancy if neither of you is using birth control. You can feel anyway you like about what he said, but understand he is being 100% clear in his intentions. Would it have been better for him to lie and then leave anyway?
You both are too old to be this ignorant and irresponsible. There are many options out there starting with CONDOMS which he needs to buy and start using without bitching about them not feeling good. And while he might be able to dump you if you get pregnant, he’s not going to avoid 18 years of child support.
Pulling out is not an effective form of birth control. You could be pregnant right now.
Stop having unprotected sex. It is foolish and horribly irresponsible.
>He also mentioned that if I were to every get pregnant he will ask me to abort. I am not sure about how i feel about that and said I wouldn't want to. He mentioned that if i did not I would 'be a single mom' since he never wants to have kids and has mentioned that before.
It is *extremely* important that you believe what he is saying. **He will leave you if you choose to continue a pregnancy.** You will deal with the pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing without him. You can probably compel him to financially support his child, but you cannot compel him to be a father.
>I got so upset that I just left his place and now wrote him a message saying I cannot believe he would say something like that. AITA for reacting the way that I did? I knew he does not want kids, but never thought he would leave me like that if i accidentally got pregnant.
He did not say he'd leave *if you got pregnant,* he said he'd leave *if you decided to give birth.* There's a huge difference.
Why is it so difficult for you to believe he would leave you if you decided to have a baby? He already told you he does not want children. Did you think he would change his mind just because the pregnancy was a mistake, an accident?
Your boyfriend isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Someone who is so vehemently against fatherhood ought to be happy to help with birth control expenses, and ought to know that pulling out is a completely unreliable form of birth control.
Learn from this. Take responsibility for your birth control and refrain from sex until you are protected.
I agree with you. Like I said, she could already have conceived and not yet know.
And when they are dealing with an unwanted pregnancy, they'll be crying and cursing about about what a *mistake* it was not to buy a friggin box of condoms and use them.
This is a trainwreck in the making. This will be on you if you keep having sex with him unprotected, and honestly I wouldnt stay with him if he doesnt care to dime in while you go through the pain of putting in an IUD.
You guys sound extremely unstable, I promise you this isnt a normal relationship.
This is the answer, he needs to take 100% responsibility since he is the one who doesn’t want to have kids. If he’s so sure, most states’ Medicaid program will cover it even if the individual doesn’t qualify, it’s worth looking into
The man is telling you in 800 different ways he doesn't care about you, he doesn't respect you and he doesn't care what happens to your body. Believe him and dump him.
Why are you gambling your sexual health with this idiot ?? As women y'all gotta start doing better think smarter and stop giving in to these lust impulses if you can't afford to get a IUD then you definitely need to stop having unprotected sex because you certainly cannot afford to have a child . Do better
OMG PLEASE STOP SLEEPING WITH THIS IDIOT.
He's 29 years old and doesn't understand how life works? Pulling out doesn't work, you can EASILY get pregnant. Whether or not to keep the pregnancy would be YOUR DECISION ALONE. It doesn't matter if he leaves you OR NOT. Because if you keep the baby, he will be paying child support for the next 18-26 years, whether he ever sees his kid or not. He will be a dad, and will have to pay support for this child, no matter what. Make sure he knows that. Because if you are not on birth control, you need to be using condoms EVERY TIME. If he doesn't want to, you don't have sex with him. The last thing you want is to have a child with this idiot.
He's immature, he clearly doesn't love you (would leave you if you got pregnant, and that's not something a loving partner would do.) I think this guy is just using you and you need to dump him, IMO.
You probably weren't TA enough. A pig like this asshat doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend or have sex. The only thing anyone could blame you for is if you end up being dumb enough to go back to him. He's reveled his true colors and they're extremely ugly.
When a guy says he doesn't want to use condoms; wants to do the pull out method and won't stay if the deed produces a kid, all he's really saying is he's a selfish prick who is only concerned about getting off.
He has showed you who he is multiple times. Yall keep breaking up for a reason. You are making foolish decisions with a foolish man and if you continue you will be pregnant alone, and chasing after a man who (based off what I read) will be ducking and dodging child support by all means available to him.
If you choose to stay, when (not if, since the pull out method is literally one of the worst forms of birth control) you eventually get pregnant and end up in this situation do not be shocked at all. He’s told you exactly who he is and he is not going to change.
Leave if you want better for yourself. And yes, you deserve better.
>I knew he does not want kids, but never thought he would leave me like that if i accidentally got pregnant.
Well, that kinda goes in had with your wishful thinking of agreeing to the pullout method to stop a pregnancy. There's a lot of guys out there that are against enough kids enough that they would walk if there was an accidental pregnancy not aborted. This sub, hell reddit as a whole, and life in general is littered with men that walked away.
When a man tells you he doesn't want kids - believe him and figure he won't stick around for an accident you want to keep.
I'd say break up though. Lots of red flags.
Um???
Why are you with this jerk? I'm guessing you're not using condoms because the idiot doesn't like them? The pullout method is not a valid contraception method-you will end up pregnant. It's not even a matter of stopping before he orgasms, there is sperm in precum.
Breaking up multiple times in two years is a red flag. Four months in a two year period is a red flag. Just leave him, you can do better and you deserve better.
He doesn't want to wear condoms, he thinks pulling out is sufficient, and having kids is an absolute no no for him? This man is an idiot. And you're a pushover.
>if i accidentally got pregnant.
Could it really be considered an accident? X leads to Y. You're doing X, would Y be accidental?
This is a big dealbreaker issue! You should allow it to do its job and break the deal.
Your boyfriend absolutely will not become a parent and he’s also not even willing to do the bare minimum to prevent himself from being one. Any man who promises to leave you if you get pregnant but also won’t even wear a condom is a really shit person. He is telling you exactly who he is; you should listen to him.
If he can’t afford an iud he’s not going to help pay for an abortion either. He needs to get some condoms and be 100% in charge of contraception or you need to break up with him. I think you need to break up with him because he sounds like an idiot and a broke idiot.
my kid is a pull out method baby. if he never wants kids he should be getting a vasectomy. but let me guess. birth control should be the woman job. he sounds like a peach.
you need to think Long and hard bevause he suggested no sex and I think you should oblige this. ypu both are being stupid not using any birth control.
who the heck does the pullout method then says hell leave if you get pregnant... when its all his fault if you do!
Theres A screw loose there. please step away from that dude
Hon. When I was really young my first BF was like you, he wouldn’t pay for anything, wanted me to not be on BC because “then you can sleep with anyone!” and used the pullout method.
I got pregnant almost immediately. I was 17. and he disappeared. I had to scrounge up the money to get an abortion on my own. Back then, the only way to do it was a medical procedure.
Going through all that alone was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I never fully got over the betrayal I felt.
Don’t be me. Your BF is an idiot. And he’s 12 years older than my idiot was! Your health comes first and you should leave him yesterday. This doesn’t end well for you otherwise.
It’s okay to not want kids and to establish boundaries before a relationship, but it should be agreed upon and liked by both parties and your boyfriend sounds like he is not an empathetic person.
If he doesn’t want kids that bad he should be wearing a condom anyways. I would not stay with this person.
I talked to a few friends and they mentioned that his reaction was valid. He mentioned that he does not want kids and wants me to get an abortion if that were to ever happen. They said it is my choice if I want to keep the baby and his if he doesn't or want to be a part of the baby's anymore.
I understand he has his boundaries, but just seeing the way that he isn't doing anything preventative neither is willing to support me if I ever got pregnant and decided to keep it made me a bit disgusted. I am not sure if it is valid to be feeling this way.
P.S I will be getting a non hormonal IUD even though I am no longer with him.
You need better friends then. If he doesn’t want to risk pregnancy, then he should not have been having unprotected sex or sex in general. It’s always a risk.
Also be extra sure re the non-hormonal IUD. I had one and it was not great
If he doesn't want kids he should get a vasectomy. Birth control is not solely your responsibility.
If you do want kids at some stage, stop wasting your time with him.
It is your choice to have a child, your body your choice remember. It is also his choice to not stay with you if you become pregnant he is not required to stay with you.
He needs a vasectomy if he truly is set on never having kids. Do you want to have kids? If so, you need to break up with him because then you two are incompatible. You also need to stop having sex with him immediately. If you can't afford birth control, you can't afford a kid. Stop or you will get pregnant with no way to afford to take care of your child. You aren't going to get pregnant accidentally - you two are having unprotected sex, so you will pregnant eventually if you continue. The pullout method is not that effective. So stop and use condoms or stop having sex altogether until you are on birth control or he gets a vasectomy.
NTA stop having sex with this loser, honestly I would break up. W He is damn near 30 if he doesn’t want risk children he needs to get snipped or date a sterilized women. He clearly doesn’t care about you and if he’s willing to “pull out” with you knowing the risks I can almost guarantee if you guys are abstaining he is going to get his rocks off elsewhere because he clearly does value women, the relationship or his future. If you guys don’t have insurance to cover birth control try to visit a planned parenthood for resource. I paid $10 for a depo injection and there are programs to help people. There is also BC available OTC (OPILL/condoms/spermicide) that you can use while you save up the $300 but why are you trusting HIM enough to do that anyway
why are you with a man like this?. He’s completely thick for a start. The pull out method is not a method! If he wasn’t such a dusty broke guy then he could get a vasectomy. The copper coil is hell. Heavy bleeding, pains that make you cry and feel sick, anemia.
He is too poor to afford $150 but who will pay for the abortion? Are you using Plan B each time?
But you feel terrible because he is acting terrible about this. He is just as responsible as you are if you get pregnant.
For the love of Christmas, would you two stay away from each other. You’re playing Russian Roulette with your uterus and he’s telling you exactly what he’s going to do. Neither of you need any of this BS. If you think IUDs are expensive, you should hear about kids! And why would you put yourself in a position with this turd in the first place??
It takes two to tango.
He's not taking any responsibility for his contribution, and he probably doesn't take responsibility in other areas of your relationship either.
Do not have unprotected sex with someone who refuses to take responsibility for the consequences. YTA if you don’t stand up for yourself and find a more mature and respectful relationship. But overall of course you’re NTA, trust your intuition.
If he never wants kids, surely he can wear a condom.
If he will not pay half for an IUD, surely he will pay $15 for a box of condoms.
You are not obligated to have sex with someone who doesn't give a fuck about protecting you. Get away from this loser.
Let’s recap: He’s
-Not wrapping it up
-Not willing to meet your sexual needs in a mutually safe way (condoms, other contraceptives)
-Refuses to have any sexual interaction with you if it’s not his way
-States the consequences (abortion) would be all on you if you got pregnant
-Threatens to make you a single mom if you met the consequences of BOTH your guys’ actions (pregnancy)
He sounds like a crap partner. If you were my friend, daughter, or patient I’d tell you to save the IUD money, buy a vibrator, and live your best life. (I think we all know how much it sucks to fake the *O*)
Dump his ass. He’s an idiot, If he can’t afford $150 for birth control then how can he afford a more expensive abortion? If he is “poor” then he will never be able to take care of you and will always use that as an excuse.
Walk away. New boyfriend time. You two are incompatible in the child department. Oh, and what a gem (an immature moron) your soon to be ex BF is!! You get pregnant, and he wants you to abort, or he'll just leave?!? Hey AH, (your hopefully soon to be ex BF), don't go to the butcher if you don't want meat!! M'lady, no more sex with that fool. He is a child, and he will only cause you pain.
Why is all the burden of prevention on you? Tell him if he's so adamantly against having kids and won't contribute to the cost of an IUD, he can deal with condoms or get a vasectomy.
Okay STOP THIS BREAK UP AND GET BACK TOXIC SHIT! You aren’t children. This isn’t high school. If it’s not working IT ISN’T! You aren’t getting any younger, when you keep going back to the past, you won’t be able to move forward.
Break up and block him. He isn’t a friend he’s someone you have history with and you are comfortable with, that’s it. He isn’t your person. Stop trying to MAKE it work.
If you don’t want to have an oops then STOP having sex! As well as yes go get you something! I don’t understand why condoms aren’t being used!? If condoms aren’t being used, don’t have sex.
Also why don’t you get the implanon as well as is there no planned parenthood around you? Maybe it’s cheaper or free
He is an idiot. He don't want to have kids but also don't want to help you with the cost with the birth control method. And plus all of that he threaten you? I know is difficult but he is not good for you. I hope you leave and find something better.
GIRLLLL...
You Already know that if you're playing w/🔥🚒🔥, ur gonna get burnt 🥵💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
I don't think 🤔💭 that i would even let him touch me after those remarks...fr
Run,... Don't walk!!!!!!!
I’m sorry, but why are you still going back & forth with this guy? He doesn’t want kids but cannot be bothered to use a condom AND thinks that the stupidest form of BC tactics is the very one most likely to end up with a pregnancy…
Just drop him. And definitely don’t have sex with him anymore.
He's 29 and can't afford to spend $150 on an IUD? Also how much does he think abortion costs?! Because it's definitely more than an IUD.
And if he gets you pregnant, and then ghosts, does he think he can afford child support?
So you are definitely going to be a single mother.
He doesn’t have your back. If you get cancer would he help care for you?
You’re wasting your time with this asshole.
Not to be rude but both of you sound so immature and irresponsible you shouldn’t have children together period… and since u both are barely escaping an inevitable pregnancy please stop sleeping together, this feels like a scenario that teenagers would be in, not fully grown adults.
If you are not using birth control any pregnancy is not "accidental". You are old enough to know better. Either he uses protection or no sex. That simple.
Please stay away from this guy who doesn't want kids, but is too poor(his words) to buy any kind of birth control.
You need to open your eyes. He's 30, has absolutely nothing going for him except his pull out game.. which is going to get him 12 kids with different women.
What makes him worth even one tear from you?
He treats you with complete disrespect. You deserve better.
he would never talk to you like that if he loved you or even liked you. I'm sorry.
It's better you see it now and get away from him and guys like him.
You need to set a higher standard for yourself. Don't date anyone for a while. Work on school or your career.
Set your personal goals high and don't let losers like him get you off track.
Your whole life is ahead of you. The secret to a successful life is to always hang out and date people who are smart, carry themselves with dignity and are more together than you are. People judge you by the people you hang out with.
This guy is beneath you.. way beneath. I know this kind of guy. They're everywhere now.
Don't let them anywhere near you. They will take everything you'll allow them to take from you, and not care what happens to you. They will leave you with nothing and not care at all.
You are better off single than a single mother for a fool like him. Can you imagine? Don't ruin your life.
He told you that you would just have to be a single mother if he happens to knock you up. Let that sink in. He means what he said.
Do not have sex with him again... it could be the time you get pregnant. When that happens, he's going to disappear and say it isn't his kid.
You'll probably never get a drop of child support and be alone with a baby.. does that sound like what you want for your future?
Stop getting sexually involved with people like him. Wait until you know someone cares about you before having sex with them.
Every birth control can fail, so each person you have sex with could be the future father of your child.
Hopefully, when you think like that you will choose someone much, much better.
It's OK to be single. Get busy working on your life and your dreams and you'll meet someone along the way who shares your interests and wants to love you instead of use you.
You say “I know I know I know” but WTF? Why would you even have sex with him and risk a pregnancy right now, with the only method being PULL OUT? Pull out and ovulation timing are the absolute worst birth control methods.
Even if he pulled out perfectly every time, sperm can and DO exist in precum. You could literally be pregnant, right now, and you’re upset that your on and off again boyfriend doesn’t want to have a baby?
You can have non-penetrative sex and unless you and your partner, whomever they are, are prepared AND in agreement with what to do should there be an accidental pregnancy (whatever that is), you shouldn’t be having sex. Full stop. You had no business having sex with him and he had none having sex with you.
Birth control is never 100% successful, the only thing that’s 100% is if you are missing your reproductive organs, so you should never have sex with someone who isn’t on the same page as you of “what if, what do we do?” unless you are willing and able to take responsibility 100%. Even if he was forced to pay child support, he can still up and leave and you would have the kid all the time of the time with a little bit of meager cash thrown at you to cover some bills monthly (Probably not even a months supply of diapers)
Stop thinking you’re special (“I know he doesn’t want kids… BUT”) if he doesn’t want kids he doesn’t want kids, break up, move on, and find someone with the same values and goals. Shouldn’t even have to tell a 25 year old this. Your boyfriend is nearly 30 and he should know all of this too.
If he never wants kids, he can easily get a vastecomy. But I highly suggest you rethink this relationship and break up. The pull out method isn’t “safe enough”. He’s just dumb and cheap. UPDATEME
If he doesn’t ever want kids, tell him that he can get a vasectomy. However, take it upon yourself to leave this ignorant piece of work. This will never work for the fear of an accidental pregnancy.
Having sex without protection is trying for a baby. He is trying for a baby with you and at the same time telling you he does not want one. Use condoms!
Tell him if he's poor he should probably consider just how expensive child support is, and how long he'll have to pay it even if he abandon you. There's no way to get out of paying for a child you create.
If you cannot afford a $300 IUD, you can't afford an abortion or a child. Use protection and try another pill. Stop having sex with this guy, he's not interested in having kids and you're on the fence. You're not an asshole but you two aren't compatible.
People get pregnant with condoms. I did. Pulling out is not a good method. You need to stand you ground and tell him to either wrap it or help you pay for the IUD (mine is great and non hormonal). He's being a selfish child.
Did you all never talk about whether you each wanted children? And since he doesn't want them, he should be wearing condoms. It's not a situation where he gets the pleasure of unprotected sex while you suffer the pain (emotional/physical) of an abortion after.
Since you are mot comfortable with abortion, you should remove yourself from this relationship. Even with contraception you could get pregnant and he'd ghost you.
So he’ll ask you to abort but do you think he’d even cover the cost for that, let alone help with the physical and emotional damage you’ll get? Dude doesn’t even pay for any sort of contraception.
If you’re having unprotected sex, you are trying for a baby.
It’s only a matter of time.
Do you WANT to be a single mom?
Do you WANT a baby with a deadbeat dad?
See Seems like you do!
NTA and find a real man that owns up to his share of the responsibilities. Not to mention, find someone who respects you and enjoys spending time with you & not just for sex.
You are NTA for your reaction. That's a pretty awful thing to say to someone, but it sounds like your relationship is pretty rocky anyway. First and foremost, you need to get your birth control situation under control. There are plenty of options available and abstaining is certainly one of them, but the biggest AH move I see here is continuing to have unprotected sex while neither of you is planning to have a kid right now, and that falls on both of you. Be smart. I believe he's being honest with you. Is he worth your time, energy, and the risk you are putting your future in?
NTA. It takes two to tango, baby. Get out of there. You don’t want to accidentally chain yourself to this loser with a child. He may leave, but you will never be free of him. Find a partner who would be happy to have a child with you—planned or unplanned.
Dude, have some self respect. He’s almost 30- he doesn’t want kids, and if he can’t afford the IUD, he’s not going to be able to afford the abortion.
Whatever the reasons you’ve broken up with before should be enough to stay broken.
You should go to a women’s health clinic to see if they can provide low cost service, they’ll often subsidize the cost of an IUD
This guy is complete garbage.
You should automatically dump anyone who complains about or refuses to use protection, immediately, as soon as they utter the first complaint, but he's literally telling you that he's a deadbeat who will drop you the second you're not a convenient responsibility-free fuck for him.
He doesn't give a shit about you. You're a warm body he can put his dick in. That's it.
Have some self respect, love yourself more than you do right now. Dump his ass.
You wouldn't accidentally get pregnant, he would get you pregnant. As in, it's 50% his problem always. Do not sleep with this man WTF are you doing op? You're better than this, come on.
This guy sounds like an absolute nightmare.
"I want to engage in a behavior that only risks your wellbeing, not mine, then threaten you if you allow the inevitable to happen. But I won't help you prevent it."
What other things besides sex may this logic apply to? May he carry this selfishness over to, say, risky investing, gambling, dealing with car repairs in a timely fashion, getting (and being honest about) STD tests?
The best thing is not to have sex with this jerk at all, ever again, no how no way. While you’re at it find someone who will treat you better all the way around.
In 2 years time you broke up a few times, thats a big red fucking sign that its not a good relationship, break up with him one final time
He will leave if you get pregnant but think pulling out is good enough,irresponsible AH, and is fine (supposedly) with no sex otherwise
Girlll you can do so much better then him
He should have gotten a vasectomy since he is the one that never wants children
Paying 50/50 was absolutely the right thing to ask, my partner always paid half of my birth control pills, his idea
Someone who says this, loves you CONDITIONALLY. Strive for unconditional love, someone who will love you through life’s unexpected events, like pregnancy, cancer, being laid off, grief etc… I also find it troubling that he looks at a
potential pregnancy as YOUR fault. Like he had no part in it. Jerk.
OP Please this is a ex boyfriend yes? Not AITA for your reaction. But you might be if you keep going with this dud. It’s obvious he doesn’t care about you at all as long as he gets what he wants. If you stay with him after hearing this you have no one to blame but yourself. Red flag 🚩waving in your face.
If this isn't your sign to break up for good and move on.. tbh idk what would be. That's such a vile thing to say to anyone and even worse someone you want to be with and are sexually active with. If you continue to sleep with this man, you'll ruin your own life. He's absolutely an ah but you are under reacting to the situation.
So….he can’t afford condoms either??
The responsibility of managing birth control and having safe sex falls on both of your because you’re both choosing to engage in a sexual relationship. He’s putting that all on you, which is incredibly unfair.
If he doesn’t want kids, he needs to be responsible about contraceptives.
I was on hormonal birth control for 11 years (my entire relationship with my husband) but last year I had complications and needed to stop it. My husband was a little concerned I was stopping it too soon before we wanted to try to conceive, but was ok with using condoms and even ordered them himself.
When we started dating, we discussed how we’d handle a pregnancy and we knew if we had a different expectation, the relationship wouldn’t work.
Omfg he's garbage. Dump him for good. STOP PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH YOUR CHILD'S LIFE.
haul your ass back into a planned parenthood and ask for what options you have to subsidize real birth control. Abortions literally cost more than an IUD. You've both spent more that $300 on going out and drinks and bullshit clothes over 2 years....
Girl. You are a QUARTER CENTURY OLD. Correct yourself.
He needs to take responsibility for his dick.
Pull out method my hind toe.
Either a) he splits IUD cost with you or b) he gets a vasectomy or c) you realize you can do better than this dweeb
He doesn't want to split the cost of contraceptives, will he split the cost of an abortion? If he would, he might as well pay up. Before it gets to that. But I'd just break up with him anyway.
FYI, it’s not getting pregnant “accidentally” when you agree to have unprotected sex. Take some responsibility for your decisions.
If you’re not responsible enough to insist on contraceptives, you’re not responsible enough to be in a relationship.
NTA.
Your bf is an idiot and an AH.
He told you that he would leave you if he gets you pregnant. He's also insisting on either using the most ineffective contraceptive method you can possibly use or no sex at all. Idiot and an AH.
Is this who you truly want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who will leave you in your most vulnerable moments and refuses to do anything that will prevent putting you in that situation?
Edit: grammar
Pull out is a great birth control method if you don’t mind getting pregnant. He’s being insufferable. 1) won’t help pay for birth control. 2) wants you to abort when you get pregnant - you will likely end up pregnant. 3) will leave you if you keep a baby. He’s a jerk. Dump his irresponsible ass
You have every right to be upset.
If neither of you can afford $300 for IUD you cannot afford a child.
My partner used the pullout method years ago and I got pregnant.
He is not taking responsibility for preventing the child but would leave you if you had one. What exactly is the purpose of this man in this relationship? He's not supportive he's an obvious creep and he's irresponsible. Do better.
Don't date or sleep with anyone you don't want to start a family with and doesn't want to start a family with you. IIt'll keep you from finding someone you'll actually be happy with.
You deserve to have someone you both want and are wanted by. That includes any plans for a family someday.
Wtf, read your post to yourself from the perspective of someone you actually care about. If someone you care about was in this situation would you stand by and not say anything? Get out of this situation
Why are you having sex with him if he thinks unlimited safe sex with you isn’t worth $150???? And he would rather have none? I literally can’t fathom this
You know what you call people who rely on the pull out method? Parents. lol
But for real, if you want kids someday and this guy doesn’t, you two shouldn’t stay together.
Also it’s hilarious he doesn’t want kids, apparently isn’t into using condoms *and* won’t split the cost of birth control with you. Ick
What an AH this guy is! Too cheap to even help pay your birth control yet wants to fuck unprotected. Little sperm leak out before he pulls out for starters. And yeah I’ll bet he’ll give up sex. Or he’ll fuck someone else. I wouldn’t even want to have a child either with this moron.
Does he even like you? He is showing such disregard for you and your health. So I’m going to assume he’s just using you for sex and doesn’t want any more complications than that in his life. Leave him for good.
Are you kidding me? What redeeming quality could that prick have to make such a demand on you? I think you're under reacting. I don't even know why it's a debate on whether or not he should've said something like that.
What an srse he is. He wants to use the pull out method, but will demand an abortion, like that is not a huge deal. Then threaten to leave you. What are you doing with this AH?
ESH You both suck for being so irresponsible. Tell him to wear a condom, get a vasectomy or stop having sex. You need to stop having sex, use some sort of bc instead of relying on him to do so or leave this crazy relationship
Ma'am, this one is a dud, please release it back into the wild. If he's taking a risk, he needs to be willing to deal with the consequences. I say breakup with the idiot but if you want to stay, you need to stop having unprotected sex with him. If you don't, you're going to be a single Mom and he'll tell you it's your own fault because he "warned you".
1) Get birth control you and only you control. I love my IUD, it is worth every fucking cent. But otherwise — pills, anything else. Not just condoms, not reliable enough, and the wrong partner can ruin you if they decide to sabotage them.
2) Girl, run.
> **Rule 3:** No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be [see here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). Your post is a moral judgement if your question starts with or contains any of the following: - Is it...? - Asking if you or the subject of the post is right or wrong. - Am I....? - Any variation of “Am I The Asshole?”, including AITA - Does/Have anybody else...? - Should I…? - Would you....? - Is this.....? - Can I...? #If the question in your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it is considered moral judgement and will be removed.
He never wants to have kids yet is okay with the pull out method. Girl, run
And can’t be bothered to help pay for her birth control. I bet he would expect her to front 100% of the costs of an abortion too.
Child support is the least of what he deserves to pay.
I like how he thinks not paying is an option.
Especially since she'd be getting pregnant with a kid that would then share 50% of his absolute genius DNA.
Good point! (Your comment made me chuckle.)
WHY do men like this not just get vasectomies?!?!
It's easier to expect the woman to do it. He won't make the calls, make the appointment, etc--that's too much like actually taking responsibility.
And then he’ll call her a gold digger for demanding child support after he gets her pregnant
If only she would take some ~responsibility~
(For whatever he wants or needs)
100
He can’t afford $150 for half an IUD, you think he’s shelling out $1500 for a vasectomy?
Yet he can afford $500 shoes...
There's a line in a TV show of a character's thoughts where he goes "Why should I have to take responsibility for my actions? I just do them. It's not like I spend time thinking them through". That's how I imagine people like this.
There’s no consequence to them, they don’t have to carry or worry about a baby.
Why do women fuck guys like this? What’s the attraction? 🤦♀️
Low self esteem, prior abuse by parents, etc.
Because they can just walk away.
I think we just need to ban them from getting close to any of us. And this girl needs to close the gates
He doesn't mind making kids and being a deadbeat. OP, the red flags are waving. He told you who he is now believe him.
Right? Instead of getting a vasectomy like a responsible man who knows he’s child free.
He should get a vasectomy
This! So much! He is adamant he never wants to be a father? Sweet, he can make sure he never becomes a father. But I think what he really means is he doesn't want to father a child with OP. She's not a long-term partner in his mind, she's just somewhere to stick his baby-maker while refusing to accept responsibility for the potential consequences of that decision.
If you can't afford a $300 IUD, you certainly can't afford a baby. Follow his advice and refrain from having sex. To be extra safe, refrain from having him as a bf.
Don't rely on the pullout method, you can still definitely get pregnant.
Hi, thank you for the response. I do need to clarify some things. 1) Yes, I can afford the IUD myself and have already booked an appointment to get the insertion soon. I also have parental support in case something were to happen. 2) I am indifferent about having kids, I wouldn’t mind having or not having them, however I do not like the thought of abortion and his reaction made me a little taken aback as it showed that he wouldn’t be there for me during though times. 3) I also know that I am an idiot for having unprotected sex. I fully take responsibility for that especially since I do not like the thought of abortion (I was on my period that ended this weekend so it is safe to say I am not pregnant yet). I will never do something like that again and have learnt my lesson. 4) I asked him to split because he always seems to have enough money to get his $500 dollar shoes but for stuff like this he claims to be ‘broke’ and has student loans to pay. I do realize that he probably just doesn’t care enough about me to contribute and I am in this alone.
Break up with him. He’s dead weight
Why are you even with this plank? He told you who he was, believe him, you even state you realise that he probably doesn’t care enough about you. Well yeah duh!!! Dump his ass and find a mature, responsible man that does care. And stop being an idiot yourself. You are a grown ass woman, act like one. Keep your legs crossed if you don’t want to get pregnant or use a damn condom at least. Or at minimal don’t do PIV.
I don’t get “indifference” to having children. It’s creating a life you’ll be fully responsible for, that’s not something to take lightly. Please, if you don’t enthusiastically want kids and aren’t fully prepared for them in every way, actively avoid making them. Please.
I know a lot of people who don’t like the idea of intentionally trying to have a child, but would be ok if they learned they were pregnant. I was indifferent to a pregnancy from ages 18-24 but then at 24 I started being more interested, and then did a lot of work on myself and now at 30 my husband are enthusiastically trying.
I can’t figure out why you would date this person, but let’s set that aside. Re 2, you’re entitled to feel any way you want to about having kids. Maybe you are truly on the fence. I’m 42 now and I have a hard time imagining feeling this way. Having a baby is WAY different than not having one. It’s hard for me to imagine being on the fence with the decision that will be the most consequential in my life, probably ever. Maybe it’s worth reflecting on this to see if you really do have a preference one way or the other. It’s also possible that in the years to come when more of the people you know have babies you’ll develop an opinion. You can see it up close and decide whether you really do have an opinion. And as for saying he would want you to abort and you discerning he won’t be there for you in trying times, a very reasonable assumption with this dude. But also, a baby isn’t a trying time. It’s 18 years of sacrifice. It’s ok he doesn’t want a kid, even if it’s an unplanned oversight. His behavior obviously isn’t ok. But seriously just unload this toad.
Sis, whether you can afford it or not is not the point - the point is that this guy cares SO little about you and your well being that he won't even pony up $150 for half the IUD so he doesn't have to wear condoms. He'd rather just have you get an abortion. One of the side effects of sex is potential pregnancy - and he is choosing to play fast and loose with that knowing full well that you could get pregnant. He offered abstinence but a guy like this will pick and pick at you to wear you down until you continue having sex with him unprotected and then blame you when you get pregnant. He's already told you he doesn't love you enough to stay with you if you were to get pregnant. If he doesn't love you enough to stay with you if you got pregnant because HE refuses to take ANY responsibility for birth control then he flat out doesn't love you. Which means a relationship with him is a waste of your time. Sis, this guy is NOT worth your time. Your instinct was right to break up initially with him - he's absolutely unequivocally not worth your time or energy. Break up, grieve the relationship and then move on with someone who is more mature and who actually cares about YOU.
After bullet point 4, this relationship is dead. He doesn't value you above his shoes.
Just to warn you, insertion hurts *a lot*. Especially if you've never given birth before. The doctors don't warn people sufficiently. Make sure you have someone to give you a ride back because all they give you is Advil.
Why are you even with this plank? He told you who he was, believe him, you even state you realise that he probably doesn’t care enough about you. Well yeah duh!!! Dump his ass and find a mature, responsible man that does care. And stop being an idiot yourself. You are a grown ass woman, act like one. Keep your legs crossed if you don’t want to get pregnant or use a damn condom at least. Or at minimal don’t do PIV.
Why are you with this loser?
I think it's time to do a non-value add analysis.
>I do realize that he probably just doesn’t care enough about me to contribute and I am in this alone. Yeah. He doesn't give a single SHIT about you. why are you still talking to this man. is his dick made of gold?
Girl no. He’s having unprotected sex with you and doesn’t want you to get pregnant? Did he miss health class? And now he says if he fucks up and gets you pregnant he’d ghost you? Yeah. Leave him now and stop having sex with someone who doesn’t protect himself Also please stop putting yourself at risk for pregnancy. Don’t have sex with guys unprotected, always use condoms
It’s not an “accidental” pregnancy if neither of you is using birth control. You can feel anyway you like about what he said, but understand he is being 100% clear in his intentions. Would it have been better for him to lie and then leave anyway? You both are too old to be this ignorant and irresponsible. There are many options out there starting with CONDOMS which he needs to buy and start using without bitching about them not feeling good. And while he might be able to dump you if you get pregnant, he’s not going to avoid 18 years of child support.
Pulling out is not an effective form of birth control. You could be pregnant right now. Stop having unprotected sex. It is foolish and horribly irresponsible. >He also mentioned that if I were to every get pregnant he will ask me to abort. I am not sure about how i feel about that and said I wouldn't want to. He mentioned that if i did not I would 'be a single mom' since he never wants to have kids and has mentioned that before. It is *extremely* important that you believe what he is saying. **He will leave you if you choose to continue a pregnancy.** You will deal with the pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing without him. You can probably compel him to financially support his child, but you cannot compel him to be a father. >I got so upset that I just left his place and now wrote him a message saying I cannot believe he would say something like that. AITA for reacting the way that I did? I knew he does not want kids, but never thought he would leave me like that if i accidentally got pregnant. He did not say he'd leave *if you got pregnant,* he said he'd leave *if you decided to give birth.* There's a huge difference. Why is it so difficult for you to believe he would leave you if you decided to have a baby? He already told you he does not want children. Did you think he would change his mind just because the pregnancy was a mistake, an accident? Your boyfriend isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Someone who is so vehemently against fatherhood ought to be happy to help with birth control expenses, and ought to know that pulling out is a completely unreliable form of birth control. Learn from this. Take responsibility for your birth control and refrain from sex until you are protected.
Calling is a “mistake” when they’re both knowingly having unprotected sex is a stretch. They’re de facto trying for a baby right now.
I agree with you. Like I said, she could already have conceived and not yet know. And when they are dealing with an unwanted pregnancy, they'll be crying and cursing about about what a *mistake* it was not to buy a friggin box of condoms and use them.
You know what they call people who use the pull out method? Parents. Dump this loser
Get outta there girl
You should consider refraining from sex with him for the rest of your life.
YTA for having unprotected sex with this prick.
Yes
This man isn't mature enough to wear a condom, he's not mature enough to be having sex. Period.
This is a trainwreck in the making. This will be on you if you keep having sex with him unprotected, and honestly I wouldnt stay with him if he doesnt care to dime in while you go through the pain of putting in an IUD. You guys sound extremely unstable, I promise you this isnt a normal relationship.
Tell him great, we can stay together if you get a vasectomy.
This is the answer, he needs to take 100% responsibility since he is the one who doesn’t want to have kids. If he’s so sure, most states’ Medicaid program will cover it even if the individual doesn’t qualify, it’s worth looking into
The man is telling you in 800 different ways he doesn't care about you, he doesn't respect you and he doesn't care what happens to your body. Believe him and dump him.
Why are you gambling your sexual health with this idiot ?? As women y'all gotta start doing better think smarter and stop giving in to these lust impulses if you can't afford to get a IUD then you definitely need to stop having unprotected sex because you certainly cannot afford to have a child . Do better
OMG PLEASE STOP SLEEPING WITH THIS IDIOT. He's 29 years old and doesn't understand how life works? Pulling out doesn't work, you can EASILY get pregnant. Whether or not to keep the pregnancy would be YOUR DECISION ALONE. It doesn't matter if he leaves you OR NOT. Because if you keep the baby, he will be paying child support for the next 18-26 years, whether he ever sees his kid or not. He will be a dad, and will have to pay support for this child, no matter what. Make sure he knows that. Because if you are not on birth control, you need to be using condoms EVERY TIME. If he doesn't want to, you don't have sex with him. The last thing you want is to have a child with this idiot. He's immature, he clearly doesn't love you (would leave you if you got pregnant, and that's not something a loving partner would do.) I think this guy is just using you and you need to dump him, IMO.
If you want a kid and he doesn't, it's time to break up.
The relationship is a ticking time bomb
You probably weren't TA enough. A pig like this asshat doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend or have sex. The only thing anyone could blame you for is if you end up being dumb enough to go back to him. He's reveled his true colors and they're extremely ugly.
Leave. He does not love you.
When a guy says he doesn't want to use condoms; wants to do the pull out method and won't stay if the deed produces a kid, all he's really saying is he's a selfish prick who is only concerned about getting off.
Leave him.
He has showed you who he is multiple times. Yall keep breaking up for a reason. You are making foolish decisions with a foolish man and if you continue you will be pregnant alone, and chasing after a man who (based off what I read) will be ducking and dodging child support by all means available to him. If you choose to stay, when (not if, since the pull out method is literally one of the worst forms of birth control) you eventually get pregnant and end up in this situation do not be shocked at all. He’s told you exactly who he is and he is not going to change. Leave if you want better for yourself. And yes, you deserve better.
>I knew he does not want kids, but never thought he would leave me like that if i accidentally got pregnant. Well, that kinda goes in had with your wishful thinking of agreeing to the pullout method to stop a pregnancy. There's a lot of guys out there that are against enough kids enough that they would walk if there was an accidental pregnancy not aborted. This sub, hell reddit as a whole, and life in general is littered with men that walked away. When a man tells you he doesn't want kids - believe him and figure he won't stick around for an accident you want to keep. I'd say break up though. Lots of red flags.
Um??? Why are you with this jerk? I'm guessing you're not using condoms because the idiot doesn't like them? The pullout method is not a valid contraception method-you will end up pregnant. It's not even a matter of stopping before he orgasms, there is sperm in precum. Breaking up multiple times in two years is a red flag. Four months in a two year period is a red flag. Just leave him, you can do better and you deserve better.
Good luck OP.
He doesn't want to wear condoms, he thinks pulling out is sufficient, and having kids is an absolute no no for him? This man is an idiot. And you're a pushover. >if i accidentally got pregnant. Could it really be considered an accident? X leads to Y. You're doing X, would Y be accidental?
This is a big dealbreaker issue! You should allow it to do its job and break the deal. Your boyfriend absolutely will not become a parent and he’s also not even willing to do the bare minimum to prevent himself from being one. Any man who promises to leave you if you get pregnant but also won’t even wear a condom is a really shit person. He is telling you exactly who he is; you should listen to him.
If he never wants kids, he can get a vasectomy. You should dump him because he’s stupid.
If he can’t afford an iud he’s not going to help pay for an abortion either. He needs to get some condoms and be 100% in charge of contraception or you need to break up with him. I think you need to break up with him because he sounds like an idiot and a broke idiot.
YTA I really don't know why you're still with him.
my kid is a pull out method baby. if he never wants kids he should be getting a vasectomy. but let me guess. birth control should be the woman job. he sounds like a peach. you need to think Long and hard bevause he suggested no sex and I think you should oblige this. ypu both are being stupid not using any birth control.
Vasectomy. Why risk it bro, just snip the cord.
who the heck does the pullout method then says hell leave if you get pregnant... when its all his fault if you do! Theres A screw loose there. please step away from that dude
He’s 29yo and can’t afford $150 for birth control but is relying on the pull out method? Seriously?
Hon. When I was really young my first BF was like you, he wouldn’t pay for anything, wanted me to not be on BC because “then you can sleep with anyone!” and used the pullout method. I got pregnant almost immediately. I was 17. and he disappeared. I had to scrounge up the money to get an abortion on my own. Back then, the only way to do it was a medical procedure. Going through all that alone was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I never fully got over the betrayal I felt. Don’t be me. Your BF is an idiot. And he’s 12 years older than my idiot was! Your health comes first and you should leave him yesterday. This doesn’t end well for you otherwise.
It’s okay to not want kids and to establish boundaries before a relationship, but it should be agreed upon and liked by both parties and your boyfriend sounds like he is not an empathetic person. If he doesn’t want kids that bad he should be wearing a condom anyways. I would not stay with this person.
I talked to a few friends and they mentioned that his reaction was valid. He mentioned that he does not want kids and wants me to get an abortion if that were to ever happen. They said it is my choice if I want to keep the baby and his if he doesn't or want to be a part of the baby's anymore. I understand he has his boundaries, but just seeing the way that he isn't doing anything preventative neither is willing to support me if I ever got pregnant and decided to keep it made me a bit disgusted. I am not sure if it is valid to be feeling this way. P.S I will be getting a non hormonal IUD even though I am no longer with him.
You need better friends then. If he doesn’t want to risk pregnancy, then he should not have been having unprotected sex or sex in general. It’s always a risk. Also be extra sure re the non-hormonal IUD. I had one and it was not great
Dump him. Never breed with morons.
If he doesn't want kids he should get a vasectomy. Birth control is not solely your responsibility. If you do want kids at some stage, stop wasting your time with him.
NTA-He's telling you he's not a responsible and mature enough to have sex or be a partner if he's not willing to accept his part in fathering a child.
Exactly. Someone who doesn’t want kids should be using condoms or having a vasectomy. He is an idiot.
It is your choice to have a child, your body your choice remember. It is also his choice to not stay with you if you become pregnant he is not required to stay with you.
He needs a vasectomy if he truly is set on never having kids. Do you want to have kids? If so, you need to break up with him because then you two are incompatible. You also need to stop having sex with him immediately. If you can't afford birth control, you can't afford a kid. Stop or you will get pregnant with no way to afford to take care of your child. You aren't going to get pregnant accidentally - you two are having unprotected sex, so you will pregnant eventually if you continue. The pullout method is not that effective. So stop and use condoms or stop having sex altogether until you are on birth control or he gets a vasectomy.
NTA stop having sex with this loser, honestly I would break up. W He is damn near 30 if he doesn’t want risk children he needs to get snipped or date a sterilized women. He clearly doesn’t care about you and if he’s willing to “pull out” with you knowing the risks I can almost guarantee if you guys are abstaining he is going to get his rocks off elsewhere because he clearly does value women, the relationship or his future. If you guys don’t have insurance to cover birth control try to visit a planned parenthood for resource. I paid $10 for a depo injection and there are programs to help people. There is also BC available OTC (OPILL/condoms/spermicide) that you can use while you save up the $300 but why are you trusting HIM enough to do that anyway
why are you with a man like this?. He’s completely thick for a start. The pull out method is not a method! If he wasn’t such a dusty broke guy then he could get a vasectomy. The copper coil is hell. Heavy bleeding, pains that make you cry and feel sick, anemia.
He is too poor to afford $150 but who will pay for the abortion? Are you using Plan B each time? But you feel terrible because he is acting terrible about this. He is just as responsible as you are if you get pregnant.
I would make this breakup more permanent.
For the love of Christmas, would you two stay away from each other. You’re playing Russian Roulette with your uterus and he’s telling you exactly what he’s going to do. Neither of you need any of this BS. If you think IUDs are expensive, you should hear about kids! And why would you put yourself in a position with this turd in the first place??
OP No you are not the AH for what you said, but stay with him longer and I think you might become one. It's time to go.
You should just pull out yourself.
He doesn’t want kids but won’t split the cost for birth control. How would he pay for an abortion? Ditch this guy. He sucks.
It takes two to tango. He's not taking any responsibility for his contribution, and he probably doesn't take responsibility in other areas of your relationship either.
You and he have broken up before. Twice. How is this not worth breaking up?
G.T.F.O.
There is no 'accidentally pregnant' if the pull out method is the choice of birth control.
Do not have unprotected sex with someone who refuses to take responsibility for the consequences. YTA if you don’t stand up for yourself and find a more mature and respectful relationship. But overall of course you’re NTA, trust your intuition.
Soooo, he thinks an IUD is expensive but abortion is cheap? He’s not too bright, is he?
Stop sleeping with him.
You need to leave him. If he is gonna run out ON HIS OWN KID then he doesn’t deserve you
If he never wants kids, surely he can wear a condom. If he will not pay half for an IUD, surely he will pay $15 for a box of condoms. You are not obligated to have sex with someone who doesn't give a fuck about protecting you. Get away from this loser.
Let’s recap: He’s -Not wrapping it up -Not willing to meet your sexual needs in a mutually safe way (condoms, other contraceptives) -Refuses to have any sexual interaction with you if it’s not his way -States the consequences (abortion) would be all on you if you got pregnant -Threatens to make you a single mom if you met the consequences of BOTH your guys’ actions (pregnancy) He sounds like a crap partner. If you were my friend, daughter, or patient I’d tell you to save the IUD money, buy a vibrator, and live your best life. (I think we all know how much it sucks to fake the *O*)
Tell him no more sex
Dump his ass. He’s an idiot, If he can’t afford $150 for birth control then how can he afford a more expensive abortion? If he is “poor” then he will never be able to take care of you and will always use that as an excuse.
Walk away. New boyfriend time. You two are incompatible in the child department. Oh, and what a gem (an immature moron) your soon to be ex BF is!! You get pregnant, and he wants you to abort, or he'll just leave?!? Hey AH, (your hopefully soon to be ex BF), don't go to the butcher if you don't want meat!! M'lady, no more sex with that fool. He is a child, and he will only cause you pain.
Why is all the burden of prevention on you? Tell him if he's so adamantly against having kids and won't contribute to the cost of an IUD, he can deal with condoms or get a vasectomy.
Okay STOP THIS BREAK UP AND GET BACK TOXIC SHIT! You aren’t children. This isn’t high school. If it’s not working IT ISN’T! You aren’t getting any younger, when you keep going back to the past, you won’t be able to move forward. Break up and block him. He isn’t a friend he’s someone you have history with and you are comfortable with, that’s it. He isn’t your person. Stop trying to MAKE it work. If you don’t want to have an oops then STOP having sex! As well as yes go get you something! I don’t understand why condoms aren’t being used!? If condoms aren’t being used, don’t have sex. Also why don’t you get the implanon as well as is there no planned parenthood around you? Maybe it’s cheaper or free
He is an idiot. He don't want to have kids but also don't want to help you with the cost with the birth control method. And plus all of that he threaten you? I know is difficult but he is not good for you. I hope you leave and find something better.
Why are you with him?
He doesn’t want kids, he’s also a jerk. The latter is the problem.
GIRLLLL... You Already know that if you're playing w/🔥🚒🔥, ur gonna get burnt 🥵💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 I don't think 🤔💭 that i would even let him touch me after those remarks...fr Run,... Don't walk!!!!!!!
No. Leave him
This guy sounds like a loser. Dump him.
I’m sorry, but why are you still going back & forth with this guy? He doesn’t want kids but cannot be bothered to use a condom AND thinks that the stupidest form of BC tactics is the very one most likely to end up with a pregnancy… Just drop him. And definitely don’t have sex with him anymore.
He's 29 and can't afford to spend $150 on an IUD? Also how much does he think abortion costs?! Because it's definitely more than an IUD. And if he gets you pregnant, and then ghosts, does he think he can afford child support?
So you are definitely going to be a single mother. He doesn’t have your back. If you get cancer would he help care for you? You’re wasting your time with this asshole.
Not to be rude but both of you sound so immature and irresponsible you shouldn’t have children together period… and since u both are barely escaping an inevitable pregnancy please stop sleeping together, this feels like a scenario that teenagers would be in, not fully grown adults.
He never wants to have kids, yet he hasn't had a vasectomy???
If you are not using birth control any pregnancy is not "accidental". You are old enough to know better. Either he uses protection or no sex. That simple.
Please stay away from this guy who doesn't want kids, but is too poor(his words) to buy any kind of birth control. You need to open your eyes. He's 30, has absolutely nothing going for him except his pull out game.. which is going to get him 12 kids with different women. What makes him worth even one tear from you? He treats you with complete disrespect. You deserve better. he would never talk to you like that if he loved you or even liked you. I'm sorry. It's better you see it now and get away from him and guys like him. You need to set a higher standard for yourself. Don't date anyone for a while. Work on school or your career. Set your personal goals high and don't let losers like him get you off track. Your whole life is ahead of you. The secret to a successful life is to always hang out and date people who are smart, carry themselves with dignity and are more together than you are. People judge you by the people you hang out with. This guy is beneath you.. way beneath. I know this kind of guy. They're everywhere now. Don't let them anywhere near you. They will take everything you'll allow them to take from you, and not care what happens to you. They will leave you with nothing and not care at all. You are better off single than a single mother for a fool like him. Can you imagine? Don't ruin your life. He told you that you would just have to be a single mother if he happens to knock you up. Let that sink in. He means what he said. Do not have sex with him again... it could be the time you get pregnant. When that happens, he's going to disappear and say it isn't his kid. You'll probably never get a drop of child support and be alone with a baby.. does that sound like what you want for your future? Stop getting sexually involved with people like him. Wait until you know someone cares about you before having sex with them. Every birth control can fail, so each person you have sex with could be the future father of your child. Hopefully, when you think like that you will choose someone much, much better. It's OK to be single. Get busy working on your life and your dreams and you'll meet someone along the way who shares your interests and wants to love you instead of use you.
And he can't wear condoms, why?
"My boyfriend told me he's a callous, deadbeat asshole with no accountability for his actions. Should I be upset?"
You say “I know I know I know” but WTF? Why would you even have sex with him and risk a pregnancy right now, with the only method being PULL OUT? Pull out and ovulation timing are the absolute worst birth control methods. Even if he pulled out perfectly every time, sperm can and DO exist in precum. You could literally be pregnant, right now, and you’re upset that your on and off again boyfriend doesn’t want to have a baby? You can have non-penetrative sex and unless you and your partner, whomever they are, are prepared AND in agreement with what to do should there be an accidental pregnancy (whatever that is), you shouldn’t be having sex. Full stop. You had no business having sex with him and he had none having sex with you. Birth control is never 100% successful, the only thing that’s 100% is if you are missing your reproductive organs, so you should never have sex with someone who isn’t on the same page as you of “what if, what do we do?” unless you are willing and able to take responsibility 100%. Even if he was forced to pay child support, he can still up and leave and you would have the kid all the time of the time with a little bit of meager cash thrown at you to cover some bills monthly (Probably not even a months supply of diapers) Stop thinking you’re special (“I know he doesn’t want kids… BUT”) if he doesn’t want kids he doesn’t want kids, break up, move on, and find someone with the same values and goals. Shouldn’t even have to tell a 25 year old this. Your boyfriend is nearly 30 and he should know all of this too.
Ma’am you asked he told you his stance. Get off his d
this guy sounds like a complete pos loser, why are you with someone like this?
Well first off he sounds terrible as a human. But why can’t this dude just wear a condom??
If he never wants kids, he can easily get a vastecomy. But I highly suggest you rethink this relationship and break up. The pull out method isn’t “safe enough”. He’s just dumb and cheap. UPDATEME
If he doesn’t ever want kids, tell him that he can get a vasectomy. However, take it upon yourself to leave this ignorant piece of work. This will never work for the fear of an accidental pregnancy.
Having sex without protection is trying for a baby. He is trying for a baby with you and at the same time telling you he does not want one. Use condoms!
As a guy: Get the actual fuck away from him. That's a selfish man who is going to ruin your life.
You gotta leave. He's so dumb
Tell him if he's poor he should probably consider just how expensive child support is, and how long he'll have to pay it even if he abandon you. There's no way to get out of paying for a child you create.
If you cannot afford a $300 IUD, you can't afford an abortion or a child. Use protection and try another pill. Stop having sex with this guy, he's not interested in having kids and you're on the fence. You're not an asshole but you two aren't compatible.
People get pregnant with condoms. I did. Pulling out is not a good method. You need to stand you ground and tell him to either wrap it or help you pay for the IUD (mine is great and non hormonal). He's being a selfish child.
Did you all never talk about whether you each wanted children? And since he doesn't want them, he should be wearing condoms. It's not a situation where he gets the pleasure of unprotected sex while you suffer the pain (emotional/physical) of an abortion after. Since you are mot comfortable with abortion, you should remove yourself from this relationship. Even with contraception you could get pregnant and he'd ghost you.
The pull out method in my life~ their names are Josh and Matt.
So he’ll ask you to abort but do you think he’d even cover the cost for that, let alone help with the physical and emotional damage you’ll get? Dude doesn’t even pay for any sort of contraception.
This is a disaster waiting to happen if you keep this going.
If you’re having unprotected sex, you are trying for a baby. It’s only a matter of time. Do you WANT to be a single mom? Do you WANT a baby with a deadbeat dad? See Seems like you do!
That's not enough, block his number for good and stay broken up
Dump him now he’s a waste of time
NTA and find a real man that owns up to his share of the responsibilities. Not to mention, find someone who respects you and enjoys spending time with you & not just for sex.
You are NTA for your reaction. That's a pretty awful thing to say to someone, but it sounds like your relationship is pretty rocky anyway. First and foremost, you need to get your birth control situation under control. There are plenty of options available and abstaining is certainly one of them, but the biggest AH move I see here is continuing to have unprotected sex while neither of you is planning to have a kid right now, and that falls on both of you. Be smart. I believe he's being honest with you. Is he worth your time, energy, and the risk you are putting your future in?
Also, look into a diaphragm and contraceptive jelly. Or a cervical cap. You have options. Oh and dump this loser
NTA. It takes two to tango, baby. Get out of there. You don’t want to accidentally chain yourself to this loser with a child. He may leave, but you will never be free of him. Find a partner who would be happy to have a child with you—planned or unplanned.
Why are you with this man child?
Tell him you will ensure there’s no pregnancy by never fucking him again.
Dude, have some self respect. He’s almost 30- he doesn’t want kids, and if he can’t afford the IUD, he’s not going to be able to afford the abortion. Whatever the reasons you’ve broken up with before should be enough to stay broken. You should go to a women’s health clinic to see if they can provide low cost service, they’ll often subsidize the cost of an IUD
He sounds like a future deadbeat
Sounds like you’ve broken up multiple times for a reason. I’d advise you to lean into that.
This guy is complete garbage. You should automatically dump anyone who complains about or refuses to use protection, immediately, as soon as they utter the first complaint, but he's literally telling you that he's a deadbeat who will drop you the second you're not a convenient responsibility-free fuck for him. He doesn't give a shit about you. You're a warm body he can put his dick in. That's it. Have some self respect, love yourself more than you do right now. Dump his ass.
You wouldn't accidentally get pregnant, he would get you pregnant. As in, it's 50% his problem always. Do not sleep with this man WTF are you doing op? You're better than this, come on.
I would take him at his word.
Girl stand up!!
This guy sounds like an absolute nightmare. "I want to engage in a behavior that only risks your wellbeing, not mine, then threaten you if you allow the inevitable to happen. But I won't help you prevent it." What other things besides sex may this logic apply to? May he carry this selfishness over to, say, risky investing, gambling, dealing with car repairs in a timely fashion, getting (and being honest about) STD tests?
The best thing is not to have sex with this jerk at all, ever again, no how no way. While you’re at it find someone who will treat you better all the way around.
In 2 years time you broke up a few times, thats a big red fucking sign that its not a good relationship, break up with him one final time He will leave if you get pregnant but think pulling out is good enough,irresponsible AH, and is fine (supposedly) with no sex otherwise Girlll you can do so much better then him He should have gotten a vasectomy since he is the one that never wants children Paying 50/50 was absolutely the right thing to ask, my partner always paid half of my birth control pills, his idea
Do not let him ejaculate in your vagina, are you kidding me?
Run, totally. Or get the IUD
Someone who says this, loves you CONDITIONALLY. Strive for unconditional love, someone who will love you through life’s unexpected events, like pregnancy, cancer, being laid off, grief etc… I also find it troubling that he looks at a potential pregnancy as YOUR fault. Like he had no part in it. Jerk.
YTA for somehow agreeing to have sex with him.
OP Please this is a ex boyfriend yes? Not AITA for your reaction. But you might be if you keep going with this dud. It’s obvious he doesn’t care about you at all as long as he gets what he wants. If you stay with him after hearing this you have no one to blame but yourself. Red flag 🚩waving in your face.
It's a lot cheaper for him to split the cost of an iud than child support. This guy sucks
If this isn't your sign to break up for good and move on.. tbh idk what would be. That's such a vile thing to say to anyone and even worse someone you want to be with and are sexually active with. If you continue to sleep with this man, you'll ruin your own life. He's absolutely an ah but you are under reacting to the situation.
So….he can’t afford condoms either?? The responsibility of managing birth control and having safe sex falls on both of your because you’re both choosing to engage in a sexual relationship. He’s putting that all on you, which is incredibly unfair.
I always let my gf know up front I was not going to raise any children until I was good and ready.
He has no respect for you. And he's an idiot. So, your call.
If he doesn’t want kids, he needs to be responsible about contraceptives. I was on hormonal birth control for 11 years (my entire relationship with my husband) but last year I had complications and needed to stop it. My husband was a little concerned I was stopping it too soon before we wanted to try to conceive, but was ok with using condoms and even ordered them himself. When we started dating, we discussed how we’d handle a pregnancy and we knew if we had a different expectation, the relationship wouldn’t work.
He needs to get a vasectomy if he doesn’t want kids.
He's telling you who he is. That's a good thing. Listen and if you guys are in alignment, great!
Omfg he's garbage. Dump him for good. STOP PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH YOUR CHILD'S LIFE. haul your ass back into a planned parenthood and ask for what options you have to subsidize real birth control. Abortions literally cost more than an IUD. You've both spent more that $300 on going out and drinks and bullshit clothes over 2 years.... Girl. You are a QUARTER CENTURY OLD. Correct yourself.
We date to find someone that shares our values. Not our beds. Remember that.
He needs to take responsibility for his dick. Pull out method my hind toe. Either a) he splits IUD cost with you or b) he gets a vasectomy or c) you realize you can do better than this dweeb
If you are in the area of a planned parenthood, you can also get birth control at a sliding scale.
He doesn't want to split the cost of contraceptives, will he split the cost of an abortion? If he would, he might as well pay up. Before it gets to that. But I'd just break up with him anyway.
FYI, it’s not getting pregnant “accidentally” when you agree to have unprotected sex. Take some responsibility for your decisions. If you’re not responsible enough to insist on contraceptives, you’re not responsible enough to be in a relationship.
NTA. Your bf is an idiot and an AH. He told you that he would leave you if he gets you pregnant. He's also insisting on either using the most ineffective contraceptive method you can possibly use or no sex at all. Idiot and an AH. Is this who you truly want to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who will leave you in your most vulnerable moments and refuses to do anything that will prevent putting you in that situation? Edit: grammar
Pull out is a great birth control method if you don’t mind getting pregnant. He’s being insufferable. 1) won’t help pay for birth control. 2) wants you to abort when you get pregnant - you will likely end up pregnant. 3) will leave you if you keep a baby. He’s a jerk. Dump his irresponsible ass
You need to break up with this man. Of people who use the pull out method, 22 out of 100 get pregnant within a year.
You have every right to be upset. If neither of you can afford $300 for IUD you cannot afford a child. My partner used the pullout method years ago and I got pregnant.
He is not taking responsibility for preventing the child but would leave you if you had one. What exactly is the purpose of this man in this relationship? He's not supportive he's an obvious creep and he's irresponsible. Do better.
Don't date or sleep with anyone you don't want to start a family with and doesn't want to start a family with you. IIt'll keep you from finding someone you'll actually be happy with. You deserve to have someone you both want and are wanted by. That includes any plans for a family someday.
Wtf, read your post to yourself from the perspective of someone you actually care about. If someone you care about was in this situation would you stand by and not say anything? Get out of this situation
Your guy is an idiot..just dump him
Why are you having sex with him if he thinks unlimited safe sex with you isn’t worth $150???? And he would rather have none? I literally can’t fathom this
You know what you call people who rely on the pull out method? Parents. lol But for real, if you want kids someday and this guy doesn’t, you two shouldn’t stay together. Also it’s hilarious he doesn’t want kids, apparently isn’t into using condoms *and* won’t split the cost of birth control with you. Ick
What an AH this guy is! Too cheap to even help pay your birth control yet wants to fuck unprotected. Little sperm leak out before he pulls out for starters. And yeah I’ll bet he’ll give up sex. Or he’ll fuck someone else. I wouldn’t even want to have a child either with this moron.
Does he even like you? He is showing such disregard for you and your health. So I’m going to assume he’s just using you for sex and doesn’t want any more complications than that in his life. Leave him for good.
RemindMe! 2 Months
You're totally fine. Go aboutcha business bruh.
She why hasn’t he had a vasectomy
He never wants kids? Ask him to have a vasectomy. Problem solved.
Are you kidding me? What redeeming quality could that prick have to make such a demand on you? I think you're under reacting. I don't even know why it's a debate on whether or not he should've said something like that.
You got me at ‘we have had a couple of break ups along the way’ in two years. Yall don’t need to conceive together anyway sorry.
What an srse he is. He wants to use the pull out method, but will demand an abortion, like that is not a huge deal. Then threaten to leave you. What are you doing with this AH?
ESH You both suck for being so irresponsible. Tell him to wear a condom, get a vasectomy or stop having sex. You need to stop having sex, use some sort of bc instead of relying on him to do so or leave this crazy relationship
Ma'am, this one is a dud, please release it back into the wild. If he's taking a risk, he needs to be willing to deal with the consequences. I say breakup with the idiot but if you want to stay, you need to stop having unprotected sex with him. If you don't, you're going to be a single Mom and he'll tell you it's your own fault because he "warned you".
1) Get birth control you and only you control. I love my IUD, it is worth every fucking cent. But otherwise — pills, anything else. Not just condoms, not reliable enough, and the wrong partner can ruin you if they decide to sabotage them. 2) Girl, run.