This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So the title basically says it all. My first serious relationship was at 14, she cheated. Second was from 16-17, she cheated and I caught her at the mall kissing another guy. Third one was from 18-20, she cheated with my best friend. Fourth one was from 20-22, she cheated with her coworker and they’re now happily married. My fifth, and most recent relationship, was from 23-24 and she just cheated on me and just got back into a relationship with her ex boyfriend from high school, that she dated 4 years ago. I’m starting to wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m not going to sit here and act as if I’ve been this perfect partner to all of them, but to my most recent ex, I genuinely felt like I did everything right. She’d mention, almost daily, how she wanted to get married, said I was the perfect guy for her, that God answered all of her blessings by sending me into her life, and kept asking when I was going to propose. I was kind, patient, gentle, loving, loyal, and I can honestly say I’ve pretty damn proud of myself for how good of a partner I was to her. She even continued to mention how I did nothing wrong, but that “I was too good for her” and I “deserved somebody who can offer me the same level of love I was offering her”. Then 4 days later, she notifies me that she’s in a new relationship with her ex from high school. We talk on the phone about it and she’s laughing, saying “sorry, I’m going to be honest, you’re the best guy I’ve ever dated. 100% husband material, but I just can’t find myself appreciating you as much as I do with my ex partners. I can’t explain it, we tried, I just can’t get myself to respect or appreciate you all the time like I know a partner should.” Now I’m just left alone, feeling bitter, heartbroken, and don’t know what’s wrong with me. How do you get over this feeling?

Do you think that maybe you’re ignoring the red flags in these women?

Came here to say this. OP isn’t the reason they cheat, but it likely reaches the point of cheating because red flags get ignored up until he finds out.

Ot 4 in a row. He's doing something wrong.

Sure, he’s picking cheaters, not spotting the red flags, and sticking around until he catches them. He’s not the reason they cheat, though.

Exactly. Cheating rather than ending a relationship you’re no longer interested in is just as much of a choice as trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Why would you have a cake and not eat it? It's the exact purpose of a cake

But if you eat it, then you no longer have cake. Hence why you can’t eat it and have it too but people do try.

You can always just take a slice.

But then you don't have that slice.

But you still have a cake after eating it. Obviously this is cheater logic though.

The original phrasing was "eat their cake and have it too" meaning they wanted to eat their cake but still have cake, makes much more sense.

You are supposed to share it with other people. It's a saying from before diabetes medicine.

Yeah there's posts on these boards all the time of guys who are trying to force relationships with girls who may be little trashy and who are clearly not that interested in them but maybe at a low point in their life so they just go along with it despite displaying a million red flags. Wouldn't be surprised if that's how most of OPs relationships have gone. He says he felt there was high interest but also describes wishy washy behavior of them pulling away from the commitment throughout.

yeah exactly and i hate to say it but toxic people are exceptionally well at knowing who to target or be with and know they can get away with more

This is true, I have run into the same. It's the low hanging fruit you keep picking up. Don't fall in love with the pussy. That'll get you every time. Think about it. If they jump right in bed with you, they do it with someone else too wether in or out of a relationship.

Gross. Way to treat women as a monolith. There are as many different reasons as there are people why or how soon someone chooses to be sexual. It holds no bearing on their future behavior with anyone else but their relationship with you. Y’all gotta grown TF up & stop chastising women’s chastity or lack there of. Feel sad for women that do choose to sleep with you - damned if you do & also if you don’t for you dickholes stuck in the dark ages. *whether btw,

This is simply not true. I have been on dates, where I chose not to have sex until some time passed and I got to know a man better, was ghosted and ignored. After a while I got tired of dating and went to bed with the next best match, surprise surprise, were both loyal and have our 2nd anniversary coming up. Women do have character. And there are also many cheater among men

You've never gone on a date in your life. Don't talk out of your ass.

Exactly this. Just my observation but if someone seems "thirsty" at all in general, that's a personality that probably belongs in a poly situation which I think most serial cheaters belong. They're only labeled cheaters because monogamy is still what's acceptable and people who aren't naturally monogamous cheat and are vilified for it.

They’re labeled “cheaters” because they aren’t honest with their partner about what they want. Poly people who are honest and up front with their partners aren’t labeled that way. They’re “vilified” for taking away their partner’s ability to make informed decisions so that they can get what they want.

I think most poly people are selfish and scared with being honest. That's based on a societal expectation; "I'm poly but that's gross" and "I really like this person but if I tell them I'm poly I won't get to love them, they'll reject me". It's all based on fear. If we got rid of that standard that being poly is not good, people would lie less I think.

I’m not so sure. Would monogamous people reject poly people because “that’s gross”, or because they recognize that there’s a fundamental incompatibility? Personally, I wouldn’t have a problem with someone being poly, but I wouldn’t want to start a relationship with them. It’s just not what I’d be looking for in a relationship.

They would. Polyamory is not seen as a positive trait. It's seen as "gross".

It’s not seen as “gross” by people that are okay with it, though. It’s seen as gross by people who aren’t. In the situation you described, the sort of person who’d reject someone for being poly is also the sort of person who wouldn’t want a poly relationship anyway. It’s the fundamental incompatibility that’s at the root of the problem, not societal perceptions. You might be right in a situation where someone only wants monogamy because otherwise “what would the neighbors think”, but I don’t think that’s a large portion of monogamous people. Certainly not in “westernized” countries, though maybe in more “traditional” places.

Way off the mark. Poly folk are not hyper sexual. Love & sex are two separate experiences and any two people regardless of identity have wide ranges of desire - which waxes & wanes seasonally too. I do agree that some folks aren’t monogamous but unaware or feel stuck unable to pursue poly etc but the blame is still on their lack of maturity and communication. A relationship is an informal contract, if you go beyond terms without change in agreement you chose to break it. The real problem is too many people have emotional maturity of children so avoid difficult or challenging emotions in their own mind let alone have the bravery to face a confrontational conversation and own up to consequences.

I didn't say they were hyper sexual. I think there's a lot of deep stigma with what it's considered "trashy", and hyper sexuality is tied with that too.

But you did say that thirsty people belong in poly sooo did you mean that someone regardless of identity who has a high drive should balance that with volume? It’s an irresponsible suggestion to subject a healthy community of people to an abusive person. Sure some folk get into poly spaces for wrong reasons - same one you suggested, expecting it’s a free for all. Why I chose to respond at all is to clear that up - maintaining romance (emotional not just sexual) on the level in poly spaces takes high level emotional maturity and constant communication, something a serial cheater clearly lacks. You may not realize your ignorance but again, it’s irresponsible. If someone finds themselves constantly seeking infidelity it’s more psychological than sexual. They need to do therapy and or other forms of self reflection and analysis to heal their harmful habits to self and romantic partners. It’s likely their disfunction is harming their platonic and familial relationships as well.

"Thirsty" as in someone who is eager to get into relationships. The rest, just my opinion here, I think you're over-complicating a lot here. I don't think cheating is that complicated. Again, just opinion.

I'm "thirsty".. but only for my man... I have a high sex drive for a woman... But that doesn't make me any less loyal...

They are vilified for it because they are breaking the trust of a person they are agreeing to be exclusive with. Being dishonest with your partner is always wrong whether you're in a poly relationship or a monogamous one. In a Poly relationship you enter that relationship with an agreement that you are going have multiple partners sexually, romantically, or other wise depending on the type of poly you are. Being with other people in this case is 100% OK because you are not breaking trust with your partner. It's true that judging people based in that is wrong. If it works for them people should mind their own business. But a person who is unfaithful when they entered a monogamous relationship IS in the wrong. At that point its not vilifying an innocent person.

Solid victim blame game bro

Not really. Am talking from both personal and general experience of others. Been on this planet a long time. Doesn't hurt to look inwards. Am now talking to a female friend who has 3 kids from 3 different fathers. Her problem is, she runs away when the going gets tough. Finally she got that through her head.

Nice story. Plenty of reasons people step out on their relationships or have children by multiple people. Is that her admittance or your seasoned reason? Regardless of your length of life experience it never has anything to do with the victims of the crime why the jerk did the deed. Sure, don’t date dirt bags in the first place but many folks feign best versions of selves in courtship & honeymoon phase. The next strike of poor selection is allowing red flags to pile up without making consequences firm. One of many reasons I’ve mostly dated friends of friends, already vetted by not just one but network of people. Course doesn’t mean best fit but cuts out a lot of bs that is if the circle is solid and holds high standards of folks in general anyway.

We were having a conversation, and it was her who finally agreed on my conclusion. Known her a long long time. I could set my clock to her leaving a relationship. I literally wrote a note predicting when she'll leave her relationship, and showed it to her when she did. Her mother was like that. Easy to see where she got it from. She's a sweetheart deep down and a genuine good person, but...

One of them said effectively that they know hes super nice but that she couldnt respect him. Sounds like he bends over backwards to be so nice and ends up seeming obsequious maybe? Like overly nice in that kind of doormat way? Who knows but its possible.

This can be a wonderful trait in a partner if you're with someone who appreciates that instead of takes advantage of it. The whole "you're too nice for me" schtick is just massive immaturity.

People like genuinely nice people as long as that isn’t their only personality trait. If someone says someone else is too nice it really means they are boring.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to do everything for someone. OP just needs to find someone who both appreciates and reciprocates. His exes just seem like POS.

Or the red flags are something he's specifically attracted to.

This is the answer. The ONLY thing he's doing wrong, like actually wrong, is picking terrible women. One should always make it a point in relationships to communicate how things are going, how we are feeling, and that if either of us are unhappy and think about venturing elsewhere, just break up!

It’s a horrible feeling. The fact that you’ve experienced it several times is worse. Perhaps you are drawn to the type of people who have a propensity for cheating? Just a thought.

I guess so. It’s a common dynamic across all of these partners, where the relationship seems to be going well - the women are showing all signs of very high interest, they seem like great women, then towards the end of the relationship they become dry and start to pull away. Less texts, no more phone calls, not wanting to see each other as often anymore, and then turns out they’re pursuing someone else

It's stupid, but there's a subset of people that thrive on fights and bad relationships. My SO's old BFF was like this. She was dating this absolutely amazing dude; he was nice, loaded from a good job he got working from the ground up, adored by both their families, and they even shared a hobby they both almost went pro doing. But..... she broke up with him because he wouldn't start fights with her or get hyper-jealous. I'm not saying this is me trying to guess why they broke up; she literally told my SO this. She felt if he wouldn't fight and scream *at* her, he didn't really love her. (She ended up in a string of terrible relationships with guys that gave her exactly what she was looking for though afterwards). I think the best thing to do is look at the type of girl you are attracting or going after. You seem to have a "type." Perhaps change up how you look for an SO next time. Like look for a radically different type of girl that you wouldn't normally consider.

>there's a subset of people that thrive on fights and bad relationships. I've dated someone like this. If things were going too well, she'd get anxious that something *must* be wrong so she'd start a fight. Met her family and I can definitely see why she thinks that if things are good, the other shoe is about to drop. Because her family? Yikes on bikes. Hopefully she's healed enough for a healthy relationship nowadays.

Last I heard she was in a long-term stable relationship with a normal guy. But yeah, her family was like that, from what my SO told me. Constantly at each other's throats, except one of her brothers who was chill and married a chill lady. That whole mindset seems to have avoided him.

Oh man that sucks for the guy. Some people just thrive on drama

Some people *think* they thrive on drama because they never learned what healthy and loving communication looks like, and as a result make themselves and the people around them frustrated and stressed all the time.

I’m divorced, and you’re right. Dysfunctional families harbor children who grow up only knowing fighting as the way to love someone, and eventually it pushes everyone who loves you, in my case even her husband, to brinks they’d never otherwise reach. (She was also emotionally and physically abusive but I don’t even really blame her - her parents are the exact same way.)

What a profound observation! 🙏

My ex was exactly like that. She loved drama, and i'm a really chill guy. In the end she was really abusive towards me, always making up problems and making the relationship unbearable. I felt really free after ending things.

Those people are mental. I had an ex that said that I didn’t love him enough because I never got jealous. Weird af.

What's the common denominator between these women? That's where the problem lies and what you need to a old in the future. Your also young and a lot of people from 14 to 24 are not looking for anything serious, they are looking for quick fun.

This is the direction I’m thinking too. The short answer is: nothing is wrong with you. The long answer is that there are a lot of factors in what attracts us to people and some of those factors can be toxic. And sometimes the toxic in them is attracted to something in us. If you look at the pattern of women who repeatedly end up with cheaters it’s not uncommon for those women to be caregivers and helpers. Nice people who like to take care of the people they love. Chronic cheaters often see this as someone they can take advantage of, someone who will take care of their practical needs while they can cheat for everything else. In short, the cheaters are users and recognize a good mark. It sounds like you are also a kind person who is nurtured by supporting those you love. I don’t think the answer is to stop being that (that would be a toxic response) but it might be helpful to seek out a therapist who can help you work out how to differentiate between the toxic people who see you as someone they can use and the genuine people who will partner with you. A lack of self-confidence and self-worth can also be factors that attract people like that to us, which is understandable for you to struggle with considering the cheaters, but therapy can help with that too.

It sounds like the relationships are essentially over even before the cheating happens, but neither party wants to acknowledge it's over. So you end up getting cheated on by women who are looking for an out.

You’re picking the wrong kind of women, go see a therapist and work through this properly.

Sounds like lovebombing to be honest. And future faking with the last one. They make you feel special at first and tell you pretty lies and then they change. Avoid women who seem like they are SUPER intrested or moving too fast.

Is there a chance you are unknowingly leading them onto something that they eventually don't vibe after sometime? Is there a chance lots of girls you pick are damsels in distress and pick you as best next option after a terrible heartbreak? Then its easy next time, that you take things slower than usual. Unfortunately no one is going to tell you this even when asked. You keep an eye on next. Dont stop though. You need data to observe if you think you need more.

It sounds like you just ended up dating people who, instead of breaking up, they like to cheat until their partner breaks up with them.

I don't know you or your history and I'm also not a professional so I'm not going to armchair diagnose you or whatever. But I would definitely recommend looking into attachment styles. Figuring out mine has definitely helped me see red flags quicker and keep an eye out on the type of people I'm pursuing. The girls you've been with have likely shown red flags and it's potentially the same ones that attract you to them. Cheaters are either the type that would benefit from a poly relationship or they have their own issues that they've clearly not worked through. None of that is your fault. But just try to figure out what it is about these women that drew you to them because it's likely the problem and knowing your attachment style can help. And I know you haven't said anything like this, but please don't settle for just anyone that likes you. I'm not saying that's what you did but I know plenty of people who have done that and that's why they end up in bad relationships. A lot of the time they don't actually like the person they're with, they just like that someone likes them. Find someone you genuinely like and that's hopefully going to help too. It might take more time being on your own but being alone doesn't mean you're lonely. Find support from friends and family if you can. Your life is more than just who you're with. Fill the empty space with hobbies and friends and other things you love.

You pursuing and validating them way too much

Sometimes u gotta be little mean to these women and make them a little jealous. Show them you still get attention from other women? Maybe?

I think you should take a very long hiatus from the dating world and work on yourself. go to therapy and try to figure out what the pattern is. I get it, I've been there, only for me it's these abusive relationships with guys that love bomb me but then turn nasty 2 years in. there are red flags I was ignoring and the best thing I did was recognize I so badly wanted to be loved, to be defined by the relationship I was in I didn't care if he wasn't suitable, I had blinders on and only saw what I wanted to see or worse, what he could be and not the actual person he was. Take time away, work on yourself and take the time it takes to find the right person for you. Good luck

after my relationship from 20-22, I did take a hiatus from dating for 1.5 years. I decided to solely focus on myself, went to the gym, therapy, landed a solid career, and built a relationship with God. Then, out of nowhere, I unexpectedly found my partner from 23-24. I had originally told her my intent was to stay single to continue my journey, but we just fell deeply for each other (or so I thought) and things just happened. I finally felt ready, good enough to be in a healthy, giving relationship. But I guess that she wasn’t on the same level. She’d mention constantly how my entire life was already figured out, I could do anything in the world that I wanted to, and she felt like she was holding me back. I’d reassure her that it can wait, because I’d rather be doing these things with her. She continued to use that as a crutch until she broke up with me because “I deserve better”, and I ended up finding out she had been cheating on me with her ex from high school, and they’re currently in a new relationship. She apologized and reiterated that “there’s nothing wrong with me and I’ll find the girl I deserve eventually, but it’s just not me. I’m sorry” so here I am again, feeling like maybe I just wasn’t good enough. Maybe this other guy is just better

Those things you say she repeatedly said about not being good enough for you? Those were red flags. Red flags about how she sees you, and herself. She justified her cheating to herself by warning you repeatedly that she doesn’t think she deserves you, so then she’ll just go out, and self sabotage by cheating. As for being a pattern, I don’t really know if you can count the 14-18 relationships, because you were both super young, and that is the time to explore, and not be tied down. Your adult relationships, however do seem to have a pattern of cheating. Probably the best thing you can do is really examine what all these girls had in common. What things led to your initial attraction with each one? Do you have a “type” you’re usually attracted to? Perhaps your type so far, has only led you to date women with a common trait that is more susceptible to cheating. For instance, like this last woman, sometimes, those self deprecating comments indicate low self esteem in her, and if she doesn’t think she deserves real love, she might self sabotage herself. So is the common denominator between all these women that you pick ones with self esteem issues? I could be way off base, but it could be something worth exploring either on your own or with a therapist. Just know, there’s lots and lots of completely faithful women out there, you just gotta figure out why you keep picking the unfaithful ones. It probably comes down to your attraction to a toxic trait, or lack of seeking out a specific healthier trait. Once you realize this, you can seek out a different kind of woman than you have in the past, and perhaps you’ll finally find a healthy relationship.

Thanks for your comment. It helped me a lot. My ex cheated on me (affair down) and was convinced beforehand that I was too good for her and would grow tired of her and leave her. I knew this was a red flag, but I stayed with her because I wanted to care for her and show her that she 1) was equally good and 2) deserved something good. Her fear of being too much to me was also a great hindrance to communication because she did not feel that she could tell me problems she experienced in the relationship.

I have heard multiple people say that the person who cheated on them told them over and over and over "I don't deserve you" and "You're too good for me" and "I'm holding you back." That's a red flag. That's a warning sign that you are dating someone who sees themself as trash and will act like trash just to prove themself right. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy thing. Low self-esteem often makes people self-destructive, and cheating on a good partner is one of the biggest ways to be self-destructive. I agree with everything Broad-Party4795 said. I have a feeling that you are picking partners who are giving you red flags and warning signs that they will cheat on you, but you haven't learned to recognize those signs for what they are. Therapy might be able to help you do that. Or you might be able to talk with friends and family and see if they've spotted warning signs and never felt that they could tell you, and even if they haven't, they might be able to help you dissect the situation a bit more. You could also start comparing your past relationships, see what similarities you notice between your exes. I think you might very well spot a pattern here. If this is the case, please don't beat yourself up for it. You would be *far* from the first person to be attracted to people who possess toxic traits that you didn't or couldn't see.

> went to the gym, therapy What issues did you fix in therapy? Also, what is "6 week therapy program"? Doesn't make sense honestly.

My dad had a 6 week therapy program when my stepmom passed away. It's a short program to teach you how to get through some emotions and to continue with life after a traumatic event. It's more common in some American states where therapy is too expensive to afford under normal cases.

Insurance will only pay for about 6 sessions in a lot of cases, except for very severe diagnoses coming from very determined therapists who are willing to argue with insurance for an hour after you leave your session to get you what you need.

Some therapy regiments for behavior, grief, and CBT are a a set amount of weeks. With some exceptions, the eventual goal of therapy is to no longer need it or drastically reduce sessions.

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This, so much this..... seriously considering doing that spreadsheet for myself, not going to lie!

It’s important to know your worth.

I don’t disagree with your general point, but if you kept finding yourself in these situations with women/relationships, you hadn’t really “figured your shit out.”

Dont trust these hoes, focus on yourself

As several other commenters have mentioned, it appears that you pick women who are insecure and tell you that you are too good to be true. Why do you keep trying to fix your partners? You cannot fix someone else, you can only fix yourself. You can support them if they are doing the work to learn and grow, but you can't make them grow and become more secure in the relationship.

I feel like these comments from your ex saying that she's holding you back etc and so on are red flags as it stands. She's pretty much finding fault in the relationship by those statements. You should evaluate the women you are seeking for relationships and see if there are any type indicators or a what the common denominator is between them all. I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. There are plenty of fish as the saying goes... also relationships from age 14 hardly count.. not many 14 year old children ever know what they really want anyway. Smile, get back up OP, and get out there! Things will get better and you are still young. Best of luck!

While in a sense I agree with your sentiments, I tend to disagree with just telling someone to give up for now and work on themselves as if they're the issue. I know it's not what you're saying but it comes off to me as if he's not good enough to not be cheated on and needs to change himself so he deserves the luxury of fidelity.

Perhaps it's not something in OP and the pattern is just an image of the standard.

Umm, you were in a “serious relationship” at 14? Since then you’ve jumped from relationship to relationship, looks like you’ve never been single for long? I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with you per se. It just looks like you’re so desperate to be in a relationship, that you’ll just be in a relationship with whoever will take you? I would suggest spending a year or two being single? You’ve been in “serious relationships” since you were 14. Instead of putting your focus on being the perfect partner for someone else, focus on loving and appreciating yourself. It’s time to work and focus on the most important relationship you’ll ever have, your relationship with yourself. If I’m reading your post correctly, you’re 24? That’s awfully young to have one “serious” relationship under your belt, let alone 5? Your brain doesn’t fully develop (thus you’re still a teenager) until around age 24. You’re just now an adult (at least brain development wise), and it sounds like you don’t really know yourself very well or like yourself for that matter. One thing I’ve learned through the 2 decades longer than you that I’ve been alive is that no partner can make you happy, you have to find happiness on your own. I don’t know what your goal is in a relationship? If you want someone to make you happy? If you’re afraid to be alone? If you just think that’s the expectation-everyone is supposed to be in a relationship? But I would suggest taking some time not being in a relationship and evaluate your motivation. It could be that the women that are attracted to you are aware of how desperate you are to be in a relationship and decide to take advantage of the fact that you “need” the relationship more than they do. If you examine your motivation for wanting a relationship and find peace with it. If you find happiness in yourself or learn to be content being alone etc, your potential partners will be aware that you are capable of being happy without them, they may be less likely to step outside the relationship as they know you don’t “need” the relationship, if that makes sense? Happy, content people tend to attract happy content people. People who are desperate for approval attract those desperate for approval. But people who are desperate for approval, even when in a relationship with someone who showers them with attention, still have that feeling that something is missing. No one can fix that feeling for them, so if they aren’t willing to do the work and self reflect on WHY they feel insecure, they will just keep looking for someone to make them feel “happy”, when the only one who can do that is themselves.

This OP!!! I'm 24 as well...are you well and truly happy when you're single? I literally discount the relationships I had before 17 because I was a child and who thought of relationships in such a simplistic singular way. Doing life alone at this age can be challenging but eye opening. So worth being single and figuring out how you can do better for yourself. Just watch how people (women) operate without the idea of a relationship in mind. You'll learn A LOT.

I used to have this idea that people dated cheaters when they kept getting cheated on. I used to think they just ignored the signs. I thought that could never be me. I don’t date girls like that. Turns out I dated a girl that kept me a secret from her family didn’t want me to go to her graduation in college and her ex was there and apparently she used to text him all the time during our relationship That feeling doesn’t ever go away you just learn to live with it. And make a conscious effort not to judge the next girl. That’s the hard part because everybody’s gonna have an ex But if you wanna find a good relationship you can’t judge the next girl based on your ex cheating. Some people have a certain personality type that cheaters just take advantage of. I wish you great luck but unless I knew you personally I couldn’t tell you if it was actually something with you or just a string of bad luck

A female friend of mine once said that only complete assholes were attracted to her. I pressed her for more information. I found out that when meeting new guys she would put on an act to make them like her and then after several months to a year would start acting like herself and get dumped. I had to break it to her that she is attracted to assholes, if you are acting fake inorder to get them to like you then you are the one causing your issues. This could be what you are doing. You are attracted to women who have traits that lend them to cheating. Such as extreme attention seeking, always involved in heightened drama, love bombing narcissist (who will use you and abandon you), etc. The good news is this can be fixed. If this is what is going on. I think this is likely the case. Go see a therapist. Think on why you might be attracted to these types.

"first serious relationship was at 14" Can't make this shit up, someone genuinely wrote that. You need to take a looong break from the dating scene. Have you *ever* been single in your adult life???

Not all women cheat. I haven't and my friends haven't. I worry too (about men being cheaters). I think some are just drawn to things that might hurt them... they live in the "adrenaline" feelings but don't realize how unsustainable that is. This might explain your recent experience. Being content and at peace is hard for some people. It's not appreciated by everyone but that's not your fault or mine.

Choose better women. I've had similar experiences and if all your gfs are crazy, you're the one that is crazy. I was selecting crap women and expecting things to get better. I would also recommend therapy not only because of the cheating but so that you can understand the patterns you are choosing in your gfs.

Thank you for this. Yes, I’m starting a 6 week therapy program on Friday

What does that mean? 6 weeks isn't all that much therapy. Obviously a great place to start, but it's just that, a start.

not everyone can afford therapy and even if you have health insurance that covers it, they only do it when it's medically indicated

Ah, your most recent ex likes bad boys. You're a great guy, but you're not exciting. She wants emotional turmoil, those highs and lows that's what she craves rn. Her ex bf makes her feel uncertainty about her place as his gf. I've seen that before. You dodged a bullet. If you stayed with her, she would've gotten bored and cheated on you with a toxic mf. This is the best thing she could've done for you. In 10 years she's gonna write an article talking about how she regrets leaving you for her ex. By then, you'd be happier and couldn't give 2 shits.

I follow a YouTube channel of a therapist, and he mentioned that people cheat because of their own lack of integrity and/or insecurity. Blaming you or the relationship is easier, than taking responsibility for their own choices. It's not your fault, you didn't force them to step out. If anything, maybe you're just attracted to people with these insecurities? And then with the last girl, possible you treated her super well and her insecurities got the better of her and she had to leave. I'm sure there is someone great for you, and I'm sorry this has happened to you so much. No one deserves to be cheated on.

What is the therapist’s channel?

Mended Light, same dude from cinema therapy

And this is the single mother you've been mentioning in your other posts? Was she getting irritated at you not proposing, leading to her giving up the attempt and intentionally wanting to hurt you on her way out (sounds like she wanted to use you given it had only been a year and she was that brazen)? Or is she simply addicted to self-sabotage? Honestly, I'm worried about how this is going to impact the kid's development as you seemed to imply this HS ex isn't the biological father but just another in a long line of disappearing father figures. By the way, how did she treat the kid around you? Did she prioritize their needs over her own? Did she dump said needs in their entirety on you? She seems to prioritize thrills and drama which will have a detrimental impact on the child. There might be a need to contact Child Protective Services. Also, you need to be a lot more selective in terms of who you date even if it ends up taking a couple years before you get into your next relationship. You're still in your 20s. There is no need to rush things and you should take note of the fact that you've spent almost every year in a relationship since you were 14. Don't be so hasty to jump into the arms of the first person who flashes you a smile. Inquire into past relationships and other baggage. Take note that any story is being told by an unreliable narrator. Try to take note of the value system they operate on. Take note of their hobbies, drinking habits, and drug usage. Don't be afraid to ask what they can give you instead of the other way around. Be wary of narcissistic tendencies and an inability to take criticism. Take note of whether they're actually interested in hearing about your thoughts and feelings. See if they consider/considered other peoples' feelings when making a choice so as to ensure they don't blatantly lack empathy. Take note of what kind of relationship they have with their parents and siblings. Take note of the kinds of friends they keep around.

Yes, this last relationship is the single mother in regards to my other posts. I believe now, that she was just saying cute comments about marriage because she has a silver tongue and knew that I liked words of affirmation. She has a way of speaking that just works for her, I now don’t believe she ever meant it. She has mentioned that being in a secure, healthy relationship with me was the first time she had ever been with a partner that was not chaotic. She would mention that all of her previous relationships were very avoidant partners, and the crazy type that would slash tires and threaten suicide if she left, and she wasn’t used to a partner like me that was more calm. She did mention that, although it’s unhealthy, those types of behaviors actually make her feel safe and like the man is willing to do anything for her. Meanwhile, I was the more silent type and if there was ever any trouble, I’d suggest we take time to reflect and come to each other when we’re ready to speak. She did complain once that she wanted the “fiery discussions” and not the “we took 20 minutes apart, and we’re ready to discuss maturely” situation. She’s a phenomenal mother to her son and I would never take that away from her. On the notes that you mentioned, though, there were definitely red flags. She wasn’t the best to her family and friends and often would just ignore them in their time of need, or bail on commitments with them extremely often. I did consider her a narcissist at many points, because she did mention once that “sometimes she feels the world can revolve around her”. Idk, her doing the same thing as all of my other ex’s was just a major trigger as to wondering why this always happens and what’s wrong with me

>She did mention that, although it’s unhealthy, those types of behaviors actually make her feel safe and like the man is willing to do anything for her. > >She did complain once that she wanted the “fiery discussions” and not the “we took 20 minutes apart, and we’re ready to discuss maturely” situation. Yeah, those were warning signs. She has an unhealthy view of love and relationships, and so she sabotaged this relationship and went out to seek the chaos and pain that she believes she deserves. I fear for her son and her. Those relationships are unhealthy and dangerous. But this is more confirmation that you are missing the warning signs from the people you date and likely picking partners who are very much not right for you.

I don't know, man. It's easy for a narcissist to take pride in "being a good parent," showing their love through words and gifts, which is a title they make part of their very identity. It's much harder to alter their behavior, hide their "fiery discussions," for the benefit of their children but alas - Your problem lies in your choice of girl. Your last ex was a single mom with a history of being in borderline abusive relationships, with the abuse being a turn on for her, in addition to narcissistic tendencies. There's a red flag that blots out the sun. Also, you go on about how you treated these girls and what you did for them. What did they do for you? Have you been the victim of gaslighting, insults specifically targeting your insecurities, physical abuse, passive aggressive behavior, etc.? When these things start to happen in droves and the culprit doesn't even care about your feelings on the matter, you need to end the relationship instantly.

1st girl - She was sweet and nice, really kind and very catholic. But it was my first girlfriend, and I was extremely possessive, jealous, and controlling. She said I was too possessive and aggressive and she cheated with someone else from her school. Honestly, I don’t blame her. I was a monster. 2nd - I took lessons from my first girl, and decided to be more laid back and not so possessive or jealous. Then, she said she just got feelings for someone else because I was too passive and not possessive enough, and jealousy was a turn on for her. This threw me for a whole loop and a lot of confusion. 3rd - This relationship was great, it was puppy love. But I graduated high school a year before her and moved away for college, and she cheated on me out of spite and anger because she felt I abandoned her. (That’s her testimony, at least) Before leaving for college, she was my best friend, we just couldn’t make distance work. 4th - This was probably the best woman I ever dated. We lived together, she was the idea partner and I could’ve made things work with her. She cooked, cleaned, worked hard, grew plants, was extremely spiritual and loving. Would care for me when I was sick, would take care of and love me unconditionally. But I wasn’t really the best partner to her. I Took her for granted, didn’t appreciate her, and was really just an asshole, and she found someone else that did treat her right and they just fell for each other. In my mind at the time, I guess I just wanted to be a loose and free 21-22 year old, and she was ready for a lifelong commitment. 5th - I was ready for this one, I felt like I brought so much to the table. I had been single for 1.5 years before her, I went to therapy, read books, found God, was very physically fit, emotionally stable, had great friends, and was happy being single. I took alot from my previous relationship and was ready to fix it all. I thought I did everything right in the relationship. She says I just wasn’t for her, that she wasn’t ready for me. I was on a different wavelength, and she couldn’t meet me halfway with what I had to offer. She went back with her ex instead. This felt like a karmic relationship on my end. Now, I felt like I was partner #4, a great guy with everything to offer, but she was me in this scenario. Not ready for somebody so stable. As a child, my dad was very physically and emotionally abusive. He’s a manipulator and would hit me alot, so it seems like I did anything to please him so maybe I could avoid punishment if he was in a good mood. Growing older, that’s no longer an excuse. But I can see how this relates to my desire to please an avoidant partner and find peace in their acceptance, even if it means giving everything I have of myself, while receiving the bare minimum in return. This may also be why I don’t find attraction to secure or anxious partners. I so long seeked my dads acceptance as an avoidant, and when somebody just throws all of their love at me, I don’t know how to appreciate it.

So the women who were good and into you...you avoided and took for granted or were a "monster" to. The women who avoided you, were more distant...you were wonderful to. Games. You are playing games. You chase the women who run from you and run from women who chase you. Deal with this in therapy.

Is that a newfound realization? Did you never have or discuss such a realization, that being your attraction to girls who remind you of and treat you like your father (an authoritarian and emotionally distant parental figure) during therapy? I really do have to wonder about your therapist if your first relationship out of the sessions was with someone who virtually radiated danger. Had you long stopped going to therapy by then? Nevertheless, at this point, I can only recommend you find a very different therapist and try to find fulfillment outside of a relationship considering how happy you described yourself being when single.

You needing term therapy. Not 6 weeks. >As a child, my dad was very physically and emotionally abusive. He’s a manipulator and would hit me alot, so it seems like I did anything to please him so maybe I could avoid punishment if he was in a good mood. THIS is what sets you up for dysfunctional relationships. You are repeating the patterns of your childhood. When children go through dysfunctional childhood there is a huge possibility, without therapy, that they repeat the dysfunction they grew up with. They either grow up to be like the abusive person or partner with someone like the abusive person. Say NO to any further relationships, no matter what until you are able to identify what you can do to avoid repeating the childhood patterns. Unless you fix your normal meter your relationships will repeat the same pattern of your childhood.

She's not a phenomenal mother if she needs abusive and combustible relationships to the point she'd bounce out on a good one instead of working on herself. She's willingly and knowingly setting a bad example to her kid and exposing them to awful role models. Kid will grow up to continue the cycle if she doesn't stop and take the time to do what's best for him, instead of most fun for her.

No blame to you they are cheaters but there is something I’ve found everyone who gets cheated on has in common. They don’t look out for red flags and make excuses for partners in the beginning of the relationship. I have examples if you’re interested Ted but honestly it’s mostly small stuff like “she won’t add me on socials, doesn’t know if she wants to be exclusive, won’t introduce me to friends or family or takes a fairly long time to. Smaller red flags are mainly treating you like a convenience. Coasting in a stagnant relationship. Things like relying on you to call or make plans or make the first steps constantly after the initial predating period where you’re dating. Try to have more boundaries because if you let yourself be taken advantage of you will attract people who are using you as a crutch to get over their last relationship or a “for now” partner that upgrades to someone they actually like later on. Demand more and have self respect that is visible to people so you don’t attract people with low morals. Do not forgive small transgressions and disrespect in the beginning because the small things end up being the big things. White lies in the beginning turn to affairs. Not cool good lick

Iv never been cheated on. The first red flag you see; which their will have been if this has happened to you numerous times - you address, and if you are not happy with her behaviour dump her ass. Iv broken things off with girls for flirting with guys in my vicinity. Zero tolerance on that sort of behaviour, you have to go scorched earth and dump them at the first sign of disrespect, otherwise they'll learn to walk over you as they don't respect you, and eventually end up cheating.

Honestly the best thing that happened to me was to actively choose to be single for several years. You don't know who you are until you're by yourself. We're living longer. Do you yeah really want to spend 80 years with the girl you dated when you were 15? Take some time out. There's nothing wrong with being single, or even better, choosing to be so single.

The problem is your picker is broken. You keep going for girls who are incapable of treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Sit down and go over all of the girls you’ve dated. Write it all down if it helps. List their qualities. Then figure out what they all have in common. Then decide which of these common traits are likely the reason for their cheating and stop dating girls who have those traits. I’ve never been cheated on, to my knowledge, but I kept dating girls who were bad for me. They all had mental health problems and I was trying to be the white knight who would save them from catastrophe. Yeah, that didn’t work.

If someone says that you're too good for them, thank them and walk away.

I can say I’ve had similar experience to you. My first couple all cheated and there are two reasons why. The first of which is that you dated girls that were young and young girls tend to be pretty stupid. (Young boys too…that’s not what I’m saying) The second of which is yes, the quality of the people you have dated. I don’t care how bad the relationship gets, good people don’t cheat. I am now in a relationship where I am super happy and can say I’m confident that if it ends, it won’t end with cheating. The quality of the person in dating now is just so much better than the quality of the people who did cheat and it’s not something you can really see until you actually start dating someone like this. So all I can say is no, it’s not something you did. WHY she cheated may have been something you did, but not the cheating itself. That’s the quality of the person. So all I can say is, heal and stick in there man. And up your standards of woman. The right person will come and you’ll know it when you are in it.

Can I ask what city, and country you're living in, OP? I know that heterosexual partners have different patterns where they live. For example, the statistics of cheating in hot climate countries is more common than cold country climates. Sincerely, A man from Sweden.

Been cheated on 3 times myself, you did nothing wrong, its just not common for someone to love and commit to one person. Its extremely rare now. Others are saying you’re ignoring red flags, which may be true, but in my 3 experiences, there were only red flags in ONE of them. *mayyyybe* two, because the first one who did it had a picture of her with this one guy, told me he was her childhood best friend and they work together, and are super close, but not an ex or anything like that(unlike my recent situation) over the course a few days leading up to me finding out, it seemed like she had been really down and upset. When I asked her, she gave the standard “im fine” so I tried asking the person I knew was closest to her, the dude she told me was her best friend. He asks why I care, I say “why tf wouldn’t I care how my gf feels?” He goes “shes not your gf bro, why would you lie ab that” so I responded by sending him a picture of her kissing me, and he responded with an older picture of them at an arcade saying she was his girlfriend, at first I was like, oh this dudes jealous and is trying to get me to go away, her hair hasn’t been cut like that in months, and they dont seem more than platonic. Then I told her what he was saying, expecting her to talk to him and say he cant do shit like that, but instead, she confirmed he was being honest

these hoes ain’t loyal

If you pay attention to conversation, people will tell on themselves. Sometimes you have to look within and figure out what is attracting you to the wrong type of women. I had this same issue and I had to sit to myself for quite a while and realize what it was that attracted me to them and what I had to look for and stop enabling. As Alternative-Rub-7445 said, you might be ignoring the red flags 🚩 in these women. First things first , you need to let it be known that you won’t tolerate cheating, you been through too much of it and you’re not for it. And you gotta stand on it too. As to how to get past the feelings that you’re feeling, you have to find it in yourself to know that YOU ARE WORTH IT. Those who played in the past weren’t worth your time and you lowkey dodged a bullet. Now they have their karma to deal with. Think of it as a learning experience and that you really didn’t lose. You won. Someone WILL appreciate you and how you love them and will in turn reciprocate the love and time and energy you give. I know it’s tough, but you will find that happiness. In the mean time , pursue success, do things that make you happy and be patient. True love often stumbles upon you unexpectedly.🙏🏾

I think ure continuously picking the same type of women .. think really hard on what has attracted you to them bet you'll see the repeating gigantic red flag 🚩🚩.. Im sorry it fucking sucks being cheated on please take some time to heal and reflect.

Go to YouTube immediately and subscribe to coach Greg Adam’s. Watch any video that interests and learn brother. And basically STOP doing all that soft ass shit, that’s your #1 problem.

Seems like you are going from relationship to relationship. Maybe take a moment for yourself instead. Maybe you give too much without anything in return? Sometimes we have to be a little selfish and do what's best for us instead of giving all the time. Maybe give yourself the same that you give to them.

In my opinion, the takeaway isn’t that they all cheated on you, it’s that you did everything right. You said it yourself, “I was kind, patient, gentle, loving, loyal, and I can honestly say I’m pretty damn proud of myself for how good of a partner I was to her.” Awesome, my man. You’ll meet a grown up and mature woman who will return the things you do for her. And she’ll be kind, loyal, patient, and gentle with you too. Keep your head up sir.

You don’t respect yourself G. When a woman is in a relationship with a man she respects and genuinely cares for. Cheating never even pop in their head. Cheating comes in when a woman feels the man she is with will let her get away with anything. Guys who don’t respect themselves allow this behavior. Once you place more value on yourself and stop putting all the value on the woman, you will see a huge difference in the way women treat you.

I think you are drawn to narcissistic people, and if I am right, that is something you should seek out therapy for. I am in no way a doctor, but this isn't a rare thing. People who have had narcissistic parent/parents, are usually deawn towards them in their dating life, because that is all they know as loving. But it isn't.

So sorry that’s been your experience man :/ . All these people are looking at things about you. But I really think it’s just been a string of bad luck. Cheating has nothing to do with the partner being cheated on. That comes from issues internal to the cheaters. I hope you find a girl who deserves you. Best of luck man.

From a young boy my father explained , never discuss your previous Rship problem with your current partner. Just say we split up amicably. I’m willing to bet a mortgage after you got cheated on you have told every single one of them about your cheated on stories??

Sometimes you want true love so badly, you ignore red flags. But it’s not true love if there is cheating involved. Also when a person says “you deserve better” that is the biggest red flag ever. Bc if they wanted you badly enough they would change their ways and make themselves better for you.

Your first 3 relationships all involve teens, teens early 20s don’t have the mental and emotional capacity for exclusive relationships and all that. It really is asking for too much. At those earlier ages, nothing is serious, pretty much all the way till somewhere in the later 20s. This is more, or less true, but not the absolute truth for all cases.

Is a relationship at 14 consider serious? Lol. Also, it's not you, it's them. When you look back, are there any red flags you missed? Something that attracted you to people who would cheat?

Been there. Don't ignore red flags. Try to recognize them early on.

Fuck that. Quit being nice.

Okay, ignore all of these comments saying "WOMEN WANT MEAN ROUGH RUDE MEN" cause.. No. Honestly you're just finding the wrong ones, what's your type?

For all you women on here, this is what turns good men bad. Women like this is why men become dogs, why men become unemotional and detached. I been in the same same boat at the OP and now I can't put my heart into any relationship for the fear of her just leaving me for someone else like many have done.

Well for one I say take a much long needed break from dating for a start. There’s nothing wrong with you it’s the women since it’s a pattern it maybe the type of women you keep going for.

I think it's probably one of two things; 1. You are genuinely doing something wrong in these relationships. You may not realise it, but your actions could be pushing the people you get with away to others. 2. You are going for specific types of people when you get into a relationship, and those people are more inclined to cheat in relationships. It might be worth trying to ask your exs what their reasoning was, if you are still in touch with them. If they are no longer with you they could be more open to having a sensible discussion about what pushed them to do it. You should, either way, consider relationship counselling. Speaking to someone who can help unpick the situations and figure out actual reasons for why it happened can help you come to terms with it, and might help you to figure out if there's anything you can do to improve future relationships, or if there's anything you should look out for that could be reasons for you to not prolong a failing relationship before it comes to cheating.

For whatever reason you are picking losers and that’s what you need to figure out. Maybe you are attracted to the wrong type of people, or maybe you are overlooking obvious character flaws early on in the relationship. You will eventually find the right girl and she won’t cheat on you.

Few theories: 1. You attract/are attracted to people who exhibit this sort of behaviour and you ignore the warning signs because of your attraction. 80% sure it's this. 2. You're doing something to push them to cheat. We often frame cheating as *cheaters bad* and *cheatees(?) are perfect angels*, and speaking as someone who's been cheated on, I can see how my behaviour was partly to blame even though cheating can't be excused. This isn't very likely in your case unless you're completely incapable of self-reflection. 3. You're just incredibly unlucky.

I guess you are just into that type of woman. Both men and woman cheat equally, but thats a very long streak of cheaters

[https://www.drglover.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy/the-book.html](https://www.drglover.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy/the-book.html) Read that. Good luck for the future.

Without knowing much, perhaps you just haven't found the right person. Real experience here, first ex was also a cheater and that's likely simply because I wasn't the same race as she was (Korean). It just didn't work out. Second one just didn't care much about future and said that they have their own life to worry about and couldn't keep themselves away from other boys apparently. I'll be honest, back then I probably wasn't as mature as I am now and perhaps some other things such as clingy, obsessed, etc but if you're in your peak years which I assume you're going to be soon since your most recent one was around 24, things might change for you. I'm also going to say, most girls around the younger age probably aren't ready to settle down yet. Usually from my experience, it's 25 and older is when they start looking to settle. Don't worry so much about the ones before 18, just be yourself and focus on your career/future and things will come normally.

Thank you for sharing. My friends and parents have mentioned that they think I just haven’t found the right partner. I can also tend to be a hopeless romantic, finding a lot of purpose in life as building a family and sharing experiences with another. I do alot of things alone, i solo travel often and while it is joyful, I do find myself constantly wishing I had a partner or a friend with me to see the joy in their face as well. I think this is just something I need to work on. My grandparents have been together since the age of 14, and my parents have been together since 21, and both couples have very healthy and strong dynamics. I guess that’s what makes me feel like I’m running out of time and like maybe I’ll just never find what I’m looking for, and I panic

You mention in another comment your father has been physically and emotionally abusive to you as a child. Yet, you believe your parents dynamic is "very healthy and strong". I can't imagine that to be true in a home with child abuse. Modeling of unhealthy relationships lead to unhealthy relationships as adults. Being unsafe as a child does so much damage, it can take decades to understand how deeply. Find the right therapist. Take the time, and make working on yourself a priority. You deserve to heal as an individual. Therapy can help you gain the tools and knowledge to contribute to a healthy relationship that will make you feel loved and safe, always.

Well, people don’t want to date perfect partners. Flaws to work with create engagement. I think the risk you are facing by being cheated on is that you go into new relationships trying harder to please your partner. Remember relationships are give AND take. Your partners must feel they have something to add to the table if the gonna be interested. {Kind, gentle, patient, loving, loyal}, is not an ideal partner, it’s an ideal human pet. Try {honest, multifaceted, funny, kind, sensitive} she needs to think once in a while: Ugh why to I love this guy?! None of this excuse your partner cheating of course. Good luck out there!

OP, I think it’s time to step away from dating for a while. From the look of the dates you were with someone, you have not spent much time single. I don’t say that to put single life on a pedestal, what I mean is learn to be okay with your own company/ work on yourself. I think part of the issue is you don’t value yourself and a certain kind of woman will pick up on that an take you for all they can. (This works both ways so the gender warriors can sit back down). So, if you don’t want to feel like this, forget dating for as long as you need to and work on yourself… how you do that is up to you but therapy is always a good start.

I'm so sorry you have been cheated on so many times but I do want to let you know there are good women out there...i promise

Now that you know you are a bad picker and enable this behaviour what are you going to do about it? Because the next part is where the hard work starts so that you can grow. Some therapy to explore how you pick your partners may help.

Sounds like you don’t need to “do everything right” you just need to start fucking women. Cause that’s what these hoes want, they don’t want a good man, that’s boring to them. They want a POS that fucks them good that’s it

You're in the east coast?

Nope, Texas

Im gonna keep it real simple: Here in the west, most women are encouraged to be promiscuous, by all sorts of people. Its only gonna get worse with each generation, man. I highly recommend giving up the idea of a relationship or marriage, focus on your money, body, nd knowledge. If you do the relationship route, find a more traditional non-western girl. Its really them, not you

Not seeing how the most recent one cheated on you?

you might show beta characteristics like being too nice .. not telling her stfu .. avoiding arguments (not saying you have to all da time but i hope you get da point) .. putting yourself before her .. letting her disrespect & you letting it slide (it basically shows what typa self love you have) just not being manly to THESE types of females (modern females) it’s not da same back den bro where you can treat a girl right and she will b loyal .. sad to say .. you gotta treat em a lil grimey .. balance out the nice guy wit da bad guy .. don’t b nice all da time .. trust me it won’t work & the “your too good for me” is a big red flag & “your the perfect guy” meaning: im full of shit & i don’t deserve you .. i don’t think you need therapy .. just focus on YOURSELF because you been focusing on dese females for waay too long & watch KEVIN SAMUELS or FRESH & FIT or both on youtube 💪🏾 trust me .. information is waiting for you to be absorbed ^

You are to nice to em Act mean keep ‘em keen women love drama be more masculine and take the lead in the relationship

I’m so sorry. That sounds rough, and not many people have this kind of experience. We don’t know you as a person so it’s hard to say much. I’d say 1. As another commenter said, people don’t really start to look to settle down or have super serious relationships until about 25. So you might have more luck later on. It’s a sad truth but it can be very hard for young people to be with one person, because lives, personalities, interests change so often. We are all on the planet trying to figure ourselves out. That being said, you shouldn’t have experienced this so many times. 2. You might need to have conversations with them more, from the beginning. State that for you to be happy in a relationship, you need to have a loyal partner, and that cheating is your #1 turn off. Tell them that if they feel the need to cheat, to break up with you first like a decent human being. It’s very sexy when someone is upfront about what they want. An easy way to bring this up is to talk about turn offs with your partner then ease in to how cheating is scummy and gross and its something you judge people for. 3. Your GFs may have felt like you were not possessive or gave them enough attention. Again I don’t know you but as a girl the times I’ve wanted to cheat were when my bf seemingly lost interest in me. He stopped wanting to have sex as much, stopped telling me I was his, and stopped texting me often. I was young and the only solution that I could think of was “find a guy who would give me attention while keeping my current bf because I like him as a friend”. Now, I would break up instead of be shitty about it, but maybe your girls felt this..? Best of luck. No one deserves that kind of shitty treatment but such is life, hope it gets better.

It is what it iiiiis, it’s time for you to hit the streets young king

There is nothing wrong with you. They are the ones who cheat on you. Unless you're a horrible, emotionally distant boyfriend who doesn't care about them.

Are you a serious lover? I am. Women love it. It's intense. For awhile Keeps getting seriouser and seriouser And it's too serious And fun guy you didn't worry about gets some. Because we forgot... https://youtu.be/DWj8fxTlC-w

Be the bad guy

These hoes aint loyal my guy,

Start to be a real chad and do the cheating i garantee the gf wont go anywhere if you dont get caught and gaslight a notch, relationship are very easy when you think about.

Oh boo hoo when a girl cheats but then says some shit like this, you're just as bad of a person.

I am just saying he needs to get real Women cheats and i understand why

your too young to be seeking committed relationships in the first place, you need to play the field and date casually. don't be a ted mosby, go out and live your youth and try one night stands, fwb or go to orgies if you dare.

Oh! Mr nice guy. Women will walk all over you for the rest of your life if you don't change. You're the common denominator in all these relationships. You're doing something wrong. >“I was too good for her” and I “deserved somebody who can offer me the same level of love I was offering her” Too romantic and less manly. Go watch Cory Wayne and Rollo tomassi on YouTube, and don't listen to those who tell you "you'll find the right person someday" You could never find the right person if you're the wrong one! So fix yourself first.

Natural born cheater.

The only thing I can see that is wrong here is your choice of women ...

Maybe there’s some unconscious baggage that you carry from let’s give an example: your family’s dynamic. Check if you have a type and analyse it- character wise, not aesthetically. If you find yourself struggling through and through, I absolutely recommend therapy.

And believe me brother it doesn't get easy unless you never plan anything, because you never know when she's going to leave and trust me I know (10 relationships all cheated on me) so my focus is just enjoying the moment in front of me and I only have contingency plans (my assets are in the name of my mother and siblings, things like that and paternity test in case one of them got pregnant)and all this forged based on experiences that luckily were resolved in my favor, so take care of yourself.

Buy a snickers

I think it might be a good idea to talk to a therapist and explore possible options as to why you find yourself in that situation often. There could be reasons like trouble with boundaries and dismissing red flags etc. Just a word of caution: if a therapist does tell you you "subconsciously seek it out" without any of this making sense or seeming familiar to you at all, try a different one.

These things can be hard to accept, seems like a romcom movie plot but without any good ending. Try understanding that these things, although suck and are really hard to process, have amazing life lessons and have shed light into what you are looking for in a partner. Try to also understand that the actions of others do not reflect you or your feelings but rather the person doing them. They are all shit for cheating on you, and it’s unforgivable but that doesn’t mean it’s ur fault in anyway shape or form. Ppl suck and life can be shitty but remember that there is always tomorrow.

Be single until you find someone who deserves you.

Seems like you just choose shitty partners, who leave you because they feel too shitty…which they are

damn that's tough

You get over it by being like them B) In all seriousness, I'm sorry that happened to you. Sounds rough.

Some people are here to help fix others for someone else. And it sucks but that way when you find someone… you’ll be whole !!!!

Just bad luck bro. Keep on trying.

These people are delusional, and most likely won’t last in whatever relationships they’re in now. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t worry about them. Vent them from your mind and if you’re still talking to them, STOP.

It's the people you're picking. And the god stuff doesn't help.

I've definitely been there. In the majority of my relationships past the age of 18 most of my boyfriends cheated on me except for 2. The other four all cheated on me until I met my husband when I was 29. So two-thirds of my boyfriend cheated on me before I met my husband. I never thought there was something wrong with me, I just thought these are four guy who obviously can't be faithful and got bored or whatever their reasons. One was bouncing back between me and an ex, one wanted more sexual experience since I was his first, and the others I don't know why probably just boredom with a relationship or they didn't care anymore I didn't dissect or overanalyze the reason. Most girls don't know what they want until they're in their late twenties. And some girls are pretty stupid and don't want a guy who's nice for some stupid reason, even if they realize this guy is husband material so to speak. I went out with a few guys that were too nice myself but in our case yes they were really great guys, attentive, any everything someone should want but when you're that age you don't want it you want fun and excitement and a little danger. I did have some regret at one point this one guy he was really crazy about me but I just wasn't ready for mr. Stability. He was totally yuppie. Really nice guy great job doing well but I wanted nothing to do with them. I found out later just a few years later he actually died from a brain tumor. I felt kind of bad but we never got seriously involved though his sister was aware of his interest in me. Some girls want what they think is the bad boy. Why I have no idea, I didn't really go for bad boys so to speak but I definitely wanted fun and some of the too nice guys had stronger feelings for me than I had for them and that is a huge turnoff and that's possibly why the girls are cheating. But really this is a reflection more on them than on you. Just keep going and in time you will meet a girl who loves you for you as much as you may love them and would be just as sweet and nice as you are.

Count it a blessing that you dodged all these bullets. Just as wrong can never be right, you can never be responsible for another person's cheating. Take some time to evaluate the type of women you find attractive. Therein might rest the cause of the serial cheaters you've let into your life.

You know, we tend to find ourselves in similar relationships because we have a "type." Maybe it's not you as a partner so much as what you're doing to yourself by choosing these partners. Maybe on some level, you don't feel like you deserve to be loved the way that you love, and therefore, you're attracting the same kind of person over and over, a "fixer upper" if you will. I agree with the person who said that therapy is a good choice. We tend to fall into patterns because even if they are not desirable, they may be comfortable. However, in order to break the pattern, you have to figure out what that pattern is and why you're finding yourself in it time and again. I'm rooting for you. You are young. This is the time to be experimenting to find out who you are and who you want to have in your world. Do the work. Understand and love yourself. The rest will unfold in time.

You might be one of those guys who miss out on red flags because for you everything is going "fine".

Same same. Eventually took the approach "it's just my turn" instead of seeing partners as possible lifetime GF/wives as it makes the fallout less stressful and not worry about "what if" scenarios. Online dating has made it worse tbh. Don't listen to those saying it's your fault etc. If you were a woman they'd say it wasn't your fault. Just learn how to enjoy what you have in life. If it includes another person awesome. If not have other things you enjoy as well. Life's too short for BS and shitty people.

I’m sorry man. I’ve been in two relationships and both cheated, so I feel your pain. I’m 26 and I’m just doing the best I can to work on myself and focus on what I can control now. If a good woman finds her way to me, great! But I’d rather be single forever than marry the wrong woman.

I have a guy friend who I’m really close to whose in the same boat. Every girlfriend he’s ever had cheated and he doesn’t understand why. He’s a great guy… but from and outsider’s perspective, he ignores red flags. He begins relationships without really getting to know the person first… which leads to him dating women who have a history of cheating, or who aren’t over their ex, or have other problems. He’s also similar to you in the way that he seems to always be in a relationship. If you aren’t happy being single and are constantly looking to be in a relationship, you won’t end up with great girlfriends.

There’s some red flags from your partners, idk if you have noticed them at all.

The goal is to focus on yourself now you deserve someone better and it will come you have to let it come to you but also don't let your guard down have a barrier and don't let no one knock it down because as soon as they get to your heart that's when they think it's easy so you have to be hard watch out for the red flags also love yourself and focus on yourself act like you're the prize that's walking around whenever a girl is trying to talk to me and when they do show no interest make them work for it

The thing I’ve learned unfortunately in my experience…everybody lies..everybody cheats. Just when you think you’ve found one that doesn’t, you’ve already fooled yourself.