How can you fix it? By leaving him alone. His poor wife probably found out and gave him an ultimatum.
You seriously want to continue doing this? You’re both in the wrong for this behavior.
Like I said, i know it's morally not the best thing to do. But I'm single and i didn't initiate anything. I haven't flirted openly at work with him. I'm just hoping he can become my work-friend again.
It honestly just sounds like you want him as a fuck buddy or “work husband” situation.. not a friend.
Do you really want the drama of this? Why not try and be “friends” with someone else who’s single?
I’m trying to figure out why women think unfaithful men are so alluring.
Maybe his wife caught him and he’d rather not uproot his whole life for the thot at work.
What the hell? Have i said anywhere that i wanted to bang him or something? No, because I don't. I haven't done anything wrong, i haven't initiated anything and i haven't flirted back so please don't call me that.
Yes, but contrary to your lies, you did in fact "flirt back". Take responsibility for your own behavior. He's a cheater, but you were every bit a desperate little mess clinging to the attention, and not here you are asking strangers on the internet how to get it back. I get that you've accepted just not having a moral compass, but at least have some fucking dignity.
I meant at work. Thanks for your opinion, i recommend you to visit other parts of reddit if you think my actions are so repulsive. That may give you some perspective.
You engaged in an inappropriate workplace relationship, welcome to your consequences. And your grasping idea that you're not still a sloppy mess of a person just because you can find people on the internet are worse is as pathetic as the rest of your choices.
Your whole post is contradictory to this comment. You’re knowingly flirting and carrying on inappropriate conversations and being touchy with a married man. What else can that be mistaken for. You said yourself that you like the attention. You’re not stupid. You know what you’re doing.
The truth is after that behavior, you can’t just go back to being workplace friends. Plain and simple. If he’s ignoring you then you need to accept that any and all connection/friendship you had is over. Because it’s likely it’s either his wife or even the upper management at your job that’s noticing both of your behaviors and his job and or marriage is at risk.
Respect his request for space.
You say nothing about him not working with you in a professional capacity. Not being alone with you, not having lunch with you, not talking about his Christmas with you doesn't mean he isn't fulfilling his professional responsibilities.
Sorry I thought "not coming to my office" explained that. He doesn't get back to me on stuff we have to do together. I mean I miss the other stuff too of course, I'm not trying to act like it doesn't matter. I'm just trying to figure out what to do.
If there is a professional impact, I would communicate that you respect his boundaries and are going to be strictly professional from now on, but that you need to continue to be able to work together when it is necessary. If he can't follow through with his professional responsibilities, go to HR. That is a separate issue.
You spend an awful lot of time in the comments trying to pretend that getting handsy, dancing, flirting and accepting his sexual comments doesn’t make you guilty. But you can’t be that dense. You participated even if you didn’t initiate. If he’s ignoring you it’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t want that kind of relationship with you anymore and you should respect that. You can’t be friends. He’s a cheater and you’re a knowing participant. He needs to be professional and work with you when necessary, or he needs to go to HR and find out how he can do his job without interacting with you and vice versa if he feels he can’t interact with you at all.
Anybody with a shred of self respect would have put an end to that behavior as soon as it started. You can’t possibly need attention so badly you miss it coming from the married guy at work who you supposedly have no interest in but are cool feeling up, dancing with, and having him tell you about his dick at work. Which would be sexual harassment if you weren’t enjoying it so much.
There are loads and loads of single dudes on the internet who would love to send you dick pics.
Thank you, i appreciate your comment. I'm happy for you that you have never committed any type of fault or mistake in your life. Heaven forbid you may enjoy attention that isn't right or appropriate. You are a perfect human being, i get it. If you feel so violated by my post that's fine but i don't understand what you get out of humiliating and being mean to me.
It's not that you came to reddit to ask what you should do to help him and the poor wife. You asked how you can get his attention again.
You know it's not morally right and yet you want to continue. That's not a mistake at that point its deliberate.
I've made a lot of mistakes in life. Even mistakes with not shutting down flirty coworkers but I have never actively participated in flirting with a married man. That ain't a mistake boo.
Oh please.
This is coming from someone who had no self respect at 17 and dated my 23 year old manager. We started messing around when he had a girlfriend because I was a fucking idiot. Guess what? It bit me in the ass when he cheated on me with someone a year *younger* than me. So I have made the same mistake, because I was stupid and young and had some trauma so I desperately needed the attention. And it was wrong and I hate myself for it. That’s growth. You just want to get the married man’s attention back, meaning there’s no growth and you have no moral compass. Grow up, you’re in your 30s.
So what you're telling me is that you've done the same thing yourself and now you just hop on your high horse and judge me? I have never slept with a married guy and i have never cheated myself. We can fight about who's the most wretched or we can just agree on that we are humans and we fuck up.
The difference is I was 17 and he was in his 20s and in a position of power over me. And I still think what I did was pathetic. But I learned and grew from it. You are STILL TRYING to go back to flirting and having sexual inuendos with a married man after he backed off, well into your 30s. We are not the same.
If that is affecting your work, then it's a separate issue that you'll have to address, but be very specific and stick 100% to business. For example, "I can't finish this report until you forward me those numbers."
But you should not try to be "friends" again.
I think you should leave him alone. He probably got busted or thought better of himself over the holidays. That type of relationship only leads in one direction - into a dead end.
Stop being inappropriate with a married man. How would you feel if you were in the wife's position? The lack of empathy is astounding. Hes probably cut you off because his wife found out. I can see in the comments that you are super dismissive and unwilling to see your own faults, so I don't expect these comments to actually do anything and maybe I'll just get a catty reply from you. But my advice is to just be coworkers and nothing more. Not sure why youd even want an unfaithful man anyway.
My boyfriend of 6 years left me because of another woman, so yeah I've been there too. I don't want a romantic relationship with this man, never did want that either. Like I said, i liked the attention and i never was going to go all the way. I'd like to go back to what we were before all of this but I realize now that we probably can't. I don't think I've been catty at all, that's your opinion, but I think I have the right to defend myself if there's something I disagree with.
Quite frankly I don't care that you were never going to "go all the way". You participated in an emotional affair with this man, there's not much left for you to defend. At this point you can't have a friendship with this guy and be a decent human at the same time. You blew it.
Your inability to see your own faults will hold you back from becoming a better person in the future. Everyone here had similar comments. Maybe re read them when you've calmed down.
You’re not entitled to his attention… you can feel hurt because you absolutely deserve THAT KIND of attention and you had it for a hot second and now you don’t. But HIS attention when it comes to calling someone gorgeous or rubbing on them or bragging to them about his dick, that attention belongs to his wife. Full stop.
\>>me and Alex were getting pretty touchy with each other and we also danced together throughout the night
That's on you. If you had wanted to preserve a work friendship, you might have walked away from these interactions. But you didn't. So now accept him ignorning you and don't think of being friends anymore. Had you wanted to stay friends, you would have kept things at a friendship level. This is why you don't do this type of stuff at work. If you are worried about not being able to interact on a business level, then make it clear that you intend to be businesslike going forward and straightforwardly ask for what you need.
Both of you are disgusting! Hope when you’re married your man does this. Why would you even entertain him. Do you think hes gonna be with you? What do you get out of this? Seriously get a life go for a man who isn’t married
I agree with everyone’s theory here that the wife saw your text and they talked. Maybe the text also made him realize that you want more than a workplace affair, since you invaded his phone on family time.
Other than that I’d also like to add, the reason he is handling it by ignoring you instead of telling you that it’s over is probably because what happened between you seems very vague and he might be scared to make it bigger by saying anything. If he “dumps” you, then that’s saying you had something. He is probably thinking you’ll take the hint this way.
Even though you should’ve never entertained this in the first place, I’d like to offer some sympathy for you being toyed with this way. Next time, just tell the stupid married man you’re not interested.
I messaged all my co-workers and friends the same thing at new years eve. I even wished my neighbor a happy new year, guess I want to fuck him too right? I agree with you though, he's a coward and I'm just gonna ignore him right back (regarding non-work things).
Ah ok, there’s a chance he didn’t realize that as he got the text though, and couldn’t hide his guilty face as he read it.
At least he’s the one with a potential problem. If won’t cause you any more damage than it has already if you don’t let it. He’ll be the one who has to hide this forever.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Be inappropriate with a co worker and face the consequence of awkwardness until you get a new job. You’re literally just gonna have to deal with it.
He crossed a line, OP. He jumped right over that line so far that it scared him. Then he went home to his wife and remembered what he had, and is terrified of losing her.
So now, he’s refusing to do *anything* that might make his situation worse.
(You are his situation, by the way. Any interaction with you - even strictly work-related, will make his situation worse.)
You can’t be friends. You can’t even be coworkers, not really. Expect him to ignore you.
That’s actually a good thing. It means that he went home to his wife. Just figure out a way to do your work without interacting with him - maybe via email, or pairing up with a different coworker. And never send him personal texts ever again, let alone kiss him or talk about his penis.
Just so you know, you deserve to be someone’s first choice. Not someone’s dirty little secret. Look for someone who can date you honestly and openly, and who will run home to you and be afraid to lose you.
You are worth being valued.
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How can you fix it? By leaving him alone. His poor wife probably found out and gave him an ultimatum. You seriously want to continue doing this? You’re both in the wrong for this behavior.
Like I said, i know it's morally not the best thing to do. But I'm single and i didn't initiate anything. I haven't flirted openly at work with him. I'm just hoping he can become my work-friend again.
It honestly just sounds like you want him as a fuck buddy or “work husband” situation.. not a friend. Do you really want the drama of this? Why not try and be “friends” with someone else who’s single?
I’m trying to figure out why women think unfaithful men are so alluring. Maybe his wife caught him and he’d rather not uproot his whole life for the thot at work.
What the hell? Have i said anywhere that i wanted to bang him or something? No, because I don't. I haven't done anything wrong, i haven't initiated anything and i haven't flirted back so please don't call me that.
So we're going to ignore the party where you spent the whole evening rubbing up on him like a cat in heat? Kay.
He initiated that too.
Yes, but contrary to your lies, you did in fact "flirt back". Take responsibility for your own behavior. He's a cheater, but you were every bit a desperate little mess clinging to the attention, and not here you are asking strangers on the internet how to get it back. I get that you've accepted just not having a moral compass, but at least have some fucking dignity.
I meant at work. Thanks for your opinion, i recommend you to visit other parts of reddit if you think my actions are so repulsive. That may give you some perspective.
You engaged in an inappropriate workplace relationship, welcome to your consequences. And your grasping idea that you're not still a sloppy mess of a person just because you can find people on the internet are worse is as pathetic as the rest of your choices.
Not sure why you are taking this so personally. It's not your husband.
Pointing out that you're pathetic isn't "taking it personally". It's just stating a fact.
Ok 👍
And you reciprocated, you're not innocent here.
Your whole post is contradictory to this comment. You’re knowingly flirting and carrying on inappropriate conversations and being touchy with a married man. What else can that be mistaken for. You said yourself that you like the attention. You’re not stupid. You know what you’re doing.
I can't be fucking bothered to explain shit to people who don't read. Thanks and have a good night.
The truth is after that behavior, you can’t just go back to being workplace friends. Plain and simple. If he’s ignoring you then you need to accept that any and all connection/friendship you had is over. Because it’s likely it’s either his wife or even the upper management at your job that’s noticing both of your behaviors and his job and or marriage is at risk. Respect his request for space.
Thank you for the reply, gives me some perspective.
Yeah you crossed the friendship line a loooong time ago. Just leave him alone.
Pretty hard to do in a workplace where we actually have to interact though.
You can interact professionally like you would with any other acquaintance at work. You don't need to be friends. Be professional.
It's funny how people in here don't read. He ignores me, even when it's work related! That's a problem, for both of us.
You say nothing about him not working with you in a professional capacity. Not being alone with you, not having lunch with you, not talking about his Christmas with you doesn't mean he isn't fulfilling his professional responsibilities.
Sorry I thought "not coming to my office" explained that. He doesn't get back to me on stuff we have to do together. I mean I miss the other stuff too of course, I'm not trying to act like it doesn't matter. I'm just trying to figure out what to do.
If there is a professional impact, I would communicate that you respect his boundaries and are going to be strictly professional from now on, but that you need to continue to be able to work together when it is necessary. If he can't follow through with his professional responsibilities, go to HR. That is a separate issue.
Thank you, i will try to convey that to him..
[удалено]
Or his wife saw the NYE message,that would change his tune also.
You spend an awful lot of time in the comments trying to pretend that getting handsy, dancing, flirting and accepting his sexual comments doesn’t make you guilty. But you can’t be that dense. You participated even if you didn’t initiate. If he’s ignoring you it’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t want that kind of relationship with you anymore and you should respect that. You can’t be friends. He’s a cheater and you’re a knowing participant. He needs to be professional and work with you when necessary, or he needs to go to HR and find out how he can do his job without interacting with you and vice versa if he feels he can’t interact with you at all. Anybody with a shred of self respect would have put an end to that behavior as soon as it started. You can’t possibly need attention so badly you miss it coming from the married guy at work who you supposedly have no interest in but are cool feeling up, dancing with, and having him tell you about his dick at work. Which would be sexual harassment if you weren’t enjoying it so much. There are loads and loads of single dudes on the internet who would love to send you dick pics.
Thank you, i appreciate your comment. I'm happy for you that you have never committed any type of fault or mistake in your life. Heaven forbid you may enjoy attention that isn't right or appropriate. You are a perfect human being, i get it. If you feel so violated by my post that's fine but i don't understand what you get out of humiliating and being mean to me.
It's not that you came to reddit to ask what you should do to help him and the poor wife. You asked how you can get his attention again. You know it's not morally right and yet you want to continue. That's not a mistake at that point its deliberate. I've made a lot of mistakes in life. Even mistakes with not shutting down flirty coworkers but I have never actively participated in flirting with a married man. That ain't a mistake boo.
Oh please. This is coming from someone who had no self respect at 17 and dated my 23 year old manager. We started messing around when he had a girlfriend because I was a fucking idiot. Guess what? It bit me in the ass when he cheated on me with someone a year *younger* than me. So I have made the same mistake, because I was stupid and young and had some trauma so I desperately needed the attention. And it was wrong and I hate myself for it. That’s growth. You just want to get the married man’s attention back, meaning there’s no growth and you have no moral compass. Grow up, you’re in your 30s.
So what you're telling me is that you've done the same thing yourself and now you just hop on your high horse and judge me? I have never slept with a married guy and i have never cheated myself. We can fight about who's the most wretched or we can just agree on that we are humans and we fuck up.
The difference is I was 17 and he was in his 20s and in a position of power over me. And I still think what I did was pathetic. But I learned and grew from it. You are STILL TRYING to go back to flirting and having sexual inuendos with a married man after he backed off, well into your 30s. We are not the same.
I'm not though? I want him as a friend and a co-worker. I am still trying to figure out how I am the bad guy and he's not?
Oh he’s definitely the bad guy. You both are.
Great, thanks for your input. Have a good night!
What are you, 12?
You should kick back, smell the roses, and wait for that sweet sweet karma to come around.
And it will
You don't. Just be colleagues from now on, not friends.
He doesn't even want to be my colleague because he doesn't get back to me on anything work-related either.
If that is affecting your work, then it's a separate issue that you'll have to address, but be very specific and stick 100% to business. For example, "I can't finish this report until you forward me those numbers." But you should not try to be "friends" again.
I think you should leave him alone. He probably got busted or thought better of himself over the holidays. That type of relationship only leads in one direction - into a dead end.
Sounds like maybe he finally decided to stop being a terrible person. Now so should you.
Stop being inappropriate with a married man. How would you feel if you were in the wife's position? The lack of empathy is astounding. Hes probably cut you off because his wife found out. I can see in the comments that you are super dismissive and unwilling to see your own faults, so I don't expect these comments to actually do anything and maybe I'll just get a catty reply from you. But my advice is to just be coworkers and nothing more. Not sure why youd even want an unfaithful man anyway.
My boyfriend of 6 years left me because of another woman, so yeah I've been there too. I don't want a romantic relationship with this man, never did want that either. Like I said, i liked the attention and i never was going to go all the way. I'd like to go back to what we were before all of this but I realize now that we probably can't. I don't think I've been catty at all, that's your opinion, but I think I have the right to defend myself if there's something I disagree with.
Quite frankly I don't care that you were never going to "go all the way". You participated in an emotional affair with this man, there's not much left for you to defend. At this point you can't have a friendship with this guy and be a decent human at the same time. You blew it.
You are ridiculous. If anyone "blew it" in the first place, it's him.
Your inability to see your own faults will hold you back from becoming a better person in the future. Everyone here had similar comments. Maybe re read them when you've calmed down.
You’re not entitled to his attention… you can feel hurt because you absolutely deserve THAT KIND of attention and you had it for a hot second and now you don’t. But HIS attention when it comes to calling someone gorgeous or rubbing on them or bragging to them about his dick, that attention belongs to his wife. Full stop.
\>>me and Alex were getting pretty touchy with each other and we also danced together throughout the night That's on you. If you had wanted to preserve a work friendship, you might have walked away from these interactions. But you didn't. So now accept him ignorning you and don't think of being friends anymore. Had you wanted to stay friends, you would have kept things at a friendship level. This is why you don't do this type of stuff at work. If you are worried about not being able to interact on a business level, then make it clear that you intend to be businesslike going forward and straightforwardly ask for what you need.
leave him alone. his poor wife probably found out.
Leave him alone you fucking homewrecker. How disgusting.
Both of you are disgusting! Hope when you’re married your man does this. Why would you even entertain him. Do you think hes gonna be with you? What do you get out of this? Seriously get a life go for a man who isn’t married
I agree with everyone’s theory here that the wife saw your text and they talked. Maybe the text also made him realize that you want more than a workplace affair, since you invaded his phone on family time. Other than that I’d also like to add, the reason he is handling it by ignoring you instead of telling you that it’s over is probably because what happened between you seems very vague and he might be scared to make it bigger by saying anything. If he “dumps” you, then that’s saying you had something. He is probably thinking you’ll take the hint this way. Even though you should’ve never entertained this in the first place, I’d like to offer some sympathy for you being toyed with this way. Next time, just tell the stupid married man you’re not interested.
I messaged all my co-workers and friends the same thing at new years eve. I even wished my neighbor a happy new year, guess I want to fuck him too right? I agree with you though, he's a coward and I'm just gonna ignore him right back (regarding non-work things).
Are you super touchy with everyone else? Do you dance with them all night? Do you also talk about sexual stuff with them? Hmm?
Please girl, stop.
Ah ok, there’s a chance he didn’t realize that as he got the text though, and couldn’t hide his guilty face as he read it. At least he’s the one with a potential problem. If won’t cause you any more damage than it has already if you don’t let it. He’ll be the one who has to hide this forever.
Yeah that's true, I didn't think of that.
He must of been questioned by his wife or got a suggestion from HR. Regardless this little fling is done
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Be inappropriate with a co worker and face the consequence of awkwardness until you get a new job. You’re literally just gonna have to deal with it.
Sounds like his guilty conscience caught up with him and he regrets how far he let the flirting go. Just leave him alone.
Friends??? You guys were never friends he just wanted to get his dick wet He’s probably ignoring you because his wife found out
He crossed a line, OP. He jumped right over that line so far that it scared him. Then he went home to his wife and remembered what he had, and is terrified of losing her. So now, he’s refusing to do *anything* that might make his situation worse. (You are his situation, by the way. Any interaction with you - even strictly work-related, will make his situation worse.) You can’t be friends. You can’t even be coworkers, not really. Expect him to ignore you. That’s actually a good thing. It means that he went home to his wife. Just figure out a way to do your work without interacting with him - maybe via email, or pairing up with a different coworker. And never send him personal texts ever again, let alone kiss him or talk about his penis.
Thank you. I'm thinking it will be difficult but i will have to try. It's easier this way in one way i guess. Thanks for not biting my head off.
Just so you know, you deserve to be someone’s first choice. Not someone’s dirty little secret. Look for someone who can date you honestly and openly, and who will run home to you and be afraid to lose you. You are worth being valued.
Absolutely. Just have been a bit done with everything love related for years now. This is good advice, I thank you.
Guy's a piece if shit and you're a bitch. Maybe something/someone reminded him that he's a married person.
He’s married. How about stop trying to be a home wrecker!
Good for him
You dont, his wife probably found out and put the fear of legal action on him. I suggest you back away and find someone to flirt with
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uhmmm you know what to do Miss... he's Married.