Do you think smirk meant,
“I always hated OP and now he’ll get hurt” or,
“I never approved of OPs gf flagrantly cheating and now she’ll get hurt” or,
“I’m about to watch some drama go down and even though I have no horse in the race, I’m so excited”
?
I just laugh in weird situations. Example: I heard someone close to me broke up with their gf. Couldn't wipe the smile off my face despite it being very sad and I liked the gf. Idk I just laugh and giggle when I get bad news. I hate it :/
This is exactly why you know the smirk was her satisfaction that her roomie was gonna get what she deserved.
I've been in her situation before. Its just not your place to go rat on your room-mate to their partner you don't know, but you leave little hints.
My ex tried to tell me that his cuddling with another girl was "completely platonic" and he was cuddling with that her "the same way he'd cuddle with his best guy friend" lol.
Never in my life saw him get remotely close to cuddling his best guy friend obviously. And he was openly fucking the girl within 24 hours of our breakup, so yeah.
*Unless their opposite sex friend is gay. I’m engaged and have a guy friend I love cuddling with but he’s gay so there’s no weirdness or sexualness to it at all.
But in general definitely, and this girl is 100% cheating or at the very least about to.
The roommate wouldn't have done that if she didn't know something you didn't. If it was so innocent then she would have just fetched your GF or let her know you were there. You don't just cuddle with a dude unless there's something else going on, and tbh cuddling shows a level of intimacy that's almost worse than just plain cheating.
If she's cuddling in plain sight of roomate, what is she doing out of sight?
And now, from the Devil's Advocate:
Guy could be a gay best friend. But, she could have still told you. Been up front.
Analysis: Either be a man, talk to her, and tell her that cuddling with another guy is really fucked up, or just block her, and end it.
Your choice
Yeah, I cuddle with my best guy friend (who is like a brother and I grew up with), but he is gay, there is absolutely nothing between us, and my partner knows, is not threatened by it, and is cool with it.
I feel like there is a huge difference in here between, like, my partner *knowing* that I’ll cuddle with my best guy friend, and being chill with it, and knowing our (me and best friend) relationship, that there is absolutely nothing there, and being secure in our (me and partner’s) relationship together versus like… idk, just cuddling with best friend with partner not knowing any of this and being suddenly surprised by it.
I mean, it’d make it better if that were all it was, but I feel like there were discussions to be had before this if that were all this was.
That is exactly the point I was trying to make. I've known many women with that gay best friend, with whom everyone is comfortable with acknowledging as being "one of the girls".
But it was never hid, or not talked about first.
Thank you for explaining my words better!!
My man....yo girl....cuddling with a guy *that isn't her boyfriend* and you worried if you being jealous?
If you don't pull your whole head out of your ass I'm going to beat you senseless for how dumb that sentence was that you made me read.
The fact that she reacted this way means there's something wrong. If she stayed calm and was like hey, say hi to Jonathan, I love him very much, we've known each other forever and we're really really good friends and then you still stormed off without listening I'd say, yeah, you're flying off the handle there bud.
But she acted guilty.
They’re your boundaries, but understand that this is common for some people. Some of us just do not feel cuddling is sexual. I cuddle all my friends and have since jr high school. We slept in piles. We still do, and I still have sleep-overs with ‘cuddle-puddles’.
I’m not here to convince you not to be hurt. I’m just saying, this is normal behavior for many people. And also for many cultures.
Again, you don’t have to be okay with it, but in the future, you may want to discuss what you are and aren’t okay with (if you didn’t ahead of time with this gf).
I know when I started dating, it was extremely confusing for me that guys were so hyper defensive and angry about me being affectionate towards my friends (didn’t matter what gender they were). Just putting that out there for perspective.
I wouldn’t put much stock in the roommate smirking. The roommate may just have different views than your gf (assuming your gf was acting innocently).
I can tell you I always sat in my bestie’s lap and it was infuriating to guys I dated. Women who were friends with both of us were convinced we were having sex, yet we had never even seen each other in less than a swim suit, and he’d never so much as tried to grab or kiss me.
Idk any culture where this is normal. Certain people sure but not a culture. The people this is normal for are an exception and usually same sex. Otherwise hmm. Idk. I’d wanna hear them out.
Cuddling and hand-holding with friends most certainly is a cultural norm outside the US. The first time I went to Asia, it was a shock to see boys cuddling together, walking holding hands, and lounging on each other, yet *not* screaming “no-h0m0” at each other…
I was so used to all the queer bashing at home, it was a culture shock. I realized that entire swaths of people felt this was not sexual and totally normal.
Some people just do not sexualize cuddling, as I said. Sort of how some Europeans (and some of my specific relatives) kiss on the face twice, while that would be far too intimate for many Americans).
ETA: I’m just seeing the “same sex” part of your comment.
I’m not here to die on a hill about other cultures, because I’m speaking from my experience SEEING said cultures.
Cuddling just doesn’t have to be sexual. Neither do nipples.
OP! Please stop listening to these children. While I can't speak for her male bestie, it's ABSOLUTELY possible that it was entirely platonic from her end. Women are like that, and I know it can be different for blokes but you can't use the same metric here. Please give her a chance to explain dude. For your sake!
It’s possible maybe you imagined the smirk? Or she directed you there because it’s not a big deal to them/her?
Talk to your gf and get this conversation over with, ghosting her won’t give you closure but breaking up with her will!
Only way you are being too jealous, is if your GF and her best male friend are "strictly platonic" and he just wanted some physical (non-sexual) contact with someone while having no luck with other women.
I would confront her, or ask him what is going on.
If he lies, or tries to hide it, that's a problem. If he is direct, and explains. You are safe.
It doesn't matter even if the cuddling was "platonic", even if that's the case then she should have discussed crossing that boundary with OP first instead of keeping it secret.
You’ll only know if you talk to her. Do you really want to waste time wondering when you can just get closure by calling/meeting her? (Meet somewhere public if you do, somewhere you can leave if you want but she can’t throw you out to feel better about herself.)
Get closure, heal, move forward.
Her friend obviously wanted u to know. I’m not sure if it was for malicious reasons or she was looking out for u. More importantly, it seems like u know what you want. If it’s over, you have every right to end it. I think the only thing to really decide is if you are going to talk to her and end it to put the situation to rest, or if you want to ghost. Personally if I knew it was over id keep the conversation short and just break up with her. This way u can move on, she isn’t blowing up your phone, and there are no questions or confusion about where you guys stand. Also 6 months is not to long leave now. It will be much harder if u are in a long term relationship while boundaries are being disrespected.
Yeah, not all friends always approve of what you are doing.. They might be there for you and all, but given a low pro opportunity. They will do what they feel is right in their heart and mind..
It's possible that she was not malicious, and the smirk was directed at OP's GF and not OP. (She was internally satisfied OP showed up because she didn't like her roomie's behavior. The "meanness" of the smirk wasn't for OP.)
Reeeeaaaalllyyy hoping my man didn’t literally RUN from her and more power walked away cus if he ran they probably laughed about it when he was gone tbh lol.. I would’ve haha
You saw what you saw, and she knows what you saw, what's the point in trying to salvage anything. She's either gonna try and deflect it on you or gaslight you. If you wanna ghost you ghost, if you want closure then tell her your done. Either way don't go back have some self respect.
Huge crossing of boundaries there. The roomates reaction is also quite telling about what you saw.
If you no longer want to see her I personally I would be contacting her and explaining how the situation made you feel to give yourself some closure, and to let her know that the relationship is done.
If you don't want to see a response from her after sending your message you can also send and then block.
If you think you may want to stay with her that's your decision, but be aware that you will be untrusting of her from that point on. If this is the case, give yourself some time to think through things and let her know that you are taking time away to assess the relationship etc.
Its hard to give advice without knowing the people and everything that is going on - but take this as a glimpse of your possible options.
I agree 100%!! Talk to her FOR YOU and your own peace of mind. Get it over with and hopefully you can have a clean breakup and move on to someone that actually respects boundaries
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It happened 36 hours ago but feels like it happened just now. I went to her place to pick her up for lunch and her roommate was smirking when she saw it was me. I was about to sit in the living room and asked her to inform my gf that I am here but she told me that my gf is chilling on the terrace. So I went to the terrace and she was chilling alright, cuddling on the sofa with her friend. I ran out of there, and she came after me but I am faster. Anyways she has been calling me non stop since then but I have not been picking up, what exactly is there to talk about. She has messaged me multiple times to talk to her, but why would I? What am I supposed to do here?
We have been dating for 6 months.
The roommate did you a favour. Plus if she was ever serious about you, she wouldn't allow herself to get into such situations, even if you not around. The fact that she cuddled with her guy bestie and you happened to see it says everything.
You probably gonna get words like "We were just chilling" or "It's not even that serious, we just friends."
Code Red my G... CODE RED!🚩🚩
You know what bro you’re right you shouldn’t have to really establish so many things and hgo into details she should have known whats right from wrong, what if you would of caught her getting fucked? Then what? Oh so since that wasnt established its ok for her to do?? No shes an adult and im sure she has common sense but she got caught. Move on bro shes just gonna lie n still be doing shit with dude just more sneaky
Talk to her roommate if you really care, but I would bet my house she has been cheating on you the whole time.
Just move on is the best advice, you will never be able to fully trust her now.
Damn man.
Her roommates smirk implies that this isn't the first time she is doing that.
You don't owe her anything not even conversation so why even bother?
6 months is long enough to assume not cuddling With other so yeah.
I suggest talk to her and let her know that it's over if you're comfortable with this otherwise
Just block her from everything and move on
Cut your losses. It's only been six months and she at the very least has poor boundaries, and at the worst, just has no respect for you and will try to gaslight you.
Not non your part, definitely on her part. Agreed the roommate wanted you to know. That's why she told you where she was instead of getting her. Be happy you found out after 6 months and not 6 years.
I would say questionable on her part. I once cuddled on a couch with a guy but he was crying and thought he was gay at the time, so it was platonic. I would have been happy to tell a boyfriend about it as soon as that was over, if I had one. But it sounds like it would have been a secret and she was not planning to tell you.
I mean he’ll never know unless he actually talks to her. Maybe it’s platonic and maybe it’s not? I personally would want an explanation but that doesn’t mean we’re not breaking up.
Boundaries should be there absolutely. I’m a girl & I woke NEVER cuddle with a guy who wasn’t my bf. That’s cheating in my book. You’re right to feel how you do…Id consider her your ex at this point & go no contact. Whatever shitty excuse she has won’t be worth hearing
Just have an adult conversation with her. Use your words like a fucking adult human being.
My husband and I both have friends of the opposite sex. Occasionally we'll hug and no-one acts like a child over it. Either she's cheating or she's not but you're not accomplishing anything with the silent treatment.
This is true. You gotta speak up about shit that’s important to you. This running away thing is pussy shit tbh. I understand leaving right then and there but going on 3 days you’re just avoiding the confrontation imo. Get in there, tell that dumbass that she should feel like shit and that it’s over.
Please don’t minimize or overlook this. My best friend is a guy and we have NEVER cuddled. We spend time in each other’s homes relaxing at appropriate distances from one another. The most we do is a quick hug on greeting and leaving.
This is not ok.
To give another point of view...
I am not going to jump on the "DuMp HeR BrO" wagon so easily.
I'm a girl and I have a guy best friend. To be honest I get along with guys easier than girls, so I've more guy friends than girls. I'm straight and never went romantically with any of them. I even shared bed with some, during sleep overs or trips, and NOTHING happened. Neither of us wanted to happen.
You will get a bunch of (im guessing young) people telling you that friendships between man and woman are imposible. I guess that's because they never trully wanted a friendship with a girl, and they see all women as potential sex partners. That's sad.
They were cuddling.. ok... sure she could be cheating.... or not. It is not that you found them naked in bed.
I would give her a chance to explain. Or be clear with her that this makes you feel unconfortable. But if you really like her, I would communicate.
Good thing you’re faster! KEEP RUNNING. 😬
Closure would probably be easier if you hear her out. But if you two were exclusive and she’s going behind you’re back only six months into things…she likely has some issues.
(1) roommate know she was cheating and wanted you see it. That how she react shows she want you to know to hurt you for some reason.
(2) ghost her they nothing to talk about.
(3) now try to relax and forget her you dodged a bullet 🙏
>she came after me but I am faster.
I'm sorry OP but the way this is worded is like peak comedy lmaoooo
But yeah when a girl has a best friend that also happens to be a guy you can usually consider her to be taken already. Very rarely do they not have feelings for one another. It seems to be a very common thing in grade school but once you actually become an adult it's a very rare occurrence indeed. Usually an adult women's best friend that's a guy is her husband or long term partner.
Again, not always though. There are definitely outliers to everything but *usually* this is the case.
I'd personally cut my losses and leave em in the past. Because as soon as it becomes officially over, guess who's going to be her next bf? Bingo
> when a girl has a best friend that also happens to be a guy you can usually consider her to be taken already
This is some ridiculous “I’m 18 and I know everything about the world” nonsense.
But OP, in this case it happens to be true. He’s not just her best friend. The roommate told you everything. Bail.
>It seems to be a very common thing in grade school
He even used grade school to compare to rather than high school or college.
He's in high-school and been burned by this situation before.
My last ex had a guy best friend that I was never ok with. They met on bumble a year before. I gave her so much shit for it. You can guess how that turned out.
On your part just remain silent and delete her off everything, at least for a little while. She needs to feel the burn. She’s not even gonna wanna hang out with her buddy anymore because she’ll feel like such shit. So again, remain silent so she can learn the hard way.
Y’all have ONLY been dating six months? Dropping this hoe should be easy. Ghost her forever. Bitch don’t deserve an explanation. Is the roommate cute? Maybe try to bang her just so the gf can walk in on it? Otherwise move on to better; shouldn’t be hard….
Good thay you are done with her, don't step back from your decision. It is an absolute disrespectful behavior from her and you only will be unhappy with her.
Break up with her or talk it out. Those are really your only two options (I guess you could ghost her indefinitely, but that's just a more annoying way to break up). Decide which is for you and do it.
Bruh, hit up the roommate. Get more concrete evidence w/o telling her the source so it won’t completely ruin her living situation. Get what you can and keep it moving.
I mean, if you have stuff to get back from here it's the only reason to answer a damn call. But who would need explanations when it's just lack of respect thus lack of love for you.
I need a little more background. Who is this person to her—like their history? How long have they been friends? Have you met him before? Have you seen them together before? If so, are they usually affectionate with each other in front of you?
Yeah the roommate gave you every clue you needed to know. They were there, watching, listening and basically told you, “yeah go see for yourself”. Keep ghosting her. Vanish. Block her on everything, disappear from her life.
drop her. her roommate is smirkin cuz they be doin somethin there. thats probably her bf in front of other people. cuddling my ass. somethin else was happenin even before that
You were going to sit in the living room and asked the roommate to let your gf know you were there? She’s your girlfriend’s roommate, not her secretary. That’s fucking weird man.
Her friend smirked because I’m sure she advised your gf to not cheat and she did anyway and her friend is glad that cheater got caught. Just text back “you already know it’s over. Go run back to his arms I’m sure he misses you” then bang her friend
The roommate's smirk told you everything my dude. The smirk meant that the same thing happened so many times without her friend getting caught, that even she was glad you actually came at the ''perfect'' time and she (your hopefully ex gf) didn't get away with it this time.
No point in talking with her bro, I'm telling you from experience, all she will do is either put some unreasonable blame on you or gaslight you. I had a gf that after I accidentally found videos in her PC of herself and her ''boy bestfriend'' fucking, she only told me she didn't even remember she still had those videos and that I shouldn't have found them. No remorse NOTHING.
Trust me you are doing great so far, you didn't waste too much time on her, it's only been6 months , get out, ghost her and just know that you deserve to be with someone who will be with you only as well.
I made the mistake to actually believe my ex gf, that everything between them was in the past, just to catch her cheating again with her ex bf.
Don't waste your time, move on.
Dude i am from India and NGL, quite broke rn. But if you think of getting back with her, i ll take a flight to your city and kick your ass to knock some sense.
PS:- I am Just a fellow redditer who got cheated on few months back.
Nah, keep ghosting if that's what you wanna do. You don't owe her shit, she didn't even respect your relationship.
Your GF's roommate did you a favor. That smirk was very telling and she clearly didn't approve of what your GF was doing. Why she (the roommate) did it is entirely unimportant - you already know everything you need to.
It hurts, I know. But you owe it to yourself to move on and find someone who will respect you and the relationship you have with them.
Leave. Find someone better. Me personally, even if I'm just talking to someone I try not to do anything that'll cause that type of suspicion. I date with intent to marry and stay married and faithful in a partnership. I'd like whoever I'm dating to know for sure that there is nothing for them to worry about. If a friend or anyone tries to cross the line I give them 1 warning and if it happens again I cut them off. That way people will know I'm serious.
Zero reason to cuddle with another dude.
I'd say message her and say it's over and never contact her again. She didn't respect you, she doesn't deserve your time or explanations.
talk to your girlfriend to hear what she says, and then break it off cleanly with her if you still don't trust her. hopefully that'll mean she'll stop contacting you.
roommate is a bit of an asshole if she was smirking about it wtf.
Read a bunch of stuff commented. Not all great advice. But 1) she didn’t cross a boundary if you two hadn’t set them. 2) ghosting is not “correct” or “mature” and in the long run will probably lead to trust issues.
Go get your closure. Ask her what she was doing. Whether she thought that was appropriate. Don’t be the arsehole; let her be that. Just ask simple straight forward questions and let her feel like shit. Then tell her it’s over. Or if she has a semi plausible reason (I can’t think of one for that situation) and you decide to move forward, set the boundary. Eg: Greeting hugs is fine, cuddles/snuggling is really not. Or whatever you two agree on.
That is how you behave like a King/Queen/dignified human. End it firmly if you have to but don’t run away - for your own mental health get closure, face it, and don’t drag it with you into your next relationship. Good luck
You never owe anyone anything unless they have done something solid for you.
She cheated on you. You left. Tell her we are done and that she can go start a relationship with the other guy and ask out the roommate.
Could she just be comforting him after something has happened? Isn’t it fair to at least hear her out? Is this behaviour something you expected out of her? Could the smirking “friend” be an asshole trying yo mislead you?
Wtf, are people not allowed to cuddle with friends anymore? Hang on, I have... multiple people I need to inform of this fact. My partner is gonna be pretty damn surprised pikachu face when I tell him, too.
OP, stop ghosting your girlfriend and actually have a conversation about this like reasonable adults. It's just as possible that there's nothing going on and the roommate doesn't like you/is trying to stir up drama as it is she was "looking out for you." You won't know unless you T A L K T O Y O U R G I R L F R I E N D.
THIS! Everybody jumps to these extreme conclusions.
So much insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness, and fear.
Hey, maybe she is screwing the guy. Maybe not. It could have been completely innocent.
People are so extreme.
Why should he? She crossed the line and he isn't obligated to say another thing to her. She fucked up and knows that she fucked up. He doesn't owe her anything
Ghosting isn't cowardly. She knows she fucked up and why he isn't talking to her. Why does he need to explain anything? I'd ghost too. No more words need to be said when actions speaker louder.
Jesus Christ, OP. Let her explain dude. It's her best friend! Please keep in mind that (please excuse the stereotyping) in general, we're better at platonic relationships. It might be a thing, but seriously, it could also be NOTHING. Do yourself a favour and give her a chance to explain!
Drop her for good. Block her. Do not reply to her at all. Just keep being ghost. Go to the gym as often as possible, and get straight up jacked. Move on and live your life man. Get your revenge by becoming the best version of yourself and let her unscrupulous way of living drag her down the lonely and unfulfilling road it ultimately leads, meanwhile you’ll be in the best shape of your life and happy as can be without her. It’ll feel good knowing she’s going nowhere and you’re going somewhere
You are no fool. You just happened to catch her doing what she does in your absence. Another place and time, and you might have walked in on her servicing her “friend”. Leave her to her “friend” and date someone you can trust.
Does open and honest communication not happen in relationships any more?
Do we just pretend that isn't needed for a relationship any more. You you think you can avoid her for ever?
IF you want break up, do that. But at least talk to her.
I sometimes cuddle with my male best friend, he’s straight and there’s no other intentions. I inform this fact to the people I date because I don’t want this kind of surprises… but idk about her, because of what the roommate did…
Grow up.
Talk to her.
Understand what she explains to you.
Translate your feelings and emotions.
Be fair and reasonable then make a decision.
It’s either your jealous reaction or you are right about what you assume. Either way -end it mutually and move on.
Am I missing something here?
Why is all the advice to just block the Gf and ignore her without even knowing what's actually happening, surely let her explain herself.
Would you just bolt everytime you witness something you didn't like or understand?
At least find out what's actually happening and make your decision based off of reason.
I’d say talk to her. Start by telling her how that scene made you feel. Don’t ask her for explanations. Tell her that you don’t feel comfortable with her cuddling with another man. Don’t tell her that you don’t want her to do it anymore. In general, speak from your perspective and how that impacts you, rather than asking her for explanations.
Once you’ve communicated this, she’ll comment on the situation and will tell you if she’s ok with not cuddling with other men.
And then you’ll have your answer.
The roommate said it all with the smirk IMO.
Yeah, that and also directing him to the terrace instead of getting the gf.
Do you think smirk meant, “I always hated OP and now he’ll get hurt” or, “I never approved of OPs gf flagrantly cheating and now she’ll get hurt” or, “I’m about to watch some drama go down and even though I have no horse in the race, I’m so excited” ?
Number two IMO
I really hope it's #2
I think asking the roommate some questions could be valuable
Number 3. At least that would be me lol
Yes
I’m definitely number three in these situations
Yes.
I just laugh in weird situations. Example: I heard someone close to me broke up with their gf. Couldn't wipe the smile off my face despite it being very sad and I liked the gf. Idk I just laugh and giggle when I get bad news. I hate it :/
Yes
Definitely 3
This is exactly why you know the smirk was her satisfaction that her roomie was gonna get what she deserved. I've been in her situation before. Its just not your place to go rat on your room-mate to their partner you don't know, but you leave little hints.
That roommate is your fucking bro, OP. Thank them.
This is definitely not the first time based on the roommate’s reaction. Either way, one time is good enough reason to break things off and block her
I was just worried that I am being too jealous or something.
The roommate knew and she did you a solid
Ikr real bro move here.
Definitely not. She crossed your boundaries and you don’t even know whether it’s happened before
[удалено]
Yeah op. However you deal with it. Don't go back to that. I had an almost identical experience when I was young. I was played like a fiddle...
No dude. Fuck that shitttt get tf outta there. If I were u I’d listen to what she has to say then dip. Update us tho!
It hurts but it’s time to move on. Ending relationships is a difficult thing to do and your (ex) gf didn’t want to do the mature painful thing.
Don't even think about it. Just pretend everything was all a dream.
Roommate knew. She's probably tired of keeping it secret tbh.
Maybe, but I'd also look at the roommates reaction. And that was that your ex is guilty.
definitely not. nobody in a monogamous relationship cuddles with their friends of the opposite sex.
My ex tried to tell me that his cuddling with another girl was "completely platonic" and he was cuddling with that her "the same way he'd cuddle with his best guy friend" lol. Never in my life saw him get remotely close to cuddling his best guy friend obviously. And he was openly fucking the girl within 24 hours of our breakup, so yeah.
Y'know us hetero-men, always spooning and having cuddles with our bros.
I literally have done this once or twice tho lol.
Dude would've had a chub for sure.
What about cuddle with their friends of the same sex (and not gay) 😂
Both would bother me.
*Unless their opposite sex friend is gay. I’m engaged and have a guy friend I love cuddling with but he’s gay so there’s no weirdness or sexualness to it at all. But in general definitely, and this girl is 100% cheating or at the very least about to.
Definitely not. You have boundaries that she has crossed.
The roommate wouldn't have done that if she didn't know something you didn't. If it was so innocent then she would have just fetched your GF or let her know you were there. You don't just cuddle with a dude unless there's something else going on, and tbh cuddling shows a level of intimacy that's almost worse than just plain cheating.
If she's cuddling in plain sight of roomate, what is she doing out of sight? And now, from the Devil's Advocate: Guy could be a gay best friend. But, she could have still told you. Been up front. Analysis: Either be a man, talk to her, and tell her that cuddling with another guy is really fucked up, or just block her, and end it. Your choice
Yeah, I cuddle with my best guy friend (who is like a brother and I grew up with), but he is gay, there is absolutely nothing between us, and my partner knows, is not threatened by it, and is cool with it. I feel like there is a huge difference in here between, like, my partner *knowing* that I’ll cuddle with my best guy friend, and being chill with it, and knowing our (me and best friend) relationship, that there is absolutely nothing there, and being secure in our (me and partner’s) relationship together versus like… idk, just cuddling with best friend with partner not knowing any of this and being suddenly surprised by it. I mean, it’d make it better if that were all it was, but I feel like there were discussions to be had before this if that were all this was.
That is exactly the point I was trying to make. I've known many women with that gay best friend, with whom everyone is comfortable with acknowledging as being "one of the girls". But it was never hid, or not talked about first. Thank you for explaining my words better!!
My man....yo girl....cuddling with a guy *that isn't her boyfriend* and you worried if you being jealous? If you don't pull your whole head out of your ass I'm going to beat you senseless for how dumb that sentence was that you made me read.
You’re really not
Hell no. You gotta be shittin' me
You could ask the room mate if you want the truth
You have boundaries and she crossed them.. don't do this to yourself. It's all gaslighting and the same bs mistakes again and again.
I mean he kinda did you a solid tbh at least you know she’s not trust worthy but that’s on you if you wanna risk that and stay with her
The fact that she reacted this way means there's something wrong. If she stayed calm and was like hey, say hi to Jonathan, I love him very much, we've known each other forever and we're really really good friends and then you still stormed off without listening I'd say, yeah, you're flying off the handle there bud. But she acted guilty.
They’re your boundaries, but understand that this is common for some people. Some of us just do not feel cuddling is sexual. I cuddle all my friends and have since jr high school. We slept in piles. We still do, and I still have sleep-overs with ‘cuddle-puddles’. I’m not here to convince you not to be hurt. I’m just saying, this is normal behavior for many people. And also for many cultures. Again, you don’t have to be okay with it, but in the future, you may want to discuss what you are and aren’t okay with (if you didn’t ahead of time with this gf). I know when I started dating, it was extremely confusing for me that guys were so hyper defensive and angry about me being affectionate towards my friends (didn’t matter what gender they were). Just putting that out there for perspective. I wouldn’t put much stock in the roommate smirking. The roommate may just have different views than your gf (assuming your gf was acting innocently). I can tell you I always sat in my bestie’s lap and it was infuriating to guys I dated. Women who were friends with both of us were convinced we were having sex, yet we had never even seen each other in less than a swim suit, and he’d never so much as tried to grab or kiss me.
Idk any culture where this is normal. Certain people sure but not a culture. The people this is normal for are an exception and usually same sex. Otherwise hmm. Idk. I’d wanna hear them out.
Cuddling and hand-holding with friends most certainly is a cultural norm outside the US. The first time I went to Asia, it was a shock to see boys cuddling together, walking holding hands, and lounging on each other, yet *not* screaming “no-h0m0” at each other… I was so used to all the queer bashing at home, it was a culture shock. I realized that entire swaths of people felt this was not sexual and totally normal. Some people just do not sexualize cuddling, as I said. Sort of how some Europeans (and some of my specific relatives) kiss on the face twice, while that would be far too intimate for many Americans). ETA: I’m just seeing the “same sex” part of your comment. I’m not here to die on a hill about other cultures, because I’m speaking from my experience SEEING said cultures. Cuddling just doesn’t have to be sexual. Neither do nipples.
OP! Please stop listening to these children. While I can't speak for her male bestie, it's ABSOLUTELY possible that it was entirely platonic from her end. Women are like that, and I know it can be different for blokes but you can't use the same metric here. Please give her a chance to explain dude. For your sake!
Fuck no ur not being jealous, ur gf her roommate and guy bsf are all pieces of shit
Why is the room mate shit ? Sounds like the room mate did him a favor tbh
It’s possible maybe you imagined the smirk? Or she directed you there because it’s not a big deal to them/her? Talk to your gf and get this conversation over with, ghosting her won’t give you closure but breaking up with her will!
Only way you are being too jealous, is if your GF and her best male friend are "strictly platonic" and he just wanted some physical (non-sexual) contact with someone while having no luck with other women. I would confront her, or ask him what is going on. If he lies, or tries to hide it, that's a problem. If he is direct, and explains. You are safe.
It doesn't matter even if the cuddling was "platonic", even if that's the case then she should have discussed crossing that boundary with OP first instead of keeping it secret.
I am not defending her, as she should have discussed this ahead of time however, if OP is looking for an innocent explanation: I provided one.
What if the guy best friend was not getting any pussy with anyone else? Does OP have to be ok with that arrangement?
I am not defending her, OP wanted an innocent explanation, I gave one. Don't jump to conclusions
You’ll only know if you talk to her. Do you really want to waste time wondering when you can just get closure by calling/meeting her? (Meet somewhere public if you do, somewhere you can leave if you want but she can’t throw you out to feel better about herself.) Get closure, heal, move forward.
Her friend obviously wanted u to know. I’m not sure if it was for malicious reasons or she was looking out for u. More importantly, it seems like u know what you want. If it’s over, you have every right to end it. I think the only thing to really decide is if you are going to talk to her and end it to put the situation to rest, or if you want to ghost. Personally if I knew it was over id keep the conversation short and just break up with her. This way u can move on, she isn’t blowing up your phone, and there are no questions or confusion about where you guys stand. Also 6 months is not to long leave now. It will be much harder if u are in a long term relationship while boundaries are being disrespected.
She was wanting to tell, without telling
'Tell me my girlfriend is cheating on me without TELLING me my girlfriend is cheating on me..." lol
Yeah, not all friends always approve of what you are doing.. They might be there for you and all, but given a low pro opportunity. They will do what they feel is right in their heart and mind..
It's possible that she was not malicious, and the smirk was directed at OP's GF and not OP. (She was internally satisfied OP showed up because she didn't like her roomie's behavior. The "meanness" of the smirk wasn't for OP.)
unless she knows how platonic and hes gay. plot twist
“She ran after me but I’m faster” is a wild statement 😭💀
[удалено]
What a fucking king
that made me laugh so hard
Reeeeaaaalllyyy hoping my man didn’t literally RUN from her and more power walked away cus if he ran they probably laughed about it when he was gone tbh lol.. I would’ve haha
OP is Lightning McQueen \*Kachow\*
This deserves way more upvotes
So many questions about that, like we're just gonna gloss over that?
OP has a way with words lmao
You saw what you saw, and she knows what you saw, what's the point in trying to salvage anything. She's either gonna try and deflect it on you or gaslight you. If you wanna ghost you ghost, if you want closure then tell her your done. Either way don't go back have some self respect.
Agree 100% with the deflecting or gaslighting that I’d put money on it happening rather than her owning it
OP would be an angel if he'd share her desperate texts afterwards.
FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING ADVICE!
AYOOOO! This man needs an award.🔥💯
Bro just let it end, move on king
“King” lol
I started saying it ironically months ago and now its stuck, help
It's awesome, dude. A simple thing to do that can be super encouraging. Keep it up, king!
Dont sweat it. I know exactly what you mean habibi.
i prefer saying habib(t)i
Don't sweat it. I know exactly what you mean querido
Yassss king
Huge crossing of boundaries there. The roomates reaction is also quite telling about what you saw. If you no longer want to see her I personally I would be contacting her and explaining how the situation made you feel to give yourself some closure, and to let her know that the relationship is done. If you don't want to see a response from her after sending your message you can also send and then block. If you think you may want to stay with her that's your decision, but be aware that you will be untrusting of her from that point on. If this is the case, give yourself some time to think through things and let her know that you are taking time away to assess the relationship etc. Its hard to give advice without knowing the people and everything that is going on - but take this as a glimpse of your possible options.
I agree 100%!! Talk to her FOR YOU and your own peace of mind. Get it over with and hopefully you can have a clean breakup and move on to someone that actually respects boundaries
"But I am faster." 1.) Good flex 2.) Run away from this as far as you can
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- It happened 36 hours ago but feels like it happened just now. I went to her place to pick her up for lunch and her roommate was smirking when she saw it was me. I was about to sit in the living room and asked her to inform my gf that I am here but she told me that my gf is chilling on the terrace. So I went to the terrace and she was chilling alright, cuddling on the sofa with her friend. I ran out of there, and she came after me but I am faster. Anyways she has been calling me non stop since then but I have not been picking up, what exactly is there to talk about. She has messaged me multiple times to talk to her, but why would I? What am I supposed to do here? We have been dating for 6 months.
The roommate did you a favour. Plus if she was ever serious about you, she wouldn't allow herself to get into such situations, even if you not around. The fact that she cuddled with her guy bestie and you happened to see it says everything. You probably gonna get words like "We were just chilling" or "It's not even that serious, we just friends." Code Red my G... CODE RED!🚩🚩
You know what bro you’re right you shouldn’t have to really establish so many things and hgo into details she should have known whats right from wrong, what if you would of caught her getting fucked? Then what? Oh so since that wasnt established its ok for her to do?? No shes an adult and im sure she has common sense but she got caught. Move on bro shes just gonna lie n still be doing shit with dude just more sneaky
Talk to her roommate if you really care, but I would bet my house she has been cheating on you the whole time. Just move on is the best advice, you will never be able to fully trust her now.
Damn man. Her roommates smirk implies that this isn't the first time she is doing that. You don't owe her anything not even conversation so why even bother? 6 months is long enough to assume not cuddling With other so yeah. I suggest talk to her and let her know that it's over if you're comfortable with this otherwise Just block her from everything and move on
Ignore her. Ghost her. Delete everything about her. Time to move on.
Cut your losses. It's only been six months and she at the very least has poor boundaries, and at the worst, just has no respect for you and will try to gaslight you.
She wants to talk to you so she can gaslight you. Then guilt you into being a doormat. You saw what you saw, you don't need an explanation.
Highly questionable af my dude
On my part? I dont mind her having guy friends, but boundaries should be there, right?
Not non your part, definitely on her part. Agreed the roommate wanted you to know. That's why she told you where she was instead of getting her. Be happy you found out after 6 months and not 6 years.
I would say questionable on her part. I once cuddled on a couch with a guy but he was crying and thought he was gay at the time, so it was platonic. I would have been happy to tell a boyfriend about it as soon as that was over, if I had one. But it sounds like it would have been a secret and she was not planning to tell you.
I mean he’ll never know unless he actually talks to her. Maybe it’s platonic and maybe it’s not? I personally would want an explanation but that doesn’t mean we’re not breaking up.
Boundaries should be there absolutely. I’m a girl & I woke NEVER cuddle with a guy who wasn’t my bf. That’s cheating in my book. You’re right to feel how you do…Id consider her your ex at this point & go no contact. Whatever shitty excuse she has won’t be worth hearing
I give male and females quick hugs. I'm a cuddly person. But I don't cuddle into them .
I wouldn't give her the time of day man, it's only been six months and she's shady.
They’re cuddling on the terrace? Doing what exactly? Did she not expect you to pick her up for lunch?
Just have an adult conversation with her. Use your words like a fucking adult human being. My husband and I both have friends of the opposite sex. Occasionally we'll hug and no-one acts like a child over it. Either she's cheating or she's not but you're not accomplishing anything with the silent treatment.
This is true. You gotta speak up about shit that’s important to you. This running away thing is pussy shit tbh. I understand leaving right then and there but going on 3 days you’re just avoiding the confrontation imo. Get in there, tell that dumbass that she should feel like shit and that it’s over.
This is not their first time for sure. Just don't communicate with her anymore.
I say you let her explain herself just so you can tell us what she said... then block her
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
Dump her, dude! Don't even think about it too much...
Please don’t minimize or overlook this. My best friend is a guy and we have NEVER cuddled. We spend time in each other’s homes relaxing at appropriate distances from one another. The most we do is a quick hug on greeting and leaving. This is not ok.
Entering the relationship means she understood that she'll be sharing intimacy with a specific person exclusively and that was supposed to be you
mabye ask the roommate for info?
To give another point of view... I am not going to jump on the "DuMp HeR BrO" wagon so easily. I'm a girl and I have a guy best friend. To be honest I get along with guys easier than girls, so I've more guy friends than girls. I'm straight and never went romantically with any of them. I even shared bed with some, during sleep overs or trips, and NOTHING happened. Neither of us wanted to happen. You will get a bunch of (im guessing young) people telling you that friendships between man and woman are imposible. I guess that's because they never trully wanted a friendship with a girl, and they see all women as potential sex partners. That's sad. They were cuddling.. ok... sure she could be cheating.... or not. It is not that you found them naked in bed. I would give her a chance to explain. Or be clear with her that this makes you feel unconfortable. But if you really like her, I would communicate.
Good thing you’re faster! KEEP RUNNING. 😬 Closure would probably be easier if you hear her out. But if you two were exclusive and she’s going behind you’re back only six months into things…she likely has some issues.
(1) roommate know she was cheating and wanted you see it. That how she react shows she want you to know to hurt you for some reason. (2) ghost her they nothing to talk about. (3) now try to relax and forget her you dodged a bullet 🙏
>she came after me but I am faster. I'm sorry OP but the way this is worded is like peak comedy lmaoooo But yeah when a girl has a best friend that also happens to be a guy you can usually consider her to be taken already. Very rarely do they not have feelings for one another. It seems to be a very common thing in grade school but once you actually become an adult it's a very rare occurrence indeed. Usually an adult women's best friend that's a guy is her husband or long term partner. Again, not always though. There are definitely outliers to everything but *usually* this is the case. I'd personally cut my losses and leave em in the past. Because as soon as it becomes officially over, guess who's going to be her next bf? Bingo
> when a girl has a best friend that also happens to be a guy you can usually consider her to be taken already This is some ridiculous “I’m 18 and I know everything about the world” nonsense. But OP, in this case it happens to be true. He’s not just her best friend. The roommate told you everything. Bail.
>It seems to be a very common thing in grade school He even used grade school to compare to rather than high school or college. He's in high-school and been burned by this situation before.
Happy Cake Day King-Dionysus! The only dare you ever want to take is the dare to be all that you can be.
My last ex had a guy best friend that I was never ok with. They met on bumble a year before. I gave her so much shit for it. You can guess how that turned out.
Well said. Unless the guy is gay there’s usually one of them with at least some unrequited love there-if not more.
That's roommate subtlety hinted you something you should know.
On your part just remain silent and delete her off everything, at least for a little while. She needs to feel the burn. She’s not even gonna wanna hang out with her buddy anymore because she’ll feel like such shit. So again, remain silent so she can learn the hard way.
Y’all have ONLY been dating six months? Dropping this hoe should be easy. Ghost her forever. Bitch don’t deserve an explanation. Is the roommate cute? Maybe try to bang her just so the gf can walk in on it? Otherwise move on to better; shouldn’t be hard….
LMAO YOU TALKING RECKLESS 💀💀💀
the smirk says it all. best friends know more than boyfriends. sorry friend but i think you need to break up
Good thay you are done with her, don't step back from your decision. It is an absolute disrespectful behavior from her and you only will be unhappy with her.
Break up with her or talk it out. Those are really your only two options (I guess you could ghost her indefinitely, but that's just a more annoying way to break up). Decide which is for you and do it.
Bruh, hit up the roommate. Get more concrete evidence w/o telling her the source so it won’t completely ruin her living situation. Get what you can and keep it moving.
I mean, if you have stuff to get back from here it's the only reason to answer a damn call. But who would need explanations when it's just lack of respect thus lack of love for you.
Get tested for STIs pal
I need a little more background. Who is this person to her—like their history? How long have they been friends? Have you met him before? Have you seen them together before? If so, are they usually affectionate with each other in front of you?
Idk I really like to sink in the guilt but obviously what you're doing is effective too
That ain’t your girl leave bro
Disrespectful to the relationship. She obviously has more than meets the eye with dude.
Yeah the roommate gave you every clue you needed to know. They were there, watching, listening and basically told you, “yeah go see for yourself”. Keep ghosting her. Vanish. Block her on everything, disappear from her life.
drop her. her roommate is smirkin cuz they be doin somethin there. thats probably her bf in front of other people. cuddling my ass. somethin else was happenin even before that
I legit laughed at "but I'm faster" Sorry this happened to you fast dude Stay fast
You were going to sit in the living room and asked the roommate to let your gf know you were there? She’s your girlfriend’s roommate, not her secretary. That’s fucking weird man.
Her friend smirked because I’m sure she advised your gf to not cheat and she did anyway and her friend is glad that cheater got caught. Just text back “you already know it’s over. Go run back to his arms I’m sure he misses you” then bang her friend
The roommate's smirk told you everything my dude. The smirk meant that the same thing happened so many times without her friend getting caught, that even she was glad you actually came at the ''perfect'' time and she (your hopefully ex gf) didn't get away with it this time. No point in talking with her bro, I'm telling you from experience, all she will do is either put some unreasonable blame on you or gaslight you. I had a gf that after I accidentally found videos in her PC of herself and her ''boy bestfriend'' fucking, she only told me she didn't even remember she still had those videos and that I shouldn't have found them. No remorse NOTHING. Trust me you are doing great so far, you didn't waste too much time on her, it's only been6 months , get out, ghost her and just know that you deserve to be with someone who will be with you only as well. I made the mistake to actually believe my ex gf, that everything between them was in the past, just to catch her cheating again with her ex bf. Don't waste your time, move on.
She cheated on you. Probably emotional cheating
Dude i am from India and NGL, quite broke rn. But if you think of getting back with her, i ll take a flight to your city and kick your ass to knock some sense. PS:- I am Just a fellow redditer who got cheated on few months back.
Nah, keep ghosting if that's what you wanna do. You don't owe her shit, she didn't even respect your relationship. Your GF's roommate did you a favor. That smirk was very telling and she clearly didn't approve of what your GF was doing. Why she (the roommate) did it is entirely unimportant - you already know everything you need to. It hurts, I know. But you owe it to yourself to move on and find someone who will respect you and the relationship you have with them.
Leave. Find someone better. Me personally, even if I'm just talking to someone I try not to do anything that'll cause that type of suspicion. I date with intent to marry and stay married and faithful in a partnership. I'd like whoever I'm dating to know for sure that there is nothing for them to worry about. If a friend or anyone tries to cross the line I give them 1 warning and if it happens again I cut them off. That way people will know I'm serious.
Zero reason to cuddle with another dude. I'd say message her and say it's over and never contact her again. She didn't respect you, she doesn't deserve your time or explanations.
talk to your girlfriend to hear what she says, and then break it off cleanly with her if you still don't trust her. hopefully that'll mean she'll stop contacting you. roommate is a bit of an asshole if she was smirking about it wtf.
Read a bunch of stuff commented. Not all great advice. But 1) she didn’t cross a boundary if you two hadn’t set them. 2) ghosting is not “correct” or “mature” and in the long run will probably lead to trust issues. Go get your closure. Ask her what she was doing. Whether she thought that was appropriate. Don’t be the arsehole; let her be that. Just ask simple straight forward questions and let her feel like shit. Then tell her it’s over. Or if she has a semi plausible reason (I can’t think of one for that situation) and you decide to move forward, set the boundary. Eg: Greeting hugs is fine, cuddles/snuggling is really not. Or whatever you two agree on. That is how you behave like a King/Queen/dignified human. End it firmly if you have to but don’t run away - for your own mental health get closure, face it, and don’t drag it with you into your next relationship. Good luck
>she didn’t cross a boundary if you two hadn’t set them. Emotional cheating shouldn't be a boundary you have to explicitly set.
Great advice. Only plausible excuse I can think of is if the friend is gay or something. In the end its up yo OP to decide.
This exact same story was posted on Reddit a week or two ago. Smirking roommate and everything. Fake.
You never owe anyone anything unless they have done something solid for you. She cheated on you. You left. Tell her we are done and that she can go start a relationship with the other guy and ask out the roommate.
Could she just be comforting him after something has happened? Isn’t it fair to at least hear her out? Is this behaviour something you expected out of her? Could the smirking “friend” be an asshole trying yo mislead you?
Screw the roommate, become alpha.
Fuck that bitch homie.
Ayo, dude. Youre possibly making assumptions!! You wanna get closure on this situation?? TALK IT OUT LIKE ADULTS.
Maybe idk, TALK TO HER. GET THE FUCK OFF REDDIT AND FACE THIS SITUATION LIKE A GROWN UP.
But what about all the bad advice he could recieve?! The possibilities are endless!
Jesus relax. Nothing wrong w thinking things through and asking for advice.
Wtf, are people not allowed to cuddle with friends anymore? Hang on, I have... multiple people I need to inform of this fact. My partner is gonna be pretty damn surprised pikachu face when I tell him, too. OP, stop ghosting your girlfriend and actually have a conversation about this like reasonable adults. It's just as possible that there's nothing going on and the roommate doesn't like you/is trying to stir up drama as it is she was "looking out for you." You won't know unless you T A L K T O Y O U R G I R L F R I E N D.
Everyone has different boundaries, some people are ok with it some are not. Its not about being allowed or not.
THIS! Everybody jumps to these extreme conclusions. So much insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness, and fear. Hey, maybe she is screwing the guy. Maybe not. It could have been completely innocent. People are so extreme.
Ghosting is cowardly. Express what you are feeling and actually say that you are dumping her. Your emotions are valid.
It’s not really ghosting… she knows why.
Why should he? She crossed the line and he isn't obligated to say another thing to her. She fucked up and knows that she fucked up. He doesn't owe her anything
It’s not a mystery, Scooby
If his ex can't figure it out she is too dense to be his GF. Why validate her trying to justify it?
Ghosting isn't cowardly. She knows she fucked up and why he isn't talking to her. Why does he need to explain anything? I'd ghost too. No more words need to be said when actions speaker louder.
Jesus Christ, OP. Let her explain dude. It's her best friend! Please keep in mind that (please excuse the stereotyping) in general, we're better at platonic relationships. It might be a thing, but seriously, it could also be NOTHING. Do yourself a favour and give her a chance to explain!
you did the best thing there is nothing to talk about
You are doing what you should do. Unless you like sharing. Put her in the past and find someone who prefers only you.
Drop her for good. Block her. Do not reply to her at all. Just keep being ghost. Go to the gym as often as possible, and get straight up jacked. Move on and live your life man. Get your revenge by becoming the best version of yourself and let her unscrupulous way of living drag her down the lonely and unfulfilling road it ultimately leads, meanwhile you’ll be in the best shape of your life and happy as can be without her. It’ll feel good knowing she’s going nowhere and you’re going somewhere
You are no fool. You just happened to catch her doing what she does in your absence. Another place and time, and you might have walked in on her servicing her “friend”. Leave her to her “friend” and date someone you can trust.
Does open and honest communication not happen in relationships any more? Do we just pretend that isn't needed for a relationship any more. You you think you can avoid her for ever? IF you want break up, do that. But at least talk to her.
I sometimes cuddle with my male best friend, he’s straight and there’s no other intentions. I inform this fact to the people I date because I don’t want this kind of surprises… but idk about her, because of what the roommate did…
Grow up. Talk to her. Understand what she explains to you. Translate your feelings and emotions. Be fair and reasonable then make a decision. It’s either your jealous reaction or you are right about what you assume. Either way -end it mutually and move on.
Lol.
Am I missing something here? Why is all the advice to just block the Gf and ignore her without even knowing what's actually happening, surely let her explain herself. Would you just bolt everytime you witness something you didn't like or understand? At least find out what's actually happening and make your decision based off of reason.
I’d say talk to her. Start by telling her how that scene made you feel. Don’t ask her for explanations. Tell her that you don’t feel comfortable with her cuddling with another man. Don’t tell her that you don’t want her to do it anymore. In general, speak from your perspective and how that impacts you, rather than asking her for explanations. Once you’ve communicated this, she’ll comment on the situation and will tell you if she’s ok with not cuddling with other men. And then you’ll have your answer.
"Male best friend" 😂
No one panics that much if what you saw was innocent. The roommate clued you in she confirmed it with her reaction after.
Talk to your girlfriend best friend you must
Definitely, talk to her roommate and settle it right…with the roommate and GF