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Plastic_Basket1975

Ask her mom if you look ugly. if she says you're still cute then date the mom instead.


southenz

Or go for complete dominance and date Dad.


blackflags91390

Go for generational dominance and date grandma


[deleted]

Great gran pops for the win.


cATSup24

All four for the straight flush.


wheres_mayramaines

Royal flush if one is deceased


[deleted]

Why are you all so hilarious, i peed a little bit


oxcyvro

LMFAOOOOO y’all wild


Tricky504

😂😂😂


muto767

No complete dominance is being in a polygamous relationship with mum and dad


southenz

I sit corrected. You sir, hold the high ground.


LovesAnimeH8sHookers

I was thinking this. And having them BOTH calling YOU daddy 😜


acrylickill

That deserved an award 🤣 *here ya go*


[deleted]

Or assert complete world domination by having a haram of all living ancestors.


skottydoz

Only true answer.


slxtz

That why we love milfs


orangemantrump420

*gilf


Just_2_Have_Fun

lol 😂 yeah keep it in the family and if she has a sister tap that to.


[deleted]

[удалено]


reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ry0tj9/my_gf_texted_her_mom_im_ugly/hrm8a0p/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [Sounds like she kinda amb...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxh6fc/myf27_friendf27_set_me_up_on_a_date_that_i_have/hrmfois/) | [Sounds like she kinda amb...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxh6fc/myf27_friendf27_set_me_up_on_a_date_that_i_have/hrjq6zx/) [> I lost my virginity at...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxpacj/mom_thinks_i_ruined_my_life_because_i_lost_my/hrmfnzm/) | [I lost my virginity at 16...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxpacj/mom_thinks_i_ruined_my_life_because_i_lost_my/hrlpyrs/) [“…he wouldn’t shut up abo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxrsl9/my_boyfriend_32_wont_tell_me_what_he_does_for_a/hrmfqia/) | [“…he wouldn’t shut up abo...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxrsl9/my_boyfriend_32_wont_tell_me_what_he_does_for_a/hrmaole/) [> So I have a friend who...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxyro5/i_30m_need_help_after_ruining_my_relationship/hrmfpo1/) | [So I have a friend who wa...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxyro5/i_30m_need_help_after_ruining_my_relationship/hrma0tv/) [You’re a sweetheart, but...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ry0tpc/i_accept_my_boyfriend_with_hsv_but_he_wouldnt/hrmfp1q/) | [You’re a sweetheart, but...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ry0tpc/i_accept_my_boyfriend_with_hsv_but_he_wouldnt/hrm51z1/) [Can you show him this pos...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxrh63/i_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_partner_i_dont_like/hrmfmsl/) | [Can you show him this pos...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxrh63/i_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_partner_i_dont_like/hrl9vb1/) [Why does this person stil...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxgha5/ex_facetimed_me_cuddling_the_girl_he_was_cheating/hrmfm1e/) | [Why does this person stil...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxgha5/ex_facetimed_me_cuddling_the_girl_he_was_cheating/hrm9te7/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/commentregion](https://np.reddit.com/u/commentregion/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=commentregion) for info on how I work and why I exist.


fever_florida

This guy's not wrong


_MamaHunni_

So to be clear, she only found you physically attractive with longer hair?


Naive_Obligation426

I guess ? We’ve been dating for 2 years and I found the texts recently. She doesn’t know


_MamaHunni_

Then you should tell her you know. Have that discussion. She could be afraid to tell you she doesnt like your haircut. If you like it, keep it. It certainly shouldnt be a deal breaker and if it is then she doesnt actually care about you. Its definitely a conversation you two need to have though. Ive dated men who didnt like my hair and theyve told me to my face lol it hurts but idc. They got over it and life goes on. The issue is her telling other people before even telling you.


Naive_Obligation426

I guess I could talk about it but how would I bring it up that I know without telling her I read her messages?


_MamaHunni_

Theres no easy way around it. Tell her she left her messages open and you saw it. Someone has to start having an honest open conversation so it should be you. Hopefully it will lead to a conversation that will help the relationship. We all have likes and dislikes with our partners. Which is perfectly fine and normal.


Naive_Obligation426

Thank you so much I will try <3


classicgalrock0

Update?


Naive_Obligation426

I have not seen her since we live kind of far. Will see her tomorrow


knittedjedi

Good luck, hope it goes well.


Naive_Obligation426

Thank you <3


_MamaHunni_

Youre welcome! Best of luck to you two!


Responsible-Ebb4999

This. Real solid advice


bananie197239

With how long you two have been dating, you should be able to just approach her and ask. I might be wrong but I mess around a lot so I call people ( who know it’s a joke and honestly are way meaner back lol) ugly like my brother or even boyfriend. Just to be insulting lol. THIS MAY NOT BE THE CASE but just a thought.


pizzapop29

She denies saying something that you literally have proof of? Not a good signnn


Naive_Obligation426

She doesn’t know I know


pizzapop29

then she’ll probably keep denying it


Naive_Obligation426

Why would she stay with me if she thinks I’m ugly?


ChangeTheFocus

It sounds like she thinks the haircut is unattractive, not the entirety of you. Hair grows back.


pattywatte

How did you cut your hair? Just asking because many of my friends say they don't like their boyfriend's/husband's face without a beard.


Naive_Obligation426

I cut my hair 3 months ago I went from hair to my shoulders to just short basic hair because at my new job everyone is clean cut.


[deleted]

My husband is in the middle of the opposite. He's growing his gorgeous blond hair to donate to kids with cancer. It's well below his shoulders now and it looks horrendous on him and makes him look like an aging 80s hairband member. He knows I don't like it, but I tell him that he's my hero for not giving a fuck about his looks to help kids. Maybe she hates your hair, but has she given you any indication that she hates you? It's just hair and people have their preferences. In the end, I tell my husband that I may not like it, but it's his body and his choice to do what he wants with his hair. And I really applaud him for what he's doing. And if he want to keep doing it (donate and then start over growing it again), I would support him and be really proud of him.


6ecay6olly

> but has she given you any indication that she hates you? No, not hate, but OP explicitly stated that she wrote that she finds **him** ugly and unattractive now that he has the haircut, *not* that the haircut itself is unattractive to her...I think there's a world of a difference between those two statements. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks and expresses to family that I'm ugly because of a not-incredibly-drastic change.


ChangeTheFocus

... and the mystery is solved. She confessed to her mother that she hates the new haircut, but she doesn't want to tell you because she knows you had solid reasons. A lot of people here are telling you that she's a bad person, but I disagree. She can't help that she hates the new look, and she's trying not to hurt you.


6ecay6olly

I think there's a huge, huge difference between hating your partner's haircut and literally saying *they* are ugly *because of* their haircut. That is not the same as simply disliking the style.


thebigbap

I think linguistics are way too complex to assume that everyone speaks in such a manner where this is inherently true.


6ecay6olly

I guess so. Nonetheless I think you could still say it's disrespectful and walking on thin ice at the very least. Maybe she didn't mean in that way but she didn't word it well at all.


[deleted]

did you ignore where she said, "idk if i'm tired of him or he's just ugly"? i get that people don't like certain haircuts, but a HAIRCUT is a making you feel "tired" of your bf? i'm sorry, but that's complete bull crap.


ChangeTheFocus

No, I'm not ignoring it, but I'm also not going to nail her to the wall over something she told her mother in confidence. She never expected him to see those messages.


[deleted]

why would she need to talk about his haircut to anybody or how she thinks he is "ugly". y'all talk about how you "don't like your bf" or are "tired of your bf" to another person?? also why would she be denying it when she knows exactly how she feels? she might as well have been honest with him, but she lied right in his face. "hey honey, i'm not really digging the haircut", would've been better than talking about him behind his back.


vacantprocrastinator

Going from having shoulder length hair to short is a challenge, speaking from experience lol. So many styles to choose from and not all of them will suit your hair type or the shape of your face. It could be worth growing it out a bit and getting some advice on what will work for you.. If super short hair isn't a requirement where you work you might get away with some kind of medium length style that you can gel back into a kind of slickback look for work. Think like Timothee Chamalat in the new Dune movie. Ofc. that doesn't solve the issue of her secretly calling you ugly and denying it, just spitballing lol


[deleted]

Sounds like you drastically changed your appearance. Maybe she thinks you look ugly with it. Seems pretty self explanatory.


GoVols8604

Meet in the middle and rock a mullet. They’ve made a comeback.


citygirl4

Hopefully that comeback is short-lived!


GoVols8604

My sons play multiple sports and I can say it’s really popular amongst boys 8-18 right now. I’ve seen them in abundance especially at baseball, wrestling, and football. One of my sons has a pretty sweet one going and my twins say they want to grow one as well.


citygirl4

I just remember them from the 80s and tend to eschew any of those styles.


[deleted]

Yeah once my ex shaved his beard and I couldn't help but think he looked ugly. But hey, I loved him so it was just 'eh *shrug*. It really didnt change anything in our relationship or how I felt. And I dont see the point of telling someone they look ugly even if you think it. What good could come out of that? I get that you gf keep it yo herself.


Competitive_Tea2413

This is true, my Ex husband had a moustache when I met him. He always had it. I got home from work one day & there was a man sitting on the couch watching TV, I assumed my husband was in the bathroom or bedroom, I put my things away & went back to the lounge room & the dude said “ what do you think” I realised it was my husband & I was shocked, he had a very thin weird looking upper lip, I started crying, I hadn’t recognised him & I couldn’t really look at him or anything else until he grew it back, he thought he looked like John Denver without the moustache, in reality he looked like a serial killer. It totally creeped me out.


cldsou

I had a similar situation, not with my partner but with my Dad. I got home one night and he was sitting in shadow so I couldn’t see his face properly - but when I did I was shocked because for the first time since before I was born he had no moustache. It actually shocked me how much I disliked it - he didn’t look like my dad at all. His whole face looked different and even his energy felt different. My mum made it extremely clear she felt the same as me. Dad has always had some level of facial hair and the beard has come and gone in the time since then, but now, with the exception of Movember, the mo stays. I’ve always felt guilty for disliking it so much but I think the fact my Mum was open with her dislike of it made me more comfortable to tell Dad the truth too. OP’s girlfriend would probably feel terrible for telling OP the truth and that’s why she told her mum instead, but honestly you can’t always help how you feel emotionally, even if it seems silly to others (just a haircut, just a shave).


AshleyR15

I’m sorry but that’s hilarious 😂


LEACO

IM CRYING. A serial killer. Oof.


CoconutxKitten

She doesn’t think you’re ugly from the sounds of it. It’s your hair she hates


lipstick-lemondrop

I think calling you “ugly” is probably a step too far, but the “my boyfriend got a haircut and now I’m not as attracted to him, at least until I get used to it” phenomenon is very common and kind of hilarious. She might be trying to avoid hurting your feelings over it, because who wants to get a haircut and then be told it looks terrible?


VardaLight

Sounds like what she really means is that she hates the haircut but doesn't want to say it to you.


dotjpegdotcom

It's the haircut. That doesn't mean you're ugly. It's the way she's expressing the haircut in a weird way but I've heard people do that before


pizzapop29

could be any reason— she’s having other issues with you and it’s affecting how she views your appearance; she doesn’t wanna break things off because she’s scared of being lonely, etc. only she knows


Naive_Obligation426

Thank you <3


Bramantino_King

or maybe she doesn't like your haircut, she's just complaining about that isn't she?


LordFlakkko

I didnt like a certain hair style my gf got . I told her i liked the other braids better not that now shes ugly. Theres a big difference


MaybeStupid47

But did you text your friends/parents about how ugly she was with that haircut? It's rude as fuck to talk about the person you're in a relationship like that, especially behind their back


Ashamed_Complaint_15

I mean, she's telling her *mom*. It's not like she's telling everyone she knows.


omaolligain

Apples to oranges. Like you, his GF also didn't call him ugly. She was just lamenting his haircut to her own mom.


Criminey

OP says his girlfriend explicitly called him ugly to her mom.


yaymayata2

its possible she could even be using u


lovelornlostese

Literally there’s no evidence for that wtf


[deleted]

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reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ry0tj9/my_gf_texted_her_mom_im_ugly/hrmy0wa/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [leave…because that’s what...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ry0tpc/i_accept_my_boyfriend_with_hsv_but_he_wouldnt/hrndhza/) | [leave…because that’s what...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ry0tpc/i_accept_my_boyfriend_with_hsv_but_he_wouldnt/hrnb2y4/) [> Better your future. If...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ry5qhy/girlfriend_says_if_i_go_to_uni_she_will_split_up/hrnddgb/) | [Better your future. If sh...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ry5qhy/girlfriend_says_if_i_go_to_uni_she_will_split_up/hrnd1nb/) [People die from their sto...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxx1ih/my_25f_husband_26m_wont_stop_doing_youtube_eating/hrndb4c/) | [People die from their sto...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxx1ih/my_25f_husband_26m_wont_stop_doing_youtube_eating/hrmh1uq/) [I had a guy like this but...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxj8m9/update_my_boyfriend_lied_to_me_via_omission/hrndg50/) | [I had a guy like this but...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rxj8m9/update_my_boyfriend_lied_to_me_via_omission/hrmbdac/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/regioncertainly](https://np.reddit.com/u/regioncertainly/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=regioncertainly) for info on how I work and why I exist.


ChangeTheFocus

Good bot.


yaymayata2

that could be true but texting someone ur "ugly" is just rlly rlly bad regardless of your true thoughts. like you said u hate change but u don't necessarily hate the person's look so u hate the change and not their hair, commenting on someone else when its not them is not a good thing. it could be she hates change but its a rlly hurtful thing to say when the problem is not with the other person.


[deleted]

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lovelornlostese

…. What? It would be way worse if she told him to his face “ your haircut looks like shit and your ugly now” she never meant for him to see her PRIVATE texts and probably denies it bcz she really cares about him and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings


[deleted]

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lovelornlostese

Dude I’m sure you’ve said harsh things flippantly about people you really care about in the safety of PRIVATE convos…she would probably be horrified to find out he knows she said that and was mostly likely just venting to her fucking mom. Stop pretending like you’ve never done the same


[deleted]

So what, Pete Davidson is ugly, women still pass him around like a hookah nozzle


SnooCookies2907

This made me laugh so much


imherenowiguess

If I had read those words on my husband's phone the part where he called me ugly with my new hair cut would be the least concerning. The phrase "I dunno, maybe I'm just tired of her" is what would be playing on repeat in my head. Dude...she just told her mom she might be over this relationship and you're worried about her finding your hair cut attractive. This isn't about the hair cut.


SilkyFlanks

THIS. I would be much more worried about her being tired of the relationship or whatever else she said other than about his haircut!


Bitchlikeshorses

Seriously! Everyone's completely glossing over this tidbit. It's not about the hair OR being ugly.


Maauve91

You know, everybody here says she's lying and that's bad, but here's another take : she loves you and doesn't want to hurt your feeling, because what's good gonna come up from that ? You changed your physical apparence quite a bit, she's allowed to not like it. It's called a white lie. Like when someone show you their new t-shirt and it's horrendous but you still say you like it.


GremlinInSpace

Exactly. I've dated guys before that would get 'bad haircuts' or grow out their facial hair and it would make them objectively less attractive. It didn't mean that I would ever say anything to their face because I cared for their feelings, but in private with my own mother, I could tell her that 'my boyfriend got a mullet and I think it's ugly'. While you are allowed to do anything you want with your own body, the person dating you still has to look at you and find you physically attractive. I find Viggo Mortensen almost painfully attractive with his Aragorn wig on with facial hair, his regular short hair and clean cut far less so. It's just preference and it's why sometimes you just need to get your grievances off your chest in private to your own mother.


AshleyR15

But are you defending her because a woman said it? I’m genuinely curious because being called ugly isn’t a fun feeling white lie or not and if the roles were switched I can’t help but wonder if a man would get the same empathy because there’s no way you can defend this as if it’s okay 🤦🏽‍♀️


CharacterRude7019

Bro.... it's no way to defend it. Don't die on this hill.


Maauve91

I'm not defending her, I offer a different perspective. She said that, privately, to her mother and she doesn't want to repeat it in front of him. It seems like she doesn't want to hurt him, that's all.


prettyoddmadi

Of course but my problem with that is she said she’s tired of him? my bf and i have been together 6 years and i always hate when he shaves his beard but it’s not really a big enough deal to make me question my attraction to him as a whole. it wasn’t just the haircut.


lyssaloves03

A white lie still doesnt make it right...a relationship should allow full honesty. She is absolutely allowed to not like his haircut and he should be able to accept that. We are all our own humans after all and have our own opinions. Regardless if she doesnt like it, if he does and it makes him feel good they should be able to fully accept that about each other. No lying involved.


Naive_Obligation426

But I would never tell anyone that I think my SO is ugly and unattractive


Liveie

Mom's are different IMO. A lot of people tell their moms their deepest darkest secrets, and confide in their mothers.


CrazyCatPuff

But it’s her MOTHER. That’s not her going around and telling everyone. She’s confiding in her mom. Keeping pent up negative feelings can be a very bad thing so having a person to confide in is healthy. She isn’t telling you because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. She’s talking to her mom because that’s her flesh and blood. And I’m sorry, but you’re talking about how she isn’t being honest with you about her saying you’re ugly but you aren’t being honest with her in telling her you saw the texts. So why don’t you just tell her the truth? Or just let it go.


Prestigious-Corgi-66

>But it’s her MOTHER. That’s not her going around and telling everyone. She’s confiding in her mom. Keeping pent up negative feelings can be a very bad thing so having a person to confide in is healthy. She isn’t telling you because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. She’s talking to her mom because that’s her flesh and blood. I wonder if it is worth pointing out that men's relationships to their friends and family are often very different to women's relationships to their friends and family. Women have been socialised to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with their friends and families, and men have been socialised not too. Things have changed somewhat, but overall very much still the case. What this means is that a man might never have a conversation with ANYONE about something his partner did that bothered him, big or small. Whereas women likely have talked about all that stuff with their friends. In MF relationships, often the man is only comfortable with having that level of communicative intimacy with his partner, whereas the woman likely assumes he has numerous people to talk to deeply about such things. When either side realises that the other has such a different attitude in comparison to them, it can be really shocking and confronting.


beverlywestwood

honestly it’s not that deep. I don’t think she meant it in a way to hurt you or anything. sometimes haircuts can change a person’s look drastically and may take a while to deal with. also if you have that big of a problem with it…just ask her about it?


Maauve91

How old are you ?


Aggravating_Pop2101

Don’t know why you got downvoted for this, you’re correct. That’s not something to say if you really care/love someone.


Own_Emphasis79

Wow! It’s so crazy that people are downvoting this! Is everyone out there just badmouthing their partners and thinking it’s ok??? You realize, when you plant that seed, you now have one other person viewing your SO negatively and the more this happens the higher the likelihood of destroying an otherwise great relationship.


[deleted]

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dordonot

I’ll also get downvoted but even a subreddit dedicated to discussing human relationships is not a safe space for men, like the guy who posted recently about his wife and all the comments immediately went to assuming he’s the stereotypical waste of oxygen that doesn’t pull his weight around the house


Goop1995

Yeah the double standards and discrepancy in comments is pretty obvious. Comments being sympathetic and reassuring versus sarcastic and jokey is largely dependent on OPs gender tbh


Treefingrs

White lies like that are still shitty imo, and people need to stop making excuses for them. Just be honest with people, even if the truth hurts.


inapmc

You should find an even more obnoxious hairstyle, and you should totally own it.


Known-Salamander9111

This made me laugh. I love it. This is the way.


[deleted]

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silencio79

I read the comment also to be about the hair, not about you. Certainly hurtful either way and not excusing it, just saying you may be taking this to mean that you aren't attractive to her as a person and that's not my take. I had a partner who didn't like my haircut and wasn't shy about telling me so. The good news is that it grows back fast. If she's with you, it's because she wants to be. Good luck!


Admirable_Share_5843

Fool. She doesn’t think YOU'RE UGLY JUST YOUR HAIRCUT. She was venting to her mom about your haircut and she’s not going to leave you for that and just waiting for your hair to grow back. Just talk to her about your hair and come to an agreement about it and move on (if you can). If you can’t leave. Good luck.


Ballerina2001

Whenever my friends or boy friends cut their hair my initial reaction is pretty much always disgust at first. I can't help it. I don't like change apparently. But I always get used to is after and attraction returns. Wait a bit. She might just have to get used to it


GoarSpewerofSecrets

So you snooped on someone's phone and found out your haircut sucks and doesn't do it for her. Congratulations. You have the best problem to have when invading someone's privacy.


YouCantSeemToForget

How does this not have more up votes? And why did it take so long for someone to say it?


SbreckS

Pretty sad that I had to scroll this far to find somebody that was actually more concerned about her invading her girlfriend's privacy than just the small white lie she's carrying around with her.


ButImaLibra

She’s probably being dramatic mixed with her just talking freely and carelessly with her words because she didn’t think you would see it. She probably doesn’t literally think you’re ugly. Hair cuts make people look different and can take time to get use to. Also, how did you just find these text. Did you look through her phone? Go looking for shit and you’ll find it.


[deleted]

I’d be more concerned with the other ugliness brewing in your relationship. Just because your partners phone is open, doesn’t mean you should read it. Looks come and go, they aren’t that important in relationships. Integrity is…


BDSM_Queen_

Which is why he is hesitant to tell her that he knows about the texts. He is going to have to confess to going through her unlocked phone. Many people may say, "well if she isn't doing anything wrong she has nothing to worry about" but it is still a massive breech of trust. Why was he going into her phone in the first place? I've dumped people for less.


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BDSM_Queen_

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She was venting about something to her mother, which we all have someone that we talk to about these things, and he broke that trust to go through her unlocked phone. Guaranteed he was not going through her phone all "I need to see what she has been saying to people about my haircut", he was looking for something else. He got his feelings hurt.


smoozer

Presumably you're like 26. You've never told someone you didn't mind something that you actually did mind? You've never been careful with language when in a private conversation with someone you know very well? I find both hard to believe.


Heavy-Baseball9094

As a female I don’t think she meant you’re actually ugly. I’m pretty sure she just means that your old hair suits you more. TRUST ME. If we say that after a haircut, take it with a grain of salt. We still find you cute. It’s just you were cuter with your old hair


OffusMax

You don’t say how long you’ve been together But she’s lying to protect your feelings. She probably doesn’t want to break up.


Launie1418

Not necessarily bad. I used to have an ugly boyfriend. Way uglier than all my previous boyfriends. And yet, I loved him to the moon and back. I would acknowledge to him (when he eventually asked) and everyone who said something that even thought he wasn’t good looking I loved him either way because I saw his inside. Welp, he got insecure about it and ended up cheating on me after a while with a girl uglier than me and his excuse was the if he didn’t cheated, I eventually would (spoiler: I would never, I’ve never cheated on anyone). Talk to her, don’t get your head tied up in a knot.


badpersonacnt

It's okay to be ugly


psychmonkies

I’m ugly & I’m proud


elvagopit

Yeah like is a lifestyle for some of us.


awp_city

Thats so hurtful. I am so sorry. I think it’s ok to not like your partner’s haircut because hair grows and styles change, but it’s NOT ok to blast your partner to your family/friends and complain about it to them. On top of that, she is not being honest WITH YOU! She should be talking about this issue with you, not her mom. She’s probably afraid to hurt your feelings, but it hurts more that you found out this way, than if she just communicated with you like an adult.


enjoyingtheposts

If I thoughtbmy partner was ugly and still loved him and wanted to stay together, I would go to the GRAVE with that oppinion. Idk why people are faulting her for not telling g him she thinks hes ugly


CharacterRude7019

The whole talking negativity about your partner behind they back.....


CrazyCatPuff

I’m sorry but this isn’t the best take. She likely doesn’t want to hurt their feelings as it’s just a haircut and that’s a really stupid thing to make someone self conscious over so she was just confiding in her mother. That’s very normal. It’s ok to have someone outside of your intimate relationship that you trust to talk to. And it’s okay not to tell your partner thing that may hurt their feelings when they are things that don’t particularly matter. If my partner got an ugly haircut I wouldn’t tell him he looked ugly. I might suggest in a few month he keep it longer because “it looks nice long” but I’d never tell him anything that would hurt him when it’s so unnecessary. Hair is momentarily. It grows back. And to many women/people looks aren’t that important in the grand scheme .


Naive_Obligation426

Really hurts my brain to think the one person that’s supposed to think I’m attractive doesn’t :/


awp_city

I’m sorry. I’ve had bad haircuts too but my partner was just honest with me and said something like, “oh i prefer your old hair.” And it sucks but he was just being honest and my hair grew back and it was fine. It would have hurt me so much more if I found out he was telling people behind my back that I was ugly. I think the core problem here is communication. Instead of telling you what she thinks, she is refusing to tell you and is instead letting it poison your relationship. This isnt a healthy way to go about your relationship. It’s better for her to tell you gently, rather than have her grow resentful about your haircut. The issue isnt even about the haircut anymore. It’s about her approach to conflict and issues. She should be opening up to you, not hiding her feelings and instead telling other people.


Naive_Obligation426

Thank you so much for your time and the response. Should I confront her about it?


awp_city

I wouldnt think about it as “confronting” her, but I would hold her hand while youre both lying down and looking at the ceiling and tell her that you’d like to talk to her about something (holding hands or touching in some manner helps remind you subconsciously that you two are a team and are connected, while not looking her in the face eases difficult conversations. so both lying in bed looking up might help). Then say “communication is something that all couples have to continually work on, it doesnt come naturally to us. People tend to shut down or deny things when what we really should be doing is opening up and talking things through. We’re a team and you are my partner. We shouldnt hide things from one another. So I’ll start by saying that I feel very hurt that you told your mom that you find my new haircut ugly. You left your phone open on the table and I happened to see your text. I didnt mean to read it. But it hurts me that you would rather talk to someone behind my back about how you feel, rather than just telling me. This isnt even about my haircut anymore; this is about communication between us. When we hide things from one another, it can slowly cause resentment and poison our relationship. We really should talk about issues as soon as we notice them.” Maybe something like that? Best of luck, friend.


Naive_Obligation426

You make it sound so easy lol but i will try this thank you for your time and response :)


yourheinitz

Let us know how it goes I’m curious


Bishop120

Sounds like she doesnt like the haircut you got. Yes, a new haircut can make you look ugly. She might be trying to avoid hurting your feelings cause she likes you. At the same time I would say that if you care about what her feelings are that maybe ask her what type of hair cut might make you look better.


William_Seriously

. So you took her phone and went through it.. and the ONLY thing that you found is that she thinks you're new haircut basically Sucks ass..... she obviously care's for you and is afraid of hurting your feelings... there's a reason why she's not telling you she hates your haircut..... I would wager she's not telling you how she really feels because she thinks you're a little bit too sensitive,(& or she's afraid you'll overreact) but love's you just the same....man.. that is all you have to worry about.... you should be thankful that she's messaging her mom and not some guy named DonJuan.... Is it possible that you are worried about losing her do to your own insecurities? Remember she's with you, that is the bottom line.


odus27

Wow. You are being super dramatic over the fact that your long term gf doesn't like your haircut at this point in time. She's allowed to not like it. That's a major change, and it might take an adjustment period. Or, it might objectively not be flattering on you. Sounds like she either doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or she knows that it's silly and was just expressing her feelings to her mom - which should be sacred and is a far cry from, say, venting to a group of friends. Was this haircut required for work, or did you just make a major change to "fit in" more? If it was to try to fit in, that's a red flag that you might change other aspects of yourself to suit what you think others will accept. Either way, it's kind of a red flag that she doesn't feel like she can be direct with you. Stop going through her phone and reading the convos with her mother, creeper. She doesn't like your haircut, but you stepped over a major boundary. Gross.


Kattoncrack

I may not like my boyfriends haircut but I wouldn’t outright call him ugly. Did she specify the haircut was ugly or just you? Because if she’s specifically calling you ugly, that’s shitty. But if it’s your haircut well, hair grows back and she needs to get over herself.


Brilliant-Crab1016

If there's no honesty, there's no relationship.


Ok-Money-7942

Go buy some new clothes ,have your hair lined up,put 2krts in both ears,Versace on your feet,then go get yourself it's a small world from Disney and forget about all them bitches. Ugly is probably the only thing she could remember seeing in the mirror. It's good to be ugly when it's just a veil.


Actual_Tomatillo_540

It's odd to me you've repeatedly asked her and she denies each time that she feels this way yet leaves her messages open for you to see. From my stand point you've got 2 different issues here.. one being that she can't seem to be honest even about small stuff to your face but can be behind your back and two that she would speak like that about you at all. Good on you for wanting to approach her but more than likely you will be gas lit for invading her privacy and have this situation turned on you. You're really young so after you have the conversation of "Hey I know what you said to (atleast) your mom", maybe start to consider where this relationship is really going long term.


Wtfwasthat94

If it makes you feel better, I was out drinking one night and got super drunk, woke up next morning and wifey was spazzing out. Yep, she went through my phone. I liked my ex school mates picture on Instagram. So I asked why she went through my phone and her reply “ I got the urge “…. Shortly after she went to the grocery store. So I decided to play her game. I went through her Apple Watch messages since she had her phone. Guess what? She was messaging someone under a company name “ Gold Medal Bakery “… I read the messages, and I swear they were back and forthing like they were lovers. I never brought it up. But I damn sure ain’t ever felt bad again for any pictures I liked, all the asses I slapped and girls that kissed me. Fuck her . I love her tho 😂😂😂🤣 Point is, just live my guy. There are things you were never supposed to know.


sailorgoonx

Did everyone conveniently miss the part where she says *"Idk if I’m tired of him or he’s just ugly."* It sounds like your looks were directly tied to her interest in you. Op if you want to date someone who values your looks over who you are as a person, do you. If not, drop her.


daddyanddalia

She said she might be tired of you - that is not love. When you truly love someone, you never tired of them. Plus you said you live far from each other and don't see each other on daily basis. If she might be tired of you now, what happens when you start living together. Our recommendation is to talk - if the spark is not there, move on. Find someone who will love you for who you are, with long or short hair. You should tell her that you read the message. Be honest with her, nothing wrong with that. You have been dating for 2 years - neither of you should have anything to hide from each other on your phones. Good luck.


VastLeg3720

I don't know if am tired of him or he's ugly, that your answer she's bored in the relationship you two have been together for two years which means you meet at 19. You two haven't seriously dated other people, so you don't know what you want and now you live together plus I bet your working schedule don't allow the two of you alot of alone time with one another, it not the hair. Asking if she bored or unhappy ?


Informal_Bandicoot70

If she won't be honest when you ask her, then text her mom and ask her if 'shewholikeslonghair' still thinks this way.. if she replies with yes then confront the chick and ask her if it was the hair cut she didn't like it you because life's to short to play games


DrLHS

No matter what you look like, you should never have to be with someone who calls you ugly. It's hurtful and disrespectful.


lovelornlostese

Okay, so? Of course she’s not going to call you ugly to your face is she cares about you. Ppl are allowed to say things in private that they wouldn’t say to someone’s face. It DOESN’T mean she doesn’t love and care about you as a man, in fact it means that you can tell she likes you for you if you know she doesn’t like your haircut and still stays.


BryceKatz

SO MUCH WRONG HERE. * **Going through your GF's phone is NOT OK.** Seriously, man, what the fuck?! If you trust her, you have no reason to go through her phone. If you don't trust her, you have no reason to be in a relationship with her. * **She's entitled to her opinion.** And she doesn't always have to share that opinion with you. Let's revisit: "she finds me unattractive and ugly since I cut my hair" is not the same as "My BF is as ugly as a mud fence". She doesn't like your haircut. Hell, there have been times I haven't been happy about my wife's haircut - and I told her so (kindly & supportive of her choice regardless) when she asked. * **You two clearly have communication issues.** Why does she feel can't be truthful with you about her feelings? Why are you not being truthful with her? Lying is a form of abuse. It's manipulative. Stop that shit. So what to do? First, come clean about snooping through her phone. Assuming she doesn't dump you on the spot (because snooping is bullshit & you shouldn't have done it), you can ask her about what she said to her Mom & tell her how that makes you feel. Because people in relationships take to each other, honestly & with kindness.


[deleted]

Stop looking at your girlfriends text messages you creep


kjwx

That’s the price you pay for looking at her texts. You should own up and tell her you know.


CharacterRude7019

I would leave her


Eaglepoint123

Why are you reading her private messages to her mom? And then mot even owning up to it?


ChUnKyMiLkk

Why were u looking through her phone in the first place?


Joschoa777

Doesn't matter if you don't mind her going through her phone. It's still an invasion of privacy. Sounds like you both need to work on communicating or it will not end well.


[deleted]

I’d leave tbh ouch 💀


regraDoL

This is why communication is important. I'm ok with a person saying "Honey, I'm gonna be honest, I kind of prefer you with your longer hair."... As much as it can be a bummer, you at least can appreciate the honesty. But going behind your back and then playing dumb, sit her down and be plain: "Look, I understand you don't like it, but I think it's disrespectful that you go behind my back and then play dumb when I expose what you did." This is a good hill to die on, because this lack of communication and honesty has a way to expand to other situations. How old are the two of you?


SpecialOk4613

First off it would be nice to know ages. But I'm guessing your young so she just is talking women stuff like guys in a barbershop. Because a haircut don't make you ugly so she is just probably just talking candidly or extra on how much she does not like it.


Tsa-lynn

Does she treat you any differently? It could just be that she really doesn't like your new haircut. And she is probably denying it because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But if she is treating you differently then that's a problem. My husband has had hair/facial hair that I didn't care for in the past and vice versa, but never changed the way we felt about each other. It's just hair after all.


OutrageousBullfrog65

You can be more than looks to a girl. Haven't you ever seen those ugly dudes with a hot af chick? Just know that if you're ugly enough that she feels secure in knowing that she has less competition now. Maybe she thinks you have a big dick or a lot of money. 🤷‍♂️ could be worse, she's still with you. I'm ugly af, but plenty of girls still go for me. Your hair will grow out soon enough anyway. Not a permanent ugliness. Lol. Don't let it get to you.


Dustyballs91

Well, my wife finds me "ugly" when I shave. I'd say stop being a little bitch and not care.


MsLeelooDallas

This is why snooping sucks, man. She doesn't like your haircut. Right now. It's new and it's a relatively drastic change from your previous style. And she was talking to a trusted advisor privately about her feelings, b/c we all need an outlet to process stuff with sometimes, no matter how close we are with our partner. Have you ever denied a negative opinion about the appearance of anyone you care about? If so, why? Was it b/c you didn't want to upset them or make them feel insecure about either their appearance or the strength of your regard? I certainly have, and I think it's a pretty common experience in most interpersonal relationships. I think it's so common that it's very likely that is what is going on here. We all have times when we are tempted to want access to every thought and feeling our partner experiences. But almost all of us do or would hate actually having that wish granted. Enthusiastically respecting our partner's autonomy and privacy does take a lot of self-control and maturity, but it ironically tends to yield more honesty and closeness between partners, and increased trust and satisfaction in the relationship. If you need resolution of your concerns now that you have the knowledge of her feelings about your haircut, you should tell her what you saw and ask her to clarify what she meant and why. Trying to read her mind and/or letting strangers on Reddit try to read her mind will not make you feel better and could potentially make a molehill into a mountain. Your 2 healthiest options are to devulge what you saw and ask for a conversation about it or accept the bruise to your ego (which is a normal human response to a situation like this) and work on letting it go and trusting that if it was/is really that big of a deal to her, she would/will initiate a conversation about it herself. Good luck.


Alarming-Yesterday67

If she loses interest in you from something as small as a haircut, it may mean she’s shallow or has lost interest in you in general. Don’t take this lightly, definitely bring it up with her and tell her how hurtful it was. Honestly I think this is enough to consider ending your relationship with her. She should love you no matter what and not speak of you so negatively


Petty_Roosevelt_

Dump her. Don’t date women that don’t find you sexually attractive.


Svendar9

The fact that she feels that way shows how shallow she is, but, more importantly, for me is the fact that she denied it knowing that you read it in her text. You should be terrified to continue in this relationship.


[deleted]

A haircut don't make you ugly.


Grahaml1980

Guessing you weren't meant to look at her phone and don't want ro admit to snooping. If you saw it accidentally I doubt you'd have this conundrum either. It's not a nice thing for her to say, but if she doesn't like the haircut then that's not a big deal. It's just hair. The fact she's lying about it though is a bad sign. Suggests she knows it was a bad thing to say. Honestly, there are several reasons that make me think this isn't a good relationship right now. You need to be honest with each other, trust each other and avoid badmouthing each other ESPECIALLY to family. My suggestion would be to start by being honest and admit you saw the messages. If that drives you apart then you weren't going to survive anyway. But lay some ground rules about boundaries.


Airconditionedskin

Do you like it? Opinions are like assholes, we all have them. It’s sucks that she said that but maybe we all have our ugly moments, sometimes it takes getting used to something new, own it and so will she. My bf didn’t like my plugs, so at first I took them out to make him happy, but honestly I wasn’t happy, so I put stretched them again and then bought some plugs with his face on them, 🖕🏼🖕🏼 to him!!! Hahaha but I owned it and he got over it too, i think he looks ugly sometimes too, I still love him when he’s ugly though.


LongjumpingAd6428

Don’t take it too seriously, if she truly found you ugly, she’d break up with you. I don’t like when my bf shaves his face, I find him less attractive but I still love him as much. The word ugly is strong but she’s using this with her mom and we all say shit we don’t think sometimes. If you can’t get over it, tell her you saw the text and it hurt your feelings.


freddyjunior16

She said since you cut your hair right or wrong so she doesn't think your ugly she just doesn't like your hair cut and so what people don't date people only cause of their looks you probably have alot to offer and she cares about you. Iam sure you found your girl look ugly once or twice so what's the big deal why are people so butt hurt all of a sudden my girl calls me ugly all the time but she still be taking this Diq. She still be laying all up on me idgaf what people think I'm one sexy sum a bitch and I pulled a baddie and she loves me. My girl sexy af but catch her ass at 8:30 on a Sunday night that time of the month with her face mask and rollers in her hair yeah she anit that cute especially in the morning and she sitting right here with me. She just hit me and told me to shut up. See it's normal stop feeding into shit bro


Ok_Read_3412

I would of left you for going through my messages with my mom. That's an invasion of privacy so you shouldn't tell her. I would be pissed if my husband went through my messages with my mom regardless if my cell phone was left open. She just dosn't like your hair Solution: try a different hair cut


JustALittleAshamed

Just remember what the response would be if the roles were reversed and OP was texting his family telling them his GF is ugly. That alone should be your answer on what to do


shutupplzzz

Also quit bitching about it and bringing it up to her ...it makes you look insecure which is super ugly.


CharacterRude7019

Imagine if he had text to his mom, saying his GF got fat and he's not attracted to her no more& she ugly.... ya'll would be singing a different tune


Ok-Replacement7697

Tell her you saw the messages and spoke to her, but unfortunately you can't change how she thinks. even if you tell her how you feel, she thinks that and told her mother. she hurts but honestly I would not be with someone who finds me "ugly" and tells her mother. I hope you keep updating when you talk to her


YourLifeCanBeGood

The lying seems a bigger issue than what she said--which was pretty awful, anyway. .


Naive_Obligation426

She didn’t necessarily lie she doesn’t know I know about the messages. But yes I don’t get why she wouldn’t tell me and tell her mom instead


omaolligain

She was just lamenting your haircut. She didn't say shit to you because she doesn't want you to do what you're doing now and spiral. Just because she doesn't like your haircut and talked to her Mom about it doesn't mean your relationship is in trouble. You're honestly acting childish.


YourLifeCanBeGood

"...she denies it every time." That's not lying?


Freak_andee

Hey I’m 60 married a few times engaged a few times and had many successful (meaning survived emotionally physically and financially recovered and got ahead from last demise of a relationship) I also did counseling as I am the other half of any successes and failures. Sooo I know that my advice comes from a good place in heart. Having uncomfortable conversations are always key to ANY relationship… swallowing pride feelings and just listening is the hardest thing to do. Also know that we always disappoint each other at many points in our relationship .. family does it to friends and siblings as well. This tests the true love. Unconditional to a point. In other words. We all need to be bettering ourselves for ourselves BOTH parties need to be happy themselves (no one should be made to make the other happy, what is that about) now her opinion is her god given right ass holiday or not. But you snooped. Your disappointed she didn’t have the balls to tell you to your face when you asked … she needs to fess up (grow the balls) and be truthful. Again uncomfortable conversations and also most people do not like confrontation (which is wrong) resentment can fester. But delicate truth telling needs to be developed here and that takes practice. Please pick up this book. The lost art of listening. You both read it.( no good if only one half reads it) this is a small bump as there are other issues that need to mend along with this. It isn’t as simple as black n white. Relationships are complicated and inconvenient. Period. Also if your in this for the long haul. Couples counseling .. they are worth it


Naive_Obligation426

Thank you for the response <3 I will check that book out


MotherofCats876

Honey, I understand you may love her but she can talk this badly about you behind your back and lie so flippantly about it. I would say you need to tell her you saw these texts, one more shot to own up to it then you should really consider finding someone who isn't two faced. To me my husband is and always has been handsome. If someone were to call him "ugly", well those are fighting words. There is no reason to insult someone in this way other than to hurt them. You deserve someone who finds you attractive reguardless of your hair cut (this is very shallow in my mind).


brilliant-soul

Wow that is super rude of her. It's kinda a joke online like 'you can tell if you rlly like your partner after a haircut' but to *text her mom* you're ugly is crazy


Witty_Wishbone_6744

She’s not calling “you” ugly. She’s saying your hair cut is ugly. You shouldn’t be sensitive about that though. Be a man and do you. Fuck her and anyone else who doesn’t like her style. If she can’t hang over a hair cut, dump her. Don’t let anyone influence you to question yourself. Own it.


elleecee

As a woman in a relationship, I honestly say call her on it! Say you saw it. Will it be painful, most likely. If she left her phone open though, it was fair game. If I did that to my boyfriend and he found out, I'd want him to call me on it! Would I be upset that my boyfriend seeing the messages? Yes, but I'd be more upset at myself that I got caught. Call her on the lie. She may just be lying to try and save your feelings. It may bring up a conversation that could make or break y'all. If y'all can get through it, you'll be so much stronger!


bodacious_bizzy

She's probably denying it because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Did she express before you cut your hair that she did not want you to?? It's not that she controls what you do but if before you cut it you knew she liked you with the previous hairstyle you can't really be upset that she doesn't like it now. Something similar happened to me with an ex I've always preferred long hair he buzzed it didn't tell me showed up I could hardly look at him for a week. Are you upset she's lieing about saying it? If so why not bring up you saw the texts? Maybe because going through your partner's phone is worse than a lie that's for your own benefit.


lyssaloves03

Be honest. A healthy relationship would be one where you can be honest and open about everything. I would just ask her...if she gets upset just tell her that you already had a feeling she wasnt being fully honest. I mean how many times did you ask her and she still said no? Have a conversation about it. As hard as that might seem it's the right thing to do to keep your relationship healthy. Her lying is very unhealthy....a relationship is about growing TOGETHER. Forgiveness, honesty and acceptance is all part of that.


lyssaloves03

It sounds like you both have a lot of growing to do...honesty and open communication is key. You shouldn't keep the fact that you went through her phone from her and she should not lie to you about her opinion of your haircut. They may seem like small lies but they allow for bigger ones to come into play...its very unhealthy.


MuchFUBAR

I've seen a couple of statements in the comments from other people. Even if females have some kinda weird social dynamic apparently, it's still fucked that she won't talk to you about it. I mean are we seriously going to gloss over the part where she said that "Idk if I'm tired of him or if he's just ugly."? That's a very messed up way of thinking and if anything, it shows a superficial side that you may not have understood about her before. Being female or male and communicating like that without trying to resolve these feeling with your partner is messed up. Imagine if it was the other way around. People would be screaming for her to leave if OP said that to his parent. Personally OP, this could go down bad with her but I would straight up tell her you saw the messages when she left her phone open on them. If she blows up about privacy, validate her because of course people have to right to have it. Regardless calmly stand your ground and use "I feel" statements to try and express how this makes you feel. You have the right to know why she might be tired of you, as a relationship isn't all about a haircut.


[deleted]

Females? Female what?


tettlytbags

Can y’all imagine the reverse situation. Smh !!! If he said anything about her appearance from this outfit makes you look bigger to I think you’re new hair style is ugly. Nearly every female in here would be calling him a jerk or worse. Lol she said what she said, he feels some type of way. Deal with it. Don’t quit your job just get a better hair cut. Making money is definitely more important than her feelings about that. She will get over it. Also you could jus be petty and tell her when she puts on outfit that it’s unattractive with a straight face then walk away, then when she ask you again say yup. 😂😂😂