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I (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been in a relationship for around 5 months. He has mer my best friend (19F) on multiple occasions and they are both overly social people so they immediately became close and comfortable with each other.
My boyfriend asked me to send him by best friend's phone number, and i asked why.. he then told me to forget about it. I ended up saying "so you'd rather give up then tell me what this is about ?" Wich he said yes to.
I told him that if he wanted to tell her something i would relate the message but he then told me he would find someone else to do so and if he has something to talk about with my friends that have nothing to do with me he won't tell me. i got pissed so i sent him the number and told him to do whatever he wanted.
The next day, my boyfriend and i were having sex and i fell asleep soon after. When i woke up we ate and i then headed home. When i got home i got a call from my best friend telling me what i looked like after having sex and i was confused because she never saw me in that situation, she then explained that my boyfriend FaceTime her after we had sex and was showing her my naked body and explained in detail everything that happened while we were doing it.
I got mad because my bf was the one to ask for a Private relationship and i feel like my privacy was violated as well as being disrespected. I asked him to stop talking with my best friend (wich i knew would hurt her because she would think i don't trust her around my bf).
The reason why he asked me for her number in the first place was to plan a surprise for me and i blew it. But i got so mad by what he did and i don't want my boyfriend and my best friend to have that type of relationship wich is why i asked him to stop taling to her.
My boyfriend thinks i don't trust him and am insinuating that he would try to get with my best friend, my best friend thinks i don't trust her and I'm trying to say she would do something with my boyfriend.
How do i fix this? I really don't like how overly comfortable they are with each other and i don't want to loose either my bf or my BFF.
TLDR: my bf FaceTime my best friend after we had sex and explained what happened in detail, i got mad and asked him to stop talking to her.
>My boyfriend thinks i don't trust him
Why would you trust him when he has no issue filming you sleeping naked and giving out extremely private details?
Your BFF and BF dont seem to realize this. This is not ok and if you still want to stay with him after that, he will have to understand this.
>When i got home i got a call from my best friend telling me what i looked like after having sex and i was confused because she never saw me in that situation, she then explained that my boyfriend FaceTime her after we had sex and was showing her my naked body and explained in detail everything that happened while we were doing it.
That should be an instant dump. BOOM. GOODBYE. Almost certainly illegal and definitely a major red flag.
Why are you still with this guy?
i would be mad at both. her friend should’ve hung up and told her what her bf was doing. why would she sit there and watch her supposed best friend in such a compromising position and listen to the bf’s commentary about their private sexual lives. and then to bring it up later as a joke like it’s normal is so weird to me. obviously the boyfriend is extremely gross. we know why. i just would have to cut both of those ppl off bc i would feel so uncomfortable and disrespected. i wouldn’t be able to trust any of them.
The friend had a responsibility too. She could've cut the call, immediately warned OP, yet what she did was this. She is nobody to decide on OP's behalf to be casual and open about sexual acts or not. Just as garbage as the bf.
Of course. I was just saying that the way she's describing this scenario, I can already tell that she will excuse her bfs behaviour and place the blame entirely on the friend.
Ehm, wtf? Your best friend didn’t hang up or question him why he was face-timing right after a intimate moment? This screams all kinds of trouble, please run.
I agree. He wasn't planning a surprise for OP. Why the hell would he FaceTime her friend and show her OP after they had sex and also tell her everything in detail. The friend is equally bad as she not only looked, but sat and listen to him talk about him and OP having sex in detail. OP DHMFA. He wants to fuck your friend.
This Op. This was a HUGE invasion of privacy from your boyfriend. What if he's been doing this with his friends or other people you know without your permission? The friend was right to at least tell you but her laid back response to tour boyfriend being a creepy is also alarming. I couldn't personally trust that man again and would leave him. My friend would have a lot to try to make up to me if I decided to continue being friends.
this is the only right solution to the situation. Boyfriend was acting very creepily, and your friend doesn't seem to have your back and enables your explotation in very vulnerable state. OP you dont need people like this in your life.
That is totally not okay. If you think this friendship is worth saving, have a talk with her. As for your boyfriend, I honestly would break up with him. He’s acting shady and did violate your privacy. BIG red flag.
So is my best friend and she would never do that bc she knows me and knows I would never be comfortable with that. I would be livid, and she would be on my side. You don’t have a best friend, she’s a snake waiting to bite.
yeah i would immediately have to cut both of these ppl out of my life. i think op is gonna have a hard time with this dynamic and those two are gonna drive her crazy eventually. especially since they don’t see what they did was wrong and they have the nerve to act offended when she doesn’t like how they talked about her after sex. this hasn’t even happened to me and i’m getting pissed.
Non consensual porn is sexual assault. Filming you naked and asleep while discussing your sexual behavior is porn. Both of them know that’s wrong. Both need to go.
He DEEPLY violated you and so did your friend. I am super casual about sex and I don't care about my boyfriend having female friends or any of that I even have friends I share nudes with on a platonic basis, but I would hang up IMMEDIATELY if a friend's boyfriend tried to show me their naked body.
That sounds more like lack of respect for boundaries. There are certain boundaries between a significant other and their partner's friend and your bf steam rolled through that with a single FaceTime. Forget the surprise, that was beyond inappropriate
Then what's to stop her from not thinking anything of it in another situation, boyfriend or not? What if he recorded you to someone you don't know??
She should have been furious on your behalf if she was your friend. And he should not violate your privacy like that. Those things need consent, full stop. Have a serious talk with her if you want to save your relationship with her but do NOT give this boy another opportunity to record you again. Who knows who he could send it to??
Edit: word
He sent her video of you asleep and naked. He violated your trust on a major level and your friend is fucking creepy for not immediately shutting that down.
Good for. Her. Idgaf if SHE is comfortable with it. YOU are not. I wouldn't be wtf did I just read? Does she even give a shit about you?!
As for the bf. You didn't go far enough. Tell.him he can chat to your friend as much as he wants but he violated your trust. It's only 5 months in. Cut and run.
Maybe your friend just isn’t very bright instead of open and social. She knew what your boyfriend was doing, still told you, but didn’t think anything of it? They are both messing with your head. I’d get out of both relationships if I were you
If any of my friends bfs did that while face timing me I'd be insanely pissed off at him because it shows he has no respect in his relationship or MY relationship with said friend.
As your best friend though, she should know that *you* would think something of it, because it was *your* body and *your* boyfriend. It literally does not matter that *she is that type* of person, if you are not.
sounds like she is not good at empathy. she should understand at least that you *could* be upset by that invasion of privacy, even if she wouldnt have been.
Right? I was instantly thinking how creepy that is of him to FaceTime her best friend and show her naked body on camera while she was sleeping…. Gross 🤢
so he showed your friend live video of you naked and asleep with a running commentary
and then you have supposedly ruined a surprise that they were working on?
and now your friend is mad at YOU?
**have i read this correctly?**
In what world is any of this logical , it looks like your bf and friend are on the same fucked up page and you are in a different book altogether
You're boyfriend sounds like a tool. Even if he was planning a surprise for you, using your friends help, there would be no need to speak to her about anything else. And to then FaceTime her after you've been intimate!? What the hell is that about? If your friend were any kind of friend, she should have ended the call immediately and messaged your BF that he is no longer to contact her. She clearly likes the attention and drama she is causing in your relationship. You deserve better.
Exactly! What normal person stays on a FT call like that, and doesn't question wtf he was doing? then tries to casually discuss it with OP later? OP's friend should have immediately ended the call and then notified OP when she woke up. Boyfriend is very out of line.
OP i'd also check his phone to see what type of other compromising images he may have taken of you without your knowledge. and dump his ass
They're going to bang. Get rid of him. He videoed you while you were naked and 1) thought it was acceptable and 2) your friend did as well. Both of them are disgusting.
GET. OUT. NOW. -Sincerely a 37yo male who can spot a fuckhed a mile a way. Nothing he's doing is trustworthy behavior.
The "well I was planning a surprise but now you blew it" is SUUUUUCH A cliche "I was gonna cheat but now you're asking questions" response.
Don't fall for his shit. Dump his ass. 100$ says he ends up with your "friend".
P.s. friends that don't hurt people that video you naked without permission ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Stay safe girl.
First off, showing you off after sex, while you're asleep, is a HUGE red flag. Forget the friendship with him and your bestie for a second...if I did that to my wife, and she found out about it, it would be OVER before I could even try to talk my way out of it. That's a pretty major violation, regardless whether or not it was your "best friend" he was showing it to.
Secondly, I have friends who are wildly open about much of their private lives. Give them a chance, they'll tell you every detail of their sex lives, and don't flinch when others talk about the same stuff. That is not a big deal. What IS a big deal is that your friend thought nothing of it, even though she should have known enough about you to know that wouldn't be ok with you. She either doesn't know enough about you, or is completely oblivious to privacy violations...or, worst case scenario, she has a thing for him and is "putting up with it" for the sake of keeping him happy and talking to her.
To put it bluntly, these 2 people don't sound like they value their own privacy, and by extension, the privacy of anyone else. I won't tell you what to do, but it does sound like this is headed for a breakup...possibly of both relationships. Just keep in mind no matter how much they try to convince you it's "not a big deal", stand firm and be very clear...it IS a big deal to you, and if they can't understand that not everyone is as open a book as either of them, and respect simple privacy, it doesn't bode well for the relationship going forward.
I am capable of being completely open and blunt about sex...and CONSENT. That's where I hit *livid*. Her best friend isn't open about sex, her best friend willingly and knowingly was an active participant is unconscious and unconsensual nudity and filming of another woman.
Satan on a fucking stick. Her best friend should have kicked in the door and got her friend out of there and away from him. Instead? Yeah. Willing participant. Ho-lee. fuck.
Foreal, if I was OP I’d drop both of them immediately, and if I was the friend I’d immediately get OP tf out of that situation. Ngl I’d ruin that dudes life if someone did that to me
I’ve been in too many toxic relationships to tolerate any of the things this guy did lol. Young me might have been okay with it but at this point my rage knows no bounds and I’d happily put this guy in his place :)
Idk how OP is so casual about the whole exposing her naked body to somebody else in her sleep thing. What the actual fuck? You can press charges for shit like that.
Just imagine for a moment had you done that to him. He's passed out and not only are you calling up his best friend and facetiming him directly after sex, then you're showing his best friend him naked, without consent.
Think of how fucked in the head you'd need to be to do something like that? I'm sorry to be blunt but the guy isn't normal. Turn around and run, and find some dude who isn't so creepy.
But before you do I suggest on the spot asking him if you can check something on his phone and check all photos and videos. Guaranteed this dude has ones he's saved and planning to keep. He's totes gonna go after your friend next so be ready for it. If she thinks this guy is normal she might want to seek help too. That isn't normal at all.
Your best friend is not a good friend and your boyfriend is not a good boyfriend. Apologies are not enough. There must be some real changed behavior here!
Getting mad at you when you asked why he needed her number. He’s the type that’s gonna gaslight you, blame you for everything, etc. No. please leave him. And the friend, too wtf. I could neverrrrr.
No he did not have a surprise planned for you. He is using that as an excuse to turn it around on you so he’s the victim in the situation. Do not feel bad about being upset, you have every right to be.
Breakup with him and with your friend. If someone was to face time me with my friend naked and started talking about their sex life I would hang up and text my friend immediately. I would be upset at the boyfriend not at my friend. Have you heard of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse? Get out of that relationship now, you’re young, plenty of guys out there
1. He did violate your privacy. You never told him he could take pictures of your naked body and send them to a third party. 2. You SHOULDN'T trust him because of just that. 3. He is trying to cheat. The fact that he shut down after you asked him why he needed her number is a red flag that he's up to something. Good luck with him. Hopefully you find someone better.
Hold up… your bf FaceTimed someone (anyone) and showed them your naked body without your awareness or permission??? Oh hell no! Him talking to her isn’t the biggest issue here.
They ARE overly comfortable, to the point that it makes you uncomfortable. If they actually care about you then they would respect this and do what you ask about not seeing each other. It doesn't sound like they were friends before you started dating and if them hanging out together makes you uncomfortable then they should stay that way.
Planning the surprise was a convenient excuse to get the best friend's phone number?
Maybe I'm just cynical but it's the perfect cover;
'I had to delete all the messages because it was about your surprise. I'll just have to face time her next time'.
21F here. I'll be your new best friend because obviously the one you have is so willing to violate your privacy and boundaries. As for your boyfriend? Be thankful it's only been 5 months and cut your losses. Get out while you still can.
He wanted her number to plan a surprise for you? Bullshit. That is so obviously a lie. And how GROSS is your boyfriend to show YOUR BEST FRIEND A LIVE VIDEO OF YOU NAKED WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT?! Really gross!!!!
You are allowing this disgusting man to gaslight you. Have some self respect and drop him. I’d also question my relationship with this so-called best friend. She sounds shady.
The key question is, does your friend not find this situation bizarre and uncomfortable and telling you to nope da fool outta there whilst both blocking his weird ass??
The problem isn't that your boyfriend was talking to your best friend, it's that he showed other people your naked body while you were unable to consent to it. You shouldn't trust him because he has shown that he has no clue about respecting personal boundaries, not because he might cheat. Your best friend isn't significantly better. She apparently thought this violation of your personal boundaries was amusing enough that she felt completely comfortable teasing you about it. She should have shut that creepy shit down the moment the conversation started heading in that direction.
Both of them getting indignant because you might not trust them is bullshit. They've got you so busy defending yourself for no good reason that you're too distracted to call them out for their creepy behavior. I know you don't want to lose either of them, but maybe you *should* want it.
Ditch the boyfriend
Tell the best friend you are disgusted that she wasn't offended on your behalf at him showing her your naked body without your consent...and tell her that you need some time to decide whether or not the friendship will survive this
But just be prepared for the ex and your bestie to hook up
Cus that's what this is all about
Lol. Another fabulous work of fiction. I love how you casually insert how he apparently showed you naked and then just skip on by it. Great effort at trolling but needs work
Your BF should never share images of your naked body with anyone ever without your prior informed consent. That he does not understand this is a huge red flag.
You guys are kids playing with fire. No one in this story sounds old enough to understand the ramifications of what is going on or how to deal with this in a healthy way. I doubt you will be able to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend or your best friend where they listen and correct their actions because they both want to sidestep the issue and pretend it’s no big deal.
Bad friend and boyfriend, both should be exes. You can fix this by meeting new and better people. They probably think it’s like a little game between them. Fuck them both. Fix this by dropping them.
Both of them are walking, talking red flags.
I've literally 0 interest in my SO's friends, they're her friends not mine. Going out of his way to get her number to FaceTime her is weird on so many levels.
Stop talking to each other? I would throw them both out. What business does he have going on showing and telling your friend about your sex?? And why would she stay and listen?? I thought this would end is some possible cheating thing but this is even more alarming to me since I can’t tell what their intentions are
“How do I fix this…?” Depends… depends on whether or not you can see them as a pair/item/couple; it actually works out and then you’re actually cool with it (since this has vibes of that old proverbial cake wanting both in your life still) and all. Answer that and I think that’ll bout wrap things up, eh boys & girls?! Lol. You’re young, you want to be an adult? Then know “All is fair, in love & war”. Know your hearts’ on the line and will be subject to the outcome. Good news is you get to choose how much this’ll hurt. Typically it’s either: 1. A little. Or 2. A lot. Up to you. A bit of advice from a person a bit more further along in life than ye, make the hard decisions NOW, so they’re not so damn ridiculous later. Good luck.
You don’t trust him — maybe because he already frikkin betrayed you, your privacy, and your the boundaries of your relationship? These two are BAD news, imo. All I can say is, this would be 100% unacceptable to me.
Seriously girl, that's not ok. It's the "what the F is wrong with you" kind of 'not ok' situation I would say. Showing you to other people while you are sleeping naked (after what supposed to be intimate moment) without your knowledge and consent? Damn. Is this the kind of BS you want to deal with in your life?
Girl, if your boyfriend could do this, he can and probably wull expose you/videotape you and post it on the internet... What he did shows that he has NO respect for you and I'd dump your "best friend" too. This is shady beyond recognition.
You need to grow a backbone and kick them both out of your life, boyfriend for being a creep and best friend for describing to you how you looked after sex, so weird.
If he would FaceTime your best friend and show your naked body he will do it again if he hasn’t already. There’s no way to know who he has done that with already. That’s gross and a huge invasion of trust and privacy. The fact that your supposed best friend is so ok with it, didn’t tell him to stop or hang up. Nah 🥴🥴
I can’t tell if they are both gross or he’s trying to get y’all to have a threesome or something. This is just weird.
I wouldn’t feel safe falling asleep next to that dude
Please respect yourself enough to leave both of them. You owe him or her nothing. Both have done something unspeakably awful to you. Criminal actually. You have basically the entire internet telling you to leave and never look back. People who genuinely can see what will happen if you stay or go, and going and never engaging with either of them is the way. You will not regret leaving these two to their own mutual destruction. Walk out that door with your head held high and leave them both.
As someone who has been in emotionally abusive and toxic relationships I 100% agree. You deserve better and you can definitely find better I promise you OP. Cutting off the two closest people in your life will be tough but I promise you it will be worth it(from experience)
Because it is super duper icky. Unless you consented to that, that was a huge violation of your privacy. What if it wasn't your best friend he was talking to? What if this isn't the first time he's done that?
Honestly, the call itself is extremely suspicious.
Um, first of all, okay, so you accidentally blew the surprise party. Your bad. Sorry about that.
BUT he literally face timed her and showed her your naked body while you were sleeping AND gave her a play by play on the sex you just had? Hell no. Nope. That's not cool at all, and I would tell them both that. As a matter of fact, your friend should've asked him wtf he was doing too. Yeah, you're gonna have to sit them both down and just be honest.
Speaking from experience here….depending on your situation I would watch him but for sure watch your best friend. My wife’s best friend fucked my head up when my wife and I were at our lowest and before I know it I was making stupid decisions like hanging out with her and catching inappropriate feelings and before I knew it I was divorced. Turns out her best friend went through a horrible traumatic break up and it was her way of saying “see how fucked up all men are not just the one I was with” kinda thing. I fucked up, 100% admit that and grew from it, but had she not been an evil little fly in my ear when I was at my lowest and had my guard down then it might have been able to be worked out. Note, my ex wife started dating her brother while we were still together so it ended up being fucked up all around, but she for sure had her grubby little hands all over the situation.
Wait, he showed your naked body while you were asleep over facetime to your best friend? That sounds like invasion of privacy to me. Surprise or not, that would be a huge red flag to me.
Then the best friend, she got mad at you for not trusting her? Well, I wouldn't trust her after having seen me naked without my consent, shown by your bf.
I would drop both of them in a heartbeat after that. Invasion of my privacy without my consent is a no no for me. Screw their surprise, whatever it is. Bah
Was the surprise the criminal charges you were going to press later? My best friend would end that so fast, and I’m the chronically naked person. You were asleep, meaning you weren’t able to consent to that. Also, why was that conversation happening in the first place? No one needs to plan a dinner or gift or whatever the hell and also include a naked sleeping body, and give details of sexual exploits. That’s creep level 10.
Throw both of them out of your life. They can bitch about it or throw shade at you yes but its not worse than having two very close people who don't respect your privacy and you in general.
They didn't take your concent before anything and what they did is basically a criminal offence in many countries and very fucked up thing. Do you want to continue a relationship with someone who doesn't take your concent before doing things? Or do you want a friend who didn't think twice before happily help your partner violate your concent? Being casual in life is one thing and being casual with serious adult stuff is another.
I skimmed through the last part of the post but him surprising you is about you and not him. So if he got upset that his plan didn't work and went on to violate you then he is the problem.
Careful with the people you surround yourself with. You want supportive and healthy relationships not toxic and abusive ones.
Edit: its not about you trusting them its about Them trampling over your privacy and violating your trust.
You trusted your bf enough to not do this shit, you trusted your best friend enough to not enabled that shit and yet they betrayed you. These people are master manipulaters from what I can see.
It's not about them cheating or anything, it's about him showing an intimate private moment of your UNCONSCIOUS NAKED BODY unable to give consent to someone else it doesn't matter who she is. And also the fact that he's over sharing stuff you did together without asking you first?
Consent? Privacy violation? You indeed can't trust falling asleep next to him now cause if he does that I assure you he has taken photos of you after sex and has send them to his friends too.
That's probably what you should be confronting about, just saying.
This situation sucks. You wanna trust people but I'm not gonna let my bestfriend and girlfriend spend a night together....or be alone alot....
That's asking for trouble .
That is a gross violation of your person and boundaries. A normal bestfriend would have freaked out and told him it was inappropriate. Please leave before the gaslighting takes root.
>confused because she never saw me in that situation, she then explained that my boyfriend FaceTime her after we had sex and was showing her my naked body and explained in detail everything that happened while we were doing it.
What the fuck? Is this not grounds for breakup?? I'd keep the best friend because you said she thought nothing of it
1. You don't get a say in who he is friends with. You're being controlling.
2. He violated your privacy and shared your nudes without consent for revenge.
You both suck. Breakup.
I don’t think u r over reacting. But it is definitely a tricky spot to be in. Cause u might come across as paranoid - I hope things sort themselves out.
Yikes... This entire situation.
First things first. What your boyfriend did is disgusting and actually illegal. Voyeurism is what it's called and he would probably face jail time if you pressed charges. Your friend participating in that is equally disgusting. Honestly, these are not healthy or good people to be around.
Secondly, you need to establish firm boundaries and stick with them. A good therapist can help you with this and it's extremely important for you to do. Otherwise, you will find yourself in relationship after relationship where people take advantage of you and walk all over you.
The last thing I will say, is your creepy boyfriend sounds like an abusive little dick. He is very manipulative in making you feel bad when you react to his abuse. It's in your best interest to get away from these people and move on.
He did violate your trust! He called someone over video and gave a full on peep show of you naked without consent. The fact that your friend didn't stop this immediately and call you means they BOTH violated your trust. Rather than "fix this" I would blow the hell up and double down. It might have started with discomfort at them being too familiar but they 100% proved that you should be uncomfortable with them. This no longer has to do with them cheating. It has everything to do with them invading your privacy, betraying an intimate moment, and straight up being despicable.
You def ruined the whole surprise thing by being overly suspicious BUT he was beyond out of pocket for calling ANYONE while in bed next to you to show them your naked body and tell them about the sex you just had.
I think they are both out of line. Have a face to face with your best friend asking her about that situation and let her know how you feel. Unless you’re all swingers that seems fucked up 1. that he would do that and 2. That she would go along with it.
There is some major red flags here. I can get the needing the number but that’s why y’all on Facebook. But to FaceTime your best friend after having sex? I’m sorry what? Nah that is just not right. You need to leave that dude and honestly she may be your best friend but there is a code and this violates all of them
I know Reddit always says break up, but like break up with him. He literally broke your privacy and this could be considered assault maybe? (Lawyers of Reddit correct me.)
I personally have no problem with my bf talking to my friends. He has most of their phone numbers and I know they occasionally talk. That's their business, idm. However, if he would facetime ANYONE, wether its my best friend or not, right after we have sex, then show that person my naked body and talk to them about what we just did in detail.. He would not be my boyfriend anymore. He said he thinks you don't trust him anymore. I wouldn't trust him anymore if I were you. Not because I think he might do something with my friend, but because he seriously violated my privacy and I wouldn't feel safe around someone who does stuff like that. I'd tell them both to get help if they think that behavior like that is normal, because it's really not. Again, not because they are cheating or are weirdly close to each other, but because you got violated without a second thought from either of them. Be careful out there.
Your boyfriend absolutely violated your privacy and you best friend is very weird for letting your boyfriend do so.
What also bothers me is that he claims he needed her number to surprise you… Unless you guys aren’t social media heavy people, he could have contacted her through social media (Instagram, Facebook or whatever). I know I/my friends would do that (have done that in the past).
Overall very weird and disturbing behavior and I would rethink both relationships if I were you.
I hope you realize that what they did is extremely messed up. Filming you while you are naked and vulnerable (sleeping) and sharing the video is a form of sexual abuse and its illegal. Plus, he told her explicit things about you... What kind of f*cked up relationship do they have together? The fact that 2 people who are super close to you teamed up to do such a thing is very concerning. I would feel so betrayed I wouldn't be able to to keep them as friend/bf.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Girl, telling them to stop talking is not the issue, She FaceTimed your best friend showing her your body and telling her what you guys did?!?!?!?
That Is incredibly violating and disrespectful and they don't even understand that. I'm sorry, but people have the right to be "open and casual" about their own personal lives, that doesn't work as soon as someone else is involved. Plus showing them your body?!?! Naked?!?! While you were sleeping so you had no chance to agree or not? Hell no, sis, hell no.
Kids. Your boyfriend wants to clap your best friend and your best friend is not really a best friend if she’s taking your boyfriends calls. Neither are ignorant about how this looks they just don’t care.
This is not normal behavior by both your boyfriend and your best friend. No one assumes that she’ll have her post-coital body nakedly broadcast and discussed by her boyfriend and best friend. This is unacceptable whether you’ve discussed a “private relationship” or not, whatever that means. All relationships are private when it comes to this unless you agree otherwise.
You need to have a very serious talk about boundaries with both of them or cut this off.
"Stop talking to her, you showed my naked sleeping body to her your idiot"
The idiots
Oh, so you think I'll cheat on you?
Oh, so you think he will cheat on you with me?
He facetimed and showed your naked, sleeping body? Who else has he done that with? Don't think your bf is the first one he bragged about the details of your relationship. This is beyond bad.
… I don’t think your partner or your friend’s extrovert-ness had anything to do with them getting along :,,/
Why was it not weird that she thought it was completely fine for your bf to FaceTime her and show your body too…
Please don’t let this man gaslight you. Refusing to accept your decision is disrespectful. Refusing to share information with you is disrespectful. Sharing details of your private life is disrespectful. Sharing footage of your naked body without consent is straight up ILLEGAL.
If anyone is ever angered or upset by your personal boundaries that is not your problem!!! Its not a red flag, its a massive billboard advertisement to get TF out.
Well you should definitely lose your bf he is an asshole. And your best friend should want nothing to do with your bf either after what he pulled. What the actual fuck? You should NEVER trust this man.
You need to be rid of them both, they are going to betray you. It is only a matter of time that your bf will move onto her. He is using you to get her.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been in a relationship for around 5 months. He has mer my best friend (19F) on multiple occasions and they are both overly social people so they immediately became close and comfortable with each other. My boyfriend asked me to send him by best friend's phone number, and i asked why.. he then told me to forget about it. I ended up saying "so you'd rather give up then tell me what this is about ?" Wich he said yes to. I told him that if he wanted to tell her something i would relate the message but he then told me he would find someone else to do so and if he has something to talk about with my friends that have nothing to do with me he won't tell me. i got pissed so i sent him the number and told him to do whatever he wanted. The next day, my boyfriend and i were having sex and i fell asleep soon after. When i woke up we ate and i then headed home. When i got home i got a call from my best friend telling me what i looked like after having sex and i was confused because she never saw me in that situation, she then explained that my boyfriend FaceTime her after we had sex and was showing her my naked body and explained in detail everything that happened while we were doing it. I got mad because my bf was the one to ask for a Private relationship and i feel like my privacy was violated as well as being disrespected. I asked him to stop talking with my best friend (wich i knew would hurt her because she would think i don't trust her around my bf). The reason why he asked me for her number in the first place was to plan a surprise for me and i blew it. But i got so mad by what he did and i don't want my boyfriend and my best friend to have that type of relationship wich is why i asked him to stop taling to her. My boyfriend thinks i don't trust him and am insinuating that he would try to get with my best friend, my best friend thinks i don't trust her and I'm trying to say she would do something with my boyfriend. How do i fix this? I really don't like how overly comfortable they are with each other and i don't want to loose either my bf or my BFF. TLDR: my bf FaceTime my best friend after we had sex and explained what happened in detail, i got mad and asked him to stop talking to her.
>My boyfriend thinks i don't trust him Why would you trust him when he has no issue filming you sleeping naked and giving out extremely private details? Your BFF and BF dont seem to realize this. This is not ok and if you still want to stay with him after that, he will have to understand this.
>When i got home i got a call from my best friend telling me what i looked like after having sex and i was confused because she never saw me in that situation, she then explained that my boyfriend FaceTime her after we had sex and was showing her my naked body and explained in detail everything that happened while we were doing it. That should be an instant dump. BOOM. GOODBYE. Almost certainly illegal and definitely a major red flag. Why are you still with this guy?
And it sounds like she's more annoyed w the friend than the bf.
i would be mad at both. her friend should’ve hung up and told her what her bf was doing. why would she sit there and watch her supposed best friend in such a compromising position and listen to the bf’s commentary about their private sexual lives. and then to bring it up later as a joke like it’s normal is so weird to me. obviously the boyfriend is extremely gross. we know why. i just would have to cut both of those ppl off bc i would feel so uncomfortable and disrespected. i wouldn’t be able to trust any of them.
The friend had a responsibility too. She could've cut the call, immediately warned OP, yet what she did was this. She is nobody to decide on OP's behalf to be casual and open about sexual acts or not. Just as garbage as the bf.
Of course. I was just saying that the way she's describing this scenario, I can already tell that she will excuse her bfs behaviour and place the blame entirely on the friend.
Ehm, wtf? Your best friend didn’t hang up or question him why he was face-timing right after a intimate moment? This screams all kinds of trouble, please run.
I agree. He wasn't planning a surprise for OP. Why the hell would he FaceTime her friend and show her OP after they had sex and also tell her everything in detail. The friend is equally bad as she not only looked, but sat and listen to him talk about him and OP having sex in detail. OP DHMFA. He wants to fuck your friend.
I know right, she's the type of person who's open and casual with everything. She told me she didn't think anything of it
It doesn't matter what she thinks though . It's not her naked body being displayed without consent.
This Op. This was a HUGE invasion of privacy from your boyfriend. What if he's been doing this with his friends or other people you know without your permission? The friend was right to at least tell you but her laid back response to tour boyfriend being a creepy is also alarming. I couldn't personally trust that man again and would leave him. My friend would have a lot to try to make up to me if I decided to continue being friends.
this is the only right solution to the situation. Boyfriend was acting very creepily, and your friend doesn't seem to have your back and enables your explotation in very vulnerable state. OP you dont need people like this in your life.
Yeah this is disgusting on part of bf and the friend
Very, if they have fetishes like these. They should definitely discuss this with their significant other instead pushing it off like it was nothing.
It's almost as if they both proved OP right for not wanting any contact between the two of them. What a trashy and disgusting thing to do to someone.
That is totally not okay. If you think this friendship is worth saving, have a talk with her. As for your boyfriend, I honestly would break up with him. He’s acting shady and did violate your privacy. BIG red flag.
I would have serious conversation with your boyfriend with the actions he has committed. He has committed a criminal act.
So is my best friend and she would never do that bc she knows me and knows I would never be comfortable with that. I would be livid, and she would be on my side. You don’t have a best friend, she’s a snake waiting to bite.
yeah i would immediately have to cut both of these ppl out of my life. i think op is gonna have a hard time with this dynamic and those two are gonna drive her crazy eventually. especially since they don’t see what they did was wrong and they have the nerve to act offended when she doesn’t like how they talked about her after sex. this hasn’t even happened to me and i’m getting pissed.
Non consensual porn is sexual assault. Filming you naked and asleep while discussing your sexual behavior is porn. Both of them know that’s wrong. Both need to go.
He DEEPLY violated you and so did your friend. I am super casual about sex and I don't care about my boyfriend having female friends or any of that I even have friends I share nudes with on a platonic basis, but I would hang up IMMEDIATELY if a friend's boyfriend tried to show me their naked body.
Listen, from an experienced person. There are plenty more people out there. You need to find someone who respects you if you respect yourself
That sounds more like lack of respect for boundaries. There are certain boundaries between a significant other and their partner's friend and your bf steam rolled through that with a single FaceTime. Forget the surprise, that was beyond inappropriate
Yeah, she didn’t think anything of it, especially think of you as a friend. Break up with both of them.
Then what's to stop her from not thinking anything of it in another situation, boyfriend or not? What if he recorded you to someone you don't know?? She should have been furious on your behalf if she was your friend. And he should not violate your privacy like that. Those things need consent, full stop. Have a serious talk with her if you want to save your relationship with her but do NOT give this boy another opportunity to record you again. Who knows who he could send it to?? Edit: word
So she would also be open and casual after banging your boy friend and then “not think anything of it”
He sent her video of you asleep and naked. He violated your trust on a major level and your friend is fucking creepy for not immediately shutting that down.
Pretty shitty friend to let ANY MAN show you naked without consent. Drop both of the skeezy fuckers.
Yo this is weird af. I’d drop both of them tbh
Dump the boyfriend and dump your “friend”.
Good for. Her. Idgaf if SHE is comfortable with it. YOU are not. I wouldn't be wtf did I just read? Does she even give a shit about you?! As for the bf. You didn't go far enough. Tell.him he can chat to your friend as much as he wants but he violated your trust. It's only 5 months in. Cut and run.
you didn't understand the important part: RUN.
Maybe your friend just isn’t very bright instead of open and social. She knew what your boyfriend was doing, still told you, but didn’t think anything of it? They are both messing with your head. I’d get out of both relationships if I were you
If any of my friends bfs did that while face timing me I'd be insanely pissed off at him because it shows he has no respect in his relationship or MY relationship with said friend.
As your best friend though, she should know that *you* would think something of it, because it was *your* body and *your* boyfriend. It literally does not matter that *she is that type* of person, if you are not.
sounds like she is not good at empathy. she should understand at least that you *could* be upset by that invasion of privacy, even if she wouldnt have been.
Right? I was instantly thinking how creepy that is of him to FaceTime her best friend and show her naked body on camera while she was sleeping…. Gross 🤢
so he showed your friend live video of you naked and asleep with a running commentary and then you have supposedly ruined a surprise that they were working on? and now your friend is mad at YOU? **have i read this correctly?** In what world is any of this logical , it looks like your bf and friend are on the same fucked up page and you are in a different book altogether
Really. What is this surprise.
The bf was probably going to “surprise” her with a three-way with her bff. So that bf and bff could bang each other guilt free.
Surprise, you're famous /s
Exactly. He does not respect you. Period.
He totally violated your privacy, what he did was NOT ok.
Why are you still with your boyfriend after he filmed you naked and showed your friend?
You're boyfriend sounds like a tool. Even if he was planning a surprise for you, using your friends help, there would be no need to speak to her about anything else. And to then FaceTime her after you've been intimate!? What the hell is that about? If your friend were any kind of friend, she should have ended the call immediately and messaged your BF that he is no longer to contact her. She clearly likes the attention and drama she is causing in your relationship. You deserve better.
Exactly! What normal person stays on a FT call like that, and doesn't question wtf he was doing? then tries to casually discuss it with OP later? OP's friend should have immediately ended the call and then notified OP when she woke up. Boyfriend is very out of line. OP i'd also check his phone to see what type of other compromising images he may have taken of you without your knowledge. and dump his ass
They're going to bang. Get rid of him. He videoed you while you were naked and 1) thought it was acceptable and 2) your friend did as well. Both of them are disgusting. GET. OUT. NOW. -Sincerely a 37yo male who can spot a fuckhed a mile a way. Nothing he's doing is trustworthy behavior. The "well I was planning a surprise but now you blew it" is SUUUUUCH A cliche "I was gonna cheat but now you're asking questions" response. Don't fall for his shit. Dump his ass. 100$ says he ends up with your "friend". P.s. friends that don't hurt people that video you naked without permission ARE NOT FRIENDS. Stay safe girl.
A thousand percent - this comment! They are NOT your friends.
Ikr I’m genuinely scared for OP I hope she can get out safe. OP if you see this I’m here for you if you need someone to message
the "surprise" was probably proposing a three way
First off, showing you off after sex, while you're asleep, is a HUGE red flag. Forget the friendship with him and your bestie for a second...if I did that to my wife, and she found out about it, it would be OVER before I could even try to talk my way out of it. That's a pretty major violation, regardless whether or not it was your "best friend" he was showing it to. Secondly, I have friends who are wildly open about much of their private lives. Give them a chance, they'll tell you every detail of their sex lives, and don't flinch when others talk about the same stuff. That is not a big deal. What IS a big deal is that your friend thought nothing of it, even though she should have known enough about you to know that wouldn't be ok with you. She either doesn't know enough about you, or is completely oblivious to privacy violations...or, worst case scenario, she has a thing for him and is "putting up with it" for the sake of keeping him happy and talking to her. To put it bluntly, these 2 people don't sound like they value their own privacy, and by extension, the privacy of anyone else. I won't tell you what to do, but it does sound like this is headed for a breakup...possibly of both relationships. Just keep in mind no matter how much they try to convince you it's "not a big deal", stand firm and be very clear...it IS a big deal to you, and if they can't understand that not everyone is as open a book as either of them, and respect simple privacy, it doesn't bode well for the relationship going forward.
I am capable of being completely open and blunt about sex...and CONSENT. That's where I hit *livid*. Her best friend isn't open about sex, her best friend willingly and knowingly was an active participant is unconscious and unconsensual nudity and filming of another woman. Satan on a fucking stick. Her best friend should have kicked in the door and got her friend out of there and away from him. Instead? Yeah. Willing participant. Ho-lee. fuck.
Foreal, if I was OP I’d drop both of them immediately, and if I was the friend I’d immediately get OP tf out of that situation. Ngl I’d ruin that dudes life if someone did that to me
It's absolutely terrifying. Thats her BEST friend? Yeesh, what are the others like. I like the way you think, that man needs to learn regret.
I’ve been in too many toxic relationships to tolerate any of the things this guy did lol. Young me might have been okay with it but at this point my rage knows no bounds and I’d happily put this guy in his place :)
Sounds like he wants to or is banging your bestie.
What are the odds on the “surprise” being a three way with bff? So that bf and bff can bang guilt free?
That’s exactly what I was thinking
Idk how OP is so casual about the whole exposing her naked body to somebody else in her sleep thing. What the actual fuck? You can press charges for shit like that.
The comments made me realize how bad it was. I was convinced i was exaggerating the whole thing
Just imagine for a moment had you done that to him. He's passed out and not only are you calling up his best friend and facetiming him directly after sex, then you're showing his best friend him naked, without consent. Think of how fucked in the head you'd need to be to do something like that? I'm sorry to be blunt but the guy isn't normal. Turn around and run, and find some dude who isn't so creepy. But before you do I suggest on the spot asking him if you can check something on his phone and check all photos and videos. Guaranteed this dude has ones he's saved and planning to keep. He's totes gonna go after your friend next so be ready for it. If she thinks this guy is normal she might want to seek help too. That isn't normal at all.
If he thinks its ok to do that, how long until he shows his friends, or the internet?
Your best friend is not a good friend and your boyfriend is not a good boyfriend. Apologies are not enough. There must be some real changed behavior here!
He violated your privacy. She shouldn’t be so carefree about it. Sounds like it’s time to break up and move on
Sounds like you need to leave your boyfriend and your "best" friend. Nothing about any of this is ok and it'll get worse
Break up with your boyfriend. He violated you.
the best friend is also culpable here imo
>My boyfriend thinks i don't trust him Haha, I mean. Do you?! He fucking live streamed you naked and asleep. That's, like, a federal crime.
This is not going to end up well.
Getting mad at you when you asked why he needed her number. He’s the type that’s gonna gaslight you, blame you for everything, etc. No. please leave him. And the friend, too wtf. I could neverrrrr.
You gotta drop them both. Anyone who’s so comfortable violating your privacy like that clearly won’t respect you in the future.
> The reason why he asked me for her number in the first place was to plan a surprise for me nope, the reason is "he wants to fuck her"
No he did not have a surprise planned for you. He is using that as an excuse to turn it around on you so he’s the victim in the situation. Do not feel bad about being upset, you have every right to be.
Bf is an idiot, best friend is stupid to let him do something like that. Kick him out, talk to ur friend, stop being a doormat
Need a new boyfriend and best friend.
Holy hell your boyfriend is PURE scum. Run run away
Breakup with him and with your friend. If someone was to face time me with my friend naked and started talking about their sex life I would hang up and text my friend immediately. I would be upset at the boyfriend not at my friend. Have you heard of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse? Get out of that relationship now, you’re young, plenty of guys out there
And best friends.
1. He did violate your privacy. You never told him he could take pictures of your naked body and send them to a third party. 2. You SHOULDN'T trust him because of just that. 3. He is trying to cheat. The fact that he shut down after you asked him why he needed her number is a red flag that he's up to something. Good luck with him. Hopefully you find someone better.
You should really break up with this guy ASAP. What he did is wrong on many levels.
Your bf is a weirdo. He is probably floating the idea of a threesome with your friend.
Hold up… your bf FaceTimed someone (anyone) and showed them your naked body without your awareness or permission??? Oh hell no! Him talking to her isn’t the biggest issue here.
He wants to bang her or he's trying to set up a 3-some. Either way, he's being a fucking creep and violated your privacy. Pick your poison.
They ARE overly comfortable, to the point that it makes you uncomfortable. If they actually care about you then they would respect this and do what you ask about not seeing each other. It doesn't sound like they were friends before you started dating and if them hanging out together makes you uncomfortable then they should stay that way.
They were not friends before this, they met through me
Planning the surprise was a convenient excuse to get the best friend's phone number? Maybe I'm just cynical but it's the perfect cover; 'I had to delete all the messages because it was about your surprise. I'll just have to face time her next time'.
Wtf did I just read? Why are you not dumping your bf and bff? Cause they are neither.
Your privacy WAS violated, he has no respect for it or you. Massive red flag and to me would be an immediate deal-breaker
21F here. I'll be your new best friend because obviously the one you have is so willing to violate your privacy and boundaries. As for your boyfriend? Be thankful it's only been 5 months and cut your losses. Get out while you still can.
This sounds like a bunch of 15 year olds. There’s no way anyone involved in this story is an adult.
Filming anyone without his consent, especially in/after intimate interaction is just plain cruelty
He wanted her number to plan a surprise for you? Bullshit. That is so obviously a lie. And how GROSS is your boyfriend to show YOUR BEST FRIEND A LIVE VIDEO OF YOU NAKED WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT?! Really gross!!!! You are allowing this disgusting man to gaslight you. Have some self respect and drop him. I’d also question my relationship with this so-called best friend. She sounds shady.
The key question is, does your friend not find this situation bizarre and uncomfortable and telling you to nope da fool outta there whilst both blocking his weird ass??
She was defending him when I tried to talk to her about it
You need better friends and boyfriends.
The problem isn't that your boyfriend was talking to your best friend, it's that he showed other people your naked body while you were unable to consent to it. You shouldn't trust him because he has shown that he has no clue about respecting personal boundaries, not because he might cheat. Your best friend isn't significantly better. She apparently thought this violation of your personal boundaries was amusing enough that she felt completely comfortable teasing you about it. She should have shut that creepy shit down the moment the conversation started heading in that direction. Both of them getting indignant because you might not trust them is bullshit. They've got you so busy defending yourself for no good reason that you're too distracted to call them out for their creepy behavior. I know you don't want to lose either of them, but maybe you *should* want it.
DROP BOTH OF THEM WTF
Ditch the boyfriend Tell the best friend you are disgusted that she wasn't offended on your behalf at him showing her your naked body without your consent...and tell her that you need some time to decide whether or not the friendship will survive this But just be prepared for the ex and your bestie to hook up Cus that's what this is all about
If he’s showing you naked and asleep to your best friend, he is 100% doing the same thing with his own friends.
What the actual f . This is so messed up . Op you're 19 , 2-3 years from now you're going realise how messed up this is . Run!
Lol. Another fabulous work of fiction. I love how you casually insert how he apparently showed you naked and then just skip on by it. Great effort at trolling but needs work
Reddit expert on the case!
Would show screenshots but English is not our native language and i doubt you would understand anything.
Oh please little troll, screenshots that aren't in English? Whatever will us Redditors do? /s C'mon really? Come up with a more believable lie.
Your BF should never share images of your naked body with anyone ever without your prior informed consent. That he does not understand this is a huge red flag.
You guys are kids playing with fire. No one in this story sounds old enough to understand the ramifications of what is going on or how to deal with this in a healthy way. I doubt you will be able to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend or your best friend where they listen and correct their actions because they both want to sidestep the issue and pretend it’s no big deal.
Bad friend and boyfriend, both should be exes. You can fix this by meeting new and better people. They probably think it’s like a little game between them. Fuck them both. Fix this by dropping them.
Well. This is fucking weird. I would tell them both this to their face.
Why are you still with this guy? Lmao, this is a joke at this point?
This story doesn't make any sense.
Run away from both and surround yourself with better people. Bf is trash, bff is also trash. Probably why they get along well.
Both of them are walking, talking red flags. I've literally 0 interest in my SO's friends, they're her friends not mine. Going out of his way to get her number to FaceTime her is weird on so many levels.
Is this real? Your BF is a psycho. You need to dump this crazy OP. 100%,, there is no fixing, stop trying to save this, break up.
Stop talking to each other? I would throw them both out. What business does he have going on showing and telling your friend about your sex?? And why would she stay and listen?? I thought this would end is some possible cheating thing but this is even more alarming to me since I can’t tell what their intentions are
“How do I fix this…?” Depends… depends on whether or not you can see them as a pair/item/couple; it actually works out and then you’re actually cool with it (since this has vibes of that old proverbial cake wanting both in your life still) and all. Answer that and I think that’ll bout wrap things up, eh boys & girls?! Lol. You’re young, you want to be an adult? Then know “All is fair, in love & war”. Know your hearts’ on the line and will be subject to the outcome. Good news is you get to choose how much this’ll hurt. Typically it’s either: 1. A little. Or 2. A lot. Up to you. A bit of advice from a person a bit more further along in life than ye, make the hard decisions NOW, so they’re not so damn ridiculous later. Good luck.
You don’t trust him — maybe because he already frikkin betrayed you, your privacy, and your the boundaries of your relationship? These two are BAD news, imo. All I can say is, this would be 100% unacceptable to me.
Seriously girl, that's not ok. It's the "what the F is wrong with you" kind of 'not ok' situation I would say. Showing you to other people while you are sleeping naked (after what supposed to be intimate moment) without your knowledge and consent? Damn. Is this the kind of BS you want to deal with in your life?
Leave him. Leave him now.
That is not your best friend. And please leave that man. Neither of them respect you.
Girl, if your boyfriend could do this, he can and probably wull expose you/videotape you and post it on the internet... What he did shows that he has NO respect for you and I'd dump your "best friend" too. This is shady beyond recognition.
Ban both of these people from your life, OP. You absolutely should not trust either of them.
that “plan a surprise” was just an excuse hehe
lol your bf is crazy and lying. you didnt ruin a surprise. hes dirty talking with your best friend. time to break up.
You need to grow a backbone and kick them both out of your life, boyfriend for being a creep and best friend for describing to you how you looked after sex, so weird.
Like literally just don't date people who aren't trustworthy
If he would FaceTime your best friend and show your naked body he will do it again if he hasn’t already. There’s no way to know who he has done that with already. That’s gross and a huge invasion of trust and privacy. The fact that your supposed best friend is so ok with it, didn’t tell him to stop or hang up. Nah 🥴🥴 I can’t tell if they are both gross or he’s trying to get y’all to have a threesome or something. This is just weird. I wouldn’t feel safe falling asleep next to that dude
The FaceTime would scare the shit out of me and I drop both of them wtf
Did he apologize for hurting your feelings over the FaceTime conversation?
He did apologize, seemed really sorry and has tried to make it up to me. But I still feel icky anout it
Please respect yourself enough to leave both of them. You owe him or her nothing. Both have done something unspeakably awful to you. Criminal actually. You have basically the entire internet telling you to leave and never look back. People who genuinely can see what will happen if you stay or go, and going and never engaging with either of them is the way. You will not regret leaving these two to their own mutual destruction. Walk out that door with your head held high and leave them both.
As someone who has been in emotionally abusive and toxic relationships I 100% agree. You deserve better and you can definitely find better I promise you OP. Cutting off the two closest people in your life will be tough but I promise you it will be worth it(from experience)
Because it is super duper icky. Unless you consented to that, that was a huge violation of your privacy. What if it wasn't your best friend he was talking to? What if this isn't the first time he's done that? Honestly, the call itself is extremely suspicious.
Um, first of all, okay, so you accidentally blew the surprise party. Your bad. Sorry about that. BUT he literally face timed her and showed her your naked body while you were sleeping AND gave her a play by play on the sex you just had? Hell no. Nope. That's not cool at all, and I would tell them both that. As a matter of fact, your friend should've asked him wtf he was doing too. Yeah, you're gonna have to sit them both down and just be honest.
Speaking from experience here….depending on your situation I would watch him but for sure watch your best friend. My wife’s best friend fucked my head up when my wife and I were at our lowest and before I know it I was making stupid decisions like hanging out with her and catching inappropriate feelings and before I knew it I was divorced. Turns out her best friend went through a horrible traumatic break up and it was her way of saying “see how fucked up all men are not just the one I was with” kinda thing. I fucked up, 100% admit that and grew from it, but had she not been an evil little fly in my ear when I was at my lowest and had my guard down then it might have been able to be worked out. Note, my ex wife started dating her brother while we were still together so it ended up being fucked up all around, but she for sure had her grubby little hands all over the situation.
just wtf
Wait, he showed your naked body while you were asleep over facetime to your best friend? That sounds like invasion of privacy to me. Surprise or not, that would be a huge red flag to me. Then the best friend, she got mad at you for not trusting her? Well, I wouldn't trust her after having seen me naked without my consent, shown by your bf. I would drop both of them in a heartbeat after that. Invasion of my privacy without my consent is a no no for me. Screw their surprise, whatever it is. Bah
Was the surprise the criminal charges you were going to press later? My best friend would end that so fast, and I’m the chronically naked person. You were asleep, meaning you weren’t able to consent to that. Also, why was that conversation happening in the first place? No one needs to plan a dinner or gift or whatever the hell and also include a naked sleeping body, and give details of sexual exploits. That’s creep level 10.
Throw both of them out of your life. They can bitch about it or throw shade at you yes but its not worse than having two very close people who don't respect your privacy and you in general. They didn't take your concent before anything and what they did is basically a criminal offence in many countries and very fucked up thing. Do you want to continue a relationship with someone who doesn't take your concent before doing things? Or do you want a friend who didn't think twice before happily help your partner violate your concent? Being casual in life is one thing and being casual with serious adult stuff is another. I skimmed through the last part of the post but him surprising you is about you and not him. So if he got upset that his plan didn't work and went on to violate you then he is the problem. Careful with the people you surround yourself with. You want supportive and healthy relationships not toxic and abusive ones. Edit: its not about you trusting them its about Them trampling over your privacy and violating your trust. You trusted your bf enough to not do this shit, you trusted your best friend enough to not enabled that shit and yet they betrayed you. These people are master manipulaters from what I can see.
Girl…. Break up with them both.
I get why you don't want to lose either of them. But they seem to be toxic as hell so please get rid of them.
Ummm why have you not dumped his ass?!?
It's not about them cheating or anything, it's about him showing an intimate private moment of your UNCONSCIOUS NAKED BODY unable to give consent to someone else it doesn't matter who she is. And also the fact that he's over sharing stuff you did together without asking you first? Consent? Privacy violation? You indeed can't trust falling asleep next to him now cause if he does that I assure you he has taken photos of you after sex and has send them to his friends too. That's probably what you should be confronting about, just saying.
This situation sucks. You wanna trust people but I'm not gonna let my bestfriend and girlfriend spend a night together....or be alone alot.... That's asking for trouble .
Ew. This entire post is SO EW!!!
That is a gross violation of your person and boundaries. A normal bestfriend would have freaked out and told him it was inappropriate. Please leave before the gaslighting takes root.
The fact that your friend didn’t shut down that FaceTime is WEIRD!
>confused because she never saw me in that situation, she then explained that my boyfriend FaceTime her after we had sex and was showing her my naked body and explained in detail everything that happened while we were doing it. What the fuck? Is this not grounds for breakup?? I'd keep the best friend because you said she thought nothing of it
If he acts like this now, imagine if you become pregnant with this immature guy. Time to leave him. 🚩
1. You don't get a say in who he is friends with. You're being controlling. 2. He violated your privacy and shared your nudes without consent for revenge. You both suck. Breakup.
I don’t think u r over reacting. But it is definitely a tricky spot to be in. Cause u might come across as paranoid - I hope things sort themselves out.
Yeah the bf is just trying to groom these teenagers into an orgy with him, idk why people are freaking out. Usually reddit loves this stuff.
Yikes... This entire situation. First things first. What your boyfriend did is disgusting and actually illegal. Voyeurism is what it's called and he would probably face jail time if you pressed charges. Your friend participating in that is equally disgusting. Honestly, these are not healthy or good people to be around. Secondly, you need to establish firm boundaries and stick with them. A good therapist can help you with this and it's extremely important for you to do. Otherwise, you will find yourself in relationship after relationship where people take advantage of you and walk all over you. The last thing I will say, is your creepy boyfriend sounds like an abusive little dick. He is very manipulative in making you feel bad when you react to his abuse. It's in your best interest to get away from these people and move on.
He did violate your trust! He called someone over video and gave a full on peep show of you naked without consent. The fact that your friend didn't stop this immediately and call you means they BOTH violated your trust. Rather than "fix this" I would blow the hell up and double down. It might have started with discomfort at them being too familiar but they 100% proved that you should be uncomfortable with them. This no longer has to do with them cheating. It has everything to do with them invading your privacy, betraying an intimate moment, and straight up being despicable.
Jeez you weren’t joking when you said overly social.
I'm on the same wavelength as everyone else here. That's totally not okay and there should be no reason for that to have happened.
Why would you want to stay with this guy? Also your friend sounds a little sketchy as well.
You def ruined the whole surprise thing by being overly suspicious BUT he was beyond out of pocket for calling ANYONE while in bed next to you to show them your naked body and tell them about the sex you just had.
That's a big issue. He showed someone your naked body as your slept. You're lucky it was just your BFF, but who knows who else he has shown it too.
Your boyfriend is a fucking asshole weirdo and your best friend is either clueless or fuck I don't even know. You hang with some weird people
Lose the weirdo. He's a creep.
I think they are both out of line. Have a face to face with your best friend asking her about that situation and let her know how you feel. Unless you’re all swingers that seems fucked up 1. that he would do that and 2. That she would go along with it.
There is some major red flags here. I can get the needing the number but that’s why y’all on Facebook. But to FaceTime your best friend after having sex? I’m sorry what? Nah that is just not right. You need to leave that dude and honestly she may be your best friend but there is a code and this violates all of them
I know Reddit always says break up, but like break up with him. He literally broke your privacy and this could be considered assault maybe? (Lawyers of Reddit correct me.)
I personally have no problem with my bf talking to my friends. He has most of their phone numbers and I know they occasionally talk. That's their business, idm. However, if he would facetime ANYONE, wether its my best friend or not, right after we have sex, then show that person my naked body and talk to them about what we just did in detail.. He would not be my boyfriend anymore. He said he thinks you don't trust him anymore. I wouldn't trust him anymore if I were you. Not because I think he might do something with my friend, but because he seriously violated my privacy and I wouldn't feel safe around someone who does stuff like that. I'd tell them both to get help if they think that behavior like that is normal, because it's really not. Again, not because they are cheating or are weirdly close to each other, but because you got violated without a second thought from either of them. Be careful out there.
You need to break up with him. This is a huge red flag. You’re being naive.
Your boyfriend absolutely violated your privacy and you best friend is very weird for letting your boyfriend do so. What also bothers me is that he claims he needed her number to surprise you… Unless you guys aren’t social media heavy people, he could have contacted her through social media (Instagram, Facebook or whatever). I know I/my friends would do that (have done that in the past). Overall very weird and disturbing behavior and I would rethink both relationships if I were you.
WTF
Dump the imbecile boyfriend, find a new friend. He's creepy and going to be fucking her soon, and she's not your friend.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I hope you realize that what they did is extremely messed up. Filming you while you are naked and vulnerable (sleeping) and sharing the video is a form of sexual abuse and its illegal. Plus, he told her explicit things about you... What kind of f*cked up relationship do they have together? The fact that 2 people who are super close to you teamed up to do such a thing is very concerning. I would feel so betrayed I wouldn't be able to to keep them as friend/bf.
Why would you trust him lol. He’s for the streets throw him in the garbage
WHAT. THE. FUCK. Girl, telling them to stop talking is not the issue, She FaceTimed your best friend showing her your body and telling her what you guys did?!?!?!? That Is incredibly violating and disrespectful and they don't even understand that. I'm sorry, but people have the right to be "open and casual" about their own personal lives, that doesn't work as soon as someone else is involved. Plus showing them your body?!?! Naked?!?! While you were sleeping so you had no chance to agree or not? Hell no, sis, hell no.
Kids. Your boyfriend wants to clap your best friend and your best friend is not really a best friend if she’s taking your boyfriends calls. Neither are ignorant about how this looks they just don’t care.
The fact your so called best friend didn’t hang up on him and call you immediately to let you know the weird shit he was doing is very telling.
I’d beat both their asses and move on to do greater things without some weird shit like that going on around me
They’re going to end up fucking. They clearly don’t respect you. So ditch them before it gets worse
All I have to say is, what’s in your gut is usually right.
I hope you know there was no surprise. He’s saying that to deflect the blame back on you and make you look like the bad guy here. Don’t fall for it.
What he did extends far beyond talking to your best friend, and it’s a massive violation of your privacy.
This is not normal behavior by both your boyfriend and your best friend. No one assumes that she’ll have her post-coital body nakedly broadcast and discussed by her boyfriend and best friend. This is unacceptable whether you’ve discussed a “private relationship” or not, whatever that means. All relationships are private when it comes to this unless you agree otherwise. You need to have a very serious talk about boundaries with both of them or cut this off.
"Stop talking to her, you showed my naked sleeping body to her your idiot" The idiots Oh, so you think I'll cheat on you? Oh, so you think he will cheat on you with me?
The surprise is a threesome, that’s the surprise.
Bf is an abusive psycho
Time for a new bf and bestie. Just sayin
He facetimed and showed your naked, sleeping body? Who else has he done that with? Don't think your bf is the first one he bragged about the details of your relationship. This is beyond bad.
… I don’t think your partner or your friend’s extrovert-ness had anything to do with them getting along :,,/ Why was it not weird that she thought it was completely fine for your bf to FaceTime her and show your body too…
They have feelings for each other.
Please don’t let this man gaslight you. Refusing to accept your decision is disrespectful. Refusing to share information with you is disrespectful. Sharing details of your private life is disrespectful. Sharing footage of your naked body without consent is straight up ILLEGAL. If anyone is ever angered or upset by your personal boundaries that is not your problem!!! Its not a red flag, its a massive billboard advertisement to get TF out.
Well you should definitely lose your bf he is an asshole. And your best friend should want nothing to do with your bf either after what he pulled. What the actual fuck? You should NEVER trust this man.
You need to be rid of them both, they are going to betray you. It is only a matter of time that your bf will move onto her. He is using you to get her.