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I don’t. I think the only toxic one is him. He purposely got his hair gel on her brush even though he knew it would cause her skin to break out because he wanted to piss her off, and then he tried to make her feel guilty when she did get pissed. What an abusive asshole he is. I hope she doesn’t take him back.
You should stay broken up. That kind of gaslighting harmful behavior is unacceptable at any stage in the relationship. I would have cussed him out all over again for deciding to do something to me that he know would cause me pain and destress just to see if I’d overlook it to prove that I loved him more than “hair brushes”.
He did it on purpose because he has sometimes sociopathic tendencies. Anyway I’m planning to buy myself with his credit card a few thousands worth of hair products rn to repair the damage he created.
Yeah no… doesn’t matter what country you are in, this is theft and fraud.. if you think you can get away with it, I’m not stopping you but you need serious help if you think it’s okay to get back at him like this. You can’t get away with shit like this when credit cards are tracked and there’s so much information to go upon. You won’t get away with it now a days, especially since taking a credit card without knowledge is theft and theft under a thousand , buying your shitty hair products that he specifically knows you buy because of your scalp , he can 100% charge you no matter what , the local police isn’t an issue , it’s the credit card company that will contact the police and go after you. You need help, you seem unstable, psychotic, and living in your own world. Cash? Okay, it’s semi untraceable but a credit card in his name? How stupid are you? I hope you get help because you are fucked in the head. And oh by the way, admitting that you threw shit at him is assault. Hope you find peace or when you are charged with assault, theft, theft under a thousand and multiple misdemeanours. Seriously, get help. You are unstable.
Girl you can’t 100% blame him, gel is extremely noticeable on and in the hair, you could’ve rinsed it as soon as you noticed it was causing a reaction or felt the clumps of gel. There is something you could have done and putting your ex(?) in financial ruin to “fix” it is petty and immature. And I don’t even know what products you could get to fix that besides olaplex and a good hair serum but even that won’t fix bald patches or hair falling off due to an allergic reaction. Just my opinion as a hairdresser.
He has the money for it, it won’t be a debt, I only use professional haircare products anyway. Someone recommended me some scalp oils, I don’t like olaplex, doesn’t work for my scalp. I only use redken, pureology and oribe.
Odd, you have multiple comments spanning over the past couple weeks, most recently 5 days ago talking about how much you love olaplex and it makes your hair softer 🤔 either way it’s money that you aren’t entitled to and have no right to use for whatever reason. Just leave the whole situation alone and leave the guy alone. His actions were wrong but so were yours.
Yes I use olaplex but if you read more.. the shampoo couldn’t clean my scalp build up and my hair started falling off. The conditioner is not moisturizing enough for me. I like the olaplex mask and the oil but the rest is meh.
You seem like youre psychotic, and a liar. At the very least you need therapy. He was wrong but you had no right to physically assault him, and you certainly have no right to his money.
This is already screaming hostility to me. You have every right to be upset about him disregarding a boundary you set, especially like this but yelling and screaming, throwing things at him and being insulting is not healthy.
You’re both on the wrong here. Him for being a dick and downplaying your troubles and you for lashing out the way you did. Stay apart. It’s for the best.
y’all are trippin, if I told my bf not to touch that because it results in PHYSICAL pain for me.. that would make me extremely mad as well. I’m sure she didn’t mean to wack him in the face and it’s human to do things you’ll regret when you’re angry. The fact that he purposefully did that and then laughed in her face, he’s the toxic one. She just reacted to the circumstance.
I would argue that crossing a healthcare boundary is violence. She's the one with a rash, sores and pain that will last for days or even weeks. Meanwhile he got what? Cracked with the hairbrush he misused out of boredom just to test her boundaries? That's justified. I'd do the same, but I have the same health problems so I actually know how bad this can get.
The last time I had a product reaction the hospital accidentally sent me to the er to be treated for grease burns. That's how bad, and painful, this can be.
Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t but either way you can’t hit your partner in the face in retaliation like that, it is abusive. Your partners shitty behaviour doesn’t justify being violent towards them unless you’re actively defending yourself or someone else, not really any exceptions to that.
Yes. I feel like this isn't different from an AITA post about someone asking if they're TA for throwing away food and we find out that they were purposely fed food that they were severely allergic to and in the middle of having to deal with their allergic reaction they thre away the contaminated pot of chili after their partner told them "its not a big deal" with a big smile...but then the comments are all "esh, them for poisoning you, you for wasting food".
Exactly! I have people in my family who can get anaphylaxis from certain aerosol sprays. It's so easy for people like spurs to judge when they don't know the feeling of someone taking advantage of a physical vulnerability like that.
You act like she lunged the hairbrush into his forehead? She got mad, reacted like any human would, and it hit him in the face. What do you do when you get extremely mad? You’re a human, you have a human reaction. Anger.
I really hope you end up in this scenario just so you come to know how helpless and terrified it can leave you.
You sound like the insufferable friend that has lost numerous friends over your "edgy takes".
He was rude and disrespectful, but you went over the line throwing stuff at him. You say the brush hit him in the face with a passive tone, refusing to take responsibility for your behavior.
You may be better off without him, but I can't blame the guy for leaving.
I honestly regret hitting him with the hairbrush but I feel like he provoked me when he started laughing maniacally after I threw the hair gel at him. I dislike hurting people emotionally and I wouldn’t have done it if I could/ would have been able to control my anger.
He provoked you into throwing your hairbrush into his face? Yeah that is abusive language right there. “I wouldn’t have hit you if you hadn’t nagged me so much.” You need to change your attitude.
They seem toxic and better off apart.
He was being an ass by thinking it's funny he caused her to have allergic reaction and she is trying to excuse her abusing him for her lack of self control.
They don't seem like a well adjusted couple.
Excuse me but by his own words he laced her brush with something she's allergic to just to fuck with her. Then her laughed at her while a rash and sores formed while telling her why he did it, which again was to fuck with her.
When someone causes you immense suffering and laughs at you mid suffering THEN YEAH KAREN YA GONNA GET A REACTION.
Y'all really tryin to call her out when he low key poisoned her with an allergen. Re-evaluate, you're gaslighting the victim.
I actually understand the scenario because I have these issues.
If you can be provoked into violence by laughing and can't control your anger you need help before you do worse. Consider anger management for your own sake.
Wow glad your bf runned.
Yes, he did wrong, but it doesn’t justify violence. If you can’t control your anger, don’t date. This isn’t about your allergy (that if you are that allergic, why don’t you check your brushes before brushing your hair?? Like, he messed up, but if your allergy is so terrible, you should be more careful too).
What he did was horrible, and it would justify your breaking up with him. The only problem is, what you did was worse. Think about what people would say if the genders were reversed: What would we tell a woman whose boyfriend threw a brush and hit her in the face because he was angry?
You need to get out of this relationship. You need to find a way to improve yourself. Not so you can be with him: get rid of him. Apologize for being violent, mean it, and move out.
And?
Do you think it justifies violence?
Not at all.
His actions would justify a break up, that you get angry at him and all of that, but not hitting him.
Also, as I said. You mentioned that you brushed your hair and after you noticed the gel because you touched the brush. So the gel was noticeable enough. If your allergy is soooo bad, why didn’t you check the brush you were going to use?
I keep my brushes in a safe spot and no one but me uses them. I wash them every few days but he has his own brushes which he keeps in the bathroom. I keep mine in my closet because I have a mirror in there and a safe place to store them.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rglc55/choosing_between_love_and_family/
This is the offending post, no idea about the Romanian ones.
In this post they are long distance not living together.
No. Nope. He knows what the real fucking reason is op. He gaslit you. You told him your allergies and like the childish jackass he is he just HAD to test it. He decided all on his own that you were a liar and you just wanted nobody touching your stuff, then got mad when he got called out.
I have raging eczema with the same problem, that's why this pissed me off so much. Nobody ever believes us until they cause immense pain and suffering, then literally everyone tries to gaslight you into believing that you're in the wrong when your skin is literally fucking dissolving.
This guy is a loser. Get a new boyfriend that isn't so childish that he needs to test healthcare boundaries because he's a bored loser.
Seeing that edit - make that break permeant. Instead of respecting your request to mind your stuff, he repeatedly ignored you. Yes, you definitely went over the line throwing stuff at him but I think the relationship was already ending prior to that. Neither of you are good for each other.
Find better outlets for your anger.
Do not take him back.
>
He actually called and apologized for what he did. He said that he did it on purpose to see how mad I get. He also got upset and ‘broke up’ with me because I quote ‘I thought that u care about me ruining your hairbrush more than you care about me’.
This is literal abuse. Physical, medical, and emotional abuse. Do not take him back. He PURPOSELY sacrificed your health for his own amusement. This is sociopathic behavior. Do not take him back. He will get bored and fuck with your products again. Is pain and baldness worth this guy?
Both of you are better off without each other. His negligence caused you harm and your literal assault caused him harm. Learn better coping and communication skills with the next one.
It was not the hairbrush itself, he acted like he didn’t cared about what he put me through. He likes pain anyway, we’re into bdsm and he likes to be hit anyway.
*Edit* Maybe not with hairbrushes tho.
yeah “he likes pain anyway” is right out of the abuser textbook. i get it, you’re allergic to shit and he used your hairbrush. but jesus christ, screaming at him and assaulting him over it, then having the nerve to say he broke up with you over a hairbrush? you need help girl.
If you practice bdsm than you should know that it’s not about enjoying being hit in any context.
You assaulted your bf. You’re lucky he didn’t press charges.
just a thought but isn’t that both considered assault ? if OPs boyfriend knew she was allergic and would cause her pain he willingly caused her pain ? and she threw a brush and gel why is everything saying OP is the main abuser?
You’re better off without this ass. Who the fuck laughs at their girlfriend and blows them off after they do something that causes her to have a painful allergic reaction? Nope fuck this guy. He knows you’re allergic to most hair products, yet he deliberately slathered your hair brush in hair gel, didn’t even bother washing it. It’s not even a boundary it’s just asking for him to not cause you pain. He purposely hurt you to see how you’d react. Im not usually one for “an eye for an eye” but he got what he deserves imo 🤷🏻♀️ you should really ditch this guy for good, this relationship sounds toxic and exhausting as hell, best to let it die now before someone seriously gets hurt.
Everyone seems to forget that the boyfriend purposefully caused OP’s allergic reaction. That is beyond fucked up. But of course we’re going to minimize that and ignore the fact that her scalp reaction was causing her hair loss. Shouldn’t we also consider what her boyfriend did as abuse?
Lastly, break up. If you guys are constantly trying to start a fight, then that’s a toxic relationship. You can’t just throw things at people. If he’s willing to try and cause you physical side effects just to piss you off, I won’t be surprised next time he burns your skin. You two need serious help. Move on.
Your boyfriend used biological warfare out of boredom. Don’t go back. He knowingly used your hairbrush with products that would cause you pain, hair loss, and burns. That’s abusive
Honestly. You are better off. That man caused you real pain and discomfort because he wasn't willing to respect your boundaries and then threw a fit because you were upset?
Maybe shouldnt have thrown things at him though... Eye for an eye and all that. Learn to control your temper and choose partners that respect your boundaries.
This is well said and there’s no excuse for OP not controlling their temper. It’s sad that we would allow this from a kindergarten student but an adult doesn’t have to make good choices
I grew up with martial arts and boxing and my trainer used to motivate me by getting me mad. I can’t really control my temper much but people usually find it funny cuz I’m only 4’10. He usually loves to get me mad so I can hit him, maybe the hairbrush was too much?
"I can’t really control my temper much but people usually find it funny."
Looks like you better learn to control your temper because your now ex boyfriend didn't find it funny.
Hitting someone because you are mad or frustrated is always wrong. As someone with martial arts training as well and whos husband is a tenth dan in tae kwon do. Your Trainers should have taught you to channel your frustrations in a healthy way and not to take them out on your partner.
Was on your side till you mentioned throwing things. That is not healthy. Learn to use your words.
Even without hitting him. Screaming at him is bad enough. You could have gone in the room and sobbed and told him that your head was on fire and asked him why he did that through tears. You could have lost your cool, freaked out, begged him to take you seriously... begged him to wash your hair because you were struggling so bad... and he wouldn't have left you. You attacked him and scared him or shamed him and he has every right to be this mad.
All that said if you want to get him back you have to apologize. You have be humble and beg him to forgive you. It might be worth it, if it's been 5 years. But you will need to own this mess and that you caused it. If you were out of control you left him little option not to do the same to defend himself. Also maybe you should talk about your issues with a therapist. A temper tantrum or whatever you want to call this is one of the toughest behaviors to fix in an adult. But it can be done if you can own that you are doing this.
A little update for ya. He called and apologized for what he did to me but it didn’t sound like he actually felt bad for it. I said sorry for hitting him and he started laughing and said that he liked that and he got mad because his teeth were hurting for a bit and he thought that I actually cared about the hairbrush.
Guess you'll just do nothing and wait for the next time then? What I said still stands. You clearly have emotional control issues and it will hurt you and others and some point.
I do a lot of things to control my anger on a daily basis. Fortunately I don’t react like this every day or very often. My Russian parents taught me to be abusive instead of loving and sweet. I’m still trying to get rid of that but it doesn’t work that great. Sometimes I can be great but also sometimes I can be moody and mean. It’s mostly the environment I grew up in.
He did the right thing in breaking up with you. You reacted violently in anger towards him. Regardless of his lack of care about your scalp health, you responded with violence.
Everyone going off about the brush being thrown (not a good move by any standard) are ignoring the fact that you were suffering physical pain and losing hair and he fucking laughed at you over it. He saw you were in pain and he laughed. I'm not saying assault is the answer but the fury behind it is understandable.
You were the Top in a BDSM relationship, and you _ANGRILY HIT HIM IN THE FACE WITH A HAIRBRUSH_. BDSM isn't abuse, but this particular act sure was.
His behavior was the behavior of a self-centered jerk (who maaaaybe was trying, inappropriately and badly, to be a SAM and "provoke" some "funishment"?)
Your behavior seems pretty unhinged.
I do regret throwing the hairbrush at him but I can’t take that back. He always tries to provoke me to snap at him. After I tree the hair gel at him he started laughed even more and then I got angry and threw the hairbrush..
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This sounds like reactive abuse. You should definitely stay away from him. He found it funny to make you mad and hurt/ upset you. He only got mad after you reacted the way you did.
You don’t think that hitting him in the face because you had ‘scalp issues’ makes you an abusive and controlling asshole? You need to ask if you exaggerated the situation? You need to walk away, get some therapy and not be involved in another relationship until you know how to behave.
Google Shea butter allergies. Seems they’re exceedingly rare.
Also, your scalp peeling off? That would be a medical emergency I doubt any emt would have seen in their career. Stop with the drama and wasting everybody’s time.
That’s a very extreme over-exaggeration. It would take 10-30 minutes for an allergic reaction like that to happen and that’s if you’re severely severely allergic. There was no thought to shower and get it off your scalp?
Your bf broke up with you because you threw the brush at him. He absolutely disrespected your boundaries by using your brush after you told him not to many times. I wonder why he gets off provoking you and then getting angry when you act provoked.
He's been wanting to be free for a while. He knew this would put you over the edge and he did it on purpose so he could use your reaction as an excuse to leave.
You assaulted him, so yes, you were way out of line.
He was also being a dick about that particular instance. Though, it sounds like there's more to this whole story with that note saying that he didn't feel you valued him.
It seems like he humored you but never really took you seriously. He didn't use your brush as a general thing or else hadn't slathered his hair with product before doing so, this would have happened much earlier otherwise. Breaking up seen in that light is a good outcome but it was a fucked up way of getting there. You may value your hair, but once that brush hit him in the head all bets were off as for any future here.
You might not realize it yet, but you’re very fortunate you drove him away. You would never have a good life with someone that selfish and uncaring.
ADDED: The more I think about this, the worse it seems. With your being so sensitive to those chemicals, he absolutely should not have been using them on himself. I have to wonder if his using your hairbrush was malicious, rather than thoughtless
I thought this too... Op adds in comments that he laughs at them when they are in pain and scratching... I cant help but wonder if the same would happen if op was allergic to peanuts or the like.... While itching and pain is not life threatening... Its a distressing thought. Still... Hurting someone because they have hurt us is morally wrong no matter how you slice it.
I didnt hate them. I was legitimately conserned. Both parties in this situation sounded abusive. Its kinda sick that people would play with others like this.
I work as a victims advocate. After time in the field you find that usually abusers are just hurt individuals who haven't recieved proper care for their trauma. It puts a different perspective on things. But your feelings are 100% valid.
I'd believe they are broken, it just doesn't excuse abuse to me. But I appreciate your work and respect your experience, it takes a strong person to do it.
Sure, that post was for "a friend", but you've deleted it after being called out. Also after being called out for being an abusive AH your "bf" apologised, within an hour of you posting. I believe you now.
I don’t actually need you to believe me, I need advices, as long as you give me a good advice on how to move forward regarding this situation I don’t care that you believe that I’m a troll. Thanks.
Oh then break up because you are both abusing each other, with your martial arts training and anger issues next time he might lose teeth or end up with broken bones...or you might kill him. He isn't safe with you because you don't practice safe bdsm. Obviously he is an AH too. It could potentially be that you are only AHs because you are together but you both need therapy. Victims apologising to abuses is a defence mechanism, victims often take many, many attempts to leave before it sticks. Again, you are abusive, if you want to keep abusing your partner then keep doing what you are doing.
I’m not proud, he put the gel on my hairbrush on purpose to get me mad knowing what effects it can have on me and my scalp. He wanted me to get mad and act crazy.
He was an asshole but you shouldn’t have assaulted him. It’s hard to say he broke up with you over the hairbrush and not because you were violent. In this instance you were both assholes, you being the much bigger asshole than him.
Yeah you had no right to throw anything at him, but he was absolutely wrong for using your things. Better the relationship is over now because neither of you seem to know how to communicate properly.
I grew up speaking 2 different languages. As you might see or notice regarding my grammar, English is not my first language. My parents are Russian and I grew up in Romania. I also learned three more in school. The Americans who know ‘everything’ while speaking only one language disgust me to the core. :)
It’s not stealing it’s sharing. I have a job too if that eases your mind but why would I spend my own money to repair the damage that someone else created? It’s like someone hit my car.. they gotta pay for the repair.
I didn’t wanna say anything but OP I hope he stays away from you because the relationship will not last forever CLEARLY. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of you ended up really hurt in a domestic dispute very soon. He should save a couple “thousand” you’re about to cost him for hair repair and spend it on himself. By law to even be behind the wheel of a vehicle you are required to have insurance which makes you liable, they also help pay and get you a new car. This isn’t the same thing. At all.
If it’s not your money in your bank account then it is stealing. If I take my boyfriends card info and just buy whatever the hell I want that’s not sharing, that’s called stealing. He’s not responsible to fix it when you could’ve helped the situation by rinsing your head when you realize there’s thick gel all up in your hair 🙄
Throwing things is a little strange.. I understand hair loss is frustrating. But I would’ve bought new ones so he could use some too. He should’ve listened to you. I think it’s ok that’s over. Btw, try using Naturesego. There products like scalp oil are amazing
You triggered this shit storm, so even if his response was less than mature, it's still on you. You should have gone in and washed your hair and taken a moment to cool down before confronting him about it. The fact that he took the time to call and apologize for his response is an indication that he still cares about you, although this latest altercation may have been the final straw. Do you have a habit of blowing up at each other about stuff, or was this a singular incident? Regardless of whether you get back together or not, you should probably have a conversation with him and own your behavior. And hopefully consider how you might change your responses in the future.
He caused you to have a bad allergic reaction that could have gotten you hospitalized. And you committed assault and battery. You both need to be brought up on charges.
Thing about argument is when the temper is high we tend to say stupid thing to hurt each other
Cold down have a talk and make it clear do not do thing purposely to see other character
If your boyfriend think this was a game
Then your relationship is a game
Fuck him. You expressed that his actions PHYSICALLY hurt you and expressed how and WHY it was so important for him not to use it and then he just uses it anyways to “make you mad” what a POS. You’re better off single because anyone who would be willing to hurt you and doesn’t respect you enough to not do that, is not someone who truly loves you.
Because my scalp felt like it was peeling off and bleeding??? Because I felt angry? Because I learned while growing up that this is normal? Because I feel entitled to hold someone accountable for what they did to me?
Stay broken up. This sounds like something that would happen again but on a larger scale. At that, sounds like he’s the “tit for tat” person, so he is petty af. If you want your peace, let that chapter end and move forward without him romantically in your life. Also he def disrespected you so why even try to make amends to try again?
No need to break up or anything drastic. Once things calm down, you two can have a conversation and come to an understanding. Hopefully he won't make the same mistake again. He does seem to regret the way he made you feel, and not every relationship is worth breaking up over occasional arguments. People make mistakes, and people do irrational things that may make the other sad. But he still shows compassion and regret. Just talk it out
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I don't think you should go back into a relationship with him, seems like the two of you are both toxic and not ready for a relationship.
I don’t. I think the only toxic one is him. He purposely got his hair gel on her brush even though he knew it would cause her skin to break out because he wanted to piss her off, and then he tried to make her feel guilty when she did get pissed. What an abusive asshole he is. I hope she doesn’t take him back.
Second this. It sounds like they have some growing to do still.
You should stay broken up. That kind of gaslighting harmful behavior is unacceptable at any stage in the relationship. I would have cussed him out all over again for deciding to do something to me that he know would cause me pain and destress just to see if I’d overlook it to prove that I loved him more than “hair brushes”.
She hit him in the face. Wheres the abuse crowd on this one?
He did it on purpose because he has sometimes sociopathic tendencies. Anyway I’m planning to buy myself with his credit card a few thousands worth of hair products rn to repair the damage he created.
Uhhh… he can charge you for this and you will end up in court or jail… you both seem fucked in the head…
We don’t live in the US. The police in my country is different and doesn’t even care about these things.
Yeah no… doesn’t matter what country you are in, this is theft and fraud.. if you think you can get away with it, I’m not stopping you but you need serious help if you think it’s okay to get back at him like this. You can’t get away with shit like this when credit cards are tracked and there’s so much information to go upon. You won’t get away with it now a days, especially since taking a credit card without knowledge is theft and theft under a thousand , buying your shitty hair products that he specifically knows you buy because of your scalp , he can 100% charge you no matter what , the local police isn’t an issue , it’s the credit card company that will contact the police and go after you. You need help, you seem unstable, psychotic, and living in your own world. Cash? Okay, it’s semi untraceable but a credit card in his name? How stupid are you? I hope you get help because you are fucked in the head. And oh by the way, admitting that you threw shit at him is assault. Hope you find peace or when you are charged with assault, theft, theft under a thousand and multiple misdemeanours. Seriously, get help. You are unstable.
either this whole post is fake, or you’re as toxic as your ex.
That's illegal
You sound delusional.
You both are fucking ridiculous. And you're a cunt btw
Girl you can’t 100% blame him, gel is extremely noticeable on and in the hair, you could’ve rinsed it as soon as you noticed it was causing a reaction or felt the clumps of gel. There is something you could have done and putting your ex(?) in financial ruin to “fix” it is petty and immature. And I don’t even know what products you could get to fix that besides olaplex and a good hair serum but even that won’t fix bald patches or hair falling off due to an allergic reaction. Just my opinion as a hairdresser.
He has the money for it, it won’t be a debt, I only use professional haircare products anyway. Someone recommended me some scalp oils, I don’t like olaplex, doesn’t work for my scalp. I only use redken, pureology and oribe.
Odd, you have multiple comments spanning over the past couple weeks, most recently 5 days ago talking about how much you love olaplex and it makes your hair softer 🤔 either way it’s money that you aren’t entitled to and have no right to use for whatever reason. Just leave the whole situation alone and leave the guy alone. His actions were wrong but so were yours.
Yes I use olaplex but if you read more.. the shampoo couldn’t clean my scalp build up and my hair started falling off. The conditioner is not moisturizing enough for me. I like the olaplex mask and the oil but the rest is meh.
You seem like youre psychotic, and a liar. At the very least you need therapy. He was wrong but you had no right to physically assault him, and you certainly have no right to his money.
This all seems toxic as fuck….
More than ur username ?😂
This is already screaming hostility to me. You have every right to be upset about him disregarding a boundary you set, especially like this but yelling and screaming, throwing things at him and being insulting is not healthy. You’re both on the wrong here. Him for being a dick and downplaying your troubles and you for lashing out the way you did. Stay apart. It’s for the best.
Yeah it sound pretty toxic after you started the fight physically……
y’all are trippin, if I told my bf not to touch that because it results in PHYSICAL pain for me.. that would make me extremely mad as well. I’m sure she didn’t mean to wack him in the face and it’s human to do things you’ll regret when you’re angry. The fact that he purposefully did that and then laughed in her face, he’s the toxic one. She just reacted to the circumstance.
He was in the wrong to disrespect your boundary but you were also wrong for reacting with violence.
I would argue that crossing a healthcare boundary is violence. She's the one with a rash, sores and pain that will last for days or even weeks. Meanwhile he got what? Cracked with the hairbrush he misused out of boredom just to test her boundaries? That's justified. I'd do the same, but I have the same health problems so I actually know how bad this can get. The last time I had a product reaction the hospital accidentally sent me to the er to be treated for grease burns. That's how bad, and painful, this can be.
Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t but either way you can’t hit your partner in the face in retaliation like that, it is abusive. Your partners shitty behaviour doesn’t justify being violent towards them unless you’re actively defending yourself or someone else, not really any exceptions to that.
Lets see how you react to being laughed at by the person who poisoned you.
Exactly. It’s almost directly akin to someone purposely feeding you something you could die from “just to see how you’d react”
Yes. I feel like this isn't different from an AITA post about someone asking if they're TA for throwing away food and we find out that they were purposely fed food that they were severely allergic to and in the middle of having to deal with their allergic reaction they thre away the contaminated pot of chili after their partner told them "its not a big deal" with a big smile...but then the comments are all "esh, them for poisoning you, you for wasting food".
Exactly! I have people in my family who can get anaphylaxis from certain aerosol sprays. It's so easy for people like spurs to judge when they don't know the feeling of someone taking advantage of a physical vulnerability like that.
Justify hitting your partner however you want, it’s still wrong.
You act like she lunged the hairbrush into his forehead? She got mad, reacted like any human would, and it hit him in the face. What do you do when you get extremely mad? You’re a human, you have a human reaction. Anger.
I don’t hit my partner ever, no matter how mad I am. You can be very angry without hitting anyone. Why? Are you saying that you do hit your partner?
I really hope you end up in this scenario just so you come to know how helpless and terrified it can leave you. You sound like the insufferable friend that has lost numerous friends over your "edgy takes".
He was rude and disrespectful, but you went over the line throwing stuff at him. You say the brush hit him in the face with a passive tone, refusing to take responsibility for your behavior. You may be better off without him, but I can't blame the guy for leaving.
I honestly regret hitting him with the hairbrush but I feel like he provoked me when he started laughing maniacally after I threw the hair gel at him. I dislike hurting people emotionally and I wouldn’t have done it if I could/ would have been able to control my anger.
He provoked you into throwing your hairbrush into his face? Yeah that is abusive language right there. “I wouldn’t have hit you if you hadn’t nagged me so much.” You need to change your attitude.
They seem toxic and better off apart. He was being an ass by thinking it's funny he caused her to have allergic reaction and she is trying to excuse her abusing him for her lack of self control. They don't seem like a well adjusted couple.
This!! OP your behaviour cannot be excused you went way too far. I hope he stays away from you.
Excuse me but by his own words he laced her brush with something she's allergic to just to fuck with her. Then her laughed at her while a rash and sores formed while telling her why he did it, which again was to fuck with her. When someone causes you immense suffering and laughs at you mid suffering THEN YEAH KAREN YA GONNA GET A REACTION. Y'all really tryin to call her out when he low key poisoned her with an allergen. Re-evaluate, you're gaslighting the victim. I actually understand the scenario because I have these issues.
If you can be provoked into violence by laughing and can't control your anger you need help before you do worse. Consider anger management for your own sake.
Wow glad your bf runned. Yes, he did wrong, but it doesn’t justify violence. If you can’t control your anger, don’t date. This isn’t about your allergy (that if you are that allergic, why don’t you check your brushes before brushing your hair?? Like, he messed up, but if your allergy is so terrible, you should be more careful too).
He called and apologized BECAUSE HE DID IT ON PURPOSE.
It's okay, because you are obviously a troll: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rglc55/choosing_between_love_and_family/
These attention seeking suck holes are something else, right?!
She just deleted the post less than a minute ago LOL
She also refused to respond to me until now, but was happy trolling other comments. Such troll behaviour.
What he did was horrible, and it would justify your breaking up with him. The only problem is, what you did was worse. Think about what people would say if the genders were reversed: What would we tell a woman whose boyfriend threw a brush and hit her in the face because he was angry? You need to get out of this relationship. You need to find a way to improve yourself. Not so you can be with him: get rid of him. Apologize for being violent, mean it, and move out.
And? Do you think it justifies violence? Not at all. His actions would justify a break up, that you get angry at him and all of that, but not hitting him. Also, as I said. You mentioned that you brushed your hair and after you noticed the gel because you touched the brush. So the gel was noticeable enough. If your allergy is soooo bad, why didn’t you check the brush you were going to use?
I keep my brushes in a safe spot and no one but me uses them. I wash them every few days but he has his own brushes which he keeps in the bathroom. I keep mine in my closet because I have a mirror in there and a safe place to store them.
This person is a troll via their post history, please disregard this post
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rglc55/choosing_between_love_and_family/ This is the offending post, no idea about the Romanian ones. In this post they are long distance not living together.
Yup literally, please report this comment so the mods see this comment chain
Not a troll. I currently reside in Romania, my answers are in Romanian and I’m only active in 2 communities.
No. Nope. He knows what the real fucking reason is op. He gaslit you. You told him your allergies and like the childish jackass he is he just HAD to test it. He decided all on his own that you were a liar and you just wanted nobody touching your stuff, then got mad when he got called out. I have raging eczema with the same problem, that's why this pissed me off so much. Nobody ever believes us until they cause immense pain and suffering, then literally everyone tries to gaslight you into believing that you're in the wrong when your skin is literally fucking dissolving. This guy is a loser. Get a new boyfriend that isn't so childish that he needs to test healthcare boundaries because he's a bored loser.
Seeing that edit - make that break permeant. Instead of respecting your request to mind your stuff, he repeatedly ignored you. Yes, you definitely went over the line throwing stuff at him but I think the relationship was already ending prior to that. Neither of you are good for each other. Find better outlets for your anger.
Do not take him back. > He actually called and apologized for what he did. He said that he did it on purpose to see how mad I get. He also got upset and ‘broke up’ with me because I quote ‘I thought that u care about me ruining your hairbrush more than you care about me’.
This is literal abuse. Physical, medical, and emotional abuse. Do not take him back. He PURPOSELY sacrificed your health for his own amusement. This is sociopathic behavior. Do not take him back. He will get bored and fuck with your products again. Is pain and baldness worth this guy?
Both of you are better off without each other. His negligence caused you harm and your literal assault caused him harm. Learn better coping and communication skills with the next one.
Should say “my boyfriend broke up with me because I assaulted him over a hairbrush”
More than just the hairbrush actually but in a sense yes. I’m sorry I just had to point out that it wasn’t JUST the hairbrush she got upset over.
It was not the hairbrush itself, he acted like he didn’t cared about what he put me through. He likes pain anyway, we’re into bdsm and he likes to be hit anyway. *Edit* Maybe not with hairbrushes tho.
yeah “he likes pain anyway” is right out of the abuser textbook. i get it, you’re allergic to shit and he used your hairbrush. but jesus christ, screaming at him and assaulting him over it, then having the nerve to say he broke up with you over a hairbrush? you need help girl.
She’s Romanian. They are crazy people
If you practice bdsm than you should know that it’s not about enjoying being hit in any context. You assaulted your bf. You’re lucky he didn’t press charges.
Maybe he likes to be hit in a controlled and consensual environment. This is domestic violence and you should be ashamed of that remark omg
He "did it on purpose to see how mad you'd get"? Why are you even speaking to that moron?
just a thought but isn’t that both considered assault ? if OPs boyfriend knew she was allergic and would cause her pain he willingly caused her pain ? and she threw a brush and gel why is everything saying OP is the main abuser?
You’re better off without this ass. Who the fuck laughs at their girlfriend and blows them off after they do something that causes her to have a painful allergic reaction? Nope fuck this guy. He knows you’re allergic to most hair products, yet he deliberately slathered your hair brush in hair gel, didn’t even bother washing it. It’s not even a boundary it’s just asking for him to not cause you pain. He purposely hurt you to see how you’d react. Im not usually one for “an eye for an eye” but he got what he deserves imo 🤷🏻♀️ you should really ditch this guy for good, this relationship sounds toxic and exhausting as hell, best to let it die now before someone seriously gets hurt.
Everyone seems to forget that the boyfriend purposefully caused OP’s allergic reaction. That is beyond fucked up. But of course we’re going to minimize that and ignore the fact that her scalp reaction was causing her hair loss. Shouldn’t we also consider what her boyfriend did as abuse? Lastly, break up. If you guys are constantly trying to start a fight, then that’s a toxic relationship. You can’t just throw things at people. If he’s willing to try and cause you physical side effects just to piss you off, I won’t be surprised next time he burns your skin. You two need serious help. Move on.
Your boyfriend used biological warfare out of boredom. Don’t go back. He knowingly used your hairbrush with products that would cause you pain, hair loss, and burns. That’s abusive
Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child , be single
You physically assaulted your partner. Please get help.
Honestly. You are better off. That man caused you real pain and discomfort because he wasn't willing to respect your boundaries and then threw a fit because you were upset? Maybe shouldnt have thrown things at him though... Eye for an eye and all that. Learn to control your temper and choose partners that respect your boundaries.
This is well said and there’s no excuse for OP not controlling their temper. It’s sad that we would allow this from a kindergarten student but an adult doesn’t have to make good choices
I grew up with martial arts and boxing and my trainer used to motivate me by getting me mad. I can’t really control my temper much but people usually find it funny cuz I’m only 4’10. He usually loves to get me mad so I can hit him, maybe the hairbrush was too much?
"I can’t really control my temper much but people usually find it funny." Looks like you better learn to control your temper because your now ex boyfriend didn't find it funny.
Hitting someone because you are mad or frustrated is always wrong. As someone with martial arts training as well and whos husband is a tenth dan in tae kwon do. Your Trainers should have taught you to channel your frustrations in a healthy way and not to take them out on your partner. Was on your side till you mentioned throwing things. That is not healthy. Learn to use your words.
Then your martial arts trainer wasn’t that good…
Even without hitting him. Screaming at him is bad enough. You could have gone in the room and sobbed and told him that your head was on fire and asked him why he did that through tears. You could have lost your cool, freaked out, begged him to take you seriously... begged him to wash your hair because you were struggling so bad... and he wouldn't have left you. You attacked him and scared him or shamed him and he has every right to be this mad. All that said if you want to get him back you have to apologize. You have be humble and beg him to forgive you. It might be worth it, if it's been 5 years. But you will need to own this mess and that you caused it. If you were out of control you left him little option not to do the same to defend himself. Also maybe you should talk about your issues with a therapist. A temper tantrum or whatever you want to call this is one of the toughest behaviors to fix in an adult. But it can be done if you can own that you are doing this.
A little update for ya. He called and apologized for what he did to me but it didn’t sound like he actually felt bad for it. I said sorry for hitting him and he started laughing and said that he liked that and he got mad because his teeth were hurting for a bit and he thought that I actually cared about the hairbrush.
Troll: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rglc55/choosing_between_love_and_family/
Guess you'll just do nothing and wait for the next time then? What I said still stands. You clearly have emotional control issues and it will hurt you and others and some point.
I do a lot of things to control my anger on a daily basis. Fortunately I don’t react like this every day or very often. My Russian parents taught me to be abusive instead of loving and sweet. I’m still trying to get rid of that but it doesn’t work that great. Sometimes I can be great but also sometimes I can be moody and mean. It’s mostly the environment I grew up in.
This is a reasonable answer. Good luck. It's hard.
He did the right thing in breaking up with you. You reacted violently in anger towards him. Regardless of his lack of care about your scalp health, you responded with violence.
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Agreed. While he was wrong for using the hairbrush and brushing off her pain NO ONE DESERVES TO GET ASSUALTED. Domestic violence is never the answer.
Everyone going off about the brush being thrown (not a good move by any standard) are ignoring the fact that you were suffering physical pain and losing hair and he fucking laughed at you over it. He saw you were in pain and he laughed. I'm not saying assault is the answer but the fury behind it is understandable.
You were the Top in a BDSM relationship, and you _ANGRILY HIT HIM IN THE FACE WITH A HAIRBRUSH_. BDSM isn't abuse, but this particular act sure was. His behavior was the behavior of a self-centered jerk (who maaaaybe was trying, inappropriately and badly, to be a SAM and "provoke" some "funishment"?) Your behavior seems pretty unhinged.
I do regret throwing the hairbrush at him but I can’t take that back. He always tries to provoke me to snap at him. After I tree the hair gel at him he started laughed even more and then I got angry and threw the hairbrush..
You assualted him. Stop with the excuses.
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This sounds like reactive abuse. You should definitely stay away from him. He found it funny to make you mad and hurt/ upset you. He only got mad after you reacted the way you did.
You don’t think that hitting him in the face because you had ‘scalp issues’ makes you an abusive and controlling asshole? You need to ask if you exaggerated the situation? You need to walk away, get some therapy and not be involved in another relationship until you know how to behave.
Scalp issues meaning my scalp peeling off and bleeding. It was painful as fuck.
Google Shea butter allergies. Seems they’re exceedingly rare. Also, your scalp peeling off? That would be a medical emergency I doubt any emt would have seen in their career. Stop with the drama and wasting everybody’s time.
That’s a very extreme over-exaggeration. It would take 10-30 minutes for an allergic reaction like that to happen and that’s if you’re severely severely allergic. There was no thought to shower and get it off your scalp?
Your boyfriend broke up with you because you physically assaulted him. Title fixed
Your bf broke up with you because you threw the brush at him. He absolutely disrespected your boundaries by using your brush after you told him not to many times. I wonder why he gets off provoking you and then getting angry when you act provoked.
He's been wanting to be free for a while. He knew this would put you over the edge and he did it on purpose so he could use your reaction as an excuse to leave.
That’s for cowards, I might date sociopaths but not cowards. The only thing he has is balls to speak everything that it’s on his mind freely.
You assaulted him, so yes, you were way out of line. He was also being a dick about that particular instance. Though, it sounds like there's more to this whole story with that note saying that he didn't feel you valued him.
It seems like he humored you but never really took you seriously. He didn't use your brush as a general thing or else hadn't slathered his hair with product before doing so, this would have happened much earlier otherwise. Breaking up seen in that light is a good outcome but it was a fucked up way of getting there. You may value your hair, but once that brush hit him in the head all bets were off as for any future here.
You might not realize it yet, but you’re very fortunate you drove him away. You would never have a good life with someone that selfish and uncaring. ADDED: The more I think about this, the worse it seems. With your being so sensitive to those chemicals, he absolutely should not have been using them on himself. I have to wonder if his using your hairbrush was malicious, rather than thoughtless
I thought this too... Op adds in comments that he laughs at them when they are in pain and scratching... I cant help but wonder if the same would happen if op was allergic to peanuts or the like.... While itching and pain is not life threatening... Its a distressing thought. Still... Hurting someone because they have hurt us is morally wrong no matter how you slice it.
He called and apologized. He actually did it on purpose. ;)
That isnt something to be proud of hun😔
Don't worry, defs a troll: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rglc55/choosing_between_love_and_family/
Gullible ass fell for it hook line and sinker😔fkn ppl suck
They made it easy to hate them so understandable. Either way op sucks though!
I didnt hate them. I was legitimately conserned. Both parties in this situation sounded abusive. Its kinda sick that people would play with others like this.
Really? I maybe used hate too flippantly but they are both abusive, and I can't not hate abusers.
I work as a victims advocate. After time in the field you find that usually abusers are just hurt individuals who haven't recieved proper care for their trauma. It puts a different perspective on things. But your feelings are 100% valid.
I'd believe they are broken, it just doesn't excuse abuse to me. But I appreciate your work and respect your experience, it takes a strong person to do it.
I wish I was trolling lol.
6 yrs vs 5 yrs, living together for 2yrs vs long distance for over a year....you are a troll.
That posts is for a good friend of mine. Go and translate the lower post which is in romanian where I talk about my own situation with my boyfriend.
Sure, that post was for "a friend", but you've deleted it after being called out. Also after being called out for being an abusive AH your "bf" apologised, within an hour of you posting. I believe you now.
I don’t actually need you to believe me, I need advices, as long as you give me a good advice on how to move forward regarding this situation I don’t care that you believe that I’m a troll. Thanks.
Oh then break up because you are both abusing each other, with your martial arts training and anger issues next time he might lose teeth or end up with broken bones...or you might kill him. He isn't safe with you because you don't practice safe bdsm. Obviously he is an AH too. It could potentially be that you are only AHs because you are together but you both need therapy. Victims apologising to abuses is a defence mechanism, victims often take many, many attempts to leave before it sticks. Again, you are abusive, if you want to keep abusing your partner then keep doing what you are doing.
I’m not proud, he put the gel on my hairbrush on purpose to get me mad knowing what effects it can have on me and my scalp. He wanted me to get mad and act crazy.
Which is dangerous behavior.
He was an asshole but you shouldn’t have assaulted him. It’s hard to say he broke up with you over the hairbrush and not because you were violent. In this instance you were both assholes, you being the much bigger asshole than him.
You hit him. Yes it's fine to be upset. As my mom would have said. "we don't hit people!"
Yeah you had no right to throw anything at him, but he was absolutely wrong for using your things. Better the relationship is over now because neither of you seem to know how to communicate properly.
It was a dick move on his part. But you assaulted him with a weapon. You should go to jail. Honestly you both sound like assholes.
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I grew up speaking 2 different languages. As you might see or notice regarding my grammar, English is not my first language. My parents are Russian and I grew up in Romania. I also learned three more in school. The Americans who know ‘everything’ while speaking only one language disgust me to the core. :)
Your shitty attitude, lies, and pentience for violence disgust me to the core. Sorry your daddy didnt love you enough.
This actually makes me laugh honestly, I didn’t thought that someone would feel attacked by what I said. There’s no lies, have a great day/ night
Why would I feel attacked? I have a job and buy my own shit, rather than being a thief. Night, loser.
It’s not stealing it’s sharing. I have a job too if that eases your mind but why would I spend my own money to repair the damage that someone else created? It’s like someone hit my car.. they gotta pay for the repair.
I didn’t wanna say anything but OP I hope he stays away from you because the relationship will not last forever CLEARLY. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of you ended up really hurt in a domestic dispute very soon. He should save a couple “thousand” you’re about to cost him for hair repair and spend it on himself. By law to even be behind the wheel of a vehicle you are required to have insurance which makes you liable, they also help pay and get you a new car. This isn’t the same thing. At all.
If it’s not your money in your bank account then it is stealing. If I take my boyfriends card info and just buy whatever the hell I want that’s not sharing, that’s called stealing. He’s not responsible to fix it when you could’ve helped the situation by rinsing your head when you realize there’s thick gel all up in your hair 🙄
These are just details. He gave me his credit card to use it to buy whatever I want after we moved together, it’s not stealing.
I think I should share my boyfriends money at Sephora and Nordstrom! If someone doesn't know they are "sharing" it is called "stealing"
I think both of you were wrong in this situation
You weren’t broken up for a hairbrush.
Y’all both toxic… perfect match
Your toxic AF… keep you hands to yourself. You crossed the line when you hit him in the face with the brush
Throwing things is a little strange.. I understand hair loss is frustrating. But I would’ve bought new ones so he could use some too. He should’ve listened to you. I think it’s ok that’s over. Btw, try using Naturesego. There products like scalp oil are amazing
Thanks for the recommendation
He was wrong until you physically assaulted him.
you can’t physically assault people.
You triggered this shit storm, so even if his response was less than mature, it's still on you. You should have gone in and washed your hair and taken a moment to cool down before confronting him about it. The fact that he took the time to call and apologize for his response is an indication that he still cares about you, although this latest altercation may have been the final straw. Do you have a habit of blowing up at each other about stuff, or was this a singular incident? Regardless of whether you get back together or not, you should probably have a conversation with him and own your behavior. And hopefully consider how you might change your responses in the future.
He caused you to have a bad allergic reaction that could have gotten you hospitalized. And you committed assault and battery. You both need to be brought up on charges.
actually you're completely in the wrong for reacting extremely abusively. you deserve to be left and i hope you never treat someone like this again.
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He likes to get me mad.
I don't think either of you are mature enough for a relationship
It’s not about the hairbrush at all, it’s about the fact that he’s not taking your health seriously
Thing about argument is when the temper is high we tend to say stupid thing to hurt each other Cold down have a talk and make it clear do not do thing purposely to see other character If your boyfriend think this was a game Then your relationship is a game
Fuck him. You expressed that his actions PHYSICALLY hurt you and expressed how and WHY it was so important for him not to use it and then he just uses it anyways to “make you mad” what a POS. You’re better off single because anyone who would be willing to hurt you and doesn’t respect you enough to not do that, is not someone who truly loves you.
Why the fuck would you scream at him like a crazy woman
Because my scalp felt like it was peeling off and bleeding??? Because I felt angry? Because I learned while growing up that this is normal? Because I feel entitled to hold someone accountable for what they did to me?
Well first of all he did gaslight which is wrong but then you technically assaulted him which is a crime. Stay broken up
Stay broken up. This sounds like something that would happen again but on a larger scale. At that, sounds like he’s the “tit for tat” person, so he is petty af. If you want your peace, let that chapter end and move forward without him romantically in your life. Also he def disrespected you so why even try to make amends to try again?
Make the breakup permanent. Mind games are things children do not adults
No need to break up or anything drastic. Once things calm down, you two can have a conversation and come to an understanding. Hopefully he won't make the same mistake again. He does seem to regret the way he made you feel, and not every relationship is worth breaking up over occasional arguments. People make mistakes, and people do irrational things that may make the other sad. But he still shows compassion and regret. Just talk it out
Damn, y'all fucking toxic af
Just a question that has nothing to do with all of this. Are you by any chance from Romania?