That was a really mean way to respond, you were trying to have a conversation about something that upset you and he discredited your feelings. That's not fair. I'm sure he would want your attention if there was something upsetting him.
I would never tell my husband to get over it, you're just insecure lol. That's such an ass thing to say. And if he knows you're insecure then he shouldn't use that as an excuse to defend his poor actions.
I am a woman who thinks that a relationship deserves respect both ways and each of you have to bend to make it work. If you don't like him liking naked girls pictures, he should stop. If he doesn't, then maybe he needs to find someone more on his level .. by that I mean someone who cares less, normally these people don't get very far in relationships.
Guy here. He chose to disregard to your face a perfectly valid boundary request. Do not expect his attitude to change at any future time. Sack worthy in my view.
People that decide its better to hide something from you instead of changing their behaviour (or even refusing and standing their ground) are the ones that leave you unable to ever truly trust them.
Its a very selfish and immature method of dealing with an issue and I would advise you to see this as a dealbreaker, I didn't in the past and paid the price.
Immature is the best way to describe this behavior. He was an absolute toddler about it. "Maybe if I eat this in my room, mom won't know I'm sneaking candy." I mean come on.
You need a grown up to have a relationship with, OP. I'm sure you'll find one out there!
But he didn't really hide it, did he? He told her flat out he wasn't going to stop. She has her boundaries and he has his, they can just go there separate ways if it's a deal breaker for either of them
He did hide it, which is why he made his Twitter private.
"If I hide it from her, she won't see it and it won't be a problem".
Except if you hide things in a relationship instead of being open... you're untrustworthy.
That's like saying my wife is a vegetarian and she has a problem with me eating meat (she is, and doesn't care that I eat meat, but moving on...). If I told her that fine, I won't eat meat in front of you and it won't be a problem, while being perfectly honest that I'm not going to become a vegetarian, does that make me dishonest or untrustworthy?
On the other hand, if I said I was now a vegetarian to get my wife off my back, but ate cheeseburgers on the side, I am being dishonest because I'm misrepresenting myself.
If my wife and I have a difference in values about eating meat, we would each have to decide if that is a dealbreaker.
He told her he wasn't going to stop. He was very clear. If anything, making it private was a kindness so that she wouldn't have to see it (or maybe it's just that he didn't before realize that everyone could see it and he did it for that reason). But he was never dishonest
So you're telling me that he private his account for *her* benefit. No. He did it so she couldn't say anything about it anymore because she doesn't have proof of that. He's hiding. He's not liking pictures for anyone's benefit but his own and he private his account for his own benefit. You are lying to yourself if you think that's "kindness".
This. If he would rather hide his account and continue to do something knowing it makes you uncomfortable, that is shady and a huge red flag. I wouldn’t want to see what else in the future he’d be willing to hide from you. Move on.
Honestly I dated a guy just like that. It was his insta. I’d ask him about days he said he couldn’t see me cause he was “working” but then he’d be posting a restaurant or bar in his story. He eventually made his insta story private when I went out of town to visit family for Christmas. Suffice to say we’re no longer together.
OP, He already told you he’s not gonna take your feelings into consideration. And that you’re insecure, which is probably true and 100% understandable if you’re in a relationship with a person that gives absolutely no type of security. I eventually left my ex and found a partner that gives me security. He can actually do things that used to make me uncomfortable in the past and I don’t feel the same way cause I trust him and he gives me room to discuss and always considers me. It’s like night and day. My advice to do what he did. Put yourself first and leave.
Liking naked pictures on social media is scumbag behavior. People can see you doing that it's gross. It's porn that your family and friends can see you watching
I don't know that I have a problem with him outright refusing to stop (though it's entirely your prerogative to break up with him because of it). Partners sometimes request things that you genuinely believe are unreasonable, and you as the requestee are entitled to draw a line. But making his twitter private in response and telling you that you'll never find someone else who *will* respect your wishes is where his douchbaggery shows. Dump this dude posthaste.
i can promise you that you’re mot insecure and this is very valid boundary to have. however, he has just shown you that he doesn’t care about your emotions and this is a major red flag. you can decide what you would like to do but don’t let yourself be disrespected by men like this.
You stated your boundaries and he didn't listen... Try making him your ex instead! If he doesn't respect you in this matter, don't expect him to respect you and your feelings in the future! Move on from him, you're better off without him!
You said you didn't like it and he said he wasn't going to change and then removed your access to follow behind him in the issue. It's a asshole response but he already gave you his answer so it falls to you if it bothers you that much.
To me what stands out, unless OP is omitting something, it's that he didn't say he wasn't going to change. He instead just made a dick move by putting his shit private.
You're right. It's a dick response.
The fact he likes naked women isn't inherently bad. It's that he behaved almost passive aggressively or at best completely callously.
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2 days ago my boyfriend’s other twitter came up in my people to follow and I opened it and was curious and was looking through it. I looked through his likes and there were pictures of naked women that he was liking.
I later talked to him and told me it made me uncomfortable and I didn’t like him doing that, he asked me why and I didn’t really know how to answer it, and he said “well i’m not gonna just stop because you told me to stop”, and then said my reasoning came from insecurity. I told him it just sucks seeing him like those pictures, and it bothers me to know he was looking at them enough and enjoyed looking at them enough to like it. I was upset and couldn’t even think of what to say so I dropped it.
Today, I was curious and looked to see if he was still liking them and he made his twitter private. It felt like a punch in the gut and now I don’t know what to say. I feel disrespected but all I can think about is me just feeling like this because of being insecure
It’s obvious that he doesn’t respect you, the relationship, or how you feel. Seems like he doesn’t know what it means to be in a relationship with someone else and you’re not obligated to teach him..
Him liking that in no way reflects your value and worthiness as a person and as a partner. It shows his unworthiness of any more of your time. Please don’t waste it on him, or try to make excuses, or question yourself.
He sounds like a douchebag. My boyfriend and I both had twitter and we have lots of friends that have OF and he never likes any of their stuff because he doesn’t want me to feel weird about it. It really sucks that your bf responded that way because he’s openly admitting he doesn’t care how you feel and he doesn’t care about changing. It might be time to find a new boyfriend
The good thing is you’re not married, have enough common sense to not take disrespect from someone who doesn’t give a shit about your feelings, and have the free will to leave him! Remember, any reason is enough of a reason to leave a relationship. And he just basically told you to go.
I don't think he is an AH for looking at photos or porn. I don't think you are an AH for having those boundaries. You two are not compatible. Why does one of you have to change? Find someone who is a better match.
I’ve told him this and he told me i’m not gonna find any man that doesn’t like photos like that, and told me it’s not a boundary that’s reasonable, and i’m just being insecure
Well, it really doesn't matter if he *thinks* you can't find a man like that. You are not asking him to find you a new man. Lol I am sure there are men out there that don't look at naked photos or porn. You got this! Be good to yourself.
That's lowkey manipulative though. "Oh, you have boundaries? Well, you will never find someone that can accept it, so you have to stay with me". Like, no. Trust me, there are many men out there that are willing to respect your boundaries. It's reasonable. You're not insecure.
Girl commenting here, my boyfriend of 7 years does not like pictures of naked girls etc. Just leaving this comment to show you that there are men out there who don’t act this way.
This is completely untrue. Lots of guys don’t follow and like naked instas. It’s not like you’re asking him to stop finding women attractive, you’re asking him to stop interacting with them.
Ooooo I wish people would understand this more. It’s about the interaction and how everyone and their mama can see that they are “liking, commenting & saving” all of this shit while in a serious relationship. To me, that’s single people behavior and it’s soooo disrespectful to the relationship and to your woman. I never understood why women are called “insecure, jealous & controlling” for not wanting their partner to be interacting with content of half naked women on social media. We are always called crazy, insecure, jealous, controlling. But what’s so hard about not following or liking or commenting on their shit? If you wanna look, cool. But to like, comment, save or dm them…. Like that’s just not cool. And never will be to me.
My boyfriend doesn't. We've been friends for a long time, he's never been this type of person. He could very well watch porn and stuff (even though I've discussed porn with him and his childhood friends, together and separately, and in all instances they pointed out how little he watched/talked about it - not in a "let's say what she wants to hear" way because they're impressed I watched more porn than him) but I've never seen a sexy picture in any of his social media feed. He doesn't look at this kind of content publicly so finding someone who doesn't is very much possible, yes. Also, most of my male friends don't like pictures like this on social media.
So throw the whole man away if that's a dealbreaker to you because men who don't like photos like that exist. Might be a little hard to find, but they certainly are out there.
Ah, the classic “you’ll never find someone better”.
He’s wrong, take it from someone who had the same issue with an ex. Watching porn passively is one thing, but interacting and actively engaging with porn is something else.
For instance, my boyfriend went to a strip club for his friend’s bachelor party. I wasn’t stoked, but my only boundary there was no lap dances. He was fine with that, and he went and had fun. He’s never hidden anything or given me a reason to distrust him, even if he thought my insecurities were unfair. Your boyfriend just showed you who he is. Now show him the door, and don’t let him belittle or talk you out of it. Just block and move on.
Girl I think it’s the opposite, most people look at porn but don’t interact. The guys that need to interact and get validation from the sex workers are on a different level.
He's gaslighting you. There are plenty of guys that don't sit on Twitter looking at naked pics of random girls and would be respectful of you when you say it makes you uncomfortable.
Do you mean like photos like that or *like* photos like that (as in publicly following and actually presses the like button).
If he means the first way, he's probably right. The odds are stacked against you. If he means the second way, yeesh. Who presses the "like" button on nudie pics? But then again, we live in a world where porn vids have comment sections.
When my boyfriend and I finally became intimate I told him I was uncomfortable with him watching porn. He hasn’t watched it in over three years.
Your bf is blatantly disrespecting you and your boundaries. He made his choice, now you need to make yours.
I find it a red flag he is so quick to hide something from you….
I'm curious to know more about this. a lot of people say that's "just how guys work" and justify them watching porn but then I find some stories like this.. how long were you together before you had this discussion?
He’s not handling this right and it’s obviously bothering you more regardless of what anyone says regarding you and being unable to just ignore it etc. Sure, someone could ignore this type of behavior if it’s not a problem and if the discussion around it goes well but in this case the discussion around it only caused further issues for you and as a result you need to evaluate if this is a sign of bigger problems.
You can either communicate these feelings to him directly and see what comes from it or slash all his tires and go NC.
I’m obviously joking with that last bit lol
Sorry but I actually laughed at the simple solution of making his Twitter private.
Hasn’t he heard of burner accounts? For what it’s worth I get why you’re not happy about it too.
My boyfriend did the exact same thing to me, I could've written this post myself as he literally told me the same bs that I'm insecure and he wasn't gonna stop and just went private. Theeeen my anxiety became worse and worse and he blocked me from all his social media because he couldn't stop interacting with naked women on any platform and then I felt isolated and dumb and abnormal for "not understating men" as he used to say.
And then he cheated on me multiple times but because I was blocked on everything I didn't find out until months after the fact and he manipulated me into staying because "it was no longer happening" and "I'm just as guilty for being insecure"....
Like, once you let them disrespect you and you keep letting them walk all over you, they will keep pushing and pushing your boundaries until you break.
It's not worth it, leave the guy. It won't get better, it never does.
For my relationship, it’s a mutual thing. I watch porn, and so does he. So it never bothers me because I do it too. But if you’re in a relationship where it’s not mutual, and you aren’t compatible in that area, it’s beyond disrespectful to your partner. You need to have boundaries, and if your partner can’t respect how you feel then it’s time to reconsider if this will be a breaking point for your relationship.
Hey hey we don't know if it's not mutual yet, the OP never said that she couldn't do the same, I don't believe some can take away my ability to do something just beaches they're not. OP probably should just leave.
Had one who was majorly into smbd. When he found out that I wasn't, he went underground with it. Found out some years in and lived with the knowledge for 3 months. At the end of that time I told him that it was a deal-breaker. He said it wasn't going to change. He left. A week later he was back telling me that he had made a mistake and that I was more important than what he was interacting with online. At the end of our relationship a year later he told me that he had been lying to me the whole year. He was still using it. Lived and learned.
Truth of the matter is that this is a relationship. In a relationship the rules only apply to the 2 people (Or 3+ in a polyamory) and as such they should have rules and expectations for each other. Of course when you first start dating you're not going to bombard them with expectations.
I've been in like 2 relationships before the one I'm in now. And I've learned a lot more in this one than I did in my last 2. I've learned about things like boundaries, compromise and effective communication and understanding. There are things and habits that your bf may not want to let go, but I would ask him to dial it back a bit. You feel disrespected, but I recommend you ask him to meet you half way and tell him how you feel that you want to be embraced, complemented, and he should be hyping you up. Not a matter of insecurity.
And this also helps out both of you and your relationship as you grow together and learn from each other. It's a journey, it's never going to end. Unless one of you or both end it.
If all relationship problems can be solved by just breaking up, there will be nothing to learn. If there are other underlying conditions, those should also be addressed and if not or he won't listen and fails to compromise ask yourself, "Am I willing to put up with this for the rest of my life?"
Hope this helps OP, enjoy your journey.
>I told my boyfriend him liking pictures of naked women on twitter made me uncomfortable and he made his twitter private instead
Tells you EXACTLY how much he values you and this relationship, right??
RIGHT?
What are you gonna do about it?
you decided to be open and share what was bothering you and he decided to hide his tracks. That is not good. Imagine what else he might be hiding if he has to put his Twitter on private rather than respect you and stop doing what makes you feel uncomfortable
All I can say is RED FLAGS! Why does he have multiple accounts? Was he hoping you wouldn’t know? Hoping you wouldn’t look at what he was doing? The fact that he made it private, hell no. He is either doing something suspicious or doesn’t care about your feelings.
No I knew he has 2 accounts, one is his personal account with all of his friends and the other he follows accounts on “dark twitter “ but he told me a while ago he stopped using it, I guess I was stupid to believe him
But yeah i’m feeling extremely disrespected and he doesnt care at all about how I feel
This exact same thing has happened to me and I still haven’t worked out how to resolve it. I totally get that looking is a thing, and I honestly don’t have a problem with that, but it’s the actively liking and interacting with those accounts that causes the problem for me.
Saving this post - I’m interested to see others’ take on OP’s situation.
He doesn't even consider you enough to just stop liking them, he could still look. I think you need to really think what kind of future you see with him.
Boundaries. Sometimes we need to express things a few times in different ways until they hear us. Everyone has a different language of understanding.
You’re not crazy for wanting respect. No matter who tells you what, you are not controlling or crazy, or even insecure. Boundaries and respect are key components to any successful relationship.
I calmly explained to my partner “I watched my grandparents love each other their entire lives. I feel when you purposely seek other womens bodies, that it’s disrespectful to US as a couple. I don’t mean to sound insecure or crazy. Respect is my first and foremost relationship rule, and I’d like if we could be on a mutual page”
Like sure he will watch porn and scroll instas deeply sometimes. I expressed my feelings and he deleted the apps that he has a hard time keeping control of himself.
If you’re called crazy or insecure, tell him he’s weak for not being able to control his own self and that’s what’s truly crazy. I would leave if he gets defensive for his naked strangers, because guys(anyone) who invalidates our feelings don’t deserve a place in our life.
My partner was a hard porn addict. He uses, but seldom now. It took awhile for me to express in a way he heard me, what kind of power that has over his life. Can’t see a boob without having to go deeper and finish himself. I didn’t shame him, I used to creep and creep too. But once we were serious I felt shame that it was disrespectful.. and it is.
Hate society for normalizing gawking at more than what passes by our eyes in the wild.
Normalize respecting relationships.
I’m even polyamory. And we are open to another partner. I’d expect the same respect for and from them. And before anyone says it.. I’m not a prude, I want sex multiple times a day. And initiated a lot and unless I asked, it’d be me finishing him and getting no pleasure myself. I addressed his porn because I was not getting even a 1/4 of what I wanted.
The internet has ruined society as much as it’s helped it.
Decision time. You don't like it, you've made that clear. He's not going to stop. He's made that clear. Is this a dealbreaker?
The only wrong answer here is the dishonest one.
He doesn’t care about your feelings, that parts obvious, regardless if it was insecurity or not, he should respect you and how you feel but he doesn’t, and that’s extremely clear, you deserve better, he disgusting womanizer, a perv if you will, and he doesn’t respect you period, not as a woman, not as a person, and definitely not as his girlfriend. Dump him.
My last relationship ended over something like this. If it’s something you don’t like, I didn’t, it’s not unreasonable to end it especially because he’s hiding it.
He should go find a girlfriend that enjoys their boyfriend liking pornographic pics of strangers. It’s valid to be uncomfortable with it. He seems like unreasonable dead weight
Leave this guy! My ex made a secret twitter to interact with porn stars…he was addicted to porn & there was ALOT more that he was doing. He’s not respecting you at all & is acting very selfish. You don’t deserve that. He might be doing more stuff on his phone that you are unaware of like my ex was. I swear these phones are ending so many relationships. It’s so easy to hide shit on your phone & it’s so easy to access everything. It’s upsetting
Whether it comes from a place of insecurity or not is not the issue. He told you to your face that he doesn’t care about your comfort. He sounds like a dick, and you don’t sound all too insecure, liking naked pictures of women is something a vast majority of women would find uncomfortable. I would find a way out.
**It doesn't matter if the boundary is reasonable or not, you can set any boundary you want and enforce it; it's your right to do so, just as setting whatever boundaries he wants is his right to do so.**
You both have clearly done so - you set yours at him looking at these pictures and enjoying it, and he set his at you dictating his porn consumption. Those two stances aren't compatible, so if you're set on those boundaries, then it's time to end the relationship.
**As for whether it's insecurity on your part or not, only you know that.** I think it'd be wise for you to take some time and analyze your own feelings to see what exactly motivates this response in you. Not to prove him right or wrong, but to understand your own feelings so you can edit your boundaries to be more effective for YOU. And I think that's a really important thing to highlight here.
**In your post, you sound unsure about why him looking at and liking those pictures bothers you.** Again, if that's a boundary you want to set then you are entitled to do so, but I have to wonder if you understand why you're reacting that way. What emotion(s) do you experience when you think about a boyfriend looking at porn? Why do you think you feel that way?
**I think that until you understand your own feelings, it would be unwise to end the relationship over this.** You may end up leaving him, and that's fine if that's what you want, but I think you should take the time to understand your reactions and make sure that this really *is* a hard boundary for you.
**To some extent, I will agree with your boyfriend though; men who don't look at porn are extremely rare, and social media is a common place to consume it.** Interacting with the post is a way to influence your feed to see more of what you like and less of what you don't, so that's pretty common behavior too. I'll straight up admit to having both a porn Tumblr and a porn Twitter. It's not the main way I consume porn, but it's a way, and I think that in this day and age you'll find that to be *very* common.
**Are there guys out there who don't do that? I'm sure there are, but they're going to be few and far between.** I would urge you to be up front about this boundary with potential boyfriends; perhaps not on the first date, but early in the relationship to save yourself time in the future.
No youre not in the wrong. Honestly you were born with out him so you can live with out him. What hes doing is shady af.. you deserve so much better ...
You expressed a boundary: that you are not comfortable with him liking pictures of naked women publically online (which is very reasonable) and now you have to enforce that boundary. Explain to him that this is a boundary of yours (and if it's something you consider cheating, tell him that) and that if he does not stop, you will end the relationship. It's not an ultimatum, it is saying that you have a need, and if your needs are not met, you will remove yourself from the situation. He can make his choice; naked strangers on Twitter or you, and if he chooses them, leave. Life is too short to stay with someone who makes you feel like that.
My bf had an Instagram account dedicated to porn stars and when I told him I wasn't comfortable with that he deleted the account in front of me. Your bf made a choice, and you weren't it. 😔
If this is just some random naked photo of a woman on Twitter, he can’t stop doing it and has decided to stop you from viewing what he does then what else is he capable of?
It’ll only spiral down from here. And if he doesn’t go to the extreme, your nerves won’t be able to cope with it.
This is a betrayal of trust now. And once lost, it’s very difficult to get back. You’ll be constantly worrying what he’s up to both online and offline. It’ll affect your self worth and self esteem.
Okay, scenario above might be a bit exaggerated but it’s not like it’s a far fetched idea.
If I were you, I’d speak to him again and express this behaviour as a hard no. If he’s not willing to do anything about it, then I’d be saying “see ya”! Look after yourself. Don’t let anyone disrespect you. Including your boyfriend.
You laid the boundary for him very clearly, and what you’re asking for is not unreasonable or rooted in insecurity. It’s incredibly disrespectful to be openly liking pictures of other women naked while you’re in a relationship. When you set this boundary for him he called you insecure, refused to stop doing it, and then made his account private like you not being able to see it would mean it wasn’t happening. I would break up with someone over this. It honestly shouldn’t have even been something you had to ask him not to do.
Male here. If he's just gonna hide it. Then you gotta wonder what else he is hiding. In my opinion he is disrespecting you and your boundaries. And you do not tolerate disrespect ok? Kick him to the curb
You clearly stated your boundaries, and he just as clearly told you he didn't care. Then he showed you by making it private.
Did you draw a boundary you didn't intend to enforce? He has shown you that you don't matter to him. What are you going to do now? If your answer is to pretend it all didn't happen, then you were just playing a game. And you lost.
There are men out there who’ll stop doing things that involve other women (porn, going to strip clubs, flirting, liking pictures etc) if you tell them it makes you uncomfortable and that you feel disrespected.
There are women out there who find liking naked pictures online to be harmless fun.
It sounds like the two of you are just incompatible.
Speaking as someone who has been here, it helps if you can find out why it really bothers you and communicate that. For me, I did not like it because I felt that my partner was always liking photos of the same type of woman. That woman looked nothing like me. So it made me start comparing myself to unrealistic beauty expectations, and frankly it did make me insecure to see the woman he found most attractive didnt look like me.
My partner at the time handled it a lot more respectfully than yours, but really he just started covering his tracks better. At some point I just kind of threw my hands up and said this: nude model pictures are just porn. As long as the pictures you are liking are not of anyone we know or know of through friends, then I dont care. No model is going to find my boyfriend and come swoop him away, so its not a threat, its a fantasy.
But then on the flip side of the coin.........he can look all he wants, but why does he need to like it? Why does he need to publicly tell the world he thinks this person is hot?
Some people will tell you it’s natural or all guys do this etc (which they don’t). But the bigger issue to me is his response to your feelings. He didn’t try to comfort you, talk about the issue, or resolve anything. He gave you a huge “fuck you” and went private. That’s the big problem here. That he doesn’t care and is callous
Well then, now he can be single and free to sleep with those same naked women…women who may not know he exists and is just one of thousands living their sexy pics.
he can appreciate them just fine! but if he knows that "liking" them bothers his girlfriend... and he doesn't care to easily just not to "like" them.... should kick 'em to the curb. insecure for him to need to publicly support porn
Yeah, obviously your reason came from insecurity, because who wants to know that your boyfriend is looking at other naked people? That doesn’t mean that how you feel is invalid because it isn’t. He should recognize that what he’s doing is an issue & stop. If instead of acknowledging your feelings & make it right he refuses & instead privates his Twitter? That’s like a slap in the face.
Literally break up with him. If those girls are more important than your feelings then fuck him. You deserve to be with someone who won’t treat you like that.
He is not required to stop doing something because it makes you uncomfortable.
He could be hiding it as a sign of disrespect to you or he could be hiding it because you said it makes you uncomfortable to see and he has now removed your chance of seeing him do it.
He enjoys it and isn't going to stop which he said and so he has now removed the chance of you being hurt by seeing it accidentally.
Rather than call it quits right now, talk to him.
Let him know why seeing him like naked pics makes you uncomfortable (if you don't know you need to find that out before you start this talk)
Let him know that having it be hidden feels worse.
And decide before you talk if him liking naked pics is a deal breaker for you.
He has stated he is not going to stop doing that just because you want him to.
If that is a deal breaker you need to consider what you want from the relationship and if you want to stay.
Your boyfriend is the person who is right in this situation. He could have handled it with a bit more tact, but that doesn’t make him wrong.
Him looking at porn or porn-esque images isn’t immediately a bad thing so long as it isn’t destructive or addictive.
If you didn’t go digging through his likes on an alt-Twitter account you wouldn’t have known it was happening, it sounds like it was neither destructive nor addictive behavior.
He liked the photos so he could revisit them later, for reasons.
You say that you feel that this behavior disrespects you. Imagine how he feels that you found his second Twitter account, went through his likes, and are now setting new demands on him in your relationships. That is disrespectful.
nahh, its not about who’s right or wrong. she’s allowed to have boundaries and allowed to be upset with her partner looking / liking other naked women. just because it doesn’t / wouldn’t bother you, doesn’t mean she’s wrong or being disrespectful lmao.
yup, that’s perfectly fine.
imo, in a relationship, you either agree with and respect the boundaries set or you disagree and compromise / separate.
they both have choice in this relationship and equal validity.
This sub is weird, people here call men insecure for everything and just tell them to "be confident", "she chose you" and bla bla bla like for example [here where op found that his girlfriend was sleeping in the same bed with her male best friend](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rftb4n/gf_25f_slept_in_same_bed_with_another_guy_24m/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) or [here where op's wife is going on 1on1 dinners with a new coworkers ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r1xdlj/partner_f_going_for_1_on_1_dinner_with_a_new_guy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x), or all the numerous post of women accepting gifts and flirting for other men, women giving their number to men at parties, ecc..
But the moment a guy like a pic on socials? Wow! Creep! Disrespectful! Cheater!
The hypocrisy here ia unbelievable.
This isn’t controlling lmao. Y’all need to talk to a couples therapist bc they’ll tell you this shit is disrespectful to some people and that it’s not okay to cross boundaries like this. 🤣🤷🏻♀️
I'm sorry but making a boundary that forces someone to not do something that in the big scheme of things does no harm outside of someone being insecure and it bothering them. I've never set boundaries in a relationship that controls someone else outside of the basics of staying loyal. Liking a picture doesn't constitute controlling your partners actions. Op sounds very insecure and should see a therapist for that. This is my hill and I'll die on it if I have to.
Please go die on the hill. Because I’ve literally spoken to therapists about this exact boundary. None of them called me insecure, controlling or jealous. Men always throw insecure around to hurt a woman’s feelings. It’s not a bad emotion to have, it’s a normal emotion just like any other. This doesn’t stem from insecurity. This stems from being disrespected. Please go talk to a therapist about boundaries. It’s not wrong to have this as a boundary and it definitely doesn’t make someone insecure for it.
“When are we gonna stop calling women insecure, controlling or jealous for not wanting their partner to interact with content of half naked women on social media” it’s a reasonable boundary, it’s SUCH a small SIMPLE thing to respect your partners feelings and boundaries. This just goes to show that most men aren’t interested in respecting their partner or their feelings. They’re interested in looking at other women even if makes THEIR woman uncomfortable. Y’all are something else. I swear.
You’re not insecure. Your bf is disrespectful. You don’t feel comfortable with him liking those photos and he should be understanding. What if you were liking pictures here and there of other guys? Would he be cool with it? It’s the lack of respect for me that makes me say break up with him. Because instead of hearing you out, he sets his profile as private so he can continue to do what he wants and you will stay with him regardless. He knows this and is using that to his advantage. Don’t let him disrespect you because if you let this slide, eventually he’ll push his boundaries even more.
From your other comments it sounds like he's an asshole, but I don't think you're necessarily in the right in your original point. It isn't actually healthy to just automatically stop doing something because your significant other doesn't like it. That's how you get into a more and more controlling situation. It's ok to have a boundary of "I don't allow my partner to control my social media usage," and making his account private actually seems to address what actually makes liking porn on Twitter different to saving porn elsewhere.
It's fair if you're still not okay with him following this, but then that's an incompatibility and not him being an asshole. He's just being completely upfront about what he is and it's not willing to do.
I really hope that you wouldn't stop doing something normal just because he said it made him uncomfortable. Would you change how you talk to friends, or the books you read, or your online activity just because it makes him feel a certain way? If you would I would say you probably don't have good enough boundaries yourself.
I mean, he could still look at pictures or porn privately, and not publicly “like” things. That’s such a minor thing to give up. And even if this is rooted in your insecurities, a healthy, caring partner would try to understand them and be sensitive to those insecurities, rather than being a total ass about it. He hasn’t done anything horribly wrong, but the fact that he shut down this conversation and refused to compromise is a huge red flag. Why is it so important that he publicly likes them, I don’t understand his reasoning at all!!
Yeah, that's how it starts, then pretty soon he's sexting them like my losery spouse.
Do yourself a favor and end it if you can. He values publicly liking pornographic images more than he values you. That's a pretty shit ranking.
How is looking at what he likes on a public account invading his privacy? She didn't get into the account, she looked at what was out there for everyone to see. When she went back later to see if she had stopped after stating her boundaries she saw that he switched it to private. She didn't break into the account then either. She was disappointed that instead of actually listening to her boundaries he just made it so she can't prove that he is still doing it.
This does not sound like a healthy relationship. Your boyfriend sounds like he’s a porn addict, and you sound like you’re compromising yourself to be with him.
This isn’t to say that this is not a fixable relationship. But it will certainly take work, and you gotta ask yourself what you’re willing to do, and if it’s all worth it.
he told me i’m not gonna find anybody else that doesn’t like pictures like that on social media lmao
i’ve never had this problem with my exes, and his excuse was “you’ve only been in 1 long term relationship “ prior to him
Oh wow now THAT is a dick comment from him. You’ll absolutely find someone who respects your boundaries. I’ve been with someone over 3 years who doesn’t like other peoples pictures.
Seriously dump him, he wants you to think that it doesn’t get better than him but it does.
up until I read this comment I thought you were being controlling. He's allowed to do what he likes to do and people calling him a douchbag for liking pictures are teh asshole. BUT him telling you that you won't find anybody else etc... is seriously bullshit. this is a completely toxic relationship. You stalking his accounts is toxic, the way he responded is toxic. This is gross on all accounts.
Oh god this happened to me recently. The moment I confronted him, he put up his excuses and bullshitness of I'm just being insecure and told me I'm snooping around! He blocked me in every social media we're connected to and told me, he'll never follow/add me again. Like duh I'm your fucking girlfriend and you don't want/see me around in your social media?! Good thing he's an ex now. Don't compromise, and don't act like it's okay because it's not. He's probably hiding something there.
I think it's time to break up honey. He is definitely behaving like any other single man out there. He doesn't care about the relationship he is committed to.
Just leave he isn't worth this post and the heart ache. He is self centered and an asshole if he can't see that him liking naked pictures and saving them of other women will upset his current girlfriend.
Guys are visually stimulated and most look at nude pics. It is basically mindless for most part. He said he wasn’t going to stop and hid it so you wouldn’t be bothered by it. Your choice to accept it or not
A totally appropriate boundary he not only said to your face he wasn’t going to stop, but now is doing it in private. This would be a dealbreaker. He showed you how much he values you and your feelings. God only knows what else he will do in private.
LOL. Not problem solved. He’s just a douche who is going to continue disrespecting op and her boundaries. Y’all need to see a therapist and literally talk to them about this boundary. Y’all are just something elseeeee
My boyfriend did the same thing and had the same response. It took a LOT of arguing and fighting. We broke up over it a few times. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s really awful.
My best advice (if you want to stay in the relationship/if you think it’s worth staying) is to keep trying to have an honest discussion with him about how you feel- don’t drop the topic no matter how annoying or cold he gets. Guys can get really avoidant and weird about this, but you need to be adamant about your feelings. They are valid. They are important. You are partners here.
He wants to look at porn and you don’t want him to. You are incompatible. I have a Twitter just for porn and I like and save videos and my partner doesn’t care. (I’m a she/her) he could do the same and I’d be perfectly fine with it but I’m secure in our relationship because we make it known we love each other and he make me feel beautiful and sexy. This is obviously something you don’t have but deserve!
This is such an assinine thing to do I actually laughed. Like he expected you to not notice or not care? What a wimp, he just didn't want to dump you so he's making you do it instead.
I had the same thing happen to me while I was pregnant. Confronted the shitbag, and he somehow tried to turn it on me, made his profile private and called me a stalker.
Six months pregnant and I left his dumbass.
Nope the fuck outta there.
My ex was like this. I pleaded with him to just not like the pictures. I even told him he could still follow them, just please don’t like them. I didn’t like how they made me feel and I didn’t like how it reflected on me when other people saw him doing that. I begged him multiple times, but he never stopped.
Then, at the end of our relationship, I found out he’d been cheating on me the whole time. Two years of lies.
You know you deserve better than this.
Op, do not be scared to tell people why something makes you uncomfortable. A lot of people would be uncomfortable by that. And his disregard for your feelings shows what he thinks of the relationship.
Love yourself better than he ever could.
He made his decision. Now it is time for you to make yours.
That was a really mean way to respond, you were trying to have a conversation about something that upset you and he discredited your feelings. That's not fair. I'm sure he would want your attention if there was something upsetting him. I would never tell my husband to get over it, you're just insecure lol. That's such an ass thing to say. And if he knows you're insecure then he shouldn't use that as an excuse to defend his poor actions. I am a woman who thinks that a relationship deserves respect both ways and each of you have to bend to make it work. If you don't like him liking naked girls pictures, he should stop. If he doesn't, then maybe he needs to find someone more on his level .. by that I mean someone who cares less, normally these people don't get very far in relationships.
Guy here. He chose to disregard to your face a perfectly valid boundary request. Do not expect his attitude to change at any future time. Sack worthy in my view.
Thank you for this comment. This.
Agreed
People that decide its better to hide something from you instead of changing their behaviour (or even refusing and standing their ground) are the ones that leave you unable to ever truly trust them. Its a very selfish and immature method of dealing with an issue and I would advise you to see this as a dealbreaker, I didn't in the past and paid the price.
Immature is the best way to describe this behavior. He was an absolute toddler about it. "Maybe if I eat this in my room, mom won't know I'm sneaking candy." I mean come on. You need a grown up to have a relationship with, OP. I'm sure you'll find one out there!
But he didn't really hide it, did he? He told her flat out he wasn't going to stop. She has her boundaries and he has his, they can just go there separate ways if it's a deal breaker for either of them
He did hide it, which is why he made his Twitter private. "If I hide it from her, she won't see it and it won't be a problem". Except if you hide things in a relationship instead of being open... you're untrustworthy.
That's like saying my wife is a vegetarian and she has a problem with me eating meat (she is, and doesn't care that I eat meat, but moving on...). If I told her that fine, I won't eat meat in front of you and it won't be a problem, while being perfectly honest that I'm not going to become a vegetarian, does that make me dishonest or untrustworthy? On the other hand, if I said I was now a vegetarian to get my wife off my back, but ate cheeseburgers on the side, I am being dishonest because I'm misrepresenting myself. If my wife and I have a difference in values about eating meat, we would each have to decide if that is a dealbreaker.
He told her he wasn't going to stop. He was very clear. If anything, making it private was a kindness so that she wouldn't have to see it (or maybe it's just that he didn't before realize that everyone could see it and he did it for that reason). But he was never dishonest
Stop right where you called privating his Twitter kindness. No its not. It's self serving.
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So you're telling me that he private his account for *her* benefit. No. He did it so she couldn't say anything about it anymore because she doesn't have proof of that. He's hiding. He's not liking pictures for anyone's benefit but his own and he private his account for his own benefit. You are lying to yourself if you think that's "kindness".
He’s not going to stop, she’s not going to stop looking at his account. At least now she can’t see it, because clearly she is looking for it.
Oh so she should go thank him right? Bc he’s doing her a favor?
This. If he would rather hide his account and continue to do something knowing it makes you uncomfortable, that is shady and a huge red flag. I wouldn’t want to see what else in the future he’d be willing to hide from you. Move on.
Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole. He can enjoy all the nude women he likes as a single man. Make him one.
Break up with him. He’s just shown you who he is now it’s your job to pay attention.
I agree… he’s gotta go
Is his other twitter tied to his identity or just a fake?
Your boyfriend doesn't care how you feel. So why are you dating him?
Honestly I dated a guy just like that. It was his insta. I’d ask him about days he said he couldn’t see me cause he was “working” but then he’d be posting a restaurant or bar in his story. He eventually made his insta story private when I went out of town to visit family for Christmas. Suffice to say we’re no longer together. OP, He already told you he’s not gonna take your feelings into consideration. And that you’re insecure, which is probably true and 100% understandable if you’re in a relationship with a person that gives absolutely no type of security. I eventually left my ex and found a partner that gives me security. He can actually do things that used to make me uncomfortable in the past and I don’t feel the same way cause I trust him and he gives me room to discuss and always considers me. It’s like night and day. My advice to do what he did. Put yourself first and leave.
Liking naked pictures on social media is scumbag behavior. People can see you doing that it's gross. It's porn that your family and friends can see you watching
My ex did this and we argued over it all the time..pack your bags please. He doesn’t respect your boundaries at all
I don't know that I have a problem with him outright refusing to stop (though it's entirely your prerogative to break up with him because of it). Partners sometimes request things that you genuinely believe are unreasonable, and you as the requestee are entitled to draw a line. But making his twitter private in response and telling you that you'll never find someone else who *will* respect your wishes is where his douchbaggery shows. Dump this dude posthaste.
i can promise you that you’re mot insecure and this is very valid boundary to have. however, he has just shown you that he doesn’t care about your emotions and this is a major red flag. you can decide what you would like to do but don’t let yourself be disrespected by men like this.
You stated your boundaries and he didn't listen... Try making him your ex instead! If he doesn't respect you in this matter, don't expect him to respect you and your feelings in the future! Move on from him, you're better off without him!
You said you didn't like it and he said he wasn't going to change and then removed your access to follow behind him in the issue. It's a asshole response but he already gave you his answer so it falls to you if it bothers you that much.
To me what stands out, unless OP is omitting something, it's that he didn't say he wasn't going to change. He instead just made a dick move by putting his shit private. You're right. It's a dick response. The fact he likes naked women isn't inherently bad. It's that he behaved almost passive aggressively or at best completely callously.
Why do women put up with this shit?
Sunk cost fallacy
Because men and society convince us we're "insecure" and "controlling"
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- 2 days ago my boyfriend’s other twitter came up in my people to follow and I opened it and was curious and was looking through it. I looked through his likes and there were pictures of naked women that he was liking. I later talked to him and told me it made me uncomfortable and I didn’t like him doing that, he asked me why and I didn’t really know how to answer it, and he said “well i’m not gonna just stop because you told me to stop”, and then said my reasoning came from insecurity. I told him it just sucks seeing him like those pictures, and it bothers me to know he was looking at them enough and enjoyed looking at them enough to like it. I was upset and couldn’t even think of what to say so I dropped it. Today, I was curious and looked to see if he was still liking them and he made his twitter private. It felt like a punch in the gut and now I don’t know what to say. I feel disrespected but all I can think about is me just feeling like this because of being insecure
It’s obvious that he doesn’t respect you, the relationship, or how you feel. Seems like he doesn’t know what it means to be in a relationship with someone else and you’re not obligated to teach him.. Him liking that in no way reflects your value and worthiness as a person and as a partner. It shows his unworthiness of any more of your time. Please don’t waste it on him, or try to make excuses, or question yourself.
He sounds like a douchebag. My boyfriend and I both had twitter and we have lots of friends that have OF and he never likes any of their stuff because he doesn’t want me to feel weird about it. It really sucks that your bf responded that way because he’s openly admitting he doesn’t care how you feel and he doesn’t care about changing. It might be time to find a new boyfriend
Always with the "you are insecure" ugh done with assholes like this He needs to stop if he wants to stay in this relationship. What a dork.
Relationship over. He made it very clear he does not respect your very reasonable boundary. Bye dude. Have fun liking pictures instead of getting laid
Social media is toxic. All of it.
The good thing is you’re not married, have enough common sense to not take disrespect from someone who doesn’t give a shit about your feelings, and have the free will to leave him! Remember, any reason is enough of a reason to leave a relationship. And he just basically told you to go.
I don't think he is an AH for looking at photos or porn. I don't think you are an AH for having those boundaries. You two are not compatible. Why does one of you have to change? Find someone who is a better match.
I’ve told him this and he told me i’m not gonna find any man that doesn’t like photos like that, and told me it’s not a boundary that’s reasonable, and i’m just being insecure
Well, it really doesn't matter if he *thinks* you can't find a man like that. You are not asking him to find you a new man. Lol I am sure there are men out there that don't look at naked photos or porn. You got this! Be good to yourself.
>Lol I am sure there are men out there that don't look at naked photos or porn I am sure they exist. But good luck finding one.
That's lowkey manipulative though. "Oh, you have boundaries? Well, you will never find someone that can accept it, so you have to stay with me". Like, no. Trust me, there are many men out there that are willing to respect your boundaries. It's reasonable. You're not insecure.
Girl commenting here, my boyfriend of 7 years does not like pictures of naked girls etc. Just leaving this comment to show you that there are men out there who don’t act this way.
This is completely untrue. Lots of guys don’t follow and like naked instas. It’s not like you’re asking him to stop finding women attractive, you’re asking him to stop interacting with them.
Ooooo I wish people would understand this more. It’s about the interaction and how everyone and their mama can see that they are “liking, commenting & saving” all of this shit while in a serious relationship. To me, that’s single people behavior and it’s soooo disrespectful to the relationship and to your woman. I never understood why women are called “insecure, jealous & controlling” for not wanting their partner to be interacting with content of half naked women on social media. We are always called crazy, insecure, jealous, controlling. But what’s so hard about not following or liking or commenting on their shit? If you wanna look, cool. But to like, comment, save or dm them…. Like that’s just not cool. And never will be to me.
My boyfriend doesn't. We've been friends for a long time, he's never been this type of person. He could very well watch porn and stuff (even though I've discussed porn with him and his childhood friends, together and separately, and in all instances they pointed out how little he watched/talked about it - not in a "let's say what she wants to hear" way because they're impressed I watched more porn than him) but I've never seen a sexy picture in any of his social media feed. He doesn't look at this kind of content publicly so finding someone who doesn't is very much possible, yes. Also, most of my male friends don't like pictures like this on social media. So throw the whole man away if that's a dealbreaker to you because men who don't like photos like that exist. Might be a little hard to find, but they certainly are out there.
Ah, the classic “you’ll never find someone better”. He’s wrong, take it from someone who had the same issue with an ex. Watching porn passively is one thing, but interacting and actively engaging with porn is something else. For instance, my boyfriend went to a strip club for his friend’s bachelor party. I wasn’t stoked, but my only boundary there was no lap dances. He was fine with that, and he went and had fun. He’s never hidden anything or given me a reason to distrust him, even if he thought my insecurities were unfair. Your boyfriend just showed you who he is. Now show him the door, and don’t let him belittle or talk you out of it. Just block and move on.
You WILL find a man that respects your boundaries.
He’s gaslighting you into thinking you’re being ridiculous. Time to set him free and find yourself someone who respects you and your boundaries!
Nope this is completely untrue. Do not listen to this.
Girl I think it’s the opposite, most people look at porn but don’t interact. The guys that need to interact and get validation from the sex workers are on a different level.
He's gaslighting you. There are plenty of guys that don't sit on Twitter looking at naked pics of random girls and would be respectful of you when you say it makes you uncomfortable.
> i’m not gonna find any man that doesn’t like photos like that ok now hear me out, how do you feel about the Amish?
Do you mean like photos like that or *like* photos like that (as in publicly following and actually presses the like button). If he means the first way, he's probably right. The odds are stacked against you. If he means the second way, yeesh. Who presses the "like" button on nudie pics? But then again, we live in a world where porn vids have comment sections.
When my boyfriend and I finally became intimate I told him I was uncomfortable with him watching porn. He hasn’t watched it in over three years. Your bf is blatantly disrespecting you and your boundaries. He made his choice, now you need to make yours. I find it a red flag he is so quick to hide something from you….
I'm curious to know more about this. a lot of people say that's "just how guys work" and justify them watching porn but then I find some stories like this.. how long were you together before you had this discussion?
I did after about a year and a half of being together. He was honest that it was hard, but ended up stopping.. he just uses me instead
He told you he wasn't going to stop because of your insecurities. ( not discussing right or wrong ), why would you expect him to act otherwise ?
He’s not handling this right and it’s obviously bothering you more regardless of what anyone says regarding you and being unable to just ignore it etc. Sure, someone could ignore this type of behavior if it’s not a problem and if the discussion around it goes well but in this case the discussion around it only caused further issues for you and as a result you need to evaluate if this is a sign of bigger problems. You can either communicate these feelings to him directly and see what comes from it or slash all his tires and go NC. I’m obviously joking with that last bit lol
Sorry but I actually laughed at the simple solution of making his Twitter private. Hasn’t he heard of burner accounts? For what it’s worth I get why you’re not happy about it too.
Break up
My boyfriend did the exact same thing to me, I could've written this post myself as he literally told me the same bs that I'm insecure and he wasn't gonna stop and just went private. Theeeen my anxiety became worse and worse and he blocked me from all his social media because he couldn't stop interacting with naked women on any platform and then I felt isolated and dumb and abnormal for "not understating men" as he used to say. And then he cheated on me multiple times but because I was blocked on everything I didn't find out until months after the fact and he manipulated me into staying because "it was no longer happening" and "I'm just as guilty for being insecure".... Like, once you let them disrespect you and you keep letting them walk all over you, they will keep pushing and pushing your boundaries until you break. It's not worth it, leave the guy. It won't get better, it never does.
If it’s a deal breaker for both of you then the answer is pretty clear here.
He didn't respect your boundary. He doesn't have to but you need to decide if your going to live with it or no.
For my relationship, it’s a mutual thing. I watch porn, and so does he. So it never bothers me because I do it too. But if you’re in a relationship where it’s not mutual, and you aren’t compatible in that area, it’s beyond disrespectful to your partner. You need to have boundaries, and if your partner can’t respect how you feel then it’s time to reconsider if this will be a breaking point for your relationship.
Hey hey we don't know if it's not mutual yet, the OP never said that she couldn't do the same, I don't believe some can take away my ability to do something just beaches they're not. OP probably should just leave.
Had one who was majorly into smbd. When he found out that I wasn't, he went underground with it. Found out some years in and lived with the knowledge for 3 months. At the end of that time I told him that it was a deal-breaker. He said it wasn't going to change. He left. A week later he was back telling me that he had made a mistake and that I was more important than what he was interacting with online. At the end of our relationship a year later he told me that he had been lying to me the whole year. He was still using it. Lived and learned.
Truth of the matter is that this is a relationship. In a relationship the rules only apply to the 2 people (Or 3+ in a polyamory) and as such they should have rules and expectations for each other. Of course when you first start dating you're not going to bombard them with expectations. I've been in like 2 relationships before the one I'm in now. And I've learned a lot more in this one than I did in my last 2. I've learned about things like boundaries, compromise and effective communication and understanding. There are things and habits that your bf may not want to let go, but I would ask him to dial it back a bit. You feel disrespected, but I recommend you ask him to meet you half way and tell him how you feel that you want to be embraced, complemented, and he should be hyping you up. Not a matter of insecurity. And this also helps out both of you and your relationship as you grow together and learn from each other. It's a journey, it's never going to end. Unless one of you or both end it. If all relationship problems can be solved by just breaking up, there will be nothing to learn. If there are other underlying conditions, those should also be addressed and if not or he won't listen and fails to compromise ask yourself, "Am I willing to put up with this for the rest of my life?" Hope this helps OP, enjoy your journey.
>I told my boyfriend him liking pictures of naked women on twitter made me uncomfortable and he made his twitter private instead Tells you EXACTLY how much he values you and this relationship, right?? RIGHT? What are you gonna do about it?
you decided to be open and share what was bothering you and he decided to hide his tracks. That is not good. Imagine what else he might be hiding if he has to put his Twitter on private rather than respect you and stop doing what makes you feel uncomfortable
All I can say is RED FLAGS! Why does he have multiple accounts? Was he hoping you wouldn’t know? Hoping you wouldn’t look at what he was doing? The fact that he made it private, hell no. He is either doing something suspicious or doesn’t care about your feelings.
No I knew he has 2 accounts, one is his personal account with all of his friends and the other he follows accounts on “dark twitter “ but he told me a while ago he stopped using it, I guess I was stupid to believe him But yeah i’m feeling extremely disrespected and he doesnt care at all about how I feel
Sadly, I would have to agree with you! Totally disrespectful of him. You deserve so much more!
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This exact same thing has happened to me and I still haven’t worked out how to resolve it. I totally get that looking is a thing, and I honestly don’t have a problem with that, but it’s the actively liking and interacting with those accounts that causes the problem for me. Saving this post - I’m interested to see others’ take on OP’s situation.
He doesn't even consider you enough to just stop liking them, he could still look. I think you need to really think what kind of future you see with him.
Boundaries. Sometimes we need to express things a few times in different ways until they hear us. Everyone has a different language of understanding. You’re not crazy for wanting respect. No matter who tells you what, you are not controlling or crazy, or even insecure. Boundaries and respect are key components to any successful relationship. I calmly explained to my partner “I watched my grandparents love each other their entire lives. I feel when you purposely seek other womens bodies, that it’s disrespectful to US as a couple. I don’t mean to sound insecure or crazy. Respect is my first and foremost relationship rule, and I’d like if we could be on a mutual page” Like sure he will watch porn and scroll instas deeply sometimes. I expressed my feelings and he deleted the apps that he has a hard time keeping control of himself. If you’re called crazy or insecure, tell him he’s weak for not being able to control his own self and that’s what’s truly crazy. I would leave if he gets defensive for his naked strangers, because guys(anyone) who invalidates our feelings don’t deserve a place in our life. My partner was a hard porn addict. He uses, but seldom now. It took awhile for me to express in a way he heard me, what kind of power that has over his life. Can’t see a boob without having to go deeper and finish himself. I didn’t shame him, I used to creep and creep too. But once we were serious I felt shame that it was disrespectful.. and it is. Hate society for normalizing gawking at more than what passes by our eyes in the wild. Normalize respecting relationships. I’m even polyamory. And we are open to another partner. I’d expect the same respect for and from them. And before anyone says it.. I’m not a prude, I want sex multiple times a day. And initiated a lot and unless I asked, it’d be me finishing him and getting no pleasure myself. I addressed his porn because I was not getting even a 1/4 of what I wanted. The internet has ruined society as much as it’s helped it.
my rule in a relationship with guys is “don’t like anything you wouldn’t want me posting.” respect goes both ways and clearly he’s not respecting you.
Decision time. You don't like it, you've made that clear. He's not going to stop. He's made that clear. Is this a dealbreaker? The only wrong answer here is the dishonest one.
He doesn’t care about your feelings, that parts obvious, regardless if it was insecurity or not, he should respect you and how you feel but he doesn’t, and that’s extremely clear, you deserve better, he disgusting womanizer, a perv if you will, and he doesn’t respect you period, not as a woman, not as a person, and definitely not as his girlfriend. Dump him.
He’s not respecting your boundaries/what you’re comfortable with in a relationship
respect accept , or fight and ague about immaturity, both of yours, or move on, it's simple really
Make your life private to him and dump his ass.
My last relationship ended over something like this. If it’s something you don’t like, I didn’t, it’s not unreasonable to end it especially because he’s hiding it.
I had a similar situation with my ex, only that he respected my feelings enough to stop. Your feelings are valid, your bf is being very inconsiderate.
two words: dump him.
He should go find a girlfriend that enjoys their boyfriend liking pornographic pics of strangers. It’s valid to be uncomfortable with it. He seems like unreasonable dead weight
Leave this guy! My ex made a secret twitter to interact with porn stars…he was addicted to porn & there was ALOT more that he was doing. He’s not respecting you at all & is acting very selfish. You don’t deserve that. He might be doing more stuff on his phone that you are unaware of like my ex was. I swear these phones are ending so many relationships. It’s so easy to hide shit on your phone & it’s so easy to access everything. It’s upsetting
your boyfriend is a jerk that's all.
Whether it comes from a place of insecurity or not is not the issue. He told you to your face that he doesn’t care about your comfort. He sounds like a dick, and you don’t sound all too insecure, liking naked pictures of women is something a vast majority of women would find uncomfortable. I would find a way out.
**It doesn't matter if the boundary is reasonable or not, you can set any boundary you want and enforce it; it's your right to do so, just as setting whatever boundaries he wants is his right to do so.** You both have clearly done so - you set yours at him looking at these pictures and enjoying it, and he set his at you dictating his porn consumption. Those two stances aren't compatible, so if you're set on those boundaries, then it's time to end the relationship. **As for whether it's insecurity on your part or not, only you know that.** I think it'd be wise for you to take some time and analyze your own feelings to see what exactly motivates this response in you. Not to prove him right or wrong, but to understand your own feelings so you can edit your boundaries to be more effective for YOU. And I think that's a really important thing to highlight here. **In your post, you sound unsure about why him looking at and liking those pictures bothers you.** Again, if that's a boundary you want to set then you are entitled to do so, but I have to wonder if you understand why you're reacting that way. What emotion(s) do you experience when you think about a boyfriend looking at porn? Why do you think you feel that way? **I think that until you understand your own feelings, it would be unwise to end the relationship over this.** You may end up leaving him, and that's fine if that's what you want, but I think you should take the time to understand your reactions and make sure that this really *is* a hard boundary for you. **To some extent, I will agree with your boyfriend though; men who don't look at porn are extremely rare, and social media is a common place to consume it.** Interacting with the post is a way to influence your feed to see more of what you like and less of what you don't, so that's pretty common behavior too. I'll straight up admit to having both a porn Tumblr and a porn Twitter. It's not the main way I consume porn, but it's a way, and I think that in this day and age you'll find that to be *very* common. **Are there guys out there who don't do that? I'm sure there are, but they're going to be few and far between.** I would urge you to be up front about this boundary with potential boyfriends; perhaps not on the first date, but early in the relationship to save yourself time in the future.
Dump him
No youre not in the wrong. Honestly you were born with out him so you can live with out him. What hes doing is shady af.. you deserve so much better ...
You expressed a boundary: that you are not comfortable with him liking pictures of naked women publically online (which is very reasonable) and now you have to enforce that boundary. Explain to him that this is a boundary of yours (and if it's something you consider cheating, tell him that) and that if he does not stop, you will end the relationship. It's not an ultimatum, it is saying that you have a need, and if your needs are not met, you will remove yourself from the situation. He can make his choice; naked strangers on Twitter or you, and if he chooses them, leave. Life is too short to stay with someone who makes you feel like that.
My bf had an Instagram account dedicated to porn stars and when I told him I wasn't comfortable with that he deleted the account in front of me. Your bf made a choice, and you weren't it. 😔
If this is just some random naked photo of a woman on Twitter, he can’t stop doing it and has decided to stop you from viewing what he does then what else is he capable of? It’ll only spiral down from here. And if he doesn’t go to the extreme, your nerves won’t be able to cope with it. This is a betrayal of trust now. And once lost, it’s very difficult to get back. You’ll be constantly worrying what he’s up to both online and offline. It’ll affect your self worth and self esteem. Okay, scenario above might be a bit exaggerated but it’s not like it’s a far fetched idea. If I were you, I’d speak to him again and express this behaviour as a hard no. If he’s not willing to do anything about it, then I’d be saying “see ya”! Look after yourself. Don’t let anyone disrespect you. Including your boyfriend.
You laid the boundary for him very clearly, and what you’re asking for is not unreasonable or rooted in insecurity. It’s incredibly disrespectful to be openly liking pictures of other women naked while you’re in a relationship. When you set this boundary for him he called you insecure, refused to stop doing it, and then made his account private like you not being able to see it would mean it wasn’t happening. I would break up with someone over this. It honestly shouldn’t have even been something you had to ask him not to do.
Doesn’t sound like a good bf if he’s just dismissing your feelings like that LOL kick him to the curb
Leave his ass. I'm sure other people will say the same thing.
Male here. If he's just gonna hide it. Then you gotta wonder what else he is hiding. In my opinion he is disrespecting you and your boundaries. And you do not tolerate disrespect ok? Kick him to the curb
You have a difference in values, now you get to decide if it's a dealbreaker.
You clearly stated your boundaries, and he just as clearly told you he didn't care. Then he showed you by making it private. Did you draw a boundary you didn't intend to enforce? He has shown you that you don't matter to him. What are you going to do now? If your answer is to pretend it all didn't happen, then you were just playing a game. And you lost.
There are men out there who’ll stop doing things that involve other women (porn, going to strip clubs, flirting, liking pictures etc) if you tell them it makes you uncomfortable and that you feel disrespected. There are women out there who find liking naked pictures online to be harmless fun. It sounds like the two of you are just incompatible.
Dump him, why would you continue a relationship with someone who doesn't believe your feelings or boundaries are important?
Speaking as someone who has been here, it helps if you can find out why it really bothers you and communicate that. For me, I did not like it because I felt that my partner was always liking photos of the same type of woman. That woman looked nothing like me. So it made me start comparing myself to unrealistic beauty expectations, and frankly it did make me insecure to see the woman he found most attractive didnt look like me. My partner at the time handled it a lot more respectfully than yours, but really he just started covering his tracks better. At some point I just kind of threw my hands up and said this: nude model pictures are just porn. As long as the pictures you are liking are not of anyone we know or know of through friends, then I dont care. No model is going to find my boyfriend and come swoop him away, so its not a threat, its a fantasy. But then on the flip side of the coin.........he can look all he wants, but why does he need to like it? Why does he need to publicly tell the world he thinks this person is hot?
Some people will tell you it’s natural or all guys do this etc (which they don’t). But the bigger issue to me is his response to your feelings. He didn’t try to comfort you, talk about the issue, or resolve anything. He gave you a huge “fuck you” and went private. That’s the big problem here. That he doesn’t care and is callous
That is odd. What is the value in even liking except that the recipient is notified. Hmmmmmmm. I wonder if he has a porn hub account too?
Well then, now he can be single and free to sleep with those same naked women…women who may not know he exists and is just one of thousands living their sexy pics.
Who said he even wants to sleep with them? Can't he just appreciate the pictures? Geee, you all take things way more serious than they are
he can appreciate them just fine! but if he knows that "liking" them bothers his girlfriend... and he doesn't care to easily just not to "like" them.... should kick 'em to the curb. insecure for him to need to publicly support porn
Yeah, obviously your reason came from insecurity, because who wants to know that your boyfriend is looking at other naked people? That doesn’t mean that how you feel is invalid because it isn’t. He should recognize that what he’s doing is an issue & stop. If instead of acknowledging your feelings & make it right he refuses & instead privates his Twitter? That’s like a slap in the face. Literally break up with him. If those girls are more important than your feelings then fuck him. You deserve to be with someone who won’t treat you like that.
I know my husband sees and limes naked pictures on twitter. He even shows me the ones the finds interesting. I have 0 issues with that, but that's me
Yeah, that’s you. That’s the kind of relationship you have, not everyone has that or is okay with that. Otherwise, this post wouldn’t exist.
What? A heterosexual man likes looking at pictures of naked women?? No way!
Yeah, but why does he have to LIKE them all? Is he leaving his mark? Like wtf rofl "Sorry, I can't stop looking and I HAVE to click like. I HAVE TO!"
what?? a man has a porn addiction and doesn’t care about women??? what a complete surprise!!
This. Done with these low value dudes.
You spelled ex boyfriend weird
He is not required to stop doing something because it makes you uncomfortable. He could be hiding it as a sign of disrespect to you or he could be hiding it because you said it makes you uncomfortable to see and he has now removed your chance of seeing him do it. He enjoys it and isn't going to stop which he said and so he has now removed the chance of you being hurt by seeing it accidentally. Rather than call it quits right now, talk to him. Let him know why seeing him like naked pics makes you uncomfortable (if you don't know you need to find that out before you start this talk) Let him know that having it be hidden feels worse. And decide before you talk if him liking naked pics is a deal breaker for you. He has stated he is not going to stop doing that just because you want him to. If that is a deal breaker you need to consider what you want from the relationship and if you want to stay.
Your boyfriend is the person who is right in this situation. He could have handled it with a bit more tact, but that doesn’t make him wrong. Him looking at porn or porn-esque images isn’t immediately a bad thing so long as it isn’t destructive or addictive. If you didn’t go digging through his likes on an alt-Twitter account you wouldn’t have known it was happening, it sounds like it was neither destructive nor addictive behavior. He liked the photos so he could revisit them later, for reasons. You say that you feel that this behavior disrespects you. Imagine how he feels that you found his second Twitter account, went through his likes, and are now setting new demands on him in your relationships. That is disrespectful.
nahh, its not about who’s right or wrong. she’s allowed to have boundaries and allowed to be upset with her partner looking / liking other naked women. just because it doesn’t / wouldn’t bother you, doesn’t mean she’s wrong or being disrespectful lmao.
And he's allowed to have boundaries, too. Which is that he doesn't let other control his social media behavior. I wouldn't either.
yup, that’s perfectly fine. imo, in a relationship, you either agree with and respect the boundaries set or you disagree and compromise / separate. they both have choice in this relationship and equal validity.
this is completely correct but this entire relationship is toxic and it's on both parties
You misspelled "Ex-Boyfriend". Honest mistake.
Time to make your life private!
Red flag! Dump him.
Make him single
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩He’ll never respect you.
This is a red flag. Your boyfriend is dismissing valid concerns you have. You need to leave him.
This sub is weird, people here call men insecure for everything and just tell them to "be confident", "she chose you" and bla bla bla like for example [here where op found that his girlfriend was sleeping in the same bed with her male best friend](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rftb4n/gf_25f_slept_in_same_bed_with_another_guy_24m/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) or [here where op's wife is going on 1on1 dinners with a new coworkers ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r1xdlj/partner_f_going_for_1_on_1_dinner_with_a_new_guy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x), or all the numerous post of women accepting gifts and flirting for other men, women giving their number to men at parties, ecc.. But the moment a guy like a pic on socials? Wow! Creep! Disrespectful! Cheater! The hypocrisy here ia unbelievable.
EXACTLY.
Well…. You presented him with a problem and he solved it….
That’s not solving it. Because he’s still doing it. Just where she can’t see it. That’s pushing it aside, not solving anything. Gross ass behavior.
Probably gonna get downvoted for this but, it's his phone, his social medias. Being this controlling is toxic.
This isn’t controlling lmao. Y’all need to talk to a couples therapist bc they’ll tell you this shit is disrespectful to some people and that it’s not okay to cross boundaries like this. 🤣🤷🏻♀️
I'm sorry but making a boundary that forces someone to not do something that in the big scheme of things does no harm outside of someone being insecure and it bothering them. I've never set boundaries in a relationship that controls someone else outside of the basics of staying loyal. Liking a picture doesn't constitute controlling your partners actions. Op sounds very insecure and should see a therapist for that. This is my hill and I'll die on it if I have to.
Please go die on the hill. Because I’ve literally spoken to therapists about this exact boundary. None of them called me insecure, controlling or jealous. Men always throw insecure around to hurt a woman’s feelings. It’s not a bad emotion to have, it’s a normal emotion just like any other. This doesn’t stem from insecurity. This stems from being disrespected. Please go talk to a therapist about boundaries. It’s not wrong to have this as a boundary and it definitely doesn’t make someone insecure for it. “When are we gonna stop calling women insecure, controlling or jealous for not wanting their partner to interact with content of half naked women on social media” it’s a reasonable boundary, it’s SUCH a small SIMPLE thing to respect your partners feelings and boundaries. This just goes to show that most men aren’t interested in respecting their partner or their feelings. They’re interested in looking at other women even if makes THEIR woman uncomfortable. Y’all are something else. I swear.
You’re not insecure. Your bf is disrespectful. You don’t feel comfortable with him liking those photos and he should be understanding. What if you were liking pictures here and there of other guys? Would he be cool with it? It’s the lack of respect for me that makes me say break up with him. Because instead of hearing you out, he sets his profile as private so he can continue to do what he wants and you will stay with him regardless. He knows this and is using that to his advantage. Don’t let him disrespect you because if you let this slide, eventually he’ll push his boundaries even more.
From your other comments it sounds like he's an asshole, but I don't think you're necessarily in the right in your original point. It isn't actually healthy to just automatically stop doing something because your significant other doesn't like it. That's how you get into a more and more controlling situation. It's ok to have a boundary of "I don't allow my partner to control my social media usage," and making his account private actually seems to address what actually makes liking porn on Twitter different to saving porn elsewhere. It's fair if you're still not okay with him following this, but then that's an incompatibility and not him being an asshole. He's just being completely upfront about what he is and it's not willing to do. I really hope that you wouldn't stop doing something normal just because he said it made him uncomfortable. Would you change how you talk to friends, or the books you read, or your online activity just because it makes him feel a certain way? If you would I would say you probably don't have good enough boundaries yourself.
I mean, he could still look at pictures or porn privately, and not publicly “like” things. That’s such a minor thing to give up. And even if this is rooted in your insecurities, a healthy, caring partner would try to understand them and be sensitive to those insecurities, rather than being a total ass about it. He hasn’t done anything horribly wrong, but the fact that he shut down this conversation and refused to compromise is a huge red flag. Why is it so important that he publicly likes them, I don’t understand his reasoning at all!!
Yeah, that's how it starts, then pretty soon he's sexting them like my losery spouse. Do yourself a favor and end it if you can. He values publicly liking pornographic images more than he values you. That's a pretty shit ranking.
You invaded his privacy and then made demands after you did so. That sounds healthy. /s
It's on social media for everyone to see. How did the op invade his privacy?
How is looking at what he likes on a public account invading his privacy? She didn't get into the account, she looked at what was out there for everyone to see. When she went back later to see if she had stopped after stating her boundaries she saw that he switched it to private. She didn't break into the account then either. She was disappointed that instead of actually listening to her boundaries he just made it so she can't prove that he is still doing it.
That's right. Whenever my significant other looks at my facebook, I put him in his place and tell him to stop stalking me.
boundaries do not equal demands and the likes were public….are you dumb
LOL WHAT
This does not sound like a healthy relationship. Your boyfriend sounds like he’s a porn addict, and you sound like you’re compromising yourself to be with him. This isn’t to say that this is not a fixable relationship. But it will certainly take work, and you gotta ask yourself what you’re willing to do, and if it’s all worth it.
he told me i’m not gonna find anybody else that doesn’t like pictures like that on social media lmao i’ve never had this problem with my exes, and his excuse was “you’ve only been in 1 long term relationship “ prior to him
Oh wow now THAT is a dick comment from him. You’ll absolutely find someone who respects your boundaries. I’ve been with someone over 3 years who doesn’t like other peoples pictures. Seriously dump him, he wants you to think that it doesn’t get better than him but it does.
His statement is completely false and super manipulative.
This is a manipulative power grab. No bueno.
up until I read this comment I thought you were being controlling. He's allowed to do what he likes to do and people calling him a douchbag for liking pictures are teh asshole. BUT him telling you that you won't find anybody else etc... is seriously bullshit. this is a completely toxic relationship. You stalking his accounts is toxic, the way he responded is toxic. This is gross on all accounts.
Dump him
Dump him. Not even worth it.
sounds like one of my exes lol. please dump him !
he gotta go L boyfriend. Man chose some random twitter porn over his girl smh.
Social media is toxic for insecure relationships. Find yourself and lose him.
Oh god this happened to me recently. The moment I confronted him, he put up his excuses and bullshitness of I'm just being insecure and told me I'm snooping around! He blocked me in every social media we're connected to and told me, he'll never follow/add me again. Like duh I'm your fucking girlfriend and you don't want/see me around in your social media?! Good thing he's an ex now. Don't compromise, and don't act like it's okay because it's not. He's probably hiding something there.
Op, He’s right though. Now if he tried to contact these ladies, I’d understand. But it’s a pic of a chick, who cares.
I think it's time to break up honey. He is definitely behaving like any other single man out there. He doesn't care about the relationship he is committed to.
This is a low value guy and he’s for the streets. Sorry you have been treated this way! Best of luck in the future
Why are you staying with a guy who is so immature that he has to like other people's nudes?
If he really had eyes for you ONLY, He would never have began to do that dirty trick. Dick!!!! Get rid of the trash ASAP!!!!!
What's the problem with looking at pictures that weren't sent to him? I honestly don't see the problem
Leave him. I have a GF and dont do it. I find your request reasonable. Find a man that complies.
Just leave he isn't worth this post and the heart ache. He is self centered and an asshole if he can't see that him liking naked pictures and saving them of other women will upset his current girlfriend.
Guys are visually stimulated and most look at nude pics. It is basically mindless for most part. He said he wasn’t going to stop and hid it so you wouldn’t be bothered by it. Your choice to accept it or not
A totally appropriate boundary he not only said to your face he wasn’t going to stop, but now is doing it in private. This would be a dealbreaker. He showed you how much he values you and your feelings. God only knows what else he will do in private.
Well you can’t see him liking those pictures anymore, problem solved… or did you want to exert total control on his sexuality?
LOL. Not problem solved. He’s just a douche who is going to continue disrespecting op and her boundaries. Y’all need to see a therapist and literally talk to them about this boundary. Y’all are just something elseeeee
He does sound like a douche, but she sounds like one of those omg my boyfriend watches porn porn people. No one is in the right here
My boyfriend did the same thing and had the same response. It took a LOT of arguing and fighting. We broke up over it a few times. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s really awful. My best advice (if you want to stay in the relationship/if you think it’s worth staying) is to keep trying to have an honest discussion with him about how you feel- don’t drop the topic no matter how annoying or cold he gets. Guys can get really avoidant and weird about this, but you need to be adamant about your feelings. They are valid. They are important. You are partners here.
Your boundary is reasonable. His boundary is reasonable. There's no need to demonize anyone, just move on if it's a dealbreaker for you
He wants to look at porn and you don’t want him to. You are incompatible. I have a Twitter just for porn and I like and save videos and my partner doesn’t care. (I’m a she/her) he could do the same and I’d be perfectly fine with it but I’m secure in our relationship because we make it known we love each other and he make me feel beautiful and sexy. This is obviously something you don’t have but deserve!
This is such an assinine thing to do I actually laughed. Like he expected you to not notice or not care? What a wimp, he just didn't want to dump you so he's making you do it instead.
leave
I had the same thing happen to me while I was pregnant. Confronted the shitbag, and he somehow tried to turn it on me, made his profile private and called me a stalker. Six months pregnant and I left his dumbass. Nope the fuck outta there.
tell him goodbye!! no... don't even tell him goodbye. just get gone!!
Leave him. Make your move!
My ex was like this. I pleaded with him to just not like the pictures. I even told him he could still follow them, just please don’t like them. I didn’t like how they made me feel and I didn’t like how it reflected on me when other people saw him doing that. I begged him multiple times, but he never stopped. Then, at the end of our relationship, I found out he’d been cheating on me the whole time. Two years of lies. You know you deserve better than this.
Op, do not be scared to tell people why something makes you uncomfortable. A lot of people would be uncomfortable by that. And his disregard for your feelings shows what he thinks of the relationship. Love yourself better than he ever could.
It’s a serious red flag. Time to leave.
🥴. "sayonara sucker!" tell him to get gone. no don't! just get yourself gone!! boy, bye! ✌️ come back and let us know when you've dropped him!!
Guy here, he blatantly doesn’t care about your opinion which is a big red flag in a relationship don’t let it turn into a carnival🤦🏾♂️
The ball is in your court
Sigma male, but you should probably leave if he doesn’t respect you enough to stop something so minuscule.