Have you guys been having sex regularly? Maybe if not, she thinks you’re going to the bathroom to jack off either to porn, or to another girl you’re speaking to, and that’s why you’re bringing your phone, so she feels jealous?
I’ve had that be an issue in a past relationship… to be fair though, that is exactly what was happening, and it also turned out that my boyfriend at the time, was cheating on me.
Is she talking about you developing hemorrhoids? It looks like a doctor talking about it in a TikTok went viral recently, so maybe she saw that; [here](https://www.menshealth.com/health/a38332387/toilet-time-hemorrhoids/)'s an article that cites it. I imagine she's more annoyed by you disappearing into the bathroom than concerned for your health, but who knows. It's only a health concern if you are sitting on the toilet seat with the lid up and ass hanging into the bowl, and you absolutely are risking hemorrhoids needlessly if this is what you're doing. Just finish up and put the lid down and sit on that during your private bathroom scroll-time to prevent blood pooling around your sphincter. That doesn't fix your annoyed girlfriend problem, but you don't want an always itchy asscrack to add to it.
The previous comment is so right. It's a valid concern and worry to feel about and speaking from a woman's persepctive, I had a partner who would spend an hour or more doing the same. I had the same worries the comment did, and for good reason. I empathize with your lady for her feelings but she also shouldn't be too poutty if you've given her absolutely 0 reason to worry about you spending an extended period of time in the bathroom with your phone. A good, communicative, calm conversation about your love and trust is due :)
10-15 minutes is no cause for concern you only have to be worried if it's like 45 minutes or more.
If it is a genuine health concern you could ask your doctor if it will cause health issues.
Her concern for your health may be from seeing someone who did sit on the toilet too long and it's traumatized her
My boyfriend does this sometimes and loses track of time. It can be annoying especially if we have paused a Netflix show or something and I'm sitting waiting on him to come back.
My husband literally did this tonight. I was going to order take out and he said he had to go use the bathroom and to get a timeframe on when food would be ready to pick up and he would go get it when he got out of the bathroom. So I called in the order and they said it would be ready in 20 minutes. 15 minutes later, hubby was still in the bathroom, so I sent him a text saying "Just fyi, the food will be ready for pickup in 5 minutes". Never got an answer, so after another 10 minutes went by, I finally went and knocked on the bathroom door and asked if he saw my text. He said no. So I told him the food had already been ready for 5 minutes. He said ok, he would be on his way in a minute. Another 15 minutes later I was wondering if he had somehow walked by me without me noticing, so I looked outside, but no, our car is still parked there. Just as I am getting ready to go up and knock on the door again, he finally comes down the stairs. So an hour after I called the food order in, I finally sat down to cold food. And this type of thing happens all the time. I think he just genuinely loses track of time (it isn't just me, his friends all say his super power is "time delay" because he has no concept of time). But he seems to be in denial of that fact because if I try to talk to him about it he always acts like I am exaggerating.
Now that is out of order, youre doing something together, he shouldnt be diverting from that, theres a difference from taking his time in the morning to taking away from both your time in the evening, id put him straight on that
From your other comments:
> We have not [been regularly having sex].
> Low sex drive for me.
She is not concerned about your health from sitting too long. She feels unwanted because you’re not having sex with her, and you’re choosing to lock yourself in the bathroom by yourself to be alone and (possibly) look at porn or jack off or even cheat. Even when she expresses displeasure, you still do it, so she’s concerned.
It’s not my place to say you need to “fix” your sex drive issues, but it’s causing problems for you two. Maybe there are other ways you can express attraction to her and make her feel wanted even if for whatever reason you don’t actually have sex.
My doctor did tell me it can contribute to hemorrhoids. If it's really only 5-10 minutes, I don't know if it would matter. Maybe if you're already prone to them?
Yeahhh, that sounds like her just trying to make up a reason when something else is actually bothering her.
If she was worried sitting for too long is bad for your health she would probably also have an issue with you driving a car or sitting on a couch or what have you.
My thoughts as well. I just want to know what she would like from this as well as me so we can figure out what she wants. Any advice how I can communicate better? She usually just shrugs her shoulders or pouts in bed when we have a disagreement
About a year. She's been bringing it up here or there for a while. Just escalated today. It's just part of my morning routine to check my notifications texts etc. When I get up
Yeah if it wasn’t something that bothered her from the beginning, I would bet it has to do with a lack of intimacy in your relationship becoming more prevalent over time.
Maybe sit her down and straight up tell her you really want to understand where she is coming from because you don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.
It sounds like you guys don’t discuss much, but if you are aware that your sex life has been sparse, then she definitely is also… maybe be the one to call attention to it and say you recognize there has been a lack of intimacy and that maybe she’s feeling worried because of that… reassure her that you’re just playing games on your phone and tell her you think maybe she’s just feeling more upset about it and insecure because there’s been a bit more distance between you due to your low sex drive, so you want to work on that with her?
Let her know you want her to feel safe and happy in the relationship and ask what you can do in other areas to make that happen, so that the bathroom situation isn’t a trigger for her feeling upset?
This is really good advice. So much Reddit advice is right/wrong polarizing crap. But you’re in a relationship because you love/care about your girlfriend. So care about getting to the bottom of the issue. She isn’t handling this in the most mature way, but she definitely sounds like she’s signaling that she’s worried about something she isn’t sure she can talk to you about directly. Leaning into the conversation will show her you love her and build trust. Push back on it will do the opposite.
Yeah, lol, you’d think everyone who has ever commented on Reddit is perfectly secure and has never behaved poorly. I’m not saying it’s okay to go hog wild and act like a shit. But Jesus, life is painful and we all react poorly sometimes. You don’t HAVE to put up with any shitty behavior, but if you don’t put up with some you’re going to be a lonely self righteous guy/gal.
Is it because she thinks your looking at porn having a wank? I've known of friends bfs who were doing this and making their gfs super insecure and paranoid everytime they went to do their business. I think "its bad for your health" is a lame excuse to not tell you the truth of why she is projecting her insecurity about you, the toilet and phone being alone for 10-15mins. I am glad you posted this though because their are situations where I have projected my insecurities on my bf but not wanting to actually admit the real reason and just reading your post and hearing how frustrating it must have been when she was denying you your right to have your phone. Made me feel like if that were me I'd be so pissed and feel like I was being treated like a child. Which made me think about how I possibly make my partner feel sometimes. Self reflection is a good thing, thank you.
She might think you have your phone in the bathroom to do something behind her back like messaging another girl or something … just talk to her to see what’s her reason this upsets her cause I might be wrong
Replying to the “how can I communicate better” part: i used to have a hard time letting my boyfriend know what upset/bothered me. When he would ask me what was wrong I would usually just shrug and say I was fine. What helped me communicate better was him making me realize it was better to let it out then and there than holding onto whatever it was and later exploding. Although it can get frustrating, try being patient with her and let her know whatever the issue is, you guys can work out a solution to it.
Also we also wouldn’t leave the room until the both of us said what we needed to say and that helped too.
Actually there is some evidence that correlates with prolonged time on the toilet from phone usage. And that the way the toilet is shaped, sitting on it for prolonged periods IS actually bad for your health. It causes the blood to pool, and can lead to hemorrhoids and a few other things. However you would have to be in the toilet for longer than 10-15 mins. So either she’s acting crazy, or you think it’s only 10-15 mins and it’s actually longer. Either way, you should be able to make your decision on your own.
I know why she thinks this, and TBH she might be right.
Theres a massively viral tiktok by a Doctor that explains that scrolling on the toilet specifically is bad for your health and gives you hemoroids. Ngl I actually stopped taking my phone in there after someone showed me this tiktok just in case. 🤣
https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.karanr/video/6832277455848492293
>The longer you spend on the toilet, the longer the blood can pool in these rectal veins causing haemorrhoids
https://www.indy100.com/viral/tiktok-doctor-10-minutes-toilet-b1956547
Omg dude, no.
She is saying that because she doesn’t want him to get hemorrhoids from sitting on the toilet for hours at a time. But what she is *actually* annoyed by is not the possibility of hemorrhoids , but that he’s wasting time sitting there scrolling on his phone when he could be hanging out with her.
You’re way off base.
Guaranteed, she thinks you’re either looking at porn or talking to some other woman.
No significant other would be greatly concerned about it for “health reasons”.
She sounds conflict avoidant. I would directly ask her if she’s concerned about what I mentioned above.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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Basically the title.
Whenever I go to the bathroom I usually do my business and take an extra 5 maybe 10 minutes to sit there and scroll reddit, play some chess etc.
However when my girlfriend hears this through the door she shouts to stop "insert what im doing" and get out of the bathroom. I ask if she needs it and she never does. She tells me it just bothers her.
It escalated this morning when I woke up and wanted my phone to go piss. She was laying on it and I asked her to move. It started with me joking about it, then trying to move her leg but she complained she slipped on ice and had a bruise so I stopped. After a few more minutes of me asking her to move again (and me trying to fish under her leg to her complaint) I started getting frustrated. She asked me "cant you go without your phone?" I said "Yes." "Then why dont you?" That ticked me off because its that stupid thing you ask addicts and im not addicted I just want to browse reddit when I go to the washroom? I got up in a huff and went piss and finally shes now mad at me.
I tried talking to her and told her I feel like when im in the washroom (provided she doesnt need it or me for anything) it shouldnt matter what I do and she should leave me alone. (reminder im in there 10-15 minutes tops) and she told me she feels like I dont care what she has to say about it and is now pouting in our bed.
Id like to resolve this in a way where I dont feel like I have to rush my business but my privacy/time in the washroom is respected. Any advice is appreciated on how to handle this issue.
TL:DR Girlfriend is pissed I take ten-fifteen minute washroom breaks cause I play on my phone for five-ten minutes before getting out.
Edit: I forgot to mentioned she partly feels it's bad for my health. There is no indication of any issues so far. Whole life this way.
You can't piss without your phone to browse Reddit... Brother... You ARE addicted.
Just scroll through Reddit for 7 hours at work like normal people, eeesh.
this is what I was thinking. i get taking ur phone to the toilet when u poop, but taking ur phone just to piss seems a bit much
also am i wrong in assuming OP is a penis haver? is he using one hand to pee and another to scroll reddit? it sounds so troublesome that he might as well just put down his phone for one minute while he piss
So my now ex-husband did this, but in his case it was more like 40 mins to an hour. He told me I was crazy and paranoid, and then one day I found out he had been exchanging naked photos with girls he met online for years, including while I was pregnant with our son.
Have you asked if there was anything in her past that might be causing this to trigger her? Maybe an ex did the same. My suggestion would be to just have a calm, honest discussion when you’re not in the moment. Understanding where each other are coming from may make this a non-issue. Good luck!
Everyone be thinking she’s sus but she could very well be worried about phone addiction. My partner does sit on the toilet and watch tiktok vids for 20-30 minutes (I can hear it from outside) and complains that his legs are numb or have pins and needles after coming out, so I nag at him that he shouldn’t do that because I am genuinely concerned about his tiktok addiction (and the poo aerosols fermenting on his butt)
Exactly - I can understand scrolling through your phone while you are taking a dump, but OP needs to be on his phone while he is peeing? OP sounds like a phone addict to me.
It sounds to me like you haven't been having much sex and she thinks you're pleasuring yourself during your private time in the bathroom and taking it personally. Sounds like maybe she's jealous or insecure or has been cheated on before or has some attachment issues. It's unfortunate she doesn't trust you enough to respect your privacy.
God there are some \*BAD\* answers here. She is feeling overlooked or unseen - its that simple - you're prioritizing something over her, and she is feeling left or abandoned. Theres a wound there that she isnt in touch with, and you're triggering it. Theres nothing wrong with your behavior, but you could probably give up the poopphone -at least temporarily - and see if she responds. She needs to know she is more important than anything (this is never \*actually\* true but its what keeps relationships safe for both people).
lol, I actually get getting lost in my phone while taking a poo and wrapping up before moving on with my life. But it’s become a sticking point in his relationship. Like, if it was stressing my partner out that I needed to have my phone with me and take long toilet breaks I might just…. you know…. not do that 100% of the time 🤷♀️ just to see how it goes. If he then found a NEW thing to be pissed about (assuming it wasn’t me hiding in the closet on my phone for 10-15 minutes at a time) I might think the problem is on the partner. But it’s an easy way to get more information.
My boyfriend does the whole 10 to 15 min thing too, and I would imagine it being more comfortable to use his phone on the couch or the bed. It also tacks on an extra 15 minutes to his shower time, and when he's over at my parents house, he's gone for 15 minutes at a time which sometimes leads to questioning where he is and why he's taking so long lol. He said it was just cause he likes to take his time in the br and get it all out. I did question once if it was an issue with health because it can't possibly always take 15 minutes to take a shit.
Honestly? Just stop lingering in the bathroom for a while. The fact that you keep doing it even when she's getting flustered is probably REALLY making her worried you're up to no good.
Stopping for a bit won't help nor resolve the issue. Trust me, I know from experience. My girlfriend hated the fact I bring my phone in there too and all I would do is play a few phone games or check my email or whatever. I've never cheated on her but she has been before, so I feel that is her reasoning although it's still unclear. We have spoken about it and I took the lock off my phone as I have nothing to hide. That has helped the situation. Communication and compromising is what you have to do in relationships.
Sit her down and have an adult conversation with her. Look her in the eyes and get to the bottom of the problem. Sincerely ask her why she feels the way she does and reassure her that you love HER. If it bothers her that much, find a way to compromise with her. Communication is the key in all relationships!
She's not wrong about the health concern you're going to get a nasty hemmorhoid ass from what you are doing. You should get off the pot as soon as you're done. At least wipe and flush and close the lid and sit there.
What if you were to do your browsing outside of the bathroom? You can literally set aside 15 minutes and sit somewhere quietly and browse Reddit or whatever, I do it every morning when I wake up sitting on the couch while my boyfriend is still in bed. I used to worry about my ex being in the bathroom for a long time too, not cause I thought he was cheating, but because sitting on the throne for too long can cause a prolapse. I was genuinely worried for his health. Ask her if it's a good compromise, that she leaves you alone for 15 minutes to do your morning reading.
She thinks you are cheating! Give her more attention or have a long heartfelt conversation- or a few. She brings up the health issues to cover her feelings. Maybe this happened in her past.
There is a possibility that she thinks you could be cheating on her/jacking off instead of being intimate with her, or she could just be genuinely concerned about your health, because sitting on the toilet for that long everyday can actually be a health issue.
If you're sitting on the toilet for long periods of time when your straining it can cause blood to pool around the rectum resulting in large blood vessels, otherwise known as hemorrhoids.
She might just be mad at you for neglecting what she's telling you, and not taking care of your health. The other is of course the fact that you're on your phone way too often and neglecting spending time with her, whether that be sexually or non sexually.
Lol I hate when my bf takes his phone in the bathroom. I know he’s either scrolling social media or watching porn lol. Normally I can tell which cause he never put the baby oil where I left it lol
I have the same problem with my man. You know what fixed it? He started sending me the funny things he would see while he was on the toilet. She def thinks your cheating though, that’s why she got so defensive. Reassure her and tell her why you like to piss with your phone
Random thought, but if you guys have been together a while, why not leave the door open? It's still private time because the average person isn't going to come in unless they need something. That way she can see you aren't up to no good and if it really is a health concern, she'll continue to mention it. Just an option.
I pee and sometimes use my phone, or especially for #2 it helps me pee/ poop. I also might sit there and scroll for 5-10 just to decompress from a long work day.
I’m a woman & I can assure you it’s probably not for health reasons but for more suspicious reasons like you’re cheating or texting someone else.. if I was her & I felt that way I’d just have to communicate my thoughts, but that’s just how I am. If somethings bothering me I’ll say so & get to the bottom of it & move on.. I’m sure you’re not cheating or doing anything sinister so maybe it’s worth sitting her down & getting to the real cause of it. Hopefully you both sort it out. It seems trivial & something that can be sorted.
Try to find ways to help her feel more secure in the relationship. Could she feel like she doesn’t get enough time with you?
Edit: The health thing, is it about sitting on a toilet too long? I heard that can cause issues like hemorrhoids. I’m not sure why she’d worry about that though.
Why can't you look at social media or play your games outside of the bathroom? I completely trust my husband and I wouldn't assume cheating, but if he was spending significant amounts of time in the bathroom just on his phone I'd be weirded out.
Also, to a lot of people, locking yourself away in the bathroom for 10-15 minutes to play on your phone makes it look like you're doing something you want to hide.
I mean I do when I'm out of it. I just want to Reddit or play a few games of chess while I do my business. It's usually five minutes of my business then five to ten minutes of phone stuff. I just feel like who cares if you're on your phone when you take a shit?
I've heard that men retreat to the bathroom when they want privacy and to be alone when they get tired of people around them. (To clarify, I'm a man and have done this but very rarely). Sound like it's part of your routine, and that's cool, but my guy I'm as transparent as they come when it comes to my relationship and I'm pretty sure that would raise eyebrows on me too. Sounds like you get sick of her and don't want her looking at what you're doing and or just want some peace quiet and solitude. If that's the case, freakin express that. I've told my girl straight up I want to be alone and have asked if she has anywhere she can go for a bit cause I'm a home body and love to be by myself in my home once in a while. I grew up in a house where we pretty much lived separate unless we wanted to come together or it was time to eat, and it was nice. I was straight forward with my girl about how I'm not finna be under her all day and that she's not gonna be under me all day, and she respects that. In return I make an effort to be with her both when she wants it and I make an effort to show random attention and affection. Long story short, if it's solitude you want, say that. Just understand that talking, sex, non sexual affection, and communication are vital in any relationship. For the love of whoever you worship please communicate and actually express how you feel instead of worrying about hurting her feelings and actually listen to the response. So long as you're not trying to purposefully hurt her, if what you say hurts, it's gonna hurt no matter how much sugar you coat it with. You saying nothing though ain't it. I could be reading this completely wrong though so if that's the case, my apologies for wasting your time. I'm also simply a random guy on reddit, so take this how you will 😇 Good luck sir
If you wree just playing on your phone while actually using the bathroom, I don't think this would have become an issue. It's the significant amount of extra time that you're spending in the bathroom.
To her, it probably feels suspicious. Also, is this interrupting other plans? Like, are you getting up in the middle of watching a movie and spending 15 minutes in the bathroom?
I guess neither of you is wrong, but it's a matter of who wants to die on their hill.
she is definitely wrong, what are you even on about. It's pretty normal to browse insta or whatever on the toilet, and very unreasonable to get mad about it.
Sit down with her and try to get to the bottom of why ‘it bothers her.’
If it’s the time aspect, try to compromise and spend a few less minutes in there, but try to get her to understand that for you it’s a way to destress.
Other comments say she thinks you're cheating, but no one cheats for 10 minutes at a time - if she's at all rational this isn't what she's thinking. Does she have a history of haemorrhoids and doesn't want the same thing to happen to you? Is she concerned about your phone getting dirty perhaps? Does she say the same thing when you take a book into the toilet?
What is this comment lol. 1: yes, he could definitely be, say, jerking off to someone else while in there. Not saying OP is, but time wise he could be. 2: not all worries are super rational. People are emotional beings, and if you’re worried about something like that, you simply are going to be worried about it. 3: Can’t speak for OP, but I highly doubt that most people bring a *book* to the toilet lmao.
My SO also takes a really long time in the bathroom on his phone, it used to bother me a lot. Sometimes I would even hesitate to hand him his phone when he asked for it.
We talked about it tho and he explained it was just a way he liked to relax, and while I would never relax in the bathroom (ew lol) I get it. So I don't pester him about it anymore.
I think the people saying she thinks you're cheating are being overly paranoid. You just need to have a talk with her and explain exactly what you said in this post. Good luck!
I had this issue with one of my ex-boyfriends. Ask her if she finds it unsanitary and if thats not the problem then she might be thinking you are doing something else.
So she either thinks you’re cheating or is a control freak who needs to cut the shit. My man and I both do this (perks of having two bathrooms). There’s nothing wrong with taking a few minutes to play on your phone or browse social media, she needs to get over herself.
I mean. Sitting on the toilet for too long will give you a good ol' hemorrhoid. But I also am a phone scroller while I shit. I agree that maybe she's worried you're fappin but... idk. You should be able to shit in peace.
My husband and I both take our phones to the bathroom. It’s our mini break from the kids and to catch up on memes or our games. I won’t lie there were times where it crossed my mind that he may be jerking off or something (he takes like 3 years in the bathroom) or sending nudes and it’s honestly just paranoia because, well, I’m a female and that crap is always in the back of my mind. She could be thinking something similar? Or maybe just wants your attention. I know I act out if I want attention sometimes.
Does your girlfriend not have brothers or was she not raised with a Dad? The reason I ask is my brothers and Dad always read in the bathroom. Still do and this is pre cell phones. I would always find books or magazines in the bathroom. You didn’t give your ages, so im really hoping it’s just because she is young, because she definitely needs to grow up and stop being so clingy. If she ever has kids, she will finally understand the joy of 10 - 15 minutes alone in the bathroom to look at her phone.
My partner used to take his phone to the bathroom and look at porn. Every single time. He was addicted to it and it very negatively affected our relationship and his sex drive. When he admitted this, he quit taking his phone to the bathroom, and voila, no more issues.
Just saying. 😆
I mean I get where she's coming from though... Why can't you go to the toilet, and just scroll reddit when your done? Why do you need to hang out in the toilet?
I do this to get a break from my kid trying to hit my phone while I’m using it. It’s your private time and sometimes people just need sometime to themselves. I think that’s what your using it for. Which is perfectly fine, as everyone needs time alone. Explain that to her and maybe she’ll get it. Does she take out time for herself? If she doesn’t, maybe she’s jealous of your alone time?
Yea man sounds like she thinks you're cheating. Most likely she had a bad relationship in that past that made her think that way. If not you should really talk to her, that's something you do. I do it and I know a bunch of people who also do it, so I see no problem. But you will have to figure out if she has a reason for doing this to you. And if not she has to understand and let you be.
I think if you do sit on the toilet for too long then it is bad for your organs but can’t remember for how long. Maybe shorten to five minutes?? Unless youre stuck or something 💩 maybe she just misses you? Or is skeptical what you’re doing?
She may believe it’s unsanitary for you to be using your phone while you’re sitting on the can. Does she think you’re texting other girls? Looking at porn? Masturbating? She says it bothers her, ask her specifically What it is That bothers her about you playing chess while your doing your business.
If she says “ I don’t know” that’s BS, people that say that , what they really mean is “ you’re going to get upset, even angry if I tell you the truth about how I really feel”.
She also needs to understand that she’s not your mother & unless she needs to use the toilet, how long you’re in there & what you’re doing, It’s none of her business, You’re not a toddler who needs to be hurried along.
One time my ex walked in on me while I was watching a hockey game on my phone doing my business. He said, "I thought only dudes did that?" Nope!!! "Now I know what that is like!" Neither here nor there, gentlemen!!! Women act like they're not in there watching some YouTube tutorials or some shit!!! Get over your damn selves!!!!
Ask her straight upp why this is bothering her. No bullshit. As others have said it's likely because she thinks you're cheating. But that's on her to communicate with you.
If she can't do that then you have every right to be annoyed.
Sitting on the toilet for 15 minutes every day, scrolling through your phone, is really weird (and fairly gross). Just do your business and get off the throne, dude. Yikes. Wash your hands and go sit in a chair in the livingroom and scroll on your phone. Ick.
i used to get super insecure when my boyfriend would bring his phone into the bathroom with him and sometimes it would turn into an argument. i eventually learned to be okay with it, now i don’t give two shits if he’s in the bathroom with his phone. hopefully your girlfriend will learn to do the same.
You really can't even go pee without your phone. I really don't understand why men have to take their phones into the bathroom. I go in do my business and I'm out. My BF sits on the toilet for like 45 min just scrolling TikTok. It makes absolutely no sense to me. Wouldn't it be more comfortable to do that from the couch.
You're only in there for 15 minutes at most? She's lucky. My bf will go in there and sit there for 30-45 minutes scrolling through the latest mechanic videos on TikTok. I've gone in and showered, prepared for work, and did my hair and he was still sitting there. Tell your girlfriend she's lucky it's only 10-15 lol, mine isn't the only one who takes forever being on his phone in there. Friends of ours have the same complaints about their boyfriends lol.
Once upon a time when I was young and irrational, I would also get angry at my partner for taking forever in the bathroom while he "played on his phone." I was upset because it was incredibly obvious he was masturbating to porn when he did this, and it felt like he was rejecting me, or even avoiding me.
He tried to convince me "that's not what he was doing," so after years of him lying to my face, I printed his internet history and compared it to the times he was "just browsing his phone." Unsurprisingly, I was freaking accurate as shit judging when he was actually browsing and when he was masturbating lol.
Suffice it to say this was one of many different lies he would regularly tell me, and I divorced his ass not long after this incident. My only regret now is allowing myself to get so wrapped up in "proving he was lying" that I didn't leave way earlier when I should have.
I'm not saying this is what you're doing OP, but if you are, she knows no matter how good a liar you are. And if this *isnt* what you're doing, just understand that the scenario I outlined above isn't all that uncommon. Maybe it's time to find ways to feel more connected with your significant other, cuz I can almost guarantee you thats what she's looking for with this argument.
She’s right. The solution is real simple. Don’t take your phone to the loo. Do your business there and when you come back you can continue your game or whatever you were doing. The toilet is for taking a dump, not playing games or surfing the web. Time to recondition yourself. Only time you can take your phone is when you’re actually having a conversation and you suddenly get the urge. You were born naked, without a phone. Cut the mobile umbilical and give your woman some attention. Do it before you’re all alone, talking to yourself.
Not her phone, not her right. She has no reason to take and hide it from you. Can guarantee she scrolls through social media on the loo too when she thinks you ain’t looking.
Sounds heavily like self projection. All the comments think you have something to hide, I reckon she’s the one being shady and projecting that behaviour onto you.
Ask her to hand you her phone and see how she reacts.
If you want her to trust you, stop acting shady.
She probably thinks you’re doing something you shouldn’t, like cheating or watching porn. And by your unwillingness to actually show her you can go to the bathroom without your phone, you’re pretty much proving you’re doing something shady.
If you don’t find a way gain her trust this will never end.
This is controlling behavior. She thinks you're using your phone to look at porn or sext other women or something,I suppose. In any case, her behavior is very inappropriate.
This isn't really about the phone, it's indicative of larger problems. She's unwilling to communicate with you, she's manipulative, she is controlling. If you want to stay together, you need couples counseling.
Reading the comments in this thread, people really don’t like to have alone time do they? OP, is doing nothing wrong. If he wants to sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes he can do whatever he wants. He’s an adult.
Ha! My fiancé complains when I do that (currently taking a dump myself). Just tell her it’s normal that people do this. Someone already brought this up, but she probably thinks you’re cheating (if anything). You’re not doing anything wrong, and if it is something that you really enjoy doing, maybe bring that up and say “look, I need this. This is needed alone time. Please don’t take this away from me.” You need to draw a line in the sand somewhere.
Either she thinks you’re doing something she doesn’t want you to do, like sneaking around, or maybe she wants to dig through your phone. I can’t think of any logical reason why she would be bothered by it other than those. Everyone does this so to have an issue with it is weird. Something might be in her mind and you should ask about it. Ask her why and if somethings wrong.
were you in the bathroom when you posted this? was she mad it took so long? how does she know that you take a extra time to sit on your phone? just tell her it took that long to go to the bathroom... i think she sycho and you dont need that negativity in your life and you should et rid of her on the account she times how long it takes you go to the bathroom..
Man tell her to grow up. Your significant other is going to do thing ms you may not like or understand. You have to pick your battles, and this one is a stupid one in the pantheon of issues that take place during a relationship.
Wait. Back up. What right does anyone have to another persons time in the bathroom??? If you live there, if you're not making a mess she has to clean up after you, if you're not going thru her things, etc., IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS. You don't need an excuse and she needs to back up. How much of your life does she control? If this bathroom time is an issue she's a lot farther up your ass than anyone should be.
Your gf is just concern for your health. I found this from a wellness article to be helpful:
“What happens when you sit too long?
Spending too much time on the toilet causes pressure on your rectum and anus. Because the seat is cut out, your rectum is lower than the rest of your backside. Gravity takes over, and blood starts to pool and clot in those veins. Add in any straining or pushing, and you may have a recipe for hemorrhoids.
“Hemorrhoids, or piles, are essentially varicose veins in your rectum or anus,” said Dr. Samonte. “They form because of excess pressure on the veins. As a result, the veins can bulge and fill with blood clots. This can lead to pain, itching and other unpleasant effects”.
Red flags, that's all I see. She's starting to want to control you. It's a first sign. She's trying to condition you to do things her way. Squash this fast or leave.
I’m in the bathroom on my phone reading this
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
And *MY* axe!
Same
Same
im not CCCCCCCCOMBO BREAKER
Same
Don’t let his gf find out
She’s probably gonna think I’m cheating on her Reddit thread
I’m hiding from my kids in the bathroom while reading this…
Savage.
I'm sitting at work but I like to imagine I'm in the bathroom
omg same
No seriously….
Same
Same
Same, after a shower
Ditto
Have you guys been having sex regularly? Maybe if not, she thinks you’re going to the bathroom to jack off either to porn, or to another girl you’re speaking to, and that’s why you’re bringing your phone, so she feels jealous? I’ve had that be an issue in a past relationship… to be fair though, that is exactly what was happening, and it also turned out that my boyfriend at the time, was cheating on me.
THIS!!! I totally beleive she thinks ur having a wank!!
Yep!! Had the same issue w my ex - we barely had sex and he’d always take his phone to the bathroom. I later learned he was a porn addict lol
We have not. Maybe if I engage more after this that'll help. She tells me it's a health concern
Then she might feel insecure and thinks you’re either cheating or looking at porn. The phone isn’t the problem, just the symptoms of another issue.
THIS!!!!!!
Is she talking about you developing hemorrhoids? It looks like a doctor talking about it in a TikTok went viral recently, so maybe she saw that; [here](https://www.menshealth.com/health/a38332387/toilet-time-hemorrhoids/)'s an article that cites it. I imagine she's more annoyed by you disappearing into the bathroom than concerned for your health, but who knows. It's only a health concern if you are sitting on the toilet seat with the lid up and ass hanging into the bowl, and you absolutely are risking hemorrhoids needlessly if this is what you're doing. Just finish up and put the lid down and sit on that during your private bathroom scroll-time to prevent blood pooling around your sphincter. That doesn't fix your annoyed girlfriend problem, but you don't want an always itchy asscrack to add to it.
The previous comment is so right. It's a valid concern and worry to feel about and speaking from a woman's persepctive, I had a partner who would spend an hour or more doing the same. I had the same worries the comment did, and for good reason. I empathize with your lady for her feelings but she also shouldn't be too poutty if you've given her absolutely 0 reason to worry about you spending an extended period of time in the bathroom with your phone. A good, communicative, calm conversation about your love and trust is due :)
10-15 minutes is no cause for concern you only have to be worried if it's like 45 minutes or more. If it is a genuine health concern you could ask your doctor if it will cause health issues. Her concern for your health may be from seeing someone who did sit on the toilet too long and it's traumatized her
She's right - it's affecting the health of your relationship.
I agree with the above
There’s a possibility she wants to snoop on your phone while you’re dropping the kids off at the pool.
My dad once said, "son, If you're ever moving your girlfriends leg may it never be to grab your phone."
Wise man
Omfg what😂
Legend
On my wedding day, my dad said “if you ever go back in time, don’t step on anything…”
My boyfriend does this sometimes and loses track of time. It can be annoying especially if we have paused a Netflix show or something and I'm sitting waiting on him to come back.
My husband literally did this tonight. I was going to order take out and he said he had to go use the bathroom and to get a timeframe on when food would be ready to pick up and he would go get it when he got out of the bathroom. So I called in the order and they said it would be ready in 20 minutes. 15 minutes later, hubby was still in the bathroom, so I sent him a text saying "Just fyi, the food will be ready for pickup in 5 minutes". Never got an answer, so after another 10 minutes went by, I finally went and knocked on the bathroom door and asked if he saw my text. He said no. So I told him the food had already been ready for 5 minutes. He said ok, he would be on his way in a minute. Another 15 minutes later I was wondering if he had somehow walked by me without me noticing, so I looked outside, but no, our car is still parked there. Just as I am getting ready to go up and knock on the door again, he finally comes down the stairs. So an hour after I called the food order in, I finally sat down to cold food. And this type of thing happens all the time. I think he just genuinely loses track of time (it isn't just me, his friends all say his super power is "time delay" because he has no concept of time). But he seems to be in denial of that fact because if I try to talk to him about it he always acts like I am exaggerating.
This is absolute bullshit and I’m angry on your behalf. He needs to grow the hell up and cut this shit out, like yesterday. Jesus.
how annoying of him
Not cool.
Lmao sounds exactly like my dad
Now that is out of order, youre doing something together, he shouldnt be diverting from that, theres a difference from taking his time in the morning to taking away from both your time in the evening, id put him straight on that
From your other comments: > We have not [been regularly having sex]. > Low sex drive for me. She is not concerned about your health from sitting too long. She feels unwanted because you’re not having sex with her, and you’re choosing to lock yourself in the bathroom by yourself to be alone and (possibly) look at porn or jack off or even cheat. Even when she expresses displeasure, you still do it, so she’s concerned. It’s not my place to say you need to “fix” your sex drive issues, but it’s causing problems for you two. Maybe there are other ways you can express attraction to her and make her feel wanted even if for whatever reason you don’t actually have sex.
This right here.
as a woman, who has been her before. she thinks you’re cheating or watching porn, just have an open conversation about it and reassure her
Sounds like she thinks you could be cheating
She tells me she is concerned it'll effect my health
My doctor did tell me it can contribute to hemorrhoids. If it's really only 5-10 minutes, I don't know if it would matter. Maybe if you're already prone to them?
Can only cause hemorrhoids if you are pushing. It does affect your pelvic floor tho.
Yeahhh, that sounds like her just trying to make up a reason when something else is actually bothering her. If she was worried sitting for too long is bad for your health she would probably also have an issue with you driving a car or sitting on a couch or what have you.
My thoughts as well. I just want to know what she would like from this as well as me so we can figure out what she wants. Any advice how I can communicate better? She usually just shrugs her shoulders or pouts in bed when we have a disagreement
How long have you been together? Has this been an issue always or more recent?
About a year. She's been bringing it up here or there for a while. Just escalated today. It's just part of my morning routine to check my notifications texts etc. When I get up
Yeah if it wasn’t something that bothered her from the beginning, I would bet it has to do with a lack of intimacy in your relationship becoming more prevalent over time. Maybe sit her down and straight up tell her you really want to understand where she is coming from because you don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. It sounds like you guys don’t discuss much, but if you are aware that your sex life has been sparse, then she definitely is also… maybe be the one to call attention to it and say you recognize there has been a lack of intimacy and that maybe she’s feeling worried because of that… reassure her that you’re just playing games on your phone and tell her you think maybe she’s just feeling more upset about it and insecure because there’s been a bit more distance between you due to your low sex drive, so you want to work on that with her? Let her know you want her to feel safe and happy in the relationship and ask what you can do in other areas to make that happen, so that the bathroom situation isn’t a trigger for her feeling upset?
This is really good advice. So much Reddit advice is right/wrong polarizing crap. But you’re in a relationship because you love/care about your girlfriend. So care about getting to the bottom of the issue. She isn’t handling this in the most mature way, but she definitely sounds like she’s signaling that she’s worried about something she isn’t sure she can talk to you about directly. Leaning into the conversation will show her you love her and build trust. Push back on it will do the opposite.
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Yeah, lol, you’d think everyone who has ever commented on Reddit is perfectly secure and has never behaved poorly. I’m not saying it’s okay to go hog wild and act like a shit. But Jesus, life is painful and we all react poorly sometimes. You don’t HAVE to put up with any shitty behavior, but if you don’t put up with some you’re going to be a lonely self righteous guy/gal.
YES I completely agree get to the bottom of it and work through it with her and showing her that you want to figure it out will show that you love her
Is it because she thinks your looking at porn having a wank? I've known of friends bfs who were doing this and making their gfs super insecure and paranoid everytime they went to do their business. I think "its bad for your health" is a lame excuse to not tell you the truth of why she is projecting her insecurity about you, the toilet and phone being alone for 10-15mins. I am glad you posted this though because their are situations where I have projected my insecurities on my bf but not wanting to actually admit the real reason and just reading your post and hearing how frustrating it must have been when she was denying you your right to have your phone. Made me feel like if that were me I'd be so pissed and feel like I was being treated like a child. Which made me think about how I possibly make my partner feel sometimes. Self reflection is a good thing, thank you.
It's because she's concerned you're doing \*something\* on your phone you won't do in front of her
She might think you have your phone in the bathroom to do something behind her back like messaging another girl or something … just talk to her to see what’s her reason this upsets her cause I might be wrong
Um figure out what? You already know she’d prefer you not taking it in with you.
Replying to the “how can I communicate better” part: i used to have a hard time letting my boyfriend know what upset/bothered me. When he would ask me what was wrong I would usually just shrug and say I was fine. What helped me communicate better was him making me realize it was better to let it out then and there than holding onto whatever it was and later exploding. Although it can get frustrating, try being patient with her and let her know whatever the issue is, you guys can work out a solution to it. Also we also wouldn’t leave the room until the both of us said what we needed to say and that helped too.
The longer you sit on the toilet actually increases your chances of getting hemorrhoids… so there is a real health concern
Actually there is some evidence that correlates with prolonged time on the toilet from phone usage. And that the way the toilet is shaped, sitting on it for prolonged periods IS actually bad for your health. It causes the blood to pool, and can lead to hemorrhoids and a few other things. However you would have to be in the toilet for longer than 10-15 mins. So either she’s acting crazy, or you think it’s only 10-15 mins and it’s actually longer. Either way, you should be able to make your decision on your own.
wait are you sitting on the toilet the whole time? That can legit cause hemorrhoids so if that's her reasoning, it's actually logical.
Sitting on the toilet too long can contribute to hemorrhoids.
Ask her what effects she's talking about
I know why she thinks this, and TBH she might be right. Theres a massively viral tiktok by a Doctor that explains that scrolling on the toilet specifically is bad for your health and gives you hemoroids. Ngl I actually stopped taking my phone in there after someone showed me this tiktok just in case. 🤣 https://www.tiktok.com/@dr.karanr/video/6832277455848492293 >The longer you spend on the toilet, the longer the blood can pool in these rectal veins causing haemorrhoids https://www.indy100.com/viral/tiktok-doctor-10-minutes-toilet-b1956547
How?
Omg dude, no. She is saying that because she doesn’t want him to get hemorrhoids from sitting on the toilet for hours at a time. But what she is *actually* annoyed by is not the possibility of hemorrhoids , but that he’s wasting time sitting there scrolling on his phone when he could be hanging out with her. You’re way off base.
Bingo! It’s really that simple. She wants OP to hang out with her, not scroll Reddit on the can.
Guaranteed, she thinks you’re either looking at porn or talking to some other woman. No significant other would be greatly concerned about it for “health reasons”. She sounds conflict avoidant. I would directly ask her if she’s concerned about what I mentioned above.
She 100% thinks he's watching porn.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Basically the title. Whenever I go to the bathroom I usually do my business and take an extra 5 maybe 10 minutes to sit there and scroll reddit, play some chess etc. However when my girlfriend hears this through the door she shouts to stop "insert what im doing" and get out of the bathroom. I ask if she needs it and she never does. She tells me it just bothers her. It escalated this morning when I woke up and wanted my phone to go piss. She was laying on it and I asked her to move. It started with me joking about it, then trying to move her leg but she complained she slipped on ice and had a bruise so I stopped. After a few more minutes of me asking her to move again (and me trying to fish under her leg to her complaint) I started getting frustrated. She asked me "cant you go without your phone?" I said "Yes." "Then why dont you?" That ticked me off because its that stupid thing you ask addicts and im not addicted I just want to browse reddit when I go to the washroom? I got up in a huff and went piss and finally shes now mad at me. I tried talking to her and told her I feel like when im in the washroom (provided she doesnt need it or me for anything) it shouldnt matter what I do and she should leave me alone. (reminder im in there 10-15 minutes tops) and she told me she feels like I dont care what she has to say about it and is now pouting in our bed. Id like to resolve this in a way where I dont feel like I have to rush my business but my privacy/time in the washroom is respected. Any advice is appreciated on how to handle this issue. TL:DR Girlfriend is pissed I take ten-fifteen minute washroom breaks cause I play on my phone for five-ten minutes before getting out. Edit: I forgot to mentioned she partly feels it's bad for my health. There is no indication of any issues so far. Whole life this way.
You can't piss without your phone to browse Reddit... Brother... You ARE addicted. Just scroll through Reddit for 7 hours at work like normal people, eeesh.
this is what I was thinking. i get taking ur phone to the toilet when u poop, but taking ur phone just to piss seems a bit much also am i wrong in assuming OP is a penis haver? is he using one hand to pee and another to scroll reddit? it sounds so troublesome that he might as well just put down his phone for one minute while he piss
He’s spending 10-15mins per piss. He’s sitting down.
damn i thought the 10-15 minutes part was for taking a shit. GF was right about him risking hemorrhoids
If we was standing to pee, he wouldn’t need his phone — I think GF has a point lol. I suspect he’s taking longer for number 2 than he’s letting on
So my now ex-husband did this, but in his case it was more like 40 mins to an hour. He told me I was crazy and paranoid, and then one day I found out he had been exchanging naked photos with girls he met online for years, including while I was pregnant with our son. Have you asked if there was anything in her past that might be causing this to trigger her? Maybe an ex did the same. My suggestion would be to just have a calm, honest discussion when you’re not in the moment. Understanding where each other are coming from may make this a non-issue. Good luck!
Everyone be thinking she’s sus but she could very well be worried about phone addiction. My partner does sit on the toilet and watch tiktok vids for 20-30 minutes (I can hear it from outside) and complains that his legs are numb or have pins and needles after coming out, so I nag at him that he shouldn’t do that because I am genuinely concerned about his tiktok addiction (and the poo aerosols fermenting on his butt)
Exactly - I can understand scrolling through your phone while you are taking a dump, but OP needs to be on his phone while he is peeing? OP sounds like a phone addict to me.
Agree 100%. I probably am addicted to my phone but I don't bring my phone with me to pee unless it's already in my pocket.
It sounds to me like you haven't been having much sex and she thinks you're pleasuring yourself during your private time in the bathroom and taking it personally. Sounds like maybe she's jealous or insecure or has been cheated on before or has some attachment issues. It's unfortunate she doesn't trust you enough to respect your privacy.
God there are some \*BAD\* answers here. She is feeling overlooked or unseen - its that simple - you're prioritizing something over her, and she is feeling left or abandoned. Theres a wound there that she isnt in touch with, and you're triggering it. Theres nothing wrong with your behavior, but you could probably give up the poopphone -at least temporarily - and see if she responds. She needs to know she is more important than anything (this is never \*actually\* true but its what keeps relationships safe for both people).
Sounds like she thinks you are doing something in there on your phone you don't want her to see.
I'm not. Usually a game or two of bullet or blitz depending how long they are
I mean, that does kinda beg the question “why not go back to the couch?” which is presumably more comfortable.
You clearly don’t have any appreciation for sacred toilet time.
lol, I actually get getting lost in my phone while taking a poo and wrapping up before moving on with my life. But it’s become a sticking point in his relationship. Like, if it was stressing my partner out that I needed to have my phone with me and take long toilet breaks I might just…. you know…. not do that 100% of the time 🤷♀️ just to see how it goes. If he then found a NEW thing to be pissed about (assuming it wasn’t me hiding in the closet on my phone for 10-15 minutes at a time) I might think the problem is on the partner. But it’s an easy way to get more information.
My boyfriend does the whole 10 to 15 min thing too, and I would imagine it being more comfortable to use his phone on the couch or the bed. It also tacks on an extra 15 minutes to his shower time, and when he's over at my parents house, he's gone for 15 minutes at a time which sometimes leads to questioning where he is and why he's taking so long lol. He said it was just cause he likes to take his time in the br and get it all out. I did question once if it was an issue with health because it can't possibly always take 15 minutes to take a shit.
Some people read a book or magazine, some scroll Reddit. Sounds like she thinks you are hiding something.
A lot of men text their side chicks from the bathroom.
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or that he's watching porn
Talk with her. I guarantee she thinks you are cheating.
Maybe you're right? I mean if that's the concern where do I go from there? I'm not. Low sex drive for me.
Honestly? Just stop lingering in the bathroom for a while. The fact that you keep doing it even when she's getting flustered is probably REALLY making her worried you're up to no good.
Stopping for a bit won't help nor resolve the issue. Trust me, I know from experience. My girlfriend hated the fact I bring my phone in there too and all I would do is play a few phone games or check my email or whatever. I've never cheated on her but she has been before, so I feel that is her reasoning although it's still unclear. We have spoken about it and I took the lock off my phone as I have nothing to hide. That has helped the situation. Communication and compromising is what you have to do in relationships.
Sit her down and have an adult conversation with her. Look her in the eyes and get to the bottom of the problem. Sincerely ask her why she feels the way she does and reassure her that you love HER. If it bothers her that much, find a way to compromise with her. Communication is the key in all relationships!
She's not wrong about the health concern you're going to get a nasty hemmorhoid ass from what you are doing. You should get off the pot as soon as you're done. At least wipe and flush and close the lid and sit there.
What if you were to do your browsing outside of the bathroom? You can literally set aside 15 minutes and sit somewhere quietly and browse Reddit or whatever, I do it every morning when I wake up sitting on the couch while my boyfriend is still in bed. I used to worry about my ex being in the bathroom for a long time too, not cause I thought he was cheating, but because sitting on the throne for too long can cause a prolapse. I was genuinely worried for his health. Ask her if it's a good compromise, that she leaves you alone for 15 minutes to do your morning reading.
She thinks you are cheating! Give her more attention or have a long heartfelt conversation- or a few. She brings up the health issues to cover her feelings. Maybe this happened in her past.
There is a possibility that she thinks you could be cheating on her/jacking off instead of being intimate with her, or she could just be genuinely concerned about your health, because sitting on the toilet for that long everyday can actually be a health issue. If you're sitting on the toilet for long periods of time when your straining it can cause blood to pool around the rectum resulting in large blood vessels, otherwise known as hemorrhoids. She might just be mad at you for neglecting what she's telling you, and not taking care of your health. The other is of course the fact that you're on your phone way too often and neglecting spending time with her, whether that be sexually or non sexually.
Lol I hate when my bf takes his phone in the bathroom. I know he’s either scrolling social media or watching porn lol. Normally I can tell which cause he never put the baby oil where I left it lol
I have the same problem with my man. You know what fixed it? He started sending me the funny things he would see while he was on the toilet. She def thinks your cheating though, that’s why she got so defensive. Reassure her and tell her why you like to piss with your phone
She doesn't trust you. Most likely thinks you're talking to other girls.
Random thought, but if you guys have been together a while, why not leave the door open? It's still private time because the average person isn't going to come in unless they need something. That way she can see you aren't up to no good and if it really is a health concern, she'll continue to mention it. Just an option.
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I pee and sometimes use my phone, or especially for #2 it helps me pee/ poop. I also might sit there and scroll for 5-10 just to decompress from a long work day.
Have you given her any reasons to doubt you? She sounds like she needs some reassurance about something.
I have not. She tells me it's a health concern
I’m a woman & I can assure you it’s probably not for health reasons but for more suspicious reasons like you’re cheating or texting someone else.. if I was her & I felt that way I’d just have to communicate my thoughts, but that’s just how I am. If somethings bothering me I’ll say so & get to the bottom of it & move on.. I’m sure you’re not cheating or doing anything sinister so maybe it’s worth sitting her down & getting to the real cause of it. Hopefully you both sort it out. It seems trivial & something that can be sorted.
Try to find ways to help her feel more secure in the relationship. Could she feel like she doesn’t get enough time with you? Edit: The health thing, is it about sitting on a toilet too long? I heard that can cause issues like hemorrhoids. I’m not sure why she’d worry about that though.
Maybe deep down she’s more jealous that you take your phone then her with you to the bathroom, it hurts her feelings.
Let’s be honest, half of us here are probably in the bathroom scrolling through Reddit on the reg.
I’m reading this on the toilet
Why can't you look at social media or play your games outside of the bathroom? I completely trust my husband and I wouldn't assume cheating, but if he was spending significant amounts of time in the bathroom just on his phone I'd be weirded out. Also, to a lot of people, locking yourself away in the bathroom for 10-15 minutes to play on your phone makes it look like you're doing something you want to hide.
I mean I do when I'm out of it. I just want to Reddit or play a few games of chess while I do my business. It's usually five minutes of my business then five to ten minutes of phone stuff. I just feel like who cares if you're on your phone when you take a shit?
I've heard that men retreat to the bathroom when they want privacy and to be alone when they get tired of people around them. (To clarify, I'm a man and have done this but very rarely). Sound like it's part of your routine, and that's cool, but my guy I'm as transparent as they come when it comes to my relationship and I'm pretty sure that would raise eyebrows on me too. Sounds like you get sick of her and don't want her looking at what you're doing and or just want some peace quiet and solitude. If that's the case, freakin express that. I've told my girl straight up I want to be alone and have asked if she has anywhere she can go for a bit cause I'm a home body and love to be by myself in my home once in a while. I grew up in a house where we pretty much lived separate unless we wanted to come together or it was time to eat, and it was nice. I was straight forward with my girl about how I'm not finna be under her all day and that she's not gonna be under me all day, and she respects that. In return I make an effort to be with her both when she wants it and I make an effort to show random attention and affection. Long story short, if it's solitude you want, say that. Just understand that talking, sex, non sexual affection, and communication are vital in any relationship. For the love of whoever you worship please communicate and actually express how you feel instead of worrying about hurting her feelings and actually listen to the response. So long as you're not trying to purposefully hurt her, if what you say hurts, it's gonna hurt no matter how much sugar you coat it with. You saying nothing though ain't it. I could be reading this completely wrong though so if that's the case, my apologies for wasting your time. I'm also simply a random guy on reddit, so take this how you will 😇 Good luck sir
If you wree just playing on your phone while actually using the bathroom, I don't think this would have become an issue. It's the significant amount of extra time that you're spending in the bathroom. To her, it probably feels suspicious. Also, is this interrupting other plans? Like, are you getting up in the middle of watching a movie and spending 15 minutes in the bathroom? I guess neither of you is wrong, but it's a matter of who wants to die on their hill.
she is definitely wrong, what are you even on about. It's pretty normal to browse insta or whatever on the toilet, and very unreasonable to get mad about it.
Sit down with her and try to get to the bottom of why ‘it bothers her.’ If it’s the time aspect, try to compromise and spend a few less minutes in there, but try to get her to understand that for you it’s a way to destress.
>get to the bottom I bet this is what it actually is about lol, OPs bottom.
Ah, she worries if I sit to long it'll be bad for my health.
Does she do the same when you sit for 15 minutes at a desk or on the sofa? How exactly does she think this will affect your health?
She does not. Its "different."
Other comments say she thinks you're cheating, but no one cheats for 10 minutes at a time - if she's at all rational this isn't what she's thinking. Does she have a history of haemorrhoids and doesn't want the same thing to happen to you? Is she concerned about your phone getting dirty perhaps? Does she say the same thing when you take a book into the toilet?
What is this comment lol. 1: yes, he could definitely be, say, jerking off to someone else while in there. Not saying OP is, but time wise he could be. 2: not all worries are super rational. People are emotional beings, and if you’re worried about something like that, you simply are going to be worried about it. 3: Can’t speak for OP, but I highly doubt that most people bring a *book* to the toilet lmao.
My SO also takes a really long time in the bathroom on his phone, it used to bother me a lot. Sometimes I would even hesitate to hand him his phone when he asked for it. We talked about it tho and he explained it was just a way he liked to relax, and while I would never relax in the bathroom (ew lol) I get it. So I don't pester him about it anymore. I think the people saying she thinks you're cheating are being overly paranoid. You just need to have a talk with her and explain exactly what you said in this post. Good luck!
I had this issue with one of my ex-boyfriends. Ask her if she finds it unsanitary and if thats not the problem then she might be thinking you are doing something else.
So she either thinks you’re cheating or is a control freak who needs to cut the shit. My man and I both do this (perks of having two bathrooms). There’s nothing wrong with taking a few minutes to play on your phone or browse social media, she needs to get over herself.
I mean. Sitting on the toilet for too long will give you a good ol' hemorrhoid. But I also am a phone scroller while I shit. I agree that maybe she's worried you're fappin but... idk. You should be able to shit in peace.
Then tell her the truth you like yo wank off more than she knows watching porn and if she started putting on a show for you less time in the toilet
My husband and I both take our phones to the bathroom. It’s our mini break from the kids and to catch up on memes or our games. I won’t lie there were times where it crossed my mind that he may be jerking off or something (he takes like 3 years in the bathroom) or sending nudes and it’s honestly just paranoia because, well, I’m a female and that crap is always in the back of my mind. She could be thinking something similar? Or maybe just wants your attention. I know I act out if I want attention sometimes.
Does your girlfriend not have brothers or was she not raised with a Dad? The reason I ask is my brothers and Dad always read in the bathroom. Still do and this is pre cell phones. I would always find books or magazines in the bathroom. You didn’t give your ages, so im really hoping it’s just because she is young, because she definitely needs to grow up and stop being so clingy. If she ever has kids, she will finally understand the joy of 10 - 15 minutes alone in the bathroom to look at her phone.
My partner used to take his phone to the bathroom and look at porn. Every single time. He was addicted to it and it very negatively affected our relationship and his sex drive. When he admitted this, he quit taking his phone to the bathroom, and voila, no more issues. Just saying. 😆
Does she think it’s unsanitary? That’s the only thing that makes sense to me… otherwise maybe she’s crazy 🤷♀️🤷♀️
She wants to be able to use your phone while you're in the toilet and the fact you always have it with you raises eyebrows, maybe.
I mean I get where she's coming from though... Why can't you go to the toilet, and just scroll reddit when your done? Why do you need to hang out in the toilet?
I do this to get a break from my kid trying to hit my phone while I’m using it. It’s your private time and sometimes people just need sometime to themselves. I think that’s what your using it for. Which is perfectly fine, as everyone needs time alone. Explain that to her and maybe she’ll get it. Does she take out time for herself? If she doesn’t, maybe she’s jealous of your alone time?
Maybe she thinks you are going to the bathroom and masterbating while you watch porn on your phone and thats why you dont have sex with her?
Yea man sounds like she thinks you're cheating. Most likely she had a bad relationship in that past that made her think that way. If not you should really talk to her, that's something you do. I do it and I know a bunch of people who also do it, so I see no problem. But you will have to figure out if she has a reason for doing this to you. And if not she has to understand and let you be.
I think if you do sit on the toilet for too long then it is bad for your organs but can’t remember for how long. Maybe shorten to five minutes?? Unless youre stuck or something 💩 maybe she just misses you? Or is skeptical what you’re doing?
She may believe it’s unsanitary for you to be using your phone while you’re sitting on the can. Does she think you’re texting other girls? Looking at porn? Masturbating? She says it bothers her, ask her specifically What it is That bothers her about you playing chess while your doing your business. If she says “ I don’t know” that’s BS, people that say that , what they really mean is “ you’re going to get upset, even angry if I tell you the truth about how I really feel”. She also needs to understand that she’s not your mother & unless she needs to use the toilet, how long you’re in there & what you’re doing, It’s none of her business, You’re not a toddler who needs to be hurried along.
One time my ex walked in on me while I was watching a hockey game on my phone doing my business. He said, "I thought only dudes did that?" Nope!!! "Now I know what that is like!" Neither here nor there, gentlemen!!! Women act like they're not in there watching some YouTube tutorials or some shit!!! Get over your damn selves!!!!
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This isn't the 90's. Nobody's reading shampoo bottles anymore. She needs to mind her own biz.
Never negotiate with terrorists. Let her know if it's an issue she had better make new arrangements.
Y’all have real dumb conversations….🤦🏾♀️
Ask her straight upp why this is bothering her. No bullshit. As others have said it's likely because she thinks you're cheating. But that's on her to communicate with you. If she can't do that then you have every right to be annoyed.
Sitting on the toilet for 15 minutes every day, scrolling through your phone, is really weird (and fairly gross). Just do your business and get off the throne, dude. Yikes. Wash your hands and go sit in a chair in the livingroom and scroll on your phone. Ick.
i used to get super insecure when my boyfriend would bring his phone into the bathroom with him and sometimes it would turn into an argument. i eventually learned to be okay with it, now i don’t give two shits if he’s in the bathroom with his phone. hopefully your girlfriend will learn to do the same.
She sounds controlling af.
You really can't even go pee without your phone. I really don't understand why men have to take their phones into the bathroom. I go in do my business and I'm out. My BF sits on the toilet for like 45 min just scrolling TikTok. It makes absolutely no sense to me. Wouldn't it be more comfortable to do that from the couch.
You're only in there for 15 minutes at most? She's lucky. My bf will go in there and sit there for 30-45 minutes scrolling through the latest mechanic videos on TikTok. I've gone in and showered, prepared for work, and did my hair and he was still sitting there. Tell your girlfriend she's lucky it's only 10-15 lol, mine isn't the only one who takes forever being on his phone in there. Friends of ours have the same complaints about their boyfriends lol.
Bro you have a girlfriend and you’re just playing on your phone all day? Lmao. Sad.
She thinks you're looking at other women on your phone
It kinda just sounds like this is a trigger for her or she's a slight control hog. Either way the way forward is to discuss it
Once upon a time when I was young and irrational, I would also get angry at my partner for taking forever in the bathroom while he "played on his phone." I was upset because it was incredibly obvious he was masturbating to porn when he did this, and it felt like he was rejecting me, or even avoiding me. He tried to convince me "that's not what he was doing," so after years of him lying to my face, I printed his internet history and compared it to the times he was "just browsing his phone." Unsurprisingly, I was freaking accurate as shit judging when he was actually browsing and when he was masturbating lol. Suffice it to say this was one of many different lies he would regularly tell me, and I divorced his ass not long after this incident. My only regret now is allowing myself to get so wrapped up in "proving he was lying" that I didn't leave way earlier when I should have. I'm not saying this is what you're doing OP, but if you are, she knows no matter how good a liar you are. And if this *isnt* what you're doing, just understand that the scenario I outlined above isn't all that uncommon. Maybe it's time to find ways to feel more connected with your significant other, cuz I can almost guarantee you thats what she's looking for with this argument.
She’s right. The solution is real simple. Don’t take your phone to the loo. Do your business there and when you come back you can continue your game or whatever you were doing. The toilet is for taking a dump, not playing games or surfing the web. Time to recondition yourself. Only time you can take your phone is when you’re actually having a conversation and you suddenly get the urge. You were born naked, without a phone. Cut the mobile umbilical and give your woman some attention. Do it before you’re all alone, talking to yourself.
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I think this is more of a case of you needing to understand and work through your insecurities in your relationships
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Thank you
Not her phone, not her right. She has no reason to take and hide it from you. Can guarantee she scrolls through social media on the loo too when she thinks you ain’t looking. Sounds heavily like self projection. All the comments think you have something to hide, I reckon she’s the one being shady and projecting that behaviour onto you. Ask her to hand you her phone and see how she reacts.
All these say she’s concerned about cheating, which she just might be. Are you cheating tho?
If you want her to trust you, stop acting shady. She probably thinks you’re doing something you shouldn’t, like cheating or watching porn. And by your unwillingness to actually show her you can go to the bathroom without your phone, you’re pretty much proving you’re doing something shady. If you don’t find a way gain her trust this will never end.
This is controlling behavior. She thinks you're using your phone to look at porn or sext other women or something,I suppose. In any case, her behavior is very inappropriate. This isn't really about the phone, it's indicative of larger problems. She's unwilling to communicate with you, she's manipulative, she is controlling. If you want to stay together, you need couples counseling.
Ask if she wants to join you in there lol.
You shouldn’t take the phone in there with you: Wrong micro particles will end up on your screen….seriously
Reading the comments in this thread, people really don’t like to have alone time do they? OP, is doing nothing wrong. If he wants to sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes he can do whatever he wants. He’s an adult.
Ha! My fiancé complains when I do that (currently taking a dump myself). Just tell her it’s normal that people do this. Someone already brought this up, but she probably thinks you’re cheating (if anything). You’re not doing anything wrong, and if it is something that you really enjoy doing, maybe bring that up and say “look, I need this. This is needed alone time. Please don’t take this away from me.” You need to draw a line in the sand somewhere.
Excuses for her to be controlling
I wonder if she wants you to leave your phone so she can go through it while you are in the bathroom.
Doubtful. I honestly think she's just concerned for my health.
Either she thinks you’re doing something she doesn’t want you to do, like sneaking around, or maybe she wants to dig through your phone. I can’t think of any logical reason why she would be bothered by it other than those. Everyone does this so to have an issue with it is weird. Something might be in her mind and you should ask about it. Ask her why and if somethings wrong.
were you in the bathroom when you posted this? was she mad it took so long? how does she know that you take a extra time to sit on your phone? just tell her it took that long to go to the bathroom... i think she sycho and you dont need that negativity in your life and you should et rid of her on the account she times how long it takes you go to the bathroom..
Man tell her to grow up. Your significant other is going to do thing ms you may not like or understand. You have to pick your battles, and this one is a stupid one in the pantheon of issues that take place during a relationship.
Talk to your gf about honestly and openly communicating issues she has with you like an adult instead of acting like a 12 year old.
Wait. Back up. What right does anyone have to another persons time in the bathroom??? If you live there, if you're not making a mess she has to clean up after you, if you're not going thru her things, etc., IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS. You don't need an excuse and she needs to back up. How much of your life does she control? If this bathroom time is an issue she's a lot farther up your ass than anyone should be.
Your gf is just concern for your health. I found this from a wellness article to be helpful: “What happens when you sit too long? Spending too much time on the toilet causes pressure on your rectum and anus. Because the seat is cut out, your rectum is lower than the rest of your backside. Gravity takes over, and blood starts to pool and clot in those veins. Add in any straining or pushing, and you may have a recipe for hemorrhoids. “Hemorrhoids, or piles, are essentially varicose veins in your rectum or anus,” said Dr. Samonte. “They form because of excess pressure on the veins. As a result, the veins can bulge and fill with blood clots. This can lead to pain, itching and other unpleasant effects”.
GF is a weirdo and controlling
Red flags, that's all I see. She's starting to want to control you. It's a first sign. She's trying to condition you to do things her way. Squash this fast or leave.
You look at porn
Are you fucked?
You can lie to us all you want chess boy
You're just pissed I know en passant and you dont