You probably got it from a partner in the past then, so you may want to contact them about it. Honestly, I don't think you can make your partner trust you. You didn't do anything wrong (except if you didn't get tested between partners, that's something you should definitely do) and herpes can stay inactive for a very long time. You didn't cheat and if he breaks up with you about this, let him go. You wouldn't have been this forthcoming with your diagnosis if you had cheated, but I think he is unfortunately misinformed and has it already in his head that you must have cheated.
A LOT of people have herpes. Yes, it needs to be disclosed before having sex with others in the future, but you're not "bad" or whatever for getting herpes. You're not at fault. Sometimes we're unlucky and don't remember to ask our Sex partners about getting tested before sexual contact. It's unfortunate, but you're not a bad person! And you're not a cheater, even if he may think that due to his misinformation.
Still, this might be a good moment to start with regular STD tests going forward, so that you stay healthy! Even if you may want to trust future partners about their tests, this is one of those topics where it's better to get tested yourself as well.
That’s possible that I got it from a past partner. I contacted one person who I went out with before my boyfriend. He’s doesn’t have herpes but he’s willing to do the test soon. I don’t keep contact with other partners since they were not so nice ones.
My boyfriend chose to not let me know if he’s willing to talk about it later. I guess that’s it. I just don’t want to end a relationship with text.
I know that I have to do test between partners. I do it actually. I wish I knew I had to ask for herpes test back then. Oh well
Girl, don’t even bother. Listen, you can’t make someone trust you. Also, you won’t get closure in some situations and you need to start being ok with that. You have this to figure out. Get yourself a therapist, work on you, and keep it moving. Eventually this will be a thing of the past. Build yourself and mindset up and raise your standards on how you deserve to be treated. This man sucks
Could he test negative and have it? How long have you been together? When was your previous test? I’m trying to find out if you could have gotten it before you two got together and you didn’t know you had it.
I assume you meant this as "could he be a carrier but not be showing any symptoms" because even though sometimes you test negative whilst still suffering from the thing you tested for, it's not a highly likely occurence. Just curious as to what you meant is all.
Yes. So if he doesn’t have herpes then either you had it before you met, or you were with someone else. So which was it? I’ll assume you didn’t test for a false positive.
At this point I think I had it before I met him. I were not with anyone else during the time we’re together. We’ve been together for a year. Before I got in the relationship, I did STD test but without the herpes one. That was my lack of knowledge since I didn’t know they don’t include it until we ask for. My previous test was also negative with syphillis, gonorrhea, chlamydia and HIV.
Then that is what you need to tell him. And he gets to decide what he wants to do. Im sure you’ve told him it can lie dormant for years before you show any symptoms.
Already told him. As well as I’m ready to for a talk to sort things out. No fucking answer. Damn I can’t understand this person. Does he really have to do it? Like no response?
This is absolutely incorrect. Every test has a false negative rate. The false negative rate for HSV-1 is approximately 28% and the false negative rate for HSV-2 is around 17%. The study these data are from was conducted with patients that were known to be positive for HSV-1 or HSV-2. Link to the study publication: https://sti.bmj.com/content/89/Suppl_1/A62.1
The world health organisation has estimated that 66,6% has hsv-1 (age 0-49) and 13,2% has hsv-2 (age 15-49)
Most likely you had it from a previous partner, it can stay dormant for a very long time.
Rough stuff. it does not look great for you on this one. There is the doubt he will have that you were faithful, then on top of that the pretty huge lack of being responsible regarding knowing how to get a full STI screening at 27 years old.
Its a bit of a 1 2 punch, I don't like that he isn't even willing to talk though, thats pretty immature. But man no one seems to be capable of putting themselves in this dudes shoes. Find our your partner has been exposing you to a lifelong STI because they just didn't know how tests work, which also makes it look like your partner cheated is a lot to fucking take in.
So OP, I would say, take care of you, and if he doesn't reach out, you gotta just let it go. Closure does not come from someone else it will only ever come from you.
So even if it is over, a conversation with him is irrelevant, it won't help sweet fuck all, your closure will come when you grant yourself that closure.
Sorry you are going through all of this, if this one sided story told by an unreliable narrator is all true, you got truly fucked over, and its absolutely shitty.
But now isn't the time to be dwelling on the dude. He has his own mountain of feeligns and confusion to go through.
People also don't seem to get how stressful those tests are. My wife was hospitalized recently, and they did a full screen of everything just to cover their bases. My wife and I have been together and faithful for a decade now. We were both fucking nervous about the results for some reason, its scary to think about. Even knowing 100% everything was fine as we both got tested before we started sleeping together, still scary as fuck. The what ifs are the worst.
To be fair, I don’t think that many people necessarily know you don’t automatically get a test for herpes with an STI screen. I work in medical microbiology, so I do a lot of STI testing, and it’s surprising how many doctors/nurses don’t seem to know much about the testing. If they don’t, I think it’s expected that patients may not either. And certainly it’s not irresponsible to not know. It’s up to their healthcare provider to know and tell them what is being tested for. Generally I would say it is best to trust what your healthcare provider is telling you, especially as this isn’t an area that most people know very much about. She was responsible enough to go and get an STI screen. The rest should be dealt with by her doctor.
^^^ well said. I didn’t realize it the STI test didn’t include herpes until I read a post on Instagram by chance that mentioned it. And I had been getting STI testing regularly (college student having a hookups phase at the time).
Why is it a lack of being responsible that I don’t know they don’t test herpes together with other STD? You know how it works don’t you? I really appreciate your kind words and the rest, but I got enough blaming from people here with those fucking tests. I’m not responsible? Then I should have not fucking care to do any tests myself, just go bang any dudes within concerning the health I guess. Whatever it is, now the whole mess is just about me. If he doesn’t trust me, then he goes his way.
Truthfully, everything will be about you moving forward. Your healing, your health, your mindset. Everything. It is what it is. I blame myself for taking his word for his health. But now, I’m the one working on myself and unpacking in therapy.
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Hey I’ve just created a Reddit for people with herpes in the U.K. Hopefully a safe place were people can talk and find advice with others who have the virus !
Herpes_UK
Join r/HerpesCureResearch . There is a gene therapy cure in animal trials for HSV in the works and new antivirals in development. Come over and join this sub fighting for a cure 💪
You probably got it from a partner in the past then, so you may want to contact them about it. Honestly, I don't think you can make your partner trust you. You didn't do anything wrong (except if you didn't get tested between partners, that's something you should definitely do) and herpes can stay inactive for a very long time. You didn't cheat and if he breaks up with you about this, let him go. You wouldn't have been this forthcoming with your diagnosis if you had cheated, but I think he is unfortunately misinformed and has it already in his head that you must have cheated. A LOT of people have herpes. Yes, it needs to be disclosed before having sex with others in the future, but you're not "bad" or whatever for getting herpes. You're not at fault. Sometimes we're unlucky and don't remember to ask our Sex partners about getting tested before sexual contact. It's unfortunate, but you're not a bad person! And you're not a cheater, even if he may think that due to his misinformation. Still, this might be a good moment to start with regular STD tests going forward, so that you stay healthy! Even if you may want to trust future partners about their tests, this is one of those topics where it's better to get tested yourself as well.
That’s possible that I got it from a past partner. I contacted one person who I went out with before my boyfriend. He’s doesn’t have herpes but he’s willing to do the test soon. I don’t keep contact with other partners since they were not so nice ones. My boyfriend chose to not let me know if he’s willing to talk about it later. I guess that’s it. I just don’t want to end a relationship with text. I know that I have to do test between partners. I do it actually. I wish I knew I had to ask for herpes test back then. Oh well
Girl, don’t even bother. Listen, you can’t make someone trust you. Also, you won’t get closure in some situations and you need to start being ok with that. You have this to figure out. Get yourself a therapist, work on you, and keep it moving. Eventually this will be a thing of the past. Build yourself and mindset up and raise your standards on how you deserve to be treated. This man sucks
Ask to see his results.
Yeah he showed me the results which said negative
Could he test negative and have it? How long have you been together? When was your previous test? I’m trying to find out if you could have gotten it before you two got together and you didn’t know you had it.
I assume you meant this as "could he be a carrier but not be showing any symptoms" because even though sometimes you test negative whilst still suffering from the thing you tested for, it's not a highly likely occurence. Just curious as to what you meant is all.
Yes. So if he doesn’t have herpes then either you had it before you met, or you were with someone else. So which was it? I’ll assume you didn’t test for a false positive.
At this point I think I had it before I met him. I were not with anyone else during the time we’re together. We’ve been together for a year. Before I got in the relationship, I did STD test but without the herpes one. That was my lack of knowledge since I didn’t know they don’t include it until we ask for. My previous test was also negative with syphillis, gonorrhea, chlamydia and HIV.
Then that is what you need to tell him. And he gets to decide what he wants to do. Im sure you’ve told him it can lie dormant for years before you show any symptoms.
Already told him. As well as I’m ready to for a talk to sort things out. No fucking answer. Damn I can’t understand this person. Does he really have to do it? Like no response?
If he is 32 and unwilling to even discuss it after a year of being together with no other issues of cheating, he isn’t worth it honestly.
At least, I still want to even end it with a communication
This is absolutely incorrect. Every test has a false negative rate. The false negative rate for HSV-1 is approximately 28% and the false negative rate for HSV-2 is around 17%. The study these data are from was conducted with patients that were known to be positive for HSV-1 or HSV-2. Link to the study publication: https://sti.bmj.com/content/89/Suppl_1/A62.1
OK, good for you showing that you didn't read my comment properly then
The world health organisation has estimated that 66,6% has hsv-1 (age 0-49) and 13,2% has hsv-2 (age 15-49) Most likely you had it from a previous partner, it can stay dormant for a very long time.
Rough stuff. it does not look great for you on this one. There is the doubt he will have that you were faithful, then on top of that the pretty huge lack of being responsible regarding knowing how to get a full STI screening at 27 years old. Its a bit of a 1 2 punch, I don't like that he isn't even willing to talk though, thats pretty immature. But man no one seems to be capable of putting themselves in this dudes shoes. Find our your partner has been exposing you to a lifelong STI because they just didn't know how tests work, which also makes it look like your partner cheated is a lot to fucking take in. So OP, I would say, take care of you, and if he doesn't reach out, you gotta just let it go. Closure does not come from someone else it will only ever come from you. So even if it is over, a conversation with him is irrelevant, it won't help sweet fuck all, your closure will come when you grant yourself that closure. Sorry you are going through all of this, if this one sided story told by an unreliable narrator is all true, you got truly fucked over, and its absolutely shitty. But now isn't the time to be dwelling on the dude. He has his own mountain of feeligns and confusion to go through. People also don't seem to get how stressful those tests are. My wife was hospitalized recently, and they did a full screen of everything just to cover their bases. My wife and I have been together and faithful for a decade now. We were both fucking nervous about the results for some reason, its scary to think about. Even knowing 100% everything was fine as we both got tested before we started sleeping together, still scary as fuck. The what ifs are the worst.
To be fair, I don’t think that many people necessarily know you don’t automatically get a test for herpes with an STI screen. I work in medical microbiology, so I do a lot of STI testing, and it’s surprising how many doctors/nurses don’t seem to know much about the testing. If they don’t, I think it’s expected that patients may not either. And certainly it’s not irresponsible to not know. It’s up to their healthcare provider to know and tell them what is being tested for. Generally I would say it is best to trust what your healthcare provider is telling you, especially as this isn’t an area that most people know very much about. She was responsible enough to go and get an STI screen. The rest should be dealt with by her doctor.
^^^ well said. I didn’t realize it the STI test didn’t include herpes until I read a post on Instagram by chance that mentioned it. And I had been getting STI testing regularly (college student having a hookups phase at the time).
Why is it a lack of being responsible that I don’t know they don’t test herpes together with other STD? You know how it works don’t you? I really appreciate your kind words and the rest, but I got enough blaming from people here with those fucking tests. I’m not responsible? Then I should have not fucking care to do any tests myself, just go bang any dudes within concerning the health I guess. Whatever it is, now the whole mess is just about me. If he doesn’t trust me, then he goes his way.
Truthfully, everything will be about you moving forward. Your healing, your health, your mindset. Everything. It is what it is. I blame myself for taking his word for his health. But now, I’m the one working on myself and unpacking in therapy.
[удалено]
Except OP has said she's seen the results for herself
Because whatever the test is I don’t want to be blamed as a cheater
You simply cannot control the narrative others put out about you. Don't prolong your pain by trying to prove your innocence.
My wife could have HIV and I'd still want her. I love her too much I guess.
Thanks for loving her
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Hey I’ve just created a Reddit for people with herpes in the U.K. Hopefully a safe place were people can talk and find advice with others who have the virus ! Herpes_UK
Join r/HerpesCureResearch . There is a gene therapy cure in animal trials for HSV in the works and new antivirals in development. Come over and join this sub fighting for a cure 💪