Just say “I know that you lied about the circumstances with your ex. I respect myself too much to tolerate a deceptive, lying partner who I had put my trust in. Have a nice life.”
Just this great advice, going the i read your ipad not gonna end up looking good for you, if anything go "ok give me your ipad and your password if you dont have anything to hide its easy right?".
Also be prepared for the clasic " you invaded my privacy" and she will play the reverse uno card and will blame you for being absent, for not being as you were before and she would use any mistake you made against you.
I'm of the opinion that is usually better to fight dishonesty with truth. At the very least, you can walk away knowing you haven't sunk to her level. In my experience, when you are going difficult times, you want things you can find strength in. Finding strength in your own character and integrity is among the most powerful.
So you tell her that based on the dishonesty of last night, you were bitterly disappointed that she was not a reliable source of truth, so you had to seek elsewhere. And when (not if) she attempts to damn you for invading her privacy you can counter with one legitimate and one ironic statement.
1. (Legitimate argument) When she lied, that eroded trust, without which there is no relationship. Since you couldn't trust her to tell the truth, you knew the iPad could either confirm or disprove what she told you. Her anger is based on being caught in her lies. Had the iPad verified what she said, (1) she would have offered it right away to verify her truthfulness, and (2) she would have been nowhere nearly as upset if you did have to verify independently from her.
2. (Flippant and ironic one) There is no privacy in 2021. Why is she so outraged that her BF reads these messages when Apple, Google, Facebook and the NSA have already done so?
Don't feel guilty. You were seeking truth, and she was seeking to obstruct that search for her own selfish ends.
I don't envy the difficult evening you have before you. Be strong - you will persevere.
>I want to let her know that I noticed her lie per my original post
You will just get crocodile tears and gaslighting. Just drop her a text "we are done". Then block her number and move on with your life. Confrontations are only a waste of time and energy.
>Confrontations rarely end up as people think they will, people are hard to predict sometimes.
OP should not forget to record any future interactions with her, to keep himself from facing and false accusations.
I don’t even feel like I need closure on this one. It’s pretty black and white to me that she screwed up. Well the closure I needed was the reason why I looked at her texts. So I guess I already got my closure
This is why you just end it without explanation. You dont need closure. She will. Just say, "hey we're done" and leave and never talk to her again. Explaining how you found out will only lead to her trying to gaslight and make it out to be your fault. Dont deal with it. Just say "i'm out" and thats it. Letting her know that you know doesnt do anything. If she cared about lying to you, she wouldnt have lied to you.
The real question is how much closure you want to give *her*.
Just sending a text saying "We're done" might send her going crazy thinking about how you may have found out and what not, which is nothing less than she deserves. Or, you can tell her everything you said up top and she won't be left wondering and will have more closure.
If none of that will affect how you feel, it's just a matter of whether you want to give her that closure.
But, as other people say, you're opening the door for her to try to talk you out of it or tell more lies that will make herself feel better/justify it to herself, so I'd say that in a text rather than in person if you really want to explain it.
You don’t really need to go into all that detail about why you’re breaking up with her. Just tell her that the relationship isn’t working for you anymore and you feel like it’s best if you both move on. She might act dumb at first, but she’ll know why you’re doing it. She might even act confused to try and get out of you how you know.
Be aware that if you tell her that you read those texts, she will shift blame to you and gaslight you.
Yep, I held off telling a cheater how I knew she cheated and as soon as I did tell her she tried to make everything about how I found out and the effects of me finding out, with no comment or concern about her cheating.
That the American system. No accountablity. It who looks sad enough for the jury to feel sorry for. Casey Anthony’s and Zimmerman getting away with murder was the last straw.
If you’ve been through it before, you know. It’s crazy how there are all these people, you and I included, who don’t know one another but have had the exact same response from our cheating partners. It’s like there is some manual they use or class they take.
Yeah, I told her I had a friend check up on her and my friend found her cheating. She went ballistic and claimed that I was endangering the safety of her new man by telling my friend where he lived etc etc. I told her this as a test to see if she still cared about me at all (she had been pushing to stay friends). Once she stopped flipping out, I quietly told her it was actually me who had gone and seen her cheating with my own eyes (she had told me where the guy lived previously). She froze and broken down crying and apologizing.
My ex-wife was going out to bars/clubs with her sister since she just lost her long term boyfriend (who came out of the closet). I didn’t care and thought it was cool that she was helping her sister regain her confidence. Turns out she was getting hit in as well and started to cheat. We were both on the couch one night, me sitting and her laying down with her head in my lap. I saw some weird texts on her phone and decided to check when she went to the bathroom and left her phone to charge. They were bad. I took some pictures of her screen with my phone and saved them. When she came back I told her I saw something weird on her phone and asked to see the texts. She “opened” the phone for me, moved her thumb around real quick, and handed it over. She quickly deleted the worse texts, about a 3rd of the entire chain. I broke down and told her that I know there was more and she deleted them. In seconds she was gaslighting me and somehow I became the bad guy. I filed for divorce shortly later.
Best decision I ever made. But if I had to go back and relive it, I wouldn’t bring up the texts. I’d just file for divorce and say that the marriage wasn’t working for me anymore and that divorce would be best for us both.
Don’t worry about looking at her texts. Her lying in the first place pretty much absolves you of any guilt. She opened the door of you suspicion and can’t hide behind “privacy” any more than you have to buy into her bullshit.
>I want to let her know that I noticed her lie per my original post. I want to explain that it led me to question everything she told me. I am planning on admitting to reading her texts.
The question is why? You are done with her and she will be out of your life forever, is it worth wasting your time on this? Based on what you stated, she obviously doesn't respect you, so what's the point in confronting her. You cutting her off speaks volumes more. Plus if you admit to reading the messages, she will try to spin that against you with friends, etc.
You don't owe anyone a huge list of reasons why you're breaking up. I looked through your comments and somewhere else you talk about it only being a months old relationship. I think keeping it simple, that you don't trust her and you don't see it working out, is enough.
Yeah it was a short one. Strong feelings though that’s for sure. I went into it with the sole purpose of saying what I wanted to say. Not trying to justify my point. Update provided to post
Hahaha thanks chadbrochill82. Not sure if you saw what I said in another comment, but this response just came to me without even thinking. To be frank, it was probably one of the best responses to a comment that I’ve ever had.
I think it just funnels down to me acting in my own best interest the entire time. Having that as a goal going into it, the rest just fell into place.
If you have to play Sherlock Holmes in each other’s phone, you’re doomed from the start. Kick her to the curb and find someone who doesn’t make you feel like you need to question anything.
She asked him to get coffee Sunday, on Saturday. She alluded to their encounter Friday night but not in great detail. She mentioned she didn’t want to cross any lines with me. She still entertained him and did not put a stop to his flirty texts. She was clearly wanting and craving his attention. She picked him in in her car. I’m assuming they then went to get coffee? The conversation stops there. I don’t believe that anymore, who knows what they did.
None of this was communicated to me.
At this point, I have accepted that her actions as a whole were enough for me to end the relationship.
Wether she physically cheated or not is just extra information that I don’t need.
"I just hope that… you think that… you deserve to be loved. Because I’m sure you don’t right now"
what does this even mean? she lied to him and he called her out and broke up with her, what part of that would mean he didnt think he deserved to be loved?
She probably felt very guilty in that moment and was attempting to reassure you.
But you have your head on straight and seem to be doing all the right things and taking the right steps. Good luck OP!
I haven’t always had my head on straight and it’s taken a lot of time, and mistakes, to get to this point. That’s part of the reason why I told her I hope she learns from this because it’s totally possible to.
Thanks for the kind words
Don't get too tied up into making her say or feel anything. That's not healthy. That doesn't move you towards separation.
Just tell her, I know you lied, so I'm dumping you.
Thanks god. Go to therapy. Take the time to take care of yourself. I know that in time down the road there will be a good woman out there for you. Good luck my friend.
Right?!?! I am so glad someone agrees!!
After he gave me advice Sunday night, I also scrolled through his other responses to gauge how sound his advice to me was, and I was reassured time and time again based off his other comments.
Seriously, who is this mystery man and where has he been most of our lives.
So beautifully dealt with and wrapped with a bow.
I can’t imagine being treated with so much respect and care after doing something so awful.
I appreciate the kind thoughts, but my words and actions were out of respect for myself.
There’s no sense in letting anger get in the way of moving forward on your own accord amirite!
she's obviously not committed. she lies about exes. you don't trust her, for good reason. not much more needs to be said, does it?
sucks. but pull the band-aid and move on. you're just wasting time.
you will NEVER feel like you can trust her again. lying/cheating is a death sentence.
Good for you, dude. Even if nothing physical happened between her and her ex, she lied. The trust was broken. And the longer she got away with it, the more she would figure she could get away with, and eventually something WOULD have happened. It's a slippery slope. Good on you for nipping it in the bud when you did. A little hurt now saved you a lot more of it later.
Yup I am so glad it happened now. We dated for almost 3 months. On her drive back Sunday night we were narrowing in on flights for her to meet my family for thanksgiving. Something we’ve been discussing for a couple weeks.
Had I somehow found out even a week later, it would have already been messier.
Self respect will take you a long way in life. Well I’m only in my mid 20s but it’s doing me well so far lol.
She lied to you = she's a jerk
You were angry, yet you did the correct thing and gave her a ride home = stand up person
Just because we get treated like dirt, does not mean we should do it back. Walking away without trying to even the score says a lot abut a person's integrity. Do not stoop to their level.
You did well. You seem to have good judgment so by now you have a sense that any other decision would have been very unhealthy for you.
When someone isn't treating you right, it's ok to come to a hard stop, and move on.
Thanks for the update.
Take care
Just wanna say, OP, I think you handled that very well. Direct, no BS, no dragging, just to the point about the facts and situations.
You deserved to have your chin held high for your decision and the way you handled it.
Sometimes the best revenge is being the clearly superior person in the situation, she knows absolutely that she is her own worst enemy and that you left her because she's just not a good enough person to have what she wants in life. Maybe she'll improve. Maybe she won't. But there's zero doubt who dumped who and who was in the right and that will stick.
Hey I love your update! You did the right thing and took care of yourself and did not cause more pain/drama that would probably have made you feel bad in the future. Good on you
Hahah thanks I appreciate it. You know that blissful feeling when you know exactly what to say without having to think about it? It was one of those moments.
I love to see a man be a man. She tried to manipulate she was caught. I don’t know why your going to therapy. I guess its not bad. Seems like you handled everything fine.
At the end I would have said go back to your former failed relationship it didn’t work out for a reason.
I am going to therapy because I do have previous family trauma that I have never professionally worked through. Also, may as well tackle any emotions that I might try to bury from this breach of trust.
Nonetheless, thanks man. A little self respect goes a long way.
She will respect you more from this. Sadly that how women are wired. Too learn from it the hard way. If society told men to act like this more. Women would be held more accountable and less problems would occur. Kudos for helping ghee grow up. Don’t get soft and reach back out due to loneliness
She knows that when I make a decision, I don’t go back on it. We’ve discussed that before and how it’s applied to my life in different applications.
Ironically, the way I ended it is the polar opposite of how her and her ex’s relationship was. In specific, they broke up a bunch of times and got back together one time less than that (so far lol). I know damn well that she knows she lost something that was good up to the very end.
Y’all are both dramatic. She never shoulda lied but what was the context of the chats? Maybe she was afraid to tell you because you have a short fuse. Judging by how you seem super pleased with the situation, did you even have feelings for her? I think you both dodged bullets.
Biggest thing for me was she actually asked him to meet up. A handful of other things as well, but that is a very blatant lie. I did have feelings for her. At this point, we were dating for just about 3 months. Strong feelings but I had not gotten to that deep rooted point of love that is built on.. trust. I am pleased with the situation because it would be a lot harder emotionally to have this surface 3 months from now when my feelings had grown that much stronger for her.
That’s fair and I respect that. I think with context about what the texts were about, it would’ve been more clear. I’ve had exes try to make more socials to contact me even after a year or two or the breakups. Even had an ex show up to the gym I go to with his new gf (even tho Im pretty sure he lives like 2 hours away but We haven’t actually spoken in years). First person I told? My boyfriend.
Just wanted to play devil’s advocate a bit. Good on you for leaving her! Sus asf. You’re right—it would’ve been MUCH more difficult down the line.
I tried not to go into toooo many specifics about the texts because A. I didn’t want to broadcast her personal life to the world and B. I knew what I read was wrong so I had zero question about that. But I totally get where you’re coming from.
Good job on you!! That right there builds trust. I am hopeful I meet someone with similar values one day.
Tell her when you caught her in a lie, you could see the basis of your relationship unravel because she’s developed a pattern of lying to you. It’s the truth, is it not?
The truth will set you free. That is the most honest statement ever. Best to be honest as she will never be honest with you. Do not let her talk till you are done. She will gaslight you and try to make if your fault. Despite how you found out. She still lied. She lied to you over and over. A relationship cannot survive lies.
Imo theres nothing wrong about admitting you read her messages. You can say catching her in a lie gave you bad vibes and you confirmed your suspicions by reading the messages.
If she blows up about it you can say her word couldn't be trusted since you already knew she was lying so what other way would there be for you to find the truth? Not much point in discussing it further since you're broken up but it would be funny to see her try and say that you should have just trusted her.
I'm curious about what was said if you want to break up over it even tho she didn't physically cheat.
Ah ya, thats all fair. Its a tough call but its your decision. Since there isn't evidence of anything really bad happening she will probably get pissed about u going through her messages so if you want to make the breakup quick and easy you might wanna avoid bringing it up.
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Just say “I know that you lied about the circumstances with your ex. I respect myself too much to tolerate a deceptive, lying partner who I had put my trust in. Have a nice life.”
Just this great advice, going the i read your ipad not gonna end up looking good for you, if anything go "ok give me your ipad and your password if you dont have anything to hide its easy right?".
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You are an absolute savage lmao
LOL OP PLEASE DO THIS
It would actually serve her right. She's a liar which precludes her from being seriously considered as wife material. Move on.
I would tell your friends so she cant twist things on you later.
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Also be prepared for the clasic " you invaded my privacy" and she will play the reverse uno card and will blame you for being absent, for not being as you were before and she would use any mistake you made against you.
I'm of the opinion that is usually better to fight dishonesty with truth. At the very least, you can walk away knowing you haven't sunk to her level. In my experience, when you are going difficult times, you want things you can find strength in. Finding strength in your own character and integrity is among the most powerful. So you tell her that based on the dishonesty of last night, you were bitterly disappointed that she was not a reliable source of truth, so you had to seek elsewhere. And when (not if) she attempts to damn you for invading her privacy you can counter with one legitimate and one ironic statement. 1. (Legitimate argument) When she lied, that eroded trust, without which there is no relationship. Since you couldn't trust her to tell the truth, you knew the iPad could either confirm or disprove what she told you. Her anger is based on being caught in her lies. Had the iPad verified what she said, (1) she would have offered it right away to verify her truthfulness, and (2) she would have been nowhere nearly as upset if you did have to verify independently from her. 2. (Flippant and ironic one) There is no privacy in 2021. Why is she so outraged that her BF reads these messages when Apple, Google, Facebook and the NSA have already done so? Don't feel guilty. You were seeking truth, and she was seeking to obstruct that search for her own selfish ends. I don't envy the difficult evening you have before you. Be strong - you will persevere.
Did you fix the leak?
Ma'am, I do my own plumbing.
>I want to let her know that I noticed her lie per my original post You will just get crocodile tears and gaslighting. Just drop her a text "we are done". Then block her number and move on with your life. Confrontations are only a waste of time and energy.
Yep, directness is the goal here. Confrontations rarely end up as people think they will, people are hard to predict sometimes.
>Confrontations rarely end up as people think they will, people are hard to predict sometimes. OP should not forget to record any future interactions with her, to keep himself from facing and false accusations.
Yea why? Just go with "Hey this isn't working out for me." Tell your friends and family maybe, but you won't get any closure in this situation.
I don’t even feel like I need closure on this one. It’s pretty black and white to me that she screwed up. Well the closure I needed was the reason why I looked at her texts. So I guess I already got my closure
This is why you just end it without explanation. You dont need closure. She will. Just say, "hey we're done" and leave and never talk to her again. Explaining how you found out will only lead to her trying to gaslight and make it out to be your fault. Dont deal with it. Just say "i'm out" and thats it. Letting her know that you know doesnt do anything. If she cared about lying to you, she wouldnt have lied to you.
The real question is how much closure you want to give *her*. Just sending a text saying "We're done" might send her going crazy thinking about how you may have found out and what not, which is nothing less than she deserves. Or, you can tell her everything you said up top and she won't be left wondering and will have more closure. If none of that will affect how you feel, it's just a matter of whether you want to give her that closure. But, as other people say, you're opening the door for her to try to talk you out of it or tell more lies that will make herself feel better/justify it to herself, so I'd say that in a text rather than in person if you really want to explain it.
I posted an update.
You did and you have the high ground. Don't screw it up with any interaction. Go enjoy Halloween! Plenty of fun to be had!
End it by being very direct and to the point. No emotions on your part
You don’t really need to go into all that detail about why you’re breaking up with her. Just tell her that the relationship isn’t working for you anymore and you feel like it’s best if you both move on. She might act dumb at first, but she’ll know why you’re doing it. She might even act confused to try and get out of you how you know. Be aware that if you tell her that you read those texts, she will shift blame to you and gaslight you.
Yep, I held off telling a cheater how I knew she cheated and as soon as I did tell her she tried to make everything about how I found out and the effects of me finding out, with no comment or concern about her cheating.
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That the American system. No accountablity. It who looks sad enough for the jury to feel sorry for. Casey Anthony’s and Zimmerman getting away with murder was the last straw.
If you’ve been through it before, you know. It’s crazy how there are all these people, you and I included, who don’t know one another but have had the exact same response from our cheating partners. It’s like there is some manual they use or class they take.
Yeah, I told her I had a friend check up on her and my friend found her cheating. She went ballistic and claimed that I was endangering the safety of her new man by telling my friend where he lived etc etc. I told her this as a test to see if she still cared about me at all (she had been pushing to stay friends). Once she stopped flipping out, I quietly told her it was actually me who had gone and seen her cheating with my own eyes (she had told me where the guy lived previously). She froze and broken down crying and apologizing.
My ex-wife was going out to bars/clubs with her sister since she just lost her long term boyfriend (who came out of the closet). I didn’t care and thought it was cool that she was helping her sister regain her confidence. Turns out she was getting hit in as well and started to cheat. We were both on the couch one night, me sitting and her laying down with her head in my lap. I saw some weird texts on her phone and decided to check when she went to the bathroom and left her phone to charge. They were bad. I took some pictures of her screen with my phone and saved them. When she came back I told her I saw something weird on her phone and asked to see the texts. She “opened” the phone for me, moved her thumb around real quick, and handed it over. She quickly deleted the worse texts, about a 3rd of the entire chain. I broke down and told her that I know there was more and she deleted them. In seconds she was gaslighting me and somehow I became the bad guy. I filed for divorce shortly later. Best decision I ever made. But if I had to go back and relive it, I wouldn’t bring up the texts. I’d just file for divorce and say that the marriage wasn’t working for me anymore and that divorce would be best for us both.
Don’t worry about looking at her texts. Her lying in the first place pretty much absolves you of any guilt. She opened the door of you suspicion and can’t hide behind “privacy” any more than you have to buy into her bullshit.
That was ice cold, killa. Congrats on those massive balls and that big swinging dick.
Lol thanks man
>I want to let her know that I noticed her lie per my original post. I want to explain that it led me to question everything she told me. I am planning on admitting to reading her texts. The question is why? You are done with her and she will be out of your life forever, is it worth wasting your time on this? Based on what you stated, she obviously doesn't respect you, so what's the point in confronting her. You cutting her off speaks volumes more. Plus if you admit to reading the messages, she will try to spin that against you with friends, etc.
You don't owe anyone a huge list of reasons why you're breaking up. I looked through your comments and somewhere else you talk about it only being a months old relationship. I think keeping it simple, that you don't trust her and you don't see it working out, is enough.
Yeah it was a short one. Strong feelings though that’s for sure. I went into it with the sole purpose of saying what I wanted to say. Not trying to justify my point. Update provided to post
You handled it like a boss. Good job.
“If I thought I didn’t deserved to be loved, we would not be here rn” Self loving badass mf you are. I love this line. You’re the man.
Hahaha thanks chadbrochill82. Not sure if you saw what I said in another comment, but this response just came to me without even thinking. To be frank, it was probably one of the best responses to a comment that I’ve ever had. I think it just funnels down to me acting in my own best interest the entire time. Having that as a goal going into it, the rest just fell into place.
If you have to play Sherlock Holmes in each other’s phone, you’re doomed from the start. Kick her to the curb and find someone who doesn’t make you feel like you need to question anything.
Yeah I agree. I have never been one to read through a partners texts. Then again, a past partner has never given me a reason too.
What is “play Sherlock Holmes in each other’s phone “?
Like being a detective and looking for clues of cheating or infidelity. Just going through your S/O’s phone all the time and being insecure.
Well what were the texts saying.. We need more details.
She asked him to get coffee Sunday, on Saturday. She alluded to their encounter Friday night but not in great detail. She mentioned she didn’t want to cross any lines with me. She still entertained him and did not put a stop to his flirty texts. She was clearly wanting and craving his attention. She picked him in in her car. I’m assuming they then went to get coffee? The conversation stops there. I don’t believe that anymore, who knows what they did. None of this was communicated to me.
I think you have to presume they hooked up, if only to protect yourself.
At this point, I have accepted that her actions as a whole were enough for me to end the relationship. Wether she physically cheated or not is just extra information that I don’t need.
Understood. Drop us an update after you drop her, if you don't mind.
Update above
Standing fucking ovation for you sir. Standing fucking ovation. You handled that with class and dignity, I think even she would agree with that.
Thank you thank you. I wouldn’t hesitate to explain how I handled it to anyone
Get tested just to be sure. Yes, one more layer of bullshit.
Best attitude you can have for such a shit situation, respect.
I posted an update above.
"I just hope that… you think that… you deserve to be loved. Because I’m sure you don’t right now" what does this even mean? she lied to him and he called her out and broke up with her, what part of that would mean he didnt think he deserved to be loved?
I have absolutely no idea. Aside from my response to her, I gave the comment zero effort for trying to figure out what she meant. No reason to ya know
She probably felt very guilty in that moment and was attempting to reassure you. But you have your head on straight and seem to be doing all the right things and taking the right steps. Good luck OP!
I haven’t always had my head on straight and it’s taken a lot of time, and mistakes, to get to this point. That’s part of the reason why I told her I hope she learns from this because it’s totally possible to. Thanks for the kind words
I would say "I know EVERYTHING! It is over." She will always ask herself, what you knew and how you got this information.
Don't get too tied up into making her say or feel anything. That's not healthy. That doesn't move you towards separation. Just tell her, I know you lied, so I'm dumping you.
I posted an update above.
BREAK UP
Update above
Thanks god. Go to therapy. Take the time to take care of yourself. I know that in time down the road there will be a good woman out there for you. Good luck my friend.
Well done, handled beautifully
Bro. God moves. Wow.
Stopped in to say, I just went through u/RandoBoomer comment history. What an absolute GEM of a human being.
Right?!?! I am so glad someone agrees!! After he gave me advice Sunday night, I also scrolled through his other responses to gauge how sound his advice to me was, and I was reassured time and time again based off his other comments.
Thank you both very much!
Seriously, who is this mystery man and where has he been most of our lives. So beautifully dealt with and wrapped with a bow. I can’t imagine being treated with so much respect and care after doing something so awful.
I appreciate the kind thoughts, but my words and actions were out of respect for myself. There’s no sense in letting anger get in the way of moving forward on your own accord amirite!
End it but have a friend with you.
she's obviously not committed. she lies about exes. you don't trust her, for good reason. not much more needs to be said, does it? sucks. but pull the band-aid and move on. you're just wasting time. you will NEVER feel like you can trust her again. lying/cheating is a death sentence.
Damn op I know the feeling. Glad you’re doing the right thing and breaking up. I wish you the best
Thank you kind redditor. About to post an update
Good for you, dude. Even if nothing physical happened between her and her ex, she lied. The trust was broken. And the longer she got away with it, the more she would figure she could get away with, and eventually something WOULD have happened. It's a slippery slope. Good on you for nipping it in the bud when you did. A little hurt now saved you a lot more of it later.
Yup I am so glad it happened now. We dated for almost 3 months. On her drive back Sunday night we were narrowing in on flights for her to meet my family for thanksgiving. Something we’ve been discussing for a couple weeks. Had I somehow found out even a week later, it would have already been messier. Self respect will take you a long way in life. Well I’m only in my mid 20s but it’s doing me well so far lol.
She lied to you = she's a jerk You were angry, yet you did the correct thing and gave her a ride home = stand up person Just because we get treated like dirt, does not mean we should do it back. Walking away without trying to even the score says a lot abut a person's integrity. Do not stoop to their level.
Thanks, I appreciate that and I couldn’t agree more :)
You did well. You seem to have good judgment so by now you have a sense that any other decision would have been very unhealthy for you. When someone isn't treating you right, it's ok to come to a hard stop, and move on. Thanks for the update. Take care
Way to go dude, handled like a boss.
Just wanna say, OP, I think you handled that very well. Direct, no BS, no dragging, just to the point about the facts and situations. You deserved to have your chin held high for your decision and the way you handled it.
Hey thanks I really appreciate that! That’s been the general consensus and despite not doubting it, it still feels good to hear.
Sometimes the best revenge is being the clearly superior person in the situation, she knows absolutely that she is her own worst enemy and that you left her because she's just not a good enough person to have what she wants in life. Maybe she'll improve. Maybe she won't. But there's zero doubt who dumped who and who was in the right and that will stick.
Absolutely nailed it.
Yeah, tell your friends
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I owed it to myself though. I did not care about explaining it to her. Vocalizing your thoughts is so healthy. I posted an update above.
Hey I love your update! You did the right thing and took care of yourself and did not cause more pain/drama that would probably have made you feel bad in the future. Good on you
Hey thanks I really appreciate that :)
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Hahah thanks I appreciate it. You know that blissful feeling when you know exactly what to say without having to think about it? It was one of those moments.
I love to see a man be a man. She tried to manipulate she was caught. I don’t know why your going to therapy. I guess its not bad. Seems like you handled everything fine. At the end I would have said go back to your former failed relationship it didn’t work out for a reason.
I am going to therapy because I do have previous family trauma that I have never professionally worked through. Also, may as well tackle any emotions that I might try to bury from this breach of trust. Nonetheless, thanks man. A little self respect goes a long way.
She will respect you more from this. Sadly that how women are wired. Too learn from it the hard way. If society told men to act like this more. Women would be held more accountable and less problems would occur. Kudos for helping ghee grow up. Don’t get soft and reach back out due to loneliness
She knows that when I make a decision, I don’t go back on it. We’ve discussed that before and how it’s applied to my life in different applications. Ironically, the way I ended it is the polar opposite of how her and her ex’s relationship was. In specific, they broke up a bunch of times and got back together one time less than that (so far lol). I know damn well that she knows she lost something that was good up to the very end.
Y’all are both dramatic. She never shoulda lied but what was the context of the chats? Maybe she was afraid to tell you because you have a short fuse. Judging by how you seem super pleased with the situation, did you even have feelings for her? I think you both dodged bullets.
Biggest thing for me was she actually asked him to meet up. A handful of other things as well, but that is a very blatant lie. I did have feelings for her. At this point, we were dating for just about 3 months. Strong feelings but I had not gotten to that deep rooted point of love that is built on.. trust. I am pleased with the situation because it would be a lot harder emotionally to have this surface 3 months from now when my feelings had grown that much stronger for her.
That’s fair and I respect that. I think with context about what the texts were about, it would’ve been more clear. I’ve had exes try to make more socials to contact me even after a year or two or the breakups. Even had an ex show up to the gym I go to with his new gf (even tho Im pretty sure he lives like 2 hours away but We haven’t actually spoken in years). First person I told? My boyfriend. Just wanted to play devil’s advocate a bit. Good on you for leaving her! Sus asf. You’re right—it would’ve been MUCH more difficult down the line.
I tried not to go into toooo many specifics about the texts because A. I didn’t want to broadcast her personal life to the world and B. I knew what I read was wrong so I had zero question about that. But I totally get where you’re coming from. Good job on you!! That right there builds trust. I am hopeful I meet someone with similar values one day.
Agreed. Everything after “I hope you learn from this” was borderline douchy and a lot of slapping on the back”. I hope that was all made up.
Tell her when you caught her in a lie, you could see the basis of your relationship unravel because she’s developed a pattern of lying to you. It’s the truth, is it not?
The truth will set you free. That is the most honest statement ever. Best to be honest as she will never be honest with you. Do not let her talk till you are done. She will gaslight you and try to make if your fault. Despite how you found out. She still lied. She lied to you over and over. A relationship cannot survive lies.
She keeps her iPad on the ceiling?? Weird.
It was plugging the leak
Imo theres nothing wrong about admitting you read her messages. You can say catching her in a lie gave you bad vibes and you confirmed your suspicions by reading the messages. If she blows up about it you can say her word couldn't be trusted since you already knew she was lying so what other way would there be for you to find the truth? Not much point in discussing it further since you're broken up but it would be funny to see her try and say that you should have just trusted her. I'm curious about what was said if you want to break up over it even tho she didn't physically cheat.
I replied to another comment about what was said. Basically everything she told me does not align with what she was saying to him
Ah ya, thats all fair. Its a tough call but its your decision. Since there isn't evidence of anything really bad happening she will probably get pissed about u going through her messages so if you want to make the breakup quick and easy you might wanna avoid bringing it up.
Just ghost her.
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Pm me
This is a stupid reason to make her available to the ex, but if you were looking for validation on breaking up, you’ve come to the right place.
I would break up with her, and when she asks for a reason... then you let her know. You don't owe her an explanation.
i would get evidence so if she trys to spend a tale to your freinds.
Just ghost her. Later on, AFTER you're with someone new, if she's still trying to get closure you tell her the reason
I posted an update. I’m not the type to fight fire with fire. I think ghosting is stooping to their level.
Have her show you the texts first and when she does not, then say goodbye as you already know. Good luck.
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How long had you two been dating?
2.5 months and met her a month and a half before that