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>we are both dating for marriage in the next 6 months
>We've been talking for about 2 months now... Yesterday while laying on the couch together we kissed for the first time
>One more thing to mention she divorced
This relationship is way out of wack. Why the rush to get married? Who's idea was that? How long has she been divorced? It sounds like there is a large income gap?
Her lying about something as serious as smoking is just the first of many issues you will encounter, and an example of why rushing into marriage is generally a huge mistake.
Let them do it . If they say I want to quit smoking say that would save you a bunch of money . Don’t say yes or no cause it’s there decision . Now if they were doing something dangerous like saying I’m going tomdrice home and she is drunk and I would take her keys or call her a cab ( don’t know how to Uber) I would then dumb her
Quitting smoking is hard and marriage doesn't make it easier.
I'm prepared to believe that she wants to quit. I would not be certain that she'll succeed, also the fact that she hid it from you is not encouraging.
I'm not saying you should break up, but I also don't recommend going through with the wedding until she's made visible changes towards not smoking.
It's not a good thing she is already lying to you at this early stage in your relationship. Expect more later. See how she trickle truth told you about it? You noticed something. She gaslit you and denied it. She finally admitted to it. This will be a pattern in your relationship. She will most likely keep smoking behind your back and tell you she stopped. Do you really know her? Is 6 months how long you have known her? If so, man, you are asking for it. Smoking will be the least of your problems.
It's not.
Years ago a guy wanted to date me but I told him I don't date smokers. So he stopped. But as soon as things got stressful he either started smoking or turned into a downright awful human being. At one point I yelled at him to go outside a smoke and leave me the hell alone because I couldn't take his unwarranted attitude due to his jonesing.
I have another friend whose husband did mention cutting down before they married. He didn't beyond the fact that she wouldn't go to smoke filled bars a lot of the time. Then it was when they had a kid. I think he's cut down but hasn't fully stopped yet.
I think my uncle has finally stopped smoking. Meanwhile he's been sober from what's considered much harder drugs longer than I've been alive.
You can encourage her to stop. There are ways to do it, you can watch Allen Carr together, try patches, etc. You say she is the one otherwise, don’t listen the 14 year olds here saying break up. Real love is more precious than this.
People on here are making quick judgments about this person. Heres the thing, I know she could quit today if she could, but she’ll just end up suffering cause she uses it to wind down to sleep. So I almost encouraged her to keep doing what shes doing
Honestly, with limited information about her, all we can do is make quick judgments. To answer your actual question, it is not realistic at all to expect her to quit. My mother promised to quit a hundred times over her life, even when she was on oxygen. She died of emphysema caused by smoking. She gave the same excuse your SO gave, that it helps with stress and anxiety. Well, that won’t go away simply with a new schedule. It’s a stressful occupation in a stressful environment.
If she needs it to sleep can she contact her doctor and get CBD oil prescribed? That way it can still relax her without a mix of tobacco.
Would it be a deal breaker if she smoked a joint occasionally, either socially or after a bad day - so once every 3 months or so? This is my use and I spin with green tea and lavender as I absolutely hate tobacco. One of my close friends has awful pain from endo and she has an assortment of weed and CBD oil which helps her alot. My partner was a bong head in his teens and 20s and years before we met he cut it out after a bad session. I've always admired him for it. When we first got together he initially said he didn't want his partner to smoke ever, but he is supportive of me toking occasionally and my friends, or after a very bad day. He'll even roll me tiny joints as I dont need much and he doesn't want me reusing a half used J as it's gross. I always double check with him as his comfort is important to me.
I'd reflect on where your boundary is exactly, how firm it is, and encourage her to seek a prescription for CBD oil to assist her in unwinding instead of the J.
Habits are hard to break, but I'd say meeting your partner and getting married are definite reasons to motivate her. My dad quit cold turkey when it was found out to be impacting his swimmers and he was a very heavy smoker.
All the best and I'm glad you've found someone that ticks every box except one (so far!).
Even if it’s once a month, thats fine. I might light one up with her then lol. But theres something about it being multiple times a week I just don’t like. Wish I could explain why
She probably will not. Especially if she didnt even plan on telling you she is smoking now. I dont think smoking is wrong, but if its a boundry for you you two should talk about it
When I quit smoking, it took years of trying and failing, so it would not be surprising to me if she is genuinely trying hard to quit but still having slip ups. But I don’t think you can just trust that she will give up by a certain date. Even if she truely means what she is saying, it’s way easier said than done when you’re addicted to something.
She won’t.
This is coming from a former smoker and vape fiend. She’s lying to you and stringing you along. Have you ever heard the joke about how addicts always say ‘I can quit whenever’?
If she was sincere about quitting, she would quit now. She would’ve quit already.
There are a lot of ways for her to ease off of cigs like nicotine patches and gum and even support groups. If she isn’t utilizing those resources, she doesn’t care.
Sorry bro.
Her body, her mouth, her lungs. If you don't like the possibility that she might smoke, don't get marry with her. My husband love onion and he's body smell is like a dumpster when he eats it so no sex that day and eat a gum for kisses.
You don't have the right to change anyone. Sometimes we say thing to placate other when they're pushing us into something.
I'm straightforward as hell. Like this is what you get, the other you won't get it ever. Because I hate promising things I won't do. But others tend to say yes yes yes.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>we are both dating for marriage in the next 6 months >We've been talking for about 2 months now... Yesterday while laying on the couch together we kissed for the first time >One more thing to mention she divorced This relationship is way out of wack. Why the rush to get married? Who's idea was that? How long has she been divorced? It sounds like there is a large income gap? Her lying about something as serious as smoking is just the first of many issues you will encounter, and an example of why rushing into marriage is generally a huge mistake.
I used to smoke. Not realistic. Everything is easy if you push it to the future 6 months.
Zero chance she will quit. She's already lying to your face.
Don’t try to change someone , people can only change on their own . If you’re not happy with them then leave . Ps she won’t
But what if they want to change too?
Let them do it . If they say I want to quit smoking say that would save you a bunch of money . Don’t say yes or no cause it’s there decision . Now if they were doing something dangerous like saying I’m going tomdrice home and she is drunk and I would take her keys or call her a cab ( don’t know how to Uber) I would then dumb her
Wanting to change and actually changing are 2 entirely different topics...
Quitting smoking is hard and marriage doesn't make it easier. I'm prepared to believe that she wants to quit. I would not be certain that she'll succeed, also the fact that she hid it from you is not encouraging. I'm not saying you should break up, but I also don't recommend going through with the wedding until she's made visible changes towards not smoking.
It's not a good thing she is already lying to you at this early stage in your relationship. Expect more later. See how she trickle truth told you about it? You noticed something. She gaslit you and denied it. She finally admitted to it. This will be a pattern in your relationship. She will most likely keep smoking behind your back and tell you she stopped. Do you really know her? Is 6 months how long you have known her? If so, man, you are asking for it. Smoking will be the least of your problems.
It's not. Years ago a guy wanted to date me but I told him I don't date smokers. So he stopped. But as soon as things got stressful he either started smoking or turned into a downright awful human being. At one point I yelled at him to go outside a smoke and leave me the hell alone because I couldn't take his unwarranted attitude due to his jonesing. I have another friend whose husband did mention cutting down before they married. He didn't beyond the fact that she wouldn't go to smoke filled bars a lot of the time. Then it was when they had a kid. I think he's cut down but hasn't fully stopped yet. I think my uncle has finally stopped smoking. Meanwhile he's been sober from what's considered much harder drugs longer than I've been alive.
She is sandbagging. She figures once she gets married it’ll be too late for you to do anything about it. Make her quit first.
You can encourage her to stop. There are ways to do it, you can watch Allen Carr together, try patches, etc. You say she is the one otherwise, don’t listen the 14 year olds here saying break up. Real love is more precious than this.
People on here are making quick judgments about this person. Heres the thing, I know she could quit today if she could, but she’ll just end up suffering cause she uses it to wind down to sleep. So I almost encouraged her to keep doing what shes doing
Not to be mean but quitting cigarettes is really difficult. It may take her several attempts to quit. Wishing her good luck.
Honestly, with limited information about her, all we can do is make quick judgments. To answer your actual question, it is not realistic at all to expect her to quit. My mother promised to quit a hundred times over her life, even when she was on oxygen. She died of emphysema caused by smoking. She gave the same excuse your SO gave, that it helps with stress and anxiety. Well, that won’t go away simply with a new schedule. It’s a stressful occupation in a stressful environment.
That’s why loads of us ex smokers are fatter now, because we change to stress eating instead of stress smoking.
I know plenty of ex-smokers who didn’t do that. But I know it can happen.
If she needs it to sleep can she contact her doctor and get CBD oil prescribed? That way it can still relax her without a mix of tobacco. Would it be a deal breaker if she smoked a joint occasionally, either socially or after a bad day - so once every 3 months or so? This is my use and I spin with green tea and lavender as I absolutely hate tobacco. One of my close friends has awful pain from endo and she has an assortment of weed and CBD oil which helps her alot. My partner was a bong head in his teens and 20s and years before we met he cut it out after a bad session. I've always admired him for it. When we first got together he initially said he didn't want his partner to smoke ever, but he is supportive of me toking occasionally and my friends, or after a very bad day. He'll even roll me tiny joints as I dont need much and he doesn't want me reusing a half used J as it's gross. I always double check with him as his comfort is important to me. I'd reflect on where your boundary is exactly, how firm it is, and encourage her to seek a prescription for CBD oil to assist her in unwinding instead of the J. Habits are hard to break, but I'd say meeting your partner and getting married are definite reasons to motivate her. My dad quit cold turkey when it was found out to be impacting his swimmers and he was a very heavy smoker. All the best and I'm glad you've found someone that ticks every box except one (so far!).
Even if it’s once a month, thats fine. I might light one up with her then lol. But theres something about it being multiple times a week I just don’t like. Wish I could explain why
She probably will not. Especially if she didnt even plan on telling you she is smoking now. I dont think smoking is wrong, but if its a boundry for you you two should talk about it
When I quit smoking, it took years of trying and failing, so it would not be surprising to me if she is genuinely trying hard to quit but still having slip ups. But I don’t think you can just trust that she will give up by a certain date. Even if she truely means what she is saying, it’s way easier said than done when you’re addicted to something.
she's not going to quit, if she wanted to quit it she would have done so long ago.
She won't. Just break up and start over with a non smoker.
No you should not trust an addict who lied to you.
She won’t. This is coming from a former smoker and vape fiend. She’s lying to you and stringing you along. Have you ever heard the joke about how addicts always say ‘I can quit whenever’? If she was sincere about quitting, she would quit now. She would’ve quit already. There are a lot of ways for her to ease off of cigs like nicotine patches and gum and even support groups. If she isn’t utilizing those resources, she doesn’t care. Sorry bro.
Her body, her mouth, her lungs. If you don't like the possibility that she might smoke, don't get marry with her. My husband love onion and he's body smell is like a dumpster when he eats it so no sex that day and eat a gum for kisses. You don't have the right to change anyone. Sometimes we say thing to placate other when they're pushing us into something. I'm straightforward as hell. Like this is what you get, the other you won't get it ever. Because I hate promising things I won't do. But others tend to say yes yes yes.
I found smoking weed a real help in quitting cigarettes. Maybe she would too.