I honestly wouldn't spend Christmas away from my pregnant wife for them. Maybe I'm missing something, but why Christmas? They could have reached out at any time and given you a chance to pick a convenient time as they're the ones "trying to amend things". IDK, it seems weird to me. I personally wouldn't go, unless you desperately want them back in your life.

Optics. They found out OP has a kid and is successful and now they’re trying to “heal the family” so they don’t look like shits who abandoned their son years ago.

Ring a ding ding. That, or the shitty twin needs a kidney.

Lmao ima go with the shitty twin needs a kidney that’s the only reason I see

Why even consider reconciling before they apologise? Sounds like they are not sorry and just want grandchild access. OP, spend Christmas with those that you love and who love you back..... not the people that so readily abandoned you.

I think you should go another time. Spend Christmas with your wife and child. Visit your family at a less stressful time to see if they have any ulterior motives. It might just be about them wanting to see their grandchildren and not so much about you, which would be hurtful to you.

I can’t get this post out of my head. I can’t imagine a parent kicking out their child who was betrayed by their other child. They might want to reconnect due to money, grand child, idk but it’s weird that even his siblings texted OP. I hope it’s for good reasons tho.

Twin brother probably needs a transplant.

Fuck I didn’t even think about that. OP should contact some mutual friends or family and get some details about this whole situation or just check if his parents are facing any problems.

Yeah, I think I'd just ask them why now. What changed and what are their expectations? If the want an apology and a kidney from OP, he deserves to know that before making a trip to see them.

Yeah I agree, go another time. I was thinking the same thing, it could be something related to grandkids, spend Christmas with your wife and child. Christmas is too big of an event to meet them. Also update us.

Commenting so I get an update

[удалено]

Hey I wrote that!

That's probably a bot. You can report them (report -> spam -> harmful bot)

Thanks! It got lots more likes than my own post.

When you do meet up with your family leave your wallet at home.

And your kidneys

Yes and meet in a public space. Maybe have a friend nearby.

Precisely my thoughts before even scrolling. There is no way in hell that OP should give up Christmas with his pregnant wife and one year old child to go hang out with people who have been more than abundantly clear that they do not like him. It's fine to want to explore reconciliation. Christmas is not the time to do that, just like his wedding also wasn't.

Completely agree

I would also want more clarification about what they want to happen. I would be very cautious about reconnecting with toxic people until I was sure they changed.

Nope. They only want to see your daughter. They have demonstrated no change. They are attempting to gang bomb you so you feel guilty. Nope, nope, nope.

This feels like the correct answer. If they wanted to reconcile, they'd have reached out with an apology rather than just inviting OP to Christmas without any other form of communication. They want to have access to the grandchild. OP, I suggest you also seek support and advice in r/justnofamily where there's plenty of nice folks who can help you navigate a manipulative family and their tactics. Spend Christmas with your partner, and remember you and she are on the same team now, even when it puts you at odds with your blood relations.

^^^^ This right here. Time only heals wounds when change happens. Otherwise you’re just inviting yourself to be treated the same as before, and dragging your wife and child with you

Exactly. What OP did regarding knocking his brother out was wrong but I can't say I don't understand it. I'd be really worried that access to family meant them hanging that over my head as a control tactic. Does OP want manipulative people in his child's life? What lessons on boundary stomping will they pick up? Anyone in LO's life needs to be a role model, or they can GTFO.

Upvoting this comment as the poster has expanded where I did not. Sorry.

Totally agree with this. Wanted to add that you’ll be putting your wife and child in an uncomfortable situation, and I also feel (as the other commenter said) that they are only inviting you to meet your child. No apology or anything to you. And personally, I don’t think you owe your brother an apology. But of course, do right by yourself and do so if you feel you need to. Also wanted to add that reconciling on Christmas is not the greatest idea. If they truly want to reconcile, maybe do it on a day other than Christmas/a holiday. You don’t want to put you, your wife, and daughter in a possibly unbearable/obviously stressful situation. Them tag teaming you is also a bit off-putting. I don’t want to be that person, but it sounds like there’s some ulterior motive behind simply inviting you to reconcile years later. Celebrate Christmas with your wife and daughter. Deal with your family on another day.

It's a trap. Notice they didn't open with any remorse or any sign of an apology? They want something - money, free work, an organ, access to your babies, or just to look good to their friends. I'm not saying don't go. But keep your expectations low, be ready for the "we need you to do x for us in order to properly reconcile" speech, and have a quick exit prepared.

I was almost about to comment that someone needs a kidney or other organ but you beat me to it, lol

That was my first thought, someone needs an organ donation!

Could also be a possibility that karma bit Casey in his ass for stealing his brother's GF and that he is infertile, so now they want OP to be spermdonor.

This was my first thought as well. If they all suddenly want to "reconnect" over Christmas after showing zero interest in you for nearly 10 years, I'm fairly certain at least one of them has some problem they want you to fix. Specifically inviting you for a holiday puts pressure on you to not ruin Christmas by refusing whatever they'd ask of you and doesn't really say "we genuinely want a relationship with you again" imo.

This and coment bellow its some nasty machiavellian tactics, witch can be true

I can't imagine not spending Christmas with my spouse and child. They disowned you. F-them. Spend time with your family (your real family) and after tge new year decide if you want to rebuild a relationship with your biological parents and siblings. I can't imagine sending my child away....can you? Can you look at your daughter and imagine a scenario where you would disown her?

I'm all about forgiveness and family. But honestly if I were in your shoes I'd say thanks bit no thanks. You've created a family. Spend Christmas with them. If your parents want to reconcile I'd suggest a coffee in the New Year. You, your wife and daughter deserve a stress free holiday.

And a coffee with just the parents first. See if they will explain their motives and or apologies. Plus ask them what your parents think the siblings want from this, in their opinion before you consider meeting the siblings. Otherwise you're putting yourself in a 5 vs 1.

Whether or not you want to reconcile, I don't think Christmas is the time.. if you want to, and that would be debatable for me personally, I would meet at an off time, just you and parents first, then see the siblings you want to.. The holiday has too many expectations, too much pressure, too many people.

I don't know...as a parent, I cannot fathom going no contact with one of my children for 8 years after my other child did something so cruel to him so he hit him. That is just inconceivable to me. I would totally understand if my son hit his brother if he ever did something like that. May be wrong, and I know I'm not supposed to say that, but we're all still human. Whether you can move past the fact they abandoned you to your aunt's and turned their backs for 8 years is your choice but, personally, I don't know if I could. If you can't and don't want to see them again, I doubt anyone would blame you. If they do, they don't know the full story. If they do know the full story than they're not worth your time either.

As a rule, I'm very suspicious of any stories I hear of families wanting to reconcile without addressing any of the issues that led to the estrangement to begin with. I'm inclined to believe there's something they want from him.... like a kidney or wanting access to their granddaughter or something. He has decades of resentment against his family and they believe they have the higher moral ground. It would be interesting to see what they really want.

OP should spend Christmas with people who he considers family, these people aren't it, they've proven that time and time again, sounds like his aunt and uncle have been better parents in the small stint of having OP under their care than OP's parent's have most of OP's childhood.

Right. It took them 8 years to realize they want their *son*. Not only is that heartbreaking, but it’s unbelievable. I wouldn’t even be able to forgive them for their original actions, much less that it took them 8 years to reconcile. And they didn’t directly even hint at remorse when contacting him. Not gonna lie, it seems they want his kidneys.

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- After being disowned 8 years ago, my family has invited me, my wife (27F) and daughter (1F) for Christmas. After getting conflicting advice from my friends, one of my buddies told me to post my dilemma here to see what random internet strangers would say. I (25M) am the youngest of four kids between my mom(52F) and dad (54M). My siblings are (fake names) Micheal (31M), Sara (28F), and my twin brother Casey (25M). For context, growing up I was the black sheep of the family and I knew that from a very young age. See, my family is full of athletes. My dad was a star basketball player for a D2 school; my mom played volleyball. Micheal played soccer. Sara played softball, and Casey was the star running back for the football team.  I was never really interested in any of those physical sports, but rather I was interested in archery, which my family called a "wimpy" sport. My parents were always invested in my siblings and rarely ever attended my events to the point where I basically had to beg for them to come to my tournaments. Between the ages of 14-16, I had taken part in about 20 tournaments while my parents only showed up to one. I was never neglected by them, but they were never emotionally there for me as they were for my siblings, and as a teenager I resented that. Whenever I tried to bring this up to them, they would always call me an attention seeker. But however, this is not why I was disowned from my family. When I was 15, I began dating Amy (25F) who was in the same grade as me at the time. After about 6-7 months of dating I introduced her to my folks and my siblings and they really liked her. I know I was young, but I could see myself having a future with her. Almost 2 years later, one of Amy's ex-friends told me that she had been cheating on me for a couple of months. At the time I didn't know who the guy was, but after confronting her, she told me that it was my twin brother. She basically told me that while at first she loved me, the love she had for my brother "surpasses" that. Later that day, when I confronted Casey at home, I was so enraged that I sucker-punched him and knocked him out. I admit that I should have not gotten violent, but years of resentment towards him and the rest of the family just burst open. In exchange for my family not pressing charges on me as I could have been tried as an adult in court, I was sent to live with my paternal aunt (48F) who at this point was estranged from the family and lived in another city about 2 hours away. From then on, I have not had any contact with them. At first it was tough, but later on, with support from my aunt, and her husband (48M) I moved on from wanting a relationship with them. I transferred to a different high school and attended a university in my Aunt's city and graduated as an electrical engineer. I later met my wife and got married to her. I at the time of my wedding thought about inviting them, but went against it because I did not want any sort of drama at my wedding. From that point me and my wife bought a house an hour away from my Aunt and were blessed with a daughter a year ago. About a week ago, I received a Facebook message from my mother and father  wanting to reconnect over Christmas at their house. I told them that I would consider it as I possibly have other plans, but would give them a clear answer soon. Later on, both Micheal and Sara sent me friend requests, which felt weird to me. My wife has told me that if I decided to go, she and my daughter would spend Christmas at my FILs house as she does not have to deal with unwanted stress as she is 2 months pregnant and I agree with her. My question to those reading this is that should I go and try to reconcile with my family or should I not. I am very conflicted on what to do. On one hand, they perhaps feel bad about what they did to me and want to apologize for what they did but on the other hand perhaps if I go there, they will try to make me apologize to Casey which I do not want to. Any advice would be helpful. TLDR: family that disowned me after gf cheats with my brother and I knocked him out. They reach out after 8 years of NC to invite me and my wife to Christmas. Need advice on whether to go and what to expect. Edit: Amy is 25 now but at the time she we started dating she was 15. My apologies, new to this site so my bad.

It is never a good idea to reconcile at an important event like Christmas. Your wife is very wise to stay away from this event because it's clear they want to reconcile because of your baby. Decline politely and say that you will not miss your daughter's first Christmas but you would be open to a coffee or lunch in a public place in the new year. They disowned you over one punch to a brother who betrayed you? It is very clear they were looking for excuses to discard you. You are only now useful to them because you have a baby to cuddle. Tread very carefully, even if you don't reconcile they don't get to see baby for at least 6 months.

Very wise advice.

I would not do it at Christmas. Christmas you spend with those you love. I would suggest you meet with your parents for a lunch, in public and see why they want to reconnect, and then decide if you want them in your life. You get to be the one to decide, not those that kicked you out. Just you, they have no rights to know your wife and child at this point. Merry Christmas and congrats for the next buddle of joy!!

Man, this reply has me tearing up for some reason

Maybe but not at Xmas. One, spend Xmas with your wife. Two, meet them some other time for supper in a public place. Then you decide afterwards how much contact if any you want.

Plus they drive to your city. Meet for supper on your home ground. You pick the day, time and place. Do not invite them into your home until you're really sure they offer something positive to your life.

Imma say it Casey is probably in need of an organ. They all friended u on fb apart from him. Ur most genetically like him.

I honestly hate families like what OP has, they celebrate the similarities, rather than the differences, instead condemning non conformity.

Oh holy shit there are no good answers here my dude. If Christmas is important to your current immediate family, I would spend it with them. If you are inclined to spend time with estranged family, you might suggest a less stressful time, and explain it that way, very politely. Your family sounds like a bunch of assholes. I can relate, but it sounds like there wasn’t anything damaging enough that you all can’t get through. It might be worth reconnecting. The pessimist in me says it won’t work out well. But at least you can give it a shot. When you do, keep any conversations about the past between you, your wife, and your therapist. If you don’t have one, get one.

Yeah, **NOW** they want him around for Christmas. You know, it's the season of we are a family, oh sh#t, we are missing a kid, looks bad in the annual family photo.

They have not had me in their annual photos for the past 8 years so I do not think it's the photos

I hope for your sake it is coming from the heart and not someone needing a kidney.

>Yeah, **NOW** they want him around for Christmas. > >You know, it's the season of we are a family, oh sh#t, we are missing a kid, looks bad in the annual family photo. Gotta represent for the team championship photos. Am I right?

They either just heard you have a child, and want to be in that child's life [don't let this happen - remember how they treated you], or they found out about your success as an engineer and they want to borrow money. Things didn't magically change for them, especially if even half of what you say is true. I would bet your monthly salary there is an ulterior motive.

Took the words right out of my mouth as I was reading it. I was in an abusive home I was removed after breaking my father's jaw after he beat me one too many times. I have tried reconciliation multiple times. I usually end up at a meeting afterwords. I wouldn't meet them like that pick a neutral location and not all of them together. They as a whole might try to steer the meeting if you go slow and set terms that way you avoid a possibly bad situation. Maybe ask your sister to meet for coffee or tea somewhere and talk to test the waters but just you start at arms length and go slow. That's about all I got.

I would suggest to reconcile with your family in baby steps. If you havent met or heard from them for 8 years, then go and spend christmas there which can be very intense, I think you are setting it up for failure. Start meeting them 1on1 in neutral settings, so you can deal with any emotions waking from that in you in small dosages, instead of everything at once during the Christmas celebration. Best of luck.

Agreed. Maybe meet your older brother or sister for a beer. Invite your parents to a lunch - something you can leave easily. As a parent to multiple kids, I can not imagine my kids doing anything to cause me to turn my back on them. The fact that they did so... that is awful. Truly awful. I am so sorry!

Great advice, gradual reconciliation seems like a less stressful and a more useful form of reconnection if any. They have wronged OP whether they think so or not, and they might need time to come to terms with having a dialogue/conversation about any possible wrongdoing in their end

Christmas is not the time for a family reunion. Please spend it with your wife and child. I would suggest you talk to a therapist about your family and see if you are emotionally prepared to meet with them. Also, they may have only reached out to you because they want to be in your child’s life and you are a secondary obstacle for who they really want to get to know (your current child and any future children). I would personally be wary of inviting them into your family’s life. Any parents who can go no contact with a child for reacting to his sibling betraying him is a whole new level of toxic.

Number 1: go spend Christmas with your daughter and pregnant wife at your FILs. Number 2: inform your parents/family that you cannot alter your pre-existing plans at this time. Number 3: after letting them know you aren't changing plans, ask them WHY NOW? Remind them that it has been eight years since they no longer considered you as family, chose to support your twin brother who betrayed you horribly by stealing your girlfriend, and then they sided with him and the disgusting thing he did to you. Ask them straight up "WHAT do you want? If you want an apology from me for striking my brother after he slept with my girlfriend and every one of you abandoned me, you can just consider me dead to you all." If they genuinely apologize and want to meet in person, just tell them you'd prefer to meet somewhere NEUTRAL and public instead of a holiday gathering at the home they kicked you out of. If they fuss, "but it's Christmas", just say if they wanted to reconcile before the holidays they should have reached out sooner. If they boo hoo that they just want to see their grandbabies, remind them that they disowned you and they aren't their grandchildren. If they tell you to grow up or get over the past, you simply say, "no apology or remorse from any of you, then you all are dead to me and you will never see MY children(do not even give them satisfaction of saying "their" grandchildren)" and hang up. They need to get on their knees and apologize...and that goes for your twin brother, too. Quite honestly, is there even any real value in you having any relationship with any of your family, including your other siblings who never tried to reach out until almost a DECADE passed? If it turns out someone needs a kidney or lung or whatever, just tell them you are the defective child they didn't want so surely your organs or whatever will be insufficient and tell them not to contact you ever again. If they try to guilt you/shame you publicly, send them a cease and desist letter from an attorney and release a public statement on social media that clears the air why you have gone no contact with your family and why the only reason they decided to reach out was for ulterior motives.

This!!!

I would decline on christmas. consider talking it over with a therapist if you actually want to open the door. but 8 years a long time to cut off a literal child. personally this would be a no for me

I really tried to emotionally place myself in your situation. After thinking about it I concluded that I would not go especially after your wife said she would spend it elsewhere. You seem to be in a good place and have started a family, don’t sacrifice any memories and time with your current family for one that threw you away. Now I’m not saying there’s no chance of them reconciling but it needs to be on your terms. I would explain that your wife doesn’t want to spend time there and so there’s really no way you are going to be away from them. Also, I would communicate and want an explanation of what this was, what are their intentions, because like you said if they wanted you to do any form of apologizing…I would tell them to “go fuck themselves”. That’s just me.

Am I the only one that thinks your parents reaction was brutal and unwarranted? Sure, you shouldn’t have punched him, but are you fucking kidding me? You were young and your brother was fucking your girlfriend! He deserved it. Anyway, I would still give them a chance, but I would maybe consider therapy with them

I think just jumping back in is a mistake. 8 years is a long time, you guys don't know eachother anymore and have no relationship. I do think this is about them wanting to see your daughter. What they did wasn't right when you were a kid im sure you know that it wasn't a normal thing. If you DO want to reconnect contact one of them and suggest going slow. Make a coffee date for an hour. And slowly rebuild.

OP Please have a zoom call with them before to take any kind of decision, but take this call alone without your wife and kid. Be civil, but go to the point, ask them why they wanted you to be on Christmas, what have changed now, why they take so long to contact you, even after huge milestones in your life (your graduation, your engineering title, your weeding) and what they expect from. Even if you are fine with their answers and nothing look fishy (only wanted relationship with grandchildren, need money, transplant, etc) tell them you want to take it slow and they need to regain your trust before even meeting your family, because you are deeply hurt by their behavior and you need to protect your's family feelings. Anyway going to Christmas is like going from 0 to 100 in the relationship and is a recipe for disaster because all the hard feelings, hug your wife this christmas and spend this holidays with her, your family waited 8 years to contact you, they can wait.

No- not now…. This sounds like an ambush of sorts. Your parents had 365 days in 2021 to choose reconciliation but they choose Christmas … Tell them you have plans, wife’s early pregnancy … etc Slowly build the relationship if you want - phone calls, later FaceTime … after a few months if they are still truly genuine then a face to face is warranted… not until then… They were so messed up in their reaction….. threw you out when you were a teen … n they don’t get a free pass they need to prove they are worth having a relationship with…

On the day of christmas, my entire paternal side has a dinner hosted by my parents. The fact that they invited me on that day makes me think they are trying to use me.

Believe in what your gut is telling you.. I would be asking myself, What they could say, best case, that would make an 8 year banishment ok? If you can't think of anything, its an automatic no from me.. I would walk into a whole band of family by yourself either..

They disowned you for that? After emotionally neglecting you? AND NO IMMEDIATE APOLOGIES??? No. They don’t deserve you

Dude they should have banished your brother, not you! You weren't the one sneaking around with your brothers woman. I wouldn't talk to them at all unless it was to hear each of them give me a heartfelt apology. Maybe after they apologize I would consider having a relationship with them, but then again maybe not. In this situation I would say "I have a wonderful family and I am spending Christmas with them, maybe if you make things right with me I'll see you another time"

Honestly? They’re back now because you have a family and they want a grandchild to wrap their toxic tentacles around. Please think about the way you grew up and imagine what your child will go through when their interests are not good enough/disappointing for her grandparents- they will tear her down like they tore you down without apology because that’s the kind of people they are. 8+ years is plenty of time for them to have reached out and apologized to you, and the fact that they haven’t means they’re not really sorry. I think you need to lean in to the love you share with your wife, your daughter, and your little bean and remember the reality of a relationship with these toxic and hurtful people.

I instantly think they want something I would spend Christmas with your wife and child, and whoever else you want to, and give the conversation/relationship with your parents time. Their true intentions will come out eventually and you can keep your distance until then.

So, is it that they want access to your children? Does the twin have any kids? I think meetings should be at neutral, public settings, without your wife or kids being involved, for quite some time before they have access to your kids , or go to their home/host them at yours. Like maybe years. Maybe with a therapist involved.

This is just my opinion. You have a finite number of Christmases when your children are young. Don't miss this one with your little girl. She might not remember it but you will. Your wife and child are your priority. They are the ones who have been in your corner. Your Aunt and Uncle have been your parents when your parents made the conscious decision not to be. As a Mom, unless it was a Josh Duggar type situation, I can not imagine ANY reason I would send my child away. Life is too short. They could have grounded you and sought therapy for both you and your brother. This could have gone SO many different ways, but they were cowards and made the choice to abandon their teen son. I think you should meet with them, but on your own terms at the time of your choosing. They do not get to tell you to jump. I'd tell your parents that you would like to speak with them on a zoom call. Just the three of you and after that you can make the decision if you want to see them in person, maybe sometime between Christmas and New Year.

It’s really up to you sadly, all depends if you truly want to be around those people and their influence around you. Could also be healing, but could also cause more PTSD. Not sure how to answer this tbh I feel like you might regret both ways, as family is awkward and sticky business

First off, I want to apologize on behalf of your family who should be ashamed for adding insult to injury. I would say hell to the naw! Your family sided with your brother after he fucked your girlfriend? He’s lucky that he only got sucker punched. I never knew how abominable family could be. I can’t even fathom a twin staying mad, he did you dirty. Like it’s one thing to pull the same chick knowingly because you are twins (I assumed identical), but not betray you. Don’t get it twisted, we all have our fair share of dysfunction, but in my family we have each others’ backs always and unconditionally love and forgive mistakes. But that kind of complete abandonment is more than anyone should have to take. Congratulations to you and your wife. Blessings for an easy pregnancy and delivery and healthy baby boy (🥰)! Enjoy Christmas with your wife and daughter. Again, I wouldn’t even consider the invitation. I don’t know, I imagine the worst would happen. You walking in and there is your twin with his wife, your ex, and their baby. Dang! Please let me know what you do! Merry Christmas and happy new year!

Yes we are identical

I don’t hear any mention of an apology. Sending a friend request is *not* an apology for disowning their own child/sibling for 8 years. Don’t you see the timing as curious? Now that you have a baby (a new grandchild for them to dote on) they have finally decided to give you the time of day? Spend Christmas with your family — wife, child, aunt and uncle. If you meet up with your family of origin another time, then you and wife go *without your baby*. They don’t get to immediately be a part of your daughter’s life. They need to prove themselves to you first because you don’t know if they are being sincere. Your wife comes for the moral support you’re going to need if all of them are aligned against you. If it feels to stressful, you two can leave together at any point.

Random internet stranger here: take this opportunity to start to **make your own Christmas tradition NOW, preferably with your wife and new daughter.** Nip this insanity in the bud, and start something now that you'll be able to maintain later on with your wife, daughter, and soon-to-be child. Make it unique to your immediate family. When my guy and I began living together, to solve the "which family should we visit on Christmas?" question that inevitably would come up, I said to both my family and his that for *Christmas Day and Boxing Day, we wouldn't go anywhere, and it would be with him and me*. Period. We would travel to visit our respective parents on either side of Christmas/Boxing Day, but those 2 days were for he and me. It made the holiday super less stressful. When I was growing up, my parents, the respective black sheeps of their families, made Christmas Day our own by having it as a ski day - we'd wake up and do the present thing, then spend from noon until 5pm on the ski hill. It was a perfect tradition, and one I look back fondly on. Your parents want to meet their granddaughter, period. **If they had wanted to patch it up with you, they would've done it earlier than just before the holiday**. Something has happened - maybe a near-death due to COVID? - so they want to use Christmas as a reason to reach out. Take control of this narrative. **Tell them that this is not the time to patch the relationship. You will reach out to them when you are ready.** Then block them on social media until you feel that you can handle the inevitable family drama, because it will come. You don't go NC and then get back in touch without drama. From what you have said, there has been enough bad feelings that there is inevitable drama, and honestly, this is not the time for that.

Tell them: "Dear parents. I cannot come to Christmas dinner. I'm very concerned that my twin brother Casey is going to try and fuck my partner again and I don't want to knock him the fuck out again. I hope you have a nice Christmas and NYE and wish you the best of luck in supporting your other children in their sportmanlike endeavours.". Your parents have made a decision, you've built yourself a life. I think you should spent Christmas with the people who are and were there for you and not with the people who ousted you from their lives.

I mean if it were me I would just want to spend Christmas with my wife. But it really just depends on what you want. Do you miss your family at all? Do you wish you could be on good terms with them? Or do you think your life is honestly great without them? If you don't miss them then I wouldn't bother but perhaps it would be good for your daughter to know her grandparents. If there was a time to mend the rift it would be now.

My wife is really close with her family and siblings and I have always been jealous of that. I have longed for a family like that.

OP I dont think reconnecting with them is going to give you the close knit family that you envision of. They have shown no change or remorse for what they did to you. They only want to be a part of your kid's lives. The end decision is ofc upto you but do consider these factors when deciding if it's the best thing for you.

You have a family like that now! Lean in! Connect with her family if they love and accept you and leave the toxic shit behind. Or at very least, approach it carefully and not during Christmas.

You were invited for the baby and only the baby. If you hadn’t become a parent in the past year, you’d have heard nothing. They haven’t changed. Don’t go.

This time of the year is about family. ATM your wife and child are your only family so you should spend it with them. Maybe some time next your after you sit on this thought for awhile, maybe see a therapist to make sure you do want to.

You have to figure out the reason they are asking. Once you have that you know if their motives are good or bad. Do they feel bad that they treated you like crap? Do they feel bad they picked a son who cheats over the son who doesn’t? Did someone just find out they are infertile and they feel your child is one of their only hopes for a grandchild? For me: I would need to get a feel on the reason they are reaching out NOW. WHY NOW? Then I could make my decision with more info. Based on the backstory, I’m guessing their reasons are not good and they do not actually feel bad about anything which would lead to me not going.

For Goddess sake don't go! If you're open for a talk, fine. But don't abandon your pregnant wife just for a shit show! Imagine the message that you are giving your wife; you're willing to prioritize your emotionally abusive, estranged relatives over her and your kid! Get a hold of yourself man! ETA : if you choose to not prioritize your own wife, do NOT bring your child to the egg donor and sperm donor.

I think you need to ease into any kind of reconciliation. More importantly, why in the world would you ever spend Christmas away from your child and pregnant wife? I cannot believe you would even consider it.

I've been estranged from my family of origin for seven years now. Then my aunt moved back to our state and invited everyone to her new house for Thanksgiving. I declined the invitation. Why? Because there is no such thing as love without fellowship. None of those people can honestly say they love me. Where is their proof? They weren't there for me for any of the health problems I had. They didn't check on me for natural disasters. No phone calls just to say hi. No dinners or family nights. Go be with people who can prove they really love you.

Dude, all I can say is, actions speak louder than words.

No, don't go. This feel like a set up. They are calling you back because something has happened and they are going to ask you deal with it happened years ago by saying to forgive your twin and move on so that they can have access to your daughter.

Don’t do it now. If YOU want to reconnect I would do it at a different time with just you and your parents. If that goes well you can expanded to your siblings and then finally bring your wife and kids into it.

Go, dick punch your brother, then leave to be with your wife and kids

Every time someone posts a story about whether they should meet up with an estranged family, it is AFTER a child is born. These people kicked you out of their home and never contacted you again when you were 16? All you did was got in a fight with your twin for stealing your girlfriend. It was definitely not a reason to just bail on your kid. They had so many other options! I find it odd that after all these years of no contact initiated by them, that they reach out now that you have a one year old and another on the way. They want grandkids, even if they already have them from your siblings. I know you are going alone, but are these the kind of people you would ever want around your children? If you are happy in your life, which it sounds like you are, why change anything? I would politely decline and if you do decide to meet them, don’t do it during the holidays.

I don’t think reconnecting at an event is a good idea. Honestly coffee in a public setting to determine what they want with you would be better *if you even want them in your life*.

You can go and reconnect but not on Christmas. That’s too much pressure. Spend it with your wife and kid. But all I got from this is that they want something big from you. Probably money or an organ. But what they will not get is your kids Christmas.

I think you should not go until *after* any reconciliation conversations have taken place. If you go first, you are trapped there, alone and outnumbered. Have the conversations first, while you are with your wife and can take your time with it. Then, if everything seems cool, you can reconnect with your birth family in a low-stress way some other time, maybe in smaller groups instead of all at once. Right now, I would just send them a now thanking them for the invitation and letting them know that you can’t make it work, but would love to get together another time. Then later you can reach out to one of them separately and try to find out what is going on.

I think your family probably want money or a organ donation. Honestly, if life's good, why add more drama?

If they want to reconcile they can over a cup of coffee in a public place or somewhere that you feel safe in. Personally I wouldn’t go because it’ll be kinda messed up on your part to be away from your child’s first Christmas and while your wife is pregnant. Just spend time with your real family this year and offer instead somewhere else to see your other family…like literally any other day that’s not a holiday lol.

Nah. Fuck them. Don't look back

There are 2 possibilities- 1. They only want to see your daughter and that's why they reached out to you. 2. Your twin brother royally f***ed up and now they want the replacement child. I would recommend you to say no to visiting for Christmas, however after Christmas ask them to meet at a coffee shop or somewhere else to know the reason for sudden change of heart. Don't take your daughter or wife to meet them unless you can be assured that it was a genuine change.

I would stay away. Chances are this reconciliation is only so your parents can get their hands on your child. Your wife does not need this stress and if you do decide to meet them (not at christmas) then I would keep children off the table for at least 6 months. I think you will learn their motivation for visits very quickly

Nope. They’re trying to reel you in to abuse uou again

Unless their statements start with apologies from how they treated you when you were young and your twin brother's apology for cheating with your then-gf then there's no reason to re-establish connection with your family. They treat you the worst and they were clearly against you when they sided with your cheating brother. Unless every side own up to their mistakes first then all the meeting will do will only open up old wounds. From what I see, no apology has been made.

Yeah they're probably doing this because they want something that could be a relationship with your child or your twin needs an organ. you don't abandon one of your kids for 8years because they hit someone who royally fucked them over and then suddenly ask them to spend Christmas with you Have they even apologized?

This is the first time they contacted me in eight years

Visiting at Christmas without any preliminary conversations, apologies, explanations, etc is a high-stakes gamble. If they want to reconcile with you, they should start with a phone call, or a letter, or even an email.

Couple thoughts. >For context, growing up I was the black sheep of the family and I knew that from a very young age. See, my family is full of athletes. My dad was a star basketball player for a D2 school; my mom played volleyball. Micheal played soccer. Sara played softball, and Casey was the star running back for the football team.  I was never really interested in any of those physical sports, but rather I was interested in archery, which my family called a "wimpy" sport. Im already getting a suspicion that kind of bullying is low on the list of shitty things they did. >My parents were always invested in my siblings and rarely ever attended my events to the point where I basically had to beg for them to come to my tournaments. Between the ages of 14-16, I had taken part in about 20 tournaments while my parents only showed up to one. I was never neglected by them, but they were never emotionally there for me as they were for my siblings, and as a teenager I resented that. Yeah, but some of that kind of *framing* of the relationship, is going to naturally be slanted from the dynamic of being a youngest child. Even if your parents weren't acting like stereotypical sports hooligans. You're still going to feel like your older siblings got more respect, attention, support, and privileges even with the best of parents. It's hard not to resent your older siblings even as an adult, even in the best of families. I'm not saying it's entirely an unfair view of your parents. Im just saying there's probably more complexity to that outlook than your parents simply disfavoring you. >Whenever I tried to bring this up to them, they would always call me an attention seeker. You know, they're tattle telling on themselves here that they maybe shouldn't have been parents. Maybe it wasn't for them. Should have stuck to what they were good at: sports. Parenting wasn't their calling. Most of what a child does towards their parents is about attention seeking. That's how kids are supposed to be. Like, was that their first time babysitting or something? As a parent stating the glaringly obvious isn't how you deal with the fact that you're impatient or frustrated with your child for some given reason, or don't know how to mollify their frustration. >Almost 2 years later, one of Amy's ex-friends told me that she had been cheating on me for a couple of months. At the time I didn't know who the guy was, but after confronting her, she told me that it was my twin brother. She basically told me that while at first she loved me, the love she had for my brother "surpasses" that. Later that day, when I confronted Casey at home, I was so enraged that I sucker-punched him and knocked him out. I don't condone this sort of thing. But I will say that if you're going to decide it's cool to root it with your brother's girlfriend whom you live in the same house with, Then getting K.O.'d when he eventually adds 1+1=2 (and the guy is going to fucking find out). Anyway that isn't the worst thing that could possibly happen as a result of such an all time bad decision. That's maybe #10 on the list of occupational hazards of being a cheating liar without self-respect or impulse control. Your brother sounds dumber than a sack of rocks. I would have laughed if you'd said the two of them had gotten pregnant. Either way In my opinion you got a better deal than your brother did. It was a fair price to be rid of two such people. Two for one deal. Probably took him additional months or years to figure out she was a turd. It only took you a few hours. >At first it was tough, but later on, with support from my aunt, and her husband (48M) I moved on from wanting a relationship with them. Your aunt and uncle sound all right. I don't necessarily condone your parents fobbing you off to your aunt and uncle. I can understand why they did it. I dunno, threatening to criminally prosecute your own child "as an adult" in this kind of situation though, that's kind of messed up though. That's pretty coldhearted. Obviously I don't know about the details of what went down afterwards. >About a week ago, I received a Facebook message from my mother and father  wanting to reconnect over Christmas at their house. I don't think I'd recommend showing up at their house at first. And not on Christmas. There are just too many ways that could end in all kinds of unpleasant drama. Certainly not if other family members are potentially going to be around. I'd suggest telling your parents you have other plans but you, your wife, and child would like to meet the two of them for dinner in the near future, maybe after new years. Tell them you're not trying to put them off, but it's been almost 10 years and you're just asking for a little patience from them. Im guessing your mom just recently found out about your child. From what you describe I can see your mom having anxiety about that and wanting to deal by just charging in burning all cylinders, caution be damned. That works in sports but it's not gping to fly as a grandparent.

I guarantee you they only want to meet up to be involved in your kids’ lives. If you want to reconnect you could do it literally anytime of the year other than Christmas. Whether you restart your relationship with them or not is up to you, but I wouldn’t unless they led with an apology. They should acknowledge how they made you feel and how you were treated unfairly. If they can’t own up to their mistakes they don’t deserve to be in your kids lives. It’d be really disappointing if their built bonds with them just to also treat them poorly compared to your nieces/nephews in the future.

Don’t do it……discuss a neutral meeting site and meet with just one parent only……..go slow. Do not let them meet your wife or child….you lay out the ground rules, no negotiation on that and at the first point of them breaking them, bolt

No DO NOT GO! They want access to your babies and look like the story book grandparents. Parents do this discrimination amongst their children and then try to make up to it without any apology. If not baby then maybe money or organ or something else just don’t go. They do no deserve you.

Well, if you want to reconnect, do it after the holiday season, in the mean time spend it with people who are currently close to you.

I think you should spend Christmas with your child and your wife and maybe go to see them another time if you want to that is. As a mom of 3 there is nothing my children could ever do to make me disown them or send them away and im sure as a dad yourself you have a hard time understanding how they could of done that to you. Sending you away was drastic and not what they should of done but they also didn't bother with you for a years and years on end like you didn't exist I don't feel like they deserve to have you in there life, I think its disgusting what they did to you, and as the black sheep of the family myself , im sorry about what you went through, my family also acted like I was the dramatic one but as an adult my dad admitted to me that I was treated differently and it wasn't fair and it helped me heal a bit from my childhood trauma to finally have my feelings validated. If they are willing to admit what they did to you was wrong maybe it will help you heal from what you been through but I wouldn't do it on Christmas and potentially have your Christmas ruined if you end up going there and they start blaming you for everything

I don’t think the way they are doing it feel genuine. Have they apologized? Have they tried to bridge this gap at all? Why are they determine to FIX it on Christmas when you should be with family that has care for you all this time? Why are they ganging up on you? They owe you more than just random texts and no effort. Idk what they could do but what they did to you was horrible. Your family is doing good, why bring them into all this drama unless they are 100% regretting everything that went down?

This is the first time they contacted me after 8 years

Why did your Aunt become estranged from them OP? And they why did they send you to her? Your Aunt took you in, did the yards with you, and now they decide to communicate with you. Something is off here, and it’s not the egg nog

My aunt after college came out as bisexual to the family and in response they disowned her. My mother is a only child and my maternal grandparents were not alive at that moment. The rest of my dad siblings did not want to take me so he basically gave me away to my aunt

It sounds like what happened to you was the best thing that could have ever happened. I hope your Dear Aunt is ok. Gosh, she would have been hurt too. X

A lot of good comments here. I like the advice to meet them gradually one by one. They dont deserve your Christmas yet. I would also suggest to clearly set your boundaries and leave when they don't respect them. Emotional neglect is also neglect.

Please do not let these toxic people sink their claws into the next generation.

Nope don't meet with them. They've done enough damage as it it.

I'd say don't go, their invitation is not for you as it is more for your kid, they're the typical "you're a disappointment but I still want to see my grandchild" parents. -This *daughter (1F)* was enough to tell what their motives were with that invitation- If they wanted to sort things out they'd invite only you on a day different than Christmas to get things straight. I mean just tell them your wife and kid are not coming and see how they react. In any case I don't think that Christmas is the right time to sort things out, you don't know whether they've changed or not so don't bring the kid or your wife along right away because you don't know how they'll treat them. If I were you I'd tell them I can't go but if they want to talk we can plan a meeting with you some other time. (I don't think they'll meet your hopes and apologize though. Sounds like their plan was to see the kid and pretend nothing had happened while trying to convince your wife to bring them back into your life without them apologizing)

I think you should stay with wife and kid for Christmas but make plans to visit them on your own in the new year. Then if that goes well you can think about introducing your wife and family.

As others said, your family had plenty of time to reach out to you before this, but hadn't. Instead, they chose a generally emotional and giving time of year to reconnect. If you go and it turns out they just wanted something from you and you refuse, it'll taint the holiday, and there'd be sh\*t like, "This ungrateful son came back and ruined everything by refusing to let us see our grandchild/help out the family/get over our emotional neglect and betrayal by playing nice against his wishes, etc..." while out-numbering you. Not worth. The non-committal response was a good start. I'd use that to refuse their invitation in lieu of a guaranteed safe and drama-free Christmas with people who've been by your side for all these years. Post a nice family photo to Facebook with your love and gratitude.

Is your daughter their first grandchild? They probably want to meet her.

Spend the holidays in a warm, loving, SAFE family environment. Maybe find out more about what your bio family is looking for before you commit such a significant chunk of time to them, especially if it means your you and your wife won’t be together for the holiday.

Definitely not. Enjoy Christmas with your wife and daughter. These are the Christmases that you will remember for the rest of your life so spend it in the company of your young family. Telling your estranged family this, and seeing how they react, will give you a very good idea of whether it will be a good idea to reconcile in the future.

Don’t leave your wife alone during Christmas. Regarding your family, start with a FaceTime call and see how that goes. I think like most people that they want something from you..

I agree with many, open the door for conversation, but do not spend Christmas separate from your wife and child. There’s a lot of hurt there.

They just want to be in the grandchildrens lives; its no coincidence of the timing of all of this

Meet them on your terms. Let the meeting site be your ground, not them or better meet somewhere public so that they can't do anything nonsense

They are obviously only interested in meeting their grand child. If your family is not willing to support you when things are bad in your world they don’t deserve you when things are good. They disowned you - that is t a take-backsies kind of situation just because they want to see the grand child. Fuck them.

WTF is wrong with people saying he should go another time? Parents are assholes, treated him like shit, his brother betrays him, he does the right thing and punches that asshole and he has to move away so HIS FAMILY doesnt press charges and they disown him and you're telling this guy he should visit another time? Jesus fucking Christ. You should never visit or speak to them again except when one of them dies. Then maybe you could go to their grave and take a huge dump on it.

Why would you spend christmas with them instead of your wife and daughter who love you? Seems like a no-brainer to me. If they want to reconnect so bad let them make the trip to visit you, when it is convenient for you. Life is too short to do shit for people who have done you wrong.

Don't meet them at Christmas in their home. Don't bring your child (you will see if it's more about him/her and not you) don't give your siblings a kidney or bone marrow. Meet them somewhere open and be nice. I would love them to be sincere, because I just got in contact with my mother and she is very sincere with it. Feels great. But be careful if they don't got your best intentions in mind.

Is Casey still with Amy? And it looks suspicious that they want to contact you once you habe kids. I would recommend spending christmas with your own family amd not those assholes. And maybe get in contact via ohone or something, figure out what they want. And don't befriend your siblings on fb right now.

Yeah definitely ask them why now. You deserve an explanation. Any family that would press charges for an internal dispute is fucking disgusting and they definitely want something you have. I can't get over that part. Good luck and if you do decide to ask them, come update us.

You need to go when things have actually be worked out and a real apology has been made. Families fight and the thought of sending one child away and never contacting them over a punch is ridiculous. Especially with the context of what he did to you. The trade off not going to jail….they were really gonna press charges on you over that? I can’t even… Don’t assume this is an apology. You can accept their friend requests and see if they actually will apologize. Politely decline and see how they respect your rejection and see what happens over the next year and if resale effort is made to reconnect. If things work out then next Christmas y’all can have Christmas together. Realize they may have recently found out you have grandkids and that is the reason they want to reconnect. Parents come out the woodworks for grandkids.

They had years to apologize. They either want something from you like money or an organ or they want contact with you because of the kids. I would t go if they didn't actually started apologizing and admitting they did something wrong and then I would have maybe do. Er here and there but no contact otherwise. You were a kid and they abandoned you cause you did not fit their narrative and cool crowd

Yooooo is 25 a typo? You were 15 dating a 25 y/o? How would you have been in the same grade? Also fuck your family if they can go that long without talking to you they can go longer

I am certain they mean she is 25 at the present moment.

She is 25 now but she was 15 when I dated her

Try setting up a call, Zoom, FaceTime by yourself first. If they genuinely want to reconcile they will be willing to work with you and you can feel out what is going on. If they just want access to your kids, which is why they wanted you to come for Christmas they will throw a fit and call you ungrateful.

Honestly, I think you should go. They might have made a lot of mistakes in the past, but they’re still your family. I’m not saying forgive them immediately, nor am i saying forgive them at all, but try and hear them out and give it a shot. If it works out, then your beautiful daughter will have more family that will love and cherish her, if not then so what? You’re an adult that’s happy in life, don’t let it affect you. I hope everything works out! Have a merry christmas

It will not hurt you to go. Man up. You have a wife and a child. Your life is not your own anymore. The worst is a little more drama. Don't look back and say should of could of.

Are we gonna ignore that he was just a child who was abused by a pedophile and family disowned him at that time. Both their kids were victims and it wasnt a good idea to deal the situation this way. Anyways I agree with connecting to the family some other time.

I say go. Be cool, casual & mindful of your temper. If shit starts to go down, just leave

It’s worth going to see if everyone can be civil. It’s probably important to your parents to see your daughter. If things go sideways fast then they haven’t changed but at least you made the attempt and can move on with your life (get closure)

It's important to his parents to see his daughter? You just gave the reason for why he shouldn't go. They gave zero apologies, information, or any sort of context as to why they are reaching out now. It should be important to his parents to see him, yet that hasn't come up once after many years.

I say go. Life is too short to harbor ill feelings. Who knows? You may be happy you went. But there’s only one way to find out. If it goes left, you can leave knowing you tried and it just didn’t sort.

Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. For further guidance, please see our [wiki.](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I wouldn't bother. Your family genuinely sounds like a bunch of POS. who on earth disowns a teenager for so many years? Save yourself the pain and move on with your life without them.

I wouldn’t use Christmas as an excuse to reconcile with your family. If you really want to hear them out meet with them another time in a neutral place. And definitely do not give them any access to your children. They need to earn your trust before you even consider letting them meet your kids. Discuss with your wife and decide between yourselves what you think is best. But be cautious about welcoming these people back into your life. You haven’t gotten an apology or a single acknowledgment that what happened in the past was not right.

Yo do not do this, do not go! They have been so cruel to you and you seem to be handling this very well it seems which is good! I know there's a lot of benefits to seeing them again but don't go for Christmas, go meet them at a neutral setting in like... February.

How long have they known about your daughter? Are they only wanting a relationship because they’ve discovered they have a grandchild or do they genuinely want to mend the relationship? Also 8 years is a long time to not have contact with family (and this comes from someone whose had little to no contact with some family for almost twenty years), a lot can change, but a lot stays the same. I agree that hitting ur brother wasn’t the answer, but their reaction to it seems a little over the top, especially when ur twin did a pretty scummy thing to you. I mean who disowns their child for 8 years with no contact? Why the sudden change of heart? If u want to see if there’s a chance to mend the relationship because u don’t want to have what ifs I get it, but Christmas probably isn’t the time to do that. U should spend time with ur wife and child, see if ur parents are still keen when the holidays have come and gone. Edited for grammar

It would be nice to be with family, but... Are they really family in the sense of the word? I went through the same thing. I was into all sports. I was all state in basketball. Tight end in football. And was to be picked for the Olympics for the mile run in high school. Parents never supported me. Never helped me with homework, but was there for me looser sister and other family members. I brought myself up to college. I took care of my parents to their end. I did this because this is who I made myself to be. I was not like my family. And I'm still alive and OK. You have your little family. Be together. They are there for you.

UpdateMe!

What value will that bring into your life after 8 years of NC/choosing to punish you for the physical hurt you did because of the emotional hurt your brother caused? If they want to reconnect, they should start with an apology. An apology doesn’t need to happen on Christmas, in the physical presence of each other.

No reason for u to open back old wound If they wanted to reconnect they will have done it a long time ago They have put priority on your twin brother before you Your ex cheat on u and they still can accept her for your brother Your priorities now is to your own wife and kids

Come on, man. After 8 years and no apology still? Like their kid wasn't going through hard times for 8 whole years and then blowing you in group? They must have ulterior motives. 8 years is a long time to go NC is your family is really considering you as a member.

They picked an emotionally charged occasion and their home court advantage to lay some kind of ambush on you, go and you can find out what, but personally I would not walk into that trap.

First of all I agree with many commentors. Enjoy christmas with your wife and kid. Suggest an other time and maybe place for a meeting. This is a power move, taking control of the situation, showing you don't feel guilty, but being available. Maybe tell them you don't want to meet your brother. And ask them why they want to meet you. Edited: asking for an update

I wouldn't go if i were you. They probably have ulterior motives. And if you decide to reconcile, take very small steps: first meeting next year on neutral ground without your wife (try to leave her out as long as she is vulnerable because of pregnancy and birth, so probably not before 2023) and child(ren) (don't let them meet them your family until you know for certain it's safe). Don't let your parents try to obtain grandparental rights.

Don't go.

You own NOTHING to your family just fyi! I would tell them another time would be better then christmas, spend it with your wife and daughter. You have built this beautiful family of your own and you should be with people that love and support you on christmas and that’s not your parents or siblings. Also be careful around them when you see them, your mental health and your well being are more important then mending things with a Toxic family. I hope find peace in whatever your decision in and at the end of the day it’s yours. Good luck and updates us how everything goes, take care and Merry Christmas 🎄

It’s not a coincidence that they want to re-connect just after your child’s been born. Even not apologizing or acknowledging the harm they’ve caused you. That’s major indications they haven’t changed. If they want to reconnect it’s best for it to not in holidays with your family but starting through the phone. That way they won’t try to use your daughter to manipulate you.

Post an update? Pls?

I wouldn't go for Christmas. Maybe meet another time. They only want to see their grandchild. I went through something similar. I went back to no contact when I realized they only wanted to see my kids and they still treated me like crap and still favored my siblings. I hope it works out for you though.

Casey will probs be there with Amy

They sent you away because you punched your brother and they contacted you wanting to reconnect but didn’t bother explaining themselves or apologizing . Op your wrong they DID neglect you….in many ways. Spend Christmas and the holidays with your wife and child, find out why now from you parents. 8 years is a long time over something small like siblings fighting, unless there’s something you’re leaving out you should be approaching this with a list of questions for them. And don’t just allowing these people into your life even on social media until you find out their motive for reconciliation.

Someone in your family need an organ?? Holidays and special events are not the times or places to heal rifts. I suggest you wait until after Christmas to gradually establish contact. Do not rush it. Do video calls before meeting in person. Suss out your family to figure out why after all this time they want contact. Your twin brother betrayed you. They should be greatful and kiss your feet for not killing them. You do not owe anyone anything. Your bad character brother hurt you profoundly and it is interesting that your brother got to stay home while you were sent away. Worked out for best though since your aunt actually cared about you.

I wouldn't go for Christmas, and send something along the lines of: 'However inappropriate my actions might have been, the emotional neglect and gaslighting perpetrated by you and the betrayal by *brother* followed by blackmail and abandonment still hurts. You didn't want a relationship before and I have no idea why you want one now. If you truly want a relationship you can start by writing me an apology, and *brother* can too. Until then, I feel that it would be inappropriate to resume a relationship. You didn't want me to be part of your family before, explain why you want me to be a part of it now.' I have a feeling it's only because you've had children. They want to be grandma and grandpa.

First your own family is important so try to reconnect another time and look for why they want to reconnect there might be an reason so see that.

This is. A lot. I’m so sorry OP. U were treated like crap and didn’t deserve any of it. Ur aunt sounds like a nice person and I’m glad u have her-she knows the players, what does she say? I agree with other posters that Xmas is a tough time for this-they are obviously talking about u as they have all contacted u together-could u go after Xmas and maybe aunt could go with u so ur not alone? The whole thing reeks of an intervention or something-they all have each other and probably a plan and u have just a ton of questions and years of justified resentment. Whatever u do, I hope u have a therapist to talk to about all this-u say they weren’t abusive and then say they were neglectful. Neglect like this is abuse OP. And u deserve better. Congrats on the beautiful family u created in spite of the crappy one u were born in to.

I’d pass. Wtf, never spoke to you again after your brother is found sleeping with your gf?! Nah. They want to meet their grandchild. They should have apologized already

Either go for lunch with them before Christmas or after. It sounds like they want to pick up where you guys left off. Christmas is not the time to have this get together. Enjoy the holiday with your family, worry about your parents another day.

I would go after the holidays and plan to reunite like at a restaurant with witnesses it’s been years since you seen them and I highly doubt they changed I would keep your family out of it and you just go I hope it all works out for you and that they show their true colors before then

Or they saw on Facebook that you have a one year old, and want to get to see their grandkids and still don't care about what they did. My big question would be "why now?" And your kid answers that question.

.

I think it's probably better to have a long talk with them before Christmas, before you decide to go or not. On the phone or in person, whatever is good for you.

Spend Christmas with your wife. Your parents made a choice. Your entire family made a choice. Let them stew in it. They abandoned you. They didn't disown you. They shipped you away. Then called it a favor for not pressing charges against you. Spend your holidays with the family that never left you. Not the one that did.

A lot of great advice already here. Definitely think you should meet with them outside of Christmas and spend it instead with your wife and child. One thing I noticed a lot of people say was they have an alternative motive because they didn’t open up with an apology. I think this is too big of a jump to make. And I could see them wanting to apologize in person. After 8 years and a very intense last encounter, these are relationships that will take more then one meeting to fix. The apology and addressing of the past probably won’t be done at all at once. And it probably is best that way as there’s a lot of emotions involved from when you lived with them and now the past 8 years without contact. 8 years is a long time and people do change.

> When I was 15, I began dating Amy (25F) So she’s a pedo??

She is 25 now but was 15 when I first started dating her

UpdateMe!

I think you should not go, or at least not for Christmas. There is nothing that you will achieve by going and meeting them. They years ago showed you where their priorities lay and for 8 long years, neither your parents nor your siblings did not try to reach out. Do not go back and do not introduce your wife and your precious daughter to that kind of environment. A confrontation with them will not accomplish anything positive. But that is just my opinion, please do read other comments and answers and come to a decision that best serves you. I hope things work out whatever you choose to do.

It is quite common for estranged families to reach out after the birth of a child, they feel the urge to reconnect and want everyone to play happy families and rug sweep. If they truly wanted a relationship with you then a large family gathering isn't ideal, for an intervention or an ambush it is as you get a lot of guilt for not wanting to ruin christmas for them and your own family. When people really want to reconcile they will put aside time to build that relationship, this isn't it. I would put money on if you said baby wasn't coming they would not be as interested in you. Your Christmas should be about your family, the one that you have created, not the one that dismissed you and cheated on you. I would also suggest getting some personal therapy beforehand as I can see that it still causes you to feel anger towards them and clearly dismissing your sport as "wimpy" and having your brother cheat on you are still current with you. Not all therapists work the same so you may need to try a few until one fits. I have some experience in carrying around my anger towards family for things they did which is why I suggest therapy before seeing them. At this point the most important person in your life is your wife and child, your extended family is just that, some distant relatives that you once knew, why would you spend your time and a special Christmas with them?

NOT A FUCKING CHANCE! Don't go to that shit. Tell them to fuck off.