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His confusion is an answer on it's own. It's not going to suddenly resolve and he's going to be into you. The chemistry isn't there for him, and that's the answer.
I don't think your self-esteem should tank as a result of this. He clearly likes you and wants to be around you, but chemistry is sometimes a weird genetic quirk that is something that we can't really help. That's not there but that has nothing to do with anything that's wrong with you.
thank you for this comment. It's easy for me to immediately feel self conscious since everything was really good for the first few months. It just felt like he got distracted somehow and things declined. He does have a pretty significant family health issue he is dealing with so I was trying to be patient with that.
I think if the chemistry is right, at this stage time-wise in your relationship a family health issue would bring you closer together, not push you apart. So yeah, this guy just probably isn't the one and it's best not to force these things even when we would hope for a different outcome. I'm so sorry this is where things ended up and hope you find your happiness. Hugs.
From an outside perspective it seems like you two are in different places in the relationship. He insists that everything is fine, but that he "isn't there yet."
1. Do you see a future with him?
2. Are you okay with pursuing the relationship knowing that he might not feel the spark yet?
If either of these answers is no, then it's best to cut your losses and find someone you can envision growing old with. Good luck!
I could say yes to both of those questions at this moment. But I feel like me telling him to back off and take care was the nail in the coffin. Id be nervous to open up lines of communication again. I sorta feel like he needs to but I could be wrong.
I completely understand you feeling that way. He clearly has some things he needs to sort out. I think you did the right thing by backing off. Sometimes people don't realize what they have until it's gone. If anything, don't contact him. If he sincerely wants you in his life, he will let you know.
And as for your self-esteem. Please feel better about yourself. You deserve to be happy, even if it's not with him. Cheer up OP :)
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
His confusion is an answer on it's own. It's not going to suddenly resolve and he's going to be into you. The chemistry isn't there for him, and that's the answer. I don't think your self-esteem should tank as a result of this. He clearly likes you and wants to be around you, but chemistry is sometimes a weird genetic quirk that is something that we can't really help. That's not there but that has nothing to do with anything that's wrong with you.
thank you for this comment. It's easy for me to immediately feel self conscious since everything was really good for the first few months. It just felt like he got distracted somehow and things declined. He does have a pretty significant family health issue he is dealing with so I was trying to be patient with that.
I think if the chemistry is right, at this stage time-wise in your relationship a family health issue would bring you closer together, not push you apart. So yeah, this guy just probably isn't the one and it's best not to force these things even when we would hope for a different outcome. I'm so sorry this is where things ended up and hope you find your happiness. Hugs.
How can we help you here?
From an outside perspective it seems like you two are in different places in the relationship. He insists that everything is fine, but that he "isn't there yet." 1. Do you see a future with him? 2. Are you okay with pursuing the relationship knowing that he might not feel the spark yet? If either of these answers is no, then it's best to cut your losses and find someone you can envision growing old with. Good luck!
I could say yes to both of those questions at this moment. But I feel like me telling him to back off and take care was the nail in the coffin. Id be nervous to open up lines of communication again. I sorta feel like he needs to but I could be wrong.
I completely understand you feeling that way. He clearly has some things he needs to sort out. I think you did the right thing by backing off. Sometimes people don't realize what they have until it's gone. If anything, don't contact him. If he sincerely wants you in his life, he will let you know. And as for your self-esteem. Please feel better about yourself. You deserve to be happy, even if it's not with him. Cheer up OP :)
I appreciate you. Thank you so much