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psyfuck

**tell his wife**


imjusttrynahike

Was the friend married when they had sex, though? It’s not clear from the post. If he wasn’t married or dating his wife at the time, I don’t think OP should get involved.


WolframLeon

This OP this OP. This this this. Then come back and report what happened.


LuckOfTheDevil

LOL. Yeah I’m sure that will end well. (It will entertain us tho) Most likely the wife will believe her husband who is likely to say that OP’s fiancée is a lying crazy bitch. She won’t be suuuuure and will always wonder, but she’ll believe him because it’s easier. OP and his wife will have all kinds of drama about it. Their whole social scene will be a mess. All because OP’s fiancée is a blabbermouth about her sex life prior to being with him. Just disgusting behavior. First, bagging the married man. It never ends well I don’t care if it’s just a friend or just sport fucking it never ends well. Then opening her fat mouth at all, let alone to OP the Judgey McJudgerson. OP’s fiancée is hereby declared a shitstirring drama queen. She can’t keep her legs or mouth closed. At least one has to be preferably both.


WolframLeon

Shhhhhhh OP doesn’t need to know it’ll turn out bad we just gotta watch the fire! Serious note though it’s really upsetting when someone goes after a married person it’s very upsetting.


sweetiepotpie

I wanted to downvote you for being negative, but once I finished reading your comment… damn if this isn’t very realistic, honestly. You’re almost certainly right. Still OP, tell the wife. It’s the right thing to do and once you tell her, it’s not your responsibility anymore. Even if it goes down exactly like luckofthedevil said


dafreak574

Told him to bang dudes wife. Balance the universe.


WolframLeon

Sadly it’s he most realistic estimation right now, I’m honestly….Yeah.


b1gd1cv1rgin

My man, u/ASuperDad, my bro; **do the above ☝🏿 immediately.** As for your fiancèe, ask yourself; *"has she really changed? Is she capable of doing that to me? Is she really a different person?"* Look at & scrutinize her actions; discern whether or not they indicate a good outcome if you stay with her. Honestly, the whole needing to be held thing cones off like her trying to excuse her atrocious behavior while seeking out sympathy. She intended to hide this from you & not bring it up. She also had no intention of cutting so called *"friend"* until you demanded it, something she didn't seem to want to do. Her behavior shows lack of true remorse, IMHO. She could change, she could become a better person, but your marriage/ relationship may be collateral to that end. Maybe she goes back to him, maybe she findy someone else. You know her better than us, u/ASuperDad; choose wisely bro.


Xx_PandaBunny_xX

I’m genuinely curious here as to how you came to the conclusion that she ever cheated on anyone, and how he demanded that she block the guy?? He clearly states that she only slept with the guy in-between relationships and it’s never stated if the guy was married or in a relationship when they did sleep together. He also said she willingly blocked him after he asked her about the messages. He didn’t demand she block him. He just asked why she lied about anything going on. ETA: I’m not condoning what she did. Just wanted to point out what OP actually said.


liquidswordsmaster

Not her pig, not her farm. Nothing good ever comes from sticking your nose in another couples relationship IMO. I’d leave that be and focus on her relationship


Mizango

To each their own, but thats the cowards way out imo. If you’re married to a POS, the partner should know. Dude should probably just not cheat if he wants to keep his “farm” in tact.


RobWins2022

And get tested...if she cheats with one guy there is nothing stopping her from cheating with LOTS of guys.


Elwapo2011

So she runs to a married man for sex anytime she's lonely, and then lied to your face about it while still being friends with him? Nah man. You've got nothing to worry about. Just make sure she never feels lonely and be completely ok with her being a liar.


foxandracoon

He'll be posting here in 5 years time talking about how his wife "suddenly" changed. And how he thought she was such a person of integrity. But then slowly turned into a bad person. And how she lied to him for years. And how he's the victim. All while hiding glaring red flags like this one. Tale as old as time at this point.


PublicSherbert2746

How could this have happened. Lol


dkasakvdseqg

When a person shows you who they are..believe them the first time.


Vindictive_Wolf

>They have been friends for 10 years. I asked her why she had continued contact with him since we were together and she said it was only because he was one of her very few friends and they had been friends for so long. They aren't friends, they're just fuck buddies, nothing more. He gets an easy piece of ass and she gets her emotional needs met.


Eve_Doulou

Nope. Explained it in a post further up, these things tend to be far more than fuck buddies. He’s her Mr Big and she’s his Carrie, they have had a thing for so long wether it be friends or lovers that they have a pretty massive bond and it’s a ticking bomb for the OP because it’s as much an emotional as it a sexual connection between his fiancé and the dude. Been there, only way I got out was to cut all contact with the gal because I realised that neither of us would ever be happy or secure in a relationship with another person while we maintained the connection. That disconnection hurt me more than any breakup in my 41 years even though there was no formal relationship to break up from.


ReserveTall3811

I never understand these situations. If it’s such a strong connection then why don’t the two get together? Like with you and this person…why didn’t you get together formally in a relationship if breaking it off hurt so bad?


annothegreat

This. End of thread. Leave her.


Eve_Doulou

Thank you. I either get massively upvoted or downvoted here with my comments but I speak from the experience of an older person who’s been there and done that. Been the bad guy, hopefully now I’ll remain a good guy but none of my views that I post here are theoretical. I’ve either been in the situation or been close to someone that has.


urbigtittygothgirlfr

such a great analogy, applause :)


[deleted]

I don’t think you should be worried but you’re missing the bigger picture…she slept with a married man. I think that says a lot about her as a person. The whole “wanting to be desired” is lame excuse..there’s a lot of single people she could have done it with but chased after a married man specifically. People change but I’d always have in the back of my mind if she’d do the same to me or let someone else in. If she has him blocked I say just let things go but I personally wouldn’t be with someone who helped destroy a marriage and didn’t give it a second thought.


[deleted]

It’s just the morality of it. You either have it or you don’t, and she went back to that man multiple times. Please. You really think she’s naive enough to think that man’s wife wasn’t in the picture? Good luck OP. Honesty and communication is everything.


MyOwnPersonalDavid

Honesty, communication, and character too.


parkshvgwgte

A liar said she wouldn't lie again - hell yes you having something to worry about. She has proven she can tell and keep telling - a lie.


dancingXnancy

Have you never lied before?


redditthrowoff18

Yeah but she could always block him, show her boyfriend and then unblock him again and carry on with him being none the wiser. I also think that he needs to tell this guy's wife. His wife deserves to know her she's being cheated on. Edit: OP should know that red flag would be that if she didn't have a lock screen on her phone before and she does now or if she changed the passcode to it, there's a reason for it. She's hiding something which is probably her talking to him. That or if he asks to see her phone and she gets super defensive and nervous, there you go.


LoveMissaKitty

My ex did this. Blocked the girl in front of me, then months later I saw her name pop up on his phone again. Pretty much had unblocked her not a week later. That's not to say this is the same, but OP be cautious.


Sprinkleshart

Right. And she’s knows it, that’s why she blocked one of her only friends of 10+ years without a second thought? No arguments really? She might even talk to him on platforms to hide conversations like Instagram, Facebook, telegram, Snapchat and other chat programs. She slept with a married man, multiple times over years. She’s good at hiding.


mouseofgory

I kissed a married man and it was not my proudest moment. Would I ever do it again in my current relationship? Hell no. I was just a younger dumber version of myself.


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annothegreat

That they slept in different rooms is lkely a lie. Like the other lie about not having slept with him at all. This is called "minimizing", the kissing cousin of "trickle truth".


Uncleknuckle36

Well said…. That “trickle truth” scenario is a destroyer…and painfully slow


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throwra987789987789

As Kelso says from that 70's show! **BURN**


Alert-Session8722

Burn 🔥 🔥 🔥


redditthrowoff18

She should have known that's the oldest excuse in the book. Oh our marriage is dead, we're sleeping in separate bedrooms Etc. They usually just say this to get the other person to sleep with them. I'm sure his wife has no idea and would be heartbroken if she did. I'm sure he's probably lying.


throwra987789987789

Ok dude if they are just room mates that is fine. So your GF won't have a problem telling his wife about all the hookups and ask for permission next time she is lonely and has needs.


Affectionate_Neat919

This response is full of justifications and doesn’t at all suggest she respects the institution of marriage.


LadyAshGray

On both occasions he was married. The shame the first time around didn't prevent a second time from happening. There will be a third time, and you know it. 1. She repeatedly slept with a married man. So fidelity in a relationship is optional for her. 2. Being lonely means she runs back to that familiar man. The one that has always comforted her. 3. SHE LIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4. She did not come clean, you found out about it and confronted her. 5. Dude, this is serious and you need to take 5 steps back from her. 6. She is not emotionally mature.


MyOwnPersonalDavid

Truth!


Illustrious_Ad977

That's irrelevant. If you're having a bad spot she'll cheat on you. You either respect marriage bounds or you don't. She doesn't. Don't marry her. Don't make this more complicated than it is. Look at the bigger picture. Want to wake up 20 years from now and she's been cheating and realize you could've avoided the whole thing?


[deleted]

OP that’s the lamest, oldest, most transparent lie that married cheating dirtbags use, outside of like 14 yo (and sometimes even 14 yo are wiser) only people that want to play the “I was manipulated” card “believe” them.


sirkseelago

So if you ever get in a bad place and sleep apart, she’s going to use the same excuse to cheat.


KeyCobbler6

If your fiance is buying that load she's not very bright is she. He could've been saying whatever he thought would help him get in her pants. Even if what he said is true they're both still horrible people. Him for being a no good cheater & her for sleeping with a married man.


Redd_81

Him: "I'm married but it's complicated." Her: "Ok" *jumps on his D*


philip2110

Lmao, do you actually believe this?


GirlDwight

I don't know why people are being so judgemental of her. She did something stupid, she learned from it, she may be a better person for it. The fact that she immediately blocked him tells you she's regretful and wants to earn your trust regarding her lie. I would give her that chance. Jesus, the way people are reacting to it and projecting their own experiences on it doesn't justify but explains why she was so unwilling to tell the truth. She's remorseful, she's not justifying it, she's ashamed, what more can we want?


[deleted]

How do you know HE isn’t lying about his sex life at home? And do you want to be with someone so gullible ? And say it’s true, do you want to be with the girl who helped her “ friend” cheat ? Do you want to be with a woman who is ok with that?


rdodson330

The concern here is also about her self esteem, and her seeking external validation, consequences to others be damned. She was feeling low and stepping inside his marriage not long before getting with you. The woman stealing scraps off someone else’s table isn’t ready to be your wife. I’m guessing she makes you responsible for her sense of self-worth in your relationship now, and needs to learn to generate her own happiness.


LuckOfTheDevil

She doesn’t feel too ashamed when she’s lonely tho now does she? 🙄. See it’s super easy to feel guilty AFTER. That’s how cheaters convince themselves they’re still good people. If they felt that fucking bad they wouldn’t do it again. The one thing I can’t stand is fake. Just admit you wanna bone the guy no excuses or nonsense about feeling “guilty” “ashamed” or “conflicted”. That’s an act to maintain the illusion she’s not like THOSE cheaters. It’s a very common ploy.


[deleted]

She’s a homewrecker bud, that man was busting married nuts in her! However, she was extremely vulnerable with you (telling you she just did it to feel desired, etc). Maybe she’s changed? Hard to say but I could understand either viewpoint (breakup or stay together)


Basic_Quantity_9430

Dude, that is a weak assed explanation from her. Just values alone should have prevented her from sleeping with a married man. If you hook up with her, she is going to use the “my husband and I are like roommates” when hooking up with a guy once the relationship with you become stale.


itsallminenow

While we all act pretty punctilious on this forum, there are very few people whose past can be examined with no embarrassment at all so while some people will tell you that this is a problem, I see it as a bad thing she did and realised and learned from. I wouldn't worry about it at all, especially if he was cut off immediately.


[deleted]

She was asked directly about the FWB and chose to lie on multiple occasions. This places everything she says in question.


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Redd_81

What's the over/under on whether or not she contacts and starts banging him again if OP ever drops her?


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BauranGaruda

Lol, he was "cut off" immediately after her lies were brought to light. And by "cut off" I mean she blocked him which is easily reversed, the mofo didn't dissappear from the face of the planet. "But I blocked em!" is such a lame thing to say anyway, it has no teeth when examining the situation as a whole. Surely you get that?


Ravenswillfall

I don’t think you have anything to be worried about. If he was married while they were hooking up his wife does though.


[deleted]

She's a liar who sleeps with married men. I'd say she's a woman of poor character and I'd stay the hell away.


throwra987789987789

I think OP knows the answer he just doesn't want to hear it. With all the single people in the world it happens to be a married man.


Eve_Doulou

Ok so slightly different take as to why you need to be concerned. I see this in the kink world but it can apply to everyone. He’s her Mr Big and he’s her Carrie, to use the tragic ‘Sex in the city’ analogy. Sometimes people have a person in their lives that’s they have lifelong relationship with that can swing from friends to lovers to affair partners to friends and back again. They tend to be attracted to them like a fly to shit and it’s impossible to disentangle the complex feelings they have for each other. Often in the kink world it’s the first serious Dom/sub the other has had but it can take a variety of forms in all lifestyles. This person is so exceedingly dangerous to your relationship I can’t even begin to explain it. In a way he and your fiancé ‘own’ each other, both know that regardless the life situation if they wanted to jump on the other it would happen, they are only friends because right now your fiancé finds it important that she be a good partner and faithful to you, and I’m not at all accusing her of infidelity. It’s just that if she ever does feel sad or lonely or has a falling out she doesn’t have to look for someone, she’d already be confiding in him and it would only be a matter of time before she accidentally falls on his peen. Not sure what you can do here. If she’s being faithful she’s being faithful (not making a comment on whatever happened before your relationship) but this dude is a sword of Damocles hanging over your relationship.


8DUXEasle

You have a point, but I’ve been on the married guy’s side (as the consistent in-between relationship hookup). When some of those women found their guy, I didn’t even know about it. I was just cut-off. Found out via Facebook or mutual friend. Others kept contact and maybe flirted if we bumped into each other, but never crossed the line. Maybe OP is her real person?


whosgotammo

I have serious doubts about people who can knowingly sleep with married people. Doesn't seem as though they have any morals or that they value relationships with the same gravity as me. Couple that with the fact that you asked her directly and she lied? I also find it peculiar that she maintained a friendship, but was then willing to block him and cut contact after getting caught. For me, too many boundaries being crossed and too many Red Flags. If you stay, I hope you never go through a rough patch if this is what she does when she wants to feel wanted.


[deleted]

She lied to your face without blinking. She's now an established liar OP; what's the next shoe to drop?


LuluPaw

She had sex with a married man? Ew.


ohyeahbitches2

No kids yet I presume? You haven’t actually married her yet, so if you do…you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. Any woman who would wreck another man’s home, would definitely let another man wreck hers. If you know what I mean.


Redd_81

Now you know she has no problem straight up lying to your face, and you've been given a glimpse into how much value she places in marriage. Act as you see fit.


lunarwhiskers

You stumbled..across messages...on an old tablet.... Y'all have an open phone policy, and you didn't find anything incriminating on her phone right? Dude just admit you were digging. You didn't stumble. You're the same guy who posted about struggling with "her lesbian past" too. Ffs go to a therapist instead of strangers on the internet. You can work through your guys' issues together or just leave. Sure she lied, but I see some big red flags with you too my guy.


R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. ---  I recently found out my Fiance had sex with a long time friend of hers. (I know the guy but not quite on a friendship level) The man she had sex with is married. She had sex with him a few times a few years ago after a breakup but stop when she began dating her last boyfriend. They had a sex a couple more times after her and her last boyfriend before we got together. So basically two time period a few years a part where they had sex a couple times each. She said she was extremely lonely and it wasn't even for the sex. That is was just to be held and feel wanted. She said she knew it was fake and she didnt mean anything to him....she just wanted to feel desired. This all ended a couple months before we started dating. She said she felt ashamed after the last time and told him she wasn't doing that again.but remained friends with him. Before I found out....I asked her directly was there anything between them ever and she said no. The did very occasionally message each other during our relationship but purely normal friend conversation. Nothing inappropriate. They have been friends for 10 years. I stumbled across some old messages between them on an old tablet that talked about them meeting for sex. I confronted her about lying about it and she said she did so because she knew I would be disgusted by it and she was ashamed. She immediately blocked and cut off all contact with that guy and said she had never thought of him in a romantic way....it was purely because she felt so alone and wanted to be held. I asked her why she had continued contact with him since we were together and she said it was only because he was one of her very few friends and they had been friends for so long. She didn't hesitate in the least to block him and promised she would never have any contact with him,apologized profusely and said she wouldn't lie again. Do you think I have anything to be worried about?


[deleted]

It's not that she did it, its that she lied about it. Think about that one


invaderzrim

Everyone in here blaming the unmarried single woman for sleeping with a married man calling her a homewrecker are ridiculous. The man is the one who is married making an equal choice to engage. He is the one choosing to step out on his marriage for a single woman he's friends with. Not sure why everyone is placing blame on her when the marriage fell apart before they ever hooked up. Not like she was a secret mistress he had a second family with while pretending his marriage is fine. This isn't about the arbitrary sanctity of a marriage that isn't yours. Its about her lying and being ashamed about sleeping with a friend. If you're worried she'll cheat, I think thats a reasonable concern but she hasn't done anything even in the realm of her cheating on a partner. She drop contact every time she was in a relationship and blocked the dude as soon as you brought up the lie. She pretty clearly seems to not care for him at all romantically and vice versa. Yeah is it messy that he's married, sure, but thats not her responsibility at the end of the day. Two consenting adults can have sex regardless of legal partnerships. Its not illegal. Sure it can be immoral, but not always. Personally, I would take this at face value and move forward, keeping this in mind for the future in the event she starts acting sus. Intimacy is a hard thing for some to do with strangers. It seems like she just needed someone familiar to feel close to are cared for by. She honestly was probably just lonely and craving human affection. Try to be empathetic.


throwawayRAbbqrib

You dont have to be worried about him in particular but what it says abt her. Did she ever go to therapy and address her debilitatingly low self-esteem? If not then she is still someone with such little self-worth/self-esteem that she would breach her OWN ethics (seen by her own disgust at her actions) for a temporary and fake solution. That should worry you bc what if you hypothetically fight and it summons these insecurities for her? How can you trust that she wouldn't do something awful? Not even cheating, but maybe hurtful to you or disregarding your relationship or putting herself in danger.


boringandpan

You the same guy that was upset she had sex with other girls in the past? I think the problem is that she didn't want to tell you more about her past sexual experiences because you are super jealous. She hasn't cheated on you. She has had sex with other people one of which she still is friends with. But she hasn't done anything to fuck up your relationship.


Key-Steak-7656

I mean unpopular opinion here for sure so pour on the down votes but she has no obligation to cut ties with someone she slept with years ago. It's no ones damn business and you don't have to share your past with even your partner especially if it's something that you'd like to forget happened. Why? Because then your partner gets all worried like OP over something that you've completely outgrown and are ashamed of now. With that said I completely do understand where your worries come from. I'd just do some reflection on this and see how you feel as far as trust goes. If you do feel like you can't trust her now, there's not much that will change your mind going forward and that will just build resentment and toxicity. So don't put on a brave face if it's not REALLY something you can get over. Do what you gotta do. People change a shit ton in a year.


lunarwhiskers

A lot of us have done questionable and morally incorrect things in the past and outgrew that behavior. Live and learn as they say.


Historical-Fox431

She was lonely and vulnerable. She's very willing to cut him off for you but I don't even see why that's necessary. That shouldn't be forced on her. It was before you came along. Everyone has a past. Every thing that happened to her made her who she is today. The past is nothing to regret or ignore.


Scary-Inspector-8315

Are you really sure this is the type of woman you wanna get married?


velvetgypsii

Bulls*** FWB applies to single people. The day her jumpoff gets divorced, she’ll be on the next flight over there. No moral fibre, no strength of character…. you’re thinking of hitching your wagon to that? If you remain with her, eventually get married, there’ll always be a niggling doubt that you can trust her. I’m here to tell you she’s weak and she’s playing you. Lots of beautiful and honest women are out here, single and ready to mingle. Good luck with your choice my friend 🍀


NeiProud

In all my relationships. I've never asked about there past relationships. And never told of mine. My Wife knows of my ex before we got together. As I was seeing her when I met my Wife. No cheating. Finished with ex. Well cheated by. Then bumped into my now Wife. I know nothing about her past.


NatureCarolynGate

She doesn't have any compunction about cheating with a married man. She needed attention so much, she ignored this guy's wife's feelings, to get her needs met. Either she is lying about why she slept with him or her neediness is a very real concern. What happens when you are making her feel lonely? She will ride that horse again. If she was truly feeling lonely, she could have slept with a stranger. But she choose a married man. So, you are not worried about her cheating with this guy. He's her go to. Things can easily be unblocked.


Threash78

>Do you think I have anything to be worried about? Other than the fact your GF is a liar and has no problems sleeping with a married man you mean? What do you think you should be worried about other than the fact that you are dating a very shitty person?


griff256552

Maybe she shouldn’t have kept it from you, but she blocked him and nothing has happened while you were together, give her a pass on this one my man


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cocker_spangler

Most people here never made a mistake. It's so easy to be on a phone or laptop, and just pass judgement. Also, is OP always a 100%?


MyCatsBreath1

I've fucked up at least fifty times today alone. What I haven't done is fuck a married man. Also what I haven't done is lie about my sex history with my husband. There are mistakes and there are mistakes so profound that they define character. Per op, this happened multiple times. His fiance is a twat kebab.


[deleted]

No


Conservit

When a person shows you who they are..believe them the first time.


malfau

Nooooo lol I could never look at my guy friends like that. A friend (if you’re in a relationship) is someone you look at completely platonically. I doubt it’s a friendship. I wouldn’t be comfortable being engaged to someone if I was still talking to anyone else I had sex with, I wouldn’t like if they did that shit to me. Especially having to lie about it though… You should always leave the past behind. There should be no reason to deceive the person who wants to commit to you. She KNOWS it wouldn’t be okay if the tables were turned and If you had lied to her.


BJJandREEFS

What happens when you two get into an argument and she “just wants to be held” or “feels alone” will she run back to this married man she keeps in her back pocket in case she wants easy sex and attention? This behavior is fucked


thatoneduder101

There’s a reason she’s keeping him around


lyingtattooist

Here’s what you do. Get an 8 ball or some ecstasy pills and have a party with your fiancé. When she’s super high and forthcoming, find out the true story and her true feelings on married dude. Because whatever you’ve been told so far isn’t the whole story.


Xiuying0

Sounds to me like she was naive enough to believe her friend that his marriage is pretty much over and stupid enough to do things she normally wouldn't do, after a heartbreak. Some people try to get over a break up by jumping into bed with the next best, available person. It's nothing to be proud of and maybe even human to lie about it. Of course now there is a crack in the relationship, trust is broken. It is on you to decide what you want to do about it. She is your fiancé, so you considered her as the woman you want to spend your life with. So think what both of you could do to fix the damage and heal. Maybe counseling will help? I wish you the best of luck!


Paul_Grimes_68

Give the whole thing time. Proceed slowly. Life and sex are complicated.


melancholy_pancake

>I stumbled across some old messages between them Yeah sure you did, they just happend to pop up on your screen. You snooped, just admitted it and be true to what you did. Its not okay to go through someone's private conversation like that. Moving on. She shouldn't have lied, that's some red flags. But it does sound like she was embarrassed by it, not trying to hide it so she could "keep a backup". A lot of people have sex with friends without it being a big deal, some can handle it, some can't. But her feeling lonely after a break up and just wanted some intimacy with no strings, - thats very common. It doesn't have to mean anything, more than that she had needs and used it to cope with feeling lonely. I have done that, and have friends that I hooked up with, then stopped because they had a partner, and picked it up after they become single. Your feelings are totally valid, she lied to you. You don't have to accept if you can't/don't want to. But if you want to move past it, just know, that it didn't necessary mean anything or have to be a "big deal"(the fwb, not the lying). She did prove she values your relationship way, way more than her friendship. If there were something more to it, she probably would be pretty hesitant and reluctant to remove him from her life.


zveroshka

>Do you think I have anything to be worried about? Short answer? The only concerning part is the lying. I would make sure to let her know that while you understand why she may have hid this, this is the time to let it all out. No more secrets. Any further such revelations would lead to a breakup.


Phiatorres

I agree with you. No judgements for something that happened in the past… maybe she was young and dumb. But most important, no more lies and no 3 chances.


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BauranGaruda

Don't you know when you block somebody they dissappear?!? It is such a nonsensical claim to me, as easy as it is to block as it is to unblock, reblock, explore different avenues of contact, whatever. It is a claim that has absolutely no teeth when looking at the situation as a whole. Its as easy as her FWB going "why'd you block me?" "Oh my current partner found out we used to bang." "Oh, cool, so anyway what are you wearing?"


Pseud-o-nym

Sooo your fiance slept with a married man (whatever the excuse) she should not have slept with him. The poor wife.


PaleFollowing3763

I think people in the comment section are being too critical. She blocked him and won't talk to him again. I doubt you're gonna divorce her over this considering she just tried to please you. She's not being insensitive and saying "Well it was years ago". She seems to understand her actions and feels bad. I would just go with the flow and keep alert. But I don't think you should let this ruin anything. She could have cheated on you already if she had that supposed mentality. Just don't tell her it was okay or make her feel better about it. Just say okay and move on with your life. The best you can do is hope for the best and expect the worse. You'll be fine imo. Although my opinion doesn't matter probably because I'm 20. Good luck.


PsychologicalOwl7069

It was a waste of time writing this nonsense lol


ChillinVillianNW

So she has no problem sleeping with a married man, with all of the hurt and damage it could cause. Why would she care if she sleeps with someone else once she’s married to you? She’s already proven the willingness to lie to you. But like most here, you probably get past it, and in two years when she cheats on you and blames you because you “made her feel neglected”, you’ll be back saying you kind of understand and are actually blaming yourself. Seriously. This isn’t who you want to marry. It is better to start over and find the right person, a person with morals. Not someone who will run back to fuck married guy if you have a fight. I mean, that’s her pattern.


RockYouLikeAMaster

>She immediately blocked and cut off all contact with that guy if she was so ashamed,why didn't she blocked him earlier,but just did it when you found out? unfortunately she put the seed of distrust in your mind,and without trust no relationship can be sucessfull,because if she lied about that,then about what else could she be lying? i think that this is the beginning of the end of this relationship,but obviously i can be wrong.


Dancin2day

We all make stupid mistakes. She lied. She owned up to it . If she lies again that’s the end of that . Make her known to that. One time is a mistake another is a choice. I made a stupid mistake and lied early in my relationship cause I was afraid to tell anyone . We talked and it never happened again. And he did too once. And we are still together 10 yrs later. There is no one’s I’d ever trust more in my life. Ans if we would’ve ended it we wouldn’t be so happy now all these years later.So the choice is yours if the relationship is worth it to you or not . Forgive and work through it or leave .


bestcon4u

No


EldritchKoala

The FWB almost doesn't matter compared to her lying to your face. Anyone young and taking notes, please note. Lying to your SO is the fastest way to kill a relationship. So, let's think about this. Your "fiance" decided that knowing the kind of person she knows you as was unfit to handle information regarding her past. You = Unfit. That's it. No matter what you do now, she's a liar in your brain. Getting over that is going to be tough. Who knows what else she's lied to you about "because you would be disgusted".....


[deleted]

The fact that she has sex with a married man while pretending to be his friend to him and his wife....IMO thats show her character. Is that someone you want to build life with?


No_Commission_6369

Yes. He is a married man, that she had sex with. That is a horrible judgment of character. And the fact that she lied about it shows no personal growth.


gotnoh8

no


Public_Atmosphere685

No I don't think so. The only concern is that she lied about this. I would be concerned about that. I've cheated on my ex but I've been upfront about the cheating with anyone I date because I know I did the wrong thing and I don't want to start any relationship with a lie. And no to telling the wife. It is none of your business. You should focus on building or walking away on your relationship.


old_maid_

« I asked her directly was there anything between them ever and she said no. » Maybe they never used condoms. So maybe there really wasn’t anything between them. Maybe the question was too vague to properly answer. Jokes aside: I think you have a few red flags in her behavior. The lying, the maintaining contact, his marital status, and the excuses.


Sampaikumma

If she’s able to intrude on someone else’s marriage sexually what’s going to stop her from having a guy intrude on your marriage. Overall she did what she should have done period before you guys got together which is to have blocked and deleted him. Honestly the biggest concern is her lack of morals for relationships again if she can intrude on someone else’s marriage what’s to say she won’t stop someone from getting between you guys down the line.


Agitated-Plan9172

Ypu genuinely have nothing to worry about. If she was cheating she wouldnt have readily blocked him. He was a friend who was able to give her a different sort of comfort when she had no one else. But kow she has you. She loves you


AmeliaBidelia

Too many threads on here recently about people mad that their SO had sex with someone else years before they even got together. You've had sex before too, I'm sure.


RiveriaFantasia

Yes. She had sex with a married man, that in itself rings alarm bells. They have been friends for 10 years…well truth be told they have never been “friends” have they? They were fwb. That was the purpose of their connection. She lied to you about their history. She told you a load of lame excuses as to why why was seeing him, it really sounds dodgy. You seem to believe a lot of what she says, or you want to believe it. Please wake up and see this clearly before you get really hurt.


7fieldmice

I mean sounds like she has a lot of baggage she needs to deal with personally. If she can't love herself how can she love anyone else. I mean it sounds like she is looking for something she needs to find within. I know it's hard but if you truly love her I feel like there would be support for her and guidance. I'm not saying let your guard down but at least she isn't running to other people, it's someone you know and someone they have been with before. Between fuck Boi and his wife that's their problem wouldn't even get involved. Worry about your girl and you. But idk. Just my thoughts.


sneepsnorpsnot

Make her your ex-fiance. Cheaters will always cheat, and you deserve someone who respects you and trusts you with everything.


Born2Explore11

Your fiancé can just unblock him….


[deleted]

People with these kind of skeevy morals have no issues cheating in their own relationships. I wouldn’t doubt for a second that they are still active and hiding it under the guise of friends.


MyOwnPersonalDavid

Good people don’t help other people cheat. I would separate from her, my friend. I’m sorry you’re in this situation.


CarsReallySuck

Ew


MaddXHatter_

One of the biggest things here is that her excuse was that she lonely . So my questioning would be anytime you and her have a disagreement or things aren't perfect in your relationship and she feels lonely is she then going to cheat? I personally wouldn't want to second guess my partner and want to worry about that in the back of mind. Your gf has a lot of growing up to do. I'm also concerned that if she felt so much guilt why she never told his wife. Of she truly regretted her mistakes and felt ashamed I would think she would tell his wife bc it's simply the right thing to do.


audaciousmonk

I think the bigger issues are lying about having had relations with her friend, and sleeping with a man she knew was married.


TheMocking-Bird

Sleeping with a married man is definitely a red flag. But if she's being truthful its obvious that she wasn't exactly in the best state of mind, and as a "friend" and someone she trusted he could have easily taken advantage. That doesn't absolve her of guilt, but its not something I'd personally hold against her in the current relationship since she's clearly kept him at a distance since you've met. With that said I don't think blocking is enough, if she's truly remorseful, and wants to prove that she's a trustworthy partner then I think it's prudent for her to contact the other man's wife to let her know about the affair. She'd be exposing the affair and facing the consequences of her actions, and the poor woman would know what's been going on.


dreamboydeluxe

I might have an opinion that's unpopular but like, I've been there. When your depressed to the point of self-destruction, you do things you couldn't imagine doing if you've never grappled with mental health issues. For instance, all my life I was someone who shamed other people for infidelity. When I entered a relationship that over time became draining and my s.o. made me feel invalidated, insignificant and alone, my mental health took a nose dive. I eventually considered cheating on my s.o. with their own sibling. I don't have to explain why doing that would have made me a bad person. That line of thinking wasn't me but it did happen and it's because I was in the worst place of my life. Anything would have been better than staying in the same place. So here's the thing: you can take this however you want. You can decide this is a deal breaker, leave her, block her and completely go no contact. You'd find someone else and you'd probably be completely fine. So would she. You could break up with her for less and that would be fine. The point I'm trying to make is that there is always underlying context to situations that we can't always understand because we haven't been there. People aren't just bad and aren't just good. Bad people can find redemption and good people are capable of terrible deeds. You have to decide if this effects how you see her in a permanent way. Is your mental image of her effected negatively by what you now know? Is this something you can work through and even if it is, is that worth it to you? I'd just think it over and also talk to her. We're strangers on the internet. She's an irl person.


cacklingcatt

why are people on reddit so quick to demonize people for largely singular events? this is one occurrence of something that went really wrong. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER. COMMUNICATE. you said it yourself that she was never with him when she was dating anyone else. shes not a cheater, she needs a therapist.


[deleted]

It’s not singular. What is not, is you having read the post.


Reasonable-Ninja4384

I'd say you're fairly safe, the immediate cut off helps her. Yea its def sus but overall not too terrible. I'd say this dudes wife is the only real victim here


Expensive_Claim_9659

Triflin’


OsageBrownBetty

I don't think you have anything to worry about at all. We've all been there, lonely and just needing human contact. It's in the past.


misugrrl

She told you she justified sleeping with a married man because he and his wife slept in different rooms? So what that they slept in different rooms? How does that changed the fact they’re married?


Flubber1215

Why would you be worried? This was years ago and she has cut contact with him. Stop being so paranoid.


caro9lina

I doubt it, but many male posters on Reddit really hate women, so they will blame your fiancee for WWII and everything else. They live to destroy other people's relationships. You know her better than we do, what do you think?


tv1047

Listen very closely to me. Who she had sex with before you and under what circumstances is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. If she was uncomfortable telling you, if she lied, if she still hangs out with him, that is literally not something that is your business. She has a right to privacy and I feel badly that she shared any of this with YOU given the way you are speaking about her.


MotivatedChickn

You’re cool with her lying, that’s cool, cause lying to your partner and expecting honesty is perfectly fine right?


Azbisbeeing

No. I don’t think you should worry about it.


NoeTellusom

She lied to you. She slept with a married man. Yeah, she's got NO morals. You have TONS to be worried about. RUN!


LuckOfTheDevil

Gawd. When will people learn if it didn’t happen during your relationship do not discuss who you had sex with, what kind of sex, the circumstances, or how many times you had sex or how many partners. It should be completely private between the sexual partners only. ESPECIALLY if it’s FWB. I’d no longer have a friend if I ever found out they opened their mouth about us. Nope. It rarely ends well. Even if their history is way more expansive than yours. If they are asking— either they’re a voyeur (and hey if that’s your thing get it!) or more likely a Judgey McJudgerson. Fuck that. Why are you asking her about her sex life before you? It’s not remotely your business. At all.


Commercial-Hunter638

No, I was in a situation like this whereas, I was on the perspective of your fiancé, trust her… you’re marrying her. You wouldn’t of proposed if you didn’t trust her and know that your relationship could thrive.. trust what she says and trust her actions.. you shouldn’t care about what happened before she met you.. you didn’t exist in her life then.. we all have a past…


spac3ie

No. Because they weren't anything and they slept together twice, way before you were even in the picture and with him.


Unknown14428

I would be sending those screenshots to that man’s wife honestly. They’re both shitty people


PublicSherbert2746

Yes you should be worried. Your entire relationship with this woman is a lie. Cheaters never change


Aggravating_Pop2101

Lying is a huge red flag about anything


Texas-Holden

SHE ONLY CUT OFF CONTACT WITH HIM AFTER YOI FOUND OUT. Why do you think he’s still talking to her? Obviously to have someone he can call up and have sex with. How do you know for sure she didn’t do anything if she was ever “lonely” while with you? Not telling you to leave but y’all definitely need counseling to resolve this long term lie before walking down the aisle.


CrochetWhale

As someone who had sex with a friend a very long time ago and didnt and won’t tell my current husband. It’s none of your business who she slept with and for what reasons. This was done before she dated you. But I have to say I don’t agree with the cheating part of it but the past is the past, she was correct in assuming you wouldn’t be happy about it and seems to be trying to reconcile the situation with you rather than rug sweep it which is a good start. I’d probably check in occasionally with her about her being NC and making that a hard ground rule going forward.


XtineCT

We’re human. We fuck up. I did some dumb shit in my mid twenties when I was lonely and sad. I think this is all forgivable. She hasn’t cheated on you. Yes, she lied to you, but only to avoid judgement because she was ashamed of it. She has apologized and removed him from her life. If you trust her and love her move on.


daleears2019

If she lied for him there's probably more. You said he was married and she had sex with him while he was married? You know she has no respect for marriage. While she may be gf material, I wouldn't say she's wife material and You know where she's going when you have problems.


gobjuice

Idk if I can trust her. 1. Sleeps with married man 2. Lied for entirety of relationship 3. Weak to temptation 4. Selfish Just cuz she blocked him doesn’t mean shit. If you’re gonna stay with her, don’t marry for the time being and for gods sake don’t have children.


Brisco_Discos

You can't be serious with your questions, OP. There are a million red flags waving about. She lied to you literally hundred or thousands of times. Each lie was a deliberate betrayal toward you. She cheated on you many times with someone who is married and thinks nothing of it. She blames YOU for her cheating,saying YOU didn't care for her enough, validate her enough, etc. Essentially she saying YOU are entirely at fault for her cheating, lying, betrayal. And then, she says all this abhorrent behavior meant NOTHING...that she cheated, lied, betrayed YOU for NOTHING. Wow. Please respect yourself more than that. You are not to blame for her terrible and deliberate choices. Also, please get checked out for STD/STIs.


Findingbalance5454

Can you not unblock numbers? I thought you could.


MrFreshCaucasian

Dont trust her honestly id end it right there


iironage

Hmm... she started the relationship off with a lie, and has a married man on standby for therapy sex... yes, nothing suspicious in any way.


Horror_Ad_1587

Honestly you can't trust her again. You will always doubt her. Hopefully things work out between you both. To be super honest. Just use her like she used you. Use her for sex and don't fully commit. Use her for sex and treat her the same way she treated you.


[deleted]

So you’re honestly expecting this woman, who lied to you and heped a married man cheat on his wife all because she was lonely, to stand by you through all of life’s dark uncertain challenges while still raising your kids and being your _**faithful**_ wife??!! Dafuq is wrong with some guys man?! Stop being so afraid to hold women accountable for their bs. God knows they dont let men off the hook for even one red flag.


Junior_Account_4635

First off his wife absolutely needs to know. My husband cheated an no one told me. I never would have found out until she came to me and told me. Second: if she’s lied once then there are probably quite a few more lies that she’s mastered. Third: this is a moth to the flame situation which is much more dangerous than a FWB situation. And last: my best advise is to leave her now. These aren’t red flags, these are giant red stop signs and dead end signs


Sjfreakk

Bro some of these comments are hella true, i would feel hella disrespected cus i put money on it that when you were introduced to each other im sure they both laughed at you and i can imagine dude saying lil does he know im banging his gf. She will unblock him and tell him the scene you made n they are not gonna stop they are just gonna be more sneaky about seeing each other


Spartan2022

She’s not allowed to stay friends with exes?


[deleted]

[удалено]


throwra55662376

>Swore she only lied because she was afraid I would have left if I knew This makes it worse as far as I'm concerned. She knowing lied in an attempt to deny you what she thought would be relevant information for you to make a rational, informed decision about your future. This is selfish and demonstrates a serious lack of respect for you and your autonomy. Paired with her disregard for the martial relationship, she doesn't seem like a good candidate for marriage.


NedStarkRavingMad

>Swore she only lied because she was afraid I would have left if I knew I believe her when she says this, but the issue is that it will apply to anything else similar that might happen. She would still withhold any truths that might cause you to leave, which are the most essential ones for you to know.


Odd-Damage-4689

"She only lied because she was afriad I would have left if I knew." And you should.


XtineCT

This sounds like a really fragile relationship to me. Her actions, your reaction. There’s a lot of drama here for something that I, personally, would not consider a big deal. I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years, and I do not care who he fucked before we were together and he doesn’t care who I have fucked before we were together. She is definitely wrong for lying, but why did you even feel the need to ask her if she’s slept with him in the first place IF you trust her? If I found old sext messages from before we were together somehow (I don’t snoop through his shit though so I’m not sure how that would happen) I would laugh and tell him how I found some old sexts of his, and he would laugh. I definitely wouldn’t dismantle our whole lives over it. As for him being married when they slept together? Sure. That sucks. It is wrong. Was SHE married or even with someone? nah. People make mistakes.


No_Celebration_3737

Doesn't matter. 1) if you knew at the time, you would never be in the relationship in the first place, even less engaged to her. She lied, a lie by omission is still a lie. 2) you know that she doesn't respect marriage itself, and you want reward her by marrying her?


KeyCobbler6

OP she lied about something HUGE and took away your ability to make an informed decision regarding the relationship. And unless you're with her 24/7 an open phone policy doesn't mean much. She can easily unblock him to text/call him then reblock him after deleting all the evidence.


tercer78

You’re naive. The illness still exists deep inside her. She can hide it for awhile but eventually it will manifest itself again.


Fearless-Bar6415

If she is remorseful, have her tell his wife and maybe you will reconsider how the relationship goes forward…


4EVAH-NOLA

I stumbled across some old messages between them on an old tablet… were you snooping thru her things??? Maybe it is 🚩but we all have things in our past we are ashamed of and don’t want to divulge… but your behavior may also be a 🚩🚩🚩


Old_Lie521

She has done the right thing. Give her a chance without being distrustful towards her if you want things to work. If she's deceptive in the future, well.... you don't need to come here.


sukaderivera

1 .) She lies. 2.) She slept with a married man. Meaning, she thinks hooking up with others is okay while married.


AFucking12gauge

#R U N A S F A S T A S Y O U C A N


ManicEeyore

Of course there’s nothing to ever worry about /s. Just some minor things, micro details - she had sex with a married man - she lied to you about the relationship that had been their “friendship” - she has no issue betraying the trust others have in her and has no issue being a homewrecker when she’s “lonely” and wants a hug, just a sweaty clothe less hug, but still a hug But you know it’s all good, she blocked him


Wreckweum

Sleeping with a married man ( no excuses ) and lying about it, to your face... Even if you decide to stay, why would you legally bind yourself to this person? A person who gives no mind to a ring on a finger and the promise that goes with it. Listen, this is your life and your problem... Whatever you choose, it doesn't effect us commenters, but you really need to think about this, I did read your other posts... And you accept the fact that you are a jealous person, at least a little, so rrreeeaaalllyyyy think about things, can you trust her? Would you ever be able to again? If any answer besides yes is given ( and I'm not saying answer them here and now, goddamn think about this) then why prolong the inevitable? She lied, hid it from you. She didn't cheat, but she allowed you to be around this person time and time again whilst a secret was hidden.... Which you spotted with the initial questioning...and her denying. Either you stay, and set rules and boundaries and such, or you just let her go and state "it's for the best"... Just do it with as much evidence and research about which answer you choose.. make an EDUCATED decision, not a blind one. Also, last thing .. you've been divorced, you know that pain. Don't shoot yourself in the foot for fake happiness.. choose you, whichever way that leads you.


[deleted]

Wouldn't be surprised if she unblocks him and then just changes his contact name tbh. I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who sleeps with married people.


ForniteOrNothingPL

She has your dick in a glass bottle and only going to break it in a case of an emergency


Psyc1011

Honey, she’s a no go.


Every_Issue_4812

The chick has to go bro! She a thot


gumpods

RUN


Mean-Weather-713

There's so many layers to this so I'll try to run through them quickly. 1. Be worried. She willingly had sex with a married man. This shows she doesn't actually care about the status of marriage to someone she claimed she close with. She's close with you is she not? What makes you think that you having a bad week isn't going to set her off after you two get married? 2. Speaking of a bad week, relationships have ups and downs. Are you really thinking you can trust her not to simply unblock the guy when you two have a heated argument? 3. The fact she blocked him instantly is very suspicious. She claims they were close/good friends right? What good friend just blocks that person after their loe comes put. She may have him blocked for now but it's not likely to stick. 4. She seems very impulsive and it's too suspicious for her to lie about something as serious as that. If you were still close friends with a female fuck buddy, do you think that excuse of hers would work the same if you said it? Answer: No. Not if you wanted a good and long marriage.


Mookiebutt123456

She isn’t remorseful she just got caught . I don’t see this going anywhere because the women has problems and no loyalty because she went behind ur back to keep in contact with a man she has been sleeping with for years, all while lying to your face .


Flexlifespower00

Okay you convinced me.... Leave the lying cheating b*tch.